WEBVTT - Episode 8: Breaking Point 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:08.680 Yeah to nice tonight, or at least it's supposed to 0:00:08.760 --> 0:00:14.000 be the night Marco comes over to make peace. I'm 0:00:14.000 --> 0:00:16.680 still waiting on a confirmation from him. To keep my 0:00:16.720 --> 0:00:21.320 mind off it. I'm getting back to my meditation. It's 0:00:21.360 --> 0:00:23.079 been a week now since I came back from viral 0:00:23.160 --> 0:00:25.200 Villa and got punished with a never ending grounding for 0:00:25.280 --> 0:00:29.319 my parents. I have not been on my meditation game. 0:00:29.440 --> 0:00:32.560 To put it mildly, my parents said I can only 0:00:32.560 --> 0:00:34.400 have Marco over like this if I agree to see 0:00:34.400 --> 0:00:38.160 a therapist and talk about my so called erratic behavior. 0:00:39.120 --> 0:00:41.360 I took them up on it, more for the sake 0:00:41.400 --> 0:00:43.559 of my relationship with Marco and the production of the 0:00:43.600 --> 0:00:45.720 rest of the podcast, and because I really want to 0:00:45.720 --> 0:00:48.760 sit with a shrink. The trouble is that I haven't 0:00:48.760 --> 0:00:51.520 been able to get in touch with Marco. He's still 0:00:51.560 --> 0:00:54.320 not answering my text and d ms. At least he 0:00:54.320 --> 0:00:56.680 hasn't blocked me or post to anything else publicly calling 0:00:56.720 --> 0:00:59.360 me out. But it means I've had to ask Janelle 0:00:59.400 --> 0:01:00.960 to get him to agree to meet with me face 0:01:01.000 --> 0:01:05.800 to face. I tried meditating on the Beano, interviewed Janelle, 0:01:05.800 --> 0:01:08.360 and I dropped last week and Beanos encouragement of just 0:01:08.400 --> 0:01:10.960 power through problems like anxiety and go for your dreams. 0:01:11.680 --> 0:01:14.760 That's what I did and going out West at least 0:01:14.760 --> 0:01:20.160 that's how I feel. I'm proud of it, electrified by it. 0:01:20.160 --> 0:01:22.120 It feels like what Janelle has been talking about with 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:25.200 all her references to Burnee Brown and stuff on in 0:01:25.319 --> 0:01:29.959 my power. Feeling myself this way gives me the strength 0:01:29.959 --> 0:01:34.000 to take punishment from my parents like a man. But 0:01:34.080 --> 0:01:38.240 it's different with Marco. My trip Western the exposure brought us, 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:41.759 even Marco setting his trolls on me. It's boosted our 0:01:41.800 --> 0:01:44.760 listeners and we've been able to score more unique artists interviews. 0:01:45.640 --> 0:01:47.640 Janelle and I have recorded an interview with an artist 0:01:47.720 --> 0:01:51.480 from South Africa today, Nasty c at the book of 0:01:51.560 --> 0:01:56.040 t Audio Lab Studio. The podcast is thriving, and by 0:01:56.040 --> 0:01:59.960 holding this grudge, Marco was only cutting himself out. I've 0:02:00.000 --> 0:02:02.080 got to get him back on board for his own sake. 0:02:03.600 --> 0:02:08.959 I suddenly don't feel like meditated the Texas from Marco. Finally, 0:02:09.680 --> 0:02:12.400 his ears must have been burning from all my thoughts. Okay, 0:02:12.440 --> 0:02:15.000 I talked to Jaelle. I'm gonna stop buying your place 0:02:15.040 --> 0:02:18.519 after school, so you can explain yourself. I'll see you later. 0:02:22.680 --> 0:02:25.280 One of these days, I'm going to meditate all the 0:02:25.320 --> 0:02:28.760 way to the closing bell. But not today. I have 0:02:28.919 --> 0:02:32.160 too much on my mind, too much to accomplish. It's 0:02:32.200 --> 0:03:01.440 gonna be a long one. I leave school in a 0:03:01.480 --> 0:03:04.640 good enough moved, even though another confrontation is waiting for me. 0:03:04.639 --> 0:03:07.280 When I get home, I figure i'll have a little 0:03:07.320 --> 0:03:10.440 time before Marco arrives. But as soon as I walk 0:03:10.560 --> 0:03:12.320 up the block to my house, I see that he's 0:03:12.320 --> 0:03:17.120 waiting on the stoop outside. Hey, hey, come on in 0:03:17.960 --> 0:03:20.640 and take out my key and unlock the door. No 0:03:20.720 --> 0:03:24.040 surprise afternoon appearance by my parents this time. We have 0:03:24.160 --> 0:03:27.600 the house to ourselves. Once we're inside, Marco takes a 0:03:27.600 --> 0:03:29.320 few steps into the living room and turns to me. 0:03:29.840 --> 0:03:32.240 He opens his palms and shrugs. So what do you 0:03:32.240 --> 0:03:35.920 have to say? All right, we're you getting right to it. 0:03:37.520 --> 0:03:39.920 I'm sorry I should have handled the invitation of viral 0:03:39.960 --> 0:03:42.640 Villa differently. You agree that if I couldn't go, you 0:03:42.680 --> 0:03:47.400 wouldn't go, And then I went anyway. It was selfish 0:03:47.400 --> 0:03:51.000 in me. Selfish that don't even remotely cover it. You 0:03:51.080 --> 0:03:53.000 two times me, man, We're best friends, and you just 0:03:53.080 --> 0:03:55.320 lied to get one over. Where the hell did that 0:03:55.400 --> 0:03:58.320 come from. It's not like I was playing in the 0:03:58.480 --> 0:04:00.920 scheme in it, man. I wanted to get you in 0:04:01.000 --> 0:04:02.520 Janelle on board with me to be in the one 0:04:02.560 --> 0:04:04.800 to go. It was only after our call where we 0:04:04.920 --> 0:04:07.160 decided nobody would go that I couldn't help myself and 0:04:07.160 --> 0:04:09.600 take them up on and after all, I knew it 0:04:09.680 --> 0:04:11.480 was crossing the line. But you don't know what it's 0:04:11.520 --> 0:04:13.680 like with my parents and seeing you get all these 0:04:13.720 --> 0:04:17.240 baller influencer invice all the time, I've really wanted this 0:04:17.279 --> 0:04:20.840 one for me, you know. Marcol takes a long pause 0:04:20.880 --> 0:04:23.400 to figure out how to respond. He paces his back 0:04:23.400 --> 0:04:26.279 and forth around the room. It's just not like you, man, 0:04:26.960 --> 0:04:29.520 and stung the most because it was so unexpected. I 0:04:29.560 --> 0:04:31.640 don't know what it's like. Do you think I haven't 0:04:31.640 --> 0:04:33.799 been dreaming of getting an invite like this for years, 0:04:34.120 --> 0:04:36.360 and I've been putting in the work TikTok's every day, 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:38.920 growing my follower account. I pushed you into doing this 0:04:38.960 --> 0:04:41.479 podcast with me in the first place. I may not 0:04:41.560 --> 0:04:43.599 know what it's like to have your controlling parents, but 0:04:43.680 --> 0:04:45.200 I sure as hell know what it's like to want 0:04:45.200 --> 0:04:48.000 to reap the benefits of your own hard work, and 0:04:48.040 --> 0:04:50.000 you screwed me out of it. Well, how mature was 0:04:50.040 --> 0:04:52.600 it to air dirty laundry online and send your followers 0:04:52.640 --> 0:04:54.920 after me like a troll army. I was getting the 0:04:54.960 --> 0:04:58.000 endless notifications about how much I sucked, lived by the sword, 0:04:58.080 --> 0:05:01.240 died by the sword. Besides, you probably loved it. Got 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:03.960 you a bunch of fresh new follows. I bet that's 0:05:03.960 --> 0:05:07.240 how you operate now, isn't that how you operate? No, 0:05:07.839 --> 0:05:09.920 I've built my following from the ground up. I'm not 0:05:09.960 --> 0:05:12.880 thirsty for follows and ship. You're acting like a taste 0:05:12.880 --> 0:05:15.080 of internet fame has gone completely to your head. Bro, 0:05:16.000 --> 0:05:19.000 You've been this way for weeks. You're acting crazy. It's 0:05:19.000 --> 0:05:23.520 not cool. The same criticism from Janelle, from my parents, 0:05:24.240 --> 0:05:29.279 now from Marco piercing through the disbehavior was unlike me 0:05:29.960 --> 0:05:31.920 that the success of here comes to break is going 0:05:31.960 --> 0:05:36.760 to my head. I'm stopped short. When you called me crazy, 0:05:37.000 --> 0:05:40.159 that really hurt. Maybe it's good I had this therapist 0:05:40.200 --> 0:05:44.880 appointment tomorrow. After all, Marco, there will be more opportunities 0:05:44.920 --> 0:05:47.279 to do stuff like viral Villa. You should know that 0:05:47.320 --> 0:05:51.000 more than anyone, and you can take them. I know 0:05:51.120 --> 0:05:54.240 that my issues with my parents and being jealous of 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:58.160 your internet fame, well those are my issues. They're not excuses. 0:05:58.960 --> 0:06:01.440 But I did what I did and I'm done apologizing 0:06:01.520 --> 0:06:03.960 for it. Janelle and I need you back with us 0:06:04.000 --> 0:06:06.720 work in the podcast. It's your creation too. Yeah, you're 0:06:06.760 --> 0:06:08.680 damn right it is. But I don't want to work 0:06:08.680 --> 0:06:11.200 with somebody I can't trust you, but trade my trust, Marco. 0:06:11.320 --> 0:06:15.160 Come on, you can trust me. Don't be ridiculous. How 0:06:15.160 --> 0:06:17.159 long have we known each other. We can put in 0:06:17.160 --> 0:06:20.440 the work together. Don't let this little feud spen out 0:06:20.480 --> 0:06:22.800 of control like some old school be Yeah. I saw 0:06:22.800 --> 0:06:25.000 that you and Janelle have been dropping episodes without me. 0:06:25.279 --> 0:06:27.279 I feel like I'm being cut out of my own podcast, 0:06:27.320 --> 0:06:30.080 even though I'm completely in the right and you're the asshole, Marco. 0:06:30.480 --> 0:06:33.000 The point is that the podcast is bigger than any 0:06:33.040 --> 0:06:35.919 one of us individually now, but we should all be 0:06:35.960 --> 0:06:37.920 a part of it. You've got to come to book 0:06:37.920 --> 0:06:40.400 a tea and see the audio lab studio. Now that 0:06:40.440 --> 0:06:42.520 we're using the pod for our class project, we can 0:06:42.560 --> 0:06:44.919 record any views with a crazy text. It up great. 0:06:45.240 --> 0:06:47.080 You two really seem to have figured this thing out 0:06:47.080 --> 0:06:49.360 at your booze school together. It sounds like you don't 0:06:49.400 --> 0:06:51.599 really need me back at all, at least until you 0:06:51.600 --> 0:06:53.880 have another panic attack and run away from the bouncer. 0:06:54.000 --> 0:06:56.719 I'm stunned at the low blow. Maybe I deserve it, 0:06:57.360 --> 0:06:59.280 but panicky ship like when I ran off from the 0:06:59.400 --> 0:07:01.240 l A the ghat, or exactly why I needed to 0:07:01.279 --> 0:07:03.880 take bold moves with the villa. I'm ignoring that last part, 0:07:04.640 --> 0:07:07.000 and it's not like that. We need you back and 0:07:07.080 --> 0:07:10.000 we want you back. Don't take your ball and go home. 0:07:10.520 --> 0:07:13.640 Marco sulked around the room for another long minute. I'm 0:07:13.640 --> 0:07:15.400 starting to worry one of my parents are gonna get 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:18.200 home and ruin the moment. I think he's heard me out, 0:07:18.760 --> 0:07:20.280 and I know he must want to get back in 0:07:20.320 --> 0:07:23.640 on the podcast. Deep down, there's no way he's giving 0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:26.560 that up. He just has to say it. I'm still 0:07:26.600 --> 0:07:28.640 mad at you. I'm gonna be on my best behavior. 0:07:29.040 --> 0:07:32.440 I swear he's still holding out. I'm really must have 0:07:32.480 --> 0:07:35.320 Damnage is trusting me. But I've got an ace at 0:07:35.320 --> 0:07:38.320 my sleeve. All he has to do is here this 0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:41.440 new episode Janelle and I recorded today. Without him, he 0:07:41.520 --> 0:07:43.480 won't be able to leave the podcast behind. When he 0:07:43.480 --> 0:07:47.320 hears it. Listen. First things first, you can give me 0:07:47.360 --> 0:07:49.640 notes on this new interview Janelle and I did today. 0:07:50.000 --> 0:07:52.840 It was a great interview. You gotta hear it. He hesitates, 0:07:52.880 --> 0:07:56.560 but now I know this is my winning car. We'll 0:07:56.560 --> 0:08:00.240 see how well the studio of yours boost production. Pew 0:08:00.280 --> 0:08:02.200 it up. Let's go up to my room in case 0:08:02.240 --> 0:08:04.400 my parents get home. It's because I'm back on the 0:08:04.440 --> 0:08:11.280 podcast doesn't mean we're cool, I know. So who's this 0:08:11.400 --> 0:08:15.160 artist again? Nasty C from South Africa. Janelle has been 0:08:15.160 --> 0:08:17.280 trying to schedule it for a week. It was so 0:08:17.440 --> 0:08:26.680 worth it. Listen up in your own words? Who is Nasty? 0:08:27.400 --> 0:08:31.000 That's to see is just a creatively free artists from 0:08:31.000 --> 0:08:33.400 South Africa started rapping and I was like nine years old, 0:08:33.720 --> 0:08:36.560 and I've pretty much just been experimenting with music up 0:08:36.640 --> 0:08:40.560 until today. I've don't consider myself as artists who's found 0:08:40.559 --> 0:08:44.280 this sound or whatever. I'm still growing and still experimenting 0:08:44.440 --> 0:08:48.439 and very open to like new sounds and stuff like that. Wow. 0:08:48.880 --> 0:08:50.880 I started making music period when I was like nine 0:08:50.960 --> 0:08:53.440 years old. That was my first time. But the first 0:08:53.440 --> 0:08:55.360 time I ever paid attention to music at all was 0:08:55.400 --> 0:08:57.520 because of t I he had dropped this other remix 0:08:57.520 --> 0:08:59.840 for top Back, and I saw it in this bust 0:08:59.880 --> 0:09:01.200 that used to take to school, and I was just 0:09:01.240 --> 0:09:04.839 like a nine year old in a country that doesn't 0:09:04.840 --> 0:09:06.480 really play hip hop like that, So it was my 0:09:06.640 --> 0:09:09.360 first music memory, but also just like my first time 0:09:09.360 --> 0:09:11.360 hearing hip hop like that. Like at first, I started 0:09:11.400 --> 0:09:15.640 off mimicking T. I just like wrapping his words, wrapping 0:09:15.679 --> 0:09:17.360 his lyrics and like changing a couple of words so 0:09:17.559 --> 0:09:20.280 it sounds like it came for me. And then I 0:09:20.320 --> 0:09:23.960 would remake Little Wayne Beats, t I Beats, T Pain Beats, 0:09:24.000 --> 0:09:27.040 Chris Brown Beats, like I started remaking beats, and I 0:09:27.040 --> 0:09:29.080 started making my own beats and writing my own lyrics. 0:09:29.520 --> 0:09:32.520 And I guess the older grew, the more my story 0:09:32.640 --> 0:09:36.400 started to developed, and I feel like something I needed 0:09:36.400 --> 0:09:38.679 to put on tracks as opposed to just like MI 0:09:38.800 --> 0:09:44.199 making somebody else and fast forward you have for me today? Wow? Wow? 0:09:44.679 --> 0:09:47.520 And how do social media play into that story? Social 0:09:47.559 --> 0:09:51.360 media has had a huge impact on many artists careers, 0:09:51.600 --> 0:09:55.160 more especially in my career because I'm coming from or 0:09:55.200 --> 0:09:57.320 not only just the city, but a country that doesn't 0:09:57.320 --> 0:10:00.120 really embrace hip hop like that. If you were a 0:10:00.200 --> 0:10:04.480 wrap and you sounded like anybody international. People would mark you, 0:10:04.520 --> 0:10:07.640 people will make you feel stupid. And then social media 0:10:07.679 --> 0:10:10.440 came around and people started to get a little more 0:10:10.960 --> 0:10:13.840 familiar with commercial hip hop and stuff like that. It 0:10:13.880 --> 0:10:16.720 became a lot more accessible and people understood it a 0:10:16.720 --> 0:10:19.880 bit more so by default, they started understanding us a 0:10:19.880 --> 0:10:23.400 bit more like hip hop hits word word and one 0:10:23.440 --> 0:10:26.080 of your songs you wrapped. I signed deals, but I 0:10:26.160 --> 0:10:29.560 own my soul. Can you elaborate on that? That won't 0:10:29.559 --> 0:10:33.040 be changing my bigger pictures, my message, what I stand for, 0:10:33.559 --> 0:10:36.720 how dress, how I love, how I present myself, what 0:10:36.840 --> 0:10:38.160 I like and what I don't like to do. None 0:10:38.200 --> 0:10:40.520 of that stuff will be changing. I know a lot 0:10:40.559 --> 0:10:45.400 of artists. I feel like they're compelled to adjusting and 0:10:45.440 --> 0:10:48.280 becoming what the label wants them to become, because then 0:10:48.320 --> 0:10:51.240 they'll appeal more to this market, or then they'll be 0:10:51.320 --> 0:10:53.680 radio friendly or this and that and that. I know 0:10:53.800 --> 0:10:56.280 like labels change a lot of artists, and sometimes it's 0:10:56.320 --> 0:10:58.760 not even like intestingly. Sometimes they think they're helping, but 0:10:59.040 --> 0:11:02.160 they're really just leading the artists astray. You have to 0:11:02.200 --> 0:11:04.400 know every single step or your journey, otherwise you're not 0:11:04.400 --> 0:11:06.640 gonna be able to retrace them and go back to 0:11:07.360 --> 0:11:09.320 point A or the drawing board whenever you need to. 0:11:09.800 --> 0:11:12.480 We we all have these times when we're tested as 0:11:12.600 --> 0:11:15.040 artists and there's people I need to be able to 0:11:15.080 --> 0:11:17.360 know who I am or where I am at that 0:11:17.400 --> 0:11:19.160 time when that time happens, I need to be prepared 0:11:19.200 --> 0:11:21.520 for it. If I just let anybody change me and 0:11:21.520 --> 0:11:24.079 and present me and give rapped me and whatever they 0:11:24.080 --> 0:11:26.079 feel like I should be gift wrapped in and that 0:11:26.120 --> 0:11:28.520 moment comes, I'm gonna be lost. You know, I don't 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:32.480 want that. That's very interesting. That's very interesting. You know. 0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:35.080 I love how your culture is so visible in your 0:11:35.160 --> 0:11:38.560 videos and fashion. Is that intentional? Yeah? It is. And 0:11:38.559 --> 0:11:41.440 this is really something that I really started embracing about 0:11:41.480 --> 0:11:43.880 two years ago. Up until then, I've always just been 0:11:43.920 --> 0:11:46.840 like a modern kid, just like the rest of my generation. Yeah, 0:11:46.840 --> 0:11:48.920 a lot of them, they don't really take pride in 0:11:48.960 --> 0:11:50.560 their culture like that. I'm trying to make it cool 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:52.680 to take pride in your culture again. I'm not gonna 0:11:52.960 --> 0:11:55.840 start wearing animal skin only tests because that's how they 0:11:55.920 --> 0:11:57.440 used to do it back in the day. No, I'm 0:11:57.440 --> 0:11:58.959 doing it like I want to do it. I'm ana 0:11:59.000 --> 0:12:01.040 hip hop head. I'm a pop at a heart, So 0:12:01.360 --> 0:12:03.760 I'm gonna mix the two and just make it cool 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:05.520 for my generation to do that. You know what I mean? 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:08.640 A lot of kids my age and like under right now, 0:12:08.679 --> 0:12:10.520 they don't even know their clan names. We have a 0:12:10.600 --> 0:12:12.240 thing where you have a surname and then you have 0:12:12.320 --> 0:12:14.800 clan names that they call praise names. Some people call 0:12:14.840 --> 0:12:17.120 them praise names. A lot of us don't even know that. 0:12:17.880 --> 0:12:19.559 We don't even know our clan names. So when the 0:12:19.760 --> 0:12:22.760 moments like when we have to go propose, instead of 0:12:22.800 --> 0:12:24.240 just doing it the white way where it's like you 0:12:24.280 --> 0:12:26.000 just get on one knee and then you guys are 0:12:26.000 --> 0:12:27.840 engaged and then you're gonna have a white wooden, we 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:30.760 have to do with the traditional way where you take 0:12:30.800 --> 0:12:33.880 your uncle's and you go to the girl's family and 0:12:33.960 --> 0:12:36.480 before you even walk through the gate, you have to 0:12:36.520 --> 0:12:40.160 shout that girl's clan names as a sign of respect. 0:12:40.320 --> 0:12:43.000 We're lost right now that my generation we don't know 0:12:43.080 --> 0:12:45.080 nothing about that. I'm just trying to make it cool again. 0:12:46.200 --> 0:12:49.760 I guess it's like passing down traditions. You know, what's 0:12:49.760 --> 0:12:53.280 your clan name? So my surname is mobile and some 0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:55.640 of my clan names is like fools there, my sham 0:12:57.400 --> 0:12:59.880 news sort haveing stuff like that. They feel like ad lib. 0:13:00.000 --> 0:13:02.000 I'm trying to make it make sense to you. So 0:13:02.080 --> 0:13:04.760 you recently recorded a single title they don't with t 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:07.280 I and all the protests are going to the Until 0:13:07.360 --> 0:13:10.800 Freedom and Solidarity Fund. How did that collaboration happen? I 0:13:10.840 --> 0:13:14.679 made the song like a year ago, and that was 0:13:14.920 --> 0:13:18.880 just around the time I've seen the Netflix series when 0:13:18.920 --> 0:13:21.280 they See Us, you remember that? So before I saw 0:13:21.320 --> 0:13:24.160 that series, I didn't really know much about like the 0:13:24.240 --> 0:13:27.200 racial injustice situation going on in the States, not that 0:13:27.280 --> 0:13:29.040 much of it, Like I've seen a couple of clips 0:13:29.240 --> 0:13:31.440 every now and then, but it wasn't like in my 0:13:31.480 --> 0:13:33.360 face like that. And then after I saw that series, 0:13:33.800 --> 0:13:36.360 I started to do my own research and just like 0:13:36.800 --> 0:13:39.440 all the clips that I kept seeing literally broke my heart. 0:13:39.520 --> 0:13:42.280 So I was like ship, So I made the song. 0:13:42.760 --> 0:13:44.840 I made the song by myself at first, actually, and 0:13:45.040 --> 0:13:48.559 it was just like coming from a sympathetic perspective. There's 0:13:48.600 --> 0:13:51.040 no aggression to it or nothing, because I haven't experienced 0:13:51.080 --> 0:13:53.080 it. It It was just like it was very sad for 0:13:53.120 --> 0:13:55.960 me to see that. And then a couple of months 0:13:55.960 --> 0:13:58.160 down the line, you have to seeing the series. But 0:13:58.240 --> 0:14:00.240 before I made the song, I was in ne York 0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:03.320 shooting a video with they said for King, and I 0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:06.720 have a mild taste of that whole situation we were 0:14:06.760 --> 0:14:10.280 shooting in. I think we were in Harlem, some rooftop 0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:13.040 and I don't know what happened, but we got raided 0:14:13.160 --> 0:14:17.240 and it was like thirteen corps upstairs, like putting us 0:14:17.240 --> 0:14:19.080 in a line, making us put out. I d s 0:14:19.120 --> 0:14:21.800 on the flooring ship, our hands up. I was like, 0:14:21.840 --> 0:14:24.560 what the funk is going on right now? And this 0:14:24.600 --> 0:14:26.520 was the fresh out of seeing like all these videos 0:14:26.520 --> 0:14:28.200 in this series, so I was like, I'm for still 0:14:28.280 --> 0:14:30.960 dying right now. I'm dying to the to the hands 0:14:31.000 --> 0:14:34.480 of policemen. This is crazy. But luckily nothing happened, and 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:36.360 I just decided to make a song and just get 0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:38.560 it off my chest. I was more making it to 0:14:38.680 --> 0:14:41.480 just help the mothers and the loved ones of the 0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:47.200 victims here. And a year later, unfortunately the circumstance and 0:14:47.440 --> 0:14:50.600 the situation was relevant again, which is crazy. And then 0:14:51.080 --> 0:14:54.560 a year later me and t I formed like somewhat 0:14:54.680 --> 0:14:58.600 of a friendship and we have one song already in 0:14:58.640 --> 0:15:00.000 the bag, and this is not the song that's out. 0:15:00.360 --> 0:15:02.200 This is a song that's on my album. And then 0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:04.760 when this ship really got out of control and it 0:15:04.840 --> 0:15:07.000 just became like the number one topic in the world, 0:15:07.400 --> 0:15:09.960 we were just like, yo, who better to get on 0:15:10.000 --> 0:15:13.400 this song and have them put it out then t 0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:17.560 I somebody who publicly stands for this ship. This is 0:15:17.560 --> 0:15:19.400 what's happening in the world right now. This is what 0:15:19.520 --> 0:15:22.160 matters more than streams and usin and this and that 0:15:22.280 --> 0:15:24.280 and being cool and whatnot. So I was just like, yo, man, 0:15:24.520 --> 0:15:26.040 this is my idol, this is thing, is the reason 0:15:26.080 --> 0:15:27.560 I picked up a pin in the first place. So 0:15:28.000 --> 0:15:31.440 it would be an honor to have him on one 0:15:31.440 --> 0:15:35.040 of my songs, and a song that actually means something, 0:15:35.080 --> 0:15:37.920 the song that's not about everything else like that we 0:15:37.960 --> 0:15:40.480 always rap about as rappers. So we just put him 0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:42.480 on there and he was mot and happy to do it. 0:15:43.080 --> 0:15:45.040 I was just speak to do it, and I was 0:15:45.120 --> 0:15:47.880 just bad. I was just on the respect for putting 0:15:47.920 --> 0:15:50.840 up that messicy, that's what's up, that's what suck and 0:15:51.240 --> 0:15:53.400 what do you want people to know who haven't been 0:15:53.400 --> 0:15:56.920 in Africa? I mean, even for black Americans like I 0:15:56.920 --> 0:15:58.920 guess a message for those who that haven't visited the 0:15:58.960 --> 0:16:03.000 motherland the continent. Damn, it's it's so much. There's so much. 0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:04.880 They just need to come in. They just need to 0:16:04.880 --> 0:16:09.560 come home and really experience it themselves. Yeah, the pictures 0:16:09.560 --> 0:16:12.280 and the videos and the stories they don't sell it enough. 0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:14.720 It's it's not enough. People have to actually come here 0:16:14.760 --> 0:16:19.040 and see how our values aren't way different from like 0:16:19.520 --> 0:16:23.040 everybody else in the world. You put culture first, family first, 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:26.840 before business, before wealth and stuff like that. Did they 0:16:26.840 --> 0:16:29.920 really just have to have to come home, man, even 0:16:30.000 --> 0:16:31.400 if it's for the week and then go back to 0:16:31.440 --> 0:16:33.880 your life. It's cool, but just come home for a second. 0:16:33.920 --> 0:16:35.440 I bet you would have changed their minds to to 0:16:35.520 --> 0:16:37.480 change the way they think, the way they act, the manners, 0:16:37.520 --> 0:16:39.240 and it a chains all of it. Yeah, I might 0:16:39.280 --> 0:16:45.320 have to take a trip soon. We'll be right back 0:16:50.680 --> 0:16:57.520 and now back to the show. While Marco and I 0:16:57.600 --> 0:16:59.920 spent the rest of the afternoon working on the interview edit, 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:07.119 Nasty Seas words they're bouncing around my head. It feels 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:09.600 like I've lost that knowledge. I made my own way 0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:12.199 out into the world, and I like it, but I 0:17:12.240 --> 0:17:14.840 can't seem to retrace the steps home, get right with 0:17:14.840 --> 0:17:17.680 the people closest to me who are hurt. At least 0:17:17.720 --> 0:17:19.600 once Mark was busy working on the pie with me. 0:17:19.640 --> 0:17:21.920 He's in the right headspace, and it feels like old times. 0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:26.000 When my parents get home, he excuses himself. It doesn't 0:17:26.000 --> 0:17:28.720 even stay for dinner. I understand it's gonna take some 0:17:28.800 --> 0:17:32.480 time and it's gonna be an awkward dinner anyway. Tomorrow 0:17:32.520 --> 0:17:36.640 is Saturday, and more to the point, my therapy appointment. 0:17:37.240 --> 0:17:40.880 I feel aunty and anxious thinking about it. I don't 0:17:40.880 --> 0:17:43.680 even exactly know why, but I don't try to meditate 0:17:43.680 --> 0:17:46.080 again at night, and even with my meds, I have 0:17:46.160 --> 0:17:49.560 some trouble sleeping. I haven't seen the therapist in a 0:17:49.640 --> 0:17:51.680 few years. I used to go to one as a 0:17:51.760 --> 0:17:54.320 kid when I was first diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. 0:17:55.119 --> 0:17:57.520 It was fine, I guess, and I get where my 0:17:57.560 --> 0:17:59.760 parents are coming from now wanting me to go again. 0:18:00.200 --> 0:18:02.119 But it just feels like a replay of everything that 0:18:02.200 --> 0:18:04.240 happened after I blew up on vine when I was little, 0:18:04.680 --> 0:18:07.879 and I'm dreading that. I'm afraid of being poked and 0:18:08.400 --> 0:18:14.360 prided and diagnosed, label crazy or dysfunctional in some new way. 0:18:15.080 --> 0:18:17.040 The morning comes and Da gives me a ride to 0:18:17.040 --> 0:18:21.359 the therapist office. So are you ready for this appointment? 0:18:21.560 --> 0:18:24.159 I guess. I hope this guy doesn't change up my 0:18:24.200 --> 0:18:27.240 meds too much that messes with my moods. I'm sure 0:18:27.240 --> 0:18:31.080 he'll be responsible about it. You haven't been acting erratic 0:18:32.480 --> 0:18:36.720 aside from this one episode? How's your anxiety doing? The 0:18:36.880 --> 0:18:39.520 surge of frustration posters through my veins when he describes 0:18:39.560 --> 0:18:43.040 my jail break to the viral Villa as an erratic episode. 0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:47.480 It wasn't erratic. It wasn't a manic attack. It was purposeful, 0:18:47.840 --> 0:18:51.560 a natural outcome of the pressures I was under. But 0:18:51.600 --> 0:18:53.960 I keep a little my sudden bursts of anger to 0:18:54.080 --> 0:18:58.960 save it for the therapist. My anxiety has been okay, 0:18:59.560 --> 0:19:02.200 mostly homes up around me, Marco and Janelle trying to 0:19:02.200 --> 0:19:05.479 finish this podcast season while I'm under well, you know 0:19:05.800 --> 0:19:10.160 this grounding. My dad, Grimaces doesn't like that I'm still 0:19:10.160 --> 0:19:13.640 priding him about the grounding. Luckily, the ride isn't too long, 0:19:13.680 --> 0:19:15.680 and after just a couple more blocks will be ride 0:19:15.680 --> 0:19:18.000 in silence. He's pulled up out front of a small 0:19:18.040 --> 0:19:21.080 office building where the therapist works. I popped the car 0:19:21.200 --> 0:19:22.840 door and have one ft on the pavement when he 0:19:22.880 --> 0:19:27.840 taps me on the shoulder. You know, Ben, it wasn't right. 0:19:28.520 --> 0:19:32.119 And I agree with your mother that it's good for 0:19:32.160 --> 0:19:36.000 you to have someone to talk to about all of 0:19:36.119 --> 0:19:42.080 this spots. Just so you know what you did. It 0:19:42.280 --> 0:19:48.200 took guts. Thanks there. The psychiatrist office is your classic 0:19:48.240 --> 0:19:53.840 therapy office, tastefully decorated, the neutral colors, some plants. So 0:19:53.920 --> 0:19:56.760 you say you're here because of your parents. Yeah, they're 0:19:56.800 --> 0:19:59.000 basically making me come as a condition of getting out 0:19:59.000 --> 0:20:03.200 of grounding. How to does that make you feel frustrated? Uh? 0:20:04.240 --> 0:20:05.920 I mean, how am I supposed to get something out 0:20:05.920 --> 0:20:08.040 of therapy if it just feels like some kind of punishment. 0:20:08.720 --> 0:20:10.359 Just before I came in and here, my dad said 0:20:10.359 --> 0:20:13.159 what I did took guts. And Mom sat me down 0:20:13.280 --> 0:20:15.040 last week and showed me all these photos from when 0:20:15.040 --> 0:20:17.520 she was young, showing me she was a dancer and stuff. 0:20:18.400 --> 0:20:21.199 Just as we're really starting to communicate, they want to 0:20:21.200 --> 0:20:23.280 hand all my problems off to you. It sounds like 0:20:23.280 --> 0:20:25.160 they're doing a lot to reach out to you. Actually, 0:20:25.560 --> 0:20:28.800 you ran away from home. I didn't run away from home. 0:20:29.200 --> 0:20:32.879 I took a trip for a weekend, I left a 0:20:32.960 --> 0:20:36.840 note and it was kind of for work for work. Well, 0:20:37.200 --> 0:20:39.800 I had this successful hip hop interview podcast and I 0:20:39.840 --> 0:20:42.399 got an invite out to the viral Villa, which is 0:20:42.400 --> 0:20:45.920 one of these like hot influencer arts collectives out west 0:20:46.840 --> 0:20:50.280 going could completely blow up the podcast horizons. The timing 0:20:50.359 --> 0:20:53.000