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Speaker 1: And Martinez in real life podcast? Are we rolling?

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Speaker 2: Can we start? All?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 2: Well, then I ask you, missus, Sarah James Roberts, how

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Speaker 2: happy are you on.

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Speaker 1: A scale one to ten? Today?

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Speaker 3: Today? Aminton? Today? Aminton?

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Speaker 1: Are you always a ten?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 4: Well that's I don't want to get deep so fast,

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Speaker 4: but I don't always trust.

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Speaker 1: Let's just go right. I'm so excited about today.

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Speaker 4: I don't always trust happiness, so it takes me a

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Speaker 4: while to feel safe and happiness. But I will say

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Speaker 4: today I'm really grateful for all of the things that

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Speaker 4: I have put as seed into the ground. I'm beginning

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Speaker 4: to see the harvest seven and that brings me joy.

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited.

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Speaker 2: First of all, congratulations on this, on this new book.

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Speaker 1: Look at all my notes, look at all my post its.

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Speaker 2: These are all moments either that it provoked a question

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Speaker 2: or it just was like a word that I neither

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Speaker 2: maybe I needed, or that I wanted maybe to expand on.

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Speaker 2: So I don't know if we're gonna get to all

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Speaker 2: of these today, but I just put them here as marker,

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Speaker 2: and I wonder from you, Like when I think about

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Speaker 2: this pod, I always think I told you this before

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Speaker 2: we started.

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Speaker 1: I think of it as an offering, right.

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Speaker 2: It's also a business, and it's sometimes tricky navigating that

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Speaker 2: for mem h. But then you take into consideration like

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Speaker 2: numbers and business saying so for you, where I would

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Speaker 2: imagine that your first purpose is to serve, for sure,

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Speaker 2: serve God? Right?

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Speaker 4: Does it get noisy under their You know what I

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Speaker 4: love that you did though with the themes when you

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Speaker 4: first started is that's what I started doing with Women Evolved.

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Speaker 4: I wanted to seek God about what is woman evolved

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Speaker 4: as a whole? And like, what do you want these

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Speaker 4: women to know from me this year? What is it

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Speaker 4: that I can tell them? And so one year guy

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Speaker 4: gave me the word hope, and so everything we did

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Speaker 4: that year was surrounding hope. So I took the word

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Speaker 4: hope and then we were like, hope for your heartbreak,

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Speaker 4: hope for your purpose, divide it up.

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Speaker 3: In twelve months, every.

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Speaker 4: Podcast video that we produce all centered around hope with

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Speaker 4: this specific emphasis. And so once I receive that message

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Speaker 4: from God about what it was supposed to be about,

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Speaker 4: then I was able to filter our content and our

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Speaker 4: vision all through that lens. So I actually like the

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Speaker 4: idea of you like consulting, God, praying, meditating, Like, what

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Speaker 4: is it that's in me? What do they want now?

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Speaker 4: What's going to through numbers?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 4: What is in me that I can offer to them

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Speaker 4: as a lesson that you've taught me? How can I

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Speaker 4: serve them from the place where I have been feeled?

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Speaker 1: How do you stay so locked into that? Do you

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Speaker 1: ever like feel off?

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Speaker 2: Because sometimes I feel I'm in my bag and the

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Speaker 2: world is going on right now. I'm like, I know

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Speaker 2: I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing right

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Speaker 2: now because it's just oozing out of me. And then

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Speaker 2: sometimes you fight it and you're not. Sometimes I don't

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Speaker 2: all the way feel like I'm in my bag.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm searching for it.

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Speaker 2: Do you always feel like you are in your pocket

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Speaker 2: and in your purpose.

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Speaker 3: In some way?

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Speaker 4: In some way, even if it looks different than maybe

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Speaker 4: what most people know. So like when I'm at home

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Speaker 4: with my kids, like I'm in my bag, Like when

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Speaker 4: me and my husband are kicking around and we're like

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Speaker 4: playing and joking and then having deep conversations and growing together,

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Speaker 4: that feels like my bag. That it has been the

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Speaker 4: most liberating thing for me to not feel like my

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Speaker 4: power has to have one specific form when I'm resting

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Speaker 4: and I'm tired, when I'm having conflict that I need

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Speaker 4: to address, like that feels like my bag. So I

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Speaker 4: don't always feel like I'm in the same bag. But

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Speaker 4: not to upset Erica, buta do. I'm a bit of

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Speaker 4: a bag lady.

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Speaker 2: So nobody wants to sound up about you.

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Speaker 4: But I do think that depending on what stage of life,

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Speaker 4: I'm int like, I can't wait to be in my

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Speaker 4: rest bag, like when this season is over. Yeah, my

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Speaker 4: sleeping bag. I just I want to go home. I

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Speaker 4: want to go home and just be in my space,

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Speaker 4: in my world, just walking around my house.

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Speaker 3: That's for me.

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Speaker 4: I'm introverted, so being home helps to restore me and

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Speaker 4: refuel me.

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Speaker 1: You just called on a part in your book.

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Speaker 2: I remember you saying we are not meant to burn

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Speaker 2: with power every single second of your life. Yeah, oh boy,

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Speaker 2: do I struggle with that because I feel so good

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Speaker 2: when I'm in my bag. M M that if I'm

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Speaker 2: being too quiet or if I'm home marinating, I feel

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Speaker 2: like I'm not doing anything and I have I'm learning

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Speaker 2: as I get older that that's okay.

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Speaker 1: Like, yeah, those periods of your sleep of being in

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Speaker 1: your sleeper bag. Yeah, and your rest bag. It's okay,

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Speaker 1: But you seem you like that.

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Speaker 4: I think that when I start like I, you know,

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Speaker 4: I've only had a few hours of sleep the last

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Speaker 4: few days, Like I can go, but then when I'm

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Speaker 4: out of it, I know that I need a rest.

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Speaker 4: But I do think that it is like this give

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Speaker 4: and take, like it's a season, and I know that

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Speaker 4: it's a season, so I have energy for this season,

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Speaker 4: and then the season's going to change and my exertion

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Speaker 4: will look different. But I mean, I do think that

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Speaker 4: for me because my father's a boomer. Heat work ethic

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Speaker 4: is what we apply the most in my family, and

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Speaker 4: so I know that part of me feeling lazy when

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Speaker 4: I sit down is cultural, Like I feel this need

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Speaker 4: to constantly be working because if I'm not working, I'm lazy.

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Speaker 4: It's very much so something that I have inherited. And

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Speaker 4: so I see him leaning more into rest and sensitivity.

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Speaker 4: That great, and it makes me feel like maybe it's

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Speaker 4: okay if you take your break.

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Speaker 2: There is a thing even I'm sure even in your

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Speaker 2: world of work addiction.

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, for sure, especially when it feels virtuous.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yes, helping people.

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Speaker 4: You never stop exactly, But like we're called to lead

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Speaker 4: people to God, not to become their God, and to

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Speaker 4: remind ourselves of the areas where we need God, which

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Speaker 4: means that there is a humility that we have to

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Speaker 4: have in what we do. That's okay, But when's the

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Speaker 4: last time you were just like in God's presence for yourself,

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Speaker 4: not to get a message, not to just take something

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Speaker 4: and turn it around to someone else. Like where's God

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Speaker 4: teaching you, growing you, healing you? And can you rest

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Speaker 4: in that tension before trying to avoid it by helping

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Speaker 4: someone else.

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Speaker 2: Yes, everything can't go out, yeah, exactly, Sometimes there has

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Speaker 2: to be incoming.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so funny.

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Speaker 4: I preached a message in Dallas It's caught back by power,

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Speaker 4: and I talked about how there's a silent transition of power.

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Speaker 4: And I use the analogy of like mid term elections

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Speaker 4: and how people don't really engage. But then the things

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Speaker 4: that we complain about have a lot to do with

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Speaker 4: the mid term elections, But that silent transition of power

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Speaker 4: happens in our day to day lives as well, where

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Speaker 4: silently we're giving power into our hustle, power is seeping

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Speaker 4: into our need to constantly experience success in little by

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Speaker 4: little we end up losing ourselves because we allow that

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Speaker 4: to become more powerful then whatever our core values are

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Speaker 4: supposed to be. That's why in the book I talk

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Speaker 4: about like what are your core values? What do we

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Speaker 4: wanna highlight? It's things that are non negotiable for you,

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Speaker 4: and how do we align your decisions with those core

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Speaker 4: values so that those can be more powerful than these

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Speaker 4: seasons where power can be stripped away from us very easily.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, what do you what do you what do you

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Speaker 2: teach your kids about that? Cause it you know, for me,

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Speaker 2: I always worry that my kids feel like they have

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Speaker 2: to do what we do right or or that they

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Speaker 2: have to live up to a certain uh level of success,

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Speaker 2: which to me, I think success is different to everybody.

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Speaker 2: So like we teach the kid, our kids the things

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Speaker 2: that we learned that work for us, but also you gotta.

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Speaker 3: Let them have their own journey, have their own journey.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so how do you figure that out as a

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Speaker 2: mother and then also as.

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Speaker 4: A child, Mm like w W what are what are

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Speaker 4: the tricks of finding your own way? I always say

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Speaker 4: so my my husband, Now we're blame the family. We

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Speaker 4: got six kids together. Uh, my oldest biological child is

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Speaker 4: twenty one years old. M and so I always tell

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Speaker 4: people I have I haven't received my parenting report card yet,

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Speaker 4: like I've got a few more years before he tells

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Speaker 4: me all of the things. And then I started with

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Speaker 4: him at fourteen, so you know, it was a struggle.

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Speaker 4: But each of my children have different personalities I think

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Speaker 4: based off of the conditions they were raised in. So

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Speaker 4: when I was raising my twenty one year old, I

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Speaker 4: think that he's got that work ethic thing because he

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Speaker 4: saw me doing all that I could to build a

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Speaker 4: life for ourselves. I was determined to not be dependent

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Speaker 4: on my parents, to the point of me cutting myself

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Speaker 4: off before they cut me off. I was like seventeen,

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Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm moving out. I've got to take care

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Speaker 4: of my child. I've got to grow up. I don't

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Speaker 4: want any help. And so he's seen me work very

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Speaker 4: hard to build a life. My fourteen year old and

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Speaker 4: my eight year old are in this transition where I've

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Speaker 4: kind of got a foundation and things started moving. But

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Speaker 4: with them, I try to teach them one. I try

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Speaker 4: to lean into where they're showing strength, so to put

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Speaker 4: them in positions where their gifts and talents are being highlighted.

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Speaker 4: So she's athletic, she likes volleyball. One of them likes theater,

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Speaker 4: and so they are doing things that do not look

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Speaker 4: any like what I do, but it's what they're passionate about.

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Speaker 4: So I think as soon as we can sow into

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Speaker 4: their passion, even if it doesn't look like ours, it

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Speaker 4: gives them permission to explore. My biggest thing is that

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Speaker 4: you feel fulfilled and purposeful and that the world is

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Speaker 4: better in some way because of the space that you occupy.

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Speaker 4: It doesn't have to be preaching, it doesn't have to

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Speaker 4: be ministry at all, but your life itself should be

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Speaker 4: a message. And so allowing that to take root means

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Speaker 4: giving them space to explore, but also reminding them who

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Speaker 4: they get to be at their core, as a person

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Speaker 4: of integrity and goodness and light and love in the world.

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Speaker 2: What about the younger you, the kid you did.

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Speaker 1: You feel that growing up too?

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Speaker 3: Or did the pressure to do well?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 4: But you know my story is a little different. So

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Speaker 4: my sister, when we were graduating kindergarten, she's like, I'm

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Speaker 4: five years old. When I grow up, I want to

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Speaker 4: be a preacher. So she has known her whole life

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Speaker 4: that she wanted to be administered crazy at five years old.

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Speaker 4: And I never really felt connected to church. I didn't

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Speaker 4: really feel connected to faith, and so I think at

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Speaker 4: a certain point, especially after I had my son, I

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Speaker 4: felt like being an administrative assistant or an executive assistant

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Speaker 4: is probably going to be the safest path for me.

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Speaker 3: There will be job stability.

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Speaker 4: I love logistics, I love being behind the scenes, and

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Speaker 4: so I felt like that would be my space. I

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Speaker 4: never felt the pressure, and then when I got pregnant,

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Speaker 4: I was like, there's definitely no pressure.

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Speaker 3: Now, don't nobody want you preaching nothing? So I was like, okay,

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Speaker 3: I won't do that.

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Speaker 4: I really did stumble into this space of ministry and purpose.

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Speaker 1: What was the moment that you knew it.

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Speaker 4: Was probably when I started blogging. I started blogging in

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Speaker 4: like twenty ten, and I was in my first marriage,

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Speaker 4: and so I was blogging under my married name. It

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Speaker 4: wasn't like a tdj's daughter has a blog, which made

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Speaker 4: it safe for me because I'm like, now I can

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Speaker 4: pour all of these thoughts on paper.

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Speaker 3: And I was going through it.

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Speaker 4: I was in a real bad space, really depressed, really anxious,

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Speaker 4: and I was just putting all of that darkness to

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Speaker 4: the world. And then at the end I would just say, like,

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Speaker 4: what would you pray over this person? Like I didn't

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Speaker 4: know if I believed it for myself, but like, what

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Speaker 4: light can you add at the end of this? And

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Speaker 4: when people started telling me that you just gave me words.

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Speaker 4: I've been going through a dark time. You just gave

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Speaker 4: me words. You just helped me. I feel seen. I

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Speaker 4: don't feel like I'm in it by myself. I felt like,

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Speaker 4: oh my gosh, this blog has the potential to be

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Speaker 4: something that really helps people. And honest to God, I

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Speaker 4: was like in the blog, like, it'll just be a blog.

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Speaker 3: And that's I love writing. The blog is fine for me.

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Speaker 4: Then someone invited me to come speak and they were like, okay,

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Speaker 4: well can you share your story this team pregnancy and

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Speaker 4: I was like, okay share. It was like forty women.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, yeah, I'll share my story. That's easy, that's

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Speaker 4: no problem. And then you know, same kind of response,

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Speaker 4: and I was like, it'll just be me sharing my

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Speaker 4: story and just me doing them all. I'm like, all right, God,

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Speaker 4: stay right here, stay right here. And it wasn't until

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Speaker 4: I met my husband. He's got this incredible community that

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Speaker 4: he founded in Los Angeles, and he was like, if

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Speaker 4: there's any space where you could come and share your

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Speaker 4: story on a Sunday, it's my church. And I was like, oh,

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Speaker 4: I don't do Sunday speaking because that's too much like

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Speaker 4: a sermon and I'm not the sermon girl. And he

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Speaker 4: was like, no, this is totally different. I go to

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Speaker 4: speak there and we fell in love. Right if we

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Speaker 4: would not have fallen in love, I probably would have

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Speaker 4: spoke there and went back to my corner. But we

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Speaker 4: fell in like I like you and I like this,

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Speaker 4: And I was like, Okay, I will only speak here

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Speaker 4: and I'll share my story and it'll be a blog.

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Speaker 4: But I kept getting these testimonies that made it kind

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Speaker 4: of undeniable that something was happening when I spoke that

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Speaker 4: was helping people in a way that they felt like

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Speaker 4: they had never been seen or heard or validated from

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Speaker 4: a space of faith before. And so I do it

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Speaker 4: for those testimonies. And I feel like, as long as

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Speaker 4: God gives me something to say, as long as God

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Speaker 4: is growing me and changing me and transforming me in

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Speaker 4: a way that I feel like could benefit others that

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Speaker 4: I will share that in whatever avenue.

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Speaker 2: That is good for you for not being afraid of

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Speaker 2: that when you have so much to live up to.

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Speaker 1: If you could have easily been in.

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Speaker 2: Your own head of I'm not my father or people

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Speaker 2: going to you know, just outside noise, expectations, opinions.

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Speaker 4: I don't know if I was delusional, but sometimes you

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Speaker 4: know that sometimes the edge off a little bit. But

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Speaker 4: I just really felt like I'm so different from him,

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Speaker 4: Like I am so different that I'm not even in

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Speaker 4: his footsteps at all. Like this is completely different than

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Speaker 4: what I experienced for him.

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Speaker 3: And the more that.

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Speaker 4: I grew in it and became comfortable, I definitely saw

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Speaker 4: the similarities. But I didn't start it thinking I was

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Speaker 4: going to be in his footsteps. I just kept thinking

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Speaker 4: that this would be my little corner, This will be

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Speaker 4: my little corner. I'm like, all right, no more, no

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Speaker 4: more confident even when it was all I mean, you

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Speaker 4: can there are times when I'm speaking now and you

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Speaker 4: can hear me trembling in my voice, like yeah, part

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Speaker 4: of the reason. Like so when I go places and

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Speaker 4: they're like, you know, fancy place, they were like the

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Speaker 4: headsets when they're speaking, I could never do that because

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Speaker 4: my hands would tremble so bad that I liked holding

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Speaker 4: the microphone because it helped me to steady my hand.

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Speaker 4: I don't feel like I'm a speaker, like naturally a speaker, but.

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Speaker 3: I stand up to it.

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Speaker 1: Yes, you show up.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the most amazing thing about you to me

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Speaker 2: is the way you show up.

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Speaker 1: You just show up like you're like, yes, Okay, I

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Speaker 1: hear you, I got it.

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Speaker 3: Here we go, Here we go, here we go.

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Speaker 2: And I mean, at the end of the day, we

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Speaker 2: should all just aspire to do that. Yeah, Because I

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Speaker 2: always feel like if we just had some kids at

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Speaker 2: at radio station, end of the day, we had a

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Speaker 2: bunch of kids in the studio and they were asking

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Speaker 2: me questions and I was like, everybody, you got something

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Speaker 2: in there? Yeah, everybody's god that just do you listen

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Speaker 2: to it?

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Speaker 1: Do you show up for it?

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Speaker 3: Take a chance on it.

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Speaker 4: Yes, there's some things you will not know about what's

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Speaker 4: in you until it's outside of you. And once it's

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Speaker 4: outside of you, it's gonna grow, what's gonna change, It's

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Speaker 4: going to and developed. But as long as it's trapped

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Speaker 4: inside of you, it's like a woman holding a baby,

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Speaker 4: we even telling my motherhood like a woman pregnant with

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Speaker 4: a baby. There comes a point where until you release

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Speaker 4: it out, it can't grow, like it's going to reach

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Speaker 4: its capacity. And you do not know the limits of

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Speaker 4: what's inside of you until you put it in an

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Speaker 4: environment where there are no limits. And I feel like

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Speaker 4: that's the greatest gift that any of us can give ourselves.

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Speaker 4: I mine was trapped by shame, by insecurity, by depression,

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Speaker 4: and when I finally got to a place where I'm like,

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Speaker 4: you know what, forget it, like this is my story,

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Speaker 4: this is my truth, my testimony, this is my testimony,

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Speaker 4: and I'm gonna accept it and embrace it. If no

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Speaker 4: one else does, I'm gonna do it. And I just

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Speaker 4: I didn't know that I'd be showing other people that

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Speaker 4: they could do it too.

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Speaker 2: Was there a prayer that's associated with that or around

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Speaker 2: that time, like something that you would go to to

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Speaker 2: pick you up out of just I don't know insecurity or.

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Speaker 4: I will say that the one thing I I feel

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Speaker 4: like it was God told me in this moment where

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Speaker 4: I wasn't even like trying to fool with like church

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Speaker 4: or spirituality, I felt I feel like it was God.

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Speaker 4: Now I said I can do better than this, like it,

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Speaker 4: and I was at a really low point when I

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Speaker 4: said it, But I just heard I can do better

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Speaker 4: than this, and for me, better didn't have a destination.

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Speaker 3: It was the starting point.

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Speaker 1: That's good.

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Speaker 4: It was just the starting point. So each day it

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Speaker 4: was just like, what can I do that's better than this?

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Speaker 1: Like I was.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I had two kids, I'm twenty two years old.

364
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Speaker 4: I'm like, this cannot be the rest of my life, Like,

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Speaker 4: I can't feel this way about me for forever. I

366
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Speaker 4: think I can do better than this, and I do

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Speaker 4: feel like I'm still chasing that. So even when I'm

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Speaker 4: finished steeling, yeah, I think, like when I'm finished speaking,

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Speaker 4: I'm like, sometimes I feel like, oh my gosh, I

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Speaker 4: did exactly what God told me to do. So there

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Speaker 4: are some moments where I'm like, I felt restricted, I

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Speaker 4: felt like there was something wrong. I think I can

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Speaker 4: do better than this, and I think I've just been

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Speaker 4: chasing that incremental better better for a little while.

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Speaker 1: Now, Wow, that's good. That's really good because we can

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Speaker 1: all do better.

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Speaker 3: You know, it's a little better.

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Speaker 4: I think the big better scares people, right, of course,

379
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Speaker 4: the big so like I cannot because most of us

380
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Speaker 4: know the area of our life where we need a

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Speaker 4: total overhaul. When I'm talking to girls who feel like

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Speaker 4: I'm stuck in this toxic relationship, I don't know. I

383
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Speaker 4: can't leave. I can't leave, and what should I do?

384
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Speaker 4: Should I say or should I go? I'm like, I

385
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Speaker 4: think you should leave, but I think you know that.

386
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Speaker 4: But part of the reason why we don't leave is

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Speaker 4: because it would require a complete overhaul. So what does

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Speaker 4: a little bit better look like? Like, let's take the

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Speaker 4: pressure off. We don't have to figure out five to

390
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Speaker 4: ten years down the road, like what is just a

391
00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:43,320
Speaker 4: little bit better from here? And that gives people permission

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Speaker 4: to inch their way into transformation.

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Speaker 1: That's so good.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because even if you would have started young, you thirteen,

395
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Speaker 2: you like, Okay, I'm gonna have this whole all these

396
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Speaker 2: New York Times best selling books.

397
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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm gonna have this whole group of

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Speaker 1: people that need me.

399
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Speaker 2: And you know, you couldn't image even that I thought

400
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Speaker 2: of where you are.

401
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Speaker 3: Now, not at all.

402
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Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know that I thought when I got pregnant,

403
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Speaker 4: I don't know that anyone was even telling me, like,

404
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:11,520
Speaker 4: you know, you're gonna be okay. Everyone made it seem

405
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Speaker 4: like I was in such a bad place that it

406
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Speaker 4: was going to take everything I have grace, prayer, and

407
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,399
Speaker 4: I still may not make it that. I just felt

408
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Speaker 4: like I am on a sinking ship.

409
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Speaker 3: And it's so.

410
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Speaker 2: Interesting to me because you would think that the people,

411
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Speaker 2: not not just your family, just everybody surrounding you and

412
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Speaker 2: your family would would be of the notion of everybody

413
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Speaker 2: has a testimony.

414
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Speaker 4: Mmm.

415
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Speaker 2: You would think that you would be encouraged to say,

416
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Speaker 2: one day, yeah, this right once could serve your story,

417
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Speaker 2: could serve someone.

418
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Speaker 3: No.

419
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Speaker 4: I think I think that my parents were probably just

420
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Speaker 4: completely just devastate, Like what do you even do with

421
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Speaker 4: a thirteen year old pregnant child?

422
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Speaker 3: Like what do you even do with it?

423
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Speaker 4: And your like on the cover of Time magazine as

424
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Speaker 4: America's Next Preacher and she's been having sex, Like what

425
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,439
Speaker 4: do you even do with that? So I think that

426
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:05,199
Speaker 4: they were grappling with whatever that meant for them, and

427
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:09,120
Speaker 4: all I could perceive was their grief. And so now

428
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:12,520
Speaker 4: I'm getting a message, it's like, you have grieved this family,

429
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:16,840
Speaker 4: get your life has brought on grief, and so coming

430
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Speaker 4: to a space.

431
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Speaker 1: Or a little baby, thirteen year old baby, they're sad.

432
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Speaker 4: That's so and that's so young, my yd Sometimes when

433
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,840
Speaker 4: I because my daughter's fourteen now, which has been traumatic

434
00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:28,960
Speaker 4: because I'm like, now I'm seeing what it means for

435
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Speaker 4: somebody fourteen to become a mother, and how much more

436
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:36,200
Speaker 4: responsibility that as my son he's twenty one. Now, I'm

437
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,520
Speaker 4: like a had a seven year old and twenty one

438
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:43,880
Speaker 4: years old, and I think I'm just now realizing how

439
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:47,159
Speaker 4: difficult that was. But I am a stand up to

440
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:48,720
Speaker 4: a kind of girl. That's why when I'm preaching on

441
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Speaker 4: beating my chest, like, I am a stand up to it.

442
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:52,800
Speaker 4: But when you get finished standing, you got to take

443
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:55,040
Speaker 4: a minute and sit down and look at how much

444
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:57,359
Speaker 4: it cost you to stand up to some of the

445
00:19:57,359 --> 00:19:58,600
Speaker 4: things you had to stand up to.

446
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:01,960
Speaker 2: Because you wish for your for it to be easier

447
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:03,720
Speaker 2: for other people and your children especially.

448
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,399
Speaker 4: And if we never assess the path the journey, then

449
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:10,240
Speaker 4: we don't get to extract the wisdom. And so that's power,

450
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,600
Speaker 4: that's courage within itself to say, I know I could

451
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,560
Speaker 4: stand up to this, but right now I need to

452
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:17,920
Speaker 4: sit down because I'm tired, Like my feet hurt, you know.

453
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,920
Speaker 1: It's like, do know, So that's always my thing.

454
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,639
Speaker 2: It's like knowing when to sit down and knowing when

455
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:27,800
Speaker 2: to listen and pay attention. And you know, surrendering is

456
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:28,680
Speaker 2: always challenging.

457
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:33,160
Speaker 3: For yeah, the way you said, because so hard, so hard.

458
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:34,720
Speaker 1: It's like, do have great faith?

459
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,680
Speaker 2: But also I am somebody who likes to control things

460
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:41,840
Speaker 2: and and and be in charge, and sometimes surrendering is hard.

461
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,320
Speaker 4: So that's the other thing, Like when being in charge

462
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:48,600
Speaker 4: it served you well, like it's created a lot of

463
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:52,360
Speaker 4: opportunity in your life, and so being willing to let

464
00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:55,359
Speaker 4: that go, I can imagine that would be difficult.

465
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:58,080
Speaker 1: Not for you.

466
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:01,879
Speaker 3: My marriage has taught me a lot about render.

467
00:21:02,119 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 1: Oh yes, doesn't it? Know, doesn't marriage automatically do that?

468
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:08,000
Speaker 1: Excuse me?

469
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:12,440
Speaker 4: You know, when I married my husband, I was by

470
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,320
Speaker 4: then i'd gone through I was like, I can do

471
00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:18,480
Speaker 4: better than this. I was at best, we'd gone from

472
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:21,760
Speaker 4: better to best. And then I meet this man who

473
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:25,000
Speaker 4: wants to partner with me to take my best to great.

474
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:27,919
Speaker 3: But that requires a level.

475
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:35,880
Speaker 4: Of intimacy and surrender and trust that I felt hurt

476
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:41,240
Speaker 4: me in the past to allow someone access to my life,

477
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:45,560
Speaker 4: your heart, my part of it, my children, I moved

478
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:51,280
Speaker 4: to Los Angeles. That was challenging, but what I have

479
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:55,159
Speaker 4: become so much better as a result of the partnership.

480
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:58,760
Speaker 4: And I realized that I was robbing myself of the

481
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:03,040
Speaker 4: very gift that God gave me, which means for me,

482
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:05,840
Speaker 4: I was robbing myself of who I could becoming God

483
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:08,080
Speaker 4: because I believe when God brings someone into your life

484
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:11,159
Speaker 4: that their role is to help cultivate all that God's

485
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:13,560
Speaker 4: placed inside of you. But if I don't let them

486
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 4: have access, then the cultivation can't happen. And so leaning

487
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:22,480
Speaker 4: into this beautiful journey of becoming one has required me

488
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:26,639
Speaker 4: to let my defenses down and to trust my resiliency

489
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:29,639
Speaker 4: and to trust my balance. I can use my words,

490
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,880
Speaker 4: I can say that doesn't feel safe. Can you take

491
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:32,480
Speaker 4: me slower?

492
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:32,840
Speaker 3: Like?

493
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:36,000
Speaker 4: I can show up. I don't have to surrender. Doesn't

494
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:38,160
Speaker 4: mean that I don't have a voice anymore.

495
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:41,320
Speaker 2: How do you know when to How does a woman

496
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:46,360
Speaker 2: especially know when to do that? Because I think especially

497
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:49,600
Speaker 2: young women and just going into a new relationship or

498
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:51,679
Speaker 2: maybe coming out of heartbreak or coming out of a

499
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,359
Speaker 2: failed relationship, how do.

500
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:55,080
Speaker 1: You know when?

501
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 2: Because this compromise that has to happen on some of

502
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,640
Speaker 2: your independence, even when you partner with somebody like that,

503
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:03,920
Speaker 2: how do you know when is that moment?

504
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,199
Speaker 4: I feel like I came to a crossroads where I

505
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:09,280
Speaker 4: realized that if I don't do this, I'm going to

506
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 4: miss out on me, not just on him, because I

507
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:13,880
Speaker 4: think a lot of times were like, if I don't

508
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,720
Speaker 4: do it, I'm going to lose him. But I felt

509
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:19,720
Speaker 4: like my destiny was connected to his, like there was

510
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,520
Speaker 4: something about who he was, like when I fell in

511
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 4: love with him, I literally told him, I love the

512
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,199
Speaker 4: way the world looks through your eyes. I love the

513
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,240
Speaker 4: way you think. I love the way you reconcile, I

514
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,359
Speaker 4: love the way you forgive, Like I felt better because

515
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:37,640
Speaker 4: he was in the world and I did not want

516
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:44,480
Speaker 4: my inability to trust to keep me from experiencing the vibrancy.

517
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,600
Speaker 3: Of what life looks like through his eyes.

518
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:48,320
Speaker 4: Because I felt like there was something about the way

519
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:50,439
Speaker 4: that he saw that was gonna make me change the

520
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:52,640
Speaker 4: way that I see it. And so I think if

521
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,639
Speaker 4: we think less about oh my gosh, I'm going to

522
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:57,960
Speaker 4: lose this person, because then that has a scarcity mentality

523
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:01,159
Speaker 4: connected to it, and more abundance, like who am I

524
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:04,959
Speaker 4: going to become in a form of abundance by being

525
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:08,439
Speaker 4: loved by you and by pouring my love into you,

526
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:12,680
Speaker 4: and that allowed me to I'm not I'm not gonna

527
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:14,119
Speaker 4: say it having overnight because he's in the room and

528
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:18,880
Speaker 4: he'll tell me I'm lying, but I will say that

529
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:22,520
Speaker 4: he created an environment that made it safe and I

530
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:26,160
Speaker 4: begin to release some of that slow.

531
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 1: Slow release. It was a release.

532
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was slow, you know, that's you do it

533
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:30,760
Speaker 2: as you can.

534
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:32,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, it feels good, but I feel like I lean

535
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:33,600
Speaker 4: into it fully.

536
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:34,880
Speaker 1: Now how long did that take?

537
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:37,320
Speaker 3: We've been married almost ten years.

538
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:39,600
Speaker 1: Just doing it, you know.

539
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:43,080
Speaker 4: I mean eight is like new beginnings, So I would

540
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 4: say year eight was probably like why I was like,

541
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,239
Speaker 4: really that foundation was that.

542
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:48,199
Speaker 1: Everything else was.

543
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,639
Speaker 4: A transitional season, you know, trying to find my sound.

544
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:53,440
Speaker 4: I had a baby in that time, I was form on.

545
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:54,439
Speaker 4: All things were wild.

546
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:59,440
Speaker 2: That is important to know, though, because it doesn't happen

547
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:02,879
Speaker 2: right away. No, even now you're married, you're one of

548
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 2: marriage doesn't mean everything is clear and you're not still

549
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:12,760
Speaker 2: holding on to stuff from before and exactly and trust

550
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:15,359
Speaker 2: comes easy, isn't It takes time?

551
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:15,600
Speaker 1: No?

552
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:16,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, it takes time.

553
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:20,520
Speaker 4: I am grateful, like I never had any fracture like

554
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:22,720
Speaker 4: where I felt like he was he wouldn't be faithful

555
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:26,240
Speaker 4: to me. So like the infidelity that I experienced in

556
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:28,280
Speaker 4: the past, Like I never felt like that with him,

557
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:30,600
Speaker 4: So that made me feel safe that I would never

558
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:33,879
Speaker 4: experience that again. But I didn't know that once you

559
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:36,360
Speaker 4: don't have that on the table, that there are all

560
00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:37,720
Speaker 4: these other areas where.

561
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:40,199
Speaker 3: You have to learn to trust. Someone tell me what.

562
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:42,399
Speaker 3: Like I thought it was just, you know, don't cheat

563
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:42,679
Speaker 3: on me.

564
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,119
Speaker 4: I didn't know it was like, I have to trust

565
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,960
Speaker 4: the way that you parent, and trust the way you communicate,

566
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 4: and trust how you deal with finances, and trust that

567
00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:52,760
Speaker 4: we're going to make the right decision about whether we

568
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:55,000
Speaker 4: buy this house or do we move to Dallas? Do

569
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:57,399
Speaker 4: we stay in LA Like I didn't know that there

570
00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:58,760
Speaker 4: were all these different areas of trust.

571
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,400
Speaker 3: I thought it was just like, don't cheat on me. Now,

572
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:03,080
Speaker 3: now what.

573
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,240
Speaker 1: I gotta trust the way you manage money.

574
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:08,560
Speaker 4: I gotta trust the way you eat sometime, like what.

575
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:09,919
Speaker 1: Is to pass out?

576
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,200
Speaker 3: I got to trust you to take me to the hospital.

577
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:13,640
Speaker 3: Just don't cheat.

578
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 1: I thought that was it definitely not trusting the parenting too.

579
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,520
Speaker 2: Those people parents so different and people gonna talk about

580
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:25,800
Speaker 2: that enough in relationships and choosing partners. All of a sudden,

581
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:28,800
Speaker 2: you're raising a human being in the world and you parent.

582
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:31,359
Speaker 4: Completely because we have to decide, like who do you

583
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:34,080
Speaker 4: want this kid to be? Because like if you want

584
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,720
Speaker 4: this kid to be an astronaut and they need to

585
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:38,440
Speaker 4: be in school twenty first sent and the best, Like

586
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:40,199
Speaker 4: who do you want this to be? Do you just

587
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 4: want them to be a good person? And how are

588
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:43,920
Speaker 4: you going to teach? Like we may want to have kids,

589
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 4: but do we agree on who these children will become?

590
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:48,600
Speaker 4: Because it's gonna take both of us to do it.

591
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:53,399
Speaker 2: But how do you manage when there's when you're in

592
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:54,800
Speaker 2: different places on something?

593
00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 1: How do you manage that?

594
00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,280
Speaker 4: Okay, well I have to know where my weakness is.

595
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:08,120
Speaker 3: So girl, this podcast so good. Okay, I'm done.

596
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 2: I'm done here.

597
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:12,719
Speaker 4: Okay, So you know, we have to know where our

598
00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 4: soft spots are.

599
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:16,200
Speaker 3: So I'm a punk. I love the kids.

600
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:19,800
Speaker 4: Just about anything they want to do. I'm gonna be good,

601
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:23,920
Speaker 4: like not dangerous, but like you know, what's a little candy.

602
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:27,359
Speaker 4: You know, let's go to the movies, like like there's

603
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:31,080
Speaker 4: no limits. You're the soft I'm the soft parent, and

604
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:34,480
Speaker 4: you know, I have to know where the strengths are

605
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:38,080
Speaker 4: because something they do need to hear no about things.

606
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:41,320
Speaker 4: And he's better at that than I am with some

607
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:44,360
Speaker 4: with some of the children, because with some of the children,

608
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:47,359
Speaker 4: I'm the only backbone they'll ever see. There's a young

609
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:49,840
Speaker 4: one that runs our house and she he thinks she

610
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:53,960
Speaker 4: is she thinks. He thinks she is so clever, he

611
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,399
Speaker 4: thinks she is so funny, and I'm like, she about

612
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:58,560
Speaker 4: to get be that and I'm trying a gentle parent.

613
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 3: She's about to break me out of my because you're not.

614
00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:03,760
Speaker 1: Because you see her different because.

615
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:06,840
Speaker 4: I'm like, she's really try and get so I think,

616
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 4: and he trusts when I'm like, hey, babe, like I

617
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:12,440
Speaker 4: know it's funny, but like in five years, that's gonna

618
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:14,720
Speaker 4: be cute, and he'll be like you think. So I'm

619
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:16,920
Speaker 4: like yeah, and then so he'll let me. He was like, Okay,

620
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 4: I'll trust your lead on that. And so sometimes, especially

621
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 4: blending a family, we had to have a huddle because

622
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:25,560
Speaker 4: there were things that he would maybe let slide or

623
00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:28,280
Speaker 4: things that I would let slide that we were uncomfortable with,

624
00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:30,560
Speaker 4: and so we had to huddle and wrestle and like

625
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:32,240
Speaker 4: who's right, who's wrong, and why are you right?

626
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:33,320
Speaker 3: And why do you think that way?

627
00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:35,480
Speaker 4: And then get the same game plan so that we

628
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:36,920
Speaker 4: could present that to the kids.

629
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:38,080
Speaker 3: It's a united front.

630
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,760
Speaker 2: That's good, yeah, because you have to be on your

631
00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:43,120
Speaker 2: night in front you down.

632
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:46,640
Speaker 1: Spirits.

633
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, it's amazing. That's like I miss my

634
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:54,360
Speaker 4: kids when I'm gone, I miss them. My son, he

635
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 4: doesn't live with us anymore, and still he comes home

636
00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 4: and I'm like, my baby's like six four or full beer,

637
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:01,000
Speaker 4: like my baby.

638
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:02,760
Speaker 2: One of the things you talk about in the book,

639
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 2: I don't know if you operate like this too. And

640
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:07,320
Speaker 2: when you're I write all these no time, all these questions,

641
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 2: and then I said, with somebodys, but there are things

642
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:13,160
Speaker 2: in there that really just stick with me that I remember.

643
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 2: It's like, oh, you're talking about parenting and mothering and

644
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:22,240
Speaker 2: that we make these sacrifices. And sometimes you sacrifice so much,

645
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:24,760
Speaker 2: or you start not being truthful to who you are

646
00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:27,000
Speaker 2: because you're like spending all the time, or you're not

647
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:29,640
Speaker 2: living in your truth because you say, oh that's fine,

648
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 2: oh okay, I'll do that, and then all of a

649
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:33,720
Speaker 2: sudden you're like a version of yourself that you have

650
00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:36,600
Speaker 2: to now live up to. And I think mothers especially

651
00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:39,720
Speaker 2: do that all the time. Like we like, we don't

652
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:42,120
Speaker 2: ask for people to show up for us, even our kids.

653
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 1: Like you talk about asking your.

654
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:46,000
Speaker 2: Kids to do things around the house, because you don't.

655
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:46,880
Speaker 2: I'm tired.

656
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 3: I'm tired. It costs a lot to be me.

657
00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:52,560
Speaker 4: Yes, And then I think it also helps them to

658
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:55,959
Speaker 4: understand what all goes into creating their world, because when

659
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,960
Speaker 4: you're a kid, you have the luxury, you're not you know,

660
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,680
Speaker 4: paying the bill, you're not doing a lot of the

661
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 4: heavy lifting. And so allowing them to engage in what

662
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 4: it takes to create this environment, I think it's helpful

663
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:10,040
Speaker 4: for them in the long run, but especially for me,

664
00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:13,160
Speaker 4: because I had this idea of motherhood that was like

665
00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:16,240
Speaker 4: some sitcom something on television. I'm like, I gotta cook,

666
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 4: I gotta do the laundry.

667
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:18,040
Speaker 3: I have to do that.

668
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:20,080
Speaker 4: It needs to be finished by six And I also

669
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:21,680
Speaker 4: want to be in purpose and I want to work,

670
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:22,560
Speaker 4: so I'm gonna do this.

671
00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:23,720
Speaker 1: And you want to be a good mom.

672
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:24,720
Speaker 3: I want to be a good mom.

673
00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:26,840
Speaker 4: I gotta pick them up, I gotta, you know, bring

674
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:29,320
Speaker 4: them home from school, they got to be an extracurricular activity.

675
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:31,760
Speaker 4: So I had all these boxes, and I was starting

676
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 4: to get really not just exhausted, but resentful because I

677
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:39,400
Speaker 4: was holding myself to a standard that literally I didn't

678
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:41,840
Speaker 4: even know where it got sept from. And so to

679
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:45,040
Speaker 4: be able to ask myself, actually, like, in the perfect world,

680
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 4: what would.

681
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 3: You want to do?

682
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:49,720
Speaker 4: Like are you really trying to cook breakfast, lunch, and

683
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:51,240
Speaker 4: dinner every single day?

684
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:52,040
Speaker 3: Like does that scene?

685
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:53,160
Speaker 1: This is what you're asking yourself.

686
00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:56,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, especially when they were homeschooled, I mean breakfast, lunch,

687
00:30:56,960 --> 00:30:58,280
Speaker 4: and dinner every single day.

688
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:00,040
Speaker 3: And I realized that, like.

689
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:03,200
Speaker 4: It'll be okay if they figure out lunch on their own,

690
00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:05,800
Speaker 4: Like it'll be okay, if we order in, it'll be okay.

691
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:09,520
Speaker 4: If I get additional support, allowing myself to no longer

692
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:12,840
Speaker 4: be living on this tight rope that was causing me

693
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:15,960
Speaker 4: to be resentful, I think it made me more enjoyable

694
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:23,200
Speaker 4: for them, because to be that tightly wound up, is

695
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:24,760
Speaker 4: this my mother or boot camp?

696
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:26,640
Speaker 3: You know what I'm like, You're messing up the.

697
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:28,960
Speaker 1: Image, Go bane, go loation up.

698
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:31,280
Speaker 4: And to be able to take a deep breath and

699
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:33,920
Speaker 4: to be in the room and be present with them

700
00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:34,600
Speaker 4: has helped.

701
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:35,080
Speaker 1: Yeah.

702
00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:37,560
Speaker 2: I think people do that, not just moms, but moms

703
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:40,880
Speaker 2: especially do that, but even friends. I have a girlfriend

704
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:43,360
Speaker 2: who's like always everybody's always talking about she's.

705
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:44,120
Speaker 1: Such a good friend.

706
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 3: Yeah.

707
00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:50,400
Speaker 2: I mean, okay, that's great, good for you. Yeah, But

708
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:53,120
Speaker 2: if you're exhausted because you're giving to all of your

709
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 2: friends who are like pulling at you all day, who

710
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:56,320
Speaker 2: does that really serve?

711
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 1: You can't be happy in that you got. At some point,

712
00:31:58,280 --> 00:31:59,440
Speaker 1: you gotta create.

713
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 2: You have to be good and full so you can

714
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:05,200
Speaker 2: give for sure. This is just coming to me now.

715
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:06,680
Speaker 2: So we were talking about prayer before.

716
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:10,720
Speaker 1: I always.

717
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:13,800
Speaker 2: It's what I'm One of the things I admire is

718
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:17,880
Speaker 2: when people can pray well, okay, you know sometimes I

719
00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:20,040
Speaker 2: have I'm always like the house everybody comes to my

720
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:23,680
Speaker 2: house with Thanksgiving, Easter, and I have family members who

721
00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:25,800
Speaker 2: pray really well, you know what I mean.

722
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:27,400
Speaker 1: When it's time for the prayer before.

723
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:29,240
Speaker 2: We eat, I know that's the person that's the one

724
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 2: you're gonna say the word because everybody's gonna feel it.

725
00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:34,560
Speaker 1: It's gonna be so good. I'm never that person.

726
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:37,040
Speaker 2: I never could do it. I never feel like I

727
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:38,560
Speaker 2: could do it. As good as some of the members

728
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 2: of the family. And I realize it's because I am

729
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,240
Speaker 2: an I pray quietly.

730
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:43,880
Speaker 1: I always have.

731
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:45,520
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I always.

732
00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:48,080
Speaker 2: Feel like my prayers I feel them the most when

733
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:51,120
Speaker 2: it's like when I'm inside myself and it's quiet. I've

734
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:55,200
Speaker 2: never been an out loud prayer person. Yeah, so I

735
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,680
Speaker 2: wonder from you is there a right way to pray

736
00:32:57,840 --> 00:32:59,080
Speaker 2: a wrong way to pray?

737
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:03,320
Speaker 4: Since say and authenticity is the only right way to pray.

738
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 4: It doesn't have to be superformal. We don't need, you know,

739
00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:10,360
Speaker 4: the King James version. It doesn't have to be that.

740
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:13,520
Speaker 4: If that's what comes natural to you, that's beautiful. If

741
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:17,200
Speaker 4: invoking scripture is what comes most natural to you, that's amazing.

742
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:19,960
Speaker 4: But I have found that the prayers that are the

743
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:24,120
Speaker 4: most sincere and authentic are the ones that resonate the

744
00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:25,959
Speaker 4: most with people. I would have said, like you that

745
00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:28,000
Speaker 4: I'm not an out loud prayer person.

746
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:29,440
Speaker 3: And here we are.

747
00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:31,320
Speaker 1: It's weird. But even when I'm like.

748
00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 4: Praying before I speak, like, I'm like, all right, God,

749
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 4: you've gotten me in this.

750
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:36,920
Speaker 1: It's not formal.

751
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:40,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I'm asking for you know, no fear, no nerves,

752
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:44,600
Speaker 4: no anxiety, just your presence flowing through me, like that

753
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:46,920
Speaker 4: is my prayer before I speak, and I say that

754
00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:49,800
Speaker 4: out loud in front of everyone, because that's what's real

755
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:53,240
Speaker 4: for me. And I can't pretend to be someone I'm

756
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 4: not just because someone's watching. And there are so many

757
00:33:57,360 --> 00:34:01,320
Speaker 4: times throughout scripture where there are these, you know, miraculous

758
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:03,280
Speaker 4: moments that are about to take place, and we see

759
00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:06,320
Speaker 4: Jesus praying, we see a prophet praying, and basically when

760
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:08,600
Speaker 4: they begin praying, what they're saying is like, we know

761
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 4: what we got, now we're about.

762
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:11,360
Speaker 3: To show them what we have.

763
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:14,879
Speaker 4: And so to know that you have that relationship with God,

764
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 4: that you do have that inward focus, but when you

765
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:20,239
Speaker 4: bring it out, you're just doing an outward expression of

766
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:23,560
Speaker 4: what's already happening within you and allowing yourself to be

767
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:24,920
Speaker 4: free in that has helped me.

768
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 3: It's helped me.

769
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:29,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. For me, I don't know. If

770
00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 1: I'm never try it, I just have to lean into

771
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:33,160
Speaker 1: it one day.

772
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:36,920
Speaker 3: Right now, let's not with you. I won't that's too

773
00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:38,640
Speaker 3: much pressure coming right now.

774
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:43,880
Speaker 4: Some way, whatever comes from your heart right now, that

775
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:45,080
Speaker 4: just take over your podcast.

776
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:46,319
Speaker 3: I'm getting kicked out.

777
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:46,760
Speaker 2: No.

778
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:50,160
Speaker 1: No, my prayer is always and from inside. I'll put

779
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:50,960
Speaker 1: it outside.

780
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:55,080
Speaker 2: Uh. My prayer is always that I'm in my purpose.

781
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:56,360
Speaker 3: Yeah.

782
00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:58,360
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know what makes me. I don't know

783
00:34:58,360 --> 00:34:59,400
Speaker 1: why that makes me emotional.

784
00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 2: No, I see, that's why don't pray alloud, because I

785
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:06,839
Speaker 2: always get emotional. You do that, You don't cry when

786
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:08,479
Speaker 2: you pray, when you pray all the time, Maybe because

787
00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:08,920
Speaker 2: I don't do it.

788
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:12,640
Speaker 1: I mean, you know you do, but not all the time.

789
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:13,120
Speaker 3: No.

790
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:16,879
Speaker 4: But I think what I feel from that is that

791
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:22,960
Speaker 4: you are so serious about making God proud, about being

792
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:26,920
Speaker 4: a reflection of light in a world that you know

793
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:30,440
Speaker 4: very well to be hard and dark, and so for

794
00:35:30,520 --> 00:35:32,880
Speaker 4: you to your prayer to mean that much to you

795
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:35,640
Speaker 4: that I just want to be aligned with who you

796
00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:37,000
Speaker 4: want me to be in the earth.

797
00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 3: It's so good, that's all I want.

798
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,239
Speaker 4: That the fact that it means that much to you,

799
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:42,440
Speaker 4: I think that's incredible.

800
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:46,839
Speaker 2: It doesn't it's like, you're right, that's good. You're really good,

801
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:48,640
Speaker 2: by the way. I think that's true about me. But

802
00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:51,600
Speaker 2: I think it's also hard in this world that we're

803
00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:55,239
Speaker 2: in right now to be outward and to be vulnerable

804
00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:59,400
Speaker 2: and to be and to just use your voice out loud.

805
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:02,160
Speaker 2: The way the world is set up right now, for

806
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:05,319
Speaker 2: especially social media or opinions, that we live in such

807
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:10,040
Speaker 2: an opinionated world right now, that you know, sometimes it's challenging.

808
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:12,480
Speaker 4: I think what you said about wanting to be in

809
00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:17,759
Speaker 4: purpose can't be contested. I think it's hard when you

810
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:22,440
Speaker 4: have a narrative or opinion that has the potential to

811
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:26,320
Speaker 4: be divisive or to add more noise in an already

812
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:30,719
Speaker 4: noisy world. But what I heard you say was light

813
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:37,680
Speaker 4: that anyone can experience, and a hunger that most people

814
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 4: don't even know to have. Man, I'm just thinking about

815
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:45,799
Speaker 4: what all this world tells us to be hungry for.

816
00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:48,879
Speaker 4: And the first thing that you pray for is God.

817
00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:53,880
Speaker 4: I just want to be in purpose, not famous legend,

818
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:58,640
Speaker 4: not this iconic person like even me with all of

819
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:02,640
Speaker 4: these accolades and all the achievements. If I'm not in purpose,

820
00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:08,200
Speaker 4: it means nothing. Yeah, that is virtue that is worth multiplying.

821
00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:11,799
Speaker 2: But isn't that if we're being honest with ourselves, isn't

822
00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:12,960
Speaker 2: that what we all kind of?

823
00:37:14,239 --> 00:37:17,480
Speaker 4: I wouldn't strive, I wouldn't I don't think so. I

824
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:23,600
Speaker 4: think that our desires have been so contaminated by our trauma,

825
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:32,200
Speaker 4: by our generational lived experiences, that sometimes we just want

826
00:37:32,239 --> 00:37:36,839
Speaker 4: to feel better by any means necessary. Sometimes we just

827
00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:40,440
Speaker 4: want out, you know what I mean, Like sometimes we

828
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:43,600
Speaker 4: just don't want to be sad anymore. And all of

829
00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:47,239
Speaker 4: those are legitimate for the seasons that we're in. But

830
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:49,840
Speaker 4: to get to a place where you're able to survive

831
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:53,480
Speaker 4: all of those phases and to say, I just want

832
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:57,319
Speaker 4: to be in purpose, whatever that looks like, whether it's

833
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:03,319
Speaker 4: fame or obscure, whether it is having to be in

834
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:05,400
Speaker 4: the forefront when I'd rather be in the back, Like

835
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:09,120
Speaker 4: I don't love living my life out in front of people,

836
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:12,920
Speaker 4: But I told God, I will do it authentically. If

837
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:15,239
Speaker 4: this is who You've called me to be, I'll do

838
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:17,000
Speaker 4: it even when it hurts. I'll do it even when

839
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:20,040
Speaker 4: I'm rejected. And I just got a message on the

840
00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:22,520
Speaker 4: way over here. I had an event in Houston and

841
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:24,720
Speaker 4: this woman was thanking me. She said I was planning

842
00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:27,440
Speaker 4: on committing suicide. I brought my eleven year old daughter

843
00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:31,240
Speaker 4: to the event because I didn't want to live anymore.

844
00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:36,439
Speaker 4: And what you said, that environment that was created made

845
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:38,840
Speaker 4: me want to live again. Like this just happened to

846
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:42,280
Speaker 4: me on the way over here. To get to that space,

847
00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:45,399
Speaker 4: to be that aligned with God's purpose, that someone would

848
00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:48,640
Speaker 4: say I want to live another day. You know, that

849
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:52,040
Speaker 4: makes me say I'll overcome whatever in order to get

850
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:54,200
Speaker 4: back to that place. That s try to get hijacked

851
00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:55,759
Speaker 4: from us. They try to say, you need to be rich,

852
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 4: you need to be famish, you need to be sexy.

853
00:38:57,360 --> 00:38:58,200
Speaker 1: At every turn.

854
00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:02,239
Speaker 2: Everything we see, everything was by that all day, every day.

855
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:03,480
Speaker 3: Stay anchored there.

856
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, always I try.

857
00:39:06,160 --> 00:39:09,080
Speaker 4: When it boats anchored, it's ways, but it doesn't move.

858
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:10,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's good.

859
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:11,640
Speaker 3: Remind yourself.

860
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:12,680
Speaker 1: That's really good.

861
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:15,440
Speaker 2: You're so anchored. Do you ever fall out of that?

862
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:17,360
Speaker 2: Do you ever have moments where you feel.

863
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:21,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I'm human, mm, I think what I

864
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:24,200
Speaker 4: have to fight for? Like so after it's oh my gosh,

865
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:26,920
Speaker 4: I'm just connecting these thoughts. After the Houston even I

866
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:29,799
Speaker 4: was convinced that I was like, not gonna do any

867
00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:32,560
Speaker 4: more tour stops. I was like, this is not going well.

868
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:36,000
Speaker 4: I am not enjoying it. It's too much vulnerability. It

869
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:38,040
Speaker 4: doesn't feel good. I wish I would have done something

870
00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:40,600
Speaker 4: that didn't demand so much from me. Yeah, so I

871
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:44,920
Speaker 4: think me staying anchored is reminding myself that what I

872
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:50,840
Speaker 4: do matters, even if it doesn't always feel comfortable or safe.

873
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:53,200
Speaker 4: And so I've been, like I was worshiping this morning,

874
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:56,839
Speaker 4: I've tried to be really intentional about staying grounded while

875
00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:57,840
Speaker 4: I'm being tossed.

876
00:39:57,960 --> 00:39:58,680
Speaker 1: I f tossed.

877
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:01,000
Speaker 2: Yeah you're in a press run too, and talking to people,

878
00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:03,319
Speaker 2: and yeah, there's lots of getting posted and.

879
00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:08,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, lore stuff is going viral, which makes me want

880
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:10,759
Speaker 4: to hide on the table. I wasn't that good to

881
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:12,440
Speaker 4: stop stop sharing it?

882
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:13,040
Speaker 3: That's enough.

883
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:15,920
Speaker 2: Really, people are usually the opposite.

884
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:19,799
Speaker 4: Yeah, viral to me, like there's just more exposure, which

885
00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:22,920
Speaker 4: is more opportunity for you to become a target. And

886
00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:27,680
Speaker 4: I feel sometimes I feel more fragile than I actually am,

887
00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:32,600
Speaker 4: but I like to mitigate any opportunity for negativity. And

888
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:35,120
Speaker 4: when you go viral, you just open yourself up to

889
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:36,240
Speaker 4: all of the things.

890
00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:39,800
Speaker 2: I know this is a battle anybody who lives a

891
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:41,759
Speaker 2: public life is dealing with right now.

892
00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 4: And I think, you know, it's heightened by me having

893
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:49,080
Speaker 4: like experienced my teenage pregnancy in the context of a

894
00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:52,360
Speaker 4: large church family and people talking about it. So anytime

895
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:54,440
Speaker 4: I'm like, people are talking about me and they aren't

896
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:57,200
Speaker 4: being nice. It's like, I just it brings up all

897
00:40:57,239 --> 00:40:58,000
Speaker 4: of my stuff.

898
00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:00,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, we talk about this this age that we're in

899
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:06,200
Speaker 2: where everything we say is like looked at under a microscope.

900
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:11,600
Speaker 2: And when I think about like cancel culture, right, I

901
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:12,440
Speaker 2: believe in redemption.

902
00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:13,120
Speaker 1: I always have.

903
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:20,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm pretty certain for you do as well. What

904
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:21,799
Speaker 2: do you make of that in.

905
00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:22,520
Speaker 1: The real world?

906
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 2: Mm of like, cause I even feel now I see

907
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:29,600
Speaker 2: people that they get taken down in different ways, uh

908
00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:32,320
Speaker 2: or canceled in different ways, and I'm always.

909
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:34,040
Speaker 1: Like, I like I pray for those people.

910
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:36,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, I really do believe like even the worst of

911
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:39,080
Speaker 2: people at some point that could be their testimony at

912
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:42,000
Speaker 2: some point they could maybe save somebody's lives with the

913
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,239
Speaker 2: mistakes that they've made in theirs. But I feel like

914
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:47,520
Speaker 2: you can't really say that publicly right now, right because

915
00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:49,640
Speaker 2: it's so scary about what will happen to you if

916
00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:54,960
Speaker 2: you even show sympathy or empathy even for somebody who's

917
00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 2: been tossed away.

918
00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,480
Speaker 4: I d I think it's hard to have a conversation

919
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:03,880
Speaker 4: that knew wants on platforms that thrive off of sound bites.

920
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:07,640
Speaker 2: That that's why I would never say a specific person exactly.

921
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:12,000
Speaker 4: I no, no, yeah, But I think that that's why

922
00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:15,319
Speaker 4: it's hard. It's that sometimes to have the type of

923
00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:19,200
Speaker 4: conversation where we're talking about the ability for everyone to

924
00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:21,960
Speaker 4: access redemption regardless of whether they did or did not

925
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:27,080
Speaker 4: do something, requires a level of real connection and communication

926
00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:30,120
Speaker 4: that you just don't get out of a social media post,

927
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:32,640
Speaker 4: which I think is sometimes there is wisdom and not

928
00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:36,279
Speaker 4: saying something publicly because it's taken out of context and

929
00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:38,600
Speaker 4: people don't read the whole thing, like they read one sentence.

930
00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:40,680
Speaker 4: They don't even read your whole thing. They read one

931
00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:43,440
Speaker 4: sentence and log off and they're upset. So that is

932
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:46,680
Speaker 4: a balancing act. But I do think that as it

933
00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:50,680
Speaker 4: relates to cancel culture and what's taken place publicly, that

934
00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:51,280
Speaker 4: there are.

935
00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:54,280
Speaker 3: Some people who have proven that.

936
00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:59,440
Speaker 4: Who they are publicly as a person who can be canceled,

937
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:03,160
Speaker 4: its different than how they esteem themselves privately. Like I

938
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:04,800
Speaker 4: wish I could say this better.

939
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:06,160
Speaker 3: I there was.

940
00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:09,600
Speaker 4: Something that was going viral and my family was involved

941
00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:12,680
Speaker 4: about a year ago, and I was like, oh my gosh, Like,

942
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:15,680
Speaker 4: is this what it feels like to be canceleder? To

943
00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:19,080
Speaker 4: have people coming for you, and I was fearful and

944
00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:21,480
Speaker 4: I was upset, and then I really feel like at

945
00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:22,959
Speaker 4: the end of the day, I got to this place

946
00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:28,480
Speaker 4: where I'm like, you are a person outside of how

947
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:30,840
Speaker 4: they have dehumanized you in order to talk about you,

948
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:33,759
Speaker 4: which means that the worst thing that can happen to

949
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:36,799
Speaker 4: you in this instance is just them talking about you.

950
00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:38,920
Speaker 3: Like your livelihood, your joy.

951
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:41,879
Speaker 4: The people who really know you outside of this are

952
00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:44,560
Speaker 4: not in any way affected by what's taking place in

953
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 4: this world and culture. And if I need them in

954
00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:51,120
Speaker 4: order to be okay, and I mean the culture, if

955
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:53,720
Speaker 4: I need them in order to feel healthy and safe

956
00:43:53,719 --> 00:43:56,040
Speaker 4: and mentally balanced, then my life is always gonna be

957
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:58,839
Speaker 4: up and down. So in those moments, I leaned into

958
00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:01,040
Speaker 4: what I knew to be true, Like I went to

959
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:03,520
Speaker 4: Target and nobody was talking about me at Target, because

960
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:06,239
Speaker 4: what's happening online is not always.

961
00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 3: Translating in the real world.

962
00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:11,920
Speaker 4: And just reminding myself like I've got a world outside

963
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:16,120
Speaker 4: of what's happening here and allowing that to be what

964
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:18,720
Speaker 4: feeds me and season where it feels like the internet

965
00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:22,160
Speaker 4: is really noisy has been helpful. So I would tell

966
00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:25,760
Speaker 4: anyone who has a platform to cling close to what's real.

967
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:28,759
Speaker 4: In the world of building the brand and pushing this

968
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 4: stuff and all of that that makes you an image

969
00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:33,960
Speaker 4: that's not human. You got to remind yourself that you're

970
00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:35,359
Speaker 4: human for sure.

971
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:36,920
Speaker 1: And I also think how we treat people.

972
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:40,359
Speaker 2: Everybody's so judgmental, such a judgmental world we're in right now.

973
00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:43,720
Speaker 2: It's like, sometimes, yes, that might seem terrible what somebody

974
00:44:44,719 --> 00:44:48,080
Speaker 2: maybe did or didn't do, but you don't really know,

975
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:51,640
Speaker 2: and it's really their burden to live in their path

976
00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:52,200
Speaker 2: to live.

977
00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:53,680
Speaker 1: And I always be you.

978
00:44:54,080 --> 00:44:56,040
Speaker 2: I believe in karma, and I think God takes care

979
00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:58,000
Speaker 2: of things, and so I don't think we need to

980
00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:00,799
Speaker 2: throw stones at everybody who does so thing that we

981
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:02,080
Speaker 2: deem terrible.

982
00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:05,200
Speaker 4: That's why I started a Woman Evolved, which is like,

983
00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:08,120
Speaker 4: you know, everything that I do is basically built from

984
00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:10,719
Speaker 4: Woman Evolved. And it was based on Eve because like,

985
00:45:10,760 --> 00:45:12,799
Speaker 4: Eve is a girl in the Bible that everyone skips over.

986
00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:15,520
Speaker 4: They're like, okay, into the next woman because she ate

987
00:45:15,560 --> 00:45:17,680
Speaker 4: from the tree and gave it to Adam and messed

988
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:20,040
Speaker 4: it up for everybody. And I'm like, she knew better

989
00:45:20,080 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 4: but didn't do better, which I can relate to, and

990
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:26,239
Speaker 4: most of us can, and so if we can rescue Eve,

991
00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:28,239
Speaker 4: maybe we can rescue the parts of us that we

992
00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:30,799
Speaker 4: have a difficult time forgiving because we knew better but

993
00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:34,080
Speaker 4: didn't do better. And so Woman Evolved is like my

994
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:38,320
Speaker 4: tribute to this woman who we have canceled. But yet it's,

995
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:40,200
Speaker 4: you know, the first living woman if you are to

996
00:45:40,239 --> 00:45:42,880
Speaker 4: believe as I do. And if we can't embrace the

997
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 4: first living woman and connect to her, then how do

998
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:48,040
Speaker 4: we take care of other women? So cancel culture been

999
00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:49,120
Speaker 4: around a long time.

1000
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:51,680
Speaker 1: Since literally the beginning.

1001
00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:57,600
Speaker 2: Okay, marinate, Yes you talk about marinating. I am a

1002
00:45:57,640 --> 00:45:58,719
Speaker 2: marinator as you are.

1003
00:45:58,960 --> 00:46:00,040
Speaker 3: I heard you say that.

1004
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:02,840
Speaker 2: Oh yes, my problem is like over me don't activate?

1005
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:06,520
Speaker 2: You know I do activate sometimes like over marinates.

1006
00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:10,799
Speaker 1: Yes there is there's Yes we should.

1007
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:14,760
Speaker 2: Marinates, But then sometimes do you do it too much?

1008
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:18,799
Speaker 2: Or when do you know when to let something go

1009
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:19,720
Speaker 2: and let it happen?

1010
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:24,719
Speaker 4: Probably when the marinating has gone from being blessed about

1011
00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:27,440
Speaker 4: what it is I'm working on and more about how

1012
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:30,640
Speaker 4: can I protect it from other people? So if I'm

1013
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:33,400
Speaker 4: marinating about a specific project I want to work on,

1014
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:35,799
Speaker 4: I marinate to make sure that it's flushed out the

1015
00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:37,879
Speaker 4: program Because all of that. But then when I start

1016
00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:40,200
Speaker 4: marinating too much about like, well, how will people attack it?

1017
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:41,359
Speaker 3: What will people think about it?

1018
00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:44,120
Speaker 4: That's when I've turned the marination into me trying to

1019
00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:47,680
Speaker 4: figure out how will people judge what God's given me

1020
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:50,560
Speaker 4: to release into the earth. And there comes a point

1021
00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:52,719
Speaker 4: where I realize that me trying to live up to

1022
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:55,400
Speaker 4: their standard keeps me from living up to God. So

1023
00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:58,000
Speaker 4: I release it and with the humility that says, hey,

1024
00:46:58,000 --> 00:46:59,799
Speaker 4: maybe I did do something wrong, maybe I did miss

1025
00:46:59,840 --> 00:47:03,040
Speaker 4: some but I'll learn, I'll grow, I'll apologize, and I'll

1026
00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:05,000
Speaker 4: do differently next time. But if I keep this in

1027
00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:07,600
Speaker 4: me for any longer, it's gonna spoil, which is what

1028
00:47:07,640 --> 00:47:09,880
Speaker 4: I put in that Chatterick. You narrate it too long,

1029
00:47:10,200 --> 00:47:11,440
Speaker 4: and now the chicken is bad.

1030
00:47:12,239 --> 00:47:13,800
Speaker 1: Don't let the chicken go bad.

1031
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:16,560
Speaker 2: People, because really that applies to so many things in life.

1032
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:18,880
Speaker 2: You could be marinating how to handle a situation with

1033
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:22,799
Speaker 2: your child, Yeah, oh my kid, whatever, and I don't

1034
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:23,440
Speaker 2: want to jump on it.

1035
00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:24,960
Speaker 1: Let me think about how I want to deal with this.

1036
00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:27,640
Speaker 2: And you could think so long that you're onto the

1037
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:29,120
Speaker 2: next thing and never address.

1038
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:31,680
Speaker 4: Never address it, or you know, you marinate and maybe

1039
00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:33,960
Speaker 4: you do make a bad call, And you're like, you know,

1040
00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:35,919
Speaker 4: you have to say, I think I made a bad

1041
00:47:35,960 --> 00:47:37,719
Speaker 4: call with that, why don't we do X Y and

1042
00:47:37,800 --> 00:47:40,240
Speaker 4: Z I apologize? I think what you suggested was different.

1043
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:42,560
Speaker 4: Like we have to be willing to say that what

1044
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:45,680
Speaker 4: I released initially is not going to be the final product.

1045
00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:49,799
Speaker 4: And I'm okay modifying, learning and growing as it changes and.

1046
00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:54,600
Speaker 2: Develops and apologizing, apologize. Apologizing is a very challenging thing

1047
00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:55,400
Speaker 2: for some people.

1048
00:47:55,520 --> 00:47:58,520
Speaker 4: Yes it is, but at it I have gotten better

1049
00:47:58,560 --> 00:48:00,719
Speaker 4: at it. It takes us off the hook, though, when

1050
00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:03,160
Speaker 4: we own the fact that, like I'm gonna mess up.

1051
00:48:03,360 --> 00:48:04,920
Speaker 4: That's one of the chapters in the book, is no

1052
00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:07,360
Speaker 4: your harm. Because I know a lot of us like

1053
00:48:07,400 --> 00:48:09,640
Speaker 4: to think that we are out here only being the victim,

1054
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:14,280
Speaker 4: but some of us have been villains as well everyone,

1055
00:48:16,239 --> 00:48:18,040
Speaker 4: and you know we gotta own that too.

1056
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:21,439
Speaker 2: This prayer that you said here mm hmm, Lord helped

1057
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:24,759
Speaker 2: me to navigate this meeting without being frustrated. Lord give

1058
00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:28,560
Speaker 2: me the wisdom to know how to navigate my husband's vulnerability.

1059
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:31,200
Speaker 2: You're asking for what you need, and it made me

1060
00:48:31,239 --> 00:48:35,920
Speaker 2: think about prayer and maybe somebody who's not used to praying,

1061
00:48:36,239 --> 00:48:38,839
Speaker 2: or somebody who's not connected to faith so.

1062
00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:40,840
Speaker 1: Much, sure, or even a non believer.

1063
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:44,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you think that prayer is useful to all

1064
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:45,720
Speaker 2: of those people?

1065
00:48:46,280 --> 00:48:46,560
Speaker 3: I do?

1066
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:47,360
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1067
00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:47,880
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1068
00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:50,080
Speaker 4: When I first started praying, I think my prayers were

1069
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:52,279
Speaker 4: very much so like shoulder strike, here we.

1070
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:55,480
Speaker 3: Go, you know what I mean? Like try so, Hey, God,

1071
00:48:57,280 --> 00:48:58,040
Speaker 3: here's the thing.

1072
00:48:58,760 --> 00:49:02,319
Speaker 4: You know, I've heard about you. You've probably heard about

1073
00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:06,839
Speaker 4: me because I've been outside. I've been and i'm you know,

1074
00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:10,040
Speaker 4: if you're real and if you see me and if

1075
00:49:10,080 --> 00:49:13,239
Speaker 4: you care about what's happening in my world, can you

1076
00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:16,160
Speaker 4: just give me a sign and then to go out

1077
00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:18,879
Speaker 4: and be open to just like I think you may

1078
00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:23,880
Speaker 4: have done something today like continuing the conversation and that

1079
00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:25,440
Speaker 4: that helped me a lot, But I do I think

1080
00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:26,600
Speaker 4: it's useful for everyone.

1081
00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:28,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just I guess I was saying that also

1082
00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:32,799
Speaker 2: because even outside of your relationship with God and the

1083
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:37,360
Speaker 2: immediate conversation that you're having with him, you're also forcing yourself.

1084
00:49:38,320 --> 00:49:40,960
Speaker 1: To look at yourself. For sure, because when you're talking.

1085
00:49:40,680 --> 00:49:43,080
Speaker 2: To God, you're asking for things that are in you,

1086
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:46,560
Speaker 2: inside of you, So you're giving yourself an opportunity to.

1087
00:49:46,600 --> 00:49:48,400
Speaker 1: Just get in touch with inside of you.

1088
00:49:49,120 --> 00:49:51,959
Speaker 2: So even if you approach prayer and you're not all

1089
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,840
Speaker 2: the way comfortable in your faith yet, even if you

1090
00:49:55,040 --> 00:49:58,960
Speaker 2: just approach prayer as a point to connect to the

1091
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:02,200
Speaker 2: inside of you, hmmm, I think that's I can serve

1092
00:50:02,280 --> 00:50:04,640
Speaker 2: you just at that basic level.

1093
00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:07,319
Speaker 4: Yeah. I think it's a good starting point to be

1094
00:50:07,360 --> 00:50:09,640
Speaker 4: able to figure out what all is in me to

1095
00:50:09,719 --> 00:50:12,879
Speaker 4: begin with, and then to allow that to be to

1096
00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 4: see that as a part of your prayer in initial stages.

1097
00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:18,520
Speaker 4: I think it's great for me because of my faith.

1098
00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:26,239
Speaker 4: I just feel that there is an incredible opportunity for

1099
00:50:26,280 --> 00:50:28,960
Speaker 4: me to create, to co create my life with the

1100
00:50:29,080 --> 00:50:32,799
Speaker 4: creator of all things. And so for me, prayer is

1101
00:50:32,840 --> 00:50:35,080
Speaker 4: an opportunity to say, this is what I'm working with,

1102
00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:36,839
Speaker 4: that's what I bring to the table, this is what

1103
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:39,440
Speaker 4: I would like you to bring. But because you are

1104
00:50:39,520 --> 00:50:42,279
Speaker 4: co creator, if you have something in mind, can you

1105
00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:44,399
Speaker 4: help me to see the value and you not doing

1106
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:48,960
Speaker 4: what I ask you to do because I did think

1107
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:50,640
Speaker 4: that it would have been better if we didn't have

1108
00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:53,839
Speaker 4: the plot twist, But since you've got it in here,

1109
00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:59,319
Speaker 4: helped me to reconcile this and to trust whatever the scene,

1110
00:50:59,360 --> 00:51:02,880
Speaker 4: wherever this scene is gonna end, help me to to

1111
00:51:02,960 --> 00:51:03,600
Speaker 4: stay in it.

1112
00:51:03,680 --> 00:51:06,920
Speaker 2: Many people want to be used by God mm, but

1113
00:51:07,080 --> 00:51:12,840
Speaker 2: not enough people want to be prerepared. Yeah, we have

1114
00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:15,240
Speaker 2: to learn to almost enjoy.

1115
00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:18,200
Speaker 1: Being prepared, right.

1116
00:51:18,120 --> 00:51:20,759
Speaker 4: For sure if we don't cause the per Like the

1117
00:51:20,840 --> 00:51:24,239
Speaker 4: actual doing part is short in comparison to the preparation part.

1118
00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:26,719
Speaker 4: But everyone's like, what's my purpose? What's my purpose? What's

1119
00:51:26,719 --> 00:51:29,200
Speaker 4: my purpose? Instead, we should be asking like, am I

1120
00:51:29,280 --> 00:51:32,200
Speaker 4: prepared for whatever my purpose is gonna be?

1121
00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:32,840
Speaker 1: Mm?

1122
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:34,920
Speaker 4: What type of character do I need to have? What

1123
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:38,120
Speaker 4: type of integrity? What type of friendship circles do I

1124
00:51:38,160 --> 00:51:41,120
Speaker 4: need to have or not have? Am I prepared for

1125
00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:44,120
Speaker 4: my purpose? And what does that preparation looks like?

1126
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:44,400
Speaker 3: For me?

1127
00:51:44,440 --> 00:51:46,560
Speaker 4: I feel like preparation starts with you doing the thing

1128
00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:48,440
Speaker 4: that you know you shouldn't be doing. Like, let's stop

1129
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:51,800
Speaker 4: doing those things. Let's figure out why am I pulled

1130
00:51:51,800 --> 00:51:54,440
Speaker 4: to them? What do I need to exchange in this place?

1131
00:51:54,840 --> 00:51:56,439
Speaker 4: And that begins to position us.

1132
00:51:56,800 --> 00:51:59,080
Speaker 1: What do you pray for most? In real life?

1133
00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:03,200
Speaker 4: It's n My number one prayer is probably that I

1134
00:52:03,239 --> 00:52:08,360
Speaker 4: won't miss my life, that I won't miss I mean, hello,

1135
00:52:08,719 --> 00:52:11,200
Speaker 4: I'm sitting k like that I won't miss this, that

1136
00:52:11,239 --> 00:52:15,480
Speaker 4: I won't be so busy trying to perform or do

1137
00:52:15,600 --> 00:52:18,759
Speaker 4: well or not disappoint that I miss out on just

1138
00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:21,760
Speaker 4: being present in the moment where like I'm sitting down

1139
00:52:22,239 --> 00:52:26,279
Speaker 4: doing the Angie Martinez podcast in New York City with

1140
00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:28,719
Speaker 4: my son, who I managed to keep, you know what

1141
00:52:28,719 --> 00:52:32,360
Speaker 4: I mean, Like he's still here and this incredible husband

1142
00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:35,280
Speaker 4: after I thought I'd lost it all with amazing babies

1143
00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:37,560
Speaker 4: waiting on me home, Like I hope that I remember

1144
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:40,480
Speaker 4: that like this is really happening, this is my life,

1145
00:52:40,880 --> 00:52:44,120
Speaker 4: and that God really really caused all things to work

1146
00:52:44,160 --> 00:52:46,400
Speaker 4: together for my good in real life.

1147
00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:52,480
Speaker 2: What is your biggest challenge.

1148
00:52:51,320 --> 00:52:59,719
Speaker 4: In real life? I wanna answer honestly, it's not that

1149
00:52:59,719 --> 00:53:00,960
Speaker 4: I don't have any challenges.

1150
00:53:02,040 --> 00:53:03,080
Speaker 1: No, I appreciate that.

1151
00:53:05,280 --> 00:53:10,080
Speaker 4: In real life, my biggest challenge is accepting that this

1152
00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:17,520
Speaker 4: unique lane God's given me doesn't dead end quickly. So

1153
00:53:19,880 --> 00:53:23,080
Speaker 4: I think because I never meant to be in ministry,

1154
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:26,440
Speaker 4: I didn't think that this would be my purpose. I

1155
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:30,040
Speaker 4: think sometimes I struggle in like really feeling like this

1156
00:53:30,080 --> 00:53:33,680
Speaker 4: is my lane and not just a season, and so

1157
00:53:34,680 --> 00:53:37,360
Speaker 4: I want to live like this is where I'm supposed

1158
00:53:37,360 --> 00:53:40,440
Speaker 4: to be and to really accept that and embrace it

1159
00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:43,239
Speaker 4: so that I can plan, like I'm going.

1160
00:53:43,200 --> 00:53:43,680
Speaker 3: To be here.

1161
00:53:44,800 --> 00:53:47,839
Speaker 1: Yes, this is your bag, You're so good at it.

1162
00:53:48,080 --> 00:53:50,680
Speaker 4: I don't even know what that means, you know what

1163
00:53:50,719 --> 00:53:54,919
Speaker 4: I mean, I don't know what that means. I don't

1164
00:53:54,960 --> 00:53:59,879
Speaker 4: know what that means. I don't. I don't. I don't

1165
00:53:59,880 --> 00:54:00,800
Speaker 4: know what that means.

1166
00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:03,240
Speaker 1: Do you think you will?

1167
00:54:03,719 --> 00:54:04,840
Speaker 3: I hope, so I hope.

1168
00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:06,680
Speaker 4: I mean, I don't know if I.

1169
00:54:06,640 --> 00:54:07,560
Speaker 3: Need to know or if I.

1170
00:54:07,560 --> 00:54:10,080
Speaker 4: Just need to accept that something is happening that I

1171
00:54:10,120 --> 00:54:12,680
Speaker 4: don't fully understand, but to trust it and lean into it.

1172
00:54:12,719 --> 00:54:14,120
Speaker 3: But I don't.

1173
00:54:16,400 --> 00:54:17,080
Speaker 1: In real life?

1174
00:54:17,080 --> 00:54:19,040
Speaker 2: What do you like most about yourself?

1175
00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:25,680
Speaker 4: That I am a strong man on the inside, Like

1176
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:28,319
Speaker 4: if you want to move this table, I will take

1177
00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:29,920
Speaker 4: my shoes off. We can do it right now. I

1178
00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:32,200
Speaker 4: will take it apart. We can do the TVs.

1179
00:54:32,239 --> 00:54:34,200
Speaker 3: Like I will hang something.

1180
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:37,279
Speaker 4: It irritates my husband so bad, He'll be like, I'll

1181
00:54:37,320 --> 00:54:39,000
Speaker 4: do that when I get home. He will come home.

1182
00:54:39,160 --> 00:54:42,400
Speaker 4: I will have the hammer, like trying to do something myself.

1183
00:54:42,560 --> 00:54:43,920
Speaker 3: I'm a strong man.

1184
00:54:44,040 --> 00:54:45,719
Speaker 1: That's funny, that's the first thing that you thought of.

1185
00:54:45,840 --> 00:54:46,560
Speaker 3: I know, that's weird.

1186
00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:49,240
Speaker 1: That's really funny.

1187
00:54:49,719 --> 00:54:52,120
Speaker 2: What do you hope that people learn from you?

1188
00:54:52,440 --> 00:54:56,719
Speaker 4: I hope that people learn that being yourself will take

1189
00:54:56,719 --> 00:54:59,919
Speaker 4: you further than trying to pretend to be someone else.

1190
00:55:01,239 --> 00:55:02,920
Speaker 1: Thank you that for that, Thank you for today.

1191
00:55:03,160 --> 00:55:06,480
Speaker 3: I'm grateful you made me cry today. You did that.

1192
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:09,560
Speaker 4: I hate but the fact that you're acting like you

1193
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:11,560
Speaker 4: boohooed and all we got was a little bit of

1194
00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:12,319
Speaker 4: water on the water.

1195
00:55:14,480 --> 00:55:15,439
Speaker 3: I needed a good cry.

1196
00:55:15,600 --> 00:55:19,680
Speaker 2: There wasn't how hard you see hard, I try not

1197
00:55:19,760 --> 00:55:20,879
Speaker 2: to write it.

1198
00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:22,799
Speaker 4: I feel like we probably could have got one to

1199
00:55:22,840 --> 00:55:23,600
Speaker 4: actually know.

1200
00:55:23,640 --> 00:55:25,399
Speaker 2: If you would have pushed, you would have got full water.

1201
00:55:25,520 --> 00:55:26,160
Speaker 3: Left it alone.

1202
00:55:26,160 --> 00:55:26,560
Speaker 1: Thank you.

1203
00:55:27,560 --> 00:55:28,360
Speaker 3: I was on.

1204
00:55:31,200 --> 00:55:33,719
Speaker 2: Everybody you shut up to Brittany, I'd be writing the

1205
00:55:33,719 --> 00:55:35,719
Speaker 2: same boat with you going on.

1206
00:55:36,280 --> 00:55:37,120
Speaker 1: I'd be right there.

1207
00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:43,360
Speaker 4: This is Sarah Jakes Roberts in real life.