WEBVTT - Ep. 8 Safe Space 0:00:01.520 --> 0:00:04.520 Well, thank you again for you know, fighting us and 0:00:04.800 --> 0:00:07.560 being here with us showing us. Now I know where 0:00:07.600 --> 0:00:10.560 the tree is. That's about a week away from the 0:00:10.600 --> 0:00:14.440 sixteenth anniversary of Emory's death. I go to visit her 0:00:14.440 --> 0:00:18.640 grave for the first time. It's about a twenty minute 0:00:18.680 --> 0:00:21.440 drive east from where she used to live in City Terrace, 0:00:22.520 --> 0:00:28.160 the sloping green lawns of Resurrection Catholic Cemetery. It's a 0:00:28.160 --> 0:00:32.599 peaceful place, a pocket of pine trees and chirping ravens. 0:00:33.880 --> 0:00:38.839 At the cemetery, we meet Crystal, Emory's little sister. She 0:00:38.960 --> 0:00:41.279 tells us to meet her by the short but slanted 0:00:41.320 --> 0:00:45.480 tree shaped like a lightning bolt. That's how to find 0:00:45.560 --> 0:00:51.280 her sister's grave. Directions are really clear. It used to 0:00:51.320 --> 0:00:53.599 be more like in a pine tree, and then they 0:00:53.640 --> 0:00:55.320 cut it down and then it grew back like that. 0:00:55.600 --> 0:01:01.760 It's her me, two producers from our team, and Brian Garcia, 0:01:01.960 --> 0:01:06.600 also known as Pooky, Emory's former boyfriend. Pookie asked to 0:01:06.640 --> 0:01:09.800 be reconnected with Crystal months ago when we interviewed him, 0:01:10.319 --> 0:01:14.600 when you reached out and whatnot, and I had to ask, 0:01:14.720 --> 0:01:17.720 you know, I had to ask, I was I was 0:01:17.760 --> 0:01:21.919 excited that somebody you know was actually talking about Emory. 0:01:21.959 --> 0:01:27.800 Like I had literally been looking for Crystal for years. 0:01:27.959 --> 0:01:34.000 You're looking at me. I don't know if I was 0:01:34.240 --> 0:01:37.400 afraid or whatnot, maybe that she wouldn't remember, you know, 0:01:38.000 --> 0:01:41.360 who I was, or whatnot. We're in a somber place, 0:01:42.319 --> 0:01:45.240 but this is a joyful meeting. The last time they 0:01:45.280 --> 0:01:48.040 saw each other was at Emory's funeral when Pooky was 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:52.600 a teenager and Crystal was a little kid. I was 0:01:52.760 --> 0:01:56.200 your first time seeing each other since like, yeah, she 0:01:56.280 --> 0:01:59.920 was very young. Oh my god, is he exactly? Like 0:02:00.040 --> 0:02:05.400 can you remember now? You're like odd, fifteen years exactly 0:02:06.280 --> 0:02:13.760 at years that town. It's wild to see them connect 0:02:13.800 --> 0:02:16.720 like this after so many years. They're kind of like 0:02:16.800 --> 0:02:20.680 long lost siblings. Over the years, Pookie has come to 0:02:20.760 --> 0:02:23.799 Emory's grave a lot. I find myself coming here as 0:02:23.800 --> 0:02:29.080 well when I guess when I just need to get away, 0:02:29.120 --> 0:02:33.360 you know, kinda just come out and vent, you know, 0:02:41.320 --> 0:02:47.280 Canada find clarity, you know, answers signs. I don't know. 0:02:48.440 --> 0:02:51.240 Her tombstone is a slab of granite on the ground 0:02:51.840 --> 0:02:57.400 with an angel end an engraving of La There's an 0:02:57.400 --> 0:03:01.560 oval picture of Emory above the world words in loving 0:03:01.639 --> 0:03:04.760 memory of our little girl. Is she wearing a hat 0:03:04.800 --> 0:03:11.360 and yeah, she had just got it for Christmas, knitted 0:03:11.480 --> 0:03:13.240 hat and then it had like the little like the brim. 0:03:13.639 --> 0:03:16.720 It was a little brim, but it was like knitted over. Yeah, 0:03:16.720 --> 0:03:23.440 it was a cute little hot It's one of those 0:03:23.520 --> 0:03:26.280 rare grade days in Los Angeles and as we talk, 0:03:27.200 --> 0:03:31.720 it starts to drizzle. I'm just getting comfortable, I'm going 0:03:31.760 --> 0:03:35.520 to cover the The rain reminds me of a story 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:37.960 Pooky told me on the phone the first time we talked. 0:03:38.880 --> 0:03:41.240 Over the years, whenever he felt like he needed to 0:03:41.280 --> 0:03:44.720 focus or things in his life weren't going right, he 0:03:44.760 --> 0:03:49.280 would visit Emory's grave. One day, he was upset crying 0:03:49.280 --> 0:03:52.440 at Emory's tombstone, and he asked her for a sign 0:03:52.520 --> 0:03:55.920 that she heard him. The sun was out that day, 0:03:56.000 --> 0:03:58.480 but as he was talking to her, the sky got 0:03:58.480 --> 0:04:04.120 cloudy and then it started to drizzle. If you remember, 0:04:04.240 --> 0:04:08.040 Emory's nickname was tears, So Brian took the sky crying 0:04:08.080 --> 0:04:11.600 tears to mean that Emory was there watching out for 0:04:11.720 --> 0:04:15.920 him like today. Yeah, this is the signs that I 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:20.760 talk about every time I'm here. Every time i'm here, Yeah, 0:04:20.760 --> 0:04:23.159 I feel like I'm a big believer and you know 0:04:23.600 --> 0:04:30.680 little things. Crystal, four year old daughter shows up. They're 0:04:30.720 --> 0:04:36.120 going to get some food after this, this is Brooklyn. 0:04:36.400 --> 0:04:42.480 They say, why she shy? Just like after her and 0:04:42.560 --> 0:04:48.760 makeup alternat Right before we go, I was wondering, like, 0:04:49.320 --> 0:04:54.200 you know, I know it's been sixteen years since Emory's staff, 0:04:54.240 --> 0:04:56.080 and I was wondering, like, how does it feel too 0:04:56.839 --> 0:04:59.919 like just be here after so much time has passed. 0:05:02.400 --> 0:05:06.599 It feels weird because I expected us to grow up together, 0:05:07.480 --> 0:05:12.520 like physically together, not viitually separate. I know Brian said 0:05:12.560 --> 0:05:14.480 that he like this is a safe space and stuff, 0:05:14.640 --> 0:05:18.200 But my safe space with her is like always in 0:05:18.240 --> 0:05:20.640 my car all the time, or like in any enclosed 0:05:20.640 --> 0:05:22.560 space where I have like a rosary and a picture 0:05:22.600 --> 0:05:24.480 of her. I just feel like I can talk to her, 0:05:24.680 --> 0:05:27.719 just like ask her for guidance and for signs, and 0:05:27.920 --> 0:05:29.840 oddly enough I always get the signs that I ask 0:05:29.920 --> 0:05:36.839 of her. A safe space can be so many things. 0:05:38.440 --> 0:05:40.599 It can be standing in front of the tombstone of 0:05:40.640 --> 0:05:43.480 a loved one, or that time you get a loan, 0:05:43.640 --> 0:05:48.080 driving in your car, or even stepping out onto a 0:05:48.160 --> 0:06:16.360 concrete dance floor with your best Friends for My Heart, 0:06:16.440 --> 0:06:21.400 Fice and Elias Studios. This is Party Cruz, the Untold Story, 0:06:21.839 --> 0:06:26.680 So I'm Janis Amalka. In our final episode, the Legacy 0:06:26.720 --> 0:06:30.479 of Emory Story, the importance of safe Space, and what 0:06:30.600 --> 0:07:02.960 it all means. Almost two decades later, Emory's case remains 0:07:03.080 --> 0:07:07.720 unsolved to this day. Like we've mentioned before, it's part 0:07:07.720 --> 0:07:10.840 of the Central Bureau's Cold Case Unit, which for an 0:07:10.840 --> 0:07:14.440 area of about nine hundred thousand people, is a unit 0:07:14.480 --> 0:07:18.080 of only two detectives. When we reach out to ask 0:07:18.200 --> 0:07:21.320 LAPD for an update, they told us that the biggest 0:07:21.360 --> 0:07:25.680 obstacle in her case it's a lack of witnesses and 0:07:25.760 --> 0:07:28.239 that there still wasn't any match for the DNA evidence 0:07:28.240 --> 0:07:32.160 in CODUS, the national DNA database, but they were still 0:07:32.160 --> 0:07:35.560 hoping to get one. But after the family met with 0:07:35.600 --> 0:07:38.680 the cold case detectives, it did seem like things were 0:07:38.720 --> 0:07:42.080 moving a bit. We heard from various friends and family 0:07:42.120 --> 0:07:45.040 of Emory that the Cold Case Unit had been knocking 0:07:45.040 --> 0:07:48.560 on doors and searching for people they may have interviewed 0:07:48.560 --> 0:07:53.480 in the original investigation, and in July of twenty twenty two, 0:07:54.280 --> 0:07:57.440 the La City Council ended up reissuing a reward for 0:07:57.560 --> 0:08:02.520 fifty thousand dollars for any information in her case. It 0:08:02.640 --> 0:08:14.280 expired six months later, in January of twenty twenty three. Today, 0:08:14.680 --> 0:08:17.960 Emory would have been in her early thirties. She might 0:08:18.000 --> 0:08:20.360 have been a nurse, just like her aunt Becky told 0:08:20.400 --> 0:08:23.040 me she wanted to be. She might have had kids, 0:08:23.920 --> 0:08:29.040 but instead she is frozen in time. Her death is tragic, 0:08:29.800 --> 0:08:33.320 and it's also a loss that is ambiguous without closure. 0:08:34.960 --> 0:08:38.800 Besides that tremendous loss, what I see an Emory story 0:08:39.559 --> 0:08:41.360 is the struggle of a young girl to come of 0:08:41.400 --> 0:08:44.360 age in a world that wasn't made for her, A 0:08:44.480 --> 0:08:47.480 struggle to come of age safely as a woman of 0:08:47.480 --> 0:09:02.120 color in this country. Thanks for coming out Sunday Sundays 0:09:02.160 --> 0:09:04.240 like my Monday. Have worked on Sundays. Oh yeah, so 0:09:04.360 --> 0:09:07.640 Sunday's technically my Monday. I remember the first conversation I 0:09:07.679 --> 0:09:11.240 had with Crystal, Emory's sister, who was now in her twenties. 0:09:12.080 --> 0:09:13.839 I asked her what she knew of her older sister 0:09:13.920 --> 0:09:17.760 and party crews. She was only six then. I remember, 0:09:17.800 --> 0:09:20.760 actually when I was little, finding like the flyers and 0:09:20.840 --> 0:09:24.240 my sister's stuff. But I remember just had like cartoons 0:09:24.280 --> 0:09:27.079 on it, like it had like Tweetye or Betty Boob 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:29.000 or something like that. I was just like, Oh, like, 0:09:29.080 --> 0:09:31.040 it's a picture we know with the cartoons on it. 0:09:31.160 --> 0:09:34.240 I didn't think there was much more than than that. 0:09:34.880 --> 0:09:37.480 She didn't really know about the party crew scene beyond 0:09:37.480 --> 0:09:41.280 that one flyer, But as we chatted, I realized she 0:09:41.320 --> 0:09:43.440 had her own version of a crew. I grew up 0:09:43.480 --> 0:09:46.199 in the Sangabala Valley and Roland Heights. Um, it's off 0:09:46.240 --> 0:09:50.480 to sixty. Yeah, that's why I like speeds on the mets. 0:09:50.520 --> 0:09:56.360 Over there there's carts over and UM and Diamond Bar Plaza. Yeah. 0:09:56.400 --> 0:09:59.120 Just like party crews. Car clubs in LA are tight 0:09:59.160 --> 0:10:02.480 knit groups get together on the weekends or whenever there's 0:10:02.480 --> 0:10:06.280 a car meet. Historically, they've had their own run ins 0:10:06.320 --> 0:10:10.480 with the cops over car modifications or racing, but that's 0:10:10.480 --> 0:10:13.280 only a fraction of what the car clubs are. More 0:10:13.320 --> 0:10:18.800 than anything, they're a community. Your car club do you 0:10:18.840 --> 0:10:21.959 have a name? Uh? Yeah, so we're so called sexism. 0:10:22.040 --> 0:10:24.240 I had a TSX before I had my evil. I 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:26.679 got into a really bad accident back in February. Um, 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:31.680 but normally, you know you've crash your car, you get 0:10:31.760 --> 0:10:34.160 kicked out of you know, the group or whatever. Crash 0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:37.520 your car, you get kicked off. Well yeah, oh no, 0:10:39.120 --> 0:10:41.280 oh no, But I mean like it's a it's a 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:44.000 it's a group with only one type of car. But yeah, 0:10:44.000 --> 0:10:47.600 but these people, um, you know, I we became family 0:10:47.679 --> 0:10:49.480 over time, over time, like I met them, so I 0:10:49.480 --> 0:10:52.720 don't know, we're during the pandemic and we just we 0:10:52.800 --> 0:10:54.760 got really really close. And so when I got in 0:10:54.800 --> 0:10:56.360 my accident, one of my biggest fears was like, oh 0:10:56.400 --> 0:10:57.760 my god, like they're gonna kick me out, you know, 0:10:57.800 --> 0:11:00.000 like my friends. I'm not gonna have my friends anymore. 0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:01.880 And they were like, no, dude, like you're a part 0:11:01.880 --> 0:11:04.360 of us, you know. But when I heard Crystal talk 0:11:04.400 --> 0:11:06.840 about our car club, to me, it sounded like its 0:11:06.880 --> 0:11:10.600 own version of a party crew. Honestly, we became so close, 0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:14.720 you know, with time, and we're not just car friends, 0:11:14.760 --> 0:11:17.720 you know, we became like the biggest family ever. It's 0:11:17.760 --> 0:11:20.000 more than just we're here for the cars. We're here 0:11:20.000 --> 0:11:21.720 for each other, you know, Like half to Tug I said, 0:11:21.720 --> 0:11:23.440 at the time we hang out, we forget that the 0:11:23.440 --> 0:11:26.120 cars are even there, and we're just enjoying each other's company. 0:11:26.200 --> 0:11:29.040 So I think that it ties in with my sister 0:11:29.160 --> 0:11:31.600 because she had, you know, her group of people that 0:11:31.640 --> 0:11:33.920 she felt like she could fall back on. I understand 0:11:34.000 --> 0:11:36.439 what it's like to have a family outside your family. 0:11:37.960 --> 0:11:41.240 While reporting this series, I've been thinking a lot about 0:11:41.240 --> 0:11:44.360 how coming of age is all about finding who you 0:11:44.400 --> 0:11:48.520 are outside of your family, expanding your sense of what 0:11:48.600 --> 0:11:53.719 family and community even is. We all need those experiences, 0:11:54.160 --> 0:11:58.480 especially as teams, that space away from parents and supervision, 0:11:58.640 --> 0:12:01.720 to let loose, fuck up up, make mistakes, and learn 0:12:01.800 --> 0:12:06.200 from them. It's how we grow into independent adults. But 0:12:06.320 --> 0:12:09.800 what I'm also realizing is that as Latin X kids 0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:18.360 growing up in LA, our options were always limited. They 0:12:18.400 --> 0:12:22.959 are an all female party grew called Unpredictable Ladies or 0:12:23.160 --> 0:12:26.559 upl and they're on their way to a Saturday night 0:12:26.640 --> 0:12:31.040 party right now. This is a clip from an undercover 0:12:31.120 --> 0:12:34.760 news special from nineteen ninety six, so a decade before 0:12:34.800 --> 0:12:38.240 my time, but I feel like it captures my experience too. 0:12:39.080 --> 0:12:42.480 Chris Blatchford, a TV news reporter at Fox eleven, the 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:46.560 local LA Fox news station, went to parties, captured footage 0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:50.040 and interviewed teens in the scene. They walked down the 0:12:50.080 --> 0:12:54.880 street like they own it. Life for sure. The camera 0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:59.040 follows a group of girls and nineties outfits, little miniskirts 0:12:59.080 --> 0:13:02.800 and crop tops, complete with that iconic shade of reddish 0:13:02.800 --> 0:13:08.680 brown lipstick, and in a way they do admires, stop 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:15.400 to watch and move it but becomes predictable weight He's 0:13:15.440 --> 0:13:18.199 just keep on going. They have a party to get. 0:13:20.280 --> 0:13:22.680 Something else I want to point out is that the 0:13:22.760 --> 0:13:25.440 vibe of these news clips is also very much like 0:13:26.120 --> 0:13:29.840 look at these girls gone wild. The dancing is often provocative, 0:13:30.360 --> 0:13:34.400 and these girls, the youngest fifteen say they don't worry 0:13:34.440 --> 0:13:36.920 about what mom might think. She loves how we danced 0:13:36.920 --> 0:13:39.240 and not how we like to get down and dirty, 0:13:39.520 --> 0:13:42.320 how we danced, but she can't do nothing about it. 0:13:42.320 --> 0:13:44.480 It's the same vibe I saw on the coverage of 0:13:44.480 --> 0:13:48.000 party crews in the two thousands, like who is letting 0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:51.600 these girls be out here like that? On the dance floor. 0:13:51.720 --> 0:13:54.920 My friends and I were discovering how others responded to us. 0:13:55.440 --> 0:13:59.160 We wanted to be lusted after and desired. We thought, 0:13:59.679 --> 0:14:03.439 isn't that what it meant to be a woman? You 0:14:03.480 --> 0:14:06.080 can look you, you can feel whatever, but you can 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:11.480 At the same time, we were learning that society saw 0:14:11.559 --> 0:14:15.839 our bodies as dangerous, that being too free with them 0:14:16.520 --> 0:14:20.120 made us bad. I think the fact that this is 0:14:20.120 --> 0:14:22.640 how society saw us, how they saw the party crew 0:14:22.640 --> 0:14:26.600 scene and Latin X teens who participated in it, as 0:14:26.640 --> 0:14:29.800 part of why some people automatically assume that Emory's death 0:14:30.040 --> 0:14:33.160 was connected to the scene and this part of the 0:14:33.160 --> 0:14:35.840 news clip, the crowd at a party is channing take 0:14:35.920 --> 0:14:39.440 it off as a party crew called Cutie's dances on stage. 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:43.880 The cuties eventually make it back on stage, eliciting shout 0:14:43.960 --> 0:14:48.040 so take it off from the ground. They don't we 0:14:48.160 --> 0:14:51.360 be pleasers. We get a reputation so rather teas that please. 0:14:52.440 --> 0:14:54.720 But when I look back at this clip as an adult, 0:14:55.600 --> 0:15:00.240 I don't see anyone doing anything surprising or wrong. What 0:15:00.400 --> 0:15:03.000 I see is a group of young teens trying to 0:15:03.040 --> 0:15:06.800 figure out an impossible balance. And I'm not the only 0:15:06.800 --> 0:15:11.680 one who felt that tension. I feel like we were 0:15:11.720 --> 0:15:14.360 just trying to explore. Like we were like, oh, what 0:15:14.480 --> 0:15:16.880 does it like to be a sexy woman? We were 0:15:16.960 --> 0:15:19.080 like kids, you know, I wouldn't like to get out 0:15:19.120 --> 0:15:21.600 of guy's attention and walk into to a party with 0:15:21.760 --> 0:15:24.440 a group of girls and everyone's looking at us, and 0:15:25.120 --> 0:15:28.240 it was fun though it made me feel like I'm 0:15:28.280 --> 0:15:32.040 a part of this world and I could be open 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:35.160 and free and noyone's gonna judge me here. I could 0:15:35.160 --> 0:15:36.960 go kiss a girl right now and it's I'm not 0:15:36.960 --> 0:15:40.360 gonna get in trouble. It was fun, but I don't know, 0:15:40.400 --> 0:15:43.000 I just feel like maybe guys, like, looking back at 0:15:43.040 --> 0:15:47.320 it now, guys probably just didn't respect us as much. 0:15:47.480 --> 0:15:50.040 Girls would go and be dancing, and guys would go 0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:52.600 and grab their butt, or they didn't look at you 0:15:52.680 --> 0:15:57.160 like his candy and just be there. Like a few 0:15:57.240 --> 0:16:00.640 years back, while traveling solo in Cuba, I met a 0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:03.200 white girl from the East Coast who told me about 0:16:03.200 --> 0:16:06.200 her time away from home at summer camps. She had 0:16:06.200 --> 0:16:10.440 her first kiss, her first boyfriend, lots of firsts. But 0:16:10.600 --> 0:16:15.760 from what I understood, there was supervision, mostly young adult counselors, 0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:18.280 but it still felt like a world built for kids. 0:16:20.840 --> 0:16:23.160 A lot of the teens and the crews were kids 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:27.880 of immigrants or kids from working class families, communities dealing 0:16:27.880 --> 0:16:35.000 with poverty, domestic abuse, language barriers, immigration, families with packed homes, 0:16:35.000 --> 0:16:37.800 no room to breathe or have a moment for yourself, 0:16:39.000 --> 0:16:41.040 And when you don't have a place like summer camp 0:16:41.160 --> 0:16:44.680 to go to the scene and its freedom just feel 0:16:44.760 --> 0:16:49.480 more worth it. The reality was that we desensitize ourselves 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:52.800 to the violence happening around us, whether it was from 0:16:52.840 --> 0:16:56.560 within the crew, scene, gang related, or police raiding parties. 0:16:58.400 --> 0:17:01.720 Looking back, I feel guilt for potentially putting myself in 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:05.639 danger while my parents were just trying to keep us alive, 0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:10.080 specifically my mom, which is a big part of why 0:17:10.119 --> 0:17:14.200 I buried this time in my life deep down. But 0:17:14.359 --> 0:17:18.040 as I've been reporting the series, I'm starting to understand 0:17:18.119 --> 0:17:21.080 that maybe I want to bring this time and these 0:17:21.160 --> 0:17:27.120 questions out in the open with my mom. That's after 0:17:27.160 --> 0:17:59.640 the break, this is my mom, or just casually sitting 0:17:59.680 --> 0:18:02.520 at the table with a couple of microphones in front 0:18:02.520 --> 0:18:05.879 of us. My mom and I seem like total opposites, 0:18:06.720 --> 0:18:09.240 but at the same time, we have a lot in common. 0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:12.080 We have the same beauty mark on the right side 0:18:12.080 --> 0:18:16.040 of our nose. People tell me I look exactly like her, 0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:20.600 and one Christmas we were complete cry babies when we 0:18:20.640 --> 0:18:24.360 watched Marley and Me at the movie theater. My mom 0:18:24.400 --> 0:18:27.879 and I also have similar humor. We both like to 0:18:27.920 --> 0:18:30.320 make fun of each other and we try not to 0:18:30.359 --> 0:18:44.359 take ourselves too seriously, okay, just welcome to my precious daughter. 0:18:48.640 --> 0:18:51.679 As I said before, my mom was born and raised 0:18:51.720 --> 0:18:55.040 in Lima. She came to this country and settled in 0:18:55.200 --> 0:18:57.520 La County when she was twenty one years old in 0:18:57.560 --> 0:19:01.040 the mid eighties. I was born a few years later. 0:19:02.480 --> 0:19:05.040 We both grew up in different places from our parents. 0:19:05.440 --> 0:19:08.520 My grandparents are from rural towns and the Andes, and 0:19:08.600 --> 0:19:12.040 they both spoke get One as the first language. They 0:19:12.119 --> 0:19:15.359 later moved from their pueblos to produce capital in search 0:19:15.359 --> 0:19:19.120 of a better future. And she was the oldest daughter, 0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:42.520 just like me, and so when as the oldest she 0:19:42.640 --> 0:19:59.720 took care of her two sisters Manda, she helped the 0:19:59.720 --> 0:20:02.960 family only do all kinds of tasks. At ten years old, 0:20:03.040 --> 0:20:06.200 she was running errands taking cash deposits to the bank. 0:20:07.119 --> 0:20:09.960 She says that as a team, her parents weren't strict 0:20:10.000 --> 0:20:12.840 with her because they didn't have to be. She didn't 0:20:12.840 --> 0:20:24.080 stay out late, so Alitas weren't strict and if she 0:20:24.119 --> 0:20:26.720 were to act up, her parents would have first sure 0:20:26.880 --> 0:20:31.120 said something, but I'm not buying it, so you will 0:20:31.160 --> 0:20:37.280 see perfect, not perfect at all, I wish at all. 0:20:37.359 --> 0:20:47.200 It's m She says she navigated life as a team, 0:20:47.640 --> 0:20:50.679 thinking about her parents so that they would never have 0:20:50.720 --> 0:20:55.320 to worry about her. I know the feeling her parents 0:20:55.359 --> 0:20:58.320 worked hard to keep us afloat and to provide us 0:20:58.320 --> 0:21:01.920 with the opportunities they never had. The least you could 0:21:01.920 --> 0:21:05.440 do as a kid was be good and stay out 0:21:05.440 --> 0:21:09.320 of the way. I asked her when she felt the 0:21:09.320 --> 0:21:19.480 most free as a teen. H She says it was 0:21:19.480 --> 0:21:22.119 with her friends from church, who she laughed and joked 0:21:22.160 --> 0:21:40.840 around with. I'm not surprised. My mom has always been 0:21:40.880 --> 0:21:44.680 a prankster. Here she's telling me that as a teen, 0:21:45.160 --> 0:21:48.240 she's stuff little firecrackers into the shoelaces of her guy 0:21:48.280 --> 0:21:51.560 friend's shoes, and sometimes it would at the bottom of 0:21:51.560 --> 0:22:05.400 their pants on fire. Yes, of course that's funny. Oh yeah, 0:22:09.480 --> 0:22:17.320 like an adult, she still loves pranking people. I wanted 0:22:17.359 --> 0:22:19.600 to share with my mom how it was for me 0:22:19.680 --> 0:22:22.800 as a teen, so I started by asking her, do 0:22:22.880 --> 0:22:44.760 you remember how I was dressed back then? Oh yeah, 0:22:44.920 --> 0:22:58.480 come on, Cortos. Of course, she remembers. It was the 0:22:58.560 --> 0:23:03.000 era of low rider gene and crop tops. I was sixteen, 0:23:03.480 --> 0:23:06.440 and she tells me she remembers teasing me about it, 0:23:07.040 --> 0:23:09.560 telling me I'm going to get sick because my stomach 0:23:09.600 --> 0:23:12.960 was exposed, or pointing out that I forgot my pants 0:23:13.320 --> 0:23:19.160 when I wore short skirts. But there's also so much 0:23:19.200 --> 0:23:33.000 of that time that she didn't see. Yo Um. I 0:23:33.080 --> 0:23:36.680 told her I had my first drink at fourteen. It 0:23:36.720 --> 0:23:40.359 was what all the rebels drink, a bottle of Smirnoff ice, 0:23:41.080 --> 0:23:52.360 and that I used to sneak out of the house. Clara, 0:23:52.760 --> 0:24:07.720 my mom tells me she caught me once we see. 0:24:09.920 --> 0:24:13.159 I point to the door behind us that leads the backyard. 0:24:13.960 --> 0:24:18.840 I tell my mom, I sneak out the back WI see, 0:24:19.600 --> 0:24:37.960 keep doing there? Yeah? Yeah, I tell her. At least 0:24:37.960 --> 0:24:43.440 I got back in time for church. She's surprised, not mad, 0:24:44.480 --> 0:24:50.880 maybe more so a little impressed. So that's why you'd 0:24:50.920 --> 0:24:54.399 always fall asleep at church, she tells me, with a smirk. 0:24:55.880 --> 0:24:59.080 When I'm nervous, I don't fully think in one language. 0:24:59.640 --> 0:25:03.360 My would start weaving in and out of English and Spanish, 0:25:03.440 --> 0:25:22.560 you know, like hurt anyone, you know, hoven Um, I 0:25:22.680 --> 0:25:26.360 tell her that I was looking for a little freedom. 0:25:26.520 --> 0:25:29.560 My mom sat across from me at the table, calmly. 0:25:30.600 --> 0:25:34.080 She was nodding and listening. I was worried she wouldn't 0:25:34.119 --> 0:25:37.960 understand my nervous Spanish. I was kind of expecting my 0:25:38.040 --> 0:25:41.520 mom to blow up at me or cry or something 0:25:45.960 --> 0:25:57.679 umsciento like normal and like scary. Was so scared. I 0:25:57.720 --> 0:26:06.240 was like, oh my god, Mama, I know, it doesn't 0:26:06.280 --> 0:26:10.120 seem like a big deal. Now, the weight of potentially 0:26:10.160 --> 0:26:15.639 disappointing my parents weighs so heavy on me even today. 0:26:16.800 --> 0:26:19.600 I tell her how scared I was to let her down. 0:26:20.640 --> 0:26:23.800 She tells me, these are things that happened in the past. 0:26:24.160 --> 0:26:31.439 What could I do now? I mean, I don't know. 0:26:31.520 --> 0:26:34.080 I thought, you guys, oh my god, I'm gonna let 0:26:34.080 --> 0:26:43.760 her down, you know, Like, is the pressure pressure instead, 0:26:46.040 --> 0:27:01.919 like like Santo pressure. No. I tell her that I 0:27:01.960 --> 0:27:06.679 feel this immense pressure from being the oldest daughter and 0:27:06.840 --> 0:27:10.600 being the first born in this country. That pressure is 0:27:10.600 --> 0:27:16.879 still with me today. When I was in my early twenties, 0:27:17.160 --> 0:27:19.600 I was in a bad car accident coming home from 0:27:19.600 --> 0:27:23.399 being out late at a bar. I broke my back 0:27:23.400 --> 0:27:27.159 and other important bones. I was in the hospital for months. 0:27:27.920 --> 0:27:31.960 I couldn't walk or sit up on my own. Then 0:27:32.320 --> 0:27:36.159 I spent several months recovering at home. I had to 0:27:36.200 --> 0:27:39.000 go to physical therapy to relearn how to do basic 0:27:39.040 --> 0:27:41.560 shit like hold a water bottle with my left hand. 0:27:42.520 --> 0:27:46.639 I even had to relearn how to walk. I'm not 0:27:46.680 --> 0:27:49.000 a person that likes to ask for help, but I 0:27:49.080 --> 0:27:52.359 had no choice, and my family helped me every step 0:27:52.400 --> 0:27:58.920 of the way. I'm eternally grateful for them, but it's 0:27:58.920 --> 0:28:02.560 still hard for me to talk about that time with them. 0:28:02.600 --> 0:28:05.240 I sometimes feel like if I had been that proper daughter, 0:28:05.680 --> 0:28:11.280 you know, maybe it wouldn't have happened to me in 0:28:11.320 --> 0:28:17.040 the first place. Back then, it felt like I wasn't 0:28:17.080 --> 0:28:27.119 allowed to make mistakes. Yeah, I thought, I think, no, sa, 0:28:27.400 --> 0:28:46.240 I think like pressure, No, the pressure. My mom sounded surprised. 0:28:47.240 --> 0:28:50.280 I tell her I've learned to deal with the pressures 0:28:50.360 --> 0:28:54.160 as an adult, but growing up, I didn't have the 0:28:54.200 --> 0:29:00.600 tools I have now, and I wanted to escape grades 0:29:00.720 --> 0:29:04.760 best college. But to make you guys happy. All I 0:29:04.800 --> 0:29:08.160 wanted to do was make them happy. So there's a 0:29:08.160 --> 0:29:13.680 lot of pressure, I think, But I mean, come on. 0:29:14.800 --> 0:29:19.440 So my mom tries to be comforting. She tells me 0:29:19.480 --> 0:29:22.480 that both her and my dad are happy with the 0:29:22.520 --> 0:29:35.480 way their kids have turned out, that even though there 0:29:35.480 --> 0:29:40.320 have been hard times, we have gotten through it. I 0:29:40.400 --> 0:29:50.360 just never wanted to hurt them. I mean, I'm saying. 0:29:56.920 --> 0:30:00.160 My mom tells me she wished I had I had 0:30:00.200 --> 0:30:03.560 opened up to her, that it could have trusted her 0:30:03.680 --> 0:30:19.240 to listen. She says, as a parent, she never wanted 0:30:19.280 --> 0:30:22.760 to see me suffer and would have loved to make 0:30:22.800 --> 0:30:27.560 life easy for me. But kids, they don't always let 0:30:27.600 --> 0:30:53.880 themselves be helped. Thank you, You're welcome, You're like. Before 0:30:53.920 --> 0:30:56.640 I sat down with my mom, I also thought a 0:30:56.640 --> 0:31:00.560 lot about Emery and her mom. How lucky I was 0:31:00.600 --> 0:31:03.160 to have this moment, to have the chance to make 0:31:03.200 --> 0:31:09.480 mistakes and grow and evolve our relationship. Someone took that 0:31:09.520 --> 0:31:14.480 opportunity away from Emory and left her family without answers. 0:31:15.640 --> 0:31:17.960 There isn't a class to teach you what adulthood is, 0:31:18.840 --> 0:31:21.520 even if they wanted to. I don't think the insult 0:31:21.560 --> 0:31:25.080 in your life can fully do that for you. So 0:31:25.120 --> 0:31:29.200 we learned by following our feelings, our bodies, our instincts, 0:31:30.000 --> 0:31:32.680 and for some of us, that space was the party 0:31:32.680 --> 0:31:42.720 crew scene. When I close my eyes, I can still 0:31:42.760 --> 0:31:44.880 feel the dew from the fog machine on my skin 0:31:45.960 --> 0:31:49.560 and the heavy vibrations from the shady floor speaker. Standing 0:31:49.640 --> 0:31:54.040 too close to teenage bodies. I can see groups of 0:31:54.080 --> 0:31:57.240 girls and matching peak tops and hear them chanting their 0:31:57.280 --> 0:32:01.000 crew names at the top of their lungs, the lights 0:32:01.000 --> 0:32:04.440 bouncing off the laminated crew badges hanging around their necks. 0:32:05.920 --> 0:32:10.240 We turned a muddy backyard into a magical playground, and 0:32:10.480 --> 0:32:13.040 we imagined a future beyond what we could see at 0:32:13.080 --> 0:32:19.280 home and in our neighborhoods. We built a world, at 0:32:19.360 --> 0:32:36.760 least for one night. This episode was written, reported, and 0:32:36.840 --> 0:32:40.800 hosted by me Janas Yamoka. Our show is produced and 0:32:40.840 --> 0:32:45.560 reported by Sofia Polissa car, Victoria Lejandro, and Kyle Chang, 0:32:46.280 --> 0:32:51.680 and edited by Antonio Seihido. Additional editing by any Ables, 0:32:53.000 --> 0:32:56.720