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Speaker 1: All about girl, Gwen Stefani. We are going to pay

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Speaker 1: a bill in a minute one or two point seven,

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Speaker 1: kiss am, But we have said, you know, on hump

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Speaker 1: Day Wednesday, send us any sort of relationship questions you

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Speaker 1: may have. We're gonna have intimacy coaches on. We're gonna

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Speaker 1: have dating coaches on, one of which is here. Name

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Speaker 1: is Paula Grooms. She is this week's hump Day help her.

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Speaker 1: Paul is a dating and relationship coach, a licensed social worker,

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Speaker 1: and author of the book why Won't He Commit? Paula?

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Speaker 1: Will you keep moaning about Tanya? It's an interesting title

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Speaker 1: for you for me, Paula, good morning. How are you Hi? Good?

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Speaker 1: How are you feeling? We're feeling good. We're post COVID.

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Speaker 1: I just got covered for the first time a week ago,

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Speaker 1: but I am out of it. I'm I'm feeling so

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Speaker 1: thank you for asking. Hey, paul I, just what is

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Speaker 1: the answer to that question, why won't he commit? Oh?

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Speaker 1: My gosh, it's uh well, I mean, that's a loaded question,

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Speaker 1: but it is multi factorial, and it's when a woman

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Speaker 1: really doesn't guide the man to it, uh not by talking,

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Speaker 1: not by telling him, but by action and by making

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Speaker 1: him wonder. He will not really yeah, making him wonder?

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Speaker 1: Can you elaborate on that? And actions elaborate on that? Okay? Um.

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Speaker 1: It's one of my fundamentals in my book that women

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Speaker 1: love through knowing. Men love through wondering. And this is

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Speaker 1: a very different way of loving, and it creates the

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Speaker 1: problems that we have because women tend to relate to

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Speaker 1: men via the way they want to be related to,

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Speaker 1: which is knowing, knowing knowing, and men love through wondering,

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Speaker 1: meaning we don't want to know you you you want

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Speaker 1: to be wondering about her. You know. The easiest way

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Speaker 1: I can um relay it to you is like if

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Speaker 1: you if you love puppies, you look into its eyes

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Speaker 1: and you kind of wonder what is it? Thinking what

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Speaker 1: is it? You know? What does it? Know? What is it?

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Speaker 1: And it actually creates a feeling of of love, if

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Speaker 1: that makes sense. It's walking out in nature wondering about nature.

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Speaker 1: We love it. It's that little bit of not knowing

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Speaker 1: that makes it intriguing. All right, Now, this is our

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Speaker 1: current hump. They helper dating coach Polychrooms. Now we've got

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Speaker 1: some text questions coming in right now. This is from

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Speaker 1: the seven one four mm hmm. Should it be a

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Speaker 1: deal breaker if my boyfriend will not allow me to

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Speaker 1: tag him on Facebook? Knowing I'm habitual on Facebook and

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Speaker 1: I post all the time. He also won't say he's

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Speaker 1: in a relationship on his Facebook page and he's hidden

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Speaker 1: his friends. What does it mean? M Okay? First things first,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to say this across the board, ladies. If

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Speaker 1: he's not a fiancee or husband, he's not to be

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Speaker 1: on your social media. Wow. Yeah, I do not recommend

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Speaker 1: he'd be a friend or a follower, etcetera. Again, it's

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Speaker 1: lessening to wonder, but if he's there already, like with

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Speaker 1: this woman, he's not to be tagged, talked about, shared

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Speaker 1: photos with not a nothing. Wow. Let me here's another.

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Speaker 1: It's from Hazel. Hazel just texting in the four one

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Speaker 1: or two seven coach Paula. I went on a first

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Speaker 1: date with the guy and it was okay, but there

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Speaker 1: weren't any sparks. If he asked me out again, I

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Speaker 1: think I would give it another shot. My question is

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Speaker 1: do I text him thanking him for the day. Part

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Speaker 1: of me feels like I'd be leading him on. But

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Speaker 1: if I did that, would it be leading him on.

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Speaker 1: But then the other part of me feels like maybe

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Speaker 1: he's waiting for me to text. What would you suggest

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Speaker 1: I get this kind of question a lot, Ryan. I mean,

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Speaker 1: you can thank a man in person for dinner or

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Speaker 1: whatever the date is. You don't have to reach out

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Speaker 1: in text if he's interested, and he was, or he

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Speaker 1: wouldn't have asked you out, even if it's from online.

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Speaker 1: If he liked you enough on the date, he will

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Speaker 1: reach out again. What I'm hearing from this lady is

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Speaker 1: a few things. Even though there weren't any sparks. As

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Speaker 1: she put it, she wants to make sure she didn't

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Speaker 1: do something wrong. This means that she has fear and

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Speaker 1: anxiety and likely people pleasing tendencies that dating triggers, or

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Speaker 1: lack of abundance. She feels there's not going to be

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Speaker 1: enough guys or is there only opportunity. It's likely she

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Speaker 1: doesn't feel worthy. She is a low self concept around

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Speaker 1: men in relationships, and if we were working together, we'd

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Speaker 1: be addressing this because it's going to come across to

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Speaker 1: men that she had as low self esteem, which is

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Speaker 1: a buzz killer. Two guys who want more than just sex,

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Speaker 1: I think, and you can you tell me quickly. We

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Speaker 1: have to wrap up. You tell me, I actually like

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Speaker 1: the text after I've dropped someone off on the way home.

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Speaker 1: I had a great night, you have a good evening.

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Speaker 1: Thinking that to be the first to text after something

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Speaker 1: like that too, you as the man. No, here's the deal.

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Speaker 1: It's that you know you're probably doing that, Ryan, I'm

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Speaker 1: guessing because you're a nice guy. For what I can

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Speaker 1: say is that whether or not you're going to follow

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Speaker 1: up with her, you do that to be you go on.

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Speaker 1: Is that true? I don't know. I probably do it

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Speaker 1: because I'm waiting for her to respond to that on

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Speaker 1: my way home right like, I'm still into it. It's

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Speaker 1: a game, okay whatever however you're so you're into it then,

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Speaker 1: because men are right on top of time, she's right

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Speaker 1: there right now, and you may go off in a

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Speaker 1: day or two and not think about it again. It

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Speaker 1: just gets it gets you think so many questions. I listen,

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Speaker 1: I want to tell you if you want to hear

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Speaker 1: more of her advice, you can go to make Him Wonder,

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Speaker 1: the I Heart Radio Podcast with dating coach Paulo Grims.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for coming on, Paula, great to talk to

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Speaker 1: you and thank you, bye bye. I don't know if

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Speaker 1: I'm if I can get coached. It's harsh. I'm feeling

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Speaker 1: for Hazel. Hazel, please come back so good. When she

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Speaker 1: said the dog analogy, I was like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: it really hit me because it's like so true. You

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Speaker 1: have no idea what your dogs thinking, and you look

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Speaker 1: him in the eye and you're like, I love you

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Speaker 1: so freaking much, and you say nothing to me. Hazel again,

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Speaker 1: I hope you come back. Coming up next for Paintybill