Speaker 1: The Craig Ferguson Pants on Fire Tour is on sale now.
Speaker 1: It's a new show, it's new material, but I'm afraid
Speaker 1: it's still only me, Craig Ferguson on my own, standing
Speaker 1: on a stage telling comedy words. Come and see me,
Speaker 1: buy tickets, bring your loved ones, or don't come and
Speaker 1: see me. Don't buy tickets and don't bring your loved ones.
Speaker 2: I'm not your dad.
Speaker 1: You come or don't come, but you should at least
Speaker 1: know what's happening, and it is. The tour kicks off
Speaker 1: late September and goes through the end of the year
Speaker 1: and beyond. Tickets are available at the Craig Ferguson Show
Speaker 1: dot com slash tour. They are available at the Craig
Speaker 1: Ferguson show dot com slash tour or at your local
Speaker 1: outlet in your region. My name is Craig Ferguson. The
Speaker 1: name of this podcast is Joy. I talk to interest
Speaker 1: in people about what brings them happiness. So, bowing to
Speaker 1: pressure from Earth, everyone on Earth has said I have
Speaker 1: to learn how to do these podcasts remotely. So this
Speaker 1: is the first one, and luckily it's with someone that
Speaker 1: I've known off and on, but hardly not at all
Speaker 1: since the nineteen nineties when he was a guest on
Speaker 1: the Drew Carey Show. He's way too cool to have
Speaker 1: been on the Drew Carey Show, and he's way too
Speaker 1: cool to be on this show.
Speaker 2: But he is very cool. Here's David Cross.
Speaker 1: I think what I'm saying is I was slightly nervous
Speaker 1: about having you on the show today because I've always
Speaker 1: thought that you were much cooler as a comic than
Speaker 1: anyone else I've ever seen do stand up comedy. Well,
Speaker 1: you seem to have an air of That's what I
Speaker 1: meant when I said I feel like you're plugged in,
Speaker 1: you are kind of.
Speaker 2: Are you confusing coolness with condien? Since condon con condescension, condescension, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I was. I was struggling. I was thinking not condensation.
Speaker 2: That'd be a little that would mean I was a
Speaker 2: little clammy.
Speaker 1: But well, I I'm as a comedian, I can be
Speaker 1: very condescension or condensation or clammy.
Speaker 2: But no, I don't know. I mean that. I remember,
Speaker 2: like I met you years ago.
Speaker 1: Do you remember this when you were a guest show? Yeah,
Speaker 1: but on the Drew Carrey Show. Do you remember that? Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean, babe, I mean that was like
Speaker 2: in the nineties. That was quite a while ago. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it was just a young, innocent babe, fresh to Hollywood,
Speaker 2: wide eyed stars in my eyes, so excited.
Speaker 1: What That's not how I remember at all. I remember
Speaker 1: you as being you were doing Mister Show then, right.
Speaker 1: I remember saying to Drew at the time, I said,
Speaker 1: guy's way too cool to be here.
Speaker 2: What the fuck is he do this? I'll that it works.
Speaker 2: I did one episode of that show, and it paid
Speaker 2: me more than a year of Mister Show. So oh yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean sweet sick com money. Oh yeah, doing a
Speaker 2: multi camera show, which I've done gosh, you know, probably
Speaker 2: ten maybe over the years, ten episodes of various things.
Speaker 2: And my wife did a full season on Two and
Speaker 2: a half Men. And it is, shockingly, I would say,
Speaker 2: the literally the easiest job, and maybe the world it
Speaker 2: might be. I mean yeah, like, because there's the read
Speaker 2: through on Monday. Nobody comes around ten o'clock and there's
Speaker 2: like a half hour chit chatting and getting bagels and whatnot,
Speaker 2: and then you read the scripts, which aren't very good,
Speaker 2: and then and then you listen all the writers grotesquely
Speaker 2: cackle at their own jokes. And it's a strange thing.
Speaker 2: It's like across the board. It doesn't matter where you go. Oh,
Speaker 2: they all do the same thing. They all have the
Speaker 2: same laugh. And then you read and I'm talking about acting,
Speaker 2: and then you then you leave like all right bye,
Speaker 2: and then the writers go and then you come back,
Speaker 2: I believe on a Wednesday, yep, and you read the
Speaker 2: script that's been worked on, and I think you start
Speaker 2: to put it up.
Speaker 1: Is that right?
Speaker 2: You start to put it up on Wednesday?
Speaker 1: Right, You kind of walk down, but you start blocking
Speaker 1: the scenes and walking through them a little wit.
Speaker 2: And then there's still changes happening writing wise, but it's
Speaker 2: you start putting it together. It's still very easy. There's
Speaker 2: a lot of downtime. Yep. Thursday is a full day, right, Yeah,
Speaker 2: Thursday is the one full day.
Speaker 1: Yeah, camera blocking and you get all your positions right,
Speaker 1: get all your marks on the floor.
Speaker 2: Thursday is a full day, and then Friday you come
Speaker 2: in later and you do two tapings which can last,
Speaker 2: you know, a long time, but when day, when it's
Speaker 2: a well oiled machine, it doesn't last that long, you know,
Speaker 2: And you do pick ups, say good night, you go
Speaker 2: to I guess Muslim Frank's what do you people do?
Speaker 2: What do you? Where do you go?
Speaker 1: And then they used to always go to a place
Speaker 1: I can't remember. I think it was called Residuals. It
Speaker 1: was a bar in the valley that. Yeah, the people
Speaker 1: used to go. Yeah, I know, Residuals. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: People used to go to that bar, or there was
Speaker 2: another bar. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I was sober by the time I started and Drew
Speaker 1: so like, and I wasn't that long sober either, so
Speaker 1: I was terrified.
Speaker 2: Really to try.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it was funny because I got the job.
Speaker 1: I was only a couple of years sober, and I
Speaker 1: was really confused by it because I thought, when I
Speaker 1: got sober, this is going to help my career. But
Speaker 1: everybody in the Drew Carry Show was getting drunk along
Speaker 1: and I don't think it helped my career at all.
Speaker 1: I think it slowed me down. But it was it
Speaker 1: was what it was when we were doing the Drew
Speaker 1: Carry Show. That was before you the rest of development,
Speaker 1: but you were doing Mister Show, and I thought when
Speaker 1: you and Bob were doing that, that was People used
Speaker 1: to call it alternative comedy, right, that was.
Speaker 2: That was the thing that well, yeah, I mean it was.
Speaker 2: That was one of those things. I think somebody from
Speaker 2: the La Times or LA Weekly or some buddy doing
Speaker 2: a story came up with that and then it just stuck.
Speaker 2: You know. We never called ourselves alternative.
Speaker 1: But that that was the thing that I came through
Speaker 1: in Britain. It was all like when I was coming
Speaker 1: up doing stand up there. It was all alternative comedy
Speaker 1: and it was like the comic strip and the comedy
Speaker 1: store in London And did.
Speaker 2: You ever play over there? Oh? I played in London
Speaker 2: a lot. Yeah, that's what I was going to say.
Speaker 2: I feel like that's London too. I mean, I'll be
Speaker 2: back there in April. I'm about to it's and thank
Speaker 2: you for asking about to start on this tour. You're
Speaker 2: right called the end of the beginning of the end
Speaker 2: tour and you can go to official David Cross dot
Speaker 2: com for information where I'm going to be, et cetera,
Speaker 2: et cetera. But I will be doing the European you know,
Speaker 2: UK leg in April, so I will be in Edinburgh, Glasgow.
Speaker 2: Where are you playing in Glasgow? Do you know the
Speaker 2: name of the gig? I don't offhand. I could find out,
Speaker 2: but I don't. It's was it or Moore last the
Speaker 2: last two times it was there. That's a great place,
Speaker 2: or that's the converted church, right, yeah, it's it's great.
Speaker 2: I love the Oran more it was. It was a
Speaker 2: fun show, and there was I did this thing in
Speaker 2: my last tour where I bring people up on stage
Speaker 2: to read a script with me that I'd written. And
Speaker 2: you know, some I did I don't know eighty shows
Speaker 2: and some people just nailed it, were amazing, including a kid.
Speaker 2: There was a fourteen year old who just nailed it.
Speaker 2: There's some subtle jokes in there, some not so subtle jokes.
Speaker 2: But and then some people were just terrible that I
Speaker 2: had to occasionally boot people off the stage and say
Speaker 2: just replace them with somebody else. But the one fittingly
Speaker 2: giving its reputation, given its reputation, the Wand in Glasgow
Speaker 2: was I This woman was so fucking annoying and awful,
Speaker 2: drunk trying to she was critiquing the script and then
Speaker 2: trying to punch it up. And now to your credit,
Speaker 2: she was from Liverpool. But all right, okay, yeah it
Speaker 2: was it was of the you know, we had our
Speaker 2: top five at our bottom five, and she was in
Speaker 2: the bottom three of she was terrible and it's moatly
Speaker 2: but it's fun.
Speaker 1: But I see that's what I would never I hate
Speaker 1: the idea of having antibody on stage with me, even
Speaker 1: if I know them, even if I like them, never mind,
Speaker 1: you know somebody I don't. I won't even I work.
Speaker 1: I'm so committed to working alone. I won't go on
Speaker 1: stage if I have to poop. I'm like, you have
Speaker 1: to leave before I go on stage. Are doing it, Craig, that.
Speaker 2: Is part of you? No, it's only not It's only
Speaker 2: not you once you poop. I think it's not a
Speaker 2: Schroeder's cat thing. It's a it is you until you poop,
Speaker 2: then it's not you. So you should go on stage
Speaker 2: if you got a poop.
Speaker 1: I I have a real, profoundly disagree with you.
Speaker 2: That is foreign, alien entity that's trying to escape.
Speaker 1: I think I think what it is is it's it's
Speaker 1: the trash and I and I won't go on stage
Speaker 1: with a bag of trash in my pocket.
Speaker 2: Well you you are. We're all partly bags of trash.
Speaker 1: Praig, come on now, But I but I just don't
Speaker 1: feel like I could have that.
Speaker 2: I don't like going on stage.
Speaker 1: I don't like the feeling of of of needing to poop,
Speaker 1: and it is distract different. That is.
Speaker 2: Valid, and I get it. That's different. So if you're
Speaker 2: doing an hour and fifteen minutes, an hour twenty minutes,
Speaker 2: nobody wants to go on stage going I got to
Speaker 2: take a massive ship. But let me do an hour
Speaker 2: and a half first.
Speaker 1: You know, have you ever have you ever been caught
Speaker 1: short on stage? Because I've never knock on wood, I've
Speaker 1: never actually had to. I've heard of one comedian who
Speaker 1: did have to say, I'm sorry, I have to go
Speaker 1: to the bathroom and uh, I had to leave the stage.
Speaker 2: Don't ask me who it was. It was Sindbad. Okay,
Speaker 2: there's no shame in that. I don't give a shit.
Speaker 2: I mean, seriously, it's a if you gotta go, you
Speaker 2: gotta go, and then what I did show must go
Speaker 2: on doing.
Speaker 1: I mean, come on, you can't just say all right,
Speaker 1: hi on everybody, I'm going to go in if pooh,
Speaker 1: it's an emergency, yes you do.
Speaker 2: And I'm Sindbad wouldn't have stopped h if it wasn't
Speaker 2: an emergency. And you know, then you're then you're while
Speaker 2: you're doing your set, your other part of your brain
Speaker 2: is calculating, like, can I get away with this? Am
Speaker 2: I gotta ship my pant? What's what's more embarrassing leaving
Speaker 2: and saying I got to take a dump or actually
Speaker 2: shitting my pants? Well, obviously it's it's shitting my pants,
Speaker 2: so I don't want to do that. So shit, but
Speaker 2: I have a couple times I've left to I drink
Speaker 2: a lot while I'm on stage. Well you mean alcohol
Speaker 2: or just water beer? Beer? Right? Well, that makes you
Speaker 2: want to see exactly, So I have I'm going to
Speaker 2: say probably six seven times I've gone I really got
Speaker 2: to take a piss and I can't hold it any longer.
Speaker 2: And then, you know, I usually the first three, four
Speaker 2: or five minutes is engaging the audience, talking to them.
Speaker 2: I never just come out and go, hey, you know
Speaker 2: what's funny about raisins. You know, I just I always
Speaker 2: kind of form into it, and I've seen or talked
Speaker 2: to somebody at some point, and then I will just
Speaker 2: give them the MIC and go, I got to take it.
Speaker 2: I got to take a piss. This will only take honestly,
Speaker 2: it'll take under two minutes. I mean the thing backstage,
Speaker 2: will you entertain the folks? And sometimes they just sit there,
Speaker 2: there's laughter. Other people will help them. Sometimes they just
Speaker 2: start and they start telling jokes or they start talking,
Speaker 2: and and it's always it's never not at least mildly amusing.
Speaker 2: And then I take two minutes. You do that right now?
Speaker 2: On the new tour? Will you do that? I mean,
Speaker 2: if it comes to that, I'll try not to. It's
Speaker 2: not a thing I do. It's not like a bit
Speaker 2: all right, Yeah, I've I've thought, I've done the calculation
Speaker 2: as I'm doing my and you know, being a stand up,
Speaker 2: you can do your whole set in your mind can
Speaker 2: wander while you're doing the set, oh and go back
Speaker 2: home and check the did I turn up the other
Speaker 2: let me think, you know, all that stuff is still
Speaker 2: going like and then the lady comes up to me
Speaker 2: and has the audacity you know in you but in
Speaker 2: your other brain you're so I'll sit there and I'll think,
Speaker 2: I'll just do the math like I can hold it.
Speaker 2: I can hold it for another what twenty five thirty
Speaker 2: minutes it's behind and and then sometimes not often, as
Speaker 2: I said, maybe seven eight times I don't know. You're like, nah,
Speaker 2: this is not I'm gonna have to go pee and
Speaker 2: I tell them I don't know.
Speaker 1: I feel like you should embrace it more because you know,
Speaker 1: you're you're you're getting a little older. We all are, right,
Speaker 1: you know, peing's peeing and pooing is like it's much less,
Speaker 1: you know, disciplined. Then maybe you should just I don't
Speaker 1: have that, have a diaper. Have a diaper when you
Speaker 1: go on.
Speaker 2: Just like al Jorgensen would perform seriously, Al Jorgensen used
Speaker 2: to wear a diaper. Yeah, really that was the his
Speaker 2: him and Albanie when they would do there. And I
Speaker 2: met al Jorganson a couple of times. I did like old,
Speaker 2: I want to say, it was Air America or something like,
Speaker 2: you know, and he's nuts, you know, uh, he's just bonkers.
Speaker 2: And but yeah, that was he openly. You know, it's
Speaker 2: like he wore a diaper on stage in case because
Speaker 2: he also would drink a lot and then do drugs
Speaker 2: and stuff and they'd be playing well.
Speaker 1: And when you say openly wear a diaper, like the
Speaker 1: did you walk on stage with a diaper and no
Speaker 1: pants so you can see the diaper?
Speaker 2: No, No, it was more of Yeah, I wear a diaper,
Speaker 2: so what I guess.
Speaker 1: Talk to me through the title. The end of the
Speaker 1: beginning of the end is this. Uh, it's not a
Speaker 1: farewell tour.
Speaker 2: No, it's the first of many farewell tours. No, not really.
Speaker 2: That's interesting and I hope people don't think that's what
Speaker 2: it is. I have no plans to retire until I
Speaker 2: can't do it anymore. But I mean, I really really
Speaker 2: enjoy it. It's one of my fast I agree. I
Speaker 2: just love it. And it's really about where we are,
Speaker 2: the tenor and the feeling of where we are in history.
Speaker 2: Okay we specifically not not that. It's also completely open
Speaker 2: to interpretation, sure, and uh and I it tended to be.
Speaker 2: But for me, it's about, you know, by the time
Speaker 2: this tour is over, a number of people in the
Speaker 2: United States will have made a very monumental decision and
Speaker 2: we'll see what that portends. And it's it could be
Speaker 2: a good thing or bad thing, and you could even
Speaker 2: even take it outside of the the you know, this context,
Speaker 2: and it could be the end of the beginning of
Speaker 2: the end. So it's either the beginning of the end
Speaker 2: is over and now we're in the middle of the
Speaker 2: end that we're heading towards the end, the end of
Speaker 2: the end, or it's the end of what was the
Speaker 2: beginning of the end, you mean of life on earth,
Speaker 2: or totally up to you. It could be whatever, America,
Speaker 2: it could be whatever you think you know? Are you?
Speaker 2: Are you?
Speaker 1: I mean because you're you're not You're not shy about
Speaker 1: doing political stuff when you're working?
Speaker 2: You are you? Are you doing politics? And that well
Speaker 2: I started, I've been more coquettish about it, and I
Speaker 2: will do it from I'll put my finger in between
Speaker 2: my lips like this and go, I don't know if
Speaker 2: I've made a whoopsie. So I'm a little shy about it.
Speaker 2: Please don't ever do that again. That's yeah, that was
Speaker 2: very arising. Yeah no, please don't ever do that again.
Speaker 1: Okay, well, okay, so you get you don't you get
Speaker 1: coquetish about policies?
Speaker 2: Will way like you don't do it, or you do
Speaker 2: do it? Or you a fan? I take a like
Speaker 2: a Chinese fan and I wave it in front of
Speaker 2: me and I kind of obscure my mouth and then
Speaker 2: I go, did I make a See you're doing it again?
Speaker 2: Oh you're doing it? I did do it? Again. I'm
Speaker 2: so sorry you did do it again. Apologies.
Speaker 1: What about have you ever had like because I remember,
Speaker 1: I don't know, it was just before the I don't
Speaker 1: know too late sixteen election. I think I was doing
Speaker 1: a show in Chicago and I'd never seen this before,
Speaker 1: but I was I don't really do politics in the
Speaker 1: act at all, Like, no, it's a stylistic choice. I
Speaker 1: don't like to do it. I feel like I get
Speaker 1: annoyed at the people I agree with. It's just a
Speaker 1: it's a it's a it's a feeling. I just don't
Speaker 1: like to do it. I used to have to do
Speaker 1: it in late night and I didn't like to do it.
Speaker 1: And when I was doing a show in Chicago, I
Speaker 1: wasn't even talking about politics and a fight broke out
Speaker 1: in the audience and it was, you know, it was
Speaker 1: a Hillary supporter and a Trump supporter.
Speaker 2: So it was that election twenty sixteen. I guess I
Speaker 2: was like, I've never seen that. Yeah, I mean I
Speaker 2: did chows in Glasgow.
Speaker 1: Fights had broken out in the audience before I went
Speaker 1: on stage and then you just kind of worked through
Speaker 1: the fight.
Speaker 2: But I'd never seen it like that.
Speaker 1: Do you get reactions to material because people feel, I think,
Speaker 1: empowered to let you know what they think. Now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean not the last tour, not so much.
Speaker 2: And I think I got a lot of it in
Speaker 2: twenty sixteen on that tour, the Making America Great Again Tour,
Speaker 2: And I've always gotten some stuff. Mostly it's less about politics,
Speaker 2: mostly about religion. When I do those things, and again,
Speaker 2: you know, people will be vocal and it's but it's
Speaker 2: never been It's never been a feeling like oh shit
Speaker 2: and you know it's about to kick off kind of thing.
Speaker 2: But in twenty sixteen, that tour had a people walking
Speaker 2: out almost every show, if not every show, and mostly
Speaker 2: or at least half the time, they were not vocal
Speaker 2: about it. They would just leave rump and or but
Speaker 2: half the time. I think it did one hundred and
Speaker 2: eleven shows that tour, all you know, internationally, et cetera,
Speaker 2: and people were very vocal. I had a woman and
Speaker 2: I want to say it was either Tampa Bay or
Speaker 2: Orlando who was Tampa Bay who walked down. I did
Speaker 2: a lot of anti cop stuff too, and through beer
Speaker 2: at me, and then when people were heckling her, she
Speaker 2: was like what she was drunk too. It was Florida.
Speaker 2: But you know, both barrels, you know, middle finger, like
Speaker 2: fuck you motherfucker, just screaming and all kinds of shit.
Speaker 2: And I had it, you know, more than ever that
Speaker 2: I was used to. I had had that and more
Speaker 2: than I certainly I expected. And and again some people
Speaker 2: would leave quietly and some people would leave very very vocally.
Speaker 2: And I had a guy quit, a security guard. I
Speaker 2: was in. I was in Pittsburgh. I was I was
Speaker 2: at the Carnegie whatever the theater there is, and like
Speaker 2: Munson Hall or people was which I played. I played,
Speaker 2: and it's great. So there's always a bunch of but
Speaker 2: this guy, there are two guys on either side of
Speaker 2: the stage, you know, security windbreaker jackets, and and I
Speaker 2: was doing some Trump stuff and uh and the best
Speaker 2: part about it was I don't remember the joke, and
Speaker 2: I don't remember exactly what I had said, but it
Speaker 2: you could not have scripted the timing better so that
Speaker 2: when he goes, fuck this is bullshit, I fucking quit,
Speaker 2: and he tore off his security thing. He's like this
Speaker 2: fucking bullet. I quit. And he's tromped up the aisle
Speaker 2: and he threw his jacket down, tramped up the aisle
Speaker 2: opened the the back doors, but you know it's all backlit,
Speaker 2: so you can in the doors close slowly in those
Speaker 2: old theaters, so you could hear him yelling until you
Speaker 2: know everything was done. Fuck this and then and then
Speaker 2: everybody thought it was a bit because I've done things
Speaker 2: like that right in my stand up before about plants
Speaker 2: and and I mean, it was the perfect timing, and
Speaker 2: it I had to convince people that wasn't a bit.
Speaker 2: And I was like, don't fire that guy. He's upset,
Speaker 2: it's okay, he'll come back tomorrow, whatever, don't don't fire him.
Speaker 2: And and just you know, some some reactions that were
Speaker 2: certainly went beyond anything I'd ever experienced. And I've had
Speaker 2: people angry and kind of threatened me, but I think
Speaker 2: there were basically empty threats. But that tour was was
Speaker 2: that was that about politics?
Speaker 1: Are really because you said you got it from mostly
Speaker 1: because I.
Speaker 2: Don't do a lot of politics. I really don't. No, No,
Speaker 2: I was going to say, I mean, it's I mean,
Speaker 2: it feels like it because it's pretty harsh, and I
Speaker 2: think people there are plenty of people who consider me
Speaker 2: a political cup of comedian. But if you go through
Speaker 2: my material. It's like, I don't know, twenty percent is
Speaker 2: I mean, that's a lot that's not you know.
Speaker 1: I think I think it's like people that are just
Speaker 1: really touchy about about it now.
Speaker 2: I think, yeah, to your point, this is a new
Speaker 2: there's been a shift. You know, it feels different, and
Speaker 2: it feels different since and there's a reason it feels different.
Speaker 2: It's not you know, everything changed when uh, this figure
Speaker 2: like Trump came and and it was for you know,
Speaker 2: half the people he was like, fucking finally somebody to
Speaker 2: you know, say call bullshit on all this shit. And
Speaker 2: then the other half the people were horrified, like this
Speaker 2: guy's a fucking I mean, forget that he's a rapist, creepy,
Speaker 2: pathological liar in narsis. I mean, he's he's a cun man,
Speaker 2: he's cunning. And and so half the people are like yeah,
Speaker 2: and the other people were outraged at the you know,
Speaker 2: the gullibility that these people had or their willingness to
Speaker 2: overlook just horrific shit about this guy, you know, and
Speaker 2: and and just say yeah, he's he's gonna you know,
Speaker 2: he speaks to me and my anti government ship. And
Speaker 2: then you know that only got exponentially war as time
Speaker 2: went on and and you know, those people dug in
Speaker 2: and then the other people became even more horrified, and
Speaker 2: and families have been torn up and broken up, and
Speaker 2: you know, people have lost people to QAnon and all
Speaker 2: that kind of ship and conspiracy stuff.
Speaker 1: That's I mean that that's all of that stuff though,
Speaker 1: the conspiracy theory stuff and the radicalization of people on
Speaker 1: on you know, on left or right or or not
Speaker 1: even identifiably left or right, is I think a product
Speaker 1: of a of an unrestrained kind of mad sewer pipe
Speaker 1: of the Internet, of the Internet, you know that.
Speaker 2: Well, it's just it's it's the perfect storm. It's you know,
Speaker 2: that guy came along while this the Internet was you
Speaker 2: know in it's and it's kind of as as four
Speaker 2: Chan was, you know, an eight chan and the Silk
Speaker 2: Road and everybody could have this, you know, the dark
Speaker 2: web where you can go on and and hire hitmen
Speaker 2: or you know, get it's not really a thing. I
Speaker 2: I mean because I hear but that I like, I.
Speaker 1: Can barely find you know, the home depot app. Never
Speaker 1: mind the you know, it's like I mean the fact
Speaker 1: that people can do all of that, I would be
Speaker 1: I'd be terrified.
Speaker 2: Well, first of all, you have other things in your life.
Speaker 2: Some of these folks have nothing else, and they are
Speaker 2: so aggrieved and they're they're willing to and they're victimized
Speaker 2: in their head, in their minds, and they're willing. And
Speaker 2: it happens. You lose family members, you lose some people,
Speaker 2: lose their jobs, whatever, and they become this is a
Speaker 2: righteous journey. I'm on and I'm going to.
Speaker 1: But but there is a there's a kind of It's
Speaker 1: funny because you said earlier on that you had talked
Speaker 1: about religion, had sometimes you know, talking about religion that'd
Speaker 1: going you a little bit, and it and it does
Speaker 1: feel like it has a you know, cult like.
Speaker 2: Followings. His very nature feels religious.
Speaker 1: When I came up, there was a mula this playing
Speaker 1: in particularly in the West of Scotland or in Ireland.
Speaker 2: If you go into the.
Speaker 1: Wrong area with a crowd that seems perfectly reasonable. You
Speaker 1: can wander into a neighborhood just talking, you know, if
Speaker 1: you're riffing on stage and suddenly find yourself in a
Speaker 1: world of fucking bag yeah.
Speaker 2: And you don't know, well, there's that great. It's one
Speaker 2: of the few actual funny things that Wenny Bruce did.
Speaker 2: I think he's an amazing person. I don't think he's
Speaker 2: really that funny. But the bit about the guy who
Speaker 2: plays who insists on playing Royal Albert Hall the American comic,
Speaker 2: I don't know that. It's a really funny bit, and
Speaker 2: it's basically the manager talking to him because he wants
Speaker 2: to play. He's like clearly not ready. The band is
Speaker 2: trying to talk him out of it, and then he's bombing.
Speaker 2: He's bombing, so ends up saying like whatever it is,
Speaker 2: like you know, up the Irish or something like that,
Speaker 2: and then there's a riot and they completely destroy It's
Speaker 2: a it's a very funny bit about but it's a
Speaker 2: guy panicking because he's but yeah, the whole thing turns
Speaker 2: on a dime.
Speaker 1: What do you do, like, if you're doing a bit
Speaker 1: about religion, I look, I'm making the assumption.
Speaker 2: Tell me if I'm wrong.
Speaker 1: I don't assume that you're a person that's hugely attracted
Speaker 1: to organized religion. I suspect you have a more skeptical
Speaker 1: take on it. Yes, is it? Is it something in
Speaker 1: your own life that I mean, you know you if
Speaker 1: if you're you're you must be nearly sixty, now are
Speaker 1: you I'm sixty.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Have you started to do that thing where you get
Speaker 1: a little more, a little easier on atheism and stuff
Speaker 1: as you start to hear the uh the reaper approacheth Oh.
Speaker 2: No, wait, what do you mean you either you mean
Speaker 2: start of all my mortality? I mean, I'm definitely aware
Speaker 2: of my mortality in a way that I never was. Yeah,
Speaker 2: me too, man, and you know, not in a scary way,
Speaker 2: but just a great example of this is for I'm
Speaker 2: going to say twenty plus years, I have been saying,
Speaker 2: you know what, I really want to climb matcha Piacho.
Speaker 2: I want to hike the Inca trail and climb out
Speaker 2: to Piachu. And I've been saying this for a long
Speaker 2: long time. And I was a year and a half
Speaker 2: ago less than actually I said it. I was in
Speaker 2: a vacation with my family and some other families that
Speaker 2: get together for a week in the Caribbean, and we
Speaker 2: read this big house and there's tons of kids and
Speaker 2: all that stuff. And I was sitting in this beautiful ocean, placid,
Speaker 2: lovely perfect weather, ribs ribs on the beach and rum
Speaker 2: runners right there, and this is I think We've done this,
Speaker 2: I don't know, for our fourth time maybe, and I
Speaker 2: was like, this is very nice, but this is bullshit.
Speaker 2: This is easy. It's nice, and I want to climb
Speaker 2: mych peach. I'm definitely going to do that. That's harder
Speaker 2: and more of a challenge. And at that moment I
Speaker 2: was like, all right, fuck this, I'm going to do it.
Speaker 2: I don't care. I'm going to do it. So cut
Speaker 2: to a year later and Bob Owdenkirk and I went
Speaker 2: and we hiked the in contrail, which is no joke,
Speaker 2: and climbed too much of Piachu in the Andes Mountains.
Speaker 2: And a big part of that, I mean ninety nine
Speaker 2: percent of it was I don't know how much longer
Speaker 2: I can do this physically. You know, I have orthotics,
Speaker 2: I've got arthritis into I mean, I've got broken bones
Speaker 2: that didn't heal right, that prevent you know, I just
Speaker 2: did I just didn't take care of them. And yeah,
Speaker 2: and now I'm kind of paying the price. And and
Speaker 2: I just don't know, you know, truly, I don't know.
Speaker 2: Three years maybe, so we did it, and that's a
Speaker 2: good example. I guess that's a positive result of going. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I don't know how much longer. I just I joined
Speaker 2: the gym and I started working out and doing more
Speaker 2: upper body stuff because which I hate. I hate, I
Speaker 2: hate own the gym, but because I my metabolism has
Speaker 2: changed dramatically. And I read this thing about and Bob
Speaker 2: was telling me, like, you at you know, like late fifties.
Speaker 2: From then on, you will lose your upper body strength
Speaker 2: very rapidly, and you need to keep on top of that.
Speaker 2: And I've got a seven year old and I want
Speaker 2: to be able to do everything I can with her,
Speaker 2: So you.
Speaker 1: Know, yeah, I feel exactly I have to do the
Speaker 1: same thing. I feel like when I was about twenty five,
Speaker 1: I turned for A and I stayed for A until
Speaker 1: about eighteen months ago. And now I'm in my sixties,
Speaker 1: I'm like, what the fuck happened? Like it's just it's noticeable,
Speaker 1: Like I have to do all that upsy downs's in
Speaker 1: the morning that pushed me, pill used and the and
Speaker 1: all that. I don't go to a gym because I
Speaker 1: I fucking hate gems. I'll tell you the only reason
Speaker 1: I do.
Speaker 2: And I have the same philosophy. I don't need to go.
Speaker 2: I know that I don't. It's a, Uh, it's money
Speaker 2: that I could spend somewhere else, and I can do
Speaker 2: all these things by myself. But the reason I got
Speaker 2: a gym membership and we'll sign up for workouts is
Speaker 2: because I'm very frugal or money conscious and I will
Speaker 2: if I pay for it, I'm going to do it.
Speaker 2: I'm serious, and that makes me go to the gym.
Speaker 2: Whatever you have to do to motivate yourself, and that's yeah,
Speaker 2: that's it. I did this thing where I was on
Speaker 2: Instagram for a while. Do you do the social media?
Speaker 2: I have a presence, but I'm not on it. I
Speaker 2: don't have the apps or I don't go Twitter saying
Speaker 2: that as well, but I had.
Speaker 1: There was a titan there when I was on it,
Speaker 1: and I was looking at it as well as as
Speaker 1: like posting things like yeah, I'm on tour here or
Speaker 1: see the podcast there and all that. I was actually
Speaker 1: looking at it and there was endless I guess. You know,
Speaker 1: you look at one thing and then the void looks
Speaker 1: into you and it sees what you like and it
Speaker 1: starts giving you more of that thing.
Speaker 2: I think that's how it was due they I'm sorry
Speaker 2: to interrupt and get back to this but they the
Speaker 2: phone will listen to you, right, Like if I talk
Speaker 2: about beef jerkey and I just did, my phone's right here,
Speaker 2: here is right. If I'm gonna say beef turkey to
Speaker 2: you two more times, beef turkey, beef turkey, I will
Speaker 2: start getting ads for beef jerkey. Fucking beef turkey. That's weird,
Speaker 2: just as my phone heard me. Yeah, well, I don't want.
Speaker 2: I don't want to get adverts for beef jerky. And
Speaker 2: on my phone's on too. I'm yep, I just got
Speaker 2: one for beef jerky. But the but the thing is
Speaker 2: is that which which beef turkey? It looks like it's
Speaker 2: a terryaki beef jerkey. I don't mind the Yeah, that
Speaker 2: is the good stuff. That's good. Listen.
Speaker 1: So I go on the Instagram and I'm looking at
Speaker 1: this is what actually.
Speaker 2: Finally I said, okay, that's enough.
Speaker 1: I found a bunch of exercises apparently the soccer player
Speaker 1: Ronaldo justin Ronaldo does and I go, all right, I'll
Speaker 1: do that because he's in good shape.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm going to look like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's like he's like one of the greatest athletes
Speaker 1: in the world, and he's like twenty five or twenty
Speaker 1: nine or something, and it's like, I'm sixty two and
Speaker 1: I've eaten a lot of fries. There's no way I
Speaker 1: can I can do that. And then so I started
Speaker 1: doing it, and actually it's made a difference. I do
Speaker 1: these exercises in the morning. But what the reason I
Speaker 1: got off the social media thing is because I was
Speaker 1: looking at exercise things like ways to improve your dad
Speaker 1: bod and all that kind of stuff. This guy came up,
Speaker 1: this creamy motherfucker. He was like this guy in a
Speaker 1: tanny and I heard you describe it. Actually one of
Speaker 1: these twenty three scaredoo mustache. That's you're lying, right. He
Speaker 1: is one of those, and he's all buffed up. And
Speaker 1: he said, you're going to be fat and flabby all
Speaker 1: your life unless you do these three things.
Speaker 2: Fuck. I said like fuck you yeah and deleted the app. Man.
Speaker 1: I've never been back, and I don't know why it
Speaker 1: made me so angry. I just feel like I don't
Speaker 1: like being played like that. And I feel like social
Speaker 1: media just fucking plays you, you know it.
Speaker 2: That's how it's designed. I mean, that's how they make
Speaker 2: their money, I know, you know.
Speaker 1: And I feel like the real quandary is about it, like,
Speaker 1: you're on tour, so you're doing you know, I know
Speaker 1: you love me very much and you want to.
Speaker 2: Talk to me for an hour.
Speaker 1: But the reality of it is, you're on tour and
Speaker 1: you got to you know, you got to get the
Speaker 1: news out there.
Speaker 2: You're on tour.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you do that for I do the same thing.
Speaker 1: But it's when they say when you have to create
Speaker 1: content for Mark Zuckerberger elon Musk, you have to do
Speaker 1: little shows for nothing for them so that you can
Speaker 1: be in the business you're in. I don't know, man,
Speaker 1: it kind of seems a little weird to me. I
Speaker 1: don't see it that way.
Speaker 2: I see it as a mutual beneficial I don't like
Speaker 2: I'm not easy about it. I don't engage in it.
Speaker 2: I don't do these things. I don't have a whole
Speaker 2: lot of I don't put a lot of value in
Speaker 2: these little sixty second things. Most you know, most of
Speaker 2: these things people do. There's TikTok things and whatever. But
Speaker 2: it clearly is benefiting people. I mean, I'm sure, I'm
Speaker 2: I don't want to say I'm struggling to sell tickets,
Speaker 2: but I'm not selling out like I used to. I
Speaker 2: used to sell it very relatively quickly. And I still
Speaker 2: have to like really push stuff, really push stuff. And
Speaker 2: I've been doing you know, been in the business for
Speaker 2: what forty almost work for whatever it is years. And
Speaker 2: but there's some kids I say that as an old person,
Speaker 2: so not kid kids, but you know in their twenties, right,
Speaker 2: who are selling out arenas who just you know, they
Speaker 2: did tiktoks and they did crowd work and all that stuff.
Speaker 2: I don't I don't begrudge. I don't like it, but
Speaker 2: I mean it's the way the business has gone. But
Speaker 2: they worked, they worked it, they found this thing, and
Speaker 2: you know, I don't I don't think they're particularly I
Speaker 2: mean some of them are, but I don't think they're
Speaker 2: particularly good comedians. But people don't give a shit.
Speaker 1: Well I think also the thing is that you know,
Speaker 1: you when you talk about like being in the business
Speaker 1: for four years, which I guess I have to, I
Speaker 1: mean that you do it for a long time, you
Speaker 1: start to realize and I have noticed that you said
Speaker 1: it yourself. You know, you're not selling tickets like you
Speaker 1: did a while back, and you have to work hard
Speaker 1: to do it. But you know, one TV show thing happens,
Speaker 1: one thing happens with you, and suddenly, like maybe you
Speaker 1: get canceled or something, and then you sell a lot
Speaker 1: more tickets, you know what I mean. It's like it's
Speaker 1: a kind of up and down thing. I think that
Speaker 1: I came into comedy through music and you know, being
Speaker 1: in bands and stuff.
Speaker 2: And I always think it's kind of like there was
Speaker 2: always been the Beatles, right, was that you were in
Speaker 2: the Beatles? That's right. I was in the Beatles early on, though,
Speaker 2: very very early on. But back when they were the
Speaker 2: Silver the Silver.
Speaker 1: Beatles, that's right, right, and it was still it was
Speaker 1: ee where the B E E.
Speaker 2: They changed it to E A after I left, Yeah,
Speaker 2: because an actual Beatles sued. Yeah, the actual Beatles were like, no,
Speaker 2: you can't do that. But I know, I remember even
Speaker 2: by then, those bands like the Base City Rollers and
Speaker 2: those bands like the Rolling Stones. At a certain point
Speaker 2: in their career, the Base Heity Rollers were selling more
Speaker 2: records than.
Speaker 1: The Rolling Stones for a minute, right, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And and I don't think it went that way the
Speaker 1: whole I look, I haven't followed the career of.
Speaker 2: Well the They were also an educational band because they
Speaker 2: helped you spell Saturday night, you know, and that's a
Speaker 2: thing that kids needed. So they became really popular in
Speaker 2: grade school, like how do we spell Saturday? Spell Saturday?
Speaker 2: And listen? And I think were you into the bass
Speaker 2: that Rollers?
Speaker 1: Was that?
Speaker 2: The was that the right? I knew that song. I
Speaker 2: knew that song. And they all had the scarves and
Speaker 2: the you know, Scottish that's why they were. They were
Speaker 2: from they were from Edinburgh. You should do. And I'm
Speaker 2: keenly aware of why you mentioned all the possible bands
Speaker 2: to mention you mentioned bas well. Look, I met, I was.
Speaker 1: I was toyed with the idea of Huba Stank or
Speaker 1: the bass that Rollers.
Speaker 2: I didn't know. I don't know. Huba Stinker a great.
Speaker 1: Band for comedy reference because they've got that hard k
Speaker 1: at the end and the ou on the way to
Speaker 1: the hard sha. And also it's one of these names
Speaker 1: that you forget and then you remember right away when
Speaker 1: somebody says that, you go, oh, yeah, I remember that.
Speaker 2: Really that was They were part of that like nineties
Speaker 2: so cow ye, weren't they like the so cal kind
Speaker 2: of sca revive or adjacent to that Terribles There was
Speaker 2: that era there for like three or four years where
Speaker 2: it's like the new skuf so calm. Yeah.
Speaker 1: The Scott the Scott thing was was a revival even
Speaker 1: when it was Scott back when they were doing like
Speaker 1: Scott was Madness Senties. Right, It's like a Selector, Yeah,
Speaker 1: the Selector that was all arrival and he wasn't the.
Speaker 2: Bad Manners and yeah, Bad Manners, Madnesness Selector.
Speaker 1: But there was that great band, the Special Specials. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they were a great band. It's funny because I think
Speaker 1: of you. Maybe this is why I think of you
Speaker 1: as being too cold, because I think of you as
Speaker 1: somehow being part of a more kind of nightclubby undergroundy
Speaker 1: music type comedy.
Speaker 2: Oh for sure. Yeah, that was in part and great
Speaker 2: part because I was in Atlanta in the in the
Speaker 2: early mid eighties and then uh moved to Boston in
Speaker 2: eighty like eighty four, I want to say, a beginning
Speaker 2: of eighty four and then LA. I was in Boston
Speaker 2: until I was in la in ninety two, I think.
Speaker 2: But all of those scenes were thriving right when I
Speaker 2: was there. Right, So Atlanta had this really cool.
Speaker 1: Artsy So you were saying they were thriving because you
Speaker 1: were there, Hey.
Speaker 2: Man, I'm just saying I'm not saying nothing right. You know,
Speaker 2: it looked at the commonality. It was the commonality. Look
Speaker 2: what happened. Look what happened. I feel the same way
Speaker 2: about you know.
Speaker 1: I was in sitcoms and then when I left the
Speaker 1: Drew carry show set cooms just died. And then when
Speaker 1: I when I left Late Night, late nights over, nobody
Speaker 1: is sure. So I feel like I'm in a similar
Speaker 1: position the but you were correct me if I'm wrong,
Speaker 1: I have got in my head that you were at
Speaker 1: Emerson or something right that you were in.
Speaker 2: I could that you can. For just for a very brief,
Speaker 2: very brief time, I went to Boston to go to Emerson,
Speaker 2: dropped out very quickly, stayed there because the comedy scene
Speaker 2: was amazing, right, and it was so is during the
Speaker 2: comedy boom. And so I was the recipient of a
Speaker 2: lot of luck in that the comedy boom was happening,
Speaker 2: and they just had everywhere there were shows Chinese restaurants
Speaker 2: and bowling alleys and you know, nightclub whatever. There was
Speaker 2: a show every country, western bars, so they had to
Speaker 2: fill those slots.
Speaker 1: I feel like it's like that no as well, I
Speaker 1: feel like that's back. I think there's it's everywhere. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like, like, but why I don't understand. And I've
Speaker 1: said this a few times on this podcast. I came
Speaker 1: to comedy because I was like I failed to other
Speaker 1: stuff and then and so it was kind of like
Speaker 1: being a real turn for me.
Speaker 2: I like, I didn't. I didn't. That is the perfect
Speaker 2: You could not pick a better job than where people.
Speaker 2: Nobody's going, I want to be real. Nobody wants to
Speaker 2: be a real.
Speaker 1: You fucking you just start your life going, you know,
Speaker 1: what do you want to be when you leave school?
Speaker 1: I'm looking at realtor. Nobody wants to be a fucking realtor.
Speaker 2: It's very true. And that's that's.
Speaker 1: What I felt like, particularly with doing Late Night, I
Speaker 1: was like, I didn't want to do this, but they
Speaker 1: offered it to me and it's decent money, and I
Speaker 1: kind of I still And this is one of the
Speaker 1: things I struggled with with aging, is that I don't
Speaker 1: feel like I found my thing yet.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well that's interesting.
Speaker 1: And do you feel like you know you're because I
Speaker 1: meet people and maybe you're one of them. They're like, no,
Speaker 1: I want like I feel like I don't know Jerry Seinfeld,
Speaker 1: but I feel like fourteen year old Jerry Seinfeld is
Speaker 1: probably like, I know what I want to be and
Speaker 1: just went ahead and did it.
Speaker 2: Early on, I knew that I wanted to be in
Speaker 2: comedy or film or creating something in that world. And
Speaker 2: then right at that kind of at that same time
Speaker 2: I got stand up was like something. I'm like, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna do stand up, and I you know, part of
Speaker 2: it was I, uh, where I live sucked and I
Speaker 2: was miserable, and and comedy was the kind of you know,
Speaker 2: you when you meet other nerdy kids who are in
Speaker 2: a comedy, like that's your pack, you know, that's your
Speaker 2: Some people are in gaming, some kids are in the
Speaker 2: D and D, some kids are you know whatever. Me
Speaker 2: and my friends were in the comedy and we you know,
Speaker 2: and uh, and I knew it was it was gonna.
Speaker 2: I wanted to do stand up. Not that I was
Speaker 2: always going to do stand up, but I knew that
Speaker 2: I wanted to do it, and from a pretty early age.
Speaker 1: It's an interesting thing. I've talked a lot about this
Speaker 1: as well, that stand ups good ones, uh, which you
Speaker 1: are the Oh, it's just a fact I'm not you know,
Speaker 1: but stand ups of a particular type, and I feel
Speaker 1: you have it. It was my wife who said this,
Speaker 1: they all they all have the same mother, you all
Speaker 1: have the same mother. And I was like, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: and she went, yeah, cold with bad boundaries. I was like,
Speaker 1: cold with boundaries. I think about my own mother, and
Speaker 1: I went, well, that kind of that's I wouldn't say
Speaker 1: that's true. My mom's not cold. I mean, she's an
Speaker 1: odd lady. She's very.
Speaker 2: Not proactively antisocial, but she's not a social person at all, right,
Speaker 2: and is very bookish. We'll just read so, I mean
Speaker 2: the last fifteen years. It's like she's got her kindle.
Speaker 2: She'll read. She reads a voracious reader, So read, read, read,
Speaker 2: or play candy Crush type things, and that's a lot
Speaker 2: of what she does. I might be your mom different.
Speaker 1: I don't play Candy Cross anymore. I play Royal Match,
Speaker 1: which is kind of like.
Speaker 2: I do too. Oh my god, my shit. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: am so addicted in an embarrassing way.
Speaker 1: I can because I can tell you right now with Levlomo.
Speaker 2: Let's yeah, tell you that's so wild. And also this
Speaker 2: I was I play this Cordal Mortal. No, I haven't, man, Okay,
Speaker 2: I am Oh gosh, I can't tell you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you're in the middle of a game. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's exactly my problem. I'm round about four five hundred
Speaker 1: something like that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that sounds about I don't know if I'm quite
Speaker 2: at that level, but I'm certainly close to it. But
Speaker 2: it's genius how you're on a timer sometimes. And that's
Speaker 2: why I stopped my game because oh, if I'm going
Speaker 2: to get if they're going to give me the double
Speaker 2: points or the two time multiplier, I can't finish this
Speaker 2: because that's for fifteen minutes. I need that in order
Speaker 2: to collect enough. They keep you whatever royal thing coins,
Speaker 2: because then the coins I can use you used to
Speaker 2: get the bonus thing those things. Yeah, well, here's the thing.
Speaker 2: It's genius.
Speaker 1: I used it as mathadone to get off of social media, because.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well same here, same here, same here, exactly, I've
Speaker 2: traded one. It's sort of like, you know, the idea
Speaker 2: of I was an alcoholic, but now I'm addicted to
Speaker 2: alcoholics anonymous and you know, or Christ. Now I found
Speaker 2: Christ right, And so you're saying I treated you're saying
Speaker 2: Royal Match is the same as Christ. I just want
Speaker 2: to make sure I've got you quoted. No, I'm not. No,
Speaker 2: I'm saying the same as I'm more Taoist. So i'd say, well,
Speaker 2: I don't know what the Dawist and Edity Budotists. I
Speaker 2: don't know, but I traded in the screen time that
Speaker 2: I was, you know, spending on Twitter on Instagram that
Speaker 2: made me feel feel bad. This doesn't make me feel bad.
Speaker 2: It's kind of fun and it just makes me feel relaxing. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and it's uh and I think that's it. It's it's harmless.
Speaker 1: Well because what I well, I got you know, I
Speaker 1: told you about that creamy guy with a mustache telling
Speaker 1: me how I was going to be out of shape
Speaker 1: my whole life. And then the just flicking through things
Speaker 1: and you get like, because it's fishing to try and
Speaker 1: see what you want, you'll get horrible image of a murder,
Speaker 1: people fighting in a store, or you know, it's like
Speaker 1: somebody just text you or me.
Speaker 2: I think that's you. Oh wait, it's Dug. It's s Dug.
Speaker 1: I think what they're saying is that we're now getting
Speaker 1: into time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, wind it up, wrap it up all right, chatterbox,
Speaker 2: put it, put a zip on it.
Speaker 1: Well, hold on, is just a second? Hold on, just
Speaker 1: a hold on, mister, take control?
Speaker 2: What about?
Speaker 1: I want you to talk to me a little bit
Speaker 1: about the tour, because not only do I want to
Speaker 1: plug it, but I want to know what you're doing.
Speaker 1: So when you go out, you don't necessarily go out
Speaker 1: and say I need to be and then leave the
Speaker 1: stage and I have someone else do the first five minutes.
Speaker 2: It could happen doing it. Oh, it would not happen
Speaker 2: in the first five minutes, right, Okay, I will go
Speaker 2: to the bathroom before I'll hold the fucking show before. No,
Speaker 2: I'm talking about if it's you know. Also, sometimes I'm
Speaker 2: I'm very uh in a in a good way. I
Speaker 2: can be self indulgent and and I'm happy to stay
Speaker 2: up there. I'll stay up there for a long time.
Speaker 2: And it back in the you know, early days, when
Speaker 2: I was doing music venues and I'd have a band
Speaker 2: open up for me, and it was a big, crazy,
Speaker 2: drunken night. It was really fun. And I mean I
Speaker 2: would do hours and in fact, I I would just
Speaker 2: kind of go until I had to go to the
Speaker 2: bathroom and I'd say, you know, it's been two hours.
Speaker 2: I got to go but I'm not kidding either, you know.
Speaker 2: But and then you know, I'm drinking while I'm doing
Speaker 2: the show, And so.
Speaker 1: What I'm getting is that it's not it's not disciplined
Speaker 1: is the wrong word, but it's not it's not structured
Speaker 1: in a very formal way.
Speaker 2: Then how you do it? No, that's that that is
Speaker 2: not correct. It is definitely structured. But I play within
Speaker 2: that structure. I couldn't. I don't go I'm not one
Speaker 2: of those guys. I'm not gifted like guy who can
Speaker 2: just riff for you know, an hour and a half.
Speaker 2: I'm doing bits. These are bits I've worked on, and uh,
Speaker 2: you know, I've done a bunch at this point, getting
Speaker 2: ready for the tour and working on the bits and
Speaker 2: either you know, editing them down or flushing them out
Speaker 2: or just dropping them. I have the structure, I know,
Speaker 2: the sequencing, which is one of the hardest parts of
Speaker 2: putting a set together for me, at least. I have
Speaker 2: all these disparate ideas and it's like this doesn't go here,
Speaker 2: This should would be better here at Vienna, this would
Speaker 2: be better. This following this with this is kind of
Speaker 2: you know, clunky and whatever. And then when I'm out
Speaker 2: on the road because of the nature of how I
Speaker 2: do it, and I'm always I'm mean, I will acknowledge
Speaker 2: whatever is happening in front of me. If we if
Speaker 2: if somebody's at the bar and some glass brain, whatever
Speaker 2: thing happens, if.
Speaker 1: The security guard says fuck it, I quit and storms up, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you wouldn't just ignore it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't ignore that stuff, especially if everyone's hurt.
Speaker 2: It it's just me and you got to go through it.
Speaker 2: But if it's a if it's a there's a disturbance
Speaker 2: or whatever the thing is, we'll address it. And that's
Speaker 2: easily mind for material. It's fun. It makes the show
Speaker 2: kind of unique. It's fun for me to do. You know,
Speaker 2: I suppose he's just doing joke joke, joke, joke, choke, choke,
Speaker 2: choke joke, good night. Do you have a what's your
Speaker 2: phone policy? With? Oh? Absolutely, you know, signs and announcements,
Speaker 2: no phones, there's no excuse you pull out your phone.
Speaker 2: You can go to the lobby and use your phone
Speaker 2: if you have to call a babysit or whatever. But
Speaker 2: you pull out your phone security, I'm sorry, you're gonna
Speaker 2: have to leave. And I've been doing that for a
Speaker 2: long time, and almost nobody disrespects it. I mean everybody.
Speaker 2: Most people are happy with that. They're like, good, but
Speaker 2: the fucking phone's away. I feel the same way because
Speaker 2: I heard it.
Speaker 1: But guys putting phones and bags and all that, I'm like,
Speaker 1: fuck it, it doesn't matter, you know.
Speaker 2: I did that once on this little mini tour and
Speaker 2: it was not It was a pain in the ass.
Speaker 2: It wasn't worth it. It was annoying to people. I
Speaker 2: didn't realize they had to come and walk them individually
Speaker 2: and all that shit. And I was like, and honestly,
Speaker 2: my my audience is pretty great and they're you know,
Speaker 2: smart and respectful. And I'm telling you, when there's like
Speaker 2: a no phone policy, people are like, good, yes, thank you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I know, to have an experience which isn't digital is
Speaker 1: uh yeah, is a fucking relief. However, this experience was
Speaker 1: being gorgeous and digital and that was a beautiful setting.
Speaker 1: I'm a fucking my friend.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's good because the tour.
Speaker 1: I have a great time, especially when you're doing Glasgow
Speaker 1: and Edinburgh. In Glasgow, my tip is bring up the
Speaker 1: Religious Wars of sixteen ninety. That's always I have a
Speaker 1: twenty minute chunk on that. All right, I have a
Speaker 1: great time with that. Maybe we're a crash helmet. It's
Speaker 1: lovely to talk to you, David. Thanks very much indeed
Speaker 1: for doing this show.
Speaker 2: Absolutely thank you.