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Speaker 1: Hey, this is aam.

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Speaker 2: This is John, your og Okay storytime podcast host, and

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Speaker 2: we got.

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Speaker 3: Some delicious, juicy stories coming up.

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Speaker 4: But if you want to hear that deliciousness, you know,

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Speaker 4: just stick around for a two minute break with a

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Speaker 4: word from our sponsors.

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Speaker 5: My fiance's mom looks exactly like me, and everyone thinks

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Speaker 5: it's cute except me.

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Speaker 3: Ooh, maybe she'd do a DNA check before you get married.

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Speaker 5: I twenty four female, have been with my fiance, twenty

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Speaker 5: eight male, for the past five years and engaged for

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Speaker 5: the past year. He is the love of my life

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Speaker 5: and we get along very well. He's always had a

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Speaker 5: strange adoration for his mother. He usually talks about how smart,

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Speaker 5: how kind, and how funny she is. I always thought

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Speaker 5: it was sweet because I don't have a good relationship

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Speaker 5: with my mother. He often said, I have the same

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Speaker 5: personality type as his mother too. We're both iontps. By

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Speaker 5: the way, this comes from Throwaway Freud and if you

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Speaker 5: want to submit your own stories, go to the rslage

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Speaker 5: Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carly and I'm Carly's boyfriend and

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Speaker 5: we're here to give good advice goofully, but we don't

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Speaker 5: have all the answers. We only know what we do,

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Speaker 5: so let us know what you would do in the comments.

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Speaker 5: During our whole relationship, I hadn't met his family. We

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Speaker 5: live in Germany and they're in the US. We're currently

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Speaker 5: visiting them now. When I met her, I really liked her.

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Speaker 5: She's sixty four, so I didn't notice our resemblance at first,

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Speaker 5: But when I looked at her wedding photos with my

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Speaker 5: fiance's father, I realized I really look like I could

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Speaker 5: be her daughter. Even my fiance's father pointed it out.

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Speaker 3: I don't like this. I don't that's mom.

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Speaker 5: Picked me up. I'm scared. We both have curly, ginger

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Speaker 5: hair and green eyes, and we both have bangs. We

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Speaker 5: are a similar height and build. It's so eerie.

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Speaker 3: Start ringing the bell, start ringing the Oedipus.

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Speaker 5: If you compare a photo of her in her youth

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Speaker 5: with me, we look like we could be sisters. His

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Speaker 5: mother is also a fan of red lipstick. Guess what

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Speaker 5: color the lipsticks he buys me are read. I asked

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Speaker 5: a few friends what they thought, and they said, this

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Speaker 5: obviously can't be a coincidence. I decided to speak with

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Speaker 5: him before bed yesterday and pointed out how similar I

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Speaker 5: was to his mother. He shrugged and said people usually

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Speaker 5: choose partners who are similar to their parents. I didn't

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Speaker 5: believe him, but he showed me some articles on Google.

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Speaker 5: I tried to let it go today, but I met

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Speaker 5: some more of his relatives and everyone is talking about

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Speaker 5: how his mother and I look like we're related. His

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Speaker 5: mother finds this whole thing cute and has said, my

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Speaker 5: son misses me so much when he's in Germany that

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Speaker 5: he found my look alike.

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Speaker 3: That's so wrong and so bad. If no one's calling

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Speaker 3: this out and everyone's like that's cute, get out.

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Speaker 5: How do I approach a conversation with him about this again?

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Speaker 5: Or am I just overreacting? And should I let it go?

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Speaker 5: I would love some advice. We have some comment Comment

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Speaker 5: one says LMAO, change your appearance and update us. Opie says,

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Speaker 5: I am. I will be using some temporary dye on

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Speaker 5: my hair. Commentre two says, what color are you going for?

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Speaker 5: I feel like dark would be better because your ginger,

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Speaker 5: so it's a more drastic change than blonde. But if

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Speaker 5: you wanted to go back, it might ruin the color. Maybe,

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Speaker 5: Opie says, I've got a few bottles of brown root spray.

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Speaker 5: It's dark brown. I'm gonna try it out after I

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Speaker 5: wash my hair. Another commenter says Sigmund Freud has entered

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Speaker 5: the chat. Another commenter says, do you feel like you

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Speaker 5: have a mothering role in the relationship. Opie says, I

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Speaker 5: don't think so. He works more hours than me and

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Speaker 5: earns more so he pays for most of our expenses.

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Speaker 5: I handle most of the housework and cooking. But isn't

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Speaker 5: that traditionally the mother role cooking and cleaning. Supreme Colta says,

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Speaker 5: I think you are reading too much into it. I

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Speaker 5: would not stress over it. Until he calls you mommy

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Speaker 5: during spicy sleep. Opie says, You're not gonna like what

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Speaker 5: I'm about to tell you.

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Speaker 1: What a pretty couch sixty nices.

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Speaker 5: Does he call you mommy in the bedroom? No? No,

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Speaker 5: no sometimes edit A commenter told me to add this here.

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Speaker 5: I didn't want to earlier because it's a bit vulgar.

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Speaker 5: But he does call me mommy in bed sometimes. Update

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Speaker 5: six days later. Most of the advice told me to

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Speaker 5: change my appearance, which is what I did. I managed

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Speaker 5: to find a very nice wig it has straight brown hair,

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Speaker 5: and his sister in law installed it for me. I've

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Speaker 5: had it on for three days now, and my fiance

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Speaker 5: hates it looks He's pissed at his sister in law

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Speaker 5: for installing it too. I made sure it was a

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Speaker 5: brown that suited me because I am very pale, and

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Speaker 5: everyone has complimented it except him. Even his mother said

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Speaker 5: it was beautiful. My fiance keeps saying it doesn't suit

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Speaker 5: my complexion, that my ginger hair is much better. I

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Speaker 5: made up a lie and told him that my hair

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Speaker 5: couldn't deal with the water in the US. Germany has

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Speaker 5: hard water, but the city my fiance's family lives in

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Speaker 5: has even harder water, so I said my scalp was irritated.

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Speaker 5: He bought a water filter. He refused to have Spicy

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Speaker 5: sleep with me because I didn't look like myself to him.

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Speaker 5: I also stopped wearing the red lipstick. I wore a

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Speaker 5: pink one instead, and all he did was ask if

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Speaker 5: I had a new favorite. I told him that red

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Speaker 5: was his favorite, not mine, and he agreed with that. Yesterday,

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Speaker 5: I removed the wig so I could wash my hair,

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Speaker 5: and he walked in on me installing it again. He

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Speaker 5: said that I shouldn't put it back on because it

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Speaker 5: looked terrible, and I rolled my eyes and laughed at him.

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Speaker 5: After that we had a conversation. He said that I

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Speaker 5: looked so much better as a ginger, and then he

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Speaker 5: wanted to have a spicy sleep because we hadn't done

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Speaker 5: it in a few days because of the wig. I

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Speaker 5: told him I didn't know how my hair attached to

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Speaker 5: a net prevented us from being intimate. I then asked

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Speaker 5: him why he called me mommy in bed. Disclaimer, I

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Speaker 5: do not enjoy being called mommy in bed, but I

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Speaker 5: dealt with it because I love him. He gave me

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Speaker 5: this same response as usual and said it was a

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Speaker 5: spicy hobby. I said I didn't like it, and he

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Speaker 5: said that he wouldn't do it anymore, but was disappointed

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Speaker 5: because as his partner, I should be supportive of his

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Speaker 5: spicy hobbies. I said that I'd support others, but not

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Speaker 5: this one. I then told him I found it extremely

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Speaker 5: uncomfortable that I look exactly like his mother. I said,

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Speaker 5: I'd understand if we were both gingers, but we look

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Speaker 5: so similar people have mistaken us for being mother and daughter.

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Speaker 5: He immediately got defensive and said that it was just

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Speaker 5: a coincidence. I told him that with the mommy spicy hobby,

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Speaker 5: it was starting to look intentional. He then finally came clean.

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Speaker 3: Eno the heck does that mean?

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Speaker 5: He said that he did decide to get to know

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Speaker 5: me because I look like his mother. Oh no, He

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Speaker 5: said that he first took an interest in me non

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Speaker 5: romantic because the resemblance was uncanny.

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Speaker 3: Oh so he's known this the entire higher time and

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Speaker 3: called you mommy in the bedroom.

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Speaker 5: And he was intrigued by it.

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Speaker 2: Ah.

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Speaker 5: Then he said he fell in love with my personality

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Speaker 5: and that's why he decided to ask me out. So

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Speaker 5: he wouldn't have asked me out solely based on my

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Speaker 5: resemblance to his mother.

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Speaker 3: That's what piqued his interest.

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Speaker 5: I asked about the red lipstick, and he said that

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Speaker 5: he liked red lipstick and had asked his mother for recommendation,

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Speaker 5: So I guess that checks out. I then asked about

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Speaker 5: him steering me towards hobbies that his mother has. I

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Speaker 5: liked a crochet and bake because he first introduced me

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Speaker 5: to those hobbies and I found out those are his

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Speaker 5: mother's main hobbies. He said that baking and crocheting are

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Speaker 5: nurturing hobbies, and he wanted a nurturing partner since mothers

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Speaker 5: are usually very nurturing, he wanted a partner with his

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Speaker 5: mother's qualities. And about the wig, he just said he

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Speaker 5: preferred my natural hair. I honestly don't know how to

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Speaker 5: feel about all of this. On one hand, this is

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Speaker 5: weird as f On the other hand, his ex nations

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Speaker 5: kind of do make sense. I saw a comment on

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Speaker 5: my old post from a Ginger saying that she's dated

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Speaker 5: a lot of men with ginger mothers, So I don't

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Speaker 5: know if this means that this is normal or extremely abnormal.

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Speaker 5: He's an amazing and loving partner outside of this, so

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Speaker 5: I'm thinking of getting us couples counseling and postponing our

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Speaker 5: wedding plans got a little bit more.

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Speaker 3: The cat's out of the bag.

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Speaker 5: He wants his mommy so.

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Speaker 3: And again I don't want to shame anybody. That's his

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Speaker 3: thing for uop very weird. It's weird for a lot

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Speaker 3: of people. It's weird.

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Speaker 5: I'm not sure how more people were not calling that weird.

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Speaker 3: So I think definitely get some counseling for yourselves. I

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Speaker 3: think delaying the wedding is a one hundred percent a

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Speaker 3: good thing. If people were like, hey, you look like

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Speaker 3: Keon's mom or you look like Keon's sister, I'd be like,

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Speaker 3: a stop that weird.

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Speaker 5: Because he's not even saying that it's weird.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: One good thing that has come out of this is

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Speaker 5: that at least I know I look amazing with brown

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Speaker 5: hair too. I would like some more advice and thoughts

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Speaker 5: on this. I I'm still in the US with his family,

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Speaker 5: and I still have my wig on. Commenter says, how

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Speaker 5: are you not on the first plane back to Germany?

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Speaker 5: That is so creepy. Opie says, I looked at tickets

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Speaker 5: and they're very expensive. I'm gonna call the airline to

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Speaker 5: see if my existing ticket can be brought forward. That

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Speaker 5: commenter replies again, I'm not sure if this will be

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Speaker 5: the case with international flights, but you can go to

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Speaker 5: the airport and see if they can put you on

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Speaker 5: a stand by so if someone cancels, you can get

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Speaker 5: on the next flight back. Heck, call the closest German

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Speaker 5: embassy and ask for help. You are trapped in a

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Speaker 5: harmful situation. There's probably protocol for this, Opie says. I'll

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Speaker 5: see if I can get on standby. My fiance paid

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Speaker 5: for my original ticket, so the money loss is his problem.

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Speaker 5: I haven't been threatened physically or mistreated except some gaslighting,

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Speaker 5: I guess, so I don't think the embassy would care.

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Speaker 3: Edit.

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Speaker 5: I'm currently looking for a flight back to Germany. My

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Speaker 5: narc mom is paying for my tickets, so I've just

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Speaker 5: opened a whole new can of worms. But I'll be

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Speaker 5: paying her back as soon as I get my next paycheck.

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Speaker 5: I've packed up most of my things. Wish me luck

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Speaker 5: on finding a direct flight. Got some final comments.

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Speaker 3: Is your fiance still your fiance already?

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Speaker 5: That's what we're about to find out.

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Speaker 3: Are you ending it?

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Speaker 5: Michael seven eight nine's or zero says? Did you end

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Speaker 5: up breaking up with the boyfriend or what's gonna happen?

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Speaker 5: Opie says, I told him that I'm going back to

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Speaker 5: Germany so I can have time to think. I'm probably

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Speaker 5: gonna dump him when he comes back.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I feel like but that's crazy.

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Speaker 5: And that's the end of that story. But we're going

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Speaker 5: to go to the next one.

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Speaker 3: My boyfriend refuse to wash his hair and it's grossing

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Speaker 3: me out to wash it.

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Speaker 5: While he's asleep.

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Speaker 3: My boyfriend stopped washing his hair about two years ago.

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Speaker 3: Is it gross to only wash your hair twice a

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Speaker 3: week with straight apple cider vinegar. He is trying to

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Speaker 3: fight hair loss and read somewhere that shampoo makes it worse.

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Speaker 3: He refuses to use shampoo anymore and has been that

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Speaker 3: way for two years. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 3: user cat And if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 3: go to the r slash. Okay, start time, supbred it.

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Speaker 3: I'm ke On, I'm Carly, and we're here to give

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Speaker 3: good advice. Goofly, But we don't have all the answers.

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Speaker 3: We only know what we do, so let us know

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Speaker 3: what you would do in the comments. His scalp does

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Speaker 3: not smell good even after so called washing it. He

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Speaker 3: wears hats all day every day and works in metal fabrication.

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Speaker 3: This side of the sheets are stained and his pillow

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Speaker 3: brand new is already staying through the pillowcase. But that

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Speaker 3: could just because he works in metal fabrication, or he

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Speaker 3: sweats that night. Please help me get over the fact

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Speaker 3: that this grosses me out. Yes, I've told him this

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Speaker 3: and he just doesn't care, or he explains to me

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Speaker 3: that it is cleaning his scalp and hair, so I

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Speaker 3: can get over my discomfort and just move on. We

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Speaker 3: have some comments. Come number one, there are shampoos that's

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Speaker 3: support to stop hair loss, monoxidl, hymns, nioxen. Maybe suggests

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Speaker 3: that he consider using these shampoos or topical methods like

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Speaker 3: rogaine monoxid or he'll be losing a lot more than

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Speaker 3: his hair if he doesn't stop being so gross. Opie responds,

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Speaker 3: loll agreed, and he uses monoxidil foam every morning and night,

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Speaker 3: but I feel like it isn't working because his hair

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Speaker 3: isn't clean. Coming number two, this would be my eck.

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Speaker 3: Cleanliness is important. Opie responds, Yeah, that's why I decided

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Speaker 3: to post and ask, because I don't know if I

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Speaker 3: can take it anymore. I'm super hygienic and made that

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Speaker 3: clear before we made things official, and he was too.

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Speaker 3: But two years in switch in to this. Coming number three,

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Speaker 3: apple cider vinegar. That stuff smells vicious. There's shampoo for

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Speaker 3: hair loss. Wearing a hat all the time is only

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Speaker 3: making his hair loss condition worse. Opie says, I told

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Speaker 3: him that, and he didn't believe me. F my life

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Speaker 3: Coming four. I feel like there's something else going on here.

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Speaker 3: Your boyfriend believes something he read, but doesn't believe any

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Speaker 3: other evidence. Does he have someone backing up these claims

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Speaker 3: that not washing his hair will prevent hair loss. He's

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Speaker 3: doing the opposite of what should be done. He's going

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Speaker 3: to clog those poors up and cause a lot of

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Speaker 3: scalp problems. I'm just really wondering what is behind this

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Speaker 3: whole thing. Why is he so afraid that he's going

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Speaker 3: to lose his hair? I would suggest that he might

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Speaker 3: need to see a therapist. Thinking that he only should

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Speaker 3: wash his hair once a week or once every two

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Speaker 3: weeks would be one thing. To never wash and not

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Speaker 3: recognize how gross that is indicates to me some sort

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Speaker 3: of underlying issue. I can't believe you've been putting up

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Speaker 3: with this for so long. Washing twice a week in

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Speaker 3: and of itself isn't enough for people with short hair.

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Speaker 3: If he has long hair, it might be okay. A

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Speaker 3: lot of people seem to think vinegar can replace soap,

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Speaker 3: and it sort of can when you're cleaning surfaces in

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Speaker 3: your home, but it's not an adequate substitute for laundry detergent,

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Speaker 3: and it is definitely not an adequate replacement for body

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Speaker 3: wash or shampoo. So no, he's definitely not cleaning himself properly,

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Speaker 3: and poor hygien can absolutely be a deal breaker for

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Speaker 3: any relationship. I hope you're not the one laundering his

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Speaker 3: nasty pillowcases, but deep down, I bet you are, and

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Speaker 3: I need you to know you deserve so much better.

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Speaker 3: If he's really worried about hair loss, he needs to

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Speaker 3: talk to a doctor or at least a barber, someone

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Speaker 3: who knows what they're talking about, not some quack on

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Speaker 3: the inner. Yes, you can soak laundry and vinegar or

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Speaker 3: use vinegar in the rint cycle to soften and deodorize clothing,

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Speaker 3: but it's not detergent. You still need detergent. Opie responds,

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Speaker 3: thank you. I needed to hear this. I've told him this,

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Speaker 3: and he does have chronic back acne, and I've told

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Speaker 3: him why, but he doesn't believe me. And yes, I

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Speaker 3: watched his pillowcase, and yes I about gag every time.

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Speaker 5: Oh wash that for him gross.

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Speaker 3: If it's that gross and stinky, there's no reason to

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Speaker 3: be sleeping in the same bed with him, to be

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Speaker 3: near his vicinity because guess what, you smell it, Everyone

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Speaker 3: smells it, everyone deals with it. I would just be

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Speaker 3: embarrassed at that point. We have an update here, Hey,

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Speaker 3: a'll thank you all for the suggestions and comments. I

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Speaker 3: read them and I digested them. Firstly, we've been through

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Speaker 3: a lot together, making the solution of just leave not

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Speaker 3: my first thought because I want this to work. He's

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Speaker 3: a good man that has been misled by information. Well

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00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,360
Speaker 3: I think so. Anyway, we had a conversation the night

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Speaker 3: I posted this, and it didn't end well at all.

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Speaker 3: He gave me the silent treatment after I brought it

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Speaker 3: up and just said I'll just shave my head over

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Speaker 3: and over anytime I tried to talk to him about

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00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,080
Speaker 3: other options. I never said for him to shave it,

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Speaker 3: but he was insisting, I'm guessing, to stop it from

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Speaker 3: even being a conversation. He was mad and being not

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Speaker 3: nice to me at all. When he did actually respond,

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Speaker 3: I slept in the living room because I wanted to

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Speaker 3: give him some space and also your nose a break.

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Speaker 3: In the morning, he was leaving for work and he

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Speaker 3: said bye. I said, that's all you have to say

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Speaker 3: to me. Then he proceeded to say some hurtful things

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Speaker 3: to me that I only care about my own feelings,

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Speaker 3: not his, and I don't want to help his problem,

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Speaker 3: but to help myself. Like I said, he only cares

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Speaker 3: about himself. At this point, it's showing his true colors.

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Speaker 3: You have asked him to compromise at least wash your

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Speaker 3: hair maybe once a week, and he still won't do that.

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Speaker 3: He doesn't care for any of your thoughts. And he's

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Speaker 3: calling you selfish.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, because at the end of the day, one wash

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Speaker 5: a week is not going to make this guy's hair

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Speaker 5: stay around that much longer.

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Speaker 3: I would also bring up things like, again, it's hereditary.

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Speaker 3: It's like, if you're so.

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Speaker 5: Married, I don't know, get a hair transplant, get a uh,

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Speaker 5: go to Turkey.

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Speaker 3: Get yeah, go to Turkey, get a hair transplant. That's

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Speaker 3: gonna solve it.

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Speaker 5: Get a hair What are they called two pays to pay?

335
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Speaker 5: Just get a wig, dude, Get into the baldness. The

336
00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:09,960
Speaker 5: fact that she loves you for you, not your hair.

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Speaker 3: What's the deep root of insecurities of you going bald? Yes,

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Speaker 3: it sucks. When he said that, I got extremely sad

339
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:19,080
Speaker 3: and upset because he should know me better than that.

340
00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:21,720
Speaker 3: After the length of time we've been together. I told

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Speaker 3: him that if that's how you've used me, then why

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Speaker 3: am I even here? Because that's not how I am

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00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:28,360
Speaker 3: at all, and he knows this. I think his ego

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00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,120
Speaker 3: is hurt. I told him that I genuinely do not

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00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,520
Speaker 3: think what he's doing is helping him, nor is it

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00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:35,280
Speaker 3: healthy of his hair and scalp smell, and it's also

347
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,600
Speaker 3: affecting me more than i'd like. I was hoping we

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00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:40,120
Speaker 3: can find something he's okay with that also makes me

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00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,600
Speaker 3: feel better about the situation. Then he just left for

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Speaker 3: work that night. We talked about it again, but it

351
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:49,080
Speaker 3: wasn't getting anywhere, and he refused to consider using shampoo.

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Speaker 3: Fine whatever, as long as it doesn't smell. I don't

353
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:54,720
Speaker 3: care what he uses. But it turned into another argument

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Speaker 3: about my motives for the conversation, again with him saying

355
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Speaker 3: I only cared about myself, expect that's it about me,

356
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:05,200
Speaker 3: but also about him, about both of us. Something he's

357
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,560
Speaker 3: doing is bothering me to this extent, and I'd like

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00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:11,119
Speaker 3: to try and find a compromise. Like I said, He

359
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,439
Speaker 3: could not accept that as the truth for whatever reason,

360
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Speaker 3: and I have always been a very honest person. At

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Speaker 3: one point I just cut him off and said, why

362
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:21,240
Speaker 3: are we even arguing about this? You need to wash

363
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:24,520
Speaker 3: your hair. It smells and it's gross, and this shouldn't

364
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:26,800
Speaker 3: even have to be more than a simple conversation. I

365
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,280
Speaker 3: don't care if you don't use shampoo, so long as

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Speaker 3: your hair doesn't stink, and we'd leave any residue. What

367
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:35,080
Speaker 3: are we doing? Then we sat in silence for a while.

368
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Speaker 3: I was fuming and he was stinking. There's a little

369
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:40,119
Speaker 3: bit left, honey. I mean, I think we said our

370
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,520
Speaker 3: wash your hair. If anyone's out there where your partner's like, yeah,

371
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,800
Speaker 3: there's some people who are very ocd and like you

372
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Speaker 3: need to do this, you need to do that. That's

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Speaker 3: one thing like if.

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Speaker 5: If people are telling you that you stink and your

375
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:55,399
Speaker 5: hygiene is bad, typically they're not being mean. It's gonna

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00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:56,720
Speaker 5: take a lot for them to get to that point

377
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:59,480
Speaker 5: to tell you that this is your girlfriend that loves

378
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Speaker 5: you and to support you wash your dang hair.

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Speaker 3: You stink, man, Like I said earlier, comes to body odor,

380
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:09,080
Speaker 3: your your breath, anything where it's just like your hygiene

381
00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:11,960
Speaker 3: is not okay, and you're someone that loves you is

382
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,560
Speaker 3: telling you, hey, you're a hygiene's not okay. Because I

383
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,760
Speaker 3: have the gall to tell you your hygiene sucks. Imagine what

384
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,760
Speaker 3: everyone else is saying about you, not telling you to

385
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:21,840
Speaker 3: your face, like, yes, my friends should tell me. Like

386
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:23,720
Speaker 3: I tell people every time, like they have food in

387
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,480
Speaker 3: their mouth or their teeth. I'm like, you got food

388
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,320
Speaker 3: in your teeth, and they say thank you most of

389
00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:28,760
Speaker 3: the time, like I won't say it in a rude way.

390
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,680
Speaker 3: I'm like, hey, sorry, you have food in your teeth.

391
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:33,240
Speaker 3: This guy can't. I don't know. This guy is stinky

392
00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:35,840
Speaker 3: literally and figuratively, but let's go ahead and finish up

393
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,600
Speaker 3: the story. After calming down, he settled on trying baking

394
00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:41,480
Speaker 3: soda paste with white vinegar, as some of you had suggested.

395
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,520
Speaker 3: If that didn't work, he said he'd try a conditioner

396
00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:47,600
Speaker 3: co wash. I was okay with this solution, but we

397
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:51,080
Speaker 3: didn't get there without a lot of unnecessary arguing. I'm

398
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:53,400
Speaker 3: still pretty upset, but I'm letting him try to keep

399
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,199
Speaker 3: his word on what he said he'd do. If he doesn't,

400
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,840
Speaker 3: then I'll reevaluate. Thank you all again for your help

401
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,760
Speaker 3: and comments. It helped more than you think. And we

402
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,840
Speaker 3: have a second update. Do you think he's gonna be stinkier?

403
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:06,560
Speaker 3: Now he's gonna get.

404
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:09,520
Speaker 5: Honestly, with that mix. Who knows he's gonna don't you

405
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:13,280
Speaker 5: if you mix his baking soda? Yeah, freaking volcano on

406
00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:13,760
Speaker 5: his head.

407
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:14,600
Speaker 3: I don't know.

408
00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:16,600
Speaker 5: Isn't that what you use? Volcano?

409
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:18,520
Speaker 3: Guy's definitely making his hair worse.

410
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,840
Speaker 5: That's what you use for the making the volcano.

411
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,000
Speaker 3: He's making his hair so like his scalp, so much

412
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,000
Speaker 3: worse and it should be better.

413
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,000
Speaker 5: It's gonna fluff.

414
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:27,240
Speaker 3: I put some product in my hair, like oil and

415
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,160
Speaker 3: like some stuff to like curly hair.

416
00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:31,720
Speaker 5: Curly, Yeah, exactly, take care of your curly hair.

417
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, this guy's different. I need this. You also do,

418
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,119
Speaker 3: because this guy's never talked to like an actual professional.

419
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:38,919
Speaker 3: Seems like he's like I write this on the internet

420
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:40,160
Speaker 3: and that's the dude.

421
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:41,280
Speaker 5: Go get your hair checked out.

422
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:41,840
Speaker 2: I'm sure hair.

423
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:45,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, this sounds exhausting. Update four months later, Oh wow,

424
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:48,280
Speaker 3: I broke up with him last night. I could take

425
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:51,880
Speaker 3: this problem anymore. Along with many many others, I deserve

426
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:55,199
Speaker 3: someone who will wash their hair and not be a

427
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:57,960
Speaker 3: blowout fight. Thank you to everyone who commented. I'm going

428
00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,760
Speaker 3: to focus on myself and try to have fun with

429
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,840
Speaker 3: my as I haven't in five years.

430
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:05,160
Speaker 5: Wow, thank you, Wow, Wow, that's for you.

431
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:05,400
Speaker 1: Go out.

432
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,280
Speaker 3: Yeah. Now he's gonna lose his hair and he lost you,

433
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:11,359
Speaker 3: and he stinks and he stinks. He's probably I guarantee you.

434
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:13,760
Speaker 3: After he go was bald, He's like, I'm still gonna

435
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,240
Speaker 3: just put I'm not gonna wash it, apple cider, vinegar.

436
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,720
Speaker 5: He's probably not gonna put anything on it. He's gonna

437
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:19,440
Speaker 5: be like, it's skin.

438
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:22,040
Speaker 3: What a yeah, what a stinky, stinky man.

439
00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:24,400
Speaker 5: And that's the end of that story. But we're gonna

440
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:29,040
Speaker 5: go to the next one. My boyfriend finally proposed, but

441
00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:30,679
Speaker 5: it feels like a shut up.

442
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,800
Speaker 3: Ring that doesn't have a very good ring to it.

443
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,480
Speaker 5: My boyfriend male twenty seven and I female twenty six

444
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:40,960
Speaker 5: started dating in ninth grade after he asked me out

445
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:44,320
Speaker 5: at winter formal in twenty and twelve.

446
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:45,800
Speaker 3: That's cute.

447
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:49,320
Speaker 5: We went as friends, but quickly hit it off, and

448
00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:52,960
Speaker 5: we're together by New Year's From there, we reached a

449
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:56,600
Speaker 5: lot of milestones fast, and honestly, we both figured we'd

450
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:59,800
Speaker 5: be married by twenty seventeen or twenty eighteen. The excuse

451
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,760
Speaker 5: the time was that we were young and still in school.

452
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:06,480
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from Throwaway Seashi and if

453
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,320
Speaker 5: you want us submit your own stories, go to the

454
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:12,600
Speaker 5: r slash Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carly, I'm Keon, and

455
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,480
Speaker 5: we're here to give good advice Goofily, but we don't

456
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:18,200
Speaker 5: have all the answers. We only know what we would do,

457
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,120
Speaker 5: So let us know what you would do in the comments.

458
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,320
Speaker 5: I finished college in three years and he did in four.

459
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:26,560
Speaker 5: We both have our dream jobs and have a combined

460
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:28,880
Speaker 5: income of one hundred and forty four k per year.

461
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:29,560
Speaker 3: Damn.

462
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 5: We have loans, but none of them are atrocious, and

463
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,560
Speaker 5: we lived in a home. He inherited. That said, our

464
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,440
Speaker 5: life felt perfect by the time I was twenty two.

465
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:43,600
Speaker 5: That's when he started randomly inquiring about my ring size,

466
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:47,439
Speaker 5: my dream wedding, and whether or not I liked gold

467
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:50,440
Speaker 5: or silver jewelry more. When I turned twenty two, there

468
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:53,400
Speaker 5: was no engagement, but it wasn't a big deal. Then

469
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:56,560
Speaker 5: twenty three came and it was the same thing. So

470
00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:59,399
Speaker 5: I started thinking it would happen any day. Now twenty

471
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:03,080
Speaker 5: four past and the conversation became tiring. I started to

472
00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:05,960
Speaker 5: ask what he was waiting for. He claimed, the right

473
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:09,640
Speaker 5: moment hasn't come yet. It took me until age twenty

474
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:13,159
Speaker 5: five to realize that he often used the promise of

475
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:16,360
Speaker 5: proposing whenever I was upset with him about something.

476
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:19,080
Speaker 3: Ooh, I don't like that. No, I was gonna say,

477
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,320
Speaker 3: you guys are living a great life.

478
00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:23,719
Speaker 5: By twenty six, I told myself that he had until

479
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:27,600
Speaker 5: he turned twenty seven. His birthday was closer. After that,

480
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:30,440
Speaker 5: I was walking away. I got my own space ahead

481
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:34,199
Speaker 5: of time and followed through. The separation was peaceful and

482
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:38,080
Speaker 5: he didn't protest much, if at all. Last week, about

483
00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:40,800
Speaker 5: two months later, he showed up at my place. We

484
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,280
Speaker 5: had shared our locations a couple of years back and

485
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:46,560
Speaker 5: just never turned them off. I completely forgot about it.

486
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:49,879
Speaker 5: I wasn't creeped out or anything. Once he explained how

487
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:52,560
Speaker 5: he found me. After some catching up, he pulled out

488
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,359
Speaker 5: the box while sitting on the couch across from me.

489
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:59,119
Speaker 5: It wasn't the romantic on one knee moment. And I

490
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:02,000
Speaker 5: can't help a far like I forced his hand. This

491
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,960
Speaker 5: feels more like a here damn situation than anything else.

492
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:09,159
Speaker 5: He says, I'm overthinking, and that he didn't realize what

493
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:12,200
Speaker 5: he had until he lost it. He also said he

494
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:15,040
Speaker 5: never knew that marriage was that important to me. I

495
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 5: kind of want to get back with him, but I

496
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,760
Speaker 5: don't want him to resent me later and say he

497
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:22,040
Speaker 5: was forced into marriage or anything like that.

498
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,840
Speaker 3: Oh come on, Ope, you know what he's doing. You

499
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,240
Speaker 3: know that this was like like you're like, oh, I

500
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,160
Speaker 3: know how to get her back immediately. Op.

501
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:32,639
Speaker 5: He says, should I give it another chance? Comments Cultural

502
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:35,600
Speaker 5: Shape thirty five eighteen. He never knew marriage was that

503
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:39,680
Speaker 5: important to me, b s He knew, he just didn't

504
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:42,159
Speaker 5: think you'd actually be willing to leave him over it.

505
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,880
Speaker 5: In fact, he still doesn't, or he'd be taking responsibility

506
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:48,720
Speaker 5: for things coming to this instead of trying to make

507
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:52,159
Speaker 5: it sound like your fault. Somehow, he thinks if he

508
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 5: gives you this ring and you come back, he can

509
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,680
Speaker 5: go right back to stringing you along with reasons. It's

510
00:23:58,080 --> 00:23:59,800
Speaker 5: not the right moment to set a date for the

511
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:03,679
Speaker 5: way and start planning in earnest. Let him sort through

512
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:06,200
Speaker 5: why this hasn't been a priority for him, or just

513
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 5: keep playing ignorant on his own and keep moving forward

514
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:12,840
Speaker 5: with your life. Celestial Saint says, YEP feels like a

515
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:16,600
Speaker 5: shut up ring because it is one damon noir. He

516
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:20,400
Speaker 5: used the promise of marriage to manipulate you during fights.

517
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:22,560
Speaker 5: That's a huge red flag.

518
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:23,119
Speaker 3: Yep.

519
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,960
Speaker 5: If it's not the promise of marriage, it'll be something else.

520
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:29,120
Speaker 5: You've been dating for almost half your life. You don't

521
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:32,879
Speaker 5: know what other relationships are like. Heck, you barely know

522
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,879
Speaker 5: what you're like by yourself. Spend some time being a

523
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,840
Speaker 5: single person for a while and get to know yourself.

524
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:41,760
Speaker 5: You'll be better off for it. OPI says, thank you.

525
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:44,240
Speaker 5: Was thinking of going to the cafe by myself for

526
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:48,760
Speaker 5: the first time today. Girl, find yourself first, find yourself.

527
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:51,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, good for you that you can leave your partner,

528
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:54,200
Speaker 3: because it seems like you guys were together for so long,

529
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:58,160
Speaker 3: and that when people do that they get codependent really badly.

530
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,240
Speaker 3: So good on you that you're like you are able

531
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:01,560
Speaker 3: to be. You know what, I know what I deserve,

532
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,080
Speaker 3: I know what I want. I can't be manipulated. And

533
00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:06,800
Speaker 3: I hope again that ring doesn't make you come back

534
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:08,840
Speaker 3: or entice you to maybe entice you for a second,

535
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:10,280
Speaker 3: but I hope it doesn't entice you like I want

536
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:11,280
Speaker 3: to get back together with this guy.

537
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,040
Speaker 5: Judgment not the A hole update.

538
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:13,879
Speaker 1: Hi all.

539
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:16,720
Speaker 5: Earlier today I made a post asking how I should

540
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:19,920
Speaker 5: navigate this situation suret summary would be that my boyfriend

541
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 5: of almost thirteen years and I separate after the idea

542
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:27,119
Speaker 5: of marriage was dangled in my face for four to

543
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:30,720
Speaker 5: five years. We remained separated for two months before he

544
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:34,919
Speaker 5: suddenly reached out proposing. Many suggested I wait, but I

545
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:37,960
Speaker 5: already knew what the correct choice was a lot of

546
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,560
Speaker 5: hard truths being pointed out to me made it hard

547
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:43,920
Speaker 5: to ignore. That said I had the ring. I never

548
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:47,440
Speaker 5: told him yes, rather, I don't know, but he insisted

549
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,080
Speaker 5: I keep it. Given I decided I needed to move on.

550
00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 5: I wanted to meet so that I could give him

551
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:55,399
Speaker 5: his ring back. He agreed to at first, but was

552
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,600
Speaker 5: insistent on it being at either my place or his.

553
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,399
Speaker 5: I was already at the with the ring in my

554
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:04,240
Speaker 5: car and just wanted a neutral meeting place, so I

555
00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:06,800
Speaker 5: said no. He argued that it must not be that

556
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 5: important then, so I said, okay, I'll give the ring

557
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:12,119
Speaker 5: to your mom when I have the chance. He didn't

558
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:14,680
Speaker 5: agree to me, but this did make him FaceTime me,

559
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:17,439
Speaker 5: so he spoke that way. I was okay with that.

560
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,679
Speaker 5: The call started with him trying to negotiate a meeting

561
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:23,439
Speaker 5: location for a moment or two. Once he gave up,

562
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:26,120
Speaker 5: I told him I had a question about our breakup period.

563
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:30,159
Speaker 5: He told me I live in the past, but quickly

564
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 5: backtracked When I said, okay, never mind and attempted to

565
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,159
Speaker 5: hang up. He told me I wouldn't like the answer

566
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,360
Speaker 5: to some stuff, and he's right. Admitted that he saw

567
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:42,000
Speaker 5: four women during the two months, tom being a threesome.

568
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 5: He alleged to have wanted that experience before marrying me.

569
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 5: He also claimed that he felt inferior to me in

570
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,720
Speaker 5: the recent years because of how put together I am,

571
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:56,760
Speaker 5: as if he's much different. I was in shock. I'd

572
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,480
Speaker 5: spent these last two months alone and trying to heal

573
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:02,679
Speaker 5: while he he's having three suns. It hurt, but it

574
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:05,719
Speaker 5: felt more like a disgust hurt than a betrayal one,

575
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:08,480
Speaker 5: not because of the threesome, but because he thought he

576
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:11,760
Speaker 5: could just come back when he was done having fun.

577
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 5: He asked me to come back to his place. He

578
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:19,199
Speaker 5: said the kids to Goldfish, shut up, miss me.

579
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:19,800
Speaker 3: Oh.

580
00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:22,240
Speaker 5: I told him that I can't get back with him.

581
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:25,480
Speaker 5: I need to experience something new, just like he did.

582
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:29,280
Speaker 5: He's all I've ever known. But saying this upset him

583
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:31,680
Speaker 5: and might have given me some real insight into how

584
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:35,880
Speaker 5: he felt. He called me selfish. I'm always thinking about myself.

585
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:38,040
Speaker 5: He brought up a time I went to the gym

586
00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:41,480
Speaker 5: on his birthday early in the morning, before proceeding to

587
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:45,160
Speaker 5: spend all day with him. He said, I constantly make

588
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:49,240
Speaker 5: unilateral decisions like this one. He accused me of being

589
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:52,120
Speaker 5: with another guy and said, that's why I don't want

590
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:52,880
Speaker 5: him to come over.

591
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:54,760
Speaker 3: Honey, What am I trying to do right now?

592
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:58,320
Speaker 5: Reach for me? He's reaching, reaching, he's reaching.

593
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:03,119
Speaker 3: He's reaching so far, and he's trying to again paint

594
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:05,639
Speaker 3: you as the yeah, the person who caused all of

595
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:06,119
Speaker 3: this money.

596
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:09,280
Speaker 5: I went on and had my fun. You don't need yours.

597
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:13,000
Speaker 5: You're already put together. Just marry me. You're selfish, Come on, like,

598
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:14,160
Speaker 5: just marry me already?

599
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 3: How dare you?

600
00:28:15,119 --> 00:28:17,399
Speaker 5: I know I waited five years to ask, but like,

601
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 5: you should just marry me.

602
00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:18,479
Speaker 2: Now.

603
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:19,680
Speaker 3: That's crazy.

604
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:21,879
Speaker 5: You're probably you're probably already trying to cheat on me,

605
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:23,920
Speaker 5: So you should just marry me. The Goldfish miss you.

606
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 3: Those four other women that I talked about you with them,

607
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,040
Speaker 3: they say that I should get back together with you.

608
00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 3: I think they're pretty smart.

609
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 5: I should have hung up earlier. My choice was already

610
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:36,280
Speaker 5: made once he'd known I was set in not rekindling.

611
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:39,640
Speaker 5: He was only looking to hurt my feelings. My father

612
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 5: offered to return the ring so that I don't have to,

613
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:44,960
Speaker 5: and I've been advised to call the police if he

614
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:48,440
Speaker 5: shows up at my place again. Despite this, I feel good.

615
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:50,720
Speaker 5: I got some answers and saw what happened when he

616
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 5: didn't get his way again. I appreciate the advice comments

617
00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:58,840
Speaker 5: Commutre one, consider yourself. You dodged a huge bullet. Commentre

618
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:01,640
Speaker 5: two says, he told you all that to hurt you

619
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,120
Speaker 5: because he saw how great you are doing right now

620
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:07,760
Speaker 5: without him. Well, he is miserable. He thought he had

621
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:12,280
Speaker 5: you live your best life. His loss. A hundred three says,

622
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:16,560
Speaker 5: keep this post saved somewhere you can easily access. In fact,

623
00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 5: go a step further and detail everything from your conversation

624
00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:23,280
Speaker 5: that you remember anything he said, anything you said, and

625
00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:26,400
Speaker 5: especially how you felt. Something tells me this won't be

626
00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:28,680
Speaker 5: the last time your ex tries to reach out. At

627
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:31,680
Speaker 5: some point, doubt will punt in and you will wonder

628
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,800
Speaker 5: if you did the right thing. Trust yourself, you are

629
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:38,400
Speaker 5: doing the right thing. Be proud of yourself for loving

630
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 5: yourself enough to know you deserve better. And if you

631
00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:43,800
Speaker 5: start to doubt your choice, pull out this post and

632
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:49,480
Speaker 5: any other reminder that of who your ex is. Good luck. Wow,

633
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:50,680
Speaker 5: that's the end of that story.

634
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:54,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, real catch you should send anytime you

635
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 3: text you, or if he does text you, just send

636
00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:58,880
Speaker 3: him that link to your post. Well you send him

637
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:01,200
Speaker 3: the link to the post first and block them. Yeah,

638
00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:05,600
Speaker 3: OPI you definitely deserve someone. Wow, that was like crazy. Yeah,

639
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:08,040
Speaker 3: he definitely deserves someone who wants to marry you and

640
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:12,280
Speaker 3: not use marriage as a tactic to manipulate you or.

641
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:16,400
Speaker 5: Not string little meany attack at you when he doesn't

642
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:19,480
Speaker 5: get his way after he had to get his fun

643
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:22,640
Speaker 5: out with some other girls. Yes, and that's the end

644
00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:24,160
Speaker 5: of that story. But we're going to go to the

645
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:24,680
Speaker 5: next one.

646
00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 2: Hey y'all, it's John og Host here.

647
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:28,400
Speaker 6: We're gonna get back to the stories.

648
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:29,920
Speaker 3: But here's a quick three minute break from as for

649
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 3: more sponsors.

650
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:34,479
Speaker 2: My wife secretly teamed up with my coworker to spy

651
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 2: on me.

652
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:37,240
Speaker 6: It were that's odd.

653
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 2: Me thirty one male, and my wife, thirty female, have

654
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:44,760
Speaker 2: been married for five years together for eight my wife

655
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:47,280
Speaker 2: has been jealous of a coworker at my job for

656
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 2: some time now. Her name is Heather, and she's in

657
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 2: her early twenties and tall and pritvy. Okay, just observations.

658
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:59,320
Speaker 2: As I have a pair of eyes, you can't can't

659
00:30:59,360 --> 00:30:59,680
Speaker 2: do that.

660
00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:02,680
Speaker 6: I don't get why people put themselves on.

661
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:07,160
Speaker 2: A whole babe. Why are you so jealous of the tall,

662
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:10,480
Speaker 2: pretty girl at work? Yeah, she's so tall and pretty.

663
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:12,000
Speaker 6: Oh dnniman, she's young too.

664
00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from user World's Gone Mad

665
00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:18,600
Speaker 2: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

666
00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:22,360
Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Dakota, I'm Riley,

667
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,440
Speaker 2: I'm Carly, and we're here to give you good advice. Goofy.

668
00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 2: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

669
00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:29,240
Speaker 2: what we would do, So if you'd do something else,

670
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 2: let us know. In the comment says Op says, Heather

671
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:35,000
Speaker 2: is nice, but I don't go out of my way

672
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:37,400
Speaker 2: to talk to her. We worked together on a project

673
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 2: about eight months ago, which is when this seems to

674
00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:43,400
Speaker 2: have started. Heather, three other coworkers and I we're assigned

675
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:45,240
Speaker 2: to this project and for a good month we spent

676
00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:48,160
Speaker 2: much time together at work. My wife saw her one

677
00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:50,000
Speaker 2: day when we were all coming out and she was

678
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:52,320
Speaker 2: picking me up to go to dinner at my parents.

679
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:55,480
Speaker 2: She immediately asked who she was and if she worked

680
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:57,680
Speaker 2: at my job. I told her she was new and

681
00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 2: was put on our project. For the entire diay of

682
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:02,600
Speaker 2: the project, my wife was in a bad mood almost

683
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:05,920
Speaker 2: every day and would take every opportunity to tear Heather down,

684
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:10,120
Speaker 2: saying she was lanky, or her nose was crooked or whatever.

685
00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:12,480
Speaker 6: Dude, people have said that about me.

686
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 2: She is insecure about her height because she's five four

687
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:20,480
Speaker 2: and not a six foot tall glamazon. I love my

688
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:22,680
Speaker 2: wife's height and her petite figure and tell her this

689
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:26,600
Speaker 2: every day. She's extremely gorgeous and turns heads whenever we

690
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:29,760
Speaker 2: walk downtown. But once she saw Heather was tall and

691
00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:32,760
Speaker 2: not ugly, she was convinced I thought she was hot.

692
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 2: I kept telling her she was just a colleague and

693
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:38,640
Speaker 2: that I had no interest in her. Regardless, she would

694
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:40,760
Speaker 2: greet her coldly or not at all if she saw

695
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:43,160
Speaker 2: my colleagues. You've been with it her eight years at

696
00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 2: this point. That's a little too long for this kind

697
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:46,560
Speaker 2: of behavior to be happening.

698
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:48,160
Speaker 6: I'm getting the ick.

699
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:50,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, like I wouldn't break up with her

700
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 2: over this, clearly I would, but like, it's definitely like

701
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 2: a babe, I've been with you for eight years. Like okay,

702
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 2: So everyone looks at her when we walk down the street.

703
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:03,200
Speaker 2: Our home and jobs are located downtown, so we usually

704
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:05,480
Speaker 2: walked to meet up with each other after work. My

705
00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:08,040
Speaker 2: wife would start dressing up a lot more than usual

706
00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:10,520
Speaker 2: when she'd come meet me and make a big show

707
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:12,959
Speaker 2: of jumping on me and stuff. Oh my god. She

708
00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:16,240
Speaker 2: works at a very nice bakery and usually brings leftovers

709
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:19,360
Speaker 2: from work for us or people at my job. She

710
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:25,040
Speaker 2: always gave things out to everyone except Heather. Eventually, Heather

711
00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:28,120
Speaker 2: picked up on the hostility and approached me to ask

712
00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:32,240
Speaker 2: why my wife was acting that way. I simply told

713
00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:34,560
Speaker 2: her I didn't know. Maybe because she didn't know her

714
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,560
Speaker 2: as long as the other colleagues, she was distant. She

715
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:39,800
Speaker 2: seemed to accept that, but would no longer leave at

716
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:41,600
Speaker 2: the same time as everyone else and would either go

717
00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 2: early or hang back. Brian, another coworker, approached me on

718
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:48,680
Speaker 2: Friday and asked to talk to me privately. He told

719
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:51,959
Speaker 2: me he'd been at lunch with Kate, the coworker in question,

720
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 2: and she had gone to pay for the food. She

721
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:56,440
Speaker 2: left her phone on the table. It lit up with

722
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:59,600
Speaker 2: a text, and he saw it was from Valerie, my

723
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:03,880
Speaker 2: wife's name. The text basically said, did you see him

724
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:06,240
Speaker 2: talking to her today? What did he say?

725
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:07,040
Speaker 3: Then?

726
00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:09,359
Speaker 2: Do you think Heather is going to stay at that

727
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:12,160
Speaker 2: job long? When Kate came back to the table, he

728
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:14,920
Speaker 2: asked her if that was Valerie as in my wife.

729
00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:17,719
Speaker 2: She got a deer in the headlights look and said, oh, yeah,

730
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:20,799
Speaker 2: we text sometimes, we're friends. He said he thought it

731
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:23,040
Speaker 2: was weird because she put her phone in her purse

732
00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:26,440
Speaker 2: without even checking the messages he had asked about, and

733
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:29,319
Speaker 2: wanted to go. I went home and snooped on my

734
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:32,160
Speaker 2: wife's phone. I know it was wrong, but I had

735
00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:34,279
Speaker 2: a feeling that if I asked her she would deny

736
00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:36,240
Speaker 2: it or become defensive and not show me the phone.

737
00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:39,120
Speaker 2: There were weeks worth of texts that basically were little

738
00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:41,840
Speaker 2: reports on what went on at work. If Heather talked

739
00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:44,840
Speaker 2: to me, what we talked about. Did she hug me goodbye?

740
00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:47,040
Speaker 2: Did she touch me at all? Did I laugh at

741
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 2: her jokes? Did the guys think she was hot? Did

742
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:51,080
Speaker 2: I join in with them. Did I look like I

743
00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:51,640
Speaker 2: was flirting?

744
00:34:52,440 --> 00:35:01,400
Speaker 6: Oh? That is terrifying. You know what, We've.

745
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:06,560
Speaker 2: Been together for eight years. Yeah. If you don't trust them, believe.

746
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:10,360
Speaker 6: Yeah for real, don't pull this crap so lame.

747
00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:15,320
Speaker 2: Kate was also apparently talking up Valerie at work to Heather.

748
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:18,240
Speaker 2: She made sure to mention often that we were married

749
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:20,680
Speaker 2: and how great Valerie was and how long we had

750
00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:24,200
Speaker 2: been together. A lot of things started coming together. Then

751
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:27,360
Speaker 2: Heather was much more distant. Lately, she seemed hesitant to

752
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:29,440
Speaker 2: say bye at the end of the day. We used

753
00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:33,680
Speaker 2: to talk casually like everyone else at work, but now

754
00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:36,319
Speaker 2: she would just say hi and by Mostly. I've been

755
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:39,360
Speaker 2: sitting on this information all weekend. Today at work, I

756
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,239
Speaker 2: could hardly look at Heather for shame of it, and

757
00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:45,359
Speaker 2: I couldn't look at Kate for my disgust. I haven't

758
00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:47,400
Speaker 2: been able to approach my wife about this because I

759
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:50,200
Speaker 2: just don't know how or what to say. I feel

760
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:53,560
Speaker 2: frustrated and very much weirded out. I feel gross, too,

761
00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 2: like I've had my every move watch without knowing it,

762
00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:58,919
Speaker 2: and as if just talking to a coworker is doing

763
00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:01,799
Speaker 2: something wrong. I haven't talked to anyone else about this,

764
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:04,520
Speaker 2: not even Brian, who first mentioned it. I don't know

765
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 2: what to do from here. I don't even know what

766
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:09,479
Speaker 2: this means for our relationship. It feels like something big

767
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:11,440
Speaker 2: has changed because I haven't been able to look at

768
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:13,640
Speaker 2: her the same way, and all my interactions with her

769
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:16,319
Speaker 2: since Friday have been kind of forced and faked. I

770
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:18,160
Speaker 2: need to talk to her and figure out what to do.

771
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:21,319
Speaker 2: Any advice would be appreciated. I feel very lost right now,

772
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:24,600
Speaker 2: and we have some comments. Me personally, I think my

773
00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:26,920
Speaker 2: technique would be like, you just got to sort of

774
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:31,560
Speaker 2: not aggressively, but you you have to blitz her. You

775
00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:35,839
Speaker 2: have to be like, hey, we need to talk, you know,

776
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:38,480
Speaker 2: and then be like, so, I know that you and

777
00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:43,040
Speaker 2: Kate have been texting and it's I know, and it's okay,

778
00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:45,839
Speaker 2: but we need to talk about what this means for us.

779
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:50,839
Speaker 2: Because if you're really this worried about me working with

780
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,839
Speaker 2: some other girl that I have no interest in and

781
00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:59,400
Speaker 2: she is just an objectively attractive person and you're spying

782
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:03,840
Speaker 2: on me now, now, that makes me feel weird about us,

783
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:06,600
Speaker 2: Like why can't why don't you trust me? Like what

784
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:10,479
Speaker 2: is it about her or me that's got you this way,

785
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:12,560
Speaker 2: just flat out.

786
00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:15,880
Speaker 7: I start with that, then I piggyback onto why do

787
00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 7: you not trust me?

788
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:17,640
Speaker 2: Yeah?

789
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:18,520
Speaker 6: What's up with that?

790
00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:23,319
Speaker 2: You're a Tao twenty six three two six says has

791
00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 2: your wife been irrationally jealous before? Did something happen in

792
00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:29,120
Speaker 2: your relationship to make her lose all trust for you?

793
00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:32,120
Speaker 2: I guess those things don't really matter. You guys need

794
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:35,560
Speaker 2: couples counseling regardless. But I'm curious as to where this

795
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:38,359
Speaker 2: behavior is coming from. I'm sorry this is making work

796
00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:41,160
Speaker 2: so uncomfortable for you and especially for Heather, who never

797
00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:43,919
Speaker 2: asked for any of this. Please talk to your wife

798
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,120
Speaker 2: so you can save your job, marriage, and all the

799
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:51,400
Speaker 2: unfortunate bystanders who are now involved. Op says, Yes, she has.

800
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:54,680
Speaker 2: My wife is very insecure about her looks, and I

801
00:37:54,719 --> 00:37:57,520
Speaker 2: find it very sad. I'm not saying this because I'm

802
00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:00,719
Speaker 2: her husband, but she is very beautiful, long dark hair,

803
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:03,520
Speaker 2: light brown eyes, perfect face. She really does get a

804
00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:06,239
Speaker 2: lot of looks and double takes. But she experienced a

805
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:08,880
Speaker 2: lot of bullying as a kid. She had bushy brown's

806
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:11,080
Speaker 2: growing up and was the only Italian girl in her

807
00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:13,480
Speaker 2: middle school. She grew up thinking she was ugly for

808
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:15,920
Speaker 2: not being tall or blonde haired and blue eyed. She

809
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:18,560
Speaker 2: thinks that that's secretly what I want, I guess, although

810
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:20,640
Speaker 2: I've never said anything to indicate that.

811
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:23,560
Speaker 6: Tell her you want spaghetti, Hell, you want pizza.

812
00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:25,160
Speaker 2: But we do have an update.

813
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:27,520
Speaker 6: I know that yikes.

814
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:32,000
Speaker 7: I What worries me about this guy is how he

815
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:37,319
Speaker 7: described the heather. Also, when you post the first one

816
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:39,840
Speaker 7: kind of like, you know, throwing it out there, getting

817
00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:40,360
Speaker 7: some advice.

818
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:44,560
Speaker 6: The second update is usually when people like sit.

819
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 7: With all the comments and really think about what's gonna happen,

820
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 7: and it's.

821
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:51,720
Speaker 6: Either I'm calling that Steve gonna go one of two ways.

822
00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:54,279
Speaker 7: One he accepts where he went wrong and he gets

823
00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:56,240
Speaker 7: roasted and he's like, I'm gonna change this better person.

824
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:59,680
Speaker 7: Or two he's gonna be so defensive, kind of double

825
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:02,440
Speaker 7: down in the way that he's been acting. It's just

826
00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:05,400
Speaker 7: gonna make more resentment for their marriage. I don't everyone

827
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:06,800
Speaker 7: in the story needs changed, except.

828
00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:09,360
Speaker 2: For so there's anything wrong with just saying a person

829
00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:14,040
Speaker 2: is objectively pretty. I'm just saying it's just tall and pretty.

830
00:39:14,160 --> 00:39:14,440
Speaker 3: Dude.

831
00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:17,839
Speaker 7: If you say that on a subreddit, though, you're basically

832
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:21,040
Speaker 7: like shooting yourself in the foot. That's the first comment

833
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:23,200
Speaker 7: that like everyone's gonna be saying. That's the first thing

834
00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:25,280
Speaker 7: he's gonna address in this next upcoming update.

835
00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:28,560
Speaker 2: Okay, well, let's see. I took the general advice and

836
00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:32,239
Speaker 2: confronted Valerie and used therapy as a non negotiable term.

837
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:35,080
Speaker 2: So Tuesday, when I posted, I saw Kate at work

838
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:37,440
Speaker 2: and bluntly said, you don't need to report on me

839
00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:40,160
Speaker 2: today or any day after this. I'll be talking to

840
00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 2: my wife after I'm done today. She got this blank

841
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:44,960
Speaker 2: look on her face and said she didn't know what

842
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 2: I meant, but I noticed her hanging around significantly less

843
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:51,080
Speaker 2: than usual. After that, I did my best to focus

844
00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:53,400
Speaker 2: on my work, but I asked to go home early

845
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:56,200
Speaker 2: because it was just impossible with everything looming ahead for

846
00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:59,279
Speaker 2: me to concentrate. I went home and texted my wife

847
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:01,120
Speaker 2: I was home early, needed to talk to her when

848
00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:03,200
Speaker 2: she was done with work, so to please come home

849
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:05,879
Speaker 2: right away. I got a bunch of what's going on

850
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:08,880
Speaker 2: and what's wrong text, but I just kept telling her

851
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:11,120
Speaker 2: I'd talked to her at home. She got home and

852
00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:13,320
Speaker 2: I got into it right away. I told her I

853
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:15,879
Speaker 2: knew about the text with Kate about the spying and

854
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:18,960
Speaker 2: the intimidation of Heather. She was mad at first and

855
00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:21,920
Speaker 2: kept adamantly saying she did nothing wrong and that if

856
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:24,640
Speaker 2: I had nothing to hide, why did it matter. I

857
00:40:24,719 --> 00:40:26,680
Speaker 2: told her to please not play me for a fool,

858
00:40:26,719 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 2: and outlined all of the things her behavior meant, like

859
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:34,080
Speaker 2: lack of trust and sheer vindictiveness. I brought up the consequences,

860
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:37,319
Speaker 2: like my damage to trust and the drama in the workplace.

861
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:39,960
Speaker 2: I also brought up how my job could be at

862
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:43,279
Speaker 2: risk because of this. She made a point to say

863
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:46,840
Speaker 2: they couldn't fire me without also removing Heather, as she'd

864
00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:49,719
Speaker 2: say she was being inappropriate towards a married man in

865
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:54,360
Speaker 2: the workplace, and Kate would back her up. What dude,

866
00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:58,160
Speaker 2: what like that's a good like You're like, that's a

867
00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:01,600
Speaker 2: good thing. That well, at least you'd both be fired

868
00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:04,880
Speaker 2: because she was doing wrong by mar she was just existing,

869
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:10,560
Speaker 2: so hope, he continues. That brought us to a heated argument,

870
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:14,080
Speaker 2: and it ended with her crying and me yelling. She

871
00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:16,600
Speaker 2: started asking, who the f is Heather to you that

872
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:19,640
Speaker 2: you gave so much of a crap anyway, No, it's

873
00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:25,680
Speaker 2: not about Heather. It's literally not about Heather. It's about us,

874
00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:29,280
Speaker 2: Heather is it could be anyone. Heather is not important.

875
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:33,960
Speaker 2: It could be Bruce. Honestly, it could be anyone. So

876
00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:37,040
Speaker 2: that derailed into this whole thing about me caring too

877
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:40,319
Speaker 2: much about someone I claimed meant nothing to me. I

878
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:42,640
Speaker 2: don't want to get into too much detail because this

879
00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:44,839
Speaker 2: would be extremely long, but the conversation was a good

880
00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:48,080
Speaker 2: five to six hours long. It ended with her agreeing

881
00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:50,719
Speaker 2: to go to couple's therapy and individual therapy if the

882
00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:54,080
Speaker 2: couple's therapist so deemed it. She apologized to me a

883
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:56,360
Speaker 2: lot and admitted she had been acting out of jealousy

884
00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:59,239
Speaker 2: and anger towards Heather. She asked if I wanted her

885
00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:01,879
Speaker 2: to apologize to her in person, but I said no.

886
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:04,719
Speaker 2: I didn't want to be there to be more I

887
00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:07,600
Speaker 2: did not want there to be more drama. I watched

888
00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:10,200
Speaker 2: as she texted Kate and told her to stop and

889
00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:12,880
Speaker 2: that she was sorry for dragging her into this. She

890
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:15,319
Speaker 2: gave me the password to her phone for transparency, but

891
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:17,439
Speaker 2: I told her it was pointless, as if she really

892
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:19,759
Speaker 2: wanted to continue, she could just delete the text before

893
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:22,279
Speaker 2: I saw them, or change the name or whatever. I

894
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:24,600
Speaker 2: told her. I expected her to keep her word to stop,

895
00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:26,680
Speaker 2: because if I got any indication that this was still

896
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:29,560
Speaker 2: going on after our talk, I would separate from her

897
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:30,800
Speaker 2: and file for divorce.

898
00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:33,480
Speaker 6: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa whoa.

899
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:36,319
Speaker 2: I just feel like this is a much I feel

900
00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:40,040
Speaker 2: like this is a workable problem. Yes, because because there's

901
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:44,480
Speaker 2: nothing going on yes yesterday morning, things still seemed tense.

902
00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:48,879
Speaker 2: Go figure, but it was to be expected. She still

903
00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:51,000
Speaker 2: kissed me before going to work, and we had a

904
00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:54,120
Speaker 2: normal text conversation on our commute. I got to work

905
00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:57,279
Speaker 2: and Kate apologized to me. I accepted it, but told

906
00:42:57,280 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 2: her our work relationship from here on out is forever

907
00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:02,319
Speaker 2: change and there's no going back from it. I told

908
00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:04,640
Speaker 2: her that beyond work conversation, we have nothing else to

909
00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:07,560
Speaker 2: talk about. She accepted it and went on to start

910
00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:11,040
Speaker 2: the day. Lunch rolls in, I asked Brian if he'd

911
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:13,520
Speaker 2: let me buy him lunch and thank him for telling me.

912
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:15,920
Speaker 2: We went to have lunch, and he asked me if

913
00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:19,160
Speaker 2: I've heard that Heather put in her request for a transfer.

914
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:19,720
Speaker 6: Good.

915
00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:23,680
Speaker 2: Apparently on Tuesday, when I left early, Heather asked why

916
00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:26,160
Speaker 2: I wasn't at my desk because she had brought over

917
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:29,440
Speaker 2: the week's project booklet and had seen me there earlier. Kate,

918
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:32,239
Speaker 2: of all people, told her I had gone home to

919
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:35,360
Speaker 2: deal with personal issues. When Heather asked if everything was

920
00:43:35,360 --> 00:43:37,400
Speaker 2: all right, Kate told her that she hoped so, because

921
00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:40,000
Speaker 2: I don't want to see someone come between Valerie and

922
00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:43,360
Speaker 2: Op's marriage. There must have been a bit more to

923
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:45,520
Speaker 2: the exchange, because Heather went all the way up to

924
00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:48,080
Speaker 2: our boss's boss and asked for a transfer to a

925
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:51,880
Speaker 2: different department. Good good for you, Heather, Yeah, that I

926
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:52,600
Speaker 2: would do that too.

927
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:56,440
Speaker 7: She probably felt a lot of little bits and pieces here,

928
00:43:56,480 --> 00:43:58,799
Speaker 7: and she's like, I can I deal with this day

929
00:43:58,840 --> 00:43:59,200
Speaker 7: to day?

930
00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:03,359
Speaker 2: Yeahs, I'm done with this. This is so stupid trying.

931
00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:07,200
Speaker 2: It's just like trying to come between Valerie and Op's marriage.

932
00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:09,600
Speaker 2: It's like, ah, right, I know what that meant. These

933
00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:13,719
Speaker 2: these these buffoons are trying to make me out to

934
00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:15,680
Speaker 2: be a home wrecker. I don't want to work with them.

935
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:18,359
Speaker 7: Move me and they're probably lame. She probably doesn't even

936
00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:19,680
Speaker 7: like where she's at right now.

937
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:22,680
Speaker 2: And there's a little bit left, let's finish it off.

938
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:25,840
Speaker 2: I feel extremely embarrassed because, without a doubt, I feel

939
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:29,000
Speaker 2: like that guy now in the office. I know Bryant

940
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:31,319
Speaker 2: is in a gossip, but of course people will ask

941
00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:34,280
Speaker 2: why Heathery're transferred, and without a doubt, it will eventually

942
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:37,080
Speaker 2: get out. People who used to talk to me casually

943
00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:40,480
Speaker 2: probably will stop them in The women of the office

944
00:44:40,560 --> 00:44:42,640
Speaker 2: will feel as if they need to keep their distance,

945
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:45,320
Speaker 2: and I feel so ashamed that I can't even approach

946
00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:48,120
Speaker 2: Heather to apologize for the stress this must have caused her.

947
00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:50,600
Speaker 2: I doubt she would even want to see my face

948
00:44:50,640 --> 00:44:53,360
Speaker 2: at this point. So yes, wife is agreed to counseling.

949
00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:57,280
Speaker 2: Both couples and individual apologize to me all those things.

950
00:44:57,600 --> 00:44:59,400
Speaker 2: But the damage is now done, and I feel like

951
00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:02,640
Speaker 2: complete rap about work now. I guess I shouldn't have

952
00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:04,880
Speaker 2: been so naive to think that just fixing this with

953
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:08,120
Speaker 2: my wife would make everything else go away.

954
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:10,440
Speaker 6: Can you bend this in the workspace?

955
00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:12,480
Speaker 2: I don't know. I think you would have to be

956
00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:15,720
Speaker 2: an exceptionally chiller. You'd have to be a chiller.

957
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:18,960
Speaker 6: How do you even start the apology process or not apology?

958
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:21,920
Speaker 6: But hey, x y Z happens.

959
00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:26,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, guys, I know there's been some weird stuff, but

960
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:30,759
Speaker 2: I'm still ope, I'm still me. Yeah, just let's continue

961
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:32,120
Speaker 2: business as usual, all.

962
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:33,960
Speaker 6: Right, maybe a round of beers.

963
00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:36,560
Speaker 2: But it's like you can't control how everyone else is

964
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:39,960
Speaker 2: gonna treat you, really because it's just its own thing.

965
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:43,040
Speaker 6: Now, can you come back from this in the work area.

966
00:45:43,440 --> 00:45:45,440
Speaker 2: I mean, I think you can, but it's it's probably not,

967
00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:48,560
Speaker 2: probably not gonna go back to normal. After you went

968
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:50,640
Speaker 2: in and told Kate, like, by the way, you can

969
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:53,400
Speaker 2: stop spying on me, Yeah, I feel like you shouldn't.

970
00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:56,480
Speaker 2: I don't know, it's just gonna If anything. I feel

971
00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:58,920
Speaker 2: like you could have played this differently, and it probably

972
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:01,440
Speaker 2: would have been Kate who was weird. Yeah, but instead

973
00:46:01,440 --> 00:46:03,200
Speaker 2: it to you now because you've got the wife who

974
00:46:03,239 --> 00:46:04,120
Speaker 2: will get people fired.

975
00:46:04,320 --> 00:46:05,680
Speaker 3: And that's the end of this story.

976
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:08,040
Speaker 2: Let's head to the next one.

977
00:46:08,239 --> 00:46:12,240
Speaker 4: Affair from beyond. I discovered my late husband's affair.

978
00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:14,040
Speaker 1: Now I'm conflicted.

979
00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's pretty spooky.

980
00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:18,360
Speaker 1: Yeah.

981
00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:21,160
Speaker 4: I thirty female, lost my husband thirty three male, and

982
00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:23,640
Speaker 4: my sister in law about two months ago. We had

983
00:46:23,680 --> 00:46:26,400
Speaker 4: been together for eight years, married for six. He was

984
00:46:26,440 --> 00:46:28,640
Speaker 4: the light of my life and someone I was extremely

985
00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:30,879
Speaker 4: excited to spend the rest of my life with. We

986
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:34,600
Speaker 4: were compatible in so many ways. The spicy sleep life

987
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 4: was amazing even after eight years, and I still got

988
00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:40,440
Speaker 4: all gigly just thinking about him. By the way, this

989
00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:44,480
Speaker 4: comes from Shuksigin, And if you want to submit your

990
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:46,840
Speaker 4: own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime superad

991
00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:51,440
Speaker 4: It and I'm Angie, I'm Dakota, and I'm Carly, and

992
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:54,200
Speaker 4: we're here to give good advice goofully. But we don't

993
00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:55,920
Speaker 4: have all the answers. We're just gonna guess what we

994
00:46:55,960 --> 00:46:57,640
Speaker 4: would do in this situation. So let us know what

995
00:46:57,680 --> 00:47:00,879
Speaker 4: you would do in the comments down below. So oh

996
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:03,799
Speaker 4: P says, I think I've come to this passing quite well.

997
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:07,560
Speaker 4: The first month was just a big shutdown. I didn't

998
00:47:07,600 --> 00:47:10,040
Speaker 4: leave the house, I hardly ate, and all my time

999
00:47:10,200 --> 00:47:12,520
Speaker 4: was just spent looking at our wedding video over and.

1000
00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:17,520
Speaker 1: Over all the and he just fought ghosts. He's fine ghosts.

1001
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:21,360
Speaker 4: Luckily, I have a great boss who understands and without hesitation,

1002
00:47:21,719 --> 00:47:24,759
Speaker 4: gave me a four month leave in November. I pushed

1003
00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 4: myself to get out of my bubble. I've tried to

1004
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:30,160
Speaker 4: keep busy to get back to my everyday life. I've

1005
00:47:30,200 --> 00:47:32,960
Speaker 4: cleaned the house, had people over for dinners, gone out

1006
00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:35,120
Speaker 4: for lunches and tried to be a good support for

1007
00:47:35,239 --> 00:47:38,239
Speaker 4: my husband's family, who lost two precious family members in

1008
00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:41,880
Speaker 4: one day. We're all devastated, but we cry it out together,

1009
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:44,680
Speaker 4: and I feel we've become even closer by being there.

1010
00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:45,040
Speaker 1: For each other.

1011
00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:48,919
Speaker 2: That's good that you have support system. Yeah, support, lean

1012
00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:49,720
Speaker 2: on each other.

1013
00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:49,960
Speaker 5: That's good.

1014
00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:53,200
Speaker 4: Exactly as I've been feeling better, I decided to slowly

1015
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:55,680
Speaker 4: look over my husband's stuff to see if there's anything

1016
00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:58,000
Speaker 4: to throw out and put everything in boxes until I

1017
00:47:58,040 --> 00:48:01,040
Speaker 4: can manage to go through it all without crying. That's

1018
00:48:01,120 --> 00:48:04,040
Speaker 4: when I decided to access his computer to look for

1019
00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:07,040
Speaker 4: any important emails or such. I checked his mail and

1020
00:48:07,120 --> 00:48:10,680
Speaker 4: also logged onto his Facebook account, and except for over

1021
00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:14,160
Speaker 4: one hundred goodbye messages on his wall, there were three

1022
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:15,839
Speaker 4: private messages.

1023
00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:17,880
Speaker 2: Did they have private parts?

1024
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:18,480
Speaker 5: Uh?

1025
00:48:18,480 --> 00:48:18,960
Speaker 3: Oh?

1026
00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:21,359
Speaker 1: Private messages with private parts and peeps out?

1027
00:48:21,400 --> 00:48:22,920
Speaker 2: And had a husband peepees out?

1028
00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:26,080
Speaker 1: Oh? So three messages.

1029
00:48:26,440 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 4: One was from this woman whose name I had heard

1030
00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:30,680
Speaker 4: him mentioned a long time ago as.

1031
00:48:30,520 --> 00:48:31,320
Speaker 1: A childhood friend.

1032
00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:37,280
Speaker 4: I was so disgusted by their conversation, filled with clear

1033
00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:40,600
Speaker 4: evidence that he had been cheating on me. It had

1034
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:44,840
Speaker 4: places they agreed to meet, trips they'd made when I

1035
00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:48,480
Speaker 4: thought he was on a business trip or with his friends.

1036
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:54,400
Speaker 4: There was spicy related flirts, hugs, kisses, and even declarations

1037
00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:54,960
Speaker 4: of love.

1038
00:48:55,560 --> 00:48:58,400
Speaker 2: That's the worst. No, that's the worst.

1039
00:48:58,480 --> 00:49:02,800
Speaker 1: It wasn't just boykin, it was it was emotions. That's terrible.

1040
00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:04,680
Speaker 1: That's terrible.

1041
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:09,040
Speaker 4: Come when checking his phone, there were no messages, but

1042
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:11,080
Speaker 4: the last phone call was from her.

1043
00:49:11,760 --> 00:49:15,360
Speaker 1: Oh that hurts me. That actually hurts me.

1044
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:19,200
Speaker 4: The last phone call that my late husband got was

1045
00:49:19,239 --> 00:49:20,960
Speaker 4: from his freakin' mistress.

1046
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:22,320
Speaker 1: That's crazy.

1047
00:49:22,480 --> 00:49:24,640
Speaker 2: He was like a childhood friend who's known for everyone

1048
00:49:24,960 --> 00:49:25,520
Speaker 2: to carry her.

1049
00:49:25,600 --> 00:49:28,840
Speaker 1: Stupid dude for real, my goodness.

1050
00:49:29,320 --> 00:49:32,479
Speaker 4: To confirm, I called his closest friend and asked about

1051
00:49:32,480 --> 00:49:36,240
Speaker 4: the trips. He just paused and then apologized before telling

1052
00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:39,840
Speaker 4: me everything. Apparently he had a crush on her in

1053
00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:43,239
Speaker 4: middle school and awoke old feelings when she flirted with

1054
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:46,560
Speaker 4: him at a reunion two years ago. It seems a

1055
00:49:46,600 --> 00:49:49,759
Speaker 4: lot of our friends, even his secretary, knew about it

1056
00:49:49,880 --> 00:49:53,359
Speaker 4: and tried to convince him to stop. I don't even

1057
00:49:53,480 --> 00:49:56,560
Speaker 4: know how to function anymore. One part of me wants

1058
00:49:56,600 --> 00:49:57,640
Speaker 4: to mourn for my husband.

1059
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:00,920
Speaker 1: I miss him so much, him next to me when

1060
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:01,520
Speaker 1: I go to bed.

1061
00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:04,680
Speaker 4: I want back our fun drives to work in the morning,

1062
00:50:04,800 --> 00:50:06,720
Speaker 4: and I miss his warm smile.

1063
00:50:07,360 --> 00:50:09,200
Speaker 1: But the other part of me feels.

1064
00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:12,919
Speaker 4: So deceived, and I want nothing else but to go

1065
00:50:13,440 --> 00:50:18,280
Speaker 4: punt and spit on his grave until I'm satisfied.

1066
00:50:19,080 --> 00:50:21,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then the groundskeepers show up and they're like,

1067
00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:24,439
Speaker 2: what are you doing? Yeah, and You're like, nah, it's

1068
00:50:24,560 --> 00:50:27,840
Speaker 2: my dead husband. No, no, this was my husband. He

1069
00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:30,680
Speaker 2: cheated on me. I found out after he shuffled off

1070
00:50:30,719 --> 00:50:34,400
Speaker 2: his mortal coil, and uh yeah, oh yeah.

1071
00:50:34,320 --> 00:50:36,520
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah. A few days have passed.

1072
00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:39,360
Speaker 4: I haven't been able to answer any phone calls or

1073
00:50:39,400 --> 00:50:42,080
Speaker 4: messages from his family. I know they probably don't know,

1074
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:45,400
Speaker 4: and they sincerely worry for me, but I just can't

1075
00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:47,719
Speaker 4: face them with the hate that I have in me

1076
00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:52,399
Speaker 4: Right now. I am so frustrated and confused. I want

1077
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:55,200
Speaker 4: him here to explain everything to me. So I created

1078
00:50:55,239 --> 00:50:57,600
Speaker 4: a red account, a Reddit account to get this out

1079
00:50:57,600 --> 00:50:58,240
Speaker 4: of my system.

1080
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:00,560
Speaker 1: Welcome. That's the best place to do it.

1081
00:51:00,719 --> 00:51:03,040
Speaker 4: I have no idea who to talk to about this,

1082
00:51:03,120 --> 00:51:05,320
Speaker 4: since most of our friends knew about it for some

1083
00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:06,719
Speaker 4: time but never.

1084
00:51:06,560 --> 00:51:10,640
Speaker 1: Told me anything. I've never felt this alone and betrayed.

1085
00:51:10,760 --> 00:51:17,920
Speaker 2: I would suggest a licensed therapist who specializes in grief counseling. Yeah, dude,

1086
00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:20,120
Speaker 2: that's who I would suggest you talk to.

1087
00:51:21,000 --> 00:51:24,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, please give me some wise words to handle this.

1088
00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:27,359
Speaker 4: I feel strange and confused for morning and missing him

1089
00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:29,600
Speaker 4: when I at the same time hate his guts.

1090
00:51:29,960 --> 00:51:31,360
Speaker 1: How do I face his family?

1091
00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:34,200
Speaker 4: Should I tell them we just had a private funeral

1092
00:51:34,280 --> 00:51:36,600
Speaker 4: and in one month we're having an open reception for

1093
00:51:36,640 --> 00:51:40,040
Speaker 4: everyone to come and pay their respects. Now I'm worried

1094
00:51:40,080 --> 00:51:43,040
Speaker 4: that she might come. I know it's open for public,

1095
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:46,560
Speaker 4: but I really don't want to meet her. Should I

1096
00:51:46,640 --> 00:51:49,960
Speaker 4: try and prevent it or just skip the reception myself?

1097
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:53,719
Speaker 4: There's an edit? Oh gosh, thank you everyone, from the

1098
00:51:53,719 --> 00:51:55,680
Speaker 4: bottom of my heart for taking the time to give

1099
00:51:55,719 --> 00:51:58,879
Speaker 4: me some advice in a difficult situation. I'm actually going

1100
00:51:58,920 --> 00:52:00,520
Speaker 4: to wait to read the rest of that because I

1101
00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:02,239
Speaker 4: want to hear your guys' ideas.

1102
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:04,800
Speaker 1: What advice do we have for Opie?

1103
00:52:05,400 --> 00:52:11,040
Speaker 2: Well, my ten minutes worth of context and thirty seconds

1104
00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:14,320
Speaker 2: of thought probably aren't going to be the best things.

1105
00:52:15,080 --> 00:52:17,279
Speaker 2: I don't know if you should tell the family. I

1106
00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:19,319
Speaker 2: don't know if I would want the thought of like,

1107
00:52:19,360 --> 00:52:21,560
Speaker 2: am I going to affect the way that they see

1108
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:24,840
Speaker 2: their son is at worth it. Do I need the

1109
00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:28,680
Speaker 2: sense of justice and righteousness or do I just evaporate

1110
00:52:28,760 --> 00:52:31,719
Speaker 2: into the wind and move on and start a brand

1111
00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:35,120
Speaker 2: new life. I think you could probably reach out to

1112
00:52:35,160 --> 00:52:39,360
Speaker 2: the family and about her and if they know anything

1113
00:52:39,360 --> 00:52:41,959
Speaker 2: about when she's coming, or if you could just know when.

1114
00:52:42,080 --> 00:52:45,680
Speaker 2: I don't know. That's hard, Yeah, that's really that's really

1115
00:52:45,719 --> 00:52:47,799
Speaker 2: hard to navigate without being like, yeah, I don't want

1116
00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:50,320
Speaker 2: her there because he cheated on me with her.

1117
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:52,560
Speaker 1: Right, and he sucks. I'm freaking pissed.

1118
00:52:52,239 --> 00:52:54,759
Speaker 2: Out, So I don't want to see her, right, but

1119
00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:57,560
Speaker 2: I want to see him. I want to be there

1120
00:52:57,640 --> 00:52:58,520
Speaker 2: for the funeral.

1121
00:52:58,840 --> 00:53:01,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, but yeah, yeah, that.

1122
00:53:01,400 --> 00:53:05,680
Speaker 2: Would require the family knowing. I would be letting all

1123
00:53:05,800 --> 00:53:08,440
Speaker 2: of the people who knew about this and said absolutely

1124
00:53:08,480 --> 00:53:11,480
Speaker 2: nothing to me about it for years. Yeap, that they

1125
00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:13,680
Speaker 2: can go kick rocks and lose my number.

1126
00:53:13,880 --> 00:53:16,080
Speaker 1: So this is the edit. Thank you very much.

1127
00:53:16,400 --> 00:53:18,160
Speaker 4: It helps me so much just to know that all

1128
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:20,400
Speaker 4: of you spent some time of your life comforting me

1129
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:23,760
Speaker 4: and giving me advice. I will spend my afternoon reading

1130
00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:26,759
Speaker 4: through everything, and maybe in one or two weeks I'll

1131
00:53:26,760 --> 00:53:29,080
Speaker 4: post an update if I've decided what to do with

1132
00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:31,440
Speaker 4: the situation. A lot of people pointed out that I

1133
00:53:31,480 --> 00:53:34,720
Speaker 4: need counseling, and I've already booked two appointments this coming week.

1134
00:53:34,840 --> 00:53:38,319
Speaker 4: Great smart, So I'm on it and I feel very

1135
00:53:38,360 --> 00:53:39,200
Speaker 4: positive about it.

1136
00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:40,440
Speaker 1: Once again, thank you.

1137
00:53:41,160 --> 00:53:44,120
Speaker 4: Edit number two, someone worried about children in the picture.

1138
00:53:44,239 --> 00:53:46,600
Speaker 4: He and I didn't want children, So no, gladly there

1139
00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:49,000
Speaker 4: are no children in this situation, and we do.

1140
00:53:48,880 --> 00:53:51,320
Speaker 2: Have an update. Well, at least there's no kids.

1141
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:53,160
Speaker 1: I know. I was thinking about that too.

1142
00:53:53,040 --> 00:53:57,880
Speaker 2: Silver lining. I suppose right, at least it's not worse.

1143
00:53:58,200 --> 00:54:01,640
Speaker 2: I wouldn't want the weight of like, have I negatively

1144
00:54:01,719 --> 00:54:05,600
Speaker 2: impacted the way his family thinks it's like, because then

1145
00:54:05,640 --> 00:54:07,520
Speaker 2: it's like not, you know, at that point, it's like

1146
00:54:07,560 --> 00:54:10,640
Speaker 2: what does it matter. He's gone, so like making his

1147
00:54:11,080 --> 00:54:14,080
Speaker 2: mom and dad be like, oh our son was a

1148
00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:18,680
Speaker 2: cheater and like whatever, I don't even whatever. Yea's just

1149
00:54:18,800 --> 00:54:21,680
Speaker 2: I'm I don't care, but honestly.

1150
00:54:21,200 --> 00:54:21,759
Speaker 1: Like I'm not.

1151
00:54:21,920 --> 00:54:25,280
Speaker 4: I'm thinking of like if she goes to the funeral

1152
00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:27,919
Speaker 4: and she's like so mad at him because she thought

1153
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:30,440
Speaker 4: he was a good person and then and maybe, you know,

1154
00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:32,319
Speaker 4: maybe he mostly is and this is just like the

1155
00:54:32,360 --> 00:54:37,480
Speaker 4: one flaw of his maybe, you know, but like I

1156
00:54:37,680 --> 00:54:39,320
Speaker 4: feel like if I was so mad about that and

1157
00:54:39,360 --> 00:54:42,200
Speaker 4: I was listening to everyone else talk about him like

1158
00:54:42,239 --> 00:54:44,480
Speaker 4: he was such a good person that did no wrong.

1159
00:54:44,640 --> 00:54:47,520
Speaker 4: Absolutely not when I'm like actively so mad at him

1160
00:54:47,560 --> 00:54:48,200
Speaker 4: for cheating on.

1161
00:54:48,160 --> 00:54:50,719
Speaker 1: Me, Yeah, I would not be able to listen to

1162
00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:51,759
Speaker 1: that at all.

1163
00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:55,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, that'd be that'd be really rough. Yeah the family

1164
00:54:55,200 --> 00:54:56,480
Speaker 2: will probably find out anyway.

1165
00:54:56,840 --> 00:55:00,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, but we got it, op du So.

1166
00:55:01,040 --> 00:55:04,400
Speaker 4: I still have very confused feelings regarding my husband, and

1167
00:55:04,520 --> 00:55:06,520
Speaker 4: right now I feel like there is no way to

1168
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:08,920
Speaker 4: forgive him. I try to think of the great times

1169
00:55:08,920 --> 00:55:11,040
Speaker 4: we had together, but I always find myself caught in

1170
00:55:11,080 --> 00:55:13,680
Speaker 4: the he knew what he was doing, yet he smiled

1171
00:55:13,760 --> 00:55:16,839
Speaker 4: at me like that, thinking I'm working on it though.

1172
00:55:16,880 --> 00:55:19,279
Speaker 4: I've already been to three counseling sessions and I get

1173
00:55:19,280 --> 00:55:21,880
Speaker 4: along great with my counselor. She's helped me a lot already,

1174
00:55:21,920 --> 00:55:23,759
Speaker 4: and I'm so glad I took your advice to get

1175
00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:26,920
Speaker 4: professional help. After speaking with my counselor, we both agreed

1176
00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:30,120
Speaker 4: that I that to ease the burden I had about

1177
00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:32,520
Speaker 4: not being able to face his family, I should get

1178
00:55:32,560 --> 00:55:34,880
Speaker 4: away from them for a few days, I said my

1179
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:38,400
Speaker 4: in law as a male, apologizing for not answering them

1180
00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:40,160
Speaker 4: in the past few days, and said that everything has

1181
00:55:40,200 --> 00:55:42,680
Speaker 4: been too much for me, so I need to get away.

1182
00:55:42,840 --> 00:55:45,600
Speaker 4: Using that as an excuse, I went on a spontaneous

1183
00:55:45,600 --> 00:55:50,040
Speaker 4: trip to Madeiria, Madeira, which is a destination I've dreamt

1184
00:55:50,080 --> 00:55:52,920
Speaker 4: about for a long time. It was amazing, and after

1185
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:55,800
Speaker 4: coming home, I realized it was something I needed very much.

1186
00:55:56,040 --> 00:55:59,160
Speaker 4: I was ready to face my problems at once. After

1187
00:55:59,280 --> 00:56:01,799
Speaker 4: a lot of concerns, I decided to tell my brother

1188
00:56:01,840 --> 00:56:04,840
Speaker 4: in law and his wife just so, just so someone

1189
00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:08,280
Speaker 4: in his family knew of my situation. Something I didn't

1190
00:56:08,320 --> 00:56:10,640
Speaker 4: mention in the original post is that my husband's family

1191
00:56:10,680 --> 00:56:13,239
Speaker 4: is very important to me. I only have my big

1192
00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:16,280
Speaker 4: brother after dropping contact with our parents, so his family

1193
00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:18,279
Speaker 4: has always been more like a real family to me

1194
00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:21,480
Speaker 4: than an in law's family. That makes me even more

1195
00:56:21,520 --> 00:56:23,719
Speaker 4: worried to tell them because I'm afraid it would put

1196
00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:26,320
Speaker 4: some distance between us. But at the same time, I

1197
00:56:26,360 --> 00:56:28,640
Speaker 4: don't have the energy to fake myself through the funeral

1198
00:56:28,680 --> 00:56:31,760
Speaker 4: reception for my husband as if I have the same

1199
00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:34,480
Speaker 4: feelings of love for him as I've always had, because

1200
00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:37,879
Speaker 4: I don't that way my brother in law can take

1201
00:56:37,880 --> 00:56:40,520
Speaker 4: me away or at least have some explanation if I

1202
00:56:40,520 --> 00:56:42,720
Speaker 4: were to lose it at future meetings with the family,

1203
00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:46,520
Speaker 4: which also yeah, really quick, she would probably be expected

1204
00:56:46,560 --> 00:56:47,120
Speaker 4: to speak at.

1205
00:56:47,040 --> 00:56:48,600
Speaker 1: The funeral too, as his wife.

1206
00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:49,239
Speaker 2: I don't know.

1207
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:51,319
Speaker 1: That's that's hounds so old.

1208
00:56:51,400 --> 00:56:55,760
Speaker 2: It's so hard, especially like wanting to maintain that connection. Yeah,

1209
00:56:55,840 --> 00:56:59,920
Speaker 2: suffering alone sucks, but like if you tell the family

1210
00:57:00,080 --> 00:57:03,280
Speaker 2: and then they suffer, like, do you just suffer twice

1211
00:57:03,960 --> 00:57:06,799
Speaker 2: because now you are. Now they are suffering because of

1212
00:57:07,200 --> 00:57:10,720
Speaker 2: the revelation you delivered to them, not that that's wrong

1213
00:57:11,600 --> 00:57:18,000
Speaker 2: or that it's just a wholly unfair, impossible to navigate

1214
00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:22,000
Speaker 2: spider web right of a situation.

1215
00:57:22,600 --> 00:57:25,960
Speaker 4: So to all these two people that both took it

1216
00:57:26,040 --> 00:57:29,040
Speaker 4: quite well and were immediately on my side without me

1217
00:57:29,160 --> 00:57:31,880
Speaker 4: having to ask for it, I apologize to them both

1218
00:57:31,920 --> 00:57:35,040
Speaker 4: for having revealed this about such a close family member,

1219
00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:37,440
Speaker 4: saying it was not my intention to badmouth him, but

1220
00:57:37,680 --> 00:57:39,919
Speaker 4: just the fact that I needed the support I could get.

1221
00:57:40,360 --> 00:57:43,400
Speaker 4: He said, there's nothing to apologize for. The blame is

1222
00:57:43,400 --> 00:57:46,240
Speaker 4: on his brother, and it's nothing that I should apologize for.

1223
00:57:46,840 --> 00:57:49,360
Speaker 4: My brother in law is like a big bear and

1224
00:57:49,480 --> 00:57:52,400
Speaker 4: probably the nicest person I know, but I was still

1225
00:57:52,440 --> 00:57:54,520
Speaker 4: nervous telling him, so I'm glad he reacted the way

1226
00:57:54,560 --> 00:57:56,760
Speaker 4: he did. We both agreed on waiting to tell his

1227
00:57:56,800 --> 00:57:59,080
Speaker 4: parents and little sister until the time is right.

1228
00:58:00,200 --> 00:58:02,320
Speaker 1: I get along really well with his wife.

1229
00:58:02,520 --> 00:58:05,960
Speaker 4: The couple lived abroad until six months ago, so I

1230
00:58:06,040 --> 00:58:08,000
Speaker 4: never had a good chance to meet and talk to her,

1231
00:58:08,080 --> 00:58:11,360
Speaker 4: but I really enjoyed her company. Yesterday, we went for

1232
00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:13,760
Speaker 4: a shopping trip in dinner, and it's been a long

1233
00:58:13,800 --> 00:58:14,240
Speaker 4: time since.

1234
00:58:14,280 --> 00:58:16,720
Speaker 1: I forgot about time and just enjoyed myself.

1235
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:20,360
Speaker 4: So about the other woman, I don't have the strength

1236
00:58:20,400 --> 00:58:22,560
Speaker 4: to face or even talk to her, so I decided

1237
00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:26,160
Speaker 4: to entrust her to his closest friend, the one who

1238
00:58:26,400 --> 00:58:27,200
Speaker 4: told me about her.

1239
00:58:27,320 --> 00:58:28,280
Speaker 1: Let's call him Alex.

1240
00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:30,840
Speaker 4: I thought it was a little awkward, but I told

1241
00:58:30,880 --> 00:58:33,200
Speaker 4: him he owed me. I told him he owed me

1242
00:58:33,240 --> 00:58:35,440
Speaker 4: this for having kept quiet about it for so long,

1243
00:58:35,520 --> 00:58:37,520
Speaker 4: even though I had considered him a friend.

1244
00:58:38,000 --> 00:58:42,800
Speaker 1: He agreed and apologized sincerely. I know he's always.

1245
00:58:42,440 --> 00:58:44,600
Speaker 4: Been a good guy, and he told me he made

1246
00:58:44,600 --> 00:58:47,800
Speaker 4: a big mistake but didn't tell me because he always

1247
00:58:47,840 --> 00:58:50,200
Speaker 4: held onto the trust that my husband would end it

1248
00:58:50,240 --> 00:58:53,560
Speaker 4: with her. As he said, he would when Alex asked

1249
00:58:53,600 --> 00:58:56,560
Speaker 4: him to stop it. I'm still very angry, but he's

1250
00:58:56,600 --> 00:58:58,560
Speaker 4: the only one I can trust to make sure she's

1251
00:58:58,600 --> 00:59:02,320
Speaker 4: not there. Worries were right, because she didn't take the

1252
00:59:02,360 --> 00:59:05,720
Speaker 4: phone call from Alex well. I sat along with him

1253
00:59:05,760 --> 00:59:08,000
Speaker 4: for the phone call, and we had her on speaker

1254
00:59:08,480 --> 00:59:12,240
Speaker 4: during the whole time. I was furious he didn't tell

1255
00:59:12,280 --> 00:59:14,880
Speaker 4: her that I knew at first, and she seriously had

1256
00:59:14,920 --> 00:59:17,480
Speaker 4: planned to be there at the reception, right in front

1257
00:59:17,480 --> 00:59:20,520
Speaker 4: of me. When she wouldn't budge even though he asked

1258
00:59:20,600 --> 00:59:23,320
Speaker 4: nicely that she could go to his grave, but she

1259
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:24,880
Speaker 4: wouldn't be welcomed at the reception.

1260
00:59:25,600 --> 00:59:28,560
Speaker 1: He told her that I knew everything.

1261
00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:31,760
Speaker 2: And she went quiet, little mouse yep.

1262
00:59:32,240 --> 00:59:34,760
Speaker 4: Alex told her that she's hurt me and that she

1263
00:59:34,840 --> 00:59:37,200
Speaker 4: should understand it's not acceptable for her to be in

1264
00:59:37,240 --> 00:59:40,440
Speaker 4: my presence during the reception. What she said next was

1265
00:59:40,520 --> 00:59:43,880
Speaker 4: a mix of sorry, that she loved him. The rest

1266
00:59:43,960 --> 00:59:47,240
Speaker 4: was incoherent, and then she hung up. Alex has been

1267
00:59:47,280 --> 00:59:50,280
Speaker 4: trying to reach her twice since, but no answer. I

1268
00:59:50,320 --> 00:59:52,560
Speaker 4: think she got it that she's not welcome, but I

1269
00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:55,120
Speaker 4: have already arranged for Alex and two other friends to

1270
00:59:55,120 --> 00:59:57,880
Speaker 4: be at the entrance to welcome people and stop her

1271
00:59:57,920 --> 01:00:01,600
Speaker 4: if she were to come. And she has a boyfriend

1272
01:00:01,800 --> 01:00:06,360
Speaker 4: since about nine months back. Okay, cool, great dude. I'm

1273
01:00:06,360 --> 01:00:10,120
Speaker 4: not sure what to do about that yet. I'll deal

1274
01:00:10,200 --> 01:00:11,600
Speaker 4: with my own problems first.

1275
01:00:11,840 --> 01:00:15,000
Speaker 1: So that was my update. I have dinner with my

1276
01:00:15,040 --> 01:00:19,120
Speaker 1: in laws tonight, which I'm looking forward to. Overall, I'm okay.

1277
01:00:19,360 --> 01:00:21,760
Speaker 4: As I mentioned above, I'm still confused about my husband,

1278
01:00:21,840 --> 01:00:24,000
Speaker 4: but I guess time will show how I will deal

1279
01:00:24,040 --> 01:00:26,920
Speaker 4: with the situation. It feels good that some people around

1280
01:00:26,920 --> 01:00:29,360
Speaker 4: me know about my situation now so they can be

1281
01:00:29,440 --> 01:00:32,240
Speaker 4: there to support me and understand if I behave Strangely,

1282
01:00:32,720 --> 01:00:35,440
Speaker 4: thank you everyone who posted on my original post. I

1283
01:00:35,480 --> 01:00:38,160
Speaker 4: think I maybe read through all of your advice over

1284
01:00:38,280 --> 01:00:41,200
Speaker 4: four times. It was a great help in making my

1285
01:00:41,280 --> 01:00:44,000
Speaker 4: decision and helping me through my sadness. As many of

1286
01:00:44,040 --> 01:00:47,440
Speaker 4: you see, I used your advice, so thank you once again.

1287
01:00:47,560 --> 01:00:49,320
Speaker 4: And that's the end of that story.

1288
01:00:49,360 --> 01:00:52,560
Speaker 1: People. Good job, Ope, get that help that you need.

1289
01:00:52,640 --> 01:00:56,080
Speaker 4: It's gonna take a long time to figure this one out.

1290
01:00:56,080 --> 01:00:56,360
Speaker 1: Girl.

1291
01:00:57,040 --> 01:00:59,240
Speaker 4: You're probably gonna go a lot up back and forth,

1292
01:01:00,200 --> 01:01:02,720
Speaker 4: and eventually it's gonna even out.

1293
01:01:03,240 --> 01:01:03,840
Speaker 6: Hey, it's Sam.

1294
01:01:03,840 --> 01:01:04,960
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to the stories.

1295
01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:06,960
Speaker 6: But here's three minutes of bads from our sponsors.

1296
01:01:07,360 --> 01:01:10,480
Speaker 2: My husband's new friend kept texting him and it's making

1297
01:01:10,560 --> 01:01:11,440
Speaker 2: me crazy.

1298
01:01:11,640 --> 01:01:14,000
Speaker 1: Are they friends or are they more than friends?

1299
01:01:14,360 --> 01:01:19,240
Speaker 2: So I thirty female and my husband Ed, thirty four male,

1300
01:01:19,640 --> 01:01:23,600
Speaker 2: have been together for fourteen years, married for six What

1301
01:01:23,720 --> 01:01:29,160
Speaker 2: happened after so many years of relationship? Insecurity happened? And

1302
01:01:29,200 --> 01:01:31,800
Speaker 2: by the way, this comes from user home Parrot. And

1303
01:01:31,840 --> 01:01:33,360
Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

1304
01:01:33,360 --> 01:01:35,040
Speaker 2: the r slash show Gay story Time, soebrate it where

1305
01:01:35,080 --> 01:01:40,040
Speaker 2: this story was submitted. I'm Dakota and I'm Angie, Hi Riley,

1306
01:01:41,360 --> 01:01:43,160
Speaker 2: and we are here to give you good advice Goofley,

1307
01:01:43,200 --> 01:01:44,520
Speaker 2: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

1308
01:01:44,560 --> 01:01:45,959
Speaker 2: what we would do, So if you would do something different,

1309
01:01:46,040 --> 01:01:49,480
Speaker 2: let us know in the comments. And Op says, I

1310
01:01:49,640 --> 01:01:53,280
Speaker 2: have a big issue with my insecurity and have been

1311
01:01:53,320 --> 01:01:56,640
Speaker 2: to therapy for a long time for it. He knows

1312
01:01:56,640 --> 01:02:00,120
Speaker 2: about it, and I'm open in communicating everything I'm thinking

1313
01:02:00,120 --> 01:02:03,840
Speaker 2: and feeling about. Still, a situation has opened some old

1314
01:02:03,880 --> 01:02:09,080
Speaker 2: wounds and some red flags. Ew We met Ali thirty

1315
01:02:09,120 --> 01:02:13,000
Speaker 2: female while going to a wedding. We were the godparents.

1316
01:02:13,240 --> 01:02:15,920
Speaker 2: It is practiced in our church. Both of us are

1317
01:02:15,960 --> 01:02:17,800
Speaker 2: not religious, but a good friend of mine asked us

1318
01:02:17,840 --> 01:02:21,760
Speaker 2: to be her and her husband's and she was a bridesmaid.

1319
01:02:22,200 --> 01:02:24,560
Speaker 2: Since the wedding was in another part of our country

1320
01:02:24,560 --> 01:02:27,080
Speaker 2: and it would mean thirteen hours of train travel or

1321
01:02:27,080 --> 01:02:29,720
Speaker 2: eight hours by car, and we had some free spots

1322
01:02:29,720 --> 01:02:32,760
Speaker 2: in our car, we offered to take Ali with us.

1323
01:02:33,440 --> 01:02:36,760
Speaker 2: We vibed well. I knew her since high school. We

1324
01:02:36,760 --> 01:02:39,919
Speaker 2: were in the same year, different classes, but never got

1325
01:02:39,960 --> 01:02:44,680
Speaker 2: closer than acquaintances. Ali and Ed clicked and started talking.

1326
01:02:45,280 --> 01:02:47,680
Speaker 2: She recommended him some self help books and it helped

1327
01:02:47,760 --> 01:02:49,680
Speaker 2: him gain some confidence and heal a part of his

1328
01:02:49,760 --> 01:02:55,080
Speaker 2: people pleasing tendencies. For that, I am thankful now. We

1329
01:02:55,240 --> 01:02:58,440
Speaker 2: tried to get closer, but she would talk to me

1330
01:02:58,640 --> 01:03:01,959
Speaker 2: only if I sent her a message first. I went

1331
01:03:02,040 --> 01:03:04,520
Speaker 2: through friendships like that and got to a point that

1332
01:03:04,560 --> 01:03:09,640
Speaker 2: if I don't find reciprocity, I give up no drama.

1333
01:03:09,840 --> 01:03:13,000
Speaker 2: I just retire and see to my life. Those kinds

1334
01:03:13,000 --> 01:03:16,640
Speaker 2: of people don't need my energy in my opinion. Meanwhile,

1335
01:03:17,160 --> 01:03:21,000
Speaker 2: she keeps talking to my husband up until now. Everything's okay.

1336
01:03:21,480 --> 01:03:23,320
Speaker 2: I went out with her a couple of times, and

1337
01:03:23,360 --> 01:03:27,040
Speaker 2: even though we had some interesting discussions about feminism and sociology,

1338
01:03:27,360 --> 01:03:30,680
Speaker 2: it still felt awkward for me. When I felt I

1339
01:03:30,720 --> 01:03:33,520
Speaker 2: could not trust her anymore. I invited her out, just

1340
01:03:33,600 --> 01:03:35,800
Speaker 2: the two of us and respectfully told her how I

1341
01:03:35,880 --> 01:03:38,720
Speaker 2: was feeling. I said, it doesn't mean we couldn't be

1342
01:03:38,760 --> 01:03:41,160
Speaker 2: friends anymore, but I wanted to get to know her more,

1343
01:03:41,240 --> 01:03:44,439
Speaker 2: since that's how I get to trust people. Since then,

1344
01:03:44,520 --> 01:03:46,760
Speaker 2: she told me she was okay with that, but continued

1345
01:03:46,800 --> 01:03:50,480
Speaker 2: to talk to my husband kind of ignored me. What

1346
01:03:50,600 --> 01:03:54,000
Speaker 2: has me really peeved is the nausea and empty stomach

1347
01:03:54,000 --> 01:03:56,200
Speaker 2: feeling I have when I know they message each other.

1348
01:03:56,680 --> 01:03:59,320
Speaker 2: To my husband's credit, I fully trust him. He would

1349
01:03:59,360 --> 01:04:02,360
Speaker 2: not betray me out of malice or with intention. He

1350
01:04:02,440 --> 01:04:06,040
Speaker 2: is loyal to a t but he is dense, like

1351
01:04:06,080 --> 01:04:10,400
Speaker 2: a neutron star. He does not get it when someone

1352
01:04:10,600 --> 01:04:13,680
Speaker 2: is subtly flirting with him or hints at being interested.

1353
01:04:14,000 --> 01:04:17,040
Speaker 2: Hence a hand on the shoulder and smiling is for

1354
01:04:17,120 --> 01:04:20,720
Speaker 2: him being friendly or asking for help. She has shown

1355
01:04:20,760 --> 01:04:23,480
Speaker 2: him an error that happened on her notebook while at

1356
01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:25,640
Speaker 2: work and asked him if he can fix it. I

1357
01:04:25,680 --> 01:04:28,160
Speaker 2: am the more tech savvy in the house. Since in Uni,

1358
01:04:28,240 --> 01:04:30,040
Speaker 2: I had to fix and adapt my laptop to the

1359
01:04:30,040 --> 01:04:33,000
Speaker 2: demanding software and files we were using at a point

1360
01:04:33,040 --> 01:04:36,040
Speaker 2: in time, I needed to learn to do some diagnosis.

1361
01:04:36,560 --> 01:04:38,280
Speaker 2: He asked me if I could help her with a

1362
01:04:38,320 --> 01:04:42,760
Speaker 2: Windows reinstallation, and I hesitated, stating that it's a laptop

1363
01:04:42,840 --> 01:04:46,160
Speaker 2: she uses for work. Why doesn't she ask someone from

1364
01:04:46,200 --> 01:04:49,600
Speaker 2: the IT department to help her. I'm not an expert

1365
01:04:49,640 --> 01:04:52,280
Speaker 2: by any means. When I would get blue screens on

1366
01:04:52,280 --> 01:04:54,520
Speaker 2: my laptop, I would use a diagnostic tool and take

1367
01:04:54,560 --> 01:04:56,480
Speaker 2: it to a specialist, a guy who was in the

1368
01:04:56,520 --> 01:05:00,160
Speaker 2: IT department at work, who helps us fix small things

1369
01:05:00,200 --> 01:05:03,960
Speaker 2: for a bevy or lunch the next day. He is

1370
01:05:04,040 --> 01:05:07,320
Speaker 2: happy I tell him what my laptop has exactly, because

1371
01:05:07,360 --> 01:05:09,960
Speaker 2: he does not lose as much time as he usually would.

1372
01:05:10,240 --> 01:05:13,840
Speaker 2: Ed has no answer for my question, just that he

1373
01:05:13,880 --> 01:05:16,800
Speaker 2: already promised her to help. I researched a bit and

1374
01:05:16,800 --> 01:05:20,920
Speaker 2: could only do a diagonnoses and a basic operating system reinstalled.

1375
01:05:20,960 --> 01:05:24,280
Speaker 2: But that does not guarantee solving her problem now, he

1376
01:05:24,320 --> 01:05:26,160
Speaker 2: said he talked to her so that the three of

1377
01:05:26,240 --> 01:05:29,720
Speaker 2: us could meet on Sunday. I was hesitant, but agreed.

1378
01:05:30,400 --> 01:05:32,800
Speaker 2: I find it weird that they talk and make plans,

1379
01:05:32,880 --> 01:05:36,240
Speaker 2: but she has not sent me a message in a month. Well, okay,

1380
01:05:36,360 --> 01:05:39,640
Speaker 2: to be fair, they're coworkers, so they're around each other

1381
01:05:39,720 --> 01:05:45,480
Speaker 2: a lot more they work together. So does your husband

1382
01:05:45,520 --> 01:05:48,520
Speaker 2: know that you talked to her and told her that

1383
01:05:48,560 --> 01:05:53,160
Speaker 2: and then she got weird with you. I would probably

1384
01:05:53,200 --> 01:05:54,520
Speaker 2: make it a thing where it's like, hey, if you're

1385
01:05:54,520 --> 01:05:56,800
Speaker 2: gonna hang out with her, we're all gonna hang out

1386
01:05:57,120 --> 01:06:00,080
Speaker 2: because she has a crush on you, bro. So the

1387
01:06:00,200 --> 01:06:03,360
Speaker 2: thing is, my mom called to remind me that they

1388
01:06:03,440 --> 01:06:05,680
Speaker 2: will come to our town for an event this weekend,

1389
01:06:05,720 --> 01:06:08,600
Speaker 2: and of course they're gonna stay at our place. I

1390
01:06:08,640 --> 01:06:11,440
Speaker 2: told him that, and his reaction was, what about ALI

1391
01:06:12,440 --> 01:06:14,960
Speaker 2: will change the time of the meeting to next week?

1392
01:06:15,120 --> 01:06:20,000
Speaker 2: I said, but we talked about meeting on Sunday three pm. Well,

1393
01:06:20,040 --> 01:06:22,400
Speaker 2: and I don't know when they're gonna leave. Then he

1394
01:06:22,440 --> 01:06:24,560
Speaker 2: told me this all stems from a communication issue and

1395
01:06:24,600 --> 01:06:27,080
Speaker 2: that I did not talk properly with her and never

1396
01:06:27,120 --> 01:06:31,160
Speaker 2: told him about the nausea. All in all, my husband

1397
01:06:31,160 --> 01:06:34,000
Speaker 2: was upset because I don't trust him, which I do,

1398
01:06:34,400 --> 01:06:38,160
Speaker 2: I don't trust her, and that we should let it

1399
01:06:38,200 --> 01:06:40,480
Speaker 2: go for today because both of us were irritated and

1400
01:06:40,520 --> 01:06:42,880
Speaker 2: did not want this to develop into a full fledged

1401
01:06:42,880 --> 01:06:46,360
Speaker 2: fight that he would talk to her. I don't know.

1402
01:06:46,480 --> 01:06:49,360
Speaker 2: Am I overreacting? Am I justified am I an ale

1403
01:06:50,160 --> 01:06:52,479
Speaker 2: as a thing? He is good friends with another friend

1404
01:06:52,480 --> 01:06:55,480
Speaker 2: of ours, but we never had issues. She made a

1405
01:06:55,480 --> 01:06:57,880
Speaker 2: group chat where we talk and plan all the outings,

1406
01:06:58,240 --> 01:07:00,760
Speaker 2: consults him when she meets other peace people and so on.

1407
01:07:00,880 --> 01:07:03,360
Speaker 2: But she never raised red flags and is mindful of

1408
01:07:03,400 --> 01:07:06,640
Speaker 2: me and respects our relationship. Even she told me the

1409
01:07:06,800 --> 01:07:10,800
Speaker 2: Doudet raised some red flags and there are some comments.

1410
01:07:10,880 --> 01:07:14,320
Speaker 2: But beautiful people in this room with me, what do

1411
01:07:14,360 --> 01:07:14,800
Speaker 2: we think?

1412
01:07:15,160 --> 01:07:16,200
Speaker 1: I think it's weird.

1413
01:07:16,960 --> 01:07:19,880
Speaker 2: There is some weirdness, I think, I think pointing out

1414
01:07:19,920 --> 01:07:22,240
Speaker 2: that it's like she had the computer problem and did

1415
01:07:22,280 --> 01:07:25,160
Speaker 2: not go to the IT department instead went to Opie's husband.

1416
01:07:25,600 --> 01:07:26,320
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1417
01:07:26,400 --> 01:07:29,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's just looking for an excuse to interact, Which is.

1418
01:07:30,960 --> 01:07:35,680
Speaker 1: That's such a classic like schoolgirl tactic, like hey, can

1419
01:07:35,720 --> 01:07:38,360
Speaker 1: you help me on this on this problem?

1420
01:07:38,520 --> 01:07:39,560
Speaker 2: Can you help me with my math?

1421
01:07:39,600 --> 01:07:40,840
Speaker 1: Homes? So stupid?

1422
01:07:41,720 --> 01:07:44,760
Speaker 2: If this girl is into you, it's like, why are

1423
01:07:44,800 --> 01:07:47,760
Speaker 2: we entertaining that? Yeah, it's not that I don't trust

1424
01:07:47,840 --> 01:07:49,280
Speaker 2: you and I think you're gonna cheat on me with

1425
01:07:49,360 --> 01:07:53,080
Speaker 2: this person. It's this person is like giving you signs

1426
01:07:53,560 --> 01:07:57,240
Speaker 2: and you're just sort of like not leaning into it,

1427
01:07:57,920 --> 01:08:01,120
Speaker 2: but like you're facilitating them to can you by like

1428
01:08:01,320 --> 01:08:05,000
Speaker 2: continuing to just like roll with it, even if it's

1429
01:08:05,040 --> 01:08:07,680
Speaker 2: totally innocent and you're like, yeah, whatever, I'll fix your computer.

1430
01:08:07,720 --> 01:08:10,440
Speaker 2: It's because I'm a goagram or friend. I don't care, right,

1431
01:08:10,720 --> 01:08:13,960
Speaker 2: but it's like, it's just the principle, it's the principal

1432
01:08:14,200 --> 01:08:17,439
Speaker 2: thing we like comments. Comment one says, just sit down

1433
01:08:17,479 --> 01:08:20,280
Speaker 2: and talk to him. I feel like there's been some misunderstandings.

1434
01:08:20,280 --> 01:08:22,639
Speaker 2: Now I may be wrong, but if I had plans

1435
01:08:22,640 --> 01:08:24,720
Speaker 2: with someone and suddenly needed to change my plans, my

1436
01:08:24,800 --> 01:08:28,080
Speaker 2: reaction would also have been but what about them? That

1437
01:08:28,160 --> 01:08:30,479
Speaker 2: might be why your husband asked about Ali, since you

1438
01:08:30,560 --> 01:08:33,960
Speaker 2: mentioned he's pretty dense. Also bring up the fact that

1439
01:08:34,000 --> 01:08:37,080
Speaker 2: she never reaches out to you while constantly messaging him,

1440
01:08:37,479 --> 01:08:40,080
Speaker 2: even after you spoke to her about it. I think

1441
01:08:40,160 --> 01:08:43,400
Speaker 2: that's pretty sketchy on her part. Another comment says, my

1442
01:08:43,439 --> 01:08:46,080
Speaker 2: boyfriend has a female friend that I too get bad

1443
01:08:46,200 --> 01:08:48,880
Speaker 2: vibes from, and it stems from her not really being

1444
01:08:48,960 --> 01:08:52,320
Speaker 2: respectful of the relationship. That is what really seems to

1445
01:08:52,360 --> 01:08:55,240
Speaker 2: be the issue. This woman puts all this energy into

1446
01:08:55,280 --> 01:08:58,160
Speaker 2: chatting with your husband but doesn't even try to chat

1447
01:08:58,200 --> 01:09:02,559
Speaker 2: with you. The work computer is odd as well, because

1448
01:09:02,600 --> 01:09:04,960
Speaker 2: companies tend to have an IT department because it's usually

1449
01:09:05,000 --> 01:09:07,400
Speaker 2: a violation of policy to have another entity look into

1450
01:09:07,439 --> 01:09:11,439
Speaker 2: their computers as it might compromise proprietary information. Feels more

1451
01:09:11,479 --> 01:09:14,519
Speaker 2: like a setup to be a damsel in distress. I

1452
01:09:14,560 --> 01:09:17,360
Speaker 2: think couples counseling would be very helpful, as it would

1453
01:09:17,360 --> 01:09:19,160
Speaker 2: be a good way for both of you to communicate

1454
01:09:19,160 --> 01:09:22,559
Speaker 2: better in regards to this situation. I think highlighting the

1455
01:09:22,600 --> 01:09:25,280
Speaker 2: differences in Ali and the other female friend would be

1456
01:09:25,320 --> 01:09:28,280
Speaker 2: helpful as well. So let's say the other friend is

1457
01:09:28,320 --> 01:09:31,320
Speaker 2: Sarah and she does the following that makes you feel

1458
01:09:31,400 --> 01:09:34,120
Speaker 2: she respects the relationship you have with your husband and

1459
01:09:34,240 --> 01:09:38,240
Speaker 2: the boundaries you have. I can explain the things that Ali.

1460
01:09:38,680 --> 01:09:41,519
Speaker 2: You can explain the things that Ali does and how

1461
01:09:41,560 --> 01:09:44,120
Speaker 2: you feel they are disrespectful to your relationship and how

1462
01:09:44,120 --> 01:09:47,559
Speaker 2: they violate your boundaries. Good luck, and I hope things

1463
01:09:47,600 --> 01:09:49,479
Speaker 2: go well and there's enough.

1464
01:09:50,040 --> 01:09:53,559
Speaker 4: Oh boy, do we think things are gonna go well?

1465
01:09:54,320 --> 01:09:54,559
Speaker 2: Yes?

1466
01:09:55,200 --> 01:09:55,519
Speaker 6: I do?

1467
01:09:56,000 --> 01:09:57,240
Speaker 1: Well, good I do.

1468
01:09:57,280 --> 01:09:59,720
Speaker 2: Here's you know what I do.

1469
01:10:01,120 --> 01:10:02,880
Speaker 1: I like that optimism.

1470
01:10:02,920 --> 01:10:08,080
Speaker 2: To clarify, we all work in different places. He's in

1471
01:10:08,120 --> 01:10:12,280
Speaker 2: the army, I in a state institution, and she in

1472
01:10:12,320 --> 01:10:16,680
Speaker 2: a corporation. They don't work together. She was not provided

1473
01:10:16,920 --> 01:10:20,439
Speaker 2: a work laptop. It was her personal laptop, even though

1474
01:10:20,560 --> 01:10:22,960
Speaker 2: in my opinion, if she used it for work, it

1475
01:10:23,000 --> 01:10:26,960
Speaker 2: could have been solved at work. They never met privately.

1476
01:10:27,280 --> 01:10:30,439
Speaker 2: I know his schedule. We communicate all the time. All

1477
01:10:30,479 --> 01:10:33,840
Speaker 2: of my insecurity stem from years of bullying. If you

1478
01:10:33,960 --> 01:10:36,920
Speaker 2: had yourself brought down, humiliated and had your money taken

1479
01:10:36,960 --> 01:10:40,919
Speaker 2: for protection and were called weird for years, it stamps

1480
01:10:40,920 --> 01:10:43,439
Speaker 2: on your self worth. I needed lots of therapy to

1481
01:10:43,439 --> 01:10:48,880
Speaker 2: get better. We have talked. Everything is all right. Ali

1482
01:10:49,080 --> 01:10:52,720
Speaker 2: is out of the picture, okay. And that's a che

1483
01:10:52,920 --> 01:11:02,519
Speaker 2: che cow. That's the sound of the jackpot hitting. After

1484
01:11:02,560 --> 01:11:05,599
Speaker 2: I posted, I sent him the post and it floored him,

1485
01:11:06,040 --> 01:11:08,840
Speaker 2: as I suspected his reaction was out of concern because

1486
01:11:08,840 --> 01:11:12,240
Speaker 2: of his people pleasing tendencies. Yes, he is a recovering

1487
01:11:12,280 --> 01:11:16,120
Speaker 2: people pleaser. Also, because he had not slept in thirty hours,

1488
01:11:16,200 --> 01:11:17,840
Speaker 2: he had a twenty four hour shift and was ordered

1489
01:11:17,840 --> 01:11:20,400
Speaker 2: to stay behind for a ceremony. No this is not

1490
01:11:20,439 --> 01:11:22,759
Speaker 2: an excuse. The PR team of the army posted photos

1491
01:11:22,760 --> 01:11:25,320
Speaker 2: of the ceremony publicly. Yes, our army does that. Official

1492
01:11:25,360 --> 01:11:28,519
Speaker 2: events are not secret. He was tired, irritated, and most

1493
01:11:28,520 --> 01:11:31,720
Speaker 2: of all, he could not think straight. I believe him.

1494
01:11:31,840 --> 01:11:35,200
Speaker 2: He showed me all the messages they had. Nothing was deleted.

1495
01:11:35,240 --> 01:11:37,080
Speaker 2: We use WhatsApp, so if he deleted a message, it

1496
01:11:37,080 --> 01:11:39,400
Speaker 2: would have shown I like this. We did it.

1497
01:11:39,400 --> 01:11:39,840
Speaker 6: It's good.

1498
01:11:39,960 --> 01:11:41,320
Speaker 1: We got communication going.

1499
01:11:41,479 --> 01:11:42,000
Speaker 2: We did it.

1500
01:11:42,280 --> 01:11:43,439
Speaker 1: We got trust going.

1501
01:11:43,760 --> 01:11:47,800
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yesterday, after showing him the post, he called me

1502
01:11:47,880 --> 01:11:51,200
Speaker 2: at work. We talked for about half an hour, where

1503
01:11:51,200 --> 01:11:54,920
Speaker 2: he apologized, explained his point of view, and then called

1504
01:11:55,000 --> 01:11:58,400
Speaker 2: her to end it. Her excuses for not talking to

1505
01:11:58,439 --> 01:12:01,280
Speaker 2: me where I seem to be cold and answer shortly

1506
01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:05,320
Speaker 2: and am kurt with her. I looked at our convos.

1507
01:12:05,520 --> 01:12:08,120
Speaker 2: I was the more active one, so she had the

1508
01:12:08,160 --> 01:12:13,639
Speaker 2: audacity to lie. After work, we had dinner, and after

1509
01:12:13,880 --> 01:12:18,920
Speaker 2: dinner he brought a wine bottle and we started the discussion.

1510
01:12:20,000 --> 01:12:23,720
Speaker 2: We talked about the situation. He apologized and explained to

1511
01:12:23,800 --> 01:12:26,840
Speaker 2: me he was just viewing her as being friendly. He

1512
01:12:26,880 --> 01:12:29,599
Speaker 2: showed me the convos most where about the books he

1513
01:12:29,640 --> 01:12:33,760
Speaker 2: was reading. No deleted messages nothing. He continued on to

1514
01:12:33,840 --> 01:12:36,080
Speaker 2: what had brought us to this point and what we

1515
01:12:36,120 --> 01:12:39,320
Speaker 2: should do. All is good. There's no need to call

1516
01:12:39,400 --> 01:12:43,000
Speaker 2: him a cheater or jump to conclusions was miscommunication on

1517
01:12:43,160 --> 01:12:46,400
Speaker 2: both parts. I will not throw away a fourteen year

1518
01:12:46,439 --> 01:12:48,200
Speaker 2: relationship over a hiccup.

1519
01:12:51,280 --> 01:12:52,639
Speaker 1: That's right there we go.

1520
01:12:53,040 --> 01:12:55,759
Speaker 2: I agree, period, and that's the end of that story.

1521
01:12:55,800 --> 01:12:57,760
Speaker 2: I agree, especially because y'all worked it out.

1522
01:12:58,160 --> 01:13:01,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, honestly, I think right this

1523
01:13:01,160 --> 01:13:05,439
Speaker 4: Is what communication brings guys, solutions to things.