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Speaker 1: What's up? Its way up with Angela Yee, I'm Angela yee.

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Speaker 1: My guy Mano is. I was like, Mana, you got

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Speaker 1: to stay for.

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Speaker 2: This well because we need you here, all right. And

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Speaker 2: we have Courtney B. Vance and doctor Robin el Smith

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Speaker 2: here talking about this book The Invisible Ache.

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Speaker 1: Oh man, listen.

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Speaker 2: I have all my little quotes from different parts of

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Speaker 2: the book that I wanted to talk about. But I

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Speaker 2: felt like for Meno because a lot of this book

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Speaker 2: is about black men identifying their pain, and Mano, I

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Speaker 2: feel like it's somebody that hasn't tapped into that, you know.

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Speaker 1: Yet. Yeah, he says that he's cured.

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Speaker 3: I'm joking, but I tapped in understandable at as a

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Speaker 3: black man that there's a lot of issues that we

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Speaker 3: haven't addressed.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 3: I spent a lot of years in prison, so that alone,

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Speaker 3: you know, you know, you couple that with just being

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Speaker 3: in the type environment that I grew up in. There

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Speaker 3: is a lot of things that we haven't dealt with,

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Speaker 3: and you don't know until later on, until you see

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Speaker 3: certain things happening, which you know.

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Speaker 5: So I went through a period of.

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Speaker 3: Time while I was getting a lot of therapy because

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Speaker 3: I hadn't needed at that time.

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Speaker 5: But I think therapy is.

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Speaker 3: You can continue to get it. I don't think you

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Speaker 3: can get it for a time a certain time and

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Speaker 3: the stop.

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Speaker 6: Oh no, oh no. That's why we're here. That's what

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Speaker 6: the invisible way is about.

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Speaker 7: And let me just say something.

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Speaker 1: I love.

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Speaker 6: What you just said about being in prison, not that

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Speaker 6: you were there, but everybody's in prison, whether they know

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Speaker 6: it or not. Some people are locked up, which is

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Speaker 6: different than the prison we have in our minds, and

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Speaker 6: is that prison that many black men, black boys, and

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Speaker 6: black people do not realize that just because we are

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Speaker 6: no longer enslaved does not mean there are not shackles

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Speaker 6: on our thoughts, on our minds, that we are not

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Speaker 6: living into lies instead.

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Speaker 7: Of the truth about who we were destined and born

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Speaker 7: to be. Yeah. So, so sometimes people.

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Speaker 6: End up in a physical prism because of the prison

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Speaker 6: that they were surviving long before that big house, you know,

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Speaker 6: and you know mental absolutely.

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Speaker 5: That actually has long lasting effects. You see.

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Speaker 3: I read a book, I'm sorry, I read a book

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Speaker 3: called Chains and Images of Psychological Slavery, and it talked about,

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Speaker 3: you know, some of the some of the things that

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Speaker 3: we took from slavery. Right, some of the way we spoke,

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Speaker 3: the way we thought, some of those things and how

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Speaker 3: we dealt with each other came which derived directly from slavery.

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Speaker 3: But it was it was like a revolving door. It

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Speaker 3: kept us down. And so that's that mental shackles that

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Speaker 3: you're talking about.

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Speaker 7: Absolutely absolutely same thing with like fraternities.

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Speaker 6: And I know Andrews said, wait a minute.

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Speaker 7: There are people.

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Speaker 6: List but what I wanted, but I will say also

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Speaker 6: if we look at black fraternities and sororities in particular,

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Speaker 6: and Courtney and I write about this in The Invisible Ache,

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Speaker 6: black Men identifying their Pain and Reclaiming their power our

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Speaker 6: new book, What where is it that Black men in

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Speaker 6: college learn to put their hands on other black men

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Speaker 6: and call it a fraternity and call it lazing? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Hey, well that when when you're pledging and well.

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Speaker 7: It's it has its own.

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Speaker 6: And the reason I bring this up is because as

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Speaker 6: you're talking about what happened in slavery.

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Speaker 7: That we brought with us that revolving door.

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Speaker 6: When people are in college or in a gang wherever

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Speaker 6: it is, and we are harming ourselves and each other,

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Speaker 6: we don't realize that we are re enacting a part

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Speaker 6: of slavery that made us hate ourselves and hate the

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Speaker 6: other people that look like us.

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Speaker 2: Indeed, think about the branding that goes with that, the

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Speaker 2: paddling and all of those things. I want to ask

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Speaker 2: because the way you guys put this book together is

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Speaker 2: very unique.

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Speaker 1: You know, we have doctor Robin, who.

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Speaker 2: We've all seen and very acclaimed therapists, psychiatrists from OPRAH

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Speaker 2: and in your own right, you know, you have your

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Speaker 2: own show one serious also, and then of course Courtney

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Speaker 2: b Vance, who, by the way, besides being just an

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Speaker 2: extraordinary actor. And I know we can't talk about much

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Speaker 2: of that because of sag after and the strike that's

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Speaker 2: happening right now and that part of it. But you

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Speaker 2: guys came together to do this book, and Courtney you

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Speaker 2: shared a lot of things about yourself that also led

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Speaker 2: to you seeking out therapy. And then doctor Robin you

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Speaker 2: also explained in these chapters he was talking about things

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Speaker 2: from his childhood and his adulthood that led to you

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Speaker 2: guys kind of coming to get her to do this.

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Speaker 2: What made you decide this was necessary?

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Speaker 4: Well, it's necessary for me because I was in I

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Speaker 4: was shackled and didn't realize it until my mother asked

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Speaker 4: my sister and I after we spend a month getting

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Speaker 4: my mother's affairs together after my father passed away, she

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Speaker 4: challenged us as we were about to leave, she said,

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Speaker 4: I want you to go back to our respective cities.

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Speaker 4: She said, I want you both to when you go

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Speaker 4: back to to New York and to Maryland, to get

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Speaker 4: some therapy, find a therapist.

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Speaker 6: Because Daddy Vance died by suicide, so he didn't just

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Speaker 6: pass away.

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Speaker 8: He died by suicide.

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Speaker 7: So that's why Mommy said, we're going to do We

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Speaker 7: got to this, we got to break this.

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Speaker 4: And so neither one of us knew. Well, I had

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Speaker 4: never heard about therapy, so I was okay, Mommy, because

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Speaker 4: if Mommy says, it is done. So we both said okay,

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Speaker 4: but you know the the actual going back and how

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Speaker 4: that happens, you know. Gratefully, thankfully I was able to afford.

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Speaker 4: I was on Broadway doing six Greed Separation, so I

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Speaker 4: was on top of the theatrical world. But with my

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Speaker 4: father's suicide and death, I was unmoored. And so the

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Speaker 4: question was simply where everything came up? Then it was

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Speaker 4: I was a remember sitting on stoop outside my therapists,

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Speaker 4: my eventual therapist office, and you know at Gramercy Park,

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Speaker 4: and if you know anything about Gramsey Park, you can't

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Speaker 4: get in there, you know, unless you you you one

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Speaker 4: of the property owners around the park.

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Speaker 8: There's a key.

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Speaker 4: So I'm sitting on the stoop waiting for my therapist time,

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Speaker 4: my therapy time, and I'm you know, I'm on the

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Speaker 4: quote unquote top of the theatrical world, and I'm sitting

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Speaker 4: on a stoop and these white people are walking by

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Speaker 4: me looking like looking at me like I'm about to

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Speaker 4: steal something from them? Or what is he doing on

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Speaker 4: the what's he doing in this area?

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Speaker 8: Right? You know?

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Speaker 4: And so I go into my therapy session and I'm like,

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Speaker 4: I feel so bad. I feel I'm nothing. And she said, well, Courtney,

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Speaker 4: wait a minute, what what are you You're on top

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Speaker 4: of the what are you doing?

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Speaker 8: What's right?

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Speaker 4: Not to explain to her, but she said, oh, you know,

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Speaker 4: and you know, just the you know, it's it's all

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Speaker 4: of us. All of us are shackled. We we talked

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Speaker 4: about that prior to the beginning of the show. All

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Speaker 4: of us are shackled. The question is what are you

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Speaker 4: going to do about it? So we began to She

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Speaker 4: began with, you know, just seeing where I was. She said, Courtney,

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Speaker 4: do you how do you make decisions? And I said,

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Speaker 4: I don't know. I just flip a coin. Isn't that

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Speaker 4: are you doing? She said okay, because she said Courtney,

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Speaker 4: sometimes you know there's there's nothing to do. You just

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Speaker 4: got to wait. Is it could tell me some of

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Speaker 4: the Do you have the patience to let the mud

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Speaker 4: settle in the water and the water become clear?

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Speaker 1: I saw that. That was laudsu you said that said

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Speaker 1: that said.

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Speaker 8: Why water become clear? Patient? No, not to go? So

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Speaker 8: she said, that'll.

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Speaker 2: Be patient and just let everything settle. I have like

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Speaker 2: twenty questions from what you just said. Number one from

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Speaker 2: the book you talked about even getting a therapist the

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Speaker 2: right person. That's important to discuss, right, because sometimes you

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Speaker 2: can be turned off if you have an experience you're

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Speaker 2: going to talk to somebody. You had that experience where

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Speaker 2: it just wasn't the right fit and getting those recommendations.

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Speaker 2: So just talking to people who are listening. Sometimes we

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Speaker 2: feel like our therapist has to look like us, right,

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Speaker 2: and you know, do I need to have a black person?

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Speaker 2: So I want you to discuss the process of finding

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Speaker 2: the right therapist for you. And if you don't have

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Speaker 2: the right person to make sure that it's like dating

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Speaker 2: kind of, you have to yeah, find somebody that you're

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Speaker 2: compatible with.

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Speaker 1: So can you talk about that process.

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Speaker 4: Which is why you've got to be ready for the journey.

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Speaker 4: You've got to say, I'm doing this for me, and

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Speaker 4: I'm doing it for I'm in it for the long

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Speaker 4: haul and whatever that means, because there's so many obstacles

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Speaker 4: even when you find a therapist like us my therapy night. Uh,

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Speaker 4: you know, there's so many reasons to say I'm not

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Speaker 4: going to do it. But you know, I had gotten

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Speaker 4: to the place where I was at the end of

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Speaker 4: my rope, but not the end of my hope. So

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Speaker 4: I said, you know, every that was my time. I

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Speaker 4: so looked forward to my time, and I moved everything

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Speaker 4: out of the way for that, you know, And so

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Speaker 4: my life centered around my therapy session and and my therapist,

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Speaker 4: doctor Cornfield, Margaret Cornfield got rest her. So she she

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Speaker 4: challenged me and in so many ways, but she challenged me.

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Speaker 4: She said, Courtney, I need you to get your dreams

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Speaker 4: because that's how we met. We met on a dream

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Speaker 4: because the night before I went to meet her, I

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Speaker 4: had a dream. I never I don't dream, at least

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Speaker 4: I didn't think I did a dream. And there was

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Speaker 4: a certain pattern in my dream and whatever. And so

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Speaker 4: when I met her and I shook her hand at

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Speaker 4: her office and turned to the left. There were two

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Speaker 4: officers that she had right and the left, and turned

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Speaker 4: the right hands to the stero to the left. I

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Speaker 4: saw the path in my dream on a pillow in

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Speaker 4: her on her couch. So I said I knew, I knew,

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Speaker 4: And when I shook her hand, I know I was home.

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Speaker 4: But when I saw that, I said, this is me

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Speaker 4: right here. And I just started babbling, just back because

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Speaker 4: I had sat down with a sister and just sat

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Speaker 4: there with my head in my hands. Because for an

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Speaker 4: hour she wouldn't help me. I said, I didn't know

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Speaker 4: what to do? What do I say? What do you

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Speaker 4: say in therapy? I don't know. I didn't know anything.

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Speaker 4: You know, what are you going to help me?

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Speaker 5: What are you looking for something?

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Speaker 8: I wasn't for her to say, how do we do this?

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Speaker 2: This is your first time doing that. I don't know

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Speaker 2: the process, the protocol.

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Speaker 4: She was not she was not gentle with me. She

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Speaker 4: just was sitting there. And then finally, when I had

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Speaker 4: my head in my hands, she said, do you have

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Speaker 4: a headache. I said, no, I don't have a headache.

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Speaker 8: I just don't know.

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Speaker 2: We're just sitting here looking at each other like okay, somebody.

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Speaker 8: Fifty minutes because you.

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Speaker 9: Know, yeah, you know, so you know, I mean, it's

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Speaker 9: just it's it's it's and then don't even talk about

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Speaker 9: paying for it, you know, the whole.

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Speaker 8: I mean, my father, my therapist said that.

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Speaker 4: Cornfield said, if if your father had been my patient,

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Speaker 4: I would have put him in the hospital to save

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Speaker 4: his life.

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Speaker 8: You know.

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Speaker 4: And my my, my, my godson who during COVID his

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Speaker 4: parents couldn't go into the session with him to advocate,

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Speaker 4: and he was fine when he was going to he

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Speaker 4: would go to the doctor's evaluation visits for two hours.

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Speaker 8: He was fine.

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Speaker 4: But as soon as he left out of there, maybe

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Speaker 4: a day or two later, he had an episode and

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Speaker 4: he said, we we just you honey.

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Speaker 8: Didn't you get any prescription? Did you? Did you tell

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Speaker 8: him you have episodes? Do you get a prescription? No?

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Speaker 4: Mommy, I was fine, I'm fine. So that's you know that.

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Speaker 4: I mean, how many young people people in general slipped

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Speaker 4: slipped through the cracks during COVID because they couldn't get

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Speaker 4: you know, go to funerals, couldn't go to wedding, only

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Speaker 4: ten people.

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Speaker 8: And you know they can go to school, you can

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Speaker 8: go to school.

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Speaker 1: I mean I couldn't see their friends.

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Speaker 6: I mean the well and it's his godson. Courtney's godson

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Speaker 6: was twenty three years young. And you know, one of

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Speaker 6: the things we talk about in the book is what

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Speaker 6: is it that Courtney's father and his godson were saying

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Speaker 6: that maybe we couldn't hear. And so part of the

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Speaker 6: Invisible Ache is about calling all black boys and black

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Speaker 6: men and the people that love them, but particularly black

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Speaker 6: boys and black men, to the floor of their own life.

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Speaker 6: It's like an altar call, not for God, but an

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Speaker 6: alter call to re engage with yourself in a way

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Speaker 6: that either you never have or you haven't for a

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Speaker 6: very long time. There's you know, when we talk about

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Speaker 6: how to find the right therapists, people will say Angela,

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Speaker 6: as you were saying, well, uh, maybe the person needs

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Speaker 6: to be black because I'm black. They need to be

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Speaker 6: Christian because I'm Christian. And so I will ask people

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Speaker 6: when you go for if you have to have heart

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Speaker 6: surgery or eye surgery? Do you ask for a black surgeon?

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Speaker 6: Do you know what you want to know is can

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Speaker 6: you get me off the table alive?

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Speaker 8: Right?

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Speaker 6: Can you get my Can I keep my eyesight? Can

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Speaker 6: you keep my heart beating so that I can live?

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Speaker 6: And so many of us miss out and I understand why,

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Speaker 6: and Courtney and I talk.

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Speaker 7: About this because we as black people have.

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Speaker 6: Been experimented on, literally experimented on healthcare. And it's not

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Speaker 6: there's no there's no care, right absolutely.

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Speaker 1: I mean black women having to deal with maternal health care.

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Speaker 6: Well maternal health care, having hysterectomies that they didn't need

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Speaker 6: having see sections. I mean yeah, right, so no, right absolutely,

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Speaker 6: So there's no question that our suspicion makes sense. And

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Speaker 6: it's our responsibility to understand that that's just another way

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Speaker 6: to keep us out of the game of our own lives,

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Speaker 6: meaning to make us afraid, so afraid that we don't

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Speaker 6: go to doctors.

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Speaker 7: And black men you know, who are dying and get this,

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Speaker 7: dying more of.

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Speaker 6: Prostate cancer but diagnosed because they're not diagnosed because they

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Speaker 6: don't go, So we get it less, but we die more.

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Speaker 6: We get breast cancer less Black.

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Speaker 7: Women, but we die more.

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Speaker 6: What we see now with suicides is that black not

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Speaker 6: just black people, and not only black men. We know

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Speaker 6: have Courtney's god son and his dad in twitch you

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Speaker 6: know from Ellen, there's so many black men who have

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Speaker 6: died by suicide. But the other thing we don't know,

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Speaker 6: but we know now from the research is black children children,

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Speaker 6: not ado lessons. Black children are dying at a higher

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Speaker 6: rate of suicide than any other population in this country.

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Speaker 5: Saying they depressed.

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Speaker 7: It absolutely depressed. Anxious.

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Speaker 6: Social media the way in which you can be bullied

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Speaker 6: and taunted, and you can also see this airbrush life

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Speaker 6: that you think everybody else is living.

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Speaker 2: And that like I was telling mana how often have

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Speaker 2: you heard a man up like you said?

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Speaker 1: Or boys don't cry? You're not supposed to cry.

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Speaker 2: You gotta be tough and put on this really tough

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Speaker 2: exteria to be outside.

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Speaker 3: And then you're looking at social media and you're thinking

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Speaker 3: that you got to have certain things, you think you

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Speaker 3: got to have. Your life has to be a certain way,

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Speaker 3: you got to look a certain way, and it puts

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Speaker 3: you in a maybe in a depressed state because you

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Speaker 3: don't you don't, you don't you may not have that,

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Speaker 3: you know, when we talk about.

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Speaker 7: And the people were watching, a lot of them don't

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Speaker 7: have it either.

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Speaker 5: My cousin committed suicide.

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Speaker 7: Died by suicide.

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Speaker 6: The reason I want to, okay that is we are

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Speaker 6: learning to not say committed suicide because that's like committed

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Speaker 6: a crime. So your cousin, Courtney's got some Courtney. Yeah,

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Speaker 6: they didn't. They didn't commit a crime. They ran out

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Speaker 6: of out of heart to keep going. So we just

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Speaker 6: want to give new language. Right.

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Speaker 2: It used to be very taboo to say somebody die

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Speaker 2: by suicide, like they did something, they did something wrong, selfish, right, selfish?

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Speaker 7: They were so please, I just want to yeah help.

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Speaker 5: Was he thirty maybe?

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Speaker 6: Okay? So young?

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Speaker 8: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: So my question, my question is that how do how

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Speaker 3: do we help you know, young black boys and black

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Speaker 3: men you know, be open to getting help, you know

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Speaker 3: help and you know, talking to a therapist and stuff

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Speaker 3: like that. How do we get them to address their trauma?

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Speaker 3: You know, because we got trauma you know, right right

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Speaker 3: at home. Yes, we do, you know, before we can.

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Speaker 5: Go outside in our environment. Doesn't help.

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Speaker 3: When we talked about you know, social media and all

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Speaker 3: these things, because it's this pressure to be a certain

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Speaker 3: kind of way. There's pressure to be to have to

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Speaker 3: be this certain person. How do we get them to,

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Speaker 3: you know, be open to therapy?

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Speaker 6: Yeah, the first thing I'd say, And I know Courtney

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Speaker 6: has a lot to share about that as well. And

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Speaker 6: thank you for sharing about your your cousin. Yes, so

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Speaker 6: we speak his name, you know, we I mean we

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Speaker 6: let him come in this moment, yes, and be with

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Speaker 6: us so that we can hear what he was also

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Speaker 6: saying in terms of his own desperation.

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Speaker 7: But part of it.

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Speaker 6: And Courtney and I had the pleasure and honor of

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Speaker 6: being interviewed recently for this book by Oprah, And there

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Speaker 6: are a number of black men who participated in this

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Speaker 6: this wonderful primetime special that's coming out. And one of

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Speaker 6: the young men said, I tried to tell my family,

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Speaker 6: but they wouldn't listen. I tried to tell my friends,

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Speaker 6: but they wouldn't listen. And so part of to answer

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Speaker 6: your question how we get black men and boys to

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Speaker 6: talk about it is to be willing to listen because

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Speaker 6: a lot of times we don't want to hear. If

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Speaker 6: you bring your vulnerability, I mean, I say, I want

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Speaker 6: your heart, but as soon as you show up as

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Speaker 6: a black man with your vulnerability.

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Speaker 7: I'm pushing back on that.

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Speaker 6: You know, if black women are telling the truth, and

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Speaker 6: I know black they don't like when I say it,

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Speaker 6: but I got to say it, and I'm not blaming us.

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Speaker 7: What I'm saying is we, as black.

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Speaker 6: Women, have been conditioned to tell you that we want

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Speaker 6: your heart, but when you bring it to shut it down.

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Speaker 6: We do it with men. We do it with our boys.

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Speaker 6: When girls fall down, we pick them up. We kiss

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Speaker 6: their booboos.

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Speaker 7: When boys found out, boy get up. You're all right?

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Speaker 1: What do you right?

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Speaker 7: Stop crying? What are you crying for?

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Speaker 8: Right?

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Speaker 6: I'm like, And so part of it is to let

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Speaker 6: black men know that tears and pain are part of

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Speaker 6: your divine birthright, like as part of being a whole

381
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:21,600
Speaker 6: human being. We're not, but this is why we're But

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Speaker 6: this is why we're here to start washing our brains

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Speaker 6: of the lies that say that when we were enslaved,

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Speaker 6: we were only and right out of slavery. Jim Crow,

385
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Speaker 6: we were three fifths a human being. Black men, you

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Speaker 6: were good for your strength, but not for your heart.

387
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Speaker 6: So we have to re educate ourselves that part of

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Speaker 6: our strength, part of the strength of a black boy

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Speaker 6: and a black man is his vulnerability.

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Speaker 7: It's part of his superpower. I mean, and Courtney.

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Speaker 6: Will talk about this, but part of why Courtney B

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Speaker 6: vance is Courtney B fans is because he has leveraged

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Speaker 6: his pain. I mean, he's we have to convert our

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Speaker 6: pain into what I call usable currency. So all that broken,

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Speaker 6: shattered stuff has some place, it has redemption.

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Speaker 8: Well that's that's that's what it is.

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Speaker 4: It's it's recognizing that that pain is a part of

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Speaker 4: your your your spirit is part of your redemption is

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Speaker 4: part of reclaiming that that that the more I go

400
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Speaker 4: into the vulnerable part of me, I mean, acting saved

401
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Speaker 4: my life during this time period because it was someplace.

402
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Speaker 4: As I say, I like to go to musicals and

403
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Speaker 4: anything ballet or you know, theater, anything that allows me

404
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:50,320
Speaker 4: to sit there and what let some opera, whatever is

405
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:54,000
Speaker 4: happening wash over me. Because as a as a as

406
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Speaker 4: an artist, everything is a part of my palette. Everything

407
00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,360
Speaker 4: is a part of what we do. Just like as

408
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:03,320
Speaker 4: a therapist, everything people are part of our work. And

409
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Speaker 4: so the more I'm involved as John Dunn, the more

410
00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:11,280
Speaker 4: I'm involved with mankind and womankind, the more I start,

411
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Speaker 4: I live and I'm rejuvenated and so you know, but

412
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:20,480
Speaker 4: it's recognizing that that that as people I'm I need,

413
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Speaker 4: I can't be who I am until you are and

414
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Speaker 4: you are with you are will be. So that's John

415
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Speaker 4: done again. The more I can, you know, I was,

416
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Speaker 4: you know when the Bible says that the poor will

417
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Speaker 4: always be with you?

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Speaker 8: And why is that? Because we don't do what we're

419
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Speaker 8: supposed to do.

420
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Speaker 4: If someone I'm not judging whether or not you need

421
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Speaker 4: the dollar I'm about to give you.

422
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Speaker 8: You just said.

423
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Speaker 4: I'm supposed to help. That's all I'm That's all I'm

424
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Speaker 4: called to do. I'm not called to do. You need

425
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Speaker 4: what you're gonna do, You're gonna get a drink with it.

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Speaker 8: I just not on me.

427
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Speaker 5: If you take what I give you right what you

428
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:57,399
Speaker 5: said you needed.

429
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Speaker 8: It, I'm taking you off my way. Now that's on you.

430
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Speaker 5: That's on you.

431
00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:03,280
Speaker 8: What you do. If you go to do something but you're.

432
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,359
Speaker 5: Dottle drink or drugs, that's on you.

433
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Speaker 4: I was on the street today this morning and there

434
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Speaker 4: was a woman and you know, all I had was

435
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Speaker 4: of twenty That's all I had.

436
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Speaker 8: I'm not good.

437
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:20,360
Speaker 4: She had no just barely had anything on said I'm

438
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Speaker 4: not gonna that's here. Well, if I walked by her

439
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:29,000
Speaker 4: and said all I had was a twenty, what am

440
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:32,679
Speaker 4: I doing? That's all I had? That's here. You need this,

441
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,159
Speaker 4: you know you need this right So I'm gonna not

442
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Speaker 4: go and give it to you because.

443
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:39,240
Speaker 2: It's a blessing to be a blessing. Let me tell

444
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:41,240
Speaker 2: you to be in a position where you can.

445
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:44,680
Speaker 4: But you have to recognize that I mean, and it's

446
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:48,080
Speaker 4: it's not about the money, it's about the spirit of it.

447
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:52,840
Speaker 4: I'm here to help. That's what I'm here for. That's

448
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,920
Speaker 4: what That's what my wife showed me. You know, while

449
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 4: when we first got married, I was like, you know,

450
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,159
Speaker 4: you know, you know men, you know she's about to

451
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,080
Speaker 4: take you. How come she don't do for me you're

452
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:06,960
Speaker 4: supposed to do? And that that took me about. It's

453
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:10,640
Speaker 4: fun because you know, Angel Bassett, she's you know, there's

454
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,119
Speaker 4: no way I'll ever make any more money than she is.

455
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:17,040
Speaker 4: It's not about the money. It's about emotional you know,

456
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:20,040
Speaker 4: she's she's she counts on me to emotionally be there

457
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,919
Speaker 4: whenever Courtney, I just you know, I got cast your

458
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:26,760
Speaker 4: phone Beginna, Okay, baby, what did you do? You so

459
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,280
Speaker 4: so that that's what I got?

460
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:29,680
Speaker 8: I got.

461
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:34,520
Speaker 4: If I don't do for her, there's no way that

462
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:36,359
Speaker 4: she's going to turn around. It's not the other way around.

463
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,240
Speaker 4: You do for me, then I do. No, it don't

464
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:42,720
Speaker 4: work that way. What do you need? What do you need?

465
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:47,240
Speaker 4: And sometimes there's two hundred percent nothing? That's that's something

466
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:48,480
Speaker 4: else that I had to get old.

467
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:49,480
Speaker 5: That's emotional.

468
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:53,880
Speaker 8: Though you start there. You have to start there emotional.

469
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:56,000
Speaker 1: Somebody to help you too.

470
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:59,400
Speaker 4: That's that's a whole nother transition. But but but but

471
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:02,239
Speaker 4: my god, concert at the times at Courtney, that's who

472
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:06,520
Speaker 4: you married. Now, what you're gonna do? And then it's

473
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:07,800
Speaker 4: on me to you?

474
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,600
Speaker 8: So? But you know, but that's who. So what are

475
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:12,440
Speaker 8: you gonna do? That's your situation?

476
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:16,199
Speaker 4: What are you gonna do about your situation? And that's life?

477
00:24:16,359 --> 00:24:19,679
Speaker 4: What am I gonna do about where I am in life?

478
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,400
Speaker 4: I know what my issues are, I know what I've

479
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,040
Speaker 4: come up against. I know what I just did, and

480
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:29,640
Speaker 4: I've just ran away. I messed up a wonderful relationship. Now, Courtney,

481
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,359
Speaker 4: what are you gonna do about it? Are you gonna

482
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:34,960
Speaker 4: keep doing it? Are you gonna prepare yourself for the

483
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,959
Speaker 4: next beautiful young lady that comes into your life, and

484
00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:40,160
Speaker 4: I take I say, I don't care how long it takes.

485
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:43,280
Speaker 4: I'm gonna be ready for this next one. And that's

486
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:47,879
Speaker 4: that's my spirit, that's my that's my journey, that's my my,

487
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:51,800
Speaker 4: my my work. That I'm emotional. It's not about the money.

488
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:57,000
Speaker 4: You do right, and the money flows. Seek the Kingdom

489
00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:00,840
Speaker 4: of God and his rights and those things will follow you.

490
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:01,439
Speaker 8: I'm not.

491
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:03,480
Speaker 4: I don't seek them. But the money's going to come

492
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:06,840
Speaker 4: to me if I take care of what I've been given.

493
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:10,240
Speaker 6: Yes, you know, if you grow up, because a lot

494
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:14,560
Speaker 6: of this is also about maturity, not age, but.

495
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:15,359
Speaker 7: What does it mean?

496
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:16,280
Speaker 5: You know?

497
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:21,440
Speaker 6: A part of being healthy, particularly again for black men

498
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 6: and black boys, is self care and that people look

499
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:28,840
Speaker 6: like self care Like when has a black man thought

500
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:31,600
Speaker 6: about self, you know, taking care of himself.

501
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:31,880
Speaker 5: I don't.

502
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:32,200
Speaker 7: I don't.

503
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:36,680
Speaker 6: Again, I'm good, So it's a new thing to say,

504
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 6: Actually I'm not feeling so good right now?

505
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, tell me.

506
00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:47,840
Speaker 5: My issue with that is in the world that we

507
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:48,960
Speaker 5: live in, right.

508
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:52,200
Speaker 3: And having having responsibilities, you know, being a black man

509
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:54,520
Speaker 3: and having so many responsibilities, it's almost.

510
00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:57,359
Speaker 5: I felt like I don't even have the luxury to

511
00:25:57,480 --> 00:26:00,200
Speaker 5: be able to not be okay, not be okay.

512
00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 7: Right, But let me tell you this.

513
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:05,480
Speaker 6: I hear you, I really do, and in many ways

514
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:10,560
Speaker 6: you haven't had the luxury to not be okay. But

515
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:14,040
Speaker 6: if you don't find and you asked this question about,

516
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:16,479
Speaker 6: you know, how do we get people to go to therapy?

517
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 6: And I don't even mean traditional like go in and

518
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:20,440
Speaker 6: see a therapist.

519
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:23,160
Speaker 7: This is therapy, you know what I'm saying.

520
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:26,800
Speaker 6: This is therapy, conversation, conversations that where we are.

521
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:28,800
Speaker 5: Saying honest, right, and the honest conversation.

522
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:30,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, And they're right there because you start off the

523
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,879
Speaker 2: book talking about how black chauma can play hide and seek,

524
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:36,800
Speaker 2: and a lot of times we do self medicate and

525
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:40,639
Speaker 2: try to do things that maybe aren't really going to

526
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:45,880
Speaker 2: help us, you know, long term.

527
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:49,600
Speaker 6: And so it's important just I want to just suggest

528
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:55,280
Speaker 6: that you consider what my what the long term effects

529
00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 6: will be on you.

530
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:57,960
Speaker 7: And your your life.

531
00:26:58,920 --> 00:26:59,760
Speaker 5: I'm glad you're saying this.

532
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:01,959
Speaker 1: I guess All the Women Too is like a therapy

533
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:02,440
Speaker 1: for you.

534
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:07,680
Speaker 3: No, for real, right, But the thing is I've I've

535
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:10,720
Speaker 3: been at I've dealt with so much and I deal

536
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:13,520
Speaker 3: with so much that it's like I'm numb. It's like

537
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:17,080
Speaker 3: I'm numb to certain things, like to issue some problems.

538
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:19,400
Speaker 3: It's like I almost expect to deal with them. It's

539
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 3: like I'm numb, right, and I just kind of I

540
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:24,280
Speaker 3: don't ignore things.

541
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:25,920
Speaker 5: I deal with them.

542
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:29,080
Speaker 3: But I feel like, like I said earlier, I don't

543
00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:31,479
Speaker 3: have the luxury of not being okay.

544
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,879
Speaker 5: I don't have the luxury of being able.

545
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,160
Speaker 3: To just you know, say all right, I just want

546
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:39,399
Speaker 3: to take this time off to deal with with with

547
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:41,800
Speaker 3: me or self care, like I don't think and.

548
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:45,200
Speaker 4: That's fine, and that's fine, but but I'm talking about

549
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:48,840
Speaker 4: I think we're talking about little bitty starting small just

550
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:51,800
Speaker 4: with I was this, it was telling you today this

551
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:55,199
Speaker 4: last night. You know, it was just in my in

552
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:59,680
Speaker 4: the hotel room.

553
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 8: I need to go get some are.

554
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:06,160
Speaker 4: Just for me, I mean and and and it's it's

555
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:09,040
Speaker 4: not as as I'm and I do things, you know,

556
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:11,000
Speaker 4: for myself. I said, I gotta do things that are

557
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:13,639
Speaker 4: healthy for me because I mean just just wanted to

558
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:16,119
Speaker 4: get some mare could be I'm gonna go to the club,

559
00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 4: I'm gonna go do something, go drink and I don't drink,

560
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 4: but I mean, just do something.

561
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:20,679
Speaker 8: This is this.

562
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:23,560
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna do nobody no harm. I'm just gonna

563
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 4: I'm just gonna go out and i ain't gonna get

564
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,480
Speaker 4: no trouble. I'm gonna look both ways. So there's these

565
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 4: these bikes and these e bikes, don't run me over,

566
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:31,800
Speaker 4: and I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna go get

567
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:36,560
Speaker 4: me a city bike and I'm gonna just ride around

568
00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:40,120
Speaker 4: right right right, and and just when I come back,

569
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 4: I know I feel better because I just I know

570
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 4: what it does for me. And so as I was driving,

571
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:48,760
Speaker 4: I ebody got it got going. I said, well up here,

572
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 4: but it's my college roommate and my college friend lives

573
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:56,640
Speaker 4: on you know, up seventy six, seventy seven in Broadway area.

574
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:59,200
Speaker 4: I said, let me just call him, and he happened

575
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:02,360
Speaker 4: to be home, and so I just I ended up,

576
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,320
Speaker 4: you know, trying to get some air and ended up

577
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 4: being completely blessed by somebody I didn't even expect to

578
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 4: even talk to nobody. And we talked about twenty minutes.

579
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:13,240
Speaker 4: I said, I ain't trying. Don't put on don't put

580
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:14,880
Speaker 4: on no clothes. I know you got your pj's on.

581
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,680
Speaker 4: Don't try to change and just I'm just hey, I'm

582
00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:19,840
Speaker 4: just gonna His wife was in there, said, hey, don't

583
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:21,680
Speaker 4: come out here, I'm doing it. She came out and

584
00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:23,960
Speaker 4: get me hungry right back. And you know, but it's

585
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:28,520
Speaker 4: it's it's small. You got to start small to do

586
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 4: for you, and then you start to grow into it

587
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:38,480
Speaker 4: becomes more, you know, more specific, more you know. But

588
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:41,120
Speaker 4: what I think, what she's asking, what she's saying, is

589
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:43,360
Speaker 4: that you need what you know, what you need to

590
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 4: do for yourself. And sometimes after everybody else is taken

591
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:52,000
Speaker 4: care of, everybody else is done, you good, everybody goody.

592
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:54,960
Speaker 4: I'm gonna go for a bike ride and they know

593
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:57,280
Speaker 4: that about me. Daddy's gonna get on the bike and

594
00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:00,280
Speaker 4: he's gonna be and I'll be back. And if you

595
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 4: need me, you know how to get me, text me,

596
00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:05,000
Speaker 4: call me whatever. But I need to go do for

597
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:06,640
Speaker 4: me or I'm going to walk up the blast.

598
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 5: Why just something for you?

599
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:08,240
Speaker 8: Something?

600
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:10,120
Speaker 7: And so this is what.

601
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:13,480
Speaker 6: When you said you don't, you know, have the luxury,

602
00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 6: and I said to you, you don't have the luxury

603
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:17,560
Speaker 6: not to do.

604
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:20,160
Speaker 7: It small things, small things, small.

605
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:23,760
Speaker 6: Things like if you're thirsty, to not make yourself wait

606
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:27,680
Speaker 6: too long for that glass of water, if you need

607
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:32,680
Speaker 6: fresh air and someone else needs something from you. Because

608
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:35,920
Speaker 6: the issue of worthiness, I mean really of black boys

609
00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:39,880
Speaker 6: and black men feeling that they are worthy of being

610
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 6: kid for, yes, cared for, and that they are worthy

611
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:52,160
Speaker 6: of caring for themselves, even if the people around them mothers, fathers, women, whoever,

612
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:56,480
Speaker 6: even if someone and a society that sees you as

613
00:30:56,520 --> 00:31:01,600
Speaker 6: a threat in danger. There is something about about rewiring your.

614
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:04,480
Speaker 5: Own brain, right, That's the that's the thing.

615
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:08,400
Speaker 6: It's rewiring your own brain so that you're like, no, no,

616
00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:09,280
Speaker 6: I don't grow.

617
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 5: Up feeling No, we don't. We don't grow up feeling

618
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:16,680
Speaker 5: that we can show true, honest emotion. Yes, we shy

619
00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:17,280
Speaker 5: away from them.

620
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 7: It could be dangerous, literally, people lose their lives.

621
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:23,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, right, So it's it's so many different.

622
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:28,040
Speaker 3: Elements you know in this world that helps to prevent

623
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 3: us from being able to be as vulnerable.

624
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:32,680
Speaker 8: You know.

625
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:35,840
Speaker 7: But if that's my superpower, right, but we have to

626
00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:37,080
Speaker 7: learn that, right, right.

627
00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:37,520
Speaker 2: We do.

628
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 6: But wouldn't that be just like the system to want

629
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:46,120
Speaker 6: me to not claim what will make me even more?

630
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 8: Right?

631
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:46,760
Speaker 4: Right?

632
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:52,400
Speaker 6: Right? No, No, we're saying, so that's part of the thing.

633
00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 6: It's it's to keep us thinking I can't afford right.

634
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:02,200
Speaker 6: It's to keep me than it not right that that

635
00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:05,120
Speaker 6: I better I better show nothing. You know, I always

636
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:07,800
Speaker 6: say where it says never let them see you sweat,

637
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:10,080
Speaker 6: and I'm like, that's good for a commercial, but it's not.

638
00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:11,000
Speaker 7: Good for a soul.

639
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 6: That's good for I mean, a deodor at commercial, but

640
00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:16,040
Speaker 6: never let them see you sweat.

641
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:18,400
Speaker 8: I mean, can I'm just not human.

642
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:21,400
Speaker 4: If my mother had gave that to my sister and

643
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:28,120
Speaker 4: I went, I ain't doing that, and I would, I know,

644
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:29,760
Speaker 4: tell them where I'd be. I may not be alive,

645
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:33,320
Speaker 4: because I'd be I would have I have I would

646
00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:37,760
Speaker 4: have keep it approaching life with the tools that I had.

647
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:40,800
Speaker 5: Thinking that that, thinking that it was adequate enough and

648
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 5: that got me.

649
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:44,160
Speaker 4: That got me to where I was, But it wasn't

650
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:46,520
Speaker 4: enough to be able to get me past where I

651
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:48,440
Speaker 4: had come to. There's no way I would have been

652
00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:52,400
Speaker 4: able to overcome knowing that my you know, Dutch Cornfield

653
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:55,320
Speaker 4: too little Jewishly. She challenged me to, said, Courtney, do

654
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:57,320
Speaker 4: you have the patience to let the mud settle in

655
00:32:57,360 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 4: the water and the water become clear? I said, what

656
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:06,040
Speaker 4: is that? Patients? No how do you make decisions?

657
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 8: Court? Just doc I just flip a coin. Isn't that

658
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:10,600
Speaker 8: what most people? And that what people do.

659
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:15,880
Speaker 4: That's good for acting, but for life life, it could

660
00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:17,360
Speaker 4: be devastating.

661
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,920
Speaker 8: And you know I didn't. I didn't. I didn't have tools.

662
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:22,960
Speaker 8: This is what you what you you were saying. I had.

663
00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 4: I had tools, but only to to for achievement, only

664
00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:32,240
Speaker 4: for getting tools. I didn't know how to make decisions.

665
00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 8: I didn't. I didn't know nothing. That was but and

666
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:35,840
Speaker 8: no judgments on my mother and father.

667
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:41,160
Speaker 3: They could law what was afforded to them.

668
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 6: At that time, trying to make things better and coming

669
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,720
Speaker 6: from a hell of a time, right, So it's absolutely

670
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:49,560
Speaker 6: you can't never look back and say, well they didn't

671
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:51,040
Speaker 6: you know what they had to deal with.

672
00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, the rest of it is on me. They brought me.

673
00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:59,080
Speaker 7: This far as far as they could from here on.

674
00:33:59,240 --> 00:33:59,680
Speaker 5: That's right.

675
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 8: When I left home to go to college.

676
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 4: But the last thing my daddy did before he died,

677
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:07,840
Speaker 4: he died of suicide, was pay off my college loan.

678
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:10,799
Speaker 4: He didn't pay out none, other bills, he couldn't pay

679
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:11,680
Speaker 4: out nothing.

680
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 1: And he paid off years.

681
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:15,440
Speaker 4: There was ten credit cards charged up to the max,

682
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:18,320
Speaker 4: but he paid off My talk about.

683
00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:21,919
Speaker 6: Pressure and pressure that no one knew that his dad

684
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:24,799
Speaker 6: was right, so he pays that. But the pressure of

685
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:28,840
Speaker 6: wanting to take care of his family ten credit cards.

686
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:29,320
Speaker 7: Max st out.

687
00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 5: Man.

688
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:34,360
Speaker 7: That pressure is that pressure, your cusin that pressure whatever?

689
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:39,359
Speaker 6: You know that pressure twitch right, I mean we don't know, right,

690
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:40,520
Speaker 6: that pressure.

691
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:42,319
Speaker 5: Right, And then they're not communicating.

692
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:47,520
Speaker 6: And what I would say is it's our job to

693
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:51,320
Speaker 6: create a safe space for every black man and boy

694
00:34:52,239 --> 00:34:54,719
Speaker 6: that we say less and listen more.

695
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 7: Yes.

696
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:58,839
Speaker 2: And I think sometimes people also think when you're a successful,

697
00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:02,439
Speaker 2: when you're a quote successful, that you shouldn't have any

698
00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:06,080
Speaker 2: problems and people definitely have less sympathy for you.

699
00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 7: Oh right, it's a line.

700
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:10,080
Speaker 5: That's such a bad misconception.

701
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:13,640
Speaker 2: Now, Courney, you got very personal about your house, right.

702
00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:16,320
Speaker 2: You were at home and the neighbor called the police

703
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:18,520
Speaker 2: and they came, and that.

704
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 1: Had to be a really difficult situation.

705
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:21,560
Speaker 8: I think the.

706
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:25,560
Speaker 1: Security of the security called the police.

707
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 8: Somehow the ended up at down house.

708
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:30,440
Speaker 1: You were on vacation, okay.

709
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:32,799
Speaker 4: And we were we were and my wife was out

710
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 4: of town, the twins with three and they were sleep

711
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:39,000
Speaker 4: thank god. And I thought I heard, you know, black

712
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:41,400
Speaker 4: person when they they hear noise, and how they go

713
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 4: in the kitchen, get the biggest knife they can find,

714
00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:44,799
Speaker 4: and we start walking through the house.

715
00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:48,279
Speaker 8: And that's what that's what I did. And Holy Spirit said,

716
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:50,960
Speaker 8: put that knife down and go across.

717
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:53,680
Speaker 4: Go to the back, which butter. In order to go back,

718
00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:56,080
Speaker 4: I had to go across a big old plate glass window.

719
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:58,560
Speaker 4: So I put the knife in the kitchen window across.

720
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:02,080
Speaker 4: Then I said, you know what, I bet there's something

721
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:04,520
Speaker 4: on the porch. I went on the porch. I went

722
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:06,520
Speaker 4: to look on the porch. But on I side the

723
00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 4: front door, there's this glass so you can look to see.

724
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:12,360
Speaker 4: I said, I bet somebody threw a script or something

725
00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:15,279
Speaker 4: there for angel. I said, let me look see. Let

726
00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:17,040
Speaker 4: me look on this side, let me look on the

727
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:17,680
Speaker 4: other side.

728
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:20,600
Speaker 8: Then see. I said, I got to take the alarm

729
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:22,479
Speaker 8: off and open the door.

730
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:29,160
Speaker 4: Five or six police officers out there with guns screaming

731
00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 4: at the top. This is midnight screaming a small little

732
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:34,120
Speaker 4: town that we live in. Come out of here with

733
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:36,399
Speaker 4: your hands out there. And I said, I don't seen

734
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 4: enough law in other episodes and been in a couple.

735
00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:42,640
Speaker 8: And so I came out. I said, yes, ma'am.

736
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:45,839
Speaker 4: Yes, ma'am, yes, yeah, you know, and you know quiet

737
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:47,960
Speaker 4: I said, you know I live here, Come on here,

738
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:50,319
Speaker 4: I said, yes, ma'am. Okay, get on your knees. Okay,

739
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:54,640
Speaker 4: we've been in the neighbor for a year. Maybe get

740
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,160
Speaker 4: on in front of it was a it was an

741
00:36:57,480 --> 00:37:01,879
Speaker 4: African American police officer to my left, and she recognized, oh, lord,

742
00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:05,600
Speaker 4: lord lord, no, no, no, she recognized who I was

743
00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:08,080
Speaker 4: and was married to, and then she said, here's my

744
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:11,040
Speaker 4: badge number if you ever need anything, you know. And

745
00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:14,360
Speaker 4: so eventually they you know, they found out. But you know,

746
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:17,239
Speaker 4: I mean, I you know, and come to find out

747
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:20,080
Speaker 4: there were five or six or seven police officers in

748
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:22,600
Speaker 4: the back. So if I had gone across that playeglass,

749
00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:27,879
Speaker 4: they shot me, they shot me. And the twins were

750
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:31,000
Speaker 4: three in the bed and they I mean, and Andrel's

751
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:36,000
Speaker 4: out of town. So you know, it doesn't it doesn't matter,

752
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:38,480
Speaker 4: you know, it doesn't. I mean, no, money is not

753
00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:39,640
Speaker 4: what this is about.

754
00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:44,480
Speaker 8: You know. This is just about you know, taking learning

755
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:46,359
Speaker 8: how and it you.

756
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:50,279
Speaker 4: Know, it's good. I get it. Everybody don't know. I

757
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:53,839
Speaker 4: didn't know. But the main thing is that once you know,

758
00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:57,239
Speaker 4: if once you know, you once you know, you got

759
00:37:57,280 --> 00:37:59,640
Speaker 4: to do better. If you know better, you got to

760
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:03,640
Speaker 4: do better. And now with our book, we're saying that

761
00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 4: as we're going around talking that you know, I didn't know,

762
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 4: and thank god my mother challenged my sister and I

763
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:15,440
Speaker 4: too get some help, and that we that it became

764
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:21,160
Speaker 4: part of our say, our lifeblood, the talking things through

765
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:25,879
Speaker 4: learning how to talk, learning how to communicate, learning how

766
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 4: to I mean, because as my little other phrases, it

767
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:30,320
Speaker 4: wasn't for the people, it would be a wonderful world.

768
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:33,520
Speaker 4: You got to deal with the people. Yeah, you got

769
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:34,640
Speaker 4: to know how to deal with people.

770
00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:38,840
Speaker 6: And also, Courtney, your your mother did something very powerful.

771
00:38:39,040 --> 00:38:44,200
Speaker 6: Often I call her, you know, the Mama lion. A

772
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 6: lot of times parents say do what I say, not

773
00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:49,000
Speaker 6: what I do. When they don't want us, you know,

774
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:50,880
Speaker 6: say well you did it, daddy, you did it.

775
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 7: Mom, be better than me, you know, right, well right,

776
00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:55,040
Speaker 7: His mother.

777
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:57,520
Speaker 6: Did something very different in the midst of all of

778
00:38:57,560 --> 00:39:01,440
Speaker 6: this trauma of her husband dying by suicide. Her children

779
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:05,240
Speaker 6: are distraught, She's distraught. She said, we're all going to therapy,

780
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:09,920
Speaker 6: meaning everybody's going home, you know, back to their respective cities. Courtney,

781
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 6: his sister and the mother would be at home in

782
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:15,960
Speaker 6: Detroit and we're all going to get therapy. And so

783
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:19,120
Speaker 6: what's important is that if we want our children to

784
00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:21,600
Speaker 6: be free, and you're doing this, you and Angela with

785
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:22,240
Speaker 6: your kids.

786
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:25,120
Speaker 7: We can't tell them about freedom.

787
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:29,440
Speaker 6: We have to become the walking example of what we

788
00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:30,400
Speaker 6: want them to be.

789
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:34,680
Speaker 7: And so your mother did that for you.

790
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:38,360
Speaker 6: You and Angela are doing that for your children. My

791
00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:41,120
Speaker 6: family the same. I mean, like me, doctor Robin, I

792
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:44,399
Speaker 6: have my own therapist. People are like, well, again, why

793
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:46,520
Speaker 6: do you need a therapist. You're a therapist because I'm

794
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:50,200
Speaker 6: a human being and I have holes ho l ees

795
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,919
Speaker 6: and I want to be whole who l e, which

796
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:58,799
Speaker 6: is a holy ho l y journey. So like right,

797
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:01,399
Speaker 6: I want to take my stuff some and look at

798
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:06,360
Speaker 6: it without judgment and shame, with compassion and curiosity. So

799
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:09,920
Speaker 6: it's also important, as people are hearing us to recognize

800
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:14,120
Speaker 6: that if you, as an adult are broken, which we

801
00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:17,600
Speaker 6: all have brokenness, if you want your children to have

802
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:24,239
Speaker 6: something more, then become it. You become the freedom, You

803
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:25,880
Speaker 6: become the liberation.

804
00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:28,600
Speaker 7: Don't talk to them about it, be it.

805
00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:32,160
Speaker 6: You know where you're like, why are you giving yourself away?

806
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:35,120
Speaker 6: And you don't take care of yourself. Well, let me

807
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:39,080
Speaker 6: look in the mirror as the parent and see have

808
00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:43,520
Speaker 6: I shown them anything about my worthiness of self care?

809
00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:47,120
Speaker 6: Or am I expecting them to do something that I

810
00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:52,839
Speaker 6: myself am not practicing. So just to point out it's

811
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:56,320
Speaker 6: so important that parents are thinking about what message they're sending.

812
00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:58,799
Speaker 6: And we have a quote in the book that says,

813
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:02,480
Speaker 6: the lion's story will never be known as long as

814
00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:04,440
Speaker 6: the hunter is the one to tell it.

815
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:10,560
Speaker 7: Yeah, the lion's story. So our story, Black boys.

816
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:13,520
Speaker 6: And black men, your story will never be known as

817
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 6: long as the hunter is the one to tell it.

818
00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:21,359
Speaker 6: And so the invisible eche black men identifying their pain

819
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:26,080
Speaker 6: and reclaiming their power is about empowering all communities, but

820
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:31,080
Speaker 6: particularly black boys and black men, that they are the lion,

821
00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:34,720
Speaker 6: they are telling their own story, and that the hunter

822
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:38,799
Speaker 6: will no longer be the one narrating for any of us.

823
00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:41,600
Speaker 2: You know, Before we end this, I want to ask

824
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:45,920
Speaker 2: about you reframing forgiveness and the idea of forgiveness, because

825
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:48,880
Speaker 2: we always talk about this and how important forgiveness is

826
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:51,839
Speaker 2: and how important that is for ourselves, but sometimes that

827
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:54,560
Speaker 2: word can be weird for people to be like I

828
00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:57,240
Speaker 2: forgive you, and they're like, how can you forgive somebody

829
00:41:57,239 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 2: for doing that? Can you just talk about that a

830
00:41:59,000 --> 00:41:59,399
Speaker 2: little bit?

831
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:02,879
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean I will when I know Courtney has

832
00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:07,840
Speaker 6: his own experience with this. I think that forgiveness we

833
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:14,719
Speaker 6: misunderstand what forgiveness is. First of all, forgiveness like deliverance.

834
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:17,319
Speaker 6: You know when someone says I'm delivered from that or

835
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 6: I've forgiven someone. What I always either say out loud

836
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:26,360
Speaker 6: or whisper is for this moment, meaning you might be

837
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:30,880
Speaker 6: delivered from drugs or womanizing or man whatever we're doing

838
00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:34,680
Speaker 6: for the moment, because life has a new fresh moment

839
00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:38,800
Speaker 6: to see where I land there. Forgiveness is the same

840
00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:43,160
Speaker 6: way you could forgive someone and then watch something or

841
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:47,320
Speaker 6: hear something and get all stirred up again. So forgiveness

842
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:54,120
Speaker 6: is not about becoming someone's doormat again. Forgiveness is really

843
00:42:54,640 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 6: about having clear boundaries regarding your worthiness. You will and

844
00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:04,920
Speaker 6: will not tolerate. You can forgive someone and still have

845
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:07,120
Speaker 6: nothing to do with them ever again in life.

846
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:08,479
Speaker 7: See that's very hard.

847
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:10,799
Speaker 6: They're like, boy, if you forgave them, then you could

848
00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:11,640
Speaker 6: still be their friend.

849
00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:13,279
Speaker 7: Well, you don't need to be.

850
00:43:13,239 --> 00:43:17,040
Speaker 6: Their friend that's my ministry. Yeah, I mean, you know

851
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:20,120
Speaker 6: you don't need to be. That's not what forgiveness is.

852
00:43:20,160 --> 00:43:23,799
Speaker 6: That's like cheapness, you know, like it's an easy thing.

853
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:29,200
Speaker 7: Forgiveness is. I'm at peace and I'm free, and my

854
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:31,200
Speaker 7: freedom will dictate.

855
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:34,799
Speaker 6: What I do and whether or not your being in

856
00:43:34,840 --> 00:43:39,960
Speaker 6: my life serves God's purpose in and through me. That

857
00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:42,160
Speaker 6: has nothing to do with whether or not I have

858
00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:45,440
Speaker 6: lunch with you ever again I return to a marriage

859
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:48,239
Speaker 6: with That's not about that. It's about how clear am

860
00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:53,759
Speaker 6: I about my divine destiny, why I was born, who

861
00:43:54,080 --> 00:43:57,440
Speaker 6: God has called me to be, not whether or not

862
00:43:57,560 --> 00:44:00,480
Speaker 6: I can say, oh, I forgive you, and and what

863
00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:02,520
Speaker 6: do I do create chaos?

864
00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:04,120
Speaker 8: Because it's a mess.

865
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:07,799
Speaker 4: It's about it's because it's that there's an energy to

866
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:11,600
Speaker 4: holding on to grudges and it turns into something else.

867
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:15,040
Speaker 4: So I'm I want to let it go. I want

868
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:16,640
Speaker 4: to get it off me. If I'm if I messed

869
00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:19,080
Speaker 4: over you, if you messed over me, you know what

870
00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:24,360
Speaker 4: you know, I'm letting it go. And as the beauty

871
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:26,400
Speaker 4: is of what you said is I'm letting to go.

872
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:29,319
Speaker 4: But I recognize I don't need to be around you.

873
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:32,880
Speaker 4: It's not going to happen another time. So you go

874
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:37,080
Speaker 4: with God. You know, I bless you and I appreciate you,

875
00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:40,479
Speaker 4: but for for for you know, I look at life

876
00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:44,120
Speaker 4: like a bullseye. It's like a bullseye. There's only certain

877
00:44:44,160 --> 00:44:47,440
Speaker 4: people you let in that inner circle, and those people

878
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:51,799
Speaker 4: have been tested through time, and there's other rings. You

879
00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:53,960
Speaker 4: may be able to be in another one of my rings,

880
00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:56,799
Speaker 4: but you ain't coming into my inner circle because what

881
00:44:56,840 --> 00:44:59,319
Speaker 4: we just went through for both of us, right right,

882
00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:02,000
Speaker 4: But I'm letting awfully it's off of me. Now, Yeah,

883
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:06,719
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, or I forgive, forgive, I forgive you, but

884
00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:10,240
Speaker 4: you know you we both know that's let's goes.

885
00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:12,239
Speaker 8: I agree to disagree and go separate way.

886
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:15,399
Speaker 6: So yeah, yeah, no, no, no, I mean I think

887
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:17,440
Speaker 6: the other thing I just want to say, which is

888
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:22,000
Speaker 6: I love Courtney. When I hear you talk about the

889
00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:27,600
Speaker 6: energy around what we hold on to, and you know

890
00:45:27,680 --> 00:45:34,040
Speaker 6: what we what we focus on, uh becomes our life

891
00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:37,040
Speaker 6: and what becomes our life and what we focus on

892
00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:38,640
Speaker 6: actually has dominion over us.

893
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:40,200
Speaker 7: It's the it's those shackles again.

894
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:43,800
Speaker 6: And so if I'm in a relationship of any kind

895
00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 6: and I'm focusing on something negative or something negative keeps

896
00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:53,759
Speaker 6: getting created, and I don't ask the question Courtney said,

897
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:55,600
Speaker 6: which is what am I going to do about it?

898
00:45:55,719 --> 00:45:57,920
Speaker 6: Not when are you going to stop doing what you're doing?

899
00:45:58,400 --> 00:45:59,760
Speaker 6: Not when are you going to change?

900
00:45:59,800 --> 00:45:59,920
Speaker 7: Now?

901
00:46:00,080 --> 00:46:02,720
Speaker 6: When are you going to care about what you're bringing

902
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:05,520
Speaker 6: to our dynamic? But when am I going to care?

903
00:46:06,520 --> 00:46:07,919
Speaker 6: When am I going to care? I had a friend

904
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:10,880
Speaker 6: who said to me that her husband at the time said,

905
00:46:11,280 --> 00:46:13,120
Speaker 6: you know, I don't give an f about you, and

906
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 6: she was devastated.

907
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:18,319
Speaker 7: I didn't say it to her in that moment.

908
00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:21,080
Speaker 6: But shortly thereafter I said, you know, the issue isn't

909
00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:23,200
Speaker 6: really whether or not he gives an F about you,

910
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:28,000
Speaker 6: but do you give an F about yourself? I mean,

911
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:30,160
Speaker 6: that's what the invisible ache. It's like I have an

912
00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:33,840
Speaker 6: ache and maybe you don't care about it. And I

913
00:46:33,880 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 6: didn't used to care about it, but I've gotten some

914
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:42,240
Speaker 6: new intelligence, I have some new news that my ache.

915
00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:45,480
Speaker 6: I'd like care about what hurt me. I care about

916
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:49,400
Speaker 6: my trauma, and I don't want to take my trauma

917
00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:51,400
Speaker 6: and bleed all over you, because that's what we do

918
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:54,920
Speaker 6: when we haven't taken care of our trauma. We bleed

919
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:58,000
Speaker 6: out on other people, and other people bled out on us.

920
00:46:58,320 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 7: I mean, okay, but what am I going to do

921
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:01,040
Speaker 7: about it?

922
00:47:01,239 --> 00:47:04,760
Speaker 1: Right? Sometimes you have to take control of your own.

923
00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:06,279
Speaker 4: When you're sitting on the edge of your bed at

924
00:47:06,320 --> 00:47:10,160
Speaker 4: two in the morning, everybody does you know what you

925
00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 4: need to do and you know what you're dealing with?

926
00:47:13,480 --> 00:47:14,840
Speaker 8: Nobody does but you and God.

927
00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:16,440
Speaker 4: At that point, you're sitting on the edge of your

928
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:20,120
Speaker 4: bed at two in the morning, you know what you

929
00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:22,319
Speaker 4: need to do. You may go out after at six

930
00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:24,000
Speaker 4: o'clock in the morning, you get up, you put your

931
00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:26,160
Speaker 4: mask on your back to But at two o'clock in

932
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:29,480
Speaker 4: the morning, we know exactly where we are and what

933
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:33,120
Speaker 4: we're dealing with, and the question is what we're going

934
00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:33,480
Speaker 4: to do?

935
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 1: Really ask me all the time. I'm like, all right,

936
00:47:37,640 --> 00:47:38,479
Speaker 1: let's make a move.

937
00:47:40,040 --> 00:47:42,360
Speaker 2: Well, and Courtney, I want to ask you, as president

938
00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:46,720
Speaker 2: of the sag After Foundation, what do you think about

939
00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:49,000
Speaker 2: Like it's been tough with all these negotiations, and that

940
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:51,600
Speaker 2: has to be hard for the actors too, and for

941
00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:53,600
Speaker 2: the writers. So what are some things that you've been

942
00:47:53,640 --> 00:47:55,040
Speaker 2: seeing and what are you hoping for?

943
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:57,960
Speaker 4: I'm hoping that the strike is over very shortly, right,

944
00:47:58,200 --> 00:48:00,960
Speaker 4: That's the only thing I can hope. I think I

945
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:05,799
Speaker 4: think we're very close. That's what I've heard. The negotiations

946
00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:08,160
Speaker 4: are secret, so you know, we're the Foundation, We're not.

947
00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:13,360
Speaker 4: The negotiations are happening between the streamers heads and the

948
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:18,080
Speaker 4: studio heads and the union, right so as soon as

949
00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:21,920
Speaker 4: they let us know. I mean, our job is the foundation,

950
00:48:22,120 --> 00:48:25,160
Speaker 4: I'm president of the Foundation, is to raise money for

951
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:28,360
Speaker 4: these at such a time as this, so that folks

952
00:48:28,400 --> 00:48:30,560
Speaker 4: who are on the picket lines, who are out of

953
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:34,120
Speaker 4: work for five six months now that they can their

954
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:35,280
Speaker 4: bills can still be paid.

955
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:36,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a tough time to be in.

956
00:48:37,560 --> 00:48:40,759
Speaker 4: So that's what we do. We we we for the pandemic.

957
00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:43,480
Speaker 4: We raised you know, about nine ten million dollars for

958
00:48:43,560 --> 00:48:46,279
Speaker 4: this one. We raised more than that and so that

959
00:48:46,360 --> 00:48:52,200
Speaker 4: the membership can survive. So that's I'm grateful that we

960
00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:56,239
Speaker 4: that our high earners were able to in the studios

961
00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:58,000
Speaker 4: and all we're able to step in and help.

962
00:48:57,880 --> 00:49:01,560
Speaker 7: Us do that, because that's even when we think about.

963
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:06,160
Speaker 6: An invisible ache like and credit cards that are maxed

964
00:49:06,200 --> 00:49:09,960
Speaker 6: out and whatever has happened with your cousin and twitch

965
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:15,960
Speaker 6: and the things we don't pressure without anyone knowing right

966
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:19,640
Speaker 6: that we are feeling like we're going to explode inside

967
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:21,040
Speaker 6: or we're going to lose everything.

968
00:49:21,040 --> 00:49:23,440
Speaker 7: We're going to lose our house, we're gonna, you know,

969
00:49:23,680 --> 00:49:25,520
Speaker 7: lose our marriages.

970
00:49:25,600 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 8: And so.

971
00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:30,200
Speaker 6: What you're found, what the sag after a foundation is

972
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:33,480
Speaker 6: doing is so important because it's giving relief.

973
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:36,799
Speaker 2: Right, it is sometimes people think you're on TV and

974
00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:39,600
Speaker 2: you're rich, right, you'll be okay, and that people don't

975
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:42,319
Speaker 2: have sympathy or empathy for that. But to know that

976
00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:46,279
Speaker 2: there are people who are certainly job to job, check

977
00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:51,080
Speaker 2: to check, yeah, membership the majority exactly.

978
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:52,640
Speaker 1: So it's important to note.

979
00:49:52,400 --> 00:49:56,680
Speaker 6: That absolutely, and the shame that some people who are

980
00:49:56,840 --> 00:50:01,359
Speaker 6: in front of the camera feel about letting someone know.

981
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:05,120
Speaker 6: We talk about this and the invisible ache as well,

982
00:50:05,719 --> 00:50:08,840
Speaker 6: not do you hurt? We're not asking black boys and

983
00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:11,279
Speaker 6: men do you hurt? We're asking where does it hurt?

984
00:50:12,200 --> 00:50:14,680
Speaker 7: Because it's not about do you know what? We know

985
00:50:14,760 --> 00:50:15,160
Speaker 7: you hurt.

986
00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:19,560
Speaker 6: So the same thing you're saying about you know, people

987
00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:22,759
Speaker 6: in front of the camera, this isn't you know do

988
00:50:22,840 --> 00:50:23,640
Speaker 6: you need help?

989
00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:25,200
Speaker 7: It's how can we help them?

990
00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:26,239
Speaker 4: Right?

991
00:50:26,280 --> 00:50:28,120
Speaker 6: Because we know you need it. I mean there are

992
00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:31,680
Speaker 6: those fifteen percent that may not, but in general, what

993
00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:32,960
Speaker 6: does it mean to let.

994
00:50:32,800 --> 00:50:36,800
Speaker 7: People know, well, right right, we all need help.

995
00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:37,719
Speaker 1: Yes, we do some of it.

996
00:50:37,840 --> 00:50:42,120
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, well there you guys so much for coming

997
00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:43,200
Speaker 2: through the invisible ache.

998
00:50:43,360 --> 00:50:43,719
Speaker 1: Courtney B.

999
00:50:43,880 --> 00:50:47,680
Speaker 2: Vans and doctor Robin L. Smith just amazing to have

1000
00:50:47,719 --> 00:50:50,560
Speaker 2: been able to read this. I highly recommend black men

1001
00:50:50,920 --> 00:50:54,600
Speaker 2: identifying their pain and reclaiming their power. In particular Mana,

1002
00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:56,680
Speaker 2: who is a very close their friend of mine. I

1003
00:50:56,719 --> 00:50:59,239
Speaker 2: wanted to make sure, thank you so much he was

1004
00:50:59,280 --> 00:51:01,239
Speaker 2: here for this. Ready, tell it meant a lot to you.

1005
00:51:01,880 --> 00:51:04,399
Speaker 7: Yeah, now I appreciate you, I really do.

1006
00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:07,320
Speaker 6: Yeah. I had this fantasy. You might say, oh, where's

1007
00:51:07,360 --> 00:51:10,680
Speaker 6: she going? But no, but I had this fantasy when

1008
00:51:10,719 --> 00:51:14,359
Speaker 6: you said about you know, not feeling that you have,

1009
00:51:14,440 --> 00:51:17,960
Speaker 6: you know, the luxury, And I thought, what would it

1010
00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:22,719
Speaker 6: mean when Courtney said about going outside last night? I'm

1011
00:51:22,719 --> 00:51:24,759
Speaker 6: not going to do this, but you know, to take

1012
00:51:24,800 --> 00:51:27,080
Speaker 6: your arm and for you and I to just walk

1013
00:51:27,080 --> 00:51:29,600
Speaker 6: a half block together talking or not, you know what

1014
00:51:29,640 --> 00:51:34,040
Speaker 6: I mean, maybe saying nothing, but what does it mean

1015
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:36,560
Speaker 6: to you know, whether it's walking with our dog or

1016
00:51:37,480 --> 00:51:39,960
Speaker 6: walking by ourselves, or you and I want just a

1017
00:51:40,040 --> 00:51:45,120
Speaker 6: half a block or just downstairs, not even outside but

1018
00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:49,200
Speaker 6: in a way that says that your your heart matters,

1019
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:50,319
Speaker 6: and I see you.

1020
00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:53,120
Speaker 7: And you see me.

1021
00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:56,080
Speaker 2: You have time today, mano, because look he really really

1022
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:57,120
Speaker 2: wants to be in love it.

1023
00:51:57,160 --> 00:52:06,320
Speaker 10: But it's it's true, okay, right right, you know I'll

1024
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:08,279
Speaker 10: be playing with certain things like.

1025
00:52:10,120 --> 00:52:13,040
Speaker 1: I'll be throwing something out serious.

1026
00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:14,960
Speaker 7: Well, let me just say this.

1027
00:52:15,040 --> 00:52:17,719
Speaker 1: We do joke about what we mean exactly.

1028
00:52:17,719 --> 00:52:19,479
Speaker 7: We do joke in some in some way.

1029
00:52:20,320 --> 00:52:21,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're going to get through.

1030
00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:24,080
Speaker 6: No I have.

1031
00:52:25,080 --> 00:52:26,480
Speaker 7: I'm excited about you.

1032
00:52:27,440 --> 00:52:31,040
Speaker 8: Just the fact that you shared, you to share right

1033
00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:32,520
Speaker 8: when they told me.

1034
00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:34,880
Speaker 5: First of all, he was reading some of the books

1035
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:36,799
Speaker 5: and she was reading off chapters and stuff.

1036
00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:38,239
Speaker 1: I was like, man, I listen to this because I

1037
00:52:38,239 --> 00:52:39,319
Speaker 1: really wanted him to be here.

1038
00:52:40,760 --> 00:52:44,399
Speaker 3: I really believe in this, you know, you know, with

1039
00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:50,080
Speaker 3: my background and and and not having outlets or not

1040
00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:55,200
Speaker 3: feeling vulnerable enough to even look for outlets to deal

1041
00:52:55,239 --> 00:52:56,839
Speaker 3: with some of the things that's going on.

1042
00:52:57,640 --> 00:52:59,640
Speaker 4: Right, But see when when when you come through this

1043
00:52:59,680 --> 00:53:03,680
Speaker 4: and look, I'm gonna speak pathetically, it's already done.

1044
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:06,080
Speaker 8: You gotta what a what a ministry?

1045
00:53:06,120 --> 00:53:09,920
Speaker 4: You have to be able to talk to people that

1046
00:53:09,920 --> 00:53:12,200
Speaker 4: that that know you and be able to say, this

1047
00:53:12,239 --> 00:53:12,879
Speaker 4: is what I was.

1048
00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:14,560
Speaker 8: That is what I came through. Come on, you can

1049
00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:17,840
Speaker 8: come with really can you do it? You know?

1050
00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:21,360
Speaker 4: I mean it's that's why I said for me, I

1051
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:25,800
Speaker 4: thirty years ago. You know, I'm getting ready for I

1052
00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:27,440
Speaker 4: was in prep for today.

1053
00:53:28,400 --> 00:53:28,600
Speaker 8: You know.

1054
00:53:28,719 --> 00:53:32,120
Speaker 4: So our children are eighteen. And if I hadn't done

1055
00:53:32,160 --> 00:53:34,160
Speaker 4: the work, I wouldn't have been there for it. I

1056
00:53:34,200 --> 00:53:36,959
Speaker 4: wouldn't have met Angela. But you know so I'm I'm

1057
00:53:37,239 --> 00:53:39,920
Speaker 4: you in prep work for What's about that?

1058
00:53:40,719 --> 00:53:41,120
Speaker 7: Yeah?

1059
00:53:41,160 --> 00:53:43,680
Speaker 8: You know? So that's that's why I said. It's it's

1060
00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:45,080
Speaker 8: it's life work.

1061
00:53:45,719 --> 00:53:48,719
Speaker 4: And you know, I mean, it's you know, you have

1062
00:53:48,800 --> 00:53:52,279
Speaker 4: to do it, you know, because you know you don't

1063
00:53:52,320 --> 00:53:53,560
Speaker 4: know what he's got planned for you.

1064
00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:55,360
Speaker 8: You got some you gotta get ready.

1065
00:53:55,440 --> 00:54:00,600
Speaker 1: You got Angela. That's what I heard. Wait would answer,

1066
00:54:02,560 --> 00:54:10,279
Speaker 1: I appreciate you, appreciate you more. Thank you so much.

1067
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:10,640
Speaker 6: Guys.

1068
00:54:11,920 --> 00:54:12,200
Speaker 8: What a