WEBVTT - Ep 107: Jay Bilas 0:00:03.279 --> 0:00:06.560 You tell young people, hey, work hard and put all 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:08.680 your energy into this and all this stuff. I get 0:00:08.680 --> 0:00:11.080 all that, but to me, that's baked in the bottom 0:00:11.160 --> 0:00:13.560 line in this is this is supposed to be fun. 0:00:13.960 --> 0:00:16.880 Everybody gotten into this for fun. When you go to 0:00:16.920 --> 0:00:19.919 a game, that shouldn't be an agonizing experience, like you 0:00:20.000 --> 0:00:22.639 want your kid to do well because your kid wants 0:00:22.680 --> 0:00:25.200 to do well, not because you know it reflects somehow 0:00:25.239 --> 0:00:25.680 on you. 0:00:26.560 --> 0:00:29.600 This is the Reform Sports Project, a podcast about restoring 0:00:29.640 --> 0:00:32.839 healthy balance and perspective in all areas of sports through 0:00:32.960 --> 0:00:36.839 education and advocacy. Hi, this is Nick Bonacor from the 0:00:36.920 --> 0:00:40.920 Reform Sports Podcast. My guest today is Jay billis ESPN 0:00:41.000 --> 0:00:45.280 basketball analyst, former professional basketball player and coach at Duke University, 0:00:45.400 --> 0:00:49.360 and practicing commercial litigation attorney in North Carolina. While in 0:00:49.440 --> 0:00:52.000 law school, Jay served as an assistant coach at Duke 0:00:52.080 --> 0:00:54.560 under Mike Rzewski, helping guide the team to back to 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:57.880 back national championships in nineteen ninety one and nineteen ninety two. 0:00:58.120 --> 0:01:01.320 In nineteen ninety five, Billis joined and has since become 0:01:01.360 --> 0:01:04.200 one of the most popular college basketball analysts, a New 0:01:04.280 --> 0:01:07.760 York Times bestselling author, and sought after keynote speaker, Jay 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:10.560 and I discussed why competitiveness is not an excuse for 0:01:10.640 --> 0:01:13.640 bad behavior, helping your kids find the right college environment, 0:01:13.959 --> 0:01:18.319 and why developing meaningful relationships make sports at any level worthwhile. 0:01:18.720 --> 0:01:21.960 I got another awesome guest. This dude is an absolute stud. 0:01:22.000 --> 0:01:25.640 We're coming up to his time a year college hoops. 0:01:25.680 --> 0:01:28.920 Really really excited and of course being born and raised 0:01:28.959 --> 0:01:32.400 in Connecticut, being a diehard Yukonusky fan my whole life. 0:01:32.440 --> 0:01:35.160 It's an extra special year going to the men's season, 0:01:35.200 --> 0:01:38.039 in particular coming off a national title. But the man, 0:01:38.120 --> 0:01:39.960 the myth of legend. I'm pumped to have him, Jay 0:01:39.959 --> 0:01:41.840 Billis Jay, thanks so much for hopping on man. 0:01:42.040 --> 0:01:44.160 Be great to be with you. Thanks for having me, Yeah, 0:01:44.200 --> 0:01:44.600 for sure. 0:01:44.640 --> 0:01:46.280 And first of all, I want to give a shout 0:01:46.319 --> 0:01:49.400 out to Allen Stein Junior for hooking us up. Allen's 0:01:49.400 --> 0:01:51.640 come on the show. He's a great dude, does amazing 0:01:51.760 --> 0:01:54.760 work and I appreciate him. How did you and Allen connect? 0:01:54.800 --> 0:01:59.360 Over the years? We met working Nike Skills Academies. So 0:01:59.440 --> 0:02:01.280 Alan and I work together for I don't know how 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:06.040 many years now, maybe twenty, and and you know he 0:02:06.200 --> 0:02:11.520 started with us as a you know, exercise physiologist and 0:02:12.120 --> 0:02:16.400 working with players, and I knew he was at Damatha uh. 0:02:16.440 --> 0:02:19.360 And then you know, he and I started a basketball 0:02:19.360 --> 0:02:22.600 camp together. It's got my name on it, but it's 0:02:22.639 --> 0:02:25.679 a collaborative effort, and so we've worked together forever. I 0:02:26.040 --> 0:02:28.160 love Alan. I think he's the best dude. 0:02:28.160 --> 0:02:30.040 I love it, And I'm glad that you that you 0:02:30.120 --> 0:02:32.760 went there with the camp because j billis camps and 0:02:33.120 --> 0:02:35.000 obviously I had no idea that you and Alan were, 0:02:35.040 --> 0:02:37.320 you know, partners in the deal. But you know, one 0:02:37.360 --> 0:02:40.200 thing I noticed about your camp, at least on your website. 0:02:40.240 --> 0:02:41.560 I love for you to dig in there. There's a 0:02:41.600 --> 0:02:46.000 specific part, you know, dedicated to parental education. Why is 0:02:46.320 --> 0:02:49.480 the parental education such an important piece, so much so 0:02:49.600 --> 0:02:52.200 that you actually have like open clinics and seminars at 0:02:52.200 --> 0:02:52.960 your skills camp. 0:02:53.360 --> 0:02:58.960 Yeah, it's multi multi part. You parents that they usually 0:02:59.000 --> 0:03:03.120 go through this only and they have a lot of questions. 0:03:02.680 --> 0:03:06.000 It's a difficult process, or at least can seem difficult 0:03:06.160 --> 0:03:09.760 because you don't know exactly what's coming at you when 0:03:09.760 --> 0:03:13.679 your son or daughter becomes a recruited athlete, a recruitible athlete, 0:03:13.840 --> 0:03:17.200 or if you want them to be recruited. It seems 0:03:17.280 --> 0:03:21.320 like it's a daunting thing, and you know, you need 0:03:21.360 --> 0:03:24.280 some information or at least feel like you do. And 0:03:24.360 --> 0:03:28.919 we started the parental programming at our basketball camp very 0:03:28.960 --> 0:03:32.440 early on. But you know, selfishly, there were a couple 0:03:32.440 --> 0:03:34.840 of reasons for it. One, you know, we wanted to 0:03:34.920 --> 0:03:37.720 have good programming and answer questions and be able to 0:03:38.240 --> 0:03:40.800 give parents what they needed because we had a lot 0:03:40.800 --> 0:03:44.480 of people associated with our camp that knew the process 0:03:44.840 --> 0:03:48.160 and they were getting all these questions anyway, so why 0:03:48.200 --> 0:03:50.840 not put it together for the parents in a digestible 0:03:50.880 --> 0:03:52.920 way that they could really use and then they could 0:03:52.960 --> 0:03:57.400 all ask questions and that might prompt further discussion having 0:03:57.440 --> 0:04:02.120 everyone together. And honestly and frankly, one of the reasons 0:04:02.120 --> 0:04:04.000 we did it was, you know, I didn't go to 0:04:04.040 --> 0:04:05.520 a lot of camps when I was a kid, but 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:07.240 I did go to a couple when I was in 0:04:07.320 --> 0:04:09.480 high school, and they were these you know, recruiting camps 0:04:09.560 --> 0:04:12.240 like five Star. Went to thing called sports World Superstar 0:04:12.320 --> 0:04:14.280 Camp on the West Coast where there were you know, 0:04:14.320 --> 0:04:17.039 it was nothing but college basketball coaches and all that stuff, 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:21.080 and you know, parents dropped you off. And my parents 0:04:21.120 --> 0:04:24.280 didn't stay and watch, and now the parents, not all 0:04:24.320 --> 0:04:27.440 of them, but the parents stay and watch, and so 0:04:27.520 --> 0:04:30.320 our facilities we have to have places where they can 0:04:31.120 --> 0:04:33.640 stay and watch. And the truth is, one of the 0:04:33.680 --> 0:04:36.000 reasons we started that was to get the parents away 0:04:36.000 --> 0:04:38.599 from the players a little bit and so they could 0:04:38.640 --> 0:04:42.200 have some time to just play without being watched every 0:04:42.200 --> 0:04:45.599 five seconds. And that's not a negative on parents, because 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:48.640 I think they're invested and you know, they enjoy watching 0:04:48.640 --> 0:04:53.800 their kids play. To me, that's a positive. But it's 0:04:53.839 --> 0:04:56.680 not a positive all the time. I mean, there are 0:04:56.680 --> 0:04:59.159 times when it's good for the players to just be 0:04:59.279 --> 0:05:01.479 on their own. They don't have to look over their shoulder, 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:03.720 things like that. We have rules at the camp where 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:06.839 no cheering and you know, no comments to official stuff 0:05:06.839 --> 0:05:08.920 like that. The parents are all great about it because 0:05:08.960 --> 0:05:11.920 it's not a basketball game. It's a camp, so it's 0:05:11.960 --> 0:05:12.760 a little bit different. 0:05:13.080 --> 0:05:16.560 So where do you think when you say it's great, 0:05:16.680 --> 0:05:18.560 you know in many ways, but at times it can 0:05:18.680 --> 0:05:21.479 you know, have an adverse effect. When do you think 0:05:21.839 --> 0:05:25.480 over involvement or you know, helicopter parent type thing, When 0:05:25.480 --> 0:05:28.120 does that become something where it's a negative or can 0:05:28.160 --> 0:05:30.520 you give any specific instances where you're like, dude, this 0:05:30.600 --> 0:05:31.600 is a little bit overboard. 0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:33.240 I think it's kind of a know it when you 0:05:33.279 --> 0:05:37.560 see a thing. And look, every child is different and 0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:41.119 every parental relationship is different, so there's no set rules 0:05:41.160 --> 0:05:45.400 to this. But I think with anything else in parent 0:05:45.480 --> 0:05:51.480 child relationships, where if your kid is worried about you 0:05:52.480 --> 0:05:54.880 when they're playing, I mean, this is supposed to be fun. 0:05:55.160 --> 0:05:57.200 If they make a mistake and all of a sudden 0:05:57.200 --> 0:05:59.120 they're looking up in the stands to see your reaction, 0:06:00.520 --> 0:06:03.040 it's great that they know that you're there. I mean, 0:06:03.080 --> 0:06:06.880 that's a nice thing. And I can only speak for me. 0:06:07.000 --> 0:06:08.479 When I was a player, one of the things I 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:12.120 appreciated about my dad especially was that I didn't get 0:06:12.120 --> 0:06:14.359 a lot of feedback from my dad on my play. 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:18.920 My parents cared about did I behave myself and I 0:06:19.480 --> 0:06:23.760 did I conduct myself appropriately? Stuff like that. You know, 0:06:23.839 --> 0:06:26.680 that was the parental stuff that they were into. How 0:06:26.760 --> 0:06:29.560 I played was up to me, and feedback to me 0:06:29.600 --> 0:06:32.159 as a player was up to my coaches, and for 0:06:32.200 --> 0:06:34.480 the most part they stayed out of that. I mean 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:36.760 they would say good game, and hey, you really played 0:06:36.760 --> 0:06:39.000 well and all that stuff. But my dad really wanted 0:06:39.000 --> 0:06:40.800 to hear about, Hey, what was said in the locker 0:06:40.880 --> 0:06:43.760 room or what was said in the huddle. He liked 0:06:43.800 --> 0:06:46.960 stories like that, but he pretty much stayed out of that. 0:06:47.360 --> 0:06:50.359 And he was my dad, not my coach. And for me, 0:06:50.640 --> 0:06:53.599 when my son was playing au basketball or high school 0:06:53.640 --> 0:06:56.560 ball growing up or you know, I didn't tell him 0:06:56.560 --> 0:06:58.760 what to do. That wasn't my place. If he came 0:06:58.800 --> 0:07:01.360 to me and had had a question, I'd answer it, 0:07:02.440 --> 0:07:05.560 but that was his thing, not my thing. And you know, 0:07:05.600 --> 0:07:08.240 I was there to support him, not coach him or 0:07:08.760 --> 0:07:11.480 you know, be constant feedback. I didn't want there to 0:07:11.520 --> 0:07:14.880 be any pressure there because if he didn't want to 0:07:14.880 --> 0:07:17.760 play anymore, if he wanted to, you know, play baseball 0:07:17.880 --> 0:07:21.280 or soccer or something like that, fine, I was. I 0:07:21.360 --> 0:07:24.280 was there to support him, not have him do what 0:07:24.360 --> 0:07:27.880 I felt he should do. And so it's it's sort 0:07:27.880 --> 0:07:30.880 of walking that line of knowing your kid and and 0:07:30.960 --> 0:07:35.240 what's right for him. It's okay to emphasize things, and 0:07:36.520 --> 0:07:38.520 but you know I was I probably had the same 0:07:38.560 --> 0:07:40.920 experience as most others. You know, you think you know 0:07:41.000 --> 0:07:44.760 a little bit about basketball or something, and my son 0:07:44.800 --> 0:07:46.760 would come to my camp and that was the only 0:07:46.840 --> 0:07:49.200 time I felt like, well, I get to tell him 0:07:49.200 --> 0:07:51.440 what I think is because I would do that with 0:07:51.480 --> 0:07:54.679 any player at my camp. But it was always better 0:07:54.760 --> 0:07:58.920 when somebody else told it to him. If I said something, 0:07:59.200 --> 0:08:02.400 it didn't resonate as much as when somebody else said it. 0:08:02.480 --> 0:08:05.400 And I remember when he went to college. You know, 0:08:05.440 --> 0:08:08.840 I had told him in high school he had said something, 0:08:08.920 --> 0:08:10.760 and I said, well, you know it wouldn't wouldn't hurt 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:13.240 you get a little stronger, you know, be a little 0:08:13.280 --> 0:08:15.240 bit more physical out there, and you don't need to 0:08:15.280 --> 0:08:17.000 go into the weight room. I mean, you do a 0:08:17.080 --> 0:08:19.080 hundred push ups in the morning, a hundred night, do 0:08:19.160 --> 0:08:20.840 some of these things to get a little bit stronger, 0:08:20.840 --> 0:08:23.480 because you know, strength on the court is a good thing. 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:26.160 And after his freshman year at Wake Forest, he played 0:08:26.160 --> 0:08:28.240 at wake Forest, he came back and he says, you know, Dad, 0:08:28.280 --> 0:08:30.600 I really need to get stronger. And I was like, well, 0:08:30.600 --> 0:08:33.200 I wonder where I heard that before. But it doesn't 0:08:33.559 --> 0:08:36.480 you know, coming from a parent, it doesn't always resonate, 0:08:36.679 --> 0:08:39.439 and so sometimes other voices are actually better. 0:08:39.679 --> 0:08:41.040 I could speak to that, you know, when I was 0:08:41.240 --> 0:08:43.160 when I was an athlete in high school before college, 0:08:43.200 --> 0:08:45.520 my Dad couldn't tell me anything. I knew way more 0:08:45.600 --> 0:08:47.840 than him, And of course, in hindsight, you're like would 0:08:47.840 --> 0:08:50.400 an idiot, and it's it's tough. You're you're Jay Bilish, 0:08:50.480 --> 0:08:52.720 have all this experience, but you're still Dad. And that's 0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:55.960 a very common theme. I want to ask, like with 0:08:56.040 --> 0:08:58.560 regard to the education piece or maybe the content that 0:08:58.640 --> 0:09:00.959 you helped share with the parents, like have you had 0:09:01.000 --> 0:09:04.320 to really, you know, adjust here, particularly in the last 0:09:04.400 --> 0:09:08.360 few years as the portal and NIL has become such 0:09:08.400 --> 0:09:11.000 a now it's mainstream or whatever, but it's really been 0:09:11.040 --> 0:09:14.040 it seems like a crash course learning experience. Seems like 0:09:14.080 --> 0:09:16.680 the NCAA, everyone's still adjusting, you know, a lot of 0:09:16.679 --> 0:09:19.000 most people have no idea how to navigate it. So 0:09:19.120 --> 0:09:22.520 is that something that you incorporate in the parental education 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:24.240 do you think you need to? And also, if you 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:26.400 can expand a little bit, like how do you feel 0:09:26.400 --> 0:09:29.160 like in a pro and conway, the portal and NIL 0:09:29.200 --> 0:09:32.120 are impacting college sports, particularly you know, men's women's basketball. 0:09:32.360 --> 0:09:34.360 Well, the short answer to your question is, yes, we 0:09:34.440 --> 0:09:38.640 do incorporate all of those things. You know, my input 0:09:38.800 --> 0:09:44.240 in it is in helping your child pick the right 0:09:44.360 --> 0:09:48.040 school is really the environment you're putting your child into. 0:09:48.760 --> 0:09:51.680 And I think sometimes you can get a little wrapped 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:54.400 up and you know, who wants your kid the most? 0:09:55.800 --> 0:09:59.600 Will your kid play there? What position? How much playing time? Early? 0:09:59.679 --> 0:10:03.360 Things like that, Those things don't really matter as much. 0:10:03.640 --> 0:10:07.640 What really matters is the right environment. And that's not 0:10:07.800 --> 0:10:10.120 just the locker room. It's not just the team. It 0:10:10.160 --> 0:10:13.600 goes to the entire school. And you know, I remember 0:10:13.840 --> 0:10:16.360 telling my son when he was looking is you know, 0:10:16.400 --> 0:10:18.480 one of the things you need to think about is 0:10:18.880 --> 0:10:23.000 what would your happiness look like if you stop playing basketball? 0:10:23.040 --> 0:10:25.560 What if you get hurt or what if you decide, 0:10:25.720 --> 0:10:27.640 you know, in an odd way, what if you decide 0:10:27.679 --> 0:10:30.520 you don't want to play anymore? Is that the right place? 0:10:30.600 --> 0:10:33.360 Is that the place you'd want to be, because it's 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:36.920 about more than basketball or whatever sport your child is playing. 0:10:37.559 --> 0:10:40.560 And I think you do need to look at the 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:44.400 locker room environment. What's the track record of players who 0:10:44.400 --> 0:10:48.560 have been there? Do they come back? Because you know, 0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:52.200 you are putting your kid into an environment where other 0:10:52.200 --> 0:10:56.600 people are going to impact your kid. But you remember, 0:10:56.679 --> 0:11:00.640 I try to emphasize this too. You know, even though 0:11:00.960 --> 0:11:04.400 you tell young people hey, work hard and put all 0:11:04.440 --> 0:11:06.920 your energy into this and all this stuff. I get 0:11:06.960 --> 0:11:10.079 all that, but to me, that's baked in the bottom 0:11:10.120 --> 0:11:12.560 line in this is this is supposed to be fun. 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:16.360 Everybody got into this for fun. You know. I play 0:11:16.360 --> 0:11:18.880 a lot of golf, and I practice and I work 0:11:18.880 --> 0:11:20.840 at it, but I do it because it's fun and 0:11:20.920 --> 0:11:22.720 I want to get better at it so I can 0:11:22.840 --> 0:11:26.600 enjoy it more. It's not that I'm you know, I'm 0:11:26.960 --> 0:11:30.880 putting my entire identity into this kind of thing. And 0:11:30.960 --> 0:11:33.600 to me, the parents need to keep that in mind. 0:11:33.640 --> 0:11:35.160 When you go to a game, it's fun for you 0:11:35.200 --> 0:11:37.120 to watch your kid. It's supposed to be fun. It 0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:41.040 shouldn't be an agonizing experience, like you want your kid 0:11:41.080 --> 0:11:43.720 to do well because your kid wants to do well, 0:11:44.280 --> 0:11:47.320 not because you know it reflects somehow on you. And 0:11:47.720 --> 0:11:50.040 I think my parents were that way. They enjoyed going 0:11:50.080 --> 0:11:52.560 to the games and watching and being there and being 0:11:52.559 --> 0:11:56.600 a part of it. Their investment, you know, going back 0:11:56.640 --> 0:12:00.240 to the conducting yourself piece and the behavior piece, Like 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:02.400 my parents got to tell me what to do at home, 0:12:02.760 --> 0:12:05.680 like they were boss at home, but when I was out, 0:12:06.120 --> 0:12:09.520 somebody else was in charge, and they were pretty respectful 0:12:09.559 --> 0:12:12.559 of that, and that was that was a line they 0:12:12.640 --> 0:12:16.400 walked that I really appreciated. I think I appreciated at 0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:19.640 the time, but definitely after and when I became a parent, 0:12:19.720 --> 0:12:23.320 I really appreciated it because that was my thing. It 0:12:23.400 --> 0:12:27.240 wasn't their thing, and they were supporting me in something 0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:30.840 I wanted to do and enjoyed doing. And it wasn't 0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:33.240 for them to be telling me what to do or 0:12:33.280 --> 0:12:35.520 how to you know, how to rebound or why didn't 0:12:35.520 --> 0:12:38.080 I go after that ball? You know, that's not their thing. 0:12:38.520 --> 0:12:40.640 It's interesting, though, because it seems as though and it 0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:42.839 always I guess you can always say it has been 0:12:43.040 --> 0:12:48.080 for the select few, where in some instances it's a 0:12:48.120 --> 0:12:51.920 business decision. I mean, particularly now where you know, you 0:12:51.960 --> 0:12:54.360 have kids signing you know, hundreds of thousand or a 0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:57.960 million dollars in some very rare instances and il deals, 0:12:57.960 --> 0:13:00.800 and I feel like the numbers and such get thrown 0:13:00.840 --> 0:13:03.240 around so much of it. People feel as though it's mainstream. 0:13:03.280 --> 0:13:05.800 It's like, well, you know, we got to prepare not 0:13:05.840 --> 0:13:09.520 only for potentially this university experience or this collegiate experience, 0:13:09.520 --> 0:13:11.480 but a way to market yourself and brand. And I 0:13:11.520 --> 0:13:14.600 think that that's all great, But how do you separate, 0:13:15.200 --> 0:13:18.240 you know, the business from the fund, Like I guess, 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:21.520 how do you compartmentalize that? Particularly if you're a parent 0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:24.640 who doesn't happen maybe you didn't play in college, maybe 0:13:24.640 --> 0:13:26.840 this whole athletic thing is a whole new experience for you. 0:13:26.920 --> 0:13:28.760 And I feel like for some parents that may have 0:13:28.800 --> 0:13:31.640 played collegiate sports or even professional you know, they know 0:13:31.679 --> 0:13:34.400 how to kind of navigate that and juggle you know, 0:13:34.480 --> 0:13:36.920 the fun piece and the workpiece and all of these things. 0:13:36.960 --> 0:13:40.280 But how do you separate the business which is now? 0:13:40.360 --> 0:13:42.440 I mean, I mean I've talked to enough coaches they 0:13:42.440 --> 0:13:44.720 say it's a business. I mean, it is a business. 0:13:45.160 --> 0:13:48.120 Yeah, I agree with that, But I think we tend 0:13:48.160 --> 0:13:50.920 to overcomplicate this a little bit because when you get 0:13:51.040 --> 0:13:54.640 right down to it, everything is a business decision. When 0:13:54.679 --> 0:13:57.800 you decide to go on vacation, it's a business decision. 0:13:58.000 --> 0:14:01.679 What can we afford, what's the best destination for us, 0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:05.400 where should we stay, what's the best value? Things like that, 0:14:05.520 --> 0:14:07.880 do we drive or do we fly? You know, all 0:14:07.920 --> 0:14:10.920 these things if you look at it that way, their 0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:14.840 business decisions. And for any student, let alone an athlete, 0:14:15.080 --> 0:14:18.240 for any student. It's a business decision, and it comes 0:14:18.280 --> 0:14:21.360 down to how much scholarship money, if any can I get? 0:14:21.680 --> 0:14:24.680 What is this going to cost? How far from home? 0:14:25.320 --> 0:14:28.360 Will my parents be able to come see me? Things 0:14:28.440 --> 0:14:30.280 like that, Can I get home? You know? Do I 0:14:30.280 --> 0:14:32.800 want to stay closer to home go further away? Does 0:14:32.880 --> 0:14:36.040 this place have the area of study? You know? How 0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:38.800 are they ranked in that? You know? What are my 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:41.880 job prospects afterwards? If I go to this place for 0:14:42.200 --> 0:14:45.200 an initial job. The truth is most of these things 0:14:45.280 --> 0:14:49.280 don't matter as much as we tend to believe. I think, 0:14:49.360 --> 0:14:53.000 for I know that my kids. I have two kids, 0:14:53.080 --> 0:14:56.200 and their senior year in high school. You know, junior 0:14:56.240 --> 0:14:59.520 and senior year was not as pleasant as mine was. 0:15:01.000 --> 0:15:02.760 You know, when I was coming out of high school 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:06.800 in the early nineteen eighties, you know, the discussion among 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:10.040 my peers was are you going to college? It wasn't 0:15:10.080 --> 0:15:13.680 where are you going? And now it seems like there's 0:15:13.680 --> 0:15:16.760 so much status attached to where you go. And I 0:15:16.800 --> 0:15:18.720 actually did this with my son. I don't know whether 0:15:18.720 --> 0:15:21.160 it resonated with them or not, but I showed them 0:15:21.200 --> 0:15:24.440 a list of CEOs of American companies and where they 0:15:24.480 --> 0:15:26.440 went to college, and I said, show me the pattern. 0:15:26.920 --> 0:15:30.880 You know, there's no pattern to this, and it's it's 0:15:30.920 --> 0:15:33.120 not that it's not important where you go to school. 0:15:33.120 --> 0:15:37.400 It is important, but it's not outcome determinative. You can 0:15:37.440 --> 0:15:41.960 go anywhere and do extraordinarily well. You know, it's just 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:45.920 what's the right place for you. And your question earlier 0:15:45.960 --> 0:15:49.040 about nil and the portal. Look, if somebody's making you 0:15:49.120 --> 0:15:52.360 an offer out of high school, an NIL offer something 0:15:52.440 --> 0:15:55.640 like that, that's fine, you can feel that offer. But 0:15:56.080 --> 0:15:58.520 you know, if it's just about money, you take the 0:15:58.600 --> 0:16:02.880 highest offer. If it's if it's about fit and where 0:16:02.920 --> 0:16:04.880 you go to school and where you're going to be happy, 0:16:04.920 --> 0:16:08.080 then maybe you're willing to take less money in order 0:16:08.120 --> 0:16:10.920 to go to the place you want to go. So 0:16:11.000 --> 0:16:13.320 it's a little bit of sliding scale, and that to me, 0:16:13.440 --> 0:16:16.680 the portal is of zero consequence when you're making your decision. 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:20.760 You're not making your decision based upon Okay, you know, 0:16:21.000 --> 0:16:23.760 where will I go after this? You know that that 0:16:23.800 --> 0:16:26.479 doesn't make any sense. The portal is of zero consequence. 0:16:26.560 --> 0:16:29.360 When you're deciding where to go, You go somewhere with 0:16:29.480 --> 0:16:32.600 the intention of staying, and if circumstances change, that's fine. 0:16:33.360 --> 0:16:36.200 But the way I tell people is is, you know, 0:16:36.200 --> 0:16:38.160 when you're coming out of high school and you're deciding 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:41.000 where to go to college, you know that's your decision. 0:16:41.360 --> 0:16:44.080 Once you make that decision, you should be all in 0:16:44.680 --> 0:16:48.120 and all in for at least that first year. At 0:16:48.120 --> 0:16:51.400 the end of the year, then you can make a determination. 0:16:51.480 --> 0:16:53.880 Am I happy with this? Do I want to stay? 0:16:54.400 --> 0:16:56.840 Should I consider leave it? At the end of the year, 0:16:57.080 --> 0:17:00.480 that's fine, And then once you make that decison, then 0:17:00.520 --> 0:17:03.000 you need to be all in a gain, you know. 0:17:03.040 --> 0:17:05.800 I think those are important distinctions. 0:17:06.280 --> 0:17:08.840 When we come back, Jay and I discuss mental health 0:17:08.880 --> 0:17:11.879 awareness and the value of learning to stay present before 0:17:11.880 --> 0:17:13.639 we head to break, I have a question for you. 0:17:13.880 --> 0:17:16.480 Are you tired of your current sports management platform? Is 0:17:16.480 --> 0:17:18.760 it just not getting the job done? While our partner 0:17:18.760 --> 0:17:21.479 and industry leader, Team Snap is making it easier than 0:17:21.520 --> 0:17:24.080 ever to switch to their Team Snap for Business platform 0:17:24.160 --> 0:17:27.600 and unlock fifteen hundred dollars in savings with their exclusive 0:17:27.680 --> 0:17:31.720 Seamless Transition promotion. The offer includes white glove transition services 0:17:31.760 --> 0:17:36.520 to their all in one sports management platform with registration, communication, scheduling, 0:17:36.520 --> 0:17:40.320 and more, all designed to improve experiences for parents athletes 0:17:40.400 --> 0:17:42.760 and administrators. You can be up and running on their 0:17:42.760 --> 0:17:45.280 platform in three weeks or less if you sign up 0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:48.920 for the Seamless Transition promotion by November fifteenth. Visit teamsnap 0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:51.719 dot com today to register. Offer valid only for new 0:17:51.760 --> 0:18:02.320 Team Snap customers with mid to large size organizations. Welcome back. 0:18:02.480 --> 0:18:04.480 Where we left off, Jay and I were about to 0:18:04.520 --> 0:18:06.840 talk about the lessons he learned from Coach k and 0:18:06.920 --> 0:18:11.760 what next play means to him. You mentioned the culture. 0:18:11.920 --> 0:18:13.960 You know, when you're making the choice of where to 0:18:14.000 --> 0:18:16.760 go to school, it's what type of environment is my 0:18:16.840 --> 0:18:19.639 child or am I going to be in? And I 0:18:19.640 --> 0:18:21.600 think a lot of that has to do with I'm 0:18:21.359 --> 0:18:25.639 my oldest son just went to University of North Carolina 0:18:25.640 --> 0:18:28.920 at Pembroke Division two school, really good, you know, top 0:18:28.960 --> 0:18:32.360 twenty wrestling program, and it was the perfect fit for him. 0:18:32.400 --> 0:18:34.280 I mean, he had a relationship that he built with 0:18:34.320 --> 0:18:36.440 the coach for years, even when he was in youth. 0:18:36.440 --> 0:18:38.720 He'd go there for youth camp and of course went 0:18:38.800 --> 0:18:41.040 recruiting time came. You know, the coach got on him 0:18:41.080 --> 0:18:44.320 really quick and they had that rapport and we love 0:18:44.359 --> 0:18:46.159 the coach and just you could tell the effort, just 0:18:46.200 --> 0:18:48.680 a great human being, and I checked all the boxes 0:18:48.720 --> 0:18:51.479 for him. When I went to college. I went to 0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:54.240 North Carolina wesley And College, a small Division three school 0:18:54.240 --> 0:18:56.280 at the time, was a you know, a national powerhouse, 0:18:56.320 --> 0:18:58.960 you know, competing for national championships. And at the time 0:18:59.040 --> 0:19:01.280 the coach was Mike Fox, who you know, went on 0:19:01.359 --> 0:19:03.520 to coach the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill for 0:19:03.560 --> 0:19:05.680 twenty two years as a retired you know, retired a 0:19:05.720 --> 0:19:07.480 few years ago as a Hall of famers, kind of 0:19:07.800 --> 0:19:10.120 one of the best coaches and highly regarded and ever 0:19:10.160 --> 0:19:12.639 in college baseball. I had no idea at the time 0:19:13.080 --> 0:19:15.000 when I was being recruited by him that that he 0:19:15.160 --> 0:19:17.040 was this, you know, going to be a legend. But 0:19:17.119 --> 0:19:18.879 I was fortunate to play for this guy, and I 0:19:18.880 --> 0:19:20.800 have a relationship to him to this day. I'm forever 0:19:20.840 --> 0:19:23.600 thankful for it. You got to play for Mike Krzyzewski, 0:19:23.720 --> 0:19:26.560 coach k you know, a legend, right, a legend among legends. 0:19:26.560 --> 0:19:30.840 Mount Rushmore type figures in coaching. So parents like often 0:19:30.920 --> 0:19:34.679 say or adults say, well, don't go to the coach. 0:19:34.880 --> 0:19:37.480 Don't let that be a major factor because coaches leave 0:19:37.560 --> 0:19:39.640 programs all the time. I, for one, think that that's 0:19:39.680 --> 0:19:43.240 a critical component of the environment, right the coach who's there. 0:19:43.680 --> 0:19:46.080 But with that said, with coaches at times, you know, 0:19:46.160 --> 0:19:48.919 going to other programs, how important is it for you 0:19:49.040 --> 0:19:51.400 or do you think parents should consider that coach because 0:19:51.440 --> 0:19:54.159 I think the coach relationship piece of it all is 0:19:54.200 --> 0:19:56.560 one of the most key components to success. 0:19:56.800 --> 0:19:58.920 Well, I tend to agree with you. I mean, when 0:19:58.920 --> 0:20:00.960 I was coming out of high school, I made my 0:20:01.160 --> 0:20:04.600 decision based solely upon the coach. And that may not 0:20:04.680 --> 0:20:06.160 have been the right thing, it was just the right 0:20:06.200 --> 0:20:09.679 thing for me. And when I committed to Duke, I 0:20:09.800 --> 0:20:12.120 you know, coach k didn't have the kind of success 0:20:12.160 --> 0:20:15.040