WEBVTT - Second Cup: Don't just drop hints

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is to make your expectations and needs explicit. In

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<v Speaker 1>other words, don't just drop hints. We've all found ourselves

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<v Speaker 1>disappointed because someone didn't live up to our expectations, only

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<v Speaker 1>to realize later that the other person had not actually

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<v Speaker 1>understood our expectations or realized that we needed help. Whether

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<v Speaker 1>it's assuming that your team member will let you know

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<v Speaker 1>in advance if he's not going to meet an important deadline,

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<v Speaker 1>or that your partner will send flowers on your anniversary.

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<v Speaker 1>We're taking a risk if we have strongly held expectations

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<v Speaker 1>for someone's behavior but don't let the person know about them.

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<v Speaker 1>Other people simply cannot read our minds, and we waste

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<v Speaker 1>all kinds of time behaving as though they can, and

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<v Speaker 1>then recovering from the disappointment or dropped balls when it

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<v Speaker 1>turns out they can't. The only solution to this is

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<v Speaker 1>to stop dropping hints. When you want something. Everyone is

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<v Speaker 1>better off if you just say it. Well. Easier said

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<v Speaker 1>than done, of course, sometimes people feel awkward asking for

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<v Speaker 1>help or stating their hopes or expectations directly. Does it

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<v Speaker 1>sound pushy? Is it insulting to suggest someone wouldn't know

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<v Speaker 1>that you like meetings to start on time, or that

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<v Speaker 1>you expect the person who finishes the paper towel roll

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<v Speaker 1>will replace it. But if we beat around the bush

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<v Speaker 1>and drop hints, other people may misunderstand what we mean

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<v Speaker 1>and the results may not be what we intend. So

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<v Speaker 1>here are some ways to raise issues directly. Think clear

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<v Speaker 1>collaborative congenial. That means using direct language, assuming that you

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<v Speaker 1>and the other person are mutually focused on good outcomes

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<v Speaker 1>and keeping the tone positive and friendly. Since on deadlines,

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<v Speaker 1>you could say I'm counting on being able to review

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<v Speaker 1>your report Monday afternoon. That's the time I've carved out

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<v Speaker 1>to work on this because I'm attending a conference later

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<v Speaker 1>in the week. If you foresee a problem getting their

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<v Speaker 1>report to me by lunchtime on Monday, please let me

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<v Speaker 1>know in advance. Or for household expectations, I would really

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<v Speaker 1>appreciate it if you change the sheets and took out

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<v Speaker 1>the trash the last day your house sitting because we'll

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<v Speaker 1>be getting home late. Would that be doable? Or when

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<v Speaker 1>you're asking for affection and support from family and friends.

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<v Speaker 1>Next Tuesday is my birthday. I'd love to celebrate it

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<v Speaker 1>with you. I was thinking a small group of us

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<v Speaker 1>would have lunch at the sushi place near my office,

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<v Speaker 1>but I'm open to other suggestions. The general approach should

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<v Speaker 1>be to share the hope, expectation, or need and then

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<v Speaker 1>invite the other person to give a thumbs up or

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<v Speaker 1>weigh In. That way, you're not assuming anything. Instead, you're

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<v Speaker 1>sharing your expectations in a way that gives the other

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<v Speaker 1>person the chance to confirm that these expectations are shared,

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<v Speaker 1>or to suggest a different plan that's not pushy instead.

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<v Speaker 1>This approach greatly increases the chances that your needs are met.

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<v Speaker 1>It's hard to see the downside in that. So today,

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<v Speaker 1>if you find yourself hoping that someone will do something,

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<v Speaker 1>why not stop and ask the person directly. Save the

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<v Speaker 1>mind reading for carnivals and everyone will be better off

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<v Speaker 1>in the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and

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<v Speaker 1>here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody,

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<v Speaker 1>I'd love to hear from you. You can send me

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<v Speaker 1>your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with

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<v Speaker 1>me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod.

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<v Speaker 1>That's b E. The number four, then Breakfast pod. You

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<v Speaker 1>can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast podcast

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<v Speaker 1>at iHeartMedia that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all

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<v Speaker 1>the letters. Thanks so much. Should I look forward to

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<v Speaker 1>staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartRadio.

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