1 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:10,080 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning, 2 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:15,200 Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's 3 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:19,480 Speaker 1: tip is to make your expectations and needs explicit. In 4 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: other words, don't just drop hints. We've all found ourselves 5 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:29,400 Speaker 1: disappointed because someone didn't live up to our expectations, only 6 00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:31,720 Speaker 1: to realize later that the other person had not actually 7 00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:36,800 Speaker 1: understood our expectations or realized that we needed help. Whether 8 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:38,879 Speaker 1: it's assuming that your team member will let you know 9 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:41,760 Speaker 1: in advance if he's not going to meet an important deadline, 10 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,960 Speaker 1: or that your partner will send flowers on your anniversary. 11 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,960 Speaker 1: We're taking a risk if we have strongly held expectations 12 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:52,839 Speaker 1: for someone's behavior but don't let the person know about them. 13 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:57,240 Speaker 1: Other people simply cannot read our minds, and we waste 14 00:00:57,280 --> 00:01:00,840 Speaker 1: all kinds of time behaving as though they can, and 15 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:04,440 Speaker 1: then recovering from the disappointment or dropped balls when it 16 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:07,920 Speaker 1: turns out they can't. The only solution to this is 17 00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:12,319 Speaker 1: to stop dropping hints. When you want something. Everyone is 18 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:16,720 Speaker 1: better off if you just say it. Well. Easier said 19 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:20,319 Speaker 1: than done, of course, sometimes people feel awkward asking for 20 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:24,480 Speaker 1: help or stating their hopes or expectations directly. Does it 21 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:29,000 Speaker 1: sound pushy? Is it insulting to suggest someone wouldn't know 22 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:31,600 Speaker 1: that you like meetings to start on time, or that 23 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:34,240 Speaker 1: you expect the person who finishes the paper towel roll 24 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:37,320 Speaker 1: will replace it. But if we beat around the bush 25 00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:40,640 Speaker 1: and drop hints, other people may misunderstand what we mean 26 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:44,039 Speaker 1: and the results may not be what we intend. So 27 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:47,400 Speaker 1: here are some ways to raise issues directly. Think clear 28 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:53,440 Speaker 1: collaborative congenial. That means using direct language, assuming that you 29 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:56,320 Speaker 1: and the other person are mutually focused on good outcomes 30 00:01:56,760 --> 00:02:00,960 Speaker 1: and keeping the tone positive and friendly. Since on deadlines, 31 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:03,520 Speaker 1: you could say I'm counting on being able to review 32 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:07,120 Speaker 1: your report Monday afternoon. That's the time I've carved out 33 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:09,840 Speaker 1: to work on this because I'm attending a conference later 34 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:12,640 Speaker 1: in the week. If you foresee a problem getting their 35 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:15,720 Speaker 1: report to me by lunchtime on Monday, please let me 36 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:20,440 Speaker 1: know in advance. Or for household expectations, I would really 37 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 1: appreciate it if you change the sheets and took out 38 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:25,680 Speaker 1: the trash the last day your house sitting because we'll 39 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:29,200 Speaker 1: be getting home late. Would that be doable? Or when 40 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:32,040 Speaker 1: you're asking for affection and support from family and friends. 41 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,880 Speaker 1: Next Tuesday is my birthday. I'd love to celebrate it 42 00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:38,240 Speaker 1: with you. I was thinking a small group of us 43 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:40,600 Speaker 1: would have lunch at the sushi place near my office, 44 00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:45,120 Speaker 1: but I'm open to other suggestions. The general approach should 45 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:48,720 Speaker 1: be to share the hope, expectation, or need and then 46 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,200 Speaker 1: invite the other person to give a thumbs up or 47 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:56,160 Speaker 1: weigh In. That way, you're not assuming anything. Instead, you're 48 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,839 Speaker 1: sharing your expectations in a way that gives the other 49 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:02,440 Speaker 1: person the chance to confirm that these expectations are shared, 50 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:07,359 Speaker 1: or to suggest a different plan that's not pushy instead. 51 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:11,320 Speaker 1: This approach greatly increases the chances that your needs are met. 52 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:15,080 Speaker 1: It's hard to see the downside in that. So today, 53 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:17,600 Speaker 1: if you find yourself hoping that someone will do something, 54 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:22,160 Speaker 1: why not stop and ask the person directly. Save the 55 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:25,560 Speaker 1: mind reading for carnivals and everyone will be better off 56 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:30,200 Speaker 1: in the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and 57 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:39,200 Speaker 1: here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody, 58 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:41,480 Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from you. You can send me 59 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:45,160 Speaker 1: your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with 60 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:49,600 Speaker 1: me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod. 61 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:55,560 Speaker 1: That's b E. The number four, then Breakfast pod. You 62 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:59,000 Speaker 1: can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast podcast 63 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:02,720 Speaker 1: at iHeartMedia that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all 64 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:05,280 Speaker 1: the letters. Thanks so much. Should I look forward to 65 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 1: staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartRadio. 66 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:20,080 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 67 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:23,960 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.