1 00:00:01,639 --> 00:00:09,119 Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl, Welcome 2 00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:12,920 Speaker 1: back to I Choose Me. I'm Jenny, and today we're 3 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:18,360 Speaker 1: talking about one of the most intense, demanding and loving 4 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:22,520 Speaker 1: things we can ever do, caregiving. I want to start 5 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:28,040 Speaker 1: by acknowledging that November is National Caregivers Awareness Month. That 6 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:31,280 Speaker 1: is a whole month dedicated to the more than fifty 7 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:38,040 Speaker 1: three million Americans who are juggling careers, parenting, and caregiving responsibilities. 8 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:42,800 Speaker 1: Think about that number, fifty three million. It's huge. I've 9 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:48,199 Speaker 1: heard this called the sandwich generation, when you're squeezed between 10 00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:52,000 Speaker 1: caring for your kids and caring for your parents. But 11 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:56,160 Speaker 1: it's not always parents. It can be a spouse, it 12 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,880 Speaker 1: can be adult children with special needs, or even a 13 00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:03,200 Speaker 1: close family member who needs extra help. Whatever the scenario is, 14 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:07,880 Speaker 1: it's heavy, all consuming, and it's something I've been thinking 15 00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:12,800 Speaker 1: a lot about lately, mostly because I really connect with 16 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,280 Speaker 1: this personally right now in my life with my mom 17 00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:20,240 Speaker 1: Mimi as you all know her, as I watch her 18 00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:25,200 Speaker 1: go through these different phases of her life. But also 19 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:27,959 Speaker 1: you know, it's just going on in the news lately, 20 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:32,480 Speaker 1: like with Bruce Willis and his whole story. It brings 21 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:37,400 Speaker 1: up all of these thoughts on emotional balance and what 22 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:39,600 Speaker 1: we owe to the people we love, and maybe the 23 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:45,040 Speaker 1: right word isn't oh. For me, it's trying to find 24 00:01:45,319 --> 00:01:51,840 Speaker 1: the space between feeling okay to choose myself but also 25 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:54,480 Speaker 1: choosing to do the right thing for the people that 26 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:59,120 Speaker 1: I love. That space of peace around all of it 27 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:04,320 Speaker 1: is really moving hard for me to settle with because 28 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:09,359 Speaker 1: it's a big deal. It's a profound commitment. My guest 29 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:13,760 Speaker 1: today understands that commitment one hundred percent. She is a 30 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:18,000 Speaker 1: beloved TV host, a journalist, and personality who's made a 31 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:21,280 Speaker 1: decision that so many people want to make that also 32 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:25,639 Speaker 1: may dread at the same time. Please welcome my friend 33 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:26,840 Speaker 1: Debbie Matnopolis. 34 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 2: I'm so happy to see you. My friend Jane. 35 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,000 Speaker 1: Last time I think we saw each other was on 36 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:36,600 Speaker 1: the set of Home and Family, Right, yeah, probably the 37 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,080 Speaker 1: good old days. 38 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:41,040 Speaker 2: I actually drove past the house today. I was up 39 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:42,919 Speaker 2: the Universal lot and I had people in the car 40 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:44,960 Speaker 2: and I said, you know what, I'm going to take 41 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,800 Speaker 2: you up to my old house. They're like, wait, what 42 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,639 Speaker 2: I said, you have so take off. Meanwhile, one of 43 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:50,680 Speaker 2: the people in the back goes, oh, that's good. Debbie 44 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:53,840 Speaker 2: just drive around Universal without access. 45 00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:58,480 Speaker 1: Oh, that was a great show you did that with. Yeah, 46 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:00,239 Speaker 1: I went there a few times to visit with you guys. 47 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:01,400 Speaker 1: It was always such a good time. 48 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:04,520 Speaker 2: No, we cooked together, remember we made something in the kitchen. 49 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,400 Speaker 2: It was delicious. 50 00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:11,600 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Well, you were at the top of 51 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:15,280 Speaker 1: your game last time I saw you, your successful. 52 00:03:14,639 --> 00:03:15,920 Speaker 2: Host a journalist. 53 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:19,280 Speaker 1: But then things shifted for you, and that's what I 54 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 1: really want to talk about today. So can we just 55 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:26,480 Speaker 1: start the beginning. What was happening in your life and 56 00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:29,280 Speaker 1: in your career when you first realized that your dad 57 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,040 Speaker 1: needed more care than he was getting. 58 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:36,160 Speaker 2: Well, you know, I was living in Los Angeles here. 59 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:41,280 Speaker 2: My parents are in Virginia where abouts in Virginia in Richmond, 60 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:44,360 Speaker 2: and my sister and my brother are also in Virginia. 61 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,560 Speaker 2: My sister's in Richmond, like twenty minutes from then. My 62 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:49,360 Speaker 2: brother is in Virginia Beach, which is a few hours, 63 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,040 Speaker 2: and so they saw my parents more often than I did. 64 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:55,400 Speaker 2: You know. I would always come home for every holiday, birthdays, weddings, whatever. 65 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:58,200 Speaker 2: Whenever I could get back East, I would go. And 66 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:01,880 Speaker 2: I started noticing that my dad was like, he started 67 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:04,520 Speaker 2: like kind of limping and dragging his leg. Said are 68 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:06,520 Speaker 2: you okay? He said, yeah, no, one finds something wrong 69 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:09,000 Speaker 2: my leg. I don't know. I'd go back, you know, 70 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:11,080 Speaker 2: there'd be Thanksgiving, I'd go back for Christmas. Suddenly his 71 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:14,920 Speaker 2: speech is learning, and I'm like, Dad, what's going on? No, nothing, 72 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:16,480 Speaker 2: I don't know. And I would talk to my sister 73 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,960 Speaker 2: and brother and they'd say, oh, Dad's just getting older. 74 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,400 Speaker 2: I said, Dad is not just getting older. This is 75 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:23,880 Speaker 2: not a sign of getting older. Something is wrong. Maybe 76 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,360 Speaker 2: he's had a stroke, maybe something else is going on. 77 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:29,760 Speaker 2: We should start doing some tests. So we started over 78 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:34,040 Speaker 2: like a period of about six seven months, doing every 79 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,320 Speaker 2: test under the sun that you possibly could do. And 80 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,640 Speaker 2: of course I'm here worried, sick and calling back every 81 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:42,880 Speaker 2: single second I have free to find out what's happening, 82 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:47,000 Speaker 2: talking to doctors there, et cetera. And you know, he 83 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:50,040 Speaker 2: was getting the best medical care he could and Richmond 84 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,560 Speaker 2: at the time, and I was talking to the doctors 85 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:54,360 Speaker 2: and they were saying, Okay, we just tested in for 86 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:56,120 Speaker 2: a mess. He doesn't have a mess. We test him 87 00:04:56,160 --> 00:05:01,440 Speaker 2: for Parkinson's. He doesn't have Parkinson's. We we've done brain scans. 88 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:03,400 Speaker 2: He didn't have a stroke. I thought, maybe it's a stroke, 89 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:08,200 Speaker 2: So through process of elimination, they finally diagnose him with ALS, 90 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:13,000 Speaker 2: which most people know is Lugerrig's disease. So if you 91 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:16,680 Speaker 2: know anything about ALS, Stephen Hawkings was probably the most 92 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:22,360 Speaker 2: famous person next to Yeah Lugarig to have it that 93 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:24,640 Speaker 2: really made people know what this disease was. 94 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:27,200 Speaker 1: It's a brutal disease. 95 00:05:27,279 --> 00:05:29,720 Speaker 2: It's brutal. It's one of the most hateful things I've 96 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:32,320 Speaker 2: ever seen in my life, Jenny, It's say was so sad. 97 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:38,520 Speaker 2: It basically robs you of all of your nervous system, 98 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:43,920 Speaker 2: like any neurotransmitter in your body, your neuro like system 99 00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:47,520 Speaker 2: completely breaks down, completely breaks down, because it kills nerves 100 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:49,400 Speaker 2: one by one by one, and you become a prisoner 101 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,920 Speaker 2: in your body. But the only thing that still works 102 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:56,160 Speaker 2: is your brain, so you're fully aware of what is happening, 103 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,960 Speaker 2: and you become a prisoner and you cannot even speak 104 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:02,080 Speaker 2: at the end and restoration. 105 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:02,760 Speaker 1: I can imagine. 106 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:06,039 Speaker 2: It's just so hateful, And I was thinking to myself, 107 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:10,359 Speaker 2: I don't know what's worse, Alzheimer's or ALS, because Alzheimer's 108 00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:14,560 Speaker 2: the person was Alzheimer's many times doesn't know what's happening, 109 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:18,839 Speaker 2: but the people around them know. Well, with als, you're 110 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:23,760 Speaker 2: fully aware of what's going on, and you know you're 111 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:31,039 Speaker 2: a prisoner. So anyhow, I was at that time like 112 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:33,599 Speaker 2: everything was going like could not have been going better 113 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:37,200 Speaker 2: in my career. And I came back after one visit 114 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:40,000 Speaker 2: and I said, I can't, I can't continue to be 115 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:43,200 Speaker 2: here anymore. So I was on E at that time, 116 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:48,760 Speaker 2: so I left E. When you know, everything was huge 117 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,800 Speaker 2: John E, all the Red carpets, all the Oscars. I 118 00:06:50,839 --> 00:06:53,560 Speaker 2: was hosting Fashion Police, I was hosting The Daily Ten. 119 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:56,480 Speaker 2: And I came back and I said, I I have 120 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:59,000 Speaker 2: to leave and I have to break my contract. And 121 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:01,760 Speaker 2: I'm really sorry, but but I said, you know, there'll 122 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:04,040 Speaker 2: be a lot of shows even if you won't have 123 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,159 Speaker 2: me when I come back. But I only have one dad, 124 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:11,160 Speaker 2: and the way I was raised was very I mean, 125 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:12,840 Speaker 2: it was all about family all the time. So this 126 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:15,320 Speaker 2: was something that wasn't even a question in my brain. 127 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,000 Speaker 2: I was going to do this regardless. And my boss 128 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:20,960 Speaker 2: at the time said, well, just so you know, you 129 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:23,200 Speaker 2: won't have a job when you come back, and you're 130 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:26,600 Speaker 2: ruining your career, as did my managers, and as did 131 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:29,800 Speaker 2: my agents. They were like, no one will hire you. 132 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:32,400 Speaker 2: And I said, well, you know what, I'll have to 133 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:34,800 Speaker 2: take that chance. And if I come back here no 134 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,480 Speaker 2: one hires me, then guess what. I don't want to 135 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:42,200 Speaker 2: work for someone who has so little empathy to understand that. 136 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:46,680 Speaker 2: I went to go do something out of love for 137 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:50,040 Speaker 2: my family and to be there for my dad, who 138 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:52,760 Speaker 2: basically the doctor said, make arrangements. You have a few 139 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,200 Speaker 2: years and it's over. There's nothing we can do. We 140 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:58,160 Speaker 2: don't have any we don't have anything to stop the progression. 141 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:01,520 Speaker 2: We don't have anything to stop the disease. Every month 142 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:04,920 Speaker 2: he will get sicker and sicker, and he will eventually perish. 143 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:06,320 Speaker 1: How old was he at this time? 144 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:08,800 Speaker 2: This was when he was sixty eight and he died 145 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:12,400 Speaker 2: when he was seventy one. So for Alist, yeah, he 146 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:17,920 Speaker 2: got diagnosed really late. Actually, they usually you're the diagnosis 147 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:22,360 Speaker 2: for als will be between like early forties and into fifties. 148 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,000 Speaker 2: But for someone at his age should be diagnosed, they 149 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:28,720 Speaker 2: were kind of perplexed. They're like, that's weird. So and 150 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:31,200 Speaker 2: if he hadn't been as physically fit as he was, 151 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:35,800 Speaker 2: he would pass away much sooner. I mean it's it 152 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:37,880 Speaker 2: really takes a toll on their body, and it goes 153 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:39,640 Speaker 2: really quickly. I mean at the end, I had to 154 00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:41,600 Speaker 2: feed him, I had to help bathe him, I had 155 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:43,160 Speaker 2: to lift him and put him in the car and 156 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,160 Speaker 2: take him to Pete. 157 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:48,720 Speaker 1: And you know, I so you were full time. 158 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,400 Speaker 2: I was full time, and my sister and my brother 159 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,080 Speaker 2: couldn't do it because I didn't have a family at 160 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,400 Speaker 2: that time. I was, you know, not dating anyone. I 161 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:59,280 Speaker 2: didn't have a child, I wasn't married. My sister is 162 00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:01,760 Speaker 2: the works in the legal department at a bank, has 163 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,360 Speaker 2: three children. My brother has two children and works for 164 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:07,960 Speaker 2: a pharmaceutical company. Neither one of them were in a 165 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:10,240 Speaker 2: position that they could say, Okay, we're just gonna walk 166 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:13,280 Speaker 2: away from our careers and go, you know, take care 167 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,920 Speaker 2: of dad. I was the one that could say, okay, yeah, 168 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:17,640 Speaker 2: I could do this. 169 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:19,839 Speaker 1: Yeah I can do this. 170 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:20,200 Speaker 2: Yeah. 171 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:22,600 Speaker 1: You've talked openly about the fact that you had the 172 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:25,080 Speaker 1: financial means to be able to make that decision, that 173 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:28,400 Speaker 1: huge move, which is a blessing that not everyone has. 174 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,480 Speaker 1: But even with that, I mean, let's be real, it's 175 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:36,920 Speaker 1: still a monumental sacrifice. At the peak of a successful 176 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:40,200 Speaker 1: television career, something you've been working really hard for. I 177 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,160 Speaker 1: know how hard you work. 178 00:09:42,559 --> 00:09:45,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, but you know what, it didn't even matter to me. 179 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:46,280 Speaker 1: It didn't matter. 180 00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:49,360 Speaker 2: No, it wasn't even a question. I was like, here's 181 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:52,560 Speaker 2: this person who if it wasn't for him, Oh my gosh, cried, 182 00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:55,200 Speaker 2: here's this person if it wasn't for him, And my 183 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,360 Speaker 2: mom having so much belief in me and saying, no, 184 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,800 Speaker 2: go do what you want to do. You know what 185 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:03,840 Speaker 2: I mean, they I'd be fine. Virginia. When I was seventeen, 186 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:06,480 Speaker 2: I went to NYU, I worked at MTV and you know, 187 00:10:06,559 --> 00:10:08,839 Speaker 2: did all that and then said, oh, I'm coming out West. 188 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:12,400 Speaker 2: And had I not had that support from them, and knowing, 189 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,960 Speaker 2: knowing in my heart, if I fell flat on my face, 190 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:17,440 Speaker 2: I had somewhere to go. I mean, maybe I wouldn't 191 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:19,079 Speaker 2: have a penny, but at least I can move back 192 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 2: with my parents. But knowing that, I thought to myself, 193 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:28,199 Speaker 2: how could I How could I live with myself if 194 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:32,880 Speaker 2: I won't go help someone I love. That that has 195 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:36,600 Speaker 2: been with me my entire life. Transition into the next life. 196 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:39,120 Speaker 1: It's it's wild, Debbie, because I'm in the same boat 197 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,320 Speaker 1: as you right now. That you're describing. You know that 198 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:46,400 Speaker 1: this is a huge thing, This is a huge choice, 199 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,960 Speaker 1: this is a huge change. I don't know if it's 200 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,280 Speaker 1: a sacrifice. I mean, it feels like a sacrifice, but 201 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,480 Speaker 1: at the same time it doesn't, because it feels like 202 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,480 Speaker 1: what needs to be done, what is inside of me, 203 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:58,600 Speaker 1: my truth? Like there is no decision right you had 204 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 1: you felt that like this is what's going to happen. 205 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,120 Speaker 2: That's what's going to happen. And you know what it's not. 206 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:07,040 Speaker 2: You're right, it's not a sacrifice. It seems like a 207 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,920 Speaker 2: sacrifice on the outside, but the truth is on the inside, 208 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 2: there's something And Jenny, you will not be sorry if 209 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,400 Speaker 2: you're caring for your mom or your father, you will 210 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:20,160 Speaker 2: be when they pass. You will feel so at peace 211 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:24,559 Speaker 2: because something about it is so bittersweet that you've been 212 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:28,080 Speaker 2: given a gift to be able to be there, where 213 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:33,000 Speaker 2: so many others don't have that opportunity. They don't have 214 00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:35,440 Speaker 2: the option. My sister didn't have the option, my brother 215 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:39,000 Speaker 2: didn't have the option. I did. I said, okay, yeah, 216 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:40,960 Speaker 2: and I would have done it for ten more years 217 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,920 Speaker 2: if I could have just kept him alive. I mean, 218 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:46,240 Speaker 2: it's that time that you get to spend with them 219 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,920 Speaker 2: where it was so strange, like I almost connected more 220 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:52,640 Speaker 2: and became closer with him than I ever had been 221 00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:53,360 Speaker 2: in my life. 222 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:54,480 Speaker 3: Yeah. 223 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:58,800 Speaker 2: And it's the circle of life. It's the beauty of life, 224 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:02,520 Speaker 2: and it's every day I thank God for that time 225 00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:06,760 Speaker 2: and I say, gosh, that was beautiful, as tragic as 226 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:10,080 Speaker 2: it is, because you know they're at the other end 227 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:15,400 Speaker 2: of life. It's also it's tragic and sad, but it is. 228 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:20,440 Speaker 2: It's beautiful when you are able to be able to 229 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:23,640 Speaker 2: be there for someone and hold someone's hand and let 230 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,920 Speaker 2: them know that they are safe and they're loved and 231 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:29,520 Speaker 2: everything's going to be okay as they transition out of here, 232 00:12:29,559 --> 00:12:32,000 Speaker 2: off of this planet. I mean not to sound too 233 00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:34,080 Speaker 2: woo woo, but look, we're all headed there at some 234 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:37,959 Speaker 2: point at the end of the day. I would hope 235 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,160 Speaker 2: that someone would be there for us. 236 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:43,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, that's that's the goal. That's how we 237 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:44,280 Speaker 1: have family. 238 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:46,839 Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, So we're not on. 239 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:55,559 Speaker 4: If you've been ghosted, divorced, or left for someone else, 240 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:58,040 Speaker 4: snap out of it. It's time for you to give 241 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,840 Speaker 4: them out by listening to us I do part two. 242 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:04,240 Speaker 4: Listen to I do Part two. Of the iHeartRadio app, 243 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:10,520 Speaker 4: Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. 244 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,800 Speaker 1: There had to be that part of you, that woman 245 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:20,480 Speaker 1: who has made her way all this time and done 246 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:23,320 Speaker 1: all this work to get this kind of security that 247 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:27,959 Speaker 1: you had. I used the word security loosely exactly soever 248 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:32,440 Speaker 1: any but did you have those moments when you're like, 249 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:37,400 Speaker 1: I'm giving everything up. This could be it, you know, 250 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,880 Speaker 1: as far as like your career and your your journey. 251 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:46,200 Speaker 2: When I was looking in the eyes of my bosses 252 00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:49,160 Speaker 2: or a manager or an agent who said to me, 253 00:13:49,679 --> 00:13:56,360 Speaker 2: what are you doing? What are you doing? And I thought, yeah, 254 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:59,760 Speaker 2: this could be it? And if it was, here's what 255 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:03,960 Speaker 2: was so cathartic and like so may I guess because 256 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,240 Speaker 2: it's who I am really at the core. Like at 257 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,480 Speaker 2: the core, I'm like, yeah, this is great. I mean, Jenny, 258 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,679 Speaker 2: we are so fortunate that we get to play in 259 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:14,560 Speaker 2: this in this play on this playground and do all 260 00:14:14,559 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 2: these amazing things and live out these fantasies, these childhood 261 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:22,760 Speaker 2: fantasies and these dreams that we had. So I thought, 262 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:27,680 Speaker 2: you know, what, if this is it, I'm okay because 263 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:29,760 Speaker 2: I feel like I set out to do something, I 264 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:34,160 Speaker 2: did it, and it was one heck of a ride, 265 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:38,880 Speaker 2: and what a life and what a lovely experience that 266 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:42,680 Speaker 2: I'd been given the opportunity and the lovely fortune to 267 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:45,000 Speaker 2: be able to be part of. And I thought that 268 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 2: was enough. I was fulfilled enough to know that if 269 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:52,800 Speaker 2: it all ended there, then I would have been able 270 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:57,120 Speaker 2: to say I tried, I did it, I succeeded. How 271 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,280 Speaker 2: much fun was that? What have I loved to get 272 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,600 Speaker 2: a great ride? What a great ride? And I would 273 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:03,520 Speaker 2: have been okay, Yeah, I would have been okay. And 274 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:07,520 Speaker 2: I really also felt that, you know, say whatever you 275 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:10,240 Speaker 2: want about Hollywood, about this and that, but the truth 276 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:14,320 Speaker 2: is we're all very, very emotional, loving people at the core. 277 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:18,480 Speaker 2: We wear our hearts on our sleeves, you know what 278 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:22,160 Speaker 2: I mean, we do and you know there's a whole 279 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:25,680 Speaker 2: spectrum of personalities and this and that and this business, 280 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:30,200 Speaker 2: but we're good people at the core. We're good people, 281 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:33,200 Speaker 2: and we're storytellers, whether it's being a journalist telling a 282 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,880 Speaker 2: story or doing what you do and being an actor 283 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:37,360 Speaker 2: and telling a story. So you have to have some emotion, 284 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,360 Speaker 2: you have to have something inside of your heart, you 285 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:42,320 Speaker 2: know what I mean. So I thought, if I come 286 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:45,360 Speaker 2: back and my people who I have given so much 287 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:48,400 Speaker 2: to since I was seventeen at MTV and working and 288 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:51,440 Speaker 2: going to going to NYU turn their back on me 289 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:55,400 Speaker 2: and can't understand why I did what I did. Then 290 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:57,640 Speaker 2: I don't want to be part of that. I don't 291 00:15:57,640 --> 00:16:03,080 Speaker 2: want to work for you anyway. And thankful, thankfully they weren't, 292 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,920 Speaker 2: I mean, anyone. When I came back, I almost got 293 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:10,200 Speaker 2: more jobs, you know, because good I was sitting in 294 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:14,200 Speaker 2: Virginia taking care of my dad. And you know, again, 295 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,479 Speaker 2: if you work in this business long enough, we know everybody. 296 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,320 Speaker 2: We've worked with everybody at some point, We've been at 297 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 2: a party with somebody. There's not one person that we 298 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,240 Speaker 2: haven't cross paths with eventually, you know what I mean. 299 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:25,200 Speaker 2: That's just how whether the producer or an actor or 300 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:30,200 Speaker 2: a journalist, whatever, anybody a singer. So I'm sitting there, 301 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:33,440 Speaker 2: my dad is beside me, he's you know, at that point, 302 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:35,800 Speaker 2: it was full on. I had to be there, and 303 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,560 Speaker 2: we would take shifts and then my mom would come 304 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,240 Speaker 2: home and I would leave. And you know, if you 305 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,760 Speaker 2: know anything about caregiving, which you clearly do, because you're like, 306 00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:45,480 Speaker 2: from what you're telling me, you're in that position, it's 307 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:48,480 Speaker 2: a full time thing, and it's gonna be very taxing 308 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:51,440 Speaker 2: on the individual. And you don't even realize you are 309 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:54,160 Speaker 2: a caregiver until you're out of it and you say, oh, 310 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,360 Speaker 2: I was caregiving for somebody, but you were just doing 311 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:59,600 Speaker 2: what you do as a as a child to somebody 312 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,920 Speaker 2: you love, you know, or a member. So I'm sitting 313 00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:06,280 Speaker 2: there and I get a phone call from my friends 314 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:10,879 Speaker 2: or are producers at entertainment tonight, and they say to me, Hey, 315 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:12,960 Speaker 2: how are you doing, how's your dad? Blah blah blah. 316 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:14,399 Speaker 2: I'm good. I'm just kind of chatting with them. They're like, 317 00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:17,159 Speaker 2: so listen, I hate to say this because I know 318 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:19,879 Speaker 2: that you know you were You're dealing with real things 319 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,080 Speaker 2: in life, but this is also very real for us. 320 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,359 Speaker 2: Right now, we are trying to get to do an 321 00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:28,840 Speaker 2: interview with Simon Cowell. He won't call us back. Jeffrey 322 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:30,800 Speaker 2: told me that you know him. Well. 323 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:34,120 Speaker 1: Oh, they were like, let's call Debbie to get to Simon, 324 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,080 Speaker 1: even though she's a little busy right now. 325 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:40,280 Speaker 2: And I'm like, yeah, hold on, because I'm like whatever, 326 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:42,480 Speaker 2: So I call him. I'm like, Hi, Entertainments, nice, trying 327 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,040 Speaker 2: to do an interview with you. He said, I know 328 00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:45,800 Speaker 2: they've been calling me out of He said, well, you 329 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:49,280 Speaker 2: do the interview. I'm like, yeah, let me ask my 330 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:52,000 Speaker 2: mom if she can't come to It was like literally 331 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,600 Speaker 2: like I was in high school again, so I was 332 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:57,040 Speaker 2: living in my high school bedroom, no joke. So it's 333 00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:57,600 Speaker 2: so fun. 334 00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,000 Speaker 1: It was actually talk about that. 335 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,480 Speaker 2: So I called and I'm like I called him and say, yeah, 336 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:04,679 Speaker 2: I'll do it, but he wants me to do the 337 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:06,159 Speaker 2: interview and they're like, great, can you get on a 338 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,280 Speaker 2: plane and fly out tomorrow. It was like that. I 339 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,720 Speaker 2: flew back to LA I did the interview, got back 340 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,679 Speaker 2: on a plan, and flew back like within twenty four hours, 341 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:15,600 Speaker 2: so I wasn't gone for that long and that's literally 342 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,960 Speaker 2: how it ended up. It continued like that, so I 343 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:21,000 Speaker 2: was able to be sleeping in my high school bedroom 344 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:24,880 Speaker 2: in Richmond, Virginia and flying around the world for entertainment tonight. 345 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:26,400 Speaker 2: Because then they were like, well, we go do this one, 346 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:28,280 Speaker 2: we go do that one. I was like, okay, if 347 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,080 Speaker 2: I can do it in twenty four hours. So that's 348 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:34,280 Speaker 2: basically how I started to get back in. 349 00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:37,960 Speaker 1: And that was like that was later. So I'm curious, 350 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:41,760 Speaker 1: so at the beginning, like what were those first few 351 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,440 Speaker 1: weeks or months, like when you did move into your 352 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:50,320 Speaker 1: childhood bedroom. I mean practically and logistically, I know it's messy, 353 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:56,600 Speaker 1: it's it's but it's emotionally and personally. How did that 354 00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:57,719 Speaker 1: transition feel for you? 355 00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:00,520 Speaker 2: Well, I think, you know, kind of like when you 356 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,800 Speaker 2: go home and you like for Thanksgiving and you fall 357 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:05,080 Speaker 2: back into that role of whoever you were in your 358 00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:08,800 Speaker 2: family at that time before he left. So that's like 359 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:12,320 Speaker 2: a weekend, that's Thanksgiving. Well, I became that seventeen year 360 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:16,560 Speaker 2: old girl who had just you know, graduated and was 361 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,280 Speaker 2: moving to New York. I became that person and I 362 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:20,840 Speaker 2: was like, oh my gosh, this is so funny, and 363 00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:25,840 Speaker 2: I found myself being likesh mom, might hear like I 364 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,240 Speaker 2: have to be home by eleven. I mean the friend 365 00:19:28,359 --> 00:19:30,440 Speaker 2: I still have in Virginia. We're like, this is hysterical. 366 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:32,520 Speaker 2: You were a grown woman, And I was like, I 367 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:33,800 Speaker 2: don't want disrespect my family. 368 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,119 Speaker 1: But you chose to stay in your in the home, 369 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,080 Speaker 1: so you could be even that much closer because you 370 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:39,080 Speaker 1: could have stayed at a hotel. 371 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,520 Speaker 2: Yeah no, but I wouldn't because my dad. The whole 372 00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:46,000 Speaker 2: reason I came back was because my father was he 373 00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:49,760 Speaker 2: would not have ever wanted to be in a living 374 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,600 Speaker 2: facility and like one of those rehabilitation facilities, and I 375 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:55,800 Speaker 2: knew that he would. That's just not what he wanted. 376 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:57,520 Speaker 2: And so I wanted him to be able to be 377 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,119 Speaker 2: as comfortable and as happy as he possibly could be 378 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:04,679 Speaker 2: in his final moments. And so I said, Okay, I'm 379 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,600 Speaker 2: going to live at home. We're going to do what 380 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:12,760 Speaker 2: we can. We sort of we redid the house in 381 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,439 Speaker 2: a way that because at the end he was in 382 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:16,320 Speaker 2: a wheelchair and then he and then he couldn't even 383 00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:17,960 Speaker 2: get out of the bed, so there was a lot 384 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,520 Speaker 2: of things. So I refitted the house, retrofitted it so 385 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,440 Speaker 2: a wheelchair could get through the doors. I built a 386 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,679 Speaker 2: whole bathroom downstairs so you could use a wheelchair in 387 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:29,359 Speaker 2: the shower and things like that. So it was the 388 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,960 Speaker 2: first few weeks were me coming in there and I 389 00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:36,800 Speaker 2: agree it and figuring it out, and having my having 390 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:41,000 Speaker 2: the background of being in this business and having a 391 00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:46,240 Speaker 2: journalism degree, and which came in very handy for the doctors, 392 00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:49,400 Speaker 2: well at least for me. The doctors weren't happy because 393 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,600 Speaker 2: I'm sorry, according to this statistic, you've got. 394 00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,120 Speaker 1: A lot of questions, a lot of data. 395 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:58,159 Speaker 2: They'd be like this girl. But if you don't have 396 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:02,080 Speaker 2: an advocate or yourself, when you're in a hospital, or 397 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,600 Speaker 2: you're in a position where you have a terminal illness, 398 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:08,520 Speaker 2: you're in trouble. I mean, it's unfortunate and no disrespect 399 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,560 Speaker 2: to our medical community. But they are understaffed, they are overworked. 400 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:15,359 Speaker 2: They have a million patients. I had one dad, You 401 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:18,439 Speaker 2: have one dad, you have one mom. If you can't 402 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:20,800 Speaker 2: advocate for them, I certainly hope there is somebody that 403 00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:24,400 Speaker 2: can just to get through all the minutia and their 404 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,159 Speaker 2: red tape and make sure they're taken care of. Like 405 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:29,320 Speaker 2: I mean, I slept in the ICU with him for 406 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,960 Speaker 2: probably a month, and you know you're not supposed to 407 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,879 Speaker 2: sleep there, and the doctors would be like, you have 408 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,120 Speaker 2: to get out or in call the police. I said, 409 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:37,440 Speaker 2: call the police. I'm not leaving. I wouldn't leave his side. 410 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:40,920 Speaker 2: And finally one day I went downstairs to go get, 411 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,440 Speaker 2: you know, something from the cafeteria and I came back 412 00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:45,200 Speaker 2: and I still don't know who did this, but oh 413 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:49,280 Speaker 2: it makes me brings tear smise. Somebody from the hospital 414 00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:51,760 Speaker 2: roll to bed in there, roll to cotton there because 415 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:53,919 Speaker 2: they knew I wasn't leaving. I've been sleeping in the 416 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:58,919 Speaker 2: chair for a month and then oh man, you know 417 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:03,000 Speaker 2: brought me a cotton. It was like thank you. No 418 00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:04,960 Speaker 2: one ever mentioned who did that, but I'm sure somebody 419 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,600 Speaker 2: was like, just give the girl a cot. She's not 420 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:08,760 Speaker 2: going anywhere, right, yeah. 421 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,160 Speaker 1: I mean, if you've ever been in the situation I've been. 422 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,520 Speaker 1: You know, I lost my dad a number of years ago, 423 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:18,800 Speaker 1: and there was caretaking before that happened. But just that, 424 00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:23,760 Speaker 1: there is no way I am leaving this hospital none. 425 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:28,280 Speaker 1: You're not feeling I will. I will wash myself in 426 00:22:28,359 --> 00:22:31,880 Speaker 1: the sink. Ye I care what, I'll find something to eat, 427 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:33,800 Speaker 1: it all, as long as I have water and a 428 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:34,920 Speaker 1: pillow and a blanket. 429 00:22:35,359 --> 00:22:37,800 Speaker 2: And you know, like you're not going. You just don't 430 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:39,919 Speaker 2: care what they say, like well visiting hours, I'm like, 431 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:43,879 Speaker 2: well those not for me because I'm staying here. I 432 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:45,760 Speaker 2: don't think you understand who you're talking to. You I'm 433 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:46,840 Speaker 2: going nowhere, call the police. 434 00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:51,760 Speaker 1: So it's not like you're creating, you know, something that 435 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:52,719 Speaker 1: they can't work around. 436 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:56,400 Speaker 2: Just there to be with him and you're helping them. 437 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,960 Speaker 2: I mean there were times where you know his vitals 438 00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:02,800 Speaker 2: were dropping. Had I not been in that room to 439 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:06,120 Speaker 2: be like you guys, you guys, who knows, Oh my god, 440 00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:06,960 Speaker 2: who knows? 441 00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:09,159 Speaker 1: What it makes me? Just remember all the times that 442 00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:11,680 Speaker 1: I've been in that situation with my dad and now 443 00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,200 Speaker 1: with my mom. The last time she was in the hospital, 444 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:16,399 Speaker 1: the same thing. I wouldn't leave. And if I hadn't 445 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:19,240 Speaker 1: been there, I don't think she would have made it. Yeah, 446 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:22,359 Speaker 1: just because I was there to put her favorite music 447 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:26,200 Speaker 1: on next to her ear and while she was seemingly 448 00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:28,600 Speaker 1: just in a comar or whatever it was happening with her, 449 00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:32,719 Speaker 1: Like just seeing that little flicker of the life that 450 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,399 Speaker 1: I knew was in her come out through the music, 451 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,760 Speaker 1: Like I feel like that. You can't get that from 452 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:42,320 Speaker 1: somebody that doesn't know, you know, the way that we 453 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:43,560 Speaker 1: know our parents. 454 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,600 Speaker 2: No, it's so true. How long have you been a 455 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:47,560 Speaker 2: caregiver for your long? 456 00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:51,760 Speaker 1: Well, it's progressed and it's becoming, you know, more involved 457 00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:54,919 Speaker 1: on a daily basis. My sister's been doing the brunt 458 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:56,679 Speaker 1: of the work and that is not working out for 459 00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:59,960 Speaker 1: our family anymore. For her health and if just reach 460 00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:03,040 Speaker 1: to impass as far as their ability to get along 461 00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:07,200 Speaker 1: in certain frictious situations. So we're on the precipice of 462 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,760 Speaker 1: making a big change, and my family's about to make 463 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:13,080 Speaker 1: a big accommodation change for her. I'm going to be 464 00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:16,880 Speaker 1: moving he inter my very small house, and we're all very, 465 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:20,879 Speaker 1: very very nervous about it. I just had even Nicole 466 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:24,480 Speaker 1: Brown on the podcast. He is a wonderful woman. She 467 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:27,520 Speaker 1: had the ability to kind of stop everything and make 468 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,280 Speaker 1: that choice to be with her dad and be his 469 00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:32,280 Speaker 1: full time caretaker too, And she really did talk about 470 00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:37,719 Speaker 1: like the reality of just being exhausted mentally guilt. 471 00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:41,040 Speaker 2: See what ends up happening is that being in the 472 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:45,080 Speaker 2: caregiving position, you feel this intense amount of guilt which 473 00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:48,159 Speaker 2: is indescribable until you live it. And you'll see, like 474 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,359 Speaker 2: you feel like me just leaving the house even to 475 00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:55,200 Speaker 2: go get groceries. I felt somehow if something were to happen, 476 00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,520 Speaker 2: I would be completely responsible that something has happened to 477 00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:01,879 Speaker 2: my father and the fact that he couldn't leave, Like 478 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:03,359 Speaker 2: my father couldn't get out of bed at the end, 479 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,480 Speaker 2: and I thought all he would ever want to do 480 00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:07,080 Speaker 2: is be able to get out of bed. And here 481 00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:09,919 Speaker 2: I am getting up walking going about my life. You know, 482 00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:11,800 Speaker 2: he couldn't eat, and I would feel bad, like I 483 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:13,199 Speaker 2: don't even want to eat in front of him. This 484 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:16,640 Speaker 2: is awful. I mean it's but. 485 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:20,520 Speaker 1: It's so it's so layered, it's it's so emotionally layered 486 00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:23,879 Speaker 1: and physically taxing that Yeah, you don't really know until 487 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:26,320 Speaker 1: you've done it, but it can wear a person out. 488 00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:30,800 Speaker 1: I just was wondering, like, did you have those moments 489 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:35,120 Speaker 1: where you thought, what have I done? Or did you like, 490 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,960 Speaker 1: do you truly wonder would you ever be able to 491 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:39,680 Speaker 1: go back to your life or your career again, because 492 00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:44,000 Speaker 1: looking back, you know that's where you want it to be. 493 00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:50,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, and I don't. I think I was very very 494 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:54,600 Speaker 2: aware of the limited time I had with him, Like 495 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,359 Speaker 2: I was given a timeline. Yeah, and every day you 496 00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:00,480 Speaker 2: wake up, you go, okay, we're one day closer. You know, 497 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:04,040 Speaker 2: we're with other diseases, you're not necessarily given that kind 498 00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:06,239 Speaker 2: of timeline. You know. Yes, times with cancer they can 499 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:08,359 Speaker 2: say this person is three to six months whatever. They 500 00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:11,800 Speaker 2: were very definitive and they said, first you will start 501 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:14,480 Speaker 2: losing his gait, Then he's going to start losing his speech, 502 00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:16,959 Speaker 2: Then he's going to start losing his motor functions. Of 503 00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:19,480 Speaker 2: his arms, that he's going to start losing just everything. 504 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:24,520 Speaker 2: So every day as I saw it progress, it was 505 00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:26,639 Speaker 2: like I was watching a clock that was just ticking 506 00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,720 Speaker 2: and saying, this is it, you know what I mean. 507 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:33,200 Speaker 1: So during all that, were you able to find the 508 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:34,160 Speaker 1: support that you needed? 509 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:39,120 Speaker 2: Well? No, not really, And I think because I didn't 510 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:42,040 Speaker 2: realize I needed support, you know what I mean. I 511 00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:44,960 Speaker 2: wasn't reaching out for support. It was me and my mom, 512 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:46,960 Speaker 2: My sister, and my brother would come in when they could, 513 00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:49,680 Speaker 2: but you know, as me and my mom taking care 514 00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:52,600 Speaker 2: of him. Mostly we had doctors come to the house. 515 00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:54,360 Speaker 2: I would have all the doctors come there three times 516 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:57,600 Speaker 2: a day. There's a doctor. Each doctor came once a day, 517 00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:02,000 Speaker 2: but there were three of them, and no, I just didn't. 518 00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:06,479 Speaker 2: It's such a personal journey for everyone. Everyone's journey as 519 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:13,679 Speaker 2: a caretaker is a caregiver is so personal depending on 520 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:17,040 Speaker 2: who it is you are caregiving for, do you know 521 00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:17,440 Speaker 2: what I mean? 522 00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:20,639 Speaker 1: Yeah, and their place in your life. And I mean 523 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:24,440 Speaker 1: when it's the dad, especially for girls, and then even 524 00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:26,639 Speaker 1: the mom, Like you know, I have a kind of 525 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:32,800 Speaker 1: a I had a you know that father daughter connection, 526 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:37,000 Speaker 1: you know, unbreakable, undeniable at the end of the day, 527 00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:40,040 Speaker 1: nothing else mattered. But with my mom it feels a 528 00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:42,720 Speaker 1: little different. It has felt all my life a little different, 529 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:45,960 Speaker 1: our relationship a little bit more complicated, a little bit 530 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:52,240 Speaker 1: more troubling for me. But now as I'm seeing her 531 00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:54,840 Speaker 1: reach this point, this phase in her life, it's like, 532 00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:58,520 Speaker 1: it's as if all that bullshit, anything I ever had 533 00:27:58,520 --> 00:27:59,840 Speaker 1: conflicting feelings. 534 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:01,320 Speaker 2: About matters don't matter. 535 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:05,200 Speaker 1: All that matters is sharing the moments that you can, 536 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:07,119 Speaker 1: being patient like a saint. 537 00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:07,960 Speaker 2: Yeah. 538 00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:09,040 Speaker 4: M hmm. 539 00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:14,080 Speaker 2: And I don't know where that comes from, but it comes. 540 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:17,680 Speaker 2: It comes, yeah, and it's I don't I think it's 541 00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:20,720 Speaker 2: in us. And I think you're right. Any mother daughter relationship, 542 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:22,840 Speaker 2: for most of them, at least the ones I know, 543 00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:26,159 Speaker 2: are always complicated and far more complicated than the father 544 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:28,920 Speaker 2: daughter or that one's just feels easier. 545 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:31,440 Speaker 1: Usually it's if you have a relationship with your dad. 546 00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:34,600 Speaker 2: Exactly, or the mother's son. It's always yeah, you know, 547 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:38,800 Speaker 2: it's being a different gender, I think is what is 548 00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:42,280 Speaker 2: I think the mother daughter is because we are so similar. 549 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:46,040 Speaker 2: Because I think as a mother, you see the things 550 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:48,600 Speaker 2: in you that you wish were different about you, and 551 00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:50,480 Speaker 2: you don't want that to happen to your child, and 552 00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,720 Speaker 2: the way it comes out sometimes is crazy and you're like, 553 00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:56,160 Speaker 2: why are you attacking me? Like I'm not attacking you. 554 00:28:57,040 --> 00:29:00,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, there's and there's sensitivities there that you got. It's 555 00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:02,160 Speaker 1: really tricky. It's so true. It's so true. 556 00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:07,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, but died also with the patients. At the end 557 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:09,160 Speaker 2: of the day, like you said, they are our parents. 558 00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:15,200 Speaker 2: They gave us life, whatever they their lationship is. They 559 00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:21,200 Speaker 2: got us here and we're all going to eventually leave. 560 00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:25,200 Speaker 2: And all this stuff that is that is all this 561 00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:29,520 Speaker 2: extraneous stuff that we fill our lives with, with TV, 562 00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:34,360 Speaker 2: with movies, with music, with whatever you choose as you're given, 563 00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:42,200 Speaker 2: like your chosen path in life. Many times is just filler. 564 00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:46,040 Speaker 2: It's just filling up the time and the space while 565 00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:49,360 Speaker 2: we are all here before we go somewhere else. And 566 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:53,080 Speaker 2: the important stuff, like the most important stuff, we often 567 00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:56,000 Speaker 2: put at the bottom of the list and we think, 568 00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:59,080 Speaker 2: you know, I was thinking that with my dad. I thought, 569 00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:01,440 Speaker 2: who care? Am I going to be on my deathbed 570 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:03,360 Speaker 2: one day and say, Gosh, I wish I'd done one 571 00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:06,960 Speaker 2: more show. No, oh, I wish I'd gone to the 572 00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:10,440 Speaker 2: Oscars one more time. Who cares? I'm gonna be thinking, 573 00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:14,240 Speaker 2: I wish I was there for my mom, my dad, 574 00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:17,720 Speaker 2: the people that I loved so deeply. 575 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:29,200 Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, looking back, what would you say, truly 576 00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:33,880 Speaker 1: surprised you about the experience where they're like unexpected moments 577 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:36,080 Speaker 1: of humor that you can remember times when you could 578 00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:40,640 Speaker 1: just feel the grace. Yeah, time was standing still somehow, 579 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:41,920 Speaker 1: you know, I can wild. 580 00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:44,520 Speaker 2: That's why I say something about it. And until you 581 00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:48,680 Speaker 2: are in this position, you don't understand really quite what 582 00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:51,560 Speaker 2: I'm saying, But anyone who's experienced this will say, yes, 583 00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:56,800 Speaker 2: she's right. There is something so beautiful and so peaceful 584 00:30:56,960 --> 00:30:59,480 Speaker 2: about being able to be there with someone as they 585 00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:03,240 Speaker 2: lose their life. It sounds crazy, but I'm telling you 586 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:07,880 Speaker 2: there's something about that that is like, at that moment, 587 00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:09,720 Speaker 2: you're as close to Heaven as you're ever going to 588 00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:14,240 Speaker 2: be on this planet. It is wild, and it is 589 00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:17,720 Speaker 2: it's a gift. I think it's a gift, and I 590 00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:21,200 Speaker 2: feel blessed that I was able to be there for 591 00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:25,360 Speaker 2: him and to be there to experience that, you know, 592 00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:27,320 Speaker 2: and as sad as it is, at the same time, 593 00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:30,320 Speaker 2: there was there was humor in it too, Like you know, 594 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:33,040 Speaker 2: you think he didn't know he was dying. He knew, like, 595 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:34,720 Speaker 2: you know what I mean, even though I would I'd 596 00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:36,360 Speaker 2: be like, Dad, you could be you could be in 597 00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:38,520 Speaker 2: that one percent or in that two percent. Don't listen 598 00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:40,320 Speaker 2: to the doctors. I was like, how do we know 599 00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,000 Speaker 2: that you aren't that two percent that's going to come 600 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:46,880 Speaker 2: out of this. I was always very just really positive, 601 00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:48,920 Speaker 2: and I never let him see me cry. I would 602 00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:50,560 Speaker 2: leave the room, but no, we have this, Dad, come on, 603 00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:53,800 Speaker 2: let's go and look. The truth is. We all knew. 604 00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:54,640 Speaker 4: You know. 605 00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:56,920 Speaker 2: There are times where he would laugh because he like 606 00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:58,760 Speaker 2: he would try to lift something and fall out of 607 00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:00,640 Speaker 2: his hand and be like just kind of like and 608 00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:02,640 Speaker 2: we just laugh, like, okay, well this is where we 609 00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:06,280 Speaker 2: are in life. There were also times that were deeply profound. 610 00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:09,080 Speaker 2: It's like, some of the most profound moments and the 611 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:11,840 Speaker 2: most profound things that my father was ever able to 612 00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:15,800 Speaker 2: tell me was when he could barely talk anymore, which 613 00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:19,440 Speaker 2: is also in itself so wild to think about. Like 614 00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:22,800 Speaker 2: one day we were on our way to him, we 615 00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:26,640 Speaker 2: were going to physical therapy, and I was driving him, 616 00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:28,800 Speaker 2: and you know, I got to take him out of 617 00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:30,960 Speaker 2: the bed. The als Association would give us a thing 618 00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:32,560 Speaker 2: called the hoist. I would take him out of the 619 00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:34,120 Speaker 2: bed with the hoist and put him in the wheelchair 620 00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:35,920 Speaker 2: and put him in the car. You know, it was 621 00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:39,560 Speaker 2: very labor intensive when you're taking care of someone with als. 622 00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:43,800 Speaker 2: So I was driving him to physical therapy and a 623 00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:48,040 Speaker 2: commercial income on the radio about Fiji, come visit Fiji 624 00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:50,480 Speaker 2: and blah blah blah, and just making it sound so 625 00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:54,000 Speaker 2: amazing and beautiful. And I said, you know what, I'd 626 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:55,840 Speaker 2: like to go to Fiji someday. I'd like to do 627 00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:58,680 Speaker 2: that someday. And this is at a point where his 628 00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:02,040 Speaker 2: speech had really progressed to a place where he was 629 00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:05,640 Speaker 2: not having He was having a very difficult time speaking 630 00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:09,120 Speaker 2: at all. So it took him about five minutes literally 631 00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:11,080 Speaker 2: to get out the words that he said. But when 632 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:14,040 Speaker 2: he said them, it has stuck with me so deeply. 633 00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:21,560 Speaker 2: He said to me, not someday to day. And I said, Dad, 634 00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:23,720 Speaker 2: today I'm driving you to the what do you mean today? 635 00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:26,080 Speaker 2: Of course I can't go to day. And he said again, 636 00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:31,840 Speaker 2: not someday to day. And he said, look at me, 637 00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:39,400 Speaker 2: Look at me. He said, Tomorrow's not a promise. And 638 00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:41,840 Speaker 2: so I turned and again like I said, I would 639 00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:43,480 Speaker 2: never cry in front of him and here I am, no, 640 00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:45,680 Speaker 2: I'm stuck. I'm in a car and I'm. 641 00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:49,240 Speaker 5: Like, oh my gosh, I'm trying so hard not to cry. 642 00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:54,680 Speaker 5: And I said, you're right, Dad, not someday to day. Yeah, 643 00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:57,200 Speaker 5: And he kept saying, look at me, because I mean, 644 00:33:57,360 --> 00:34:02,520 Speaker 5: who would have in their wildest dream. At sixty five 645 00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:05,200 Speaker 5: is when he started to slow, and sixty eight is 646 00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:08,239 Speaker 5: when they diagnosed him. By seventy one he had passed. 647 00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:12,759 Speaker 5: But it's like he was so vibrant, Jenny, like he 648 00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:14,719 Speaker 5: was like the pied piper, Like I laugh when I 649 00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:16,560 Speaker 5: think about it. I know he's here. I know you're here, Dad. 650 00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:18,280 Speaker 5: He walk in a room. 651 00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:20,960 Speaker 2: Everybody loved him. He just had this energy. It was 652 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,560 Speaker 2: so funny. He just had this energy where he just 653 00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:26,719 Speaker 2: attracted random people at all times. Say to my mom, 654 00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:28,600 Speaker 2: how are you married to this man? We can't walk 655 00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:31,120 Speaker 2: down the strees like the mayor. Everybody just wanted to 656 00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:37,360 Speaker 2: talk to. And so to see somebody that's so vibrant, 657 00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:42,160 Speaker 2: so full of a life, that does anyone lose all 658 00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:48,240 Speaker 2: of this the motor skills, etc. And to really slip 659 00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:51,080 Speaker 2: so much as sad, but to see someone who is 660 00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:52,719 Speaker 2: almost in your brain can't. 661 00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:56,160 Speaker 1: Die, right, It's like your hero, You're everything. Yeah, I 662 00:34:56,160 --> 00:35:00,919 Speaker 1: mean I'm crying because I can remember it's probably over 663 00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:03,279 Speaker 1: fifteen years ago. I don't try not to keep track. 664 00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:04,680 Speaker 1: But when my dad passed away. 665 00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:09,759 Speaker 2: It's just and it's grief is a funny thing. It's 666 00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:13,760 Speaker 2: not something that ever goes away. It's just something that changes. 667 00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:16,640 Speaker 2: It's just ebbs and flows and it changes. And you 668 00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:18,759 Speaker 2: think you're fine, and then you're in a car and 669 00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:22,319 Speaker 2: you hear a song and suddenly you are bawling, or 670 00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:24,400 Speaker 2: you see something that only you and your dad or 671 00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:25,960 Speaker 2: you and your loved one used to talk about, and 672 00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:28,480 Speaker 2: you go, oh my gosh, and it just hits you 673 00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:30,879 Speaker 2: right in the heart, you know. Yeah, And I think 674 00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:34,000 Speaker 2: that's a testament to how deeply we can love someone, Like, 675 00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:37,719 Speaker 2: how fortunate are we that we loved someone so so 676 00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:40,680 Speaker 2: deeply that it literally brings you to your knees when 677 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:42,839 Speaker 2: they're not here anymore. I mean, I think that in 678 00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:44,960 Speaker 2: itself is beautiful. Yeah. 679 00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:51,000 Speaker 1: How did the role of being his caregiver change your 680 00:35:51,040 --> 00:35:53,680 Speaker 1: definition of love and success? 681 00:35:55,920 --> 00:36:00,640 Speaker 2: Well, I think my definition of love became It was 682 00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:04,600 Speaker 2: already unconditional, but at this point it was like there 683 00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:14,280 Speaker 2: is love at its at its purest form, is simply 684 00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:21,080 Speaker 2: just all all of the feelings and everything you have 685 00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:24,480 Speaker 2: for a human, all of it, the good, the bad, 686 00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:28,920 Speaker 2: the ugly, the difficult. Being able to be there for 687 00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:34,279 Speaker 2: a human at such a raw level is like that. 688 00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:37,359 Speaker 2: There's no deeper love than that. I mean it is, 689 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,960 Speaker 2: it is some of the honestly like, that is the 690 00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:44,680 Speaker 2: deepest love I've ever experienced in my life. Ever. 691 00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:50,600 Speaker 3: It has success success. It changed my idea of success 692 00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:56,200 Speaker 3: because success then became it wasn't what I had, you know, 693 00:36:56,400 --> 00:37:00,600 Speaker 3: always like envisioned and what I was chasing so long, 694 00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:04,520 Speaker 3: and what I was accomplishing. Success became for me. 695 00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:14,600 Speaker 2: Love of family, love of self, peace, serenity, laying my 696 00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:17,680 Speaker 2: head down at night and feeling like I was good, 697 00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:20,560 Speaker 2: Like I was good, like I was loved, and that 698 00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:22,760 Speaker 2: I loved others and I did the best I could, 699 00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:27,040 Speaker 2: and that every day I tried to be better than 700 00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:31,759 Speaker 2: I was yesterday, like and not comparing myself or my 701 00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:35,480 Speaker 2: accomplishments to anyone else except my own. And that became 702 00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,279 Speaker 2: my success. Where I was like, does matter to me? 703 00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:43,279 Speaker 2: I don't care into perspective, I just don't care. I 704 00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:46,040 Speaker 2: would have literally they will remain nameless. I love them 705 00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:49,080 Speaker 2: very much because they are my dear friends. But they 706 00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:51,200 Speaker 2: would call me and take things personally, like why is 707 00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:53,719 Speaker 2: that one doing that and you're not, And I'd say, 708 00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:56,560 Speaker 2: why do you care? If I don't care? 709 00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:00,279 Speaker 1: We talk a lot about it on this show show 710 00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:04,200 Speaker 1: about choosing yourself, what that looks like, and how that 711 00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,799 Speaker 1: can have a positive impact on our lives, just you know, 712 00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:08,960 Speaker 1: learning to love ourselves and choose ourselves. And when we 713 00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:12,160 Speaker 1: look at your story, we can for sure see the 714 00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:15,480 Speaker 1: sacrifices that you made. But I wonder, do you feel 715 00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:17,319 Speaker 1: like I'm pretty sure I know the answer to this. 716 00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:20,000 Speaker 1: Do you feel like caregiving was in a way a 717 00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:21,640 Speaker 1: form of you choosing you? 718 00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:25,520 Speaker 2: Yeah? I do, I do. It wasn't a form of 719 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:27,760 Speaker 2: me choosing me and caregiving him because I think caregiving 720 00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:32,520 Speaker 2: for him because I felt like it's so strange, But 721 00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:37,399 Speaker 2: I feel like that was, aside from having my child, 722 00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:43,040 Speaker 2: the best thing I've ever done in my life, you know, 723 00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:48,080 Speaker 2: And I felt like I felt it's strange, like I 724 00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:52,319 Speaker 2: had more purpose caring for my dad that I'd had 725 00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:55,240 Speaker 2: in anything else in my career or in my life, 726 00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:59,439 Speaker 2: aside from becoming a mother way more purpose, and I thought, 727 00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:03,240 Speaker 2: this is what it's about, Like, this is is heavy 728 00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:07,839 Speaker 2: and is raw and is awful and painful. Is this 729 00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:11,279 Speaker 2: is right now? This is what life is, and this 730 00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:13,200 Speaker 2: is what we're here to do. We're here to take 731 00:39:13,239 --> 00:39:18,080 Speaker 2: care of one another, whoever that is in your life. 732 00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:20,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, I was going to ask you how it changed 733 00:39:20,719 --> 00:39:24,920 Speaker 1: your sense of purpose? What about like looking forward about 734 00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:26,839 Speaker 1: like what kind of work do you want to do 735 00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:28,360 Speaker 1: now that you know what you know? 736 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:30,680 Speaker 2: Well? I feel like I want to do something that 737 00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:35,720 Speaker 2: look I always also after entertainment tonight, then came again 738 00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:39,759 Speaker 2: home and family fell into my lap, just literally fell 739 00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:41,279 Speaker 2: into my laps, and I said, they're doing the show. 740 00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:42,439 Speaker 2: Go over there? Said what wait? 741 00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:43,120 Speaker 4: Huh? 742 00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:45,479 Speaker 2: So I go over there and then suddenly I'm doing 743 00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:49,400 Speaker 2: this show that is bringing so much joy to people. 744 00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:51,719 Speaker 2: And Jenny, when I tell you, I felt like I 745 00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:54,560 Speaker 2: had fallen into this place and won the lottery with 746 00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:57,640 Speaker 2: that show, because that's the joy that I was able 747 00:39:57,719 --> 00:40:03,560 Speaker 2: to bring someone at home and I say, I talk 748 00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:06,880 Speaker 2: a lot about the noise. There's so much noise, and 749 00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:09,120 Speaker 2: there's so much noise pollution, and I don't want to 750 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:11,440 Speaker 2: be part of it. And a lot of the stuff 751 00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:14,400 Speaker 2: I'd done leading up to then, there's a lot of noise, pollution, 752 00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:19,520 Speaker 2: no disrespect to any of it, but the entertainment news 753 00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:23,360 Speaker 2: and the you know, the fashion police and this it's noise. 754 00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:27,360 Speaker 2: It's all so much noise. Home and family was like, 755 00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:32,480 Speaker 2: just like, oh, let's make something nice that you can 756 00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:34,520 Speaker 2: make for your family at home. Let's make it. Let 757 00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:36,359 Speaker 2: me show you how you can do this. Let's have 758 00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:38,839 Speaker 2: doctors on that are going to help you live your 759 00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:41,840 Speaker 2: better life. How can I make the person at home 760 00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:43,359 Speaker 2: feel good about who they are? 761 00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:47,560 Speaker 1: And you know what I'm speaking completely honestly. I felt 762 00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:51,120 Speaker 1: that from you when you found that job and when 763 00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:55,920 Speaker 1: you were doing it, I could feel just you your radiated. 764 00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:58,400 Speaker 2: I just loved it. I loved it, and I feel 765 00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:01,000 Speaker 2: like my dad, I really believe it. Dad made that 766 00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:04,359 Speaker 2: happen because I think he knew like that it was 767 00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:07,480 Speaker 2: for my soul a way that I was able to 768 00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:09,600 Speaker 2: do what I love but also do it in a 769 00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:11,719 Speaker 2: way where I can give back to people. Because at 770 00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:13,520 Speaker 2: the end of the day, it wasn't that show was 771 00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:15,439 Speaker 2: not about me or any of the people on it. It 772 00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:18,160 Speaker 2: was about how can somebody watch this? Turn it off? 773 00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:20,760 Speaker 2: And then say, well, I feel better about myself today. 774 00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:24,759 Speaker 1: I have a new you know, feeling of energy here. 775 00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:25,160 Speaker 4: Yeah. 776 00:41:25,239 --> 00:41:27,319 Speaker 1: I love inspired exactly. 777 00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:30,160 Speaker 2: And you know it goes back to always wanting to 778 00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,840 Speaker 2: trying to help one another. And if there's anything I 779 00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:36,120 Speaker 2: can do to continue in that path, that's what I 780 00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:39,680 Speaker 2: definitely those are the projects that I want to work on. 781 00:41:39,719 --> 00:41:45,479 Speaker 1: Now understood, You've reminded us that sometimes choosing ourselves means 782 00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:47,799 Speaker 1: choosing the people we love. So thank you so much 783 00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:52,600 Speaker 1: for sharing your strength and your vulnerability and your tears 784 00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:55,439 Speaker 1: with me, and you know what this time has been 785 00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:58,640 Speaker 1: like for you. But before we go, I have to 786 00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:02,560 Speaker 1: ask you the question that I always ask everyone, Debbie Matinopolis, 787 00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:05,319 Speaker 1: what was your last I choose me moment? 788 00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:13,080 Speaker 2: My last I Choose me moment? Wow? I have them 789 00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:16,280 Speaker 2: quite a bit, Jenny. I know that's good. 790 00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:19,560 Speaker 1: Our listeners need to hear that from people. 791 00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:21,799 Speaker 2: I have to tell you I have them a lot. 792 00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:24,719 Speaker 2: I got invited to one of the Games of the 793 00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:31,239 Speaker 2: World series here in Los Angeles and very very good 794 00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:36,600 Speaker 2: seats and I said no. But I said no because 795 00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:39,880 Speaker 2: I was choosing me in a way that I know 796 00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:42,600 Speaker 2: any other like people would be like, are you crazy, 797 00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:46,480 Speaker 2: Yes and no, because I know that I was going 798 00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:48,080 Speaker 2: to push myself in a way that it was going 799 00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:49,719 Speaker 2: to be way too much for me. I was going 800 00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:53,200 Speaker 2: to be overextended. However, also going in my brain is gosh, 801 00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:55,040 Speaker 2: this person thought of me to giving the tickets. Oh 802 00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:56,560 Speaker 2: my gosh, they went out of the way. These tickets 803 00:42:56,560 --> 00:42:59,560 Speaker 2: are so expensive. You're so ungrateful. I can't believe you're 804 00:42:59,560 --> 00:43:01,359 Speaker 2: doing this. This person really wants you to go. They're 805 00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:03,360 Speaker 2: begging you know what I mean. So all that inner dialogue, 806 00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:06,120 Speaker 2: that inner dialogue that's like, you know that we can't 807 00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:09,000 Speaker 2: sometimes stop if it wants you to choose somebody else, Yeah, 808 00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:11,560 Speaker 2: choose because you're going to let them down. You're gonna 809 00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:14,160 Speaker 2: let them down. You're awful, like we're our worst critic. 810 00:43:14,239 --> 00:43:16,360 Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh my gosh, and I'm thinking, gosh, 811 00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:19,440 Speaker 2: what I sound selfish? Now? This is crazy again. This 812 00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:22,880 Speaker 2: person is could have given it to anybody else. And 813 00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:24,560 Speaker 2: I just I was like, I don't care, I can't. 814 00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:26,680 Speaker 2: I got to stop that voice and I just have 815 00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:31,319 Speaker 2: to know my limits and thank you, but no, I'm 816 00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:31,960 Speaker 2: not going to go. 817 00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:36,759 Speaker 1: Sometimes that know is the most powerful Yeah. 818 00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:39,480 Speaker 2: I think is choosing yourself a lot of times. 819 00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:41,919 Speaker 1: And that's hard. It can be really hard. Like you said, 820 00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:45,440 Speaker 1: those voices that want us to continue people pleasing and 821 00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:49,319 Speaker 1: want us to continue people, you know, putting people before ourselves. 822 00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:51,040 Speaker 1: There's a time and a place. 823 00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:52,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, but exactly. 824 00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:56,279 Speaker 1: It's good to hear that you found that strength and 825 00:43:56,280 --> 00:44:00,440 Speaker 1: that clarity. They know a lot more than I do too. 826 00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:02,400 Speaker 2: Yeah. You know, what was that book, The Year of 827 00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:04,040 Speaker 2: Yes or something. I'm like, the Year of No. 828 00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:08,880 Speaker 1: You just write that book. Oh my gosh. Okay, So 829 00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:11,759 Speaker 1: coming later this week, everybody, Debbie is going to share 830 00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:15,839 Speaker 1: her best tools and takeaways for caregivers everywhere. You don't 831 00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:18,360 Speaker 1: want to miss it. Thank you so much, Debbie. 832 00:44:18,239 --> 00:44:20,440 Speaker 2: Thank you, Jenny. It's so good to see you, my friend. 833 00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:21,040 Speaker 1: Good to see you. 834 00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:22,520 Speaker 2: Love you, Love you too,