1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:01,920 Speaker 1: Am I the a hole for not wanting to leave 2 00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:04,320 Speaker 1: a chair free in honor of my late wife at 3 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:08,520 Speaker 1: my wedding? Ooh, kind of cute, right, I don't know 4 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:11,760 Speaker 1: late wife at your new wife's wedding. This is due 5 00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:14,280 Speaker 1: late wife, though we'll get into it. This is to 6 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:16,960 Speaker 1: answer the question when should you move on from a relationship? 7 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,480 Speaker 1: Comes from No Silver sixty eight fifty five, who says, 8 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:23,000 Speaker 1: my first wife passed away twelve years ago, and I 9 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: was really young at the time. I did my best 10 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,200 Speaker 1: to get over the loss of her and move on. 11 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:29,680 Speaker 1: I loved her in the past, but it's my past 12 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:32,480 Speaker 1: now and I need to live in the present for myself. 13 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:36,440 Speaker 1: I found another love. Hooray. I met my girlfriend seven 14 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:39,400 Speaker 1: years ago. I love her, and she's always respected that 15 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:42,840 Speaker 1: I am a widower. I didn't really name my first 16 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:46,280 Speaker 1: wife except on occasions when I tell people an anecdote 17 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:48,720 Speaker 1: where she was there. And I don't have pictures of 18 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,080 Speaker 1: her or anything in my home. I don't have pictures 19 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:54,320 Speaker 1: of anyone. Actually, frames do not fit the decoration of 20 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:57,880 Speaker 1: my house does don't fitch my my interior design, it 21 00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:01,160 Speaker 1: doesn't look I want to give my girlfriend the place 22 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:04,320 Speaker 1: she deserves. I've had many bad experiences in a grief 23 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:07,399 Speaker 1: help group and learned what not to do in a 24 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 1: new relationship. Yeah, yeah, I could being intimidating. I just 25 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:13,040 Speaker 1: think it's. 26 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,640 Speaker 2: I think there is a time and I think that 27 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:18,360 Speaker 2: wanting to keep an element of your previous relationship, especially 28 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:20,440 Speaker 2: it's not an ex this is a late. 29 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 1: Wise exactly, you were still in love and it never 30 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:24,839 Speaker 1: that never changed. 31 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:26,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, but I think there is a difference between you know, 32 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,080 Speaker 2: having a pictures with them and you know, spending time 33 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:32,839 Speaker 2: at like a grave or something like that, and having 34 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:36,039 Speaker 2: a seat at your wedding. Yeah, because I think that you, 35 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:38,039 Speaker 2: like you have a new wife. 36 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:41,520 Speaker 1: Now, that same kind of task could be accomplished by 37 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:42,959 Speaker 1: a different means. I think so. 38 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:43,600 Speaker 2: Yeah. 39 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:46,640 Speaker 1: It is just such a rock and a hard play 40 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:49,800 Speaker 1: situation to have your spouse pass away and there was 41 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:53,040 Speaker 1: never any animosity. It was truly that they just passed away. 42 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:55,560 Speaker 1: And uh, I just think there's. 43 00:01:55,440 --> 00:02:01,280 Speaker 2: Different ways that don't the new relationship because this, I 44 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:02,080 Speaker 2: feel like it is. 45 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:04,240 Speaker 3: This isn't the same. But I got this from one 46 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,280 Speaker 3: of the commoners. Would you have your ex wife show 47 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:08,280 Speaker 3: up to your new wedding? 48 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:11,840 Speaker 1: That's not the same Honestly, I think that's an irrelevant 49 00:02:11,919 --> 00:02:16,240 Speaker 1: argument because you split versus the person that passed away, 50 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:17,280 Speaker 1: there was never a split. 51 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:20,280 Speaker 2: I think a situation where you found out that your 52 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:23,800 Speaker 2: I don't know wife, you realized that you both weren't 53 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:27,200 Speaker 2: attracted to each other and that your husband was gay, 54 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,120 Speaker 2: and then you invited into the wedding. That is that 55 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:30,880 Speaker 2: is the scenario. 56 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:34,120 Speaker 1: That is yes, that is more where it wasn't actually 57 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:38,440 Speaker 1: anything relationship wise that caused it the end. Good job 58 00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 1: Sophia on finding it. She found it situations shout out 59 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,360 Speaker 1: to the gate. You know, I rock with you. 60 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:48,080 Speaker 2: It ain't Pride month, but it's still pride month in harm. 61 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:52,160 Speaker 1: I'm going to get married in November, and at first 62 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,440 Speaker 1: I didn't know whether to invite my first wife's family. 63 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,839 Speaker 1: That's another thing, because I didn't know if they would 64 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:01,919 Speaker 1: want to attend, so I never said anything to them 65 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:05,000 Speaker 1: or invited them to the wedding. I don't talk with 66 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:07,520 Speaker 1: them except for a few texts every few months. But 67 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:09,720 Speaker 1: her mother was the one who texted me to tell 68 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,600 Speaker 1: me she would be very happy to go. So I 69 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:15,359 Speaker 1: did end up inviting her and her husband. They kind 70 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:18,280 Speaker 1: of invited themselves, and I have problems with saying no 71 00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:21,760 Speaker 1: much more in that kind of situation. I think later, 72 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:24,480 Speaker 1: I believe so it wasn't actually like hey, come on 73 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:26,560 Speaker 1: in they kind of low key, We're just like, oh, well, 74 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:29,880 Speaker 1: come yeah, kind of what I'm reading it as. On 75 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:32,400 Speaker 1: the weekend, we were putting some things together and my 76 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,200 Speaker 1: mother told me it would be good to put an 77 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,040 Speaker 1: extra chair. And my mother told me it would be 78 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,360 Speaker 1: good to put an extra chair in honor of my 79 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:42,680 Speaker 1: first wife. That was an idea of my late wife's mother, 80 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:45,920 Speaker 1: but she didn't talk about that with me first, but 81 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:49,600 Speaker 1: with my mother. We pay per seat. Each chair we 82 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,320 Speaker 1: put up is charged as if there were a person. 83 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,560 Speaker 1: They would even charge me for drink and food, as 84 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,400 Speaker 1: if someone was really present. And honestly, I am quite 85 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:01,200 Speaker 1: tight financially on the wedding, so I think it would 86 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:04,520 Speaker 1: be a waste of money in something symbolic because if 87 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:06,400 Speaker 1: I do that for her, I also have to do 88 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:09,400 Speaker 1: that for all members of my family who passed away, 89 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:12,280 Speaker 1: because they would complain about it. Dude, what is some 90 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:14,520 Speaker 1: of these people? You have the mom and the mother 91 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:17,359 Speaker 1: in law that want the chair there. The rest of 92 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,200 Speaker 1: the family would be like, well, why didn't my Why 93 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:21,960 Speaker 1: didn't Uncle Bobby the chair? 94 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:26,800 Speaker 2: It's like, Bobby died, he loved you, is this chair? 95 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:32,479 Speaker 1: It wasn't married to freaking uncle Bobby. Okay, imagine wait 96 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:38,480 Speaker 1: if you have a wedding full of empty chairs in 97 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 1: honor of all Oh my god, my father and brother 98 00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:48,919 Speaker 1: also passed away, so that would be even more money. 99 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,920 Speaker 1: I'm not a spiritual person either, so I don't believe 100 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:54,039 Speaker 1: in these things, and I don't like any kind of 101 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:56,479 Speaker 1: ritual or symbolic thing, so to be fair, at this 102 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:59,120 Speaker 1: point in the story, he is not pushing for it. Yes, 103 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:00,839 Speaker 1: you know he doesn't want to. He doesn't want it. 104 00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:02,920 Speaker 2: I think that's the issue is because other people in 105 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:04,839 Speaker 2: his life are like, you need to have a shrine 106 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,159 Speaker 2: for your your late wife. 107 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:11,240 Speaker 1: He's like, no, have your wedding with yon shines. Okay. 108 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,880 Speaker 1: I also don't want to have a moment to talk 109 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:20,160 Speaker 1: about deceased people and kill the atmosphere. But just want 110 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:22,279 Speaker 1: a nice and joyful wedding for my girlfriend. 111 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:26,119 Speaker 2: It's been twelve years, and I think it's a little 112 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,200 Speaker 2: bit especially because it's not even Ope that wants this. 113 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:33,200 Speaker 2: Other people are putting this onto him and his wedding. 114 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,479 Speaker 2: Twelve years later. 115 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:38,200 Speaker 1: This is not your wedding. Are you running? This is 116 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:39,279 Speaker 1: not your wedding. 117 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:42,159 Speaker 2: This also not Oh he's wedding to his late wife. True, 118 00:05:42,279 --> 00:05:43,920 Speaker 2: so he's wedding to a new wife. 119 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:47,280 Speaker 1: So gtfo, all of you, all you ghosts, get out 120 00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:50,920 Speaker 1: of here, all you go. Okay, you're not welcome. Sit up, 121 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:54,040 Speaker 1: float away? Do it? You heard him? Just to make 122 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:56,880 Speaker 1: my mother shut up, I said that if someone offers 123 00:05:56,920 --> 00:06:00,480 Speaker 1: to pay the money, I will ask for more chairs. 124 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:05,480 Speaker 1: There would be seven relatives too many. I knew that 125 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,120 Speaker 1: somebody was going to pay for that. 126 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:10,240 Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm just imagining them playing the lame 127 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:13,600 Speaker 2: is song, empty choose an empty table? 128 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,720 Speaker 1: Pretty good, pretty good. This should hire you to sing 129 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:23,520 Speaker 1: it with more wedding money they don't have, because I 130 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:26,560 Speaker 1: can't spend money on more things. But no one talked, 131 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:29,200 Speaker 1: and I thought that she would just forget that. But 132 00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:32,960 Speaker 1: my mother said that then I should include photos of 133 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,640 Speaker 1: me and my first wife when they show the typical 134 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:39,480 Speaker 1: video of the bride and groom as they grow up. 135 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,480 Speaker 3: Imagine not knowing that this guy has a dead wife 136 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,960 Speaker 3: and then seeing him with another person. 137 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:53,000 Speaker 2: Objecked, this is crazy, This is too muche. 138 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:56,919 Speaker 1: This is too much, too much, Opie says, I just 139 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:01,240 Speaker 1: don't want to do that. I even find it disrespectful 140 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:03,799 Speaker 1: for my girlfriend to put pictures of my first wife 141 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,640 Speaker 1: when I'm getting married again, let alone make a whole 142 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,960 Speaker 1: video about those times. Yeah, it's just weird to me, 143 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:13,840 Speaker 1: but I know that there are widowers who have done it, 144 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:17,440 Speaker 1: so it does leave me confused. My first wife appears 145 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,640 Speaker 1: in some of the photos I chose to go through 146 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 1: in the video, not the one my mother wants me 147 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:25,320 Speaker 1: to do, in photos where I'm traveling with friends or family. 148 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:27,840 Speaker 1: It's not that I'm hiding her identity or anything like that, 149 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,320 Speaker 1: but I just want that moment to be my wife 150 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:33,200 Speaker 1: in mine. I already healed. That's the thing that. 151 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:36,040 Speaker 2: Bubble says, what this is a wedding or a memorial. 152 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:40,000 Speaker 2: They can totally have another ceremony where they like celebrate her, 153 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:42,360 Speaker 2: and they probably already had that ceremony. 154 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:45,160 Speaker 1: This is a different celebration, Sophia. This is not a wedding. 155 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:49,440 Speaker 1: This is a funeral. This is a seven black time event. 156 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:53,160 Speaker 1: Everyone's already dressing the parts of everyone's already. We already 157 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 1: have a catering. Yeah, we already have a bunch of space. 158 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,600 Speaker 1: We already have ground we can dig up. 159 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:01,480 Speaker 2: This is actually it's not a wedding. It is a 160 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:06,040 Speaker 2: reenactment of the first wedding, and they've hired an actor to. 161 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:12,000 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, this is just getting so ridiculous. I 162 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:14,320 Speaker 1: love these hypotheticals though myself. 163 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:18,280 Speaker 3: Honestly, a little shout out would be okay. 164 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:20,280 Speaker 1: They shout out of my wife, Yeah, shout out one 165 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:23,080 Speaker 1: time for the ones on my ex dead what my 166 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,960 Speaker 1: mother has been doing everything to make me feel guilty, 167 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,640 Speaker 1: And honestly, it's hard not to feel guilty when the 168 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:31,160 Speaker 1: words come from a person who went through the same 169 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,839 Speaker 1: thing as me. I know my girlfriend would agree because 170 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:36,520 Speaker 1: she's really kind, and she already said that she is 171 00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:39,480 Speaker 1: not really interested in what others think because she is 172 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,280 Speaker 1: the one who will be my wife. I'm the one 173 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:45,080 Speaker 1: who feels uncomfortable, So am I the a hole? Yeah? 174 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:47,520 Speaker 1: Really interesting. The wife is like, hey, i'd be fine 175 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:48,840 Speaker 1: with it if that's what you want. But he's like, no, 176 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 1: I don't want it. I'm the one that doesn't. 177 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:53,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, He's like, no, you don't understand. Everyone keeps telling 178 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 2: me to have this. 179 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:57,520 Speaker 1: No, everyone wants all of their relatives theater. 180 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:00,120 Speaker 2: So Olivia Grece. Isn't the movie called four wedding in 181 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:00,600 Speaker 2: a Funeral? 182 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:05,280 Speaker 1: We should name it seven Funerals. I hate that movie 183 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:07,320 Speaker 1: Four Weddings at a Funeral. Never seen it. 184 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:11,240 Speaker 2: Aw It's basically about this couple cheating with each other 185 00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:13,560 Speaker 2: over the course of four weddings at a funeral. 186 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,000 Speaker 1: Of course, more cheating in rom coms. I'm not here 187 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,680 Speaker 1: for it, but I digress. I want that moment the 188 00:09:18,679 --> 00:09:21,800 Speaker 1: wedding to be my girlfriend and mine. I already had 189 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,080 Speaker 1: that moment with my first wife years ago. Now I 190 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,680 Speaker 1: want to have this moment with her. Is that such 191 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:29,800 Speaker 1: a bad thing? And quick edit? Please stop recommending me 192 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,560 Speaker 1: to make a table of photos of the dead, make 193 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 1: a speech, put centerpieces, et cetera. I don't want any 194 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:40,200 Speaker 1: of Yeah, they're like, hey, instead of the chairs, Yeah, 195 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:43,439 Speaker 1: I don't know. We can do We can do a 196 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:46,920 Speaker 1: centerpiece with their faces, like a poster of their face 197 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:49,439 Speaker 1: stuck on it. We could do bobble heads. I just 198 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:50,720 Speaker 1: don't understand. 199 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,400 Speaker 2: On the one hand, if a person wants to do 200 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:58,560 Speaker 2: that and wants to celebrate, you know, their late partner, 201 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,360 Speaker 2: that's one thing. That's one he doesn't want to do that, 202 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,440 Speaker 2: and it doesn't make sense why you would have to 203 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:04,960 Speaker 2: It's been twelve years. 204 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:08,560 Speaker 1: He literally said he's moved on and his want is 205 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:12,640 Speaker 1: to spend and celebrate this moment with his new wife 206 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,520 Speaker 1: the same way he did with his late wife. Yeah, 207 00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:18,920 Speaker 1: the same thing. The late wife's mom really like, Yeah. 208 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:21,160 Speaker 2: I think it's the late wife's mom who's kind of 209 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:24,400 Speaker 2: pushing this, just pulling the strings, pushing this train down 210 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 2: the tracks. 211 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:27,760 Speaker 1: So what do we do here? We go to our. 212 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:33,400 Speaker 2: Mom's say, hey, mom, I don't want to do that. No, 213 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:35,920 Speaker 2: I want to get married to my wife. 214 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:40,079 Speaker 1: And that's final, sweet, simple, to the point, to the point. Yes, 215 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:43,800 Speaker 1: we have an update six days later. By the way, 216 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:50,920 Speaker 1: current judgment, not the Ahle Yeah, agreed. Agreed. First of all, 217 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:54,640 Speaker 1: I want to clarify that in Spanish novilla means girlfriend 218 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:58,040 Speaker 1: and bride. The word fiance is not really used in 219 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:01,440 Speaker 1: my country because it sounds to respectfully. 220 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:05,559 Speaker 2: We don't want to respect our wives, doom disrespectfully. 221 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,800 Speaker 1: Yes, I talked to my girlfriend about the exact situation. 222 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:11,400 Speaker 1: Until now, she had always said that she doesn't care 223 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:14,280 Speaker 1: and supports me in whatever I decide. But when I 224 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 1: told her that it makes me uncomfortable and what my 225 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,640 Speaker 1: mother said. She just got angry and told me, let's 226 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:22,600 Speaker 1: just talk to your mother. She has the bass that 227 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:26,000 Speaker 1: I don't. When my ex mother in law found out 228 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:29,680 Speaker 1: about my engagement, she sent me a message saying, I'm 229 00:11:29,679 --> 00:11:32,800 Speaker 1: really happy for you. Me and her husband's name would 230 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:37,520 Speaker 1: love we attend. Good so far, good so far. I 231 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,840 Speaker 1: didn't know how to reject such a direct self invitation, 232 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,360 Speaker 1: and my wife told me to invite them if I 233 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:46,079 Speaker 1: felt comfortable with that. At that moment, I had no 234 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:50,000 Speaker 1: problem since they had always been respectful people. That was 235 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:53,400 Speaker 1: a big mistake, big mistake. I talked to my mother 236 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,120 Speaker 1: and she showed me that my ex mother in law 237 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:59,600 Speaker 1: started to send her random messages. After I posted about 238 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,680 Speaker 1: getting married with my girl. My ex mother in law 239 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 1: sent messages like today, I really miss my daughter. It's 240 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:09,440 Speaker 1: a shame that your son is forgetting her, since it 241 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,640 Speaker 1: would be a good idea to visit her grave, but 242 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:16,080 Speaker 1: he never wanted to. Oh my god, or oh my god, 243 00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:20,120 Speaker 1: my daughter would really have loved to attend the wedding. 244 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,680 Speaker 2: What do you mean your daughter would have really loved 245 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:23,520 Speaker 2: to attend the wedding? 246 00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:26,319 Speaker 1: Now she wouldn't know, she would not have Why would she. 247 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:28,720 Speaker 2: Want to attend the wedding of her husband. 248 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:33,599 Speaker 1: That makes no sense. The math ain't math and Mama. 249 00:12:33,679 --> 00:12:36,559 Speaker 1: She even sent audios to my mother saying a lot 250 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,040 Speaker 1: of other things. They had contact from time to time, 251 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,360 Speaker 1: so my mother didn't find that too weird. My mother 252 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:46,040 Speaker 1: felt pressured and under her own beliefs. She also pressured me. 253 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:49,200 Speaker 1: She apologized to me and my wife and said what 254 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:52,640 Speaker 1: she said was out of line. So the mom was 255 00:12:52,760 --> 00:13:01,200 Speaker 1: kind of pushed. Yeah, into the the late wife's mother. Yeah, 256 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,679 Speaker 1: honestly that triggered me. My mother has lost a son 257 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:08,360 Speaker 1: and now a husband. Oh wow, so Opie's dad passed 258 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:10,360 Speaker 1: away too. I would all have seats at the wedding. 259 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:16,120 Speaker 1: At another ten twenty thirty man give a comment. I 260 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:19,199 Speaker 1: grew up seeing how people expected the same thing they 261 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:22,880 Speaker 1: expected of me from her. I got angry and talked 262 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,040 Speaker 1: to my ex mother in law. It really bothered me 263 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:28,000 Speaker 1: that they tried to manipulate my mother, knowing what she 264 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:31,400 Speaker 1: suffered and how sensitive she is about the topic. Ex 265 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:35,760 Speaker 1: father in law apologized, his wife did not. She says 266 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:38,920 Speaker 1: she finds it disrespectful that I don't do anything in 267 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:42,560 Speaker 1: honor of her daughter, and that I even stopped wearing 268 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,360 Speaker 1: my wedding ring. When she passed away. 269 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,640 Speaker 2: He's not married to her forever. Everyone grieves differently. What 270 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,760 Speaker 2: is he just supposed to stay alone forever? 271 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:56,680 Speaker 1: Yeah? Why not? You're right, Sophiel. Why should he find 272 00:13:56,720 --> 00:14:00,400 Speaker 1: happiness and a new partner. She only gets that once? 273 00:14:00,679 --> 00:14:03,559 Speaker 2: Yeah, you get one opportunity. 274 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,040 Speaker 1: He got his one and done like this. I don't 275 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:08,320 Speaker 1: like this. Mom. Either you get your one and done, 276 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:10,720 Speaker 1: or we have two hundred seats for all of our 277 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:15,079 Speaker 1: ancestors at your own. There's only two options, and only 278 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:19,960 Speaker 1: my ancestors. The people you're not related to my ancestors 279 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:23,080 Speaker 1: must have a place at your table or else. I'm 280 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,440 Speaker 1: not going to take that personally. I know that the 281 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:27,720 Speaker 1: death of a child is really hard, but I'm not 282 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:31,400 Speaker 1: an extension of her daughter. I am my own person. Billyop, No, 283 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:34,920 Speaker 1: you're not too silly for I just told them that 284 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:37,520 Speaker 1: they're no longer invited to my wedding because I was 285 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:41,080 Speaker 1: very kind, but they didn't respect me, my mother and 286 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,920 Speaker 1: my girlfriend. I told my ex mother in law that 287 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,760 Speaker 1: I will make my whole family block them for everything 288 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,360 Speaker 1: if she keeps trying to make my mother feel bad 289 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:54,200 Speaker 1: until the end, she stood her ground and never said sorry. 290 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:58,320 Speaker 1: Was I cruel? I don't care. I don't know anything. 291 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:02,000 Speaker 1: My mother lost her and they use that to manipulate 292 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:05,520 Speaker 1: her mind. They stopped being family when their daughter passed away. 293 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:08,800 Speaker 1: I was always respectful with them, nothing more so, kind 294 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,120 Speaker 1: of just like cordial. Yeah, but it didn't really go 295 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:15,560 Speaker 1: beyond that. I won't make a table in honor of anyone. No, 296 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:18,920 Speaker 1: I won't make a video in honor of anyone or 297 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,120 Speaker 1: anything like that, because me and my wife wanted to 298 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:26,200 Speaker 1: be a happy day. Though. You must remember all of 299 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:26,840 Speaker 1: our losses. 300 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:32,480 Speaker 2: No, it's a sad day. You're getting married to someone else, sad. 301 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:36,320 Speaker 1: I will only have my brother's favorite beer and wine 302 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:39,280 Speaker 1: because that was something the cute drunk told me in 303 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:42,360 Speaker 1: life that he wanted. Haha. Did his brother pass away. 304 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:45,560 Speaker 2: Too, Yeah, he lost his brother and his father. 305 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:50,280 Speaker 1: This is tough for three. My wife said she never 306 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:52,640 Speaker 1: really lost anyone close to her, so she doesn't really 307 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,280 Speaker 1: need to pay tribute to anyone. The only thing that 308 00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,520 Speaker 1: will be honored will be the union of me and 309 00:15:57,560 --> 00:16:00,400 Speaker 1: my wife, because that's the thing that makes my day 310 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:04,200 Speaker 1: perfect and filled with happiness. I don't like symbolic things 311 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,800 Speaker 1: because I believe that the dead are dead, and that's 312 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,240 Speaker 1: that they are not still by my side or anything 313 00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:12,000 Speaker 1: like that. But that's my belief and my point of view. 314 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,560 Speaker 1: Everyone can have a different point of view, to be honest, 315 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,160 Speaker 1: I thought I would get a lot of your the 316 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,440 Speaker 1: a holes. Oh he thought maybe he was the a holes. No. 317 00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:22,320 Speaker 1: Since my father passed away, it seems strange to me 318 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:25,920 Speaker 1: how people see widows and widowers. Everyone wanted my mother 319 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:29,640 Speaker 1: to continue loving my father even after he passed away. 320 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:31,960 Speaker 2: I think that's just an there's an element of love, 321 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,400 Speaker 2: but it changes, yeah, I think so. 322 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:35,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, And that. 323 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:36,880 Speaker 2: Doesn't mean that you don't have to like you're not 324 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:38,080 Speaker 2: allowed to love anyone else. 325 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,800 Speaker 1: Like at some point you have to move got to 326 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:45,000 Speaker 1: move on a little bit, just a little bit something. Yeah, 327 00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,080 Speaker 1: And everyone can take it at their own pace. Maybe 328 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,800 Speaker 1: maybe some We just read a story earlier today where 329 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:54,240 Speaker 1: someone ended up not remarrying after just divorce, and that's fine, 330 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:58,240 Speaker 1: but like people, let people do their own thing. Everyone 331 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,840 Speaker 1: wanted my mother to continue loving my father even after 332 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:03,760 Speaker 1: he passed away. When it happened to me, I felt 333 00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:06,680 Speaker 1: the same pressure. I'm a bad, bad person for loving 334 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,199 Speaker 1: my girlfriend so much more than I loved her? Am 335 00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:11,879 Speaker 1: I wrong for feeling that the worst loss of my 336 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,760 Speaker 1: life was my brother and not my wife's or my father's. 337 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:18,240 Speaker 1: All the widows have picture of the deceased partners. Am 338 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,359 Speaker 1: I a bad person for not wanting to do that? 339 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:23,760 Speaker 1: Should I still wear my wedding ring like the widows 340 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:27,159 Speaker 1: from Grief Counseling does? But I don't want to? Or 341 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,199 Speaker 1: Am I a bad person for not feeling anything for 342 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:34,520 Speaker 1: her anymore? Ooh damn wow. I felt guilt many times 343 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:37,240 Speaker 1: a long time ago. Those are my questions that I 344 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:40,400 Speaker 1: asked myself daily as soon as I began my relationship 345 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:43,159 Speaker 1: with my wife, though, questions that I don't ask at 346 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:46,639 Speaker 1: all anymore. But they really tortured me, because that is 347 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:49,280 Speaker 1: usually what is expected of a widower, is that we 348 00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:53,840 Speaker 1: are forever. We are that forever, never the husband, eternally 349 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:57,960 Speaker 1: the melancholic character, even if we have found someone new 350 00:17:58,359 --> 00:18:02,560 Speaker 1: sad shouldn't be that way. We are always expected to 351 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:05,560 Speaker 1: love our deceased partner, even if we have a new person, 352 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:09,119 Speaker 1: because you can romantically love two people at the same time. 353 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,600 Speaker 1: But what if I don't want to, What if that's 354 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:13,800 Speaker 1: not for me and I just want to give all 355 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:16,800 Speaker 1: my love to one person. What if I want to 356 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:19,480 Speaker 1: move on with my life. I think at this point 357 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:21,760 Speaker 1: I'm just venting. So sorry if you've made it this far, 358 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:25,320 Speaker 1: don't need to apologize, Opie. Be kinder to new wives 359 00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:27,800 Speaker 1: and husbands, and don't force them to be the bigger person. 360 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,720 Speaker 1: I felt ready to start dating two years later, and 361 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:32,520 Speaker 1: I met the love of my life a few years 362 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:35,119 Speaker 1: later after that. But I know a lot of married 363 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:38,640 Speaker 1: people who shouldn't be because they're still grieving and sending 364 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:41,679 Speaker 1: all of their mental load to their partners or making 365 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,960 Speaker 1: them feel like second place. Please learn that it is 366 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,520 Speaker 1: good to be alone when you do not feel ready. 367 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:50,480 Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with being single, and don't make an 368 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,600 Speaker 1: innocent person stuffer with you. Thanks for all the people 369 00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:56,400 Speaker 1: who gave me good audios, even if some of them 370 00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:59,440 Speaker 1: were pretty weird. I had an agitated weekend, so now 371 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:03,159 Speaker 1: I'm just want to watch some TV with my girlfriend. 372 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,520 Speaker 1: We have some quick girl of a console. Yeah, and 373 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:09,760 Speaker 1: dealt with. But I mean, how are we feeling right now, Sophia? 374 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:13,600 Speaker 2: I think op is, you know, it has a right 375 00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:17,639 Speaker 2: to experience his life and his relationships the way that 376 00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:19,119 Speaker 2: he wants to, and he shouldn't have to listen to 377 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:19,760 Speaker 2: what other people. 378 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,000 Speaker 1: It's so sad and stupid. Yeah, like, hey, grieve how 379 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:26,280 Speaker 1: you want. You can't tell me. Empress sleep Besnight says, 380 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:29,919 Speaker 1: it's perfectly everyone is justified in their own opinion. Uh 381 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:33,399 Speaker 1: ged If you feel you want to do all of 382 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,480 Speaker 1: these different things and ceremonies and blase bla to honor 383 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:40,320 Speaker 1: your uh late child, please go for it. Do it. 384 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:44,480 Speaker 1: If Op doesn't want to have a tombstone and video 385 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:47,480 Speaker 1: of his late wife and his wedding, if he doesn't 386 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,240 Speaker 1: want to put his new wedding ring over his old 387 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:54,720 Speaker 1: one at the ceremony, that is okay. It's also okay. 388 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:58,200 Speaker 1: That is also okay. Man. It really I've never really 389 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:01,240 Speaker 1: thought about it before, but it is. And I see 390 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,119 Speaker 1: what OPI means. I could see a lot of people 391 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,879 Speaker 1: like kind of having this expectation like, oh, no, you 392 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,440 Speaker 1: love them, you still want to carry on their memory, 393 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:10,280 Speaker 1: and they're like, so you didn't, you didn't divorce, you 394 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:13,359 Speaker 1: didn't break up. It's so sad, but like, ultimately, at 395 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,720 Speaker 1: the end of the day, I'm sure so many people 396 00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:18,480 Speaker 1: just want to move on, find a life partner, and 397 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:22,000 Speaker 1: you have children and do those things. 398 00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:26,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think any any feelings that you have are valid, 399 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,880 Speaker 2: and it doesn't have to There isn't one answer to it. 400 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:33,960 Speaker 1: There really isn't. It's truly, it is truly to each 401 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:37,280 Speaker 1: their own. Everyone grieves differently. The only thing you can't 402 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:41,200 Speaker 1: do is force your grieving process onto someone else exactly, 403 00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:44,879 Speaker 1: especially when it disrupts something so personal as a wedding. 404 00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:49,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, with someone else, with someone else, your relationship to 405 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:50,720 Speaker 2: this deceased. 406 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:55,520 Speaker 1: White that is literally showing zero care for the new partner. 407 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:57,679 Speaker 1: Here for context, it would have been I think a 408 00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:01,639 Speaker 1: different scenario if because a lot of times people become 409 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:04,359 Speaker 1: so close with their partner's families, it's like they're like 410 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:08,920 Speaker 1: family as well. Yeah, and not saying that that would 411 00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:11,520 Speaker 1: have justified like putting an empty chair or anything like that, 412 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,679 Speaker 1: but just as far as like them being more in 413 00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:17,480 Speaker 1: contact and maybe doing more of these activities. If the 414 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:19,880 Speaker 1: ex mother in law was kind of like a mom 415 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,119 Speaker 1: to him, you know, maybe they do more stuff together 416 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:23,960 Speaker 1: and maybe he hears her out. But this is just 417 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:30,879 Speaker 1: beyond ridiculous, beyond ridiculous. Yeah, but ladies and gentlemen, we 418 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:34,479 Speaker 1: do have more. What I know, you're a liar. You know, 419 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:37,159 Speaker 1: some people would say it's a lie, but alas it 420 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,920 Speaker 1: is not. Other people would say it's the truth. Other 421 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:43,000 Speaker 1: people say it's the true, but I shall simp by 422 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:48,040 Speaker 1: alex up and dive back in. So let's talk about it. 423 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,720 Speaker 1: That survey fifty twenty one says you didn't have kids 424 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:55,399 Speaker 1: together right if not move on from your ex end laws. 425 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,240 Speaker 1: They are never going to treat your new wife without 426 00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:01,560 Speaker 1: thinking of their daughter, which means they're always going to 427 00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:04,760 Speaker 1: be a problem. When you have a kid, you didn't 428 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,679 Speaker 1: name it after her. When you buy a house, you 429 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,560 Speaker 1: can't bring her to the house you live with with 430 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,640 Speaker 1: your wife. When you go on a vacation, you went 431 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:16,240 Speaker 1: there with your wife, and you're souling it by bringing 432 00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:18,800 Speaker 1: your new wife. It's really never going to stop. Yeah, 433 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:22,400 Speaker 1: great point. They're just gonna keep inventing like that. Yeah, Oh, 434 00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:24,960 Speaker 1: you don't bring it here. You don't honor her memory here, 435 00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:29,320 Speaker 1: like let me, you order a latte but didn't have latte? 436 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:30,879 Speaker 1: Are in the shape of her face? 437 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,240 Speaker 2: You know that she likes a cappuccino. 438 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:38,800 Speaker 1: You ordered a late shut off. Julia X nineteen eighty 439 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:41,679 Speaker 1: four says, isn't it great? How love can give us 440 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:44,800 Speaker 1: courage to stand up for others when we wouldn't do 441 00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:48,359 Speaker 1: it for ourselves. Great job, all of you. Hope, he says. Thanks. 442 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:52,000 Speaker 1: An introverted brawler says, till death do his part. You 443 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:55,360 Speaker 1: fulfilled your vow. Didn't even think about that. Didn't even 444 00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:56,000 Speaker 1: think about that. 445 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,440 Speaker 2: You fulfilled your side of the Boggins. 446 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:04,399 Speaker 1: Yes and no, oh free. Whatever is beyond the veil 447 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:09,199 Speaker 1: is beyond your understanding. Go live the life you have 448 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:13,840 Speaker 1: left indeper job. Yeah, Mike, Mike, beyond the veil? Do 449 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:17,080 Speaker 1: we go? No contact with the Oh, yes, I think so. 450 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:18,640 Speaker 1: Late wives. I think so. 451 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:22,960 Speaker 2: I don't think that they're relevant. I think they're relevant afore. 452 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:27,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it sounds terrible, but you are. Actually Yeah, 453 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,399 Speaker 1: it would be again, very different if they had this 454 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:31,560 Speaker 1: close relationship. 455 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:34,360 Speaker 2: He was like, I never had a close relationship with them, 456 00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:36,800 Speaker 2: and now they're hounding me about my relationship. 457 00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:38,760 Speaker 1: Cut them off. I text them a few times a month, 458 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:40,960 Speaker 1: and now they want to completely change my wedding. Yeah, 459 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:47,240 Speaker 1: you're out, get at it, He strikes in your route. Goodbye, 460 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:50,240 Speaker 1: But we got one more story, lads, gentlemen, what did 461 00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:53,040 Speaker 1: you freaking think this was a joke? You thought this 462 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:55,399 Speaker 1: was a one one story kind of deal. I just 463 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:57,080 Speaker 1: want to make my mother shut up. 464 00:23:57,320 --> 00:24:01,000 Speaker 2: My husband left me and our baby for another woman. 465 00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:06,199 Speaker 1: What do I do? Get another baby and another woman? Yeah, 466 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:07,199 Speaker 1: preferably together. 467 00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:10,480 Speaker 2: And this is to answer the question of when should 468 00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:14,720 Speaker 2: you move on from a relationship. So Better Manner seventy 469 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:19,200 Speaker 2: two five says We've been married for three years. I'm thirty, 470 00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:22,160 Speaker 2: he's thirty four. I had a baby. Six weeks ago. 471 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:25,159 Speaker 2: After giving birth, my husband came cold and distant. I 472 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,720 Speaker 2: thought that he needed time to adjust to the new normal, 473 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:31,200 Speaker 2: but turns out he was actually planning to leave us. 474 00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:32,800 Speaker 1: Oh God. 475 00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:35,760 Speaker 2: Two weeks ago he said to me that it's not 476 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,919 Speaker 2: working out anymore and he doesn't want to be married 477 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:42,080 Speaker 2: to me. The news broke my heart. I kept asking 478 00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,520 Speaker 2: him why he was doing this to our family, and 479 00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:45,800 Speaker 2: his response was. 480 00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:52,280 Speaker 1: I can't pretend anymore. Well, just impro yeah, just act yeah. 481 00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:55,160 Speaker 2: He took all of his clothes and left two days after. 482 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:57,720 Speaker 2: I just had this gut feeling that he was seeing 483 00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:00,920 Speaker 2: someone else, so I got into his email and found 484 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:05,399 Speaker 2: hotel reservations. He brought her on a vacation when I 485 00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:06,720 Speaker 2: thought he was on a business trip. 486 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:08,480 Speaker 1: Oh searched her. 487 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,680 Speaker 2: Name on Facebook and saw him in the background of 488 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:14,120 Speaker 2: her pictures. Turns out this had been going on for 489 00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:17,639 Speaker 2: a year. I'm so hurt dealing with this and taking 490 00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:20,920 Speaker 2: care of our newborn baby. I've been crying all day 491 00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,720 Speaker 2: for the past two weeks and being delusional thinking he 492 00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:26,560 Speaker 2: will come back to us when he realizes he made 493 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:29,120 Speaker 2: a mistake. I texted him when I found out about 494 00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:32,359 Speaker 2: the other woman, and he ignored me. Then hours later 495 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:34,920 Speaker 2: asked how our son was doing, so I blocked him. 496 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:35,640 Speaker 1: Wow. 497 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:38,600 Speaker 2: I've been feeling so lost. I have no appetite. I 498 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:41,320 Speaker 2: haven't been eating. As a result, my milk supply is 499 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:44,080 Speaker 2: really low. I don't know what to do anymore. And 500 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:47,960 Speaker 2: there are some relevant comments and an update. 501 00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:54,560 Speaker 1: Sad, sad, what dude, the cheating on the pregnant on 502 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:55,840 Speaker 1: the pregnant. 503 00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:58,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, well on the they just had a baby, So 504 00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:00,600 Speaker 2: he was cheating on the pregnant wife and left her 505 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:01,760 Speaker 2: right when she had the baby. 506 00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:02,920 Speaker 1: Dude, think. 507 00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:09,240 Speaker 3: Worse timing, worse for sure, worse he could have left 508 00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:10,480 Speaker 3: her before the baby was. 509 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:13,760 Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, at least you would have time to prepare 510 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:16,680 Speaker 2: to have this child. I mean, obviously both are horrible, 511 00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:19,800 Speaker 2: but at least one scenario, she has time to prep and. 512 00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:21,600 Speaker 1: I see what you're saying, Riley, because it's like, Okay, 513 00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:24,200 Speaker 1: maybe he does. He does the house more help than 514 00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:27,560 Speaker 1: not existing during the pregnancy. But but I think time 515 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:30,720 Speaker 1: to prepare is I think it is the because now 516 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:34,520 Speaker 1: you are facing a life without the father being right 517 00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:36,800 Speaker 1: there as we would imagine it, like, oh, yeah, let's 518 00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:38,680 Speaker 1: live in the same house and like all the stuff, 519 00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:42,440 Speaker 1: a together home, non broken home or whatever. Yeah, which 520 00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:44,200 Speaker 1: one is better before the babies? 521 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:45,320 Speaker 2: Horrible? 522 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:46,560 Speaker 1: Horrible? 523 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,000 Speaker 2: But there's some relevant comments. 524 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:52,840 Speaker 1: I'm all ears comments. 525 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:55,679 Speaker 2: Dear Parsnip says, do you have family or friends who 526 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:58,560 Speaker 2: can help support you? I know you don't feel ready, 527 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:00,960 Speaker 2: but you need legal advice as to your entitlements. You 528 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:03,520 Speaker 2: need him to pay child support at the very least. 529 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,720 Speaker 2: And Opie says, my parents have been really supportive. And 530 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:09,760 Speaker 2: then on if she's able to change the locks at 531 00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:12,280 Speaker 2: the house, Opie says, don't think I'm legally allowed to 532 00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:13,199 Speaker 2: change the locks. 533 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:16,040 Speaker 1: I feel like you are. Why wouldn't you be? There 534 00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:20,879 Speaker 1: might be some eviction laws in the realm of squatting. 535 00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:23,600 Speaker 1: Laws might be update. 536 00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:27,720 Speaker 2: This morning, my husband came back and this is. 537 00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:30,119 Speaker 1: Nine days nine days. 538 00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:33,400 Speaker 2: Wow, this morning, my husband came back, saying he made 539 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:36,160 Speaker 2: a mistake leaving his family and wanted to. 540 00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:41,080 Speaker 1: Work things out. WHOA no, no, too late, you locked out. 541 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:45,240 Speaker 2: These past weeks have been so rough. I've cried myself 542 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:48,040 Speaker 2: to sleep many nights, all while taking care of a baby. 543 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:51,880 Speaker 2: I'm still hurting and feel even worse now that he's back. 544 00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:55,199 Speaker 2: Coming back doesn't erase all the emotional stress he caused me. 545 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,239 Speaker 2: He left me and our baby when we needed him 546 00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:01,680 Speaker 2: the most. I'm so low. Austin confused, and there are 547 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:05,080 Speaker 2: some more relean comments and another update. Bougiebe says, I 548 00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:07,280 Speaker 2: wonder if she even knew he was married and or 549 00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:10,320 Speaker 2: had a pregnant wife slash newborn baby. I bet she 550 00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:11,680 Speaker 2: recently found out. 551 00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:15,840 Speaker 1: Just my guest, so true he got kicked out from 552 00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:18,399 Speaker 1: the affair partner, Oh, he says, I think she knew. 553 00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:20,800 Speaker 2: He told me he left her. I don't believe him. 554 00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:23,959 Speaker 2: I actually sent her a message. I'm currently waiting on 555 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:27,040 Speaker 2: a response. Pretty Petty says you need to speak with 556 00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,159 Speaker 2: a lawyer because him being at the house instead of 557 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:32,640 Speaker 2: you may work against you in the divorce. If it matters, 558 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:36,320 Speaker 2: and Opie said, I asked him to leave, and he refused, 559 00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:39,280 Speaker 2: so I left instead. I spoke to an attorney and 560 00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:42,560 Speaker 2: they said I can't stop him from staying in our home. Opie, 561 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:46,040 Speaker 2: questioning if her husband was having a mental breakdown or not, says, 562 00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:48,120 Speaker 2: if that's the case, he was having a mental breakdown 563 00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,600 Speaker 2: even before I got pregnant. He was having an affair 564 00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:53,280 Speaker 2: before I even got pregnant, and it all unfolded when 565 00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:57,320 Speaker 2: I gave And there is an update and some transcripts 566 00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:58,000 Speaker 2: of texts. 567 00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:03,360 Speaker 1: Then the next day, the next time, this is heating up, Sophia. 568 00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:06,800 Speaker 2: Heating up texts with a fair partner and I. This 569 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:10,600 Speaker 2: confirms he's a liar and he's been lying to both 570 00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:14,120 Speaker 2: of us whoa My previous post is very vague, so 571 00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:16,760 Speaker 2: I thought i'd provide more detail. When my husband came 572 00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:20,040 Speaker 2: back yesterday, he apologized and said it was a huge mistake. 573 00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:23,680 Speaker 2: He admitted he wasn't thinking straight and would do anything 574 00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:26,160 Speaker 2: to make things right between us. He wants to be 575 00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:29,160 Speaker 2: here for my son and I and repeatedly asked what 576 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,720 Speaker 2: he needs to do to make things right. I told 577 00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:33,600 Speaker 2: him I don't want to see him right now and 578 00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:35,840 Speaker 2: that it would be best if he left, but he 579 00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:39,360 Speaker 2: refused and kept begging to stay, saying he was sorry 580 00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:43,280 Speaker 2: and calling himself an idiot who doesn't deserve me. I 581 00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:45,840 Speaker 2: asked why he did this to us, and he admitted 582 00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:49,520 Speaker 2: he wasn't thinking clearly and said nothing could justify his 583 00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:50,520 Speaker 2: horrible actions. 584 00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:51,800 Speaker 1: But he's a liar. 585 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,240 Speaker 2: He's a liar. Don't take it back. And there are 586 00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:58,200 Speaker 2: some transcripts from the other woman NLP. 587 00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:02,880 Speaker 1: A Who's who? Who's who? Who's who? Okay you be 588 00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:04,440 Speaker 1: other woman? Okay, other women? 589 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:05,760 Speaker 3: You both look like women. 590 00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:10,880 Speaker 1: It's okay, it's me. I don't use messenger, so thought 591 00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:13,000 Speaker 1: it would be better to text you for starters for 592 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:16,200 Speaker 1: Dakton told me that y'all were separated and he'd start 593 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:19,760 Speaker 1: the divorce process. I feel so stupid now believing him. 594 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:21,400 Speaker 1: How long were you all seeing each other? 595 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:24,440 Speaker 2: And did you know about our son all this time? 596 00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:27,880 Speaker 1: I met him a year ago out of Starbucks, gasp, 597 00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:31,000 Speaker 1: where he paid for my coffee. The moment marked the 598 00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:34,120 Speaker 1: beginning of our relationship. A few months ago, I discovered 599 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:37,240 Speaker 1: about the baby and decided to break things off. However, 600 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:41,200 Speaker 1: he insisted that it didn't mean anything and kept expressing 601 00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:43,840 Speaker 1: his desire to be with the baby. Didn't mean anything. 602 00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:46,840 Speaker 2: Baby didn't mean He's like, no, you don't understand the baby. 603 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:48,520 Speaker 2: Maybe's nothing. It's just a baby. 604 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,720 Speaker 1: It's just a baby. It's just a sack of bones. 605 00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:53,920 Speaker 1: It's not even born yet, and it's small. He moved 606 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:57,000 Speaker 1: in with me weeks ago until this morning he woke 607 00:30:57,080 --> 00:30:58,640 Speaker 1: up and said going back. 608 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:01,720 Speaker 2: He told me weeks ago, the same time he moved 609 00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:03,920 Speaker 2: in with you, that it wasn't working with us anymore, 610 00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:06,480 Speaker 2: and he left me and are four week old. 611 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:10,920 Speaker 1: OMG, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I wouldn't let 612 00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:12,600 Speaker 1: him move in with me had I known. 613 00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:16,280 Speaker 2: You don't need to apologize you didn't know exclamation point. 614 00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:18,800 Speaker 1: I was waiting for that. I'm stuck in a lease 615 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,080 Speaker 1: I can't afford by myself because he con missed me 616 00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:24,440 Speaker 1: to get this apartment for us, only to bail on me. 617 00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:27,880 Speaker 1: How old are you twenty five? Please feel free to 618 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:31,200 Speaker 1: ask me anything you want to know. Were you ever separated? 619 00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:33,680 Speaker 2: We were never separated and lived together till a few 620 00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:36,200 Speaker 2: weeks after I get birth. Did he tell you why 621 00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:36,960 Speaker 2: we separated? 622 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:39,800 Speaker 1: He didn't say much. It was very brief. All he 623 00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:43,080 Speaker 1: mentioned was things weren't working between you two and something 624 00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:46,440 Speaker 1: about growing apart when I found out you were pregnant. 625 00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:49,800 Speaker 1: He said, you were trying to trap him with the baby. 626 00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:52,719 Speaker 2: Oh try, I was planned, actually, and it was his 627 00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:55,640 Speaker 2: idea to begin with. It's clear as day he's a 628 00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:57,040 Speaker 2: pathological liar. 629 00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:59,480 Speaker 1: Is he back at your house or is that also 630 00:31:59,560 --> 00:31:59,960 Speaker 1: one of his. 631 00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:02,959 Speaker 2: She came back, but we're not getting back together. 632 00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:06,760 Speaker 1: Good for you. He's an a whole. For the record, 633 00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:08,320 Speaker 1: I'm done with him too. 634 00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:14,480 Speaker 2: Scene Yeah, easy and crazy that neither of them knew. Yeah, 635 00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:20,760 Speaker 2: and another besties. They can raise this child together. Bound 636 00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:24,960 Speaker 2: off bestees. Sometimes you meet friends in weird places. 637 00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:25,960 Speaker 1: That's true. 638 00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:31,520 Speaker 2: Friendships aren't expected, but sometimes the hair deserved. 639 00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:35,000 Speaker 1: Yes. Bound off. 640 00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:40,400 Speaker 2: The comments to finish this story off. How did Opie 641 00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:43,160 Speaker 2: feel after talking with the other woman? Opie says, thank you. 642 00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:46,000 Speaker 2: I tried my best up the understanding and not get upset. 643 00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:49,080 Speaker 2: This woman owes me nothing. I can't be mad at her. 644 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:52,080 Speaker 2: And Opie on if the other woman knew about the 645 00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:54,520 Speaker 2: baby she was with the husband for a year before 646 00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,680 Speaker 2: Opie found out. Opie says, she knew, But my guess 647 00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:01,280 Speaker 2: is she really loved him and didn't care. Regardless, this 648 00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:04,160 Speaker 2: is all on him. He was lying to both of us. 649 00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:06,960 Speaker 2: I think she just wanted confirmation since we both know 650 00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:10,480 Speaker 2: he lies about everything. If she chooses to take him back, 651 00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:15,680 Speaker 2: that's on her. And that, my friends, is the end 652 00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:16,479 Speaker 2: of the still right. 653 00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:22,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, just a classic case of an absolute 654 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:27,560 Speaker 1: scum bag place of a meg. Luckily they got in 655 00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:30,400 Speaker 1: touch and were able to kind of like figure out 656 00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:33,400 Speaker 1: the truth together, because imagine they they put it together, 657 00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:36,800 Speaker 1: they hadn't or maybe even one of them didn't want 658 00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:39,440 Speaker 1: to talk to the other, and they weren't able to 659 00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:42,560 Speaker 1: piece together the full story from that classic place of clues, 660 00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:49,760 Speaker 1: he could have possibly strung at least one of them along. Indeed, Bill, indeed, 661 00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:52,160 Speaker 1: he was still trying to have his case. He was 662 00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:53,680 Speaker 1: still he was like, no, you don't understand. 663 00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:58,800 Speaker 2: The baby's an important I love you, dude, it's my 664 00:33:58,920 --> 00:33:59,680 Speaker 2: apartment together. 665 00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:04,280 Speaker 1: What was the question of this. 666 00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:08,080 Speaker 2: The question of this story do you walk away? When 667 00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:09,440 Speaker 2: do you walk away. 668 00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:13,160 Speaker 1: From a relationship? And I think the answer is now, yesterday? Yesterday? 669 00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:15,440 Speaker 1: I think the answer is a while ago, a million 670 00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:20,480 Speaker 1: years ago. Yeah. I feel like in this case, when 671 00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:24,000 Speaker 1: it when a very easy kind of like lying in 672 00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:27,080 Speaker 1: the sand. Is if someone does this and is like 673 00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:30,640 Speaker 1: lying together. First off, the cheating already, but the fact 674 00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:33,200 Speaker 1: that he was lying and saying things about his own child, 675 00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:38,400 Speaker 1: like easy, easy, easy, clear cut run, don't worry about Andy, 676 00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:40,759 Speaker 1: don't don't try to go to counseling or anything. It's 677 00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:44,160 Speaker 1: just not worth it. Maybe get some therapy for yourself 678 00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:47,920 Speaker 1: to like work through, uh, everything that's going on and 679 00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:49,440 Speaker 1: the divorce and separation. 680 00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:51,520 Speaker 2: You're not worth it to try to stay together with 681 00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:55,240 Speaker 2: this mean not worth it. Yucky yucky man, the stinky 682 00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:56,359 Speaker 2: stinky man. 683 00:34:56,920 --> 00:34:59,839 Speaker 1: You know what, the smelliest, the smelliest, the smelliest