Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm heart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2: All right, So well, I don't even know how to
Speaker 2: start this one because this is a the girls aren't here.
Speaker 2: I didn't want to subject the girls to this again,
Speaker 2: but so what.
Speaker 1: Do you because you guys do what once.
Speaker 2: Week with the girls and I do the wind Down, right,
Speaker 2: and then we do adult Education, which is on Wednesdays.
Speaker 2: I can't remember. It's always kind of a moving target.
Speaker 2: But so there's two episodes a week through the wind
Speaker 2: Down umbrella. So one is then I've got adult education education, yes,
Speaker 2: and so it's not that the girls didn't want to
Speaker 2: come today to today's show, but I feel like, you know,
Speaker 2: we've already yeah, and I just you know, I figured
Speaker 2: what better way to just have my now husband and
Speaker 2: ex husband on wind Down? Make it really full circle,
Speaker 2: really fun.
Speaker 3: I've noticed what Mike's got a podcast voice. Yes, Softensy's
Speaker 3: voice up for a podcast.
Speaker 1: I have to otherwise it's my voice can be a lot.
Speaker 1: It's just learned.
Speaker 2: And we're still learning to just o coachman.
Speaker 4: The mic is fine. My voice travels.
Speaker 1: He's a coach.
Speaker 2: But anyways, it's been about a year since we've had
Speaker 2: Mike Cosson on the podcast, so we figured a little
Speaker 2: yearly anniversary. Welcome back to wind Down. Thanks for having me,
Speaker 2: of course, Alan, you were last minute add for this show.
Speaker 2: Would you like to discuss?
Speaker 3: Would I like to discuss? Yes, it's almost like I
Speaker 3: don't want to and a fear and it just feels
Speaker 3: it feels weird the three of us sitting here does
Speaker 3: it not in an awkward way. But I'm almost like, Okay,
Speaker 3: if you guys would get copearings and stuff to raise
Speaker 3: and discuss, then go ahead, go.
Speaker 4: Ahead and do it. I don't need to. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Almost feels a little bit not awkward, a weird because
Speaker 3: we've got a good relationship, right, but almost like ends
Speaker 3: up feeding.
Speaker 4: And interestive.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't want you to feel awkward.
Speaker 4: No, no, I just told you I don't feel.
Speaker 2: Oh no, I thought you said it's awkward.
Speaker 3: No, no, I said it's not awkward.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, I.
Speaker 1: Get what he's saying. But that just is a testament
Speaker 1: to I think, you know, on his half of things,
Speaker 1: why we're able to have the relationship as a three
Speaker 1: S company that we do, because there's other people that
Speaker 1: wouldn't that would include themselves, maybe in situations that they
Speaker 1: don't need to be included. Yeah, right, where it's like
Speaker 1: the new partner, the new husband, the new wife is
Speaker 1: like helping make decisions that maybe isn't up to them
Speaker 1: but kind of like stay in his lane. But also
Speaker 1: I embrace you coming into being a part of it too.
Speaker 1: So oh, that's just one of the beginning kind of
Speaker 1: things with all of this of why we've been able
Speaker 1: to have a good relationship.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think to bring it back to where
Speaker 2: you even when I did bring up the hey, I'm
Speaker 2: thinking about having Mike come back on the show. He
Speaker 2: kind of wanted to discuss work and we can we
Speaker 2: have topics that I think could help people because our
Speaker 2: mission was always to help other people through things that
Speaker 2: we've gone through, and so sometimes threading that and walking
Speaker 2: that line has been challenging and stuff. And I feel like,
Speaker 2: and this isn't anything against you, Mike, but and I
Speaker 2: don't want to speak for you, so please join in
Speaker 2: on this piece of it. But even when I did
Speaker 2: bring it up, you're you have more of like that
Speaker 2: old school mentality love like boundaries where you're like, why
Speaker 2: why do you want them on or have him come on?
Speaker 4: Why do you want. I'm I think it's clear.
Speaker 3: I'm a pretty private person, So I'm like, why do
Speaker 3: you want to discuss this stuff on a podcast? I
Speaker 3: don't get it. That's what my stance was. Nothing against
Speaker 3: Mike at all, but my stance is that's an in house,
Speaker 3: private thing that runs between the three of us and
Speaker 3: runs well. So one, there's not going to be any
Speaker 3: controversy behind it or on this podcast unless something there's
Speaker 3: raised that I don't know about, or two is.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's my thing.
Speaker 3: Like it's a private way in which we do think,
Speaker 3: So why why air it?
Speaker 4: That was my first response, and I said I'd come back.
Speaker 3: To you on it, didn't I yeah, because I didn't
Speaker 3: even know until last night that Mike was coming on.
Speaker 2: Thank you well again I eliminated. I'm like, Okay, this
Speaker 2: is where it's a hard line to walk, right, because
Speaker 2: I understand honoring and respecting your stance on it and
Speaker 2: also going I think it's then it's the stance that
Speaker 2: I take is I have this podcast to help other
Speaker 2: people to be able to have conversations, tough conversations at times.
Speaker 2: We've had many of those. And then to go, okay,
Speaker 2: I think there are conversations about how we have co
Speaker 2: parented because we know so many that are struggling in
Speaker 2: that area. So, Okay, we don't have the perfect relationship
Speaker 2: Mike and I, but it's you know, it's an ongoing
Speaker 2: and trying to communicate. Yeah, and so I think we
Speaker 2: know we're not meeting in a parking lot, though nothing
Speaker 2: against those people that do that. We were almost there
Speaker 2: at that point to exchange kids. But you know, I
Speaker 2: think there's ways to be able to have conversations. And
Speaker 2: that's why I didn't end up saying anything because I'm like,
Speaker 2: I don't I'm not going to be like, babe, you
Speaker 2: have to come on. So you were free to sit
Speaker 2: out if you wanted to. And if you were like, Babe,
Speaker 2: absolutely not, then obviously I wouldn't. I would have respected that.
Speaker 3: I think if Mike and I have again to see
Speaker 3: each other, they've been said privately, not on the podcast. Yeah, well,
Speaker 3: if that can help others navigate situations like this, then yeah,
Speaker 3: let's do.
Speaker 4: This is great from the expert of cooperiencing.
Speaker 2: Listen. And that's the thing. It's not all perfect, right,
Speaker 2: and there's different I think there's different seasons of co
Speaker 2: parenting and relationships. It is hard to co parent with
Speaker 2: someone you don't like. You got divorced because of an issue,
Speaker 2: so it's then you're forced and co parent with someone
Speaker 2: you don't like respect have issues with, and that have
Speaker 2: two different sides of anger and resentment and bitterness and
Speaker 2: so but then yeah, go ahead communicate, Like it's such
Speaker 2: a hard thing for so many to do. So you're
Speaker 2: not alone in that alone, nor were having a hard
Speaker 2: time with co parenting. No, I know, yeah, but so
Speaker 2: but I will say again though, too, you are just
Speaker 2: more of a like for example, when you were coming
Speaker 2: in you know Mike's and this is just the relationship
Speaker 2: that we've cultivated anyways. I mean, there may be should
Speaker 2: have been boundary set, but like you're just like walking
Speaker 2: in the house, and I think at first, like for Alan,
Speaker 2: he's like what you know what I mean, Like it's
Speaker 2: like a.
Speaker 1: Which is which I still have my moments of like
Speaker 1: hesitation and all that with I mean, with all of this,
Speaker 1: whether it's the podcast, whether it's coming to the house,
Speaker 1: and even when I Jannel, when I texted you about
Speaker 1: maybe doing this, that's my if it was just you,
Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, let's freaking do this like, come on, like,
Speaker 1: let's talk about these things, let's talk about co parenting whatever. Yeah,
Speaker 1: any reservation I have is because of like my respect
Speaker 1: for Alan, right, because it's like, this is y'all's house,
Speaker 1: this is y'all's marriage. I'm here on the side. I'm like, hey,
Speaker 1: if you want to do this, like maybe we could.
Speaker 4: Well.
Speaker 2: You also in the text message you said, hey, what
Speaker 2: do you think about this? And also to bring out
Speaker 2: like we can do it on Alan yours an Alan show,
Speaker 2: so you were very respectful of that too, of course,
Speaker 2: and he always this, Yeah, but it's just funny because
Speaker 2: it is like the two where I'm kind of sometimes
Speaker 2: I feel a little stuck in the middle where Intio
Speaker 2: like the boundaries of things like well, uh like let's
Speaker 2: just say early on when he would just like walk
Speaker 2: in the house.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but that's that's because I'm used to a different
Speaker 5: type of corpiiting, right, So right, not to be bad anyone,
Speaker 5: but I'm used to I'm used to the.
Speaker 3: Drop the kads off and picked them up style of
Speaker 3: Corpi thing. That's that's my experience of it. So when
Speaker 3: I used to come swarming in the house up like Okay.
Speaker 1: I'm sitting down and hey, that's what's going on.
Speaker 2: It hang out, and then I'm just like I just
Speaker 2: want everyone to get along and be happy, and like
Speaker 2: I don't want to be like, hey, I need you
Speaker 2: to knock on the I need you to ring the
Speaker 2: doorbell because you know it's so it puts then me
Speaker 2: in an uncomfortable situation because I just want everyone to
Speaker 2: get along. And then I don't want conflict between us,
Speaker 2: because then I don't want you to hate him for
Speaker 2: like maybe his more stronger, uh or not stronger.
Speaker 3: It's just a different perception of like the way you
Speaker 3: guys Corpien is nice. It's nice, but not everyone has
Speaker 3: got that. Not everybody's got the luxury. And you you
Speaker 3: to be fair to you both. You've you compromise, you
Speaker 3: discuss things, you communicate well, and you have your moments
Speaker 3: as everyone does. But then the day it's always like
Speaker 3: ninety five percent of the time it's healthy. Whereas I
Speaker 3: think cole parenting in general, make sure I use that
Speaker 3: word in general is five percent healthy and ninety five
Speaker 3: percent unhealthy.
Speaker 4: And I believe that.
Speaker 2: Why do you think that is Well.
Speaker 3: There's others a bias in my opinion because of my
Speaker 3: experience with co parenting, which is now in a place
Speaker 3: where it's a lot better. I just I don't hear
Speaker 3: many stories of nice co parenting situations.
Speaker 1: I really don't. You know, what was your biggest like
Speaker 1: fear or concern when you guys really start to get
Speaker 1: serious and you knew our lives we're gonna blend like
Speaker 1: Allen and I did you have like any just off
Speaker 1: the top of your head, Man, I'm really worried about this.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, I'm glad you're not showing up in
Speaker 2: the window knocking on the door or knocking on the windows.
Speaker 3: It's a dark day, John, make say the game.
Speaker 2: That was pre Allen, that was very very pre very
Speaker 2: early on. Yeah, very pre but that was a wild time.
Speaker 1: That that feels like so long ago.
Speaker 2: But I and that we all have like our crazy
Speaker 2: moments obviously, but it's something to be said for It's
Speaker 2: really hard when people start dating after divorce because when
Speaker 2: it involves kids, because you just kind of start to
Speaker 2: spiral and you you like don't have any control over anything,
Speaker 2: and so it's it's hard. But in this situation, you
Speaker 2: say that.
Speaker 1: Question again, So what was just when you knew, like
Speaker 1: Alan was coming into your life and then things are
Speaker 1: getting serious and I was meeting Alan, he was around
Speaker 1: the kids. What was your concern with really of just like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is the person I'm going to be with, this
Speaker 1: is my person. I eat Alan. Now we have to
Speaker 1: blend all of this together, well, Like, was there anything
Speaker 1: noticeable that you were worried about.
Speaker 2: I think my own worry was trusting myself that I
Speaker 2: was making the right that I wasn't that I didn't
Speaker 2: want to mess up again. That's my first when I
Speaker 2: think of when I think back to that is I
Speaker 2: I almost didn't want you to be like, oh, you know,
Speaker 2: you messed up again and you introduced the kids to
Speaker 2: someone to somebody else, And that would probably be the
Speaker 2: first piece that I would think of, because I didn't
Speaker 2: I didn't want to mess up again, and I didn't
Speaker 2: want to put the kids through blending and then something happening.
Speaker 2: But I would say between, I mean this situation again,
Speaker 2: I I don't like I don't I And I think
Speaker 2: that's why I'm was blurry maybe with boundaries of certain things,
Speaker 2: because I just don't want any like negativity. I just
Speaker 2: wanted you everyone to get along, and honestly, what my
Speaker 2: biggest thing was is I know how you're you're just
Speaker 2: more of a Alan speaking to him, is you're you
Speaker 2: are more old school with a lot of things, and
Speaker 2: so because of the situations that you've dealt with, it
Speaker 2: was hard to go, Okay, well, now we're in such
Speaker 2: a great spot. I don't want to have to like
Speaker 2: and now I have to like try to manage everybody's
Speaker 2: and respecting because I didn't want you to not like him,
Speaker 2: and I didn't want him to not like you, And
Speaker 2: then I just wanted to be like, can we y'all
Speaker 2: just get along?
Speaker 3: And so I think I think when you bring two
Speaker 3: reasonable people together always end up in reason. I think
Speaker 3: if you've got one person who is an unreasonable person,
Speaker 3: which a lot of people are, then you'll always have
Speaker 3: some sort of fight, a battle. But I think I'm
Speaker 3: at an age now. I think I've always been a
Speaker 3: reasonable person, but I'm an age now where okay, I
Speaker 3: can see the reason and things and as long as
Speaker 3: in Mike is a reasonable person in my opinion from
Speaker 3: what I've seen in the past the past two years.
Speaker 3: So I think there was a willingness from Mike that
Speaker 3: for it to work and there's a willingness for me
Speaker 3: to make it work, so therefore there was always going
Speaker 3: to be a good balance with it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think I think it was hard too,
Speaker 2: because I wanted I wanted you both to like each other.
Speaker 2: Where it was like and where he helped me with
Speaker 2: is like there can be a level respect or it
Speaker 2: doesn't have to be best friends, but there will be
Speaker 2: a level of respect, you know, And just like with
Speaker 2: you know, whatever relationship you end up with, like she
Speaker 2: doesn't need to be my best friend, but there will
Speaker 2: always be a level of respect for each other. And
Speaker 2: I think you guys have a really nice blend of respect.
Speaker 2: You might not understand certain things about each other or
Speaker 2: vice versa, but there at least there's a level of
Speaker 2: respect and knowing he's the father of you know, our
Speaker 2: kids and everything like that.
Speaker 4: He's a good guy.
Speaker 1: We'll keep him around.
Speaker 2: Were you worried about anything?
Speaker 1: The biggest thing was what your point was like. And
Speaker 1: that's why I told anybody that would ask me or
Speaker 1: close to me, it's like, you know, how do you
Speaker 1: like Alan or the newer I'm just like, for the
Speaker 1: kid's sake, I hope it works above all. And then
Speaker 1: getting to see y'all's relationship, getting to see you know,
Speaker 1: how he makes you feel, feeling the energy in the
Speaker 1: house and all that kind of stuff. And then just
Speaker 1: the path that the three of our relationship has been
Speaker 1: able to go is it's depleted any worry that I
Speaker 1: ever had really Obviously the number one thing is the kids.
Speaker 1: So the fact that they have this stability with you, guys,
Speaker 1: is is great.
Speaker 2: What do you think this is for both of you? Guys?
Speaker 2: Has been the hardest challenge for you personally co parenting?
Speaker 2: Who wants to go first?
Speaker 3: I think it's been a pretty seamless co patenting situation
Speaker 3: because I.
Speaker 2: Mean in your personal if you want to talk about
Speaker 2: it too, like what.
Speaker 3: You talking about it was co parents and Jolie and Jayson.
Speaker 3: So I think it's been seamless one because the kids
Speaker 3: are really nice kids and have been raised properly. So
Speaker 3: it makes it I have said that to you from
Speaker 3: day one, if you running around with a couple of brats,
Speaker 3: how they've been like m hm, So again that that's
Speaker 3: such an easy, seamless scenario because the kids are so
Speaker 3: kind and nice and monoy. And then the respects side
Speaker 3: of Mike and Eye's relationship. When I met, I was like, Okay,
Speaker 3: it's good that I can work with us.
Speaker 4: What was your question.
Speaker 2: Again, what's been the hardest challenge co parenting?
Speaker 1: All this challenge, I'll say for me at least being
Speaker 1: like the biological side of things is I never envisioned
Speaker 1: not having my kids every single day, right, Like, I
Speaker 1: know my great dad. You guys know my great dad.
Speaker 1: Everyone that knows me knows I'm a great dad. That's
Speaker 1: one thing I can kind of stand behind for sure.
Speaker 1: And so knowing that there's obviously a lot of times
Speaker 1: where I'm not there and you're helping them do things
Speaker 1: that a father would do you, I'm thankful that it's
Speaker 1: you because I like you as a person, I respect you,
Speaker 1: you know, I love y'all's relationship. But there's no matter
Speaker 1: who you put in your in your shoes as the
Speaker 1: biological father, it still is like, man, this sucks like
Speaker 1: it is like there's there's no substitute for that. And
Speaker 1: so that's the hardest part. No matter how great all
Speaker 1: of our relationship is, I just know I'm not with
Speaker 1: him every day and that sucks. It is what it is.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a gap that someone else is filling. I
Speaker 3: think it's tough for any father or mother in that situation.
Speaker 3: But going back to it, I think the dynamic between
Speaker 3: the three of us is fine and everyone's intentions are
Speaker 3: pure absolutely, So going back to the biggest challenge, I
Speaker 3: don't I don't think those I don't think there's a
Speaker 3: time where I've sat and thought that's just so challenging
Speaker 3: that particular part. Apart from makestraw and in the house
Speaker 3: without knocking on the door, there's not been a point
Speaker 3: where I'm like, I'm struggling with us. Yeah, and if
Speaker 3: that is enough forgot about it, then you can remaind me.
Speaker 2: No, I think for me what is challenging is and
Speaker 2: I don't know if you've I know you don't listen
Speaker 2: to wind down Mike. But it's hard because though we're
Speaker 2: so removed, there's still things that come up emotionally and uh,
Speaker 2: you know, like something came up for me in therapy
Speaker 2: a couple weeks ago, and it's hard to co parent
Speaker 2: when those feelings come up, you know, because I want
Speaker 2: to just come, you know, get on the phone and
Speaker 2: just be like that I hate you, you know this
Speaker 2: this is coming up and why is this coming up.
Speaker 2: But it's so I think it's like sometimes separating when
Speaker 2: you're still some past things like might come up. And
Speaker 2: then obviously we have.
Speaker 1: You know, yeah, we still have obstacles that as parenting
Speaker 1: as well as we do it together. We still have
Speaker 1: obstacles with things and that we work on, will continue
Speaker 1: to work on and all of that. But and it
Speaker 1: could always be worse.
Speaker 2: What do you find works best for co parenting?
Speaker 1: Kind of to touch on what Alan said, right, like
Speaker 1: being reasonable people and so it is it's you're removing
Speaker 1: the emotion out of it and giving credit where credits do.
Speaker 1: It's like, Okay, are my kids healthy? Yes? Are they safe? Yes?
Speaker 1: Are they in a good home? Yes, like no matter
Speaker 1: whether your house or my house? Are they fed? Are
Speaker 1: they like the essential things? It's like making it elementary
Speaker 1: in my mind helps alleviate, like from like ruminating on
Speaker 1: the emotional. Just my kids are fine, they're healthy, they're safe,
Speaker 1: all those things that are just listed. So focusing on
Speaker 1: the important stuff, which is them, I think is the
Speaker 1: important thing to do.
Speaker 2: Do we want to talk about feeding? No now because
Speaker 2: someone says are the rules the same at both households?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: We know that to a degree. But I know that.
Speaker 1: And here's what I'll say. I for a lot of reasons,
Speaker 1: I want to find someone and be with somebody and
Speaker 1: have that stability and which you know, confident that I have,
Speaker 1: which is the story for another day. But you know,
Speaker 1: when they're with you, they have that more traditional kind
Speaker 1: of family setup of like being able to help each
Speaker 1: other words, cook dinner, and take care of the kids
Speaker 1: and do all the stuff. And when they're with me,
Speaker 1: there are those times where it's like single dad kind
Speaker 1: of on his own. I'm putting together to make sure
Speaker 1: they get fed, and sometimes it's you know, the organic
Speaker 1: chicken nuggets from the freezer or so I just do
Speaker 1: the best that I can.
Speaker 3: Right, it's just leading towards of Jimmy Jones satuation.
Speaker 2: Jimmy John's Yeah, well you it's the kids won't eat
Speaker 2: his food when they come back from your house. And
Speaker 2: then usually he'll make a little comment under his broath,
Speaker 2: like Jimmy Johns, but listen, the kids are being fed.
Speaker 2: And I defended the Jimmy Johns'm like, hey, Jimmy Johns
Speaker 2: is great turkey, it's protein. Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't have a huge deal with.
Speaker 2: It at that point you were in quite a mid last.
Speaker 4: Couple of weeks is really good chance.
Speaker 2: But I mean to your point, the kids are, you know,
Speaker 2: it's fine. I think we're we now that I've learned
Speaker 2: more about foods and what's in foods and I've been
Speaker 2: just you know, reading things, and Okay, this is really
Speaker 2: bad for the kids, getting the kids off of because
Speaker 2: it's hard when if they're eating the sugary cereals at
Speaker 2: your house and then we're like then they come here
Speaker 2: like oh we don't like this, Like what do you
Speaker 2: This is good, this doesn't have the dies and this
Speaker 2: that and the other. So I think when we had
Speaker 2: that conversation, I was like, I understand, but please like
Speaker 2: if we can try.
Speaker 1: That's all. That's all it takes, right, And so it's
Speaker 1: just a conversation. We're able to have that, And so
Speaker 1: I'm more conscious of those little things where, you know.
Speaker 3: I think I think that's a cultural thing as well,
Speaker 3: because and it's like, okay, when the kids go to
Speaker 3: dad's house, everything's everything's generally more relaxed and to get
Speaker 3: more It's the same with Troy when he was younger,
Speaker 3: like you'd come to my house and like do you
Speaker 3: know what, Okay, we'll just eat out or we'll have
Speaker 3: this so well that so I think I think things
Speaker 3: are always more lenient with kids when they go to
Speaker 3: dad's because moms tend to Moms tend to beat a
Speaker 3: little bit more controlling with things, whereas when the kids
Speaker 3: go to their dad's's.
Speaker 4: That's what it was always like with me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think totally, which is also why the other
Speaker 2: day I texted you, Mike about the volleyball stuff, because
Speaker 2: when Jolie was talking to her counselor, she had said, Mom,
Speaker 2: you're always rushing me. And I'm like, okay, let's talk
Speaker 2: about that. You get off the bus at this time,
Speaker 2: and then your volleyball's at this time, and then you
Speaker 2: had a soccer gam where you've got softball. Because everything,
Speaker 2: given our split the seventy thirty, I am the one always.
Speaker 2: I'm like, this isn't I don't want to be the
Speaker 2: parent that she just thinks is the one rushing her.
Speaker 2: It just but it falls mostly on my days, and
Speaker 2: so it becomes this like I almost get a little
Speaker 2: resentment where it's it becomes frustrating that you're the fun
Speaker 2: house where they can go do the video games, not
Speaker 2: be rushed. Dad doesn't do the like, and so that's
Speaker 2: what I make up and I'm like cool, So those
Speaker 2: eight to whatever ten days they get to just have
Speaker 2: so much fun. But yet I'm the parent that's rushing
Speaker 2: them and taking them here. And it's like, I don't
Speaker 2: want to just be labeled that parent.
Speaker 1: I get that, and of course I can see how
Speaker 1: it seem that way, and is that way to a
Speaker 1: degree for sure. The rushing actually jolly kind of stopped
Speaker 1: me in my tracks. One day, this is a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks ago, and I was getting emotional like talking
Speaker 1: to her because like I was rushing over something. We
Speaker 1: had vullet, we had some kind of practice. I was like, guys,
Speaker 1: let's go, let's go, let's go, and she's like, I
Speaker 1: just need him in. I just need a minute. I
Speaker 1: was like, we don't have a minute, let's go. And
Speaker 1: when I put them to bed that night, she took
Speaker 1: a moment and told me, she's like, Dad, like, I'm
Speaker 1: really upset because you're rushing me. I told you I
Speaker 1: needed a minute and I just need him in. And
Speaker 1: I'm like sitting there just like eyes watering, and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god. The fact that she was
Speaker 1: using her words and telling me this, and I was
Speaker 1: just like, you know what, You're right. Next time that
Speaker 1: you tell me, hey, I need a minute, I'll stop.
Speaker 1: I'll give you a minute and we'll talk about it
Speaker 1: and kind of figure it out. But so that feels
Speaker 1: like you're the only one that's just like on their ass,
Speaker 1: but you're definitely not.
Speaker 4: At all. Can I make a point with that?
Speaker 3: I think that goes back to another generalization where when
Speaker 3: it's co pairing thing, I don't think the mum will
Speaker 3: ever think the dad is doing it right. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 3: being serious, I'm being I think about every cope like
Speaker 3: my friends, whoever it is, and it's always okay you
Speaker 3: when you go to your dad's.
Speaker 4: There's never any structure you got your dad's does.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I honestly think there's nothing against you and
Speaker 3: Mike's resate relationship with you because you're really organized the person,
Speaker 3: and I love that about you. But I think that
Speaker 3: again as a generalization of dads will never never ever
Speaker 3: do it the right way and the mom's eyes.
Speaker 2: So then, as the wife and ex wife of a
Speaker 2: co parent situation, what would you want from your ex
Speaker 2: wife or your wife in that situation to.
Speaker 1: Realize that guys do it definitely, but exactly we do
Speaker 1: it differently. But it goes back to what I was saying.
Speaker 1: The essentials, the elementary things are still taken care of
Speaker 1: right like, and you for the most part, our principles
Speaker 1: as parents align right like they do like values and
Speaker 1: I know I do. Yes, we play like Mario Kard
Speaker 1: at my house, and you know, we do some certain
Speaker 1: things that you don't do here, and I get that.
Speaker 1: But again from a like building a human being and
Speaker 1: giving them the right skills as a person, we align
Speaker 1: right like manners and respect and being honest and those
Speaker 1: kind of things. So it's like, hey, the rest of the stuff, yes, okay,
Speaker 1: but that's not going to completely shape their character different
Speaker 1: than you want because they're at my house.
Speaker 3: Right yeah, Like no more other situation, No mom wants
Speaker 3: to regardless of how healthy the coporent. The situation is,
Speaker 3: no mom wants to handle the kids over to the
Speaker 3: the dad.
Speaker 4: Yeah no.
Speaker 3: So therefore, and going back to my point, mums will
Speaker 3: always have some sort of great or opinion on how
Speaker 3: the dads do. And that's just that's just nature, that's
Speaker 3: just how it works.
Speaker 1: How did this is kind off topic, but Alan coming
Speaker 1: into being with Jana and obviously with our relationship being
Speaker 1: what it was and a lot of you know, public
Speaker 1: things and negative public things, especially about me and things
Speaker 1: that I was guilty of and all of that coming
Speaker 1: into it, Like, how were you able to kind of
Speaker 1: not predetermining your head? All right, this guy's probably all.
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's part of you that you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, listen again, it's a really good question.
Speaker 3: I thought it might come up. Your past is your past?
Speaker 4: I don't.
Speaker 3: I don't respect the things you did, for sure, Jannah. Okay,
Speaker 3: so clear on that. Not anything I would ever do.
Speaker 3: So those there's that side of it. But I also
Speaker 3: need to recognize for me to pin that on you
Speaker 3: and continually think that about you would be unhealthy for
Speaker 3: the way the future is. So Okay, you've done these things,
Speaker 3: don't respect them. But I think and it would be
Speaker 3: different if I didn't think this. I think you're genuinely
Speaker 3: a good person and a nice guy, and if I
Speaker 3: didn't think that, then the relationship would probably be different.
Speaker 3: So that makes it easier not to forget what happened
Speaker 3: in the past and not to add any respect to whatsoever.
Speaker 3: But it makes it a lot easier knowing that deep
Speaker 3: down I think you are a good person.
Speaker 4: That's fair.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean we've had that conversation before. You're like,
Speaker 2: I don't understan, you don't understand it, Like you're like,
Speaker 2: you know, He'll be like, I don't understand how someone
Speaker 2: could do that. But I'm also like, but babe, you
Speaker 2: got me now, you know.
Speaker 3: So I'm like, we I think I think I've just
Speaker 3: been clear and that I don't. I don't understand it,
Speaker 3: don't respect it, don't understand it, I don't get it.
Speaker 4: But I don't hold it against them one bit, right,
Speaker 4: not at all.
Speaker 1: And I can feel that like I would be able
Speaker 1: to tell, like if you did right and that first
Speaker 1: meeting you, because you were who you are are. You're
Speaker 1: very stoic and so just like I like to think
Speaker 1: I have, there's different energy in the room and you
Speaker 1: have that, and so that was something I could tell
Speaker 1: right away. I was like, okay, and I think there
Speaker 1: is something with like both being athletes to a degree,
Speaker 1: like cut from the same cloth in a sense kind of.
Speaker 1: But I could and I feel that, which I appreciate
Speaker 1: because I would absolutely be able to tell if all
Speaker 1: of that like carried on you like you've held Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: for sure.
Speaker 2: It's a good question though.
Speaker 4: That was a good question, really good question.
Speaker 2: I mean, what is your girlfriend going to think of me?
Speaker 2: I was an angel, so yeah, But I mean I
Speaker 2: have that same fear that.
Speaker 1: Like, I'm gonna want everyone to get along, you know,
Speaker 1: and I'm which is going to be out of my
Speaker 1: control to a degree, but.
Speaker 2: Like and like I said, I don't. As long as
Speaker 2: she is good with the kids and there is not
Speaker 2: overstepping of certain things again, it will all be great.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: That's where it's.
Speaker 3: He's a reasonable person. Yeah, I mean you're not reasonable.
Speaker 3: I will be your voice of reason.
Speaker 2: Well, I feel like we do a good job of
Speaker 2: kind of holding each other from jumping off a cliff. Yeah,
Speaker 2: we're we're luckily not jumping off at the same time. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's interesting questions. Let's go, let's take a break, and
Speaker 2: then we'll come back. Okay, So this is kind of
Speaker 2: a how do I say, It's something I've always wanted
Speaker 2: to do, But I think when I've brought it up
Speaker 2: to you, bebe and not to call you out, but
Speaker 2: I'm good. This is the podcast world. You know, yeah,
Speaker 2: all to say this, let me frame it this way.
Speaker 2: Is there something you would want to achieve or some
Speaker 2: kind of not goal, but what you go, man, this
Speaker 2: would be really cool if we could get to this
Speaker 2: point in co parenting. I have my answer for that,
Speaker 2: but I'm curious what y'all says. That's a really sounds like, no,
Speaker 2: we're good.
Speaker 1: That's a really really good question. And I've thought about that,
Speaker 1: and I've been asked that, and maybe it's a pipe dream.
Speaker 1: I don't know, because there does need to be boundaries
Speaker 1: and I would never want anyone involved to feel uncomfortable
Speaker 1: for any kind of reason. But I think the ultimate
Speaker 1: pipe dream is like, you know, some years on the road,
Speaker 1: where were this unrealistic but pitch but picturesque family where
Speaker 1: it's like we go on a trip together in some
Speaker 1: way like I don't like, I know, it's crazy, it's
Speaker 1: probably not gonna happen, but in that's that would be
Speaker 1: the ultimate where it's like the kids vacation and they're
Speaker 1: able to have both sets of parents, everyone gets along.
Speaker 1: I don't know, you know you've heard of that happening.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that would ever happen, but well.
Speaker 2: Alan's laughing because I have brought that up to him.
Speaker 2: He's like, get the fuck interesting.
Speaker 3: Getting Honestly, I think stuff like that just goes back
Speaker 3: to bite you in the offs at some point.
Speaker 2: There's your cynicism in which way.
Speaker 3: I think if you're in a situation with your own
Speaker 3: vacations together and it just opens up that that's that's
Speaker 3: so different from managing a co parenting environment being on vacation,
Speaker 3: because that's your that's your time to have your own space.
Speaker 4: You're trying to relax, you're trying to I just, yeah,
Speaker 4: I think being in that same.
Speaker 3: Environment for a period and I probless my cynicism, but
Speaker 3: I just don't Yeah, I don't see that being healthy.
Speaker 2: I still feel like that's like a little bit more
Speaker 2: of like the older school mentality too. With that, like
Speaker 2: you like, if you think about your dad and the
Speaker 2: Scottish like tough upbringing, maybe.
Speaker 3: Yeah, part of it, I just I just I think
Speaker 3: part of the means you leave yourself open to something
Speaker 3: happening within that dynamic, which affects the next part of
Speaker 3: the co parenting situation. I'm not saying it does. I'm
Speaker 3: not saying it does, but being confined in that environment
Speaker 3: could be something could happen which affects the next two, three,
Speaker 3: four or five six years of the co parents inside
Speaker 3: of it, or what to go on a holiday together.
Speaker 1: I might get that to a degree where it's if
Speaker 1: it ain't broke, don't fix the type of deal where
Speaker 1: if like you you do, you put people in this
Speaker 1: fish bone, then it's some thing that we don't expect
Speaker 1: to happen and it just causes a rift. And then
Speaker 1: so I get that.
Speaker 4: It's great.
Speaker 3: I'm just used to and again old school boundaries. I'm
Speaker 3: used to things being separate down the line. Okay, that's that, yeah,
Speaker 3: which I get.
Speaker 4: I'm not saying it's right.
Speaker 3: I'm not saying it's right, and I might be stuck
Speaker 3: in that year, but I'm just used to that's that,
Speaker 3: and that's that. And if that comes together, does it
Speaker 3: can create a gray area or some sort of animosity
Speaker 3: And for what was the point mm hmm to resk
Speaker 3: that again, I'm not seeing it does happen, which you're
Speaker 3: a good guy and the person that you bring in
Speaker 3: to co parent the kids and be around, hopefully we're
Speaker 3: a good person as well. Of the blended family vacation.
Speaker 2: I mean that would really have to be we would
Speaker 2: all have to really get along, like I have to,
Speaker 2: would have to get along with your missus and stuff
Speaker 2: like that. So I mean there's so many layers, Like
Speaker 2: I could do all of us right now and go somewhere,
Speaker 2: you know, like if we're invited to your beach vacation
Speaker 2: that had been so.
Speaker 3: Fun that Adam Sandler moved me that blended one.
Speaker 2: I don't remember it.
Speaker 4: I have Andrew Barrymore.
Speaker 2: And you know, actually I didn't see that. But anyways,
Speaker 2: so I think, you know, there's it would just would
Speaker 2: have to see. But I have brought that up to
Speaker 2: him before because that is also because it's I don't
Speaker 2: like missing vacations like that must have been hard for
Speaker 2: you to see the beach vacation with him building sand
Speaker 2: castles with the kids and of course and it would
Speaker 2: be hard for me to see that.
Speaker 1: Now it's hard, but I'm happy at the same time.
Speaker 1: But it's weird.
Speaker 2: Well no, but like it's it's hard when you guys
Speaker 2: do your family vacation on the beach, but I also
Speaker 2: like it's so good for them too, So I think
Speaker 2: it's there's a piece of it where it's it's healthy
Speaker 2: for the kids to have just their time with you.
Speaker 2: But I think there is a world and I'd love
Speaker 2: that that was my thing that I was going to say.
Speaker 2: I would love for there to be It doesn't have
Speaker 2: to be a yearly you know, vacation that we schedule
Speaker 2: a lot, but I hope one day we could all
Speaker 2: go somewhere together, you know. And so we're not sharing
Speaker 2: the same bed, you know, it's just we're all at
Speaker 2: the same happened to all be at the same beach,
Speaker 2: and you know, but that that's that's again the pipe dream.
Speaker 2: And I think at the end of the day, we're
Speaker 2: we're our trajectory at least is good with where we're
Speaker 2: at right now, you know. And because we have gotten
Speaker 2: to the we know a lot of people that or
Speaker 2: will only talk through email and or drop off at
Speaker 2: Whole Foods and you know whatever. And I think it's
Speaker 2: a testament obviously to all three of us. But also
Speaker 2: it's not the easiest too at times, especially when things
Speaker 2: come up or it's like the holidays and knowing that
Speaker 2: we won't have the kids this year before for Christmas
Speaker 2: Eve night, and you know, it's just it's it's not
Speaker 2: so that brings up well why not? And so that
Speaker 2: brings up old things too. But that's just what it is.
Speaker 2: And you can either dwell in the past and the
Speaker 2: resentment or you can go, Okay, this is a this
Speaker 2: is just what it is, and feel the emotion and
Speaker 2: then and then move on healthily. Is there one thing, Mike,
Speaker 2: that you still have to that is your biggest challenge
Speaker 2: with or resentment towards me.
Speaker 1: Towards you? This is a producer question or a listener question,
Speaker 1: but you question even better. I can honestly say I
Speaker 1: don't have like a like active resentment towards you, like personally,
Speaker 1: I really can't think there's things, Yes, there's things that
Speaker 1: I do that bother you, there's things that you do
Speaker 1: that bother me in align with co parenting maybe, but
Speaker 1: I really I really can't say there's something that's because
Speaker 1: it just is what it is and it's the whole.
Speaker 1: Like I'm not going to give it any kind of
Speaker 1: space or energy or my time anymore. Right, this is
Speaker 1: like what does that do that doesn't do anything good
Speaker 1: for me or for this relationship between you and I,
Speaker 1: between the three of us, between all of us with
Speaker 1: the kids, like and I'm genuinely happy for you, So
Speaker 1: it's hard to be genuinely happy for you and have
Speaker 1: resentment towards you. Normal Christmas bothers me.
Speaker 2: I knew it. I knew it. I knew it, and
Speaker 2: you know what, your response bothered me even more when
Speaker 2: that happened. Let's get into it. Oh, this is a
Speaker 2: juicy one guy Christmas double Christmas. No, he's just pissed.
Speaker 1: A double Christmas day Yule Santa Santa, for some reason
Speaker 1: now comes twice when you don't have them on Christmas morning,
Speaker 1: and you sent.
Speaker 2: Me the nastiest text message about that. Do you remember that?
Speaker 1: I don't remember.
Speaker 2: You can't change christ he remembers because I was like,
Speaker 2: I guess I can't change Christmas.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 1: That was the one thing that had gotten me the
Speaker 1: worst because it felt because it sucks right like again,
Speaker 1: I don't want to be without them any day ever,
Speaker 1: And so it felt like.
Speaker 2: Were we just pissed that you didn't think of it?
Speaker 1: No, I would have do. It felt like you were
Speaker 1: taking Christmas from me.
Speaker 2: Oh you had Christmas.
Speaker 1: Because now it's like it just felt because I didn't
Speaker 1: do that like when you had them. I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: Christmas and then you come to Dad's that afternoon and
Speaker 1: then we celebrate our way. And so when next year
Speaker 1: it's like, wait, Santa comes twice? What the what just happened?
Speaker 1: So it literally felt like you took my Christmas.
Speaker 4: You had Christmas first? Is that right?
Speaker 2: Did? You had Christmas first? So this was this was
Speaker 2: when I flew out to England to see you on
Speaker 2: and I flew home Christmas Eve night on twenty twenty one,
Speaker 2: twenty two, twenty two.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. You had Christmas first?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I had Christmas first, yeah, yeah, and then the
Speaker 2: second Christmas you had Christmas and then I had christ yeah.
Speaker 2: And so then then when I flew home from so
Speaker 2: basically when I flew home from England, it was Christmas Eve,
Speaker 2: and I was really having a hard time not having
Speaker 2: the Christmas morning having the kids run down the stairs. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and so Sanna was going to come then, so Christmas
Speaker 2: Day was going to be Christmas Eve is what I
Speaker 2: did last year or sorry two years ago, and you
Speaker 2: did not like that.
Speaker 4: It was just two Christmas. Mike has this Christmas Day
Speaker 4: and you have your Christmas?
Speaker 2: Are you on my side?
Speaker 1: Listen?
Speaker 3: I am, because if it's different if if different, if
Speaker 3: whoever has them on Christmas Day is the one who's
Speaker 3: got the biggest power, right because you control Christmas Day.
Speaker 3: So I'll be honest, if if if my ex was like, okay,
Speaker 3: you've got you've got Troy and Christmas Day, I want
Speaker 3: to I want to reenact Christmas Day on the twenty
Speaker 3: six of that going crack on, do what you want.
Speaker 1: That's fine, right, But the difference is there's a conversation.
Speaker 2: Why do you think I have to have a conversation
Speaker 2: with you about when Christmas is in my house?
Speaker 1: Because it's do you think it was going to confuse
Speaker 1: the kid? Here's the thing, It's not about that.
Speaker 2: It's just like anything that I say, this all like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's like everything I've like, if you just come.
Speaker 2: To me, just why do I need your permission?
Speaker 1: It's not it's not about permission. Has nothing to do
Speaker 1: because you can do it.
Speaker 2: Welcome to mine now and we're back.
Speaker 1: We're back. It has nothing to do with me giving
Speaker 1: you permission because I can't. I can't give you permission
Speaker 1: and not tell you to do it. But it's the
Speaker 1: respect thing, right, So when it comes to kids like hey,
Speaker 1: this is not idea I had tell me, like your
Speaker 1: thoughts on it. It's just like I really miss Chris,
Speaker 1: miss Christmas morning. I'm not trying to undermine yours. It's
Speaker 1: just what do you think? You know what? Again, it's
Speaker 1: not about and if if you just come to me
Speaker 1: like when do I?
Speaker 2: When?
Speaker 1: Am I ever like give you pushback when you come
Speaker 1: to me and talk to me about something.
Speaker 2: Well, the first time I told you about I wanted
Speaker 2: I was dating someone.
Speaker 1: Well that was just handled, completely handled.
Speaker 2: I sat you down and brought you to lunch. I
Speaker 2: paid for lunch.
Speaker 1: Anyways, No, you, that wasn't a discussion. You were telling you.
Speaker 2: I was telling you I was dating some much.
Speaker 1: You were introducing him to the kids that I was
Speaker 1: going to. Yes, yeah, it wasn't a conversation. Is you
Speaker 1: just telling okay? Anyways, everything's great. No, again, it's not
Speaker 1: about permission. It's just like anything with the kids. I
Speaker 1: would love a conversation around it's your house, it's you
Speaker 1: can do whatever the hell you want, obviously, but I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: It just felt like you were just altering, making this
Speaker 1: shift of all of a sudden that it just took
Speaker 1: me by surprise. And that's what pissed me off. It
Speaker 1: took me by surprise, and it felt like it was
Speaker 1: a purposeful thing not to talk to me about because
Speaker 1: you just wanted to undermine my Christmas.
Speaker 2: Like I took it personally, right, That's what you made up,
Speaker 2: is that I was trying to undermine and it really
Speaker 2: had nothing to do so hearing this conversation, I do
Speaker 2: apologize that that's what a you made up and then
Speaker 2: that's what you thought and felt around that situation. I didn't.
Speaker 2: I wasn't trying to do it in a malicious way.
Speaker 2: It was more of a the kids are at such
Speaker 2: a beautiful fun age that I didn't want to miss
Speaker 2: their running down and trickling down, and you tell.
Speaker 1: Me that would have been like, yeah, I totally get that.
Speaker 2: I think though in that space is I'm like, why
Speaker 2: do I have to tell you? And I can see
Speaker 2: both sides where you're like just the respect thing, okay, fine,
Speaker 2: but I'm also likes ye.
Speaker 1: In my mind right I It's like, it's because it's
Speaker 1: it's Christmas. You're the day after we had done trigger treating,
Speaker 1: you turned on Christmas music. Yeah, like there thirty first.
Speaker 1: Your tree was up the next.
Speaker 2: Day, which we need help, by the way, straightening straightened out.
Speaker 1: But that's a real reason I was allowed on today.
Speaker 1: They just needed me over here.
Speaker 2: So yeah, well let's have a conversation because this year
Speaker 2: is the same year as it was two years ago.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, it's already been done, So what about What
Speaker 1: the hell I say? Now? I know you're gonna do it.
Speaker 2: Not necessarily. I haven't talked to Alan about it because
Speaker 2: it's really a conversation between us now and then you know,
Speaker 2: when it comes to because we have a child now,
Speaker 2: and you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't want Roman being brought up thinking those
Speaker 3: two days of Christmas, double presence every Christmas, right, So
Speaker 3: I think that, you know, if I put it back
Speaker 3: to a scenario when Troy was younger and my ex
Speaker 3: was like, Okay, you've got one Christmas Day and so
Speaker 3: therefore on Boxing Day, I'm gonna make it like it's
Speaker 3: Christmas Day again.
Speaker 4: Like okay, whatever, it sounds good. He gets two Christmases. Perfect,
Speaker 4: he's happy.
Speaker 3: So I don't I don't know how the communication was
Speaker 3: exactly and how it said at the time.
Speaker 2: I just didn't say anything. He just found out from
Speaker 2: I don't even know how you found out. But It
Speaker 2: wasn't like I was trying to hide or I really
Speaker 2: don't know. I might even have no idea, but.
Speaker 1: I think I literally like saw your story and.
Speaker 2: Was like, oh right, what right? Because I did say
Speaker 2: that at my store. I was like, I think this year,
Speaker 2: I'm going to do that way. It wouldn't hurt this
Speaker 2: the sting of it wouldn't be as bad. But listen,
Speaker 2: I mean I ended up having the flu anyway, So
Speaker 2: it was.
Speaker 1: A anyways, moving on this neither hear Nord there?
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, So that was part one of wind Down. Hey, Mike,
Speaker 2: you want to join us for a part two on
Speaker 2: adult education.
Speaker 1: Let's run it back.
Speaker 2: See you in a few days.