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Speaker 1: What up, y'all, Happy Monday, Welcome to the Cheekys and

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Speaker 1: Chill podcast. I hope that this holiday season has treated

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Speaker 1: you well and you're joyful and happy and talking about

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Speaker 1: the holidays. This year's holiday season has looked a lot

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Speaker 1: different for me. As most of you know, I'm about

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Speaker 1: a year and a half into my marriage, which means

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Speaker 1: it's time for me and a Milio to start making

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Speaker 1: our own family traditions. In the past, my holidays have

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Speaker 1: been really centered around my siblings, but I think we've

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Speaker 1: all reached a point where we're starting to move away

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Speaker 1: from that, and that's been very difficult to accept.

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Speaker 2: But I'm ready. Okay, where do I start.

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Speaker 1: Yes, Emilia and I have been married a year and

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Speaker 1: a half and I have grown quite a bit in

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Speaker 1: this relationship. I have shared that with you guys, how

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Speaker 1: I've grown and why and where I come from in

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Speaker 1: my past relationships and all of the things that I

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Speaker 1: had to face, accept and also.

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Speaker 2: Learn and unlearn.

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Speaker 1: So there's been a lot of growing in this relationship,

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Speaker 1: which I'm very grateful for. And one of those things

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Speaker 1: have been understanding what marriage really is, Understanding that we

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Speaker 1: are a team, that it's him and I and that

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Speaker 1: is my family, and that's a family I chose. It's him,

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Speaker 1: Bancho and Ryu are dogs. That's it for me in

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Speaker 1: the past, which I can accept. One of the things

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Speaker 1: I had to accept was that I would always put

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Speaker 1: my siblings first. They were my everything. That was my family,

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Speaker 1: and there's nothing wrong with that. It served its purpose.

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Speaker 1: I was able to help guide them through life because

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Speaker 1: we don't have parents. I mean, we have parents, but

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Speaker 1: our mom our parents aren't in our lives physically, especially

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Speaker 1: with Johnny and Jenica. They were very young when my

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Speaker 1: mom passed and their dad passed, so I really felt

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Speaker 1: like I needed to be there for them. So I

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Speaker 1: don't regret anything at all that I went through and

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Speaker 1: everything that in a way some people can say I

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Speaker 1: gave up or I missed out on, because it made

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Speaker 1: me happy, completely happy to be there for them, for

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Speaker 1: all my siblings, to know that they can lean on

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Speaker 1: me and I can lean on them. And as I

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Speaker 1: was saving them, they were saving me. And it was

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Speaker 1: just what we were doing to survive and to get

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Speaker 1: through life and to try to understand what life was after,

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Speaker 1: especially our mom leaving the way that she left. So

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Speaker 1: I would always put them first, and I thought I

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Speaker 1: was doing the right thing. I thought that putting my

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Speaker 1: siblings first and making sure that they were okay, and

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Speaker 1: even if it affected my relationship, it didn't matter because

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Speaker 1: that was my purpose in life, was to take care

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Speaker 1: of them, and I was honoring my mother in that way.

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Speaker 1: For a long time, I felt that way. It wasn't

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Speaker 1: until I met Emilio and until I started really digging

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Speaker 1: deep into my healing and not only that, but starting

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Speaker 1: my life coaching in a different way and also saying

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Speaker 1: that they grew up and they matured and they had

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Speaker 1: a mind of their own and as they should. But

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Speaker 1: it took me a long time to really understand that.

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Speaker 2: Anyway.

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Speaker 1: The reason I'm telling you all of this is because

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Speaker 1: it has a lot to do with where I'm going. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so just be patient with me. But it was very difficult, guys,

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Speaker 1: to accepit that. And I think it was because I

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Speaker 1: had been hurt so much in my past relationships that

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Speaker 1: my fear of abandonment or feeling that these relationships weren't

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Speaker 1: going to last, that I would hold on to my siblings.

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Speaker 1: And what I'm learning is I'm not really supposed to

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Speaker 1: hold on to my siblings or really to my husband.

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Speaker 1: I'm really supposed to just stand firm within myself and

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Speaker 1: know who I am and know that all I really

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Speaker 1: need at the end of the day is God. I

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Speaker 1: have reached a point in my life after learning what

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Speaker 1: a healthy relationship looks like, not only with my siblings

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Speaker 1: but also with my partner. I'm still trying to figure

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Speaker 1: that out. There are still things that I feel like

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Speaker 1: I've figured it out with my siblings, but not necessarily

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Speaker 1: with my husband yet. But I can say that I'm

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Speaker 1: finally seeing and recognizing and accepting the fact that I

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Speaker 1: do have a good partner. Things aren't perfect, No relationship

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Speaker 1: is perfect, but it's a lot better than where I

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Speaker 1: was in past relationships. And that's because I also put

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Speaker 1: in the work as far as like things that I

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Speaker 1: needed to learn and things that I needed to change

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Speaker 1: about myself. And one of those things was giving my

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Speaker 1: husband his place. And I want this relationship to work,

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Speaker 1: and I know that he wants more time with me,

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Speaker 1: and he has said before that he does feel like

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Speaker 1: he has to share me with the world, and that

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Speaker 1: there are times when he just wants me to himself.

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Speaker 1: And now I see what he means he doesn't mind

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Speaker 1: sharing me with the world. That's who he met and

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Speaker 1: that's something I was very clear about that this is

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Speaker 1: who I am, this is what I love to do,

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Speaker 1: this is how you met me. I can adjust, but

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Speaker 1: that I'm not going to change that.

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Speaker 2: For you. Necessarily.

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Speaker 1: I'm willing to adjust because I love you and if

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Speaker 1: that means me being more present and making time and

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Speaker 1: carving out time for my schedule for us to go away,

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Speaker 1: and that's what this whole thing is about. This whole

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Speaker 1: episode is to get to this point. Guys, for the

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Speaker 1: first time ever, I am leaving my siblings for Christmas,

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Speaker 1: and even saying that out loud right now makes me

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Speaker 1: want to cry because they have been my world and

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Speaker 1: I love them so much.

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Speaker 2: But the dynamic has changed, and that's okay.

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Speaker 1: And that's one thing I had to heal and detach

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Speaker 1: and cut the umbilical cord, because not only is it

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Speaker 1: not healthy for me, it's not healthy for them. They're growing,

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Speaker 1: they're grown, they're starting their own lives, spreading their wings, flying,

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Speaker 1: making decisions, making mistakes, and that's all part of life.

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Speaker 2: I have been there.

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Speaker 1: I always wanted to save them and keep them from

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Speaker 1: hurting and from falling, and I've learned that I can't

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Speaker 1: do that. I have to allow them to flourish in

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Speaker 1: every sense, in every meaning of the word, because flourishing

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Speaker 1: is not all peaches and cream, and that's okay, and

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Speaker 1: I have to allow that to do what it has

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Speaker 1: to do and let life life, let life life in

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Speaker 1: their life, if that makes any sense. And yeah, I

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Speaker 1: just got this epiphany while I was meditating and I

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Speaker 1: felt it in the deepest part of my soul. I

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Speaker 1: can't even explain how, but I almost like heard it.

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Speaker 1: But it was like, you are to leave for Christmas

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Speaker 1: with your husband, just you and him. And I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god. And it took me a while. It

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Speaker 1: took me like a week after I heard that and

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Speaker 1: I had that like feeling to actually take action. I

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Speaker 1: booked it. So we're going to the snow, We're going

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Speaker 1: to the mountains, just him and I. And anyway, I

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Speaker 1: booked it without really telling him. I just walked into

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Speaker 1: the restroom. I remember we were in the restroom and

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Speaker 1: I just we were doing I think our night routine,

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Speaker 1: and I told him, Babe, guess what, I just booked

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Speaker 1: a trip and we are leaving to the mountains. I

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Speaker 1: want to go to the snow for Christmas. Because he

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Speaker 1: knew we were, I was kind of like on the

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Speaker 1: fence on like what I wanted to do. So he

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Speaker 1: was like, oh my gosh, that's cool. He's like, okay, cool,

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Speaker 1: Like is it going to be us and your siblings?

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Speaker 1: And I said no, actually, it's just going to be

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Speaker 1: you and I. And the look on his face, guys,

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Speaker 1: when I told him was the cutest thing ever. He

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Speaker 1: was so like a kid, just like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: are you serious. He hugged me, He's like, are you serious?

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Speaker 1: Are you sure this is what you want to do?

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Speaker 1: Because he knows how important my siblings are to me,

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Speaker 1: and he has been there through this season of ugh,

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Speaker 1: it was painful, this detaching or this learning to have

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Speaker 1: a healthier relationship with my siblings. Anyway, so the look

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Speaker 1: on his face, it was just it was priceless. And

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Speaker 1: I know right then and there that I had made

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Speaker 1: the right decision. But I'm not gonna lie. It's been difficult.

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Speaker 1: Part of me feels guilty, but again that's just something

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Speaker 1: that I have to work through because I knew that

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Speaker 1: this is exactly what I needed to do, because again,

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Speaker 1: I really felt it was a download from God telling

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Speaker 1: me what I needed to do, so I followed through.

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Speaker 1: But now that it's been almost three months since I

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Speaker 1: booked it, things have changed with my siblings and I.

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Speaker 1: When I booked it, things weren't as good as they

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Speaker 1: are now. But I didn't backtrack. I didn't say, Okay,

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Speaker 1: things are better now. We're just gonna like have Christmas

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Speaker 1: at home the way I always do, because I'm the

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Speaker 1: one that brings us together.

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Speaker 2: I'm that person. I'm the eldest.

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Speaker 1: It's always been that I go all out for every

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Speaker 1: holiday for all of us. And I wasn't going to

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Speaker 1: have Thanksgiving this year because of the situation and how

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Speaker 1: things were, and you know, some siblings weren't talking and

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Speaker 1: things were just very rocky and there was a lot

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Speaker 1: of tension, as I've shared with you guys.

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Speaker 2: So I really didn't.

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Speaker 1: Think we were going to have Thanksgiving. But after having

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Speaker 1: a family meeting, because I booked this in October, right,

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Speaker 1: we have a family meeting literally, I think like three

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Speaker 1: weeks after I had booked it, and the meeting went

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Speaker 1: rather well. We all kind of spoke and spoke our

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Speaker 1: truth and I was able to let some things off

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Speaker 1: my chest and let them know how I was feeling,

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Speaker 1: and things just chilled out, and then the question came up,

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Speaker 1: so are we going to have Thanksgiving? And for me

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Speaker 1: it was already a no. I was just going to

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Speaker 1: go to Emilio's family's house. But then they're like, well,

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Speaker 1: since you're leaving for Christmas. Because when I told them

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Speaker 1: at that meeting, I told them, by the way, I'm

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Speaker 1: leaving for Christmas, and you should have seen the look

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Speaker 1: on their faces.

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Speaker 2: They were like, what.

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Speaker 1: I know.

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Speaker 2: I was like, I know.

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Speaker 1: I straight upset it like this, I need to do this.

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Speaker 1: My husband deserves this. I want to give him quality

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Speaker 1: time and I'm really working on our relationship and working

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Speaker 1: on building my own family. So then that's when they

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Speaker 1: asked me, oh, why am I so emotional? And that's

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Speaker 1: when they asked me, okay, well, since you're leaving for Christmas,

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Speaker 1: are we doing Thanksgiving? And I was like, well, I

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Speaker 1: didn't want to, but okay, since I'm leaving, then yes,

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Speaker 1: we'll have Thanksgiving. And of course, in Jenny fashion, so Janey,

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Speaker 1: I went all out. I got attend, I decorated the house,

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Speaker 1: I made my b because I wasn't gonna usually I

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Speaker 1: made bole for Christmas, but a Medio was like, we're

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Speaker 1: not going to be here, can you please make it

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Speaker 1: for Thanksgiving? So I did, and Jenika made all the

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Speaker 1: side dishes. Immedial fried the turkey this year was awesome.

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Speaker 1: He fed at turkey and it was so delicious. I

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Speaker 1: seasoned it like Casun style. My gosh, you guys, it

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Speaker 1: was the best turkey ever.

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Speaker 2: My bosola was bombed.

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Speaker 1: Jennica like cooked up a storm with like mashed potatoes.

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Speaker 1: Actually no, I made the mashed potatoes. She made the

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Speaker 1: stuffing and mac and cheese and it was delicious. And

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Speaker 1: then a Medio's family came, so it was like a

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Speaker 1: huge Thanksgiving from like not doing Thanksgiving at all to

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Speaker 1: like having like a big Thanksgiving that's so me, Like

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Speaker 1: I made it happen.

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Speaker 2: I was like, don't even trip.

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Speaker 1: I got this. You know, it's freaking two and a

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Speaker 1: half weeks from now. I got this. I got it

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Speaker 1: all together. We had friends and family there, so it

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Speaker 1: was just all of us.

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Speaker 2: I decorated. It was so cute.

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Speaker 1: I made these like little turkeys that had like little

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Speaker 1: bubble heads kind of like a big face of everyone

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Speaker 1: that was going to be present. So it was really cute.

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Speaker 1: I think Jenica posted it on her snapchat. I didn't

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Speaker 1: really post that day, but she posted it and it

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Speaker 1: was really cute, and they were very grateful and it

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Speaker 1: was an amazing, beautiful, beautiful Thanksgiving. We all prayed together.

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Speaker 1: I love having my house like that, guys, filled, Like

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Speaker 1: I love hosting, Like that's no secret anyone that knows me,

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Speaker 1: even you guys. We've had a whole episode on party planning.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm an expert. I freaking like I

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Speaker 1: love it and it made me very very happy. But

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. Like, after Thanksgiving and after like

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Speaker 1: the amazing time we had, it was so fun, things

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Speaker 1: were like almost like back to normal because we're all

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Speaker 1: grown and there's like this silent respect amongst all of

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Speaker 1: us now that we're just respecting each other as adults.

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Speaker 1: It's weird because for me, it was like, they're my

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Speaker 1: kids and I'm gonna tell them how things are, and

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Speaker 1: it's like, no, I've stepped away from that role of

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Speaker 1: being a second mother and now I'm just a big

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Speaker 1: sister and if they come to me and they want advice,

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Speaker 1: I'm here. But I'm not like stepping in or giving

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Speaker 1: my unsolicited advice anymore, because that was so me. I

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Speaker 1: was like, wait a second, I think you're doing this wrong,

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Speaker 1: and I think you should do that, like I've stopped that,

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Speaker 1: and I think they do realize it, because Jenica made

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Speaker 1: a comment the other day of like I've seen and

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Speaker 1: I've noticed that you've stepped back a little bit. So

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Speaker 1: that to me was like, okay, Like I I'm not

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Speaker 1: even trying to be mean or to teach anyone a lesson,

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Speaker 1: Like this is real, what's happening with me and in

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Speaker 1: my personal life with my siblings and my husband.

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Speaker 2: It's real.

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Speaker 1: And I didn't even know if they had noticed, but

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Speaker 1: I guess they do. And it's just different, but it's nice,

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Speaker 1: it's healthy. I never thought that we had an unhealthy relationship.

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Speaker 1: We were just really really close, and I think we

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Speaker 1: were so close that it was like we didn't want

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Speaker 1: to make any moves in our lives unless we all agreed.

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Speaker 1: Or maybe they were just afraid of me disagreeing and

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Speaker 1: what my opinion was going to be. So I had

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Speaker 1: to hear them out and understand that. And now I

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Speaker 1: could tell you that we have a better relationship. It's

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Speaker 1: different or not as close as we were, but we're

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Speaker 1: learning and we're growing together, and now I can proudly

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Speaker 1: say that I am starting my own family traditions. And

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Speaker 1: this is the first year, so I don't know exactly

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Speaker 1: how it's going to go, but I will tell you.

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Speaker 1: I always decorated the house because I knew people were

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Speaker 1: going to come, and I would go all out with

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Speaker 1: my big ass sixteen foot tree. It was like huge,

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Speaker 1: and it's an artificial tree. And even with that, even

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Speaker 1: that small little thing of like, I was like, I'm

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Speaker 1: not going to do that this year. I decorated very

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Speaker 1: like little at the house this year. Emilio, since I

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Speaker 1: told him I was like, I'm not going to do

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Speaker 1: the big tree, Like I don't really want to do

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Speaker 1: that this year. He's like, well, what if we just

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Speaker 1: go out and buy our own tree, like a real tree.

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Speaker 2: I think it'd be nice. I'm like, yeah, actually, that's

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Speaker 2: not a bad idea.

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Speaker 1: We'll put it in the family room instead of like

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Speaker 1: the formal living room like I usually do.

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Speaker 2: And we did. We went one day late.

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Speaker 1: Like at seven pm I think it was like during

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Speaker 1: the week, and I was like, let's go get our tree,

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Speaker 1: and he chose it I was like, I just know

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Speaker 1: the size I want, and it was wrapped up and

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Speaker 1: I was like, well, I want to see it, you know.

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Speaker 1: I'm like I want to see if I like it.

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Speaker 1: He's like no, He's like, let's just take it, like

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Speaker 1: this is the one I think looks nice and and

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Speaker 1: whatever comes out, that's our tree.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, you're right. I was like okay, So we.

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Speaker 1: Did it, and oh my god, guys, the tree is

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Speaker 1: so cute. It's tiny, like not tiny, but it's like

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Speaker 1: smaller than I've had in a long time. It's like

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Speaker 1: a what like a nine, maybe like a seven, I

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Speaker 1: don't know. Anyway, it's small but cute. And that night

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Speaker 1: we just brought it home and we put it in

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Speaker 1: its place, and we had no decor. I hadn't bought

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00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,520
Speaker 1: in lights or anything. I was like, let's buy the

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00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:58,239
Speaker 1: tree first. So then I just went on Amazon and

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00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:01,160
Speaker 1: purchased everything, and then it got there a few days later.

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Speaker 1: And then the stuff sat there for a while until

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Speaker 1: like we're like, okay, today's day and we just did

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00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:10,040
Speaker 1: it just a few days ago on a Sunday. I

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00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,280
Speaker 1: was like, you know what, the stuff has been sitting

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Speaker 1: there for a few days, let's freaking do it. So

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00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:18,600
Speaker 1: we put on Christmas music and he wanted cookies, so

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Speaker 1: I made him some cookies.

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Speaker 2: He loves sugar cookies.

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Speaker 1: And we just did it like we were together, just

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Speaker 1: him and I putting the lights on and like every

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Speaker 1: little ornament and I was looking at the tree this

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Speaker 1: morning and I'm.

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Speaker 2: Like, oh my goodness, there's some little spots missing.

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Speaker 1: But He's like, it's okay, that's the way it's meant

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Speaker 1: to be, that we did it together and like it

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Speaker 1: doesn't have to be perfect, and I'm like, yeah, you're right,

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Speaker 1: you're right.

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Speaker 2: So that's what he teaches me, guys.

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Speaker 1: Where it's like I want to like i'm more very

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Speaker 1: just precise and organized, and he really just brings me

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Speaker 1: back to like be present, just.

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Speaker 2: Let it be, just enjoy the moment.

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Speaker 1: Enjoy However, the damn tree, even if it's lopsided, it

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Speaker 1: doesn't matter.

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Speaker 2: We chose it together. I'm like, you know what, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: this is what it's all about.

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Speaker 1: And I love that. And so now that's what we're doing.

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00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:08,280
Speaker 1: And it was just him and I and it was beautiful.

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00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,600
Speaker 1: After Thanksgiving, I did think I'm like, damn, should we

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00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:22,520
Speaker 1: just stay for Christmas. I really did think that, and

339
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,840
Speaker 1: I had bought insurance, well, I mean, I bought insurance

340
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:29,360
Speaker 1: for the house that we're getting the airbnb. But I'm like, no,

341
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,159
Speaker 1: I know what God told me. God told me I

342
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:35,000
Speaker 1: need to do this, and I need to obey, and

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Speaker 1: this is good for us, this is good for him

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00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:39,760
Speaker 1: and I and I will never forget his face, how

345
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,400
Speaker 1: happy and how excited he was, and how grateful he

346
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:49,040
Speaker 1: was because he deserves it and he's been a good husband.

347
00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:51,760
Speaker 1: And I know that my life comes with a lot.

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00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:54,960
Speaker 1: That's how I know that this is my person because

349
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:58,280
Speaker 1: not once did he ever say when Johnny lived with us,

350
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:02,359
Speaker 1: how much I struggled in the middle of this year

351
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,600
Speaker 1: with everything going on with my siblings. Not once did

352
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:11,840
Speaker 1: he complain, did he ever say like anything negative, not

353
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:15,520
Speaker 1: one time. He allowed me to figure this out on

354
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:20,439
Speaker 1: my own, and I have, and it hasn't been easy.

355
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:24,080
Speaker 1: This change has been uncomfortable for me in moments, but

356
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:27,360
Speaker 1: I know that this is what's healthier for my siblings

357
00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:30,000
Speaker 1: and I. But he was just there every time I cried,

358
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:33,680
Speaker 1: and he would do anything to make me happy, take

359
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:37,199
Speaker 1: me flowers and chocolates and all these things that just

360
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,000
Speaker 1: he knows is going to make me smile, and he

361
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:40,959
Speaker 1: did it, and so I'm like, you know what, he

362
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:44,080
Speaker 1: was there for me, so I can't change it. I'm

363
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:47,240
Speaker 1: actually looking forward to leaving with him and taking a drive,

364
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,639
Speaker 1: going to the snow and sitting there, even if we

365
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,239
Speaker 1: do nothing, watch movies. I don't even know what it's

366
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:55,000
Speaker 1: going to look like. I don't know if this is

367
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,080
Speaker 1: going to be part of our holiday tradition, if we're

368
00:20:57,080 --> 00:21:00,119
Speaker 1: going to continue to leave just him and I for Christmas, yes,

369
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:04,080
Speaker 1: because it's so different. Guys, I have not boughten one gift,

370
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:09,000
Speaker 1: not one gift have I gotten, And that's so rare

371
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:14,119
Speaker 1: for me because I love gift giving. I love to give.

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00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,560
Speaker 1: I feel like I've been giving in a different way

373
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:20,399
Speaker 1: this year, outside of my inner circle, outside of my

374
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,280
Speaker 1: siblings usually, like I put so much thought into like

375
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:24,879
Speaker 1: what am I going to buy them? And what am

376
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:28,480
Speaker 1: I going to buy even my husband, Like my heart

377
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 1: just wants to give to people in need. And I

378
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,520
Speaker 1: think that my siblings and everyone will understand because I

379
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:40,159
Speaker 1: am a giver and I give all year long, and

380
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:42,600
Speaker 1: maybe this is my year to receive.

381
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:44,040
Speaker 2: I don't know.

382
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:48,160
Speaker 1: I'm just literally just realizing that right now as I'm

383
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,720
Speaker 1: speaking to you guys, I don't know. I just don't

384
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,879
Speaker 1: think I'm gonna buy any gifts this year, and that

385
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:58,000
Speaker 1: is so weird for me, and I don't know where

386
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:04,199
Speaker 1: that's coming from, but I'm just realizing a lot. And

387
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:08,399
Speaker 1: maybe I'm a giver because it feels good to give.

388
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:14,720
Speaker 1: But also, someone made a comment in my family and

389
00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:21,320
Speaker 1: I won't say who it was, but they did say,

390
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:27,439
Speaker 1: you can't buy everyone's love, Janney, and it's stuck with me,

391
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:30,800
Speaker 1: and I'm like, it's not what I do and that's

392
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:34,879
Speaker 1: not why I do it, but it did something in

393
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:39,080
Speaker 1: my heart, and I was like, okay, and it just

394
00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:45,680
Speaker 1: took away that desire of going all out because I do.

395
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,720
Speaker 1: I don't care about the price. I just want to

396
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,560
Speaker 1: make people happy, like it genuinely makes me happy to

397
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:56,840
Speaker 1: make people happy, like it really does. So right now,

398
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,000
Speaker 1: what my heart wants to do is give to those

399
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:02,840
Speaker 1: a need and hew and donate and volunteer, and that's

400
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 1: what's making me happy. And just know that the people

401
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,320
Speaker 1: that are used to me giving and being extravagant with

402
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:14,800
Speaker 1: my gifts, knowing that they're gonna love me whether I

403
00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:17,160
Speaker 1: give them an expensive gift or a gift at all,

404
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,760
Speaker 1: and I think that's kind of again. I'm not even

405
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,160
Speaker 1: doing it to teach anyone a lesson or anything. It's

406
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:27,639
Speaker 1: just really where my heart is right now, and I

407
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:31,159
Speaker 1: think that's okay. Christmas is so much more than just

408
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:37,320
Speaker 1: gift giving, and we'll see, and maybe this is something

409
00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:41,280
Speaker 1: that needs to happen to realize other things.

410
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:42,000
Speaker 2: I don't know.

411
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 1: Again, this is just something that is coming out of

412
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:50,960
Speaker 1: me as I'm speaking here on this mic, but that's

413
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,320
Speaker 1: where I'm at. And I even told Emia. I was like,

414
00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:56,280
Speaker 1: please don't buy me any gifts. I don't want any

415
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:59,639
Speaker 1: gifts to Sere like, thank God, I don't need anything.

416
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:03,119
Speaker 1: I just want quality time. And he said he's not

417
00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:05,040
Speaker 1: going to listen to me. He's still gonna buy me things.

418
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:08,000
Speaker 1: So I'm like, okay, but I was honest. I'm like,

419
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:11,320
Speaker 1: I just I haven't gotten one gift and it's I

420
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:13,760
Speaker 1: just I don't know, and I don't know why I

421
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,160
Speaker 1: feel this way, or maybe it's just because the year

422
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:18,520
Speaker 1: has been so heavy. I don't want to go to

423
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:20,320
Speaker 1: the mall and I don't want to shop and I

424
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:24,240
Speaker 1: just don't and I think that's okay. I think we

425
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,800
Speaker 1: can give love and give gifts in other ways. And

426
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:32,480
Speaker 1: I think this is also a lesson for me to

427
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:37,879
Speaker 1: just give more quality time to the people around me.

428
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 1: And yeah, and that's what I'm doing with my husband,

429
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:44,639
Speaker 1: So it starts there. That's what I want to do.

430
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:48,119
Speaker 1: And I'm excited because we have a full kitchen, so

431
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,760
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be able to cook for him and hopefully

432
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 1: God willing, it's snowing, because I really want to take

433
00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:58,000
Speaker 1: whole pictures in the snow and just bake and chill

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00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:02,879
Speaker 1: and maybe go to a bar and have and just chill, guys, like,

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00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:08,240
Speaker 1: really leave everything, all the worries, everything behind. I'm not

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00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:10,080
Speaker 1: gonna take my agenda. I don't want to do any

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00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:12,960
Speaker 1: work out there. I just want to be present and.

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00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:15,280
Speaker 2: Have fun.

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00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:17,199
Speaker 1: And I think I'm going to be able to just

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00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:20,240
Speaker 1: heal part of my inner child as well out there

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00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:23,280
Speaker 1: and just tend to my inner child because that's when

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00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 1: him and I have the most fun.

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00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:26,280
Speaker 2: So that's what we're gonna do.

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Speaker 1: It was a very hard decision, but a necessary one,

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00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:35,960
Speaker 1: and I'll let you guys know how it went. I'm

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00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,159
Speaker 1: sure I'm gonna miss my siblings, of course, because it

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00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:40,679
Speaker 1: hurts my feelings because they don't know what they're doing.

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00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:52,320
Speaker 1: I know, it sounds silly. It sounds silly because it's like, oh,

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00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:55,439
Speaker 1: it's just you know, you're going away for Christmas. Like,

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00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:57,399
Speaker 1: thank God, I'm going away with someone I love and

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00:25:57,440 --> 00:26:03,040
Speaker 1: I enjoy. But still it's like all I've known is

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00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:10,040
Speaker 1: my siblings, you know, But this is part of growing up,

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00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 1: and this is part of growing and maturing. And you know,

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00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:19,879
Speaker 1: Jennica's stepping up and she says she's gonna have Christmas

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00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:25,480
Speaker 1: at her house and I don't know. I don't know

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00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:28,200
Speaker 1: how i'm gonna feel that day. I'm sure i'm gonna

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00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 1: miss them and think about them and maybe we'll FaceTime.

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00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:37,639
Speaker 1: Thank God for FaceTime. But the point is that I

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00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:44,640
Speaker 1: am really stepping up and listening and not ignoring those

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00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:51,520
Speaker 1: callings and those gut feelings are intuition, my intuition that's

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00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:53,240
Speaker 1: speaking to me and telling me that I need to

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00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:58,119
Speaker 1: do this. And even though it's scary and it's something

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00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 1: very unknown, I know that I need to do it

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00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:07,520
Speaker 1: and I'm excited, but I'm also nervous. And yeah, thank god.

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00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 1: We had a good Thanksgiving. It was a beautiful Thanksgiving,

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00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 1: and I'm grateful for that, and things are better, so

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00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:18,639
Speaker 1: they'll figure it out. They'll figure it out. Johnny's the

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00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,399
Speaker 1: one that concerns me the most. He doesn't know what

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00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:28,840
Speaker 1: he's going to do. But anyways, anyway, thank you guys

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00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 1: for listening. I didn't expect to cry. I didn't know

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00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:36,399
Speaker 1: how this was going to go. Again, I didn't have

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00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:40,639
Speaker 1: a plan. I didn't really know exactly what I wanted

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00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:43,479
Speaker 1: to say. But maybe those are the episodes that are

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00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 1: the best when you just speak from the heart. I'm

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00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:50,199
Speaker 1: grateful for you, guys, because you guys listened to me,

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00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 1: and you guys let me sit here and cry with you.

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00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:56,399
Speaker 1: I don't even know if you're crying, but I'm crying.

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00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:00,240
Speaker 1: But anyway, I'm grateful for you. And I hope you

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00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:03,679
Speaker 1: guys have an amazing Christmas. And I hope that you

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00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:06,520
Speaker 1: guys start your own traditions, whatever it may be, with

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00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:09,040
Speaker 1: your family, with your siblings, with your loved one, whoever.

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00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:13,080
Speaker 1: I hope that you guys have an amazing, amazing Christmas.

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00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:16,000
Speaker 1: And I will let you know how my.

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00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:20,040
Speaker 2: Trip goes on the next episode of Cheeky's and Chill.

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00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:27,720
Speaker 1: This is a production of iHeartRadio and the Micaeldura podcast Network.

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00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:31,080
Speaker 1: Follow us on Instagram at Michael Doura Podcasts, then follow

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00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:33,800
Speaker 1: me Cheeky's That's c h i q u i s.

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00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:38,760
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

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00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast