1 00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:07,880 Speaker 1: This is Unbreakable with Jay Glazer, a mental health podcast 2 00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:10,960 Speaker 1: helping you out of the gray and into the blue. 3 00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:17,880 Speaker 1: Now here's Jay Glazer. Welcome into Unbreakable, a mental health 4 00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: podcast with Jay Glazer. I am your host, Jay Glazer. 5 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:23,720 Speaker 1: And for those who are listening for the first time, 6 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:27,840 Speaker 1: the reason why I'm doing a podcast is it's time 7 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:31,080 Speaker 1: that somebody starts giving words to mental health. And God 8 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,320 Speaker 1: bless me with the ability to communicate. And you may 9 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:35,720 Speaker 1: know me from the NFL and Fox and Follers and 10 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:39,920 Speaker 1: mixed martial arts. And for years I just hid my issues. 11 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 1: I call my depression anxiety a d D. Together um, 12 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:45,920 Speaker 1: I call it living in the gray. But what this 13 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:47,960 Speaker 1: journey has allowed me to do as I've started to 14 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,960 Speaker 1: open up, it started to bring people into my life 15 00:00:51,479 --> 00:00:54,400 Speaker 1: that I never would have been close with. It never 16 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:57,680 Speaker 1: would have come across and today's Yes or one of 17 00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:01,160 Speaker 1: those people. And you probably know him from School of Greatness. 18 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,880 Speaker 1: The White House named him one of the top one 19 00:01:05,959 --> 00:01:10,160 Speaker 1: entrepreneurs under thirty in the world. He has his School 20 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:13,800 Speaker 1: of Greatness podcast. He is a all two sport All 21 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:17,680 Speaker 1: Americans on the USA men's national handball team. But the 22 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:19,959 Speaker 1: thing here and his name is Lewis House and the 23 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:22,840 Speaker 1: thing here for me and Louis. Welcome into the show. Brother. 24 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:26,320 Speaker 1: I appreciate you joining me the thing here with us, Louis. 25 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:29,240 Speaker 1: People out there listening. Why I have Louisan besides him 26 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:32,160 Speaker 1: being an absolute rock star. When I was on my 27 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:34,880 Speaker 1: book tour, trying to just open up and talk about 28 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:36,720 Speaker 1: mental health every once in a while and just come 29 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:39,160 Speaker 1: across somebody in your life. For men, you just connect 30 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,520 Speaker 1: and you feel like you grew up with that person. 31 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:45,319 Speaker 1: And that's what Lewis was. We I sat there with you, 32 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:48,280 Speaker 1: man for that first podcast, that podcast you and I did, 33 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 1: and I cried to you probably thirty times, and I 34 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:54,080 Speaker 1: did a lot of podcasts. But there's something about you, 35 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:58,280 Speaker 1: something about your heart and your masculinity and vulnerability at 36 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:00,600 Speaker 1: the same time, which just got me to neck with you. 37 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:03,640 Speaker 1: And I'm sure that's what makes you great as an interviewer. 38 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:06,280 Speaker 1: But man, you just have the special thing and I'm 39 00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:09,800 Speaker 1: honored that we've become brothers now as a result. Thanks 40 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:12,079 Speaker 1: for havingan J Appreciate you, brother, that's a yeah. There's 41 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 1: not many books that I finished from start to finish, 42 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:16,760 Speaker 1: and yours I was able to get through all the 43 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:19,480 Speaker 1: way because I think of your realness and how much 44 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:22,520 Speaker 1: I was laughing as well as you know, you touched 45 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,080 Speaker 1: my heart by you opening up and you're sharing your stories. 46 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:27,440 Speaker 1: And I love seeing the messages from people who have 47 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:29,799 Speaker 1: read your book and just heard your story. The more 48 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:31,919 Speaker 1: you open up about it, how how they can relate 49 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:34,520 Speaker 1: to you. And I think me and you growing up, Jay, 50 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:37,680 Speaker 1: you know we talked about this before. How when I was, 51 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:40,160 Speaker 1: you know, eight years old, twelve years old, sixteen year 52 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 1: old year old planning sports with other guys, I was 53 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:46,000 Speaker 1: never allowed to show emotion unless there was one emotion, 54 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:48,600 Speaker 1: anger or stoicism. Right. It was like you either have 55 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:52,160 Speaker 1: to have full passion and anger towards being on attack 56 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,880 Speaker 1: in the basketball court, football field, whatever it might be. 57 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,160 Speaker 1: But I could never put my arm around the buddy 58 00:02:57,200 --> 00:03:01,040 Speaker 1: of mine and show any of their ocean otherwise I 59 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,520 Speaker 1: would be made fun of, picked on, pushed off. You know, 60 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:06,799 Speaker 1: said all these things about me, and so I think 61 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:08,799 Speaker 1: for guys like me and you're growing up, we had 62 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,320 Speaker 1: big hearts, We had a lot of feeling, We had 63 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:14,080 Speaker 1: a range of emotion, but we weren't allowed to express it. 64 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:15,320 Speaker 1: And I think, like a lot of men they weren't 65 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:18,000 Speaker 1: allowed to either, which causes a lot of anxiety stressed 66 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:22,280 Speaker 1: to pressure in tension, overwhelmed pressure, unlike the good type 67 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:24,799 Speaker 1: of pressure. You know, there's there's a healthy pressure and 68 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:28,960 Speaker 1: an unhealthy pressure. And I think, um, with the unhealthy pressure, 69 00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:32,280 Speaker 1: you explode. With the healthy pressure, you create a diamond. 70 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:34,360 Speaker 1: And so it's learning how to use the range of 71 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:38,040 Speaker 1: emotions so that we can mold ourselves into the beautiful diamonds. 72 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,800 Speaker 1: Way up. We both grew up with learning disabilities. Right 73 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:43,040 Speaker 1: I had had a d D, i'd be on the 74 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,560 Speaker 1: a d D. I had elemental, you know, and I 75 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,440 Speaker 1: was to have a learning disability. I'm like and to 76 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,040 Speaker 1: this day, I'm like, no, I just learned differently than 77 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:55,600 Speaker 1: rest y'all and us. Right, absolutely, And that's why I 78 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,680 Speaker 1: talked to me to finish reading a book, because it's 79 00:03:58,160 --> 00:03:59,880 Speaker 1: I can read a page and then I keep reading 80 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:01,800 Speaker 1: this same page because I'm like, what this just happened? 81 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:05,000 Speaker 1: What does this word say? And I remember thinking something 82 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:06,760 Speaker 1: was wrong with me because of that, you know, I 83 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,880 Speaker 1: was when I went to eighth grade. I went to 84 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:10,880 Speaker 1: a different school in eighth grade, so they had these 85 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:14,440 Speaker 1: all these standardized tests for me to enter to see 86 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:17,279 Speaker 1: where my skill level was, and I had a second 87 00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:20,080 Speaker 1: grade reading level in eighth grade. So I remember feeling 88 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:24,680 Speaker 1: so humiliated because during recess um or during the lunch break, 89 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:27,120 Speaker 1: which was kind of like the outdoor playground recess thing, 90 00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:31,440 Speaker 1: everyone was, you know, out playing outside, hanging out. I 91 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,800 Speaker 1: was in the classroom, one on one learning how to read. Still, 92 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:37,159 Speaker 1: and that happened all the way through high school for me. 93 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,960 Speaker 1: Bleuis you and I have had a lot of similarities, right, 94 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,320 Speaker 1: So I was broke at one point. I went from 95 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 1: broke down, break up arrived. I've known all you were 96 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:47,480 Speaker 1: broke living on your sister's couch. I learned the disability 97 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:51,520 Speaker 1: growing up in a d D. You had dyslexia, and 98 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:55,440 Speaker 1: you had a lot of childhood trauma also. Um, so 99 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:58,520 Speaker 1: we we have a lot of similarities. When did you 100 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:02,760 Speaker 1: realize nothing's wrong with me? I'm just different than people, 101 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:06,680 Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean something's wrong with me. Oh man, Shoot. 102 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:08,800 Speaker 1: The moment I think I found out that something wasn't 103 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:10,800 Speaker 1: wrong with me was once when I was thirty years old, 104 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,080 Speaker 1: I went to I was having a lot of different 105 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:16,200 Speaker 1: challenges in my life at the time, everything on the 106 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:19,640 Speaker 1: outside seemed like it was going well. I was making money, 107 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:22,080 Speaker 1: my business was growing, I had just gotten into a 108 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:25,240 Speaker 1: new relationship. All these different things seemed like they're going 109 00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:29,240 Speaker 1: well until about, you know, a few months later, when 110 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,839 Speaker 1: I thought everything was going to be perfect, everything started 111 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:37,440 Speaker 1: going wrong in my life. My business partnership started not working, uh, 112 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:39,920 Speaker 1: the intimate relationship I was in it was having a 113 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:44,200 Speaker 1: lot of up and down challenges, and I I felt 114 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:47,480 Speaker 1: like I was reacting to everything in the world. I 115 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,640 Speaker 1: would play pick up basketball and I would get in 116 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 1: pretty much a fight almost every time I would go 117 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:56,159 Speaker 1: play over a fun pickup basketball game. I would drive 118 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,560 Speaker 1: down the street in l A and maybe maybe this 119 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,400 Speaker 1: happens for everyone in l A traffic. I would drive 120 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:01,839 Speaker 1: down the street in l A traffic, and I would 121 00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:04,240 Speaker 1: get annoyed and frustrated and screaming at people pretty much 122 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,160 Speaker 1: every day for any little thing that would happen. If 123 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:08,120 Speaker 1: someone cut me off, even if they weren't trying to, 124 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:10,440 Speaker 1: I would take it personally. And so there were so 125 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:13,800 Speaker 1: many things happening that felt like the world was against me, 126 00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:17,599 Speaker 1: that like everyone thing was an attack against me personally 127 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:19,440 Speaker 1: in life, and I felt like I needed to defend 128 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,760 Speaker 1: myself against everyone and everything. And this was happening for 129 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:26,799 Speaker 1: many months, and I remember I got into a brig 130 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:28,960 Speaker 1: one of these days at the basketball court. I got 131 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,520 Speaker 1: into a pretty bad fight, fist fight. It wasn't just 132 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:34,240 Speaker 1: like a shoving and you know, screaming match. It was 133 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:37,200 Speaker 1: an actual fist fight. And I remember my friend, good 134 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:38,560 Speaker 1: buddy of mine was there that I've known for a 135 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 1: long time. And he goes afterwards the day later, he goes, 136 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,479 Speaker 1: what are you doing, man, Like, we're just we're having fun, 137 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,520 Speaker 1: and you're over here picking fights with people for no reason, 138 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,400 Speaker 1: some some punks who we're just having a pick up 139 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:51,920 Speaker 1: basketball game. Why did you get into a physical fist fight. 140 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,080 Speaker 1: I mean there's like blood on the cord, the whole thing, right, 141 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:57,080 Speaker 1: It was like a big deal. And I remember thinking 142 00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:59,479 Speaker 1: to myself, I don't know why, Like I really don't 143 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,320 Speaker 1: know why. And he goes to be honest, man, I 144 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:02,680 Speaker 1: don't want to hang out with you anymore if you're 145 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,640 Speaker 1: gonna keeping like this, because you're gonna get You're gonna 146 00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:07,720 Speaker 1: get you're gonna get hurt. You're gonna get me hurt. Like, 147 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:09,880 Speaker 1: I don't know what's going on. Why can't we just 148 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:11,520 Speaker 1: have fun? Why does everything have to be a fight? 149 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:13,600 Speaker 1: You know, I wasn't fighting with him, but he was 150 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:15,280 Speaker 1: in he was there, and he could have got hurt. 151 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:17,440 Speaker 1: And I remember thinking to myself like, oh, this is 152 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,760 Speaker 1: a wake up call. Like my best friend who I've 153 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:22,240 Speaker 1: known for the longest, it doesn't want to hang out 154 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,800 Speaker 1: with me if I keep behaving this way. And that 155 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:26,240 Speaker 1: was a wake up call. I mean, it wasn't like 156 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:27,760 Speaker 1: mean about it. He was just like, man, you need 157 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:32,000 Speaker 1: you got to change something. This doesn't work for me exactly. 158 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:35,600 Speaker 1: And I remember saying, Okay, let me take a look 159 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:37,840 Speaker 1: in the mirror and see what's going on, Like, what's 160 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:40,560 Speaker 1: what's wrong with me? What is something I need to improve? 161 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:43,480 Speaker 1: Or why am I acting this way? Long story short. 162 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:46,960 Speaker 1: I started going through all the different experts that I could, 163 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:50,360 Speaker 1: different therapists, I started doing, taking workshops, I started reading 164 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:54,040 Speaker 1: books about just emotional intelligence, healing, all these different things 165 00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:56,560 Speaker 1: to see is there something wrong with me or is 166 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,880 Speaker 1: everyone else messed up? And I'm the one who's okay 167 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:02,080 Speaker 1: and everyone else is just and no one understands and 168 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:03,800 Speaker 1: no one gets me. Right. That was kind of like 169 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,160 Speaker 1: no one gets me all that stuff. And I went 170 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:09,000 Speaker 1: to this workshop for um. It was like a five 171 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,680 Speaker 1: day workshop that that changed everything for me. It really 172 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:14,440 Speaker 1: opened up my life in a different way. There were 173 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:16,720 Speaker 1: many different It was an emotional intelligence workshop in l 174 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:21,840 Speaker 1: A and there were many different exercises, many different conversations. 175 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:25,560 Speaker 1: Group get little games that you would play that would 176 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:28,560 Speaker 1: help you reflect on your life. So we create a scenario, 177 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:32,120 Speaker 1: things would happen, and then after the scenario, you would 178 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,080 Speaker 1: reflect about it, you would journal about it, you would 179 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,280 Speaker 1: ask yourself, Okay, why did I react this way? Why 180 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:38,680 Speaker 1: did I show up this way? And then it is 181 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:42,000 Speaker 1: to help us essentially find the things that were hurting 182 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,680 Speaker 1: us the most and start the healing process and start 183 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:47,600 Speaker 1: unwinding them and reflecting on those things in our life 184 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:50,400 Speaker 1: like be childhood or traumatic events. And one of the 185 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:54,840 Speaker 1: days in this workshop, there was a moment about halfway 186 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 1: through where the trainer said, Okay, we've gone over all 187 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:01,640 Speaker 1: these things from our past. We've talked about our parents, 188 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:04,120 Speaker 1: we talked about past relationships, we talked about things that 189 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,160 Speaker 1: hurt us in our life, and now we're gonna start 190 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,800 Speaker 1: creating a vision for our future of what we want 191 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:11,360 Speaker 1: to create in our life. What's our what's our ideal 192 00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:14,120 Speaker 1: relationships want to look like our careers. All these different 193 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,280 Speaker 1: things are health, what do we what do we want 194 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:18,920 Speaker 1: them to look like. In order to do that, we 195 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:22,880 Speaker 1: need to make sure there's nothing uncovered. There's no stone 196 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:26,520 Speaker 1: unturned from the past. So if there's anything you need 197 00:09:26,559 --> 00:09:31,240 Speaker 1: to say, now is your moment. I remember thinking to myself, Man, okay. 198 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:33,720 Speaker 1: I talked about, you know, my brother going to prison 199 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,880 Speaker 1: for four years and how that affected me as a 200 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:39,160 Speaker 1: young boy, and what I had to go through experiencing that. 201 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,080 Speaker 1: I talked about my parents going through a divorce. I 202 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,800 Speaker 1: talked about different breakups. I talked about these all these 203 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,920 Speaker 1: different challenges that I hadn't had as a kid, all 204 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:48,680 Speaker 1: this different stuff. And I feel good because I finally 205 00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:52,040 Speaker 1: started to open up about these challenges. And I was like, hmmm, 206 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:55,239 Speaker 1: what about that one thing that no one has ever 207 00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:57,760 Speaker 1: heard me say? What about that one thing that no 208 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,520 Speaker 1: one knows about me? The one thing that if anyone 209 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,560 Speaker 1: knew this about me, no one would love me, no 210 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:05,439 Speaker 1: one would accept me, everyone would think that was wrong. 211 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:08,040 Speaker 1: And I was like, why is this one thing in 212 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:11,959 Speaker 1: my mind always come up pretty much every single day, 213 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,200 Speaker 1: but I've never had the courage to tell anyone now, 214 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,600 Speaker 1: my parents, not friends, no one for twenty five years. 215 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:21,160 Speaker 1: And so for whatever reason, in this environment, in this event, 216 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,800 Speaker 1: I stood up and I shared the story for the 217 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:27,040 Speaker 1: first time at thirty years old, about being sexually views 218 00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,560 Speaker 1: when I was five years old by a man that 219 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:32,840 Speaker 1: I didn't know, and and I told the whole story, 220 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,360 Speaker 1: and for the first time, I remember at the end 221 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:39,520 Speaker 1: being so scared. I started weeping, I started crying. I 222 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:41,760 Speaker 1: left the room. I ran out of the room afterwards 223 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:45,000 Speaker 1: because I was afraid that essentially my life was over 224 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:48,319 Speaker 1: down That's what I was afraid. There's probably forty people 225 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:50,640 Speaker 1: in the room, you know, still today, one of the 226 00:10:50,679 --> 00:10:52,960 Speaker 1: most memorable moments of my life, one of the most 227 00:10:53,559 --> 00:10:56,679 Speaker 1: touching moments of my life. As I'm outside, I left 228 00:10:56,679 --> 00:10:59,840 Speaker 1: this kind of hotel conference room after I shared this story, 229 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:03,480 Speaker 1: I'm crying. I leave the room and I literally go 230 00:11:03,679 --> 00:11:05,800 Speaker 1: outside of the hotel and it was kind of like 231 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:08,640 Speaker 1: a back I don't know, street or back alley behind 232 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:11,320 Speaker 1: the hotel that I went out to, and I was 233 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:14,200 Speaker 1: just like had my head my hand against my head, 234 00:11:14,559 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 1: leaning against kind of this back wall across the street, 235 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:20,400 Speaker 1: and remember just being like, okay, I'm done, Like I'm 236 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:23,679 Speaker 1: not going back in there. My life is over now 237 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:26,360 Speaker 1: that these people know this about me. And again, this 238 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:29,600 Speaker 1: is probably one of the most beautiful memories that I have. 239 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,400 Speaker 1: There was a man that came out from the event, 240 00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:35,160 Speaker 1: probably a fifty five year old man, and I'm thirty 241 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:37,720 Speaker 1: at this time. He comes out, he touches my back 242 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:40,520 Speaker 1: and my shoulder. He grabs me. He turns me around, 243 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,240 Speaker 1: he looks me, he stares at me. He holds my shoulders, 244 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:45,080 Speaker 1: looks me in the eyes, and he says, you're my hero. 245 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,840 Speaker 1: I holds my shoulders, says he says, you're my hero. 246 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:54,760 Speaker 1: He says, I've been holding this for fifty years. I've 247 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:58,240 Speaker 1: got three kids. My wife doesn't know, my kids don't know. 248 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:01,160 Speaker 1: I was sexually abused over and over again as a child, 249 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,320 Speaker 1: and I thought I was gonna hold this to my grave. 250 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:08,440 Speaker 1: And I was just like stare. I'm like already emotional wreck. 251 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:12,920 Speaker 1: I'm looking at this guy, thinking what is happening right now? 252 00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:16,120 Speaker 1: And he tells me the story. He like gives me this, 253 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:19,960 Speaker 1: you know, vulnerable stare holding my shoulders. He pulls me 254 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,400 Speaker 1: and he grabs me and hugs me, and I was 255 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:24,640 Speaker 1: just we're both now I'm weeping even more because I 256 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:27,560 Speaker 1: would feel for once, because I feel accepted for the 257 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:31,280 Speaker 1: first time by a man in a vulnerable conversation, because 258 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:33,800 Speaker 1: that had never happened before. And so I go, Wow, 259 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,480 Speaker 1: what was crazier is one by one, there's probably like 260 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:39,400 Speaker 1: I'm a twenty men in the group of this forty 261 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,920 Speaker 1: person group. One by one, the men in the room 262 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,840 Speaker 1: came out and they all shared a vulnerable story with me. 263 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:48,120 Speaker 1: Not everyone had dealt with sexual abuse, but more of 264 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:54,360 Speaker 1: them had who hadn't opened up. Yeah, And and that's 265 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,080 Speaker 1: why the first guy was like, you're my hero, because 266 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:57,840 Speaker 1: he didn't have the courage to do it. And I 267 00:12:57,920 --> 00:12:59,360 Speaker 1: was just I was just at a point in my 268 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,920 Speaker 1: life where I was I need some type of answer 269 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:05,640 Speaker 1: because inside I felt suffocated. I felt like I was, 270 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:09,600 Speaker 1: you know again thriving on the inside quote unquote, where 271 00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:12,880 Speaker 1: I was accomplishing. You know, I was winning in sports, 272 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,640 Speaker 1: I was making money. All these things were happening. You know, 273 00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:17,959 Speaker 1: I was getting praised by the White House, all this 274 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:20,600 Speaker 1: different stuff. But on the inside, I had no peace. 275 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,720 Speaker 1: And I think that was the turning point. It was 276 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,880 Speaker 1: a journey of healing. It wasn't like everything happened overnight, 277 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,040 Speaker 1: and I was I was better all of a sudden, 278 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:31,319 Speaker 1: But it was it was a journey of healing. And 279 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,840 Speaker 1: I'll tell you the moment when I realized nothing was 280 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:38,359 Speaker 1: wrong with me that started it. But then after that experience, 281 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:41,880 Speaker 1: after that workshop, is really when the work began, because 282 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:45,320 Speaker 1: it took a couple of years to process the sexual abuse, 283 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,719 Speaker 1: to process talking about it in a comfortable way where 284 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:53,000 Speaker 1: I wasn't stuttering or shaking or my nervous system wasn't 285 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:56,120 Speaker 1: like reacting to that that memory that moment. So it 286 00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:59,400 Speaker 1: took a couple of years of healing and of that 287 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:03,640 Speaker 1: experience means, and that was me diving all in on processing. 288 00:14:03,679 --> 00:14:05,640 Speaker 1: It wasn't just like, Okay, I said it now, I'm fine. 289 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,720 Speaker 1: It was like, I'm gonna keep doing the work for 290 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,120 Speaker 1: the next couple of years until I feel peaceful about it. 291 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:14,200 Speaker 1: And there was a moment where I was talking to 292 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:19,000 Speaker 1: another uh kind of counselor therapist friend a few months later, 293 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:22,320 Speaker 1: and I told them this story and I said, I 294 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,960 Speaker 1: still haven't told my family, right, my siblings, my parents. 295 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,440 Speaker 1: I still have told them because I'm afraid that they 296 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:30,640 Speaker 1: won't accept me, that they'll think something's wrong with me. Yeah, 297 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:32,600 Speaker 1: I was still freend I was like, you know, here's this. 298 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:34,760 Speaker 1: It was kind of a group that's a workshop of 299 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,560 Speaker 1: like strangers, kind of random people that I didn't really know. 300 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,800 Speaker 1: If they don't accept me, okay, it's it's at least 301 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:42,680 Speaker 1: I'm never going to see them again type of feeling. 302 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:45,880 Speaker 1: But my family, my friends, I still hadn't told them, 303 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,560 Speaker 1: and I was like, what if what if they think 304 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:51,440 Speaker 1: something's wrong with me? Um, then I have to live 305 00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:53,080 Speaker 1: with them, you know, I have to, you know, be 306 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:57,600 Speaker 1: excommunicated from this family group. So I asked the therapist. 307 00:14:57,720 --> 00:15:00,760 Speaker 1: I said, um, how can I can municate this to 308 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:04,000 Speaker 1: my family in a way that they can hear it, 309 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:06,720 Speaker 1: in a way that we can have a conversation and 310 00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:11,600 Speaker 1: where I can feel safe and and loved. And she said, 311 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:15,480 Speaker 1: ask them this question before you tell them what happened. 312 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:19,120 Speaker 1: And the question was is there anything that I could 313 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:22,160 Speaker 1: ever do or say that would make you not love me? 314 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:27,080 Speaker 1: So she said, asked that to your family members, each 315 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,000 Speaker 1: one of them, or see them. I was powerful, Yeah, 316 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:30,640 Speaker 1: I was not in I was not in the same 317 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,680 Speaker 1: city with them. So I called them each individually and 318 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:35,880 Speaker 1: I said, hey, I've got something I want to share 319 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:38,160 Speaker 1: with you, but I'm a little scared to share it. 320 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:41,200 Speaker 1: So I wanted to ask you first, is there anything 321 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,000 Speaker 1: I could ever say or do that would make you 322 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:46,000 Speaker 1: not love me? And all of them were like, no, 323 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,080 Speaker 1: it's absolutely not There's nothing you could ever say or 324 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:50,800 Speaker 1: do that would make me not love you. And I said, okay, 325 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,800 Speaker 1: So I felt safe to share something that was on 326 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:56,320 Speaker 1: my heart and mind, that was vulnerable. And so each 327 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,080 Speaker 1: one of them I kind of retold the story too, 328 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,720 Speaker 1: and I was terrified and I was there, but there 329 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:04,880 Speaker 1: was a safety in that first question that allowed me 330 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,440 Speaker 1: to express and have courage to talk about it. And 331 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:10,560 Speaker 1: I think that was a powerful experience, kind of those 332 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:13,040 Speaker 1: phone calls with my family members and then with friends 333 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,760 Speaker 1: talking to friends where I felt like, Okay, there's nothing 334 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,720 Speaker 1: wrong with me. Did every one of them except you 335 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,560 Speaker 1: and then praise you for speaking about it? Or did 336 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:25,160 Speaker 1: anybody shown you for it? No one shunned me for it. 337 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,640 Speaker 1: They all accept to be. Yeah, there there might have 338 00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:29,720 Speaker 1: been a There might have been like one or two 339 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,880 Speaker 1: people that were like, I didn't know how to handle 340 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,920 Speaker 1: the conversation. They were like and and it probably means 341 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,720 Speaker 1: something happened with them that they were uncomfortable and not 342 00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:41,040 Speaker 1: not ready to talk about. So that was fine, but 343 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,120 Speaker 1: no one didn't accept me. And I think that was 344 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,840 Speaker 1: a beautiful thing because I thought everyone was going to 345 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:49,440 Speaker 1: make fun of me, laugh at me, or just be like, oh, 346 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:50,800 Speaker 1: get away from me. You know, I don't want to 347 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:53,480 Speaker 1: be around you anymore. And I think again, because you know, 348 00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:55,400 Speaker 1: guys like me, you were probably conditioned that way in 349 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:58,000 Speaker 1: childhood growing up that we couldn't even put our arm 350 00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:00,360 Speaker 1: around a buddy of ours without being told, you know, 351 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:03,640 Speaker 1: some name that isn't isn't a good name. And so 352 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:07,520 Speaker 1: the fear it was always inside of me, like no 353 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,920 Speaker 1: one will ever accept me, something is wrong with me. 354 00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:12,960 Speaker 1: I'm bad and wrong. And I think that was a 355 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:18,120 Speaker 1: beautiful healing journey of that experience to say, Okay, I'm 356 00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:20,639 Speaker 1: not and my family still loves me. And in fact, 357 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:23,920 Speaker 1: my family loved me even more because here's what happened, Jason, 358 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,399 Speaker 1: you know this, Here's what happened. As I shared the 359 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,480 Speaker 1: story with each one of them, each one of them, 360 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:30,919 Speaker 1: we we created a deeper bond because each one of 361 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:33,280 Speaker 1: them opened up to me about something that they had 362 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:34,800 Speaker 1: went through that I had no clue about when they 363 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,720 Speaker 1: were younger. It wasn't sexual trauma or anything, but it 364 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:43,119 Speaker 1: was other vulnerable things I never said, and I never 365 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:44,800 Speaker 1: knew these things, and I was like what. I was like, 366 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,960 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, So all of a sudden, we had 367 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,600 Speaker 1: this deeper relationship, this deeper connection and acceptance, an appreciation 368 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:52,720 Speaker 1: of one another. And I started doing that with my 369 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:56,160 Speaker 1: friends and it was a game changer. And like you, 370 00:17:56,720 --> 00:18:00,720 Speaker 1: I thought I had a responsibility and kind of duty 371 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:03,560 Speaker 1: to start talking about it more. There were responses I 372 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:07,800 Speaker 1: was getting from friends and family was overwhelming. And I remember, 373 00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:10,159 Speaker 1: after about I don't know, nine months of kind of 374 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:13,400 Speaker 1: opening up to just friends and family and processing it 375 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,840 Speaker 1: and feeling a lot better inside. I was like, man, 376 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:20,399 Speaker 1: this is a bigger issue than I think people are 377 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:23,359 Speaker 1: even aware of. You know, ten years ago. Yeah, no 378 00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:26,560 Speaker 1: one was talking about, you know, sexual abuse with men 379 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,680 Speaker 1: ten years ago, or how to overcome these type of 380 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:33,840 Speaker 1: traumas with men ten years ago, and and growing up. 381 00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:35,879 Speaker 1: I don't know if you saw this, Jay, but growing up, 382 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:39,359 Speaker 1: I never saw any athletes or any rock star, or 383 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:44,000 Speaker 1: any male kind of iconic figure open up on TV 384 00:18:44,119 --> 00:18:46,680 Speaker 1: and say I dealt with sexual abuse as a kid, 385 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:48,760 Speaker 1: and here's what you can do if you've ever experienced this. 386 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:52,200 Speaker 1: We just never witnessed this, and so it was always 387 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,199 Speaker 1: kind of like I always felt like I was the 388 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,680 Speaker 1: only one in the world that's happened to something must 389 00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:59,640 Speaker 1: be wrong with me, so I can never You paved 390 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,320 Speaker 1: the way for a lot of people. And you know, 391 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:04,080 Speaker 1: it's interesting because you're you're talking about how much closer 392 00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:07,400 Speaker 1: it's gotten you with other people. Every single person I've 393 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:10,800 Speaker 1: opened up to about my my grave, my fucked up nous, 394 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,359 Speaker 1: it's just gotten this closer together. No one told me 395 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,200 Speaker 1: I'm a worse no one, so many suck it up. 396 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,439 Speaker 1: And then, like you said, it's a it's a it's 397 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:20,000 Speaker 1: a way of being of service because then people start 398 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,080 Speaker 1: opening up about the things that's been hidden behind their 399 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:26,560 Speaker 1: rib cage for years and years and years and years. Absolutely, 400 00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:30,200 Speaker 1: and I think that's, uh, that's probably the most rewarding 401 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:34,000 Speaker 1: things I've ever done. You know, you've opened, you know, 402 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,640 Speaker 1: one of the most accessiful gyms in the world. You're 403 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:39,600 Speaker 1: on Fox TV, You're you know, friends with the biggest 404 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,800 Speaker 1: celebrities in the world. You can hang out with anyone 405 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:44,359 Speaker 1: you want. You've made money, you've done all these things, 406 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:48,720 Speaker 1: but probably one of the most between years. But what 407 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,760 Speaker 1: you say, but probably one of the most impactful and 408 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:55,800 Speaker 1: rewarding accomplishments is you being able to share about this 409 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,480 Speaker 1: on your show, talk about this on Fox, talk about 410 00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:00,520 Speaker 1: this in your book, and get mess just back in 411 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:04,000 Speaker 1: phone calls back from men and women who are just like, wow, 412 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:07,000 Speaker 1: I never knew this. Thank you for opening up and 413 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,640 Speaker 1: letting me know that I can open up as well. 414 00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:12,280 Speaker 1: And the most rewarding times of your life are probably 415 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:16,400 Speaker 1: having those vulnerable, intimate conversations with friends, family, fans who 416 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,360 Speaker 1: open up to you and say, I've been going through 417 00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:21,159 Speaker 1: this my whole life. Thank you for giving me permission 418 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:24,240 Speaker 1: to start telling my partner about this, my family about this, 419 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:27,720 Speaker 1: my friends about this, and allowing me to process these things. 420 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:31,040 Speaker 1: Thank you for telling me that you know me being 421 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:33,399 Speaker 1: messed up means I'm not messed up and it's okay, 422 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:36,120 Speaker 1: and I can accept and love myself. And I think 423 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:41,560 Speaker 1: your your mission and your consistent path doing this. But 424 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:45,119 Speaker 1: that is probably the most impact you'll have on humanity, 425 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:48,000 Speaker 1: more than the fame, more than the Fox. You know, 426 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:50,639 Speaker 1: the big NFL stuff, all that stuff, Well, the fame 427 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:54,280 Speaker 1: and the fortune didn't lead to rainbows and unicorns. I 428 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:56,320 Speaker 1: thought it would, and I thought it would cover up 429 00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:59,280 Speaker 1: a lot of the pain, right, I'm like, I'm sure 430 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,560 Speaker 1: like you right, like ship, Hey, we're hearing out. But wait, no, 431 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:03,600 Speaker 1: we're the rainbows and people. It's not like that. If 432 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:06,200 Speaker 1: we don't know how to love ourselves for the inside out, 433 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,679 Speaker 1: no amount of money in the world makes Yes, it 434 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:11,920 Speaker 1: allows us to beare bills better, no doubt, okay, and 435 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,480 Speaker 1: we can go to cool vacations and ship but no, 436 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:17,080 Speaker 1: but then also sudden we have more to lose also, 437 00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:19,560 Speaker 1: But it's it didn't. It didn't help me in any way. 438 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:23,159 Speaker 1: But like you having all these issues, just lets you 439 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:27,439 Speaker 1: being molested. It motivated you to do all these great things, 440 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:31,199 Speaker 1: right because you have to get some acceptance from the inside. 441 00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:35,000 Speaker 1: Same same with me. Yeah, it motivated me for sure 442 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,800 Speaker 1: big time. And it made me say, Okay, I don't 443 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,520 Speaker 1: love myself, I don't accept myself. What can I do 444 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:43,400 Speaker 1: to gain acceptance and acknowledgement. Let me become really good 445 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,520 Speaker 1: at sports because I'm not getting school. I mean, you know, 446 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:48,399 Speaker 1: learn business, all these different things. So it was the 447 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,919 Speaker 1: driver to be accepted and loved as opposed to figure 448 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,119 Speaker 1: out how to just accept and love myself for who 449 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:59,480 Speaker 1: I am. You talked about are the responses and for me, Man, 450 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,879 Speaker 1: I think my life is just started out. I'm fifty 451 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:05,920 Speaker 1: two and it's the first time I've felt like it's 452 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,480 Speaker 1: okay for me to operate in the blue and maybe 453 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:12,160 Speaker 1: I'm worthy of it. And um, and I've told you that, Like, man, 454 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:15,640 Speaker 1: I like being in the greatest fucking lonely and you'd 455 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,680 Speaker 1: think this guy has it all and I have almost all, 456 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,600 Speaker 1: but not the thing that's most important to me, which 457 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:25,160 Speaker 1: is that self love, what's most what's most important, that's 458 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:28,080 Speaker 1: self love, that's most important to me. That's self love, 459 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:32,120 Speaker 1: that love and feeling loved. And and I've always felt 460 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:35,520 Speaker 1: unlovable and I haven't had love. And I've had had 461 00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:38,320 Speaker 1: one bad marriage that you know, it was ten months 462 00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:41,200 Speaker 1: and that was it. Um. And I've always wanted love 463 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:42,960 Speaker 1: and I just haven't had it. But I think for 464 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:46,080 Speaker 1: a long time I felt I wasn't worthy of receiving it. 465 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:49,879 Speaker 1: And and now now I'm learning that I am. So 466 00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:51,639 Speaker 1: I feel like my life is starting. So I get 467 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:55,680 Speaker 1: these messages now, like from grandmother saying like you know, man, 468 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:57,639 Speaker 1: thank you so much. This is the first time in 469 00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:01,720 Speaker 1: eighty years someone's giving me the words so my family 470 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:05,439 Speaker 1: can understand me. And I had somebody who's coming on 471 00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:08,479 Speaker 1: the podcast soon. Also a guy named Keith Madden who 472 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:10,440 Speaker 1: told me I was on the way to commit suicide. 473 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,280 Speaker 1: And I ran into your book at a target and 474 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:14,879 Speaker 1: read it, and I've read it in a day and 475 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:17,119 Speaker 1: a half and turned back around and went home and 476 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,720 Speaker 1: realized I don't need to kill myself. But so these 477 00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:24,199 Speaker 1: things are like, wow, So give me your one or 478 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:28,040 Speaker 1: two messages that you've gotten since you've started to open up. Man, 479 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,520 Speaker 1: that just will make me cry my eyes out. Oh man, Uh, 480 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,000 Speaker 1: you know when I when I opened up about it 481 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:38,320 Speaker 1: for the first time publicly, this was like nine years ago. 482 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,919 Speaker 1: I remember thinking, my life is gonna be over when 483 00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:43,120 Speaker 1: I tell the world about this, Like if I open 484 00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:45,560 Speaker 1: up to my audience again. This is a small audience 485 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:47,520 Speaker 1: at the time, ten years ago, and I remember thinking 486 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:50,080 Speaker 1: to myself, but I have a responsibility and duty and 487 00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:52,680 Speaker 1: this was becoming bigger than me, bigger than my business. 488 00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:54,800 Speaker 1: I was like, if I lose all my money because 489 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,560 Speaker 1: of this. But one man has healed, or one man 490 00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,680 Speaker 1: feels that they can accept themselves and not have to 491 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,560 Speaker 1: suffer for like I did for years. It would be 492 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,480 Speaker 1: worth it to me because the relief that I had 493 00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:09,199 Speaker 1: from this process healing journey was so profound. So I 494 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,400 Speaker 1: remember asking a friend of mine. I said, hey, listen, 495 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:13,400 Speaker 1: I think I want to open about this in my podcast. Again, 496 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,440 Speaker 1: this is almost ten years ago, when no one was 497 00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:18,080 Speaker 1: opening up about stuff online, no one was being vulnerable online. 498 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,240 Speaker 1: It was like you have to prove yourself and show 499 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,600 Speaker 1: your highlights, and that was it. I remember asking a 500 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,959 Speaker 1: friend and saying, hey, will you interview me on my 501 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:29,119 Speaker 1: show and facilitate this process of like how to navigate this. 502 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:33,399 Speaker 1: Then I also called a few kind of female leaders 503 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,720 Speaker 1: and I said, listen, I'm thinking of doing this. What's 504 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:37,960 Speaker 1: the best approach to do this? How can I share 505 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,320 Speaker 1: this the right way so it doesn't come across weird? Again, 506 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:42,520 Speaker 1: now we see this more and more, it's like it's 507 00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:45,160 Speaker 1: like accepted. But no one had posted I've been sexually 508 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:50,160 Speaker 1: abused that I had seen there was there was no 509 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,159 Speaker 1: I didn't see. I just hadn't seen it right, So 510 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:53,879 Speaker 1: I was like, I have no idea. So I got 511 00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:56,200 Speaker 1: all this kind of advice from people I trusted who 512 00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,199 Speaker 1: I respected in the space. I record this episode. This 513 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:03,439 Speaker 1: guy interviews me, and I shared this whole episode right then. 514 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:07,200 Speaker 1: I remember after recording it, I held it for six months. 515 00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:10,399 Speaker 1: I didn't post it for since. I was like, okay, 516 00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:12,199 Speaker 1: I was like, do I really want my life to 517 00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:15,640 Speaker 1: be over publicly? You know, privately, I'll find my friend 518 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,760 Speaker 1: and my family loved me. But do I want my 519 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,840 Speaker 1: business and a career to be done? So I was 520 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,359 Speaker 1: still living in fear. I remember saying, I think this 521 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:24,320 Speaker 1: is the final step for me to have courage, like 522 00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:26,600 Speaker 1: to be able to not care what people think, but 523 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,360 Speaker 1: be of service to helping people heal. That was kind 524 00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:32,280 Speaker 1: of the final step, and I was focused on my image. Still, 525 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:33,919 Speaker 1: what are people going to think about me? What are 526 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:36,440 Speaker 1: people to say about me? I was really worried about them. 527 00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,640 Speaker 1: So I remember posting this like I don't know, ten 528 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:41,919 Speaker 1: eleven o'clock at night, and I posted it on my 529 00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:44,560 Speaker 1: blog and I just put one tweet out and I 530 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:47,040 Speaker 1: shared it and I said, I'm closing my computer. I'm 531 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:50,400 Speaker 1: going to bed. You know, my my business careers over 532 00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:51,840 Speaker 1: in the morning. So let me just go to bed 533 00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:54,560 Speaker 1: in peace and not look at anything. But I wake 534 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:58,800 Speaker 1: up the next morning, and I have never had It's 535 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:02,280 Speaker 1: still today my biggest post an episode on my show 536 00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,280 Speaker 1: in ten years. Right, I've had some of the biggest 537 00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:06,399 Speaker 1: names in the world, all Right, Jake Glazier has been 538 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,080 Speaker 1: on the show, right, But this is still one of 539 00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:13,000 Speaker 1: the biggest, one of the most impactful posts that I've had. 540 00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:16,720 Speaker 1: And for two weeks, I was getting essays and essays, 541 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:20,479 Speaker 1: hundreds of emails and essays from men opening up and 542 00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:23,000 Speaker 1: there's not one that I can remember that was like 543 00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:27,800 Speaker 1: they all touched me, but just the volume of emails 544 00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:30,760 Speaker 1: that I got in the length of detail. I know 545 00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:33,879 Speaker 1: you get this all the time now of men in 546 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:38,199 Speaker 1: their forties, fifties, sixties, seventies saying similar things that that 547 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:40,280 Speaker 1: one man said to me and said, you're my hero. 548 00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:45,280 Speaker 1: I've had three kids, I've been married for years. No 549 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:48,800 Speaker 1: one knows, not even my wife, thank you for giving 550 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:51,440 Speaker 1: me permission. It was kind of like that story over 551 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:53,919 Speaker 1: and over again. And for about two weeks, I just 552 00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:56,600 Speaker 1: I don't know if you're called emotional hangover, but I was. 553 00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:58,960 Speaker 1: It was hard for me to really do anything. I 554 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:02,040 Speaker 1: was reading the messages and the weight and the emotional 555 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:06,280 Speaker 1: pain and suffering of these men affected me big time 556 00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:09,120 Speaker 1: physically that I really couldn't do anything for a couple 557 00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:11,600 Speaker 1: of weeks except for just be like, Wow, there's so 558 00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:14,680 Speaker 1: much suffering from men in the world, and yet none 559 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:17,800 Speaker 1: of these men have felt that they have the ability 560 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:21,840 Speaker 1: to talk about it opening while being accepted again. For me, 561 00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:23,520 Speaker 1: guys like me and you, there was no one when 562 00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:27,160 Speaker 1: we were younger, when we were five, ten, twelve, fifteen 563 00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:33,680 Speaker 1: playing sports. There's no one on TV saying yeah, exactly 564 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,080 Speaker 1: our whole lives. There was no one that's that said, hey, 565 00:27:36,119 --> 00:27:38,320 Speaker 1: if you feel like you're not accepted, if you feel 566 00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:39,960 Speaker 1: like you're bad in school, if you feel like you 567 00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:42,960 Speaker 1: have a mental challenge or you're you're struggling in some way, 568 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,680 Speaker 1: or if you feel like you're emotionally a wreck, if 569 00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:49,840 Speaker 1: you feel like you've been used by your parents sexually, physically, emotionally, 570 00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:54,040 Speaker 1: It's okay, here's the steps to take, here's somewhere to call, 571 00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:55,880 Speaker 1: here's where you can go, here's what you can do. 572 00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:58,439 Speaker 1: We never had that right. So there was never this 573 00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:00,880 Speaker 1: acceptance or this place where we were able to talk 574 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:03,280 Speaker 1: about these things. And so I think that was the 575 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,879 Speaker 1: play that was the moment in tom Or I felt like, Okay, 576 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:09,040 Speaker 1: nothing was wrong with me anymore. There were things that 577 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,560 Speaker 1: we're wrong that happened in my life, but it doesn't 578 00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:15,480 Speaker 1: mean me as a human is a wrong human. And 579 00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:18,480 Speaker 1: that allowed me to start the healing journey. I have 580 00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:20,840 Speaker 1: this line I in a chapter in my book, you 581 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:24,119 Speaker 1: never know what lies around next Tuesday. And you know 582 00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:25,360 Speaker 1: I'm gonna try and to say this is the right 583 00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:28,600 Speaker 1: way with you, But it's basically man things that have 584 00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:31,920 Speaker 1: happened to us that could have broken us, and because 585 00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:35,119 Speaker 1: it didn't, we were around for something magical to happen. 586 00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:40,760 Speaker 1: So like I chose my author Sarah only because she 587 00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:44,280 Speaker 1: beat in cancer, no other reason, and I didn't let 588 00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:47,600 Speaker 1: her know until I sent in the entire book except 589 00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:51,280 Speaker 1: for the final chapter. And you know, I get choked 590 00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:54,560 Speaker 1: up emotional talking about it because her reaction and everybody's 591 00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:56,840 Speaker 1: reaction when I sent it. I said, Sarah, I know 592 00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:59,160 Speaker 1: it sucked you had cancer. I totally know it did. 593 00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:02,960 Speaker 1: But if you didn't and you didn't beat it, I 594 00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:05,959 Speaker 1: wouldn't have chosen you, and we wouldn't be on this 595 00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:08,280 Speaker 1: journey together. And this book has lifted her an awful lot. 596 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:10,920 Speaker 1: Same thing she's got these amazing messages. So I know 597 00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:13,720 Speaker 1: it sucked, No, it sucked, but this is what it 598 00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:18,280 Speaker 1: led to. And m VP was started basically our charity 599 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,760 Speaker 1: a little kid named Logan new Briga, who who I 600 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:24,320 Speaker 1: befriended and who would beat in leukemia twice. And I'm like, 601 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:27,320 Speaker 1: I know it sucked that you had leukemia, but if 602 00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,640 Speaker 1: you didn't, man, this wouldn't this m d P Foundation 603 00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:32,520 Speaker 1: wouldn't start. And there be a lot of veterans who 604 00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:36,400 Speaker 1: aren't with us today. Do you realize now are you 605 00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:40,200 Speaker 1: able to compartmentalize and go, Man, it fucking sucked that 606 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:45,640 Speaker 1: I was molested, but but almost like saying, you know, 607 00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:47,840 Speaker 1: if it didn't happen, I wouldn't have been able to 608 00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,920 Speaker 1: there be able to save so many others. Now, are 609 00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:56,800 Speaker 1: you able to gifted now? Inside you behind your rib cage? Yeah? 610 00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,160 Speaker 1: Because you know the impact that we can may when 611 00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:02,040 Speaker 1: we start to share our story in this way, whether 612 00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:05,560 Speaker 1: it be on one person or many people. Uh, it's 613 00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:07,840 Speaker 1: worth it for me. That type of impact, that type 614 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:12,000 Speaker 1: of discovery for people, uh, and how their lives start 615 00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:15,040 Speaker 1: to change from that move moment moving forward, just like 616 00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:17,000 Speaker 1: mind change. When I started open up, I went a 617 00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,760 Speaker 1: different direction I want a direction of more peace, of 618 00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:23,120 Speaker 1: more uh you know, personal growth, and more acceptance of 619 00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:27,520 Speaker 1: myself healing all these different things. And it's funny because 620 00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:30,840 Speaker 1: now when a moment happens in my life where I 621 00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:33,320 Speaker 1: feel like, oh, that's that was a challenging moment, whether 622 00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:35,560 Speaker 1: it be in my business or personal life or something 623 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:38,440 Speaker 1: right when when something happens now, Whereas in the past, 624 00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:40,320 Speaker 1: when something would happen to in my life, I'd be like, oh, 625 00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:42,160 Speaker 1: this is the worst thing ever. I have to deal 626 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:45,280 Speaker 1: with this thing, whatever it is. But when something happens now, 627 00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:48,160 Speaker 1: I look five, ten, twenty years out and I think 628 00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:52,160 Speaker 1: of hindsight. Now we look back at hindsight and we say, oh, 629 00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:54,840 Speaker 1: all these things happen because now I'm here now and 630 00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:57,520 Speaker 1: it's helping me impact people, or it's setting me up 631 00:30:57,560 --> 00:30:59,760 Speaker 1: in a certain way and whatever it might be. So 632 00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:02,200 Speaker 1: when challenge happens now, I think about the future and 633 00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:06,560 Speaker 1: I say, Okay, I'm having hindsight now in the future 634 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,680 Speaker 1: and I'm saying, Okay, this is happening because it's developing 635 00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:15,440 Speaker 1: better leader, more more accepting, more patient, more humble, whatever 636 00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:17,920 Speaker 1: it might be, to be a service in a greater way, 637 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:22,000 Speaker 1: and it's shaping and shifting me to develop into a 638 00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:25,640 Speaker 1: better person. And if I can look now from the 639 00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:28,040 Speaker 1: future as if I'm ten years out and then the 640 00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:31,720 Speaker 1: moments don't seem as overwhelming. They might feel like life 641 00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:34,400 Speaker 1: is over or something is like horrible at the moment. 642 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:37,040 Speaker 1: But when you think of like ten years from now, 643 00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:39,360 Speaker 1: what is this lesson going to help you for your 644 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:42,120 Speaker 1: future self? It all starts to make sense. But it's 645 00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:43,840 Speaker 1: really hard when you're in the in the middle of 646 00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:46,200 Speaker 1: the mess. You know, when you're in the gray for 647 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:47,800 Speaker 1: for nine days in a row and you feel like, well, 648 00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:50,400 Speaker 1: I can't get out of this. You're asking yourself why, 649 00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:53,080 Speaker 1: you know, But in five ten years you're gonna know why. 650 00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:55,360 Speaker 1: It wasn't until I went to Thailand a couple of 651 00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:58,000 Speaker 1: weeks ago for the first time in my life, and 652 00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:00,320 Speaker 1: that was life that seemed like a big journey. It 653 00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:01,920 Speaker 1: was a huge one for me, and I've been and 654 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:05,000 Speaker 1: every Friday, I now kind of, you know, in part 655 00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:08,120 Speaker 1: of things I've learned over there from monks and different 656 00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:11,320 Speaker 1: people and gurus and and all that, it's been incredible. 657 00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:14,960 Speaker 1: But it wasn't until then, man, when I was sitting 658 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:18,000 Speaker 1: there on my own little self reflection journey where it 659 00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:21,000 Speaker 1: came to me like, man, I was putting this kind 660 00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:24,560 Speaker 1: of pain so I can help others through theirs. Yeah, 661 00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:27,720 Speaker 1: And that was liberating for me because because again, like 662 00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:30,080 Speaker 1: you said, like I was angry, Like I'm a huge 663 00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:32,920 Speaker 1: god guy, but I was angry at the universe. How 664 00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:34,800 Speaker 1: can I be in this much pain? Why am I 665 00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:38,240 Speaker 1: always so lonely? How am I always so unloved? And 666 00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:40,960 Speaker 1: then it was almost like we love you, but you 667 00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:42,680 Speaker 1: almost you've got to be in this kind of pain 668 00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:45,640 Speaker 1: because you're gonna help so many others through there's and 669 00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:47,840 Speaker 1: and it was liberating for me. It was the first 670 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:49,840 Speaker 1: night I went to sleep without use of an ambient 671 00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:57,240 Speaker 1: thirty years. Yes, like always at universe. Now, Man, when 672 00:32:57,240 --> 00:32:59,120 Speaker 1: you told me you're going this journey before you left, 673 00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:01,080 Speaker 1: I was so excited for you because I was like, 674 00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:04,320 Speaker 1: if you can just stick to the plan of like 675 00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:07,240 Speaker 1: you know, no social media, no phone type of thing 676 00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:10,200 Speaker 1: for thirty days and really just be in nature and 677 00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,960 Speaker 1: work out and reflect, I go, Man, this is gonna 678 00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:14,480 Speaker 1: be a life changing for you. So I'm so glad. 679 00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:15,840 Speaker 1: And I know we haven't fully caught up on the 680 00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:19,040 Speaker 1: about about this, but I'm excited to hang suit and 681 00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:22,200 Speaker 1: learn more about the whole journey because this is life 682 00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:24,480 Speaker 1: defining for you again, like, and I want people to 683 00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:26,880 Speaker 1: understand that it's never too late to have that moment 684 00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:29,000 Speaker 1: in your life. Right, you got a thirty I got 685 00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:31,920 Speaker 1: it now fifty two of Okay, now I understand why 686 00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:34,160 Speaker 1: I was paying. But we have to use that pain. 687 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,400 Speaker 1: We got to be of service tell other people with 688 00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:40,520 Speaker 1: this pan without sharing the whole everything. But what's the 689 00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:44,160 Speaker 1: number one thing you've got out of that experience about yourself? 690 00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:46,920 Speaker 1: The shift in the way I talked about myself from 691 00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:51,160 Speaker 1: jag Laser You're an unlovable piece of ship to that 692 00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:54,200 Speaker 1: little kid and you and you like you overcame all 693 00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:57,440 Speaker 1: these things, so be your own hero. And I just 694 00:33:57,480 --> 00:34:00,719 Speaker 1: talked about that recently. Man, So like they said to me, hey, 695 00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:02,600 Speaker 1: if some guy, because they're like you talk about yourself 696 00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:06,000 Speaker 1: so self loathing. And I said, well, I must be 697 00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:09,200 Speaker 1: a piece of ship because I'm just so unlovable, so unloved, 698 00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:11,120 Speaker 1: and even though there is a lot of love, I 699 00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:13,479 Speaker 1: just feel it. I feel a love in my heart 700 00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:17,600 Speaker 1: and in my soul a lot of times. And they said, well, man, 701 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:20,640 Speaker 1: you've overcome a lot that. I said, well, yeah, and 702 00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:24,840 Speaker 1: you've endured a lot. Yeah, you've achieved a lot, right, 703 00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:27,040 Speaker 1: would you admit that? I said yeah. They said, okay, Well, 704 00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:29,640 Speaker 1: if some guy came into your life and he got 705 00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:32,719 Speaker 1: you to overcome all this stuff, you overcame, endure all 706 00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:36,640 Speaker 1: the things you've endured, swam up stream to overcome all 707 00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:39,840 Speaker 1: these other obstacles, and then achieved all this great stuff 708 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:43,560 Speaker 1: you've achieved, would that guy be your hero? And I said, 709 00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:47,560 Speaker 1: well yeah, They said, that's you. That's you. You're the 710 00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:50,040 Speaker 1: one who did that. You overcame it. The reason why 711 00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:52,400 Speaker 1: it's called unbreakable. It's things that try to break me 712 00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:55,440 Speaker 1: if I couldn't. But I had to start appreciating the 713 00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:57,640 Speaker 1: fact that I'm the one and that little kid of 714 00:34:57,719 --> 00:35:01,239 Speaker 1: me who felt so damaged and beat down, that's the 715 00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,480 Speaker 1: gangster that got me to overcome all this stuff, and 716 00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:05,040 Speaker 1: I need to start loving him up. So I had 717 00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:07,920 Speaker 1: to start going back to childhood and start loving him 718 00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:10,160 Speaker 1: up on the inside out. I do what every day 719 00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:14,279 Speaker 1: and that's powerful. Man. Yeah, that's beautiful. What's that I 720 00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:17,200 Speaker 1: don't it's probably hard to answer just one, but give 721 00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:20,160 Speaker 1: us something. Give my listener something that somebody said to 722 00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:22,920 Speaker 1: you on your show to this day, man, it stuck. 723 00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:27,520 Speaker 1: It just stood out so much, so loud for you. Um, 724 00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:30,160 Speaker 1: when I had Kobe on, it was pretty profound, to 725 00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:32,880 Speaker 1: be honest, Sometimes you meet people who are very famous 726 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:36,279 Speaker 1: or very successful and they underwhelm you. They kind of 727 00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:38,600 Speaker 1: let you down right. You've been around every famous person 728 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:42,440 Speaker 1: there is, every famous athletes, celebrity, and I was pleasantly 729 00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:46,960 Speaker 1: surprised by his presence, his peace, and the way he 730 00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:49,960 Speaker 1: opened up about love. Now, I ask a lot of vulnerable, 731 00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:52,520 Speaker 1: intimate questions, and so I just think most people hadn't 732 00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:54,600 Speaker 1: asked him these things yet. They're more asking about the 733 00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:57,680 Speaker 1: championships and all these mindset. And I was like, what's 734 00:35:57,680 --> 00:36:00,760 Speaker 1: your definition of love? And he started putting up about 735 00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:02,799 Speaker 1: love and he said, here's what love means to me. 736 00:36:03,360 --> 00:36:05,080 Speaker 1: And I talked about, like, why do you think you 737 00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:09,600 Speaker 1: were so successful in sports emotionally? And he said when 738 00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:11,560 Speaker 1: he was I think it was thirteen, he was in 739 00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:15,040 Speaker 1: the summer league and he didn't score one point the 740 00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:16,640 Speaker 1: whole summer, and I was kind of blown away. I 741 00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:18,200 Speaker 1: was like, you didn't get at least one lucky lay 742 00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:19,680 Speaker 1: up in there, and he goes, I don't score one 743 00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:22,600 Speaker 1: point in a whole summer league tournament that he was in, 744 00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:26,200 Speaker 1: and I go, come on, you're the greatest, right you 745 00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:28,279 Speaker 1: didn't get one layup? And he goes, now, I then 746 00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:30,319 Speaker 1: get one. I think he was twelve or thirteen, he said, 747 00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:32,960 Speaker 1: And he said that was a turning point for him 748 00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:35,799 Speaker 1: because his dad at the time said, I don't care 749 00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:39,200 Speaker 1: if you ever score. I'm still gonna love you, whether 750 00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:41,640 Speaker 1: you're the best, whether you don't get any points. I'm 751 00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:45,360 Speaker 1: gonna love you no matter what. And he said hearing 752 00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:48,239 Speaker 1: that from his father gave him permission to say, Okay, 753 00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:50,120 Speaker 1: I'm gonna play all out, but I cannot fail, so 754 00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:52,680 Speaker 1: let me play it all out. The next summer he 755 00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:55,560 Speaker 1: came back, he dominates at fourteen or fifteen, and then 756 00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:58,279 Speaker 1: things start to really shift for him. But he said, 757 00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:00,800 Speaker 1: his his father telling him like, I'm gonna love you 758 00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,279 Speaker 1: no matter what. I think it's really powerful because that 759 00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:06,279 Speaker 1: I went back to our reflection when I was thirty 760 00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:08,399 Speaker 1: and asking that question, is there anything I could ever 761 00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:10,160 Speaker 1: say or do that would make you not love me, 762 00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:13,160 Speaker 1: and the people in my life saying no, you can 763 00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:16,120 Speaker 1: do anything. Maybe I'll be disappointed, but I'm still gonna 764 00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:18,239 Speaker 1: love you. You know, if you do something horrible in 765 00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:21,719 Speaker 1: the world, I maybe let down, but I'm still gonna 766 00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:25,360 Speaker 1: love you. And I think hearing that from Kobe, you know, 767 00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:28,319 Speaker 1: this was after he'd won five NBA Championships, after he 768 00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:30,880 Speaker 1: just won the Oscar at that time, and so he 769 00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:33,359 Speaker 1: was on, you know, the top top, and I think 770 00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:36,040 Speaker 1: that was a powerful moment hearing him talk about love, 771 00:37:36,239 --> 00:37:41,399 Speaker 1: talk about acceptance um from his father and what love 772 00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:43,320 Speaker 1: means to him. So that was that was a beautiful 773 00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:45,680 Speaker 1: story for me. I usually do this with our veterans, 774 00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:47,480 Speaker 1: like what are you proud of a lot of times 775 00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:50,040 Speaker 1: they will push back, I'm I proud to kill him somebody, 776 00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:51,880 Speaker 1: and then ask that give me something you're proud of, 777 00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:55,600 Speaker 1: because they're always told no, talk about it, and you know, 778 00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:57,719 Speaker 1: we we don't brag about our stuff. I'm like that, 779 00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,560 Speaker 1: let's start bragging about ourselves and be Probably I got 780 00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:02,440 Speaker 1: on you on that because you people don't know this 781 00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:04,440 Speaker 1: about Lewis, but at one point he had the single 782 00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:08,440 Speaker 1: game receiving record in n C double A history and 783 00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:10,080 Speaker 1: you started kind of ship on your cell phone. I'm 784 00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:14,080 Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, no, right, my brother, you fucking 785 00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:16,480 Speaker 1: did it right. And you were like, yeah, like don't 786 00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:19,759 Speaker 1: give me. Yeah, but it wasn't at for Alabama, it 787 00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:24,400 Speaker 1: was I don't give a funk you did. So I 788 00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:28,080 Speaker 1: try and get them to be proud of anything. Where 789 00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:31,359 Speaker 1: are you most proud of? M The thing I'm most 790 00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:35,960 Speaker 1: proud of is is reconnecting with the little boy inside 791 00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:38,200 Speaker 1: of me, kind of like you were just sharing and 792 00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:42,040 Speaker 1: having a different relationship with those memories of my past, 793 00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:46,880 Speaker 1: with feeling unlovable, feeling unseeing, feeling taking advantage of feeling 794 00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:51,360 Speaker 1: abused and reconnecting with the boy inside of me and 795 00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:54,080 Speaker 1: having a deeper relationship that might sound a little weird 796 00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:56,160 Speaker 1: for us to talk about here, but I know you 797 00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:59,160 Speaker 1: just started going through this process. Doesn't sound weird having 798 00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:02,440 Speaker 1: having it, but having a relationship with the boy inside 799 00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:04,640 Speaker 1: of me that never felt like he was enough and 800 00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:08,520 Speaker 1: healing that process and saying listen, thank you so much 801 00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:10,800 Speaker 1: for getting us to where we are in our life together. 802 00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:14,560 Speaker 1: Thank you for overcoming the challenges. Thank you for dealing 803 00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:16,120 Speaker 1: with all the mess you had to deal with and 804 00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:19,640 Speaker 1: staying alive. Thank you for thriving in certain times. Thank 805 00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:22,400 Speaker 1: you for your heart, your dedication, your commitment, your passion 806 00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:24,960 Speaker 1: to overcome everything and get us to where we are. 807 00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:27,640 Speaker 1: I am here for you now, I am the adult 808 00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:30,239 Speaker 1: in the room. I've got your back, and we are 809 00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:33,080 Speaker 1: in this together and I'm gonna take you as far 810 00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:36,040 Speaker 1: as you want to go. And So having that relationship 811 00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:38,840 Speaker 1: with the little boy inside of me, that person that 812 00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:40,959 Speaker 1: felt like he was never good enough, that he was wrong, 813 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:44,440 Speaker 1: that he was messed up, and healing that journey has 814 00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:46,480 Speaker 1: been the thing I'm most proud of because I have 815 00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:49,239 Speaker 1: peace for the first time in my life. In the 816 00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:51,640 Speaker 1: last couple of years, I have peace and I never 817 00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:54,440 Speaker 1: had that before, and it's one of the greatest gifts 818 00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:57,200 Speaker 1: that I get over here myself. Man. I love hearing 819 00:39:57,200 --> 00:40:00,319 Speaker 1: this because it validates something else I learned when I 820 00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:04,120 Speaker 1: was in filing for these monks. They bring me in 821 00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:05,759 Speaker 1: and first of all, they're like, oh, you're in a 822 00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:07,960 Speaker 1: lot of pain. You're gonna learn how I loved yourself. 823 00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:10,399 Speaker 1: This before I ever said a word, I walked in 824 00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:13,520 Speaker 1: and they looked at me, and then Southern Monk walks already, 825 00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:16,360 Speaker 1: he hugs me, he goes, we're all gonna be praying 826 00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:19,000 Speaker 1: for you this week, and I'm like, damn, there's eight 827 00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:23,120 Speaker 1: other people here. What the fuck right? Like, oh my god. 828 00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:26,799 Speaker 1: But they said, all right, we need you to sit 829 00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:30,920 Speaker 1: in your pain. And I said, I sent in my 830 00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:34,640 Speaker 1: pain every day. They said, no, you experience your pain 831 00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:37,680 Speaker 1: every day. You want you to sit in your pain. 832 00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:39,879 Speaker 1: And they said, who do you call the little kid 833 00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:42,239 Speaker 1: in you? Was it Jay growing up? I said no, 834 00:40:42,320 --> 00:40:45,360 Speaker 1: it was actually Jason, my real name is Jason. Said, Okay, 835 00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:49,680 Speaker 1: we want you to sit in your pain, really experienced it, 836 00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:52,640 Speaker 1: sit in that pain. We want you to hold little 837 00:40:52,719 --> 00:40:57,960 Speaker 1: Jason's hand, put your arm around. Okay, can you hear me? 838 00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:01,600 Speaker 1: I'm getting choked up saying it, because man, it's it's 839 00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:05,239 Speaker 1: but they're like, it's time he heals and you have 840 00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:07,359 Speaker 1: to heal him. So I said, and I can't. How 841 00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:10,960 Speaker 1: do I do that? Right? And they're like, show him 842 00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:14,400 Speaker 1: compassion because he never felt a Just hold little Jason 843 00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:18,719 Speaker 1: tann mm hmmm right. How powerful is that? And that's 844 00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:21,480 Speaker 1: what you're saying. I don't know if I showed you this, 845 00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:23,360 Speaker 1: but I just on my phone of myself when I 846 00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:25,560 Speaker 1: was a kid. I'm going to see this and for people, 847 00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:27,279 Speaker 1: for people just listen, you're not gonna see it. But 848 00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:29,239 Speaker 1: on my cell phone on the cover I have a 849 00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:32,080 Speaker 1: photo of myself when I was younger, and I've had 850 00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:34,799 Speaker 1: a different photo when I was even younger on my 851 00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:36,839 Speaker 1: phone for the last year and a half, and now 852 00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:38,920 Speaker 1: I have an older version. He's probably like nine to 853 00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:43,000 Speaker 1: ten right here. So I'm reconnecting with the different stages 854 00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:46,920 Speaker 1: of my childhood as an adult and saying, Man, at 855 00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:50,200 Speaker 1: this stage, you felt unlovable, unseen, not enough. I'm gonna 856 00:41:50,239 --> 00:41:52,440 Speaker 1: hold your hand, put my arm around you, and tell 857 00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:54,719 Speaker 1: you I got your back. You are lovable, you are enough, 858 00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:58,240 Speaker 1: and kind of re emerged that experience from the childhood 859 00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:00,280 Speaker 1: to now so I don't have to have them memories 860 00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:02,319 Speaker 1: of those painful things. I can reconnect with them in 861 00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:04,560 Speaker 1: a loving way. So I'm so glad you're doing that work. 862 00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:07,840 Speaker 1: It's going to transform your life forever, and you continue 863 00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:10,080 Speaker 1: to do it. It is it already is man. And 864 00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:12,239 Speaker 1: and every time I go back to it now and 865 00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:14,839 Speaker 1: I'm just like Andy, Man, I'll think, I'm like, hey, 866 00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:16,600 Speaker 1: you got us to this. I said, I'm a warrior, 867 00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:20,359 Speaker 1: right and Jay is the warrior and Jay will now 868 00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:23,440 Speaker 1: protect you, but you lead the way for us. And 869 00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:25,719 Speaker 1: it's a totally different way to talk to myself back 870 00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:29,000 Speaker 1: then yeah, don't don't beat yourself up anymore, and now 871 00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:32,520 Speaker 1: just love on yourself. Yeah, it's so amazing, man, my brother, 872 00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:34,600 Speaker 1: I love you, dude. I appreciate you coming on here. Man, 873 00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:37,480 Speaker 1: appreciate it too, Dudely dudes be able to talk like this. 874 00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:41,400 Speaker 1: You know who would have thought two years ago, ten 875 00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:45,360 Speaker 1: years ago. Right, it's beautiful, it's powerful. I appreciate you 876 00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:47,560 Speaker 1: having me on man, absolutely, man, Thank you man, and 877 00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:50,040 Speaker 1: enjoy Listen. You're out there in Hawaii and you took 878 00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:52,200 Speaker 1: time out and made you wake up early. Lewis, how's 879 00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:55,080 Speaker 1: my brother? Thank you for walking this walk together with me. Thanks, 880 00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:55,920 Speaker 1: but I appreciate it