WEBVTT - EP 417: Putting A Limit On ‘Quality Time’ & Insecurities Vs. Boundaries 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:02.760 Welcome to Decisions Decisions. I don't think you should say 0:00:02.800 --> 0:00:06.000 Decision Decisions. It sounded like you was talking to Kirsty. 0:00:06.440 --> 0:00:10.240 You definitely say to welcome, Welcome to the new podcast. 0:00:09.640 --> 0:00:13.520 Oh wait, you want to say together Decisions Decisions. 0:00:14.160 --> 0:00:17.240 Hey guys, No Holds Bart is going live and tickets 0:00:17.239 --> 0:00:18.160 are available now. 0:00:18.239 --> 0:00:20.200 We are so excited to be back on the road. 0:00:20.200 --> 0:00:22.760 We've added so many new cities and don't worry, this 0:00:22.840 --> 0:00:24.640 is not your average book tour. 0:00:25.000 --> 0:00:27.840 That's right, No Holds Bart ad a manifesto of sexual 0:00:27.880 --> 0:00:32.040 exploration and power, is hitting the stage. And for everyone 0:00:32.080 --> 0:00:35.479 that's coming general admission and VIP, you do have the 0:00:35.520 --> 0:00:38.800 opportunity to add a signed copy of the book to 0:00:38.880 --> 0:00:39.360 your ticket. 0:00:39.560 --> 0:00:41.879 Make sure you hurry up click the link in this bio. 0:00:42.080 --> 0:00:43.160 We're going to see you soon. 0:00:44.680 --> 0:00:49.159 Welcome everybody to another episode of Decisions Decisions. 0:00:49.320 --> 0:00:53.360 I'm your girl, men, dy b I am WEEZYWTF. We 0:00:53.400 --> 0:00:57.200 are back for another episode and we haven't really caught. 0:00:57.040 --> 0:00:59.000 Up about much, but we know Mandy got a boyfriend. 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:02.200 I mean we've been saying that now for a while. 0:01:02.760 --> 0:01:04.759 You know things are good. 0:01:05.680 --> 0:01:09.000 So how do you guys schedule? So you guys, last 0:01:09.040 --> 0:01:11.120 time I know you saw him. We were in Denver 0:01:11.200 --> 0:01:11.559 for work. 0:01:11.760 --> 0:01:15.480 Yeah, I'm going literally after this trip to La to 0:01:15.480 --> 0:01:19.720 be with him for one of his work things. And 0:01:19.760 --> 0:01:22.560 then he's already looking up flights to come to Atlanta 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:25.959 to spend another week with me. It's so strange because 0:01:26.640 --> 0:01:31.960 I enjoy my space. Even in my last relationship, I 0:01:32.000 --> 0:01:33.959 would see my partner three to four days a week. 0:01:34.880 --> 0:01:37.920 There's not a trip I go on where I want 0:01:37.959 --> 0:01:39.640 to be there more than four days. It doesn't matter 0:01:39.680 --> 0:01:41.880 if it's international or not. Like I literally go to 0:01:41.880 --> 0:01:45.479 Abu Dhabi for my birthday for four days, and so 0:01:45.720 --> 0:01:49.440 I could tell he's having a thing about that because 0:01:49.440 --> 0:01:50.800 he's like, I guess I only get to see you 0:01:50.880 --> 0:01:51.560 for three to four days. 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:52.720 Oh love you, Madia. I was about to be like, 0:01:52.760 --> 0:01:54.160 can you stay one more day so we could record 0:01:54.200 --> 0:01:57.880 I get to Las. Yeah, no, I'm leaving. I got 0:01:57.880 --> 0:01:59.280 to go back for work in Atlanta. 0:01:59.320 --> 0:02:05.080 But I literally am like, I know my capacity as 0:02:05.120 --> 0:02:08.840 a person to be around somebody. Like it's to the 0:02:08.880 --> 0:02:12.600 point where even when people started staying with me when 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:16.600 I still lived here in New York, by after the 0:02:16.639 --> 0:02:19.760 third day, I would get them a hotel like I 0:02:19.840 --> 0:02:23.440 cannot be confined in a space with someone very long, 0:02:23.480 --> 0:02:26.359 and I'm very aware of that, and so because we're 0:02:26.360 --> 0:02:29.480 now staying at each other's place, I'm like, O, babe, 0:02:29.520 --> 0:02:32.160 this is the capacity I have, Like vacation with your friends, 0:02:32.160 --> 0:02:34.560 for lord, No, not for more than four days. Literally 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:37.320 with Crystal, we went to South Africa for four days. 0:02:37.760 --> 0:02:38.600 I lived in Asia. 0:02:38.760 --> 0:02:41.280 I was living in Singapore, and we did each stop 0:02:41.360 --> 0:02:43.840 at a different time. But also like in one we'd 0:02:43.840 --> 0:02:46.440 have a villa multiple rooms, and one we'd have multiple 0:02:46.520 --> 0:02:49.000 rooms if there was more than like we wouldn't stay 0:02:49.000 --> 0:02:49.720 in the same room. 0:02:49.800 --> 0:02:53.000 Okay, well two bedroom keeps me happy. Yeah, Like, well, 0:02:53.040 --> 0:02:54.000 I don't have another bed. 0:02:54.120 --> 0:02:58.880 My second bedroom is a content space and luckily I 0:02:58.880 --> 0:03:01.720 have an upstairs and down there now. But no, I 0:03:01.880 --> 0:03:05.480 realize like how much I need my space. And I'm 0:03:05.840 --> 0:03:08.160 trying to talk to him because he's lived with his 0:03:08.240 --> 0:03:13.519 last two exes and so he's used to that confinement 0:03:13.600 --> 0:03:16.320 and being on someone experience for being not young, but 0:03:16.400 --> 0:03:19.720 I haven't. So I am just like trying to tell 0:03:19.800 --> 0:03:22.919 him it's not about you, but to me in order 0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:27.040 to I hate that he takes it as like I'm 0:03:27.160 --> 0:03:29.520 dealing with him or putting up with him. But I'm 0:03:29.560 --> 0:03:32.760 just fully aware that I need space from people. Like 0:03:32.919 --> 0:03:36.119 even Rosie just came and spent a couple of days 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:38.480 in my house, and before she came, she went and 0:03:38.520 --> 0:03:41.200 stayed with a friend before she even came to my house, 0:03:41.240 --> 0:03:42.520 because I knew how long she was going to be 0:03:42.560 --> 0:03:45.880 in Atlanta. And luckily I have my little discount, but 0:03:46.160 --> 0:03:49.400 I will literally buy somebody a hotel room so that 0:03:49.400 --> 0:03:51.800 they're not in my space. So right now, with being 0:03:51.840 --> 0:03:54.560 that we're commuting to see each other, and again, luckily 0:03:54.560 --> 0:03:57.560 it's been every two to three weeks, so I feel lucky. 0:03:57.680 --> 0:03:59.800 It's like baby four days. 0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:02.640 So when he comes to Atlanta, so much more, I 0:04:02.640 --> 0:04:04.000 don't know. I don't know. 0:04:04.120 --> 0:04:06.720 I don't care, Like he literally just booked a flight 0:04:06.960 --> 0:04:09.720 to where he's like, technically it's five but it's not. 0:04:10.040 --> 0:04:14.800 So he's coming in Monday night at like two am, 0:04:14.920 --> 0:04:18.520 so technically that's Tuesday and leaving Friday. To him, that's 0:04:18.520 --> 0:04:21.440 a Monday through Friday. So he's sneaking in a fifth day. 0:04:21.800 --> 0:04:24.000 But I'm like, babe, I don't want you to take 0:04:24.040 --> 0:04:27.320 it like thing. But there's literally nobody in the world 0:04:27.880 --> 0:04:31.320 like that. I want to spend that much time with 0:04:32.480 --> 0:04:34.800 like even my family. I'll go to Orlando and spend 0:04:34.839 --> 0:04:38.680 one day like I I really like my alone time. 0:04:39.080 --> 0:04:42.360 I really like the ability to recharge my social battery. 0:04:42.760 --> 0:04:46.799 And I'm fully self aware that I like my space. 0:04:47.120 --> 0:04:50.560 I like my time. I like that and I almost 0:04:50.600 --> 0:04:52.000 need it. It's not even that I like it, I 0:04:52.040 --> 0:04:55.240 need it. And so that's what we're talking about now 0:04:55.320 --> 0:04:58.760 because he's like, babe, we live like on two different coasts, 0:04:58.800 --> 0:05:00.200 Like damn, can I see? 0:05:00.360 --> 0:05:02.360 Like he literally wants me to go see his family. 0:05:02.120 --> 0:05:04.520 In Italy this summer, and I was like, okay, well 0:05:04.560 --> 0:05:06.000 I'll go there for about four days and you can 0:05:06.040 --> 0:05:06.599 stay longer. 0:05:06.800 --> 0:05:08.159 Stop swear to god. 0:05:08.760 --> 0:05:09.960 I kind of get that, you. 0:05:10.200 --> 0:05:11.960 Know what I mean? Like, no, no, no, that's like that's 0:05:12.000 --> 0:05:13.800 a lot. Now if you're with his family for four 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:15.719 days and then you guys do something else, that's still 0:05:15.760 --> 0:05:18.760 being with him for more, like that is a lot. 0:05:18.800 --> 0:05:21.240 I need my and to me, it sounds even stranger 0:05:21.279 --> 0:05:23.000 for me to go stay by myself long vacation. 0:05:23.040 --> 0:05:27.360 You've never taken maybe five days but. 0:05:27.320 --> 0:05:28.400 The partner only five days. 0:05:28.400 --> 0:05:29.720 No, not with the partner, even with friends. 0:05:29.760 --> 0:05:32.279 But I'm now even since then, I have my own room, 0:05:32.480 --> 0:05:36.240 like even Deangre's birthday, Like I could call Crystal right now, 0:05:36.600 --> 0:05:37.880 like I kind of want to call it right now 0:05:38.680 --> 0:05:40.839 and be like Crystal and Crystal is who travels with 0:05:40.920 --> 0:05:43.479 me everywhere. That's the longest we've done is four days, 0:05:43.480 --> 0:05:46.480 even going to South Africa. We did Johannesburg for two 0:05:46.520 --> 0:05:47.920 days and came down for two days. 0:05:48.279 --> 0:05:49.240 Four days is like. 0:05:49.600 --> 0:05:51.920 Literally by Max to be around people before I'm like, 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:54.680 I'm gonna go off by myself. 0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:56.960 I need no that. It's what like Vinnie and I 0:05:57.000 --> 0:05:59.440 have traveled for weeks on end together. Nah, I've never 0:05:59.480 --> 0:06:02.160 done that. He's yeah, we like travel. 0:06:02.240 --> 0:06:03.840 I mean that's what we used to do we're young, 0:06:04.279 --> 0:06:06.280 laur in Europe or exploring Asia, like. 0:06:06.560 --> 0:06:09.279 Even when I toured two weeks around. We love it. 0:06:09.320 --> 0:06:13.320 But what we do is we separate. So if we're 0:06:13.320 --> 0:06:16.320 not in separate rooms, which for most of the time 0:06:16.360 --> 0:06:19.760 at this age now that always happens. But yeah, he 0:06:19.800 --> 0:06:22.520 would do his own thing, I'd stay in like I'm 0:06:22.560 --> 0:06:24.360 not and him and I And that's why Vinny and 0:06:24.400 --> 0:06:28.039 I are such good friends. We could be in a club, 0:06:28.160 --> 0:06:30.039 lose each other and find each other and not be 0:06:30.080 --> 0:06:31.360 angry and you know some motherfucker. 0:06:31.400 --> 0:06:33.039 Oh yeah, no, I do that with some people. 0:06:33.120 --> 0:06:36.599 Be like, oh, well, then we came to I've never 0:06:36.640 --> 0:06:39.400 been like that, and maybe that's what helps. But you're 0:06:39.440 --> 0:06:43.359 making me think because so Frianda met somebody and I 0:06:43.480 --> 0:06:46.799 wanted to see a photo and she's like, no, because 0:06:46.880 --> 0:06:49.000 you and my partner living each other's skin, and you're 0:06:49.000 --> 0:06:50.600 gonna tell him and I have to keep it close 0:06:50.640 --> 0:06:53.280 to the chest, that's between me and God until it 0:06:53.440 --> 0:06:55.880 goes forward. And I'm like, I'm not gonna tell him. 0:06:55.880 --> 0:06:57.960 She's like, yes, you are. And I remember she came 0:06:57.960 --> 0:06:59.360 back from a date and he was in the house 0:06:59.360 --> 0:07:02.760 and we both had like tell us and yeah. I 0:07:02.800 --> 0:07:04.720 think a lot of our friends feel like that right 0:07:04.760 --> 0:07:07.000 now that we are spending a lot of time together. 0:07:07.680 --> 0:07:09.600 And I don't know. 0:07:10.600 --> 0:07:13.880 It's interesting because there are two different types of people, 0:07:13.960 --> 0:07:17.080 you know, Like one of my friends is dating someone 0:07:17.080 --> 0:07:19.560 who feels the same as your partner, kind of like, 0:07:19.640 --> 0:07:21.280 why can't I have more with you when we live 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:24.720 in two different cities, and he's like, bro, I just 0:07:24.760 --> 0:07:26.720 it's not even about her. I just after a few days, 0:07:26.720 --> 0:07:28.520 I'm like, ah, I need to be alone. It's not 0:07:28.520 --> 0:07:31.040 about him, and I told him that whereas my partner 0:07:31.120 --> 0:07:34.160 is like, I'm not really feeling that. I don't feel 0:07:34.200 --> 0:07:37.400 like my alone time is needed to recharge. I may 0:07:37.480 --> 0:07:40.120 need a moment of not talking or being having some space, 0:07:40.160 --> 0:07:42.120 but I don't feel like that. Even in Thailand we 0:07:42.120 --> 0:07:44.880 were doing we never really had a moment where we 0:07:44.880 --> 0:07:48.720 were feeling like I need a night alone. But I 0:07:48.720 --> 0:07:52.480 think it's just everyone's temperament. Because my friend that expressed 0:07:52.480 --> 0:07:55.440 that to me was like, bro, I feel so bad 0:07:55.760 --> 0:07:58.520 that I'm in love with her and she thinks I 0:07:58.520 --> 0:08:02.720 don't want to be around her. However, I will say, 0:08:03.360 --> 0:08:05.800 I said to him, how do you then be with 0:08:05.840 --> 0:08:09.640 someone long term that completely feels invalidated because you can't 0:08:09.880 --> 0:08:10.640 spend that much. 0:08:10.520 --> 0:08:11.880 Time with them? Oh no, they got to take that 0:08:11.960 --> 0:08:12.760 up with a therapist. 0:08:13.040 --> 0:08:15.240 I'm telling him it is not about him, and I 0:08:15.280 --> 0:08:18.000 think that that's the problem with dating. I know you 0:08:18.120 --> 0:08:20.640 chuckled a little bit, but to be fair, I'm very 0:08:20.680 --> 0:08:24.520 aware of mil's issue. No, if you feel invalidated, what 0:08:24.640 --> 0:08:27.160 I'm telling you, it's not you, it's me needing space. 0:08:27.440 --> 0:08:29.320 I'm a human being who has had a lot of 0:08:29.320 --> 0:08:32.080 time alone, who spends a lot of time around other people, 0:08:32.320 --> 0:08:34.559 who works a lot in a capacity where I'm constantly 0:08:34.600 --> 0:08:37.240 around other people, I'm fully aware that I need space. 0:08:37.440 --> 0:08:39.959 This has nothing to do with a lack of interest 0:08:39.960 --> 0:08:42.600 to you. This has nothing to do with my investment 0:08:42.640 --> 0:08:44.400 to you. This has nothing to do with how much 0:08:44.400 --> 0:08:46.360 I like you. And it's so funny because we both 0:08:46.400 --> 0:08:48.360 are catching ourselves with the L word right now and 0:08:48.400 --> 0:08:50.960 he's like, ooh, almost said it. I was okay, I baby, 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:52.760 And we do this thing where we kiss when we 0:08:52.800 --> 0:08:55.040 hang up, and we're both not saying it, but I'm like, 0:08:56.160 --> 0:08:59.600 I feel so adored by this man, like I really 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:01.960 genuine like him. And it's so crazy because when we're 0:09:02.000 --> 0:09:05.160 like around each other, the PDA is crazy. Like we 0:09:05.440 --> 0:09:09.120 we hug, we hold hands, we have to wrap each 0:09:09.120 --> 0:09:11.720 other around each other, like the forehead kisses the mouth kis. 0:09:13.720 --> 0:09:15.480 It isn't like to me, that's not a compromise. 0:09:15.520 --> 0:09:18.280 My compromise is four days and I'm spending money to 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:20.640 come to la You spend money to come to Atlanta. 0:09:20.760 --> 0:09:23.240 We meet in between. We make these plans. 0:09:23.320 --> 0:09:25.679 I love the idea of missing you, but in this 0:09:25.840 --> 0:09:29.360 space that I'm in where I'm constantly around other people. 0:09:30.160 --> 0:09:33.960 I really wholeheartedly. 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:36.240 Need my recharge, like and I think that's why I'm 0:09:36.320 --> 0:09:39.800 really enjoying this move right now, because I don't have 0:09:39.880 --> 0:09:42.760 the fomo of being outside in Atlanta, and I literally 0:09:42.840 --> 0:09:43.880 just spend time in my house. 0:09:43.920 --> 0:09:45.720 Oh you should see. I'm belave to very laugh because 0:09:45.760 --> 0:09:48.880 like I can feel that because when I'm in New York. 0:09:49.160 --> 0:09:50.400 New York makes me la. 0:09:50.440 --> 0:09:52.679 I don't feel like I have to be outside and 0:09:53.000 --> 0:09:55.840 it's constantly my mind doesn't stop. Oh you should see. 0:09:56.200 --> 0:09:57.880 Y'all could talk about me as a cat mom. I 0:09:57.880 --> 0:10:00.800 don't care. There's times where I'm literally at the house 0:10:01.880 --> 0:10:04.400 and I will lock Body in a room because he 0:10:04.520 --> 0:10:04.760 just be. 0:10:04.840 --> 0:10:07.520 Trying to be up on me. Sometimes, Body go away, 0:10:07.760 --> 0:10:09.840 now hold on, I will put body in a last 0:10:09.960 --> 0:10:11.119 When Mandy said. 0:10:11.880 --> 0:10:14.000 I guess it's more so of the fact that I'm wondering, 0:10:14.240 --> 0:10:16.760 is it down to a tea that you know that 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:18.280 it is a four day thing? 0:10:18.440 --> 0:10:21.480 Yeah, like even with traveling. Yes, Like I'm going to 0:10:21.559 --> 0:10:25.240 Jamaica literally for Labor Day weekend. Y'all, Choco blizz, get 0:10:25.240 --> 0:10:27.960 your tickets now join me there. And it's five to 0:10:28.000 --> 0:10:28.600 seven days. 0:10:28.960 --> 0:10:31.880 And I'm like you, I don't know if I can't, 0:10:32.000 --> 0:10:35.360 I can't go. It's always a long trip. 0:10:35.480 --> 0:10:38.280 Five, Like anything more than four is a long time, 0:10:38.320 --> 0:10:40.960 even for me to be around. Like Crystal, who we 0:10:41.000 --> 0:10:44.560 have a thirteen year friendship. It's literally what I know 0:10:45.000 --> 0:10:48.080 with her, and she had she had a day job, 0:10:48.160 --> 0:10:50.760 like I traveled a lot. Like we even used to 0:10:50.800 --> 0:10:53.000 say there would be days where we wouldn't see each other. Bro, 0:10:53.160 --> 0:10:55.880 I had niggas coming in the house that she never met. Like, Bro, 0:10:55.920 --> 0:10:57.800 how the fuck we live together this long? And I 0:10:57.800 --> 0:10:59.800 ain't never seen this thing. Anything came and knock them down. 0:11:00.160 --> 0:11:03.520 But I'm thinking for compromise, and genuinely you care about 0:11:03.520 --> 0:11:03.959 this person. 0:11:04.000 --> 0:11:04.719 He cares about you. 0:11:05.559 --> 0:11:08.520 Fuck the invalidation thing and saying it's an insecurity he 0:11:08.600 --> 0:11:10.240 wants to go on a trip with you Europe is 0:11:10.320 --> 0:11:13.080 far right. Let's just say he's like, yo, I would 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:15.120 love to spend three days with you and my family 0:11:15.400 --> 0:11:17.720 and three days with us on the beach like in Europe. 0:11:17.760 --> 0:11:20.040 Like that's a long trek for both of you, especially 0:11:20.120 --> 0:11:21.640 him being in La for him. 0:11:21.520 --> 0:11:24.120 It's a long trek for me it's six eight hours. 0:11:24.160 --> 0:11:26.839 But still it's a thing he wants to do with you. 0:11:26.880 --> 0:11:27.840 Could you because you. 0:11:27.960 --> 0:11:30.199 He's what Eden's making the point of is like you're 0:11:30.240 --> 0:11:33.120 saying it's four days. Maybe could you try to see 0:11:33.120 --> 0:11:36.600 how you can recharge yourself while spending that much time? 0:11:36.640 --> 0:11:38.720 That's actually another reason. Yet you're right, that is kind 0:11:38.760 --> 0:11:40.480 of also why I chuckled a bit because it makes 0:11:40.480 --> 0:11:43.040 me wonder, Okay, how do we get Mandy to day five? 0:11:43.679 --> 0:11:46.360 Right? That is I mean he's trying to figure it out, 0:11:46.360 --> 0:11:46.800 which is why. 0:11:46.920 --> 0:11:49.960 Yeah, that's I mean I think I would be trying 0:11:49.960 --> 0:11:51.920 to figure out how to make this day five happen. 0:11:52.040 --> 0:11:54.840 Yeah, but I think we're we're also still so new, 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:57.520 like I don't want to be in a point like 0:11:57.800 --> 0:12:00.520 I love that. Also when we're around, there's no arguments, 0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:02.439 it's fun Like, I love that. I don't want to 0:12:02.440 --> 0:12:05.520 get to the point where maybe he sees me so 0:12:05.640 --> 0:12:09.000 early in my funk. I'm fully aware that I need 0:12:09.040 --> 0:12:10.120 a break, girl, I. 0:12:10.080 --> 0:12:12.800 Need a charge a man knowing you get in your moods. Oh, 0:12:12.840 --> 0:12:14.480 he's a relationship. He's fine. 0:12:14.520 --> 0:12:17.640 He has seen me get testy with like an uber 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:20.079 driver or him not. It's funny because he drives in 0:12:20.200 --> 0:12:22.440 LA and I have like a thing about I'm gonna 0:12:22.480 --> 0:12:24.719 do the Ubers because every time in Vegas that he 0:12:24.720 --> 0:12:27.760 even ordered a Uber wrong pin drop and it was 0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:29.959 like we were waiting on a fucking car too long. 0:12:30.400 --> 0:12:31.439 So I'm just like, I got it. 0:12:31.679 --> 0:12:34.960 But to me, I mean again, I think in relationships, 0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:36.880 I think what's important is self awareness and I think 0:12:36.880 --> 0:12:39.000 a lot of people like it. I am being very 0:12:39.040 --> 0:12:42.360 open with what I can, what I can deal. 0:12:42.160 --> 0:12:43.800 With him, what I can, what I can. I think 0:12:43.840 --> 0:12:45.880 you don't know. I know I'm telling. 0:12:45.720 --> 0:12:48.400 No, I know you don't know what this person. That's unfair. 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:51.240 It's not unfair. It's me as a person. It's with 0:12:51.280 --> 0:12:53.320 my ex's with my best friends, it's with my family, 0:12:53.640 --> 0:12:56.439 it's with work. Like and I think that's another thing, 0:12:56.559 --> 0:12:59.480 Like damn, I'm saying what I know about myself and 0:12:59.480 --> 0:13:01.560 people are like, well, maybe you don't. 0:13:01.400 --> 0:13:03.319 Like I think it just lacks compromise. 0:13:03.400 --> 0:13:06.200 Seriously, I think if someone say, if the shoe was 0:13:06.200 --> 0:13:08.600 on the other foot, to know that someone couldn't try 0:13:08.600 --> 0:13:10.840 for you, I think four days in Europe, I get 0:13:10.840 --> 0:13:12.760 what you mean. We have the means to bounce around 0:13:12.800 --> 0:13:14.280 and do what we want to do, but like not 0:13:14.400 --> 0:13:17.520 everybody bounces back like that, like jet lag, time spent 0:13:17.640 --> 0:13:19.360 like maybe he wants to show you more of what 0:13:19.440 --> 0:13:22.160 he's seen. Like, I think it's perfectly normal and okay 0:13:22.679 --> 0:13:24.840 to say, can I get another day or two out 0:13:24.880 --> 0:13:27.000 of you? And you could learn how to recharge? If 0:13:27.000 --> 0:13:28.360 it's a hard no for you, it's a hard no 0:13:28.480 --> 0:13:30.720 for you, But I think being that you have someone 0:13:30.720 --> 0:13:33.600 that you know really cares about you, I think he'd 0:13:33.640 --> 0:13:36.040 be more than willing to help you find that space, 0:13:36.280 --> 0:13:38.079 like and be open to it, like if you really 0:13:38.120 --> 0:13:40.200 need the recharge, because there has to be at some 0:13:40.280 --> 0:13:44.400 point you learn to recharge while around a partner, Like 0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:46.120 I think that does have to exist. 0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:47.920 What does that cooled down look like for you? Let's 0:13:47.920 --> 0:13:50.920 say four days happened, and this amongst your partner or 0:13:51.000 --> 0:13:54.800 like your friends us, Let's say like four days happens, 0:13:54.960 --> 0:13:56.440 how do you cool down? And when do you know 0:13:56.480 --> 0:13:58.440 you're ready to see your partner again? 0:13:58.559 --> 0:14:01.600 I literally am home the whole day. 0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:04.000 Yeah, like soaking, I take my nap. 0:14:04.080 --> 0:14:06.000 Like it's funny because he knows my routine. Like when 0:14:06.040 --> 0:14:09.080 I'm home, I have a three o'clock nap. I like 0:14:09.160 --> 0:14:11.680 having on my pads. I like if I want to 0:14:11.679 --> 0:14:14.680 turn on a TV, I turn it on sometimes I clean, 0:14:15.080 --> 0:14:20.080 like it's a literal shut down from everyone, Like I 0:14:20.160 --> 0:14:22.280 might be on the phone till maybe ten am because 0:14:22.320 --> 0:14:26.360 I'm like a seven am riser and that's it. Like 0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:30.520 I'm literally away from crowds and people. And I think 0:14:31.040 --> 0:14:34.920 I think it's gotten worse because of the capacity of us, 0:14:34.960 --> 0:14:38.600 even touring the live shows, the constant like dealing with 0:14:38.680 --> 0:14:40.760 multiple teams, you know, like we're in slack. 0:14:40.880 --> 0:14:42.440 I have slack for two other businesses. 0:14:42.680 --> 0:14:46.040 Like it's a constant thing to where I literally in 0:14:46.160 --> 0:14:48.000 order for me to show up is my best self. 0:14:48.320 --> 0:14:53.360 It's something that I need and and to me, we'll 0:14:53.400 --> 0:14:55.640 work around it. But that's something that I need. And 0:14:55.760 --> 0:14:57.640 I don't want to get to a place where I 0:14:57.680 --> 0:15:00.880 resent somebody over compromiser, being forced to do something that 0:15:00.920 --> 0:15:04.080 I don't want to. And I think that already dealing 0:15:04.120 --> 0:15:06.840 with the long distance and us finding ways to compromise 0:15:06.920 --> 0:15:09.080 with each other, we are like I even told him, 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:13.080 like moody shit, I don't really like. So I said, hey, babe, 0:15:13.440 --> 0:15:16.640 if you realize you want a mood we cannot do 0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:18.560 it like I did it when like he has a 0:15:18.600 --> 0:15:20.760 lot going on with work and so even before he 0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:22.960 came to Denver. I was like, if you're in a 0:15:23.000 --> 0:15:25.560 mood and you're not in the best space, I'd rather 0:15:25.600 --> 0:15:29.120 you not come to Denver. Like, I'm also very particular 0:15:29.240 --> 0:15:31.960 with when we finally get to see each other, that 0:15:32.080 --> 0:15:35.480 we have this amazing time together that all of the 0:15:35.520 --> 0:15:38.360 outside noise doesn't bother us enjoying each other. And I 0:15:38.360 --> 0:15:41.560 guess that's also my view on partnership, Like I'm looking 0:15:41.600 --> 0:15:45.240 at our partnership in relationship as being able to exhibit 0:15:45.280 --> 0:15:49.280 and live life together and make memories together. But it's 0:15:49.360 --> 0:15:52.440 also I'm not looking to cohabitate. I'm not looking for marriage, 0:15:52.440 --> 0:15:55.720 I'm not looking for kids, and so all of those 0:15:55.760 --> 0:15:58.960 stressors don't exist. We should be able to like, really, 0:16:00.000 --> 0:16:02.800 you know, just enjoy each other. I get to do 0:16:02.840 --> 0:16:04.480 that with my friends. I really want to be able 0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:05.400 to do that with my partner. 0:16:05.560 --> 0:16:07.240 Wheezy, Where do you feel like your limit might be 0:16:07.240 --> 0:16:09.080 a first, let's say if we were to like try 0:16:09.120 --> 0:16:11.640 to calculate it both the cool down and like, let's 0:16:11.640 --> 0:16:12.240 say after it. 0:16:12.480 --> 0:16:15.800 Right, my limit is actually only social spaces with people I'm. 0:16:15.720 --> 0:16:16.400 Not comfortable with. 0:16:16.560 --> 0:16:19.160 Time wise, though, Like let's say she gave us four days. 0:16:18.920 --> 0:16:20.640 No, she said she could be Oh no, I couldn't 0:16:20.640 --> 0:16:21.680 be with my partner every day. 0:16:21.720 --> 0:16:25.440 Give me, there has to be a limit. There's no way, dog, 0:16:25.960 --> 0:16:30.120 I'm okay. So even though I know you're in like livydw, 0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:31.960 but still no some real. 0:16:31.840 --> 0:16:33.720 Shit, like I'm very comfortable with him. 0:16:33.760 --> 0:16:35.800 You have to remember also, I lived with someone before, 0:16:35.880 --> 0:16:38.040 when I was in Mexico living with old Bay Like. 0:16:38.640 --> 0:16:40.800 Of course he's a piece of shit, but I wasn't taught. 0:16:41.000 --> 0:16:43.440 I know how to live with someone and not to 0:16:43.480 --> 0:16:45.440 have my own space. I've never lived in a one 0:16:45.440 --> 0:16:48.480 bedroom with someone. I've never had a roommate. Weard enough space, 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:52.760 so I'm pretty good with that. I was actually thinking 0:16:52.800 --> 0:16:57.360 of something when you were talking, because my partner also 0:16:57.400 --> 0:16:59.280 told me he's never spent so much time with someone. 0:16:59.680 --> 0:17:01.920 He's like, I really thought I needed my alone time. 0:17:01.920 --> 0:17:03.320 But we kind of know what to do with each 0:17:03.360 --> 0:17:05.160 other to recharge. 0:17:05.280 --> 0:17:05.800 He said. 0:17:07.000 --> 0:17:08.720 I was in a really bad mood. And don't get 0:17:08.760 --> 0:17:10.720 me wrong, we understand when space happens. But I was 0:17:10.800 --> 0:17:13.359 upset about something and he wanted to comfort me, and 0:17:13.400 --> 0:17:17.120 we had plans, and he said, listen, if we were 0:17:17.119 --> 0:17:19.360 living together already, what would you want me to do? 0:17:19.520 --> 0:17:21.560 Go out and sit outside. You want me to go 0:17:21.680 --> 0:17:24.280 stuff myself in the second bedroom. You need to learn 0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:24.879 how to be around me. 0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:26.760 I don't give a fuck Like you're sitting here screaming 0:17:27.040 --> 0:17:29.040 calling me because you need me, but you don't want 0:17:29.040 --> 0:17:30.920 me to see you like this. I'm going to see 0:17:30.960 --> 0:17:31.760 you and show up for you. 0:17:31.640 --> 0:17:33.840 You need some space when we're in the house, fine, 0:17:33.840 --> 0:17:36.840 I'll take Nina whatever, but I'm going to see you 0:17:36.880 --> 0:17:37.560 in every emotion. 0:17:38.080 --> 0:17:40.080 We talked about marriage. 0:17:39.680 --> 0:17:42.160