Speaker 1: He's a sexy sexy man, sexy sexy plan because he
Speaker 1: ain't no stuck us looking so flighty. You could try
Speaker 1: like a trucker, clean like a plank, just solim yunger
Speaker 1: fool wheel try so we never gets to play so far,
Speaker 1: ticking up a lot of band winds. And he's a guy.
Speaker 1: Ye he ain't no stand and he doesn't have cheese
Speaker 1: on a nighttime sandwich because everybody knows he's the Fergens.
Speaker 1: He bandit the Ron Burgundy podcast Largo and how they
Speaker 1: want Tafarta put your han stick out of the Ron
Speaker 1: burgo right here. Thank you so much. That is that
Speaker 1: is lovely. That is nice to hear. I'm joined by Carolina,
Speaker 1: of course, my wonderful co host. And let me guess,
Speaker 1: were you applauding for me or for her? Give me both.
Speaker 1: I think it was predominantly me, though I'm just teasing.
Speaker 1: Oh that felt good, though Daddy needed that. I was
Speaker 1: changing a tire on the four oh five in the
Speaker 1: suppu to pass less than fifteen minutes ago, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to make the show, and the car
Speaker 1: collapsed on me, but luckily Oh bushed it off me
Speaker 1: and got here and then you gave me that wonderful ovation,
Speaker 1: So thank you, thank you so much. We also just
Speaker 1: want to tell you, guys that all the proceeds to
Speaker 1: tonight's ticket sales are going to the International Medical Corps,
Speaker 1: which is a great charity that's helping families in the
Speaker 1: Ukraine right now. And thank you to Larger and thank
Speaker 1: you to Largo for evening to Largo because Flanny here,
Speaker 1: he's not getting his grubby paws on it. So it's
Speaker 1: going to charity and it goes all to charity, right.
Speaker 1: I don't get like a little nothing, just a sweet little,
Speaker 1: a little morsel. Do you want me to ask for
Speaker 1: that five maybe? Oh no, no, no, no, I don't
Speaker 1: get none, nothing, nothing nothing. I thought we've been just
Speaker 1: saying that. No, No, I feel like you're upset. Can
Speaker 1: I have twenty bucks? Look what I found next stage?
Speaker 1: And abba Zaba, you guys remember Abbasaba's. It's a delicious
Speaker 1: little treat and I think I'm gonna gonna pop one
Speaker 1: in my mouth. We just want to stand by everyone.
Speaker 1: For those listening at home, I'm opening is Abazaba Rapper
Speaker 1: right now. M hm m hmm. Is it going to
Speaker 1: be a little bit of a second. Yeah, it's in
Speaker 1: the toffee family of confession, injected with a peanut butter, right,
Speaker 1: really dragging me back. You need a second, not swallow
Speaker 1: bal yet not all right? There she goes right into
Speaker 1: the cup. That is a terrible piece of candy. The Appasaba.
Speaker 1: And I hope the Abbasaba company listens to this podcast
Speaker 1: and they know how I feel. We're not scared. Abba
Speaker 1: zabbas can suck it, Okay, I hope they don't steal
Speaker 1: that as a like a slogan. Oh that is that
Speaker 1: a good slogan. Aba you can suck it, can suck it,
Speaker 1: meaning us are candy. It's too long, we'll figure it out. Hollywood, California.
Speaker 1: Where's everyone from Chicago? Hello? Oklahoma City? Out of car
Speaker 1: Cot car Not that many people. No, Oh Santedro a
Speaker 1: thriving Greek community in San Pedro from what I remember.
Speaker 1: H Mexico. Oh do you wanna Okay, you don't have
Speaker 1: to be so cocky about it, jeez, do you wanna Australia, Well,
Speaker 1: don't struga well boom England. The English are blue arts,
Speaker 1: they really are. I hate the British. I just do no.
Speaker 1: I do. I don't hate the strong word, but I
Speaker 1: hate the British. We have stop what's going on? I
Speaker 1: don't know, it's just what you're feeling. This is the
Speaker 1: way I'm feeling. So but those of you in Hollywood
Speaker 1: probably we have to address the elephant in the room.
Speaker 1: I mean Sunday night, Oh boy got dying? Oh what
Speaker 1: did I? Oh murder? Say what? That was the craziest
Speaker 1: thing I've ever seen. Which and I and You've seen
Speaker 1: a lot of crazy. I've seen crazy. I've seen you
Speaker 1: take an elevator. Yes, I just saw you spent that
Speaker 1: Abbasaba and crystal glass. You've seen me throw a housecat
Speaker 1: off a bridge in San Pedro. That was um, I
Speaker 1: can't believe. I just yea strike that from the record,
Speaker 1: but I hate house cats, ate the British. Yeah, we're
Speaker 1: just gonna tell it like it is. But I mean
Speaker 1: that we all witnessed. Most of us slept yard. But
Speaker 1: I have a bit of good news that's slightly related.
Speaker 1: I think I'm hosting the Oscars next year. I don't know,
Speaker 1: I said, I think who told you that you're hosting that? Well,
Speaker 1: they've reached out to my people. I'm your people. I
Speaker 1: know have they reached out to. Okay, but they too,
Speaker 1: I'm hoping they're going to reach out to. They start
Speaker 1: with a shortlist and I'm figured I'm probably on it
Speaker 1: and they have to whittle it down and it might happen. Um,
Speaker 1: but I'm just gonna prepare and hope and pray every
Speaker 1: night that I get it. Uh, but I want to
Speaker 1: be prepared when I get that phone call. Uh. So
Speaker 1: I've been working on some stand up um for the Oscars,
Speaker 1: and if you'll indulge me, I'd love to try it
Speaker 1: out on you, if that's all right, I want to yeah, okay, Um,
Speaker 1: and keep in mind this is a work in progress.
Speaker 1: I'm not a professional stand up comedian. Uh but uh
Speaker 1: but anyway, you gotta jump in the pool, right. Um.
Speaker 1: So let's see here. Get my cheaters out, Oh, wear
Speaker 1: contacts during the Oscars, don't worry, and I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: belied looking like this, Just so you know, I'll probably
Speaker 1: be in a golden maid jumpsuit. Okay. Uh alright, So
Speaker 1: please welcome Ron Burgundy. Huh, thank you, thank you. It's
Speaker 1: it's a pleasure to be here hosting the h I
Speaker 1: don't know what you're do they'll they'll tell me it's
Speaker 1: a pleasure to be here. We got a lot. How's
Speaker 1: how's everyone doing tonight at the Oscars? Pretty good? Yeah? Uh,
Speaker 1: I see there's a category for for best hair and
Speaker 1: makeup and the winner is not g I Jane two. No,
Speaker 1: it's okay, it's okay. No one's good, No one's here.
Speaker 1: It's okay, it's okay. No one's gonna fight you, it's okay,
Speaker 1: it's all right. In fact, there wasn't any hair and
Speaker 1: make up. Everyone had shaved heads. Okay. It reminds me.
Speaker 1: I went to my barber and I say, take a
Speaker 1: little off the top, Pete. And he says how much?
Speaker 1: And I say, not as much as g I Jane too?
Speaker 1: Know what? Okay, it's okay, it's okay. No, no, it's here.
Speaker 1: You're shadow boxing. It's fine, No, I kid. G I
Speaker 1: Jane two is a great movie. Everyone loves it, unless
Speaker 1: you happen to be headlines because there's no hair I
Speaker 1: got we got and they need an environment to thrive
Speaker 1: in and has to be like feast and yeah, m okay,
Speaker 1: what else do I got here? M hmmm, um hey uh.
Speaker 1: For our viewers at home, there here in California. There's
Speaker 1: a place called the Central Valley. Great, why do they
Speaker 1: call it Sacramento? Do they make sacred mentos there? You
Speaker 1: guys remember mentos? Right? Those old commercials they were weird.
Speaker 1: What about kid Cat bars? Huh? Do you remember kitcat bars? Yeah?
Speaker 1: What if Bob Dylan did the kid Cat Bar song?
Speaker 1: It would go something like this, give me a break,
Speaker 1: give me a break, bring me up a piece. Then
Speaker 1: it get bad. So circle that one. That's applause break
Speaker 1: on that one. You'll remember if I forget right for
Speaker 1: next year's Oscar, will you be able to be on
Speaker 1: stage with me? Oh? Because you're quite a security blanket.
Speaker 1: What else? What else? What's in the news. Have you
Speaker 1: heard about these self driving cars? Yeah? Do you think
Speaker 1: they've not heard about him? Okay, okay, um, they have
Speaker 1: these cars now that drive around without a driver. What
Speaker 1: if you're Adam driver and you're in the backseat of
Speaker 1: a driverless car and a cop pulls you over he says,
Speaker 1: are you the drive? Ever? How confusing would that be? Okay?
Speaker 1: That was that was like a seven Governor rhn de
Speaker 1: Santis is at it again. Yea yeah, oh that would
Speaker 1: be great if they react that way. That guy is
Speaker 1: so weird they should call him Ron Dementos, right, I
Speaker 1: called back Sacramento. Yeah, anyway, he doesn't want teachers to
Speaker 1: say the word gay in the classroom, like it's a
Speaker 1: dirty word. The only word dirt in the only the
Speaker 1: only word, the one hold on, the only flirty dirt in.
Speaker 1: God damn it fulls together on. He looked like a ass.
Speaker 1: Right now, you've come this far, you're almost at the
Speaker 1: top of the mountain. Bring it home, you coward with
Speaker 1: nothing but a coward and a quarter a jacket and
Speaker 1: look like a You got your ass blowing in the wind.
Speaker 1: Just pull it together. The only dirty word in the
Speaker 1: state of Florida is the santis. Thank you. On with
Speaker 1: the rest of the show. Um, here's John Travolta and
Speaker 1: uh uh uh Grrie Mulligan. I don't know, I know,
Speaker 1: I'm a big carry Amelegan fan. Well, very great, that
Speaker 1: was great. That was very valuable. I feel like the
Speaker 1: message we wanted to give after the Oscars on Sunday,
Speaker 1: And if you guys are so inclined, you can stay
Speaker 1: it with me. Hug it out, hug it out, say
Speaker 1: it sincerely, though, like, hey, hug it out one to
Speaker 1: three huge out. That feels good. Well, do you want
Speaker 1: to turn to your neighbor and just tug them quickly?
Speaker 1: It's COVID. Oh that's nice. People are doing it, doing
Speaker 1: it for the listeners at home. There's four people. People
Speaker 1: are now, people are really getting into it. Shirt answer,
Speaker 1: keep your shirt disgusting. Well, uh, we should get on
Speaker 1: with our show. Um, you said that you were guessed.
Speaker 1: All you said was personal and I didn't want it,
Speaker 1: so I didn't want to ask because I didn't want
Speaker 1: to like overset my Well, someone is in town, a
Speaker 1: relative of mine, and he asked to come on the show. Yeah, Um,
Speaker 1: are you okay? I'm okay, Yes, I'm fine. In fact,
Speaker 1: it's good. We haven't seen each other a while. Um,
Speaker 1: it looks bad, but no, it's he's fine. You know what,
Speaker 1: Let's just get him out here. Would you please welcome
Speaker 1: my brother Billy Burgundy? Hi? Yeah, right, Billy, wonder you
Speaker 1: have a seat all right? Yeah? Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'll sit down right now. He's a little too high,
Speaker 1: if I'm honest, right out of the gate, I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm still kind of standing. Honestly, it's a regular.
Speaker 1: It's just a club chair. It's a regular chair cheer
Speaker 1: kind of playing a prank on me, like, ha, you
Speaker 1: thought you sat down, but you're just squatting and your
Speaker 1: thighs are doing a lot of the work. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you can really, I don't think you can
Speaker 1: smoke up right now, I'm doing it. I'm doing. Just
Speaker 1: sit back in the sit back in the chair, please, Yeah,
Speaker 1: a little baby brother, Roddy hot shot? Hot shot? Can
Speaker 1: we curse? It's too late now I'm saying, I'll change
Speaker 1: my tone, like I'll I'll like, I won't curse. I
Speaker 1: don't want to have to call the fire marshal if
Speaker 1: you're call them, call the you know the number of
Speaker 1: the firemark every people say that all the time. I
Speaker 1: all want to call fire my call him? What do
Speaker 1: you got his number in your phone? Oh? I don't
Speaker 1: having you, but I have you. I would get it
Speaker 1: quickly and Carolina would call you it doesn't have it,
Speaker 1: I have it. Tell me what it is and I'll
Speaker 1: tell you. You better tell him. You better tell him
Speaker 1: right now? Your fire don't embarrassing? Okay, what's his number?
Speaker 1: How do we know that your number is the accurate number?
Speaker 1: I got it from a bunny mind. My buddy is
Speaker 1: a fire. Marshal alright, Oh I almost dropped my cigarettes.
Speaker 1: You can't imagine what would have happened. Fire, Probably a fire.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. There's a huge gap between your two sensibilities.
Speaker 1: This is what we're like, oil and water. We're different. Ronnie,
Speaker 1: you know, Ronnie went off and became you know, a
Speaker 1: little shot? Is that me? Am I doing that? I
Speaker 1: think that's yours? Is is that me? Yeah? That's your everybody?
Speaker 1: You go the way? Now you go? Alright, my turn.
Speaker 1: It does seem like they was always very good in
Speaker 1: audio visual class. Didn't work. It's okay, you gotta relax, Billy.
Speaker 1: It's just a microphone to talk it to go. I know,
Speaker 1: you gott if you're gonna stay here, you gotta take
Speaker 1: it down or not. She just brought you a night.
Speaker 1: She's you're like a hair trigger. You've always been that way.
Speaker 1: I didn't know what it was. I was freaked me.
Speaker 1: The didn't look like you that. She's like, you take
Speaker 1: this dough. She did all day dil though, and she
Speaker 1: wanted me helper do. She didn't say a word, I know,
Speaker 1: but it just felt this looks like a dildo to
Speaker 1: you people, it's a microphone vote. We vote on it. No,
Speaker 1: we don't vote. We all right vote that, we don't
Speaker 1: vote on it. Fine, fine, But to me, I felt
Speaker 1: in that situation a lady was running to me, go
Speaker 1: and hide this dildo. I stole it. That's the story
Speaker 1: I concocted within sec darn it, gosh, darn it. Come
Speaker 1: to think of it, last Easter, you did give me
Speaker 1: a microphone shape dildo. Got the wireless microphone shaped dildo.
Speaker 1: They exist. That's a fun word, dildo. Right. We haven't
Speaker 1: laughed like that in a long time. I got a
Speaker 1: big question for you, billy. What what What are you
Speaker 1: doing here? You mean when I'm doing do the What
Speaker 1: do you want? Do you think? Do you want money?
Speaker 1: Do you want money? Do you want a place to stay? What?
Speaker 1: What's I mean? I'm not here to Do you have money?
Speaker 1: Do you have some cash? Got probably some cash on me.
Speaker 1: I'll take some money. That's not why I'm here. But
Speaker 1: if you're saying you throw the money around, they'll take
Speaker 1: some money. I'm here to be interviewed. Isn't that what
Speaker 1: you do? You really want to be interviewed by me? Yes,
Speaker 1: that's why I'm holding this still though, so I can
Speaker 1: forget the interviewed. I came out of here. You know,
Speaker 1: you got all these people here, Ronnie the hot shot,
Speaker 1: hot shot Ronnie Burgundy that nobody gives it about his
Speaker 1: big brother, Billy Burgundy. So I'm out here to be interviewed.
Speaker 1: Let these people know. Maybe I influenced you in some way,
Speaker 1: all right, fair enough, but you never expressed an interest
Speaker 1: in my life this way. So what would you say?
Speaker 1: This is what you do in a podcast? What is
Speaker 1: a podcast? By the way, Like, what is this actually? Like?
Speaker 1: What do you do with it? I still couldn't tell you.
Speaker 1: I don't understand it. From a technical standpoint. I initially
Speaker 1: thought we recorded on a bunch of cassette tapes. We
Speaker 1: had to drive him to everyone's house, kind of like
Speaker 1: the old Netflix model. That's what I thought, and you
Speaker 1: pop them into a cassette and you listen to him,
Speaker 1: and you you just hope, you pray to God that
Speaker 1: enough people have boom boxes at home. Still, that's what
Speaker 1: I thought a podcast was. I get it. The fact
Speaker 1: that this doesn't have a wire, I can't even knowing.
Speaker 1: I don't trust it. I'll never use a chordless that's
Speaker 1: why I go, I go wire, I go, uh do
Speaker 1: that as well? This feels better. For some reason, this
Speaker 1: just feels better. I don't know, like I'm plugged into
Speaker 1: a system. Billy, let me. I'll start by asking you this.
Speaker 1: We we both we grew up in Iowa. Why do
Speaker 1: you have a Brooklyn accent? Why? Why? And why is
Speaker 1: the question? Look like we're from Brooks We're from Brooklyn, Iowa.
Speaker 1: All Brooklyn's of Brooklyn. It doesn't matter which the state.
Speaker 1: It's in Brooklyn, Iowa's Brooklyn. You look. You look like
Speaker 1: the Fons. I love the Funds. I've always worshiped the Fons.
Speaker 1: Every time I would watch Happy Days, I was like,
Speaker 1: that's who I'm gonna be when I grow up. And
Speaker 1: I don't care. I don't care if the settings and
Speaker 1: out of disappropriate. Don't care if it costs you employment.
Speaker 1: I don't care. Care if you can't. I don't care
Speaker 1: if the settings and the people change around me. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be the Fauns when I grow People feel awkward
Speaker 1: around you constantly. Yeah, this makes a statement. When I
Speaker 1: walk into a room, people are like, even when I
Speaker 1: walked out here, people are like, this guy's got something
Speaker 1: to say, look at it, Look at this guy. This
Speaker 1: guy gets it? Is that what people is that what
Speaker 1: you think people are thinking? Did anybody did anybody here
Speaker 1: think that? When I walked out, some people clapped how
Speaker 1: one guy, that young woman clapped the gates and then
Speaker 1: the distinct voice was just a definite declarative no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1: Doing of the audience says no, ye, some people did clap,
Speaker 1: not as many numbers as I was hoping, maybe three,
Speaker 1: maybe three people possibly three one distinct No. I probably
Speaker 1: hate cigarettes. That's your thing. You're like, well, I'm against
Speaker 1: you because most people hate cigarettes. They do. It's when
Speaker 1: since thirty years ago, twenty years ago. I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't know. You can't smoke anywhere. I do it all
Speaker 1: the time. I know that walking about what he says anything,
Speaker 1: They just let it happen. They're like, I don't know.
Speaker 1: This guy looks like he knows something. No, No, this
Speaker 1: is fun. I like this is fun. You like do this?
Speaker 1: This is cool. This is a cool got gig? You know?
Speaker 1: Is that what it's called a gig. It's called a podcast.
Speaker 1: And we're you know, we're just we're lucky enough to
Speaker 1: be doing it in front of a live audience, and
Speaker 1: that's what's happenings, and this is kind of this is
Speaker 1: one of the things I do in my life. Well,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know because you don't call.
Speaker 1: You know, right, let us in high school. When you
Speaker 1: left town and you didn't talk to anyone in the
Speaker 1: family for twenty years, what happened? That's your question. I
Speaker 1: come out here and you say, why did I leave home?
Speaker 1: I was eleven when I left home. I was eleven, Ronnie,
Speaker 1: I was I was four. I was eleven, and I
Speaker 1: was in high school. Was an accelerated class. You were
Speaker 1: an accelerated student. I didn't understand anything, but I already
Speaker 1: had a mustache, so they pushed me through, and I
Speaker 1: was You think it's easy to be around them when
Speaker 1: people will look at you only eleven, and look at
Speaker 1: your brother's holding four and he's got a man's mustache
Speaker 1: and he's in these he's in these accelerated classes. Don't
Speaker 1: take me back there, because all I would do was
Speaker 1: squigger with crayons, and they loved They kept moving, loved me.
Speaker 1: I kept moving. They were like this guy's like a
Speaker 1: passa RANI was in college by ten years old it was.
Speaker 1: I left at eleven. I'm the youngest kid to ever
Speaker 1: leave his house at the youngest age. I looked it up.
Speaker 1: You looked it up where the library. I went to
Speaker 1: the library. And I went to the library, and there's
Speaker 1: a book. There's a book that chronicles how early children
Speaker 1: leave their houses. Yes, in the youngest before me was twelve.
Speaker 1: I left it eleven. So I got that. So you
Speaker 1: broke the record. I broke the record after all, for
Speaker 1: Billy Burgundy. What kind of smokes are those? By the way,
Speaker 1: That's okay. I'd rather do that than get it on
Speaker 1: these nice chairs to make you stand up when you
Speaker 1: don't want to. Yeah, I left home at eleven. I
Speaker 1: lived on trains. I lived on a bunch of trains trains. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what I did with fellow hoboes. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: I had a stick with a sack on the end
Speaker 1: of the kerchief. And I gotta tell you can't put
Speaker 1: a lot of clothes in there. You can maybe put
Speaker 1: a half of sandwich. You can put half of sandwich in,
Speaker 1: half of pair of jeans, one leg of a g
Speaker 1: It's not like you can put a wardrobe in the
Speaker 1: little chrischief. That's a kerchief. You know. It signals everyone
Speaker 1: that you hoped trains. Yeah, I have trains and I'm eleven.
Speaker 1: People like that. Kids shouldn't be hopping trains. Trains for
Speaker 1: how long? And twenty years? Hopped trains for twenty years
Speaker 1: until you were thirty one? Yeah, I just kept doing it.
Speaker 1: You know, once you're caught up in the game of
Speaker 1: hopping trains, it's not a game. You can't just get out.
Speaker 1: You can't get out. You could get out anytime you want.
Speaker 1: How was that a comfortable life? It wasn't. I was.
Speaker 1: I'm a grizzled man because of it. Mcgrizzled Brooklyn Knight
Speaker 1: go uh go hu Husky Huskies. Who are the corn Huskers?
Speaker 1: What is it? How? Guys? That's what I said. Guys, Yes,
Speaker 1: Iowa hack guys. In Brooklyn we were the New Jersey
Speaker 1: Nets hot guys. Remember that high school where the New
Speaker 1: Jersey Nets. We were the Brooklyn Nets guys. That's right,
Speaker 1: that was our high school. And remember our fight song.
Speaker 1: Of course, I do breathe music Net eyes Nets. We're
Speaker 1: coming from your throats out and what you bleed on
Speaker 1: the floor. It is our dest today to prevail New
Speaker 1: Jersey nets nets. Of course I remember it pretty again.
Speaker 1: Of course I remember I fight song. I sing it
Speaker 1: every night on those trains. Taught all the hoboes. I said,
Speaker 1: listen to this and I get to the pot about
Speaker 1: ripping out the throats and the blood on the floor,
Speaker 1: and they loved it. I'm still confused. Who's they? My
Speaker 1: hobo friends, Charlie, mostly just me and Charlie. Look, here's
Speaker 1: the reason I'm here. You wanted to do the truth.
Speaker 1: There's another question I have for you because our brother Lonnie,
Speaker 1: I saw you in a pornographic movie. Talk about that.
Speaker 1: Talk about that. That's not I mean, what was what
Speaker 1: was that period of your life? What was going on? Okay,
Speaker 1: it's one thing that maybe I was or was not
Speaker 1: in a pornographic film. It's another thing that Lonnie's watching
Speaker 1: stuff like that. What was he doing watching the thing? That?
Speaker 1: I was a fair question Back then, it was still old.
Speaker 1: Real to real, it was real to real. You had
Speaker 1: to you had to get a sixteen metal made a
Speaker 1: projector you had to want it. You had to want it,
Speaker 1: but you had to want it. You had to get it.
Speaker 1: Didn't get it, didn't know pop up. It was like
Speaker 1: I bought a ticket to see it loop it through. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that I need. I needed some money and there was
Speaker 1: no sound. There was no sound of corn A Kolani.
Speaker 1: I didn't see it. So you needed some money. I
Speaker 1: needed some money and I did a little porn ated
Speaker 1: by any chance. Yeah, that's how I got discovered. Remember
Speaker 1: how Edward Furlong got discovered for Terminator two. That's what
Speaker 1: happened to me. But it was for a pornographic film.
Speaker 1: I don't have that, that's the analogy. I don't have
Speaker 1: some sort of play on the title Terminator too. I
Speaker 1: just know that that's how I got discovered. Someone said
Speaker 1: you have a camera, and I said, hey, I live
Speaker 1: on trains. That was enough. That was enough to get
Speaker 1: me in the door. So there was a young enterp
Speaker 1: rising pornographic film maker scouting for his next actor in
Speaker 1: a train yard. Yeah, okay, you've been surprised. A lot
Speaker 1: of actors come from train yards in every in every genre.
Speaker 1: It's true. I know Gene Hackman came from a train yard.
Speaker 1: I know he also did a stretch of time at
Speaker 1: Joliet Prison. What was that for? Why do you got
Speaker 1: to tell people about that? We're doing an interview you
Speaker 1: wanted me to ask you about your lives in Joliet,
Speaker 1: Joliet prison, because I had I had signed up for
Speaker 1: a kid's birthday party to do like clowns, and I
Speaker 1: was doing the balloon animals type stuff and I didn't
Speaker 1: know how to do it and the dad. I I
Speaker 1: got into a little scuffle with the dad. I was
Speaker 1: drinking and think a lot of the kids are crying
Speaker 1: at kids party. They were like eight, and I thought
Speaker 1: these kids are too whole for him clown and one
Speaker 1: of the kids like just made me a bluon animal.
Speaker 1: I shoved, shoved the kid. Uh, you can never it
Speaker 1: was the dad's kid. It was the dad's kid, which
Speaker 1: I guess is always it's always the dad's kids, and
Speaker 1: whatever scenario, whoever the kid is, it's always gonna be
Speaker 1: the dad's Still, it's still a fairly low stake setting
Speaker 1: to end up with Juliet. So continue. Well, So I
Speaker 1: shoved the kid. I shoved the kid. He pulls, he
Speaker 1: pulls what I thought was a switch blade. It was
Speaker 1: one of those crazy straws. I thought it was a
Speaker 1: switch blade. So I pulled my switch blade. Now we're dancing,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. He's got a crazy straight
Speaker 1: yell out in another kid. I go, tie our arms together, right,
Speaker 1: tie our arms together? And the kid did it, and
Speaker 1: another kid did it. Yeah. The dad looks over. I'm
Speaker 1: trying to knife fight his kid. He's got a crazy straw.
Speaker 1: I gotta switch blade I had made for giraffes. I
Speaker 1: don't know how to do the balloon animal bullet and
Speaker 1: I cut the kids. Billy what it was a sanctioned fight?
Speaker 1: He agree with that? Sanctioned by who? Me and the
Speaker 1: kid who had the wire? Why he had used the wire? Yeah,
Speaker 1: he had a crazy shot. But the other kid had
Speaker 1: a wire to tie our wrist together so that he
Speaker 1: couldn't escape the fight. We don't fight as much as
Speaker 1: you know. So this is all I do it all
Speaker 1: the time, so still to this day, to this day,
Speaker 1: I'll go I'll go to a bar. I don't even.
Speaker 1: I used to go to a bar and drunk and
Speaker 1: did insurable Yeah no, no, no, Connie, look at me,
Speaker 1: look at me. Is the fons insurable? Obviously not unless
Speaker 1: you go to a Geico. Maybe. I don't know. I've
Speaker 1: never had insurance. I don't know what it takes. I
Speaker 1: wish and I don't know what it is. Look, it's
Speaker 1: not all it's cracked up to be. I've never been
Speaker 1: insured fine all these years. Right, they just rolled of dice.
Speaker 1: That's what I do. I rolled the dice. I see
Speaker 1: where it end where I end up. And so I
Speaker 1: got the town tonight, and I said, I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: down to Ronnie's things up and awkwardly stare this crowd down.
Speaker 1: That's exactly right. Are you thinking about that? No from
Speaker 1: section whatever? That section him alone, Leave him alone. You
Speaker 1: have a fight anybody, No from theies, because I assure
Speaker 1: you it's not like fighting now, buddy, don't dignify him,
Speaker 1: sir with a response. You know him, You know the
Speaker 1: guy that's saying that's saying it in general. Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: protecting our audience member from getting in a fifties style
Speaker 1: gangster fight with you. Let it be known. I have
Speaker 1: a switchblade. Let it be known. And not the cool
Speaker 1: kind where like you hit the button and a comb
Speaker 1: comes No, no, like a real knife, A real knife
Speaker 1: comes out. One time I thought it was a comb.
Speaker 1: I started cutting my hair accidentally. True story, yea, I
Speaker 1: that one I believe, right, Why are you really here?
Speaker 1: Why do you why don't you tell everybody what you did?
Speaker 1: I don't know what you're talking about. Eleven years old.
Speaker 1: Before I left home, he's and I left. Why did
Speaker 1: I leave? Ronnie? Why did I leave? Why did I leave?
Speaker 1: I honestly don't know what you're I was sports swings,
Speaker 1: sports swing. I don't remember two homeworks that I had out.
Speaker 1: I had to write an essay on Jane Eyre. I
Speaker 1: think you know what you did with the porch swing.
Speaker 1: Dad came out of the porch swing. The porch swing
Speaker 1: was broken? And what did you say? As a four
Speaker 1: year old kid, what'd you say? What do you say? Ronnie?
Speaker 1: What'd you tell Dad? What'd you tell Papa? I said,
Speaker 1: bi wee? Did it? Bai boked the porch swing? Did I?
Speaker 1: Did I break it? Or did you break it? No?
Speaker 1: That's right? And then Dad said, Billy, did you break
Speaker 1: this porch swing? And I said, no, Ronnie broke this
Speaker 1: porch swing? And he said, Billy, you're a liar. Yes,
Speaker 1: all you e a gonn amount to is a guy
Speaker 1: who hops trains. Why don't you get started on it? Now?
Speaker 1: So I did. I'm so sorry. I just panicked. I
Speaker 1: oh is looked up to you? What I did. I
Speaker 1: didn't want to. I knew you'd take the heat for me.
Speaker 1: And but you really mean now you really look from you?
Speaker 1: You really don't you mean when you say you take
Speaker 1: as much time as you take us to tell me,
Speaker 1: do you mean that when you say used to look
Speaker 1: up to me, that you you didn't used to look
Speaker 1: up to me. You didn't look up to me. You
Speaker 1: you were my son, you were my moon, you were
Speaker 1: my Saturn, my Jupiter, my venus, my mercury. You're gonna
Speaker 1: make me smoke this whole pack of cigaretos. Oh I
Speaker 1: ever wanted. I was just known as Billy burg and
Speaker 1: his younger brother, and then you were God. And I
Speaker 1: didn't know what to tell people. I didn't know where
Speaker 1: you went, and no idea you were hopping trains, those
Speaker 1: hopping trains. Hug out, hug out, hug it out, hug
Speaker 1: it out, hu hug it out. I don't think we
Speaker 1: could do this. We're Burgundies. Don't ever make hug it out.
Speaker 1: Hug How do you want to do? You go high?
Speaker 1: I feel like we're both going high. Oh, thank you,
Speaker 1: you heard me, Ronnie, Ronnie Hugny trying to hurt your
Speaker 1: huck I'm stuck into your house. Wait what, I'm stuck
Speaker 1: in the hoss before I stuck in the house years ago,
Speaker 1: and I jacked off in all your socks. Well, I
Speaker 1: never told you, Okay, I guess that could happen. I
Speaker 1: don't hold it against you, at least, is that the
Speaker 1: only thing you ever did to me? No, So I
Speaker 1: jacked off in so many different types of clothes than
Speaker 1: you have. Okay, okay, but it happened a long time
Speaker 1: ago though, right, it wasn't recently. The socks were alonged
Speaker 1: like two years ago, and then that shirt was earlier today.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Brian, I thought I never thought we would
Speaker 1: hug like that. That's okay, it's actually good for the shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: Rayon fibers respond to bodily. Yeah. I think I read
Speaker 1: that somewhere. Also. Discharge is good for them every now
Speaker 1: and then, any sort of discharge, human or otherwise. All right,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna thanks for coming by wait for me after
Speaker 1: the show. Of course, somewhere will get that money you
Speaker 1: were talking about my brother, Billy Burgundy. Everyone, thank you,
Speaker 1: Billy Burgundy. Everyone. That was a lot to take in.
Speaker 1: I did not expect to go there tonight. Honestly, I
Speaker 1: feel like a lot of the situation I blame on
Speaker 1: your dad, Yes, thank you. The Portswing thing, like he
Speaker 1: shouldn't have kicked Billy out of the house at eleven
Speaker 1: for that, and he was so specific with his plan. Yeah,
Speaker 1: for Billy, it feels like that was It's like it
Speaker 1: was premeditated, like I want to get this loser out
Speaker 1: of my house and on a train, trying to get
Speaker 1: him to train hop for the rest of his life. Well,
Speaker 1: this was such an amazing show, and oh well, we're
Speaker 1: not done yet because I planned something pretty special. I
Speaker 1: didn't tell you about this because you're going to love it.
Speaker 1: I don't know you people, but I love spicy food.
Speaker 1: I just love it. Um. Oh good moving some things
Speaker 1: on stage to create a little area. And this guy
Speaker 1: is I mean, he has created a special genre genre
Speaker 1: that is uh, very unique and super exciting. Um And
Speaker 1: I've been wanting to do an interview with this guy
Speaker 1: for a long long time. Please welcome Mr Sean Evans
Speaker 1: with Nott once ha a good Sean, Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, this is gonna be fun. Sean Everts, everyone,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you. Should we move this a little closer,
Speaker 1: we say just a little there we go, Hey, Chicago,
Speaker 1: is that you're from Chicago? From Chicago? I just didn't
Speaker 1: know if randomly yelling that out, because I sometimes I'll
Speaker 1: do that, just shot out Chicago. No, no, just any city.
Speaker 1: I'll just walk into a place and go Houston. It works,
Speaker 1: it works, no one. I'll get my bagel and go.
Speaker 1: You know, Um, this is pretty fun. So is everyone
Speaker 1: familiar with hot ones? For? For our our audience and
Speaker 1: our listeners kind of described your the premise here. Sure.
Speaker 1: So the show, what we do is we interview celebrities.
Speaker 1: But the little twist in there is that we have
Speaker 1: them eat increasingly spicy chicken wings over the course of
Speaker 1: the interview. So typically on the show will do a
Speaker 1: ten wing lineup right today, sort of a miniature version wings.
Speaker 1: That's the good news. The bad news though, Ron, very
Speaker 1: steep ramp up. It's going to eleven right out of
Speaker 1: the game, right out of the gate. You know, I'll
Speaker 1: start off in a comfortable place, but it'll get very hot,
Speaker 1: very quickly. Okay, were you ready to start? Yes? Alright,
Speaker 1: let's make some and so we'll start with the classic
Speaker 1: and this is very important, Ron, You're gonna want to
Speaker 1: start at the handle over there. Start at the handle.
Speaker 1: Start at the handle. Boy, I wish I had a
Speaker 1: nickel for every time I've heard that. And then we'll
Speaker 1: dive right in. Have you ever been over to sin
Speaker 1: right across the street, Right across the street they have
Speaker 1: start at the handle tuesdays. Okay, says we dive in in.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm mm hmmmm. And my my first question for you, Ron,
Speaker 1: Oh good god, Okay, oh my god. Oh already it's
Speaker 1: the first wing. No way, I'm not doing that, Carolina.
Speaker 1: You gotta do it. You have to do it. You
Speaker 1: gotta do it, or I'm fired. You're fired. I'm already fired.
Speaker 1: But you got God, that is awful. Well, I did
Speaker 1: have questions for for you, great Carolina. She's a smart cookie.
Speaker 1: She can handle it. She can handle it. You gotta
Speaker 1: answer the questions. Okay, okay, okay, but you didn't just
Speaker 1: take a bite out of that wing. But I'll uh continue. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is all right, Carolina, thank you, alright, alright, alright,
Speaker 1: I can. I'm sure I can answer your questions, so
Speaker 1: I'll ask. I did have questions prepared for you, Ron,
Speaker 1: So you're outsourcing not only the wing eating, but also
Speaker 1: the answering of your own questions. I mean, I think
Speaker 1: this will be one of the one and one and
Speaker 1: a kind of experience, you know, very different. She can
Speaker 1: handle it. She's she who. Okay, all right, let's start.
Speaker 1: We're doing it. It's happening. My mouth is on fire.
Speaker 1: That is like, I am okay, I am doing this
Speaker 1: for the salary right now. That is what I'm gonna
Speaker 1: tell you, which is cauldron in my belly right now.
Speaker 1: I'm awake to start things off. I'm curious, Uh, why
Speaker 1: did you decide to step out of retirement and start
Speaker 1: a podcast? Go ahead, I'm podcasting is fun. I have
Speaker 1: a mustache. I like the news. That's a dumb answer.
Speaker 1: I am so sorry. This is crazy. Okay, okay, I
Speaker 1: can do the next. I'll be more sophisticated answers, I promise.
Speaker 1: All right, let's let's pivot a little bit. What would
Speaker 1: you say, is the biggest news story that you've ever covered? Oh,
Speaker 1: this is easy. You know this one. You know this one.
Speaker 1: Yell sprecka se Deutsche Hell. Okay, okay, okay, I think
Speaker 1: that was good. That was good. Okay. And then let's
Speaker 1: let's shift to something maybe a little more topical. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm curious your thoughts on the current media landscape, Like
Speaker 1: when you watch Anchorman on the cable news channels, Fox News, CNN,
Speaker 1: what do you think of them? What do you think
Speaker 1: them on news channels? Are there for clickbait headlines? And
Speaker 1: I delivered real heartfelt news. That's pretty good. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: do I do? I go the next wing. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: that's to move on to the next wing. So this
Speaker 1: next one is Lose Calientes. Typically in their lineup, it'll
Speaker 1: be the fifth Sauce, but today going steeping step towards
Speaker 1: the peak of Mount Scoville onto the fifth sauce, the
Speaker 1: Turning Sauce, the Turning Sauce. It's the Turning Poor all right,
Speaker 1: that's another featured night. It's in turn Sauce. Hello, okay, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: we are here at a party. Oh my goodness. That
Speaker 1: is um uh opening everything up. I'm feeling that one. Huh. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm so glad I got out of this. What's your
Speaker 1: question for Ron? Sure? Sure? Um? Do you have an
Speaker 1: all time favorite celebrity interview? Why do you know this? God,
Speaker 1: you're blowing it so hard right now? Uh, I can't
Speaker 1: think I want Russian, Russian head of state, the Russian
Speaker 1: head of state in what year? I don't know why
Speaker 1: I asked that. I don't know what Russian head of state.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, whoo whoo, whoo whoo. I really want
Speaker 1: that milk. Okay, um, same same first name as the
Speaker 1: current British Prime Minister, Boris. It's my most favorite interview,
Speaker 1: even though I didn't have a translator that day. It's
Speaker 1: not just winging it with the Russian Okay, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: y just race the tiniest blossom milk I poured for myself.
Speaker 1: It just started making me think how delicious cold ice
Speaker 1: cold milk tastes. Buttery ice cold milk. There's it's so
Speaker 1: incredibly thirst quitch it hits, especially after those spicy wings
Speaker 1: ron I can only imagine. Okay, one more, um, I'll
Speaker 1: take this one. There is that enough? It was perfect,
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Okay, Okay, I'm doing good. I'm alive.
Speaker 1: I'm here. You were going good. Your question okay, okay,
Speaker 1: if you could host a dinner party from any time
Speaker 1: in history, who would you invite? Uh uh the the
Speaker 1: Pam Greer. No, no, no, Pam greer. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Um.
Speaker 1: I'm going to think of the name and try to
Speaker 1: transfer it into your brain. Evil kin evil good two
Speaker 1: for two. Um. Who oh my god, oh my god,
Speaker 1: oh my god. The person you like that your next
Speaker 1: door neighbor who has all those birds? Glenn? Probably not Glenn. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's go what's the last wing? Let's let's let's gas
Speaker 1: pedal this. This is the last ab. We call it
Speaker 1: the last Ab Carolina because it's tradition around here to
Speaker 1: put a little extra on the last wing. You don't
Speaker 1: have to, though, if you don't want to do it.
Speaker 1: I wanted that Christmas bonus, Christmas. Do it, do it,
Speaker 1: do it, last wing, last wing. This is gonna curl
Speaker 1: your eyelashes. Young lady, that's gonna pop your wig right
Speaker 1: off your head. Guy, it's the craziest sauce I've ever had.
Speaker 1: Oh where are you feel it? In the cockles? That's
Speaker 1: all in the cockles. Okay, what's the question? Okay, by
Speaker 1: the way, you know, this spring is gonna be a
Speaker 1: horrible allergy season, one of the worst on records. Let's
Speaker 1: get to the question. It's a little, it's a little
Speaker 1: is there tech on on hand? And it's a little
Speaker 1: awkward as I as I wrote the interview for Ron,
Speaker 1: but I'll ask the question. I know that you're a
Speaker 1: very particular Carolina. I know that you're a very particular man.
Speaker 1: How do you romance a woman? You are nice, You're honest,
Speaker 1: you'd take a nice places. Say here the movies, but
Speaker 1: firs and jewels. First jewel. You're nice, story dad, You're
Speaker 1: nice to your mom. Play a little jazz flute. You
Speaker 1: play jazz flute. I just went to a dark place,
Speaker 1: all right, Mac, Mike drop, let's make some noise. You're
Speaker 1: to get it. Wow, you are definitely getting a Christmas
Speaker 1: bonus this year. I love you. Guys who staying with me.
Speaker 1: You're gonna have a little that milk too. Wow. And
Speaker 1: you know that's Yak's milk, so everyone knows we did
Speaker 1: not harm a cow. It's pure Yak's milk, which is
Speaker 1: the best kind of milk. Sean. We can't thank you
Speaker 1: enough for coming out here. Ever, everyone you did awesome.
Speaker 1: You did awesome, Thank you, sir, Ron, valiant efforts, purgeous.
Speaker 1: Look it was not my thing, ultimately, Carolina, great John.
Speaker 1: I thought you were gonna lay a tart on that one,
Speaker 1: but you didn't. Don't forget backstage. We're gonna have some
Speaker 1: of my special for Alarm Chili. Save room for that, folks.
Speaker 1: We're at the end of our show. Um, but I
Speaker 1: have one final segment I'd like to call my take,
Speaker 1: So if you indulge me, this is run Burgundy with
Speaker 1: my take. So should I just get out of here? Yah?
Speaker 1: Yesterday I asked Carolina if she had ever seen the
Speaker 1: movie Gone with the Wind. She shook her head and
Speaker 1: looked confused, and then said, what's a movie? It got
Speaker 1: me thinking our movies dead. I remember the first movie
Speaker 1: I ever saw. It was called Hot Boobs. But I'm
Speaker 1: not going to talk about that movie. It wouldn't be appropriate. However,
Speaker 1: the second movie I saw was called How the West
Speaker 1: Was One. Kevin Costner had referenced watching How the West
Speaker 1: Was Won and as a child, he said, how transformative
Speaker 1: it was. Well, the same thing happened to me. Sitting
Speaker 1: there in the dark. I was introduced to a whole
Speaker 1: new world, a world of wondrous make believe. And right
Speaker 1: next to me as I looked over at the seat
Speaker 1: was an old prospector named Gus Chickens. He was a
Speaker 1: folksy old fellow who had brought his mule into the theater,
Speaker 1: and during the intermission he had turned to me and said,
Speaker 1: I'm gush chickens. That's the way he talked. He said,
Speaker 1: I sure do love a Western. It beats beans for breakfast,
Speaker 1: if you know what I mean. I didn't, so I
Speaker 1: asked him why he talks in that funny way, and
Speaker 1: he said, I grew up in Compton, California, where Kevin
Speaker 1: Costner came from. I spent my whole life around them
Speaker 1: rascally movie folk. Me and my mule went to shin
Speaker 1: digs up there in them Hollywood Hills. I ate at
Speaker 1: them there, fancy restaurants, chewing on meal and wet in
Speaker 1: my whistle on bottles of wide. I said that that
Speaker 1: didn't make sense. If he grew up in southern California
Speaker 1: around sophisticated Hollywood people, why did he talk in such
Speaker 1: a folksy, down home way. He looked at me and said, ah,
Speaker 1: finnel sticks, And just like that, he grabbed his mule
Speaker 1: and left. Carolina sits around watching TikTok toes and YouTube's
Speaker 1: on her phone like a lot of simpletons these days.
Speaker 1: Maybe movies are dead, or maybe like the cultural around us,
Speaker 1: they're just changing into something new, and it's scares a
Speaker 1: lot of people. I'm not afraid of change. I'm afraid
Speaker 1: of Jello and wild boars and Canadians, but not change.
Speaker 1: These days, there are a lot of old men invoking
Speaker 1: the past, mainly on Fox News. The past was really
Speaker 1: good for me. I I drank a bottle of scotch
Speaker 1: every day and woke up naked in more city parks
Speaker 1: than I can remember. But the past wasn't great for everyone.
Speaker 1: Once again, our movie is dead. I don't think so,
Speaker 1: but maybe we can make them better. I'm Ron Burgundy
Speaker 1: and that's my take. Thank you everyone right, thanks for
Speaker 1: every getting got right, he says, because he gets no
Speaker 1: stuck up to be so light. He tried like a suck,
Speaker 1: seemed like a plank. We solid younger will try so
Speaker 1: we never getting the guy brank so to get up
Speaker 1: a lot of band winds and he's a god. He
Speaker 1: ain't no stand and he doesn't have He's on a
Speaker 1: night sized stand, which because everybody knows he's banded. Ron
Speaker 1: Burgundy Podcast Best