1 00:00:03,120 --> 00:00:06,000 Speaker 1: Welcome to Stuff to Blow your Mind from how Stuff 2 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:13,560 Speaker 1: Works dot com. Hey you welcome to Stuff to Blow 3 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:15,760 Speaker 1: your Mind. My name is Robert Lamb and I'm Julie 4 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:18,920 Speaker 1: Douglas and we're coming off of Valentine's Day here, but 5 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:24,599 Speaker 1: the war still sort of continuing. Um. We rolled through 6 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:30,040 Speaker 1: five or six topics on Valentine, the issues from the 7 00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:33,720 Speaker 1: science of lingerie to uh to what happens in a 8 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:36,519 Speaker 1: passionate kiss, to the color pink. The color pink and 9 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:39,280 Speaker 1: what it's hiding. Yeah, and it's hiding hiding quite a 10 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:42,040 Speaker 1: bit as we explored. But today we're gonna we're gonna 11 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:45,680 Speaker 1: really tackle the final piece of the puzzle and and 12 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:50,360 Speaker 1: one of the big tropes about romantic love, love at 13 00:00:50,479 --> 00:00:54,560 Speaker 1: first sight. Yes, I saw him from across the room. 14 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:57,680 Speaker 1: He looked at me. I looked at him. Sparks flew 15 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:03,800 Speaker 1: were married just hours later. Is that your story? But 16 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:06,319 Speaker 1: you know that's a big Hollywood trope, you know, like 17 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:09,360 Speaker 1: the you're in a bar, you're somewhere across the room 18 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:14,360 Speaker 1: and uh, you know you lock eyes. Time stands still, Yes, yes, 19 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:17,360 Speaker 1: you're outside of time all of a sudden. Um. And 20 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:21,200 Speaker 1: that's not to say that love at first sight couldn't exist. 21 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:25,440 Speaker 1: I suppose there's a possibility, but in some ways, today's 22 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,319 Speaker 1: episode is a bit of a trojan horse, like we're saying, hey, 23 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:31,399 Speaker 1: just love it, first sight exists. But really, what's inside 24 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:34,920 Speaker 1: that trojan horse is this idea that when you do 25 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:39,160 Speaker 1: walk eyes, there's a kind of autobiography of things going 26 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:42,319 Speaker 1: on to that leading up to that moment that are 27 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:45,440 Speaker 1: influencing the way that you're even locking eyes with that 28 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,760 Speaker 1: person and assessing them, and that there's probably a lot 29 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:54,800 Speaker 1: more going on than just this instant, palpable chemistry. Indeed, 30 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,560 Speaker 1: now I think it's probably a good good point in 31 00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:59,920 Speaker 1: the podcast to just sort of establish our own take 32 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,720 Speaker 1: on this. Going into it, I definitely thought might take 33 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:07,120 Speaker 1: changed a bit and exploring the information. But where where 34 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,400 Speaker 1: were you on the idea of love at first sight 35 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:13,600 Speaker 1: prior to this research? Well, I always feel like this 36 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:18,880 Speaker 1: is just a case of semantics like love, lust, intrigue, interest, 37 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,880 Speaker 1: you know, these are all sorts of things that come 38 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 1: up when you're in a room and there are strangers, 39 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:25,920 Speaker 1: and there's always an excitement when you do lock eyes 40 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,200 Speaker 1: with someone that you feel like you have a connection with. 41 00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:31,640 Speaker 1: So for me, I've never thought of it as like 42 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:33,560 Speaker 1: this sort of you know, you just got swept off 43 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:36,639 Speaker 1: your feet and you locked eyes thing. Okay, Yeah, I 44 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:39,600 Speaker 1: feel like for my part, it's definitely a trope that 45 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:42,200 Speaker 1: I always kind of looked down on a bit. And 46 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:44,360 Speaker 1: maybe even if I was feeling a bit hot on 47 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:47,440 Speaker 1: the topic, I would say that the idea of love 48 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:52,920 Speaker 1: at first sight cheapens love and and and yeah, just 49 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:56,600 Speaker 1: kind of cheapens that the real sustained love that one 50 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:58,680 Speaker 1: has that you build over time. You know. It's kind 51 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:01,040 Speaker 1: of like saying, hey took me ten years to paint. 52 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,560 Speaker 1: Look at this painting I did, and then someone said, hey, 53 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:06,160 Speaker 1: yeah I just learned to paint and I made a masterpiece. 54 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:09,920 Speaker 1: You know, No, you didn't make a masterpiece like the 55 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:12,239 Speaker 1: thing that I've been building all this time. Like this 56 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:15,239 Speaker 1: is surely more substantial to than this, you know, brief 57 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:18,400 Speaker 1: look at a bar and yeah, there there's some things 58 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:20,120 Speaker 1: to that. It is. Yeah, that's the thing about it. 59 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:22,280 Speaker 1: Like now, having looked at the research which we're going 60 00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:25,280 Speaker 1: to discuss in earnest here, Uh, you know, I I 61 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:27,679 Speaker 1: have to give a little more credence to the idea 62 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:30,639 Speaker 1: or at least the experience of love at first sight. 63 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 1: I'm not saying I'm at this point, I'm no longer 64 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:35,640 Speaker 1: going to say you were not feeling love at first sight. 65 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:37,120 Speaker 1: All right, you were feeling something. And if you want 66 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:40,160 Speaker 1: to classify his love at first sight, it could have 67 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,840 Speaker 1: been something and it bloomed into love. Is that what 68 00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:45,720 Speaker 1: I'm getting from you? Yeah? Yeah, okay, all right, Well, 69 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:48,600 Speaker 1: before we kind of go into the different aspects of this, 70 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,480 Speaker 1: I just wanted to roll out some statistics. There's a 71 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:54,760 Speaker 1: two thousand Gallop poll that found that while so many 72 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:57,480 Speaker 1: Americans believe that there is such a thing as the 73 00:03:57,520 --> 00:04:02,520 Speaker 1: one true love, overall, only of people think love could 74 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:07,160 Speaker 1: occur at first glance. And here's the interesting thing about this. Um, 75 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:11,200 Speaker 1: if you break this down by gendercent of men think 76 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:18,080 Speaker 1: that there's love at first sight compared to women. It's 77 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:22,760 Speaker 1: a slight uptick, but it's an uptick. Nonetheless, it seems significant. 78 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,760 Speaker 1: I mean especially you know, if you're standing outside of 79 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:29,760 Speaker 1: the figures, one might one might be tempted to expect 80 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:33,240 Speaker 1: the female percentage to be higher. You know, well, I 81 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:38,559 Speaker 1: think that would be the stereotype. Women just can't help 82 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:42,279 Speaker 1: love and love, right, But um, maybe it's a situation 83 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:44,960 Speaker 1: of the stereotype exists, and men are more likely to 84 00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:48,080 Speaker 1: buy into the stereotype, and women of course know that, 85 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:51,119 Speaker 1: having the brain of women know that it's not quite 86 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:53,560 Speaker 1: so cut and dry. I don't know. I just don't 87 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:59,240 Speaker 1: even know now, A Lea Malik Pines. A psychologist Ben 88 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:02,480 Speaker 1: Gearing on your university in Israel, found in a survey 89 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:05,080 Speaker 1: that a small fraction eleven percent of people in long 90 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:10,159 Speaker 1: term relationships said that they began their courtships with love 91 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:14,680 Speaker 1: at first sight. So that's that is pretty small, and 92 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:17,760 Speaker 1: that's just that area. And and particularly there's a sort 93 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,159 Speaker 1: of cultural lens to you that we're looking at things 94 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,120 Speaker 1: when we talk about love at first sight. But still 95 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,280 Speaker 1: there are some people who say that's that's how my 96 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:29,840 Speaker 1: relationship began and begun. Is key here because as we're 97 00:05:29,839 --> 00:05:32,039 Speaker 1: going to discuss a lot of this falls into the 98 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:36,719 Speaker 1: into an exploration of the timeline of romantic attachment, the 99 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:40,840 Speaker 1: timeline of say, any successful or doomed relationship, however you 100 00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:43,120 Speaker 1: want to look at it and how it transpires and 101 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,640 Speaker 1: then how we look back at it. Yeah, and timeline 102 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:48,760 Speaker 1: is important. I'm glad that you brought that up to you, because, um, 103 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:51,240 Speaker 1: when we talk about love at first sight. Again, it's 104 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:54,680 Speaker 1: a case of semantics, because if you look at someone's work, 105 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:59,359 Speaker 1: like biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, she might say, Okay, that 106 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,560 Speaker 1: could be of at first sight a couple of seconds 107 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:04,600 Speaker 1: up to maybe three minutes, depending on what's going on 108 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:08,320 Speaker 1: in the brain and how primed the brain is. And this, 109 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:11,120 Speaker 1: this is where we really need to turn to you know, 110 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,360 Speaker 1: some good old m r Eyes and take a look 111 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,360 Speaker 1: into the brain to figure out what's going on. Indeed, 112 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:18,840 Speaker 1: so let's go back to that sort of the bar trope, right, 113 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:23,080 Speaker 1: Like what's happening when person a in person be suddenly 114 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:25,839 Speaker 1: locked glances and there's that magical moment and the music 115 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:30,080 Speaker 1: starts up. It could be it could be some music, 116 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:33,560 Speaker 1: but essentially what's happening is your your your eyes are 117 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:36,360 Speaker 1: locking on, but your brain is locking on to a target. 118 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 1: It's like it's like a scene in Top Gun right 119 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,839 Speaker 1: where the you're you're trying to lock the missiles before 120 00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:45,400 Speaker 1: you fire the heat seeking missile at the enemy. MiG right, um, 121 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:50,840 Speaker 1: Except when our brains do this, we're sucking away from 122 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:56,320 Speaker 1: other faculties. Were sucking away Environmental stimuli are processing of time. 123 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,800 Speaker 1: We're using some of the same parts of the brain 124 00:06:58,839 --> 00:07:01,600 Speaker 1: that are also involved in time and perception. So it 125 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:04,640 Speaker 1: begins to it feels like time is standing still. It 126 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:07,599 Speaker 1: feels like everything else is sort of fading, uh into 127 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:10,640 Speaker 1: the periphery, because it sort of is from from just 128 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:15,000 Speaker 1: a computational side of things. Yeah, especially if you consider 129 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:17,280 Speaker 1: what is going on with the chemistry in the brain. 130 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:19,920 Speaker 1: Because as I had mentioned before, you're in the room 131 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,560 Speaker 1: full of people who are strangers, there's already an element 132 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:27,600 Speaker 1: of intrigue. You lock those eyes, and maybe when you 133 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:30,520 Speaker 1: do that, that triggers the release of dopamine in the 134 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:34,960 Speaker 1: brain's reward system, which in turn may motivate you to 135 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:38,080 Speaker 1: approach that person. Because if we've learned anything about dopamine 136 00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:40,960 Speaker 1: in the reward system, we know that, um, there's kind 137 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,400 Speaker 1: of bread crumb trail being made here, and the more 138 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:48,080 Speaker 1: you can revisit it and get more things of that dopamine, well, 139 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:50,680 Speaker 1: the happier your reward system is. So hey, why not 140 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:53,320 Speaker 1: go and then talk to that person and see if 141 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:56,880 Speaker 1: you can increase the dopamine in your brain. Yeah, all 142 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,840 Speaker 1: under the dress of elation, passion and this and this 143 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:03,640 Speaker 1: cultural idea of romantic love, right, Yeah, and that's kind 144 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:06,480 Speaker 1: of what is setting the stage for your brain for 145 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,920 Speaker 1: this idea of love. Because if you look at this 146 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:13,200 Speaker 1: meta analysis study, it's called the Neuroimaging of Love and 147 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:18,240 Speaker 1: it was conducted by Syracuse University's professor Stephanie Ortiga. It 148 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:22,600 Speaker 1: found that when people are engaged in this sense of love, um, 149 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:25,080 Speaker 1: that there are twelve areas of the brain that work 150 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:31,000 Speaker 1: together to release euphoria inducing chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline, 151 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:35,520 Speaker 1: and that's oppressing and then that's what is culminating to 152 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:41,280 Speaker 1: express that feeling of love. And according to this meta analysis, 153 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 1: this can happen as early as point two seconds of 154 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:49,000 Speaker 1: visual contact. All right, so you're locking in on target 155 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:51,880 Speaker 1: and you can can even think of the dopamine kicking 156 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:54,760 Speaker 1: in the various other alk hormones were mentioning. It's kind 157 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:57,960 Speaker 1: of the the ignition behind the heat seeking missile, like 158 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:03,160 Speaker 1: go out there, go to the next stage, right. Um. 159 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,600 Speaker 1: And it's also interesting in this study they pointed out 160 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:11,200 Speaker 1: that these euphoria inducing drugs that are suggesting love, Um, 161 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:16,160 Speaker 1: it's akin to using cocaine. Yeah, And uh, that's what's 162 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:20,160 Speaker 1: interesting about this. There's, uh, this idea that newly found 163 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:24,920 Speaker 1: love sparks in areas of the brain that are associated 164 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:29,280 Speaker 1: with euphoria inducing drugs. So that's that's that feeling of cocaine. 165 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:31,600 Speaker 1: And also, just as a side note, this is why 166 00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:35,960 Speaker 1: when new love crashes like you know and and burns, 167 00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:40,600 Speaker 1: um and you are with drawing from that person, withdrawing 168 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,880 Speaker 1: from you, you feel that sense like you're withdrawing from 169 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:47,560 Speaker 1: a drug because no longer is that source available to you. 170 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,640 Speaker 1: You're coming off of your fix and you're gonna need 171 00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:53,760 Speaker 1: another fix. It also draws back to our previous episode 172 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,240 Speaker 1: that we did I Believe on the Dark Side of 173 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:59,040 Speaker 1: sarahtonin um. So, any of these chemicals, you know, even 174 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:01,000 Speaker 1: though we talk about like the love hormone and the 175 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:05,000 Speaker 1: fuel good neurotransmitter, etcetera, like these are that the brain 176 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:07,440 Speaker 1: is a complex system. In various parts of the brain, 177 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:10,240 Speaker 1: various neuro transmitters are are pulling at least a double duty. 178 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:13,760 Speaker 1: And so there even though there's there is a positive 179 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:16,360 Speaker 1: spin on any of these interactions, there's also a potential 180 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:19,079 Speaker 1: negative one. Indeed, um No, again, you just have to 181 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,600 Speaker 1: kind of look at it as this again, this idea 182 00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:24,839 Speaker 1: of you know, split second love or love at first 183 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,880 Speaker 1: sight is perhaps more like there's some chemistry going on 184 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:30,280 Speaker 1: in the brain that is setting this stage for love. 185 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:35,080 Speaker 1: And Helen Fisher again, she is that biological anthropologist, and 186 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,720 Speaker 1: her ted talk called the brain and love. She says, 187 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 1: there are now three academic articles in which they've looked 188 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,839 Speaker 1: at this attraction which may only last for a second, 189 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:48,320 Speaker 1: but it's a definite attraction in either the same brain region, 190 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:50,840 Speaker 1: this reward system or the chemicals of that reward system 191 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:54,240 Speaker 1: are involved. In fact, she says, I think animal attraction 192 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:57,520 Speaker 1: can be instant. You can see an elephant instantly go 193 00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:00,280 Speaker 1: for another elephant. And I think that this is really 194 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:03,040 Speaker 1: the origin of what you and I call love at 195 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:07,480 Speaker 1: first sight. Yeah, we're talking about animal favoritism here. Um 196 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:11,680 Speaker 1: mate choice, female choice, sexual choice instantly. What comes to 197 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:14,200 Speaker 1: my mind is just like two beatles dancing around each 198 00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:17,280 Speaker 1: other on a tree limb. And then ultimately you can 199 00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:22,240 Speaker 1: say that any human interaction, with its levels of human complexity, 200 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:25,120 Speaker 1: is essentially the same thing. It's that little dance to 201 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,760 Speaker 1: see if these two pieces are gonna lock up. Yeah, 202 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:30,319 Speaker 1: in some ways it's kind of thin slicing, right, assessing 203 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:33,160 Speaker 1: the situation. All Right, we're gonna take a quick break, 204 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,479 Speaker 1: and when we get back, we're gonna talk about imprinting. 205 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:38,280 Speaker 1: But we're not going to talk about Twilight, the movie 206 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:48,880 Speaker 1: and imprinting. We promise. Alright, we're back. I know you 207 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:50,640 Speaker 1: just promised we weren't going to talk about Twilight. But 208 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:54,600 Speaker 1: of course you're referring to the the imprinting that occurs 209 00:11:54,960 --> 00:12:00,199 Speaker 1: when a werewolf sees a half vampire baby also love 210 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,160 Speaker 1: with it. Just to clarify for anyone out there, it 211 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,160 Speaker 1: was like, I don't know what they're talking about Twilight, 212 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,480 Speaker 1: but and the same thing happens in humans. Well, no, 213 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:10,680 Speaker 1: it's a little bit more complicated. Um in Printing refers 214 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:14,679 Speaker 1: to a really critical period of early time in an 215 00:12:14,679 --> 00:12:17,800 Speaker 1: animal life when it forms an attachment and develops a 216 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:21,400 Speaker 1: concept of its own identity. So birds and mammals are 217 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:25,040 Speaker 1: born with the pre programmed drive to imprint on their mother. 218 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:29,679 Speaker 1: And this sort of imprinting provides animals with information about, hey, 219 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:33,000 Speaker 1: this is my mom, or this person or thing or 220 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:37,200 Speaker 1: animal is really important to me, And later on this 221 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:40,319 Speaker 1: can determine who they will find attractive when they reach 222 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,120 Speaker 1: adulthood or who they pair up with. And there are 223 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,520 Speaker 1: a couple of studies that actually support this in humans 224 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:48,120 Speaker 1: and in other animals. Yeah. I mean we're ultimately talking 225 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:51,840 Speaker 1: about a predisposition to fixate on particular types of people. 226 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,600 Speaker 1: You know, the exact parameters are obviously going to vary 227 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,640 Speaker 1: a lot. It might relate to race, like you said, 228 00:12:56,679 --> 00:13:00,840 Speaker 1: hair color, um, But ultimately it's kind of aiding a 229 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:05,920 Speaker 1: rough template of what you're supposed to look for. Yeah, 230 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:07,960 Speaker 1: And just so you have an idea of how easy 231 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,960 Speaker 1: it is to imprint in the animal world. Um. I 232 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:15,520 Speaker 1: wanted to bring up the example of Austrian naturalists Conrad Lawrenz, 233 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:19,360 Speaker 1: who became the first to sort of um codify this 234 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:23,240 Speaker 1: right and established the science behind imprinting. And he found 235 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,880 Speaker 1: that when baby birds emerged from their eggs, they'd imprint 236 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,880 Speaker 1: on whatever animated thing was in front of them. And 237 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:32,880 Speaker 1: so he tested this out. He himself became the thing 238 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:37,400 Speaker 1: that they imprinted upon, and they followed him around and um, 239 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:41,200 Speaker 1: he became the object of their affection. And then he 240 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:45,199 Speaker 1: also would put in other mother's substitutes. And he found 241 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:49,520 Speaker 1: that those birds would just as easily attached to inanimate 242 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:53,280 Speaker 1: objects and oddities such as a pair of gum boots. 243 00:13:54,559 --> 00:13:56,360 Speaker 1: Oh yes, this is the guy you would you see 244 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,640 Speaker 1: the images even treking around in the boots, Yes, a 245 00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:03,040 Speaker 1: white ball and even an electric train. I Again, this 246 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:06,040 Speaker 1: is if it was presented at the right time when 247 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:08,920 Speaker 1: they were emerging and trying to figure out something to 248 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:12,960 Speaker 1: focus on into again, harness their energy into figuring out 249 00:14:13,559 --> 00:14:16,600 Speaker 1: what was important, who was important, and who they were. Yeah, 250 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:19,840 Speaker 1: I mean from a biological standpoint, like life is essentially 251 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:23,760 Speaker 1: a matter of scaling this mountainous survival to fulfill your 252 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,760 Speaker 1: genetic mission, you have to reach the top of it, 253 00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:28,960 Speaker 1: and imprinting is sort of a way of finding those 254 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:33,520 Speaker 1: first hand and footholds as you make the ascent. Yeah. 255 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:38,520 Speaker 1: Now in humans, it's, uh, it's perhaps not as clear cut, 256 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,760 Speaker 1: but there are a couple of studies. There's a two 257 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:44,280 Speaker 1: thousand three study called sexual imprinting and Human mate choice. 258 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:47,920 Speaker 1: In this uh that the abstract actually says, quote, we 259 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:51,440 Speaker 1: report that homogammy in humans is attained partly bi sexual 260 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:56,320 Speaker 1: imprinting on the opposite sex part parent during childhood. We 261 00:14:56,440 --> 00:15:00,880 Speaker 1: hypothesize that children's fashion a mental model of their opposite 262 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:05,000 Speaker 1: sex parents phenotype that is used as a template for 263 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:10,120 Speaker 1: acquiring mates to phenotype meaning like the physical characteristics, and 264 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,560 Speaker 1: that it goes on in this abstract to say, to 265 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:16,920 Speaker 1: disentangle the effects of phenotypic matching and sexual imprinting, adopted 266 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:21,440 Speaker 1: daughters in their rearing families were examined. Judges found significant 267 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:28,160 Speaker 1: resemblance on facial traits between daughters husbands and their adopted fathers. Furthermore, 268 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,640 Speaker 1: this effect may be modified by the quality of the 269 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:36,000 Speaker 1: father daughter relationship during childhood. Daughters who received more emotional 270 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:38,800 Speaker 1: support from their adoptive father were more likely to choose 271 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:41,560 Speaker 1: mates similar to the father than those whose father provided 272 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:46,800 Speaker 1: a less positive emotional atmosphere. And this, to me feels 273 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,360 Speaker 1: like one of those adoy moments because you see this 274 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:53,480 Speaker 1: alive classic Oh I married my mother, I married my father, 275 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:57,840 Speaker 1: and also just the myth of the of Oedipus marrying 276 00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:01,240 Speaker 1: your mother murdering your father. It's it's kind of funny 277 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:03,880 Speaker 1: because as we'll look at the next section here on 278 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:09,600 Speaker 1: gene um compatibility or genetic compatibility, it's a fine line here. 279 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:12,480 Speaker 1: You want someone who's similar enough and the traits that 280 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:17,000 Speaker 1: you admire and a parent, because hey, your parent was 281 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,800 Speaker 1: attracted to that parent and had successful offspring, the same 282 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,440 Speaker 1: thing could happen for you, right, But you want enough 283 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:27,800 Speaker 1: genetic diversity to strengthen any offspring that you might have. Yes, 284 00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:31,000 Speaker 1: And if I can just return to the Top Gun analogy, 285 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:33,880 Speaker 1: it's it's identifying the any plane, there's a certain type 286 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:37,320 Speaker 1: of plane you need to shoot down. Yeah, poor Goose. 287 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:41,360 Speaker 1: I have theories about Goose. I really wanted to see 288 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,520 Speaker 1: a sequel to Top Gun where Goose lived and was 289 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:48,360 Speaker 1: reprogrammed by the Soviets the Battle matter that that would 290 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,520 Speaker 1: have been a movie that I really could have wanted 291 00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:54,000 Speaker 1: to have seen. Uh oh, well, you never know. Maybe 292 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,240 Speaker 1: there'll be some sort of reboot, maybe maybe by Robert 293 00:16:57,240 --> 00:17:02,840 Speaker 1: liam Alright, But in terms of genetic compatibility, again, we 294 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:05,439 Speaker 1: can look at the animal world. There's a study from 295 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:08,240 Speaker 1: April two thou and nine, the issue of the journal Genetic, 296 00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:12,639 Speaker 1: in which researchers from Cornell University found that female fruit 297 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:16,240 Speaker 1: flies are biologically primed to sense which males are more 298 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:21,200 Speaker 1: genetically compatible with them and to make more eggs after 299 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:24,600 Speaker 1: mating with good matches than they do with less compatible matches. 300 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,040 Speaker 1: And so these findings suggest that the females can somehow 301 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:32,680 Speaker 1: judge a potential mate upon their first meeting and then 302 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:39,040 Speaker 1: biologically react to boost the chances of producing against successful offsprings. So, 303 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,560 Speaker 1: and we bring this up because we want to kind 304 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,560 Speaker 1: of say that whole love at first sight thing isn't 305 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:47,400 Speaker 1: just okay, you locked eyes and um, this person kind 306 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,200 Speaker 1: of has these traits that you admire. There's other stuff 307 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:52,200 Speaker 1: going on to Yeah, there's a lot of stuff going 308 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:56,760 Speaker 1: on underneath the surface. Um. And with the fruit fly situation, 309 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,720 Speaker 1: like a lot of that is also related to avoiding 310 00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:04,159 Speaker 1: hooking up with a close relative, which obviously is genetically speaking, 311 00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:08,000 Speaker 1: not a wise move for for any organism. Uh. But 312 00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:12,560 Speaker 1: then the human crossover for this is is pretty spectacular. 313 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,080 Speaker 1: Now with the fruit flies, I mean a lot of 314 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:18,920 Speaker 1: this is as simple as programming to keep one fruit 315 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:22,239 Speaker 1: fly from mating with a close relative and you know, 316 00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:25,560 Speaker 1: and stirring up the genetic ramifications of that. But then 317 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:27,720 Speaker 1: when we when we look at how this plays out 318 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,639 Speaker 1: in the human sphere, we see, uh, we see a 319 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:35,000 Speaker 1: lot more complexity. Um, depending how complex you want to 320 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:39,119 Speaker 1: to to make sniffing one another person's sweat or you know, 321 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,680 Speaker 1: engaging in a makeout session with them. Yeah, again, that's 322 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,879 Speaker 1: just it's complex biochemistry and the fruit flies are exhibiting 323 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:47,440 Speaker 1: the us and humans we have seen in studies exhibit 324 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,879 Speaker 1: this when they sniff the sweaty armpits of T shirts 325 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:54,680 Speaker 1: worn by the opposite sex. Again, this is like sort 326 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:58,760 Speaker 1: of gender normed studies that we're talking about here. But 327 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:03,159 Speaker 1: the idea is that women were more uh more likely 328 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:06,560 Speaker 1: to select a mate with someone who had a far 329 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:10,719 Speaker 1: different genetic expression than their own, because again, you need 330 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:13,919 Speaker 1: genetic diversity that's going to uh, that's going to result 331 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,000 Speaker 1: in stronger offspring, and that again as part of the 332 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:19,639 Speaker 1: whole genetic mission of of any organism. Um. So, so 333 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:23,840 Speaker 1: we begin to have this picture emerging of it's it's 334 00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:27,040 Speaker 1: like multiple scans are going on, you know, kind of 335 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:30,040 Speaker 1: rowbody computer re star trek scans almost if you want 336 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,280 Speaker 1: to use that analogy, and and then you almost have 337 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:36,199 Speaker 1: different departments that are reporting back on how things are 338 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,600 Speaker 1: matching up, like all right, does she look like our mother? Yep, 339 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,359 Speaker 1: it looks like our mother. Right, we're gonna go on that. 340 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,760 Speaker 1: And then you have the other the other department, and 341 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:44,879 Speaker 1: they're like, all right, well, we're making some sense of 342 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:48,280 Speaker 1: the genetic combatibility here. Um, we're taking in the smells, 343 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,080 Speaker 1: we may have to take in some of the saliva 344 00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:53,159 Speaker 1: as well. And we're gonna see what the test results 345 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,800 Speaker 1: there are. So so they're they're they're kind of these 346 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:59,400 Speaker 1: different it's almost like trying to get legislation passed or something. Yeah, 347 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:01,640 Speaker 1: you're right in if you think about it that way, 348 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:05,520 Speaker 1: that locking eyes across the room. Alright, dopamine all right, now, 349 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:09,120 Speaker 1: go inch forward and meet the person to get more dopamine. Now, 350 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:12,119 Speaker 1: further assess and then yes, at the end of the night, 351 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,400 Speaker 1: there might be the swapping of the spit to further 352 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:17,680 Speaker 1: assess whether or not you're compatible. And in our mind 353 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:20,639 Speaker 1: it's all playing out like like like like a French 354 00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,760 Speaker 1: romance movie, but but under the surface, it's it's a 355 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:27,800 Speaker 1: lot more complex, weating outgoing. Yeah, and there's another element 356 00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:31,119 Speaker 1: here that is pushing the needle a bit when we 357 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,520 Speaker 1: talk about this love at first sight, and it's called 358 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:37,320 Speaker 1: a sort of mating. And we already know that people 359 00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:41,159 Speaker 1: tend to gravitate towards each other based on their shared 360 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:45,000 Speaker 1: socio economic and education backgrounds. Right, So if you ever 361 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:51,040 Speaker 1: heard the phrase, uh, birds of a feather fly together, Yes, Yeah, 362 00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,720 Speaker 1: it's sort of like this, like you're seeking out someone 363 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:55,800 Speaker 1: who is like you, and we know that we're doing 364 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:58,199 Speaker 1: this even when we're not trying to go after some 365 00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,760 Speaker 1: sort of relationship, we just tend to do, you know, 366 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:05,240 Speaker 1: with each other. When when we're connecting with one another. Yeah, 367 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,760 Speaker 1: I mean people you can have conversations with about the 368 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,440 Speaker 1: things that matter to you. Do you end up engaging 369 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,440 Speaker 1: with people that are kind of from the same background 370 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:15,600 Speaker 1: or have similar interests. Well, it turns out that there 371 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:19,040 Speaker 1: may even be a body fat component to a sort 372 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,919 Speaker 1: of mating. There's a two thousand and seven study in 373 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:26,800 Speaker 1: which the researchers, who are based at Rout Research Institute 374 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:30,159 Speaker 1: in the University of Aberdeen, measured the body composition of 375 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:34,280 Speaker 1: forty two couples using a sophisticated technique called dual energy 376 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:38,960 Speaker 1: X ray absorbed geometry, and the results show that the 377 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:43,120 Speaker 1: amount of body fat in one person was proportionately very 378 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:46,560 Speaker 1: similar to that of their partners. And so there's this 379 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:49,399 Speaker 1: idea that not only do we try to find similarities 380 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:53,679 Speaker 1: and our you know, socio economic backgrounds and what our 381 00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:57,000 Speaker 1: taste and music are, but maybe even the shapes of 382 00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,679 Speaker 1: our bodies. Yeah. Now that the study point out that 383 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:04,359 Speaker 1: it's it's unclear though, exactly how these associations come about. 384 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:08,199 Speaker 1: I mean, do the social activities of of overweight and 385 00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:11,080 Speaker 1: obese people just merely conside to the you know that 386 00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:15,080 Speaker 1: the social activities of active runners, they just happened to concide. 387 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:17,960 Speaker 1: You met this person while you were engaging in similar 388 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:21,160 Speaker 1: activities that have an impact on your physical fitness or 389 00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:23,480 Speaker 1: you know, or vice versa. So we're just more likely 390 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:27,880 Speaker 1: to meet people that have a similar body index. Yeah, 391 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,960 Speaker 1: and I kind of feel like across the board, obviously 392 00:22:30,119 --> 00:22:32,480 Speaker 1: you don't see this. I mean, you see plenty of 393 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:36,480 Speaker 1: examples of couples who don't match up in terms of 394 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:39,240 Speaker 1: body type or body fat. Yeah, I mean I think 395 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:42,479 Speaker 1: it was Paula Abduel that that pointed out that opposites attract, right, 396 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:46,920 Speaker 1: that was the big track. Yes, it was Paula Abduel. 397 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:50,480 Speaker 1: But as we've discussed before, opposite they do attract. But 398 00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:53,000 Speaker 1: can you still have to have enough there in common 399 00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,720 Speaker 1: in order to make that whole dynamic work. So again, 400 00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,040 Speaker 1: it kind of comes back to this idea of multiple 401 00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:01,840 Speaker 1: m committees weighing in. And so one committee might say 402 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:03,600 Speaker 1: they're a lot shorter than we are, I'm not sure 403 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:05,159 Speaker 1: this is gonna match up, And they'll say, well, but 404 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:08,080 Speaker 1: look at the stats on the genetic compatibility, look at 405 00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:11,280 Speaker 1: the stats on whether she looks like our mother. All 406 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:13,720 Speaker 1: these things are looking good. So we're gonna we're gonna 407 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:17,000 Speaker 1: maybe pass on worrying about high her body mass index 408 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:18,720 Speaker 1: in this case. Yeah. A lot of this dates back 409 00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:23,080 Speaker 1: to nine seventy study from social psychotist K. Reuben where 410 00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:25,680 Speaker 1: to a college student couples gave him me to each 411 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,560 Speaker 1: of them a survey asking questions about the relationship, and 412 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,320 Speaker 1: then put them in a room measured their gaze uh 413 00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:34,160 Speaker 1: and uh. And what he found was you saw stronger 414 00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:37,159 Speaker 1: connections of love or at least reported love on the questionnaires, 415 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:41,080 Speaker 1: matching up with more prolonged eye contact. So the more 416 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,560 Speaker 1: and again this is another one of those that sounds 417 00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:46,040 Speaker 1: pretty obvious. It seems like an overstatement of the obvious 418 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:47,879 Speaker 1: when we we spell it out like this, But the 419 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:51,199 Speaker 1: idea that if you're making more eye contact between these couples, 420 00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:55,159 Speaker 1: there's more love present, stronger connection. I also wanted to 421 00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:58,600 Speaker 1: mention that just the bear gaze, when you're you're looking 422 00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:01,879 Speaker 1: out across the room at someone, um, if you're giving 423 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:06,600 Speaker 1: a really direct gaze, um, and that person is perceiving 424 00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:09,639 Speaker 1: that already. The fact that you're like, you're trying to 425 00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,840 Speaker 1: get that person's attention, is going to ratchet up your 426 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:18,200 Speaker 1: attractiveness one notch. It's kind of like this mutual admiration society, right, 427 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:20,840 Speaker 1: So if you both are kind of like baseline attracted 428 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:22,600 Speaker 1: to each other and you notice that you're looking at 429 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:27,280 Speaker 1: each other, there's that oh you're looking at me, I 430 00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:30,959 Speaker 1: must be attractive to you, and so on and so forth. Now, 431 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:34,400 Speaker 1: this is again one of those adoin moments. But if 432 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:38,680 Speaker 1: you smile, that's going to give even more, you know, 433 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:42,879 Speaker 1: the confirmation that, yes, you should pursue this. If you 434 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:46,040 Speaker 1: do not smile, of course, this is going to tell 435 00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:51,280 Speaker 1: the person that you're not interested unless you look away 436 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,040 Speaker 1: and don't smile. There's something to this, like you maybe 437 00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:56,960 Speaker 1: catch eyes, you look away and you're not smiling, you're 438 00:24:56,960 --> 00:25:00,119 Speaker 1: being a little bit mysterious about loose and this was 439 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:02,520 Speaker 1: This was actually proven out in a two thousand six 440 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:05,240 Speaker 1: study from the Institute of Neuroscience Psychology at the University 441 00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:08,199 Speaker 1: of Glasgow in case anyone just really wanted some some 442 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:11,240 Speaker 1: hard science to back up back that up. You know. 443 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,840 Speaker 1: It also reminds me of a story that a friend 444 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:16,000 Speaker 1: of mine told me, and that maybe some people can 445 00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:19,600 Speaker 1: relate to. So, my wife a couple of friends. They 446 00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:23,120 Speaker 1: were traveling on a subway in New York and one 447 00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,560 Speaker 1: of the friends in this group has this, uh like 448 00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:32,800 Speaker 1: when she feels nervous, she smiles. And so they were 449 00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:36,280 Speaker 1: leaving like a restaurant or something, and like some guy 450 00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:39,919 Speaker 1: was interested and she wasn't interested, but she was kind 451 00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:42,200 Speaker 1: of like nervous, so she made eye contact and smiled, 452 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:44,560 Speaker 1: and like the dude ended up following them on the 453 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:47,920 Speaker 1: train for like a long portion of their leg back 454 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,320 Speaker 1: to where they were staying, to the point where they 455 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:52,399 Speaker 1: had to like stop him and say, look, we just 456 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:55,359 Speaker 1: need to go on because she's just just a nervous 457 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:58,960 Speaker 1: tick with her. Well, also there is um, I'm sure 458 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:02,800 Speaker 1: that simint arts stuff Mom never told you has probably 459 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:05,639 Speaker 1: covered this before too. There's a cultural expectation that women 460 00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:09,400 Speaker 1: should smile back. Yeah. I was thinking about that, um, 461 00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:11,520 Speaker 1: because there's the whole the word one of the one 462 00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:14,960 Speaker 1: of the worst, well, one of the many bad things 463 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,840 Speaker 1: you can say to a female say hey, honey, why 464 00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:21,360 Speaker 1: don't you smile more? Right? Right? Coming from maybe like 465 00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:25,960 Speaker 1: older gentlemen at a fruit stand or something, right, yeah, 466 00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:28,560 Speaker 1: or you get stuff like you'd look a lot prettier 467 00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:30,920 Speaker 1: if you're smiling, and then you just want to punch 468 00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,520 Speaker 1: the person. Yeah, because its matching up with the state. 469 00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:35,679 Speaker 1: It's kind of like they're saying, I would want to 470 00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:37,560 Speaker 1: mate with you more if you would smile for me. 471 00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,480 Speaker 1: Now that's horrible, right, do my bidding right now. I 472 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:44,520 Speaker 1: don't know you, but right now I want you to smile. Uh. 473 00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:47,879 Speaker 1: But yeah, So that again as part of those those 474 00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:52,480 Speaker 1: unconscious um communications that were throwing at each other all 475 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:56,760 Speaker 1: the time. Now, Cheryl Murphy, writing for Scientific American, looks 476 00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,719 Speaker 1: at the gaze and smiling in a little bit more 477 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:03,160 Speaker 1: deaf and she reports that in one study, Kellerman at 478 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:09,040 Speaker 1: All took seventy two unacquainted undergraduate students and they split 479 00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:12,280 Speaker 1: them into male female pairs and then studied the effects 480 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:16,960 Speaker 1: that two minutes of uninterrupted mutual eye contact had on 481 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:20,520 Speaker 1: their feelings towards one another. And in their study they 482 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,440 Speaker 1: found that if the two strangers gazed into each other's 483 00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:26,320 Speaker 1: eyes for those two minutes, they later reported that they 484 00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:30,320 Speaker 1: had increased feelings a passionate love and affection towards the 485 00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:34,840 Speaker 1: other person. And then another phase of the experiment had 486 00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:37,480 Speaker 1: the pairs of students interact in other ways, like looking 487 00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:40,479 Speaker 1: at the partner's hands or counting blinks of their partner, 488 00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:44,959 Speaker 1: but it was mutual eye contact that best fanned the 489 00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:48,439 Speaker 1: flames of attraction. I feel like we've discussed this in 490 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:54,240 Speaker 1: terms of working and collaborating in our modern age as well, 491 00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:56,760 Speaker 1: like just at a very basic level, and I think 492 00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:58,960 Speaker 1: most people can relate to this, like having that eye 493 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:02,720 Speaker 1: contact with the people you work with or even you know, family, etcetera. 494 00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:05,400 Speaker 1: Like that makes all the difference in your in your 495 00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:08,639 Speaker 1: ability to sort of rain in how you're supposed to 496 00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:13,159 Speaker 1: be feeling about any given situation. Well, it's very powerful. 497 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:15,359 Speaker 1: And I think we talked about this before. We were 498 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:20,120 Speaker 1: talking about performance artists and Maria Abramovich. Yes, maybe that's 499 00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:23,560 Speaker 1: where this came out. Yeah, she she had um the 500 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:27,720 Speaker 1: uh performance. I think it was at MoMA in New York. 501 00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:29,960 Speaker 1: So the artist is president, the artist is present. There's 502 00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:33,080 Speaker 1: a great documentary on it, and people would just sit 503 00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:36,320 Speaker 1: across from her, I think for about eight minutes uninterrupted, 504 00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:40,920 Speaker 1: just gazing at each other. And people were going bananas 505 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:42,960 Speaker 1: over this. They were crying, I mean they were it 506 00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:46,360 Speaker 1: was almost like they were having these mystical or even 507 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:52,200 Speaker 1: ecstatic experiences just by being looked at by someone. Indeed, 508 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:54,920 Speaker 1: because you wonder, like you know, I mean if you 509 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:57,280 Speaker 1: just self the valuate like how much time in our 510 00:28:57,320 --> 00:29:00,480 Speaker 1: day goes by without any significant eye contact going on. 511 00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:02,880 Speaker 1: And this is kind of an artificial environment for us 512 00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:04,480 Speaker 1: to be discussing this because we have to make a 513 00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:08,120 Speaker 1: lot of eye contact during the recording of the podcast, 514 00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:09,680 Speaker 1: and yeah, we look away. I mean, like you and 515 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,320 Speaker 1: I don't like just pull on like staring each other 516 00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:14,560 Speaker 1: the entire times. That would just be so weird if 517 00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:17,040 Speaker 1: I was doing that, you know, that would be very intense. 518 00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:19,400 Speaker 1: I feel like there's a timer in my head. So 519 00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:21,600 Speaker 1: it's like I make eye contact with with anybody, not 520 00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:24,640 Speaker 1: just shoot, um, we'll basically anybody except like you know, 521 00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:27,800 Speaker 1: my wife or my child, um or maybe a cat. 522 00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:30,080 Speaker 1: I don't know. Uh, there's like a tim or going off. 523 00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:31,880 Speaker 1: It's like, all right, that's enough eye contact. You have 524 00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:34,560 Speaker 1: to look away because if you don't, too much sustained 525 00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:37,600 Speaker 1: eye contact is maybe sending too much of a crazy 526 00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:40,480 Speaker 1: vibe or something. I actually have an egg timer icon 527 00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:43,960 Speaker 1: that I said, Yeah, well that's a good that's a 528 00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:45,800 Speaker 1: good method. I need. I need a more solid method 529 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:47,680 Speaker 1: than sort of trying to figure out how much time 530 00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:50,760 Speaker 1: has passed in my head. You can borrow mine. All right, 531 00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:52,600 Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick break. When we get back, 532 00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:54,600 Speaker 1: we're going to talk about the gaze a bit more 533 00:29:55,040 --> 00:30:05,440 Speaker 1: and the difference between the love and lust gaze. Continuing 534 00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:08,440 Speaker 1: to explore the question does love at first sight exist 535 00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:11,360 Speaker 1: or more to the point, what is the thing that 536 00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:15,440 Speaker 1: exists that we tend to classify as love at first sight? Yeah, 537 00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:20,400 Speaker 1: And Helen Fisher gives I think an interesting um answer 538 00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:23,200 Speaker 1: to why this might exist in the first place. And 539 00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:26,960 Speaker 1: of course she's coming at it from an evolutionary angle, 540 00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:31,200 Speaker 1: and she's co author of the study reward, motivation and 541 00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:35,560 Speaker 1: emotion systems associated with early stage intense romantic love. And 542 00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:38,000 Speaker 1: then she again again looks at these, uh, this sort 543 00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:41,280 Speaker 1: of constellation of neural systems involved with the feeling of love, 544 00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:46,400 Speaker 1: and her idea is that we're marshaling these resources really 545 00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:51,240 Speaker 1: quickly and efficiently because it could be a mating shortcut. 546 00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:54,120 Speaker 1: She says, quote, even love at first sight is a 547 00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:58,120 Speaker 1: basic mammalian response that developed and other animals and our 548 00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:03,400 Speaker 1: ancestors inherited this in order to speed up the mating process. 549 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:06,400 Speaker 1: So if you think about it, our ancestors did not 550 00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:09,960 Speaker 1: have much dot com at their disposal, and they only 551 00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:12,840 Speaker 1: had you know, maybe thirty or forty years of a 552 00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:15,520 Speaker 1: lifespan in the first place, So there wasn't a lot 553 00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,800 Speaker 1: of like this is gonna be my my first marriage 554 00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:22,920 Speaker 1: sort of talk. Yeah. So, as as as Fisher and 555 00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:26,760 Speaker 1: Uh and her co researchers pointed out in that study, Um, 556 00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:31,000 Speaker 1: we're talking about early stage, intense romantic love, and we're 557 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:35,120 Speaker 1: associating that with sub quartal reward regions, all this rich 558 00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:38,080 Speaker 1: with dopamine, as we discussed, and we see that romantic 559 00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:41,400 Speaker 1: love engaged his brain systems associated with the motivation to 560 00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:46,160 Speaker 1: acquire a reward. Yeah. She says about romantic love, it 561 00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:49,240 Speaker 1: enables you to focus your mating energy on just one 562 00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:51,920 Speaker 1: at a time, conserve your mating energy, and start the 563 00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:55,400 Speaker 1: mating process with this single individual. And she said, I 564 00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:58,760 Speaker 1: think of all the poetry that I've read about romantic love. 565 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:01,160 Speaker 1: What sums it up us is something that is said 566 00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:03,320 Speaker 1: by Plato over two thousand years ago. He said, the 567 00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:06,120 Speaker 1: god of Love lives in a state of need. It 568 00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:08,800 Speaker 1: is a need, it is an urge, It is a 569 00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:13,440 Speaker 1: homeo state static imbalance, like hunger and thirst, it's almost 570 00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:16,680 Speaker 1: impossible to stamp out. Yeah, I mean we call it 571 00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,360 Speaker 1: love sickness for a reason. You feel love sick it's 572 00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:22,920 Speaker 1: I mean you begin to almost really bodily suffer out 573 00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:25,400 Speaker 1: of this longing. Yeah. And if anyone who's ever been 574 00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:28,640 Speaker 1: a teenager and had any sort of love interest knows 575 00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:30,680 Speaker 1: what that feels like, right, you can kind of feel 576 00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:34,040 Speaker 1: that in the pit of your stomach right now. Um. Now, 577 00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:38,880 Speaker 1: there are some who, may you know, say, look, this 578 00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:43,720 Speaker 1: is all very well, and perhaps we are neurally put 579 00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:49,200 Speaker 1: together to quickly identify feelings of love. However, maybe this 580 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:52,600 Speaker 1: framing of it has more to do with the fallacy 581 00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:56,040 Speaker 1: of memory. Yes, as we've discussed in a few different 582 00:32:56,040 --> 00:33:01,640 Speaker 1: podcast episodes, our memories are not these solid, fixed items. 583 00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:04,680 Speaker 1: They're not little stone sculpture stored away in a drawer. 584 00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:07,520 Speaker 1: If anything, they are clay sculptures stored away in a drawer. 585 00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:09,480 Speaker 1: And every time we get a memory out of that drawer, 586 00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:13,520 Speaker 1: it's susceptible to change. We we put our we we 587 00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:17,320 Speaker 1: project our present onto these little fragments of our past, 588 00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:20,959 Speaker 1: and then reform our past and reform our present. In 589 00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:23,920 Speaker 1: doing so yeah, and when you do that, you're strengthening 590 00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:27,320 Speaker 1: those neural connections, right. So that's why, Um, sometimes people 591 00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:31,440 Speaker 1: feel very like, yes, I know this happened exactly the 592 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:33,800 Speaker 1: way I think it happened, because they've taken that memory 593 00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:37,760 Speaker 1: out over and over again and revisited it, and so 594 00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:39,960 Speaker 1: they can quickly get to it and there's this certainty 595 00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:43,280 Speaker 1: that they feel because of these neural connections, when in fact, 596 00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:45,560 Speaker 1: there is a lot of fallacy and memory. And we've 597 00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:49,320 Speaker 1: talked about this before. Uh. Donna Joe Bridge, a postdoctoral 598 00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:52,440 Speaker 1: fellow and Medical Social Sciences and a co author of 599 00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:54,440 Speaker 1: the study on how the brain refrains the past to 600 00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:57,440 Speaker 1: fit the present, says quote, when you think back to 601 00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:01,440 Speaker 1: when you met your current partner, you may recall this 602 00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:05,160 Speaker 1: feeling of love and euphoria, but you may be projecting 603 00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:09,879 Speaker 1: your current feelings back to the original encounter with this person. Yeah. 604 00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:12,799 Speaker 1: I mean, our lives are experienced in a in a 605 00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:16,040 Speaker 1: sort of storytelling way. We we create a story, we 606 00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:18,799 Speaker 1: are the center of our story, and uh, and and 607 00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:21,640 Speaker 1: we are constantly tweaking the narrative even though we don't 608 00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:25,160 Speaker 1: realize it. Yeah, And that's what I think is interesting 609 00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:28,360 Speaker 1: about that moment that across the room you lock eyes, 610 00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:34,040 Speaker 1: and there's this idea that all these disparate elements of 611 00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:38,759 Speaker 1: your autobio biographical past may coalesce in this person. In 612 00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:41,719 Speaker 1: other words, this sort of spreadsheet of what you find 613 00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:45,279 Speaker 1: interesting in another person, this person might check off some 614 00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:49,200 Speaker 1: of those boxes and it might feel like, ah, this 615 00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:51,680 Speaker 1: is the one. And if that is successful, if you 616 00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:56,960 Speaker 1: see that relationship through then through the power of narrative 617 00:34:57,560 --> 00:35:02,560 Speaker 1: and the way that we reef framar experiences, then all 618 00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:04,600 Speaker 1: of a sudden that becomes yes, it was love at 619 00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:07,640 Speaker 1: first sight, even though maybe it was just intrigue. Yeah. 620 00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:10,160 Speaker 1: I mean, for the most part, you're you're probably going 621 00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:14,480 Speaker 1: to be more likely to to skew positive on your 622 00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:17,640 Speaker 1: reframing of your personal story. I mean, for the most part, 623 00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:21,440 Speaker 1: we want to live a happy narrative life. So you're 624 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:23,359 Speaker 1: gonna you're gonna tweak at your I mean, we all 625 00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:25,560 Speaker 1: experienced this every every day. I feel like I do. 626 00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:27,440 Speaker 1: It's like I'll think back on something in the past, 627 00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:31,160 Speaker 1: past experience, past something I did, maybe something I miss 628 00:35:31,239 --> 00:35:32,920 Speaker 1: but don't get to do anymore, and then I have 629 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:35,520 Speaker 1: to questions like, well that I really was it really 630 00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:37,719 Speaker 1: all positive? Or were there some negatives in there that 631 00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:41,040 Speaker 1: I'm kind of omitting in my in my current narrative. 632 00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:44,319 Speaker 1: You know, there was, um recently a study that came out, 633 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:46,200 Speaker 1: and my apologies because I don't have the name of 634 00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:48,839 Speaker 1: the study in front of me, but basically it was 635 00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:52,400 Speaker 1: a study of ten different languages from twenty four different 636 00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:55,560 Speaker 1: types of media like literature and Twitter and so on 637 00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:59,640 Speaker 1: and so forth, and they had hundreds of billions of 638 00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:03,759 Speaker 1: war words and they went through this painstaking process of 639 00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:07,319 Speaker 1: trying to figure out this sort of qualitative narrative here 640 00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:10,719 Speaker 1: is there a sort of more positive words or less 641 00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:14,640 Speaker 1: positive words that we use? And there does seem to 642 00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:19,920 Speaker 1: be this positive skew to language. No matter what language 643 00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:24,360 Speaker 1: they were looking at, people were using more positive terms. 644 00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:28,040 Speaker 1: And so the idea there is that you're you're trying 645 00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:30,839 Speaker 1: to survive, and storytelling a narrative is like a very 646 00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:34,160 Speaker 1: basic way in which we do survive. And so overwhelmingly 647 00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:37,920 Speaker 1: the message becomes it's going to be okay, you know, 648 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,920 Speaker 1: like you're gonna survive, You're gonna get through this. And 649 00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:44,360 Speaker 1: so it's no wonder that when we revisit our past 650 00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:48,839 Speaker 1: histories we do the same thing unconsciously we're shaping them 651 00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:52,000 Speaker 1: in a more positive light. Yeah, and indeed, I don't 652 00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,279 Speaker 1: think there's any anything wrong with that. I mean, I 653 00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:57,520 Speaker 1: guess sometimes I maybe if I'm going to engage with 654 00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:00,560 Speaker 1: the idea of something like love at first, not on 655 00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:02,480 Speaker 1: a scientific level, but onlike I just sort of a 656 00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:06,000 Speaker 1: loftier level. Yeah, I can think of it maybe in 657 00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:11,200 Speaker 1: terms of the present reaching back through the past, you know, 658 00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:14,120 Speaker 1: because because ultimately our experience of time is more or 659 00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:16,960 Speaker 1: less an illusion. If you look at everything as a constant, 660 00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:19,600 Speaker 1: you can say, well, there's not really a timeline of 661 00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:23,160 Speaker 1: my relationship with the person I love. It's a constant. 662 00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:28,680 Speaker 1: And so there's ultimately nothing wrong with applying the emotions 663 00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:31,160 Speaker 1: and the and the importance that builds up over time, 664 00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:34,600 Speaker 1: applying that back to the beginning, because ultimately it's you know, 665 00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:39,160 Speaker 1: we're not talking about a timeline, We're talking about a 666 00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:43,359 Speaker 1: a constant, singular thing. Hey, this is this is personal history, right, 667 00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:46,279 Speaker 1: So we already know that rescuing stuff in terms of 668 00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:50,480 Speaker 1: what's realistic and what's sort of made up, fairland fun 669 00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:54,320 Speaker 1: stuff that we like to throw in our personal narratives. Now, 670 00:37:54,719 --> 00:37:57,839 Speaker 1: when we get back to though, that that idea of 671 00:37:57,880 --> 00:38:01,160 Speaker 1: the gays and how this all first coalesced and happen 672 00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:05,000 Speaker 1: to all these things unconsciously bubbling beneath um. There is 673 00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:06,680 Speaker 1: a way that we can kind of do some eye 674 00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:09,960 Speaker 1: tracking to figure out whether or not that first moment 675 00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:13,440 Speaker 1: has more to do with love or lust. Yes, and 676 00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:15,840 Speaker 1: and again this is another one of those studies that 677 00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:19,160 Speaker 1: might seem like an outrageous overstatement of the obvious fact 678 00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:22,600 Speaker 1: up by by science. But uh, but yeah, there's there's 679 00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:25,479 Speaker 1: the lustful gaze, and there is a more or less 680 00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:28,280 Speaker 1: loving gaze, and we probably have some pretty firm ideas 681 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:30,920 Speaker 1: in our mind about what those gazes look like like. 682 00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:35,560 Speaker 1: The lustful gaze is a cartoon coyote with bulging out 683 00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:38,279 Speaker 1: and its tongue lolling, and maybe it's it's going like 684 00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:43,080 Speaker 1: that's the one. Yeah, So there's that, And then there's 685 00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:47,240 Speaker 1: the more loving lost in your your your potential lover's 686 00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:50,959 Speaker 1: eye just kind of look, I'm lost in love and 687 00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:54,560 Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know that one. I don't 688 00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:56,920 Speaker 1: know either. That's in my head, but I do not 689 00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:59,520 Speaker 1: know the artist, all right, So of course there's a 690 00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:02,520 Speaker 1: report All the Loves and the Gaze published in psychological 691 00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:06,040 Speaker 1: science male and female students from the University of Geneva. 692 00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:08,799 Speaker 1: They viewed a series of black and white photographs of 693 00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:11,960 Speaker 1: people they had never met. And in the first experiment, 694 00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:15,239 Speaker 1: participants looked at photos of young heterosexual couples interacting with 695 00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:18,000 Speaker 1: each other. Now and the second experiment, participants looked at 696 00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:20,920 Speaker 1: photos of the opposite sex. Then they were asked too 697 00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:24,000 Speaker 1: quickly identify the photos as either eliciting a feeling of 698 00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:27,680 Speaker 1: romantic love or sexual desire. Now the whole time, of course, 699 00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:32,240 Speaker 1: there was eye tracking software looking at what was happening, 700 00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:36,840 Speaker 1: and for both men and women. The software reveal that 701 00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:40,640 Speaker 1: when participants reported feelings of a romantic love, they tended 702 00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:43,600 Speaker 1: to dwell upon the face, which makes sense right then 703 00:39:43,719 --> 00:39:49,399 Speaker 1: eyes and but when they felt lusty, well their their 704 00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:53,520 Speaker 1: their gaze went south, and that makes sense, right. But 705 00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:56,759 Speaker 1: I also can't help but pick it this, especially with 706 00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:59,680 Speaker 1: all the information we've just gone through, and say, is 707 00:39:59,719 --> 00:40:01,880 Speaker 1: there really that much difference between the two if you 708 00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:05,000 Speaker 1: really start looking under the hood of of all that's 709 00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:08,080 Speaker 1: going on. When when these two when individual a and 710 00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:11,719 Speaker 1: individual be lock eyes for the first time, or you know, 711 00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:14,080 Speaker 1: or one looks at the other ones. But what however 712 00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:16,879 Speaker 1: it ends up going down. I mean, ultimately, is there 713 00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:19,320 Speaker 1: is there that much difference between the two, Like there's 714 00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:23,280 Speaker 1: just an exchange of stimuli, there's a there's an initial 715 00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:27,239 Speaker 1: gazing and uh and scanning of the other organism to 716 00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:30,279 Speaker 1: see if there's compatibility. I agree, I think there's a 717 00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:33,759 Speaker 1: whole like tail wagging the dog element. Yeah, I mean, 718 00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:36,880 Speaker 1: because you can just boil it down to this person 719 00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:40,080 Speaker 1: is feeling lovey and giving the love gaze because they're 720 00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:44,240 Speaker 1: genetically inclined to mate and produce offspring and then die 721 00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:48,719 Speaker 1: and uh. And meanwhile, the lusty individual is is, you know, 722 00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:51,680 Speaker 1: fantasizing about getting this person back to their apartment because 723 00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:55,040 Speaker 1: their genetic programming says that they need to mate with somebody, 724 00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:57,400 Speaker 1: produce offspring and then die, right, And then you know, 725 00:40:57,480 --> 00:40:59,640 Speaker 1: eventually that works out or it doesn't, you know, it 726 00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:02,120 Speaker 1: turns into love or I mean, you know it does 727 00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:06,520 Speaker 1: It sort of doesn't matter, right. But to me this 728 00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:11,880 Speaker 1: is interesting because it once again unpacks this idea that 729 00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:18,360 Speaker 1: are unconscious and our experiences, our autobiography, every moment is 730 00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:23,600 Speaker 1: influencing the decisions that we make and our perceptions. So 731 00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:26,319 Speaker 1: it's lovely to say that you know. Ah, yes, I 732 00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:28,520 Speaker 1: saw him and it was love at first sight, but 733 00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:33,800 Speaker 1: there's so much more going on underneath that. Also, I 734 00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:38,120 Speaker 1: wanted to mention in terms of really obvious studies and 735 00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:40,600 Speaker 1: information that I think all of us probably know on 736 00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:44,000 Speaker 1: some level. There was recently one about the best way 737 00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:48,920 Speaker 1: to caress someone's cheek, like there their face. Apparently it's 738 00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:54,399 Speaker 1: moderate pressure moving at one per second up or down. 739 00:41:55,719 --> 00:41:58,520 Speaker 1: I don't recall with knuckles or fingers, I know, I 740 00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:02,359 Speaker 1: think fingers, knuckles, I don't know, I don't know. Kind 741 00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:06,239 Speaker 1: of like that, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, well that's 742 00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:08,759 Speaker 1: kind of nice too. I was just striking my face 743 00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:10,440 Speaker 1: with my knuckles in case you guys are wondering what 744 00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:12,520 Speaker 1: the heck is going on? All right, So there you 745 00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:14,239 Speaker 1: have it now. If you want to check out more 746 00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:16,440 Speaker 1: about this topic, be sure to check out stuff to 747 00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:18,360 Speaker 1: Blow your Mind dot com. I'll make sure that the 748 00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:21,520 Speaker 1: landing page for this episode includes links to related contents 749 00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:24,160 Speaker 1: and just some of that other Valentine's Day Lovey Debbie 750 00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:28,680 Speaker 1: stuff about Laingderie, wearing rats and uh and the microbiology 751 00:42:28,719 --> 00:42:30,759 Speaker 1: of a kiss um. All of that will be on there, 752 00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:32,080 Speaker 1: so as well as some links out to some of 753 00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:34,480 Speaker 1: these outside sources we've talked about, such as that that 754 00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:36,920 Speaker 1: Ted Talk and you can also check out our videos 755 00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:39,560 Speaker 1: are blog post and uh you know links out to 756 00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:41,759 Speaker 1: our very social media accounts so you can follow us 757 00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:44,879 Speaker 1: wherever you tend to hang out, and we would love 758 00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:49,280 Speaker 1: to hear from you. Guys. Does this information change your 759 00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:53,200 Speaker 1: ideas of your experiences of love and perhaps even love 760 00:42:53,239 --> 00:42:55,480 Speaker 1: it first sight? Let us know. You can email us 761 00:42:55,719 --> 00:43:01,719 Speaker 1: below the mind at how stuff works dot com. For 762 00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:04,680 Speaker 1: more on this and thousands of other topics, visit howstuff 763 00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:11,279 Speaker 1: works dot com