1 00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:07,960 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, I'm Jemma Spake and welcome back to the 2 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:11,280 Speaker 1: Psychology of Your Twenties, the podcast where we talk through 3 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 1: the biggest changes, moments, and transitions of our twenties and 4 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:25,760 Speaker 1: what they mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back 5 00:00:26,079 --> 00:00:29,280 Speaker 1: to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. It is 6 00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:32,080 Speaker 1: so great to have you here back for another episode. 7 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:36,720 Speaker 1: In today's episode, in honor of the new year, and 8 00:00:37,159 --> 00:00:39,520 Speaker 1: you know the ambitions a lot of us probably hold 9 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:42,599 Speaker 1: for twenty twenty six, we're going to be taking a 10 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:51,160 Speaker 1: look at success specifically. They're very intricate, fascinating psychology behind success. Now, 11 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:54,040 Speaker 1: this is a topic that I've actually I've shied away 12 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,240 Speaker 1: from this for a little while. I feel a little 13 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:59,360 Speaker 1: bit weird talking about it. Sometimes I feel weird talking 14 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:03,880 Speaker 1: about success and ambition so outwardly, and I often have 15 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:06,319 Speaker 1: this assumption that it's going to make me appear shallow 16 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:09,160 Speaker 1: or egotistical or arrogant, you know, if I were to 17 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:12,280 Speaker 1: acknowledge my own desire for success, or acknowledge what it 18 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 1: means to work for success, the psychology of it. But 19 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:18,720 Speaker 1: the fact is, what I've come to realize is being 20 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:23,800 Speaker 1: successful is a huge human desire, and it's intertwined with 21 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:27,320 Speaker 1: a lot of other major human desires, our need to strive, 22 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:30,600 Speaker 1: our need for purpose. And that doesn't mean everyone's version 23 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,560 Speaker 1: of success is going to look the same mind might 24 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:37,360 Speaker 1: be different to yours, but whatever it is, the psychology 25 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:40,920 Speaker 1: behind what pushes us to be ambitious and to want 26 00:01:40,959 --> 00:01:46,360 Speaker 1: more for ourselves is so intriguing, and that is exactly 27 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:49,480 Speaker 1: what I want to break down today. What defines success, 28 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:54,440 Speaker 1: what maybe determines success in some people and not in others, 29 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:58,040 Speaker 1: And essentially, how can we use the psychology, how can 30 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:01,280 Speaker 1: we use the principles and the research to be super 31 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:05,080 Speaker 1: clear on our own version of success and the behaviors, 32 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:08,720 Speaker 1: the habits, the actions that might get us closer to that. 33 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,880 Speaker 1: So I'm excited for this episode. There is a lot 34 00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:20,200 Speaker 1: of research packed into this short episode. Let's get into it. Firstly, 35 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,760 Speaker 1: I want to talk about what we actually mean by 36 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:26,160 Speaker 1: this concept of success, just breaking it down a little 37 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:29,959 Speaker 1: bit further, because surprise, surprise, it is not as straightforward 38 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:33,240 Speaker 1: as we may assume. There are basically two versions of success. 39 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:38,440 Speaker 1: There's objective success and there is subjective success. Objective success 40 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:44,399 Speaker 1: is the visible ledger, the part that I guess other 41 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,840 Speaker 1: people can verify without having to know you as a person. 42 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:52,520 Speaker 1: The salary figure, the job title, the degree, accolades, bestseller list, 43 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:56,680 Speaker 1: magazine covers. It's something that we can see, count, compare, 44 00:02:56,840 --> 00:03:03,000 Speaker 1: and often reward through admiration, prospect, fame, those kinds of things. 45 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:08,919 Speaker 1: Think of objective markers as I guess social currency that 46 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:16,360 Speaker 1: signal value, but also signals something else, talent, maybe hard work, passion, motivation. 47 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,520 Speaker 1: They essentially offer what we call a mental heuristic. We 48 00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:23,000 Speaker 1: assume someone who has success, someone who has things on 49 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:27,000 Speaker 1: the objective ledger that makes them successful, must therefore contain 50 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:31,880 Speaker 1: another thing about themselves, a special secret trait that has 51 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,920 Speaker 1: gotten them there, whether that is true or not. So 52 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:40,120 Speaker 1: those markers definitely serve a visual purpose. They serve a 53 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 1: purpose in general, but by themselves. You know, objective success 54 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:50,119 Speaker 1: doesn't necessarily mean fulfillment unless there is something more emotional 55 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:53,880 Speaker 1: and spiritual attached to you know, what you have achieved 56 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:56,280 Speaker 1: and what you have done. I know people who have 57 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:59,680 Speaker 1: been on the Forbes thirty under thirty list who have 58 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:03,880 Speaker 1: multi million dollar businesses, who have done incredible things. They 59 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:07,120 Speaker 1: have been on this podcast before and outly they appear 60 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:11,720 Speaker 1: very successful, but have revealed you know privately to me 61 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:16,320 Speaker 1: how miserable they are because they have objective success without 62 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:20,920 Speaker 1: also accounting for the second side of it, subjective success. 63 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:27,080 Speaker 1: So subjective success focuses on how you truly feel about 64 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:33,520 Speaker 1: and within your life, regardless of I guess, appearances or accolades. 65 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:37,120 Speaker 1: So subjective success, if you want to experience it, has 66 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:41,400 Speaker 1: a couple of layers. The first is hardonic well being, 67 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:45,560 Speaker 1: so basically the short term evaluation of your state of 68 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:48,640 Speaker 1: mind or how happy we feel in the moment. You 69 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:53,239 Speaker 1: can have a lot of objective success but experience very 70 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,800 Speaker 1: little day to day pleasure because you are really busy, 71 00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:58,800 Speaker 1: you are really burnt out, you are lonely, and you 72 00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:01,000 Speaker 1: are unhappy. So the house to be a level of 73 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:05,440 Speaker 1: herdonic well being, and then also you tomonic wellbeing. This 74 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:09,880 Speaker 1: is the deepest sense that your life is aligned with 75 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:14,000 Speaker 1: your values, aligned with your potential. You are in an 76 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:18,200 Speaker 1: expansive state as a human being. This element of success 77 00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:24,240 Speaker 1: is it's not optional right to have a successful life. 78 00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:26,760 Speaker 1: Your life also has to have your goals. Your achievements 79 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:31,400 Speaker 1: have to have personal significance, and yes accolades may be 80 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:35,400 Speaker 1: a part of that, but crucially they cannot be all 81 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:38,800 Speaker 1: of it. And now most of us have been trained 82 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:43,320 Speaker 1: to optimize the objective metrics of success and just kind 83 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:47,280 Speaker 1: of hope the subjective side kind of takes care of 84 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,440 Speaker 1: care of itself. We kind of just hope that it 85 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,760 Speaker 1: will fall into place and like will fall in love 86 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:55,520 Speaker 1: with the thing that brings us money, will fall in 87 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,680 Speaker 1: love with the thing that brings us praise and admiration. 88 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:04,600 Speaker 1: But works that way. Study after study finds that objective 89 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:07,960 Speaker 1: metrics of success don't correlate to greater well being. It's 90 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:12,360 Speaker 1: the subjective ones that do so. Money, for example, may 91 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:15,119 Speaker 1: make you slightly happier, but only up to a point. 92 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 1: You know. You may have heard about this famous study 93 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:20,520 Speaker 1: that one hundred thousand dollars is like the threshold where 94 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:24,000 Speaker 1: any more money after that won't actually help your well being. 95 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:27,240 Speaker 1: I think nowadays, isn't this crazy? Like the new figure 96 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:31,359 Speaker 1: is two hundred and fifty thousand. The same goes with 97 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:34,320 Speaker 1: achievements and accolades. You know, I always think about these 98 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:37,800 Speaker 1: people who like famous, people who have Grammys and an 99 00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:43,240 Speaker 1: oscars and egots and whatever it is, and how is 100 00:06:43,279 --> 00:06:45,560 Speaker 1: that the thing that actually has made them a happy 101 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:48,840 Speaker 1: individual is that the thing that really matters, and I 102 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:52,640 Speaker 1: think a lot of them would say probably not. The 103 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:56,880 Speaker 1: thing that mattered to them was relationships, was getting to 104 00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:02,599 Speaker 1: fine tune a craft, was creativity and whatever that is 105 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:05,080 Speaker 1: for you. If that element is incomplete, you will be 106 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:08,200 Speaker 1: as well. So if you want to be successful, you 107 00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:11,920 Speaker 1: have to have the combination of objective and subjective success, 108 00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:13,720 Speaker 1: and you have to be able to care about the 109 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:18,760 Speaker 1: goal beyond the visuals or what it means for others. Now, 110 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 1: this is how we can understand this further. We can 111 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:25,480 Speaker 1: understand this further using something known as self determination theory. 112 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:29,320 Speaker 1: This is one of the most famous psychological theories there is. 113 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:32,200 Speaker 1: I am sorry to my psychology students out there. I 114 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,680 Speaker 1: know you are sick of hearing about this, but it 115 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:37,320 Speaker 1: has to be talked about. It was first proposed in 116 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:41,240 Speaker 1: the nineteen eighties and the basic principle of SDT is 117 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:45,960 Speaker 1: basically that as humans, we function best. We find success 118 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:53,640 Speaker 1: when three basic psychological needs are met autonomy, competence, and relatedness. 119 00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:57,960 Speaker 1: When each of these is achieved, success is also achieved. 120 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:02,960 Speaker 1: And it's quite formulae. It's not necessarily simple, So let's 121 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:06,000 Speaker 1: break down these components. The first is autonomy, If you 122 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:09,280 Speaker 1: want to be successful, your goals have to be yours 123 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:13,200 Speaker 1: to begin with. They're not something that was put onto you, 124 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:16,000 Speaker 1: something that you feel pressured to do. There has to 125 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:21,600 Speaker 1: be a genuine, independent love for the thing. A simple 126 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:24,560 Speaker 1: way to test this is to take any major goal 127 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:26,800 Speaker 1: you have right now, anything that you think will make 128 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:30,480 Speaker 1: you successful, and finish this sentence for me, I chose 129 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:33,920 Speaker 1: this because I choose to do this. I choose to 130 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:38,920 Speaker 1: pursue this because and then answer that question if it 131 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:44,120 Speaker 1: ends with because it will look impressive, because my parents 132 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:46,839 Speaker 1: expect it, because I want to prove people wrong because 133 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 1: I should. That is a sign that your motive is 134 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:53,160 Speaker 1: being driven from the outside, and I get I get it. 135 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:56,360 Speaker 1: I get that. Sometimes when you really truly want to 136 00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:58,560 Speaker 1: get to a certain position in whatever area that is, 137 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:01,559 Speaker 1: there may be certain hurdles you have to jump through 138 00:09:01,559 --> 00:09:05,080 Speaker 1: that don't immediately align with what you want success to 139 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:08,160 Speaker 1: feel like. You know, sometimes you do hard work because 140 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:09,920 Speaker 1: you do need to impress people to get to where 141 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,200 Speaker 1: you want to go, or because you do need a 142 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,840 Speaker 1: certain amount of money to pursue a dream of yours. 143 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,960 Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, the outcome you 144 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:22,520 Speaker 1: envision way down the line, why does that specific outcome 145 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:25,959 Speaker 1: strike a nerve for you? If you want to be successful, 146 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:27,960 Speaker 1: you have to know why and you have to be 147 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:31,160 Speaker 1: clear on that. So the next part of the formula 148 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,520 Speaker 1: is competence. Competence is the feeling of getting better at 149 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:37,680 Speaker 1: something that matters to you. It is the moment that 150 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,160 Speaker 1: you notice, oh my god, this thing that used to 151 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:43,000 Speaker 1: take me an hour now only takes me fifteen minutes, 152 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:46,160 Speaker 1: or like, wow, like my third draft of this novel 153 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:48,600 Speaker 1: is really starting to say what I wanted to say, 154 00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:51,120 Speaker 1: or like I can run that distance I used to 155 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:55,400 Speaker 1: think was impossible. It's basically the intersection of challenge and skill. 156 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,680 Speaker 1: We call it the Goldilock zone. You need to be 157 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:00,920 Speaker 1: focused on a task or a goal that's not so 158 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 1: easy that you might drift away or find it boring, 159 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:07,720 Speaker 1: but not so hard that you are paralyzed by fear 160 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:11,440 Speaker 1: and don't know what your next step might be. It's 161 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:14,800 Speaker 1: also what we might call the flow state, where you 162 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:17,640 Speaker 1: just feel aligned with your goal. You feel that it's 163 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:21,960 Speaker 1: not too difficult, you're engaged in it, you're wanting to learn, 164 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:26,480 Speaker 1: you're wanting to push forward. You know, to achieve success, 165 00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:29,920 Speaker 1: you need to also be pursuing competence. You need to 166 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:33,960 Speaker 1: be giving your brain a target, something to get better at. 167 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:38,480 Speaker 1: This is another defining feature of successful outliers in this world. 168 00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:42,640 Speaker 1: They do not have vague ambitions. They give their brain 169 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:45,560 Speaker 1: something specific. They give their mind, they sold their body 170 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:49,600 Speaker 1: something specific to work towards. You know, they don't just 171 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,840 Speaker 1: say I want to be more creative, or I want 172 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,600 Speaker 1: to get rich, I want to get in shape. They 173 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:59,559 Speaker 1: have a specific vision that they can track their effort 174 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:03,960 Speaker 1: to wards, and they then amend their efforts. They get 175 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:07,520 Speaker 1: better through the process. They also feel a personal sense 176 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:13,319 Speaker 1: of drive towards that thing that is being fueled by competence. Now, 177 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:17,000 Speaker 1: the final element to this equation, to this theory of 178 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:23,240 Speaker 1: what makes somebody successful, what makes somebody feel successful is relatedness. 179 00:11:23,679 --> 00:11:27,239 Speaker 1: This is the ability to experience a sense of belonging 180 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:31,120 Speaker 1: or connection with other people through the pursuit of your goal. 181 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:35,160 Speaker 1: It is the difference between numbers on a dashboard and 182 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:38,920 Speaker 1: work that feels really human. A recent Canadian study looking 183 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:42,520 Speaker 1: at over five thousand people, replicated of finding that has 184 00:11:42,559 --> 00:11:47,320 Speaker 1: been spoken about for years. The happiest people, the most 185 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:50,640 Speaker 1: successful people, the people who say I've had a successful life. 186 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:52,720 Speaker 1: The thing that they all have in common is good, 187 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:57,679 Speaker 1: long term, meaningful relationships, even when we hold you know, 188 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:01,199 Speaker 1: even when we control for money and for accolades. If 189 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,280 Speaker 1: you want to be successful, you cannot operate in isolation. 190 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:09,000 Speaker 1: You cannot skimp on relationships. Look at your goals again, 191 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,640 Speaker 1: look at what you want one in your life, and 192 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:15,560 Speaker 1: ask who actually benefits from this. If you can't name 193 00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:19,120 Speaker 1: a single person other than yourself, your success is never 194 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:22,160 Speaker 1: going to feel it's never going to have any depth 195 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:25,800 Speaker 1: to it. You're always going to feel lacking. It's this 196 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:30,920 Speaker 1: strange balance, right. Intrinsic motivation requires us to care deeply 197 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:34,520 Speaker 1: for ourselves first and to pursue something because we genuinely 198 00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:38,440 Speaker 1: love it. But relatedness asks for that not to be 199 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:41,520 Speaker 1: the only thing that you care about. That kind of 200 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:45,840 Speaker 1: point of balance, that like knife's edge, is where successful 201 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:48,959 Speaker 1: people live. At least that's that's what the theory says. 202 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:52,000 Speaker 1: I can think of a few people who aren't necessarily 203 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:55,760 Speaker 1: doing that, but that's what the theory says. They think 204 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:57,760 Speaker 1: not just about themselves, but how it's going to help 205 00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:02,760 Speaker 1: or impact others. Okay, let's now turn towards the specific 206 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:09,200 Speaker 1: habits of successful people that fall into this formula. What 207 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:12,640 Speaker 1: are successful smart people, the people we admire doing that 208 00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:16,120 Speaker 1: we are not doing, And how can we take what 209 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:19,760 Speaker 1: they know and implement it in our own lives to 210 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:23,760 Speaker 1: find our own version of success. That is what we're 211 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:32,000 Speaker 1: going to talk about next. Stay tuned. The habits of 212 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:35,480 Speaker 1: successful people that show up again and again in the 213 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:40,200 Speaker 1: research are honestly kind of boring. They're kind of simple. 214 00:13:40,559 --> 00:13:42,680 Speaker 1: Dare I say that is why they work? Now? A 215 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:46,520 Speaker 1: quick caveat here, I have to acknowledge that there are 216 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:50,200 Speaker 1: some theories out there that habits these things we're going 217 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:53,040 Speaker 1: to talk about may only account for like twenty percent 218 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,840 Speaker 1: of success. You could do all of these things and 219 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:58,800 Speaker 1: maybe still not find what you're looking for. Another twenty 220 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:02,880 Speaker 1: percent is raw talent. But the final remainder of the 221 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:08,040 Speaker 1: equation of what makes somebody successful is just luck and 222 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:12,640 Speaker 1: its circumstances and its context. That is one theory is 223 00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:15,000 Speaker 1: on this, and there is a very famous book on this, 224 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:18,800 Speaker 1: it's called Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell that discusses this theory, 225 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:22,520 Speaker 1: and his argument basically is that success isn't about how 226 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:25,040 Speaker 1: smart you are, it isn't about how hard working you are. 227 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:28,360 Speaker 1: It's about where you come from, where you're born, who 228 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,360 Speaker 1: helps you, and the systems that you're embedded in. You know, 229 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:34,320 Speaker 1: for example, Bill Gates, I don't know if you know this, 230 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:37,440 Speaker 1: but he had early access to computers purely because his 231 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:40,240 Speaker 1: high school was one of like three or four high 232 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:44,200 Speaker 1: schools in the United States with computers, so way before 233 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:47,080 Speaker 1: anybody else had access to these machines. He had thousands 234 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:50,760 Speaker 1: of hours of practice before anyone else started. And you know, 235 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,120 Speaker 1: he was also born in nineteen fifty five, like he 236 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:58,080 Speaker 1: reached adulthood, just as like the personal computer revolution was beginning, 237 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,760 Speaker 1: somebody who was born in nineteen eighty like didn't have 238 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:05,840 Speaker 1: that advantage. Success is a whole lot of luck. But 239 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:11,440 Speaker 1: I don't find that discouraging because I truly believe all 240 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:14,080 Speaker 1: of us have a special talent for something. All of 241 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,000 Speaker 1: us have something we know just a little bit more 242 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:19,600 Speaker 1: about than others, or have had early experiences with, like 243 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:26,200 Speaker 1: Bill Gates, that we can take and make into something amazing. 244 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:29,119 Speaker 1: You need luck to be successful, yes, but you equally 245 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:33,640 Speaker 1: need habits. You need the full one hundred percent. You know, 246 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:36,360 Speaker 1: if you leave out the behaviors and the actions, you 247 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,440 Speaker 1: won't reach your goal, no matter how much is stacked 248 00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:41,480 Speaker 1: in your favor. You know, think about Bill Gates. Yes 249 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:43,400 Speaker 1: he had all these great things. A lot of people 250 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:46,120 Speaker 1: who have success have all these early advantages, but they 251 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,520 Speaker 1: could have also just done nothing with it. You have 252 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:51,200 Speaker 1: advantages that you don't know about yet until you act 253 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:53,720 Speaker 1: on them. So as much as there is a theory 254 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,320 Speaker 1: that habits don't matter, they one hundred percent do. They 255 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:58,880 Speaker 1: are the thing that really pushes people over the line. 256 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:01,560 Speaker 1: With that in mind, here are the five standout ones 257 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:05,720 Speaker 1: that the psychology and the research says that successful people have. 258 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:11,440 Speaker 1: Number One, successful people fail a lot, and failure is 259 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:16,440 Speaker 1: in built into their creative and into the creative process 260 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:19,000 Speaker 1: and their pursuit. You know, we often only see the 261 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:22,800 Speaker 1: perfect celebration photos or the awards, the medals. You don't 262 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:27,520 Speaker 1: see failed assignments, emails that never got a response, dream 263 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:32,440 Speaker 1: deals that fell through. This is the reality of every 264 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:35,320 Speaker 1: successful every successful person. I was going to say many, 265 00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:41,360 Speaker 1: it's every Realistically, the majority of the time spent working 266 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:46,200 Speaker 1: towards a goal or a dream is spent on countless 267 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:50,240 Speaker 1: iterations of the same idea which never come out fully developed, 268 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:55,400 Speaker 1: or countless attempts that just don't hit a target. Ask 269 00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:59,600 Speaker 1: any person you admire. They all have a story of 270 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:03,560 Speaker 1: someone who said someone who told them, like, you know, 271 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:07,159 Speaker 1: it's pointless. What you're doing is pointless. You're gonna fail. 272 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:10,920 Speaker 1: It's a really bad idea. Literally every single person has 273 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,720 Speaker 1: that story. My favorite one is Meryl Streep. You know, 274 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,080 Speaker 1: you know when she auditioned for King Kong, the director 275 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,560 Speaker 1: called her ugly in Italian, not knowing that she spoke Italian, 276 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:24,600 Speaker 1: and she didn't get the part. Like the literal Meryl 277 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:29,960 Speaker 1: Streep Miranda Priestley, the icon, she was rejected for all, 278 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:33,679 Speaker 1: for all intents and purposes, like she failed. And so 279 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:37,000 Speaker 1: when you fail, when you are rejected, that puts you 280 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,680 Speaker 1: on the same camp as her, That puts you one 281 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:44,080 Speaker 1: more failure closer to your dream. And the thing is, 282 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,760 Speaker 1: if she'd stopped at that first plateau or that first hurdle, 283 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,879 Speaker 1: she wouldn't be the success she is now, and she 284 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:56,159 Speaker 1: wouldn't have become what she is. Having a resilience and 285 00:17:56,200 --> 00:18:01,840 Speaker 1: a resistance to failure is a personality attribute that every 286 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:05,159 Speaker 1: successful person has in common. And it's also a habit 287 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:11,200 Speaker 1: that you can, you know, strengthen in yourself. Secondly, successful 288 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:15,600 Speaker 1: people know the value of working in silence such that 289 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:20,280 Speaker 1: outward forces don't interrupt their creative process or their their 290 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,719 Speaker 1: thought process. I think we live in a little bit 291 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:27,440 Speaker 1: of like a share first, act later culture. But there 292 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:30,080 Speaker 1: is this curious thing psychologists noticed about that, which is 293 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:33,960 Speaker 1: that when you tell people about your goals or about 294 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:38,920 Speaker 1: your dreams before you have acted on them, often that 295 00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:43,000 Speaker 1: can mean that you essentially don't feel the need to 296 00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,959 Speaker 1: go through with it anymore. I talked about this in 297 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:50,840 Speaker 1: Your Year for Doing lesson Achieving More in that episode. 298 00:18:51,359 --> 00:18:56,439 Speaker 1: But essentially telling people your goals symbolizes the kind of 299 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,840 Speaker 1: person you are, which means that you don't have to 300 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:03,040 Speaker 1: act on those goals. In the meantime, we get the 301 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,399 Speaker 1: recognition that we want We get the sense that we 302 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,200 Speaker 1: are acting out the person we want to be by 303 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:12,080 Speaker 1: simply talking about what we want to do without actually 304 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,719 Speaker 1: doing it. Now, obviously some people don't operate this way. 305 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:23,320 Speaker 1: Sometimes public acknowledgment can help you work harder when you 306 00:19:23,359 --> 00:19:25,320 Speaker 1: feel like there is a standard you need to reach 307 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:29,840 Speaker 1: or a promise you need to fulfill, And sometimes people 308 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:33,600 Speaker 1: announce their goals as a way of accountability, so they're 309 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:38,960 Speaker 1: more likely to follow through. The follow through, though, has 310 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,520 Speaker 1: to be crucial. You know, you have to be able 311 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:47,720 Speaker 1: to act on your goals and work on them without praise, 312 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:53,920 Speaker 1: without recognition, without visibility. I just think that the ability 313 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:58,199 Speaker 1: to work silently makes you and your ambitions more intimate 314 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,840 Speaker 1: with each other, if that makes sense. Like you have 315 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:04,280 Speaker 1: less fear around making mistakes because you're not doing them publicly. 316 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:07,800 Speaker 1: You have more room for experimentation early on, which is like, 317 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:12,359 Speaker 1: you know, the crucial part of any success story is 318 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:16,280 Speaker 1: again the failure at the beginning, the risk at the beginning. 319 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:21,080 Speaker 1: You get to grow without projecting embarrassment onto your efforts, 320 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:24,520 Speaker 1: without feeling embarrassed because people are watching, which can stop 321 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:28,119 Speaker 1: you from doing anything in the first place, So there 322 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:31,920 Speaker 1: will be time to share a take a slip out 323 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:36,640 Speaker 1: of the successful admirable people's books, and just let your 324 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:43,439 Speaker 1: work mature first. Thirdly, successful individuals typically follow the eighty 325 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:47,639 Speaker 1: twenty rule. This is also known as the Pareto principle, 326 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:51,760 Speaker 1: which basically says that eighty percent of consequences come from 327 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:55,600 Speaker 1: twenty percent of causes or actions. Fancy way of saying, 328 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,800 Speaker 1: a small part of what you do, a small part 329 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:03,199 Speaker 1: of how you act, most of the results. Now, if 330 00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:06,000 Speaker 1: you're a perfectionist like myself. You may hate to hear this. 331 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:09,720 Speaker 1: We have this habit of like obsessing over one hundred 332 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:14,320 Speaker 1: percent of every single detail. But in reality, a lot 333 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:19,119 Speaker 1: of successful people make sacrifices and they just satisfy requirements 334 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:25,440 Speaker 1: rather than perfecting them. They make things good enough on purpose, 335 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:31,239 Speaker 1: not sloppy, not bad, but good enough. They understand the 336 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:36,000 Speaker 1: cost of obsessing over details that other people may not 337 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:41,679 Speaker 1: even appreciate. The twenty percent is their focus. That is 338 00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:44,240 Speaker 1: where they know they will see the most impact on 339 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:47,720 Speaker 1: the end result, and in practice that looks like choosing 340 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:52,040 Speaker 1: and protecting the highest leverage pieces before you start. If 341 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:56,000 Speaker 1: that's an essay, it is the main argument instructor and structure, 342 00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:59,119 Speaker 1: not the synonyms and the spacing. If it is studying 343 00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:02,520 Speaker 1: foreign exam, it is the high yield concepts and your 344 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:08,240 Speaker 1: retrieval practice, not rehighlighting every single paragraph. If it is 345 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:11,239 Speaker 1: I don't know a movie or a movie script, it 346 00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:17,960 Speaker 1: is the relatable, intricate, cool character, not again, not like 347 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,920 Speaker 1: the small minute things that people are going to flip over, 348 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:24,680 Speaker 1: not how your script is structured or how it looks 349 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:30,040 Speaker 1: visually on a page. Decide what must be true for 350 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:33,920 Speaker 1: your vision to work, what are the crucial three to 351 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:38,000 Speaker 1: four elements that need to be great and let that 352 00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:44,040 Speaker 1: drive your effort. This also means deciding ahead of time 353 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:47,800 Speaker 1: what done will look like for you and what that 354 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:51,560 Speaker 1: will mean for you, and then respect that finished boundary. 355 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:55,320 Speaker 1: When will I be okay with, you know, putting this 356 00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:59,120 Speaker 1: project or putting this desire out into the world. When 357 00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:02,920 Speaker 1: will I let it be seen? Is there a part 358 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:06,320 Speaker 1: of me that's just so afraid of judgment or embarrassment 359 00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:08,600 Speaker 1: that no matter how much work I do on this, 360 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:11,480 Speaker 1: I will never allow it to be visible because I'm afraid. 361 00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:15,080 Speaker 1: You have to find a way to also circumvent that 362 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:19,240 Speaker 1: deep fear as well. Check in with yourself on whether 363 00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:23,399 Speaker 1: this is good enough, whether the extra hour will actually 364 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:26,919 Speaker 1: change the outcome or just soothe your anxiety, Whether the 365 00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:31,199 Speaker 1: extra month will actually improve upon your goal or make 366 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:34,160 Speaker 1: you more successful, or whether again it's just a form 367 00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:37,360 Speaker 1: of self protection. And I think this allows you not 368 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:43,680 Speaker 1: only to avoid burnout through additional labor and mental fatigue, 369 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:47,480 Speaker 1: but also, you know, be realistic about what's beneficial and 370 00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:51,520 Speaker 1: what's superfluous to your goals and prioritize your time in 371 00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:55,399 Speaker 1: a way that it's going to be spent well and better. 372 00:23:56,400 --> 00:24:00,000 Speaker 1: The cliche throughout this all, the cliche of this specific 373 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:05,040 Speaker 1: is basically working smarter, not harder. That is what successful 374 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:08,240 Speaker 1: people do. We are up to our fourth tip, and 375 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:11,439 Speaker 1: this one is actually this one's my favorite. This is 376 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:14,919 Speaker 1: the one that I rely on the most. It's my 377 00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:17,960 Speaker 1: favorite habit of all, and that is that successful people 378 00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:23,760 Speaker 1: learn how to enjoy hard work. Here is this like 379 00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:28,840 Speaker 1: the sneaky superpower nobody probably taught you in school. You 380 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:33,119 Speaker 1: can actually condition your brain to find hard work and 381 00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:38,880 Speaker 1: effort rewarding in its own right. Robert Eisenberger. He called 382 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:44,280 Speaker 1: this concept learnt industriousness. It basically means that when your 383 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:48,920 Speaker 1: effort repeatedly leads to a meaningful reward, the effort itself 384 00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:52,880 Speaker 1: begins to feel good, maybe even fun and enjoyable. And 385 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:55,920 Speaker 1: that reward crucially doesn't need to be external. It doesn't 386 00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:58,520 Speaker 1: need to be an objective success. It doesn't need to 387 00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:02,280 Speaker 1: be external praise or money or fame or whatever. It 388 00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:08,840 Speaker 1: can just be enjoyment, satisfaction, progress, or competence. Like we 389 00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:14,119 Speaker 1: spoke about before, basically fall in love with what it 390 00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:17,920 Speaker 1: feels like to get better and focus on the parts 391 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:20,359 Speaker 1: of the process that you really enjoy and that you 392 00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:26,919 Speaker 1: find romantic learned industriousness. Like it's basically just for me 393 00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:31,480 Speaker 1: romanticizing hard work until the work doesn't feel hard. When 394 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:35,080 Speaker 1: I was at university, for example, I the way I 395 00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:37,199 Speaker 1: got good at studying is that I really enjoyed and 396 00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:41,600 Speaker 1: I romanticized late nights at the library. You know, it 397 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:44,800 Speaker 1: made me fall in love with the process and with 398 00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:49,280 Speaker 1: the hard work because there was some like secondary satisfaction 399 00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:52,040 Speaker 1: in it. So I rarely studied before midday. I really 400 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,879 Speaker 1: studied before five pm because I just found that that 401 00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:58,480 Speaker 1: sensation of like ooh, it was almost like the narrative 402 00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:00,760 Speaker 1: around like working hard and working hard at night and 403 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,600 Speaker 1: it's dark and like it's whimsical. Not whimsical, it's like 404 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:07,560 Speaker 1: it's romantic and it's like, I don't know, academic Like 405 00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:12,240 Speaker 1: that allowed me to experience learned industriousness. The work itself 406 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,159 Speaker 1: was something I fell in love with. It might be 407 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,199 Speaker 1: that you're really struggling to, you know, figure out a 408 00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,480 Speaker 1: problem at work, and when you finally figure it out, 409 00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:22,440 Speaker 1: there is this huge sense of relief so that next time, 410 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:24,800 Speaker 1: you know, you feel more patient, you feel more willing 411 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:27,879 Speaker 1: to tackle the next difficult problem. It might feel like 412 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:31,679 Speaker 1: changing your environments so that you know, going to a 413 00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:34,879 Speaker 1: we work, going to like a coworking space so you 414 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,320 Speaker 1: feel the romance and like the inspiration of being around 415 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:41,320 Speaker 1: other people who are working hard. It may be setting 416 00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:45,119 Speaker 1: up rewards for certain hurdles you know you have to cross, 417 00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:47,840 Speaker 1: certain things you know you have to do, falling in 418 00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:50,960 Speaker 1: love with reaching your limit and then that becoming your 419 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:54,680 Speaker 1: new base point. And I know that sounds very cerebral 420 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:57,160 Speaker 1: and very like up in the air. It's a feeling 421 00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,520 Speaker 1: that you need to learn how to chase though, because 422 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:04,840 Speaker 1: like wherever you are, whatever you're doing, whatever your goal is, like, 423 00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:07,240 Speaker 1: there's going to become a point where it's just gonna 424 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:09,240 Speaker 1: suck and it's gonna be hard, and you're not gonna 425 00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:13,359 Speaker 1: see results and blah blah blah, Like there is always 426 00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:16,440 Speaker 1: gonna be the dip where you're not seeing outcomes anymore. 427 00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:20,919 Speaker 1: So when you cannot rely on the outcomes to reinforce 428 00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:25,280 Speaker 1: your behavior, rely on the behavior to reinforce your behavior 429 00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:29,440 Speaker 1: because you enjoy it just intrinsically, like when you can 430 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:33,800 Speaker 1: hack that, when you can feel that, like I genuinely 431 00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:39,399 Speaker 1: believe like you can achieve do be literally anything you 432 00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,880 Speaker 1: want to be. Okay, we're gonna take one more teeny 433 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,960 Speaker 1: tiny break and then when we return, I have tip 434 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:50,359 Speaker 1: number five plus just like some very simple advice for you, 435 00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:55,600 Speaker 1: but important advice on how to include subjective success in 436 00:27:55,640 --> 00:28:02,840 Speaker 1: your ambitions and in your dreams. So stay with us. 437 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:09,800 Speaker 1: We have made it finally to tip number five. Number 438 00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:14,800 Speaker 1: five drum roll plays. Successful people structure their environments to 439 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:20,800 Speaker 1: make focusing easier. They understand the importance of environmental cues 440 00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:27,200 Speaker 1: and environmental productivity. Let me ask you this question, how 441 00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:35,639 Speaker 1: much laziness, procrastination, boredom do you think comes down to 442 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:38,280 Speaker 1: simply the fact that your environment is stacked against you, 443 00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:41,160 Speaker 1: that you're focused next to you all the time, that 444 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:47,720 Speaker 1: you're working somewhere with distractions. We romanticize willpower, but we 445 00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:50,920 Speaker 1: also know that the context we're in there, in the 446 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:54,680 Speaker 1: environment we're in, plays a huge role in our attention, 447 00:28:55,360 --> 00:29:00,920 Speaker 1: our focus, our drive, habits piggyback on our vironmnal cues. 448 00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:05,640 Speaker 1: In behavioral science literature, this is referred to as choice architecture. 449 00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:10,160 Speaker 1: It's basically the act of deliberately crafting an environment that 450 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:12,800 Speaker 1: makes the decisions you want to make easier and the 451 00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:15,360 Speaker 1: decisions you don't want to make, or the behaviors you 452 00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:19,240 Speaker 1: don't want to do harder without actually forcing you to 453 00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:23,880 Speaker 1: pursue a specific outcome. Basically the most simplest example. If 454 00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:25,680 Speaker 1: you want to I don't know. I'm trying to think 455 00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:27,920 Speaker 1: of a really basic one. If there is water by 456 00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:31,080 Speaker 1: your bedside table and a soda in the fridge, you're 457 00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:33,959 Speaker 1: gonna drink the water first if you're really thirsty, Like, 458 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:36,040 Speaker 1: it's just simple, right, It's just you've just cued it. 459 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:40,200 Speaker 1: If your phone is four inches from your hand, Congratulations, 460 00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:44,560 Speaker 1: you have created choice architecture. You have created an environment 461 00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:48,080 Speaker 1: where you have built a phone checking habit because it 462 00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:51,920 Speaker 1: is the path of least resistance. If your desk, on 463 00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:56,240 Speaker 1: the other hand, is a single purpose zone, your apps 464 00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:59,720 Speaker 1: are blocked for sixty minutes. You have a no phone 465 00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:02,520 Speaker 1: space in a go phone space like that helps you 466 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:08,000 Speaker 1: break unhelpful habits by focusing on the environment and how 467 00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:12,160 Speaker 1: you can manipulate it to help yourself. Keep it just 468 00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:17,880 Speaker 1: super simple. Give spaces one job, have a designated deep workspace, 469 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:21,600 Speaker 1: have a designated workspace. Do not do homework, do not 470 00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:24,480 Speaker 1: do work work, do not do whatever it is on 471 00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:27,400 Speaker 1: your phone in bed like that is your rest space. 472 00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:29,520 Speaker 1: Or don't bring your phone in bed and only use 473 00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:32,400 Speaker 1: it in your living room. Another big one, do not 474 00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:35,720 Speaker 1: eat lunch at your desk. Trust me on this one. 475 00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:39,680 Speaker 1: Twenty twenty one study showed indications that it actually makes 476 00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:42,680 Speaker 1: you less productive, even if you imagine, even if you 477 00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:45,280 Speaker 1: believe it is saving you time. You know, if you're 478 00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:48,520 Speaker 1: wanting to read more and stop scrolling before bed, pick 479 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:51,160 Speaker 1: an interesting book, put it on your pillow. If you 480 00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:53,880 Speaker 1: want to learn the guitar, put the stand right next 481 00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:55,640 Speaker 1: to your sofa or right next to the place where 482 00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:58,280 Speaker 1: you're going to sit down and maybe even experience the 483 00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:00,720 Speaker 1: most boredom throughout the day, so that you know the 484 00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:02,720 Speaker 1: alternative is right there. You don't have to go looking 485 00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:06,560 Speaker 1: for it. There is literally no friction between you and 486 00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:09,520 Speaker 1: the decision or the path that you most want to take. 487 00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:13,000 Speaker 1: When you make these small adjustments to your environment, you 488 00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:15,960 Speaker 1: know it turns your desired choices into habits simply by 489 00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:20,880 Speaker 1: allowing or increasing repetition through the reduction of pain points 490 00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:23,360 Speaker 1: between you and your desired behavior and therefore you and 491 00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:28,760 Speaker 1: your desired goals. Okay that those are my five tips 492 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:33,840 Speaker 1: that I have gathered from the research gathered from investigating this. Crucially, though, 493 00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:37,560 Speaker 1: we have to return to this idea that a through 494 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:40,320 Speaker 1: line throughout all of this is that if you want success, 495 00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:43,560 Speaker 1: you have to actually have an identity beyond success. And 496 00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:47,520 Speaker 1: I know that sounds counterintuitive, but the danger of a narrow, 497 00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:52,080 Speaker 1: status centered identity is that you create contingent self worth. 498 00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:56,000 Speaker 1: You only feel worthy when you're winning. You only feel 499 00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,480 Speaker 1: worthy when the singular goal that you have focused on 500 00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:01,840 Speaker 1: is being achieved. And often I describe it as like 501 00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:04,760 Speaker 1: having a toxic boyfriend or a toxic girlfriend. You know, 502 00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,600 Speaker 1: when things are going good, it's absolutely amazing. When things 503 00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:10,720 Speaker 1: are going bad, it's horrendous because you have nothing else 504 00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:13,800 Speaker 1: to rely on. So take all these tips, do with 505 00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:15,640 Speaker 1: them what you will, but make sure that you have 506 00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:20,200 Speaker 1: an identity that is wide enough to contain all versions 507 00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:22,640 Speaker 1: of yourself. Be as focused as you need to be. 508 00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:25,920 Speaker 1: Lock in and fall in love with the hard work. Also, 509 00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:30,560 Speaker 1: have a hobby. Have an interest, because that will diversify 510 00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:34,600 Speaker 1: your sense of self, therefore making it stronger. And this 511 00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:38,560 Speaker 1: could literally be anything volunteering, coloring, cooking for your friends. 512 00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:42,160 Speaker 1: You know, there is this idea, and I think even 513 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:45,360 Speaker 1: sometimes like I've I've probably promoted it by accident, but like, 514 00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:47,959 Speaker 1: there's this idea that if you want something, you have 515 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:51,800 Speaker 1: to be so focused on it that you live, breathe, 516 00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:56,040 Speaker 1: become the blood of that thing. But you know, these 517 00:32:56,880 --> 00:33:02,200 Speaker 1: other things are not distractions. They're actually necessary cushioning for 518 00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:06,280 Speaker 1: the rest of your life, necessary so that you can 519 00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:10,200 Speaker 1: stay whole and rounded, rather than this machine that is 520 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:14,240 Speaker 1: all about output and goals. I think the paradox is, 521 00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:16,960 Speaker 1: and the important paradoxes, is that pouring into your wider 522 00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:21,200 Speaker 1: identity often improves the traditional markers of success as well. 523 00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:24,840 Speaker 1: With less fear of riding on each outcome, you take 524 00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:29,200 Speaker 1: smarter risks, you bounce back faster, you experiment more freely. 525 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:33,320 Speaker 1: And a last reminder, this is my last one I 526 00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:36,480 Speaker 1: promise before I wrap up this episode, is that just 527 00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:41,200 Speaker 1: remember people find success at all ages. There is this huge, massive, 528 00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:45,640 Speaker 1: major emphasis on finding success young and early, so that 529 00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:48,480 Speaker 1: you can ride the highs for longer, so that you 530 00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:52,360 Speaker 1: can prove yourself. I don't want any of us believing 531 00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:55,640 Speaker 1: that you know, your twenties are the only decade where 532 00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:59,360 Speaker 1: you can really do something, or that you're running out 533 00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:01,600 Speaker 1: of time because because you haven't done it. Yet you 534 00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:05,640 Speaker 1: have so much time. You are not behind whatever age 535 00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:08,040 Speaker 1: you are, and I literally mean whatever age you are, 536 00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:10,400 Speaker 1: you could be ninety nine. There is someone who has 537 00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:14,120 Speaker 1: found their success older than you are now, and many 538 00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:17,919 Speaker 1: many others other than that have created their own version 539 00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:21,640 Speaker 1: of success that is not glamorous but was deeply meaningful 540 00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:25,600 Speaker 1: for them at any age, any stage, any point in 541 00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:29,560 Speaker 1: their life. So you are not behind. Timelines are literally 542 00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:31,279 Speaker 1: I will die on this hill. They are literally a 543 00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:34,960 Speaker 1: social fiction and real life will peak in all different 544 00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:38,320 Speaker 1: places for different reasons. So if you are still sampling 545 00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:41,279 Speaker 1: in your twenties and you're experimenting, and you're unsure what 546 00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:45,960 Speaker 1: objective or subjective success even looks like for you, I 547 00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,440 Speaker 1: actually think that's an incredible thing. That means you have 548 00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:53,239 Speaker 1: even more to discover. You have a blank slate in 549 00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:57,080 Speaker 1: front of you that a lot of individuals would be 550 00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:01,240 Speaker 1: envious of. So as much as we have I definitely 551 00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:04,800 Speaker 1: highlighted and emphasized a lot of the sexy, glamorous examples 552 00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:08,600 Speaker 1: of success. And as much as people love a young 553 00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:12,240 Speaker 1: success story and they're in our face all the time, again, 554 00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:15,319 Speaker 1: you have time. You can change at any minute. If 555 00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:18,200 Speaker 1: you are focusing on the twenty percent, if you are 556 00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:23,920 Speaker 1: leveraging talent, leveraging context, and then also doing the work 557 00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:27,120 Speaker 1: so that when the opportunity arrives, not if when it arrives, 558 00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:29,279 Speaker 1: like you are going to be so ready. You're going 559 00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:31,400 Speaker 1: to have everything you need in your toolkit to just 560 00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:33,320 Speaker 1: be like cool, I'm going to hit the ground running. 561 00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:35,279 Speaker 1: I'm going to fail, and I'm going to know that 562 00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:37,680 Speaker 1: that is like failure is on my to do list. 563 00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:41,920 Speaker 1: I'm going to you know, work in silence. I'm going 564 00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:45,800 Speaker 1: to follow the eighty twenty rule. I'm going to follow 565 00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:50,359 Speaker 1: the learned industrious rule, and I'm going to just like 566 00:35:50,719 --> 00:35:53,239 Speaker 1: create the environments that I need to succeed. Like that 567 00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:54,600 Speaker 1: is what you're going to be ready to do. So 568 00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:56,840 Speaker 1: I'm excited for each and every one of you. That 569 00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:59,759 Speaker 1: is all for me today. If you have made it 570 00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:03,120 Speaker 1: this far, I want you to answer in the comments 571 00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:07,200 Speaker 1: for me this question. What is your favorite success story? 572 00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:11,680 Speaker 1: Who is a traditional and traditionally successful person that you 573 00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:15,799 Speaker 1: admire and why is that? I want to hear your 574 00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:18,319 Speaker 1: thoughts in the comments below. As always, thank you to 575 00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:23,200 Speaker 1: our researcher Libby Colbert for her wonderful excellent contributions to 576 00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:26,160 Speaker 1: this episode. She is a star. Make sure that you're 577 00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:29,279 Speaker 1: following us on Instagram at that Psychology podcast, and if 578 00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:32,560 Speaker 1: you have an episode's suggestion something we haven't covered yet, 579 00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:35,600 Speaker 1: feel free to email us The Psychology of your twenties 580 00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:38,440 Speaker 1: at gmail dot com or send me a DM. I 581 00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:42,600 Speaker 1: would absolutely love to hear from you, But until next time, 582 00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:46,800 Speaker 1: stay safe, be kind, be gentle to yourself, and as always, 583 00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:48,399 Speaker 1: we will talk very very soon.