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Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of Couch

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Speaker 1: Talks on You Need Therapy Podcast. My name is Kat

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Speaker 1: and I'm host. If you are new to the podcast

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Speaker 1: then you're probably like, what's couch Talks? Well, it is

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Speaker 1: the special bonus episode of You Need Therapy that comes

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Speaker 1: out every single ones day where I answer questions that

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Speaker 1: you guys sent to me and you can send those

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Speaker 1: two Catherine at You Need Therapy podcast dot com now

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Speaker 1: with that same disclaimer as always right. So, I'm a

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Speaker 1: therapist and I'm answering you'all's questions, but this podcast isn't

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Speaker 1: a replacement or a substitute for actual therapy, and it's

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Speaker 1: not actually acting as therapy itself in any way. It's

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Speaker 1: just like a mental health podcast that helps to think

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Speaker 1: and asks questions that might actually benefit you in your

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Speaker 1: own therapy process us or it might get you into

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Speaker 1: starting therapy at some point. So before we get into

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Speaker 1: this week's question, I would like to take a couple

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Speaker 1: of minutes to make a little bit of an announcement

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Speaker 1: and then kind of talk about why I'm making this

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Speaker 1: announcement and why I'm doing what I'm doing. So last

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Speaker 1: week on Couch talks, I talked about something that really

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Speaker 1: bothered me that I saw on Instagram, and it was

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Speaker 1: something that in a Instagram influencer therapist said, and it

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Speaker 1: created a space for me to really reevaluate how I

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Speaker 1: want to show up on social media as a therapist

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Speaker 1: and as a human and how I can continue to

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Speaker 1: live within my own value system as social media continues

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Speaker 1: to evolve and how we use it continues to change,

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Speaker 1: and what kind of content out there continues to shift.

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Speaker 1: So in the last week, I've had a lot of

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Speaker 1: conversations and have done a lot of reflecting that has

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Speaker 1: brought me to where I am now. And I don't

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Speaker 1: have any interest in being a social media influencer. To me,

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Speaker 1: that that is a job, and I don't want that

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Speaker 1: to be my job. It comes with things that I

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Speaker 1: know I probably wouldn't handle well and also that just

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Speaker 1: don't interest me. And I like the job I have,

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Speaker 1: so it's not my goal. And so at the same time,

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Speaker 1: I like Instagram like I really like it. I enjoy

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Speaker 1: using it. I did that whole experiment back last October

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Speaker 1: where I got to reevaluate how I'm I'm showing up

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Speaker 1: when I'm posting what I'm watching and how it affects me,

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Speaker 1: and I'm continuing to evolve this whole thing. So I

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Speaker 1: want to make sure that I get too, continue to

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Speaker 1: enjoy Instagram for what I enjoy it as, and also

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Speaker 1: stay within my value system as a therapist and as

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Speaker 1: a human being. And I want to make sure that

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Speaker 1: what I'm posting in the content I'm creating also UM.

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Speaker 1: When it comes to the podcast, it to space to

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Speaker 1: keep the initial goal of why I created the podcast

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Speaker 1: at the center. So I'm gonna make a couple of changes.

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Speaker 1: And like I said this, this happened after I had

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Speaker 1: conversations with both friends and trusted licensed mental health professionals

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Speaker 1: that I know, and I wanted to make sure that

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Speaker 1: I wasn't being dramatic. And I also wanted people to

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Speaker 1: ask me questions that I wouldn't think about and make

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Speaker 1: me think around different angles of what we're talking about.

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Speaker 1: So starting today, I'm making the at cat dot de

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Speaker 1: fata account a private account, and then that at You

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Speaker 1: Need Therapy podcast account will continue to be public. With that,

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Speaker 1: I'll be going through and removing my current or past

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Speaker 1: clients from following UM the at cat dot de fata

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Speaker 1: account because this will be turning into more of my

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Speaker 1: personal account, and I want to highlight the podcast and

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Speaker 1: the conversations that are being created through that rather than

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Speaker 1: highlight myself or things I believe, And I want therapy

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Speaker 1: to be your resource, not necessarily like me and what

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Speaker 1: I believe in what my life looks like. So I'll

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Speaker 1: end up posting more freely on the cat dot devata account,

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Speaker 1: which I'm excited about because I haven't been able to

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Speaker 1: use uh Instagram the way that I really want to

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Speaker 1: use it at times because of the boundaries that I

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Speaker 1: created for myself when I made that account public. Now

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Speaker 1: a good thing is listeners. Um can still request to

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Speaker 1: follow me, but the content on that account again, it's

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Speaker 1: going to be more tailored to me versus Therapy mental

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Speaker 1: Health the podcast, although obviously that's still going to be

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Speaker 1: there because that's part of who I am. It'll just

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Speaker 1: be less censored and also like less forced when like

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Speaker 1: you're putting out content and posts and all all that.

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Speaker 1: I want to be able to post what I want,

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Speaker 1: when I want to do it, how I want to

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Speaker 1: do it, and I've seen that account become more kind

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Speaker 1: of like a journal for me or a blog and

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Speaker 1: I'm still going to be writing stuff and in some

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Speaker 1: posts might be longer than others and all that, but

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Speaker 1: I'm also going to push the more mental health geared

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Speaker 1: stuff towards You Need Therapy podcast. So if you're a

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Speaker 1: client and you follow me and you're listening, I'm not

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Speaker 1: removing you because I don't love you or care about you.

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Speaker 1: I'm just moving all that content that you get from

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Speaker 1: that account over to You Need Therapy Podcast. Now, who's

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Speaker 1: to say that my boundaries around social media won't continue

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Speaker 1: to shift as everything else continues to shift, Because they've

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Speaker 1: changed before. They probably will change again. But for now,

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Speaker 1: as Instagram therapy influencers continue to become a thing, I

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Speaker 1: want to create more space to make sure I am

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Speaker 1: not knowingly or negligently adding to some of the problems

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Speaker 1: that I see some of these accounts creating. Doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: they're all bad. I just don't have an interest in

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Speaker 1: like really being a part of that. Now. My hope

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Speaker 1: moving forward is that You Need Theory podcasts can continue

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Speaker 1: to be a space that welcomes in the tough questions,

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Speaker 1: welcomes in the hard truth and the difficult conversations in

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Speaker 1: a way that let's you the listener and the follower

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Speaker 1: figure out what is best for you versus a place

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Speaker 1: where like I tell you what to do or I

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Speaker 1: tell you what I believe. I want that to be

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Speaker 1: a place that offers education and insight while also offering

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Speaker 1: more than just one perspective on things, in order for

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Speaker 1: us to widen our view of the world in a

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Speaker 1: way that brings us closer to a space that feels

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Speaker 1: like truth to us individually versus me or one group

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Speaker 1: of people. You know, this might hurt my follower account

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Speaker 1: or downloads. I don't know. I don't know what this

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Speaker 1: will end up doing, and we'll see. But what I've

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Speaker 1: learned is that focusing on producing content for the sake

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Speaker 1: of gaining a following often leads me further away from

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Speaker 1: maintaining integrity as a mental health professional. And without that integrity,

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Speaker 1: none of the other stuff is going to feel good

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Speaker 1: to me. So this is just where I am, and

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Speaker 1: it's where I've landed, and right now I feel good

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Speaker 1: about it. I want to again. I want to promote

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Speaker 1: the podcast because I believe that the conversations that we're

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Speaker 1: creating on there are conversations that I want more people

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Speaker 1: to hear and I want to continue to create a

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Speaker 1: space that continues to widen this idea to more people

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Speaker 1: that therapy is something that is good for everybody, and

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Speaker 1: that it's not just something for really messed up, broken,

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Speaker 1: screwed up, unhealthy people. I want to continue to destigmatize

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Speaker 1: mental health care and all of that. And so I

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Speaker 1: still want to promote the podcast, and I still want

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Speaker 1: more people to listen to it. I just don't want

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Speaker 1: to promote myself as much. And I don't want the

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Speaker 1: focus to be on me. Now, if you want to

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Speaker 1: follow me because of whatever reason, that's awesome, but I

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Speaker 1: just want the focus to be on the other things. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I think that's all I want to say on that.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I really got out what I

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Speaker 1: wanted to say, but hopefully all of that made sense

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Speaker 1: to you guys. Now I want to get into the question,

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Speaker 1: because that's what you came here for, not to hear

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Speaker 1: my social media boundaries, but to listen to of these

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Speaker 1: listener questions. Which this is a really good question and

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Speaker 1: I've been holding onto it for a while and I

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Speaker 1: am excited I finally get to answer it. So here's

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Speaker 1: the question I got. I actually got this as a

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Speaker 1: d M. Now, if you really want me to see

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Speaker 1: your your question, I would recommend you sending an email.

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Speaker 1: I'm happy that I saw this. I opened it up

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Speaker 1: because I think it's a really good question. So I

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Speaker 1: can get your question through d M. But I suggest

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Speaker 1: that you send them through email. That's just more likely

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Speaker 1: for me to see it. So here is the question,

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Speaker 1: how did you work past the feeling of in quotes?

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Speaker 1: How am I supposed to be a good therapist when

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Speaker 1: I'm a mess myself? End quotes. I also believe that

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Speaker 1: i'd like my therapist to have gone to therapy or

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Speaker 1: to currently be going to therapy themselves, and I don't

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Speaker 1: believe they need to be perfect to help. But when

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Speaker 1: it comes to my own sessions, I continue to have

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Speaker 1: this little voice in my head that says, how can

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Speaker 1: I make therapy my job when I'm this much of

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Speaker 1: a mess? Anyway, short story long, did you have these thoughts?

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Speaker 1: And if so, do you still and how do you

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Speaker 1: work through them? So this kind of speaks to like,

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Speaker 1: I don't want this to be about me, um, I

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Speaker 1: want this to be about like people in general, and

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Speaker 1: therapy in general and all that in general. I will

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Speaker 1: give you my perspective, and then I'm gonna also um

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Speaker 1: offer in some insight generally that I think could be

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Speaker 1: helpful to anybody, because what works for me might not

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Speaker 1: work for you. The first thing that I thought, though,

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Speaker 1: when I read this question was I'm curious as to like,

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Speaker 1: what makes you such a mess? Like what does that mean?

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Speaker 1: And all of that for me personally. To be honest,

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Speaker 1: I felt in the beginning of being a therapist, I

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Speaker 1: was way less aware of where I was a mess.

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Speaker 1: I was more worried about not being able to do

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Speaker 1: my job because I didn't really know what I was

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Speaker 1: doing in the very beginning. But it's later through learning

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Speaker 1: more and more that I realized that I was a

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Speaker 1: bit of a mess, and I saw my my blind

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Speaker 1: spots and where I might be a little bit unhealthy

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Speaker 1: and all that, and I learned that I didn't have

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Speaker 1: things that's figured out in my life that I would

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Speaker 1: have liked to admit. Now. The good news is this

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Speaker 1: also came with learning more and more about what a

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Speaker 1: therapist is and what a therapist is not. We're not

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Speaker 1: role models and we're not just advice givers, which again

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Speaker 1: speaks to this is just like full circle because it

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Speaker 1: kind of speaks to like why I've created these boundaries

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Speaker 1: with my social media. Now I don't have to know

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Speaker 1: the answer as a therapist for you to know the

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Speaker 1: answer you're looking for as a client, I don't have

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Speaker 1: to know the answer to help a client figure out

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Speaker 1: the answer for them. I actually sometimes think that's more helpful.

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Speaker 1: So I also need to say that there are different

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Speaker 1: levels of being a mess though, right, So that's why

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Speaker 1: I it was curious of like, for this person who

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Speaker 1: sent this message, and to any person who's listening who's

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Speaker 1: relating to this, I would I'm very curious as to

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Speaker 1: like what does mean a mess mean? Like, what is

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Speaker 1: it that tells you that you're such a mess you

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Speaker 1: shouldn't or can't be a therapist? Because let's get one

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Speaker 1: thing up to very very very clear, because this is important.

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Speaker 1: Having the ability to be a good therapist does not

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Speaker 1: come from a therapist having the most perfect life by

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Speaker 1: any means, because then like we wouldn't have any therapist.

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Speaker 1: I think this is where we need to kind of

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Speaker 1: take a step back and come back to like what

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Speaker 1: a therapist job. If you think it's to show up

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Speaker 1: and lead by example to how to live your best life,

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Speaker 1: and I guess that would actually okay. You can't have

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Speaker 1: your own message and be a good therapist because your

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Speaker 1: goal is to lead by example. However, while there might

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Speaker 1: be some circumstances where that could be true in therapy,

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Speaker 1: that's really not the like actual and all be all

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Speaker 1: big overarching goal of a therapist. A therapist job is

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Speaker 1: to help other people figure out what they need in

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Speaker 1: order to live a life that feels right to them.

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Speaker 1: So I must say that again because I think it's

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Speaker 1: really important. A therapist job is to help other people

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Speaker 1: figure out what they need an order to live a

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Speaker 1: life that feels right to them. And what's interesting is

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Speaker 1: that none of that what I just said has to

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Speaker 1: do with how a therapist lives outside of their job.

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Speaker 1: It's how they show up in the room. This doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean that I can be active in my addiction and

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Speaker 1: that that definitely won't impede on my ability to show

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Speaker 1: up well as a therapist. It's one thing. If I'm

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Speaker 1: active in my addiction or unable to maintain emotional regulation consistently,

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Speaker 1: and if I'm struggling with depression or some kind of

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Speaker 1: mental illness or instability, that is something that should always

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Speaker 1: be considered, do I have the ability to physically and

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Speaker 1: mentally clearly show up and do my job? We have

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Speaker 1: to ask those questions, and that's again why I am

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Speaker 1: curious as to like, well, what does being a mess mean?

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Speaker 1: But if I'm working through stuff or in the process

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Speaker 1: of figuring something out, or in the midst of grief,

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Speaker 1: or maybe I'm in the midst of of processing loss

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Speaker 1: or reidentifying something, whether that's my religious beliefs or me

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Speaker 1: like my social media boundaries, that doesn't automatically mean I

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Speaker 1: can't show up to work and do my job well.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes experiencing our own struggles can actually help us show

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Speaker 1: up with more empathy and less judgment when we're working

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Speaker 1: with our clients. Now, that doesn't mean that we will

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Speaker 1: tell them exactly how we are doing things and how

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Speaker 1: we're moving through things, but it can create the ability

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Speaker 1: to be more understanding of somebody's experience. So that mess

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Speaker 1: might be a good thing. It might be a good thing,

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Speaker 1: it might be a bad thing. You have to actually

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Speaker 1: really look at that, Like, does this physically and mentally

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Speaker 1: muddy the waters of me being able to do my job?

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Speaker 1: I feel like, no matter how I say this, it's

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Speaker 1: going to come off like a little insensitive, but this

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Speaker 1: question very much references some of the stuff I was

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Speaker 1: talking about last week. Our job is therapist is really hard.

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Speaker 1: I mean a lot of jobs are really hard, but

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Speaker 1: our job is a therapist is hard. And for me,

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Speaker 1: one of the hardest parts of our job isn't the

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Speaker 1: fact that we hear a lot of sad stuff. I mean,

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Speaker 1: that's hard, but it's that's not the hardest part for me.

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Speaker 1: It's making sure that in all of that, I'm showing

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Speaker 1: up at work without the stuff that I'm dealing within

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Speaker 1: my personal life. There has to be barriers. Now, they

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Speaker 1: don't need to be hard lines drawn. But just because

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Speaker 1: we're a therapist, it doesn't mean that we get to

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Speaker 1: bring in our stuff to work that our clients can

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Speaker 1: bring in to the room because we're at work, they're

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Speaker 1: not at work. Just like it is in our job

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Speaker 1: to bring our own personal belief systems into the room

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Speaker 1: at all times, which is like any other job. Now,

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Speaker 1: that isn't to say that at some points we can't

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Speaker 1: bring stuff into the room and that can't be helpful,

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Speaker 1: but we have to be able to identify when that's

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Speaker 1: appropriate and when it's not, and that comes with mental

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Speaker 1: clarity and in a in a level of health. So

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Speaker 1: I mean to answer this question to bring it all

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Speaker 1: kind of full circle. Being a good therapist it's not

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Speaker 1: about living your life perfectly and having everything figured out

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Speaker 1: and and having this very clean, beautiful life outside of work.

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Speaker 1: It's about being able to show up and helping someone

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Speaker 1: else untangle how they can live their life how they

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Speaker 1: want to. We create space for safe and vulnerable conversations

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Speaker 1: to occur. This is a big reason of why we

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Speaker 1: don't straight up deal advice all day long. That wouldn't

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Speaker 1: be safe to just like tell people what to do

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Speaker 1: and tell people what to believe, because what's best for

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Speaker 1: us isn't always best for other people. Our job as

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Speaker 1: therapists right is to remind our clients that they get

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Speaker 1: to make choices for themselves, and then we allow them

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Speaker 1: to be responsible for those choices, whatever they are. So

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Speaker 1: that's how I cope with those moments that to me,

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Speaker 1: it sounds like imposter syndrome. As a therapist, I don't

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Speaker 1: need to know everything because a lot of the work

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Speaker 1: isn't really up to me to know. I simply ask myself,

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Speaker 1: am I able to show up clear for my clients,

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Speaker 1: and do I have the skills necessary to show up

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Speaker 1: clear from my clients and help them with what they're

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Speaker 1: asking for? And I mean to put it really simply,

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Speaker 1: we're all imperfect, literally all of us. So there's always

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Speaker 1: going to be an essence of some kind of mess,

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Speaker 1: depending on how you define mess in our lives. And

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Speaker 1: sometimes that means that we need to take some space

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Speaker 1: away and figure things out before we enter back into

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Speaker 1: that room as a therapist. And sometimes that means I

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Speaker 1: need to just create more boundaries, like that's that's what

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Speaker 1: that is. And so I hope that this was helpful,

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Speaker 1: and I hope that this created some some questions and

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Speaker 1: some conversation for you to have within yourself, often maybe

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Speaker 1: your own therapist or maybe friends that you trust, so

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Speaker 1: that you can accurately work through some of that imposter

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Speaker 1: ish syndrome that you're having. And that goes that I'm

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Speaker 1: speaking to the person that wrote this question and also

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Speaker 1: anybody who is relating to it. Okay, So that does

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Speaker 1: it for this episode of Couch Talks. Thank you guys

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Speaker 1: for listening, and thank you for listening a little extra

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Speaker 1: today as I shared with you some of my stuff

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Speaker 1: that I wanted you to hear that nobody asked about.

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Speaker 1: But I want you guys to know that I want

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Speaker 1: this podcast to always remain a place that feels safe

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Speaker 1: and helpful. And that is really my goal when it

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Speaker 1: comes down to it, is I want this place to

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Speaker 1: feel safe and helpful. So when it feels like I'm

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Speaker 1: getting off track, I want to make sure that I

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Speaker 1: bring myself back on board. So that will do it

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Speaker 1: for me today. I will be back on Monday, guys.

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Speaker 1: Monday's episode is one that I am so excited about.

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Speaker 1: I haven't been excited about an episode this much in

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Speaker 1: a really long time. So I hope you guys well listen.

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Speaker 1: If you have not yet rated the podcast or subscribed,

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Speaker 1: I would like you to do that. That means a

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Speaker 1: lot to me personally. Um and you can actually do

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Speaker 1: that on Spotify now, So can you do that please?

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Speaker 1: And thank you. I hope you guys have the day

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Speaker 1: you need to have and I will be back Monday

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Speaker 1: for that very exciting episode. Bye guys,