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Speaker 1: Traditions are changing because the culture has changed.

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Speaker 2: Mmmm, dead ass, And the way I see it, I

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Speaker 2: just don't be wanting mad people up in my house,

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Speaker 2: know how, because my social battery be depleted. Okay, invite

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Speaker 2: me somewhere that ass. Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoured

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Speaker 2: and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 3: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

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Speaker 2: Voice and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.

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Speaker 1: Wait, I make you need therapy most days.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

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Speaker 3: Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open

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Speaker 3: dialogue about some of Li's most taboo topics.

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Speaker 2: Things most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 3: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

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Speaker 3: is a term that we say every day. So when

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Speaker 3: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred

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Speaker 3: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 1: Were about to take philos off to our whole new level.

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Speaker 2: Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 3: So story time, I'm gonna take y'all back to my childhood.

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Speaker 3: And when I say childhood, this is when I was

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Speaker 3: a teenager. It was barbecue and then huh, oh, you

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Speaker 3: you know because when you met us. Yes, it was

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Speaker 3: every weekend, every single weekend.

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Speaker 2: But I mean you could propose to me at a barbecue.

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Speaker 1: I did my brother's.

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Speaker 3: Was it Memorial Day?

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Speaker 2: It was his graduation.

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Speaker 1: Graduation barbie graduation barbecue.

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Speaker 3: But I take y'all back to when I was about

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Speaker 3: fifteen sixteen, and this was the time when we stopped

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Speaker 3: going to Tennessee because my brother and I were playing

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Speaker 3: sports heavy in Brooklyn. So when the summertimes now, we

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Speaker 3: were back home in Brooklyn, and every weekend in the summertime,

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Speaker 3: my dad would just be like, yo, going to get

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Speaker 3: some ribs, going to get some burgers, some sausages. Your

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Speaker 3: mother's making macaroni salad and potato salad. But y'all gonna

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Speaker 3: have to grilliz meat because it's hot out there, paused,

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Speaker 3: and I'm not standing out there. And we used to

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Speaker 3: be like bet and that became a routine every summer. Gavin, Kevin,

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Speaker 3: me Brian, my cousin Devonne, my cousin Dorian, and my

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Speaker 3: cousin Portion when she used to come in from Connecticut.

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Speaker 3: We would all be in the backyard playing dominoes, playing spades.

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Speaker 3: Every single weekend, and it was just like something we

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Speaker 3: did to kind of keep us out the street, because realistically,

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Speaker 3: back in those days, if you wasn't in the backyard

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Speaker 3: doing something, you was in the streets doing something you

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Speaker 3: wasn't supposed to. So my dad's whole thing was like,

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Speaker 3: I'd rather my kids be where I can see them, Yes,

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Speaker 3: And we would invite the whole block. We would invite

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Speaker 3: all our friends, whatever team I was a part of,

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Speaker 3: those teammates would be there, my brother's teammates would be there.

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Speaker 3: And my sister was kind of young around this time.

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Speaker 3: She was ten years younger than me, so she was

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Speaker 3: like six or seven years old. She ain't really have

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Speaker 3: no friends like that that could come over and barbecue,

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Speaker 3: but her little friends from next door on the cole

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Speaker 3: and from down the block a leadah, they would come

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Speaker 3: in the backyard. And that's how we weild the community,

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Speaker 3: you know. It was just a safe space for all

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Speaker 3: the kids to come and just chill.

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Speaker 2: Shout out the scoop and mouth for feeding droves and

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Speaker 2: droves and droves.

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Speaker 3: I don't know how they did that. I really don't

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Speaker 3: know how.

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Speaker 2: I don't know either.

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Speaker 1: It was costcos every week too.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why your mom's so tired now shout out,

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Speaker 2: shout out to my because man, my girl will be tired.

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Speaker 2: And I understand because I feel like that's my future.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's gonna be our.

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Speaker 2: House karaoke time. So we were conflicted about like what

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Speaker 2: our karaoke song was going to be today, not really conflicted,

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Speaker 2: but I feel like we should do both because they

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Speaker 2: both made us think of family time, cookouts, traditions, events,

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Speaker 2: gatherings as my island people would say a special all of.

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Speaker 1: Those things auspicious.

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Speaker 2: But but yeah, so do you want to go with

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Speaker 2: your was first?

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Speaker 1: What do you think I should go? Mom first?

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna go first. And I was just so excited, Ready, ready,

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Speaker 2: you can do it? Electric bookie woog wog. You can't

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Speaker 2: do it. It's electric bookie wiggy woogie, and I know it.

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Speaker 2: I don't even know the words, does anybody? I've got

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Speaker 2: to move? I thank you and I'll teach you the electrics.

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Speaker 2: Lie my mom electric slide champion, Okay. And it's just

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Speaker 2: the way she does it with this little stush little

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Speaker 2: face and the two hands be going and the hit

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Speaker 2: and then it dropped forward and then pulled back on me.

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Speaker 2: But my mom really I love it. But one thing,

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Speaker 2: one thing, and any events we've had our moms definitely

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Speaker 2: spearhead the electrics.

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Speaker 3: Li.

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Speaker 2: I almost banded at our wedding, but I said, you

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Speaker 2: know what, I can't take that joy from our culture.

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Speaker 3: You can.

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Speaker 2: And then now I look very every excuse.

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Speaker 3: I'm over you electric slide on every song, I'm holding

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Speaker 3: on you, electric slide.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna throw that shoulder and bring it back all

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Speaker 2: right now, And it's the kick and then the side.

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Speaker 2: You know, what's your song. We'll reminds your cookouts and

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Speaker 2: in all those things family events.

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Speaker 3: Well, it's cookouts, it's weddings. It's the end of every

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Speaker 3: black movie. Does anybody know what it this?

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Speaker 1: Mm hmmmm mmmmmmmm hmmm.

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Speaker 2: It's like what.

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Speaker 3: I can see you when you all hey, even when

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Speaker 3: you're talk it takes all men.

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Speaker 2: Hey, that is my jam yo.

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Speaker 3: That's a good one.

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Speaker 2: Oh, my goodness, my goodness. All right, before we go

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Speaker 2: into some more song and dance, because we definitely have

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Speaker 2: some other ones. I think on the on the island

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Speaker 2: side of things, what would be like the one that

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Speaker 2: we would do mostly that everybody gets on the dance floor. Oh,

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Speaker 2: Matt's favorite, Oh Pa, shout out to Matt. Matt shot

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Speaker 2: one too many weddings. He said, I can never hear

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Speaker 2: that song again for the rest of my life, and

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Speaker 2: it would be too soon. He's either that or the

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Speaker 2: dollar line sent I sent Tencent Dolla. Hey speaking to Dallas.

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Speaker 2: Let's go pay some bills and we're gonna come back

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Speaker 2: and get into the meat of the show. Where are

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Speaker 2: the traditions going? Are they going? Are they saying, we

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Speaker 2: don't know, We're gonna talk about it. We'll be back,

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Speaker 2: all right. So we're back and we are talking about traditions, gatherings, cultural,

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Speaker 2: you know, get togethers. What's happening to those What kind

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Speaker 2: of sparked my interest in this conversation was seeing essence

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Speaker 2: posts about it because Memorial Day weekend typically tends to

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Speaker 2: be the kickoff for you know, cookout season, barbecue season,

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Speaker 2: lineman season, as we say in the Islands, you know,

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Speaker 2: get together is the weather's perfect. You know, everybody's looking

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Speaker 2: for somewhere to go, something to do outside. So yeah,

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Speaker 2: I remember those those days I coming into your family

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Speaker 2: and seeing that that was like a thing and it

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Speaker 2: wasn't like a formal everybody get together kind of planned event.

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Speaker 2: They kind of just happened and spiraled into these get

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Speaker 2: together that became a thing. What y'all doing, What y'all

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Speaker 2: doing is sod. Everybody being at home doing nothing? Come on, right?

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Speaker 2: And I love that your parents created, like, essentially, what

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Speaker 2: was a safe space for all of the local teenagers

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Speaker 2: and all of our friends and whatnot. And we would

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Speaker 2: be there till the wee hours of the morning and

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Speaker 2: the only stipulation was that we had to make sure

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Speaker 2: we cleaned up.

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Speaker 3: The sink.

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Speaker 2: Your father would thorough conniption, that was the case. And

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Speaker 2: then all so too after a while. It's just like, yo,

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Speaker 2: if you coming, don't come empty handed. Now, facts you

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Speaker 2: better bring in case of soda.

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Speaker 1: Something back of hot dogs, bring bring something.

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Speaker 2: Bring something. But it was the camaraderie, right, And it's

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Speaker 2: crazy because as you grow, I'm kind of wondering, is

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Speaker 2: it becoming a lost art form? Is it that we

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Speaker 2: are aging out of that age group where people get

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Speaker 2: together often because we now have responsibilities and kids and

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Speaker 2: our weekends are laden with sports and you know, there's

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Speaker 2: so many different factors, but not just factors when it

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Speaker 2: comes to just socialization, but there're economic factors absolutely, So

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Speaker 2: what's your take on in baby?

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Speaker 3: The first thing I've noticed is even amongst my friends, right,

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Speaker 3: I remember we were growing up, there was like, yo,

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Speaker 3: where the party at? You know where's where? You know

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Speaker 3: where the uncles at? You know what I'm saying, Like

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Speaker 3: who house we going to? And it's like, nigga, we

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Speaker 3: the uncles like they supposed to be looking to come

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Speaker 3: to our house, y'all be.

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Speaker 2: Fighting this shit a mug now, Like, don't be calling

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Speaker 2: me auntie. Y'all be calling me auntie in the comments.

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Speaker 2: I'm like that that's part of the problem though, That's

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Speaker 2: why I don't want to be an auntie.

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Speaker 3: But that's the problem. You're not embracing the fact that

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Speaker 3: you have a responsibility to the community to open up

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Speaker 3: your home so that the young people can come to

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Speaker 3: your house and learn how to be the next Auntie.

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Speaker 3: Too many aunties and uncles now are trying to act

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Speaker 3: like young kids and they're still out in the streets.

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Speaker 1: That's that's one aspect.

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Speaker 2: I mean, can we push push, Let's just push the decade,

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Speaker 2: like maybe when I'm like in my fifties.

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Speaker 1: Really really reading your fifties.

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Speaker 2: To be honest, our house is like, you're.

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Speaker 3: Gonna have grandkids in your fifties, says who absolutely. Jackson

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Speaker 3: is thirteen. When you turn fifty, you'll be twenty three now,

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Speaker 3: so in your fifties, he's gonna have a child. You're

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Speaker 3: gonna be a grandmother.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna be cute.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you will be cute. You're gonna be a thick grandma.

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Speaker 3: You get a thick grandma, and you're gonna be in

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Speaker 3: the backyard making potato salad and macaroni salad. So these

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Speaker 3: kids can come in here because I don't want my

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Speaker 3: boys out in the street either.

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Speaker 2: No, I hear you.

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Speaker 3: I'd rather than be here, bro, I hear you.

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Speaker 2: That's why we have a kind of an open door

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Speaker 2: policy with our boys and their friends. Now, I mean shit,

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Speaker 2: all of out say anybody to be here all the time.

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Speaker 3: But it is, it is part of that, like it

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Speaker 3: just and this is not you know, some of this

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Speaker 3: as jokes, but this is the reality. Right, socio economically,

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Speaker 3: things have changed for us as people. My parents got

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Speaker 3: married at twenty one twenty two, had their first child

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Speaker 3: at twenty two, right, and they were you know, set

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Speaker 3: in their lifestyle as being family people. They both worked,

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Speaker 3: but they had kids. Now people are having children later.

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Speaker 3: They're having children mid thirties, you know. So now that

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Speaker 3: they're having children mid thirties that time where my parents

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Speaker 3: were being the auntie and uncle when they were their

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Speaker 3: late children, our generation isn't doing that.

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Speaker 2: True.

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Speaker 3: And also social economically, you can't afford to have the

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Speaker 3: whole community in your backyard right now, like property property

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Speaker 3: value has risen. I think even the cost of purchasing

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Speaker 3: a home or the amount of people own homes now

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Speaker 3: has dropped since when our parents. So not only do

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Speaker 3: the aunts and uncles not want to be aunt and uncles,

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Speaker 3: they don't own properties to have people come over to

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Speaker 3: have cookouts at as high rate as we did back

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Speaker 3: in the eighties and nineties. That's just a fact.

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Speaker 2: And said that, yeah, for sure. Actually that's a perfect

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Speaker 2: segue to some facts and stats. So, like I said,

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Speaker 2: what sparked this idea for me today was looking at

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Speaker 2: a social media post from Essence magazine that ax users

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Speaker 2: what happened to the cookout and a ray of different

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Speaker 2: responses were given, and here are some of them that

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Speaker 2: I think are totally spot on. COVID Right, so some

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Speaker 2: people are still not fully back outside and recovered from

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Speaker 2: the effects of COVID. Food prices skyrocketing, clearly cutting family ties.

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Speaker 2: Our generations are like, you know what, I ain't really

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Speaker 2: want aunts to your uncle or grand so granda or

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Speaker 2: grand uncle whoever.

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Speaker 3: So, but I'll push back on that. Okay, those people

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Speaker 3: don't got to be invited to your barbecue anyway. That's

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Speaker 3: sure you not having a barbecue because you're cutting family ties.

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Speaker 3: There's not a reason to not have a barbecue your friends.

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Speaker 2: Right or are we having barbecues that just everyone is not,

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Speaker 2: you know, going to be invited to? Yes, that's possible.

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Speaker 2: Then there's also laziness, like he's got uber eats, you

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Speaker 2: got door dash. It's just like, do I really want

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Speaker 2: to go through the hassle of half to cook you know,

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Speaker 2: from scratch? What also to I'll add to that. Well,

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Speaker 2: I guess part of laziness. But another maybe bullet point

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Speaker 2: would be everybody got a different food allergy. This person

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Speaker 2: will eat that one, somebody vegan, somebody vegetarian. That's when

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Speaker 2: you say, you know what, bring what you eating, what

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Speaker 2: you drink? Let's pop look up in this bitch, because

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Speaker 2: I don't have time for you and your allergies, lack

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Speaker 2: of family values, our children's generation not having any cousins. Well, shoot, yeah,

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Speaker 2: we know what cut Well we have cousins on one side.

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Speaker 2: I don't mind. One user said, none of us know how.

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Speaker 3: To fade so but so this goes back to what

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Speaker 3: we've been talking about all season, perception versus reality. You

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Speaker 3: cannot listen to social media as to who is and

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Speaker 3: who isn't having barbecues because we still have family cookouts

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Speaker 3: and barbecues. We just had one for Mother's Day. I did,

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Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, Like, we still do that.

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Speaker 3: And the truth of the matter is a lot of

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Speaker 3: people that are having these conversations on social media, they're

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Speaker 3: not the ones having family values. They're not the one

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Speaker 3: that's not having cookouts. But the people who are having

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Speaker 3: cookouts aren't on social media cooking out right, you know

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Speaker 3: what I'm saying. So they're not even involved in the conversation.

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Speaker 3: Because when you you asked me about the conversation, I

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Speaker 3: was like, who not having cookouts? Because we still.

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Speaker 2: Because we still are.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a perception and then there's a reality.

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Speaker 2: But I do think the reality is true, particularly when

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Speaker 2: you brought up the property like, if you don't own

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Speaker 2: a place, then where are we having these cookouts? But

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Speaker 2: I mean also too, there's what public places like. You've

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Speaker 2: used to see cookouts at the.

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Speaker 3: Park, at the park, Aluly No pull.

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Speaker 2: A grill out, everybody to state their claim in the grass.

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Speaker 3: In Brooklyn, see I View Park Always every weekend, there

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Speaker 3: was a grill out there and there was families out there,

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Speaker 3: So even people who couldn't afford properties back then. And

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Speaker 3: when I say back then, I'm talking about ten years

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Speaker 3: ago when you and I were living in Brooklyn. I

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Speaker 3: worked at Pakplex. I had my sports performance program there.

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Speaker 3: Dolo and I and Brian would be there and Saturday

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Speaker 3: and we'd be training the kids and we'd do a

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Speaker 3: leaf physique. But afterwards we'd leave there and we'd smell

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Speaker 3: the food because Ceview Park was filled with people having.

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Speaker 2: Codd Yeah, CV Park and Narcipier. When you come off

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Speaker 2: that belt park where you come around the bend, you

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Speaker 2: see everybody outside. But to your point, since the nineties,

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Speaker 2: the cost of living has more than double. So one

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Speaker 2: dollar in twenty twenty four is worth two dollars and

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Speaker 2: twelve cents back in nineteen ninety four, and since nineteen

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Speaker 2: ninety four. Hours worked have fallen into the private sector

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Speaker 2: and risen in the public sector, so the increase in

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Speaker 2: hours may stem from restrictions on hiring in the sector. Additionally,

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Speaker 2: the hours reported by self employed people have fallen over

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Speaker 2: forty two hours per week to thirty seven in the

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Speaker 2: latest data. Also, after decades of relative stability, the rate

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Speaker 2: of US home ownership began to search in the mid nineties,

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Speaker 2: rising from sixty four percent in nineteen ninety four to

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Speaker 2: a peak of sixty nine percent in two thousand four.

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Speaker 3: See but that would make sense because remember ninety four

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Speaker 3: to two thousand and four was when we remember your

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Speaker 3: family bought a home in Canarsie.

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Speaker 1: My family bought a home in Canarsie in nineteen ninety three.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, my parents bought one in eighty seven.

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Speaker 3: So you see what I'm saying. That's what we grew

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Speaker 3: up in that culture where our families were buying homes

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Speaker 3: at a higher rate. So that's what we became used to,

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Speaker 3: and it was like new, Like we got a house,

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Speaker 3: let's have a barbecue.

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Speaker 2: And then the Census Bureau released is now the latest

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Speaker 2: quarterly report for Q one of twenty twenty four shows

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Speaker 2: that The latest home ownership rate is sixty five zero

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Speaker 2: point six percent, which is the lowest has been in

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Speaker 2: two years, because who can afford anything now anyway.

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Speaker 3: Also, let's not discount the world came to a halt

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Speaker 3: in twenty twenty.

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Speaker 2: Because of covery happening.

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Speaker 3: There's still a lot of recovery that's only four years removed,

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Speaker 3: a lot of people lost jobs, a lot of people.

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Speaker 2: That's going to their savings depleted. Absolutely, there's so much

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Speaker 2: to recover from that that's not going to happen in uh.

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Speaker 3: You know, I think that's for the year, a decade

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Speaker 3: of recovery, considering the fact that you know, we weren't

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Speaker 3: We weren't stable by any means in twenty twenty. We weren't. Remember,

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Speaker 3: we were also going through an election period. So anytime

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Speaker 3: you're going through an election and there's a change and

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Speaker 3: the powers that be, there's always a lot that goes

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Speaker 3: on with the housing markets. We saw that with Obama

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Speaker 3: in two thousand and eight, where we were struggling to

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Speaker 3: pay all our bills. So you figure election cycle twenty twenty,

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Speaker 3: pandemic happens. People were pretty much out of work until

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Speaker 3: twenty twenty two.

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Speaker 1: That's when things started to kind of mp back up.

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Speaker 3: So now we're only two years removed from that, so

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Speaker 3: people don't have the extra income to just say, hey,

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Speaker 3: come to my house. These barbecues are expensive. I know.

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Speaker 3: This is just me looking at the American Express. Bill

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Speaker 3: Kadeen would go like, say we're having a barbecue. Kadean say,

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Speaker 3: I'm going to go to Target. First, go to go

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Speaker 3: to Target. That's going to be what five hundred dollars, right,

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Speaker 3: and that's not food. The five hundred dollars is to

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Speaker 3: make sure that there's toilet paper in all.

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Speaker 2: Of that, just like a lot of cups for all

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Speaker 2: of those things.

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Speaker 1: Then it's we're going to go to there's no Costco

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Speaker 1: out here, but.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, there's there is so Costco Stamps Club, you.

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Speaker 3: Know, bulk shopping when you do the bulk shopping for.

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Speaker 2: The whole home stool exactly the hint of maybe a

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Speaker 2: public stor crogram random you know things, and maybe I'm

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Speaker 2: not the side of the tree.

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Speaker 1: So that's twenty five hundred dollars for a day.

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Speaker 3: That's a fact that it made costs for you to

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Speaker 3: have a barbecue, to have people over.

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Speaker 2: Well look at this here the retail costs of it.

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Speaker 2: Let's get down to the actual meat of the show.

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Speaker 1: Of course, the.

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Speaker 2: Retail cost of the a pound of one ground beef

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Speaker 2: was one dollar and forty eight cents per pound back

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Speaker 2: in two thousand, I start back in nineteen ninety four.

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Speaker 2: Today it costs what a whopping five dollars and thirty

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Speaker 2: five since and that's not even organic beef. So good

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Speaker 2: thing you and I find out we're allergic to the

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Speaker 2: cow baby because yeah, passer by, passer by. So yeah,

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Speaker 2: So many factors that are contributing to it from a

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Speaker 2: socio economics standpoint, But like you said, there's probably small

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Speaker 2: pockets of people who are still doing absolutely know, these

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Speaker 2: cookouts and whatnot.

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Speaker 3: But there are also other factors. Divorce rates, marriage rates.

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Speaker 3: I'm not sure exactly what the divorce rate looks like

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Speaker 3: amongst Americans now, but I'm pretty sure or not even

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Speaker 3: the divorce rate, but the amount of Americans who are

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Speaker 3: married by the time they get to thirty has dropped. Okay,

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Speaker 3: So I saw something there. They said lack of family values.

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Speaker 3: I think a lot more people don't lack family values.

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Speaker 3: They're just waiting. So now it's like, okay, we have

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Speaker 3: a few friends, you know, and even when we look

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Speaker 3: at our siblings, right, they're in their thirties now and

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Speaker 3: now starting to get serious about finding a mate to

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Speaker 3: settle down with and have a family, which also takes time.

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Speaker 3: So since people are doing things later, there are a

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Speaker 3: lot less children being had, there's a lot less people

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Speaker 3: getting married at this time. So whereas when people used

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Speaker 3: to get married late teens, early twenties, think about our grandparents.

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Speaker 3: Your grandparents got married late teens, mine got married late teens,

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Speaker 3: parents got married early twenties, your parents early twenties. As

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Speaker 3: those generations start to do things later, So now it's

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Speaker 3: like late thirties forties. That's almost like two generations of

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Speaker 3: the previous generation. Because they did things teens to twenties,

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Speaker 3: we're doing things thirties to forties.

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Speaker 2: Everything's getting pushed everything decade essentially.

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Speaker 3: Almost two decades. Think about getting married eighteen nineteen, but

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Speaker 3: now you're getting married.

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Speaker 2: Threety five compared to our grandparents parents.

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Speaker 3: Getting married in twenty one, twenty two. Now that people

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Speaker 3: getting married having kids in their forties.

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Speaker 2: Now, also to the family members who we relied on,

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Speaker 2: being the cooks, the chief cooks, and bottle washers literally,

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Speaker 2: those generations of people are now older. They're like they're

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Speaker 2: the elders, you know, some are passing away, like we

401
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Speaker 2: are now the ones who I think essentially have to

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Speaker 2: grasp the torch for what's next.

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Speaker 3: Let me ask you a question, what is going to

404
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Speaker 3: happen to humanity if we continue to put community and

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Speaker 3: love and family values on the back burner for things

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Speaker 3: that like matter more like social economics, Like you know

407
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Speaker 3: what I'm saying that, Like it seems like, yeah, the

408
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,199
Speaker 3: world is shifting to a different place where everyone's so

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Speaker 3: everyone is about capitalism.

410
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Speaker 2: Capitalism or also self very closed off. I think those

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Speaker 2: couple of years that we were dealing with the pandemic

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Speaker 2: as well too, just socially, some people haven't recovered from that.

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Speaker 2: You know, even there's a generation, even the generation behind us.

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Speaker 2: I look at how they communicate, How they can barely

415
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Speaker 2: have a conversation with you without looking down or looking away.

416
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Speaker 2: They can't even look you in the eye to have

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Speaker 2: a conversation. Or you get them together and everyone's on

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Speaker 2: their phones. You know. I look at the generation below us,

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Speaker 2: so like some of our god children who are like

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Speaker 2: in their late teens, early twenties, you know, because they're

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Speaker 2: growing up now too, and it's like, man, it's like

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Speaker 2: a struggle to just have struggle to have a conversation

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Speaker 2: with them. When they get together, they don't even really

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Speaker 2: converse and communicate. So I think a lot of those

425
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Speaker 2: things are still the residual effect that we're feeling from

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Speaker 2: having to deal with the pandemic.

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Speaker 3: You know, I just thought about this too, Like having

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Speaker 3: this conversation often makes me not this conversation, but having conversation,

429
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Speaker 3: but you often make me think about things that I

430
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Speaker 3: haven't thought about. When I was a kid, we had

431
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Speaker 3: a family reunion every other year. I think about who

432
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Speaker 3: was the patriarch in the Zimmerman Ellis family. Every other

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Speaker 3: year we would go to Pennsylvania, or we would go

434
00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:22,639
Speaker 3: to Orangeburg, South Carolina, and we would have a family reunion,

435
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,399
Speaker 3: and people from all over the country would come in.

436
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:26,960
Speaker 1: When's the last time you had a family reunion?

437
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:31,919
Speaker 2: Kh really to be honesty, grandma's funeral.

438
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,639
Speaker 3: That's the only only time families get.

439
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:37,159
Speaker 2: Together literally been that. And every time we get to

440
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:41,359
Speaker 2: these funerals, unfortunate events, it's oh, man, we really have

441
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:44,000
Speaker 2: to meet under these circumstances. Really got to do better.

442
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,280
Speaker 2: And then life be life in and people go back

443
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:48,480
Speaker 2: to their their their sides of the ring, and it

444
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:49,600
Speaker 2: doesn't essentially happen.

445
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:50,200
Speaker 3: I got my moment.

446
00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 2: We have to be super deliberate about that if it's

447
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:54,080
Speaker 2: something that we want to continue.

448
00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 3: I got my moment of truth, and this is this

449
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:59,719
Speaker 3: is just for the world, not just for us, like

450
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,240
Speaker 3: us too, but for the world. Like I'm really starting

451
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:07,400
Speaker 3: to see how older people, I guess, Dank, I'm forty nine,

452
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,720
Speaker 3: so I feel old. How older people when I was

453
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:11,919
Speaker 3: younger used to used to speak and I'll be like,

454
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:13,920
Speaker 3: and this old man just be talking and talking, and like,

455
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:15,959
Speaker 3: don't nobody think like that no more. But now I

456
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 3: understand them. No, I understand why it's so important and

457
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:23,240
Speaker 3: why it was important for them to have a relationship

458
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 3: or a bridge with the younger generation. And now that

459
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,119
Speaker 3: I'm a part of that older generation, I see the

460
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:30,240
Speaker 3: importance of having that bridge. But it doesn't see that

461
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:33,879
Speaker 3: younger It doesn't seem as if the younger generation is

462
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:36,200
Speaker 3: interested in having that bridge with us.

463
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:39,080
Speaker 2: You're absolutely right, you know. When my grandmother passed away,

464
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,840
Speaker 2: even prior to that, one of my aunts on my

465
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:44,159
Speaker 2: mom's side, she's just like you know, guys, we have

466
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:46,960
Speaker 2: to Like she's trying to encourage in the family group chat.

467
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,320
Speaker 2: There's a family group chat that's like intergenerational, right, so

468
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:52,439
Speaker 2: it's my mom generation, my generation then like the younger folks.

469
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,320
Speaker 2: And she was just like, you know, we have to

470
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:56,920
Speaker 2: be deliberate about planning some sort of family get together.

471
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,119
Speaker 2: Were you then once a year, like can we please

472
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:01,320
Speaker 2: just like put a day on the calendar? And everyone

473
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:04,280
Speaker 2: tried to get together in one space, but I think

474
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:07,720
Speaker 2: they're seeing the detriment of the glue, right, essentially, the

475
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:11,040
Speaker 2: glue of those families now who are passing on. It's

476
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:13,040
Speaker 2: like who's going to be the next person? And we

477
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,320
Speaker 2: are in that space now where I'm like, okay, I

478
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:17,480
Speaker 2: don't mind helping to spearhead a reunion. But then it's

479
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,879
Speaker 2: like pulling teeth trying to get the rest of the

480
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:22,119
Speaker 2: family on board. You know, you put stuff in the

481
00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:24,320
Speaker 2: group chat, Hey, y'all this chat, and then people just

482
00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:27,560
Speaker 2: don't want to chat back, you know. But it's like

483
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,040
Speaker 2: how long do you want to put up with that struggle?

484
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:31,080
Speaker 2: And that's why Deval and I make an effort to

485
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,800
Speaker 2: just say, you know what, whoever we're in contact with regularly. Hey,

486
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,720
Speaker 2: it's people who are close by, you know, come on over.

487
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,760
Speaker 2: You know, our kids' friends, come on over. We have

488
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 2: an open door policy in a sense for that which

489
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:43,959
Speaker 2: makes things. You know, it feels good. It feels good

490
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:44,640
Speaker 2: when we get together.

491
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:48,080
Speaker 3: And something else though, that we didn't even consider. Right,

492
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,280
Speaker 3: we haven't had a family reunion in my family in years.

493
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:53,119
Speaker 3: But you know what my father, who's the patriarch of

494
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:55,600
Speaker 3: our family, does, he plans a trip to go away.

495
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 3: You know what has changed for Black Americans and Black

496
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:02,199
Speaker 3: Caribbeans our ability to do things other than just go

497
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:05,160
Speaker 3: back in the backyard and barbecue. Back in the day,

498
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:07,879
Speaker 3: that used to be the only escape. But now we

499
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:09,879
Speaker 3: all get together and we travel out of the country.

500
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:11,560
Speaker 3: Think about it.

501
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:12,359
Speaker 1: Think about it.

502
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:15,719
Speaker 3: The amount of people who travel now in this country,

503
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:19,120
Speaker 3: Black Americans and Black Caribbeans has increased. It has increased.

504
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:22,359
Speaker 3: I forgot where I watched it, but more Black people

505
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:25,879
Speaker 3: now during the summertime are taking their children out of

506
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:28,680
Speaker 3: the country than they ever did years prior. And when

507
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:31,359
Speaker 3: I think about my parents, they took us out of

508
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,720
Speaker 3: the country maybe once a year, but we went to

509
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,560
Speaker 3: Canada and we went somewhere close because both My parents worked,

510
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:38,320
Speaker 3: so there was never a time where they could get

511
00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:40,760
Speaker 3: five or six days off to go anywhere too per far,

512
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:43,159
Speaker 3: but we would go to the Poconos, which is not

513
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:44,960
Speaker 3: out of the country, but that was how we traveled.

514
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:49,439
Speaker 3: As generations of kids learn more things and aspire to

515
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,919
Speaker 3: do more things, our idea of how we want to

516
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:53,360
Speaker 3: spend our time has changed.

517
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:55,399
Speaker 2: That's actually a pretty good one. I didn't think of that.

518
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 2: So that means that it's not just reduced to barbecue cookout,

519
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:02,560
Speaker 2: we get together. It's just like, let's get together and travel.

520
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:05,439
Speaker 2: There are travel pages on Instagram that are dedicated to

521
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:07,600
Speaker 2: black travel, you know what I mean. And I think

522
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,119
Speaker 2: that's great. Like a couple people who I know recently

523
00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 2: I spoke to were just like, yo, I don't even

524
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 2: have a passport, and I'm just like, it's unfathomable for me.

525
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:16,720
Speaker 2: Like in twenty twenty four, you're an adult and you

526
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:19,800
Speaker 2: don't have a passport. I'm like, yo, get that passport

527
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,359
Speaker 2: and do things and get together playing. There's like even

528
00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:25,679
Speaker 2: group clubs that are travel clubs where it's like someone

529
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,320
Speaker 2: is spearheading the trip. So that's a really good point.

530
00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:30,159
Speaker 2: Like it doesn't cool to be the cookout, cook me

531
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:31,240
Speaker 2: out on a beat somewhere.

532
00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:31,920
Speaker 1: I just changed.

533
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:34,879
Speaker 3: I just changed my moment of thought, moment of truth.

534
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:37,959
Speaker 3: I just changed it because I had a moment of truth.

535
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:41,560
Speaker 1: And then through speaking the old moment of truth, the

536
00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:42,360
Speaker 1: old moment of.

537
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:46,199
Speaker 3: Truth is that the first thing was that family values

538
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 3: are being lost.

539
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:49,320
Speaker 1: That was my first moment of truth.

540
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:52,159
Speaker 3: And I feel like it was going to be cyclical, right, Like,

541
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 3: for example, and we watch over time quote unquote, the

542
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:59,640
Speaker 3: feminist movement was huge. And then while when the feminist

543
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:01,680
Speaker 3: movement was huge, like in the seventies and it became

544
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:04,440
Speaker 3: really really big, it seemed like in the eighties, the

545
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:07,280
Speaker 3: eighties and early nineties it kind of went back to

546
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:09,560
Speaker 3: like those moms that we aspired to be, like like

547
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:12,520
Speaker 3: the fresh Prince of bel Airs mom Aunt viv Or

548
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,440
Speaker 3: Claire Huxtable. Right, But then we go to the two

549
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:18,280
Speaker 3: thousands and it was I'm a boss bitch, you know,

550
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,680
Speaker 3: I don't need no man. But now we're going through

551
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 3: what the soft girl era where girls are like, no,

552
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:25,679
Speaker 3: I'm tired of being a soft bitch who.

553
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:27,600
Speaker 2: Fought for the who fought for the right to work

554
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:28,480
Speaker 2: because we didn't want.

555
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:31,919
Speaker 3: To right, like the change is now happening, and I

556
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:34,480
Speaker 3: feel like this is going to be just as cyclical

557
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:36,639
Speaker 3: where it was like, Okay, we were doing barbecues for

558
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 3: a while, we're doing barbecues for whiles, like let's do

559
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:41,120
Speaker 3: something else, what's new. And now we're traveling more, we're

560
00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:43,040
Speaker 3: doing different things, and I think it's going to come

561
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:45,400
Speaker 3: a point where it'll be like, yo, let's go back.

562
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,159
Speaker 1: To doing what brought us all together.

563
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:50,919
Speaker 3: So my initial moment of truth was that family values

564
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:52,520
Speaker 3: are being lost and we should all try to get

565
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:54,639
Speaker 3: back there so that we can, you know, rain our

566
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:55,439
Speaker 3: kids back in.

567
00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:57,480
Speaker 1: That was my initial, but I changed it now, so

568
00:26:57,480 --> 00:26:58,399
Speaker 1: I got some different.

569
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:01,880
Speaker 2: You got some different some different heats us. So that's

570
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:03,399
Speaker 2: funny because one of the questions that I was going

571
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:07,040
Speaker 2: to talk about too is how people stay connected outside

572
00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:11,359
Speaker 2: of or beyond just hosting lookouts, And that's probably one

573
00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 2: of the ways that people do it as well any

574
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:16,879
Speaker 2: other different traditions that we're practicing. I'm trying to think like,

575
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:18,720
Speaker 2: even with our boys, I don't travel, is a big

576
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:22,919
Speaker 2: thing for us to you know, and still just making

577
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:25,280
Speaker 2: an effort to get together I think is still super

578
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,280
Speaker 2: important at least enter generationally.

579
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:31,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, I do also notice this parties I don't see

580
00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:34,480
Speaker 3: as many block but that's also because community is lost.

581
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:37,879
Speaker 3: You know, there's there's people who live places for years

582
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:40,119
Speaker 3: and don't know their neighbors. When I was growing up,

583
00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:43,160
Speaker 3: I knew everybody on my block, every around the corners,

584
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:45,679
Speaker 3: if it wasn't walking distance, I knew who lived in

585
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:47,600
Speaker 3: that house, and I knew which kids lived there, and

586
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:49,320
Speaker 3: I could ring the doorbell and ask if they can

587
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:49,880
Speaker 3: come outside.

588
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:51,880
Speaker 2: And we looked forward. I mean every year we looked

589
00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:53,680
Speaker 2: forward to the Black Party. We lived directly across the

590
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 2: street from our block association leaders, so that's how we

591
00:27:56,320 --> 00:27:59,280
Speaker 2: actually had block associations back then. And you know there

592
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:01,359
Speaker 2: were people who had little committee that got together and

593
00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:03,359
Speaker 2: they had their monthly meetings about what we wanted the

594
00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:06,320
Speaker 2: block to look like and feel like. In the camaraderie events.

595
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:09,439
Speaker 2: I remember Missus Brown. She looked aross the street from us,

596
00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:11,920
Speaker 2: and she would host like Halloween parties and that was

597
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:13,639
Speaker 2: ways for us to get together as kids.

598
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:15,400
Speaker 1: Well, look at that. People don't even trick a treat

599
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:16,040
Speaker 1: like they used to.

600
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,080
Speaker 2: I mean, because it's scariest fuck. Now you can't even

601
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 2: do anything. You can't even have a block party in

602
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:23,080
Speaker 2: Knarcia or whatever because you're worried about like gang violence

603
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:25,480
Speaker 2: or people driving behind And it was non But it.

604
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 1: Was the same thing in Bedsty.

605
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 3: It was the same thing in Crown Heights and in

606
00:28:28,119 --> 00:28:30,520
Speaker 3: Flatbush in the nineties and people still went outside.

607
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:33,800
Speaker 2: That is true. Like the fact that has changed as

608
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:35,240
Speaker 2: old as you get older.

609
00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:37,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I think that as you get older

610
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:40,080
Speaker 3: and you see life happen, it changes your perspective. But

611
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:43,200
Speaker 3: I personally don't think life is any more dangerous now

612
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:45,520
Speaker 3: than it was back then. My grandmother used to tell

613
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:47,640
Speaker 3: me this all the time, right, and shout out to

614
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 3: my Nanna because she was the most honest person I knew,

615
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:52,400
Speaker 3: and that she went through Alzheimer's, she started to be

616
00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:54,560
Speaker 3: more honest, and she used to say to us. She

617
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:56,600
Speaker 3: used to say to me and my father and my

618
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 3: brother that we just complained about everything.

619
00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:00,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, complained about everthing. 'all worried about? Shall worry about that?

620
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 3: She's like, when I was growing up, we had to

621
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:05,600
Speaker 3: actually be worried about not getting home because someone could

622
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:08,320
Speaker 3: be lynched. If there were a group of kids outside

623
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:11,360
Speaker 3: and they were all black. Living in the Confederate South,

624
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:13,840
Speaker 3: they had to be concerned about one of them kids

625
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:16,080
Speaker 3: being grabbed and if that child was grabbed, there was

626
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:18,240
Speaker 3: nothing you can do about it. That was a real

627
00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:22,240
Speaker 3: fear that that that they and they watched people be

628
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:24,840
Speaker 3: lynched and they were going through things, and they're like,

629
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:28,320
Speaker 3: now you're complaining about what, And when I think about it,

630
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 3: it's like, you know what, we don't have to deal

631
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 3: with those issues. We never lived through a World war,

632
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 3: we never lived through the Great Depression, Like these are

633
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:38,520
Speaker 3: things that my grandmother actually lived through. So she looks

634
00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 3: at us and be like, y'all are complaining about what,

635
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:42,520
Speaker 3: And when I think about.

636
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:47,160
Speaker 2: It, like you complaining about what you got video games,

637
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:48,840
Speaker 2: all the things that you need.

638
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 3: We need to stop making excuses and actually just make

639
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:54,240
Speaker 3: things happen. If you want to make it happen, curate

640
00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:56,360
Speaker 3: the life that you want for your kids and your family.

641
00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:57,240
Speaker 3: That's all it's about.

642
00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:00,120
Speaker 2: To The question be who comes to the cookout? Who

643
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 2: gets invited to the cookout? Is it now based on

644
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:08,640
Speaker 2: who makes the best tata salad, who grows the mess meat.

645
00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:10,880
Speaker 3: Who don't disturb my piece? That's who comes to the

646
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 3: freaking cookout? Because I will order applia bowl from from

647
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:18,440
Speaker 3: Uber eats and be just fine on a Saturday.

648
00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:23,240
Speaker 2: You are absolutely right. We literally are just like, who

649
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:26,480
Speaker 2: can come here and just chill. We don't have to

650
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:31,120
Speaker 2: worry about hosting too much because we are so having

651
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:34,320
Speaker 2: to host and be on all the time. I don't

652
00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 2: feel like doing that at home.

653
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:37,520
Speaker 1: Is this This episode ends whateven.

654
00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 3: This episode airs in September, so we're getting to the

655
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:44,760
Speaker 3: end of summertime, that labor daytime. This is when people

656
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 3: start to have those barbecues because they know that the

657
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 3: weather is about.

658
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:49,120
Speaker 2: To change and they're wrapping up.

659
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:51,200
Speaker 3: So and then when I think about that and we

660
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:53,880
Speaker 3: think about who we're gonna invite over here, it's probably

661
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:55,080
Speaker 3: about a handful of people.

662
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:58,720
Speaker 2: That's a fact. That's a fact. That's if we invite people,

663
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:01,520
Speaker 2: because sometimes we were crowd in itself between us and

664
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:02,080
Speaker 2: our kids.

665
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:05,480
Speaker 3: No, if we go anywhere it's us and four little people,

666
00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 3: then we got to bring help. So it's two parents.

667
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:10,600
Speaker 3: So that's that right, there is what eight eight of people? Yeah,

668
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:14,480
Speaker 3: I feel uncomfortable going to people's house. It's with eight people. Sure,

669
00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:16,880
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, Like, I feel I'm We're

670
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:18,120
Speaker 3: a old party in the South.

671
00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:21,360
Speaker 2: That's a fact. Party over here, Party over here. All right, y'all,

672
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:23,320
Speaker 2: let's take a quick break and we're gonna move into

673
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:26,160
Speaker 2: my favorite portion of the show, listen letters, after we

674
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:37,560
Speaker 2: get into these ads, So stick around. All right, now

675
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:40,160
Speaker 2: we're back. Let's dive into these listener letters that we

676
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:43,560
Speaker 2: have for this episode. Hey, Ellis's I have a fiance

677
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:45,920
Speaker 2: that I adore and we have a daughter together, and

678
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:49,000
Speaker 2: I think he's an amazing person, but he's very unreliable.

679
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 2: I can't depend on him to be on time because

680
00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 2: he's always late by several hours. I can't depend on

681
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:58,440
Speaker 2: him financially because he's always in a bad situation quote unquote,

682
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:02,080
Speaker 2: So I'm mostly taking care of our daughter on my own.

683
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:04,120
Speaker 2: He claims that he just needs time to learn to

684
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 2: be more financially stable. He just started a full time

685
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:09,080
Speaker 2: job after four months of unemployment. But at this point,

686
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:13,840
Speaker 2: I'm starting to think it's arrested development. I know we

687
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:16,960
Speaker 2: all need transition time, but this is ridiculous. PS. He's

688
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:21,480
Speaker 2: thirty eight with four exclamation points. I'm thirty four. We

689
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:24,200
Speaker 2: share one child, but there are a total of six

690
00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:27,280
Speaker 2: children all together from previous relationships. So ya got a

691
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:30,440
Speaker 2: gang like this overall, I need a partner, and to me,

692
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:38,360
Speaker 2: he's more of a dependent. Let me know your thoughts. Yikes,

693
00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:41,920
Speaker 2: arrested development. That was a group back in the day.

694
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:46,000
Speaker 3: Right, Yes, yes, that's what you got reading that.

695
00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:48,640
Speaker 1: That's the only thing she got out of that arrested development.

696
00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:50,880
Speaker 2: Is it everyday people?

697
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:53,640
Speaker 1: Free day people?

698
00:32:54,280 --> 00:33:04,040
Speaker 3: Yes, I said that, that was my arrested development.

699
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:06,360
Speaker 2: That was a really good song, I remember, but I've

700
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:08,960
Speaker 2: never actually heard the term using a sentence really, so

701
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:10,520
Speaker 2: I'm just like, wow, arrested development.

702
00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 3: Let me help this young lady out. This is the

703
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,800
Speaker 3: biggest thing. Right, People don't understand this. We've said this,

704
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 3: We've done a whole podcast on this. Right, marriage is

705
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:23,880
Speaker 3: a business. The institution of marriage, when created by people

706
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:28,680
Speaker 3: by the state, was created for families to share assets

707
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:32,880
Speaker 3: and to properly create create a place where their assets

708
00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:35,560
Speaker 3: can be extended to their children. That's what people really

709
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:37,440
Speaker 3: need to understand, Like, why does a woman take a

710
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:39,960
Speaker 3: man's name? Why does this have to happen this? Why

711
00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:43,040
Speaker 3: are their laws generated around the institution of marriage that

712
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:46,520
Speaker 3: require taxes? And it's because it's a business. And if

713
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:50,720
Speaker 3: you try to separate that part of marriage and ignore it,

714
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:53,320
Speaker 3: because the business aspect is important, you will find yourself

715
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 3: in an unhappily in an unhappy marriage and can enter

716
00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 3: your doom.

717
00:33:57,320 --> 00:34:00,320
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, that's true. The number one reason why people

718
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:02,720
Speaker 2: have issues this financial stuff. So, as my mom said,

719
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:04,320
Speaker 2: love can't pay the bills.

720
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 1: And I'm not gonna you know, people talk about this

721
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:07,200
Speaker 1: all the time.

722
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:10,239
Speaker 3: When institutional marriage was created by God, yes it was,

723
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 3: but so it was bills. Bills was created by God,

724
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:14,959
Speaker 3: and those bills have to be paid by the people

725
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:17,920
Speaker 3: who are married together. So God didn't expect us to

726
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:20,320
Speaker 3: just get into a marriage and just ignore the fact

727
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:24,080
Speaker 3: that there are real life, true responsibilities. The fact that

728
00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:27,319
Speaker 3: they're engaged and not married yet means they need to

729
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:30,920
Speaker 3: utilize this time as fiances to figure out how to

730
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:33,440
Speaker 3: get into a better financial space so they can exist

731
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:36,920
Speaker 3: together and be life partners together, not life dependents.

732
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:39,319
Speaker 2: Like what's the plan? That's what I will ultimately like

733
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:41,319
Speaker 2: when I read this, I'm like, Okay, what is the plan?

734
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:44,279
Speaker 2: Are you guys having the discussion about what is the

735
00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:46,759
Speaker 2: week to week plan, what is the month to month plan,

736
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:48,799
Speaker 2: what is the year to year plan? What's five years

737
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 2: from now going to look like? Because she said he

738
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:53,040
Speaker 2: just started a full time job after four months of unemployment?

739
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:55,359
Speaker 2: Was it four months of unemployment after having another job

740
00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:57,880
Speaker 2: that he was dismissed from or left or whatever for

741
00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,759
Speaker 2: whatever reason? But is he holding down a job? Is

742
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:03,279
Speaker 2: it something that's lucrative? Is it something that's buildable? Does

743
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:06,000
Speaker 2: it have some kind of latitude? Will be able to

744
00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:09,480
Speaker 2: will he be able to move, you know, up in

745
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:11,640
Speaker 2: the company or the job, Like, those are things that

746
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:12,600
Speaker 2: need to be discussed.

747
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:14,520
Speaker 3: I hear all of that, kay, But this is what also,

748
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:17,520
Speaker 3: people need to start having this conversation. What do you

749
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:20,880
Speaker 3: require in life from your partner and what do you

750
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:24,480
Speaker 3: require from me? Those are conversations that people are not

751
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:27,920
Speaker 3: having when we hear these these stories. I'll have a fiance,

752
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:29,680
Speaker 3: but he not doing this, so she's not doing that.

753
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:31,799
Speaker 3: It's like, how did y'all get to the engagement part

754
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:35,560
Speaker 3: without having that conversation in the dating process that sounds

755
00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:38,280
Speaker 3: like this and it may be a little bit upfront,

756
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 3: but this is the truth.

757
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:43,480
Speaker 1: Hey, I'm deval, I'm looking to date deliberately.

758
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:45,520
Speaker 3: I feel like in the next couple of years I

759
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:48,839
Speaker 3: would like to start a family, possibly a family of four.

760
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:52,000
Speaker 3: The sex of the children doesn't matter, but possibly a

761
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:54,600
Speaker 3: family of four. This is my credit score. This is

762
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:57,880
Speaker 3: how much money I earn. What's your credit score? What

763
00:35:57,920 --> 00:35:59,840
Speaker 3: does your life look like as an earner and a

764
00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 3: mo If you want to have children? I like to

765
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:05,400
Speaker 3: have sex? This many times a week? How many times

766
00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:07,040
Speaker 3: a week do you like to have sex? Do you like?

767
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:10,319
Speaker 3: These are now? Four? Yes?

768
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:10,800
Speaker 1: Okay?

769
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:13,080
Speaker 3: Because I would want to put it all on the

770
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:15,720
Speaker 3: table and let it be like, this is what I need,

771
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:18,319
Speaker 3: this is what I require. Please let me know what

772
00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:20,040
Speaker 3: you need and what you require so that we can

773
00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:22,640
Speaker 3: sit down and say, hey, we our life works and

774
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:25,120
Speaker 3: synergies where we can build something together.

775
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:28,839
Speaker 2: We're looking for similar things. I'm looking for someone who

776
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:31,680
Speaker 2: can help facilitate these things. And yeah, I want to

777
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:34,720
Speaker 2: be that willing participant to help you facilitate those things

778
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:35,200
Speaker 2: in life.

779
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:37,839
Speaker 3: And on top of that, I'm attracted to you. You

780
00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:40,080
Speaker 3: attracted to me. Let's fuck while we do this. That's

781
00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:43,880
Speaker 3: what relationships are, right, what we did. We're business partners

782
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:47,160
Speaker 3: that are creating a union together and creating a lifestyle

783
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:49,000
Speaker 3: that we can live office together, and we're going to

784
00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 3: enjoy each other's company and bodies together. Because that's the

785
00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:56,120
Speaker 3: safest way for us to explore our sexual exploits and

786
00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:58,520
Speaker 3: build together by doing it just us too.

787
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:00,000
Speaker 1: That's what dating should be.

788
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:02,040
Speaker 2: That's not everybody happy.

789
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:04,360
Speaker 3: And it would be that way if more people approached

790
00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:06,399
Speaker 3: it that way, But people don't approach.

791
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:09,840
Speaker 2: It that way because mirrors facades and what can I

792
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:11,960
Speaker 2: get for myself right now in this moment.

793
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:14,120
Speaker 3: And they're afraid to say, well, if I come across

794
00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:16,520
Speaker 3: like that, then that person may get afraid. Well, then

795
00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:19,279
Speaker 3: that's not that's not the person for you. Then, Like

796
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:21,360
Speaker 3: if you come across like that and that personality is

797
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 3: too much, and it's like, okay, well if you think

798
00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:25,239
Speaker 3: that's too much, you not the type of person that

799
00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:26,919
Speaker 3: I don't want to build a life with anyone less.

800
00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:29,160
Speaker 2: Yes, if I'm too much, go find less.

801
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 3: That's the truth.

802
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:31,879
Speaker 2: But yeah, that's that's a good point you made, because

803
00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:33,239
Speaker 2: it's like, how do we get here? How is he

804
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 2: a fiance when.

805
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:36,320
Speaker 1: He's doing all these things and they already have a child.

806
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:37,960
Speaker 2: And she didn't say how long they were together yet,

807
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:39,759
Speaker 2: but they do cheer one child together.

808
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:41,879
Speaker 3: And six totals, so they like fucking both of them,

809
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying. So it's clear that they're

810
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:47,480
Speaker 3: infatuated with each other, which is great. But since you

811
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:51,240
Speaker 3: are infatuated, let's sit down and carve out the adult

812
00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:52,440
Speaker 3: part of this.

813
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 2: You know, people just be out here doing shit. Y'll

814
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 2: just be doing stuff and not really like thinking about it,

815
00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:58,239
Speaker 2: like really thinking it through.

816
00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:00,839
Speaker 3: And the truth is, since we've been talking about generations,

817
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 3: who and our generations told us to do this, nobody

818
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 3: Because there was no man in my life who told

819
00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:09,560
Speaker 3: me how to approach this like this, and.

820
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 2: There's no woman in your life.

821
00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 3: So we can't even blame people for living like this

822
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:16,360
Speaker 3: because no one is telling you how to do it.

823
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:19,160
Speaker 2: Welcome today's podcast, y'all, where we're trying to give y'all.

824
00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:21,880
Speaker 2: We're trying to give y'all tea y'all game. You know

825
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:24,520
Speaker 2: what I'm saying. That's a fact, So good luck to you, says,

826
00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:26,759
Speaker 2: Go back and have these conversations to reassess if this

827
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:30,040
Speaker 2: really should be your husband fact or not. All right,

828
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:33,279
Speaker 2: all right, question number two, you want to read this one? Baby?

829
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:35,160
Speaker 3: I got you baby. Hello, Kadeen and Duval. I am

830
00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:37,600
Speaker 3: a Patreon supporter and came to your live podcast in

831
00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:40,080
Speaker 3: atl and have grown to love y'all, more and more

832
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:40,480
Speaker 3: each day.

833
00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:41,000
Speaker 1: Thank you, Patre.

834
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:46,000
Speaker 3: God has truly placed a heavy purpose on your lives,

835
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 3: and you all are walking in it daily and helping others.

836
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:51,440
Speaker 3: You didn't even know you were helping you for so much. Man,

837
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 3: My question is regarding keeping the spark in relationship, especially

838
00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:57,000
Speaker 3: when you've been together for a long time, but also

839
00:38:57,120 --> 00:38:59,279
Speaker 3: when health issues are involved. Me and my husband have

840
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:02,160
Speaker 3: been together for seventeen years, married ten and have three

841
00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:02,959
Speaker 3: wonderful kids.

842
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 1: God bless you guys.

843
00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:06,120
Speaker 3: For the past year, I have struggled with being happy

844
00:39:06,160 --> 00:39:08,840
Speaker 3: in the bedroom and sex in all aspects have changed

845
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:12,920
Speaker 3: for me. I'm not really into sex anymore or it's

846
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:15,840
Speaker 3: quick and don't get me wrong, I love a quickie

847
00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:18,719
Speaker 3: as long as it's good and we both get off well.

848
00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:21,920
Speaker 3: My husband can't maintain a strong heart on he has diabetes.

849
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 3: Who already know what this is? I could tell you

850
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:27,440
Speaker 3: what this is. We've been talking about. He has diabetes

851
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:30,359
Speaker 3: and is now struggling with ed I think, but he

852
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:32,719
Speaker 3: has not gone to the doctor to confirm what it

853
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:34,759
Speaker 3: is and always comes up with excuses on why he

854
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:38,399
Speaker 3: couldn't stay hard, even when using viagra. It has become

855
00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:40,799
Speaker 3: annoying and a turnoff to the point where us having

856
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:43,680
Speaker 3: sex every day has turned into once or twice a month.

857
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:46,480
Speaker 3: Maybe my question to Kadeen is, with Deval having a

858
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:49,279
Speaker 3: high sex drive from the beginning, how did you match that?

859
00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:52,120
Speaker 3: Was it something you learned and adapted as y'all grew

860
00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:54,560
Speaker 3: or did you have the same sex drive as him?

861
00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:58,239
Speaker 3: Deval and Kadeen, If there were ever any issues with

862
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:00,400
Speaker 3: sex in your marriage, how did y'all come to a

863
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:03,200
Speaker 3: conclusion or resolution together? I need help as I love

864
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:05,000
Speaker 3: my husband and I don't want this to be a

865
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:07,799
Speaker 3: big issue or in our marriage, but he has to.

866
00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:10,520
Speaker 3: Oh but he too has to want to make the

867
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:13,239
Speaker 3: right changes in effort to cure his ed. If that

868
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:15,960
Speaker 3: is indeed what it is your advice please?

869
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:20,200
Speaker 2: Oh well, anybody who's been listening knows that we've had

870
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:22,640
Speaker 2: our fear share when it gives to sex issues.

871
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:27,400
Speaker 3: But our issues with sex issues were never frequency and

872
00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:30,279
Speaker 3: they were never quality of sex. It was always how

873
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:32,600
Speaker 3: we get to sex and what the sex would look like.

874
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:35,760
Speaker 3: But I will say this though, about what she's talking

875
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:39,239
Speaker 3: about from a health standpoint. As men get older, right,

876
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:43,719
Speaker 3: and we continue throughout life eating shit, not working out,

877
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:44,960
Speaker 3: not taking.

878
00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:45,480
Speaker 1: Care of our bodies.

879
00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:46,520
Speaker 2: I know you're going to go there.

880
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:50,720
Speaker 3: You said he's diabetic. Diabetic diabetes affects your blood sugar.

881
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:53,319
Speaker 3: It also affects your blood flow. If you don't work

882
00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:55,960
Speaker 3: out and you have to take medication for your diabetes,

883
00:40:56,000 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 3: that medication can often affect your erections. The best way

884
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:03,919
Speaker 3: for him to cure the ED would be to exercise

885
00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 3: and to eat healthier. What helped me over the past year.

886
00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:10,200
Speaker 3: If you guys have been watching, my body has changed,

887
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:12,840
Speaker 3: my face has changed. I've lost weight, I've gained muscle.

888
00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:15,600
Speaker 3: I stop eating as much dairy, right, And when I

889
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:18,200
Speaker 3: say stop eating as much, I am not a vegan.

890
00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:20,680
Speaker 1: I never just stop things cold turkey.

891
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:24,480
Speaker 3: I changed my lifestyle, which means before when I used

892
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:26,760
Speaker 3: to eat bacon, egg and cheese every morning, or bacon

893
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:30,000
Speaker 3: eggs and grits, or bacon eggs and fringe toes. Now

894
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:33,440
Speaker 3: it's I'll have a fruit plate, a fruit platter, or

895
00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:37,280
Speaker 3: I'll having a sye bowl, which is no dairy. Dairy

896
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:40,400
Speaker 3: eliminates your body from inflammation. Inflammation causes your back to

897
00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:44,200
Speaker 3: hurt your needs joints. When you become inflamed, you can't

898
00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:46,400
Speaker 3: move and work out. So now you can't move and

899
00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:48,759
Speaker 3: work out. Over all of the years of inflammation, you

900
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:51,200
Speaker 3: just feel like I can't the workouts I used to do,

901
00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:53,799
Speaker 3: I can't do. So now you no longer pushing your

902
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:56,279
Speaker 3: body the way your body used to be pushed. When

903
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:58,080
Speaker 3: you don't push your body as a man, you know

904
00:41:58,120 --> 00:42:02,000
Speaker 3: what drops testosterone. That's why when people say why is

905
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:04,800
Speaker 3: niggat de vous still squatting and deadlifting and hang cleaning

906
00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:06,280
Speaker 3: like he's in the NFL.

907
00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:08,720
Speaker 2: And hanging on to me like That's exactly.

908
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:12,240
Speaker 3: Why, because I understand as a man, her sexual peak

909
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:15,840
Speaker 3: hasn't gotten here yet. I want to be prepared that

910
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:18,800
Speaker 3: when you see what you see eye, I want to

911
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:21,279
Speaker 3: be prepared for when that happens. Because I put a

912
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:23,360
Speaker 3: lot of pressure on my wife to be there for

913
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:26,440
Speaker 3: what I needed from our twenties to thirties. It's only

914
00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:29,160
Speaker 3: fair for me as a man to prepare my body

915
00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:31,560
Speaker 3: that I can maintain this when.

916
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:32,839
Speaker 1: She's going through her sexual peak.

917
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:35,160
Speaker 3: So when she's tapping my shoulder in the middle of

918
00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:37,120
Speaker 3: the night, I don't want to have to be like damn,

919
00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:39,160
Speaker 3: like am I ain't work out in two weeks. I

920
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:42,200
Speaker 3: just had twelve oreos. I've been eating all these pork rods. No,

921
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:44,240
Speaker 3: I want to be like, Yeah, I had a syeball,

922
00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:46,719
Speaker 3: I have my ginger shots. Turn around as wood. He

923
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:48,759
Speaker 3: is ready for you, like, And to be honest, this

924
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:49,440
Speaker 3: is conversation.

925
00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:51,120
Speaker 2: Been welcome to the fourth floor.

926
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:54,400
Speaker 3: Yes, this is the conversation's men are not having with

927
00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:54,920
Speaker 3: each other.

928
00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:57,360
Speaker 2: And holding each other accountable too. Because you definitely have

929
00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:00,520
Speaker 2: a strong group of friends, you're all like, be like, bro,

930
00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:02,799
Speaker 2: you need to get it together. Yep, you need to

931
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:04,080
Speaker 2: get on this. And I've been doing the same thing

932
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:06,880
Speaker 2: with my girls. Like you know, we talked about in

933
00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:10,560
Speaker 2: previous podcasts how hormonally things were off for me for

934
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:13,680
Speaker 2: a long time. So to answer your question, having a

935
00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:16,200
Speaker 2: sex high drive for a high sex drive from deval,

936
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:18,880
Speaker 2: I was never able to match it. I feel like

937
00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:21,760
Speaker 2: I'm still technically not really able to match it either.

938
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 2: But having read my body of certain foods that I

939
00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:28,640
Speaker 2: know were inflammatory, having rid my body of any kind

940
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:31,839
Speaker 2: of birth control or hormonal you know, things that made

941
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:35,600
Speaker 2: things either escalate or de escalate drastically, that has definitely

942
00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:37,439
Speaker 2: been a good start for me to kind of get

943
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 2: back to the baseline of like where do I where

944
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:43,360
Speaker 2: am I hormonally how does it make me feel? And

945
00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:47,120
Speaker 2: I've been feeling great, so though I know sometimes we

946
00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:48,960
Speaker 2: have to meet at this kind of middle ground because

947
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:51,040
Speaker 2: Devo says, you know, shoot, I can have sex several

948
00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:54,840
Speaker 2: times a day and I would be satisfied. And I'm like, okay,

949
00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:56,920
Speaker 2: I'm good with like four times a week. You know

950
00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 2: what I'm saying. So someone's always having to like sacrifice

951
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:00,560
Speaker 2: a little bit.

952
00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:04,839
Speaker 3: But can we talk about though the differences Like this

953
00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:07,799
Speaker 3: may be a little bit explicit, but it's dead ass podcast. Right.

954
00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:10,839
Speaker 3: This is the mindset for me and Kadeen. Kadeen and

955
00:44:10,880 --> 00:44:13,280
Speaker 3: I haven't seen each other for a week. I'm filming.

956
00:44:13,320 --> 00:44:16,000
Speaker 3: She's some way doing something right. We get together, We

957
00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:19,360
Speaker 3: have sex. We going at it thirty minutes like athletes.

958
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:22,120
Speaker 3: We doing every position. We go on our bone to bang.

959
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:27,000
Speaker 3: We both climax, Oh, it's amazing. Kadeen's first thought process is, oh,

960
00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:29,400
Speaker 3: just climax. I'm so good. I'm good right.

961
00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:31,320
Speaker 1: My first thought process, I'm climax.

962
00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:34,840
Speaker 3: I want to experience that again, like again, right now.

963
00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:38,200
Speaker 3: And that's that's the difference in two people who have

964
00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:41,759
Speaker 3: been sexually pleased. But her body is built different than

965
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:44,799
Speaker 3: my body, and as you get older and you learn

966
00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:47,000
Speaker 3: to have empathy for other people and realize that the

967
00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:50,719
Speaker 3: world isn't just, you know, created around what you need

968
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:52,640
Speaker 3: and you desire. You start to understand like, you know

969
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:55,560
Speaker 3: what my partner needs this while I need that, And

970
00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:59,840
Speaker 3: we have those constant conversations even now. So the difference

971
00:44:59,880 --> 00:45:02,279
Speaker 3: is we don't complain about our sex life no more

972
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:05,960
Speaker 3: because we're able to. For example, like last week, I

973
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:07,520
Speaker 3: was in a little bit of a bad mood because

974
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:10,040
Speaker 3: then comes downstairs in gym and she goes, I get it.

975
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:12,799
Speaker 3: We didn't have sex two days because you left and

976
00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:15,080
Speaker 3: then you came back and then I fell asleep. I

977
00:45:15,120 --> 00:45:17,400
Speaker 3: got you tonight and I was like, no, it wasn't

978
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:19,239
Speaker 3: just about the sex, but I mean, like I also

979
00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 3: didn't get to see my wife, like we weren't intimate.

980
00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:23,959
Speaker 3: I didn't get to hug you up and squeeze them cheek.

981
00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:27,520
Speaker 3: You don't do well when I don't have intimacy in

982
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:29,520
Speaker 3: my life. And I don't know if this is a

983
00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:32,400
Speaker 3: lot of men, but this is me. If this woman

984
00:45:32,440 --> 00:45:35,080
Speaker 3: walks by me in a hall and she don't toop

985
00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:36,719
Speaker 3: that butt up for me to smack it, or she

986
00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:38,719
Speaker 3: don't rub by me, or she don't just come kiss me.

987
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:41,760
Speaker 1: I start to feel away. I just start to feel away.

988
00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:43,640
Speaker 3: And then once I start to feel away and a

989
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:46,319
Speaker 3: day goes by and she's not just hey, baby, how

990
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:48,280
Speaker 3: you doing Now, I'm in a bad.

991
00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:48,879
Speaker 2: Mood, bad mood.

992
00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:51,759
Speaker 3: And then even when we have sex, I'm still in

993
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:52,480
Speaker 3: a bad movie.

994
00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:56,840
Speaker 2: Like you just nodded, we recover from this. I'm like

995
00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 2: I thought I knew what it was. But it's also

996
00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:01,600
Speaker 2: like being so in sync with each other now that

997
00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:03,879
Speaker 2: we just know, like we know what those triggers are,

998
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:05,520
Speaker 2: we know what those moments are, and I can decide

999
00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:07,680
Speaker 2: for when Diva, I was just like you know, in

1000
00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:09,680
Speaker 2: a bad move because like something may have happened, or

1001
00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:11,960
Speaker 2: just like work or anxiety or like all the things

1002
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:14,600
Speaker 2: of life happening in his brain. Or it's just like, oh,

1003
00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:16,480
Speaker 2: he just misses me and he's trying to pick a fight.

1004
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 1: But also I don't let you, but no, you don't

1005
00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:19,879
Speaker 1: let me pick the fight so much.

1006
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:24,640
Speaker 3: But also she also doesn't run from It's gonna sound crazy,

1007
00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:27,279
Speaker 3: but she also doesn't run from what her responsibilities are

1008
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:29,120
Speaker 3: as my wife, the same way I don't run from

1009
00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:32,880
Speaker 3: my responsibilities. Last night, we're preparing. You know, we're preparing

1010
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:34,680
Speaker 3: the film and I have a thousand things going on.

1011
00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:37,080
Speaker 3: She sees that I'm more in cloud nine. I haven't

1012
00:46:37,120 --> 00:46:37,640
Speaker 3: been smoking.

1013
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:39,719
Speaker 2: It wasn't really cloud and I you weren't like in

1014
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:40,319
Speaker 2: a good place.

1015
00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:42,719
Speaker 3: I wasn't. Yeah, I wasn't in a good place at all.

1016
00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:45,400
Speaker 3: But I haven't been smoking either, and I've been traveling

1017
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:47,000
Speaker 3: a lot, so she knows. And she was just like,

1018
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:49,279
Speaker 3: she comes over to me, she rubs my lap, she

1019
00:46:49,320 --> 00:46:50,640
Speaker 3: looks at me. She said, you need me to take

1020
00:46:50,680 --> 00:46:53,960
Speaker 3: care of something. And I was just like, I was like, nah,

1021
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:56,399
Speaker 3: I got everything because I'm not even focused on what

1022
00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:58,560
Speaker 3: she's saying. I'm reading my scripts and she's like, hey, hey,

1023
00:46:59,320 --> 00:47:01,240
Speaker 3: let me handle that no real quick. When we slobed

1024
00:47:01,239 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 3: and I started laughing at her, and she's just and

1025
00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:04,880
Speaker 3: I'm just like, yes, though I need it.

1026
00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 2: But actually when it clicked.

1027
00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:08,399
Speaker 3: But what I was trying to say, but seriously, when

1028
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:10,960
Speaker 3: people ask like, how do you guys keep the fire?

1029
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:15,279
Speaker 3: We keep the fire by knowing my partner, looking at her,

1030
00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:17,760
Speaker 3: her looking at me, and saying my partner needs something,

1031
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:20,080
Speaker 3: like what's going on. We don't ignore the fact that

1032
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 3: my partner is here. And sometimes that moment isn't well,

1033
00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:25,799
Speaker 3: we're gonna do it later with no It's like baby

1034
00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 3: coming here real quick, let me take care of It's

1035
00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:28,640
Speaker 3: real for you because I see you. You know what I'm

1036
00:47:28,640 --> 00:47:32,839
Speaker 3: saying like this, It's those impromptu times where we take

1037
00:47:32,880 --> 00:47:33,800
Speaker 3: care of each other. You know.

1038
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:38,000
Speaker 2: What I've also been deliberate about now, too, is maintaining

1039
00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:39,640
Speaker 2: and creating a safe space for you to say how

1040
00:47:39,680 --> 00:47:41,879
Speaker 2: you feel. And I want to encourage this young lady

1041
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:43,600
Speaker 2: to do that with her husband as well too, because

1042
00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:45,799
Speaker 2: something like ed I can imagine. I'm not a man,

1043
00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:48,399
Speaker 2: but I can imagine it's something that is sensitive, could

1044
00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:49,400
Speaker 2: be a sensitive topic.

1045
00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:51,600
Speaker 1: Sensitive, but sensitive? Did you say sensitive?

1046
00:47:52,480 --> 00:47:54,399
Speaker 3: I don't even think there's a word that you can

1047
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:56,399
Speaker 3: use to describe what men go.

1048
00:47:56,480 --> 00:47:58,759
Speaker 2: To them embarrassing. You know, it's not something that you

1049
00:47:58,800 --> 00:47:59,520
Speaker 2: would be proud of.

1050
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:05,000
Speaker 3: That's or it almost like I would say, I would

1051
00:48:05,040 --> 00:48:08,719
Speaker 3: equate it to a woman's ability to have children. If

1052
00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:10,560
Speaker 3: someone takes that away from you, now you can no

1053
00:48:10,600 --> 00:48:12,040
Speaker 3: longer have true you know how you feel like, damn,

1054
00:48:12,080 --> 00:48:14,560
Speaker 3: what is my purpose? Or feels I feel less than

1055
00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:17,560
Speaker 3: for a man, it's like to have an erection to

1056
00:48:17,560 --> 00:48:19,839
Speaker 3: be able to impregnate a woman is part of what

1057
00:48:19,960 --> 00:48:22,080
Speaker 3: makes you a man, and when that part of your

1058
00:48:22,120 --> 00:48:26,040
Speaker 3: body doesn't work, especially with everything in the world telling you,

1059
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:29,000
Speaker 3: you know, your manhood is predicated on how many women

1060
00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:29,560
Speaker 3: you can do.

1061
00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:32,120
Speaker 1: And how big you are and how long you last.

1062
00:48:32,719 --> 00:48:35,520
Speaker 3: If you can't get an erection, and even when you do,

1063
00:48:35,640 --> 00:48:39,160
Speaker 3: you can't get a full erection, and it's I won't

1064
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:42,279
Speaker 3: even say embarrassing, it's like life threaten and you feel

1065
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:45,080
Speaker 3: like I am not myself. That's why there's no word

1066
00:48:45,120 --> 00:48:45,879
Speaker 3: that I can say.

1067
00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:48,480
Speaker 2: They've been together seventeen years, married ten three children, so

1068
00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:50,120
Speaker 2: it's like they're people who used.

1069
00:48:50,040 --> 00:48:52,120
Speaker 3: To get they.

1070
00:48:51,400 --> 00:48:53,239
Speaker 2: Used to get it in. So it could be also

1071
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:55,320
Speaker 2: that he's in denial about the whole diabetes thing like that.

1072
00:48:55,520 --> 00:48:57,320
Speaker 2: I feel like getting to the root of the problem

1073
00:48:57,600 --> 00:48:59,680
Speaker 2: would definitely help you guys outside. I would encourage you

1074
00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:01,759
Speaker 2: sis to, you know, create a safe space to have

1075
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:05,080
Speaker 2: that gentle conversation with him because it is a sensitive topic.

1076
00:49:05,160 --> 00:49:10,120
Speaker 3: Also, blood pressure medication. Most blood pressure medications affect men

1077
00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:12,399
Speaker 3: down there. That's why a lot of black men don't

1078
00:49:12,480 --> 00:49:14,000
Speaker 3: like to go to the doctor and they don't like

1079
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:16,400
Speaker 3: to be on that medication. I lost one of my

1080
00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:20,080
Speaker 3: uncles that way, right, his high blood pressure, high blood pressure,

1081
00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:22,080
Speaker 3: didn't want to take his medication because he wasn't able

1082
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:23,279
Speaker 3: to do the things he wanted to do with His

1083
00:49:23,320 --> 00:49:26,080
Speaker 3: wife went to sleep one night and died, and when

1084
00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:27,960
Speaker 3: she woke up, she was so mad. She said, I

1085
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:30,279
Speaker 3: can't believe you left me. You left me because you

1086
00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:33,040
Speaker 3: wouldn't He went and went in that cabinet and saw

1087
00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:35,239
Speaker 3: all those pills in that bottom and say he wasn't

1088
00:49:35,239 --> 00:49:38,560
Speaker 3: taking his medication. And it's a scary thing for men.

1089
00:49:38,640 --> 00:49:40,920
Speaker 3: There's something that we have to learn how to be

1090
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:43,000
Speaker 3: proactive and not reacting, and it's something that.

1091
00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:45,200
Speaker 2: Could be so basic. Like even my dad has high

1092
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:48,040
Speaker 2: blood pressure and he takes medication for it. And he

1093
00:49:48,120 --> 00:49:49,600
Speaker 2: got in some blood work back that show that he

1094
00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:52,000
Speaker 2: needed to drink more water. He was dehydrated and he's

1095
00:49:52,040 --> 00:49:53,920
Speaker 2: been drinking a gallon of water a day. The boys

1096
00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:55,680
Speaker 2: have literally been on him. We got him a jug.

1097
00:49:55,760 --> 00:49:56,920
Speaker 2: They wrote Papa on it.

1098
00:49:57,040 --> 00:49:57,239
Speaker 3: Yep.

1099
00:49:57,280 --> 00:49:59,000
Speaker 2: And let me tell you the in his tail about

1100
00:49:59,080 --> 00:50:01,760
Speaker 2: drinking his water. Didn't drink your water, hopper. Three o'clock,

1101
00:50:01,800 --> 00:50:03,320
Speaker 2: it's just three o'clock, and it's five o'clock. And you

1102
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:06,040
Speaker 2: didn't drink your water, but he was. He was on it,

1103
00:50:06,160 --> 00:50:09,040
Speaker 2: drinking the water daily. And he was like, you believe

1104
00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:10,759
Speaker 2: I checked my blood pressure the past three days and

1105
00:50:10,760 --> 00:50:11,520
Speaker 2: I didn't have to take.

1106
00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:12,919
Speaker 1: My medication, not one time.

1107
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:14,800
Speaker 3: And he's seventy.

1108
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:16,960
Speaker 2: That is seventy one, seventy one. And he looked, he

1109
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:18,759
Speaker 2: was so surprised, and I was like, see something as

1110
00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:21,919
Speaker 2: simple as taking care of yourself and drinking water water.

1111
00:50:22,080 --> 00:50:25,400
Speaker 3: He started walking twenty minutes on the treadmill, right, he

1112
00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:27,640
Speaker 3: started changing, you know, his diet and the things that

1113
00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:28,200
Speaker 3: he was eating.

1114
00:50:28,239 --> 00:50:30,719
Speaker 1: And this is what we are employing for a lot

1115
00:50:30,719 --> 00:50:31,000
Speaker 1: of men.

1116
00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:33,239
Speaker 3: This is this is one thing my ministry is going

1117
00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:35,160
Speaker 3: to be for the rest of my life, is that

1118
00:50:35,280 --> 00:50:37,160
Speaker 3: all of the things that we were told about our

1119
00:50:37,160 --> 00:50:39,440
Speaker 3: health and then being hereditary is not true.

1120
00:50:39,960 --> 00:50:40,719
Speaker 1: It's cultural.

1121
00:50:41,239 --> 00:50:45,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, Black people are more predisposed to certain things because

1122
00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:46,879
Speaker 3: in our culture we eat certain things.

1123
00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:47,400
Speaker 2: The cookout.

1124
00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:51,400
Speaker 3: What we were just talking about, the cookout soul food.

1125
00:50:51,600 --> 00:50:54,040
Speaker 3: The Boondocks did a parody are on soul Food and

1126
00:50:54,160 --> 00:50:57,160
Speaker 3: said that man, you watch soul food. Man, Big Mama

1127
00:50:57,200 --> 00:50:59,560
Speaker 3: died from the same thing that we keep eating. And

1128
00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:01,839
Speaker 3: an app she died they made a dinner and they

1129
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:04,759
Speaker 3: ate the same things that killed Big Mama, which was

1130
00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:08,359
Speaker 3: so true though like she died of diabetes, she died

1131
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:11,440
Speaker 3: from complications of diabetes from eating all of this super

1132
00:51:11,560 --> 00:51:15,480
Speaker 3: enriched sugar and salty food. And for people who understand history,

1133
00:51:15,760 --> 00:51:18,160
Speaker 3: the reason why our food has always been enriched with

1134
00:51:18,200 --> 00:51:21,320
Speaker 3: sugars and salt is because the enslaved people were always

1135
00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:24,440
Speaker 3: giving scraps. And when you're giving scraps, in order to

1136
00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:27,400
Speaker 3: be able to get through it things to it, you

1137
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:30,160
Speaker 3: add sugar. My parents are from the South. We used

1138
00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:36,760
Speaker 3: to make a sauce called mopping. Mopping was ketchup, mustard, garlic, powder,

1139
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:42,040
Speaker 3: onion powder, salt, pepper, sugar, and vinegar and they would

1140
00:51:42,080 --> 00:51:43,040
Speaker 3: put mopping.

1141
00:51:42,960 --> 00:51:46,040
Speaker 1: On ris and they would dip it in chitlings.

1142
00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:48,040
Speaker 2: I remember the first time I think it was on

1143
00:51:48,440 --> 00:51:49,120
Speaker 2: your father gave it.

1144
00:51:49,160 --> 00:51:51,680
Speaker 3: But then when you look at just ketchup alone, three

1145
00:51:51,719 --> 00:51:55,560
Speaker 3: tablespools of ketchup is more sugar than a crispy cream donut.

1146
00:51:56,320 --> 00:51:58,520
Speaker 3: So now you have a half a gallon of ketchup

1147
00:51:58,600 --> 00:52:01,239
Speaker 3: mixed with mustard, and you put more sugar in that,

1148
00:52:01,680 --> 00:52:04,520
Speaker 3: and that's what we use to baste all of our

1149
00:52:04,560 --> 00:52:07,600
Speaker 3: meats in Yeah, and now we ingest that for from

1150
00:52:07,680 --> 00:52:11,839
Speaker 3: the time where young kids twenties, thirties, Yeah, you're gonna

1151
00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:13,640
Speaker 3: have diabetes, and.

1152
00:52:14,360 --> 00:52:17,439
Speaker 2: Now not working out either exactly and not working out,

1153
00:52:17,480 --> 00:52:20,239
Speaker 2: just pricing the fact that we're not taking care of ourselves.

1154
00:52:19,920 --> 00:52:22,240
Speaker 3: Because the truth of the matter is the enslaved people

1155
00:52:22,280 --> 00:52:25,239
Speaker 3: could eat like that because they will be making in

1156
00:52:25,280 --> 00:52:27,759
Speaker 3: the field. Oh my god, so their bodies all they did,

1157
00:52:27,760 --> 00:52:28,359
Speaker 3: they burn that.

1158
00:52:28,360 --> 00:52:30,440
Speaker 2: That's why when you look back on that generation and

1159
00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:32,520
Speaker 2: people live until eighty ninety years, oh yeah, because they

1160
00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:33,040
Speaker 2: were working.

1161
00:52:33,080 --> 00:52:33,640
Speaker 3: They're working.

1162
00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:35,840
Speaker 2: They were working. So good luck to you, sis. I

1163
00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:37,600
Speaker 2: hope you and hope you get to the root of yah.

1164
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:37,920
Speaker 3: Got it?

1165
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:41,160
Speaker 2: What's happening? Y'all got this? Seventeen years together, a ten married,

1166
00:52:41,239 --> 00:52:44,399
Speaker 2: three beautiful children. Congrats to you, guys, and I wish

1167
00:52:44,520 --> 00:52:48,120
Speaker 2: you find a solution. All right. If you want to

1168
00:52:48,120 --> 00:52:50,359
Speaker 2: be featured as a listener letter, email us at dead

1169
00:52:50,360 --> 00:52:53,080
Speaker 2: ass Advice at gmail dot com. We love to hear

1170
00:52:53,120 --> 00:52:53,520
Speaker 2: from you.

1171
00:52:53,800 --> 00:52:56,200
Speaker 3: That's D E A D A S S A D

1172
00:52:56,400 --> 00:52:59,600
Speaker 3: V I C E at gmail dot com.

1173
00:52:59,719 --> 00:53:01,919
Speaker 2: All right, now, moment of true time, we're talking where

1174
00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:04,920
Speaker 2: did the cookouts go? Where are the cultural family traditions?

1175
00:53:05,239 --> 00:53:06,560
Speaker 2: Are they becoming obsolete?

1176
00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:10,719
Speaker 3: Yes? First of all, fuck the moment of truth and

1177
00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:13,080
Speaker 3: what I was gonna say, I'm gonna take this opportunity

1178
00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:16,120
Speaker 3: right now to give you your flowers me. Yes, because

1179
00:53:16,400 --> 00:53:19,319
Speaker 3: I've been filming, I've been going a lot, and you've

1180
00:53:19,360 --> 00:53:22,239
Speaker 3: been running dead ass podcast like a freaking pro Oh.

1181
00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:22,759
Speaker 2: Thank you.

1182
00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:25,759
Speaker 3: You've been killing it. You've been getting guests, You've been

1183
00:53:26,480 --> 00:53:29,400
Speaker 3: like even even today. This is for those who don't know.

1184
00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:31,359
Speaker 3: We do a lot of shows sometimes and one day

1185
00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:34,080
Speaker 3: because of our filming schedule, and this is the third

1186
00:53:34,120 --> 00:53:36,040
Speaker 3: show we have to do today, and you're here just

1187
00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:39,360
Speaker 3: as energetic and vibrant, and you had shows to do

1188
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:41,600
Speaker 3: yesterday and you were an energetic and vibrant in them

1189
00:53:41,640 --> 00:53:44,600
Speaker 3: shows yesterday, and baby, I just love you for holding

1190
00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:45,040
Speaker 3: it down.

1191
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:46,160
Speaker 2: Thank you. I love you.

1192
00:53:47,200 --> 00:53:48,279
Speaker 1: That's moment of truth.

1193
00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:50,279
Speaker 2: I love that. Thank you so much. Thank you, and

1194
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:52,719
Speaker 2: thank you for always you know, freaking pouring into me

1195
00:53:52,840 --> 00:53:55,960
Speaker 2: and just letting me know like you pour into you

1196
00:53:56,840 --> 00:54:00,040
Speaker 2: in so many ways and I receive it.

1197
00:54:00,200 --> 00:54:01,359
Speaker 1: You always received.

1198
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:03,040
Speaker 3: No.

1199
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:04,920
Speaker 2: Really, like this is really giving me a space to

1200
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:07,000
Speaker 2: kind of like rework that muscle, like y'all went to

1201
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:10,040
Speaker 2: school for journalism. Haven't used that degree technically, I guess

1202
00:54:10,280 --> 00:54:13,160
Speaker 2: I haven't kind of used it in podcasts and whatever,

1203
00:54:13,200 --> 00:54:16,759
Speaker 2: but just not as a solo you know mission. So

1204
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:19,240
Speaker 2: thank you and to the team also for like really

1205
00:54:19,280 --> 00:54:21,200
Speaker 2: just speaking that life to me. And thank y'all for

1206
00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:24,239
Speaker 2: listening and cheering me on as well, and people saying, yeah, okay,

1207
00:54:24,239 --> 00:54:26,000
Speaker 2: I can see you with your day time shall show

1208
00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:29,239
Speaker 2: girl time talking about so I appreciate that. Thank you

1209
00:54:29,320 --> 00:54:32,279
Speaker 2: and I love you and uh yeah, so my mom

1210
00:54:32,320 --> 00:54:33,640
Speaker 2: went to truth. I don't even remember what it was

1211
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:36,319
Speaker 2: now because you got me all my feelings. But talking

1212
00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:39,200
Speaker 2: about cultural traditions and all that good stuff. You know,

1213
00:54:39,280 --> 00:54:40,960
Speaker 2: let's just keep on keeping on for the sake of

1214
00:54:40,960 --> 00:54:42,719
Speaker 2: our children. We do want them to have a sense

1215
00:54:42,760 --> 00:54:45,279
Speaker 2: of community, a sense of family, a sense of what

1216
00:54:45,320 --> 00:54:47,799
Speaker 2: it means to get back to the root, where there's

1217
00:54:47,800 --> 00:54:50,000
Speaker 2: safe spaces are where they can just lo that they

1218
00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:52,920
Speaker 2: can get together, they can congregate with their friends and

1219
00:54:52,960 --> 00:54:56,040
Speaker 2: with their cousins and with family members, and it's okay

1220
00:54:56,080 --> 00:54:58,479
Speaker 2: to create what your own family looks like now too.

1221
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:01,520
Speaker 2: Write making sure that that safe space and that tradition

1222
00:55:01,600 --> 00:55:04,160
Speaker 2: and that you know, cookout or whatever it may be.

1223
00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:07,160
Speaker 2: That trip is surrounded with people who will love on

1224
00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:12,640
Speaker 2: and recharge your battery and not drain it. Okay, okay,

1225
00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:15,840
Speaker 2: all right, y'all. Be sure to follow us on Patreon.

1226
00:55:15,960 --> 00:55:17,719
Speaker 2: We love to see y'all over there, where you get

1227
00:55:17,719 --> 00:55:21,280
Speaker 2: exclusive dead Ass podcast content and more Ellis Family content

1228
00:55:21,280 --> 00:55:22,839
Speaker 2: as well, and you can find us on social media

1229
00:55:22,880 --> 00:55:25,640
Speaker 2: at dead Ass the Podcast, I'm Kadine, I Am and I.

1230
00:55:25,600 --> 00:55:27,960
Speaker 3: Am Devout, and if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be

1231
00:55:28,040 --> 00:55:31,120
Speaker 3: sure to rate, review and subscribe, and also make sure

1232
00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:33,120
Speaker 3: you get your copy of We Over Me, The Content

1233
00:55:33,160 --> 00:55:36,759
Speaker 3: Intuitive Approach to getting everything you want out of your relationship.

1234
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:42,120
Speaker 3: The paperback copies are out and now dead Ass Cut.

1235
00:55:42,560 --> 00:55:45,640
Speaker 3: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and

1236
00:55:45,680 --> 00:55:49,280
Speaker 3: it's produced by Donor Opinia and Triple. Follow the podcast

1237
00:55:49,320 --> 00:55:51,960
Speaker 3: on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and Never

1238
00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:52,640
Speaker 3: Miss a Thing