1 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:06,960 Speaker 1: Then there's this next level that we're all striving to 2 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:10,400 Speaker 1: get someone to lean into, and that's the deep love 3 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:12,840 Speaker 1: for it, right to keep love for it. So it 4 00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:15,720 Speaker 1: goes from Hey, I'm really good against it's an identity, Jo, 5 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:18,079 Speaker 1: I'm deeply in love with us, and I want to 6 00:00:18,239 --> 00:00:23,000 Speaker 1: pursue excellence. I want to pursue mastering. This is the 7 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:26,520 Speaker 1: Reformed Sports Project, a podcast about restoring healthy balance and 8 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:31,600 Speaker 1: perspective in all areas of sports through education and advocacy. Hi, 9 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:35,360 Speaker 1: this is Nick Bonacoort from the Reformed Sports Project podcast. Today, 10 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:38,600 Speaker 1: I'm speaking with Tom Ryan had wrestling coach at Ohio 11 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:41,680 Speaker 1: State University. Coach Ryan lad the buck Eyes to their 12 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:45,080 Speaker 1: first ever team n c A championship victory in two 13 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:48,000 Speaker 1: thousand fifteen and was named n c A Head Coach 14 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,319 Speaker 1: of the Year in both two thousand nine and two 15 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:53,880 Speaker 1: thousand fifteen. Prior to taking over the Ohio State program, 16 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:57,120 Speaker 1: Tom coached at Hofstra University, where you help guide the 17 00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:00,720 Speaker 1: Pride the six consecutive conference titles dur ring his tenure. 18 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:03,720 Speaker 1: Coach Ryan and I discussed the qualities that stand out 19 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:06,920 Speaker 1: in multi sport athletes, the importance of developing a deep 20 00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:09,760 Speaker 1: love for the sport and how suffering is part of 21 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:13,639 Speaker 1: the growth process. Super pumped to have them had wrestling 22 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,360 Speaker 1: coach at Ohio State University, coach Tom Ryan. Coach Man 23 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:19,280 Speaker 1: pump to have you, sir, Yes, sir, you know we're 24 00:01:19,319 --> 00:01:22,040 Speaker 1: talking youth sports and athletic development, and where I'd love 25 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,039 Speaker 1: to start with this coach is, uh, you know, I 26 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:26,280 Speaker 1: know that your father four times over, and you know 27 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:28,280 Speaker 1: you've been coaching at the highest level and we're at 28 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:31,600 Speaker 1: a different time right last probably twenty years. It seems like, 29 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,920 Speaker 1: you know, people don't sign their kids up to wrestle, 30 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:37,200 Speaker 1: play baseball, football anymore for the experience at six years old. 31 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,200 Speaker 1: It's like I'm signing you up here at six and 32 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:40,920 Speaker 1: this is the first step towards going to wrestle for 33 00:01:40,959 --> 00:01:43,080 Speaker 1: coach Ryan in Ohio State like we are, We're this 34 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:45,560 Speaker 1: is it and in order to get there, the ideas 35 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:48,400 Speaker 1: you gotta specialize. You've gotta specialize early, which means forget 36 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,760 Speaker 1: about seasonal sports. That's gonna hold you back. Because I 37 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,680 Speaker 1: want to ask you, what are your thoughts on early 38 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:57,000 Speaker 1: sports specialization verse kids, particularly at the younger ages, sampling 39 00:01:57,040 --> 00:02:00,880 Speaker 1: and playing multiple sports. Well, I guess I can just 40 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:04,880 Speaker 1: share from the experiences that I've had as head coach 41 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:08,720 Speaker 1: at Hofstra, head coach Ohio State. You know, so I've 42 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:10,880 Speaker 1: got almost thirty years in the in the in the 43 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:16,919 Speaker 1: sport industry, and I would say that when I my assess, uh, 44 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:21,400 Speaker 1: some of the almost all of the elite level student 45 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:26,880 Speaker 1: athletes I've coached, nearly all of them were multiple sport athletes, right, 46 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:29,480 Speaker 1: so that's up to two thousand and twenty. You look 47 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,440 Speaker 1: at someone like Kyle Snyder, that one an Olympic gold medal, 48 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:36,400 Speaker 1: Logan Sieber, four time n C Double A champion, uh, 49 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:41,160 Speaker 1: Miles Martin, Michael Piscillo, Lance Paumer, A lot of these 50 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:45,359 Speaker 1: guys did just played multiple sports. Um, and and personally 51 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,600 Speaker 1: for me as well as uh, you know, my my 52 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:50,880 Speaker 1: youth experience was a great experience. Uh. And that was 53 00:02:50,919 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 1: in all the sports. I played all the all the 54 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:57,520 Speaker 1: popular sports. And then I started to run cross country 55 00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:01,560 Speaker 1: and played soccer and baseball and dabbled football, lacrosse. But 56 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:04,800 Speaker 1: there came a time for me and for all of 57 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:07,520 Speaker 1: these guys, and it wasn't when they were young. For 58 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:09,760 Speaker 1: all of these guys, I think I think for Kyle, 59 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:13,160 Speaker 1: I think Kyle played one game his senior year, his 60 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:17,400 Speaker 1: junior in high school and football. Logan played linebacker all 61 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,600 Speaker 1: the way through high school Ohio football, and he was 62 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,399 Speaker 1: a small guy. So I think in general, I'm all 63 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:26,760 Speaker 1: for um the broad based experience. What is it about 64 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:29,000 Speaker 1: you know you could talk about? And I never wrestled 65 00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 1: day in my life. I don't want to. I don't 66 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:32,760 Speaker 1: even want to say I wish I had, because I'm 67 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:35,640 Speaker 1: not tough enough at all. Um My oldest boys wrestle. 68 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:37,560 Speaker 1: I think it's the most incredible sport I've ever seen 69 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:39,240 Speaker 1: in my life. I think it's amazing, and I think 70 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,400 Speaker 1: it translates to every other sport, not just from the 71 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:43,920 Speaker 1: physical aspect, but the mental. What are things that you 72 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,839 Speaker 1: see that stanned out to you With someone that has 73 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:49,000 Speaker 1: that multi sport background, A lot of coaches will have 74 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:52,360 Speaker 1: to bring up the competitiveness that comes out. Yeah, yeah, 75 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,960 Speaker 1: I would say that. I mean, there are there are 76 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,840 Speaker 1: certainly right success leaves clues, and there are certainly some 77 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:02,280 Speaker 1: traits that you know, if I stacked up uh, the 78 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:06,279 Speaker 1: best wrestlers I've ever been around, and you know, attracted 79 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:09,680 Speaker 1: the qualities and the traits they have, There's no question 80 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:11,840 Speaker 1: that there are some that stand out above. One is 81 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:16,760 Speaker 1: ultra competitor. Right. One is that their ultra competitors that 82 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:20,920 Speaker 1: they compete at such a high level to not necessarily win, 83 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:24,479 Speaker 1: but I'll use the word win every every morsel of 84 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:29,240 Speaker 1: the competition. UM. I think another really important trait I've 85 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:33,840 Speaker 1: seen among the highly elite is incredible emotional control. Super 86 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:37,480 Speaker 1: high level of emotional control. They're never too high, they're 87 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:42,520 Speaker 1: never too low. UM. Aggression. Aggression is a really big 88 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:46,919 Speaker 1: piece of of developing. UM. You know, creativity right, the 89 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,880 Speaker 1: willingness to take chances, UM, really big. So you know, 90 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:52,880 Speaker 1: those are some of the ones I think that stand 91 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:56,600 Speaker 1: out right away. UM. You know, a high high i Q, 92 00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:00,120 Speaker 1: a high desire to learn. And I think it's one 93 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,479 Speaker 1: point for me what I've seen with you at this 94 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:06,000 Speaker 1: at this level is you know, for many young kids, UM, 95 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:09,600 Speaker 1: even high school you know, players, wrestlers, it becomes an identity. 96 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:12,000 Speaker 1: I'm a baseball player, I'm a crosse player, I'm a wrestler. 97 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,920 Speaker 1: Becomes an identity and they do it because it's an 98 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:18,000 Speaker 1: identity and it's it's it's it's who people see that 99 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 1: they are. But then there's this next level that we're 100 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:24,119 Speaker 1: all striving to get someone to lean into. And that's 101 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:27,320 Speaker 1: the deep love for it, right, the deep love for it. 102 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:29,719 Speaker 1: So it goes from hey, I'm really good at this, 103 00:05:29,839 --> 00:05:31,880 Speaker 1: it's an identity to I'm deeply in love with this, 104 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:37,120 Speaker 1: and I want to pursue excellence. I want to pursue mastering, right, 105 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:40,520 Speaker 1: and so ones that deeply chase mastery, I think those 106 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:41,960 Speaker 1: are the ones that are in from the long hall. 107 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,280 Speaker 1: And it's the most sustainable. You know, I've been a 108 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 1: Super thirty two. I've my son. You know, I've seen 109 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 1: everything from a little wreck tournament too, as far as 110 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:54,239 Speaker 1: wrestling goes where I've also seen high level travel tournaments 111 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:56,760 Speaker 1: where people are spending two grants every month to go 112 00:05:56,839 --> 00:06:00,400 Speaker 1: playing these freaking things. That's insanity, but it's winned all cost. 113 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:04,719 Speaker 1: You know, there's there's so and I argue, you know, 114 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,920 Speaker 1: at ten years old because I wasn't the best athlete, 115 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:08,960 Speaker 1: but I played at a fairly high level of college sports, 116 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:10,960 Speaker 1: and no one remembers what your care is, what you 117 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,680 Speaker 1: did when your tent So I mean, you know, I 118 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:16,320 Speaker 1: know there's early recruiting now in baseball and other things. 119 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:18,240 Speaker 1: You know, they're looking for the best eighth graders to 120 00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:20,960 Speaker 1: project in YadA yadya. I get all that, but Jody 121 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,039 Speaker 1: stripp matter and I've also speaked to Ben asking, But 122 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:25,600 Speaker 1: Jody told me this. You gotta fall in love with 123 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,640 Speaker 1: the process, right. I hear a lot of people talk 124 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:31,520 Speaker 1: about the process, But what's the process versus winning it 125 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,200 Speaker 1: all costs? Can you break that down a list of 126 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:35,760 Speaker 1: apparents and under thing? Yeah, yeah, I would say that right. 127 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:39,039 Speaker 1: All of us as parents, right, in many areas of 128 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:42,880 Speaker 1: our life, right, we're balancing two things. One is excellence 129 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,680 Speaker 1: and one is freedom. Right. So on the west side 130 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 1: of our minds, it's it's absolute freedom. Son. You can 131 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 1: do whatever you want, whatever you want, right as a parent, right, son, daughter, 132 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,400 Speaker 1: I don't care what you do, right, just live your 133 00:06:55,480 --> 00:07:00,240 Speaker 1: life anyway you want. Right. That's extreme freedom. I there's 134 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:03,640 Speaker 1: no curfew, come in whenever you want. On the other side, 135 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:08,680 Speaker 1: there's extreme rigidity, extreme control. You're gonna get up at 136 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:11,960 Speaker 1: this time, You're gonna wrestle fifty matches a year, you're 137 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:15,680 Speaker 1: a junior in high school, but your curfew is seven pm. Right, 138 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,640 Speaker 1: So I'm not being extreme obviously, right. So you have this, 139 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,360 Speaker 1: you have this balance, and and each of us listen 140 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,280 Speaker 1: every human. Of course there are similarities, but they're different. 141 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:27,720 Speaker 1: People are different, right, they operate under different terms. If 142 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:29,640 Speaker 1: we can get them to fall in love with it, 143 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:31,920 Speaker 1: and we don't put them in the bucket early on. 144 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,360 Speaker 1: I'll give an example. We have a big recruit named Thomasines. 145 00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:36,840 Speaker 1: As a young kid, they put him in the bucket 146 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 1: of he wasn't very good in football. He was, he 147 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:42,200 Speaker 1: was a little kid. He ended up growing up to 148 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:45,680 Speaker 1: be a six ft three children and fifty pound monster, right, 149 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,800 Speaker 1: But early on in his career, you know, coaches, they 150 00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:50,760 Speaker 1: didn't put him on the field, right, They didn't give 151 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:53,480 Speaker 1: him a good learning experience, right, And it was all 152 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:55,960 Speaker 1: about to your point, which the reality is all about women. 153 00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:59,120 Speaker 1: And in the mix of being blinded by winning, we 154 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:02,840 Speaker 1: can lose the reality of development. And this is all 155 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,440 Speaker 1: about developing them so that when the time is right, 156 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:10,680 Speaker 1: when their maturity and their desire hits in stride with 157 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,920 Speaker 1: their athletic ability, you want those things that fall in line. Right. 158 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,840 Speaker 1: You don't want to destroy someone's spirit before they even 159 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:20,280 Speaker 1: understand what do's gonna take, if that makes any sense. 160 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:23,280 Speaker 1: So we're all dealing with it as parents right on. On. 161 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:25,160 Speaker 1: On the one end, you've got total freedom. On the 162 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:28,760 Speaker 1: other end, you're you're overbearing, right, it's winning all costs. 163 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:31,480 Speaker 1: You know, they're wrestling sixty pounds but they weigh seventy 164 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:33,400 Speaker 1: two pounds because you line it up away in and 165 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:36,200 Speaker 1: there's all sorts of crazy things that we do to win. 166 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:39,600 Speaker 1: And you know, I think one of the things also 167 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,880 Speaker 1: I would add is in my own personal experience is certainly, 168 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,839 Speaker 1: you know, winning and having success is important because it 169 00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:48,360 Speaker 1: keeps us coming back. Right at every single time I 170 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,040 Speaker 1: went and I got beat up, and it's like, man, 171 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,839 Speaker 1: after a while, that gets old. So you do want 172 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,199 Speaker 1: to have some success in it, because that's the chat 173 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:57,640 Speaker 1: that these young kids will hold on too, to some degree, 174 00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:00,319 Speaker 1: particularly when that's all they're hearing. But if we get 175 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:02,840 Speaker 1: them to understand that, hey, your shot got better. Hey 176 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:05,280 Speaker 1: you're singing like defense is better. Hey son, you ben, 177 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:07,160 Speaker 1: I'm so proud of how hard you thought out there, 178 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,000 Speaker 1: And they just keep coming back and finding I think 179 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,480 Speaker 1: that that that's long term, you know, that's that's the 180 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:14,400 Speaker 1: best chance for development. It's like this happy medium. And 181 00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:16,079 Speaker 1: I want to ask you this. You know what, I'm 182 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,360 Speaker 1: a firm believer. I've done these interviews with you know, 183 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,200 Speaker 1: people like yourself who have been to the highest level 184 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:23,120 Speaker 1: of their profession and are around the elite athletes. And 185 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,160 Speaker 1: you know me as a parent, I have six kids 186 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:29,240 Speaker 1: and listen, Oh it's insanity. I need all the blessings. 187 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:33,400 Speaker 1: Please send them over. It's insanity. Um, thank you. But 188 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:38,040 Speaker 1: my experience tells me, like it's very challenging to watch 189 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:41,560 Speaker 1: my kids fail or watch my kids the bench. But 190 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,000 Speaker 1: you know, when I got to college, I went to 191 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:45,880 Speaker 1: you know, we were the best Division three program in 192 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:48,840 Speaker 1: the country when a national title, went World Series every year, 193 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,439 Speaker 1: and I was playing for a Hall of Fame coach, 194 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:52,080 Speaker 1: Mike Fox. So it was like and I was I 195 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,480 Speaker 1: was in really a great situation, and I'd waited my 196 00:09:54,559 --> 00:09:56,360 Speaker 1: turn as a freshman. And to me as a freshman, 197 00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:57,920 Speaker 1: I'm like, man, I was competing. I was in the 198 00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,720 Speaker 1: road too, but I was like I was comfortable with that. 199 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:03,760 Speaker 1: Seems like now there's no value in Hey, earn it. 200 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,079 Speaker 1: Understand you have to earn it because if my kids 201 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:08,000 Speaker 1: tend he's not starting shorts up, I'm the dad. I'm 202 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,960 Speaker 1: gonna go start my own team. See that all the time. 203 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,920 Speaker 1: And it's not just baseboat. You know, you leave, you leave, 204 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,640 Speaker 1: you take them, you take them and goes. It's craziness. 205 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:18,040 Speaker 1: Why is it vergity? Why kids got to learn how 206 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:20,280 Speaker 1: to fight through it? It's a narrow it's a very 207 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,880 Speaker 1: narrow view, right, It's it's an unprincipled view, you know. 208 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:26,960 Speaker 1: I think that that really laying out you know, an opus. 209 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,240 Speaker 1: You know what one of the principles that we're living by, 210 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:32,480 Speaker 1: one of the principles that we're leading by. And I mean, 211 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:34,760 Speaker 1: what's wrong with right, sitting the bench as a freshman, 212 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:36,960 Speaker 1: paying your dues? Right? And I think I think, you know, 213 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,320 Speaker 1: the question for me would is simply, you know, I 214 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,200 Speaker 1: get this a lot. Does my son have what it takes? 215 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,200 Speaker 1: What do you see, right? You know? Does he have 216 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,320 Speaker 1: what it takes to compete at the next level? What 217 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,920 Speaker 1: do you think? And I always answer that in my 218 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:51,679 Speaker 1: mind is just stuck on this. And obviously you know, 219 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,720 Speaker 1: I wrote a book called Shows and Suffering. But my 220 00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:57,160 Speaker 1: response is how much are they willing to suffer? Right? 221 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,400 Speaker 1: I don't get to determine the inner will of a 222 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:01,920 Speaker 1: human being right now? I can I can. I can 223 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,440 Speaker 1: look at someone and I can say, well, high level 224 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:07,079 Speaker 1: in terms of their intensity. Um, But I don't know 225 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,480 Speaker 1: the deep desire they have and how much it really 226 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:12,760 Speaker 1: means to them. And that's ultimately what we want to 227 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:14,640 Speaker 1: get to, right, We want to get to the core 228 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 1: of an individual, and are they what are they willing 229 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,160 Speaker 1: to how much are they willing to suffer for what 230 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,440 Speaker 1: they want? What? Are you going to move them on 231 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,400 Speaker 1: a team and they can start and it's easy. What 232 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,280 Speaker 1: does that teach them? There was no suffering in that, 233 00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:29,240 Speaker 1: you know, and suffering plays such an incredibly powerful role 234 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:33,840 Speaker 1: in the lives of anybody who has sustained success. Failing 235 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:37,360 Speaker 1: is so incredibly important, you know. But but you know, 236 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:40,839 Speaker 1: we love our children and if we want to protect them, 237 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:43,440 Speaker 1: and if we don't have the right principles in place, 238 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:46,959 Speaker 1: then we're actually doing the opposite of protecting them. We're 239 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,240 Speaker 1: setting them up for in a world that, from their view, 240 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:54,280 Speaker 1: is an entitled world. Right. An entitlement is one of 241 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,800 Speaker 1: my pet peeves. I don't care how hard you work, 242 00:11:57,040 --> 00:11:59,360 Speaker 1: I don't care how hard your upbringing is, I don't care. 243 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:03,920 Speaker 1: It does matter. You're you're entitled to You're entitled to nothing, right, 244 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:06,839 Speaker 1: So it's things that we're going to measure you on, 245 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:10,120 Speaker 1: and we'll we'll measure you on those particular things and 246 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,720 Speaker 1: now what you think you're entitled to. When we come back, 247 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:15,640 Speaker 1: Coach Ryan and I talked about the importance of athletes 248 00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:27,080 Speaker 1: focusing on what they can control. Welcome back where Coach 249 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,400 Speaker 1: Ryan and I left off. We're about to discuss how 250 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,079 Speaker 1: parents can empower their kids to develop their own drive 251 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:36,960 Speaker 1: and the importance of athletes prioritizing what they can't control overwinning. 252 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:40,040 Speaker 1: My in laws are originally from Cleveland. They just recently 253 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:42,360 Speaker 1: relocated here in North Carolina. But we so we were 254 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,559 Speaker 1: able to go into the wrestling factory and see I 255 00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:47,280 Speaker 1: met Michael Zicky and my son went to a camp 256 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:49,319 Speaker 1: there a couple of years ago, and we saw Patty Gallagher. 257 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,640 Speaker 1: I'm like, who is this, Like thirty year old man? 258 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:55,440 Speaker 1: That's that's like, that's that's that's that looks thirty, but 259 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:57,280 Speaker 1: he's got a face of a fifteen year old. Like 260 00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:59,400 Speaker 1: what's going on here at the time. Now it turns 261 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,640 Speaker 1: out he's how many he's the best wrestler in the country, 262 00:13:01,679 --> 00:13:04,280 Speaker 1: and he's doing little demonstrations from my kids and we're like, 263 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:05,959 Speaker 1: oh my god, I think one of my I think 264 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:07,560 Speaker 1: he tied one of my kids in a pretzel and 265 00:13:07,559 --> 00:13:10,400 Speaker 1: they were like, I never felt anything like that deep love. Right, 266 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:13,280 Speaker 1: you see he's wearing it's deep love now his dad 267 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,080 Speaker 1: and mom. Listen, they put him in the right environments 268 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,240 Speaker 1: like all parents should do. Listen, if my son or 269 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,120 Speaker 1: daughter was on the wrong people, they would be that 270 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:22,840 Speaker 1: would be changed immediately. Right environments are so incredibly important 271 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:24,720 Speaker 1: for us, right, the right people. Right when I think 272 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:27,000 Speaker 1: about where're on at today, I mean one of the 273 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:31,120 Speaker 1: one of the lost realities, simply that it's about people. 274 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,160 Speaker 1: The people are there for me. I couldn't afford you 275 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,200 Speaker 1: going to the clinic, but they let me come in anyway, right, 276 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,600 Speaker 1: A great mother, a great father, just the right people 277 00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:41,760 Speaker 1: and how they lifted me. So, you know, putting our 278 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:45,960 Speaker 1: kids in the right environment is wildly important, and that's 279 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:48,679 Speaker 1: what good parents do. They'll drive across the country to 280 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:50,439 Speaker 1: put their kids in the right environment. And I'm all 281 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,320 Speaker 1: for that. That to me makes perfect sense. But then 282 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,120 Speaker 1: we get to the point where the kid doesn't want 283 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,960 Speaker 1: to go sure, you know, So then what do we do? 284 00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:00,679 Speaker 1: You know? And there is no perfect answer, right, you know, 285 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:03,440 Speaker 1: I have I have four children, and one of my 286 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:05,720 Speaker 1: sons was a starter at Ohio State for two years. 287 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,120 Speaker 1: He was injured. After his second year, he hited Tommy, 288 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:10,400 Speaker 1: do you needed Tommy John surgery? He didn't want to 289 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:13,960 Speaker 1: get it. Listen, my will doesn't get to overwhelm his 290 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:16,680 Speaker 1: will because he has to do the work, you know, 291 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:19,240 Speaker 1: and he'll also live. I if it comes to past 292 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:22,280 Speaker 1: with some regret there, but hey, that's it's your life, 293 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,360 Speaker 1: you know, So it's it's it's certainly a challenge. There's 294 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:28,400 Speaker 1: no there's no perfect answer to this, right, but I 295 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:30,240 Speaker 1: know what the end goal was. I know we're chasing. 296 00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:33,320 Speaker 1: We want to chase, you know, you know, to healthy 297 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:38,080 Speaker 1: young people that you know view view sports and competition 298 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:41,680 Speaker 1: in a way that's really healthy, and that their their 299 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,240 Speaker 1: assess on the things they can control and not in 300 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:47,080 Speaker 1: the things they can't control. And winning you can't control. 301 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,480 Speaker 1: So my recommendation is to keep winning out of the equation. 302 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,000 Speaker 1: But you know, these tournaments have big trophies for the winner, 303 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:56,200 Speaker 1: and and uh, those are things I guess would push 304 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,120 Speaker 1: a bit. Well, I want to I want to ask 305 00:14:58,160 --> 00:14:59,680 Speaker 1: you this because you brought up a great point about 306 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,600 Speaker 1: you know, Patty Gallagher, and of course I don't know 307 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:04,160 Speaker 1: him very well at all. Coach hayes Winkle, Right, Sam 308 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,080 Speaker 1: hayes Winkle. I interviewed him and he put a quote 309 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:09,040 Speaker 1: out talking about he recruits character and how vital that 310 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:11,360 Speaker 1: is to bringing kids into his program. And you know, 311 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,240 Speaker 1: you post these things on social media and people go yeah, right, 312 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,320 Speaker 1: like they want four time state champs. That's all big time, bro. 313 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:20,560 Speaker 1: You know everyone knows what you want. They know what 314 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,480 Speaker 1: you want. And tell me this, how important is character? 315 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:26,040 Speaker 1: Like will you cross the kid off a list potentially 316 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:28,240 Speaker 1: if if you see bad character or if you see 317 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:31,200 Speaker 1: parents that are you know, screaming at referees, Like, how 318 00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:33,600 Speaker 1: does that impact the decision making process with someone to 319 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:36,080 Speaker 1: come wrestle the house state We recently dropped off one 320 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:37,560 Speaker 1: of the top of pers in the country because he 321 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,760 Speaker 1: was at multiple high schools. It's a big concern, right, 322 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:43,320 Speaker 1: multiple high schools is a red flag. It's never my fault. Right, 323 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,960 Speaker 1: I want I want a tough mother, right. I want 324 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,920 Speaker 1: someone who's heart on their child in a loving way, 325 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:50,000 Speaker 1: and it's real with him, that's truthful, them shares truth 326 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,160 Speaker 1: with them. Son. You know when they get in trouble 327 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,600 Speaker 1: at school, it's it's not it wasn't his fault. No, 328 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,240 Speaker 1: it's his fault because he's his fault. He's a human being. 329 00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:59,440 Speaker 1: You made a mistake. He's not perfect, but it's okay. 330 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,640 Speaker 1: So character is wildly important, right. I have yet to 331 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:05,640 Speaker 1: have anybody climb really high with me that does not 332 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:08,360 Speaker 1: an incredible character. I don't have one. I can't give 333 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,720 Speaker 1: you one example of someone that wrestles for me that 334 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:15,880 Speaker 1: deeply struggled with poor decision making. So and and here's 335 00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:17,920 Speaker 1: the thing. There's way too many good ones to get 336 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:22,200 Speaker 1: caught up in in that. But human nature sees talent 337 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,480 Speaker 1: and we just run toward it. Oh my god, look 338 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:26,040 Speaker 1: how good they are. I mean, if you look at 339 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:29,000 Speaker 1: the Navy Seals Manual, right, the Navy Seals Manual tells 340 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:33,000 Speaker 1: recruiters to run from high talent, low character, run from it. 341 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,200 Speaker 1: It doesn't even say walk or turn your head. The 342 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:40,000 Speaker 1: Navy Seal Manual says run run the other direction. And 343 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:43,080 Speaker 1: it has to be dramatic because it's so appealing to us. 344 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:48,920 Speaker 1: It's so appealing to us as as humans that you 345 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:51,520 Speaker 1: know that we've got to preload our thinking that is 346 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:54,560 Speaker 1: not going to be good for our organization. And I 347 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:58,680 Speaker 1: want people that understand the organization matters. You matter, but 348 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,760 Speaker 1: so does the organization. Program is king. We're gonna be 349 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:03,840 Speaker 1: there for you to develop you every chance we can. 350 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:08,800 Speaker 1: But program is king. See the bigger picture, coach. Everyone's 351 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:10,679 Speaker 1: looking for the secret sauce. Everyone wants to know what 352 00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:12,919 Speaker 1: they have to do. I I argue, not everyone can 353 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,439 Speaker 1: wrests at Ohio State. I wasn't good enough to go 354 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:18,080 Speaker 1: to North Carolina, the University of North Carolina and start 355 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,760 Speaker 1: my fit for me was at that time the best 356 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:23,200 Speaker 1: Division three school in the country. I had the best experience, 357 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:25,639 Speaker 1: had the best So I have no I feel like 358 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,480 Speaker 1: everyone's cheasing d one or bust. Talk to a room 359 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:30,840 Speaker 1: full of kids and their parents, what do they have 360 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:33,280 Speaker 1: to do to not only get opportunity to come to 361 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:35,400 Speaker 1: a house state, but just to be college athletes in general? 362 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,439 Speaker 1: Because I think it's a privilege at any level to 363 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:40,840 Speaker 1: be at the collegiate level. This isn't a religious talk, right, 364 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,000 Speaker 1: but it's it's just I have a strong faith in God, 365 00:17:43,359 --> 00:17:45,760 Speaker 1: and I believe what he says, and what he said 366 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,760 Speaker 1: is in scripture, and he talks about you know, our end, 367 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:53,040 Speaker 1: our end responsibility is to live up to our false potential. 368 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,320 Speaker 1: And the reality is that what my full potential was 369 00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:58,439 Speaker 1: in wrestling and yours and your kids and Jordan Boroughs, 370 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:02,159 Speaker 1: They're different right there. For the reality is it's living 371 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:05,200 Speaker 1: in truth. For me, when I left Syracuse a whole 372 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,840 Speaker 1: scholarship at Series and walked on an aisle, I wasn't 373 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,240 Speaker 1: recruited there. I walked on there and I looked around 374 00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:12,200 Speaker 1: me and I and I and I got a sense 375 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:15,040 Speaker 1: of where I was. Now. The question is, is what 376 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:19,040 Speaker 1: I've been given by the Lord? If I outwork everybody 377 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:21,640 Speaker 1: right and get the most out of myself, do I 378 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:24,640 Speaker 1: do all realistically have a chance of making an impact here? 379 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 1: And and the cruel reality for some as you don't, 380 00:18:29,119 --> 00:18:31,679 Speaker 1: you don't. And I think I think living in that 381 00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:34,480 Speaker 1: reality is incredibly important. How much am I willing to 382 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,439 Speaker 1: suffer for this? What are the gifts that I have? 383 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:40,600 Speaker 1: And is this is this something that is realistic for 384 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 1: me to work for? I think having those conversations is 385 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:46,320 Speaker 1: really important for young people. So I'm a big believer 386 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:49,760 Speaker 1: in dream big, right, But I'm also a big believer. 387 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:52,400 Speaker 1: And if you're gonna dream big, you better work big. 388 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:54,040 Speaker 1: You know, my dad didn't tell me you you don't go 389 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:56,040 Speaker 1: to high and you'll never make it there. You know 390 00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:58,800 Speaker 1: we were that was nine when they were winning knots 391 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,840 Speaker 1: at lots of championships and you know they were there 392 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:03,360 Speaker 1: was the MECAP wrestling, he Internet beating and what was having. 393 00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:06,240 Speaker 1: So so my dad, I don't go, but he said, listen, 394 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,119 Speaker 1: there's a lot of hard working people in the world, 395 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:09,960 Speaker 1: and if you're not going to be willing to outwork 396 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:12,880 Speaker 1: them and push yourself to a certain level and stay 397 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:15,879 Speaker 1: in Syracuse. But I was willing to and listen at 398 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,119 Speaker 1: the end of the day, right Nick, at the end 399 00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:19,199 Speaker 1: of the day, no matter what decision we make, we 400 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:22,280 Speaker 1: have to be willing to accept the consequences, you know. Uh. 401 00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:24,119 Speaker 1: And that said, Hey, I never I could have I 402 00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:26,280 Speaker 1: could have left Syracuse and never made the team there, 403 00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,600 Speaker 1: but that's not the way it went for me. So 404 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:30,880 Speaker 1: you know, my comment to them would be living reality, 405 00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:36,119 Speaker 1: living reality, chase your dreams and and uh yeah, but 406 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:38,280 Speaker 1: but I think living in reality is a really important 407 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:42,480 Speaker 1: thing because I see sometimes with young people that you know, 408 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:45,800 Speaker 1: they're never they're never told the truth, so they don't 409 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:47,639 Speaker 1: so they don't live in truth, you know, and you 410 00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:51,200 Speaker 1: we're creating little monsters that don't understand, you know, how 411 00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:54,240 Speaker 1: hard it is going to be you know. So I'm 412 00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,879 Speaker 1: rambling a bit, but coach, you're the man. This has 413 00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:59,320 Speaker 1: been awesome. I'm grateful for you. Tom Ryan, head coach 414 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,840 Speaker 1: the ohiose at University. Where's your book? Where can they 415 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:05,240 Speaker 1: find it? Yes? On Chosen Suffering dot com. The books 416 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:08,520 Speaker 1: called Chosen Suffering. It's about just the things that we 417 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:10,560 Speaker 1: choose that are hard to help us grow and of 418 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,159 Speaker 1: course the things in life to come at us that 419 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:14,159 Speaker 1: we don't choose that are really hard, and how to 420 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:16,639 Speaker 1: navigate those things, and that he has chosen Suffering dot com. 421 00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:18,840 Speaker 1: It's gonna be with you, coach. I appreciate you, sir. 422 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:22,879 Speaker 1: Talk to you soon. That's Tom Ryan, had, wrestling coach 423 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:26,320 Speaker 1: at Ohio State University. Thanks for listening to the Reform 424 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,480 Speaker 1: Sports Project podcast. Dominick Boncourt and Our goal is to 425 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:32,600 Speaker 1: restore a healthy balance and perspective in all areas of 426 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:36,359 Speaker 1: sports through education and advocacy. For updates, please follow us 427 00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:39,720 Speaker 1: on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, or check out our website 428 00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:41,800 Speaker 1: by searching for the Reform Sports Project