WEBVTT - Valentine's For One 0:00:12.760 --> 0:00:15.880 Welcome to I do part two, the pod for people 0:00:15.880 --> 0:00:17.759 who didn't get it right the first time when it 0:00:17.800 --> 0:00:20.560 came to love and now find themselves picking up the 0:00:20.600 --> 0:00:24.440 pieces and putting themselves back together. I'm Cheryl Burke, one 0:00:24.440 --> 0:00:27.080 of your celebrity mentors, and I'm just like you guys. 0:00:27.320 --> 0:00:30.800 I'm divorced. I've been through the ringer. I know how 0:00:30.840 --> 0:00:33.400 hard it is, and today I just want to kind 0:00:33.400 --> 0:00:35.840 of take over and talk about my experience and where 0:00:35.880 --> 0:00:39.440 I'm at post divorce. Valentine's Day coming up. But we 0:00:39.479 --> 0:00:43.560 can't do this without my producer, Heather, who is also 0:00:43.880 --> 0:00:46.919 single and almost forty, but she still has a few 0:00:46.920 --> 0:00:50.240 more years. She's gonna grill me. So this should be fun. 0:00:50.880 --> 0:00:55.760 Hi Share, Welcome, Hi, Hey girl, Welcome. 0:00:55.800 --> 0:00:59.400 Hi, Thank you. So I want to talk obviously about 0:00:59.440 --> 0:01:02.600 your ex experience a little bit, so kind of like 0:01:02.880 --> 0:01:05.200 run us through the highlights. I know you had the 0:01:05.200 --> 0:01:08.560 big wedding, but like talk about how long were you 0:01:08.600 --> 0:01:12.240 married for and how long has it been since you're divorce. 0:01:13.200 --> 0:01:16.399 Okay, well I was married first of all, so this 0:01:16.600 --> 0:01:19.720 was a relationship that you know, we started dating when 0:01:19.720 --> 0:01:21.280 I first moved to LA But I'm not going to 0:01:21.360 --> 0:01:24.479 talk too much about him, but I'll definitely talk more 0:01:24.480 --> 0:01:31.240 about just my experience and I I love convert in 0:01:31.360 --> 0:01:34.640 any way, shape and form, So like I just it 0:01:34.720 --> 0:01:36.959 was really it's always been weird for me to like 0:01:37.120 --> 0:01:41.480 date and just to meet people, especially in the business 0:01:41.480 --> 0:01:43.840 that I am. But even before this business, it wasn't that. 0:01:44.040 --> 0:01:47.280 It was just that I'm naturally introverted, right, So when 0:01:47.440 --> 0:01:50.560 I feel comfortable around somebody, you know, the and if 0:01:50.640 --> 0:01:52.600 let's say, we break up, which I did with my 0:01:52.640 --> 0:01:55.000 ex at that time after dating for the like for 0:01:55.080 --> 0:01:57.960 a year back in two thousand and six or seven, 0:01:58.720 --> 0:02:01.880 and then we reuni, I did and it just felt comfortable, 0:02:01.960 --> 0:02:03.680 you know, and it was just like, Okay, we don't 0:02:03.680 --> 0:02:05.440 have to do the whole like it's a small talk 0:02:05.520 --> 0:02:09.240 that just gets me anyway. Then yes, then we get 0:02:09.280 --> 0:02:13.160 married and we were married for we started dating again 0:02:13.160 --> 0:02:15.120 for another year I believe a year and a half 0:02:15.200 --> 0:02:18.760 before we got married or engaged, and then we got 0:02:18.760 --> 0:02:21.560 married very soon later. 0:02:21.840 --> 0:02:24.080 Can I jump in and ask you this, whose idea 0:02:24.200 --> 0:02:25.240 was it to get married? 0:02:25.560 --> 0:02:30.160 Totally mine? I'll take full accountability. Yeah, I don't think 0:02:30.240 --> 0:02:35.200 he was. I Mean, look, there was conversations, but every 0:02:35.200 --> 0:02:38.080 time it was me starting the conversation, right, because I 0:02:38.120 --> 0:02:40.640 also was like older, so it was ten years of 0:02:40.680 --> 0:02:43.800 that gap between when we first dated and then started again. 0:02:44.200 --> 0:02:47.200 But it was kind of like okay, but when you're older, 0:02:47.280 --> 0:02:49.720 you know, you're kind of thinking like, well, if this 0:02:49.840 --> 0:02:54.880 person's not serious, then like why waste time? Right? And 0:02:54.960 --> 0:02:57.359 I get I'm like what is time now? Now I'm 0:02:57.400 --> 0:03:00.440 a different woman, and I'm like, it's it's just so 0:03:00.600 --> 0:03:04.440 interesting how we put so much pressure, especially women, because 0:03:04.880 --> 0:03:06.960 we think that there's this schedule that we need to 0:03:07.040 --> 0:03:10.960 follow as far as getting married and having kids. It's like, 0:03:11.160 --> 0:03:15.320 it's the conventional way, right, It's what society expects from you. 0:03:15.720 --> 0:03:17.400 But it doesn't have to be in any order or 0:03:17.440 --> 0:03:20.720 at any time, amen, or does it ever have to 0:03:20.720 --> 0:03:21.560 happen period? 0:03:21.880 --> 0:03:25.600 Did you ever consider not getting married and just being 0:03:25.639 --> 0:03:27.399 in a long term partnership? 0:03:28.000 --> 0:03:30.760 Not then, not back then? No, that was my goal. 0:03:30.800 --> 0:03:34.200 The goal was to get married, Like it was literally 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:36.320 to get married. I wasn't even thinking kids. I was 0:03:36.360 --> 0:03:37.160 just to get married. 0:03:37.360 --> 0:03:39.600 It was just to get married. And so where where 0:03:39.600 --> 0:03:42.600 did you feel like that came from? Was that about 0:03:42.680 --> 0:03:45.200 the environment you were raised in or was it about 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:48.760 all of your friends were getting married, like pressure being 0:03:48.760 --> 0:03:51.080 in the public eye and not being married yet, Like 0:03:51.120 --> 0:03:53.240 where or was it just you just wanted that you 0:03:53.320 --> 0:03:55.000 just grew up wanting to get married. Where do you 0:03:55.000 --> 0:03:55.800 think it came from? 0:03:56.480 --> 0:03:59.520 It came from like all those movies, like you know, 0:03:59.640 --> 0:04:03.600 those rom comps. But also honestly, if you really want 0:04:03.640 --> 0:04:07.920 to get deep here in a quick SoundBite. But it 0:04:08.000 --> 0:04:12.720 was for my feeling at that time. I definitely didn't 0:04:12.720 --> 0:04:16.400 love myself. I didn't even start that work, nor was 0:04:16.440 --> 0:04:18.719 I interested, even though I was in therapy and I 0:04:18.760 --> 0:04:22.120 have been forever. You know, there's certain things that you know, 0:04:22.160 --> 0:04:24.400 my therapist now brings to my attention that I'll just 0:04:24.480 --> 0:04:26.680 change the subject if it's something that I don't want 0:04:26.680 --> 0:04:28.320 to talk about, And that was one of them, you know. 0:04:28.480 --> 0:04:35.000 And it was so much about what the person outside 0:04:35.040 --> 0:04:37.560 sources what can fill my cup up? And one of 0:04:37.600 --> 0:04:39.560 that and one of my goals was to see if 0:04:39.600 --> 0:04:41.640 I can get married, and has nothing to do with 0:04:41.680 --> 0:04:44.120 the person I married. It has everything to do with 0:04:44.520 --> 0:04:48.840 how no matter what I did, it doesn't matter, Like 0:04:48.880 --> 0:04:51.080 you can't fill No one is going to fill your 0:04:51.120 --> 0:04:53.440 cup up. Shopping's not going to fill your cup up. 0:04:53.600 --> 0:04:56.280 You are, you need to do the internal work, and 0:04:56.960 --> 0:04:59.679 that did not make any sense to me until recently. 0:05:00.520 --> 0:05:03.279 Yeah, I mean that makes a lot of sense, though. 0:05:04.160 --> 0:05:07.960 I want to know now post divorce, what has kind 0:05:07.960 --> 0:05:10.719 of or right after the divorce, let's say, let's go 0:05:10.760 --> 0:05:13.920 back to that. Right after the divorce, what was the focus. 0:05:14.279 --> 0:05:16.760 Was it to get into therapy? 0:05:17.080 --> 0:05:20.080 Was it to build I was already in therapy, okay. 0:05:20.400 --> 0:05:23.520 Was it to build a new circle of friends. Was 0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:26.760 it to focus more on yourself? Was it to start 0:05:26.800 --> 0:05:29.240 a new life or what was kind of like that 0:05:29.400 --> 0:05:32.360 when you first got divorced? What was the focus right 0:05:32.400 --> 0:05:32.920 then and there? 0:05:33.880 --> 0:05:37.320 I didn't have any type of goal, like to be 0:05:37.600 --> 0:05:41.800 quite like just transparent with you. It was really about 0:05:42.160 --> 0:05:45.200 surviving day after day, and it was one day at 0:05:45.200 --> 0:05:47.560 a time, sometimes one hour at a time, sometimes one 0:05:47.600 --> 0:05:49.920 minute at a time. And I'm very goal oriented, right, 0:05:50.320 --> 0:05:57.679 But it naturally, honestly, it naturally became about me ghosting 0:05:57.720 --> 0:06:00.839 everybody around me and doing the work myself. Because what 0:06:00.920 --> 0:06:03.320 I realized naturally, and I don't think I was able 0:06:03.320 --> 0:06:06.360 to put it into words at that time, but I 0:06:06.400 --> 0:06:09.720 can't be vulnerable with other people sometimes like that vulnerable 0:06:09.760 --> 0:06:14.640 like when it comes to like really feeling grief. I 0:06:14.680 --> 0:06:16.920 even have trouble doing that, but when I'm by myself, 0:06:17.040 --> 0:06:19.960 you know, so it's like, because it's so painful that 0:06:20.080 --> 0:06:25.239 like I am a professional disassociator, and I definitely numb, 0:06:25.800 --> 0:06:28.240 and though it's not through alcohol anymore, there's so many 0:06:28.279 --> 0:06:30.880 other things I can do, right, So the list goes on, 0:06:31.240 --> 0:06:34.560 and I am in order for me to really make 0:06:34.640 --> 0:06:37.320 progress and to really feel okay in my own skin 0:06:37.560 --> 0:06:41.360 and to feel alone, not lonely, like I sound like 0:06:41.360 --> 0:06:44.479 a broken record, but like it's it really does start within. 0:06:44.640 --> 0:06:48.120 And first my first priority, to be quite honest, was 0:06:48.240 --> 0:06:53.120 staying sober, so that was definitely something that I was 0:06:53.160 --> 0:06:54.840 aware of at that time. 0:06:55.520 --> 0:06:59.840 Yeah, that's an important thing that you channeled a lot 0:06:59.880 --> 0:07:01.840 of energy into. And I do want to commend you 0:07:01.960 --> 0:07:04.360 for being so open about that because I do think 0:07:04.440 --> 0:07:08.440 that that's a huge step for anybody in life. Choosing 0:07:08.440 --> 0:07:11.280 to be sober, and you choosing to share that on 0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:14.960 a large platform I think is really incredible. I want 0:07:15.000 --> 0:07:20.040 to talk about the fact that you are a childless. 0:07:19.400 --> 0:07:22.040 Woman, my friend. You accounts those well. 0:07:22.920 --> 0:07:26.480 Babies always count, but I want to talk about this 0:07:26.600 --> 0:07:31.520 because I think it's something that sometimes gets overlooked when 0:07:31.520 --> 0:07:33.960 it comes to divorce. I think a lot of people 0:07:34.000 --> 0:07:37.920 focus on divorce single parent aspect and what that kind 0:07:38.000 --> 0:07:41.360 of entails. But you know, just because you don't have 0:07:41.480 --> 0:07:44.680 children doesn't make this experience that you went through any 0:07:44.760 --> 0:07:47.440 less painful or meaningful. But I kind of want to know, 0:07:47.560 --> 0:07:51.240 from your perspective and what you've gone through, did it 0:07:51.600 --> 0:07:56.200 feel different because you didn't have children and you didn't 0:07:56.240 --> 0:07:58.040 have somebody. I mean, you had a fur baby to 0:07:58.080 --> 0:08:00.920 take care of, right, but you didn't have have a 0:08:01.040 --> 0:08:03.680 human being to take care of. You didn't have somebody 0:08:03.720 --> 0:08:07.560 to put on a brave face for. Sometimes we hear 0:08:07.640 --> 0:08:09.760 a lot about single parents having to do that. 0:08:11.080 --> 0:08:13.040 I guess I don't know, because I've never had kids, 0:08:13.400 --> 0:08:14.880 right Like, I don't know what that is. 0:08:15.080 --> 0:08:17.640 Did you feel supported? I guess I want to know. 0:08:18.160 --> 0:08:20.160 I think a lot of times we hear about stories 0:08:20.200 --> 0:08:24.040 of people being rallied around because they need that extra support, 0:08:24.440 --> 0:08:28.080 and sometimes us single girls that don't have kids, I 0:08:28.120 --> 0:08:31.600 feel like we're viewed as you got this, you're strong. 0:08:32.200 --> 0:08:34.160 What was your perspective like, did you have that? 0:08:34.640 --> 0:08:37.600 I don't I have never never crossed my mind and 0:08:37.640 --> 0:08:41.360 I've never felt that, but I, like, you know, I 0:08:41.440 --> 0:08:46.200 mentioned earlier if I needed the support, absolutely, and I did. 0:08:46.280 --> 0:08:49.320 And I and though she is on someone I pay 0:08:49.440 --> 0:08:52.920 my therapist for me because I am so sensitive to bias, right, 0:08:53.000 --> 0:08:57.240 Like I don't want At that time in my life, 0:08:57.280 --> 0:08:59.400 I needed just to hear the truth, right, and I 0:08:59.440 --> 0:09:01.840 really need it, just to hear it, and not because 0:09:01.920 --> 0:09:05.160 of any type of politics being played, like I and 0:09:05.600 --> 0:09:08.520 for me, that person was my therapist. I really leaned 0:09:08.559 --> 0:09:10.959 on her a lot. And you know, I've been with 0:09:11.000 --> 0:09:13.439 her for fifteen years. And I have to say the 0:09:13.480 --> 0:09:15.400 reason I have been with her because I'm sensitive, as 0:09:15.400 --> 0:09:18.200 I said, to bias, I is because she's not biased 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:21.400 like by any means. And I have to say that 0:09:21.480 --> 0:09:24.320 she definitely you know, it was difficult. It was hard. 0:09:24.360 --> 0:09:27.280 It was hard, truth because like she also is very 0:09:27.320 --> 0:09:30.160 much all about taking accountability, and that is a thing 0:09:30.360 --> 0:09:33.360 that you know, and sometimes that's the last thing you 0:09:33.400 --> 0:09:35.160 want to do, right when you have all this anger 0:09:35.200 --> 0:09:40.920 and rage. But I leaned on her a lot, and 0:09:41.040 --> 0:09:44.400 I also lean and then with that, you know, it 0:09:44.520 --> 0:09:47.400 was my choice to leave Los Angeles and move and 0:09:48.440 --> 0:09:51.120 I don't believe a lot of people would choose that 0:09:51.720 --> 0:09:56.080 after a divorce not just with their partner, but also 0:09:56.400 --> 0:09:59.360 leaving a job that they've done for seventeen years of 0:09:59.400 --> 0:10:03.320 their life, and the same year choose to move right. 0:10:03.360 --> 0:10:06.920 So those are three huge changes that I think it's 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:09.360 my addict brain that's like, okay, I have to if 0:10:09.400 --> 0:10:11.560 I'm going to just change my whole life, then I'm 0:10:11.640 --> 0:10:13.600 changing my whole life. That house I was in for 0:10:14.000 --> 0:10:17.280 sixteen years just reminded me of everything, right, So it 0:10:17.400 --> 0:10:19.640 was like it was very important for me to do this, 0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:24.800 And I don't know if I were to, like if 0:10:24.840 --> 0:10:27.520 I'm like thinking about those decisions now and I'm like, WHOA, 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:30.560 that was bold. That was like three life changes. Like 0:10:30.600 --> 0:10:32.640 they say, if you go up to five in one year, 0:10:32.800 --> 0:10:35.240 you need to like go to the nearest mental and 0:10:35.480 --> 0:10:37.439 like it will make you mental, right, like because it's 0:10:37.480 --> 0:10:40.840 just so much change. But then also with that, you know, 0:10:41.040 --> 0:10:45.320 my friends have changed right too and naturally. But like 0:10:45.440 --> 0:10:50.720 I've never felt so grounded, and so look, there's fucking 0:10:50.800 --> 0:10:53.320 days where I don't feel like this. Okay, I'm not 0:10:53.360 --> 0:10:55.920 trying to say like I have served like you know, no, 0:10:56.120 --> 0:10:59.559 there's shirty days, absolutely, but I've never felt lonely. 0:11:00.200 --> 0:11:02.800 So I'd love to hear that. Let me ask you 0:11:02.880 --> 0:11:06.560 something super personal. You can be like sure, I want 0:11:06.559 --> 0:11:09.440 to answer that. No, I know, okay, what are your 0:11:09.520 --> 0:11:13.440 views on children? Is that something that you think about, 0:11:13.600 --> 0:11:17.319 something that you want in your lifetime? Still don't know, 0:11:17.720 --> 0:11:18.240 like kind of. 0:11:18.160 --> 0:11:19.880 Where you are. I actually talked about it with my 0:11:19.960 --> 0:11:24.400 therapist recently, and she's like, the way you treat your dog, 0:11:24.440 --> 0:11:25.960 are you sure you want to have kids? Because my 0:11:26.000 --> 0:11:30.120 dog is a spoiled brat, like literally spoiled twenty four 0:11:30.160 --> 0:11:34.440 hour care over here because she needs it, but or 0:11:34.559 --> 0:11:39.840 I think she needs it. But you know, I believe, 0:11:40.120 --> 0:11:43.720 and I've just okay, I believe. Okay, of course it's 0:11:43.800 --> 0:11:47.400 great to raise a kid with two people, right like 0:11:47.480 --> 0:11:52.360 obviously because I come from a divorce family, and because 0:11:52.400 --> 0:11:56.800 I know how much it affected me and other stories 0:11:56.800 --> 0:11:59.840 I've heard even if I was so young, it doesn't matter, 0:12:00.040 --> 0:12:06.400 stills ingrained in my freaking identity, right I. And this 0:12:06.440 --> 0:12:08.679 is not going to be popular, I don't. I believe 0:12:08.800 --> 0:12:12.160 that it's okay to raise kids on your own, like 0:12:12.280 --> 0:12:14.720 and actually to start it off like that would probably 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:18.800 be healthier than having to rely on another partner, not 0:12:18.920 --> 0:12:21.280 knowing what mood that person's going to wake up in 0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:23.840 and not knowing what this kid is going to observe. 0:12:24.360 --> 0:12:27.080 And at least you have control for the most part 0:12:27.160 --> 0:12:29.080 over yourself in your kids. 0:12:29.200 --> 0:12:31.760 I will say, Cheryl, you say that that's unpopular. I 0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:35.400 think that's becoming more popular as time goes on. I mean, 0:12:35.440 --> 0:12:38.800 I could draw a conclusion right now to like Lalla 0:12:39.080 --> 0:12:43.240 on vander Pump Rules, after having one child in that relationship, 0:12:43.360 --> 0:12:45.360 decided I still want to be a mom. That is 0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:48.640 still really important to me. And she opted to have 0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:51.679 a sperm donor and had that second child and is 0:12:51.760 --> 0:12:54.040 raising it on her own because she does not want 0:12:54.080 --> 0:12:57.280 to go through kind of the conflict that she went 0:12:57.360 --> 0:12:59.839 through with her child's father. 0:13:00.360 --> 0:13:03.440 How has people, I guess it been celebrated at all. 0:13:03.360 --> 0:13:06.800 Or totally celebrated. She had a baby shower, She has 0:13:06.880 --> 0:13:11.480 been you know, uh, embraced by her family. Yeah. So, 0:13:11.600 --> 0:13:13.480 I mean that was a journey that she went on 0:13:13.880 --> 0:13:17.760 on her own. And I think, you know, I I 0:13:17.800 --> 0:13:20.720 know in my professional life, I have worked with women 0:13:21.120 --> 0:13:24.400 that you know, were in their fifties and decided to 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:28.200 adopt on their own and become mothers later in life. 0:13:28.440 --> 0:13:31.640 And one of them, I actually know ended up then 0:13:31.960 --> 0:13:36.840 meeting a spouse later on after bringing you know, adopting 0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:41.160 a child on her own. I know, like Coda on 0:13:41.240 --> 0:13:44.520 the Today Show, she's done it on her own as well. 0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:48.320 So I think it's it is becoming I think, a 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:52.760 more popular and mainstream decision for women because they feel 0:13:52.800 --> 0:13:55.920 similar to what you're expressing, you know, like they want 0:13:55.960 --> 0:13:59.000 the risk. You know, they've maybe gone through something. I mean, 0:13:59.000 --> 0:14:01.319 I'm a product of divorce too, so when you talk 0:14:01.360 --> 0:14:05.360 about that, I totally understand those feelings and how that 0:14:05.400 --> 0:14:10.800 sticks with you. And I do think that you know, yes, ideally, 0:14:10.840 --> 0:14:13.920 it's it's I think it's less about that a child 0:14:14.040 --> 0:14:17.640 necessarily needs two parents as it's more it's a tough job. 0:14:18.000 --> 0:14:20.560 So if you have somebody to share the workload with, 0:14:20.920 --> 0:14:23.640 that I think does sound great. But I think that 0:14:23.960 --> 0:14:25.440 you and I both know that there's a lot of 0:14:25.440 --> 0:14:27.560 single parents out there in the world that are kicking 0:14:27.600 --> 0:14:29.560 ass right now and doing yeah for sure. 0:14:30.440 --> 0:14:35.080 Yeah. And also, look, I didn't freeze. I've chosen not 0:14:35.200 --> 0:14:37.320 to freeze my eggs and I don't plan on ever 0:14:37.360 --> 0:14:39.760 doing that, So Noor, I don't think it'll be possible 0:14:39.800 --> 0:14:41.760 soon or if it's not possible. Now, it's not possible. 0:14:41.760 --> 0:14:44.600 It doesn't matter either way, that's not happening. So what 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:46.960 my therapist and I were talking about was like, Okay, 0:14:47.000 --> 0:14:49.480 she does have a friend that she was able to, 0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:52.000 you know, get a donor and then like have a 0:14:52.160 --> 0:14:57.600 surrogate and do that whole thing. And at first I 0:14:57.640 --> 0:14:59.600 was like, okay, adopt, but then I'm like, oh wait, 0:15:00.240 --> 0:15:03.120 even realize that that was an option. So but I'm 0:15:03.160 --> 0:15:06.520 not clearly, I'm not that like, Okay, tomorrow, we're doing this. 0:15:06.600 --> 0:15:08.720 I'm not ready yet. And this is the beauty of 0:15:09.640 --> 0:15:11.920 also in a way, where we are today in this 0:15:11.960 --> 0:15:16.480 world as far as you know, technology, and it's scary 0:15:16.640 --> 0:15:19.880 but also very helpful for women who feel like they 0:15:19.920 --> 0:15:23.360 haven't finished what they're trying to do, whatever that is. 0:15:23.520 --> 0:15:26.920 And I don't feel like I have started my second 0:15:27.000 --> 0:15:30.600 chapter yet in my career yet, so like I don't 0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:34.160 want to. I don't think it would be responsible for 0:15:34.240 --> 0:15:38.320 me to bring in a kid right now if I 0:15:38.320 --> 0:15:40.440 don't feel I mean, I guess I'm never gonna be ready. 0:15:40.480 --> 0:15:41.960 No one is, and I guess I'm never going to 0:15:42.040 --> 0:15:45.680 feel settled because like how boring is that? But I 0:15:46.240 --> 0:15:48.480 know that there's more that I need to do as 0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:51.800 an individual before sharing my life with somebody. 0:15:52.040 --> 0:15:54.400 And Cheryl, I know I'm not your mom, but I 0:15:54.440 --> 0:15:57.040 can also say this to you. You are allowed to 0:15:57.200 --> 0:16:01.120 change your mind at any time. Yeah, any of this too, 0:16:01.760 --> 0:16:03.840 but not when you have the kid, not once you 0:16:03.920 --> 0:16:06.520 have the kid. That's what I read. You have children 0:16:06.560 --> 0:16:09.800 for sure, And so I think that's important, right because 0:16:10.080 --> 0:16:14.120 I think sometimes people are put a lot of pressure 0:16:14.160 --> 0:16:17.080 on themselves to make a decision and stick to that answer. 0:16:17.360 --> 0:16:21.480 And you know, we are allowed to change our minds 0:16:21.520 --> 0:16:24.760 about things. And you could want to get married again someday, yea, 0:16:25.120 --> 0:16:28.160 not want to have children again someday and life changes. 0:16:28.240 --> 0:16:30.160 How about just the dating, Like I'm not dating and 0:16:30.200 --> 0:16:33.240 I'm choosing not to date, like forget the marriage. How 0:16:33.320 --> 0:16:36.160 much is meeting somebody? I'm like, I am perfectly content 0:16:36.240 --> 0:16:38.200 in this home, with these four walls. I never have 0:16:38.280 --> 0:16:38.600 to leave. 0:16:48.720 --> 0:16:51.160 Let's talk about it, Cheryl, because I do want to 0:16:51.200 --> 0:16:54.240 talk about what's going on with the not dating. 0:16:54.360 --> 0:16:57.960 I knew this was a note from Amy Sugarman, wasn't it. 0:16:58.560 --> 0:17:04.320 Yeah right, yeah right, All y'all think it's so weird, Like, well, 0:17:04.359 --> 0:17:05.320 what is happening? 0:17:05.520 --> 0:17:07.480 Weird. Hello, I'm not dating either, Cheryl. 0:17:07.600 --> 0:17:09.760 I bet you you leave your house more than I do, though. 0:17:10.640 --> 0:17:13.520 Probably not Cheryl. But I want to know when was 0:17:13.600 --> 0:17:14.400 your last date? 0:17:15.000 --> 0:17:18.800 Amy Shag from that dude that's Kelly's dating Yeah, mister Tennis. 0:17:18.840 --> 0:17:21.240 But is she still dating him? I forgot, I don't know. 0:17:21.320 --> 0:17:23.159 I haven't gotten up date. But I want to know 0:17:23.240 --> 0:17:26.000 when was that date? So your last date was when? 0:17:26.800 --> 0:17:28.920 I don't know? I mean, I can check my calendar. 0:17:28.960 --> 0:17:31.600 Hold on, are we talking over three hundred and sixty 0:17:31.600 --> 0:17:32.119 five days? 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:36.040 Like? Oh, for sure it was when I was just moving. Okay, 0:17:36.760 --> 0:17:38.480 zero interests, don't even try. 0:17:39.240 --> 0:17:43.960 But no, but tell me where where? Like I want 0:17:43.960 --> 0:17:49.199 to know as a single you're gorgeous, you're talented, you have, 0:17:49.720 --> 0:17:51.960 like you just said, you're so busy right now, it's 0:17:52.000 --> 0:17:53.480 like so hard to even lock you down. 0:17:53.720 --> 0:17:55.399 No, but I'm not, like, I'm not. 0:17:55.680 --> 0:18:00.000 I just I want to know, Like, when Cheryl goes 0:18:00.320 --> 0:18:04.639 out to the bank or to run errands, do you 0:18:04.920 --> 0:18:06.000 turn your hand to me? 0:18:06.200 --> 0:18:07.920 They come to me attractive men? 0:18:08.160 --> 0:18:10.879 Are we not even looking at men? Are we blinders? 0:18:10.920 --> 0:18:13.720 On? Oh? Hell yeah, Like I'm following some hot dudes 0:18:13.800 --> 0:18:17.000 on and mind you like errands come to me like 0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:19.320 this is the invention. This is what I mean. Technology 0:18:19.359 --> 0:18:24.159 like instacard, like you know, bank like you can do everything. 0:18:24.520 --> 0:18:26.280 I don't remember the last time I set foot in 0:18:26.400 --> 0:18:31.760 a bank anyway. Yeah, no, of course, I still think 0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:34.600 guys are hot. That doesn't mean though, that they deserve me. 0:18:35.400 --> 0:18:38.680 Of course. Wait, are guys sliding into your dms. 0:18:38.280 --> 0:18:43.439 Ever old creepy ones? But like I think about it, 0:18:43.480 --> 0:18:45.880 I'm not one to post like my tits are not out, 0:18:45.920 --> 0:18:47.240 Like I don't do that right, Like. 0:18:47.640 --> 0:18:50.760 Like you're still stunning and you're still active on social media. 0:18:51.760 --> 0:18:53.679 Well yeah, I mean no. But to answer you, I mean, 0:18:53.680 --> 0:18:55.919 I don't know. I don't check like the other you know, 0:18:55.960 --> 0:19:00.439 there's messages. There's so many sections of messages the others. No, 0:19:00.480 --> 0:19:01.200 that's not what I meant. 0:19:01.280 --> 0:19:02.679 But like you know, oh, I know what you mean, 0:19:02.720 --> 0:19:07.720 the other messages, the non blue check messages that come through. 0:19:07.800 --> 0:19:10.080 I got you. I was not giving off that vibe. 0:19:10.240 --> 0:19:12.600 I truly believe that, Like my energy is not like 0:19:12.760 --> 0:19:13.240 damn me. 0:19:15.160 --> 0:19:19.360 Sure, but listen, like I said, I think you're glowing. 0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:20.320 You're gorgeous. 0:19:20.480 --> 0:19:22.920 I know I am. I am in the best shape 0:19:22.960 --> 0:19:25.080 in the world right now. More than when I was 0:19:25.080 --> 0:19:26.080 on Dancing with the Stars. 0:19:26.400 --> 0:19:29.320 You have great content that you're putting out about loving yourself. 0:19:29.400 --> 0:19:32.960 It's not like it's not crossing any men's hats. 0:19:33.200 --> 0:19:34.440 That's intimidating for men. 0:19:34.760 --> 0:19:37.680 You know what, I don't know. I've never been attracted 0:19:37.680 --> 0:19:40.439 to beta men's so I've never been like into a 0:19:40.480 --> 0:19:44.320 guy that like, was ever intimidated by me anyways. 0:19:44.400 --> 0:19:46.160 That's just never how I heard interesting. 0:19:46.800 --> 0:19:48.040 I don't ever tend to like. 0:19:48.880 --> 0:19:50.960 So are you attracted to the opposite, then. 0:19:51.119 --> 0:19:55.760 I'm attracted to strong, quiet confidence, So I'm not attracted 0:19:55.800 --> 0:20:00.399 to alpha males that are super loud and boisterous about it. 0:20:00.440 --> 0:20:03.520 I'm attracted to more of a quiet confidence that doesn't 0:20:03.560 --> 0:20:06.240 need to put that out to the world. 0:20:06.320 --> 0:20:08.760 That's great considering you came from a divorce family. 0:20:09.480 --> 0:20:13.399 Yeah, I mean I also, Cheryl, this is not my 0:20:13.480 --> 0:20:14.280 therapy session. 0:20:14.520 --> 0:20:16.359 What It's so true though, I mean, come on it. 0:20:16.400 --> 0:20:19.719 People can learn from you too, girl. We are normal people. 0:20:19.880 --> 0:20:21.879 I'm normal, We're normal humans. 0:20:21.920 --> 0:20:26.520 Right, I do part two phase, Cheryl. I'm still I'm 0:20:26.680 --> 0:20:27.480 not in. 0:20:28.119 --> 0:20:31.359 Your mid thirties. You just got out of a very 0:20:31.400 --> 0:20:34.480 long relationship. You just moved as well, Like this is 0:20:34.520 --> 0:20:36.160 a very similar path. 0:20:36.200 --> 0:20:42.080 Similar but haven't had the marital relationships and haven't. 0:20:42.000 --> 0:20:43.720 But you would have, don't lie. 0:20:43.960 --> 0:20:46.679 I would have for sure, I would have had my 0:20:46.840 --> 0:20:48.640 relationship progress, but it did not. 0:20:49.160 --> 0:20:51.320 Correct until you bounced good girl. 0:20:52.800 --> 0:20:54.920 Yes, but I want to I want to go back 0:20:54.960 --> 0:20:57.480 to you because we touched on this a minute ago 0:20:57.760 --> 0:21:00.800 about the not dating, but I want to go back 0:21:00.840 --> 0:21:04.480 on celibacy. So you have been very open on the 0:21:04.520 --> 0:21:07.679 podcast about your decision to be celibate, and so I 0:21:07.720 --> 0:21:11.040 want to know, though, where did that come from? Was 0:21:11.080 --> 0:21:13.560 that a decision that you made on your own? Were 0:21:13.560 --> 0:21:17.160 you inspired by somebody else that was talking about celibacy? 0:21:17.440 --> 0:21:21.360 Was that something that came hand in hand with your sobriety? 0:21:21.480 --> 0:21:23.920 Like kind of about where the celibacy came from? 0:21:24.280 --> 0:21:26.280 I mean all of the above, but really what I 0:21:26.520 --> 0:21:30.080