Speaker 1: Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, the production of iHeartRadio
Speaker 1: and the Black Effect Network.
Speaker 2: We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talks.
Speaker 1: What's up, y'all? Thank you for tuning in for a
Speaker 1: new episode that We Talked Back, a show dedicated to
Speaker 1: you dreamers and chasers. This is your co host AJ Holiday.
Speaker 1: What's Up Tandem?
Speaker 2: Hey, y'all, I love y'all. Thank y'all for tuning in again.
Speaker 1: What's up?
Speaker 2: AJ? How was your weekend?
Speaker 1: Rainie, rainy, quiet, cleaning, domestic shit. I do much, y'all.
Speaker 1: Just chill out, relive, wifey, get ready for Monday.
Speaker 2: I've been so as you know, I moved out of
Speaker 2: my home, so it's my sound good. Okay, As you know,
Speaker 2: I moved out of my home and I've been staying
Speaker 2: with my best friend and my guy kids. And I
Speaker 2: love my guy babies and I'm and enjoying this time
Speaker 2: with them. But Yo, these kids is off the chain.
Speaker 2: My friend deserve a fucking medal. B I'm talking about
Speaker 2: from seven in the morning, screaming, yelling, running shit on.
Speaker 2: She sweep the floor about thirty times a day. I
Speaker 2: swear to God, I get I'm getting woken up with
Speaker 2: a finger in my eye. Wake up, get up. Oh goodness.
Speaker 2: She wants me to carry her. She wants me to
Speaker 2: They don't want their mama to do ship for them
Speaker 2: no more that I'm here, you know. I want you
Speaker 2: to bathe me. I want you to read the story
Speaker 2: to me. I want you to put me to bed.
Speaker 2: I want you to break And she loving every minute
Speaker 2: of it. She's like, they don't want me, bitch, go
Speaker 2: you on. So I'm join that. That's been my weekend.
Speaker 2: Just spend the time with the kiddies. That's all.
Speaker 1: I love the kids, man, I definitely love even more
Speaker 1: that you can send them home. Yes, when you do,
Speaker 1: I think only people who got patients to be able
Speaker 1: to have kids for real, because I'd be seeing some
Speaker 1: people who be yelling at their kids. Sit down, shut up.
Speaker 1: I can't stand it. I swear I'd be wanting to
Speaker 1: take my dad and belt off on adults because once
Speaker 1: you don't screen with your kid in public? Who really
Speaker 1: looks crazy? Because we expect kids to act out? But
Speaker 1: why you yelling?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: Lost control?
Speaker 2: Maybe? But do kids will make you want to yell? Though?
Speaker 1: Man?
Speaker 2: I swear you can't see it like you can't even
Speaker 2: have a parent who's like patient all the time. And
Speaker 2: you just might witness that one time when they're at
Speaker 2: there with saying with a kid, you know, so you
Speaker 2: got to give him some grace to yelling parents too.
Speaker 1: My nephew big now. But I remember one time his daddy,
Speaker 1: my sister husband beat the shit out his ass, not
Speaker 1: like beat him up, just get belt and actually beat him.
Speaker 1: Did he beat him with a bell. He might have
Speaker 1: just had him with his hand. But I was filled
Speaker 1: with so much joy, okay when he got his ass
Speaker 1: because when I tell you, he had pushed some buttons
Speaker 1: for days and they just was letting him this whatever.
Speaker 1: Pooky da da da da da man he said something
Speaker 1: in his daddy man. I was like, yes, finally finally
Speaker 1: get his eyes whooped. And I don't even like it kids,
Speaker 1: but mas sometimes you know, he was a little even then,
Speaker 1: you know, still like in elementary you need to get
Speaker 1: your ass whoop a little bit, just a little tiny bit.
Speaker 2: I remember one time me and my sister we were
Speaker 2: in Belgium and we had her daughters and they were
Speaker 2: little then they're grown now, but we were in Belgium
Speaker 2: just like you know, do tourists doing the tourist thing,
Speaker 2: and my niece was just being a fucking demon child like,
Speaker 2: she was just so bad. And I think after about
Speaker 2: four hours of misbehaving, my sister came to me. She
Speaker 2: was like, I need you to get your niece and
Speaker 2: I need you to go ahead of us because I'm
Speaker 2: going to kill her. So can you please just get
Speaker 2: her and go? And she was looking at me with
Speaker 2: all the sincerity of her soul. I was like, let
Speaker 2: me get this girl about to really die out here.
Speaker 1: Let me take these some kids to be pushing you, man,
Speaker 1: I seen it. I seen them. They're looking at you.
Speaker 1: Why they're about touch some shit? You? Doesne told them
Speaker 1: not to touch thirty times? You gotta have patience because
Speaker 1: you're going to repeat yourself a lot with the kids
Speaker 1: that a lot of kids don't.
Speaker 2: Let's get the sense.
Speaker 1: Are you watching the Olympics? Is anybody watching?
Speaker 2: I think people are watching. I have not watched this yet,
Speaker 2: but I will watch when it gets to like track
Speaker 2: and field, yeah, because yeah, that's when I really like
Speaker 2: to tune in. I did not feel the Olympic outfit,
Speaker 2: the openness, the blazer with the striped shirt and the jeans.
Speaker 2: I mean I think it was kind of given classic
Speaker 2: American polo, you know, kind of yeah, but it was
Speaker 2: just not Maybe it was the striped shirt under it.
Speaker 2: Maybe it should have been ugly.
Speaker 1: It's basic. Okay, they could take a little play out
Speaker 1: some of the other uniforms book.
Speaker 2: I could see what they were trying to do. But
Speaker 2: everybody can't wear it, you know. I just feel like
Speaker 2: it needed to be tailored to fit everyone, and it
Speaker 2: just looks sloppy on a lot of people.
Speaker 1: I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all.
Speaker 1: So who you think was best stressed?
Speaker 2: I think Lebron looked good in his. He had his
Speaker 2: little jacket cut to fit. That's it. I didn't really
Speaker 2: see nobody else that was wearing you know, that made
Speaker 2: that look sharp? Did you know?
Speaker 1: I didn't like America's shit at all. You know, they
Speaker 1: had like the little lineup with all the the other
Speaker 1: countries and Mongolia, Mongolia, Mongolia. They shit lit, Okay.
Speaker 2: I like them. I like Liberria, Liberia look nice, Hades
Speaker 2: look nice. Yeah, because I Bearry had the nick cut
Speaker 2: out on their top that was the shape of Africa.
Speaker 2: I thought that was fire. So yeah, I thought it
Speaker 2: was nice America, but America looked stuffy.
Speaker 1: And let's talk about opening that. It's gon viral right
Speaker 1: now for the Olympics. A lot of people are saying
Speaker 1: it kind of looks like the First Supper, the Last Supper,
Speaker 1: the last Supper. The first Supper looked like the last Supper?
Speaker 2: Man, I was that what that was supposed to be
Speaker 2: or did it just end up looking like that?
Speaker 1: I don't think anything is happened stance. When we're talking
Speaker 1: about television telling you lies visually, they definitely put a
Speaker 1: lot of thought in the in presentation. So I think
Speaker 1: it is exactly what we think it is. Taylor even
Speaker 1: sent somebody nuts hanging out on an image.
Speaker 2: What was that nuts meant to be out? Because that's crazy.
Speaker 2: If they meant for their nuts to be out.
Speaker 1: You have just men to see them. I feel like
Speaker 1: it was purposely done some nuts. I think it was
Speaker 1: just one or two little ones. I don't know, but
Speaker 1: it was some nuts. Y'all seen that picture. Zoom in
Speaker 1: a little bit on the image what they like posing
Speaker 1: at the end, just zooming and there's a white guy
Speaker 1: to the to the to the left with some black
Speaker 1: shorts on it. You'll see two beige balls of one
Speaker 1: just sitting out of his short leg.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't understand what the point of, you know,
Speaker 2: mocking or what they were trying to do when the
Speaker 2: first supper, like I mean the last look the first
Speaker 2: the last supper, Like, what was the what was the point?
Speaker 2: You know you just said.
Speaker 1: It mocking God? You know what I'm saying, mocking the
Speaker 1: last supper, This Jesus Christ.
Speaker 2: As far as I'm concerned, why they're.
Speaker 1: Trying to show you who's in charge?
Speaker 2: Who? Okay, y'all keep reading that story will end with.
Speaker 1: Exactly exactly and we don't get a little bit into
Speaker 1: that later on in the in the episode. But yeah,
Speaker 1: like I feel like that's what they're doing. You know,
Speaker 1: people like to mock God. People play God, and I'm
Speaker 1: not God is in me. I don't think it's a
Speaker 1: thing that's outside of me. But these these things that
Speaker 1: we be looking at online and on TV, it's not
Speaker 1: from anything nice, it's not from anything good. It's kind
Speaker 1: of where and the Olympics is an ancient event. This
Speaker 1: thing has been going on for a long long time,
Speaker 1: so it's full of rituals. As far as I'm concerned,
Speaker 1: it's a lot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, can't the flame, the lighting of the flame and
Speaker 2: all that stuff. It definitely seems like some you know,
Speaker 2: ancient ritualistic things. People from all over the earth come
Speaker 2: together to compete, you know.
Speaker 1: It is you just don't see people dying. But just
Speaker 1: think about like medieval times and how they would have
Speaker 1: like these big, big stadiums, stadiums with the people fighting,
Speaker 1: you know, and it was it was for the the
Speaker 1: I would say, equivalent to our government, right, It was
Speaker 1: for the kings and queens to keep the common folk
Speaker 1: entertained while they do all their fucking bidden and bad
Speaker 1: shit on the back end. See when when you're no
Speaker 1: longer entertained, they can't get shipped past you no more
Speaker 1: because now you're paying attention. So just be mindful what
Speaker 1: you line your energy to and what you're watching. That's all.
Speaker 2: Well, speaking of entertained Simon Boughs, they do it a
Speaker 2: good job, because Simone Bows really entertained the funk out
Speaker 2: her flawless flawless balance being routine where she scored fourteen
Speaker 2: point seventy three three, the highest on the apparatus. Go ahead,
Speaker 2: my little suss like I can't tell that, I mean,
Speaker 2: I saw her flipping. I don't know how it's judged,
Speaker 2: but it looked good as far as I'm concerned. Like,
Speaker 2: little sister can do that ship. Could you imagine jumping
Speaker 2: on that beam and not breaking in it?
Speaker 1: What's it trying to get her to stop doing things
Speaker 1: because other people couldn't do it? Like, so it's like
Speaker 1: not fair, right, what she's a fucking superhero, y'all? Can't
Speaker 1: do what she do?
Speaker 2: All right, you're not supposed to be able to do
Speaker 2: it in practice. Bit a Snoop Dogg came through. He
Speaker 2: danced the Olympic torch through Paris ahead of the opening ceremony.
Speaker 1: Throwing and everything else on Instagram.
Speaker 2: Okay, we don't.
Speaker 1: Got no better representation? Is that what we're saying?
Speaker 2: That is America?
Speaker 1: So this is a clown state.
Speaker 2: What is better? The Snoop Dogg throwing up big crip
Speaker 2: in Paris? Is it what we stand for in this country?
Speaker 1: Damn it? Man litsteny y'all. I am actively trying to
Speaker 1: get citizenship elsewhere.
Speaker 2: I need anohings you can go to Ghana.
Speaker 1: No, I don't want to go to Africa, so I
Speaker 1: want citizenship. I mean I can get another passport Africa
Speaker 1: just to have it. But I prefer Barbados. That's why
Speaker 1: I want glass. So Rihanna, if you're listening and I
Speaker 1: asked this before, Okay, I need a Beaesian husband. Okay,
Speaker 1: I can marry one over there and have my husband
Speaker 1: over here in America, so I get that citizenship.
Speaker 2: You whispering into the mic like a million people not
Speaker 2: gonna hear it, don't matter if you whisk the beach. Goodness.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I need that that citizenship, that Beijian citizenship, Okay,
Speaker 1: And the easiest way to get it is by way
Speaker 1: of marriage or college, like if you went to school
Speaker 1: over there. Investment obviously, you know, if you're an investor
Speaker 1: and stuff like. That's most countries. But girl, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I need to be able to get the fuck up
Speaker 1: out of here when she gets real, cause it's scary'all.
Speaker 1: Don't know if y'all paying attention or not. But it's
Speaker 1: the I try. Like we had that episode Digital Detalks.
Speaker 1: I'd be trying, y'all. I'd be trying a certain time
Speaker 1: and day I might tell me no, I start sending
Speaker 1: a bunch of memes because that's when I'm most active
Speaker 1: on the internet, on social media. But man, I can't
Speaker 1: take it. I can't take it. I'd be trying to.
Speaker 2: Really, it's really, it's really real. Well, what can you do?
Speaker 2: You know? That's why I've decided that I just try
Speaker 2: to find ways to have peace and joy just in
Speaker 2: my immediate space, because I can't really do anything about
Speaker 2: hugely about the collective. So if I can just provide
Speaker 2: peace and joy to myself and some to my listeners
Speaker 2: as much as I can, that's all I can do
Speaker 2: right now. I don't know, that's all. That's all.
Speaker 1: Did you see Rick Ross? Baby? Mom? I'm gonna tell
Speaker 1: y'all ta camp now. She's one of my favorite social
Speaker 1: media personalities. Okay, this bitch did miss Netta so dirty
Speaker 1: over the weekend. I did catch that over the weekend.
Speaker 1: I watched it a thousand times. I think it was
Speaker 1: the Jazzmine brand. They actually had a part of the
Speaker 1: of what she was saying like transcripted out in the caption.
Speaker 1: Dodd laughed so hard. The ship she was saying to
Speaker 1: this man's like, how you come off the dome? I
Speaker 1: can't read that well? And you know they say usually
Speaker 1: the gay men really read jazz down. But he could
Speaker 1: not keep up with Ta KMP.
Speaker 2: Well, I think Miss Netta goes by she and not he.
Speaker 2: It's so she was read down by TKM big time,
Speaker 2: Like does she go batch Miss Nettle?
Speaker 1: Yeah, just last week she was. He was online saying
Speaker 1: how he doesn't want to be a woman, and if
Speaker 1: he did want to be a woman, he'd be want
Speaker 1: to be a white woman because black women are fucking dumb.
Speaker 1: Did you catch that's what he said? Yes? Oh no,
Speaker 1: I missed that just just last week. So I don't
Speaker 1: think he like, you know, the older generation, like we
Speaker 1: talked about this on previous episodes, only the older generation.
Speaker 1: I don't think they really get into the pronouns like that,
Speaker 1: but I want to respect them. So whatever she goes by.
Speaker 1: But I thought I just assumed.
Speaker 2: If I just assumed, if you go by Miss, you
Speaker 2: would subscribed to she. But maybe I'm wrong.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: God damn, I can't.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I don't see it. Don't miss when I
Speaker 1: see that, nigga, Okay, I don't. I'm sorry. I don't
Speaker 1: see a miss. I do not, Man, But she was
Speaker 1: saying some of the worst shit possible.
Speaker 2: I would have hung us on. I would have hung up.
Speaker 2: There's no way. I would have stayed on the live
Speaker 2: with her eating yep like that. I mean she was rhyming.
Speaker 2: She was just like just finding ways the rhyme words
Speaker 2: together and saying like the zoo need to come pick
Speaker 2: you up, but I would come rescue you because I
Speaker 2: don't like harm and animals like, oh my.
Speaker 1: God, and did you so? They were recently on What's
Speaker 1: what's the name of the podcast that they have.
Speaker 2: The Aunties Aunties, the Aunty something. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: So Netta and Charles was on there recently and Charles
Speaker 1: had on a faja under his clones, just sitting up
Speaker 1: there stiff, can't talk because he was fucking talked nog
Speaker 1: this is the world we live in and this shit
Speaker 1: is fucking wild to me. It's wild. Are you not entertained?
Speaker 2: Right? They're keeping us entertained, like you said, something's going on.
Speaker 1: But she was getting on his ass even this morning
Speaker 1: child eight forty five am. She was cooking his ass up. Anyway.
Speaker 1: It's not nice.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's not nice. I felt sad for him because
Speaker 2: he could not argue back with that woman at all.
Speaker 2: And I don't what was the argument. How did it start?
Speaker 2: Do we even know, I.
Speaker 1: Think social media people started it. I think the fans.
Speaker 1: I don't know. They call everybody fans. But if you
Speaker 1: started some shit, you clearly a hater, not really a fan.
Speaker 1: So something the people the social media started it. Basically
Speaker 1: the collective started it.
Speaker 2: Well. Speaking of fans, and behind the scenes, Tory Lanez
Speaker 2: was behind the cell making music, and he released two
Speaker 2: new songs, one called Sell two forty five and one
Speaker 2: wish I Never Met You. And I can assume that
Speaker 2: might be about our good sis Meghan, because I'm sure
Speaker 2: he wished he never met her ass. If anybody, that's
Speaker 2: probably the biggest person he wished he never met.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure she wished she never met his ass either.
Speaker 1: There's that part, you know.
Speaker 2: What I'm saying. They both can sing along to that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but did you listen to it?
Speaker 1: I hadn't. I didn't even I can't lie. He is talented,
Speaker 1: but to me, Tory Lanez is a chameleon. Sometimes when
Speaker 1: I like I would listened to his previous albums, like
Speaker 1: you can't tell who that is? Like he can sound
Speaker 1: like anybody that's a talent. Shit man, who are you though?
Speaker 1: Who are you?
Speaker 2: That's everybody?
Speaker 1: Everybody bitch, Many Face God. Tory Lanez is many faced God,
Speaker 1: because sometimes I don't know who the hell it is
Speaker 1: on the album like that nigga be sounded like Future
Speaker 1: one out with one song, then Tory Lanez another, then
Speaker 1: the Dream on another song like I don't know, but no,
Speaker 1: I hadn't listened yet. I don't know if I'm going
Speaker 1: to either. Oh, I don't support him like that. Uh
Speaker 1: he said he gonna be home soon. But I was
Speaker 1: just about to say that, Like these niggas be in
Speaker 1: jail hallucinating. They be saying, nick, I'm a home next
Speaker 1: year every year.
Speaker 2: But they they gotta keep hope because if they don't
Speaker 2: keep hope, they'll just, you know, fall apart in there.
Speaker 2: I would be like that too, I'll get home. I'm
Speaker 2: coming home soon now.
Speaker 1: Every time one of my little cousins just text my
Speaker 1: phone and ask me how he got my number, I
Speaker 1: don't fucking know, And he was like, you'll tell a
Speaker 1: good jerom I be home next me. Oh yeah, I
Speaker 1: didn't even know you was in jail, dog, Like, what's up,
Speaker 1: hope all as well?
Speaker 2: You didn't know he was in jail.
Speaker 1: No, but he text you don't be keeping up with
Speaker 1: niggas in jail. Lets you my nigga in jail.
Speaker 2: That seems to be the consensus.
Speaker 1: And why you talk to me because that's kind of
Speaker 1: like I know this, this is my cousin now, like
Speaker 1: my I don't know what.
Speaker 2: You're gonna ask for some money next.
Speaker 1: See, and that niggas will definitely become a bill from prison, yep.
Speaker 2: But if you love him sending something, Oh.
Speaker 1: You nigga, whatever you did to go to jail, you
Speaker 1: ain't do nothing for me while you was out here. No,
Speaker 1: I don't got it. It's hard outside. At least you
Speaker 1: can you got housing and a meal in there out here,
Speaker 1: and we're paying for exactly exactly you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: And this shit is hard. You at least gonna have
Speaker 1: shelter and something to eat. It's wild out here, Okay,
Speaker 1: we're really trying to make it. I ain't got it.
Speaker 2: Well to lane mm hmm, y'all. We are gonna get
Speaker 2: into some biblical things today.
Speaker 1: Not biblical that sounds scary.
Speaker 2: It's not always biblical, could be righteous. We're gonna talk
Speaker 2: about Lot's wife, and if you know who Lot's wife was,
Speaker 2: she looked back when she was told not to, and
Speaker 2: then she turned into a pillar of salt. So we're
Speaker 2: just gonna talk about those of us who keep looking
Speaker 2: back and what that looks like and what we should
Speaker 2: do to combat it. We'll be right.
Speaker 1: Back, all right, y'all, we're back, and you know, so
Speaker 1: we want to talk about moving forward. I guess in relationships, right.
Speaker 1: So Tam mentioned Lot's wife. God told them to leave
Speaker 1: the city and don't look back. And Lot's wife looked
Speaker 1: back with like sadly right in a yearning for what was,
Speaker 1: and she was turned into a statue of salt.
Speaker 2: Turn into a big bottle of Larry's.
Speaker 1: For looking back. So if you're trying to do something different,
Speaker 1: you need to keep your eye enterprise and look forward,
Speaker 1: don't look back. I am guilty of always looking back,
Speaker 1: reaching back, fucking back, all types.
Speaker 2: Of exactly because it's so much easier to deal with
Speaker 2: the devil that you know versus a new one. You know.
Speaker 2: That's I always feel like, what's the saying deal with
Speaker 2: the devil that you I'm gonna google it and I'm
Speaker 2: gonna run it back in a minute, y'all when we
Speaker 2: go to break Because it's easier because you just know
Speaker 2: what to expect with these people. You know what to
Speaker 2: expect sexually, you know they're bullshit. You know their behavior,
Speaker 2: you know when they lying to you. Now you're trying to,
Speaker 2: you know, start with someone new and you don't know
Speaker 2: none of that ship and it be shit. You know,
Speaker 2: it be new shit.
Speaker 1: But the minute you see some of that old shit,
Speaker 1: you know pop up in this new relationship, now you
Speaker 1: you have it's a trauma response, right TSD because now
Speaker 1: it's looking like something you've seen before. I'm guilty of
Speaker 1: that doing that to people in new relationships and then
Speaker 1: also refurbished relationships, like I'm remembering what you did your
Speaker 1: particular nigga, Like this is a new relationship now, but
Speaker 1: I remember what you did before, and it'd be hard
Speaker 1: for me to get over. And even though I can
Speaker 1: move forward, right, but it's still it's still always so
Speaker 1: hard for me to completely forgive and forget. Though I'm
Speaker 1: not that too giving at all, because I'm always I'm
Speaker 1: always like thinking, like why you did that, and what
Speaker 1: about me made you thought that was okay to.
Speaker 2: Do to me? You know what I'm saying, m H.
Speaker 2: But then you here you are back, so it's like,
Speaker 2: what about you made you feel.
Speaker 1: Like you see, it's all in the introspection, Okay, you
Speaker 1: always gotta go inside and see what the fuck is
Speaker 1: wrong with you? What's wrong with me?
Speaker 2: Is something wrong with me, It's something wrong with all
Speaker 2: of us. It's there's nobody all the way right. Have
Speaker 2: you met an all the way right person?
Speaker 1: I haven't, No, I haven't no.
Speaker 2: They don't exist. They don't exist. And if they telling
Speaker 2: you they all the way right, that you found what's
Speaker 2: wrong with them, they.
Speaker 1: Live exactly right, very deceitful, right. And I think it
Speaker 1: is a familiar familiarality thing right that comes in when
Speaker 1: you're dealing with somebody who you've been with before, Like
Speaker 1: you said, like you go on to the next relationship
Speaker 1: and you just expect it to be like so wonderful,
Speaker 1: and then the same shit shows up. So it's like, damn,
Speaker 1: I should have just stayed where the fuck I was
Speaker 1: at mm.
Speaker 2: Hm, you know, at least I like that dick over
Speaker 2: there better, you know, and be shit like that for really.
Speaker 2: So I found this article from Healthy Humans Project dot
Speaker 2: com on how to not let past relationships affect new ones.
Speaker 1: Niggas be tired of me bringing up X my exts
Speaker 1: my ex dat and I know I do that often,
Speaker 1: and I don't think men realize they do the same thing.
Speaker 1: But I think when we do something, it's just amplified
Speaker 1: in the air for some reason, I don't know, but
Speaker 1: they all think the same thing.
Speaker 2: I think our listeners have heard a lot about yours.
Speaker 1: As well, because it's a way for me to deal
Speaker 1: with the trauma. It's a way for me to talk
Speaker 1: it out right. So I don't really need, and I've
Speaker 1: said this before, do I need like a therapist therapist.
Speaker 1: I just need to be able to say the thing
Speaker 1: right out loud. I don't have a problem saying the
Speaker 1: things and telling who the fuck ever gonna listen. I
Speaker 1: got a problem with keeping shit to my goddamn self.
Speaker 2: It's hard, all right. So I'm gonna read a little
Speaker 2: bit of this. Has your partner ever done something that
Speaker 2: reminded you of a bad experience from a past relationship.
Speaker 2: I can probably guess the rest of the story. You
Speaker 2: felt your nervous system kick in, you put your walls
Speaker 2: back up, your partner got confused, you didn't know how
Speaker 2: to talk about it. You both went to bed upset.
Speaker 2: I know this story too. We all have emotional baggage,
Speaker 2: whether it's from our parents or a romantic relationship. Negative
Speaker 2: experiences and past relationships can really mess us up, and
Speaker 2: they can. That shit is true. All Right, let's list
Speaker 2: the ways, shall we? All Right, here's a list. Trusting
Speaker 2: is scared. Absolutely, Trusting is so scared. I think that
Speaker 2: is one of my biggest hiccups because I feel like
Speaker 2: I'd be so scared that I'm gonna kill somebody. Because
Speaker 2: if I let my wall down to trust you and
Speaker 2: you betray me in a real way at this stage
Speaker 2: in my life, I might snap. I always fear that.
Speaker 1: Well, I've already done that, right, So I've snapped before,
Speaker 1: and that's when I know it's time for me to go.
Speaker 1: Because when you got me acting way outside of my norm,
Speaker 1: way outside of my character, I gotta get the fuck
Speaker 1: up out of there, because you trying to drive me
Speaker 1: nuts or I'm driving me nuts. Can con tenue and
Speaker 1: continuously dealing with the bullshit.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: So I don't think I have a hard time trusting people,
Speaker 1: because as long as I know who you are, I
Speaker 1: can deal with you. It's like the random ass little
Speaker 1: ship people do it. It's like damn that's you. That's
Speaker 1: the ship that scares me.
Speaker 2: Yeah. But see that's what makes me not trust because
Speaker 2: I know it's something.
Speaker 1: You're just waiting for it, and I don't really be
Speaker 1: waiting for it because I whoever you tell me you are,
Speaker 1: I believe you until you show me otherwise, then that's
Speaker 1: what I believe.
Speaker 2: All Right, here's the next one. Vulnerable. Vulnerability is scary.
Speaker 2: That's another one. Being vulnerable and being what's the other word.
Speaker 1: That's it?
Speaker 2: Those are my two words I hate the most. Apologizing
Speaker 2: it's hard. I don't have a problem to apologizing, and
Speaker 2: I can do that forgiveness.
Speaker 1: Vulnerability is scary to you, Like you don't you don't
Speaker 1: want to open up people?
Speaker 2: Oh like peeling back my layers and sharing the like
Speaker 2: the most softest part of me. I'm a cancer baby.
Speaker 2: I got a shell on for a reason to protect
Speaker 2: all of that Gucci shit inside. Oh.
Speaker 1: I thought, y'all, I'll be letting it out.
Speaker 2: I thought, I, yeah, I will let it out. But
Speaker 2: it's not easy. It's not easy.
Speaker 1: I let it out. And then if you don't like,
Speaker 1: you're not you know. I think women oftentimes suppress a
Speaker 1: lot of things because they don't want to scare the
Speaker 1: guy at this big age, if you are still dating, right,
Speaker 1: you need to tell people all the things up front
Speaker 1: and lit them aside, whether or not they fucking with
Speaker 1: it or not. That is the easiest way to date nowadays,
Speaker 1: and it's the quickest way to wean through people who
Speaker 1: aren't for you, because if your vulnerability is scared of somebody, like,
Speaker 1: somebody else might see that and want to help.
Speaker 2: I just told a man so that you know some
Speaker 2: of the things that I require, and he got like,
Speaker 2: really judgie about the things that I like, And I'm like, well,
Speaker 2: you don't have to you know, I'm not asking. I
Speaker 2: already told you that I was only interested in us
Speaker 2: being friends anyway, So why are you picking through what
Speaker 2: I need desire for a relationship when I'm not even
Speaker 2: interested in you in that way? Get Apologizing is hard.
Speaker 2: Forgiveness is hard. That's hard for me.
Speaker 1: That is very hard for me in every aspect.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: It's hard because you know, I try not to do
Speaker 1: fucked up shit to people, so when it's done to
Speaker 1: me is again I'm like, why you do that? What
Speaker 1: the fuck was that about? So it is hard for
Speaker 1: me to forgive people because I feel like that thing
Speaker 1: is still in you, so I can't. I just had
Speaker 1: this conversation with a friend who I hadn't spoken to
Speaker 1: a month, and we happened to talk over this week
Speaker 1: over the weekend. Now, oh, I neglected to tell you, guys,
Speaker 1: I was shroomed up this weekend. Okay, Friday, Nay, I'm
Speaker 1: in here.
Speaker 2: You had a vulnerable conversation with someone while you were
Speaker 2: shoomed up.
Speaker 1: The next level two two conversations. I had a homeboy
Speaker 1: called me about about him looking back right and going
Speaker 1: back to an ex possibly right, And my main thing
Speaker 1: to him was, listen, remember why you left, right, I'm
Speaker 1: living in it. So when you get the thing, are
Speaker 1: you sure that's what you want? Right? Because it looks
Speaker 1: good until you actually get it. Sometimes anyway, are you reminded?
Speaker 2: You then are reminded why you left in the first place.
Speaker 1: Right. So this person I was talking to, which I
Speaker 1: still consider a friend, right, we just we're not connecting
Speaker 1: right now. And I told her that I take mental
Speaker 1: notes about situations and about people. It's not that I'm
Speaker 1: going to live this way with you every day, but
Speaker 1: I know now what you're capable of after you show me,
Speaker 1: so I can't. I would be a fool to just
Speaker 1: move forward completely slate clean. I'm not saying I'm going
Speaker 1: to be acting weird with you going forward, but I
Speaker 1: do have a mental note written in my mind of
Speaker 1: your capabilities. That's is that wrong? You'd be a fool
Speaker 1: if you don't take key No. When somebody shows you
Speaker 1: a particular character flaw.
Speaker 2: It's like, I forgive you, but I won't forget.
Speaker 1: Yes, I don't forget, so I get. I probably forgive,
Speaker 1: but I because I think I might be forgiving, I
Speaker 1: just don't forget, right. So the minute I see that
Speaker 1: thing again, I'm gonna call it out.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I haven't spoken to one of my close
Speaker 2: friends in months, and she reached out on my birthday,
Speaker 2: and it was just kind of like yeah.
Speaker 1: Because once you stop being friends, it's like I don't
Speaker 1: really know you no more.
Speaker 2: I feel a way that you didn't reach out all
Speaker 2: these months over some bullshit one which I really don't
Speaker 2: even know what the fuck the issue was in the
Speaker 2: first place. But on my birthday is not a fine
Speaker 2: time to hash out our issues. I don't oh today.
Speaker 2: I want to just be in a space of peace
Speaker 2: and happiness, and today I ain't doing it, and I
Speaker 2: don't know when I want to call back either, because
Speaker 2: now I'm busy. You've been You've been too busy to
Speaker 2: call back for months and months and months.
Speaker 1: Oh so you did reach out to her before, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: and she did, But then she hit up on your birthday.
Speaker 2: Then I saw her out and she went around the
Speaker 2: table and hugged everybody but me. We was always in
Speaker 2: the group, and she went around and hugged everybody at
Speaker 2: the table but me. My girl, what's your problem? Okay? Whatever?
Speaker 2: And then now you're calling me on my birthday acting
Speaker 2: like she gonna be normal. Yeah, that's how I feel like.
Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't know what you're f and
Speaker 2: I and I'm living in here with two baby infants.
Speaker 2: I can't call you right now.
Speaker 1: I can't like you barely can record this episode right now.
Speaker 1: Bitch is whispering, y'all.
Speaker 2: See.
Speaker 1: Then I'm trying to keep it all right.
Speaker 2: So this one feeling deserving of love is hard.
Speaker 1: I always think I deserve love. I always think of
Speaker 1: the best of the fucking best. Now more than ever,
Speaker 1: you know, once you, once you really know you, you
Speaker 1: have your self awareness, and you know what you're worth.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: It's hard to settle for some bullshit. Okay, So I'm
Speaker 1: definitely deserving of love, and if you got to grovel
Speaker 1: at my fucking feet, that's what you're gonna have to
Speaker 1: do to get me back.
Speaker 2: But there are those of us I don't feel deserving
Speaker 2: of love. But I'm here to remind you that you
Speaker 2: are a baby girl or baby boy.
Speaker 1: We say that, but we don't know what people have
Speaker 1: done to people. You know what I'm saying. Do you
Speaker 1: think that real bad people still deserve to be loved
Speaker 1: or should they be on a fucking island by themselves,
Speaker 1: like you've been terrorizing people since two years old. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I just know some I know of because
Speaker 1: I'm not associating myself with those types of people, but
Speaker 1: I know I've really deplorable people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and.
Speaker 1: That thing out of them in the world.
Speaker 2: Yeah. But I think if you learn how to change
Speaker 2: and be a better person, do you not then in
Speaker 2: turn not deserve.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, But you have to show improve yourself and you
Speaker 1: have to apologize for the people to the people you've wronged. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree, you know what I'm saying, So that do
Speaker 1: we do, we go to apology. Yeah, apologizing is hard,
Speaker 1: so a lot of times people just avoid its avoidance,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. As opposed to taking accountability
Speaker 1: and and and apologizing, they will continuously justify why their
Speaker 1: behavior is okay.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm, I've seen it all too many times.
Speaker 1: And no, you're not. You are not deserving of my love.
Speaker 2: But so on the else perhaps, Yeah, right, I'm feeling lovable.
Speaker 2: Feeling lovable is hard. What's the difference between deserving of
Speaker 2: love and lovable? Is that someone who's giving love?
Speaker 1: I like to say I make it easy for people
Speaker 1: to love me. I think I'm lovable. Yeah, people who
Speaker 1: actually know me? Okay, who really know me in real life? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think some people aren't easy to love. They just
Speaker 1: they really put you through some shit, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Take it to that place. Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, I think I'm like sometimes overly lovable with motherfuckers
Speaker 2: and they get you fucked up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, got shit fucked up? Because you thought I was nice.
Speaker 1: I always say I'm good.
Speaker 2: I'm not nice, kind, not nice, like I've adopted that
Speaker 2: in my late thirties because I always was nice and
Speaker 2: trying to be a people pleaser, and I want everybody
Speaker 2: to be happy around me. Some people are committed, Yeah,
Speaker 2: some people are committed to not being happy, and you
Speaker 2: can't do nothing about that except absorb some of their
Speaker 2: negative energy. So I just try not to. All Right,
Speaker 2: you project onto your partner a lot.
Speaker 1: Mmmmmm, I don't think I don't do that.
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't think I do that because I
Speaker 2: just i'd be telling jokes the whole time. Like, even
Speaker 2: when shit is like fucked up, I will find a
Speaker 2: way for us to laugh. Do you want to laugh
Speaker 2: through this, cause we can if you're interested in it,
Speaker 2: I'm with it. So if I project, I'm projecting that
Speaker 2: you compare yourself.
Speaker 1: Or your partner what to other people.
Speaker 2: To pass relationships to his ex, to your ex.
Speaker 1: I don't never compare excees. The thing is, you know,
Speaker 1: men will say that women come with all us baggage
Speaker 1: and from you know, I'm having so many problems with
Speaker 1: you because of what the last man did to you,
Speaker 1: But oftentimes the things are done in this particular situation.
Speaker 1: I'm not on your neck because of what the last
Speaker 1: man did. It's because of you in particular. Like I
Speaker 1: don't bring shit from the other relationship. When I talk
Speaker 1: about negative things or positive things, I'm not bringing them
Speaker 1: into this relationship. I'm not treating you away because of
Speaker 1: what somebody else did to me. I always move on
Speaker 1: like I love, I love, love like I like, I like,
Speaker 1: so I'm always ready to fall in love again. I
Speaker 1: ain't never scared, bitch, what'll we be doing? Let's go.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. So I'm never coming in
Speaker 1: the new thing with some old shit.
Speaker 2: As much as I would like to say what you
Speaker 2: just said, I know that subconsciously, some of the traumas
Speaker 2: of past relationships do trickle into the new ones in somewhere.
Speaker 2: I can't put my finger on it, but I know
Speaker 2: it's there. Like I be triggered, are like abandonment, like.
Speaker 1: You calling a nigga phone a lot when they're gonna
Speaker 1: answer the phone and stuff like that.
Speaker 2: No I might ego won't allow that, okay, but my
Speaker 2: mind like, okay, no, my ego on, I won't call.
Speaker 2: I'll call and then I'll text, and if I don't
Speaker 2: get no response, we'll never hear from me again in life.
Speaker 2: And that be ego because I want to know, like,
Speaker 2: because then if something happened now I'm worried. I might
Speaker 2: even be worried about you. But instead of just trying
Speaker 2: to check and make sure you okay, my ego, it's
Speaker 2: like the nigga. I know you see my motherfucking text right,
Speaker 2: you know that's my energy.
Speaker 1: I'm only calling one time and I'm texting one time. Nigga,
Speaker 1: you see me, and that goes for you too. If
Speaker 1: you call my phone more than one time, you're trying
Speaker 1: to control me. If I'm Dad, I can't answer. If
Speaker 1: you dad, we can't do nothing about it. You know what,
Speaker 1: motherfucker I could have been dad. I could have been
Speaker 1: on the side, okay, and then what was I going
Speaker 1: to be able to do with that?
Speaker 2: That was God? Be like? You should call nine one one?
Speaker 1: Then, yes, why are you calling me? You're trying to
Speaker 1: control me. That's why you've called my phone thirty times.
Speaker 2: But I do that with women. I won't do that
Speaker 2: with men. I'll do that with women you call multiple times,
Speaker 2: I'll blow your motherfucking ass up, But for some reason,
Speaker 2: with a man, you won't call these twice.
Speaker 1: Now and more and more, I'm calling board Unless I
Speaker 1: really really want you to answer the phone. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: tax you like God, you answer.
Speaker 2: Especially if it seems like you hit the button on me,
Speaker 2: I'm calling back again.
Speaker 1: Now thatsk ego too. Now that's like you're trying to
Speaker 1: be controlling of your whole girls.
Speaker 2: You know how, you know how the iPhone now has
Speaker 2: this where your picture can pop up when you call people,
Speaker 2: so like their face will pop up on your phone.
Speaker 2: I will not put my face up there. It's like,
Speaker 2: why you got a picture up because if you hit
Speaker 2: the client to my face, bitch, that's a problem because
Speaker 2: I know my face popped up on your ship and
Speaker 2: you still hit the button. Hell no, I didn't even
Speaker 2: put my dog.
Speaker 1: My dog is my like Mogi for iPhone.
Speaker 2: So when you call it bella pop up, Yeah, I
Speaker 2: ain't putting nothing up there because I just don't want
Speaker 2: to kind of anger that would calls for me knowing
Speaker 2: that my face popped up and you still hit the
Speaker 2: button on me, pressure pressed my face to say no,
Speaker 2: oh hell no. All right, you build walls. I definitely
Speaker 2: have uh built some walls up, all right.
Speaker 1: Trump, Maga not maga in the relationships. You got the
Speaker 1: Mexicans to do it.
Speaker 2: These niggas did it. These niggas built my walls from
Speaker 2: you teach yourself to expect the worst.
Speaker 1: Now, I dude, I am. I might be a little
Speaker 1: pessimistic in relationships. I'm gonna tell you, and it's not
Speaker 1: I'm still knock on. You're not gonna know that I'm
Speaker 1: expecting the worst, though, But I feel like throughout my
Speaker 1: life it seems like the times where I was relaxed
Speaker 1: and comfortable and happy and just like in Bliss, that's
Speaker 1: when the worst shit happens. You're married, you got a
Speaker 1: baby on the way. I asked you if you had kids,
Speaker 1: and Nigga be like, well, the baby wasn't born yet,
Speaker 1: so technically it be that type of shit, right, Okay,
Speaker 1: that I've had to deal with, So yeah, I might. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I be expecting the worst out of people. I do.
Speaker 2: I do, so it just makes the blows not hit
Speaker 2: as hard, right, But are you manifesting the bullshit by
Speaker 2: doing that? Though?
Speaker 1: I don't like, I don't, I don't like really like.
Speaker 1: It's not like living rent free in my mind somewhere, right.
Speaker 1: I just I just know what humans are capable of,
Speaker 1: So I expect you to be human, right, since I'm
Speaker 1: a god like, I expect people to fuck up you know,
Speaker 1: I expect you to fuck up, and I'm gonna just
Speaker 1: be like, listen, man, now, I notice you now, but
Speaker 1: this is now the new me. Right to counter this
Speaker 1: new version of you, right, and you can't get mad
Speaker 1: at that. Some people they want you to remain the
Speaker 1: same while they done switched up on you. It's impossible you.
Speaker 2: Create unhealthy or unrealistic expectations for your partner.
Speaker 1: I don't. I feel like, even with one falling out.
Speaker 1: And this is because you know, romantic relationships and then
Speaker 1: like your friendships with your your friends or whatever, guys
Speaker 1: or whatever, they kind of are the same. Right, So
Speaker 1: there's only one couple extra expectations I have from a
Speaker 1: lover as opposed to my friend. Like I expect everybody
Speaker 1: to love and respect me, and then I expect these
Speaker 1: niggas to spend some money and protect me. Okay, that's
Speaker 1: the extra two things. But that's all I require from
Speaker 1: my friends is love and respect. I feel like some
Speaker 1: women have way too many expectations from their friends.
Speaker 2: Way too many. Are you talking about me?
Speaker 1: No? Uh uh? I have. I have had fallen outs
Speaker 1: with people and some of the things that they come
Speaker 1: up with that I supposedly didn't show up or do
Speaker 1: for them as like way over my head type shit. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: I've done those things for them and they've never done
Speaker 1: them for me. I had an argument with a friend
Speaker 1: and we no longer friends, but it was just min
Speaker 1: and I cried so bad with this comment, with this argument,
Speaker 1: because I couldn't believe this was happening. I was being like,
Speaker 1: for real, gas lit, real hard. You never invited me
Speaker 1: to anything. I literally invited you to other things with
Speaker 1: my other friends because I'm the type of person. I
Speaker 1: know my homegirls who can't be around everybody else, and
Speaker 1: then I know the ones that can write and I
Speaker 1: one thing I love the most is like all the
Speaker 1: people I like and love to be like together in
Speaker 1: the same space. Right. So I had invited her. I
Speaker 1: had lived out of town. I'm traveling to your house.
Speaker 1: You had never been to mine. And these are the
Speaker 1: things when we when our friendship came to an end,
Speaker 1: she were she was saying these things to me. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: she had never shown up for me.
Speaker 2: For real, right, And it's like you only seeing what
Speaker 2: I didn't what I haven't done in your eyes, but
Speaker 2: never seeing what you haven't done at all.
Speaker 1: Because her expectations for me were way up here and
Speaker 1: mine were very low for her. For her because you're
Speaker 1: a woman. I don't like pussy, so I don't expect
Speaker 1: much from my homegirls. I don't Some women act they
Speaker 1: friends for money. I don't do that type of shit.
Speaker 1: You better ask that nigga you fucking on for some money.
Speaker 1: I don't ask money friends for money.
Speaker 2: But I won't. I don't mind giving my friends money though.
Speaker 1: No, absolutely not. You know, I like to be in
Speaker 1: a position to help people when I can. But you
Speaker 1: also not about to abuse me because I feel like
Speaker 1: people only call people they know gonna say yes.
Speaker 2: So I'm a last resort. I'm the last resort friend.
Speaker 2: All my friends know that. They know that I'll give
Speaker 2: it to them. But we're gonna sit and discuss all
Speaker 2: the other options that you have exhausted. First, you was
Speaker 2: having something? Did you did you give blood plasma? Then
Speaker 2: what did you do? Okay, they're paying for that. So
Speaker 2: here are five tips to not let past relationships affect me.
Speaker 1: No, you've missed the last one. Let's just hit it.
Speaker 1: You don't trust your judgment.
Speaker 2: Oh I didn't even see that. Maybe because I don't
Speaker 2: trust my own judgment.
Speaker 1: That's women's intuition, and we often ignore it when we
Speaker 1: in love, Okay, especially when he hit in the back,
Speaker 1: the back walls, the back door, that side pocket, that
Speaker 1: makes it a little crazy button back that you keep
Speaker 1: hitting that suit, you might get stabbed.
Speaker 2: And you just have all the red flags and just
Speaker 2: ignore it.
Speaker 1: Six flags.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't trust my I wouldn't say I don't trust
Speaker 1: my own judgment. I just trust people to be who
Speaker 1: they are.
Speaker 2: I don't. Yeah, I wouldn't say I don't trust my
Speaker 2: own judgment. I ignore my own judgment.
Speaker 1: I think everybody does until that motherfucker actually might knock
Speaker 1: you out literally.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, you're right. That's why bitch moving across the country.
Speaker 2: I'm just going to the other side like it's starting over. Sure,
Speaker 2: got a reset reset Okay. So here are the five
Speaker 2: tips to not let past relationships affect the new ones.
Speaker 2: And that's a relationship with yourself too, not just with
Speaker 2: new niggas a new relationship with you, baby girl.
Speaker 1: All right.
Speaker 2: Number one, acknowledge your contribution to failed relationships.
Speaker 1: Accountability. There it is again. So in this conversation with
Speaker 1: this friend who I'm on the outs with, right now.
Speaker 1: And we talked for the first time in months this
Speaker 1: past weekend, and then we might not talk another again
Speaker 1: for some months. I don't know. I might, I'm I
Speaker 1: might call her for a birthday in October, but I
Speaker 1: don't know. She said, so, you think you never been
Speaker 1: wrong in any of your relationships? And I stopped for
Speaker 1: a second. She mean friendships in friendships, right, So I
Speaker 1: had to stop for a second, and I really had
Speaker 1: to think real, real hard, because everybody likes to think
Speaker 1: that they're right, even with me and her not talking,
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm right, and so does she right.
Speaker 1: And this is why for the last year and a
Speaker 1: half I've been like, I'm not arguing people's perspective, right,
Speaker 1: because you can lay this list of things down and
Speaker 1: everybody will interpret it different. Everybody will see what transpired differently, right,
Speaker 1: And that's where arguing comes in at, because you're not
Speaker 1: just wanting somebody to understand your perspective, you want them
Speaker 1: to adopt it. Right. So in this particular thing, I
Speaker 1: didn't I wasn't asking her to adopt my perspective. I
Speaker 1: just didn't want to talk about it. If we're gonna
Speaker 1: be friends, let's just move forward right, because I think
Speaker 1: I'm right and you think you're right. So the conversation
Speaker 1: still ended well, me yelling you know me, Tammy, Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, I want to sleep because this I haven't
Speaker 1: been like this worked up? Why am I this worked up?
Speaker 1: Eleven o'clock at night? You know what I'm saying? Why
Speaker 1: why is this happening? So in some situations when I
Speaker 1: do get worked up, I have to stop, like what
Speaker 1: was I in the middle of doing? How was I
Speaker 1: feeling when this thing showed up? When this because it's
Speaker 1: a thing, it's a it's a something, and I allowed
Speaker 1: it to get me this worked up? Yeah, but I
Speaker 1: really had to sit and think, like have I and
Speaker 1: I feel like the relationships that I have brought to
Speaker 1: a screeching holt? Some people s don't want me, The
Speaker 1: niggas don't want me, and the friends stn't want me.
Speaker 1: So if I was really that fucking bad, why you
Speaker 1: still want to be in my life?
Speaker 2: I can? I can. You know. My grandmother said this
Speaker 2: thing to me, and it's always stuck with me. It
Speaker 2: takes two links of the chain for the chain to rattle.
Speaker 2: One link kept rattle by itself, so I always try
Speaker 2: to acknowledge that I know there's you know, I ain't
Speaker 2: been perfect. I ain't perfect in friendships. I ain't perfect
Speaker 2: in relationships. There's been mistakes, there's been missteps, but I
Speaker 2: know that I don't do anything with malicious intent with
Speaker 2: people I love. Now, if I don't love you, and
Speaker 2: I can't call it. But if I care about you,
Speaker 2: I might fuck up. But it was never meant to hurt.
Speaker 2: It was never meant to be maliciously done nothing, you know.
Speaker 1: But see, that's where perspective comes in, right, because when
Speaker 1: when doing the thing, the person may not perceive that
Speaker 1: they was doing a fucked up thing, right, right?
Speaker 2: Hm?
Speaker 1: But at what point when I say, hey, that was
Speaker 1: a fucked up thing, when do you That's.
Speaker 2: When account Yeah, that's when accountability comes in. Like, I
Speaker 2: don't like when people say I apologize for how you feel, Yes,
Speaker 2: don't apologize for how.
Speaker 1: Fen So I can't do that. I don't apologize for
Speaker 1: how I made you feel because that's not a genuine apology.
Speaker 1: I'm not sorry. Right, It's hard for me to say
Speaker 1: I apologize for how for what I did, for how
Speaker 1: you felt because of what I did, right, Because I'm
Speaker 1: very intentional So if I do some fucked up shit,
Speaker 1: I meant to do it. If I say some fucked
Speaker 1: up shit, I meant to say it. Because I have
Speaker 1: a lot of restraint, I feel like a lot of
Speaker 1: times I won't say nothing.
Speaker 2: Well, no, I can't, you know, when I'm upset, I
Speaker 2: can't say those things that can hurt people I love,
Speaker 2: and I will apologize for it because in that moment
Speaker 2: I was heated and I said some things that were hurtful.
Speaker 2: Even if they were true, doesn't mean they need to
Speaker 2: be said, especially to someone that I care about, you know,
Speaker 2: or you know, because then it's not delivered in a
Speaker 2: way that is for the betterment of our friendship or
Speaker 2: our relationship. It's just saying to be hurtful at that point.
Speaker 2: So I will apologize for things like that, you know,
Speaker 2: because if I love you, the last thing I need
Speaker 2: to be doing is hurting you, you know. So I
Speaker 2: will apologize and I'll just say that's my bad, I'm sorry,
Speaker 2: you know. I won't say I apologize for how you felt,
Speaker 2: or I apologize for no. I just apologized, point blank, period.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry because I do love you. So whatever it
Speaker 2: is looks like on your side, I'm sorry, and that's
Speaker 2: it because all the other things is just pomping circumstance.
Speaker 1: At that point when the thing does it again, then
Speaker 1: were you really sorry when you apologized before? You see?
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I'm a work in progress, you know, I got,
Speaker 2: I got angry again. We met, we here are you
Speaker 2: and again? Yeah? We're human nuts.
Speaker 1: Man, No, man, I don't want it just depends.
Speaker 2: I don't want it, just depends. It's just depends on
Speaker 2: what it is. It's like, you know, because some things
Speaker 2: it's like, all right, now you just do you fuck
Speaker 2: with me? Or do you not right? You know? But
Speaker 2: then the other things is like, okay, she is Gemini.
Speaker 1: And Gemini I see things. Gemini is on mean nothing
Speaker 1: more than fuality. So I see things from all perspectives,
Speaker 1: every which way. Now, sometimes I might settle in on
Speaker 1: this one perspective, right, because I feel like there's some
Speaker 1: things in life you got to pick a side on.
Speaker 1: But for the most part, I like to stay in
Speaker 1: the middlest I can see all of which ways. I
Speaker 1: can see how you felt, I can see this and not.
Speaker 1: But I should be able to do the same. I
Speaker 1: should be able the same way I do for people.
Speaker 1: I want people to do for me. I know that
Speaker 1: that's not You can't ask for that though, right. So
Speaker 1: the same way I see, I see what you meant
Speaker 1: a lot. I'm misunderstood a lot. I want people to
Speaker 1: see what I meant too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I get it all right. Number two, recognize triggers
Speaker 2: becoming an observer objectively. Was your partner's behavior mean spirited?
Speaker 2: That's what I was just saying, like, was it done
Speaker 2: to be malicious? Or you know, was it a mistake?
Speaker 2: You know, did they make a mistake?
Speaker 1: And your triggers are for you to manage, not for
Speaker 1: everybody else, So you can't as an adult at our
Speaker 1: big age. And I say you, I mean plural, I'm
Speaker 1: not talking to you, right. People want external entities to
Speaker 1: manage your their triggers. No, your triggers are for you
Speaker 1: to manage. So if you know something triggers you, you
Speaker 1: need to figure out a way to not be triggered.
Speaker 1: It is not for another adult to tiptoe around your emotions.
Speaker 1: That's not fair because again we got perception. Everybody's brain
Speaker 1: is different, People see things differently differently, so I didn't
Speaker 1: know that would be a trigger.
Speaker 2: M h. But don't you feel like, if you know
Speaker 2: someone you love triggers, you try not to do the
Speaker 2: thing press them.
Speaker 1: Yea.
Speaker 2: So with you saying, yeah, you shouldn't expect people to
Speaker 2: like live by your triggers, but if they love you,
Speaker 2: they're gonna try to not, you know, exhaust that thing
Speaker 2: and you that make you scared or angry.
Speaker 1: One thing I used to say to my ex is.
Speaker 1: I would call him in son of a bitch, and
Speaker 1: he would get so mad about that. Y'all. Let me
Speaker 1: tell y'all the story. I made this nigga a hamburger.
Speaker 1: And when I this is when back when I used
Speaker 1: to eat meat.
Speaker 2: See that I'm mad now because you ain't putting no cheese.
Speaker 1: On the Hold on, bitch. Okay, when I when I
Speaker 1: cook and I made you a veggie burger, right, So
Speaker 1: just imagine me getting ground beef rog ground beef, cutting
Speaker 1: up onions and pepper, and I like to use like
Speaker 1: the little lipton because I put this on the I
Speaker 1: put I put the limpten onion soup on the on
Speaker 1: the beyond burgers too. But when I wouldn't make going
Speaker 1: make burgers back in the day, I would always use
Speaker 1: those big ass Hawaiian king Hawaiian guns like the sweet ones,
Speaker 1: and I'm making this and this nigga was begging me
Speaker 1: saying how hungry he was. He was just so hungry,
Speaker 1: so hungry. So I'm like hurrying up to cook him
Speaker 1: something to eat before I got to start work, right,
Speaker 1: So I make the burger. I set the burger on account.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're not gonna eat. One thing I cannot
Speaker 1: fucking stand is cooking for somebody and them not eating immediately.
Speaker 1: That's triggering for me because you don't value my time.
Speaker 1: You don't value to love the effort, last minute thing
Speaker 1: I did for you to make sure you're settled before
Speaker 1: I do my stuff, right, That's what it was about.
Speaker 1: So it's not even about the food or you eating.
Speaker 1: I feel like I feel like my efforts aren't valued.
Speaker 1: M don't you know I'm yelling at not yelling at him.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're not gonna eat, Like, why are you
Speaker 1: eating this burger? Like it's just sitting there getting cold.
Speaker 1: Because I can't stand serving people cold food. I'm a server,
Speaker 1: like I like to serve people and they be like,
Speaker 1: oh this is so good. That excites me, that makes
Speaker 1: me happy. So now now my fucking cold gour made
Speaker 1: burger is sitting on the counter and he takes one
Speaker 1: bite out the burger and then balls it up on
Speaker 1: the plate. I took the whole plate and slam dunked
Speaker 1: it in the trash, ceramic, the whole plate, and I
Speaker 1: was like, you son of a bitch, so mean?
Speaker 2: So he balled it up.
Speaker 1: What do you mean you heard me like a child
Speaker 1: playing with his food. He balled it up on the plate,
Speaker 1: put all his fingers in it, He took one bite
Speaker 1: out of it, and then balled it up on the plate,
Speaker 1: all because I wanted him to eat.
Speaker 2: Oh, he was associated past. That is crazy.
Speaker 1: And those are the type of that's the type of
Speaker 1: trauma I live with. You have to say what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So now you better eat immediately forever, my nigga. Oh,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be a problem. But yeah, I uh, hold on,
Speaker 1: I got into that whole story for what triggering? Oh
Speaker 1: I knew me calling him a son of a bitch
Speaker 1: would be triggering because his mom passed away. Y'all was
Speaker 1: both Yeah, I was both going for the guzzling that night.
Speaker 1: But I don't start there. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: Like you took me there.
Speaker 2: Listen, he would have balled it up and I would
Speaker 2: have win and got him afore because now you gonna
Speaker 2: eat them pieces off that plate. You should have told
Speaker 2: me you want to slop each other, because that's what
Speaker 2: the fuck you about to eat?
Speaker 1: Man with your meal faster. Yeah, he said hate when
Speaker 1: I was going, and I knew that was very triggering
Speaker 1: for him, and I did it purposely. Absolutely, not often,
Speaker 1: but times where he just got real belligerent. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Cause you haven't been with somebody who
Speaker 1: just make you be nasty mm hmm. That is not
Speaker 1: my normal setting. I don't wake up to want to
Speaker 1: be mean, you know.
Speaker 2: What I mean?
Speaker 1: People though, And this is why that sixth love language
Speaker 1: is the fucking thing. A lot of people like chaos
Speaker 1: like you, you just can't be loving because it's scary
Speaker 1: for them. It's scary for them to think that you
Speaker 1: really care about them. You want to be nice and
Speaker 1: loving to them.
Speaker 2: I remember my grandma sometimes, like I remember spending the
Speaker 2: night at my grandma house and she was real old
Speaker 2: by this time. She wake up in the morning. The
Speaker 2: first thing I hear at her mouth.
Speaker 1: Shit, that's my mom.
Speaker 2: What is this. Is that the first thing you said
Speaker 2: in the morning?
Speaker 1: Why are you mad that you woke up?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Are you angry that
Speaker 2: for waking up? Good? Lord?
Speaker 1: Hemercy shit like like, God, damn, I thought I was
Speaker 1: gonna be going. That's how I felt when I lived
Speaker 1: in Saint Louis. I definitely used to wake up like
Speaker 1: that every more, like I felt like I was in prison.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm still here. That's real trauma. Okay.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Number three, Get to your core issues. Reflect on
Speaker 2: your trigger. What is it shaped from a past relation?
Speaker 2: Was it shaped from a past relationship? Reflect on your
Speaker 2: plane and your pain? Why did it hurt so much?
Speaker 2: Reflect on your resentment. Which of your values did there
Speaker 2: or your behavior go against? Reflect on your fears? What
Speaker 2: are you really afraid of? Therapy is an awesome tool
Speaker 2: for this. Therapists can teach you the right questions to
Speaker 2: ask yourself and guide you down a path of self
Speaker 2: awareness and self reflection.
Speaker 1: M m mmm.
Speaker 2: It's hard to ask those questions in a moment, though,
Speaker 2: But I'm working on my triggers because I have, like
Speaker 2: I know, I have abandonment issues, and I would definitely
Speaker 2: if you don't answer my car. If you don't respond
Speaker 2: back in a minute, you hate me. You fucking hate me.
Speaker 2: I'm a little different and I and I fucking hate
Speaker 2: you too.
Speaker 1: If you don't eat this pussy, you hate me.
Speaker 2: Meanwhile, Meanwhile, you were asleep, or you was in the shower,
Speaker 2: or you had your own shit going on, and I
Speaker 2: just made everything about me, and you obviously hate me.
Speaker 1: You you didn't eat my head. You didn't eat my head.
Speaker 1: You need my pussy last night before sex, like you
Speaker 1: still love me?
Speaker 2: Like do you know you hate me? You would hate me,
Speaker 2: and that's what you wanted me to know by not
Speaker 2: eating my pussy.
Speaker 1: Obviously, I mean, no other logical reason behind it.
Speaker 2: Because what is your abuse? One star review, My nigga.
Speaker 1: This was abuse.
Speaker 2: That before learn what a healthy relationship can look like.
Speaker 1: From where I.
Speaker 2: Was about to say, I'm looking he I'm about to
Speaker 2: keep reading and see where the foo fucking.
Speaker 1: Where my family relationship was so dysfunctional. They're a lot
Speaker 1: of things that I saw my mom. Do you know
Speaker 1: even you're raising children and relationship wise, I just I
Speaker 1: won't do and some things I've picked up and something
Speaker 1: I still fight against every day not to do like
Speaker 1: being petty around the fucking house.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, is so hard to go habitate, y'all
Speaker 1: hear me. I'm like, man, can I get my own
Speaker 1: bedroom and bathroom? What the fuck is going on?
Speaker 2: I would like my own bathroom. I don't. We ain't
Speaker 2: got to have a bedroom, separate bedroom, but a bathroom.
Speaker 2: I don't want to share my bathroom either.
Speaker 1: I don't like it. I don't like it.
Speaker 2: I remember in the last relationship, my ex used to
Speaker 2: like take a poop and then like shave his pub
Speaker 2: hairs over the toilet, and then his dudo looked like
Speaker 2: a teddy bear in a toilet he left for me
Speaker 2: to see that shit with just like a dog, just
Speaker 2: a dookie covered in hair. Just wait when I come.
Speaker 2: I can't remember. All I saw was a little hairy turd,
Speaker 2: and I just was like, oh.
Speaker 1: No, that's time management right there. He's like, let me
Speaker 1: just go ahead and clip my balls. Then they got
Speaker 1: good time management skills. The fuck. That's like people who
Speaker 1: brush their teeth in the shower. I can't me neither.
Speaker 1: Why is your toothbrush in the shower?
Speaker 2: That is? I don't like it?
Speaker 1: Fucking nasty to me.
Speaker 2: It's growl. I think it's just men that do that.
Speaker 2: I don't know know women who brush their teeth in
Speaker 2: the shower.
Speaker 1: I think it might just be men. Actually, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Because this guy I was dating, I kept asking him,
Speaker 1: why are you brushing your teeth in the shower? He
Speaker 1: told me it was a woman that he had dealt
Speaker 1: with before who used to do that. And he was like,
Speaker 1: he just found that. You know, you're getting multiple things
Speaker 1: done at the same time. How How and you don't
Speaker 1: leave your toothbrush in the shower.
Speaker 2: I don't want my mouth where I'm cleaning my ass.
Speaker 2: I don't want to clean my mouth and my ass.
Speaker 2: But men, he is the one rag for everything.
Speaker 1: So them niggas just nasty dog even when they clean.
Speaker 2: M hm.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Now, some niggas be extra clean.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know some extra clean Terry. Terry is an
Speaker 2: extra clean nigga.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, forever. When I tell you all my favorite
Speaker 1: freshman's first grade, you better fucking believe it.
Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, he is an extra clean nigga. Okay. So
Speaker 2: what it says is regularly seeking out relationship education opportunities.
Speaker 2: Research shows that couples who learn healthy relationship expectations and
Speaker 2: skills are less likely to divorce and have higher marital satisfaction.
Speaker 2: Regularly challenge your expectations. Are they healthy? Are they realistic?
Speaker 2: Ask yourself what kind of love do my partner and
Speaker 2: I deserve?
Speaker 1: Hmm, yeah, I guess I still think about how shit,
Speaker 1: y'all I got this big, beautiful bad that I bought. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell y'all, this is the current. And it
Speaker 1: wasn't about the bad, right, the shit with my mental health.
Speaker 1: It still fucks with my mental health because I have
Speaker 1: to see it every day. Nice beds the silk head headboard,
Speaker 1: and this nigga puts his greasy fucking head on that
Speaker 1: headboard after I asked him several times, Hey, watch your head,
Speaker 1: real nice, hey watch your head? Even catch him before
Speaker 1: he put his head back put a pillow back there.
Speaker 1: That's how conscious I am about this headboard. Right now,
Speaker 1: I have a big Palmer's coconut butter stain about the
Speaker 1: size of a golf or soccer ball on the fucking headboard.
Speaker 1: And it's not about the headboard, right, It's the value system. Now,
Speaker 1: you see, some things can translate into something else. So
Speaker 1: what is it that your partner is like, y'all, our
Speaker 1: value systems might be different, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: Like you might value your Jordan's. That's why I probably
Speaker 1: should tiptoe around the fucking house and all of them.
Speaker 2: You know, no, you gotta like you gotta bend down
Speaker 2: on all.
Speaker 1: You look folded all of a sudden, all those nice
Speaker 1: retro j's that you can cover it. U. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: like that about like furniture. I like the house to
Speaker 1: be nice, you know what I'm saying, Like I liken
Speaker 1: her to smell like fresh. Sometimes when I leave the house,
Speaker 1: I leave the TV like on meditation music. So when
Speaker 1: I walk in, it's like straight zin, it's cool, it
Speaker 1: smelled good, and it's this should should be our safe haven.
Speaker 1: Why am I getting stressed out about this fucking oil stain? Right?
Speaker 1: You get in value this fucking bad.
Speaker 2: This bitch called me, She's like, hey, do you have
Speaker 2: the bandwidth right now for me to vent? I was like,
Speaker 2: go ahead, my nigga, I will talk about She turned
Speaker 2: instantly into a whole hogan on the phone.
Speaker 1: About that oil stain that should hurt my feelings so bad.
Speaker 1: And I don't think he understands, like how much that
Speaker 1: hurt my feelings? It started something in me.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: And if you happen to listen to this episode, my nigga, yes,
Speaker 1: I am still a harboring resentment towards you because of
Speaker 1: this motherfucking headboard. Because it's not about the headboard, it
Speaker 1: is your value system. I'm now questioning because I don't
Speaker 1: give a fuck for real, Like, of course, we gotta
Speaker 1: put clothes on, like when we record, but I literally
Speaker 1: dress like a ninja. Every day. I got on black
Speaker 1: legs and a black ting top and sneakers. I'm going
Speaker 1: to the gym. I got a sweaty stain around the
Speaker 1: coochy area. Okay, every day I'm walking in Walmart, I'll
Speaker 1: target like that. I don't really give a fuck no
Speaker 1: more about putting clothes on, Like I don't really, But
Speaker 1: like home stuff, I want that stuff to be nice
Speaker 1: and cared for. Is that too much to ask for?
Speaker 2: No? I don't think so. But you gotta just remember
Speaker 2: he a man, and his brain don't Their brain don't
Speaker 2: work the same way.
Speaker 1: That my daddy is like that though, right, So, my
Speaker 1: daddy is a very clean man. My daddy cooks clean
Speaker 1: like that nigga can't stay and the top off the
Speaker 1: toothpaste like he got his things. And that's so, that
Speaker 1: is what I'm used to mm hmm. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: I have a dirty man by any means, because he's
Speaker 1: very clean. He just got to get high first and
Speaker 1: then he starts cleaning like Molly fucking made four boards
Speaker 1: and all of those.
Speaker 2: So just keep the weed planing for around the house.
Speaker 1: Get when he high. You heard me? What else you got?
Speaker 1: Sorry y'all, right, y'all for letting me vent about this
Speaker 1: motherfucker man. I'm gonna post a picture of it.
Speaker 2: He's gonna be mad. You didn't even ask him that
Speaker 2: they have the band wid for that.
Speaker 1: Sorry?
Speaker 2: Sorry, I hope y'all did.
Speaker 1: Alright?
Speaker 2: Release Vent Alright number five and this is the last one.
Speaker 2: Communicate with your partner. Explain what's going on for you,
Speaker 2: and this one is most important to me. Validate each
Speaker 2: other's feelings, not just your own. Don't just wait for
Speaker 2: your feelings to be validated. Validate your partner's feelings as well.
Speaker 2: You know, even if you don't understand it, even if
Speaker 2: you don't necessarily align with what they're feeling. Just validate.
Speaker 1: That is it genuine when you do it? Though? But
Speaker 1: how do you validate somebody's feelings?
Speaker 2: Receive it? Don't? Just some people hear what you're saying,
Speaker 2: and when they stop going to talk about what they feeling,
Speaker 2: the first thing you say, the next thing that come
Speaker 2: out of your mouth is how you feel. You didn't
Speaker 2: even acknowledge what I saw.
Speaker 1: Oh, I understand what you're saying. It's the butt that
Speaker 1: gets me. You don't understand what I'm saying. If there's
Speaker 1: a butt after it?
Speaker 2: What about however?
Speaker 1: Bitch not?
Speaker 2: However, so I understand what you're feeling. I understand what
Speaker 2: you're saying. This is what I'm feeling. How can we find.
Speaker 1: A way omitt it? The butt?
Speaker 2: This is what I'm feeling. Because what you're saying is
Speaker 2: if I say but, that doesn't invalidate you. That just
Speaker 2: means I feel something different from you, you know. That's why.
Speaker 1: That's why I said, how do you validate the person's feelings? Right?
Speaker 2: Saying you understand Even though you're saying but, that doesn't
Speaker 2: mean you don't validate their feelings. That just might mean
Speaker 2: you don't agree with their feelings.
Speaker 1: Right. But sometimes when you say but, but such and
Speaker 1: such and such and such. People still then feel like
Speaker 1: you're not validating any feelings are You're not validating what
Speaker 1: it is that they're saying, So you end up in
Speaker 1: this merry go round thing.
Speaker 2: But validation doesn't necessarily mean agree It just means I
Speaker 2: receive what you're saying. I understand what you're saying. However,
Speaker 2: I feel differently. You know, I don't necessarily align validation
Speaker 2: with agreeance.
Speaker 1: So validation and relationships express empathy, normalize feelings misunderstanding what
Speaker 1: it means to validate reflect their Oh hold on, let
Speaker 1: me see empathy. Empathy express empathy. So okay, so you know,
Speaker 1: I really understand where you're coming from, But do you
Speaker 1: understand where I'm coming from?
Speaker 2: It's like, no, don't even say, but I do know,
Speaker 2: bitch that I did.
Speaker 1: Validation is a communication skill that can help both parties
Speaker 1: in a conversation feel heard and understood. Validation shows that
Speaker 1: you are truly listening to understand the other person's feelings
Speaker 1: and point of view, even if you disagree.
Speaker 2: There because you don't like. Validation doesn't mean all right,
Speaker 2: I don't have nothing else to say because I agree
Speaker 2: with what you're saying.
Speaker 1: Oh, here's some examples. I can understand why you feel
Speaker 1: that way. I can tell this is really important to you.
Speaker 1: What a frustrating, upsetting situation. I want to make sure
Speaker 1: I'm understanding correctly. That's I use that one. I ask
Speaker 1: for clarity before I flip out a lot of times.
Speaker 1: Can you explain what you mean by that?
Speaker 2: But are you asking for clarity? Are you asking for.
Speaker 1: So you can No, I'm not correct, So I can
Speaker 1: flip out because once you give me off, once you
Speaker 1: offer me the Okay, my friendship that I was arguing with, right,
Speaker 1: my homegirl, I sent her a long ass text message
Speaker 1: and response to a long ass voice note. She sent
Speaker 1: me for clarity, right, So I read what you sent
Speaker 1: for clarity. You then refused to read what I sent
Speaker 1: offering clarity. So your hell bent on this miscommunity communication, misunderstanding.
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying. That's never my position now,
Speaker 1: because I know the difference with somebody trying to play
Speaker 1: in my face, right, or with somebody's genuinely like okay,
Speaker 1: you know, so trying to hear So, yeah, she just
Speaker 1: she she thought she she believes she's right. So I
Speaker 1: don't want to argue with nobody right or wrong. No more,
Speaker 1: I don't So I don't even know how you how
Speaker 1: do you get around these type of things? Like I'm
Speaker 1: not saying I'm always right, but I do my very
Speaker 1: best in every situation. I try to make sure I'm
Speaker 1: doing my best and I'm presenting my best best self.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I mean that's all you can do. That's
Speaker 2: all you can do. So that's the five tips you guys.
Speaker 2: I hope y'all try to apply this shit to your
Speaker 2: relationships if you have one. I got to listen. I know,
Speaker 2: I'm so hard on these niggas, I really am. I
Speaker 2: got to do better. I can't never pick nobody. I'll
Speaker 2: really be having some you know, nice men, you know,
Speaker 2: pursuing me, and I don't never like nobody who like me?
Speaker 2: You know what is that about it?
Speaker 1: You know why? Because for women and this just this
Speaker 1: might be a trauma response when you can't pay because
Speaker 1: you've picked before and the result wasn't favorable. Right, So
Speaker 1: it's almost like for men, because we know men don't
Speaker 1: show up as their true authentic selves. Right y'all can say, yeah,
Speaker 1: we wear we even make up and all this shit.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we mean, fake whatever bitch. Okay,
Speaker 1: but y'all show up as whole other niggas until y'all
Speaker 1: get what y'all want a lot of times, so it's
Speaker 1: hard to like, wean through the people who aren't there
Speaker 1: for that. You know what I'm saying. It is scary.
Speaker 1: It is scary. You just gotta go ahead and fuck
Speaker 1: them and then figure out. I'm just saying, like, for real,
Speaker 1: you don't wait, fuck them, and it's still gonna be
Speaker 1: some bullshit.
Speaker 2: It'd be like the ones that's really like. He probably
Speaker 2: would treat me so nice and be a good husband
Speaker 2: to me, but his butt bigger than mine, Like it
Speaker 2: be dumb shit like that.
Speaker 1: You are six fee got god, you got child bearing here,
Speaker 1: and that's why he's single. Don't nobody want on fpis son.
Speaker 2: That's always my fear because my butt is so big,
Speaker 2: and I just scared I'm gonna pass that on to
Speaker 2: a little boy. Please don't do that to me. Please
Speaker 2: don't do that.
Speaker 1: I don't like a nigga with no ass though. Don't
Speaker 1: be coming around here looking like a tabphole dog.
Speaker 2: Okay, I need I take that over, really, we take
Speaker 2: that over all, big.
Speaker 1: Little snolly face booty, just like the little tiny cuff
Speaker 1: at the bottom, and they like shape like a heart.
Speaker 2: Over a fat ass looking like yeah.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying a fat ass, but like the same
Speaker 1: way I like like fit backs. I like a nice
Speaker 1: booty too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would like that. But if I had to
Speaker 2: choose one of them, I take the tampole.
Speaker 1: No, hell no, I like niggas with thighs too, like
Speaker 1: I like niggas with like nice So.
Speaker 2: You don't want a nigga with my ass standing it?
Speaker 1: This absolutely not like damn the nigga that's your fucking
Speaker 1: home girl. You need to get out of that relationship.
Speaker 1: You are in a lasbian relationship and you're probably wearing your.
Speaker 2: Drawers, That's what I'm saying. So you would take the
Speaker 2: tadpole over there?
Speaker 1: No, you would take a tadpole. I know. I don't
Speaker 1: want that. I don't want No.
Speaker 2: If you had to choose between the two, if you had.
Speaker 1: Give me the fatty really yeah, man, yeah, man, give
Speaker 1: me the fatty that. I'd rather that than that. Little
Speaker 1: fucking girls. You gotta show me an example, because walking
Speaker 1: around in here, big belly, I don't want my like
Speaker 1: Rick Ross dog, I don't want it.
Speaker 2: That's how Rick Ross built. I never really paid ashes, damn.
Speaker 1: That's how I know Rick Ros's boy, booty guy, like
Speaker 1: a little happy meal, little arch at the bottom.
Speaker 2: Just y'all, let's get about of here, man.
Speaker 1: Anyway, My last last look. If if you want to
Speaker 1: go back, go back right, but don't forget, don't I
Speaker 1: think because this this episode actually started with looking like
Speaker 1: going backwards and relationships or bringing past things into new relationships.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying not to go back words because I
Speaker 1: do it a lot. You know what I'm saying, same niggas,
Speaker 1: heavy rotation. I know what I'm getting. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying is just hopefully this time it's better than
Speaker 1: the last time, and it is try it. Okay, it
Speaker 1: ain't that many niggas out here for real, it's like
Speaker 1: four of them, So you tell me you got this
Speaker 1: rosta and it's one and possible on that bitch, I promise,
Speaker 1: because it's only a couple of different characteristics out here
Speaker 1: in people, and I think you can find them. It's
Speaker 1: probably five characteristics from real what roster I got? Yeah,
Speaker 1: niggas do I got, y'all?
Speaker 2: Did you hear anything I ain't got? I know what
Speaker 2: you talk about whatever, don't.
Speaker 1: Tell whatever you got going on in life. I'm just saying,
Speaker 1: it's this the same, it's the same personalities oftentimes, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: so and then you know, again, all relationships is there's
Speaker 1: how much you can deal with from somebody else. That's it.
Speaker 1: That's all it is.
Speaker 2: So I was, I was high, and that's all came on.
Speaker 2: Tell me something good, and it made me think, like,
Speaker 2: I want to hear y'all good news. So call in
Speaker 2: and share your good news with us, whatever it is.
Speaker 2: Be like, hey, y'all, just want to tell y'all I
Speaker 2: just got my degree, or I just bought a new house,
Speaker 2: or I got a new car, or I just left
Speaker 2: that nigga alone. Whatever you feel like.
Speaker 1: You ain't got to hide your good news from us,
Speaker 1: you know you, Yeah, share shit from some people sometimes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, share it with us because we want to
Speaker 2: celebrate you. Is this the right numb not one nine
Speaker 2: one nine. It says about to expire in third days,
Speaker 2: So we got to do it. We got to visit,
Speaker 2: all right. So the number, y'all is nine one nine
Speaker 2: four one oh seven seven three five. I'm gonna say
Speaker 2: it again, nine one nine four one oh, seven seven
Speaker 2: three five, call in, share your good news because we
Speaker 2: want to hear it.
Speaker 1: All right, y'all, you don't have a last last for
Speaker 1: the relationship stuff, but that's it there.
Speaker 2: I ain't got shit because I can't listening. I don't know,
Speaker 2: all right, y'all.
Speaker 1: If you enjoyed this episode, y'all, tune in every Thursday
Speaker 1: on the Black Effect podcast, iHeartRadio, Apple, whatever the fuck
Speaker 1: you get your podcasts at. This is your co host,
Speaker 1: aj Holiday two point oh on instagrams. Kick it Tam, y'all.
Speaker 2: Its official Tambama on Instagram. Follow me please. I appreciate
Speaker 2: the love, y'all. Remember to speak.
Speaker 1: Now and should never hold your peace, never hold your
Speaker 1: soft munit communicate talk Lot's wife, look ahead.
Speaker 2: Bye.
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