WEBVTT - Salty Like Lot’s Wife

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, the production of iHeartRadio

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<v Speaker 1>and the Black Effect Network.

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<v Speaker 2>We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talks.

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<v Speaker 1>What's up, y'all? Thank you for tuning in for a

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<v Speaker 1>new episode that We Talked Back, a show dedicated to

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<v Speaker 1>you dreamers and chasers. This is your co host AJ Holiday.

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<v Speaker 1>What's Up Tandem?

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<v Speaker 2>Hey, y'all, I love y'all. Thank y'all for tuning in again.

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<v Speaker 1>What's up?

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<v Speaker 2>AJ? How was your weekend?

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<v Speaker 1>Rainie, rainy, quiet, cleaning, domestic shit. I do much, y'all.

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<v Speaker 1>Just chill out, relive, wifey, get ready for Monday.

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<v Speaker 2>I've been so as you know, I moved out of

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<v Speaker 2>my home, so it's my sound good. Okay, As you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I moved out of my home and I've been staying

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<v Speaker 2>with my best friend and my guy kids. And I

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<v Speaker 2>love my guy babies and I'm and enjoying this time

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<v Speaker 2>with them. But Yo, these kids is off the chain.

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<v Speaker 2>My friend deserve a fucking medal. B I'm talking about

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<v Speaker 2>from seven in the morning, screaming, yelling, running shit on.

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<v Speaker 2>She sweep the floor about thirty times a day. I

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<v Speaker 2>swear to God, I get I'm getting woken up with

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<v Speaker 2>a finger in my eye. Wake up, get up. Oh goodness.

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<v Speaker 2>She wants me to carry her. She wants me to

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<v Speaker 2>They don't want their mama to do ship for them

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<v Speaker 2>no more that I'm here, you know. I want you

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<v Speaker 2>to bathe me. I want you to read the story

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<v Speaker 2>to me. I want you to put me to bed.

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<v Speaker 2>I want you to break And she loving every minute

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<v Speaker 2>of it. She's like, they don't want me, bitch, go

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<v Speaker 2>you on. So I'm join that. That's been my weekend.

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<v Speaker 2>Just spend the time with the kiddies. That's all.

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<v Speaker 1>I love the kids, man, I definitely love even more

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<v Speaker 1>that you can send them home. Yes, when you do,

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<v Speaker 1>I think only people who got patients to be able

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<v Speaker 1>to have kids for real, because I'd be seeing some

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<v Speaker 1>people who be yelling at their kids. Sit down, shut up.

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<v Speaker 1>I can't stand it. I swear I'd be wanting to

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<v Speaker 1>take my dad and belt off on adults because once

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<v Speaker 1>you don't screen with your kid in public? Who really

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<v Speaker 1>looks crazy? Because we expect kids to act out? But

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<v Speaker 1>why you yelling?

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<v Speaker 2>Right?

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<v Speaker 1>Lost control?

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe? But do kids will make you want to yell? Though?

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<v Speaker 1>Man?

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<v Speaker 2>I swear you can't see it like you can't even

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<v Speaker 2>have a parent who's like patient all the time. And

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<v Speaker 2>you just might witness that one time when they're at

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<v Speaker 2>there with saying with a kid, you know, so you

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<v Speaker 2>got to give him some grace to yelling parents too.

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<v Speaker 1>My nephew big now. But I remember one time his daddy,

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<v Speaker 1>my sister husband beat the shit out his ass, not

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<v Speaker 1>like beat him up, just get belt and actually beat him.

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<v Speaker 1>Did he beat him with a bell. He might have

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<v Speaker 1>just had him with his hand. But I was filled

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<v Speaker 1>with so much joy, okay when he got his ass

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<v Speaker 1>because when I tell you, he had pushed some buttons

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<v Speaker 1>for days and they just was letting him this whatever.

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<v Speaker 1>Pooky da da da da da man he said something

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<v Speaker 1>in his daddy man. I was like, yes, finally finally

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<v Speaker 1>get his eyes whooped. And I don't even like it kids,

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<v Speaker 1>but mas sometimes you know, he was a little even then,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, still like in elementary you need to get

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<v Speaker 1>your ass whoop a little bit, just a little tiny bit.

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<v Speaker 2>I remember one time me and my sister we were

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<v Speaker 2>in Belgium and we had her daughters and they were

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<v Speaker 2>little then they're grown now, but we were in Belgium

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<v Speaker 2>just like you know, do tourists doing the tourist thing,

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<v Speaker 2>and my niece was just being a fucking demon child like,

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<v Speaker 2>she was just so bad. And I think after about

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<v Speaker 2>four hours of misbehaving, my sister came to me. She

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<v Speaker 2>was like, I need you to get your niece and

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<v Speaker 2>I need you to go ahead of us because I'm

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<v Speaker 2>going to kill her. So can you please just get

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<v Speaker 2>her and go? And she was looking at me with

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<v Speaker 2>all the sincerity of her soul. I was like, let

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<v Speaker 2>me get this girl about to really die out here.

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<v Speaker 1>Let me take these some kids to be pushing you, man,

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<v Speaker 1>I seen it. I seen them. They're looking at you.

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<v Speaker 1>Why they're about touch some shit? You? Doesne told them

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<v Speaker 1>not to touch thirty times? You gotta have patience because

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<v Speaker 1>you're going to repeat yourself a lot with the kids

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<v Speaker 1>that a lot of kids don't.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's get the sense.

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<v Speaker 1>Are you watching the Olympics? Is anybody watching?

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<v Speaker 2>I think people are watching. I have not watched this yet,

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<v Speaker 2>but I will watch when it gets to like track

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<v Speaker 2>and field, yeah, because yeah, that's when I really like

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<v Speaker 2>to tune in. I did not feel the Olympic outfit,

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<v Speaker 2>the openness, the blazer with the striped shirt and the jeans.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean I think it was kind of given classic

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<v Speaker 2>American polo, you know, kind of yeah, but it was

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<v Speaker 2>just not Maybe it was the striped shirt under it.

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe it should have been ugly.

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<v Speaker 1>It's basic. Okay, they could take a little play out

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<v Speaker 1>some of the other uniforms book.

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<v Speaker 2>I could see what they were trying to do. But

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<v Speaker 2>everybody can't wear it, you know. I just feel like

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<v Speaker 2>it needed to be tailored to fit everyone, and it

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<v Speaker 2>just looks sloppy on a lot of people.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all.

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<v Speaker 1>So who you think was best stressed?

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<v Speaker 2>I think Lebron looked good in his. He had his

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<v Speaker 2>little jacket cut to fit. That's it. I didn't really

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<v Speaker 2>see nobody else that was wearing you know, that made

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<v Speaker 2>that look sharp? Did you know?

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't like America's shit at all. You know, they

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<v Speaker 1>had like the little lineup with all the the other

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<v Speaker 1>countries and Mongolia, Mongolia, Mongolia. They shit lit, Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>I like them. I like Liberria, Liberia look nice, Hades

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<v Speaker 2>look nice. Yeah, because I Bearry had the nick cut

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<v Speaker 2>out on their top that was the shape of Africa.

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<v Speaker 2>I thought that was fire. So yeah, I thought it

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<v Speaker 2>was nice America, but America looked stuffy.

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<v Speaker 1>And let's talk about opening that. It's gon viral right

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<v Speaker 1>now for the Olympics. A lot of people are saying

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<v Speaker 1>it kind of looks like the First Supper, the Last Supper,

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<v Speaker 1>the last Supper. The first Supper looked like the last Supper?

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<v Speaker 2>Man, I was that what that was supposed to be

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<v Speaker 2>or did it just end up looking like that?

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think anything is happened stance. When we're talking

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<v Speaker 1>about television telling you lies visually, they definitely put a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of thought in the in presentation. So I think

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<v Speaker 1>it is exactly what we think it is. Taylor even

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<v Speaker 1>sent somebody nuts hanging out on an image.

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<v Speaker 2>What was that nuts meant to be out? Because that's crazy.

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<v Speaker 2>If they meant for their nuts to be out.

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<v Speaker 1>You have just men to see them. I feel like

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<v Speaker 1>it was purposely done some nuts. I think it was

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<v Speaker 1>just one or two little ones. I don't know, but

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<v Speaker 1>it was some nuts. Y'all seen that picture. Zoom in

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit on the image what they like posing

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<v Speaker 1>at the end, just zooming and there's a white guy

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<v Speaker 1>to the to the to the left with some black

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<v Speaker 1>shorts on it. You'll see two beige balls of one

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<v Speaker 1>just sitting out of his short leg.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I don't understand what the point of, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>mocking or what they were trying to do when the

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<v Speaker 2>first supper, like I mean the last look the first

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<v Speaker 2>the last supper, Like, what was the what was the point?

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<v Speaker 2>You know you just said.

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<v Speaker 1>It mocking God? You know what I'm saying, mocking the

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<v Speaker 1>last supper, This Jesus Christ.

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<v Speaker 2>As far as I'm concerned, why they're.

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<v Speaker 1>Trying to show you who's in charge?

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<v Speaker 2>Who? Okay, y'all keep reading that story will end with.

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<v Speaker 1>Exactly exactly and we don't get a little bit into

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<v Speaker 1>that later on in the in the episode. But yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>like I feel like that's what they're doing. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>people like to mock God. People play God, and I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not God is in me. I don't think it's a

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<v Speaker 1>thing that's outside of me. But these these things that

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<v Speaker 1>we be looking at online and on TV, it's not

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<v Speaker 1>from anything nice, it's not from anything good. It's kind

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<v Speaker 1>of where and the Olympics is an ancient event. This

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<v Speaker 1>thing has been going on for a long long time,

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<v Speaker 1>so it's full of rituals. As far as I'm concerned,

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<v Speaker 1>it's a lot.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, can't the flame, the lighting of the flame and

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<v Speaker 2>all that stuff. It definitely seems like some you know,

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<v Speaker 2>ancient ritualistic things. People from all over the earth come

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<v Speaker 2>together to compete, you know.

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<v Speaker 1>It is you just don't see people dying. But just

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<v Speaker 1>think about like medieval times and how they would have

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<v Speaker 1>like these big, big stadiums, stadiums with the people fighting,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, and it was it was for the the

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<v Speaker 1>I would say, equivalent to our government, right, It was

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<v Speaker 1>for the kings and queens to keep the common folk

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<v Speaker 1>entertained while they do all their fucking bidden and bad

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<v Speaker 1>shit on the back end. See when when you're no

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<v Speaker 1>longer entertained, they can't get shipped past you no more

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<v Speaker 1>because now you're paying attention. So just be mindful what

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<v Speaker 1>you line your energy to and what you're watching. That's all.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, speaking of entertained Simon Boughs, they do it a

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<v Speaker 2>good job, because Simone Bows really entertained the funk out

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<v Speaker 2>her flawless flawless balance being routine where she scored fourteen

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<v Speaker 2>point seventy three three, the highest on the apparatus. Go ahead,

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<v Speaker 2>my little suss like I can't tell that, I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>I saw her flipping. I don't know how it's judged,

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<v Speaker 2>but it looked good as far as I'm concerned. Like,

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<v Speaker 2>little sister can do that ship. Could you imagine jumping

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<v Speaker 2>on that beam and not breaking in it?

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<v Speaker 1>What's it trying to get her to stop doing things

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<v Speaker 1>because other people couldn't do it? Like, so it's like

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<v Speaker 1>not fair, right, what she's a fucking superhero, y'all? Can't

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<v Speaker 1>do what she do?

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<v Speaker 2>All right, you're not supposed to be able to do

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<v Speaker 2>it in practice. Bit a Snoop Dogg came through. He

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<v Speaker 2>danced the Olympic torch through Paris ahead of the opening ceremony.

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<v Speaker 1>Throwing and everything else on Instagram.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, we don't.

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<v Speaker 1>Got no better representation? Is that what we're saying?

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<v Speaker 2>That is America?

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<v Speaker 1>So this is a clown state.

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<v Speaker 2>What is better? The Snoop Dogg throwing up big crip

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<v Speaker 2>in Paris? Is it what we stand for in this country?

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<v Speaker 1>Damn it? Man litsteny y'all. I am actively trying to

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<v Speaker 1>get citizenship elsewhere.

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<v Speaker 2>I need anohings you can go to Ghana.

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<v Speaker 1>No, I don't want to go to Africa, so I

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<v Speaker 1>want citizenship. I mean I can get another passport Africa

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<v Speaker 1>just to have it. But I prefer Barbados. That's why

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<v Speaker 1>I want glass. So Rihanna, if you're listening and I

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<v Speaker 1>asked this before, Okay, I need a Beaesian husband. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I can marry one over there and have my husband

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<v Speaker 1>over here in America, so I get that citizenship.

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<v Speaker 2>You whispering into the mic like a million people not

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<v Speaker 2>gonna hear it, don't matter if you whisk the beach. Goodness.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I need that that citizenship, that Beijian citizenship, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>And the easiest way to get it is by way

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<v Speaker 1>of marriage or college, like if you went to school

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<v Speaker 1>over there. Investment obviously, you know, if you're an investor

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<v Speaker 1>and stuff like. That's most countries. But girl, I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>I need to be able to get the fuck up

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<v Speaker 1>out of here when she gets real, cause it's scary'all.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't know if y'all paying attention or not. But it's

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<v Speaker 1>the I try. Like we had that episode Digital Detalks.

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<v Speaker 1>I'd be trying, y'all. I'd be trying a certain time

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<v Speaker 1>and day I might tell me no, I start sending

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<v Speaker 1>a bunch of memes because that's when I'm most active

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<v Speaker 1>on the internet, on social media. But man, I can't

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<v Speaker 1>take it. I can't take it. I'd be trying to.

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<v Speaker 2>Really, it's really, it's really real. Well, what can you do?

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<v Speaker 2>You know? That's why I've decided that I just try

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<v Speaker 2>to find ways to have peace and joy just in

0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:49.839
<v Speaker 2>my immediate space, because I can't really do anything about

0:12:50.080 --> 0:12:53.920
<v Speaker 2>hugely about the collective. So if I can just provide

0:12:53.960 --> 0:12:56.719
<v Speaker 2>peace and joy to myself and some to my listeners

0:12:56.880 --> 0:12:58.480
<v Speaker 2>as much as I can, that's all I can do

0:12:58.559 --> 0:13:01.959
<v Speaker 2>right now. I don't know, that's all. That's all.

0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:05.040
<v Speaker 1>Did you see Rick Ross? Baby? Mom? I'm gonna tell

0:13:05.080 --> 0:13:08.280
<v Speaker 1>y'all ta camp now. She's one of my favorite social

0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:15.480
<v Speaker 1>media personalities. Okay, this bitch did miss Netta so dirty

0:13:15.679 --> 0:13:18.000
<v Speaker 1>over the weekend. I did catch that over the weekend.

0:13:18.120 --> 0:13:21.240
<v Speaker 1>I watched it a thousand times. I think it was

0:13:23.080 --> 0:13:26.560
<v Speaker 1>the Jazzmine brand. They actually had a part of the

0:13:26.920 --> 0:13:30.400
<v Speaker 1>of what she was saying like transcripted out in the caption.

0:13:31.200 --> 0:13:36.040
<v Speaker 1>Dodd laughed so hard. The ship she was saying to

0:13:36.120 --> 0:13:39.079
<v Speaker 1>this man's like, how you come off the dome? I

0:13:39.400 --> 0:13:41.600
<v Speaker 1>can't read that well? And you know they say usually

0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:45.360
<v Speaker 1>the gay men really read jazz down. But he could

0:13:45.440 --> 0:13:47.160
<v Speaker 1>not keep up with Ta KMP.

0:13:47.520 --> 0:13:51.440
<v Speaker 2>Well, I think Miss Netta goes by she and not he.

0:13:52.280 --> 0:13:57.439
<v Speaker 2>It's so she was read down by TKM big time,

0:13:57.640 --> 0:14:00.959
<v Speaker 2>Like does she go batch Miss Nettle?

0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:04.319
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, just last week she was. He was online saying

0:14:04.320 --> 0:14:06.120
<v Speaker 1>how he doesn't want to be a woman, and if

0:14:06.120 --> 0:14:07.840
<v Speaker 1>he did want to be a woman, he'd be want

0:14:07.840 --> 0:14:10.199
<v Speaker 1>to be a white woman because black women are fucking dumb.

0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:13.040
<v Speaker 1>Did you catch that's what he said? Yes? Oh no,

0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:16.440
<v Speaker 1>I missed that just just last week. So I don't

0:14:16.440 --> 0:14:18.840
<v Speaker 1>think he like, you know, the older generation, like we

0:14:18.920 --> 0:14:21.680
<v Speaker 1>talked about this on previous episodes, only the older generation.

0:14:21.720 --> 0:14:23.720
<v Speaker 1>I don't think they really get into the pronouns like that,

0:14:23.760 --> 0:14:27.640
<v Speaker 1>but I want to respect them. So whatever she goes by.

0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:30.520
<v Speaker 1>But I thought I just assumed.

0:14:30.560 --> 0:14:35.280
<v Speaker 2>If I just assumed, if you go by Miss, you

0:14:35.280 --> 0:14:37.600
<v Speaker 2>would subscribed to she. But maybe I'm wrong.

0:14:37.760 --> 0:14:38.160
<v Speaker 1>I don't know.

0:14:38.960 --> 0:14:40.320
<v Speaker 2>God damn, I can't.

0:14:40.360 --> 0:14:42.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, because I don't see it. Don't miss when I

0:14:42.080 --> 0:14:45.000
<v Speaker 1>see that, nigga, Okay, I don't. I'm sorry. I don't

0:14:45.040 --> 0:14:50.320
<v Speaker 1>see a miss. I do not, Man, But she was

0:14:50.320 --> 0:14:53.320
<v Speaker 1>saying some of the worst shit possible.

0:14:54.000 --> 0:14:57.280
<v Speaker 2>I would have hung us on. I would have hung up.

0:14:57.320 --> 0:14:59.000
<v Speaker 2>There's no way. I would have stayed on the live

0:14:59.280 --> 0:15:02.760
<v Speaker 2>with her eating yep like that. I mean she was rhyming.

0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:05.800
<v Speaker 2>She was just like just finding ways the rhyme words

0:15:05.800 --> 0:15:09.080
<v Speaker 2>together and saying like the zoo need to come pick

0:15:09.120 --> 0:15:11.320
<v Speaker 2>you up, but I would come rescue you because I

0:15:11.320 --> 0:15:14.400
<v Speaker 2>don't like harm and animals like, oh my.

0:15:14.280 --> 0:15:17.840
<v Speaker 1>God, and did you so? They were recently on What's

0:15:18.000 --> 0:15:19.720
<v Speaker 1>what's the name of the podcast that they have.

0:15:20.000 --> 0:15:24.119
<v Speaker 2>The Aunties Aunties, the Aunty something. Yeah, I don't know.

0:15:24.040 --> 0:15:28.280
<v Speaker 1>So Netta and Charles was on there recently and Charles

0:15:28.280 --> 0:15:34.160
<v Speaker 1>had on a faja under his clones, just sitting up

0:15:34.160 --> 0:15:40.000
<v Speaker 1>there stiff, can't talk because he was fucking talked nog

0:15:40.120 --> 0:15:41.720
<v Speaker 1>this is the world we live in and this shit

0:15:41.840 --> 0:15:49.800
<v Speaker 1>is fucking wild to me. It's wild. Are you not entertained?

0:15:50.920 --> 0:15:54.000
<v Speaker 2>Right? They're keeping us entertained, like you said, something's going on.

0:15:54.040 --> 0:15:56.040
<v Speaker 1>But she was getting on his ass even this morning

0:15:56.120 --> 0:15:59.880
<v Speaker 1>child eight forty five am. She was cooking his ass up. Anyway.

0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:01.440
<v Speaker 1>It's not nice.

0:16:02.360 --> 0:16:04.440
<v Speaker 2>Yes, it's not nice. I felt sad for him because

0:16:04.440 --> 0:16:07.240
<v Speaker 2>he could not argue back with that woman at all.

0:16:07.360 --> 0:16:09.600
<v Speaker 2>And I don't what was the argument. How did it start?

0:16:09.640 --> 0:16:10.800
<v Speaker 2>Do we even know, I.

0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:14.440
<v Speaker 1>Think social media people started it. I think the fans.

0:16:14.440 --> 0:16:16.320
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. They call everybody fans. But if you

0:16:16.360 --> 0:16:19.720
<v Speaker 1>started some shit, you clearly a hater, not really a fan.

0:16:19.960 --> 0:16:24.720
<v Speaker 1>So something the people the social media started it. Basically

0:16:24.960 --> 0:16:26.240
<v Speaker 1>the collective started it.

0:16:27.680 --> 0:16:34.440
<v Speaker 2>Well. Speaking of fans, and behind the scenes, Tory Lanez

0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:40.240
<v Speaker 2>was behind the cell making music, and he released two

0:16:40.320 --> 0:16:43.480
<v Speaker 2>new songs, one called Sell two forty five and one

0:16:43.520 --> 0:16:46.880
<v Speaker 2>wish I Never Met You. And I can assume that

0:16:47.040 --> 0:16:53.560
<v Speaker 2>might be about our good sis Meghan, because I'm sure

0:16:53.600 --> 0:16:57.800
<v Speaker 2>he wished he never met her ass. If anybody, that's

0:16:57.840 --> 0:16:59.960
<v Speaker 2>probably the biggest person he wished he never met.

0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:02.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm pretty sure she wished she never met his ass either.

0:17:02.960 --> 0:17:04.840
<v Speaker 1>There's that part, you know.

0:17:04.760 --> 0:17:07.640
<v Speaker 2>What I'm saying. They both can sing along to that. Yeah,

0:17:07.880 --> 0:17:08.919
<v Speaker 2>but did you listen to it?

0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:13.440
<v Speaker 1>I hadn't. I didn't even I can't lie. He is talented,

0:17:13.520 --> 0:17:16.560
<v Speaker 1>but to me, Tory Lanez is a chameleon. Sometimes when

0:17:16.600 --> 0:17:19.359
<v Speaker 1>I like I would listened to his previous albums, like

0:17:19.359 --> 0:17:22.159
<v Speaker 1>you can't tell who that is? Like he can sound

0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:27.679
<v Speaker 1>like anybody that's a talent. Shit man, who are you though?

0:17:28.000 --> 0:17:28.600
<v Speaker 1>Who are you?

0:17:29.320 --> 0:17:30.280
<v Speaker 2>That's everybody?

0:17:31.000 --> 0:17:35.639
<v Speaker 1>Everybody bitch, Many Face God. Tory Lanez is many faced God,

0:17:35.680 --> 0:17:37.840
<v Speaker 1>because sometimes I don't know who the hell it is

0:17:37.840 --> 0:17:39.840
<v Speaker 1>on the album like that nigga be sounded like Future

0:17:39.920 --> 0:17:43.640
<v Speaker 1>one out with one song, then Tory Lanez another, then

0:17:43.800 --> 0:17:46.920
<v Speaker 1>the Dream on another song like I don't know, but no,

0:17:47.040 --> 0:17:48.960
<v Speaker 1>I hadn't listened yet. I don't know if I'm going

0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:52.679
<v Speaker 1>to either. Oh, I don't support him like that. Uh

0:17:52.800 --> 0:17:56.040
<v Speaker 1>he said he gonna be home soon. But I was

0:17:56.240 --> 0:17:58.200
<v Speaker 1>just about to say that, Like these niggas be in

0:17:58.280 --> 0:18:00.760
<v Speaker 1>jail hallucinating. They be saying, nick, I'm a home next

0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:02.080
<v Speaker 1>year every year.

0:18:01.920 --> 0:18:05.120
<v Speaker 2>But they they gotta keep hope because if they don't

0:18:05.200 --> 0:18:08.040
<v Speaker 2>keep hope, they'll just, you know, fall apart in there.

0:18:08.119 --> 0:18:09.840
<v Speaker 2>I would be like that too, I'll get home. I'm

0:18:09.840 --> 0:18:10.920
<v Speaker 2>coming home soon now.

0:18:11.160 --> 0:18:13.639
<v Speaker 1>Every time one of my little cousins just text my

0:18:13.680 --> 0:18:15.720
<v Speaker 1>phone and ask me how he got my number, I

0:18:15.720 --> 0:18:18.359
<v Speaker 1>don't fucking know, And he was like, you'll tell a

0:18:18.480 --> 0:18:21.280
<v Speaker 1>good jerom I be home next me. Oh yeah, I

0:18:21.359 --> 0:18:23.440
<v Speaker 1>didn't even know you was in jail, dog, Like, what's up,

0:18:24.680 --> 0:18:25.679
<v Speaker 1>hope all as well?

0:18:27.040 --> 0:18:28.160
<v Speaker 2>You didn't know he was in jail.

0:18:28.200 --> 0:18:30.440
<v Speaker 1>No, but he text you don't be keeping up with

0:18:30.520 --> 0:18:32.359
<v Speaker 1>niggas in jail. Lets you my nigga in jail.

0:18:35.760 --> 0:18:37.359
<v Speaker 2>That seems to be the consensus.

0:18:37.560 --> 0:18:40.800
<v Speaker 1>And why you talk to me because that's kind of

0:18:40.840 --> 0:18:43.080
<v Speaker 1>like I know this, this is my cousin now, like

0:18:43.240 --> 0:18:44.080
<v Speaker 1>my I don't know what.

0:18:44.440 --> 0:18:46.200
<v Speaker 2>You're gonna ask for some money next.

0:18:46.040 --> 0:18:51.680
<v Speaker 1>See, and that niggas will definitely become a bill from prison, yep.

0:18:52.800 --> 0:18:55.080
<v Speaker 2>But if you love him sending something, Oh.

0:18:56.920 --> 0:19:00.199
<v Speaker 1>You nigga, whatever you did to go to jail, you

0:19:00.200 --> 0:19:04.960
<v Speaker 1>ain't do nothing for me while you was out here. No,

0:19:05.040 --> 0:19:08.320
<v Speaker 1>I don't got it. It's hard outside. At least you

0:19:08.320 --> 0:19:11.440
<v Speaker 1>can you got housing and a meal in there out here,

0:19:12.000 --> 0:19:16.000
<v Speaker 1>and we're paying for exactly exactly you know what I'm saying.

0:19:16.520 --> 0:19:19.880
<v Speaker 1>And this shit is hard. You at least gonna have

0:19:19.960 --> 0:19:25.600
<v Speaker 1>shelter and something to eat. It's wild out here, Okay,

0:19:25.640 --> 0:19:27.919
<v Speaker 1>we're really trying to make it. I ain't got it.

0:19:29.720 --> 0:19:37.680
<v Speaker 2>Well to lane mm hmm, y'all. We are gonna get

0:19:37.720 --> 0:19:39.639
<v Speaker 2>into some biblical things today.

0:19:39.800 --> 0:19:42.200
<v Speaker 1>Not biblical that sounds scary.

0:19:42.640 --> 0:19:47.920
<v Speaker 2>It's not always biblical, could be righteous. We're gonna talk

0:19:47.960 --> 0:19:51.000
<v Speaker 2>about Lot's wife, and if you know who Lot's wife was,

0:19:51.640 --> 0:19:53.960
<v Speaker 2>she looked back when she was told not to, and

0:19:54.000 --> 0:19:56.880
<v Speaker 2>then she turned into a pillar of salt. So we're

0:19:56.880 --> 0:19:59.600
<v Speaker 2>just gonna talk about those of us who keep looking

0:19:59.640 --> 0:20:01.879
<v Speaker 2>back and what that looks like and what we should

0:20:01.880 --> 0:20:04.359
<v Speaker 2>do to combat it. We'll be right.

0:20:04.240 --> 0:20:12.840
<v Speaker 1>Back, all right, y'all, we're back, and you know, so

0:20:12.880 --> 0:20:19.520
<v Speaker 1>we want to talk about moving forward. I guess in relationships, right.

0:20:19.560 --> 0:20:25.600
<v Speaker 1>So Tam mentioned Lot's wife. God told them to leave

0:20:25.640 --> 0:20:29.199
<v Speaker 1>the city and don't look back. And Lot's wife looked

0:20:29.280 --> 0:20:34.040
<v Speaker 1>back with like sadly right in a yearning for what was,

0:20:35.240 --> 0:20:41.240
<v Speaker 1>and she was turned into a statue of salt.

0:20:40.359 --> 0:20:42.639
<v Speaker 2>Turn into a big bottle of Larry's.

0:20:43.720 --> 0:20:46.880
<v Speaker 1>For looking back. So if you're trying to do something different,

0:20:47.359 --> 0:20:50.080
<v Speaker 1>you need to keep your eye enterprise and look forward,

0:20:50.760 --> 0:20:56.240
<v Speaker 1>don't look back. I am guilty of always looking back,

0:20:56.800 --> 0:21:03.240
<v Speaker 1>reaching back, fucking back, all types.

0:21:03.040 --> 0:21:10.320
<v Speaker 2>Of exactly because it's so much easier to deal with

0:21:08.920 --> 0:21:12.919
<v Speaker 2>the devil that you know versus a new one. You know.

0:21:13.040 --> 0:21:17.080
<v Speaker 2>That's I always feel like, what's the saying deal with

0:21:17.119 --> 0:21:19.880
<v Speaker 2>the devil that you I'm gonna google it and I'm

0:21:19.880 --> 0:21:21.840
<v Speaker 2>gonna run it back in a minute, y'all when we

0:21:21.880 --> 0:21:25.119
<v Speaker 2>go to break Because it's easier because you just know

0:21:25.160 --> 0:21:27.600
<v Speaker 2>what to expect with these people. You know what to

0:21:27.640 --> 0:21:31.000
<v Speaker 2>expect sexually, you know they're bullshit. You know their behavior,

0:21:31.040 --> 0:21:33.679
<v Speaker 2>you know when they lying to you. Now you're trying to,

0:21:33.720 --> 0:21:35.800
<v Speaker 2>you know, start with someone new and you don't know

0:21:35.840 --> 0:21:38.280
<v Speaker 2>none of that ship and it be shit. You know,

0:21:38.359 --> 0:21:39.160
<v Speaker 2>it be new shit.

0:21:39.280 --> 0:21:41.359
<v Speaker 1>But the minute you see some of that old shit,

0:21:41.960 --> 0:21:45.760
<v Speaker 1>you know pop up in this new relationship, now you

0:21:45.760 --> 0:21:49.840
<v Speaker 1>you have it's a trauma response, right TSD because now

0:21:49.880 --> 0:21:54.000
<v Speaker 1>it's looking like something you've seen before. I'm guilty of

0:21:54.040 --> 0:21:57.000
<v Speaker 1>that doing that to people in new relationships and then

0:21:57.119 --> 0:22:01.560
<v Speaker 1>also refurbished relationships, like I'm remembering what you did your

0:22:01.640 --> 0:22:05.000
<v Speaker 1>particular nigga, Like this is a new relationship now, but

0:22:05.080 --> 0:22:08.520
<v Speaker 1>I remember what you did before, and it'd be hard

0:22:08.600 --> 0:22:11.440
<v Speaker 1>for me to get over. And even though I can

0:22:11.480 --> 0:22:14.399
<v Speaker 1>move forward, right, but it's still it's still always so

0:22:14.600 --> 0:22:21.520
<v Speaker 1>hard for me to completely forgive and forget. Though I'm

0:22:21.560 --> 0:22:24.880
<v Speaker 1>not that too giving at all, because I'm always I'm

0:22:24.880 --> 0:22:27.320
<v Speaker 1>always like thinking, like why you did that, and what

0:22:27.760 --> 0:22:29.960
<v Speaker 1>about me made you thought that was okay to.

0:22:29.920 --> 0:22:34.280
<v Speaker 2>Do to me? You know what I'm saying, m H.

0:22:35.880 --> 0:22:38.159
<v Speaker 2>But then you here you are back, so it's like,

0:22:39.880 --> 0:22:42.080
<v Speaker 2>what about you made you feel.

0:22:41.840 --> 0:22:47.320
<v Speaker 1>Like you see, it's all in the introspection, Okay, you

0:22:47.400 --> 0:22:52.040
<v Speaker 1>always gotta go inside and see what the fuck is

0:22:52.040 --> 0:22:53.280
<v Speaker 1>wrong with you? What's wrong with me?

0:22:54.160 --> 0:22:56.959
<v Speaker 2>Is something wrong with me, It's something wrong with all

0:22:57.000 --> 0:23:03.080
<v Speaker 2>of us. It's there's nobody all the way right. Have

0:23:03.200 --> 0:23:04.760
<v Speaker 2>you met an all the way right person?

0:23:05.320 --> 0:23:07.000
<v Speaker 1>I haven't, No, I haven't no.

0:23:07.119 --> 0:23:10.000
<v Speaker 2>They don't exist. They don't exist. And if they telling

0:23:10.000 --> 0:23:12.320
<v Speaker 2>you they all the way right, that you found what's

0:23:12.320 --> 0:23:13.160
<v Speaker 2>wrong with them, they.

0:23:13.240 --> 0:23:16.840
<v Speaker 1>Live exactly right, very deceitful, right. And I think it

0:23:16.920 --> 0:23:21.080
<v Speaker 1>is a familiar familiarality thing right that comes in when

0:23:21.119 --> 0:23:23.760
<v Speaker 1>you're dealing with somebody who you've been with before, Like

0:23:23.800 --> 0:23:27.280
<v Speaker 1>you said, like you go on to the next relationship

0:23:27.720 --> 0:23:30.639
<v Speaker 1>and you just expect it to be like so wonderful,

0:23:31.480 --> 0:23:34.080
<v Speaker 1>and then the same shit shows up. So it's like, damn,

0:23:34.119 --> 0:23:35.480
<v Speaker 1>I should have just stayed where the fuck I was

0:23:35.520 --> 0:23:36.720
<v Speaker 1>at mm.

0:23:36.680 --> 0:23:39.240
<v Speaker 2>Hm, you know, at least I like that dick over

0:23:39.240 --> 0:23:42.399
<v Speaker 2>there better, you know, and be shit like that for really.

0:23:44.400 --> 0:23:47.680
<v Speaker 2>So I found this article from Healthy Humans Project dot

0:23:47.720 --> 0:23:52.480
<v Speaker 2>com on how to not let past relationships affect new ones.

0:23:54.280 --> 0:23:57.240
<v Speaker 1>Niggas be tired of me bringing up X my exts

0:23:57.359 --> 0:23:59.399
<v Speaker 1>my ex dat and I know I do that often,

0:23:59.640 --> 0:24:01.880
<v Speaker 1>and I don't think men realize they do the same thing.

0:24:02.359 --> 0:24:04.639
<v Speaker 1>But I think when we do something, it's just amplified

0:24:04.680 --> 0:24:06.760
<v Speaker 1>in the air for some reason, I don't know, but

0:24:06.800 --> 0:24:08.080
<v Speaker 1>they all think the same thing.

0:24:09.040 --> 0:24:12.720
<v Speaker 2>I think our listeners have heard a lot about yours.

0:24:12.320 --> 0:24:17.320
<v Speaker 1>As well, because it's a way for me to deal

0:24:17.359 --> 0:24:19.160
<v Speaker 1>with the trauma. It's a way for me to talk

0:24:19.200 --> 0:24:21.800
<v Speaker 1>it out right. So I don't really need, and I've

0:24:21.800 --> 0:24:24.600
<v Speaker 1>said this before, do I need like a therapist therapist.

0:24:24.680 --> 0:24:26.400
<v Speaker 1>I just need to be able to say the thing

0:24:27.240 --> 0:24:31.320
<v Speaker 1>right out loud. I don't have a problem saying the

0:24:31.359 --> 0:24:35.359
<v Speaker 1>things and telling who the fuck ever gonna listen. I

0:24:35.440 --> 0:24:37.840
<v Speaker 1>got a problem with keeping shit to my goddamn self.

0:24:39.359 --> 0:24:42.960
<v Speaker 2>It's hard, all right. So I'm gonna read a little

0:24:43.000 --> 0:24:46.600
<v Speaker 2>bit of this. Has your partner ever done something that

0:24:46.640 --> 0:24:49.919
<v Speaker 2>reminded you of a bad experience from a past relationship.

0:24:50.520 --> 0:24:52.639
<v Speaker 2>I can probably guess the rest of the story. You

0:24:52.680 --> 0:24:55.359
<v Speaker 2>felt your nervous system kick in, you put your walls

0:24:55.400 --> 0:24:57.960
<v Speaker 2>back up, your partner got confused, you didn't know how

0:24:57.960 --> 0:25:00.000
<v Speaker 2>to talk about it. You both went to bed upset.

0:25:00.320 --> 0:25:03.320
<v Speaker 2>I know this story too. We all have emotional baggage,

0:25:03.560 --> 0:25:08.160
<v Speaker 2>whether it's from our parents or a romantic relationship. Negative

0:25:08.200 --> 0:25:11.840
<v Speaker 2>experiences and past relationships can really mess us up, and

0:25:11.880 --> 0:25:14.560
<v Speaker 2>they can. That shit is true. All Right, let's list

0:25:14.600 --> 0:25:19.000
<v Speaker 2>the ways, shall we? All Right, here's a list. Trusting

0:25:19.080 --> 0:25:22.520
<v Speaker 2>is scared. Absolutely, Trusting is so scared. I think that

0:25:22.640 --> 0:25:25.560
<v Speaker 2>is one of my biggest hiccups because I feel like

0:25:26.240 --> 0:25:33.240
<v Speaker 2>I'd be so scared that I'm gonna kill somebody. Because

0:25:33.280 --> 0:25:35.600
<v Speaker 2>if I let my wall down to trust you and

0:25:35.640 --> 0:25:37.800
<v Speaker 2>you betray me in a real way at this stage

0:25:37.800 --> 0:25:41.880
<v Speaker 2>in my life, I might snap. I always fear that.

0:25:42.080 --> 0:25:46.080
<v Speaker 1>Well, I've already done that, right, So I've snapped before,

0:25:46.400 --> 0:25:48.679
<v Speaker 1>and that's when I know it's time for me to go.

0:25:48.760 --> 0:25:53.560
<v Speaker 1>Because when you got me acting way outside of my norm,

0:25:53.880 --> 0:25:56.200
<v Speaker 1>way outside of my character, I gotta get the fuck

0:25:56.280 --> 0:25:57.840
<v Speaker 1>up out of there, because you trying to drive me

0:25:57.920 --> 0:26:01.440
<v Speaker 1>nuts or I'm driving me nuts. Can con tenue and

0:26:01.880 --> 0:26:03.400
<v Speaker 1>continuously dealing with the bullshit.

0:26:04.119 --> 0:26:04.600
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm.

0:26:04.760 --> 0:26:07.200
<v Speaker 1>So I don't think I have a hard time trusting people,

0:26:07.560 --> 0:26:09.919
<v Speaker 1>because as long as I know who you are, I

0:26:09.960 --> 0:26:13.680
<v Speaker 1>can deal with you. It's like the random ass little

0:26:13.720 --> 0:26:16.680
<v Speaker 1>ship people do it. It's like damn that's you. That's

0:26:16.720 --> 0:26:17.919
<v Speaker 1>the ship that scares me.

0:26:19.359 --> 0:26:22.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. But see that's what makes me not trust because

0:26:22.280 --> 0:26:23.119
<v Speaker 2>I know it's something.

0:26:23.680 --> 0:26:25.520
<v Speaker 1>You're just waiting for it, and I don't really be

0:26:25.600 --> 0:26:28.200
<v Speaker 1>waiting for it because I whoever you tell me you are,

0:26:28.280 --> 0:26:30.520
<v Speaker 1>I believe you until you show me otherwise, then that's

0:26:30.520 --> 0:26:31.159
<v Speaker 1>what I believe.

0:26:32.680 --> 0:26:36.400
<v Speaker 2>All Right, here's the next one. Vulnerable. Vulnerability is scary.

0:26:37.840 --> 0:26:42.640
<v Speaker 2>That's another one. Being vulnerable and being what's the other word.

0:26:44.000 --> 0:26:47.160
<v Speaker 1>That's it?

0:26:48.160 --> 0:26:51.760
<v Speaker 2>Those are my two words I hate the most. Apologizing

0:26:51.760 --> 0:26:53.760
<v Speaker 2>it's hard. I don't have a problem to apologizing, and

0:26:53.800 --> 0:26:55.399
<v Speaker 2>I can do that forgiveness.

0:26:56.080 --> 0:26:59.440
<v Speaker 1>Vulnerability is scary to you, Like you don't you don't

0:26:59.440 --> 0:27:00.879
<v Speaker 1>want to open up people?

0:27:01.040 --> 0:27:03.560
<v Speaker 2>Oh like peeling back my layers and sharing the like

0:27:03.640 --> 0:27:06.119
<v Speaker 2>the most softest part of me. I'm a cancer baby.

0:27:06.200 --> 0:27:08.199
<v Speaker 2>I got a shell on for a reason to protect

0:27:08.280 --> 0:27:09.879
<v Speaker 2>all of that Gucci shit inside. Oh.

0:27:09.920 --> 0:27:11.480
<v Speaker 1>I thought, y'all, I'll be letting it out.

0:27:11.520 --> 0:27:14.920
<v Speaker 2>I thought, I, yeah, I will let it out. But

0:27:15.000 --> 0:27:18.000
<v Speaker 2>it's not easy. It's not easy.

0:27:18.080 --> 0:27:20.159
<v Speaker 1>I let it out. And then if you don't like,

0:27:20.200 --> 0:27:22.960
<v Speaker 1>you're not you know. I think women oftentimes suppress a

0:27:23.000 --> 0:27:24.639
<v Speaker 1>lot of things because they don't want to scare the

0:27:24.680 --> 0:27:28.320
<v Speaker 1>guy at this big age, if you are still dating, right,

0:27:28.800 --> 0:27:30.720
<v Speaker 1>you need to tell people all the things up front

0:27:31.080 --> 0:27:32.960
<v Speaker 1>and lit them aside, whether or not they fucking with

0:27:33.000 --> 0:27:36.640
<v Speaker 1>it or not. That is the easiest way to date nowadays,

0:27:36.720 --> 0:27:38.720
<v Speaker 1>and it's the quickest way to wean through people who

0:27:38.760 --> 0:27:42.159
<v Speaker 1>aren't for you, because if your vulnerability is scared of somebody, like,

0:27:42.280 --> 0:27:44.760
<v Speaker 1>somebody else might see that and want to help.

0:27:45.760 --> 0:27:47.919
<v Speaker 2>I just told a man so that you know some

0:27:47.960 --> 0:27:51.080
<v Speaker 2>of the things that I require, and he got like,

0:27:51.280 --> 0:27:55.200
<v Speaker 2>really judgie about the things that I like, And I'm like, well,

0:27:56.000 --> 0:27:58.879
<v Speaker 2>you don't have to you know, I'm not asking. I

0:27:58.920 --> 0:28:01.080
<v Speaker 2>already told you that I was only interested in us

0:28:01.160 --> 0:28:03.800
<v Speaker 2>being friends anyway, So why are you picking through what

0:28:03.840 --> 0:28:06.760
<v Speaker 2>I need desire for a relationship when I'm not even

0:28:06.800 --> 0:28:14.199
<v Speaker 2>interested in you in that way? Get Apologizing is hard.

0:28:14.720 --> 0:28:17.280
<v Speaker 2>Forgiveness is hard. That's hard for me.

0:28:17.560 --> 0:28:20.160
<v Speaker 1>That is very hard for me in every aspect.

0:28:20.760 --> 0:28:21.160
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm.

0:28:21.880 --> 0:28:23.680
<v Speaker 1>It's hard because you know, I try not to do

0:28:24.080 --> 0:28:26.560
<v Speaker 1>fucked up shit to people, so when it's done to

0:28:26.680 --> 0:28:30.320
<v Speaker 1>me is again I'm like, why you do that? What

0:28:30.680 --> 0:28:32.840
<v Speaker 1>the fuck was that about? So it is hard for

0:28:32.880 --> 0:28:35.240
<v Speaker 1>me to forgive people because I feel like that thing

0:28:35.880 --> 0:28:38.080
<v Speaker 1>is still in you, so I can't. I just had

0:28:38.080 --> 0:28:40.840
<v Speaker 1>this conversation with a friend who I hadn't spoken to

0:28:40.880 --> 0:28:43.120
<v Speaker 1>a month, and we happened to talk over this week

0:28:43.160 --> 0:28:46.920
<v Speaker 1>over the weekend. Now, oh, I neglected to tell you, guys,

0:28:47.000 --> 0:28:51.400
<v Speaker 1>I was shroomed up this weekend. Okay, Friday, Nay, I'm

0:28:51.400 --> 0:28:51.680
<v Speaker 1>in here.

0:28:52.600 --> 0:28:55.120
<v Speaker 2>You had a vulnerable conversation with someone while you were

0:28:55.120 --> 0:28:55.680
<v Speaker 2>shoomed up.

0:28:56.000 --> 0:28:59.640
<v Speaker 1>The next level two two conversations. I had a homeboy

0:28:59.680 --> 0:29:03.840
<v Speaker 1>called me about about him looking back right and going

0:29:03.880 --> 0:29:06.640
<v Speaker 1>back to an ex possibly right, And my main thing

0:29:06.680 --> 0:29:10.240
<v Speaker 1>to him was, listen, remember why you left, right, I'm

0:29:10.280 --> 0:29:15.440
<v Speaker 1>living in it. So when you get the thing, are

0:29:15.440 --> 0:29:17.600
<v Speaker 1>you sure that's what you want? Right? Because it looks

0:29:17.640 --> 0:29:22.440
<v Speaker 1>good until you actually get it. Sometimes anyway, are you reminded?

0:29:22.680 --> 0:29:25.360
<v Speaker 2>You then are reminded why you left in the first place.

0:29:25.440 --> 0:29:28.920
<v Speaker 1>Right. So this person I was talking to, which I

0:29:28.960 --> 0:29:33.240
<v Speaker 1>still consider a friend, right, we just we're not connecting

0:29:33.320 --> 0:29:38.200
<v Speaker 1>right now. And I told her that I take mental

0:29:38.240 --> 0:29:41.320
<v Speaker 1>notes about situations and about people. It's not that I'm

0:29:41.360 --> 0:29:44.720
<v Speaker 1>going to live this way with you every day, but

0:29:44.840 --> 0:29:47.840
<v Speaker 1>I know now what you're capable of after you show me,

0:29:49.360 --> 0:29:52.080
<v Speaker 1>so I can't. I would be a fool to just

0:29:53.200 --> 0:29:57.239
<v Speaker 1>move forward completely slate clean. I'm not saying I'm going

0:29:57.360 --> 0:30:00.320
<v Speaker 1>to be acting weird with you going forward, but I

0:30:00.360 --> 0:30:04.440
<v Speaker 1>do have a mental note written in my mind of

0:30:04.440 --> 0:30:07.680
<v Speaker 1>your capabilities. That's is that wrong? You'd be a fool

0:30:07.720 --> 0:30:11.040
<v Speaker 1>if you don't take key No. When somebody shows you

0:30:11.080 --> 0:30:12.760
<v Speaker 1>a particular character flaw.

0:30:13.280 --> 0:30:15.160
<v Speaker 2>It's like, I forgive you, but I won't forget.

0:30:15.320 --> 0:30:18.720
<v Speaker 1>Yes, I don't forget, so I get. I probably forgive,

0:30:18.800 --> 0:30:21.280
<v Speaker 1>but I because I think I might be forgiving, I

0:30:21.360 --> 0:30:24.040
<v Speaker 1>just don't forget, right. So the minute I see that

0:30:24.120 --> 0:30:25.600
<v Speaker 1>thing again, I'm gonna call it out.

0:30:27.080 --> 0:30:29.080
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I haven't spoken to one of my close

0:30:29.120 --> 0:30:33.000
<v Speaker 2>friends in months, and she reached out on my birthday,

0:30:33.800 --> 0:30:35.840
<v Speaker 2>and it was just kind of like yeah.

0:30:35.640 --> 0:30:38.720
<v Speaker 1>Because once you stop being friends, it's like I don't

0:30:38.760 --> 0:30:39.680
<v Speaker 1>really know you no more.

0:30:40.520 --> 0:30:43.040
<v Speaker 2>I feel a way that you didn't reach out all

0:30:43.080 --> 0:30:46.680
<v Speaker 2>these months over some bullshit one which I really don't

0:30:46.680 --> 0:30:48.520
<v Speaker 2>even know what the fuck the issue was in the

0:30:48.520 --> 0:30:53.280
<v Speaker 2>first place. But on my birthday is not a fine

0:30:53.320 --> 0:30:55.880
<v Speaker 2>time to hash out our issues. I don't oh today.

0:30:55.920 --> 0:30:58.560
<v Speaker 2>I want to just be in a space of peace

0:30:58.640 --> 0:31:02.440
<v Speaker 2>and happiness, and today I ain't doing it, and I

0:31:02.440 --> 0:31:04.200
<v Speaker 2>don't know when I want to call back either, because

0:31:04.200 --> 0:31:07.160
<v Speaker 2>now I'm busy. You've been You've been too busy to

0:31:07.200 --> 0:31:08.680
<v Speaker 2>call back for months and months and months.

0:31:08.680 --> 0:31:13.160
<v Speaker 1>Oh so you did reach out to her before, Yeah, yeah,

0:31:14.080 --> 0:31:16.520
<v Speaker 1>and she did, But then she hit up on your birthday.

0:31:17.280 --> 0:31:19.760
<v Speaker 2>Then I saw her out and she went around the

0:31:19.800 --> 0:31:23.880
<v Speaker 2>table and hugged everybody but me. We was always in

0:31:23.920 --> 0:31:25.920
<v Speaker 2>the group, and she went around and hugged everybody at

0:31:25.920 --> 0:31:30.640
<v Speaker 2>the table but me. My girl, what's your problem? Okay? Whatever?

0:31:30.720 --> 0:31:32.440
<v Speaker 2>And then now you're calling me on my birthday acting

0:31:32.520 --> 0:31:38.120
<v Speaker 2>like she gonna be normal. Yeah, that's how I feel like.

0:31:38.200 --> 0:31:41.960
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, I don't know what you're f and

0:31:42.240 --> 0:31:45.120
<v Speaker 2>I and I'm living in here with two baby infants.

0:31:45.160 --> 0:31:46.280
<v Speaker 2>I can't call you right now.

0:31:46.720 --> 0:31:49.960
<v Speaker 1>I can't like you barely can record this episode right now.

0:31:50.000 --> 0:31:53.480
<v Speaker 1>Bitch is whispering, y'all.

0:31:53.480 --> 0:31:53.680
<v Speaker 2>See.

0:31:53.680 --> 0:32:01.040
<v Speaker 1>Then I'm trying to keep it all right.

0:32:01.080 --> 0:32:05.120
<v Speaker 2>So this one feeling deserving of love is hard.

0:32:06.480 --> 0:32:10.560
<v Speaker 1>I always think I deserve love. I always think of

0:32:10.600 --> 0:32:14.880
<v Speaker 1>the best of the fucking best. Now more than ever,

0:32:15.240 --> 0:32:17.600
<v Speaker 1>you know, once you, once you really know you, you

0:32:17.600 --> 0:32:20.080
<v Speaker 1>have your self awareness, and you know what you're worth.

0:32:21.160 --> 0:32:21.560
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm.

0:32:21.800 --> 0:32:25.800
<v Speaker 1>It's hard to settle for some bullshit. Okay, So I'm

0:32:25.840 --> 0:32:29.760
<v Speaker 1>definitely deserving of love, and if you got to grovel

0:32:29.840 --> 0:32:33.680
<v Speaker 1>at my fucking feet, that's what you're gonna have to

0:32:33.720 --> 0:32:34.960
<v Speaker 1>do to get me back.

0:32:35.640 --> 0:32:38.600
<v Speaker 2>But there are those of us I don't feel deserving

0:32:38.640 --> 0:32:40.880
<v Speaker 2>of love. But I'm here to remind you that you

0:32:40.960 --> 0:32:42.520
<v Speaker 2>are a baby girl or baby boy.

0:32:43.440 --> 0:32:46.000
<v Speaker 1>We say that, but we don't know what people have

0:32:46.120 --> 0:32:48.480
<v Speaker 1>done to people. You know what I'm saying. Do you

0:32:48.640 --> 0:32:52.880
<v Speaker 1>think that real bad people still deserve to be loved

0:32:53.160 --> 0:32:55.760
<v Speaker 1>or should they be on a fucking island by themselves,

0:32:55.800 --> 0:33:00.520
<v Speaker 1>like you've been terrorizing people since two years old. I

0:33:00.560 --> 0:33:03.400
<v Speaker 1>don't know. I just know some I know of because

0:33:03.440 --> 0:33:05.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm not associating myself with those types of people, but

0:33:05.640 --> 0:33:08.040
<v Speaker 1>I know I've really deplorable people.

0:33:10.640 --> 0:33:11.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and.

0:33:13.200 --> 0:33:17.040
<v Speaker 1>That thing out of them in the world.

0:33:17.920 --> 0:33:21.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. But I think if you learn how to change

0:33:21.400 --> 0:33:23.600
<v Speaker 2>and be a better person, do you not then in

0:33:23.640 --> 0:33:25.280
<v Speaker 2>turn not deserve.

0:33:24.880 --> 0:33:27.760
<v Speaker 1>Absolutely, But you have to show improve yourself and you

0:33:27.760 --> 0:33:31.360
<v Speaker 1>have to apologize for the people to the people you've wronged. Yeah,

0:33:31.480 --> 0:33:33.560
<v Speaker 1>I agree, you know what I'm saying, So that do

0:33:33.640 --> 0:33:36.760
<v Speaker 1>we do, we go to apology. Yeah, apologizing is hard,

0:33:38.080 --> 0:33:41.040
<v Speaker 1>so a lot of times people just avoid its avoidance,

0:33:41.440 --> 0:33:44.520
<v Speaker 1>you know what I'm saying. As opposed to taking accountability

0:33:44.640 --> 0:33:49.880
<v Speaker 1>and and and apologizing, they will continuously justify why their

0:33:49.920 --> 0:33:51.040
<v Speaker 1>behavior is okay.

0:33:51.800 --> 0:33:54.400
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm, I've seen it all too many times.

0:33:54.400 --> 0:33:57.120
<v Speaker 1>And no, you're not. You are not deserving of my love.

0:33:59.480 --> 0:34:04.240
<v Speaker 2>But so on the else perhaps, Yeah, right, I'm feeling lovable.

0:34:04.960 --> 0:34:07.760
<v Speaker 2>Feeling lovable is hard. What's the difference between deserving of

0:34:07.800 --> 0:34:10.479
<v Speaker 2>love and lovable? Is that someone who's giving love?

0:34:11.520 --> 0:34:13.280
<v Speaker 1>I like to say I make it easy for people

0:34:13.280 --> 0:34:19.040
<v Speaker 1>to love me. I think I'm lovable. Yeah, people who

0:34:19.120 --> 0:34:24.759
<v Speaker 1>actually know me? Okay, who really know me in real life? Yeah,

0:34:24.960 --> 0:34:27.680
<v Speaker 1>I think some people aren't easy to love. They just

0:34:27.800 --> 0:34:31.400
<v Speaker 1>they really put you through some shit, you know what

0:34:31.400 --> 0:34:34.719
<v Speaker 1>I'm saying. Take it to that place. Yeah.

0:34:34.880 --> 0:34:38.000
<v Speaker 2>No, I think I'm like sometimes overly lovable with motherfuckers

0:34:38.480 --> 0:34:39.879
<v Speaker 2>and they get you fucked up.

0:34:40.480 --> 0:34:42.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, got shit fucked up? Because you thought I was nice.

0:34:43.120 --> 0:34:44.319
<v Speaker 1>I always say I'm good.

0:34:44.360 --> 0:34:49.239
<v Speaker 2>I'm not nice, kind, not nice, like I've adopted that

0:34:49.400 --> 0:34:52.880
<v Speaker 2>in my late thirties because I always was nice and

0:34:53.120 --> 0:34:55.880
<v Speaker 2>trying to be a people pleaser, and I want everybody

0:34:55.920 --> 0:34:59.000
<v Speaker 2>to be happy around me. Some people are committed, Yeah,

0:34:59.040 --> 0:35:01.200
<v Speaker 2>some people are committed to not being happy, and you

0:35:01.200 --> 0:35:04.239
<v Speaker 2>can't do nothing about that except absorb some of their

0:35:04.280 --> 0:35:08.279
<v Speaker 2>negative energy. So I just try not to. All Right,

0:35:08.400 --> 0:35:10.480
<v Speaker 2>you project onto your partner a lot.

0:35:12.000 --> 0:35:15.640
<v Speaker 1>Mmmmmm, I don't think I don't do that.

0:35:16.480 --> 0:35:18.080
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I don't think I do that because I

0:35:18.239 --> 0:35:21.080
<v Speaker 2>just i'd be telling jokes the whole time. Like, even

0:35:21.080 --> 0:35:23.319
<v Speaker 2>when shit is like fucked up, I will find a

0:35:23.360 --> 0:35:25.640
<v Speaker 2>way for us to laugh. Do you want to laugh

0:35:25.680 --> 0:35:28.319
<v Speaker 2>through this, cause we can if you're interested in it,

0:35:28.719 --> 0:35:31.319
<v Speaker 2>I'm with it. So if I project, I'm projecting that

0:35:34.440 --> 0:35:36.080
<v Speaker 2>you compare yourself.

0:35:36.719 --> 0:35:39.759
<v Speaker 1>Or your partner what to other people.

0:35:42.719 --> 0:35:47.600
<v Speaker 2>To pass relationships to his ex, to your ex.

0:35:48.920 --> 0:35:51.080
<v Speaker 1>I don't never compare excees. The thing is, you know,

0:35:51.200 --> 0:35:55.120
<v Speaker 1>men will say that women come with all us baggage

0:35:55.280 --> 0:35:59.279
<v Speaker 1>and from you know, I'm having so many problems with

0:35:59.320 --> 0:36:01.359
<v Speaker 1>you because of what the last man did to you,

0:36:01.880 --> 0:36:07.680
<v Speaker 1>But oftentimes the things are done in this particular situation.

0:36:07.880 --> 0:36:11.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm not on your neck because of what the last

0:36:11.120 --> 0:36:16.080
<v Speaker 1>man did. It's because of you in particular. Like I

0:36:16.080 --> 0:36:19.279
<v Speaker 1>don't bring shit from the other relationship. When I talk

0:36:19.320 --> 0:36:22.600
<v Speaker 1>about negative things or positive things, I'm not bringing them

0:36:22.640 --> 0:36:26.120
<v Speaker 1>into this relationship. I'm not treating you away because of

0:36:26.120 --> 0:36:28.840
<v Speaker 1>what somebody else did to me. I always move on

0:36:29.040 --> 0:36:33.080
<v Speaker 1>like I love, I love, love like I like, I like,

0:36:33.280 --> 0:36:35.560
<v Speaker 1>so I'm always ready to fall in love again. I

0:36:35.600 --> 0:36:38.200
<v Speaker 1>ain't never scared, bitch, what'll we be doing? Let's go.

0:36:38.640 --> 0:36:40.440
<v Speaker 1>You know what I'm saying. So I'm never coming in

0:36:40.560 --> 0:36:42.239
<v Speaker 1>the new thing with some old shit.

0:36:43.760 --> 0:36:45.600
<v Speaker 2>As much as I would like to say what you

0:36:45.760 --> 0:36:50.600
<v Speaker 2>just said, I know that subconsciously, some of the traumas

0:36:50.719 --> 0:36:55.840
<v Speaker 2>of past relationships do trickle into the new ones in somewhere.

0:36:55.880 --> 0:36:57.680
<v Speaker 2>I can't put my finger on it, but I know

0:36:57.760 --> 0:37:02.680
<v Speaker 2>it's there. Like I be triggered, are like abandonment, like.

0:37:04.440 --> 0:37:06.839
<v Speaker 1>You calling a nigga phone a lot when they're gonna

0:37:06.840 --> 0:37:08.080
<v Speaker 1>answer the phone and stuff like that.

0:37:08.719 --> 0:37:11.920
<v Speaker 2>No I might ego won't allow that, okay, but my

0:37:12.160 --> 0:37:16.480
<v Speaker 2>mind like, okay, no, my ego on, I won't call.

0:37:17.000 --> 0:37:19.440
<v Speaker 2>I'll call and then I'll text, and if I don't

0:37:19.440 --> 0:37:22.399
<v Speaker 2>get no response, we'll never hear from me again in life.

0:37:22.680 --> 0:37:25.120
<v Speaker 2>And that be ego because I want to know, like,

0:37:25.160 --> 0:37:27.600
<v Speaker 2>because then if something happened now I'm worried. I might

0:37:27.640 --> 0:37:30.279
<v Speaker 2>even be worried about you. But instead of just trying

0:37:30.280 --> 0:37:32.160
<v Speaker 2>to check and make sure you okay, my ego, it's

0:37:32.200 --> 0:37:35.839
<v Speaker 2>like the nigga. I know you see my motherfucking text right,

0:37:35.920 --> 0:37:36.879
<v Speaker 2>you know that's my energy.

0:37:36.920 --> 0:37:39.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm only calling one time and I'm texting one time. Nigga,

0:37:39.760 --> 0:37:42.600
<v Speaker 1>you see me, and that goes for you too. If

0:37:42.600 --> 0:37:44.879
<v Speaker 1>you call my phone more than one time, you're trying

0:37:44.920 --> 0:37:47.960
<v Speaker 1>to control me. If I'm Dad, I can't answer. If

0:37:48.000 --> 0:37:50.440
<v Speaker 1>you dad, we can't do nothing about it. You know what,

0:37:50.560 --> 0:37:53.680
<v Speaker 1>motherfucker I could have been dad. I could have been

0:37:53.719 --> 0:37:55.560
<v Speaker 1>on the side, okay, and then what was I going

0:37:55.600 --> 0:37:57.680
<v Speaker 1>to be able to do with that?

0:37:57.680 --> 0:37:59.759
<v Speaker 2>That was God? Be like? You should call nine one one?

0:37:59.800 --> 0:38:03.120
<v Speaker 1>Then, yes, why are you calling me? You're trying to

0:38:03.200 --> 0:38:06.000
<v Speaker 1>control me. That's why you've called my phone thirty times.

0:38:06.600 --> 0:38:09.680
<v Speaker 2>But I do that with women. I won't do that

0:38:09.719 --> 0:38:14.480
<v Speaker 2>with men. I'll do that with women you call multiple times,

0:38:14.760 --> 0:38:22.720
<v Speaker 2>I'll blow your motherfucking ass up, But for some reason,

0:38:22.760 --> 0:38:24.800
<v Speaker 2>with a man, you won't call these twice.

0:38:24.840 --> 0:38:31.880
<v Speaker 1>Now and more and more, I'm calling board Unless I

0:38:31.920 --> 0:38:33.839
<v Speaker 1>really really want you to answer the phone. I'm gonna

0:38:33.880 --> 0:38:35.480
<v Speaker 1>tax you like God, you answer.

0:38:36.120 --> 0:38:38.080
<v Speaker 2>Especially if it seems like you hit the button on me,

0:38:39.200 --> 0:38:40.279
<v Speaker 2>I'm calling back again.

0:38:42.719 --> 0:38:45.600
<v Speaker 1>Now thatsk ego too. Now that's like you're trying to

0:38:45.640 --> 0:38:47.920
<v Speaker 1>be controlling of your whole girls.

0:38:48.800 --> 0:38:51.080
<v Speaker 2>You know how, you know how the iPhone now has

0:38:51.120 --> 0:38:54.040
<v Speaker 2>this where your picture can pop up when you call people,

0:38:54.560 --> 0:38:56.520
<v Speaker 2>so like their face will pop up on your phone.

0:38:56.800 --> 0:38:58.520
<v Speaker 2>I will not put my face up there. It's like,

0:38:58.520 --> 0:39:01.080
<v Speaker 2>why you got a picture up because if you hit

0:39:01.160 --> 0:39:07.320
<v Speaker 2>the client to my face, bitch, that's a problem because

0:39:07.360 --> 0:39:09.279
<v Speaker 2>I know my face popped up on your ship and

0:39:09.320 --> 0:39:11.719
<v Speaker 2>you still hit the button. Hell no, I didn't even

0:39:11.719 --> 0:39:13.160
<v Speaker 2>put my dog.

0:39:13.680 --> 0:39:17.200
<v Speaker 1>My dog is my like Mogi for iPhone.

0:39:17.880 --> 0:39:22.560
<v Speaker 2>So when you call it bella pop up, Yeah, I

0:39:22.560 --> 0:39:24.759
<v Speaker 2>ain't putting nothing up there because I just don't want

0:39:24.800 --> 0:39:27.320
<v Speaker 2>to kind of anger that would calls for me knowing

0:39:27.360 --> 0:39:29.160
<v Speaker 2>that my face popped up and you still hit the

0:39:29.160 --> 0:39:33.920
<v Speaker 2>button on me, pressure pressed my face to say no,

0:39:34.200 --> 0:39:40.480
<v Speaker 2>oh hell no. All right, you build walls. I definitely

0:39:40.560 --> 0:39:46.520
<v Speaker 2>have uh built some walls up, all right.

0:39:46.400 --> 0:39:54.080
<v Speaker 1>Trump, Maga not maga in the relationships. You got the

0:39:54.160 --> 0:39:55.239
<v Speaker 1>Mexicans to do it.

0:39:56.880 --> 0:39:59.960
<v Speaker 2>These niggas did it. These niggas built my walls from

0:40:03.239 --> 0:40:05.120
<v Speaker 2>you teach yourself to expect the worst.

0:40:05.520 --> 0:40:07.640
<v Speaker 1>Now, I dude, I am. I might be a little

0:40:07.640 --> 0:40:10.839
<v Speaker 1>pessimistic in relationships. I'm gonna tell you, and it's not

0:40:11.000 --> 0:40:13.319
<v Speaker 1>I'm still knock on. You're not gonna know that I'm

0:40:13.360 --> 0:40:17.520
<v Speaker 1>expecting the worst, though, But I feel like throughout my

0:40:17.680 --> 0:40:20.880
<v Speaker 1>life it seems like the times where I was relaxed

0:40:21.080 --> 0:40:24.920
<v Speaker 1>and comfortable and happy and just like in Bliss, that's

0:40:24.960 --> 0:40:32.719
<v Speaker 1>when the worst shit happens. You're married, you got a

0:40:32.800 --> 0:40:35.319
<v Speaker 1>baby on the way. I asked you if you had kids,

0:40:35.320 --> 0:40:37.799
<v Speaker 1>and Nigga be like, well, the baby wasn't born yet,

0:40:37.840 --> 0:40:42.200
<v Speaker 1>so technically it be that type of shit, right, Okay,

0:40:42.840 --> 0:40:46.600
<v Speaker 1>that I've had to deal with, So yeah, I might. Yeah,

0:40:46.680 --> 0:40:49.040
<v Speaker 1>I be expecting the worst out of people. I do.

0:40:49.320 --> 0:40:52.080
<v Speaker 2>I do, so it just makes the blows not hit

0:40:52.160 --> 0:40:57.719
<v Speaker 2>as hard, right, But are you manifesting the bullshit by

0:40:57.760 --> 0:40:58.560
<v Speaker 2>doing that? Though?

0:40:59.520 --> 0:41:02.080
<v Speaker 1>I don't like, I don't, I don't like really like.

0:41:02.719 --> 0:41:07.239
<v Speaker 1>It's not like living rent free in my mind somewhere, right.

0:41:07.440 --> 0:41:11.279
<v Speaker 1>I just I just know what humans are capable of,

0:41:11.640 --> 0:41:15.279
<v Speaker 1>So I expect you to be human, right, since I'm

0:41:15.320 --> 0:41:18.880
<v Speaker 1>a god like, I expect people to fuck up you know,

0:41:21.880 --> 0:41:23.880
<v Speaker 1>I expect you to fuck up, and I'm gonna just

0:41:23.920 --> 0:41:28.680
<v Speaker 1>be like, listen, man, now, I notice you now, but

0:41:28.760 --> 0:41:33.080
<v Speaker 1>this is now the new me. Right to counter this

0:41:33.200 --> 0:41:36.640
<v Speaker 1>new version of you, right, and you can't get mad

0:41:36.640 --> 0:41:38.480
<v Speaker 1>at that. Some people they want you to remain the

0:41:38.520 --> 0:41:43.440
<v Speaker 1>same while they done switched up on you. It's impossible you.

0:41:43.400 --> 0:41:47.320
<v Speaker 2>Create unhealthy or unrealistic expectations for your partner.

0:41:47.440 --> 0:41:52.759
<v Speaker 1>I don't. I feel like, even with one falling out.

0:41:52.760 --> 0:41:56.640
<v Speaker 1>And this is because you know, romantic relationships and then

0:41:56.640 --> 0:41:59.640
<v Speaker 1>like your friendships with your your friends or whatever, guys

0:41:59.680 --> 0:42:03.000
<v Speaker 1>or whatever, they kind of are the same. Right, So

0:42:03.400 --> 0:42:07.200
<v Speaker 1>there's only one couple extra expectations I have from a

0:42:07.239 --> 0:42:09.960
<v Speaker 1>lover as opposed to my friend. Like I expect everybody

0:42:10.000 --> 0:42:13.080
<v Speaker 1>to love and respect me, and then I expect these

0:42:13.160 --> 0:42:16.279
<v Speaker 1>niggas to spend some money and protect me. Okay, that's

0:42:16.320 --> 0:42:20.040
<v Speaker 1>the extra two things. But that's all I require from

0:42:20.080 --> 0:42:27.160
<v Speaker 1>my friends is love and respect. I feel like some

0:42:27.600 --> 0:42:32.640
<v Speaker 1>women have way too many expectations from their friends.

0:42:32.719 --> 0:42:35.480
<v Speaker 2>Way too many. Are you talking about me?

0:42:35.719 --> 0:42:40.640
<v Speaker 1>No? Uh uh? I have. I have had fallen outs

0:42:40.719 --> 0:42:44.080
<v Speaker 1>with people and some of the things that they come

0:42:44.160 --> 0:42:47.880
<v Speaker 1>up with that I supposedly didn't show up or do

0:42:48.000 --> 0:42:53.799
<v Speaker 1>for them as like way over my head type shit. Meanwhile,

0:42:54.360 --> 0:42:56.600
<v Speaker 1>I've done those things for them and they've never done

0:42:56.600 --> 0:42:59.520
<v Speaker 1>them for me. I had an argument with a friend

0:42:59.520 --> 0:43:02.040
<v Speaker 1>and we no longer friends, but it was just min

0:43:02.160 --> 0:43:04.920
<v Speaker 1>and I cried so bad with this comment, with this argument,

0:43:05.360 --> 0:43:10.040
<v Speaker 1>because I couldn't believe this was happening. I was being like,

0:43:10.239 --> 0:43:14.680
<v Speaker 1>for real, gas lit, real hard. You never invited me

0:43:14.840 --> 0:43:17.799
<v Speaker 1>to anything. I literally invited you to other things with

0:43:17.880 --> 0:43:20.040
<v Speaker 1>my other friends because I'm the type of person. I

0:43:20.200 --> 0:43:23.000
<v Speaker 1>know my homegirls who can't be around everybody else, and

0:43:23.000 --> 0:43:25.120
<v Speaker 1>then I know the ones that can write and I

0:43:25.320 --> 0:43:27.200
<v Speaker 1>one thing I love the most is like all the

0:43:27.239 --> 0:43:30.120
<v Speaker 1>people I like and love to be like together in

0:43:30.160 --> 0:43:34.640
<v Speaker 1>the same space. Right. So I had invited her. I

0:43:34.719 --> 0:43:37.319
<v Speaker 1>had lived out of town. I'm traveling to your house.

0:43:37.400 --> 0:43:40.080
<v Speaker 1>You had never been to mine. And these are the

0:43:40.120 --> 0:43:42.680
<v Speaker 1>things when we when our friendship came to an end,

0:43:43.360 --> 0:43:46.760
<v Speaker 1>she were she was saying these things to me. Meanwhile,

0:43:46.760 --> 0:43:48.040
<v Speaker 1>she had never shown up for me.

0:43:48.000 --> 0:43:53.160
<v Speaker 2>For real, right, And it's like you only seeing what

0:43:53.320 --> 0:43:55.920
<v Speaker 2>I didn't what I haven't done in your eyes, but

0:43:56.040 --> 0:43:57.600
<v Speaker 2>never seeing what you haven't done at all.

0:43:57.840 --> 0:44:01.520
<v Speaker 1>Because her expectations for me were way up here and

0:44:01.600 --> 0:44:04.600
<v Speaker 1>mine were very low for her. For her because you're

0:44:04.600 --> 0:44:07.080
<v Speaker 1>a woman. I don't like pussy, so I don't expect

0:44:07.239 --> 0:44:11.960
<v Speaker 1>much from my homegirls. I don't Some women act they

0:44:12.000 --> 0:44:14.279
<v Speaker 1>friends for money. I don't do that type of shit.

0:44:14.719 --> 0:44:17.640
<v Speaker 1>You better ask that nigga you fucking on for some money.

0:44:18.600 --> 0:44:21.680
<v Speaker 1>I don't ask money friends for money.

0:44:21.400 --> 0:44:23.840
<v Speaker 2>But I won't. I don't mind giving my friends money though.

0:44:23.760 --> 0:44:25.880
<v Speaker 1>No, absolutely not. You know, I like to be in

0:44:25.880 --> 0:44:27.640
<v Speaker 1>a position to help people when I can. But you

0:44:27.800 --> 0:44:29.560
<v Speaker 1>also not about to abuse me because I feel like

0:44:29.560 --> 0:44:32.080
<v Speaker 1>people only call people they know gonna say yes.

0:44:33.120 --> 0:44:37.520
<v Speaker 2>So I'm a last resort. I'm the last resort friend.

0:44:37.560 --> 0:44:40.600
<v Speaker 2>All my friends know that. They know that I'll give

0:44:40.640 --> 0:44:43.680
<v Speaker 2>it to them. But we're gonna sit and discuss all

0:44:43.760 --> 0:44:48.560
<v Speaker 2>the other options that you have exhausted. First, you was

0:44:48.600 --> 0:44:53.160
<v Speaker 2>having something? Did you did you give blood plasma? Then

0:44:53.160 --> 0:45:04.680
<v Speaker 2>what did you do? Okay, they're paying for that. So

0:45:04.760 --> 0:45:08.239
<v Speaker 2>here are five tips to not let past relationships affect me.

0:45:08.320 --> 0:45:11.080
<v Speaker 1>No, you've missed the last one. Let's just hit it.

0:45:11.840 --> 0:45:13.520
<v Speaker 1>You don't trust your judgment.

0:45:15.040 --> 0:45:17.480
<v Speaker 2>Oh I didn't even see that. Maybe because I don't

0:45:17.480 --> 0:45:18.480
<v Speaker 2>trust my own judgment.

0:45:18.600 --> 0:45:21.520
<v Speaker 1>That's women's intuition, and we often ignore it when we

0:45:21.640 --> 0:45:24.280
<v Speaker 1>in love, Okay, especially when he hit in the back,

0:45:25.400 --> 0:45:30.600
<v Speaker 1>the back walls, the back door, that side pocket, that

0:45:30.680 --> 0:45:32.879
<v Speaker 1>makes it a little crazy button back that you keep

0:45:32.920 --> 0:45:35.160
<v Speaker 1>hitting that suit, you might get stabbed.

0:45:36.560 --> 0:45:38.680
<v Speaker 2>And you just have all the red flags and just

0:45:38.760 --> 0:45:40.200
<v Speaker 2>ignore it.

0:45:40.840 --> 0:45:41.719
<v Speaker 1>Six flags.

0:45:42.160 --> 0:45:45.319
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I don't.

0:45:45.440 --> 0:45:47.520
<v Speaker 1>I don't trust my I wouldn't say I don't trust

0:45:47.520 --> 0:45:49.520
<v Speaker 1>my own judgment. I just trust people to be who

0:45:49.520 --> 0:45:49.879
<v Speaker 1>they are.

0:45:51.000 --> 0:45:53.160
<v Speaker 2>I don't. Yeah, I wouldn't say I don't trust my

0:45:53.200 --> 0:45:55.080
<v Speaker 2>own judgment. I ignore my own judgment.

0:45:55.719 --> 0:46:00.279
<v Speaker 1>I think everybody does until that motherfucker actually might knock

0:46:00.320 --> 0:46:01.760
<v Speaker 1>you out literally.

0:46:02.120 --> 0:46:08.160
<v Speaker 2>Right, Yeah, you're right. That's why bitch moving across the country.

0:46:08.320 --> 0:46:11.560
<v Speaker 2>I'm just going to the other side like it's starting over. Sure,

0:46:11.840 --> 0:46:16.160
<v Speaker 2>got a reset reset Okay. So here are the five

0:46:16.200 --> 0:46:20.480
<v Speaker 2>tips to not let past relationships affect the new ones.

0:46:21.000 --> 0:46:23.880
<v Speaker 2>And that's a relationship with yourself too, not just with

0:46:24.040 --> 0:46:27.319
<v Speaker 2>new niggas a new relationship with you, baby girl.

0:46:27.840 --> 0:46:28.200
<v Speaker 1>All right.

0:46:28.320 --> 0:46:31.960
<v Speaker 2>Number one, acknowledge your contribution to failed relationships.

0:46:32.040 --> 0:46:40.120
<v Speaker 1>Accountability. There it is again. So in this conversation with

0:46:40.680 --> 0:46:43.839
<v Speaker 1>this friend who I'm on the outs with, right now.

0:46:44.960 --> 0:46:46.960
<v Speaker 1>And we talked for the first time in months this

0:46:47.000 --> 0:46:49.399
<v Speaker 1>past weekend, and then we might not talk another again

0:46:49.520 --> 0:46:51.279
<v Speaker 1>for some months. I don't know. I might, I'm I

0:46:51.360 --> 0:46:54.840
<v Speaker 1>might call her for a birthday in October, but I

0:46:54.840 --> 0:47:00.680
<v Speaker 1>don't know. She said, so, you think you never been

0:47:00.719 --> 0:47:04.440
<v Speaker 1>wrong in any of your relationships? And I stopped for

0:47:04.480 --> 0:47:08.200
<v Speaker 1>a second. She mean friendships in friendships, right, So I

0:47:08.200 --> 0:47:10.520
<v Speaker 1>had to stop for a second, and I really had

0:47:10.560 --> 0:47:14.640
<v Speaker 1>to think real, real hard, because everybody likes to think

0:47:14.680 --> 0:47:16.760
<v Speaker 1>that they're right, even with me and her not talking,

0:47:16.880 --> 0:47:19.319
<v Speaker 1>I feel like I'm right, and so does she right.

0:47:20.040 --> 0:47:21.759
<v Speaker 1>And this is why for the last year and a

0:47:21.800 --> 0:47:25.239
<v Speaker 1>half I've been like, I'm not arguing people's perspective, right,

0:47:25.320 --> 0:47:28.480
<v Speaker 1>because you can lay this list of things down and

0:47:28.520 --> 0:47:34.560
<v Speaker 1>everybody will interpret it different. Everybody will see what transpired differently, right,

0:47:34.600 --> 0:47:38.160
<v Speaker 1>And that's where arguing comes in at, because you're not

0:47:38.239 --> 0:47:41.200
<v Speaker 1>just wanting somebody to understand your perspective, you want them

0:47:41.239 --> 0:47:46.239
<v Speaker 1>to adopt it. Right. So in this particular thing, I

0:47:46.239 --> 0:47:49.200
<v Speaker 1>didn't I wasn't asking her to adopt my perspective. I

0:47:49.280 --> 0:47:51.080
<v Speaker 1>just didn't want to talk about it. If we're gonna

0:47:51.120 --> 0:47:55.319
<v Speaker 1>be friends, let's just move forward right, because I think

0:47:55.360 --> 0:47:58.680
<v Speaker 1>I'm right and you think you're right. So the conversation

0:47:58.920 --> 0:48:03.760
<v Speaker 1>still ended well, me yelling you know me, Tammy, Okay,

0:48:04.040 --> 0:48:07.280
<v Speaker 1>all right, I want to sleep because this I haven't

0:48:07.320 --> 0:48:10.920
<v Speaker 1>been like this worked up? Why am I this worked up?

0:48:11.840 --> 0:48:16.080
<v Speaker 1>Eleven o'clock at night? You know what I'm saying? Why

0:48:16.400 --> 0:48:20.520
<v Speaker 1>why is this happening? So in some situations when I

0:48:20.560 --> 0:48:22.359
<v Speaker 1>do get worked up, I have to stop, like what

0:48:22.440 --> 0:48:24.400
<v Speaker 1>was I in the middle of doing? How was I

0:48:24.440 --> 0:48:29.759
<v Speaker 1>feeling when this thing showed up? When this because it's

0:48:29.800 --> 0:48:34.640
<v Speaker 1>a thing, it's a it's a something, and I allowed

0:48:34.680 --> 0:48:38.400
<v Speaker 1>it to get me this worked up? Yeah, but I

0:48:38.440 --> 0:48:40.880
<v Speaker 1>really had to sit and think, like have I and

0:48:40.960 --> 0:48:43.279
<v Speaker 1>I feel like the relationships that I have brought to

0:48:43.320 --> 0:48:46.200
<v Speaker 1>a screeching holt? Some people s don't want me, The

0:48:46.280 --> 0:48:49.279
<v Speaker 1>niggas don't want me, and the friends stn't want me.

0:48:50.000 --> 0:48:54.000
<v Speaker 1>So if I was really that fucking bad, why you

0:48:54.040 --> 0:48:55.720
<v Speaker 1>still want to be in my life?

0:48:56.880 --> 0:48:59.520
<v Speaker 2>I can? I can. You know. My grandmother said this

0:48:59.560 --> 0:49:01.879
<v Speaker 2>thing to me, and it's always stuck with me. It

0:49:01.920 --> 0:49:04.520
<v Speaker 2>takes two links of the chain for the chain to rattle.

0:49:05.080 --> 0:49:08.120
<v Speaker 2>One link kept rattle by itself, so I always try

0:49:08.160 --> 0:49:10.719
<v Speaker 2>to acknowledge that I know there's you know, I ain't

0:49:10.760 --> 0:49:13.600
<v Speaker 2>been perfect. I ain't perfect in friendships. I ain't perfect

0:49:13.600 --> 0:49:17.839
<v Speaker 2>in relationships. There's been mistakes, there's been missteps, but I

0:49:17.920 --> 0:49:20.920
<v Speaker 2>know that I don't do anything with malicious intent with

0:49:21.040 --> 0:49:24.640
<v Speaker 2>people I love. Now, if I don't love you, and

0:49:24.760 --> 0:49:28.200
<v Speaker 2>I can't call it. But if I care about you,

0:49:28.600 --> 0:49:31.000
<v Speaker 2>I might fuck up. But it was never meant to hurt.

0:49:31.080 --> 0:49:34.719
<v Speaker 2>It was never meant to be maliciously done nothing, you know.

0:49:34.840 --> 0:49:39.759
<v Speaker 1>But see, that's where perspective comes in, right, because when

0:49:39.960 --> 0:49:43.080
<v Speaker 1>when doing the thing, the person may not perceive that

0:49:43.200 --> 0:49:45.959
<v Speaker 1>they was doing a fucked up thing, right, right?

0:49:46.960 --> 0:49:47.080
<v Speaker 2>Hm?

0:49:48.280 --> 0:49:50.640
<v Speaker 1>But at what point when I say, hey, that was

0:49:50.680 --> 0:49:55.440
<v Speaker 1>a fucked up thing, when do you That's.

0:49:54.800 --> 0:49:57.880
<v Speaker 2>When account Yeah, that's when accountability comes in. Like, I

0:49:57.880 --> 0:50:02.520
<v Speaker 2>don't like when people say I apologize for how you feel, Yes,

0:50:02.840 --> 0:50:03.960
<v Speaker 2>don't apologize for how.

0:50:04.080 --> 0:50:07.719
<v Speaker 1>Fen So I can't do that. I don't apologize for

0:50:07.800 --> 0:50:10.880
<v Speaker 1>how I made you feel because that's not a genuine apology.

0:50:11.080 --> 0:50:15.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm not sorry. Right, It's hard for me to say

0:50:15.200 --> 0:50:18.720
<v Speaker 1>I apologize for how for what I did, for how

0:50:19.239 --> 0:50:23.440
<v Speaker 1>you felt because of what I did, right, Because I'm

0:50:23.680 --> 0:50:27.160
<v Speaker 1>very intentional So if I do some fucked up shit,

0:50:28.280 --> 0:50:30.360
<v Speaker 1>I meant to do it. If I say some fucked

0:50:30.400 --> 0:50:33.040
<v Speaker 1>up shit, I meant to say it. Because I have

0:50:33.080 --> 0:50:35.480
<v Speaker 1>a lot of restraint, I feel like a lot of

0:50:35.480 --> 0:50:36.920
<v Speaker 1>times I won't say nothing.

0:50:38.760 --> 0:50:41.080
<v Speaker 2>Well, no, I can't, you know, when I'm upset, I

0:50:41.120 --> 0:50:43.960
<v Speaker 2>can't say those things that can hurt people I love,

0:50:44.120 --> 0:50:46.520
<v Speaker 2>and I will apologize for it because in that moment

0:50:46.640 --> 0:50:49.920
<v Speaker 2>I was heated and I said some things that were hurtful.

0:50:50.200 --> 0:50:52.319
<v Speaker 2>Even if they were true, doesn't mean they need to

0:50:52.320 --> 0:50:54.920
<v Speaker 2>be said, especially to someone that I care about, you know,

0:50:55.680 --> 0:50:58.000
<v Speaker 2>or you know, because then it's not delivered in a

0:50:58.040 --> 0:51:01.560
<v Speaker 2>way that is for the betterment of our friendship or

0:51:01.560 --> 0:51:04.640
<v Speaker 2>our relationship. It's just saying to be hurtful at that point.

0:51:04.840 --> 0:51:07.120
<v Speaker 2>So I will apologize for things like that, you know,

0:51:07.480 --> 0:51:09.680
<v Speaker 2>because if I love you, the last thing I need

0:51:09.719 --> 0:51:14.239
<v Speaker 2>to be doing is hurting you, you know. So I

0:51:14.280 --> 0:51:18.400
<v Speaker 2>will apologize and I'll just say that's my bad, I'm sorry,

0:51:18.480 --> 0:51:22.000
<v Speaker 2>you know. I won't say I apologize for how you felt,

0:51:22.360 --> 0:51:26.640
<v Speaker 2>or I apologize for no. I just apologized, point blank, period.

0:51:26.760 --> 0:51:29.680
<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry because I do love you. So whatever it

0:51:29.760 --> 0:51:32.160
<v Speaker 2>is looks like on your side, I'm sorry, and that's

0:51:32.160 --> 0:51:36.279
<v Speaker 2>it because all the other things is just pomping circumstance.

0:51:36.360 --> 0:51:39.239
<v Speaker 1>At that point when the thing does it again, then

0:51:39.960 --> 0:51:43.600
<v Speaker 1>were you really sorry when you apologized before? You see?

0:51:43.680 --> 0:51:46.799
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but I'm a work in progress, you know, I got,

0:51:47.160 --> 0:51:51.239
<v Speaker 2>I got angry again. We met, we here are you

0:51:51.360 --> 0:51:55.120
<v Speaker 2>and again? Yeah? We're human nuts.

0:51:55.160 --> 0:51:57.920
<v Speaker 1>Man, No, man, I don't want it just depends.

0:51:58.040 --> 0:52:00.480
<v Speaker 2>I don't want it, just depends. It's just depends on

0:52:00.520 --> 0:52:04.160
<v Speaker 2>what it is. It's like, you know, because some things

0:52:04.200 --> 0:52:07.640
<v Speaker 2>it's like, all right, now you just do you fuck

0:52:07.680 --> 0:52:10.120
<v Speaker 2>with me? Or do you not right? You know? But

0:52:10.160 --> 0:52:14.280
<v Speaker 2>then the other things is like, okay, she is Gemini.

0:52:16.640 --> 0:52:19.320
<v Speaker 1>And Gemini I see things. Gemini is on mean nothing

0:52:19.360 --> 0:52:23.840
<v Speaker 1>more than fuality. So I see things from all perspectives,

0:52:23.920 --> 0:52:28.319
<v Speaker 1>every which way. Now, sometimes I might settle in on

0:52:28.360 --> 0:52:31.279
<v Speaker 1>this one perspective, right, because I feel like there's some

0:52:31.320 --> 0:52:32.799
<v Speaker 1>things in life you got to pick a side on.

0:52:33.480 --> 0:52:35.560
<v Speaker 1>But for the most part, I like to stay in

0:52:35.600 --> 0:52:38.120
<v Speaker 1>the middlest I can see all of which ways. I

0:52:38.160 --> 0:52:40.319
<v Speaker 1>can see how you felt, I can see this and not.

0:52:40.520 --> 0:52:42.520
<v Speaker 1>But I should be able to do the same. I

0:52:42.520 --> 0:52:45.640
<v Speaker 1>should be able the same way I do for people.

0:52:45.719 --> 0:52:47.680
<v Speaker 1>I want people to do for me. I know that

0:52:47.680 --> 0:52:51.120
<v Speaker 1>that's not You can't ask for that though, right. So

0:52:51.160 --> 0:52:54.479
<v Speaker 1>the same way I see, I see what you meant

0:52:54.560 --> 0:52:58.440
<v Speaker 1>a lot. I'm misunderstood a lot. I want people to

0:52:58.440 --> 0:52:59.359
<v Speaker 1>see what I meant too.

0:53:00.360 --> 0:53:05.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I get it all right. Number two, recognize triggers

0:53:06.040 --> 0:53:11.760
<v Speaker 2>becoming an observer objectively. Was your partner's behavior mean spirited?

0:53:11.760 --> 0:53:13.839
<v Speaker 2>That's what I was just saying, like, was it done

0:53:14.239 --> 0:53:17.320
<v Speaker 2>to be malicious? Or you know, was it a mistake?

0:53:17.520 --> 0:53:19.480
<v Speaker 2>You know, did they make a mistake?

0:53:19.600 --> 0:53:22.080
<v Speaker 1>And your triggers are for you to manage, not for

0:53:22.239 --> 0:53:26.440
<v Speaker 1>everybody else, So you can't as an adult at our

0:53:26.520 --> 0:53:29.239
<v Speaker 1>big age. And I say you, I mean plural, I'm

0:53:29.239 --> 0:53:36.880
<v Speaker 1>not talking to you, right. People want external entities to

0:53:37.120 --> 0:53:40.239
<v Speaker 1>manage your their triggers. No, your triggers are for you

0:53:40.280 --> 0:53:43.680
<v Speaker 1>to manage. So if you know something triggers you, you

0:53:43.760 --> 0:53:46.760
<v Speaker 1>need to figure out a way to not be triggered.

0:53:47.400 --> 0:53:51.799
<v Speaker 1>It is not for another adult to tiptoe around your emotions.

0:53:51.880 --> 0:53:56.319
<v Speaker 1>That's not fair because again we got perception. Everybody's brain

0:53:56.440 --> 0:54:01.000
<v Speaker 1>is different, People see things differently differently, so I didn't

0:54:01.000 --> 0:54:01.960
<v Speaker 1>know that would be a trigger.

0:54:03.040 --> 0:54:05.560
<v Speaker 2>M h. But don't you feel like, if you know

0:54:06.800 --> 0:54:10.440
<v Speaker 2>someone you love triggers, you try not to do the

0:54:10.480 --> 0:54:11.880
<v Speaker 2>thing press them.

0:54:12.000 --> 0:54:12.120
<v Speaker 1>Yea.

0:54:14.400 --> 0:54:17.400
<v Speaker 2>So with you saying, yeah, you shouldn't expect people to

0:54:17.440 --> 0:54:21.400
<v Speaker 2>like live by your triggers, but if they love you,

0:54:21.440 --> 0:54:26.720
<v Speaker 2>they're gonna try to not, you know, exhaust that thing

0:54:26.719 --> 0:54:29.160
<v Speaker 2>and you that make you scared or angry.

0:54:29.560 --> 0:54:32.680
<v Speaker 1>One thing I used to say to my ex is.

0:54:32.920 --> 0:54:35.560
<v Speaker 1>I would call him in son of a bitch, and

0:54:35.600 --> 0:54:39.080
<v Speaker 1>he would get so mad about that. Y'all. Let me

0:54:39.120 --> 0:54:42.719
<v Speaker 1>tell y'all the story. I made this nigga a hamburger.

0:54:43.480 --> 0:54:45.080
<v Speaker 1>And when I this is when back when I used

0:54:45.120 --> 0:54:45.600
<v Speaker 1>to eat meat.

0:54:45.760 --> 0:54:48.520
<v Speaker 2>See that I'm mad now because you ain't putting no cheese.

0:54:48.320 --> 0:54:51.480
<v Speaker 1>On the Hold on, bitch. Okay, when I when I

0:54:51.600 --> 0:54:54.319
<v Speaker 1>cook and I made you a veggie burger, right, So

0:54:54.480 --> 0:54:58.640
<v Speaker 1>just imagine me getting ground beef rog ground beef, cutting

0:54:58.719 --> 0:55:01.799
<v Speaker 1>up onions and pepper, and I like to use like

0:55:01.800 --> 0:55:04.319
<v Speaker 1>the little lipton because I put this on the I

0:55:04.360 --> 0:55:07.520
<v Speaker 1>put I put the limpten onion soup on the on

0:55:07.600 --> 0:55:10.120
<v Speaker 1>the beyond burgers too. But when I wouldn't make going

0:55:10.200 --> 0:55:12.600
<v Speaker 1>make burgers back in the day, I would always use

0:55:12.640 --> 0:55:18.160
<v Speaker 1>those big ass Hawaiian king Hawaiian guns like the sweet ones,

0:55:18.800 --> 0:55:21.319
<v Speaker 1>and I'm making this and this nigga was begging me

0:55:21.600 --> 0:55:24.440
<v Speaker 1>saying how hungry he was. He was just so hungry,

0:55:24.520 --> 0:55:26.879
<v Speaker 1>so hungry. So I'm like hurrying up to cook him

0:55:26.920 --> 0:55:29.239
<v Speaker 1>something to eat before I got to start work, right,

0:55:30.920 --> 0:55:33.080
<v Speaker 1>So I make the burger. I set the burger on account.

0:55:33.080 --> 0:55:35.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, you're not gonna eat. One thing I cannot

0:55:35.560 --> 0:55:39.040
<v Speaker 1>fucking stand is cooking for somebody and them not eating immediately.

0:55:40.120 --> 0:55:43.160
<v Speaker 1>That's triggering for me because you don't value my time.

0:55:44.600 --> 0:55:47.799
<v Speaker 1>You don't value to love the effort, last minute thing

0:55:47.840 --> 0:55:50.680
<v Speaker 1>I did for you to make sure you're settled before

0:55:50.719 --> 0:55:54.320
<v Speaker 1>I do my stuff, right, That's what it was about.

0:55:54.360 --> 0:55:56.520
<v Speaker 1>So it's not even about the food or you eating.

0:55:56.800 --> 0:55:59.160
<v Speaker 1>I feel like I feel like my efforts aren't valued.

0:56:00.080 --> 0:56:02.799
<v Speaker 1>M don't you know I'm yelling at not yelling at him.

0:56:02.800 --> 0:56:04.239
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, you're not gonna eat, Like, why are you

0:56:04.280 --> 0:56:06.040
<v Speaker 1>eating this burger? Like it's just sitting there getting cold.

0:56:06.040 --> 0:56:08.640
<v Speaker 1>Because I can't stand serving people cold food. I'm a server,

0:56:09.239 --> 0:56:11.160
<v Speaker 1>like I like to serve people and they be like,

0:56:11.160 --> 0:56:13.200
<v Speaker 1>oh this is so good. That excites me, that makes

0:56:13.239 --> 0:56:16.399
<v Speaker 1>me happy. So now now my fucking cold gour made

0:56:16.440 --> 0:56:19.640
<v Speaker 1>burger is sitting on the counter and he takes one

0:56:19.680 --> 0:56:21.560
<v Speaker 1>bite out the burger and then balls it up on

0:56:21.600 --> 0:56:26.960
<v Speaker 1>the plate. I took the whole plate and slam dunked

0:56:26.960 --> 0:56:30.440
<v Speaker 1>it in the trash, ceramic, the whole plate, and I

0:56:30.480 --> 0:56:34.359
<v Speaker 1>was like, you son of a bitch, so mean?

0:56:34.840 --> 0:56:36.080
<v Speaker 2>So he balled it up.

0:56:36.080 --> 0:56:38.440
<v Speaker 1>What do you mean you heard me like a child

0:56:38.640 --> 0:56:41.080
<v Speaker 1>playing with his food. He balled it up on the plate,

0:56:41.280 --> 0:56:43.279
<v Speaker 1>put all his fingers in it, He took one bite

0:56:43.280 --> 0:56:45.120
<v Speaker 1>out of it, and then balled it up on the plate,

0:56:45.760 --> 0:56:47.799
<v Speaker 1>all because I wanted him to eat.

0:56:49.400 --> 0:56:57.960
<v Speaker 2>Oh, he was associated past. That is crazy.

0:56:57.480 --> 0:56:59.319
<v Speaker 1>And those are the type of that's the type of

0:56:59.360 --> 0:57:02.120
<v Speaker 1>trauma I live with. You have to say what I'm saying.

0:57:02.600 --> 0:57:06.080
<v Speaker 1>So now you better eat immediately forever, my nigga. Oh,

0:57:06.080 --> 0:57:11.920
<v Speaker 1>it's gonna be a problem. But yeah, I uh, hold on,

0:57:12.120 --> 0:57:14.640
<v Speaker 1>I got into that whole story for what triggering? Oh

0:57:14.680 --> 0:57:16.800
<v Speaker 1>I knew me calling him a son of a bitch

0:57:16.840 --> 0:57:21.960
<v Speaker 1>would be triggering because his mom passed away. Y'all was

0:57:22.000 --> 0:57:24.840
<v Speaker 1>both Yeah, I was both going for the guzzling that night.

0:57:25.400 --> 0:57:27.640
<v Speaker 1>But I don't start there. You know what I'm saying,

0:57:28.080 --> 0:57:29.160
<v Speaker 1>Like you took me there.

0:57:30.640 --> 0:57:32.600
<v Speaker 2>Listen, he would have balled it up and I would

0:57:32.600 --> 0:57:34.439
<v Speaker 2>have win and got him afore because now you gonna

0:57:34.480 --> 0:57:39.320
<v Speaker 2>eat them pieces off that plate. You should have told

0:57:39.320 --> 0:57:41.240
<v Speaker 2>me you want to slop each other, because that's what

0:57:41.320 --> 0:57:45.600
<v Speaker 2>the fuck you about to eat?

0:57:45.960 --> 0:57:50.880
<v Speaker 1>Man with your meal faster. Yeah, he said hate when

0:57:50.880 --> 0:57:52.720
<v Speaker 1>I was going, and I knew that was very triggering

0:57:52.760 --> 0:57:56.880
<v Speaker 1>for him, and I did it purposely. Absolutely, not often,

0:57:57.400 --> 0:57:59.760
<v Speaker 1>but times where he just got real belligerent. You know

0:57:59.800 --> 0:58:01.720
<v Speaker 1>what I'm saying, Cause you haven't been with somebody who

0:58:01.880 --> 0:58:06.160
<v Speaker 1>just make you be nasty mm hmm. That is not

0:58:06.320 --> 0:58:09.240
<v Speaker 1>my normal setting. I don't wake up to want to

0:58:09.280 --> 0:58:11.360
<v Speaker 1>be mean, you know.

0:58:11.400 --> 0:58:11.720
<v Speaker 2>What I mean?

0:58:11.840 --> 0:58:15.800
<v Speaker 1>People though, And this is why that sixth love language

0:58:15.800 --> 0:58:18.200
<v Speaker 1>is the fucking thing. A lot of people like chaos

0:58:18.280 --> 0:58:21.520
<v Speaker 1>like you, you just can't be loving because it's scary

0:58:21.560 --> 0:58:24.120
<v Speaker 1>for them. It's scary for them to think that you

0:58:24.280 --> 0:58:27.200
<v Speaker 1>really care about them. You want to be nice and

0:58:27.240 --> 0:58:28.240
<v Speaker 1>loving to them.

0:58:28.760 --> 0:58:32.320
<v Speaker 2>I remember my grandma sometimes, like I remember spending the

0:58:32.400 --> 0:58:34.240
<v Speaker 2>night at my grandma house and she was real old

0:58:34.320 --> 0:58:36.200
<v Speaker 2>by this time. She wake up in the morning. The

0:58:36.240 --> 0:58:37.680
<v Speaker 2>first thing I hear at her mouth.

0:58:38.120 --> 0:58:39.600
<v Speaker 1>Shit, that's my mom.

0:58:40.960 --> 0:58:45.120
<v Speaker 2>What is this. Is that the first thing you said

0:58:45.160 --> 0:58:45.800
<v Speaker 2>in the morning?

0:58:45.960 --> 0:58:47.400
<v Speaker 1>Why are you mad that you woke up?

0:58:48.080 --> 0:58:49.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Are you angry that

0:58:49.880 --> 0:58:51.640
<v Speaker 2>for waking up? Good? Lord?

0:58:51.640 --> 0:58:56.720
<v Speaker 1>Hemercy shit like like, God, damn, I thought I was

0:58:56.760 --> 0:59:00.680
<v Speaker 1>gonna be going. That's how I felt when I lived

0:59:00.680 --> 0:59:02.560
<v Speaker 1>in Saint Louis. I definitely used to wake up like

0:59:02.560 --> 0:59:04.320
<v Speaker 1>that every more, like I felt like I was in prison.

0:59:05.040 --> 0:59:11.920
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, I'm still here. That's real trauma. Okay.

0:59:12.160 --> 0:59:15.760
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Number three, Get to your core issues. Reflect on

0:59:15.800 --> 0:59:18.760
<v Speaker 2>your trigger. What is it shaped from a past relation?

0:59:19.080 --> 0:59:21.840
<v Speaker 2>Was it shaped from a past relationship? Reflect on your

0:59:21.880 --> 0:59:24.600
<v Speaker 2>plane and your pain? Why did it hurt so much?

0:59:25.000 --> 0:59:28.360
<v Speaker 2>Reflect on your resentment. Which of your values did there

0:59:28.760 --> 0:59:32.400
<v Speaker 2>or your behavior go against? Reflect on your fears? What

0:59:32.560 --> 0:59:35.720
<v Speaker 2>are you really afraid of? Therapy is an awesome tool

0:59:35.800 --> 0:59:37.840
<v Speaker 2>for this. Therapists can teach you the right questions to

0:59:37.880 --> 0:59:40.240
<v Speaker 2>ask yourself and guide you down a path of self

0:59:40.280 --> 0:59:41.600
<v Speaker 2>awareness and self reflection.

0:59:42.360 --> 0:59:43.000
<v Speaker 1>M m mmm.

0:59:44.680 --> 0:59:46.880
<v Speaker 2>It's hard to ask those questions in a moment, though,

0:59:49.400 --> 0:59:52.400
<v Speaker 2>But I'm working on my triggers because I have, like

0:59:52.440 --> 0:59:55.280
<v Speaker 2>I know, I have abandonment issues, and I would definitely

0:59:55.360 --> 0:59:57.360
<v Speaker 2>if you don't answer my car. If you don't respond

0:59:57.400 --> 1:00:01.160
<v Speaker 2>back in a minute, you hate me. You fucking hate me.

1:00:01.240 --> 1:00:03.760
<v Speaker 2>I'm a little different and I and I fucking hate

1:00:03.800 --> 1:00:04.120
<v Speaker 2>you too.

1:00:04.200 --> 1:00:08.480
<v Speaker 1>If you don't eat this pussy, you hate me.

1:00:08.480 --> 1:00:11.360
<v Speaker 2>Meanwhile, Meanwhile, you were asleep, or you was in the shower,

1:00:11.440 --> 1:00:13.280
<v Speaker 2>or you had your own shit going on, and I

1:00:13.360 --> 1:00:16.440
<v Speaker 2>just made everything about me, and you obviously hate me.

1:00:16.600 --> 1:00:19.400
<v Speaker 1>You you didn't eat my head. You didn't eat my head.

1:00:19.440 --> 1:00:22.000
<v Speaker 1>You need my pussy last night before sex, like you

1:00:22.040 --> 1:00:22.720
<v Speaker 1>still love me?

1:00:23.200 --> 1:00:25.920
<v Speaker 2>Like do you know you hate me? You would hate me,

1:00:26.360 --> 1:00:28.440
<v Speaker 2>and that's what you wanted me to know by not

1:00:28.480 --> 1:00:29.560
<v Speaker 2>eating my pussy.

1:00:30.360 --> 1:00:34.040
<v Speaker 1>Obviously, I mean, no other logical reason behind it.

1:00:34.480 --> 1:00:42.800
<v Speaker 2>Because what is your abuse? One star review, My nigga.

1:00:41.480 --> 1:00:43.080
<v Speaker 1>This was abuse.

1:00:45.760 --> 1:00:49.200
<v Speaker 2>That before learn what a healthy relationship can look like.

1:00:50.280 --> 1:00:52.000
<v Speaker 1>From where I.

1:00:52.000 --> 1:00:53.480
<v Speaker 2>Was about to say, I'm looking he I'm about to

1:00:53.560 --> 1:00:55.800
<v Speaker 2>keep reading and see where the foo fucking.

1:00:55.640 --> 1:01:00.120
<v Speaker 1>Where my family relationship was so dysfunctional. They're a lot

1:01:00.160 --> 1:01:03.040
<v Speaker 1>of things that I saw my mom. Do you know

1:01:03.240 --> 1:01:07.080
<v Speaker 1>even you're raising children and relationship wise, I just I

1:01:07.160 --> 1:01:10.160
<v Speaker 1>won't do and some things I've picked up and something

1:01:10.280 --> 1:01:13.520
<v Speaker 1>I still fight against every day not to do like

1:01:13.880 --> 1:01:15.720
<v Speaker 1>being petty around the fucking house.

1:01:16.440 --> 1:01:16.840
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm.

1:01:17.160 --> 1:01:20.520
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, is so hard to go habitate, y'all

1:01:20.520 --> 1:01:23.520
<v Speaker 1>hear me. I'm like, man, can I get my own

1:01:23.560 --> 1:01:26.600
<v Speaker 1>bedroom and bathroom? What the fuck is going on?

1:01:27.520 --> 1:01:30.919
<v Speaker 2>I would like my own bathroom. I don't. We ain't

1:01:30.920 --> 1:01:33.560
<v Speaker 2>got to have a bedroom, separate bedroom, but a bathroom.

1:01:33.960 --> 1:01:35.680
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to share my bathroom either.

1:01:36.080 --> 1:01:38.240
<v Speaker 1>I don't like it. I don't like it.

1:01:39.040 --> 1:01:42.600
<v Speaker 2>I remember in the last relationship, my ex used to

1:01:42.720 --> 1:01:45.120
<v Speaker 2>like take a poop and then like shave his pub

1:01:45.280 --> 1:01:49.160
<v Speaker 2>hairs over the toilet, and then his dudo looked like

1:01:49.160 --> 1:01:51.920
<v Speaker 2>a teddy bear in a toilet he left for me

1:01:52.040 --> 1:01:58.520
<v Speaker 2>to see that shit with just like a dog, just

1:01:58.600 --> 1:02:01.800
<v Speaker 2>a dookie covered in hair. Just wait when I come.

1:02:02.840 --> 1:02:05.640
<v Speaker 2>I can't remember. All I saw was a little hairy turd,

1:02:05.840 --> 1:02:07.480
<v Speaker 2>and I just was like, oh.

1:02:09.160 --> 1:02:12.320
<v Speaker 1>No, that's time management right there. He's like, let me

1:02:12.400 --> 1:02:16.800
<v Speaker 1>just go ahead and clip my balls. Then they got

1:02:16.800 --> 1:02:21.120
<v Speaker 1>good time management skills. The fuck. That's like people who

1:02:21.120 --> 1:02:24.680
<v Speaker 1>brush their teeth in the shower. I can't me neither.

1:02:24.840 --> 1:02:26.400
<v Speaker 1>Why is your toothbrush in the shower?

1:02:26.640 --> 1:02:27.600
<v Speaker 2>That is? I don't like it?

1:02:27.760 --> 1:02:29.080
<v Speaker 1>Fucking nasty to me.

1:02:29.400 --> 1:02:31.080
<v Speaker 2>It's growl. I think it's just men that do that.

1:02:31.120 --> 1:02:32.720
<v Speaker 2>I don't know know women who brush their teeth in

1:02:32.720 --> 1:02:33.120
<v Speaker 2>the shower.

1:02:33.240 --> 1:02:35.560
<v Speaker 1>I think it might just be men. Actually, I don't know.

1:02:35.600 --> 1:02:39.160
<v Speaker 1>Because this guy I was dating, I kept asking him,

1:02:39.160 --> 1:02:40.960
<v Speaker 1>why are you brushing your teeth in the shower? He

1:02:41.480 --> 1:02:44.120
<v Speaker 1>told me it was a woman that he had dealt

1:02:44.120 --> 1:02:46.360
<v Speaker 1>with before who used to do that. And he was like,

1:02:46.400 --> 1:02:49.120
<v Speaker 1>he just found that. You know, you're getting multiple things

1:02:49.160 --> 1:02:52.320
<v Speaker 1>done at the same time. How How and you don't

1:02:52.360 --> 1:02:53.800
<v Speaker 1>leave your toothbrush in the shower.

1:02:54.480 --> 1:02:57.280
<v Speaker 2>I don't want my mouth where I'm cleaning my ass.

1:02:57.280 --> 1:02:59.200
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to clean my mouth and my ass.

1:02:59.480 --> 1:03:01.760
<v Speaker 2>But men, he is the one rag for everything.

1:03:01.960 --> 1:03:05.520
<v Speaker 1>So them niggas just nasty dog even when they clean.

1:03:06.440 --> 1:03:06.800
<v Speaker 2>M hm.

1:03:07.000 --> 1:03:08.960
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. Now, some niggas be extra clean.

1:03:09.480 --> 1:03:11.760
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I know some extra clean Terry. Terry is an

1:03:11.800 --> 1:03:13.240
<v Speaker 2>extra clean nigga.

1:03:14.520 --> 1:03:17.320
<v Speaker 1>Hell yeah, forever. When I tell you all my favorite

1:03:17.320 --> 1:03:20.080
<v Speaker 1>freshman's first grade, you better fucking believe it.

1:03:20.160 --> 1:03:23.480
<v Speaker 2>Okay, Yeah, he is an extra clean nigga. Okay. So

1:03:23.520 --> 1:03:28.400
<v Speaker 2>what it says is regularly seeking out relationship education opportunities.

1:03:28.760 --> 1:03:32.280
<v Speaker 2>Research shows that couples who learn healthy relationship expectations and

1:03:32.320 --> 1:03:37.080
<v Speaker 2>skills are less likely to divorce and have higher marital satisfaction.

1:03:38.160 --> 1:03:42.200
<v Speaker 2>Regularly challenge your expectations. Are they healthy? Are they realistic?

1:03:42.560 --> 1:03:44.880
<v Speaker 2>Ask yourself what kind of love do my partner and

1:03:44.920 --> 1:03:45.480
<v Speaker 2>I deserve?

1:03:46.320 --> 1:03:49.840
<v Speaker 1>Hmm, yeah, I guess I still think about how shit,

1:03:50.000 --> 1:03:53.720
<v Speaker 1>y'all I got this big, beautiful bad that I bought. Okay,

1:03:53.760 --> 1:03:56.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna tell y'all, this is the current. And it

1:03:57.000 --> 1:04:01.000
<v Speaker 1>wasn't about the bad, right, the shit with my mental health.

1:04:01.040 --> 1:04:02.920
<v Speaker 1>It still fucks with my mental health because I have

1:04:02.960 --> 1:04:07.200
<v Speaker 1>to see it every day. Nice beds the silk head headboard,

1:04:08.040 --> 1:04:11.760
<v Speaker 1>and this nigga puts his greasy fucking head on that

1:04:11.880 --> 1:04:15.240
<v Speaker 1>headboard after I asked him several times, Hey, watch your head,

1:04:15.320 --> 1:04:18.200
<v Speaker 1>real nice, hey watch your head? Even catch him before

1:04:18.200 --> 1:04:19.920
<v Speaker 1>he put his head back put a pillow back there.

1:04:20.200 --> 1:04:25.360
<v Speaker 1>That's how conscious I am about this headboard. Right now,

1:04:25.400 --> 1:04:33.200
<v Speaker 1>I have a big Palmer's coconut butter stain about the

1:04:33.240 --> 1:04:37.160
<v Speaker 1>size of a golf or soccer ball on the fucking headboard.

1:04:37.520 --> 1:04:42.000
<v Speaker 1>And it's not about the headboard, right, It's the value system. Now,

1:04:42.080 --> 1:04:45.080
<v Speaker 1>you see, some things can translate into something else. So

1:04:45.200 --> 1:04:47.480
<v Speaker 1>what is it that your partner is like, y'all, our

1:04:47.600 --> 1:04:50.640
<v Speaker 1>value systems might be different, you know what I'm saying,

1:04:50.720 --> 1:04:53.640
<v Speaker 1>Like you might value your Jordan's. That's why I probably

1:04:53.680 --> 1:04:56.400
<v Speaker 1>should tiptoe around the fucking house and all of them.

1:04:56.720 --> 1:04:59.720
<v Speaker 2>You know, no, you gotta like you gotta bend down

1:04:59.760 --> 1:05:05.960
<v Speaker 2>on all.

1:05:03.080 --> 1:05:05.880
<v Speaker 1>You look folded all of a sudden, all those nice

1:05:06.000 --> 1:05:10.880
<v Speaker 1>retro j's that you can cover it. U. Yeah, I'm

1:05:10.920 --> 1:05:13.520
<v Speaker 1>like that about like furniture. I like the house to

1:05:13.560 --> 1:05:15.480
<v Speaker 1>be nice, you know what I'm saying, Like I liken

1:05:15.560 --> 1:05:18.360
<v Speaker 1>her to smell like fresh. Sometimes when I leave the house,

1:05:18.600 --> 1:05:21.680
<v Speaker 1>I leave the TV like on meditation music. So when

1:05:21.680 --> 1:05:25.240
<v Speaker 1>I walk in, it's like straight zin, it's cool, it

1:05:25.360 --> 1:05:29.960
<v Speaker 1>smelled good, and it's this should should be our safe haven.

1:05:30.000 --> 1:05:33.960
<v Speaker 1>Why am I getting stressed out about this fucking oil stain? Right?

1:05:34.400 --> 1:05:36.280
<v Speaker 1>You get in value this fucking bad.

1:05:37.760 --> 1:05:40.640
<v Speaker 2>This bitch called me, She's like, hey, do you have

1:05:40.720 --> 1:05:43.520
<v Speaker 2>the bandwidth right now for me to vent? I was like,

1:05:43.560 --> 1:05:46.400
<v Speaker 2>go ahead, my nigga, I will talk about She turned

1:05:46.480 --> 1:05:49.080
<v Speaker 2>instantly into a whole hogan on the phone.

1:05:50.680 --> 1:05:53.560
<v Speaker 1>About that oil stain that should hurt my feelings so bad.

1:05:53.600 --> 1:05:56.360
<v Speaker 1>And I don't think he understands, like how much that

1:05:56.440 --> 1:05:58.640
<v Speaker 1>hurt my feelings? It started something in me.

1:05:59.560 --> 1:05:59.960
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm.

1:06:00.080 --> 1:06:02.560
<v Speaker 1>And if you happen to listen to this episode, my nigga, yes,

1:06:02.760 --> 1:06:07.240
<v Speaker 1>I am still a harboring resentment towards you because of

1:06:07.240 --> 1:06:12.320
<v Speaker 1>this motherfucking headboard. Because it's not about the headboard, it

1:06:12.440 --> 1:06:16.000
<v Speaker 1>is your value system. I'm now questioning because I don't

1:06:16.040 --> 1:06:18.479
<v Speaker 1>give a fuck for real, Like, of course, we gotta

1:06:18.520 --> 1:06:20.720
<v Speaker 1>put clothes on, like when we record, but I literally

1:06:20.840 --> 1:06:23.240
<v Speaker 1>dress like a ninja. Every day. I got on black

1:06:23.320 --> 1:06:25.520
<v Speaker 1>legs and a black ting top and sneakers. I'm going

1:06:25.560 --> 1:06:27.840
<v Speaker 1>to the gym. I got a sweaty stain around the

1:06:27.880 --> 1:06:31.280
<v Speaker 1>coochy area. Okay, every day I'm walking in Walmart, I'll

1:06:31.360 --> 1:06:34.720
<v Speaker 1>target like that. I don't really give a fuck no

1:06:34.760 --> 1:06:37.480
<v Speaker 1>more about putting clothes on, Like I don't really, But

1:06:37.600 --> 1:06:40.040
<v Speaker 1>like home stuff, I want that stuff to be nice

1:06:40.080 --> 1:06:42.440
<v Speaker 1>and cared for. Is that too much to ask for?

1:06:43.640 --> 1:06:46.320
<v Speaker 2>No? I don't think so. But you gotta just remember

1:06:46.360 --> 1:06:49.080
<v Speaker 2>he a man, and his brain don't Their brain don't

1:06:49.120 --> 1:06:51.440
<v Speaker 2>work the same way.

1:06:51.360 --> 1:06:54.120
<v Speaker 1>That my daddy is like that though, right, So, my

1:06:54.200 --> 1:06:57.880
<v Speaker 1>daddy is a very clean man. My daddy cooks clean

1:06:58.720 --> 1:07:00.960
<v Speaker 1>like that nigga can't stay and the top off the

1:07:00.960 --> 1:07:04.800
<v Speaker 1>toothpaste like he got his things. And that's so, that

1:07:04.920 --> 1:07:08.400
<v Speaker 1>is what I'm used to mm hmm. I'm not saying

1:07:08.760 --> 1:07:11.439
<v Speaker 1>I have a dirty man by any means, because he's

1:07:11.600 --> 1:07:14.360
<v Speaker 1>very clean. He just got to get high first and

1:07:14.400 --> 1:07:18.000
<v Speaker 1>then he starts cleaning like Molly fucking made four boards

1:07:18.000 --> 1:07:18.840
<v Speaker 1>and all of those.

1:07:19.520 --> 1:07:21.880
<v Speaker 2>So just keep the weed planing for around the house.

1:07:28.360 --> 1:07:33.080
<v Speaker 1>Get when he high. You heard me? What else you got?

1:07:33.280 --> 1:07:36.040
<v Speaker 1>Sorry y'all, right, y'all for letting me vent about this

1:07:36.120 --> 1:07:38.120
<v Speaker 1>motherfucker man. I'm gonna post a picture of it.

1:07:38.160 --> 1:07:41.000
<v Speaker 2>He's gonna be mad. You didn't even ask him that

1:07:41.040 --> 1:07:42.160
<v Speaker 2>they have the band wid for that.

1:07:42.560 --> 1:07:42.840
<v Speaker 1>Sorry?

1:07:42.920 --> 1:07:44.160
<v Speaker 2>Sorry, I hope y'all did.

1:07:45.600 --> 1:07:45.880
<v Speaker 1>Alright?

1:07:46.880 --> 1:07:50.480
<v Speaker 2>Release Vent Alright number five and this is the last one.

1:07:50.560 --> 1:07:54.400
<v Speaker 2>Communicate with your partner. Explain what's going on for you,

1:07:54.480 --> 1:07:57.440
<v Speaker 2>and this one is most important to me. Validate each

1:07:57.720 --> 1:08:01.040
<v Speaker 2>other's feelings, not just your own. Don't just wait for

1:08:01.200 --> 1:08:05.360
<v Speaker 2>your feelings to be validated. Validate your partner's feelings as well.

1:08:05.560 --> 1:08:08.120
<v Speaker 2>You know, even if you don't understand it, even if

1:08:08.160 --> 1:08:11.680
<v Speaker 2>you don't necessarily align with what they're feeling. Just validate.

1:08:11.880 --> 1:08:13.960
<v Speaker 1>That is it genuine when you do it? Though? But

1:08:14.000 --> 1:08:16.280
<v Speaker 1>how do you validate somebody's feelings?

1:08:17.120 --> 1:08:20.320
<v Speaker 2>Receive it? Don't? Just some people hear what you're saying,

1:08:20.520 --> 1:08:23.559
<v Speaker 2>and when they stop going to talk about what they feeling,

1:08:24.280 --> 1:08:26.040
<v Speaker 2>the first thing you say, the next thing that come

1:08:26.040 --> 1:08:28.360
<v Speaker 2>out of your mouth is how you feel. You didn't

1:08:28.360 --> 1:08:29.519
<v Speaker 2>even acknowledge what I saw.

1:08:29.960 --> 1:08:33.280
<v Speaker 1>Oh, I understand what you're saying. It's the butt that

1:08:33.360 --> 1:08:36.400
<v Speaker 1>gets me. You don't understand what I'm saying. If there's

1:08:36.439 --> 1:08:38.120
<v Speaker 1>a butt after it?

1:08:38.760 --> 1:08:39.719
<v Speaker 2>What about however?

1:08:40.479 --> 1:08:42.760
<v Speaker 1>Bitch not?

1:08:47.439 --> 1:08:51.840
<v Speaker 2>However, so I understand what you're feeling. I understand what

1:08:51.880 --> 1:08:57.160
<v Speaker 2>you're saying. This is what I'm feeling. How can we find.

1:08:56.960 --> 1:08:58.599
<v Speaker 1>A way omitt it? The butt?

1:09:00.400 --> 1:09:03.200
<v Speaker 2>This is what I'm feeling. Because what you're saying is

1:09:03.840 --> 1:09:07.240
<v Speaker 2>if I say but, that doesn't invalidate you. That just

1:09:07.280 --> 1:09:11.000
<v Speaker 2>means I feel something different from you, you know. That's why.

1:09:11.560 --> 1:09:16.320
<v Speaker 1>That's why I said, how do you validate the person's feelings? Right?

1:09:16.600 --> 1:09:19.439
<v Speaker 2>Saying you understand Even though you're saying but, that doesn't

1:09:19.479 --> 1:09:21.800
<v Speaker 2>mean you don't validate their feelings. That just might mean

1:09:21.840 --> 1:09:23.000
<v Speaker 2>you don't agree with their feelings.

1:09:24.960 --> 1:09:28.760
<v Speaker 1>Right. But sometimes when you say but, but such and

1:09:28.840 --> 1:09:32.040
<v Speaker 1>such and such and such. People still then feel like

1:09:32.040 --> 1:09:35.120
<v Speaker 1>you're not validating any feelings are You're not validating what

1:09:35.160 --> 1:09:36.760
<v Speaker 1>it is that they're saying, So you end up in

1:09:36.800 --> 1:09:38.080
<v Speaker 1>this merry go round thing.

1:09:39.240 --> 1:09:43.880
<v Speaker 2>But validation doesn't necessarily mean agree It just means I

1:09:43.920 --> 1:09:47.559
<v Speaker 2>receive what you're saying. I understand what you're saying. However,

1:09:47.960 --> 1:09:53.320
<v Speaker 2>I feel differently. You know, I don't necessarily align validation

1:09:53.520 --> 1:09:54.480
<v Speaker 2>with agreeance.

1:09:56.479 --> 1:10:02.160
<v Speaker 1>So validation and relationships express empathy, normalize feelings misunderstanding what

1:10:02.200 --> 1:10:05.240
<v Speaker 1>it means to validate reflect their Oh hold on, let

1:10:05.280 --> 1:10:10.080
<v Speaker 1>me see empathy. Empathy express empathy. So okay, so you know,

1:10:10.560 --> 1:10:15.200
<v Speaker 1>I really understand where you're coming from, But do you

1:10:15.320 --> 1:10:17.360
<v Speaker 1>understand where I'm coming from?

1:10:17.800 --> 1:10:20.800
<v Speaker 2>It's like, no, don't even say, but I do know,

1:10:21.000 --> 1:10:24.639
<v Speaker 2>bitch that I did.

1:10:25.080 --> 1:10:28.240
<v Speaker 1>Validation is a communication skill that can help both parties

1:10:28.240 --> 1:10:33.040
<v Speaker 1>in a conversation feel heard and understood. Validation shows that

1:10:33.120 --> 1:10:36.519
<v Speaker 1>you are truly listening to understand the other person's feelings

1:10:36.520 --> 1:10:39.680
<v Speaker 1>and point of view, even if you disagree.

1:10:40.320 --> 1:10:44.160
<v Speaker 2>There because you don't like. Validation doesn't mean all right,

1:10:44.200 --> 1:10:46.040
<v Speaker 2>I don't have nothing else to say because I agree

1:10:46.080 --> 1:10:46.800
<v Speaker 2>with what you're saying.

1:10:47.680 --> 1:10:51.240
<v Speaker 1>Oh, here's some examples. I can understand why you feel

1:10:51.240 --> 1:10:53.960
<v Speaker 1>that way. I can tell this is really important to you.

1:10:54.400 --> 1:10:59.680
<v Speaker 1>What a frustrating, upsetting situation. I want to make sure

1:10:59.720 --> 1:11:03.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm understanding correctly. That's I use that one. I ask

1:11:03.160 --> 1:11:05.160
<v Speaker 1>for clarity before I flip out a lot of times.

1:11:06.520 --> 1:11:07.960
<v Speaker 1>Can you explain what you mean by that?

1:11:09.960 --> 1:11:12.920
<v Speaker 2>But are you asking for clarity? Are you asking for.

1:11:13.920 --> 1:11:16.280
<v Speaker 1>So you can No, I'm not correct, So I can

1:11:16.280 --> 1:11:19.120
<v Speaker 1>flip out because once you give me off, once you

1:11:19.240 --> 1:11:22.599
<v Speaker 1>offer me the Okay, my friendship that I was arguing with, right,

1:11:22.640 --> 1:11:26.519
<v Speaker 1>my homegirl, I sent her a long ass text message

1:11:26.560 --> 1:11:28.599
<v Speaker 1>and response to a long ass voice note. She sent

1:11:28.640 --> 1:11:33.160
<v Speaker 1>me for clarity, right, So I read what you sent

1:11:33.880 --> 1:11:38.800
<v Speaker 1>for clarity. You then refused to read what I sent

1:11:39.680 --> 1:11:46.600
<v Speaker 1>offering clarity. So your hell bent on this miscommunity communication, misunderstanding.

1:11:48.840 --> 1:11:53.280
<v Speaker 1>You see what I'm saying. That's never my position now,

1:11:53.400 --> 1:11:55.760
<v Speaker 1>because I know the difference with somebody trying to play

1:11:55.800 --> 1:12:00.360
<v Speaker 1>in my face, right, or with somebody's genuinely like okay,

1:12:01.240 --> 1:12:04.720
<v Speaker 1>you know, so trying to hear So, yeah, she just

1:12:04.880 --> 1:12:07.720
<v Speaker 1>she she thought she she believes she's right. So I

1:12:07.720 --> 1:12:10.200
<v Speaker 1>don't want to argue with nobody right or wrong. No more,

1:12:10.640 --> 1:12:12.640
<v Speaker 1>I don't So I don't even know how you how

1:12:12.640 --> 1:12:15.040
<v Speaker 1>do you get around these type of things? Like I'm

1:12:15.080 --> 1:12:18.479
<v Speaker 1>not saying I'm always right, but I do my very

1:12:18.640 --> 1:12:23.200
<v Speaker 1>best in every situation. I try to make sure I'm

1:12:23.240 --> 1:12:26.759
<v Speaker 1>doing my best and I'm presenting my best best self.

1:12:28.200 --> 1:12:31.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and I mean that's all you can do. That's

1:12:31.439 --> 1:12:35.519
<v Speaker 2>all you can do. So that's the five tips you guys.

1:12:35.800 --> 1:12:37.800
<v Speaker 2>I hope y'all try to apply this shit to your

1:12:37.880 --> 1:12:41.559
<v Speaker 2>relationships if you have one. I got to listen. I know,

1:12:41.640 --> 1:12:44.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm so hard on these niggas, I really am. I

1:12:44.040 --> 1:12:47.679
<v Speaker 2>got to do better. I can't never pick nobody. I'll

1:12:47.680 --> 1:12:51.040
<v Speaker 2>really be having some you know, nice men, you know,

1:12:51.160 --> 1:12:54.400
<v Speaker 2>pursuing me, and I don't never like nobody who like me?

1:12:54.520 --> 1:12:55.439
<v Speaker 2>You know what is that about it?

1:12:55.520 --> 1:12:57.800
<v Speaker 1>You know why? Because for women and this just this

1:12:57.880 --> 1:13:00.679
<v Speaker 1>might be a trauma response when you can't pay because

1:13:00.800 --> 1:13:05.880
<v Speaker 1>you've picked before and the result wasn't favorable. Right, So

1:13:05.920 --> 1:13:08.679
<v Speaker 1>it's almost like for men, because we know men don't

1:13:08.720 --> 1:13:12.240
<v Speaker 1>show up as their true authentic selves. Right y'all can say, yeah,

1:13:12.280 --> 1:13:13.800
<v Speaker 1>we wear we even make up and all this shit.

1:13:13.880 --> 1:13:16.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we mean, fake whatever bitch. Okay,

1:13:17.200 --> 1:13:21.080
<v Speaker 1>but y'all show up as whole other niggas until y'all

1:13:21.120 --> 1:13:23.160
<v Speaker 1>get what y'all want a lot of times, so it's

1:13:23.160 --> 1:13:27.280
<v Speaker 1>hard to like, wean through the people who aren't there

1:13:27.360 --> 1:13:30.200
<v Speaker 1>for that. You know what I'm saying. It is scary.

1:13:31.120 --> 1:13:33.200
<v Speaker 1>It is scary. You just gotta go ahead and fuck

1:13:33.280 --> 1:13:38.320
<v Speaker 1>them and then figure out. I'm just saying, like, for real,

1:13:38.920 --> 1:13:41.000
<v Speaker 1>you don't wait, fuck them, and it's still gonna be

1:13:41.040 --> 1:13:41.559
<v Speaker 1>some bullshit.

1:13:44.439 --> 1:13:47.040
<v Speaker 2>It'd be like the ones that's really like. He probably

1:13:47.080 --> 1:13:49.960
<v Speaker 2>would treat me so nice and be a good husband

1:13:50.000 --> 1:13:52.720
<v Speaker 2>to me, but his butt bigger than mine, Like it

1:13:52.840 --> 1:13:54.600
<v Speaker 2>be dumb shit like that.

1:13:54.000 --> 1:13:58.800
<v Speaker 1>You are six fee got god, you got child bearing here,

1:14:00.439 --> 1:14:05.320
<v Speaker 1>and that's why he's single. Don't nobody want on fpis son.

1:14:07.920 --> 1:14:11.000
<v Speaker 2>That's always my fear because my butt is so big,

1:14:11.040 --> 1:14:12.840
<v Speaker 2>and I just scared I'm gonna pass that on to

1:14:13.000 --> 1:14:17.160
<v Speaker 2>a little boy. Please don't do that to me. Please

1:14:17.200 --> 1:14:17.600
<v Speaker 2>don't do that.

1:14:17.680 --> 1:14:19.639
<v Speaker 1>I don't like a nigga with no ass though. Don't

1:14:19.640 --> 1:14:21.719
<v Speaker 1>be coming around here looking like a tabphole dog.

1:14:21.840 --> 1:14:24.720
<v Speaker 2>Okay, I need I take that over, really, we take

1:14:24.760 --> 1:14:26.000
<v Speaker 2>that over all, big.

1:14:25.840 --> 1:14:29.599
<v Speaker 1>Little snolly face booty, just like the little tiny cuff

1:14:29.600 --> 1:14:31.719
<v Speaker 1>at the bottom, and they like shape like a heart.

1:14:33.360 --> 1:14:35.200
<v Speaker 2>Over a fat ass looking like yeah.

1:14:35.240 --> 1:14:37.679
<v Speaker 1>I'm not saying a fat ass, but like the same

1:14:37.720 --> 1:14:41.280
<v Speaker 1>way I like like fit backs. I like a nice

1:14:41.320 --> 1:14:41.880
<v Speaker 1>booty too.

1:14:42.560 --> 1:14:44.439
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I would like that. But if I had to

1:14:44.520 --> 1:14:46.760
<v Speaker 2>choose one of them, I take the tampole.

1:14:46.840 --> 1:14:49.320
<v Speaker 1>No, hell no, I like niggas with thighs too, like

1:14:49.360 --> 1:14:51.040
<v Speaker 1>I like niggas with like nice So.

1:14:51.000 --> 1:14:53.080
<v Speaker 2>You don't want a nigga with my ass standing it?

1:14:53.160 --> 1:14:57.080
<v Speaker 1>This absolutely not like damn the nigga that's your fucking

1:14:57.160 --> 1:14:59.640
<v Speaker 1>home girl. You need to get out of that relationship.

1:15:01.160 --> 1:15:06.840
<v Speaker 1>You are in a lasbian relationship and you're probably wearing your.

1:15:06.800 --> 1:15:10.400
<v Speaker 2>Drawers, That's what I'm saying. So you would take the

1:15:10.439 --> 1:15:11.360
<v Speaker 2>tadpole over there?

1:15:12.200 --> 1:15:14.840
<v Speaker 1>No, you would take a tadpole. I know. I don't

1:15:14.920 --> 1:15:16.519
<v Speaker 1>want that. I don't want No.

1:15:16.960 --> 1:15:19.559
<v Speaker 2>If you had to choose between the two, if you had.

1:15:20.400 --> 1:15:23.880
<v Speaker 1>Give me the fatty really yeah, man, yeah, man, give

1:15:23.920 --> 1:15:31.880
<v Speaker 1>me the fatty that. I'd rather that than that. Little

1:15:31.880 --> 1:15:36.360
<v Speaker 1>fucking girls. You gotta show me an example, because walking

1:15:36.360 --> 1:15:44.400
<v Speaker 1>around in here, big belly, I don't want my like

1:15:44.479 --> 1:15:46.559
<v Speaker 1>Rick Ross dog, I don't want it.

1:15:48.320 --> 1:15:53.240
<v Speaker 2>That's how Rick Ross built. I never really paid ashes, damn.

1:15:54.040 --> 1:15:56.760
<v Speaker 1>That's how I know Rick Ros's boy, booty guy, like

1:15:56.800 --> 1:16:02.920
<v Speaker 1>a little happy meal, little arch at the bottom.

1:16:02.960 --> 1:16:06.559
<v Speaker 2>Just y'all, let's get about of here, man.

1:16:09.240 --> 1:16:14.439
<v Speaker 1>Anyway, My last last look. If if you want to

1:16:14.479 --> 1:16:17.960
<v Speaker 1>go back, go back right, but don't forget, don't I

1:16:17.960 --> 1:16:22.479
<v Speaker 1>think because this this episode actually started with looking like

1:16:22.600 --> 1:16:31.520
<v Speaker 1>going backwards and relationships or bringing past things into new relationships.

1:16:34.479 --> 1:16:38.360
<v Speaker 1>I'm not saying not to go back words because I

1:16:38.400 --> 1:16:41.080
<v Speaker 1>do it a lot. You know what I'm saying, same niggas,

1:16:41.160 --> 1:16:43.880
<v Speaker 1>heavy rotation. I know what I'm getting. You know what

1:16:43.920 --> 1:16:46.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm saying is just hopefully this time it's better than

1:16:46.840 --> 1:16:52.920
<v Speaker 1>the last time, and it is try it. Okay, it

1:16:53.000 --> 1:16:54.960
<v Speaker 1>ain't that many niggas out here for real, it's like

1:16:55.040 --> 1:16:57.920
<v Speaker 1>four of them, So you tell me you got this

1:16:58.200 --> 1:17:02.000
<v Speaker 1>rosta and it's one and possible on that bitch, I promise,

1:17:02.640 --> 1:17:05.720
<v Speaker 1>because it's only a couple of different characteristics out here

1:17:05.760 --> 1:17:08.559
<v Speaker 1>in people, and I think you can find them. It's

1:17:08.560 --> 1:17:15.000
<v Speaker 1>probably five characteristics from real what roster I got? Yeah,

1:17:15.840 --> 1:17:17.040
<v Speaker 1>niggas do I got, y'all?

1:17:18.720 --> 1:17:21.000
<v Speaker 2>Did you hear anything I ain't got? I know what

1:17:21.040 --> 1:17:22.759
<v Speaker 2>you talk about whatever, don't.

1:17:22.680 --> 1:17:25.120
<v Speaker 1>Tell whatever you got going on in life. I'm just saying,

1:17:25.600 --> 1:17:31.599
<v Speaker 1>it's this the same, it's the same personalities oftentimes, right, yeah,

1:17:31.640 --> 1:17:34.280
<v Speaker 1>so and then you know, again, all relationships is there's

1:17:34.280 --> 1:17:36.559
<v Speaker 1>how much you can deal with from somebody else. That's it.

1:17:37.840 --> 1:17:38.519
<v Speaker 1>That's all it is.

1:17:40.760 --> 1:17:46.240
<v Speaker 2>So I was, I was high, and that's all came on.

1:17:47.040 --> 1:17:54.280
<v Speaker 2>Tell me something good, and it made me think, like,

1:17:54.439 --> 1:17:57.040
<v Speaker 2>I want to hear y'all good news. So call in

1:17:57.479 --> 1:17:59.640
<v Speaker 2>and share your good news with us, whatever it is.

1:17:59.720 --> 1:18:01.760
<v Speaker 2>Be like, hey, y'all, just want to tell y'all I

1:18:01.840 --> 1:18:04.080
<v Speaker 2>just got my degree, or I just bought a new house,

1:18:04.240 --> 1:18:05.960
<v Speaker 2>or I got a new car, or I just left

1:18:05.960 --> 1:18:07.640
<v Speaker 2>that nigga alone. Whatever you feel like.

1:18:07.680 --> 1:18:10.479
<v Speaker 1>You ain't got to hide your good news from us,

1:18:10.560 --> 1:18:14.479
<v Speaker 1>you know you, Yeah, share shit from some people sometimes.

1:18:14.320 --> 1:18:16.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, No, share it with us because we want to

1:18:16.280 --> 1:18:18.760
<v Speaker 2>celebrate you. Is this the right numb not one nine

1:18:18.760 --> 1:18:21.439
<v Speaker 2>one nine. It says about to expire in third days,

1:18:21.479 --> 1:18:23.439
<v Speaker 2>So we got to do it. We got to visit,

1:18:24.439 --> 1:18:26.759
<v Speaker 2>all right. So the number, y'all is nine one nine

1:18:26.840 --> 1:18:29.479
<v Speaker 2>four one oh seven seven three five. I'm gonna say

1:18:29.479 --> 1:18:33.719
<v Speaker 2>it again, nine one nine four one oh, seven seven

1:18:33.880 --> 1:18:37.559
<v Speaker 2>three five, call in, share your good news because we

1:18:37.600 --> 1:18:38.160
<v Speaker 2>want to hear it.

1:18:39.520 --> 1:18:42.120
<v Speaker 1>All right, y'all, you don't have a last last for

1:18:42.160 --> 1:18:44.880
<v Speaker 1>the relationship stuff, but that's it there.

1:18:44.920 --> 1:18:49.640
<v Speaker 2>I ain't got shit because I can't listening. I don't know,

1:18:49.800 --> 1:18:50.479
<v Speaker 2>all right, y'all.

1:18:50.520 --> 1:18:52.879
<v Speaker 1>If you enjoyed this episode, y'all, tune in every Thursday

1:18:52.880 --> 1:18:56.360
<v Speaker 1>on the Black Effect podcast, iHeartRadio, Apple, whatever the fuck

1:18:56.400 --> 1:18:58.519
<v Speaker 1>you get your podcasts at. This is your co host,

1:18:58.560 --> 1:19:04.400
<v Speaker 1>aj Holiday two point oh on instagrams. Kick it Tam, y'all.

1:19:04.439 --> 1:19:08.320
<v Speaker 2>Its official Tambama on Instagram. Follow me please. I appreciate

1:19:08.360 --> 1:19:10.760
<v Speaker 2>the love, y'all. Remember to speak.

1:19:10.479 --> 1:19:17.559
<v Speaker 1>Now and should never hold your peace, never hold your

1:19:17.600 --> 1:19:24.520
<v Speaker 1>soft munit communicate talk Lot's wife, look ahead.

1:19:26.240 --> 1:19:26.679
<v Speaker 2>Bye.

1:19:26.960 --> 1:19:30.880
<v Speaker 1>We Talk Back podcast is the production of iHeartRadio. Visit

1:19:30.920 --> 1:19:34.760
<v Speaker 1>the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to

1:19:34.800 --> 1:19:35.679
<v Speaker 1>your favorite shows