1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:03,960 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of four, 2 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:08,600 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah hart Hunger. 3 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,960 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of two and soon to be three 4 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:14,159 Speaker 1: and a practicing physician. We are two working parents who 5 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:17,520 Speaker 1: love our careers and our families. Welcome to best of 6 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:22,040 Speaker 1: both worlds. Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:25,760 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:34,920 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to episode three, where 10 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:37,879 Speaker 1: we'll be talking about crafting the right work life balance 11 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:41,479 Speaker 1: and does it make sense to take your career part time. 12 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:45,040 Speaker 1: A lot of strong feelings about that one way or 13 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:49,080 Speaker 1: the other, so we're looking forward to that discussion. Before 14 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:52,400 Speaker 1: we get into that, though, I'm heading out for vacation 15 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 1: next week, and so I've been thinking a lot about 16 00:00:55,760 --> 00:01:00,360 Speaker 1: planning vacations and vacations with kids. Sarah, you're not taking 17 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,640 Speaker 1: a vacation this August the right because you did it 18 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:05,800 Speaker 1: earlier this summer. Yeah, we had a two week journey 19 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:08,319 Speaker 1: in June, so we kind of used up a lot 20 00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:10,440 Speaker 1: of our days at that time. Where are you guys 21 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:15,000 Speaker 1: going We're going to the Jersey Shore woo where not 22 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,000 Speaker 1: if everyone around here goes to the Jersey Shores and 23 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:20,560 Speaker 1: the East coast thing, but we really like it. We're 24 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:24,319 Speaker 1: renting a big house in a town on the Jersey Shore, 25 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:28,080 Speaker 1: and my extended family will be joining us. We did 26 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:32,840 Speaker 1: another version of this out in Indiana in the beginning 27 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:37,000 Speaker 1: of July, where my husband's extended family rented a lake 28 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:39,640 Speaker 1: house and we all were on Lake Michigan together for 29 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 1: a week. So that's kind of how we've been doing 30 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:45,959 Speaker 1: a lot of vacations with little kids. Having a house 31 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:49,520 Speaker 1: is definitely good. You don't have to take people out 32 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,280 Speaker 1: to eat every single meal if you're doing that kind 33 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:55,840 Speaker 1: of thing. But you you were moving around a lot 34 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:58,440 Speaker 1: though for your two weeks. Yeah, we did. That was 35 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:01,120 Speaker 1: kind of like our little big journey that I figured 36 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,480 Speaker 1: would be easier with our kids at their current ages. 37 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:07,320 Speaker 1: We headed to my college reunion in Williamstown and then 38 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:10,680 Speaker 1: from there went to New York, some different areas in 39 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:14,000 Speaker 1: New York, visited family, and then finally landed in Philadelphia. 40 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:17,520 Speaker 1: And it was about twelve days I think that we 41 00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:20,640 Speaker 1: spent on the road in total, and I think ten 42 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:23,359 Speaker 1: might have been the right length for us. That was 43 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:25,880 Speaker 1: just a little bit too long. But I do think 44 00:02:25,919 --> 00:02:27,880 Speaker 1: there is something to taking more than a week, which 45 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,560 Speaker 1: is not something we had really done before, and you 46 00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:34,639 Speaker 1: just decided to save up your vacation days and do it. Yeah. 47 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:38,560 Speaker 1: One thing that I've found with kids is that to me, 48 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:42,200 Speaker 1: luxury I really do enjoy nice hotels, but when it 49 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:46,200 Speaker 1: comes to traveling with kids, luxury is overrated because if 50 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:48,560 Speaker 1: you've got a three year old running around a fancy hotel, 51 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:52,080 Speaker 1: that actually adds to the stress. So I'd rather save 52 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:56,080 Speaker 1: my money on accommodations and have more childcare, whether that 53 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:58,920 Speaker 1: be in the form of family members or bringing our 54 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,400 Speaker 1: nanny with us. Yeah, which is something you can do. 55 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:03,160 Speaker 1: We've done that occasional. We're not on this because we 56 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:06,240 Speaker 1: have so much extended family with us. The other thing 57 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 1: we've done, when we took a trip over spring break, 58 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:14,200 Speaker 1: we actually left the two year old with others and 59 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:17,000 Speaker 1: just took the big three kids because we knew it 60 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:19,200 Speaker 1: was going to be hard to have a long plane 61 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,799 Speaker 1: flight with a little guy. It was going to be 62 00:03:20,919 --> 00:03:24,000 Speaker 1: not relaxing at all. We can do other special stuff 63 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:25,960 Speaker 1: with him, you know, It's not like his life is 64 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,440 Speaker 1: no fun. But I think he also benefited from having 65 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:32,520 Speaker 1: more adults focus just on him during that time, whereas 66 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,840 Speaker 1: it would have been more stressful for us to have 67 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:37,440 Speaker 1: all four kids with us. So I mean, you just 68 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:40,320 Speaker 1: kind of have to think about what's going to work 69 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,520 Speaker 1: for you in different vacas. I love that outside of 70 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:45,720 Speaker 1: the box approach. I will admit I was like, oh, 71 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:48,720 Speaker 1: I've not heard of people doing that, but it actually 72 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 1: makes total sense. Because your other three kids can get 73 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:54,960 Speaker 1: more attention, He's not gonna have any memories made or 74 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,720 Speaker 1: broken in that you know, week period at that age, 75 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:00,520 Speaker 1: and you probably all had a great time and a 76 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:04,400 Speaker 1: nice break. Yeah. Yeah, although I think what one has 77 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:07,160 Speaker 1: to remember with trips with kids. I read this article 78 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:09,760 Speaker 1: the other day. They're saying, you know the difference between 79 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:14,920 Speaker 1: a vacation and a trip, and the vacation in many 80 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,520 Speaker 1: of our minds involves like sitting on the beach with 81 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:20,320 Speaker 1: a novel and a frozen drink and nobody wanting anything 82 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:24,880 Speaker 1: from you. Ever, and that's just not what your vacations 83 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,640 Speaker 1: with little kids are going to look like. And so 84 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 1: if you go in knowing that, then you can sometimes 85 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:34,839 Speaker 1: have some fun times and build in moments of relaxation. 86 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:37,120 Speaker 1: But if you think your whole trip is going to 87 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:39,920 Speaker 1: be like that, you're just going to be deeply disappointed. 88 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:43,680 Speaker 1: And then that can be this whole existential angst thing 89 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:46,359 Speaker 1: that people go through, like, oh, I hate my life 90 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,719 Speaker 1: as well. And you know, maybe your expectations were a 91 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:52,480 Speaker 1: bit out of whack for your two year old and 92 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:56,800 Speaker 1: this particular trip. Yeah, and you know what one thing 93 00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:58,520 Speaker 1: you can do and you sort of mentioned this is 94 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,599 Speaker 1: in the midst of a fan on vacation building in 95 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:04,400 Speaker 1: some couples times because you may need to recover from 96 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:07,760 Speaker 1: all about twenty four to seven childcare. So we actually 97 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,640 Speaker 1: had my kids stay with my parents for two nights 98 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,880 Speaker 1: while we stayed at a hotel just thirty minutes away. 99 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:15,880 Speaker 1: We went to a concert, we saw cigarettes. They were awesome. 100 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,479 Speaker 1: We went to a movie, we went to dinner with 101 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:23,359 Speaker 1: you guys, Yes exactly, and it was not that exactly. So, 102 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:26,120 Speaker 1: you know, even though it was twelve days mostly spent 103 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,279 Speaker 1: with the kids, that little mini break in the middle 104 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:31,320 Speaker 1: definitely added to the relaxation factors. Yeah, I love that. 105 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:33,840 Speaker 1: And even if it's just trying to like maintain your 106 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:37,800 Speaker 1: own personal enjoyable habits during vacation, I mean I made 107 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:41,120 Speaker 1: sure when we went to Indiana with my husband's extended family, 108 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:44,479 Speaker 1: I kept running every day. Sometimes it was runs with 109 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,760 Speaker 1: a sister in law of mine, which was fun, and 110 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:50,040 Speaker 1: other times runs solo. But just even having that little 111 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:52,960 Speaker 1: bit of alone time really went a long way to 112 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:55,040 Speaker 1: making me feel like I was doing something fun on 113 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:57,680 Speaker 1: that trip. And then, of course there's always work travel, 114 00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:00,880 Speaker 1: which is the way a parenting vacation and totally a 115 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:04,039 Speaker 1: parenting vacation. Trips with kids are a vacation from work, 116 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:07,320 Speaker 1: and trips for work are vacation from parenting. But there 117 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:12,000 Speaker 1: you go. All travel can be vacation if you think 118 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:16,159 Speaker 1: about it that way. But moving the conversation to our 119 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:19,000 Speaker 1: main segment today, we want to talk about work and 120 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:23,080 Speaker 1: how we think about our work hours and structure our work. 121 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:26,040 Speaker 1: Sarah and I have different sorts of jobs. I run 122 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:29,320 Speaker 1: my own business, I do a lot of speaking, I 123 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:33,000 Speaker 1: write books on time management and productivity, and I do 124 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:36,880 Speaker 1: work a reasonable number of hours. However, they are relatively flexible. 125 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:39,599 Speaker 1: If I need to travel for work, then they're not 126 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,440 Speaker 1: exactly flexible. I mean, I have to be on stage 127 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:44,599 Speaker 1: somewhere at a certain time, so that's not something that 128 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:47,560 Speaker 1: can be moved around, but the rest of it is 129 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,480 Speaker 1: And so for me, it's always about making sure I 130 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:52,359 Speaker 1: get in the work I need to do, but I 131 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,440 Speaker 1: can make it fit around other things in my life. 132 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:57,480 Speaker 1: But Sarah has a different situation, which is the reality 133 00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:00,720 Speaker 1: of medicine, which is that you are seeing patience and 134 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:07,040 Speaker 1: they tend to be seen at a certain time physically present. Absolutely. 135 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:10,440 Speaker 1: Although you know there is more telemedicine happening and more 136 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,800 Speaker 1: interesting opportunities that do allow work from home, most of 137 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,760 Speaker 1: it is still in person work. So prior to doing 138 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:19,840 Speaker 1: any really dialing back to my schedule, I was just 139 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:23,280 Speaker 1: sort of full days Monday through Friday, and adding a 140 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:25,560 Speaker 1: commute on there meant that I was on from the 141 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:29,120 Speaker 1: house from around seven thirty to six every day. And 142 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:32,040 Speaker 1: I'm also on call every fifth week, so that means 143 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:35,000 Speaker 1: I have to work both weekend days during those weeks, 144 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:37,120 Speaker 1: and I also have to answer any phone calls that 145 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:39,520 Speaker 1: come at any time in the evening or overnight. So 146 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:41,920 Speaker 1: you know, it's a decent number of hours. It's not 147 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,320 Speaker 1: a hideous number of hours. There are certainly professions where 148 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:47,120 Speaker 1: it's it's more and that's you know, in part by design, 149 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:51,400 Speaker 1: but there really was not a lot of flexibility there. Yeah, 150 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:55,280 Speaker 1: and so at some point in the last year, you 151 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:58,120 Speaker 1: decided that you wanted to change it up a little bit. 152 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:01,320 Speaker 1: I did so right around the time that I was 153 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:05,080 Speaker 1: thinking about expanding our family. It came to me that 154 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:10,480 Speaker 1: perhaps I could just ask for one day off per 155 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:12,600 Speaker 1: week and see if they would let me do an 156 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:15,840 Speaker 1: eighty percent arrangement where I'd get paid for, you know, 157 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,000 Speaker 1: eighty percent of the time I was spending at work, 158 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,960 Speaker 1: but would have one day blocked off for myself. My 159 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:24,640 Speaker 1: husband was completely supportive of this. We just felt like 160 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:28,840 Speaker 1: between the two of us, there were not enough parent 161 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,960 Speaker 1: available hours. And we'll talk a little bit more about 162 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,400 Speaker 1: you know why that ended up coming out of mind 163 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,440 Speaker 1: and not out of his. You know, I was really 164 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:39,280 Speaker 1: the one who was happy to do this, and so 165 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:41,719 Speaker 1: I went to our administration. I was really nervous. I 166 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:44,080 Speaker 1: didn't know how they would approach it, and they were 167 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:46,200 Speaker 1: actually very accepting, and they said, oh, yeah, we've had 168 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,319 Speaker 1: people do that before, no problem. When would you like 169 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:51,720 Speaker 1: to start doing that? So I was thrilled and I 170 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:55,320 Speaker 1: made that official in April, going down to eighty percent time. 171 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:58,880 Speaker 1: The other thing I did which has enhanced the flexibility 172 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,560 Speaker 1: and also I feel like has helped me grow some 173 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:04,400 Speaker 1: new skills and actually have some more leadership in My 174 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 1: job is to take a role in our emerging residency program. 175 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,120 Speaker 1: I'm going to be the associate program director of our 176 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:15,280 Speaker 1: pediatrics residency, which we're interviewing candidates starting now. So instead 177 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:18,360 Speaker 1: of only being clinical and seeing patients, I have some 178 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:23,959 Speaker 1: other responsibilities which aren't quite as time sensitive, I guess. 179 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:25,679 Speaker 1: I mean, I still have to spend at least as 180 00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:29,240 Speaker 1: many hours doing things, but I can do some of 181 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:32,000 Speaker 1: those things from home. I have to craft a presentation 182 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:35,160 Speaker 1: that I'm giving on Thursday, it's a little bit more fluid. 183 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:39,079 Speaker 1: So that combination has really been really rewarding to me, 184 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:41,240 Speaker 1: and I feel like I love the balance that I 185 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,680 Speaker 1: have right now. And one of the reasons we're able 186 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:46,600 Speaker 1: to do this podcast I should stress here is that, 187 00:09:46,679 --> 00:09:50,720 Speaker 1: oh the only reason a way that Sarah now has 188 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:53,880 Speaker 1: a day off a week where we can record stuff, 189 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:56,800 Speaker 1: and so we look at the day that she has 190 00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:59,240 Speaker 1: off and try and set our calls and do our 191 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:02,840 Speaker 1: podcasts during that time. So it certainly allows her to 192 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,560 Speaker 1: do her own twenty percent project, as it were. I 193 00:10:05,559 --> 00:10:08,320 Speaker 1: think Google is famous for many years for allowing their 194 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,360 Speaker 1: engineers to spend twenty percent of their time on a 195 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,400 Speaker 1: project of their choosing, and this is this is kind 196 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:15,640 Speaker 1: of your twenty percent time project, right, It totally is. 197 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,679 Speaker 1: And you know, if medicine would get to that enlightened 198 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,360 Speaker 1: point where they would give us a day to do 199 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,959 Speaker 1: whatever we want, that would be pretty amazing. But I 200 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:25,600 Speaker 1: don't see it happening anytime. So this was my solution. Now, 201 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:28,680 Speaker 1: obviously there's there's trade offs. I mean, what what was 202 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:32,480 Speaker 1: going through? You know, there's financial there's also absolutely so 203 00:10:32,559 --> 00:10:36,120 Speaker 1: talk about that. Yeah, so from a financial standpoint, obviously 204 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:38,160 Speaker 1: there was the number crunching to figure out, oh, is 205 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:41,480 Speaker 1: this even going to be doable. We definitely have our 206 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:45,120 Speaker 1: eyes very open with respect to you know, what's coming in, 207 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:48,679 Speaker 1: what comes out. We've been using and again non sponsored, 208 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,720 Speaker 1: but the budgeting app wine app. You need a budget 209 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:55,760 Speaker 1: for the past three years now and literally every transaction 210 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:57,800 Speaker 1: and every paycheck goes in there. So we kind of 211 00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:00,160 Speaker 1: knew exactly what we were dealing with and whether we 212 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,400 Speaker 1: can handle it. You know, we talked about it and 213 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,600 Speaker 1: figured out what might have to be given up or 214 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:07,760 Speaker 1: compromised on and it seemed like it could work, so 215 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:10,199 Speaker 1: that was a big part of our decision making. I 216 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:12,640 Speaker 1: did fear a little bit at work that I might 217 00:11:12,679 --> 00:11:15,559 Speaker 1: not be taken as seriously, but thus far those fears 218 00:11:15,559 --> 00:11:18,040 Speaker 1: have not been realized at all. I've been asked to 219 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:20,600 Speaker 1: give grand rounds this month. I've been asked to take 220 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:23,040 Speaker 1: part in the beginning of this new clinic that we're 221 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:26,120 Speaker 1: setting up, so I feel like the administration has actually 222 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:29,800 Speaker 1: sort of paid no attention, which I think is great. 223 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,600 Speaker 1: They're treating me just as much as a full team member. 224 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,960 Speaker 1: I've even been participating in like a leadership development program 225 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,199 Speaker 1: this year, which admittedly I was asked to do before 226 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,719 Speaker 1: going part time, but nobody said, oh, well, now that 227 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:42,640 Speaker 1: you're eighty percent, you don't need to do this anymore. 228 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:46,080 Speaker 1: I'm still doing it, so it hasn't impacted me negatively. 229 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,439 Speaker 1: I guess the hardest part has been fitting in all 230 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:51,800 Speaker 1: my patients that are already my existing patients and needing 231 00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:54,800 Speaker 1: to be seen. But we're currently training a nurse practitioner 232 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,520 Speaker 1: to do some of the overflows, so I think that's 233 00:11:56,559 --> 00:11:58,880 Speaker 1: actually going to work out really well. Yeah, and of 234 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,880 Speaker 1: course there's also the question on the personal side. Like, 235 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,880 Speaker 1: are you using your time off? Well, I mean I 236 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:05,599 Speaker 1: think you are with this podcast, but it might be 237 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:07,880 Speaker 1: easy to just like clean the house the whole time 238 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,520 Speaker 1: or something. Yes, And I will say I haven't really 239 00:12:10,559 --> 00:12:14,199 Speaker 1: been able to enjoy the time until I would say July, 240 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,600 Speaker 1: because it was just so sick from the pregnancy that 241 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,360 Speaker 1: I was just like, I have to lie down, and 242 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:20,920 Speaker 1: I don't know. At that point, I was also catching 243 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 1: up with so many of the loose ends that I 244 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,800 Speaker 1: couldn't deal with normally, so it was like I had 245 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:27,480 Speaker 1: every appointment accumulated, like when was I going to the dentist? 246 00:12:27,559 --> 00:12:29,200 Speaker 1: And when was I taking the kids to the doctor, 247 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,840 Speaker 1: and et cetera. But now that I've caught up with 248 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:35,280 Speaker 1: those things and I feel like a human, it's been 249 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:37,480 Speaker 1: like a renaissance for me. I mean that's what made 250 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:40,079 Speaker 1: me realize, hey, I want to do this, and it 251 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:43,200 Speaker 1: even makes me. I feel like I'm more active and 252 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:45,560 Speaker 1: happier parent when I'm with the kids by myself, because 253 00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:47,080 Speaker 1: I feel like, well, I got all this time, so 254 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,600 Speaker 1: now I'm happy to spend you know, this time with 255 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:51,559 Speaker 1: my kids while my husband isn't there. So it's kind 256 00:12:51,559 --> 00:12:54,760 Speaker 1: of bled over in ways that I didn't even expect yeah, 257 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:58,560 Speaker 1: so that I would say that this is like a good, 258 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:02,960 Speaker 1: you know, win schedule for SA. We probably have a 259 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:04,920 Speaker 1: lot of people. Yeah, we have a lot of people 260 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,439 Speaker 1: listening to this or are like, oh, that sounds great, 261 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:08,880 Speaker 1: maybe I should go to eighty percent. I think that 262 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:11,520 Speaker 1: there are a lot of things to think about. Partly 263 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:15,400 Speaker 1: that's I've spent a lot of time studying women's time logs. 264 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:18,560 Speaker 1: I did huge time diary project where I looked at 265 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:20,720 Speaker 1: one thousand and one days in the lives of women 266 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:24,080 Speaker 1: who had six figure jobs, so really big jobs, and 267 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:27,120 Speaker 1: also had kids at home. And I saw a couple 268 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:29,960 Speaker 1: things that struck me as very interesting. One is I 269 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:32,880 Speaker 1: had colleagues keep logs sometimes, so I had people from 270 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:36,079 Speaker 1: the same company, and I would notice that in many 271 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:39,360 Speaker 1: industries there is no set number of hours that people 272 00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:43,200 Speaker 1: work like. It's kind of all over the map, and 273 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,800 Speaker 1: so two people who could have full time schedules might 274 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:48,800 Speaker 1: be working, you know, one works forty hours, one works 275 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:51,200 Speaker 1: fifty five, or sometimes it was even like thirty five 276 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:54,160 Speaker 1: and fifty five. I mean, that is a big difference, right, 277 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,439 Speaker 1: and it's huge. It's part time in full time, that's 278 00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:58,480 Speaker 1: part time. In full time, but they're both technically full 279 00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:01,240 Speaker 1: time or you know, And some of the women I 280 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:04,160 Speaker 1: studied had come up, you know, ask for official part 281 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:07,760 Speaker 1: time schedules, And in some cases I saw women who 282 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:10,720 Speaker 1: had part time schedules working like fifty hours a week. 283 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:13,600 Speaker 1: And in at least one case, I saw a woman 284 00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:17,080 Speaker 1: who had a part time schedule working more hours than 285 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:20,440 Speaker 1: a colleague who had a full time schedule. So clearly 286 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:24,200 Speaker 1: something is going wrong in that particular company. I will 287 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:27,840 Speaker 1: not name it, but it is What happens in a 288 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:31,520 Speaker 1: lot of industries is that there is no accountability for 289 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:35,640 Speaker 1: hours whatsoever. So Sarah's job you have to do in 290 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:39,520 Speaker 1: a certain time, certain place, if she goes to eighty percent, 291 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:41,880 Speaker 1: it's because she sees twenty percent fewer patients. So we 292 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,160 Speaker 1: know that there are other you know, stuff that's like 293 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,320 Speaker 1: that too, Like if you get paid by the hour, okay, 294 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:49,120 Speaker 1: then you know how many hours you work. If you 295 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,600 Speaker 1: are a lawyer who has to build time, if you 296 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,880 Speaker 1: get a twenty percent reduction in your schedule, like you 297 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,440 Speaker 1: have to build twenty percent fewer hours, yeah, you'll probably 298 00:14:56,480 --> 00:15:00,080 Speaker 1: work roughly twenty percent fewer hours. So in case, this 299 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,840 Speaker 1: is where there's accountability for it. It can buy you 300 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,520 Speaker 1: more time. What happens than a lot of industries is 301 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:08,440 Speaker 1: that nobody knows how many hours anyone is working, and 302 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:10,640 Speaker 1: people throw out numbers like, oh, we all work eighty 303 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:14,000 Speaker 1: hours a week around here. They don't like, let's just 304 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:16,720 Speaker 1: put that out here right here. They generally do not 305 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:20,240 Speaker 1: It just sounds like a good number. And so you 306 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:23,200 Speaker 1: want to make sure you really know what the denominator 307 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,840 Speaker 1: is on the number of hours per week before you 308 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:28,800 Speaker 1: change the numerator and take a pay cut to change 309 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:31,400 Speaker 1: the numerator. So I'm going eighty percent, Well, what is 310 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:35,160 Speaker 1: it eighty percent of right? And so if you don't 311 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,520 Speaker 1: know what that is, like if everyone's talking about their 312 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:40,040 Speaker 1: eighty hour workweeks but in fact they only work fifty 313 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:43,080 Speaker 1: five hours, then going to a forty five hour week 314 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,280 Speaker 1: and taking a fifty percent pay cut to get that, well, 315 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,280 Speaker 1: that wasn't a good financial move because you're only working 316 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,480 Speaker 1: ten fewer hours than other people and you just lost 317 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:52,920 Speaker 1: half your money. So that's something to think about. I think. 318 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:58,200 Speaker 1: The other thing to keep in mind is that in 319 00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:02,800 Speaker 1: many cases what people want want is time, and time 320 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:07,760 Speaker 1: can be gained either through working flexibly or through just 321 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:13,120 Speaker 1: working less, and to back up to explain that, you know, 322 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:16,920 Speaker 1: there are ways of working different hours in different places 323 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:19,640 Speaker 1: that might make life more doable. So certainly getting to 324 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:21,520 Speaker 1: work from home a day or two a week can 325 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:23,640 Speaker 1: buy you back your commuting time, and even if you're 326 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:27,680 Speaker 1: working some of that time more more hours, you might 327 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,760 Speaker 1: still feel like life is more doable. It could be 328 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:32,920 Speaker 1: getting to work flexibly, doing that what we call the 329 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:35,520 Speaker 1: split shift, of leaving work at a reasonable hour, spending 330 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:37,240 Speaker 1: the evening with your family, doing more work at night 331 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:40,000 Speaker 1: after the kids go to bed. Sometimes people even might 332 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,360 Speaker 1: be willing to do a little bit of work on 333 00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:43,720 Speaker 1: weekends and that way they can have a more reasonable 334 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:46,320 Speaker 1: life during the week. So sometimes it's just about getting 335 00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:50,480 Speaker 1: flexibility rather than going part time, and then other times 336 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:52,040 Speaker 1: we can do it. Sarah and I were joking about 337 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:55,840 Speaker 1: calling this the informal eighty percent schedule, which is that 338 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:59,480 Speaker 1: if you are a productive professional woman and you look 339 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,040 Speaker 1: around your office, you will probably notice that there are 340 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,840 Speaker 1: people who are twenty percent less productive than you already, 341 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:09,120 Speaker 1: and so maybe you can just try working like they 342 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:13,280 Speaker 1: work and see what happens, and you know, maybe just 343 00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:16,280 Speaker 1: not call attention to it. Sometimes it is better to 344 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:21,760 Speaker 1: ask for forgiveness than permission. So if you want to 345 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,800 Speaker 1: bring your kids to school two days a week, just 346 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:25,919 Speaker 1: show up later. See what people do. I don't know. 347 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:29,520 Speaker 1: Maybe maybe they'll fire you, but maybe they won't, right, Yeah, 348 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,239 Speaker 1: And I know that there are some industries that are 349 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:34,119 Speaker 1: just very production driven. So if you're getting your stuff 350 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,520 Speaker 1: done just as well or even better than those that 351 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:41,119 Speaker 1: have more FaceTime, then I feel like that's a positive thing. 352 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,880 Speaker 1: I mean, I definitely think that's something that varies from 353 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:46,159 Speaker 1: company to company, but I think there are more that 354 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:50,840 Speaker 1: are making some efforts to discourage the button seat FaceTime culture, 355 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,480 Speaker 1: although I know there's still some. Yeah, there's plenty. But 356 00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:57,080 Speaker 1: there's been some research finding that some men just do 357 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,879 Speaker 1: this right, that they work the way they want to 358 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:01,080 Speaker 1: work and just don't talk about it. So if they 359 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,160 Speaker 1: want to do something with their family and in the evening, 360 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,680 Speaker 1: they leave and then they're maybe on a call later 361 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:07,919 Speaker 1: or answering emails later, and people just assumed that they 362 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:10,399 Speaker 1: were working the whole time, but they weren't. They weren't 363 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:12,840 Speaker 1: at all. They just don't talk about it. And I 364 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:16,760 Speaker 1: think in some industries it might behoove women to try 365 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:19,080 Speaker 1: that approach, just to work how you want to work, 366 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:22,240 Speaker 1: see how it goes down. Maybe there will be consequences, 367 00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:23,600 Speaker 1: in which case you can deal with it. But if 368 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,520 Speaker 1: you were already thinking like, oh, I can't make this work, 369 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,240 Speaker 1: I should quit, like, well, then you may as well 370 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,720 Speaker 1: work how you want to work and see and see 371 00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:31,800 Speaker 1: what happens. See what happens, I mean, maybe it'll work 372 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:36,280 Speaker 1: just fine, and then you can go with that. So 373 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,760 Speaker 1: the informal eighty percent goes. But of course then we 374 00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:45,640 Speaker 1: run into this issue of guilt. Talk about the guilt factor. 375 00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:49,320 Speaker 1: Sarah and I are both what have people read Gretchen 376 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:53,880 Speaker 1: Ruben's books we call upholders, which people meet outer expectations 377 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:57,720 Speaker 1: and our inner expectations. But you liked having it official. 378 00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:01,960 Speaker 1: I definitely liked having it official. Again, that's partly the 379 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,840 Speaker 1: industry that I'm in. If I was in a more 380 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:07,320 Speaker 1: results driven environment, I wonder if I could have taken 381 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,560 Speaker 1: a more casual approach. But the fact is I'm in 382 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 1: one where I am expected to be there, So for 383 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:14,919 Speaker 1: me to break the rules, to break those outer expectations 384 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,440 Speaker 1: is so uncomfortable. I mean, I'm the kind of person 385 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:20,439 Speaker 1: like if I'm running seven minutes late, I'm texting our manager, 386 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:22,840 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I'm almost there, and you know I've 387 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,600 Speaker 1: done that. And then like my medical assistant will note that, like, 388 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,960 Speaker 1: you know, this doctor comes in forty minutes every day 389 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:31,359 Speaker 1: late and never says anything. So it really suits my 390 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:35,440 Speaker 1: personality a lot more to have since there are expectations 391 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,399 Speaker 1: to not quietly try to be subversive like I just 392 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:42,000 Speaker 1: that was not going to work for me. But I 393 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:44,679 Speaker 1: think you know, again, in some other industries where it 394 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:47,159 Speaker 1: isn't so straightforward, you know that you need to be 395 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:52,320 Speaker 1: in certain places, certain times, there always is this, you know, temptation. 396 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:53,520 Speaker 1: I guess I call it that we want to be 397 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,919 Speaker 1: the good girls, right like we want to show that 398 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:59,119 Speaker 1: we are team players, we're playing by the rules. Like 399 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:03,119 Speaker 1: some it's about showing like, oh, I'm a good mom 400 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:06,240 Speaker 1: because I'm working part time, and we're going to go there. 401 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:10,320 Speaker 1: We're going to talk about this in certain circles like 402 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,359 Speaker 1: look at me, Oh I work a part time schedule. 403 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,680 Speaker 1: I work, yeah, but it's a part time schedule. And 404 00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:18,040 Speaker 1: so that's how you can show to the world that no, 405 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,480 Speaker 1: work is not my top priority. My family is my 406 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:23,600 Speaker 1: top priority. And I'm going to show it by taking 407 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:27,840 Speaker 1: the official career hit. So there's some of that going on. 408 00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:30,920 Speaker 1: And when Sarah has talked about going to her eighty 409 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,000 Speaker 1: percent schedule, she she has gotten a little bit of 410 00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:35,280 Speaker 1: pushback on her blog. I've been people, We've got some 411 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:38,560 Speaker 1: very you know, fierce powerful women here reading these, and 412 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,520 Speaker 1: I like that. It was actually a very thoughtful, polite 413 00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:45,560 Speaker 1: and powerful pushback that I got. But someone commented that 414 00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:47,760 Speaker 1: they were, you know, they were supportive of my decision 415 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:49,160 Speaker 1: and they get why it works for me, but they're 416 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,240 Speaker 1: a little disappointed that it always has to be the 417 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:55,399 Speaker 1: woman that's making this choice and not the man. And 418 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,840 Speaker 1: I in some ways I agree with her, like I wish, 419 00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:01,640 Speaker 1: you know, that were if I could be the man 420 00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:03,359 Speaker 1: and make this choice, I would feel even you know, 421 00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:06,240 Speaker 1: more empowered doing what I'm doing. Versus this way, it 422 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:09,320 Speaker 1: sort of feels like I'm succumbing to gender roles, whereas 423 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:13,560 Speaker 1: in reality it is truly what I want and works 424 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:17,399 Speaker 1: best with a family. And you know, interestingly, in some ways, 425 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:19,719 Speaker 1: I think it's not the women and this is going 426 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:21,800 Speaker 1: to be controversial too, but that are the most oppressed 427 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:25,960 Speaker 1: by this concept, But it's the men, because I actually 428 00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:29,040 Speaker 1: think there's a lot of professional men that probably could 429 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:32,800 Speaker 1: still support their families and you know, have career success 430 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:36,399 Speaker 1: but still formally dialing back their hours or their time 431 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,560 Speaker 1: to make more time for family. But this is just 432 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:43,919 Speaker 1: really not something that's done very often in our society. Yeah, 433 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:47,400 Speaker 1: and that's why there's some research finding that men may 434 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:51,760 Speaker 1: experience more work life stress than women do because men 435 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,480 Speaker 1: also want to spend time with their families, but they 436 00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:58,879 Speaker 1: don't have the same options for dialing it back that 437 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:00,760 Speaker 1: women do. I mean, a guy who says he wants 438 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,119 Speaker 1: to work part time, people be well, why, Like, I 439 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,880 Speaker 1: don't get it, that doesn't make any sense. Whereas if 440 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,199 Speaker 1: a woman suggests she wants to work part time, a 441 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,480 Speaker 1: lot of times people assume, well, that's just what mommies do. 442 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:14,760 Speaker 1: And so the guys are feeling the stress of having 443 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:18,440 Speaker 1: to continue full throttle on their careers while raising their families, 444 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:26,320 Speaker 1: and they don't have the same social acceptance of other options. Yeah. 445 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:29,560 Speaker 1: I just finished reading a really interesting book called My 446 00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:34,680 Speaker 1: Year of Living Danishly and talked about a woman who 447 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,560 Speaker 1: was a writer actually for magazine, and she moved from 448 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,600 Speaker 1: the UK to Denmark for a year so that her 449 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:42,639 Speaker 1: husband could take a job with Lego, and both my 450 00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:46,000 Speaker 1: husband and I have been fascinating, but fascinated by reading 451 00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:49,280 Speaker 1: what it's like to work in another country like Denmark, 452 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:52,440 Speaker 1: where actually both genders are expected to work what would 453 00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:54,399 Speaker 1: be considered part time for most of us in the 454 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:58,080 Speaker 1: United States. Thirty five hours is typical. To leave the 455 00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:00,680 Speaker 1: office at four pm to pick up your kids is normal, 456 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,480 Speaker 1: and then on Fridays off in the end even earlier. 457 00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:05,760 Speaker 1: And that's true whether you're a man or a woman. 458 00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:08,680 Speaker 1: And in reading this, you know, both of my husband 459 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:11,160 Speaker 1: and I are like, you know, this is awesome. Maybe 460 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,800 Speaker 1: someday our culture could well I'm not really that hopeful 461 00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:16,840 Speaker 1: to you ask, but maybe we could partake in such 462 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:20,360 Speaker 1: a culture where both of us would have time for balance. 463 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:23,960 Speaker 1: I think that would be the ideal. Yeah, And it 464 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:27,639 Speaker 1: certainly is totally possible for couples for both parties to 465 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:31,280 Speaker 1: work full time, to have full schedules and travel for 466 00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:34,399 Speaker 1: work or and anything like that. So there's certainly no 467 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:38,240 Speaker 1: requirement that one party and a couple dialed things down 468 00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:42,119 Speaker 1: at all. But you know, if people want to, I 469 00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:43,960 Speaker 1: think the key thing is you want to make sure 470 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:46,000 Speaker 1: you're getting the right things out of it, and that 471 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,680 Speaker 1: you don't automatically become the person who has to do 472 00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:51,920 Speaker 1: all the laundry just because you work one fewer day 473 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:54,760 Speaker 1: per week or something like that. And I know you 474 00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:57,639 Speaker 1: guys have had conversations about making sure that it doesn't 475 00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:01,159 Speaker 1: all fall to you. No, it's definitely doesn't. And trust me, 476 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:02,800 Speaker 1: if that's what I was doing on my day off, 477 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,720 Speaker 1: then I'd probably rather be at work. Yeah, well, because 478 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:09,879 Speaker 1: then you'd just be substituting no paid labor for higher 479 00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 1: paid labor. So that's I mean, I don't mind folding, 480 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:17,240 Speaker 1: but you know, not into folding at all. Yeah, So 481 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:20,120 Speaker 1: some things to think about with going to the part 482 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:22,840 Speaker 1: time schedule that it can work. You just have to 483 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,600 Speaker 1: be very careful that you're not working full time hours 484 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:29,320 Speaker 1: for less pay if you do decide to go to 485 00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:32,080 Speaker 1: a part time schedule, and Sarah's good about this. You 486 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,600 Speaker 1: want to set your boundaries, so don't be that person 487 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,960 Speaker 1: who's working fifty hours a week and only getting paid 488 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,600 Speaker 1: for part time because people are like, well, but I 489 00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:40,439 Speaker 1: just need to schedule this call even though it's your 490 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,800 Speaker 1: day off. Some of it's the kind of work again, 491 00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:46,840 Speaker 1: but how would you suggest setting those boundaries? It really. 492 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:48,399 Speaker 1: I mean, for me, it does help to have the 493 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,240 Speaker 1: kind of work where I either have a template with 494 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,679 Speaker 1: patients on it or I do not. But I have 495 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,920 Speaker 1: been pretty careful not to say yes to too many 496 00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:59,240 Speaker 1: meetings on my days off, or if I do, then 497 00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:01,679 Speaker 1: sort of remember that. Well then on my on Friday, 498 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,320 Speaker 1: if I have to run to my OBI appointment during 499 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:06,800 Speaker 1: a day where I'm at the office, that hour is 500 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:09,160 Speaker 1: sort of accounted for, because I don't want to end 501 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:12,040 Speaker 1: up working the same number of hours as before for 502 00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:16,359 Speaker 1: a lower paycheck. That's not fair to anyone, especially you exactly. 503 00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:20,159 Speaker 1: So this brings us to the segment where we do 504 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:24,400 Speaker 1: our love of the week started loving her eighty percent schedule, 505 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:26,320 Speaker 1: but there's other things she loves too, So what do 506 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:29,560 Speaker 1: you have for us this week? There are other things 507 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:33,520 Speaker 1: I love this week. I'm loving birthday parties. We actually 508 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:37,080 Speaker 1: last weekend spend I don't know, a good chunk of 509 00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:40,159 Speaker 1: our overall weekend at a birthday party for someone. We 510 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,960 Speaker 1: had one on Saturday for a five year old, and 511 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:45,119 Speaker 1: then another five year old on Sunday, and then my 512 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:48,480 Speaker 1: sister in law that night. I know birthday parties get 513 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:52,679 Speaker 1: a really bad rap, but I don't know. For younger kids, 514 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,160 Speaker 1: it's usually a bunch of kids running around having fun. 515 00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:58,840 Speaker 1: You get to socialize with the parents. A lot of times, 516 00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:01,160 Speaker 1: you don't have to supervisor kids as closely because they're 517 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:04,160 Speaker 1: engaged in whatever activities are being provided by the party, 518 00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,879 Speaker 1: and then they go home tired out. So I personally 519 00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,080 Speaker 1: think it's a win all around. One thing that has 520 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:13,040 Speaker 1: made my party experience, I guess a little bit smoother 521 00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:16,320 Speaker 1: or more fun, is that I do the second IRSVPDI 522 00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:18,320 Speaker 1: a party. I order the gift at that moment so 523 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,399 Speaker 1: that it's been in the closet and I don't have 524 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,480 Speaker 1: to scramble to deal with that, and I have a 525 00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:25,320 Speaker 1: whole like wrapping drawer that's always stocked, and then that 526 00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:27,119 Speaker 1: becomes actually part of the event. The kids help me 527 00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:28,920 Speaker 1: wrap the gift, they make the present, and then that 528 00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:30,879 Speaker 1: you know, takes up part of the morning, and then 529 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:32,560 Speaker 1: we go to the party and it's it's a nice 530 00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:35,600 Speaker 1: way to spend the day. So yeah, I'm into them. Kids' 531 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:38,399 Speaker 1: birthday parties. I don't think they're as bad as I 532 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,680 Speaker 1: think people like to complain about them. But I honestly, 533 00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:42,680 Speaker 1: unless it's at like Chuck E cheeses, which I hate. 534 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:47,000 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's not the best, but a lot of 535 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:48,480 Speaker 1: them will be fun. And that's how we've gotten to 536 00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:50,119 Speaker 1: be good friends with a lot of parents, is that 537 00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:52,560 Speaker 1: you just keep seeing them at the birthday parties over 538 00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:54,560 Speaker 1: and over again, and the next thing you know, you're like, eh, 539 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:58,640 Speaker 1: I actually like these people exactly. What is your love 540 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:00,600 Speaker 1: of the week. My love of the week is my 541 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:04,199 Speaker 1: Kindle app. I like to read, and I think, like 542 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:05,880 Speaker 1: a lot of people, I was sort of saying, oh, 543 00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:08,600 Speaker 1: I don't have enough time to read, and the time 544 00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:10,879 Speaker 1: I was reading it turned out I was either looking 545 00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:14,639 Speaker 1: at headlines online or I was reading magazine stories. And 546 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,800 Speaker 1: there's only so many times you can read the story 547 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:19,840 Speaker 1: about how air popped popcorn is a good low calorie snack. 548 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:24,200 Speaker 1: I think I've read that about fifty times. So this January, 549 00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:26,280 Speaker 1: I think it was I put the kindle app on 550 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:29,480 Speaker 1: my phone finally, and I thought that was silly, because 551 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:31,720 Speaker 1: I have a kindle somewhere that I should be reading, 552 00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:33,399 Speaker 1: but i'd never take that with me every whereas I 553 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:36,040 Speaker 1: take the phone with me everywhere. Right, So I have 554 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:39,919 Speaker 1: my phone and now I can read ebooks on it 555 00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:43,600 Speaker 1: during time that I would have been scrolling through headlines 556 00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:46,600 Speaker 1: or social media or whatever. And it's nice because I 557 00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:49,560 Speaker 1: can even read like really big books with only having 558 00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:52,280 Speaker 1: to have this small thing in my pocket, and so 559 00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:56,280 Speaker 1: that was really helpful. Recently I read through the personal 560 00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:59,040 Speaker 1: memoirs of Ulysseses Grant. There's a long story of how 561 00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:01,520 Speaker 1: I wound up reading that. Anyway, it's kind of epic. 562 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:05,440 Speaker 1: Book'd be two volumes set if I was looking at 563 00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:08,560 Speaker 1: it in actual book form, but it's just on my Kindle, 564 00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:10,960 Speaker 1: and I was scrolling through and reading it and getting 565 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:12,720 Speaker 1: through it, and these little bits of time that are 566 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:15,359 Speaker 1: otherwise very easy to waste. You know, you're sitting there 567 00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:17,480 Speaker 1: waiting for a kid to be done at practice, or 568 00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:19,719 Speaker 1: waiting for a phone call to start or something like that. 569 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:23,680 Speaker 1: So Kindle app is free. Obviously, if you're buying books 570 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,400 Speaker 1: from Amazon, that costs money. But the truth is there's 571 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:29,840 Speaker 1: a lot of free books on Kendle. Like a lot 572 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:32,040 Speaker 1: of the stuff that's in the public domain is either 573 00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,119 Speaker 1: free or it's ninety nine cents, So as long as 574 00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:38,640 Speaker 1: you just have an account, it's almost nothing to purchase 575 00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,080 Speaker 1: some of these older books that are in the public domain, 576 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:44,040 Speaker 1: and they're just basically compensating people for formatting it. That's it. 577 00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:47,160 Speaker 1: And libraries also a lot of them have the ability 578 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,440 Speaker 1: to borrow free ebooks as well, so that's definitely something 579 00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,080 Speaker 1: to look into. If you think you're not reading enough 580 00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:54,800 Speaker 1: and or you want to read more, just see if 581 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:57,520 Speaker 1: you can turn some of that random phone scrolling time 582 00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:00,160 Speaker 1: into actual reading time. That's what I did too. It's 583 00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:02,600 Speaker 1: kind of embarrassing how many more books I am making 584 00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:06,600 Speaker 1: it through these days than we should do a reading episode. 585 00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:09,760 Speaker 1: We will do reading you read a time. My Kindle 586 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:13,680 Speaker 1: app is what I am loving this week. We also, 587 00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:18,400 Speaker 1: of course love listener questions, so as we're recording these 588 00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:22,520 Speaker 1: first episodes, we have not obviously had listener questions, although 589 00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:24,120 Speaker 1: we encourage you now that you aren't listening to these 590 00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:27,040 Speaker 1: episodes to write to us through our very social media 591 00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:30,400 Speaker 1: our blogs. You can email me el vanderkamat yahoo dot 592 00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:33,040 Speaker 1: com send in your questions. But we have some from 593 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:35,360 Speaker 1: Sarah's blog that people have been posting. So what do 594 00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:38,800 Speaker 1: we have this week? I like this one from Jordan 595 00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:41,320 Speaker 1: how do you make time for friends? I'm a full 596 00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,560 Speaker 1: time working mom and both my husband and I are 597 00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:46,000 Speaker 1: really social, but sometimes it's hard to find time to 598 00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:49,560 Speaker 1: see our friends, especially those without kids. She also asked 599 00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:51,560 Speaker 1: about meal planning, but we'll get that. We'll get to 600 00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:54,760 Speaker 1: that in another episode. That's also another episode. Yeah, I 601 00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:57,960 Speaker 1: love this question about friends. It you know, we moved 602 00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:01,360 Speaker 1: here four years ago, and it's honestly in three to 603 00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:04,040 Speaker 1: four years before, I feel like we have a good 604 00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:08,080 Speaker 1: suite of friends and enough to do, and we've gotten 605 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:09,960 Speaker 1: to a point where, you know, I do feel like 606 00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:11,920 Speaker 1: I have enough of a social circle to satisfy me. 607 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:13,760 Speaker 1: And I am an extrovert, so that's you know, a 608 00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:16,320 Speaker 1: decent amount of people. My husband says he doesn't need people, 609 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:19,160 Speaker 1: and sometimes I think he wishes we had fewer friends, 610 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,080 Speaker 1: and I hope that doesn't sound bad because he's a 611 00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:25,680 Speaker 1: really wonderful person, but not an extrovert. Anyway, we tend 612 00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:28,720 Speaker 1: to make time for friends a lot of times. With 613 00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:32,760 Speaker 1: our kids. We often do a Sunday pla ate dinner, 614 00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:36,520 Speaker 1: so our kids are releasing their excess energy. We're either 615 00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:40,160 Speaker 1: cooking or taking out, and we're getting that adult interaction 616 00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:43,320 Speaker 1: all in one. And then if you host them, you'll 617 00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:45,120 Speaker 1: find that you get invited to some so then you 618 00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:48,120 Speaker 1: don't even have to worry about cleaning your house half 619 00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:50,760 Speaker 1: the time. So that's been one of the biggest ways 620 00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:53,640 Speaker 1: that we've stayed connected with the friends that we've made. 621 00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,600 Speaker 1: That's really cool. I think that you know, obviously, if 622 00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,040 Speaker 1: they have kids your age, that's that's good. Get together 623 00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:04,000 Speaker 1: for joint friends without kids a little bit more complicated. 624 00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:06,560 Speaker 1: But what we did when we were, you know, the 625 00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:09,680 Speaker 1: first of sort of the group to have kids, certain 626 00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:12,320 Speaker 1: least I was my husband's a little bit older. We 627 00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:16,080 Speaker 1: would have people come over after kid bedtime and like 628 00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:20,160 Speaker 1: bring takeout and so then we'd supply the wine. The 629 00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:22,880 Speaker 1: other couple could bring something that they had picked up 630 00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:25,800 Speaker 1: on the way over there. And you know, people feel 631 00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:28,600 Speaker 1: like hosting is the hard thing to do. It is 632 00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:30,760 Speaker 1: so not, especially if you have kids. You want people 633 00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:32,160 Speaker 1: to come to your house because then you don't have 634 00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:33,960 Speaker 1: to leave. You know, we're about childcare. I don't have 635 00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:37,480 Speaker 1: to worry about childcare. So they would come over after 636 00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:39,880 Speaker 1: the kid bedtime and we would hang out and then 637 00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:42,760 Speaker 1: they could leave and go party all night or whatever 638 00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:46,760 Speaker 1: it is people without children do, and then we could 639 00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,560 Speaker 1: you know, pass out and wake up at six am 640 00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:51,440 Speaker 1: in the morning. The other I found that a time 641 00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:54,920 Speaker 1: that I often get together with friends is through exercise. 642 00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:57,480 Speaker 1: Like I have a couple of friends that I run 643 00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:01,120 Speaker 1: with occasionally, and they're all different paces, so it sort 644 00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:03,160 Speaker 1: of depends what kind of run I am looking for. 645 00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:05,200 Speaker 1: But that can be a fun morning thing to do 646 00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:08,440 Speaker 1: on the weekend that I meet somebody for a run 647 00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:11,360 Speaker 1: at a trail that's somewhere near my house and we 648 00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:14,120 Speaker 1: do a long run and can chat and catch up. 649 00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:18,280 Speaker 1: I'm totally jealous because I feel like running conversations are 650 00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:20,480 Speaker 1: the best, and that's one thing I haven't really found 651 00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:22,840 Speaker 1: down here. So if you're in the Miami area and 652 00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:26,040 Speaker 1: you want to run with me, let me know all 653 00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:30,080 Speaker 1: those Sarah, it's deceptively slow at the moment, and her yes, 654 00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:33,560 Speaker 1: but I'll come back. I'll come back, and then she 655 00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:35,160 Speaker 1: will be fast. So you might want to build that 656 00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:38,200 Speaker 1: into your mindset as you're you're thinking, if you want 657 00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:40,720 Speaker 1: to run with Sarah, but yeah, no, that's so. That's 658 00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:43,240 Speaker 1: been good for that. But I think it's also just 659 00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:45,320 Speaker 1: about deciding that it is going to be a priority 660 00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:47,680 Speaker 1: in your life. And I think it's very easy when 661 00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:50,280 Speaker 1: we are in these kind of busy years of building 662 00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:53,440 Speaker 1: a career, raising a family, to say that friends are 663 00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:56,320 Speaker 1: just the thing that's going to fall by the wayside, 664 00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:59,840 Speaker 1: and there will be I think a lot of winnowing 665 00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:04,719 Speaker 1: out because some relationships, it turns out, were not worth keeping, 666 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:06,800 Speaker 1: like it's only that they were convenient or you didn't 667 00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:09,239 Speaker 1: have anything else going on, or whatever it is. But 668 00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:13,000 Speaker 1: you could also you want to have people who support 669 00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:15,600 Speaker 1: you through this time, and it doesn't have to be 670 00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:18,360 Speaker 1: a huge number of people, So it could just be 671 00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:20,640 Speaker 1: about saying, I'm going to put this on my to 672 00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:24,120 Speaker 1: do list for the week, to reach out to a 673 00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:28,400 Speaker 1: friend and to get coffee on the calendar, or a 674 00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:30,600 Speaker 1: lunch on the calendar, or you know, a weekend get 675 00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:33,000 Speaker 1: together on the calendar. And if you put this on 676 00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:36,000 Speaker 1: your calendar to do every month or so, then you'll 677 00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:37,880 Speaker 1: be getting together with friends at least once a month. 678 00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:39,600 Speaker 1: And maybe you decide you want to do more frequently, 679 00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:42,520 Speaker 1: and you can do that as well. But making space 680 00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:45,160 Speaker 1: where it can make life feel so much more fun 681 00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:47,200 Speaker 1: and even just catching up on the phone time you 682 00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:50,240 Speaker 1: would have been scrolling through Instagram, just actually pick up 683 00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:52,880 Speaker 1: your phone and call somebody and that can be much 684 00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:57,080 Speaker 1: more meaningful. It's also amazing to me how and This 685 00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:59,800 Speaker 1: speaks to keeping my friendships with my friends who don't 686 00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:02,880 Speaker 1: have children. How even just a once a year gathering, 687 00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:06,960 Speaker 1: you can reconnect with these friends instantly and feel like 688 00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:09,840 Speaker 1: no time has gone by. So it may be difficult 689 00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:12,960 Speaker 1: in the next year, but in prior years, there's been 690 00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:15,640 Speaker 1: at least one trip each year, either because someone got 691 00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:18,040 Speaker 1: married or for my college reunion, or one year we 692 00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:21,160 Speaker 1: just all decided to meet up in Chicago, where all 693 00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:23,800 Speaker 1: of my college girlfriends get together. I'm the only one 694 00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:26,960 Speaker 1: thus far with kids, which is kind of amazing in 695 00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:30,640 Speaker 1: and of itself since I'm thirty seven. But yeah, that's 696 00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:33,720 Speaker 1: been so nice, and it doesn't have to be often 697 00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:35,719 Speaker 1: for me to still feel like I'm very connected to 698 00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:38,400 Speaker 1: these women. Yeah, even just a little bit can go 699 00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:40,399 Speaker 1: a long way. And if you have local friends having 700 00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:42,960 Speaker 1: a standing date for getting together, whether it's like the 701 00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:45,279 Speaker 1: first Thursday of every month or something that you meet 702 00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:47,719 Speaker 1: for dinner, that that's great because then nobody has to 703 00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:50,240 Speaker 1: plan it. It's already on there. Because when you're planning 704 00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:53,880 Speaker 1: one off events it's just a pain. But when everyone 705 00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:56,480 Speaker 1: knows when it's gonna happen, it always happens at that time. 706 00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:59,719 Speaker 1: It can be easier to get together. Yeah. Or book 707 00:34:59,719 --> 00:35:02,080 Speaker 1: club are great for that purpose too, just like for 708 00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:08,520 Speaker 1: instant book exactly, it's a ruge for getting together. Yeah. Well, 709 00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:12,600 Speaker 1: that has been this episode. Thanks for tuning in. You 710 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,600 Speaker 1: can reach out to us and we look forward to 711 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:21,799 Speaker 1: talking with everyone next time. Thanks for listening. You can 712 00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:25,319 Speaker 1: find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com or at 713 00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:28,800 Speaker 1: the Underscore shoe Box on Instagram, and you can find 714 00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:33,000 Speaker 1: me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has been 715 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:36,399 Speaker 1: the best of both worlds podcasts. Please join us next 716 00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:39,520 Speaker 1: time for more on making work and life work together.