Speaker 1: Are you leaving? I you wanta way back home? Either way,
Speaker 1: we want to be there.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
Speaker 2: time and a terminal and gay. We want to send
Speaker 2: you off in style.
Speaker 1: Do you want to welcome you back home? Tell us
Speaker 1: all about it? We scared her? Was it fine?
Speaker 2: Melbourne?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Ride with Karen and Chris.
Speaker 3: Welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris.
Speaker 4: Fairbanks and this is Karen col Garrett. You are listening
Speaker 4: to our new season.
Speaker 1: It's the new season on the new network. It's a
Speaker 1: brand new it's a brand new.
Speaker 4: Diner and it is we of course have been doing
Speaker 4: this for is it five years?
Speaker 1: It's about eighteen years?
Speaker 3: About its ever? It's we Are podcast. Is old enough to.
Speaker 4: Buy whiskey in Canada? In Canada, yeah, which would be rye?
Speaker 1: Of course? Oh a less popular.
Speaker 4: Don't get me started on different types of booze in Canada.
Speaker 5: There's the idea of an alcoholic teen in high school
Speaker 5: that's drinking rye is one of the saddest mental pictures
Speaker 5: i've had in a while.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but reminds me of home. Yeah, in the holidays.
Speaker 1: Did you like some rye over the raw when you're
Speaker 1: in junior high?
Speaker 3: I am from a giant state that is not very populated.
Speaker 1: Right, and can I guess New Hampshire.
Speaker 3: It is bigger than New Hampshire.
Speaker 4: If you can imagine either New Hampshire, go go forty
Speaker 4: size us up Montana.
Speaker 1: Yep. Yeah, good job boy, thank you.
Speaker 3: And you're good at we're both good at math.
Speaker 4: But yeah, there's nothing to do, especially around the holidays,
Speaker 4: and there's kids, you know, just drinking out.
Speaker 3: Of a light bulb, really smoking out smoking.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, there's there's a lot of it's really out
Speaker 4: of sheer boredom.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can. I can relate.
Speaker 5: But my town not being that small but country style
Speaker 5: where you're just making up shit to do, Like I'm
Speaker 5: going to walk through this field, then I'm going to
Speaker 5: come back the other way.
Speaker 4: It's insane and I got to make sure to step
Speaker 4: on no cracks or sticks, just to make it interesting.
Speaker 5: Always important watch your mother's back at all times, please.
Speaker 4: I was son One time walking home from school, my
Speaker 4: mom was carrying my trombone, I don't know why I
Speaker 4: was letting her carry.
Speaker 1: It for me.
Speaker 3: I guess I had books. Who has books? And fourth grade?
Speaker 1: Where's your backpack?
Speaker 4: She fell on her back so hard, and I don't
Speaker 4: it was because I wasn't paying attention to cracks. I
Speaker 4: think she cartoonishly went horizontal in the air and landed
Speaker 4: and didn't drop my trombone didn't drop it.
Speaker 3: No gonna say she was a good person.
Speaker 5: There's so much comedic potential there with what happened with
Speaker 5: that trombone.
Speaker 1: Sounds like the beginning of the dirtiest joke of all time.
Speaker 1: I had it had.
Speaker 4: Some water damage, but it was not yet rusty. But
Speaker 4: as she fell, I do remember it going like you
Speaker 4: made a comedic fallout noise from inside the case.
Speaker 3: I don't know the gost to.
Speaker 1: Benny Hill was in there playing it for her.
Speaker 4: I love Benny Hill's old classics like Rusty, Haunted.
Speaker 3: Troumbone, Oh your mom Oh, Benny.
Speaker 4: Hill comedian fast motion ran around chasing himself in a dress.
Speaker 3: That's okay.
Speaker 5: He was a brit a moon faced brit with great
Speaker 5: tons of great comedy ideas.
Speaker 3: I've never seen any of it. I've never seen any
Speaker 3: Benny Hill. I just know is okay, that's all I know.
Speaker 5: It was very it was almost like dirty Mister Bean.
Speaker 5: And they played it after cartoons after school in the
Speaker 5: Bay Area, so like it was like you'd go from
Speaker 5: Tom and Jerry to a middle aged British man chasing
Speaker 5: like a young stewardess across a hill, and she'd be
Speaker 5: like in her underpants.
Speaker 1: It was very strange.
Speaker 4: It's interesting to think that someone's popularity is just based
Speaker 4: on a bad programming decision. Yeah, you know, like, had
Speaker 4: he not been on cartoons after cartoons, would he have
Speaker 4: any presence in our American minds?
Speaker 1: Not in my American mind?
Speaker 3: And good, yeah, my mind is rarely not American.
Speaker 1: You know me.
Speaker 5: You're proud to be an American mind, always have been.
Speaker 5: Where have you been? We haven't seen each other in
Speaker 5: what a month?
Speaker 4: I've just I've been domestic mostly, okay, I've done a
Speaker 4: little traveling. I did last The first thing I did
Speaker 4: before the last time after the last was Politicon. That Politicon,
Speaker 4: oh right, right, And I did Paul Ryan. It was okay,
Speaker 4: it was we went in up between panels, so it
Speaker 4: was like as people were filing out and people were
Speaker 4: filing in.
Speaker 1: That's what they call the sweet spot in college.
Speaker 4: It was, and it ended up not it's known as that,
Speaker 4: but it turns out it's not sweet at all.
Speaker 1: It doesn't there's no sweetness to it.
Speaker 3: It just was not having people fully paying attention.
Speaker 1: To political jokes.
Speaker 3: And it was eighty percent conservative people.
Speaker 1: I think that the ones with the great sense of humor.
Speaker 4: They really don't. It was amazing to see that. It's
Speaker 4: I mean, that's what I would assume, but that's me
Speaker 4: being closed minded. I would think they have zero sense humor. Yep,
Speaker 4: you got your proud boys, you got your confused. There
Speaker 4: was like Latinos for Trump, like all these groups that
Speaker 4: don't make sense, but they have nowhere else to.
Speaker 3: Hang out except at this.
Speaker 4: Convention because people like you and me can just go
Speaker 4: outside all the time and rebelbows. I guess I don't
Speaker 4: know why, because the people that ran it were seemed normal, right,
Speaker 4: but it was.
Speaker 3: It was dangerous at times.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: It doesn't sound like a good uh stage for comedy.
Speaker 4: No, no, which is why I brought it up. So
Speaker 4: that was horrifying great, and I did some stand up.
Speaker 4: I've been traveling alone with Seattle beautiful all the buildings
Speaker 4: are washed.
Speaker 1: With the rain. I love Seattle so much.
Speaker 3: It is it was beautiful.
Speaker 4: I had Thanksgiving with my sister and my nieces and
Speaker 4: my nephew because they happened to be in Tacoma. I
Speaker 4: booked these shows. I'm like, well, I guess I'm not
Speaker 4: having Thanksgiving. My sister happened to be in the city
Speaker 4: I was going to because I always forgot Lisa. Yeah,
Speaker 4: Lisa was there. Hey's Sandy Dand that's Sandy.
Speaker 5: He's a comic and he's nice and his baby is
Speaker 5: the cutest baby I've ever seen.
Speaker 3: Well, we should tell him sometime.
Speaker 1: Well, let's tell him now. Let's assume he's our number
Speaker 1: one fan.
Speaker 4: God Sandy families when they're smaller, the smaller the better.
Speaker 5: Right, Sandy Dando just walked by with his wife or
Speaker 5: girlfriend whatever and baby and the wife girlfriend was running,
Speaker 5: so let's call her a partner. She was running, so
Speaker 5: the baby was bouncing up and down, and the baby
Speaker 5: had a cowprint.
Speaker 4: Ones beyond, what if he's married and doesn't have a kid,
Speaker 4: and that was.
Speaker 1: His mistress baby. Secret family in Burbank. You heard it
Speaker 1: here first.
Speaker 5: Sandy Dando has at least one if not more secret
Speaker 5: families in the valley granted up tmzom Sandy Dando, which
Speaker 5: is a great comedy name.
Speaker 3: I saw family.
Speaker 4: I cry a lot lately on I think it's okay,
Speaker 4: I'm with you. I cry some woman that's had a
Speaker 4: rough life. I can tell because she was a pretty
Speaker 4: faced person. But just there's you know, rug drug damage, sure,
Speaker 4: and that's a lot of people riding past my house
Speaker 4: in Venice. And she had a fight with her boyfriend.
Speaker 4: It was this was the other night I heard screaming.
Speaker 4: He jumped up and down on her bike. Her bike
Speaker 4: was bent and broken and it was in the street
Speaker 4: and cars just drove around her.
Speaker 3: And I ran over there and she was just crying.
Speaker 4: And I'm I'm not bragging about being sensitive right now,
Speaker 4: it sounds like I am.
Speaker 1: That's a weird brag. This is you're not peacocking sensitivity.
Speaker 4: Well, okay, I trust you because I'm a man and
Speaker 4: men aren't supposed to cry in the street with a stranger.
Speaker 3: And I did, and you'd think it's not just sad stuff.
Speaker 4: And she was okay, and I bent her thing back
Speaker 4: whatever she but then she will say, you know, she
Speaker 4: was probably about to grab my wall.
Speaker 1: So I got the hell out of there.
Speaker 5: Good great, don't trust, but definitely express your feelings.
Speaker 3: But then I just saw a family in the mall.
Speaker 1: That's dad.
Speaker 3: He was like, you know, he was a young hand.
Speaker 4: He looked like a model slash pro basketball player, and
Speaker 4: he had these two daughters that were just climbing on him, giggling,
Speaker 4: and he was acting goofy, and the mom was pretty
Speaker 4: and I'd fucking start crying. Hell, yeah, I don't what
Speaker 4: the hell's wrong with me.
Speaker 5: Because that's a that's a there's good in the world,
Speaker 5: and you we probably taken too much negative. So when
Speaker 5: you get those shots of positivity that you didn't plan,
Speaker 5: it's not like a TV show you watched or whatever.
Speaker 1: It's just like, there are great people doing.
Speaker 5: Lovely things out in the world, and you just get
Speaker 5: these examples.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's a relief and something that's happened recently,
Speaker 4: because a year ago, let's say, I don't believe I'd
Speaker 4: drop everything and just cry up on this side of
Speaker 4: a family, some Sandy Dando situation.
Speaker 3: Evan Dando, However, I'll.
Speaker 5: Cry what if Evan Danner just had a random baby,
Speaker 5: not his, just a baby that he got and you're
Speaker 5: just standing.
Speaker 3: Wept in front of the street.
Speaker 4: I'll tell you we need the windshield wipers on the
Speaker 4: inside of the car because I would.
Speaker 5: Be a torrent of tears would be coming from both hosts.
Speaker 3: And I know again I'm not bragging about being sensitive,
Speaker 3: but I am.
Speaker 1: You are a sensitivo. I am too. It's how we are.
Speaker 1: It's what this podcast was based on.
Speaker 5: We talk about our feelings, we express them, we demonstrate them,
Speaker 5: and we put them on other people.
Speaker 3: This is your first time tuning in.
Speaker 5: That's what we do and we'll always do it. That's
Speaker 5: our promise to you. We will emote at you till
Speaker 5: you're uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: We won't if you don't know how to feel, we
Speaker 3: will assign it.
Speaker 1: If you have no reaction, we'll interpret it negatively.
Speaker 4: As you listen to this, you will find you have
Speaker 4: no control over your own brain and emotion.
Speaker 3: We are in control of it.
Speaker 4: Look into the clock as it passes in front of you,
Speaker 4: the pages of a calendar ripping from behind.
Speaker 5: Now you are the Manchurian candidate, and we are whoever
Speaker 5: programmed the Manchurian candidate.
Speaker 1: The government.
Speaker 3: Probably inside you is not a heart. It is a
Speaker 3: battery and lies and documents.
Speaker 1: It's a battery powered by lies, and that's you deep down.
Speaker 4: So that's kind of what we do on this podcast.
Speaker 4: I mean, if you're used to Karen Doug. Although I
Speaker 4: do want to talk about render.
Speaker 1: Oh we can.
Speaker 3: I mean ghosts great.
Speaker 4: I've been watching that Netflix is just like, hey, we
Speaker 4: know that ninety nine percent of entertainment is ghost related stories.
Speaker 4: I mean, someone at Netflix really has a boner for ghosts.
Speaker 3: And I'm sila, I don't like that phrase.
Speaker 5: Well, I'm glad you brought it up, because my new show,
Speaker 5: my Netflix series Ghost Boner, is actually taking many of
Speaker 5: the tropes that people love about Netflix and just wrapping
Speaker 5: them up into one kind of super cut between people
Speaker 5: screaming up a flight of stairs and then of course
Speaker 5: just dick pics.
Speaker 4: Right right, and and prior to this your show, which
Speaker 4: is doing congratulations on them.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to pause you right there, and I'm sure, sure.
Speaker 3: Sure we can edit that's out.
Speaker 4: So we did our order whether or not that'll be
Speaker 4: in the uh, you know, we aren't start about to
Speaker 4: say as much as we joke about it. We now
Speaker 4: have real sponsors, a real show that's right.
Speaker 1: So we shouldn't give away.
Speaker 5: We shouldn't list Starbucks items as free, like like we're
Speaker 5: living menus exactly.
Speaker 1: We gotta gotta get paid for that.
Speaker 3: They want a piece of this action, they can. They
Speaker 3: can call us.
Speaker 4: That's right on our hotline. We have a phone right
Speaker 4: in the red a red timey rotary phone.
Speaker 1: It's a rotary phone that's shaped like a latte and.
Speaker 4: We can either call the commissioners or sponsors can contact
Speaker 4: us on it.
Speaker 1: Can I just say one thing? Yes?
Speaker 5: I think what about this idea for a future show?
Speaker 5: And Steven you can chime in because you're technical. Uh,
Speaker 5: we get a burner phone. We put the number up
Speaker 5: on Twitter and we take live calls during the drive.
Speaker 3: Oh, we can do it.
Speaker 1: Can we can do it?
Speaker 6: Should we put in, like install an actual phone in
Speaker 6: your car? Yes, Okay, that'll work.
Speaker 5: I want to look like an eighties cocaine based stockbroker.
Speaker 1: Where and maybe we should make this car convertible?
Speaker 3: Yeah? And I will you be that character.
Speaker 4: I'll be just a guy in a stakeout, like a
Speaker 4: kind of disc grunt old, maybe drinks a little too much.
Speaker 3: Great member's only jacket, But I've killed people.
Speaker 1: Okay, funny, great, Stephen, what's your character?
Speaker 6: I was gonna say, I'm just going to be my
Speaker 6: dad businessman, you know, just just waiting by the phone,
Speaker 6: you know, making calls. Well, two kids sit in the
Speaker 6: back trying not to crinkle their doritos.
Speaker 1: I like three very specific pictures that do not match up.
Speaker 5: And that's how we do things here at this podcast.
Speaker 4: I think that we actually do that. It might be
Speaker 4: better in your ghost Boner show.
Speaker 1: Well, I would not say that.
Speaker 5: I just think that's bad luck for you to try
Speaker 5: to curse my ghostbone right right, right.
Speaker 4: Think about the popularity of the scene that everyone remembers
Speaker 4: in Ghostbusters.
Speaker 3: Where dan Ackroyd gets.
Speaker 1: Oral sex from a ghost.
Speaker 3: A lot of people don't actually remember that.
Speaker 1: That's right, was it Slimer himself?
Speaker 4: During the music montage? Okay, it's the first night they're staying.
Speaker 4: They spent all the petty cash they're staying in this
Speaker 4: wol ended up being haunted.
Speaker 1: Library.
Speaker 4: No, they rented a firehouse, remember, Oh yes, And they're
Speaker 4: all staying at the first night.
Speaker 3: And during this music montage where it goes to different haunting.
Speaker 4: Things, dan Aykroyd's bed, the sheets pull off his pants
Speaker 4: zip open. Huh, and then he crosses his eyes in
Speaker 4: some Daniel Stern uphoura as he gets an invisible blowjob.
Speaker 4: It's the most bizarre. I can't believe it's in the
Speaker 4: movie now. Sorry, most people have I was joking. Most
Speaker 4: people have blocked it out. It is in the regular.
Speaker 5: I remember it as you were describing it, so you
Speaker 5: don't ever see what the ghost looks like.
Speaker 1: No, that's hilarious.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it is just him, and it's all innuendo, but
Speaker 4: it's not really because his pants zip open and they
Speaker 4: zoom in on it as such sheet some invisible entity
Speaker 4: is flating.
Speaker 3: It's filating them either that are fishing anyway?
Speaker 1: Fishing? What doing the old fisheroo.
Speaker 4: I don't like how filet show and filet of fish,
Speaker 4: you know, I don't want those words to have anything
Speaker 4: to do with each other as far as what they mean,
Speaker 4: their meanings.
Speaker 5: You were just talking about how sensitive you are, and
Speaker 5: suddenly you're talking dirty filet of fish.
Speaker 3: Here we go again, Here they come. Here they come.
Speaker 5: To get Chris's first tears, and you will get some
Speaker 5: emotion this, I mean, this thing's gonna come together for
Speaker 5: this season.
Speaker 1: It's so many bells and whistles.
Speaker 4: The first season lasted five years. Go ahead and check
Speaker 4: those episodes out. They are just sitting there on a shelf.
Speaker 4: They just reside there. And I suggest like episodes thirty
Speaker 4: through ninety or something. I was, really, I'm here's my
Speaker 4: biggest fear with our new season.
Speaker 3: Okay, I've told all my stories a couple of times.
Speaker 1: I know, I me too, That's that's the nature of podcasting.
Speaker 4: Apparently I told that story about the bag of plastic
Speaker 4: four times. I someone said, you, that is the fourth time.
Speaker 4: But isn't an insult to me too? They said, every
Speaker 4: time you were surprised to hear it.
Speaker 5: Yes, absolutely, absolutely pretending but also loving it. Every time
Speaker 5: you say feline aids, I'm like, here we go. I'm
Speaker 5: loving it.
Speaker 1: I know how this goes. Let's do the day.
Speaker 4: I am my father's son, and I've said this before,
Speaker 4: but every time he would tell a story, my sister
Speaker 4: and I would listen, it's like, well, we've heard this,
Speaker 4: and then our joke was, oh, here's number fifty seven
Speaker 4: or whatever, like each story had a number.
Speaker 5: But I think I've told you. We've had this conversation
Speaker 5: at least three times. But I've told you that my
Speaker 5: friend Danny Sebios and I used to tell each other
Speaker 5: stories where the other person was there for the story.
Speaker 1: And we still told the story anyway.
Speaker 4: And me knowing that story is why Danny Sebios is
Speaker 4: a name that's already in my head.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 3: I love Danny.
Speaker 1: He's the greatest.
Speaker 3: It's this is.
Speaker 4: An interesting experiment. Apparently I'm the hot, sweaty one. The
Speaker 4: car is divided in half. One side is gross and murky.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and foggy.
Speaker 5: It's because the AC is not on. And but it's
Speaker 5: cold outside and warm and here.
Speaker 3: Maybe it's cold outside.
Speaker 5: But Chris's side is definitively steamier than my side.
Speaker 1: Oh baby, it's cold outside.
Speaker 3: Christmas, so excited for it.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited about sexual deviancy of Christmas. Wait, oh baby,
Speaker 1: of trapping you inside side?
Speaker 4: Nope, making her it's cold outside and that's where you're going.
Speaker 3: No, No, you're right, making her go out?
Speaker 1: Yeah, get out in the snow you slept.
Speaker 3: Put on this angli, getting that.
Speaker 1: Snow bank, put on these skis and do what I say.
Speaker 3: Santa's coming and it's a it's a real.
Speaker 1: Christmas. Get outside.
Speaker 5: That's how you make that show that song? Uh politically
Speaker 5: correct again? Is it's not a man trapping a woman
Speaker 5: into an apartment? By the way, we've had this conversation
Speaker 5: for sure, like no way. But what we're doing this
Speaker 5: time is improving upon the past idea. Right right, we're
Speaker 5: saying we have we already had that conversation. What if
Speaker 5: we turn it on It's ear exactly.
Speaker 3: It's a lot like stand up.
Speaker 4: You know how old some of my jokes are, Like
Speaker 4: at least there's still jokes I do that I've done
Speaker 4: for fifteen years, but it didn't work up until like
Speaker 4: three years ago. I kept telling them and now they
Speaker 4: are great. Yeah, now they're good pieces of business. They
Speaker 4: make me money.
Speaker 1: Yes, some of these jokes.
Speaker 5: There what you sometimes call the moneymakers, and so you
Speaker 5: trust them, you rely on them. They put bread on
Speaker 5: the table. You eat so much fucking bread. It's ridiculous.
Speaker 4: Look, I look like a squirrel getting ready for winter sometimes,
Speaker 4: but it's just French bag ass.
Speaker 1: It's bag after bag. Yet my eats are all the
Speaker 1: bouldous bag ats. Oh you're like, oh, Chris, do you
Speaker 1: want some goat cheese? No bread? Only get out of
Speaker 1: my apartment.
Speaker 4: I am on an inflammatory diet. If it doesn't go
Speaker 4: straight to my knuckles, I don't want it.
Speaker 1: Gluten this everybody.
Speaker 4: I wish I could just I wish there was a
Speaker 4: cream that was just made out of dairy sugar and
Speaker 4: gluten that I could rub into my knuckles and elbows.
Speaker 1: Isn't that asper cream hot scum? In the past, Oh, Steven,
Speaker 1: I have.
Speaker 3: Talked about that, right. Their slogan used to be asp cream.
Speaker 3: You bet you're asper cream? And I was watching TV.
Speaker 3: I'm like, no, no way, you can't get away with that.
Speaker 1: I don't know which one is with ours.
Speaker 3: They changed it to better use aspa cream. No, yeah,
Speaker 3: this really happened. It was too sexual. Yeah, you're a cream?
Speaker 1: As I know, I would have bought it. I swear
Speaker 1: to god, I know. I didn't even know what it
Speaker 1: was for.
Speaker 3: I slathered it all over my.
Speaker 1: Ass for cream. You had your asp for fucking cream.
Speaker 4: You know a lot of these podcasts, they aren't at
Speaker 4: number three currently without having any new episodes. You know
Speaker 4: what they don't have Stone eating, Eating, audible, open smacking.
Speaker 1: Dry. The driest of all the big goods.
Speaker 3: This is put are we eating or am I doing? Fully? Work?
Speaker 1: For a makeout scene.
Speaker 5: I'm also opening, uh this bad paper. This is Stephen's
Speaker 5: fucking nightmare.
Speaker 3: We're putting a warning in front of this.
Speaker 1: We're doing crinkling and smacking. Oh sorry, no, no, I'm
Speaker 1: glad you did that.
Speaker 3: No, I yeah, but I can't summon the word car.
Speaker 1: Then you're full of scone. I just go your scone drunk, Chris, you.
Speaker 3: Have to judge the tone of my oo. Either I
Speaker 3: suddenly felt you for it, or we're about to get.
Speaker 1: T bone or one and the same. You're talking. Have
Speaker 1: you ever been t bone? It feels pretty good.
Speaker 5: It's we were talking about that movie Crash, not the
Speaker 5: one about racism, but the one where people get an
Speaker 5: erotic charge out of crashing cars.
Speaker 1: Do you want that one?
Speaker 4: I remember thinking I was watching the other one, and
Speaker 4: then next thing, you know, for real.
Speaker 3: The bloody bodies in my pants are now No I didn't,
Speaker 3: I don't, but it is. I did watch that one first.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the racism one or the or the erotic one. Sorry, yeah,
Speaker 1: the erotic one you just bone is more delicious than
Speaker 1: I anticipated, and I I'm.
Speaker 3: It's very good.
Speaker 1: It's so good. This is like we're having a little
Speaker 1: Christmas party right now, doesn't I feel like it?
Speaker 3: I'm I you do know I love Christmas?
Speaker 1: Right, I think so? I mean, I don't think we've
Speaker 1: talked about this might be a new topic. Are you?
Speaker 1: Are you ready to go into it? I think?
Speaker 3: I mean, I haven't rehearsed it for five years while
Speaker 3: on air, But here we go, let's try it.
Speaker 4: I love I'm not you know, I'm not religious and
Speaker 4: I didn't grow up with religion really except for we.
Speaker 1: Keep going, except for what the camp you went to.
Speaker 3: Go ahead, exactly, thank you. But I've told that story.
Speaker 1: Don't tell it. I've added to it though, Okay.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Well I fell off a dock at it and
Speaker 3: my nipple.
Speaker 4: They cut my nipples off, and when I left out
Speaker 4: was I do remember because I was holding them because
Speaker 4: I was embarrassed, and it heard and I was and
Speaker 4: then it left little nipple blood marks on my on
Speaker 4: my palms and someone some in turn.
Speaker 3: Said that's stigmata, and I had to go to a
Speaker 3: separate room and I had to talk to the.
Speaker 4: Head pastor and I'm like, no, but the joke, key
Speaker 4: part I'm trying to figure out.
Speaker 3: I don't remember during the Yeah, no, I haven't figured
Speaker 3: it out and say sorry, no more.
Speaker 1: Oh okay.
Speaker 4: I don't recall during the crucifixion, you know, coming up
Speaker 4: and giving him a titty twister or whatever. I don't
Speaker 4: know when once it comes to turning it into a joke,
Speaker 4: I don't have.
Speaker 3: A lot of skills.
Speaker 5: I get it, you know, it's in process. But that
Speaker 5: story and of itself is wonderful. It was rich anecdote.
Speaker 4: It was the most horrifying week I've ever had as
Speaker 4: a child. I was just hearing voices. I was hearing
Speaker 4: what I thought were demons. I was hearing in the
Speaker 4: background children drowning in the lake. But I think I've
Speaker 4: said this before. It was yep, Yeah, it was just
Speaker 4: the other kids.
Speaker 3: Their booger whistles as they slept sounded like screaming.
Speaker 4: The point is, I'm not that religious, but I love
Speaker 4: Like last night at the place across they had some
Speaker 4: some white frosted tree, this artificial tree with wires, and
Speaker 4: they had done nothing to primp it or or crimp it.
Speaker 1: Crump trump trumpet.
Speaker 3: I think I just had a stroke.
Speaker 4: They did nothing to it to make it look good,
Speaker 4: and so I spent about an hour on it and
Speaker 4: moved the ornaments, and they all watched. They're like, you're
Speaker 4: really good at this, and I'm like, yes, I love Christmas. Sorry,
Speaker 4: where were you at Killer Shrimp? The establishment?
Speaker 1: Killer Shrimp?
Speaker 3: It's a gross in my house.
Speaker 1: You buried the lead that you were in public doing this.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, And that staff was just kind of watching me.
Speaker 4: I'm like, that's not a Christmas tree. And then it
Speaker 4: was like almost in emotion. There's a footstool. It was
Speaker 4: a perfect setup and it really looked.
Speaker 1: Good in the end.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm actually pretty good at at getting a
Speaker 3: tree ready.
Speaker 1: That's fucking hilarious.
Speaker 3: What is prim primming the tree?
Speaker 1: What is a trim trimming the tree? Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I know it's dirty.
Speaker 5: Everything's a little bit dirty, grimming the tree, trimming the tree, Yes, nothing,
Speaker 5: have been other trimmings.
Speaker 4: Like your bangs or or meats, different meats. I'm gonna
Speaker 4: trim myself of my clothes and come right back. Let
Speaker 4: me go slip into something more trimmable, so sexy.
Speaker 5: And you're in the still in the middle of Bubba
Speaker 5: Gums troop, sir, please, you have to wear pants in.
Speaker 1: Here, m That's why they call it killa trimp it's o.
Speaker 7: Kila, you just made of your own dick Joe. Oh wow, Wow,
Speaker 7: that's kind of powerful.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a we're looking at graffiti that says rip McCain.
Speaker 3: There's a young picture of him, kind of a wood cut.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Somebody someone they spray paint stenciled a picture of McCain
Speaker 5: in his navy uniform.
Speaker 3: But you would think a fan of his wouldn't really
Speaker 3: be into the graffiti arts.
Speaker 5: No, I would think that is why or whoever spread
Speaker 5: that up there would be more of like a you
Speaker 5: know what cross stitcher that is?
Speaker 1: Are you right?
Speaker 3: She's like, no, one's fine my pillows anymore. I got
Speaker 3: to hit the streets.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take this message to the people. Rest in peace,
Speaker 1: my husband.
Speaker 3: I do like the idea of an older couple just
Speaker 3: doing that in broad daylight, doing.
Speaker 1: Graffiti and then walking back over to their mansion. Over here.
Speaker 3: We did good today, Honey, close the gate.
Speaker 1: Now, let's break dance in the living room. We'll live
Speaker 1: whatever goddamn life we want.
Speaker 4: Let's watch that scene from Cocoon where the old people
Speaker 4: are break dancing to get in the mood.
Speaker 5: I have to apologize. If my sister was listening to
Speaker 5: this and she heard me eating this rice crispy. Oh,
Speaker 5: she would lose her fucking mind. Yeah, it's it's not
Speaker 5: it's pretty gross. No one wants to hear it.
Speaker 1: I do apologize, Steven.
Speaker 5: Is it is it?
Speaker 1: Can you hear it a lot?
Speaker 6: No, it's not too bad.
Speaker 3: It's more of when it's like the crinkling Party's probably right.
Speaker 1: I put it down. I put it down. It's a
Speaker 1: gorgeous winter day here in Burbank, really pretty it is.
Speaker 4: There is there is certain memories that get triggered by
Speaker 4: the smell of like the sun coming out right after
Speaker 4: the rain. And there's one specific one, and I don't
Speaker 4: know why, just a day in my hometown and that
Speaker 4: I was maybe sixteen, and I remember every time it rains,
Speaker 4: I think of that day. And I don't think there's
Speaker 4: any importance to it other than me as a as
Speaker 4: a young teen thinking, boy, it's really pretty out right now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it just brings that smell, brings you back
Speaker 1: to that day.
Speaker 4: It's always that day. Yeah, It's always that day. Strawberry
Speaker 4: Field Forever also triggers that. That song triggers that that visual.
Speaker 4: It's so weird how.
Speaker 1: Certain same day. Yes, same moment.
Speaker 4: So I always wonder why because it's it's not off
Speaker 4: a but it's it's really vivid and it's almost like
Speaker 4: I can see it.
Speaker 3: So what happened that day? Did some ghosts flying through me?
Speaker 6: What?
Speaker 1: There has to be a reason that did you Were
Speaker 1: you in school? Were you walking home from school? Did
Speaker 1: you go I was having a bad day.
Speaker 3: I think I was doing door to door sales for
Speaker 3: Serendipity Ventures.
Speaker 1: Yes, so you were. This was just a moment of
Speaker 1: mercy in the otherwise terrible day.
Speaker 3: It was a terrible day. I had sold no coupon books.
Speaker 3: I got threatened.
Speaker 4: I think almost that was a day A dog I
Speaker 4: got bit because I know where I was, at the
Speaker 4: end of Brooks and a dog bit me.
Speaker 3: I went onto a guy's porch, I'm like, do you
Speaker 3: need to get your oil?
Speaker 1: Take? And then a dog. But it was really a
Speaker 1: The coupon book was great.
Speaker 4: All you would I would go to the coupons, I'd
Speaker 4: be like, look, this is a half price oil change
Speaker 4: just down the street. This book is six dollars with
Speaker 4: this one coupon or coupon, depending on where part of
Speaker 4: the country you're from.
Speaker 1: I's very savvy about wistic and they're trying people.
Speaker 4: Yeah, people come around gather around Elixis in coupon books,
Speaker 4: but not really Aleixis.
Speaker 8: And that is like in the coupon books, this one
Speaker 8: half off Allixes. This one's for crooked legs and drash bills. Yeah,
Speaker 8: one coupon paid for the book.
Speaker 4: And I would show it to them and they're still like, well,
Speaker 4: I don't know when doesn't expire.
Speaker 1: You have two years now, I'm a child. Also, please
Speaker 1: buy this. How old were you?
Speaker 3: It was my first job. I had to be fifteen.
Speaker 4: Shit, And I know I've talked about this, but the
Speaker 4: other guys I worked with were grown up men who
Speaker 4: drank a lot. And one time we had to pick
Speaker 4: them up at the elbow room. And the two guys,
Speaker 4: two guys I had to walk around in the neighborhood
Speaker 4: with that day.
Speaker 1: This was a different day.
Speaker 4: They were just fighting in the park parking lot, bleeding,
Speaker 4: black eye, bloody nose.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 4: And then they got and they were reeked of alcohol
Speaker 4: and they got in the car and I'm like, I'm
Speaker 4: so scared.
Speaker 1: Did you say that out loud?
Speaker 3: I know, I was just like I get it.
Speaker 1: Boys.
Speaker 3: The old poking Dick in the parking lot.
Speaker 1: I got you. Every once in a while, man's got it.
Speaker 1: This is what I said.
Speaker 3: I was like, everyone's a while.
Speaker 1: Man's gotta tell another man that he's his friend. By functioning,
Speaker 1: you boys will be all right. Hey, did you see this?
Speaker 1: This coupon is worth six dollars.
Speaker 3: You know what I think?
Speaker 1: Guys, hope you're punching again anyway, this is the coupon.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna lead with the oil change once you guys
Speaker 1: are done hitting each other. And when you're done hitting
Speaker 1: each other, here's some half off gauze. Wrap it around
Speaker 1: your head.
Speaker 4: I don't know if it was the violence or just
Speaker 4: having to go out into the streets and be scared
Speaker 4: knock on doors.
Speaker 1: As much as it is, I very much dislike sales.
Speaker 4: Yes, me too, And I figured that out early on,
Speaker 4: and my dad told me't like it if you have
Speaker 4: to set aside, like because you kind of have to
Speaker 4: trick someone even if you believe in the product, like
Speaker 4: I did two years later with CUTCOA knives.
Speaker 1: You are you know.
Speaker 3: I would walk into a house and they would have
Speaker 3: holes in their place mats, or.
Speaker 4: They looked like they didn't have extra money, certainly not
Speaker 4: for a knife set where it's like fifty bucks per night,
Speaker 4: like they're really expensive.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 4: Mm, wait, are you buying time so you can chew
Speaker 4: and swallow? Or is this my knife story of snooze
Speaker 4: fast both. There's a lot of pressure with this new season.
Speaker 5: I know.
Speaker 1: I agree. That's why I'm just not saying anything at all.
Speaker 3: What if someone's tuning in, that's not gonna help people
Speaker 3: just tuning in?
Speaker 4: Yeah, Karen for the first time, it's just she doesn't
Speaker 4: talk and this other guy tells you really boring sales stories.
Speaker 1: I here's the reason I like your Cutcoast stories.
Speaker 5: It's because it reminds me of every job I had
Speaker 5: felt like the worst thing that was happening to me ever,
Speaker 5: And it was because I don't like working and I'm
Speaker 5: very lazy. And I remember one time I hadn't gotten
Speaker 5: a job and I called my parents to borrow money
Speaker 5: for the twelfth time, and my mom goes, do you
Speaker 5: think you don't have to work?
Speaker 1: And I was like yes.
Speaker 5: I said yes back to her, like finally you understand me,
Speaker 5: and she's just like, you fucking asshole. So I know
Speaker 5: those like anytime you get a job where you had
Speaker 5: to somehow weirdly be like, hey, I'm a confident salesperson
Speaker 5: even though I'm nineteen and I have the weirdest outfit
Speaker 5: on and I just want to lay down and drink
Speaker 5: right right.
Speaker 3: I never I never felt good about any age.
Speaker 1: Well, favorite job, favorite job.
Speaker 4: My favorite job I think there was like a real job,
Speaker 4: was when I just walked into a T shirt chop
Speaker 4: and I showed him my drawings or it was my favorite.
Speaker 1: Process of getting hired ever.
Speaker 4: Okay, where I walked in, the guy was kind of
Speaker 4: intimidating and he's like, oh, you want to work here,
Speaker 4: here's your first job.
Speaker 3: And he slid over this order and it was a
Speaker 3: description of what these people wanted.
Speaker 4: It was some rafting group, and I sat down and
Speaker 4: I drew up a logo by hand, and they're like, okay, great,
Speaker 4: and then they went down and printed it and then
Speaker 4: the people got the shirts like it was a last
Speaker 4: minute order, and I did the job. He's like, okay,
Speaker 4: you're hired, but it was actual. It was an actual job,
Speaker 4: and then.
Speaker 1: Them testing you out was turned into the product that
Speaker 1: got sold and made money. Thank you. Yes, that's amazing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was like a cool It was like, oh,
Speaker 3: you want to audition for this commercial?
Speaker 1: Roll them.
Speaker 3: Do you like cat food or a better example, do
Speaker 3: you like cat we all do.
Speaker 1: Finally, cats you food for humans?
Speaker 3: Just hold on a minute. Natural Balance you know patent
Speaker 3: Man Patten?
Speaker 1: You know Man Patton?
Speaker 3: Yes, you know, he's CEO of Natural Balance Food.
Speaker 1: I didn't know that. I'm so glad you told me.
Speaker 4: Well, I was to interview some bulldog at skateboards and
Speaker 4: he was like, he was in the Rose Bowl parade
Speaker 4: snowboarding that year.
Speaker 1: That's not the job you name is your favorite job?
Speaker 5: You fucking come in with I printed up shirts as
Speaker 5: your favorite job, and you fucking interviewed her. A skateboarding bulldog,
Speaker 5: A lot of bulldogs, a little baby, cute ones.
Speaker 4: No, the bulldogs love jumping on skateboards. And then this
Speaker 4: float one year and this dog has passed. But he
Speaker 4: had his own calendar, he had his own tour bus.
Speaker 3: Whoa, he was a famous bulldog.
Speaker 1: I think I've seen him. I think is he the
Speaker 1: one where he actually kicks along? Yes, he was very good.
Speaker 4: Bulldogs will at first they're biting your ankle on the
Speaker 4: side of the board, but eventually they get on it
Speaker 4: and they're like, wait a minute, I get it.
Speaker 1: That's fun.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and suddenly you have on your hands a skateboarding bulldogs.
Speaker 4: It's a great but they're gonna bite you at first.
Speaker 4: Dogs are unpredictable. Anyway, I interviewed this dog and at
Speaker 4: the end they wanted some product thing and it wasn't
Speaker 4: Dick van Patten or whoever his name is, but it was.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, not Dick but Vince. But they had a
Speaker 3: dog food that it's said.
Speaker 4: On it also you can have it, adults can have it,
Speaker 4: and no, yes, and it just tasted like danty more
Speaker 4: beef stew or whatever.
Speaker 1: Are you sure they didn't mean adult dogs can have it?
Speaker 3: Guarantee?
Speaker 4: He said, this food, the quality of this food is
Speaker 4: so good that we advertise that people can eat it too.
Speaker 4: And it seriously set it on the can and I
Speaker 4: ate it, and it tasted nothing like dog food.
Speaker 3: It tasted like people food. So it's like, there's no
Speaker 3: way this as good for dogs.
Speaker 1: Did you warm it up first? I ate the whole
Speaker 1: can cold and it was good.
Speaker 4: No, it was on camera. It was like, well, here's
Speaker 4: a dog food, you know, it's kind of the same.
Speaker 4: I got a tattoo on camera. You know I would
Speaker 4: do anything. I'm a journalist.
Speaker 5: You that is true, But you've now told the fourth
Speaker 5: most mind blowing story. You ate dog food as a commercial.
Speaker 5: Oh happily.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And do you think this is I've never heard
Speaker 1: this one.
Speaker 5: Do you think this is related to or caused by,
Speaker 5: when your mom made you what you thought was tuna
Speaker 5: sandwiches and it was cat food sandwiches.
Speaker 3: If you give me permission to retail, there's a lot
Speaker 3: of new people listening.
Speaker 4: It was just yes, it might have, but that was
Speaker 4: horrifying because that was very much cat food in sandwich
Speaker 4: form and.
Speaker 1: Not in any way cleared for adults or children to eat.
Speaker 4: I was in sixth grade and I bet a sandwich
Speaker 4: and put it down, and my friends were staring at me,
Speaker 4: and I'm like, it's cat food, and my friends all
Speaker 4: smelled it, and it very cat Food's unmistakable and still
Speaker 4: makes me gag.
Speaker 1: It's so gross. I love cats, I hate their food. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I'm partial about the litter box. You could be
Speaker 1: convinced right now, you're not so sure. A few more.
Speaker 3: I think that's why I never got sick as a kid.
Speaker 1: I was you'd already eaten a bunch of stuff.
Speaker 4: Well, that's sand It was a sandbox, but my cat
Speaker 4: used it for his reasons. And I'm three years old.
Speaker 3: What am I going to do?
Speaker 1: Not put it in my mouth. You're just going to
Speaker 1: become like one of the X Men with all.
Speaker 4: Of your I really do, because I'm not kidding. I
Speaker 4: as a kid, I had worms all the time, and
Speaker 4: it was because I always had a hand. You know,
Speaker 4: I'm playing a cat poop in my in my sandbox,
Speaker 4: and this is gross.
Speaker 1: I know it's gross, but I had This is gross.
Speaker 1: Just in case you're not entirely grossed out, if.
Speaker 4: You aren't listening to the stories so far, let me
Speaker 4: interrupt you by saying it's been gross. And I I
Speaker 4: never I got a certificate at the end of fifth
Speaker 4: grade that my entire elementary school career, I never missed
Speaker 4: a day of school being sick.
Speaker 1: And I think that it's because I was just out of.
Speaker 3: Steady diet a.
Speaker 1: There's no germs could survive past your soft palate.
Speaker 4: There's some of these kids out there just sick all
Speaker 4: the time, and it's because their parents never gave.
Speaker 1: Him cat poop. Yeah, it's a huge mistake.
Speaker 4: Anyway, I went home and my mom that she had
Speaker 4: made a sandwich in a hurry. There was a can
Speaker 4: of deviled ham next to a canon, and there was
Speaker 4: deviled ham in the cat's bowl and got the I
Speaker 4: got the cat food sandwich and that that.
Speaker 1: Cat can describe that day.
Speaker 5: It just like your rain smell day, because he got
Speaker 5: deviled ham and it was so beautiful, and then he
Speaker 5: noticed how gorgeous the clouds were. Every time he smells
Speaker 5: doubled ham, he's like, Oh, when I was eight, this
Speaker 5: fucking woman gave me deviled ham.
Speaker 1: And oh it was a September morning.
Speaker 3: It was a woman that was always there, but she
Speaker 3: was there for the first time. Somehow.
Speaker 1: I was just glad it wasn't a cucumber.
Speaker 4: Yeah, if you tap imagine, because all cats have as
Speaker 4: their taste buds.
Speaker 1: Sure. Oh, and they're really good eyesight.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and they're and they're spiky, spiky, weird tongue and
Speaker 4: penis and they have a barbed penis.
Speaker 1: And they do have a barbed penis, many animals do.
Speaker 5: It's just so they can keep that lady around for
Speaker 5: a little while while they're romancing her.
Speaker 1: As one might want to say, it's not it's for drinking.
Speaker 3: For sexual purposes.
Speaker 1: It's for drinking. Cat's tongues are not barbed for her pleasure, Karen,
Speaker 1: it's horrifying.
Speaker 5: It's just too that's really makes so much noise when
Speaker 5: they're made out of fence outside your apartment.
Speaker 3: They're a painful barb process.
Speaker 1: It's like karma Kama Sutra style attack. Oh god, it's
Speaker 1: the worst, and it's so true.
Speaker 3: That's why cats. Cats are shrieking in pain. It's because
Speaker 3: sex is no no walk in the park.
Speaker 5: It is the borderline BDSM, which stands for dirty bad
Speaker 5: bad dirty.
Speaker 1: Yeah sex males bds.
Speaker 3: Oh man, you're better at that panic when it comes
Speaker 3: down to like.
Speaker 1: The fill in the blank joke yeah, or the it's not.
Speaker 4: An acronym acronyms when the initials spell aware and people
Speaker 4: go bit right, like dinar is an acronym acronym my
Speaker 4: m M f M, it's not. That's one of your
Speaker 4: podcasts is an acronym. The other one is their initials.
Speaker 4: People misuse that all the time. And you know how,
Speaker 4: I'm super smart, right, so I sure do.
Speaker 5: So you're just kind of here to teach us as
Speaker 5: much as while I eat as much as anything else, mostly.
Speaker 4: About when you're done using that mouth to throw that
Speaker 4: scone down, you're gonna use it to speak right around me.
Speaker 1: I don't know who that was.
Speaker 5: I'm sorry, No, that's okay you. I think it's important
Speaker 5: for us to explore. Remember when we were going to
Speaker 5: do this, in the very beginning of this idea that
Speaker 5: we would do this podcast as a series of characters
Speaker 5: driving around.
Speaker 1: Remember that, I mean it was like first pass idea
Speaker 1: years ago.
Speaker 4: The James Adomian episode was like, that is not what
Speaker 4: we're talking about. Okay, okay, I figured that would make
Speaker 4: you angry.
Speaker 1: We're trying to be angry so I can keep eating.
Speaker 4: What kind of a U, Karen, I'm afraid it's lapsed
Speaker 4: into a silent state of rage.
Speaker 3: Let's wait until she swallows, i mean, gets into better.
Speaker 5: Mood, fills herself with marshmallow crispy surprises.
Speaker 4: Every episode we're just hiding you're having snacks, yep, with
Speaker 4: the fact that you're angry instead.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and it's they're getting louder and louder, so it's like,
Speaker 5: why would you eat cruditay on a podcast?
Speaker 1: It's disgusting. Yeah, watch this, I can cover it. They'll
Speaker 1: never fucking know, they'll never know what I'm doing over here.
Speaker 1: I'm just angry.
Speaker 3: No, but I do like that idea.
Speaker 4: I mean, you and I aren't really character actors, not
Speaker 4: in the least, but you're good at it. The other day, oh,
Speaker 4: the other day, someone said, who sings your song? The
Speaker 4: song you heard at the beginning of this it's a
Speaker 4: beautiful song, one of if I think you'll agree, one
Speaker 4: of my favorite songs.
Speaker 3: It's one of your favorite songs.
Speaker 1: In a pinch, like overnight, I wrote that song in
Speaker 1: like one sitting. It was nutso and.
Speaker 4: It's really good. And someone said, who sings that song?
Speaker 4: A fan of yours, And I'm like, I can't believe
Speaker 4: you don't know about this album. And I forwarded some
Speaker 4: songs from live at the bootleg and it's really good.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 3: It had been a while since I listened your album.
Speaker 1: It's so good. You were there when I recorded it.
Speaker 3: I was, I was, and I was It's like, yeah,
Speaker 3: this is all right.
Speaker 4: And now in retross like the I don't know if
Speaker 4: it's a recording quality or just my tastes have become
Speaker 4: you know, sharper.
Speaker 1: More refined, Yeah, more refined. That's what I mean. It's
Speaker 1: because we went to grad school.
Speaker 4: Man, it was those last year at college really helped
Speaker 4: me realize how good your album Thank you so much.
Speaker 4: You know it's so good and you gotta be We've
Speaker 4: talked about it jokingly, but you gotta get start the
Speaker 4: rock band.
Speaker 5: I was gonna say, you know when I did it.
Speaker 5: At the time, I was really scared to do it,
Speaker 5: but I knew. I knew I had to like get
Speaker 5: it down and make sure it was recorded. And the
Speaker 5: only thing I could do, because I'm so such a
Speaker 5: self sabotage sabatur.
Speaker 1: Is, I was like, just do it.
Speaker 5: You're not gonna like it, no matter how good or
Speaker 5: bad it is, You're not gonna like it. So just
Speaker 5: do it and walk away and don't listen to it
Speaker 5: for like five years. And that's what I did, and
Speaker 5: that's what made it okay, because it's so horrifyingly vulnerable
Speaker 5: to write and sing songs.
Speaker 3: Did you see your old crappy No, it looks like crap.
Speaker 1: Your life is better. We really progressed the same one.
Speaker 4: But and then oh my point, yeah, I also forgot
Speaker 4: that I watched a bunch of mister show stuff and
Speaker 4: you're on that, thank you?
Speaker 1: Yeah. That the sketch where.
Speaker 4: Bob and David are both competing to describe the sunset bline.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, the blind girls sketch.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, I mean now it's offensive now a lot
Speaker 3: of things are.
Speaker 1: But I wasn't really blind. I was just doing it
Speaker 1: for attention, right, right, she wasn't right?
Speaker 3: Okay right?
Speaker 5: Yeah, So so that could be even worse or much
Speaker 5: much better. Scott Ackerman wrote that I.
Speaker 1: Think it does make it better. Lots of people like
Speaker 1: that sketch. Hey, Ackerman has its moments.
Speaker 3: Come on, give it up for the.
Speaker 1: Give it up for the.
Speaker 3: Like that's his if he was a DJ.
Speaker 1: Or if he was a touring comic.
Speaker 3: Holy speaking of both. I did a show last night
Speaker 3: as a comic.
Speaker 4: It was it was in near your Neck, that Woods,
Speaker 4: right on Lancersham there and it was so North Hollywood
Speaker 4: and uh it was just behind a bar, but it
Speaker 4: was really fun, Like Larie Kilmartin was on it. Solman
Speaker 4: did Georgio, and Solman I add did Georgio. I don't
Speaker 4: know why there's no Yeah, that's because of that pizza,
Speaker 4: because of Diovanni.
Speaker 1: Who's hilarious. Who's hilarious, so I don't think anyone makes
Speaker 1: me laugh more than her. All the people you've named
Speaker 1: so far, some of all of my favorite and.
Speaker 4: Then this Canian guy was very funny, and then uh, yeah,
Speaker 4: it was a bunch of great comics.
Speaker 1: That's awesome.
Speaker 4: And after that I was hungry and my friend and
Speaker 4: I went to some sushi place and there was a
Speaker 4: DJ that greeted us at the door, next to a
Speaker 4: guy who was so intense and scratching his face and
Speaker 4: looked like a cartoon character that was a mathematic cool
Speaker 4: but they were in good moods and they said, come
Speaker 4: on in. This place is the funnest And it was
Speaker 4: a sushi place and the sushi was good, and the
Speaker 4: DJ kept getting on on the mic and saying that
Speaker 4: this guy used to make sushi for Kim Kardashian, and
Speaker 4: he'd waved his hand like and look at me now,
Speaker 4: and I'm not making it, I mean, or maybe it's
Speaker 4: all believable and boring, but he kept it was an
Speaker 4: interesting exercise in like getting warmed up, because I walked
Speaker 4: in and I was apprehensive to be there. And then
Speaker 4: this guy who was dressed kind of like Guy Fieri,
Speaker 4: and his DJ name.
Speaker 3: Was Crocodile Joe. He would get any'd play like.
Speaker 4: Y'all ready for this and like jock jams and then
Speaker 4: come a late you're my sugar pie baby, all those
Speaker 4: that era of bad music.
Speaker 1: Which goes perfectly with sushi.
Speaker 4: But then he made us all d ymca and he
Speaker 4: made everyone get up that was eating there and do
Speaker 4: the hand movements and I'm like, no, I don't want
Speaker 4: to know, but everyone was doing it, and I was
Speaker 4: saying no.
Speaker 3: I said no ten times.
Speaker 4: The next thing you know, I'm there was a congo
Speaker 4: congo line and I was in the middle, but everyone
Speaker 4: was willing to do it, And I'm like, why am
Speaker 4: I so uptight?
Speaker 1: Why do I think I'm better than this shit?
Speaker 4: And then after this guy did that and made everyone
Speaker 4: feel uncomfortable, everyone was so loose and dancing and talking.
Speaker 1: Everyone was in a great mood.
Speaker 4: And it was this guy Fieri type, guy who's like
Speaker 4: made me roll my eyes and was like a kind
Speaker 4: of annoying.
Speaker 3: Really broke us all out of our shells, and I
Speaker 3: at the end I loved him.
Speaker 1: Well, that's great.
Speaker 3: Everyone felt great in that room.
Speaker 1: Can I just ask a couple quick questions about the
Speaker 1: sushi detail? Yeah, I'm I need to really kind of
Speaker 1: investigate that.
Speaker 5: Okay, how many drinks did you have between the time
Speaker 5: you walked in, sat down and the time you were like,
Speaker 5: you know what, I'm going to give.
Speaker 3: Over to they zero? I haven't been drinking. Oh, trying
Speaker 3: to get my face skinny from my special Oh, because.
Speaker 5: That's very telling, because it's that's to me, all those
Speaker 5: rock and roll sushi places are just hey, alcoholics, come
Speaker 5: eat here, because.
Speaker 1: You're not even gonna eat anyway. You just want to
Speaker 1: fuck around, right I do.
Speaker 5: I don't want to go to a restaurant people are
Speaker 5: involved in the experience that I'm having and making me
Speaker 5: do things.
Speaker 4: Everyone else there I think was drunk to me and
Speaker 4: my friends, Okay, and I got I went in there.
Speaker 4: I'm like, I have to eat now. And I stopped
Speaker 4: at two places before that, and they were closing. You know,
Speaker 4: it was after the show. Its ten, we went in there.
Speaker 4: I'm like, I don't care if these guys are obnoxious,
Speaker 4: cracked DJs. I'm hungry and I'm eating. They're bad sushi
Speaker 4: even if it kills me, and sushi can kill you,
Speaker 4: it absolutely can.
Speaker 1: Yes, you know, get some sea or tin in there.
Speaker 1: But then you basically you turned your attitude around the energy.
Speaker 3: I stayed like two and a half hours. I was
Speaker 3: having so much fun.
Speaker 1: That's good.
Speaker 4: It was like being at a roller rink as a
Speaker 4: grumpy old single dad or something.
Speaker 1: But then you he cracked you.
Speaker 5: His his energy for life and for sushi and for
Speaker 5: bad music cracked you open.
Speaker 3: Yeah it really he did. It was great.
Speaker 4: I think I hugged him a couple times. Wow, it
Speaker 4: was a weird experience. I don't ever want to see
Speaker 4: him again or be there again.
Speaker 1: Well, he he already called you.
Speaker 5: You have to eat runch with him on Saturday, and
Speaker 5: he wants to know if you guys are going to
Speaker 5: spend the holidays.
Speaker 3: Damn it?
Speaker 1: What have you called on our hotlinete hotline? Hello, console phone?
Speaker 1: You said you were my boyfriend.
Speaker 3: I'd had a lot of sushi. Crocodile Joe.
Speaker 1: I didn't really mean it. I just wanted it to
Speaker 1: be a casual thing.
Speaker 3: Here's the thing. I let my mouth run. People listen
Speaker 3: to this. Crocodile done. Joe could be less right now?
Speaker 1: God, could you imagine?
Speaker 5: And he's blasting it across the sushi restaurant and being
Speaker 5: like jumping up and down, trying to be like a
Speaker 5: power DJ.
Speaker 1: But it's to this bullshit.
Speaker 4: You had cargo cargo shorts, which is the whole package deal.
Speaker 4: Another first time story brought to you fresh, never before told,
Speaker 4: you know, because it happened last night.
Speaker 5: It's almost an argument for retelling stories no offense, right, But.
Speaker 3: I mean because that one was a stinker in the mood.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying it's great to work out your plotform.
Speaker 4: So you're saying, you're saying Crocodile Joe in his sushi
Speaker 4: place might be a great story in five six years.
Speaker 1: I would marinate it at least for one year. Put
Speaker 1: it in a bull of vinegar, because you're going to
Speaker 1: be great one day.
Speaker 5: Pierre, I'm usually not this attack o hnted comedically with
Speaker 5: you on this podcast.
Speaker 1: It's my new season one, season two. Sorry character.
Speaker 3: I expected you to be this way because we got
Speaker 3: to hold this to a higher standard.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 3: There's more listeners, there's more scrutiny.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 5: And I think attack comedy is coming back. I think
Speaker 5: I could be the new Rickles of podcasting if I really.
Speaker 1: Tried just casual friend roasting, friend roast slams and pranks.
Speaker 1: I'll definitely keep your eyes out for the prank.
Speaker 3: Oh god, I love you.
Speaker 5: Know.
Speaker 3: My favorite is when you come up behind me and
Speaker 3: you tap my left shoulder, but you're over on my
Speaker 3: right right in your I wrenched my neck over. I'm like,
Speaker 3: no one's there. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then when you're turning your head the other way,
Speaker 1: I have a screwdriver up by your ear again. Isn't
Speaker 1: it weird? Should we drive by it again?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: God?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think.
Speaker 4: We got some pictures last time, but didn't have our
Speaker 4: new our new, I don't know what. So you're saying
Speaker 4: this podcast will be on like a website, Yes, can
Speaker 4: we add pictures?
Speaker 1: Are you doing the character of my dad?
Speaker 3: You want people about you know it?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 1: I could my dad.
Speaker 5: So we started this podcast network. Georgia hard Shark and
Speaker 5: I have started exactly right podcast network. If you don't know,
Speaker 5: that's where you are right now.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: If you blindly turned on your computer and.
Speaker 5: Ended up on the homepage, you just kind of put
Speaker 5: your hands all over the keyboard and now you're here
Speaker 5: with us.
Speaker 1: Hey, welcome.
Speaker 5: But my dad has tried to get me to explain
Speaker 5: in a way that is meaningful to him what the
Speaker 5: fuck a podcast network is? And I've tried and tried,
Speaker 5: and I was I always use some kind of a
Speaker 5: radio metaphor, but he it was, it's like then he
Speaker 5: just immediately thinks of radio and he's.
Speaker 1: Like, well, then how do you have to wait to
Speaker 1: put it on at a certain time?
Speaker 4: Or or yeah, or he thought everyone comes in and
Speaker 4: in real time, they come into the studio and lay
Speaker 4: down some.
Speaker 3: Tracks and it plays streams we could via the airwaves.
Speaker 5: Yeah, whatever, like kind of like a Motown situation where
Speaker 5: like every show on the exactly right network, we all
Speaker 5: sit in there with it with cans on, watching each
Speaker 5: other record.
Speaker 3: Don't sit there singing to the bucket you drift her.
Speaker 5: So I finally said, it's like we're Netflix, and then
Speaker 5: everybody brings their movies to post on our website.
Speaker 1: Right, he finally got it.
Speaker 5: But that also kind of is very reductive and makes
Speaker 5: it sound, you know, like we're not really doing anything.
Speaker 1: We're more than just a website. Everybody we make ear movies. Yes,
Speaker 1: there it is, that's what we wound.
Speaker 3: No picture Okay, wait, that's what I'm saying. On the website.
Speaker 3: We can have a picture of this haunted house. We
Speaker 3: looped around the block.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, because this one's kind of nice. Yeah, this
Speaker 1: doesn't seem haunted. It seems expensive.
Speaker 3: I am a sneaking suspicion. That is it's the one
Speaker 3: next to it. I guess I don't think so, it's
Speaker 3: just a similar This is what I know. This was
Speaker 3: a stream we're on and the house isn't here anymore,
Speaker 3: or it's over there, like further down.
Speaker 1: But I'm turning around.
Speaker 4: These are beautiful homes. We're sorry to upset you, mister
Speaker 4: amitybud Amityville.
Speaker 1: The disappearing house. Is that scary? A house disappearing entirely? Ah?
Speaker 3: Yes, have you not seen Poulter geyst because guess what's underneath?
Speaker 1: Skeleton Discreynold Native Americans.
Speaker 3: It wasn't that the thing they were They were adding
Speaker 3: a pool to Craig T.
Speaker 4: Nelson's house, and they specifically said it was a Native graveyard.
Speaker 5: They built the entire uh housing tract over the guy
Speaker 5: yells or Craig T.
Speaker 1: Nelson yills.
Speaker 5: You just move the headstones, and they basically didn't move
Speaker 5: the bodies. They just built all the houses over a
Speaker 5: Native American graveyard. And those the Native Americans in the
Speaker 5: graveyard were pissed, and the Poltergeists began.
Speaker 3: I think you found it. I think we are assaing
Speaker 3: the real haunted house.
Speaker 1: You get ready to get ready, of Rudy, Where is it?
Speaker 1: Is it not this one?
Speaker 3: These things lift up and float around, they really do.
Speaker 3: That's I hate this about these these ones. It isn't
Speaker 3: it's just gone. It's just gone.
Speaker 1: It's just gone.
Speaker 4: There were I mean, and I mentioned that I've been
Speaker 4: watching a lot of these haunting you know, there're movies
Speaker 4: about hauntings, documentary series about hauntings, and it's made me
Speaker 4: think about my own.
Speaker 3: You know, things I could never shake that still are.
Speaker 1: In my brain.
Speaker 4: Just no just weird emotions that are triggered by a
Speaker 4: certain sound or a smell. Not unlike the happy rainy
Speaker 4: day thing, but I like, when I was a kid,
Speaker 4: I used to hear background noise would suddenly amplify and
Speaker 4: and it would be in school during a test, and
Speaker 4: so kids you could hear their pencils scratching papers all
Speaker 4: of a sudden that would have an emotion attached to it,
Speaker 4: and it sounded like instead of pencils, loud voices going like.
Speaker 3: And it scared the hell out of me to where
Speaker 3: I would almost faint.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Now, either I was being haunted or I have
Speaker 4: a special power I've never tapped into, which is what
Speaker 4: my mom's friend who rubs crystals said, Or I'm I
Speaker 4: was just having little anxiety attacks.
Speaker 1: Sure, what do you think?
Speaker 5: Well, I've had the same thing happen where my hearing
Speaker 5: goes really strong for a second, right, and it almost
Speaker 5: feels like The thing I think of is the conspiracy
Speaker 5: theorists who believe that there are like radio transmissions in
Speaker 5: their head, which is also I think of that because.
Speaker 1: That's also a sign of schizophrenia. And then I go,
Speaker 1: is it coming for me? Today?
Speaker 5: Is today the day I go down? And then I
Speaker 5: just get real relaxed and then it goes away, right,
Speaker 5: And I think there are things like my friend Bradford
Speaker 5: one time when we were working at Ellen.
Speaker 1: He was a producer.
Speaker 3: Her nickname for Bradley Wood for continue not that house, right, No,
Speaker 3: I'm I can't find it.
Speaker 5: So he was working one day and he had one
Speaker 5: eye that was much worse, had a stronger prescription in
Speaker 5: his glasses than his other eye, and his eye click
Speaker 5: clicked into focus and he could see better with the
Speaker 5: bad eye for like two hours. Oh no, and then
Speaker 5: it went away. And I just think that that's how
Speaker 5: our bodies are. Sometimes there's like weird shit brain stuff
Speaker 5: going on. We don't we could never know.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 4: And it's when you experience the high functioning or I
Speaker 4: remember when towards again to college, I was all excited
Speaker 4: to or just of a semester. I was excited to
Speaker 4: move to this snowboarding town and just snowboarding me with
Speaker 4: my friends, and I was it.
Speaker 3: But that week prior to that, I was calm all
Speaker 3: the time.
Speaker 4: I was doing great in school, I was skateboarding better
Speaker 4: every and my interactions with people, they would go, wow,
Speaker 4: you're in a really good mood lately. I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 4: I don't know what it is. And the whole time
Speaker 4: I was paranoid that it was going to go away.
Speaker 1: Uh huh.
Speaker 4: I'm like, you know, this isn't going to last forever
Speaker 4: something for whatever reason, and orphans. I thought maybe I
Speaker 4: was sick and my body was trying to fight something,
Speaker 4: which very well could have been the case.
Speaker 1: And so it just was making you feel better in general.
Speaker 4: Yeah, for some reason, my my chemically I was just winning,
Speaker 4: or for lack very much of a better term, you.
Speaker 1: Were Tiger's bloody all over the second place, telling me.
Speaker 4: Oh, I wish I could have thought of a better thing.
Speaker 4: I really upset that I said winning.
Speaker 1: Oh, but I was. It's the best way to explain everything.
Speaker 1: That's how you.
Speaker 4: Felt everything I was doing, and it was coming effortlessly
Speaker 4: and even physically.
Speaker 3: It's so weird that physically I was performing better.
Speaker 5: Physically you were slowly turning into Charlie Sheen and you
Speaker 5: didn't realize that you had a widow's peak and really
Speaker 5: flairy nostrils.
Speaker 3: And you're like love. Its many, many, many addictions.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I do remember being scared that it would
Speaker 4: go away, and then when it did go away, I
Speaker 4: was kind of bummed out.
Speaker 1: Sure, but I kind of let it know. But well,
Speaker 1: you have to.
Speaker 3: It is a true thing. It is true in the
Speaker 3: rate that UFOs are controlling That is what you said, right.
Speaker 1: Our emotions a UFO made me cry. Anyway, Get what
Speaker 1: show do I like these days? The UFOs are controlling me? Yeah,
Speaker 1: those it just happened.
Speaker 5: That audio thing I'm talking about just happened to me,
Speaker 5: either yesterday or the day before at work, and it
Speaker 5: was really one of those things where I was like,
Speaker 5: because you know, people are talking about five G wireless
Speaker 5: is like really strong, and we don't really know how
Speaker 5: it could affect us. Somebody told me some conspiracy theory
Speaker 5: about five G wireless that has really gotten into my
Speaker 5: head and freaked me out in a major way because
Speaker 5: and I don't even know if it's true, I don't
Speaker 5: know whatever. But then I just start thinking of these days,
Speaker 5: there's so much like shit in the air because we're
Speaker 5: all you and computers all the.
Speaker 1: Time, right, so you know who the fuck knows?
Speaker 3: And it's proven that the equivalent these are microwaves.
Speaker 4: It's the same as the eighties, you know, when you
Speaker 4: were like, don't put your head right there, like there
Speaker 4: was a I could.
Speaker 3: Feel oddly cool air blowing into my face.
Speaker 4: Yeah that is a nuclear like either either that or
Speaker 4: but I've heard that that signals for cell phones are
Speaker 4: very similar to microwaves. Yeah, they do, cause brain that's
Speaker 4: proven that there it's bad that we're putting these up
Speaker 4: to our skulls.
Speaker 1: Yes, I think.
Speaker 5: I think it's like the whole idea is we have
Speaker 5: to let everything go because we are killing ourselves right,
Speaker 5: for sure?
Speaker 4: And I and it might sound selfish or like you
Speaker 4: don't have any real problems if all you worry about
Speaker 4: is your own health, but that I'm sorry, call me, yeah,
Speaker 4: call me problem less because.
Speaker 3: I'm so worried about your health.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, sure, yeah, that my phone's gonna reach out
Speaker 4: and grab me, reach out and stab me.
Speaker 3: I'm going to rettabi.
Speaker 5: Brouh uh brouh cajabra on your phone and I'm going
Speaker 5: to stab You're going to kill you?
Speaker 8: What?
Speaker 1: What's wrong? I'm just your phone?
Speaker 3: What is what's the policy on song parodies like that?
Speaker 1: When we take a song and make it way worse?
Speaker 3: Yeah, we have to legally pay anything.
Speaker 1: And I think we're gonna go to jail for sure. Good.
Speaker 3: It's such a means, something new to worry about.
Speaker 1: It's been reading all day. It's not raining right this second,
Speaker 1: but it's all moody. And you found the house.
Speaker 3: What you found?
Speaker 1: The house haunted? Look at it. We did it. We
Speaker 1: fucking stuck to it. And it's still on.
Speaker 4: Reminding me of that boat I saw two days into
Speaker 4: a Caribbean cruise. It was a boat, not unlike this house,
Speaker 4: except it was and had a little roof on it
Speaker 4: and a little lantern that was flickering on and off.
Speaker 4: What it was a boat in the middle of the ocean.
Speaker 4: I was on a cruise with my family and was
Speaker 4: out on the patio. It was nighttime and there was
Speaker 4: just a boat out we had. It was a two
Speaker 4: day trip, so we were going I think to most
Speaker 4: Lawn or something somewhere in Central America. Okay, from Texas,
Speaker 4: I think, and there was just this boat out in
Speaker 4: the middle of nowhere.
Speaker 1: And no one was on it. A boat that looked
Speaker 1: like a house church, and it was.
Speaker 4: Rocking to where you could see the floor of the
Speaker 4: boat and everything in it, and there was not a
Speaker 4: person in the boat.
Speaker 3: And so everyone on the rest of the cruise was like,
Speaker 3: so do you see the ghost boat. Everyone agreed that
Speaker 3: it was a ghost bok. Yes, And that house reminded
Speaker 3: me of it.
Speaker 1: Shit. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Also that house on the shutters, they're like weird crosses.
Speaker 5: They look like teas, but they're even as opposed to
Speaker 5: a crucifix, where the cross is on the top part.
Speaker 1: It's in the middle, but it looks equally like Satanic
Speaker 1: right and wrong.
Speaker 3: That's the kind of house that in a movie that's
Speaker 3: about I'm so sold.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, did you throw up because you're scared
Speaker 1: of ghost boats?
Speaker 6: You know?
Speaker 3: House ghost.
Speaker 1: Made me throw up in good diarrhea.
Speaker 3: Of course.
Speaker 5: Chris is watching The Haunting of Hill House and just
Speaker 5: projectile vomiting onto his own television.
Speaker 4: The only movie that doesn't make me do that, ironically,
Speaker 4: The Exorcist.
Speaker 3: Really, momitsane.
Speaker 1: You've never felt more comfortable than when you watch that.
Speaker 3: It's the only time my stomach feels coated and healthy.
Speaker 3: Is watching Blair.
Speaker 1: Spit piece at the Wall.
Speaker 3: And it's pre secret. That wasn't split pea soup, that
Speaker 3: was dog food.
Speaker 1: No, but it's made for humans.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yes, that house does.
Speaker 4: There a little crucifixes in the window, and it is
Speaker 4: the it's so cartoonishly haunted house that in a movie
Speaker 4: about haunted house, as you would be like, well, it
Speaker 4: serves you right.
Speaker 3: Yes, you should have said no to the realtor.
Speaker 1: You're being silly moving into a house that haunted.
Speaker 4: Well, the price is right, honey. Well, I'm just worried
Speaker 4: that our son won't stop drawing these drawings. You mean
Speaker 4: the crayon ones of us dead. There we go movie written.
Speaker 1: You're welcome, go ahead and make it we dare you
Speaker 1: starring Elliott? For me, I like that series The Haunting
Speaker 1: of Hill House.
Speaker 3: Or I really like the ending of it.
Speaker 1: What you did? You didn't like the ending?
Speaker 5: No, That's what I was gonna say is I didn't
Speaker 5: get all the way through because I don't want to
Speaker 5: watch families fight. Right if you have a haunted house,
Speaker 5: throw some fucking plates at the wall and get it going.
Speaker 5: I don't want to watch people disagree about whether or
Speaker 5: not the house was unfair to them or their sister.
Speaker 4: I muscled through that. And I think you're talking about
Speaker 4: the scene where they're all at a funeral. Yeah, and
Speaker 4: they are all fighting, but it was they it was
Speaker 4: so well acted, and I think it is the arguments
Speaker 4: and the points they're making were so realistic that that
Speaker 4: part felt like a especially tense episode of togetherness or something.
Speaker 4: And I'm like, this show, this show is being changing
Speaker 4: genres on me. And then the end is this kind
Speaker 4: of hopeful interstellar type thing.
Speaker 1: Okay, and it and it's not I mean the end
Speaker 1: of the series.
Speaker 4: Or the end yes, rather than you know, other horror
Speaker 4: movies where it's like and the whole time it was
Speaker 4: just the devil.
Speaker 3: The end, everything's bad, all killing, they're.
Speaker 1: All dead, the devil wins again.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I mean I like Hereditary, but it's like, oh,
Speaker 4: the end is the devil? What a cop out come on?
Speaker 1: That movie was freaky as ship though it was it
Speaker 1: was really good, just the end.
Speaker 4: I was like, come on, it could have been about
Speaker 4: those Sorry, these are all spoilers, by the way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but we'll put spoiler warning also at the.
Speaker 3: Top, right right right, spoiler warning, don't leave your milk out.
Speaker 1: Trigger warning, there's gonna be spoiled milk in this episode.
Speaker 3: Spoiler trigger warning. This car has a spoiler on it.
Speaker 3: And I have a gun.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm sorry I have to bring it. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I have to bring it to that level of comedy. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I love guns. I just uh.
Speaker 4: Tony Kollett's character was making miniature replicas of things happening.
Speaker 3: I mean that.
Speaker 4: I don't know why there shouldn't have been some like well, surprise,
Speaker 4: it was just happening in this world that is in
Speaker 4: her psychosis or in her miniature.
Speaker 5: Like it was.
Speaker 4: That was such a great that would have been a
Speaker 4: better way to end it other than but maybe they
Speaker 4: want you to think that, and in the end it's like, surprise,
Speaker 4: it's the devil. Everything's bad. This kid who you were
Speaker 4: rooting for, this nice boy, Yeah, he's screwed.
Speaker 1: He's the devil himself.
Speaker 4: Go home and deal with your emotions. Not all movies
Speaker 4: are supposed to make you feel like it's a wonderful light.
Speaker 5: But I do agree that the Devil is not specific
Speaker 5: enough to make it scary, because I'm Catholic already went
Speaker 5: through that phase of like I'm scared the Devil's gonna
Speaker 5: get me.
Speaker 1: It's such a generalized kind of thing.
Speaker 5: It's much more interesting when it's like it's actually the boy,
Speaker 5: you know what I mean, and he's just killing people.
Speaker 1: That's it's better, right, it's more grounded. I can get
Speaker 1: behind it. Sure, I do like that boy after Alex
Speaker 1: Wolf that's in it. His mom was on thirty something.
Speaker 3: He's a great, great boy.
Speaker 1: Of all the boy actors, and I'm saying he's the
Speaker 1: top boy.
Speaker 3: Got me, boy boy, how are you at acting?
Speaker 1: Boy?
Speaker 5: Why?
Speaker 1: I love it? Can scream into this bed, You've got
Speaker 1: the boods. Oh oh, we love old shit. Old timey
Speaker 1: voice is a new timy Netflix.
Speaker 4: How when and I don't think. The only thing I
Speaker 4: know about it it's roxy music is on the soundtrack.
Speaker 4: But that movie Legend where Tim Curry is the devil
Speaker 4: that was almost too scary for me.
Speaker 1: His makeup. Is it, David Bowie that you mean the devil?
Speaker 4: And Curry is that big muscly scary devil in that
Speaker 4: in that Tom Cruise as a child?
Speaker 3: Oh right, okay, I'm pretty sure.
Speaker 1: Yes, when he and he and the girl from Ferris
Speaker 1: Bueler fall in love. Yes, she's in it with Hi.
Speaker 3: Scooby Do thank you.
Speaker 4: I do lots of scared and Scooby Doo wastefully it's
Speaker 4: fucking one of them.
Speaker 5: I love that Scooby Doo says thank you absolutely perfectly, clearly,
Speaker 5: and everything else are.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 3: That was like at the end of the performance, is
Speaker 3: me being me aga?
Speaker 1: You broke back, asked Chris to say you thank you.
Speaker 3: I will reg you.
Speaker 1: Or an eh, you are a seven rank you.
Speaker 3: Oh, I don't know how you feel.
Speaker 1: The buns For myself, most of the time, I don't
Speaker 1: get them. I'm always like, what, No, it's good. You're
Speaker 1: a selective memory acknowledgment of art. I have a very
Speaker 1: light laughing headache right now. I've really enjoyed this episode
Speaker 1: that we've just done.
Speaker 3: Oh thanks, Yeah, me too. I was so excited to
Speaker 3: be back in the back in the studio.
Speaker 1: God damn, it's been so long, it.
Speaker 4: Has and we were taking a break and I'm okay,
Speaker 4: but a lot of people were saying, hey, what's up.
Speaker 3: I know I'm starting to get upset.
Speaker 1: We worried a lot of people. Necessarily, well, if it
Speaker 1: feels good.
Speaker 4: At first, I was like, yeah, get off my back.
Speaker 4: But I mean, you've it's it's it's I appreciate it,
Speaker 4: and I respond out. I'm not getting enough of it
Speaker 4: now to where I like, can't I try to respond.
Speaker 3: To all of them, you know, like yep, it's coming.
Speaker 1: The messages, Yeah, I don't respond to any I can't
Speaker 1: get no, no you.
Speaker 4: You've been dealing with this for a while, and it's
Speaker 4: it's many hundreds of times the people.
Speaker 5: Well also because sometimes people just want to have a
Speaker 5: chit chat and where it's like, oh I can't, it's
Speaker 5: gonna come out and then you'll have your answer anyway,
Speaker 5: so we don't have to have a discussion about it.
Speaker 1: But my thing is, you know, just so the people
Speaker 1: that listen and who do who do get bummed out
Speaker 1: when we don't do it? And stuff. We're going to
Speaker 1: get more much more.
Speaker 5: Consistent because now I'm not on tour doing my other
Speaker 5: podcast is launching.
Speaker 1: A network working at Baskets.
Speaker 5: Baskets ends in a week, So four entire jobs that
Speaker 5: I've been doing this whole time are going to be
Speaker 5: put to bed in a way or at least lessened,
Speaker 5: And then I'm going to have time to actually do
Speaker 5: things that I want to.
Speaker 1: Do in my life. If you can imagine that, that's great. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do it. Like what like grabbing that cat
Speaker 1: and running away? Oh he's Oh, he's my I like cats.
Speaker 1: Cats are pretty good, Steven. How you feel about cats,
Speaker 1: like Stephen say a thing?
Speaker 8: I don't know.
Speaker 6: I don't I'm more of a squirrel guy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it seems like then you're kind of impartial.
Speaker 5: Stephen has a podcast called The per Cast that's about cats.
Speaker 3: I know that's I was leading into it.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you for the Senate was so dry, Chris,
Speaker 1: I want to skateboard there. I thought you didn't know.
Speaker 1: I know, I did know that. Yeah, let's do some
Speaker 1: cross promotions.
Speaker 6: Cross Promotion Cast we are talking about cats, other animals
Speaker 6: that you like, uh that you you know, you want
Speaker 6: to like observe what kind of litter they use, what
Speaker 6: kind of their favorite toys are, where they like to
Speaker 6: lay in the sun. You know, all the good things
Speaker 6: that you want to know about cats.
Speaker 3: And it's funny because I know most of those answers you.
Speaker 4: I'm a cat, I'm a can't man, and I'm cordially
Speaker 4: inviting myself to be a guest on Yes, what movie
Speaker 4: stars have been on the par.
Speaker 3: Uh Tom Cruise, Yeah, he's a big the kit talking
Speaker 3: about her character work for Plain Cat Woman.
Speaker 1: She's talking about exploitation of cats and films.
Speaker 3: Real advocate.
Speaker 4: I will talk about that. There's nothing I hate more
Speaker 4: because they don't. They rarely do it for dogs. I
Speaker 4: guess they did something about Mary that guy got thrown
Speaker 4: out a window and was in a body cast. But cats,
Speaker 4: they it's so funny to everyone, like in Christmas Vacation
Speaker 4: when a cat gets electric electrocuted or gets squished. It's
Speaker 4: people love to see cats hurt and film, and I'm
Speaker 4: not a big fan of it. It's bothered me since
Speaker 4: i was a child.
Speaker 1: I'd save this for the procasts. I think it's I
Speaker 1: love the new Karen signature. Joe, what is it?
Speaker 5: It's Oh, that's the Rickles ask prank, prank cruelty based
Speaker 5: comedy that I'm doing as a co host with you.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there was another name for it.
Speaker 1: But I love slam slam poetry jokes.
Speaker 5: Do you.
Speaker 3: I love your pranks.
Speaker 1: By the way, thank you. Another one. If we're in
Speaker 1: a restaurant and you do this all the time.
Speaker 4: If the latress it's like, stumbles and drops a bunch
Speaker 4: of plates of food and glasses, Karen will clap yeah,
Speaker 4: and then other people laugh, and then she starts chanting USA, USA, USA,
Speaker 4: and everybody and the woman usually cries.
Speaker 1: Yes because she saw I stuck my leg out to
Speaker 1: make her tray. So many layers to that bank, and
Speaker 1: I win every layer.
Speaker 3: I love pranks, just a victory.
Speaker 5: Here's the good news for you, though I don't love
Speaker 5: prank about Steven's percast. Uh, you can fucking tell the
Speaker 5: Feline eight story again for the first time for an
Speaker 5: entirely new audience.
Speaker 1: They're dying for that kind of content.
Speaker 3: I told that one a lot on our podcast. Oh yeah,
Speaker 3: oh god, dude.
Speaker 4: Well, we at first We're going to do a podcast
Speaker 4: about Alzheimer's. I think it's the second best thing for
Speaker 4: me to just display that I'm fucking getting it my
Speaker 4: stories and that.
Speaker 5: I'm tolerant of it because as you have, I've been
Speaker 5: through living with a person who has it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you're just like, oh this again.
Speaker 3: Great, you said, as you have, I've lived with it,
Speaker 3: and then I and then I said, as have I.
Speaker 3: I fucking I forgot that.
Speaker 1: That's that you were already being included seconds.
Speaker 3: That's how short term memory gone.
Speaker 6: It.
Speaker 3: I am ice hills have eyes now.
Speaker 5: My sister told me the last time I was home
Speaker 5: that there's some She it was something of the the
Speaker 5: vaccination is coming in the next five years or something
Speaker 5: like that.
Speaker 1: The very big progress has been made recently.
Speaker 4: My friend who works in the laboratory at the University
Speaker 4: of Montana, and they studied Parkinson's and Alzheimer's very similar.
Speaker 4: It's also said, yes, huge things have happened with realmining
Speaker 4: the brains, tray glitzerde acid triads, whatever, the triads, triangle
Speaker 4: fox capacitors in our brain.
Speaker 3: I figured out how to live bam, all right, and
Speaker 3: it ain't The answer isn't coconut oil. No at all,
Speaker 3: although it does help.
Speaker 5: Get your mego threes now that we're talking about it,
Speaker 5: get true fatty acid, get your fatty as.
Speaker 1: That's my favorite dog, Stephen. You sent a picture of
Speaker 1: that during Thanksgiving.
Speaker 3: I get to hang out with love those dogs collapse
Speaker 3: with prints. Sounds like a drummer based front.
Speaker 1: Lady, Oh My God album nineteen eighty seven.
Speaker 3: It's walk that Miami Streets dog down to Miami Streets
Speaker 3: God ship.
Speaker 1: Now, whose dog was that, Susan.
Speaker 6: It was my sister's friend's dog. He's two years old.
Speaker 6: I can't remember the name off the top of my head.
Speaker 1: Yes, there we go, hitters, let's throw out some possible names.
Speaker 1: It was like.
Speaker 3: It was like Brita or Para or something like that.
Speaker 1: But Joe Parah talks with you. Yes, it was Joe Perry,
Speaker 1: actually Perry the guitar. Yes. The dog though, was very
Speaker 1: It was very.
Speaker 6: Interesting because are like known for being kind of anti
Speaker 6: social dogs. So the other there's three other dogs there,
Speaker 6: like a border Collie and a sweet labradoodle, and they
Speaker 6: didn't like that. She knew. It was kind of like
Speaker 6: didn't know how to interact with them. It was very
Speaker 6: it was very funny.
Speaker 3: She'd like you could have a a dog podcast podcast.
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe we'll switch it because.
Speaker 3: I've just become a dog man. Oh did you get
Speaker 3: a dog just today?
Speaker 9: When just emotionally, you know, I've learned to like kids
Speaker 9: and dogs worry about each of them when they're in
Speaker 9: the room together because one, I don't know, if you
Speaker 9: know this can unexpectedly bite.
Speaker 3: The other's face off.
Speaker 4: No, and people are going to make excuse for the
Speaker 4: one that did it. You want to take a guess
Speaker 4: which one took the it's the dog. Dogs bite baby's
Speaker 4: faces all the time, and then dog owners go, oh, well,
Speaker 4: the baby made a sudden movement.
Speaker 1: The baby did it. The baby wanted it is what
Speaker 1: people say.
Speaker 4: It's there's nothing that bothers me more than people making excuse.
Speaker 4: You know, well, actually, cats, I'll scratch a baby too.
Speaker 5: I've told you probably several times about the story where
Speaker 5: my cat took a swipe at my niece when she
Speaker 5: was a year and a half because he was hiding
Speaker 5: behind a mattress that was leaned up against a wall,
Speaker 5: and she stuck her little almost two year old head
Speaker 5: in the crevice that it created. Like the little tent
Speaker 5: space that created, and right as the cat's claws were
Speaker 5: coming across the baby's eyes, Pete walked up and picked
Speaker 5: her up, and so he literally watched the cat's claws
Speaker 5: like go like that as he yanked her back, her
Speaker 5: face away from the from the.
Speaker 3: Cat, and Pete did it knowing that that was happening.
Speaker 5: He saw her down on the ground and was like,
Speaker 5: if that cat's in there, this is bad news. And
Speaker 5: he went and got her preemptively and rightfully.
Speaker 4: So that gave me the same feeling, you know of
Speaker 4: thinking about it how a paper kind occurs.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like that awful, But everything turned out great.
Speaker 4: One time we were here and we were talking about
Speaker 4: your uncle weather short cigarette pointing at something.
Speaker 1: It was at this corner. Is it my uncle Steve's story?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah those really days.
Speaker 1: We're driving straight into a black rain cloud. It is.
Speaker 1: This does not look good. No, this is like this
Speaker 1: is like a scene from Twister.
Speaker 5: Stephen, will you having my glasses? This is about to
Speaker 5: fucking get real.
Speaker 1: How we doing on time?
Speaker 6: Soon?
Speaker 3: We're at an hour twenty?
Speaker 1: Oh wow.
Speaker 3: We are a self indulgent asshole.
Speaker 1: We really are. Let's wrap it down, but let's wrap
Speaker 1: it up.
Speaker 3: How about that.
Speaker 1: Whichever way you want to do, let's wrap it, sid,
Speaker 1: let's wrap it. Let's wrap it, wrap it up.
Speaker 3: Well, we were just making up for the break, Yes,
Speaker 3: and uh, this was this felt good.
Speaker 1: I'm excited.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's going to be so good that and if
Speaker 4: your first fame listener, think you're gonna love it. And again,
Speaker 4: go back to the old episodes because some of these
Speaker 4: stories that we can't tell anymore.
Speaker 5: There's some bad sound in those old episodes. Get in there,
Speaker 5: really drink into the static.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's one of the best new things about the
Speaker 4: new season. Season, let's just call a season. Okay, that's
Speaker 4: exactly right.
Speaker 5: Uh.
Speaker 4: Provided by mid Roll via Stitcher. You might be listening
Speaker 4: because you heard about us on a rolling Stone, which
Speaker 4: used to be a song and then a band and
Speaker 4: then a magazine and now a website.
Speaker 3: You are listening to do your need to ride?
Speaker 1: D U I N A R. Are you leaving? I
Speaker 1: you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be.
Speaker 2: There, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim, and give
Speaker 2: us time and a termino and gay we.
Speaker 1: Want to send you off instart. You want to welcome
Speaker 1: you back home.
Speaker 2: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared her.
Speaker 2: Was it fine, Malborn?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need a ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride? Do you need.
Speaker 1: With Karen and chriss mm hmmm