Speaker 1: Hi, Hi, how are you. It's been so long.
Speaker 2: I know I was excited, so like, what is it now?
Speaker 2: What is the overall?
Speaker 1: I think it's lifestyle. I think it's overall, you know,
Speaker 1: speaking to predominantly young women, and I never call myself
Speaker 1: a dating expert. It's not that I think that people
Speaker 1: come to me because I've figured out a way to
Speaker 1: be pretty happy being single, and more and more women
Speaker 1: are waiting to settle down. There's a record number of
Speaker 1: women who are over thirty who are single. There's a
Speaker 1: record number of women over thirty who have bought homes
Speaker 1: by themselves. So we are in this new era and
Speaker 1: it's exciting, but it's also a little uncomfortable for a
Speaker 1: lot of young women because they're like, but wait, everyone
Speaker 1: told me I have to get married, but I'm not
Speaker 1: really ready yet. I'm kind of working on myself.
Speaker 3: There's a thing with women at many ages, like there's
Speaker 3: a defensiveness about I don't need a man, Like it's okay, true,
Speaker 3: but it's a defensiveness about it that feels like you're
Speaker 3: not being totally honest, Like you're that person that's how
Speaker 3: do I explain it? Like you're making an excuse and
Speaker 3: being defensive because you can't get a man when there
Speaker 3: are so many people now that I'm realizing too don't
Speaker 3: want a man, like don't want a man. This is
Speaker 3: an weird age where I'm shocked by myself. I don't
Speaker 3: recognize myself because I'm like, I don't like it's weird,
Speaker 3: and I don't think about men really that much.
Speaker 2: Like I'll go on a date with.
Speaker 3: A major guy like could be a billionaire, good looking, successful, amazing,
Speaker 3: likes me, and I like kind of won't give a shit,
Speaker 3: like I forget if I texted him back, Like that's
Speaker 3: not my personality. That's a Kristin Cavalary on the Hills personality,
Speaker 3: Like I don't what the fuck is going on, but
Speaker 3: I just I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's just like old you're happy, you have a great life,
Speaker 1: Like it's nice. Now it's like if you find someone
Speaker 1: who is like the moon and stars and they make
Speaker 1: your life better and they it's like and it's an
Speaker 1: add on, then great. But if not, you're good, which
Speaker 1: is like an amazing place to get It's.
Speaker 3: Something people talk about, but to get it in your body.
Speaker 3: It feels like the ozembic of dating, Like yeah, it happens,
Speaker 3: and I.
Speaker 2: Think it's kind of almost like a cleanse.
Speaker 3: Okay, it happened to me where there was someone that
Speaker 3: I was still like thinking about, not thinking about, but
Speaker 3: it becomes like food noise. It's noisy, but the person
Speaker 3: doesn't make you feel good. You don't really like them.
Speaker 3: You're just like in this habitual thing and when you cleanse,
Speaker 3: and that's why I think it was like Kate Hudson
Speaker 3: who talked about a year with that dating which sounds crazy,
Speaker 3: or people that have these things, it could be two
Speaker 3: weeks no contact. The cleansing of it, it clears your
Speaker 3: mind and it's like it's like the way that people
Speaker 3: cleanse out sugar or something, and then you're just like, wait,
Speaker 3: I actually don't even think I need that thing. So
Speaker 3: I think that's a very interesting concept that's honestly new
Speaker 3: to me.
Speaker 2: And I'm way older than you.
Speaker 1: I would like to fall in love, I really would,
Speaker 1: but I'm also refused to settle. I've seen so many
Speaker 1: women in my own life and just in the greater world,
Speaker 1: like have their lives derailed by because they were like
Speaker 1: I'm in my thirties and I've got to do this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't feel that I genuinely it took me a
Speaker 1: long time. I talk about getting over the hump, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't say. Only in the past year have I genuinely
Speaker 1: got over the hump. I think before maybe I was
Speaker 1: like lying a little bit. It's to your point, exactly
Speaker 1: what you've said, defensive a little bit like, well, I'm
Speaker 1: fine if I don't. I would love to be in love.
Speaker 1: I love being in love. I'm obsessed with it. It's
Speaker 1: the best feeling, obviously. But if it's not great, if
Speaker 1: he's not adding to my life, then I don't need it.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna sit across the table from a boring guy.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna have a guy who's intimidated by me
Speaker 1: and my ambition. I'm not gonna. I'm just not like,
Speaker 1: I rate this too short, like I'm good, Like I'm
Speaker 1: good until I meet someone great, which I want to.
Speaker 3: If you don't love it, you don't like it. But
Speaker 3: here's the thing. You haven't hit the witching hour. The
Speaker 3: witching hour is thirty seven and thirty eight, so you
Speaker 3: don't have to pay serious attention to the witching hour.
Speaker 3: The witching hour is thirty seven and thirty eight because
Speaker 3: that's like, you're close to forty. That's the clock, that's
Speaker 3: the real, that's the real. That's when the fucking rubber
Speaker 3: meets the road. And that's when I made my I
Speaker 3: don't want to say I have the most beautiful daughter
Speaker 3: in the world, but that's when I made a fatal era,
Speaker 3: the ultimate of settling, and the same type of logic
Speaker 3: of the settling of the settlings before, the same logic
Speaker 3: about how much someone loves you more than you love
Speaker 3: them and you'll never find someone who loves you this much,
Speaker 3: and the logic and what everyone else says, and this
Speaker 3: person's so night and all the things. It's that you
Speaker 3: don't love it, you don't like it. You'll be on
Speaker 3: this podcast before them. But hopefully when you're thirty seven,
Speaker 3: then we'll talk about the Witching hour and you'll probably
Speaker 3: be in a relationship and I probably will too, but
Speaker 3: if we're h you never know. But I like that
Speaker 3: that's a pocket for you. I like that that's an
Speaker 3: interesting pocket. And it's funny because I'm talking about the
Speaker 3: same thing but to a woman in a different pocket,
Speaker 3: meaning like people your age and younger, So like there's
Speaker 3: a guy that is an extraordinarily smart, a successful, tall
Speaker 3: like man about town let's say many towns, right, And
Speaker 3: I can tell that he's used to girls your age
Speaker 3: who are impressed by all this stuff and they want
Speaker 3: They're dangling around, texting back and like panting, even if
Speaker 3: they're trying to pretend they're not panting, is an energetic
Speaker 3: panting because they want the bag and the paying for
Speaker 3: something and maybe the boobs, and like I could tell
Speaker 3: that they're like shocked, like you think you're gonna text
Speaker 3: me I had a nice time, and then two days later,
Speaker 3: maybe you'll text me again and be like, when are
Speaker 3: you coming back from wherever? And then I tell you
Speaker 3: when I'm coming back from whatever, Like now we're pam pals,
Speaker 3: like get the fuck out of here. I don't need
Speaker 3: your chanel, dumb bat, like go cook to a thirty
Speaker 3: seven year old. But the problem is he's gonna be
Speaker 3: like with the thirty seven year old who's like begging
Speaker 3: for a baby, and he doesn't want that. And the
Speaker 3: forty seven year old has two babies, so now he's
Speaker 3: fucking stuck with me.
Speaker 2: And I talk about shit like that.
Speaker 3: Because it's the phases and stages that are very, very different,
Speaker 3: and it's why young women have to work and have
Speaker 3: their own money.
Speaker 2: They can be stay at home moms.
Speaker 3: They could do whatever the fuck they want, but they
Speaker 3: have to because the man that I'm going out to night,
Speaker 3: the person who set us up, said to me, the
Speaker 3: last person was the person that would call them that
Speaker 3: they would go in to dinner and would say can
Speaker 3: we stop at this you know, high end store before
Speaker 3: because and make the guy pity?
Speaker 1: Okay, but because you believe that that is not in
Speaker 1: my DNA. And I'm not trying to be high and
Speaker 1: mighty holier than now. I'm really not, because I'm all
Speaker 1: about girls getting their bag anyway.
Speaker 2: I literal bag. Oh.
Speaker 1: One thing I wanted to ask you about actually what
Speaker 1: you have so much energy? You're very dominant, you know
Speaker 1: exactly what you want. Like, have you found that difficult
Speaker 1: in dating, because like I've been told by several people
Speaker 1: that I I'm like almost it's a lot masculine like
Speaker 1: or something, but like I don't know how to change.
Speaker 3: It and.
Speaker 2: Absolutely not.
Speaker 1: But everyone's like get into your feminine energy, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't know how because I've always like saved myself,
Speaker 1: Like I've always just been like take I'm my own life, right.
Speaker 2: I've got it. I got it. I got your answer.
Speaker 2: They like to save us, but I keep got your answered.
Speaker 2: No tell me, no, it's not okay, so.
Speaker 3: Zach, I'll give you the script because I am there's
Speaker 3: I will say this with I will take on any
Speaker 3: supermodel for like getting met like I'm not I've never
Speaker 3: had a problem getting meant if I had a problem
Speaker 3: sustaining because maybe I run or maybe I picked the
Speaker 3: wrong men or whatever, it is, like, that's what we
Speaker 3: can unpack that in another session. But I'm not, like,
Speaker 3: I'm not stuttering when I say this. I'm good at
Speaker 3: so man going out to dinner with suggests striving a
Speaker 3: distance to come to me versus the opposite. And I've
Speaker 3: seen many others do it another way. And it's like no,
Speaker 3: but so this person is and I didn't demand it.
Speaker 3: This person is doing it, which is just a sign.
Speaker 3: It means okay, that's who that person is. And that's
Speaker 3: part of the whole program that you got a bank,
Speaker 3: because every single thing does matter and is the baigest
Speaker 3: of blushes of Pink's flags.
Speaker 2: So then says what time?
Speaker 3: He said, any time works And I said, right, well,
Speaker 3: I want to make sure that you're coming at a
Speaker 3: time that you're not going to get hit by a
Speaker 3: lot of traffic. And I reiterated that a few times.
Speaker 3: So that's caring, that's considerate, that's caring. It happened again
Speaker 3: in Florida. Someone was driving two hours to come take
Speaker 3: me to dinner. And this was a major bag alert
Speaker 3: guy and the same thing. And I was like, right,
Speaker 3: but I really I could meet you halfway. I really
Speaker 3: don't think you should be drug like and they mentioned
Speaker 3: five times each like how that was so considerate or
Speaker 3: like you're dying.
Speaker 2: You know the restaurant they've picked as shit.
Speaker 3: So you could be like, no, that sounds great and
Speaker 3: if you're if you want to go there, amazing. I
Speaker 3: you know, I know that Janine's next door is also
Speaker 3: very lovely. But really what I wanted, whatever you want
Speaker 3: to do, like, that's your feminine energy.
Speaker 2: It's just the consideration and the pleasing.
Speaker 3: And they are used to smash and grab and women
Speaker 3: either nag or I'm.
Speaker 1: Used to being like that restaurant sucks. You want me
Speaker 1: to fix it for you, and I like, I need
Speaker 1: to stop because but you.
Speaker 3: Don't need to be not opinionated at dinner, and you
Speaker 3: don't need I would say, talking about work should come
Speaker 3: when you're in the talking about work section. Yeah, and
Speaker 3: the mic has to be passed and really get a
Speaker 3: lot out about them and a lot get it all
Speaker 3: and really talk to them about their business because it's
Speaker 3: very interesting. The major bagg or Miami guy, I found
Speaker 3: him like going on and like asking me a thousand
Speaker 3: questions because we've been talking about him for an hour
Speaker 3: and a half. And I really don't like talking about myself.
Speaker 3: So I was like, I get in, and I get in,
Speaker 3: and I just like get out, and I want to
Speaker 3: keep it on them to the point where he was
Speaker 3: like begging me to talk all about myself. So you
Speaker 3: have to just like let the butter melt and it
Speaker 3: will happen. And younger women, because when I was your age,
Speaker 3: want somehow for the other person to like really know
Speaker 3: who they are. They really and energy shows who you are,
Speaker 3: Like energy is who you are. Women want men to
Speaker 3: like they want men to know how fucked up their
Speaker 3: lives where even if it's subtle or how bamboozled they were,
Speaker 3: or how sweet they are, or how they want to they.
Speaker 2: Just intrinsically.
Speaker 3: You want to cram it all in on the first
Speaker 3: and you just just chill and let the butter fucking melt.
Speaker 3: They know, they know, And yes, you're definitely good at
Speaker 3: being flirty and feminine, and you wear the flirty outfit
Speaker 3: on the first day, and you cosplay the flirty and
Speaker 3: that's the feminine. It's just not coming in and like
Speaker 3: taking over because their ex wife was doing that and
Speaker 3: their ex girlfriend was nagging them and they weren't having
Speaker 3: a conversation that's intelligent about what they do for a living,
Speaker 3: and it's not about how smart.
Speaker 2: And I am like this too.
Speaker 3: I want them to know how smart I am, because
Speaker 3: I'm smart and most women are. It's not they know,
Speaker 3: they'll know, and the subtleties of your vocabulary and the
Speaker 3: way that you're talking about what they're doing that will
Speaker 3: make you seem smart.
Speaker 2: It doesn't need to all jammed in.
Speaker 1: Crazy good advice. That is my nugget that I'm taking
Speaker 1: from you this time. That no, that is really good
Speaker 1: because I think like I've surpassed that you're so on
Speaker 1: the money about young girls. They're like they want to
Speaker 1: say things to say how sweet they are and I've
Speaker 1: I've left all of it, but I have the same
Speaker 1: thing where I'm like, I need this guy to know
Speaker 1: I'm smart and I have my own shit going on,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, you're right, energy does it? Energy does it?
Speaker 3: You don't need to And it's confidence and it's calm,
Speaker 3: so right, And that's the part that is masculine, Like
Speaker 3: that is the part that doesn't need to be.
Speaker 2: It gets through.
Speaker 3: It gets through, and talking about a recipe it gets through,
Speaker 3: and talking about molecular gastronomy, it comes through.
Speaker 2: There's an assistant that I have that just started. She's
Speaker 2: twenty four.
Speaker 3: She's said ten words at a dinner last night, but like,
Speaker 3: I know she's smart because of two of the words,
Speaker 3: like right, if she didn't shut the fuck up, I
Speaker 3: would have thought she was stupid.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Where is dating better for you? Miami or
Speaker 1: New York.
Speaker 3: It's all the same because it's the same person. It's
Speaker 3: the same person that's running in the same circles. And also,
Speaker 3: like the other thing is like you really gotta be okay,
Speaker 3: So women sit here and talk about this and again
Speaker 3: this is like it took me to this age and
Speaker 3: my calling is like is like to like I'm talking
Speaker 3: to the moms, but it's really a lot of the
Speaker 3: young girls.
Speaker 2: I didn't know so many young girls watch me. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I'll me. Sixteen year olds would be like, I'm like,
Speaker 2: why am I your aunt? I made that up?
Speaker 3: They're like, no, You're just the only one telling the truth.
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, I thought it was your Like crazy ant.
Speaker 3: You're just a person. You're not a man a woman.
Speaker 3: You're not old, you're not young.
Speaker 2: You're just that.
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, so another thing that was going on
Speaker 3: with me for forever is like the resume, it's the
Speaker 3: grout and it's not the tiles that is important. So
Speaker 3: it's not the like the height, the thing, all these
Speaker 3: things that yes, kind of matter, but it's the way
Speaker 3: the person migrates, Okay, the way they migrate their patterns.
Speaker 3: Like in other words, some people want to say at
Speaker 3: the Aman in turks and Kicos, which is forty minutes
Speaker 3: from the town, I'd rather stay at a slightly less
Speaker 3: nice hotel to be near the coffee and the walking
Speaker 3: in and the walking up, because I'm not that social.
Speaker 3: And an aspin I like asp and you'd think I'm
Speaker 3: so social. It's because when I go I feel like
Speaker 3: I get to do something by just walking into town
Speaker 3: or right, and some people are the want to stay
Speaker 3: at the remote or some people like it's it's who's
Speaker 3: to like wake up at seven in the morning and
Speaker 3: do the hike. Person like, you gotta be honest about
Speaker 3: your honest patterns and cadence. Right, Let's say someone lives
Speaker 3: in a certain city. It does it's not about the city,
Speaker 3: but it's about like they like the type that like
Speaker 3: belongs to a sailing club and they're like a little
Speaker 3: like stoic, waspy. They don't show their feel like that's
Speaker 3: an essence more than like the action resume, and you
Speaker 3: have to pay attention to the in between more than
Speaker 3: the big because that's what you're doing every day.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that a lot too. I know. That's
Speaker 1: why I think dating apps are not really working for
Speaker 1: people anymore, because now it's like it's so boiled down
Speaker 1: to just a few pictures and like three words and
Speaker 1: that's the resume. And it's like you don't know how
Speaker 1: someone laughs. You don't know someone until you hear them
Speaker 1: order a drink, until you see how they like order
Speaker 1: for the table or whatever whatever they say, Like you
Speaker 1: really need to be around someone to get their essence.
Speaker 1: And just looking at someone, Oh he's six to two,
Speaker 1: Oh he's this, he went here, like it doesn't really,
Speaker 1: it's it's so hard to know if there's a vibe.
Speaker 3: It's the essence, it's the alchemy, it's that. Yeah, and
Speaker 3: this is another thing I think is interesting, Like and
Speaker 3: I found.
Speaker 2: Myself doing it too.
Speaker 3: You'll you'll all judge, Like it was the shoe, it
Speaker 3: was the couch, it was the thing I saw behind
Speaker 3: them in the house. It was the teeth, it was
Speaker 3: the whate and like someone says, someone that's very smart,
Speaker 3: that's very experienced, said to me, under new management, that
Speaker 3: will change, like under new management, And I thought, Tinks,
Speaker 3: I gotta talk to Tinks about this because it was
Speaker 3: extremely recent, right, like.
Speaker 1: Shut the fuck, shut the fuck you. I'm so bad though,
Speaker 1: I'm judge, Judy, I know I see something and I
Speaker 1: just ough. But you're right, you're right, your friend is right. Yes,
Speaker 1: under new management, it can it can all change. And
Speaker 1: sometimes we've all seen a guy who we passed on,
Speaker 1: whatever we thought he was whatever, he gets with a
Speaker 1: really hot girl and then you're like, oh wait, did
Speaker 1: I whoa And she refurbishes him period.
Speaker 3: He's like where she's imported him from, like a suburb
Speaker 3: where they didn't know women existed, and she's like a
Speaker 3: seven and he's a nine and she's turned him into
Speaker 3: who he needs to be.
Speaker 2: She took a fucking import. Yeah.
Speaker 3: The importing is, Yeah, you go to a city where
Speaker 3: it's not like going that good over there, and you
Speaker 3: get a guy who doesn't know anything, but he's like
Speaker 3: smart and has money, and you bring him over and
Speaker 3: you put him in some good clothes and shine that
Speaker 3: ship up.
Speaker 1: Import exactly. That's import. That's very good. Imports and refurbishments. Yeah, yeah, right,
Speaker 1: and refurbishment. It can happen as if I need another job,
Speaker 1: but yes.
Speaker 3: No, but I've looked at people that are super super
Speaker 3: successful and like and also sometimes you didn't know, like
Speaker 3: you didn't know who they were, and then you see
Speaker 3: that it's like your guy that you trained on the
Speaker 3: next girl, how about that you're welcome for your boyfriend
Speaker 3: my assistance.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, some of the I know some of
Speaker 1: the work that I've done, and they're they're out there,
Speaker 1: the girls like I need a fruit basket from these
Speaker 1: girls out there, Like I did all this work, Like
Speaker 1: these guys are in therapy now, like they're not wearing
Speaker 1: skinny jeans like.
Speaker 3: Thank you card, Like, no, it's I guess it's a
Speaker 3: community thing and we're all doing.
Speaker 2: It for each other.
Speaker 1: We're all doing it for each other. Yeah, I guess
Speaker 1: it's a pay it forward. Have you ever DMD a guy?
Speaker 1: Have you ever like thought a guy was cute and
Speaker 1: just gone for it?
Speaker 3: No, I'm such a big game hunter now. I love
Speaker 3: that it's go big or go home. I'm such a
Speaker 3: big game hunter because of just institutional knowledge of it
Speaker 3: not working otherwise that it makes it really simple. And
Speaker 3: if someone's not smart, if someone's not philanthropic, if someone's
Speaker 3: not educated, if someone isn't wealthy and successful and like additive,
Speaker 3: or we'd be a good puzzle. You know, a certain
Speaker 3: type of parent, you know I've dealt with. But I mean,
Speaker 3: but by the same token, I was out with a
Speaker 3: very successful man and he was rude to a weight staff.
Speaker 3: I stood up mid meal and walked and walked out
Speaker 3: in like a major guy, Like I don't play games
Speaker 3: with like rudeness or ex crazy wives or situations with
Speaker 3: an X that's on drugs and you got custody of
Speaker 3: the kids and some drama. Like there's a lot of
Speaker 3: I don't deal with any anything. So the thing is
Speaker 3: it's very specific. So I'm usually set up because someone
Speaker 3: has like vetted someone. I used to not be like
Speaker 3: this at all. This is a last couple of year thing.
Speaker 3: But I'm not playing any games for the most part.
Speaker 3: There are some exceptions, but I don't want to waste
Speaker 3: any time away from my daughter, and I'm only going
Speaker 3: out if I really think it's someone who's superb. I'm not,
Speaker 3: but you're young. I didn't do that at that age,
Speaker 3: but maybe I would have been better if I did
Speaker 3: do that a little bit more. Yeah, because you waste
Speaker 3: some time, Like if you're getting into the Witching Hour
Speaker 3: in the next four years, you don't want to waste
Speaker 3: time either. You want a quality versus quantity model at
Speaker 3: your age twenty four, do whatever you want, twenty seven,
Speaker 3: twenty eight, great, getting into the thirty five, thirty six,
Speaker 3: thirty seven, I think, yeah, you've got to be a
Speaker 3: little more discerning because you're flapping your wings and wasting
Speaker 3: your time, getting exhausted and then you're full and you
Speaker 3: don't want to go back to the buffet when there
Speaker 3: could be something at the end of the buffet.
Speaker 2: So you wait for the good entrees.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'll wait, I'm waiting. I'm good.
Speaker 3: Know what I mean, Like, be discerning, take a little
Speaker 3: more time, and like, same as your business, go deeper, right, deeper, letter,
Speaker 3: you go deeper than just like shooting fish in a barrel.
Speaker 3: But then have the nights that are really fun and wild.
Speaker 3: Those are magical nights. I'm not saying for you to
Speaker 3: be like you know, in a corporate CEO of dating,
Speaker 3: but a little bit of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, okay, a.
Speaker 2: Bit of it.
Speaker 1: I do a great Yeah, No, I do. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Oh okay. So let's talk about this.
Speaker 3: Let's talk about let's talk about pen pal texting styles.
Speaker 3: This happens at all ages. These men are morons.
Speaker 1: They just want to text, and it's like, why are
Speaker 1: you here, dah, And I'm like, that's what you call
Speaker 1: bread crumbing, right, I call it pen paling. If we're
Speaker 1: just always too yeah and we never meet up, you're
Speaker 1: my pen pal for me. I'm like, let's make a
Speaker 1: plan to hang out. If we're actively dating, that's a
Speaker 1: different thing we're calling we're texting. But if we're not
Speaker 1: actively hanging out. Stop texting me all this asinine shit,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 3: Okay, so wait a second, slow this down because I
Speaker 3: call it penpal intwo. You know my personality, and you
Speaker 3: know I've said, like I'm about to say it to
Speaker 3: the other guy. Maybe like I'm not the right Like
Speaker 3: let's let's either get meet in person or like piece
Speaker 3: the fuck out, like you know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 3: so let's hear what you do. So how many you
Speaker 3: go out with Joe last night? He texts you afterwards
Speaker 3: that was really nice? Is that like probably something that
Speaker 3: could happen.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I don't know, Bethany.
Speaker 2: I am so like, I'm so wait a minute, when
Speaker 2: you go out last night?
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, he would say he would say that. But
Speaker 1: either I'm like obsessed with him or I like never
Speaker 1: want to see him again. I'm so decisive.
Speaker 2: So great, No, but so you're obsessed with him.
Speaker 1: But I think that you you are writing the message
Speaker 1: you're saying everybody needs to hear because I think what
Speaker 1: happens to a lot of young people today is they'll
Speaker 1: go in the apps, they'll match with someone and you
Speaker 1: wouldn't believe this because it's not your personality. But people
Speaker 1: get stuck talking for three, four or five weeks without
Speaker 1: ever having met up.
Speaker 2: They're losers. They're all losers.
Speaker 1: They're talking, they're asking each other like, oh, like, how
Speaker 1: is your weekend? And it's like, for me, if I've
Speaker 1: never met someone, I actually don't care how their weekend was,
Speaker 1: So that's a hard question to ask, like.
Speaker 2: They're a stranger.
Speaker 1: This is the thing with social media and with these
Speaker 1: apps is it creates this false sense of closeness and
Speaker 1: it's a really big problem for young people. So I
Speaker 1: think it's important that you're saying this because young people
Speaker 1: do listen to you about the dating stuff and it's
Speaker 1: like you can't do that. You got to say like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm down to meet up for drinks, you know, because
Speaker 1: people have a hard time being straightforward sometimes. I understand
Speaker 1: that everybody's different, but I think an easy way to
Speaker 1: say it is like you just say, oh, well, you know,
Speaker 1: it's I'm free Thursday. Why don't we meet for a drink?
Speaker 1: Just fucking say it. And if they, you know, wobble
Speaker 1: and they say, oh.
Speaker 2: I don't know, let's get let's slow this down. Oh
Speaker 2: this is serious.
Speaker 3: This is more serious than I thought, Okay, this happened
Speaker 3: to me, and this was an ungettable guy. Okay, so
Speaker 3: that's why I'm going back. Okay, this is an this
Speaker 3: was an ungettable player guy. Okay, but I and I
Speaker 3: didn't know that until later. Because sometimes someone's really good
Speaker 3: looking to be like, I don't notice that. I can't
Speaker 3: explain it. I think they're fine, but like everyone else
Speaker 3: thinks they're such a big deal. This has happened. Then
Speaker 3: this happened years ago. I was in a relationship with
Speaker 3: someone who had never had a girlfriend, and he was
Speaker 3: like the guy and it was the same. They're two
Speaker 3: different dynamics, but they're similar. So this guy texted back
Speaker 3: and forth and I just dropped the ball completely. He
Speaker 3: had said what he wanted to. We were in a
Speaker 3: FaceTime and then it never happened. And then he said
Speaker 3: he was coming out to the Hamptons, and then he
Speaker 3: came and he texted me and he basically said something.
Speaker 3: I think his daughter was a fan. I mean, I
Speaker 3: know this, but I'm trying to like not make it.
Speaker 3: Some people know who he was. His daughter was a fan.
Speaker 3: And he texts me, Oh, he starts the new text
Speaker 3: exchange something about im and my daughter's craving chicken salad
Speaker 3: or something, and I'm like, oh, so I'm now I
Speaker 3: realize the daughter is a fan. So he says something
Speaker 3: about cute. That's very cute, loved it, No, perfect, We're great.
Speaker 3: Then he says, well, if you want to get together,
Speaker 3: et cetera, but this night, I could come alone or
Speaker 3: I could bring my daughter. And now it's not about
Speaker 3: the content. I said, are you interested in a friend
Speaker 3: or are you interested in dating?
Speaker 2: Dating?
Speaker 3: I'm like, great, because I don't usually go on dates
Speaker 3: of people's children, So like I like did that and
Speaker 3: then like it reset the fucking train on the track. Okay,
Speaker 3: it's not about the content about what. It's about how
Speaker 3: I just took a moment to figure out how to
Speaker 3: slice through. And it happened years ago with a guy
Speaker 3: that it was like the same, like call you, I'll
Speaker 3: text you, We're gonna go out Tuesday.
Speaker 2: Then it's Saturday.
Speaker 3: Actually, then it was Saturday, and I didn't hear from
Speaker 3: him til four four thirty. I wasn't sure we'd been out,
Speaker 3: like four or five times, we had slept together, like
Speaker 3: I liked him, but it's like every time it was
Speaker 3: two steps forward, four steps back, two steps forward. So
Speaker 3: that day I was like, Hi, I need to be evolving.
Speaker 3: I don't need to get married. I don't need to
Speaker 3: have a ring on my face. I need to be
Speaker 3: evolving in all areas of my life, in work, in relationship.
Speaker 3: And he was like, I've never had a serious girlfriend.
Speaker 3: I don't want something serious. I go, great, then call it,
Speaker 3: call the fight. He goes, well, wait, but but we
Speaker 3: could go right, No, call it. This is what I said.
Speaker 3: The point is then we were together for two years.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a moment where this is like, I don't
Speaker 3: need to be dicking around. And so this moment with
Speaker 3: the guy from Florida, and trust me, it'll get that
Speaker 3: train fucking right on the tracks because they're scared too.
Speaker 3: They're as insecure as we are. They're big losers like
Speaker 3: we are. So this guy, when I say hi, being
Speaker 3: a penpal is touching story and adorable, but like I'm
Speaker 3: kind of a meet a person or you know, I'll
Speaker 3: see you want to see it kind of goal.
Speaker 1: I love that. Or this guy will run away and
Speaker 1: that's great and that's fine because then you know, yeah, then.
Speaker 3: You heard, yeah here we did. So you don't need
Speaker 3: to be in purgatory at all. And when you get
Speaker 3: home from that date, you say to the guy, that's
Speaker 3: your feminine I had a really nice time tonight because
Speaker 3: they spent money. Yeah, but you say it. Girls are
Speaker 3: always waiting. We're all sitting around with our hands out
Speaker 3: waiting as if we just deserve everything, and we do.
Speaker 3: But they're people too. You do it once though, now
Speaker 3: it's up to you. You don't text me tomorrow, and
Speaker 3: now we're fighting.
Speaker 1: Then yeah, then you know right? Yeah, No, I think
Speaker 1: that's absolutely right. I'm a big fan of just like
Speaker 1: figuring it out, like getting you know, just saying the
Speaker 1: thing and being like, hey, what are we doing? Because
Speaker 1: I just like I don't want to waste time like
Speaker 1: and also I'm I'm a shoot from the hip kind
Speaker 1: of gal. I just like I like to get it
Speaker 1: out there. So I think that's great advice.
Speaker 2: But I think it's the energy too.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: That guy Joey Zazig who does the relationship stuff, how
Speaker 3: he did a post and he wrote on it something
Speaker 3: like like I'm texting you right now. I'm not waiting,
Speaker 3: I'm not playing games, and like he told the guy
Speaker 3: and I was like, am I comments I go be that.
Speaker 3: You don't need to say that totally be that if
Speaker 3: someone texts you eight hours later every time I don't
Speaker 3: agree in the game playing match, that energy you text me.
Speaker 3: Steve Cohen, Mark Cuban. Billionaires that I know that are
Speaker 3: leaders of industry, they text immediately back, all of them.
Speaker 3: I'm not about game playing, but it's not even that
Speaker 3: you're not too fucking busy. The smartest people I know
Speaker 3: are texting right back. So if the guy doesn't text
Speaker 3: back every time for eight hours, that's not the guy
Speaker 3: for you have to retrain him.
Speaker 2: He's a loser. Now your guy, he's a loser.
Speaker 1: That is the good part about being in my thirties
Speaker 1: is like I don't I don't allow for any of
Speaker 1: that shit. I'm just like, oh, you're not texting me back, okay,
Speaker 1: you don't like me? Like I'm good. Like you just
Speaker 1: are a little bit more self aware and it's a
Speaker 1: lot more free because in my twenties I was like, oh, yeah, wait,
Speaker 1: eight eight hours for text why not? I yeah, twelve hours,
Speaker 1: make it three days, like I'll wait a wow, my phone.
Speaker 1: And now I'm like, you know, when a guy likes you,
Speaker 1: like they're texting you, they're like, when's the next day?
Speaker 1: Let me take you out, like you know. So it's
Speaker 1: just like allow yourself to have that realization and only
Speaker 1: hang with people who like you. It's not that not
Speaker 1: that company.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not that often that there's a course correct.
Speaker 3: Like even those guys that I had to do that with,
Speaker 3: we knew that they kind of liked you in some.
Speaker 2: Way, in some way. It's not.
Speaker 3: You can't make a dog a cat, But you also
Speaker 3: don't need to alienate, Like you can keep them where
Speaker 3: they're on the burner where why would you shut options down?
Speaker 3: I think a lot of girls do that too. They
Speaker 3: get drunk, they do something, they shut it down completely,
Speaker 3: Like it's okay to say something and be a little direct,
Speaker 3: but you haven't completely burned the house down.
Speaker 2: There's no reason.
Speaker 1: You never know, Yeah, you never know. Yeah, And that's
Speaker 1: something that I'm actually learning. I can be a bit
Speaker 1: black and white with things. I can be like, oh, like,
Speaker 1: well he did this thing, you know whatever, And honestly,
Speaker 1: recently I've been like, to your point, keep them around,
Speaker 1: maybe you'll come back, Maybe I'll need to go for
Speaker 1: drinks in a couple of weeks. Maybe just keep them around.
Speaker 1: I'm doing it and I love.
Speaker 3: It, and you should do that with ex boyfriends. And
Speaker 3: you should have a Viking stove and something should be
Speaker 3: on simmer, and somebody should be on boil, and somebody
Speaker 3: should be taken off the stove. You have a six
Speaker 3: burner Viking stove, and it's.
Speaker 1: I have a six burner Viking stove. That is that
Speaker 1: is iconic. And that's that's what I'm keeping up here.
Speaker 2: One hundred percent.
Speaker 1: I've gotten a lot out of this episode. This is
Speaker 1: what I came in wanting a lot, and I got
Speaker 1: a lot.
Speaker 3: So I wait, but the last thing about you being Wait,
Speaker 3: you just said something and it's about your age and
Speaker 3: about saying oh, the most important thing you said is
Speaker 3: like you don't like me. It's okay, Like, think about
Speaker 3: the opposite. Think about how many good looking, smart, successful,
Speaker 3: funny guys that you that dress well that you just
Speaker 3: don't like. Yeah, I'm at this really handsome doctor recently,
Speaker 3: like a surgeon, like so good looking, so poised, so educated,
Speaker 3: so everything. I just I don't know why it didn't vibe,
Speaker 3: but so like that could be the opp Its doesn't
Speaker 3: mean you're not pretty. It doesn't mean you're not attractive.
Speaker 3: It doesn't mean you're not everything. That guy just may
Speaker 3: you may not just be he just may it like you.
Speaker 1: It's okay, it's okay. You can be the ripest, juiciest peach.
Speaker 1: There's still gonna be someone who doesn't like peaches. It's okay,
Speaker 1: it's look at that. It's okay, Jimstone, that's amazing.
Speaker 2: It's good.
Speaker 1: It's like, we'll live. We'll live. You don't like me,
Speaker 1: I'll live. There's a lot of people I don't like too,
Speaker 1: so it's it's all good.
Speaker 3: Wait, okay, did we forget anything? Hold on, yes, wait,
Speaker 3: hold on, I want to talk about your tips.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: Men date like stockbrokers, women date like venture capitalists.
Speaker 1: Go well, it kind of relates to what we were
Speaker 1: talking about. But women they see the potential. They're like,
Speaker 1: you know, if I could just get him a new job,
Speaker 1: a new haircut, anew this and knew that, then I
Speaker 1: could refurbish him and I could make him something great.
Speaker 1: Men are buying what they see right there. They're like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is her right now, this is what I'm this
Speaker 1: is what I want, and I want this right now today.
Speaker 1: Women are more like, oh, like they take it to
Speaker 1: the board members they're friends, and they're like, Okay, now,
Speaker 1: I know he looks like a troll here, but this
Speaker 1: is what I'm gonna do, and this is what I'm
Speaker 1: going to change, and blah blah blah blah, and in
Speaker 1: six months it's going to be a different person.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: So mine for that was from Sex Lives and Videotape,
Speaker 3: which is a movie from the eighties that you must watch.
Speaker 3: It's unbelievable. And the line was, and I don't know
Speaker 3: which part was first, but men learn to love the
Speaker 3: women they're attracted to. Women learned to be attracted to
Speaker 3: the men that they love.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 3: And I thought of you when I heard one of
Speaker 3: your things, and I thought of this, and I'm glad
Speaker 3: you didn't know it.
Speaker 2: So remember that one.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's really good and really accurate.
Speaker 3: Wow. Okay, next, men think women have high standards, but
Speaker 3: then men don't even ask them a question on the date.
Speaker 1: So I think it's like, right now, the vibe on
Speaker 1: the internet, vibe on TikTok is like, oh, women's standards
Speaker 1: are so high. They're not so high. A lot of
Speaker 1: women will go on a date with a guy and
Speaker 1: he won't even ask you're saying.
Speaker 3: They're not even walking up right, They're not even like
Speaker 3: they're not even like what do you do?
Speaker 1: Or like oh, yeah whatever. Like I once went on
Speaker 1: a date I think it was last year, and I
Speaker 1: timed it because I got the vibe right away, and
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna do an experiment. We spoke
Speaker 1: for forty two minutes before he asked me a single
Speaker 1: question about myself.
Speaker 2: By the way, that happened to me recently too.
Speaker 1: Yes, I couldn't believe it, not even a like oh
Speaker 1: is your drink good?
Speaker 2: Or oh you've been here before? Forty two minutes. Yes,
Speaker 2: I was like, No, that's a good test that people
Speaker 2: have to do.
Speaker 3: That's brilliant. And but by the way, no, women have
Speaker 3: no fucking standards. Women will gaslight themselves into thinking a
Speaker 3: troll is nice. Oh but but I've seen girls of
Speaker 3: social media. Look, he sent me a flower to my
Speaker 3: hotel room. Okay, okay, all right, like like like flower
Speaker 3: like yeah, like but the beggars, we're beggars.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I really, I really don't think women's standards are
Speaker 1: too high at all at all.
Speaker 2: Oh not, no, not, it's.
Speaker 3: Not our it's not no, No, I validate, I validate
Speaker 3: and set limits.
Speaker 2: I tell you no.
Speaker 3: Okay, if you are single, no, yo, women date down,
Speaker 3: dumb themselves down, give a guy a cookie for doing
Speaker 3: absolutely fucking nothing, bragg to their friends about something a
Speaker 3: guy did that they don't deserve a cookie for that
Speaker 3: was absolutely nothing, and we're it's like you see, it's
Speaker 3: just so ridiculous. So okay, if you're single, you need
Speaker 3: single friends.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's it's very difficult if all of your
Speaker 1: friends are married, all of your friends have kids, and
Speaker 1: you're the only single one and you're like looking around
Speaker 1: on a Friday night. If you don't have a couple
Speaker 1: of single girlfriends to get together with, it's very difficult.
Speaker 1: And so I really advocate you've got to make new friends.
Speaker 1: You've got to keep adding people to the fold. I
Speaker 1: love my high school friends, I love my college friends.
Speaker 1: You can never make new old friends. But you also
Speaker 1: have to be adding so that you're not lonely, because
Speaker 1: otherwise you can feel so you're not a odd.
Speaker 2: Leaky yes, but.
Speaker 3: When you're with a bunch of couples, they're all fucking
Speaker 3: bored and the first thing they want to do is
Speaker 3: set you up if you work the men. So you
Speaker 3: really got to work the room, and you got to
Speaker 3: find a delivery method that doesn't give desperate.
Speaker 1: You gotta make it be their idea. You got to
Speaker 1: sparkle so much that they're like, yeah, are you single?
Speaker 1: I got a guy? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Well yes, but if they don't, you must make sure
Speaker 3: that every stone is unturned because you just they're not
Speaker 3: thinking of you and this at all, and even if
Speaker 3: they are, they won't think of the guys. So you
Speaker 3: have to really like take five minutes job the men. Remember,
Speaker 3: they'll have a guy even if you are in the end.
Speaker 3: Once they know that they have a guy, you will
Speaker 3: be a little desperate. You want to text them. You
Speaker 3: want them to do it follow through because it doesn't matter.
Speaker 3: Once you get on the date with a guy, the
Speaker 3: desperate's over. It doesn't matter. Like you need to ask
Speaker 3: the questions and if you're going somewhere, you make it work. So, yes,
Speaker 3: you work the couples. Though, Okay, she's tired of the
Speaker 3: articles about women leveling up and going to Okay, let's.
Speaker 1: Hear that there's been a slew of articles about and
Speaker 1: you know it's a big discourse right now, like, oh,
Speaker 1: women are. You know, we're smarter, we're buying more homes,
Speaker 1: we're at college more, we're outperforming men at work, and
Speaker 1: it's all like very negative. The headline is not American
Speaker 1: men are undesirable, American men are falling behind. The headline
Speaker 1: is always like women outperforming like men, as if we've
Speaker 1: done something wrong. Like that's the tone, And I think
Speaker 1: it's just really interesting to see how they're all phrasing this.
Speaker 1: It's like we are excelling and the men are falling behind,
Speaker 1: and it is an imbalance right now. But I just
Speaker 1: would urge all these journalists to be careful. Like there
Speaker 1: was a big article in the Wall Street Journal. It was,
Speaker 1: you know, the way it was phrased, it was like
Speaker 1: as if we were committing a crime because we are
Speaker 1: leveling up so hard right now. The truth of the
Speaker 1: matter is these men are falling behind, Like why can't
Speaker 1: they meet us where we are and why can't we
Speaker 1: focus on that versus being like did you buy a
Speaker 1: house by yourself? That's why you're single.
Speaker 3: Also, I think it's not really it's a cousin, a
Speaker 3: distant cousin to that, but it reminded me of I
Speaker 3: really can't stand like the Girl Boss give a girl
Speaker 3: a cookie for being successful bullshit, Like it's like.
Speaker 2: This girl Boss work it like I despise.
Speaker 1: Yeah, girl Boss era came and went because it's not sustainable.
Speaker 1: And I think if we really want to see equality,
Speaker 1: then we need to not give it like a cute
Speaker 1: sa name and just like acknowledge women when they're doing
Speaker 1: amazing things and it just like because they're doing amazing
Speaker 1: things and not give it some name and then like
Speaker 1: the name turned sour, like we just need to make
Speaker 1: it a mainstay, like women are doing great things, let's
Speaker 1: talk about that.
Speaker 3: It's like this weird frame that is totally unnecessary and
Speaker 3: it's also condescending.
Speaker 1: It is condescending.
Speaker 3: It's condescending. I die that you said. I've seen this
Speaker 3: on these apps. The citizen of the world go fuck yourself,
Speaker 3: a man of everywhere, Like, no, what's so wrong with
Speaker 3: these What is.
Speaker 1: Wrong with you? Like, what is wrong with you, citizen
Speaker 1: of the world? Oh my god?
Speaker 3: Like no, but what that means you have a beanie
Speaker 3: cap on in August and you like like are sitting
Speaker 3: posing with the Dali Lama doing a yoga stand on
Speaker 3: a cliff.
Speaker 2: Get out of here.
Speaker 3: We're not interested. We want caviat and a glass of wine.
Speaker 3: Fuck off, we don't want a man of the world.
Speaker 1: Okay, I don't know what it is about us. It's
Speaker 1: our ability to carry children, it's our connection to all women.
Speaker 2: I don't know. We change.
Speaker 1: Women are always evolving like women. You know, you even
Speaker 1: like to use housewives, like, think about how much everybody's changed.
Speaker 1: Women just change. Men they don't change. If there's something
Speaker 1: you don't like about a guy, you know, a core
Speaker 1: thing of his personality is, let's say he's he's cheap
Speaker 1: or something that's not to change after ten years of marriage.
Speaker 1: So if it bothers you know that it will continue
Speaker 1: to bother you.
Speaker 3: That's part of the nuance and the essence of someone
Speaker 3: where you're like pretending you're a homebody because the other
Speaker 3: person then you're gonna bust out later in your relationship.
Speaker 3: But I'm going to say this dynamic that you need
Speaker 3: to hear because it's someone it's something that a young
Speaker 3: woman needs to hear more than my age of one.
Speaker 2: My age knows it.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: And at the point that I sort of sort of
Speaker 3: did this research experiment unintentionally, out of about ten men
Speaker 3: I had met four who had full custody of their children,
Speaker 3: because that's a massive, massive thing to get custody, okay,
Speaker 3: because their exes had fallen off the deep end in
Speaker 3: some way. So it was either pills and eating disorder,
Speaker 3: drinking the combination of all of it drugs.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: And I said to them, and I asked a couple
Speaker 3: of them, and they said that I was bullseye. I
Speaker 3: said to them, So let me guess this is what happens.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: Woman meets man and she's attractive, and she wants the things,
Speaker 3: and she gets to brag to her friends like I
Speaker 3: don't work, and I, you know, get the bag and
Speaker 3: the things and the gym and the workout outfit and
Speaker 3: the making dinner and the kid. Okay, Now the kids
Speaker 3: are getting older. The man is having a version of
Speaker 3: a Jeff Bezos glow up, like he's starting to work out.
Speaker 3: His business is thriving, he's getting smarter, he's out, he's
Speaker 3: talking to people, he's talking to business people. He's got
Speaker 3: a big swinging dick, he's got the nice car. He
Speaker 3: keeps moving in that direction. He's buying her all the
Speaker 3: shit she wants. She's getting more and more bored. They
Speaker 3: have less to talk about. She's devolving. Her kids need
Speaker 3: her less. Now she turns to substances. She's drinking and
Speaker 3: she is. They don't have the same amount of common
Speaker 3: and she doesn't have purpose. Now she's older, she's not
Speaker 3: as relevant in the work force. She can't even insert it,
Speaker 3: even if she ever was in while she was pre wed.
Speaker 3: And now these two are on two different pages. She
Speaker 3: starts getting fucked up. She makes a full out herself
Speaker 3: on the call to sack parties or at the charity
Speaker 3: events or on the vacations, and this is a major
Speaker 3: divergent path that goes on. And the guy is like, wait,
Speaker 3: we signed up for this shit together. You wanted the stuff,
Speaker 3: you wanted, the dinners, you wanted the fucking pilates, and
Speaker 3: I gave it to you. But he got more bored
Speaker 3: of her ass because that's all she gave a shit about.
Speaker 3: And he's going to offer her a little business if
Speaker 3: she wants her to do a charity and token bullshit,
Speaker 3: And she's now resenting him because he's got things to
Speaker 3: do and go places and do business trips and talk
Speaker 3: to people.
Speaker 2: He looks better. He's rich and he's smart.
Speaker 3: Because he's been working on his mental and this is
Speaker 3: a major thing. That's why women have to have their
Speaker 3: own shit and work. Not because I'm trying to be
Speaker 3: against what anyone chooses, because you cannot see what's gonna be.
Speaker 3: When you're doing pre wet and you just want the
Speaker 3: wedding and the honeymoon and the money and the rink.
Speaker 3: You don't know it's gonna come down.
Speaker 1: The pike, damn.
Speaker 2: So that's what I have to say to you.
Speaker 1: I can see how that will. I mean, I feel
Speaker 1: like that's played out on house in different franchises of
Speaker 1: Housewives a future.
Speaker 2: That's the entire exact. That's it too.
Speaker 3: So there's a bunch of triantle but yeah, yeah, so
Speaker 3: that's what we got tanks.
Speaker 1: So we covered a lot of ground. I honestly feel
Speaker 1: like I got therapy. This was fabulous. Thank you for
Speaker 1: you wisdom and just for being you. Thank you, thank you,
Speaker 1: congratulations on all this stuff. I can't wait to hear more.
Speaker 2: Yay