WEBVTT - “THE MEN IN OHIO DISTURB ME” 0:00:02.120 --> 0:00:04.560 Hello, Hello, what's going on? 0:00:05.400 --> 0:00:05.600 Hi? 0:00:09.200 --> 0:00:12.360 Yeah, I was just getting ready for bed. Actually, I 0:00:12.400 --> 0:00:13.800 didn't know if i'd hear back from you. 0:00:15.560 --> 0:00:16.720 What's your name? Sailor? 0:00:18.520 --> 0:00:19.200 Alicia? 0:00:20.200 --> 0:00:26.440 Alicia? Alicia? You texted me and you said, uh, I 0:00:26.480 --> 0:00:29.760 wanted to talk about my dating life. And then you 0:00:29.800 --> 0:00:34.400 said two things. You said, I attract men with the 0:00:34.440 --> 0:00:38.640 same kink over and over again by coincidence. And I 0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:44.240 also hate how men talk in Ohio. It's disturbing. 0:00:45.920 --> 0:00:49.839 Mm hmm, yeah, yeah, this is true. 0:00:50.360 --> 0:00:55.120 Uh, okay, let's talk about that first. What is it 0:00:55.320 --> 0:00:58.040 about the way that men talk in Ohio that is 0:00:58.080 --> 0:00:58.640 disturbing you? 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:06.680 Yeah, it's it's very weird. So I've hooked up with 0:01:07.000 --> 0:01:15.360 a couple of guys since I've moved here, and I 0:01:15.440 --> 0:01:19.880 want to say, like, I think probably four out of 0:01:19.920 --> 0:01:27.000 the five they're they're my age, so yeah, I'm in 0:01:27.000 --> 0:01:30.880 my late thirties, so they're mid mid thirties to forty, 0:01:32.040 --> 0:01:38.840 and they just when we're actually doing it, they they 0:01:38.880 --> 0:01:46.080 say like sweety and and hun like they're old men. 0:01:47.080 --> 0:01:47.319 Huh. 0:01:49.560 --> 0:01:53.280 I had the most disturbing thing that happened to me 0:01:53.640 --> 0:01:58.320 was I was doing it with this one guy and 0:02:00.360 --> 0:02:02.200 I don't want to get graphic, but we were in 0:02:02.240 --> 0:02:05.600 a certain position where he had some leverage. 0:02:06.000 --> 0:02:09.519 Okay, okay, wait, hold on, hold on. 0:02:09.720 --> 0:02:12.360 First of all, I just listen. You can you can 0:02:13.040 --> 0:02:16.360 whatever you're comfortable talking about is up to you. But 0:02:16.400 --> 0:02:18.639 you can say whatever you want. I don't care. 0:02:19.680 --> 0:02:22.520 Okay. Well, we were doing it and he was behind me, 0:02:22.680 --> 0:02:29.720 and he had like thrust in and I he said, like, 0:02:31.080 --> 0:02:33.040 I don't even know howes he. 0:02:33.040 --> 0:02:43.480 Said, oh Mama, like, okay, you you weren't a fan 0:02:43.520 --> 0:02:43.799 of that? 0:02:43.919 --> 0:02:45.200 You were a fan of Oh. 0:02:45.040 --> 0:02:53.679 My god, no, like who would be I I was cringing, 0:02:54.600 --> 0:02:59.560 like I oh god. I just kind of was like 0:03:01.280 --> 0:03:04.960 had my face in my hand, like, oh my god. 0:03:05.200 --> 0:03:06.760 I can't believe this is happening. 0:03:07.440 --> 0:03:11.280 Okay, So so multiple go ahead, go ahead. 0:03:12.480 --> 0:03:17.200 So it's like these guys which I never encountered living 0:03:17.240 --> 0:03:23.480 in Maine, just like saying hon and sweetie, and then 0:03:23.560 --> 0:03:31.639 also apparently oh Mama, like I don't know if it's 0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:36.760 a Midwest like a nice thing, but it's disgusting. 0:03:37.680 --> 0:03:44.120 Why why do you not like hun and Sweetie? 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:50.000 Because it's not like they're really like nice guys. It's 0:03:50.040 --> 0:03:52.640 not like we have any sort of level of endearment 0:03:53.760 --> 0:03:57.960 and it's like, what are you doing? 0:03:58.520 --> 0:03:59.640 They also. 0:04:00.920 --> 0:04:06.480 They also like to when they leave. This has also 0:04:06.560 --> 0:04:10.520 happened multiple times. They tell me I'll text you when 0:04:10.560 --> 0:04:18.039 I get home. Normally the guy would tell the girl 0:04:18.160 --> 0:04:21.400 text me when you get home. And it's not like 0:04:21.480 --> 0:04:25.000 they want to continue like a conversation. They will just 0:04:25.120 --> 0:04:29.279 literally go home and say I made at home. I'm home, 0:04:31.320 --> 0:04:33.520 like they're letting me know they made it home. 0:04:34.200 --> 0:04:37.279 Okay, all right, And this is when guys are leaving 0:04:37.320 --> 0:04:37.960 your apartment. 0:04:39.360 --> 0:04:40.880 Yeah, yeah, after we hook up. 0:04:41.400 --> 0:04:45.080 Now, I'll say this, I think a hunt. I agree 0:04:45.120 --> 0:04:49.560 with you that Han and Sweetie are they're a little 0:04:49.680 --> 0:04:53.039 they're a little much. I wouldn't call a woman that 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:56.080 I just met hun or sweety. If you have a 0:04:56.160 --> 0:04:59.920 rapport with a lady and you feel like I feel 0:05:00.080 --> 0:05:02.119 caught and sweet something you build up to. But sure, 0:05:02.839 --> 0:05:05.559 a one night stand. I don't know if we're throwing 0:05:05.600 --> 0:05:07.520 out to haunt the sweetie the mama. 0:05:10.279 --> 0:05:11.080 It was sark. 0:05:12.760 --> 0:05:15.880 And do you do you are these guys that you're 0:05:15.920 --> 0:05:19.080 seeing recurringly or guys that you're just like hooking up with, 0:05:19.800 --> 0:05:21.120 uh kind of on a one off. 0:05:22.320 --> 0:05:25.599 Yeah, I did see the one guy more than one. 0:05:27.160 --> 0:05:33.920 He was a he was a sweetie guy because he 0:05:34.080 --> 0:05:37.840 just like did some other things that intrigued me, but 0:05:38.080 --> 0:05:43.000 it was not worth it to see him again. And 0:05:44.720 --> 0:05:47.440 but yeah, these are just people that I'm like meeting 0:05:47.480 --> 0:05:51.680 on Tinder and chatting with a little bit. There's there's 0:05:52.800 --> 0:05:54.719 there's really no report. 0:05:54.960 --> 0:05:57.720 It's so interesting that there's guys in their forties on 0:05:57.839 --> 0:06:01.440 Tinder because I just so heavily associate Tinder with like 0:06:02.279 --> 0:06:05.039 my late teens in early twenties. 0:06:06.080 --> 0:06:12.600 Oh my god, No, it's really sad. Like I'm thirty 0:06:12.720 --> 0:06:19.200 nine and I have an associates degree in an allied 0:06:19.240 --> 0:06:23.360 health profession. I didn't like it, so I went back 0:06:23.360 --> 0:06:27.320 to waitressing and bartending, and I am in this weird 0:06:27.440 --> 0:06:32.120 category of people where it's like the people on Tinder 0:06:32.279 --> 0:06:37.800 are either like really fucked up, like doctors, or like 0:06:38.160 --> 0:06:41.280 men who travel all over the world and like, obviously 0:06:41.279 --> 0:06:44.880 there's something wrong with you, or it's a fake profile, 0:06:46.279 --> 0:06:50.039 or it's like just a growth person working at like 0:06:51.080 --> 0:06:56.920 a gas station, and it's like I'm not I'm too 0:06:56.960 --> 0:06:59.479 good for most of the people and like not good 0:06:59.560 --> 0:07:03.880 enough for the other portion of people that are on 0:07:04.000 --> 0:07:09.960 Tender in my age groups, it's wild out there. 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:14.600 What is going on? You said? I'm sorry, you said 0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:17.720 a fucked up doctor? What does that mean? 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:21.320 A fucked up doctor? Like, I don't know, you just 0:07:21.360 --> 0:07:23.240 get I feel like I have a good sense if 0:07:23.240 --> 0:07:26.920 I can look at people profiles and just be like, oh, 0:07:26.960 --> 0:07:29.760 there's something wrong with you. I mean, clearly by the 0:07:29.760 --> 0:07:33.000 people I'm hanging out with, Like maybe not, maybe I 0:07:33.080 --> 0:07:39.480 missed the mark sometimes, but I just think if someone 0:07:39.600 --> 0:07:42.760 is truly a doctor and they're like forty and attractive 0:07:43.120 --> 0:07:47.960 and have pictures in like Greece and Italy and I 0:07:48.040 --> 0:07:51.320 go to aquariums, like, what's wrong with you? 0:07:51.320 --> 0:07:52.800 You know? Wait? 0:07:52.920 --> 0:07:56.600 Wait, wait, If a guy is forty attractive and a 0:07:56.640 --> 0:08:00.400 doctor and has photos of themselves at the aquarium, that 0:08:00.520 --> 0:08:03.680 raises a lot of red flags to you. 0:08:03.920 --> 0:08:04.760 Yes it does. 0:08:05.280 --> 0:08:09.960 Can you genuine I genuinely want to hear and maybe 0:08:09.960 --> 0:08:13.160 this is just a gut feeling that's beyond words for you, 0:08:13.520 --> 0:08:15.800 But if it's not, I would love to hear a 0:08:15.920 --> 0:08:19.640 further explanation as to why. And I kind of I'm 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:21.520 trying to meet you where you're at. I kind of 0:08:21.520 --> 0:08:26.360 think I understand what you're getting at here, but like, 0:08:26.400 --> 0:08:28.480 what do you how do you mean. 0:08:29.760 --> 0:08:35.880 It's hard to explain. It's just like I've been I 0:08:35.960 --> 0:08:40.040 worked service industry jobs for a long time, serving bartending, 0:08:40.960 --> 0:08:43.559 which has really helped me, like clock people most of 0:08:43.640 --> 0:08:49.880 the time, and you just like there's only so many 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:52.200 different types of people in the world, I feel like, 0:08:52.280 --> 0:08:54.440 and you just keep meeting the same people over and 0:08:54.480 --> 0:09:02.760 over again. And I've I've had regulars that were like doctors, 0:09:02.920 --> 0:09:10.000 specialist doctors, urologists, cardiologists that did all this cool shit, 0:09:11.640 --> 0:09:15.520 but like they're single because they like are horrible to 0:09:15.600 --> 0:09:21.559 women and you know, just like sit at bars drinking 0:09:21.600 --> 0:09:25.200 all night. But if you're if you're traveling and there's 0:09:25.240 --> 0:09:29.640 pictures of you, like at the aquarium, and it's just 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:33.079 like nothing's ever gonna be enough for you. That's what 0:09:33.120 --> 0:09:36.360 that says to me. Like you're just always gonna want 0:09:36.440 --> 0:09:44.160 something more interesting. Yeah, if someone is like doing too much, 0:09:44.240 --> 0:09:48.520 it's a it's a really like it's intimidating interesting. 0:09:48.760 --> 0:09:52.560 Okay, So when you see a guy who is like 0:09:52.800 --> 0:09:55.680 traveling and doing a bunch of stuff, you think, Okay, 0:09:55.720 --> 0:09:57.720 this person's not gonna be happy with the kind of 0:09:57.760 --> 0:10:00.960 domestic life that I want to have. 0:10:02.320 --> 0:10:05.600 Yeah, you're not gonna you're not looking to like foster 0:10:05.679 --> 0:10:08.640 a relationship and like make me coffee in the morning 0:10:08.800 --> 0:10:13.600 and talk about what we're gonna do. Like you're not 0:10:13.920 --> 0:10:17.240 You're not gonna want to just like read books together 0:10:17.400 --> 0:10:19.600 and have our feet touch. You're gonna want to like 0:10:19.760 --> 0:10:23.720 go out there and like jump out of planes or 0:10:25.480 --> 0:10:28.040 I don't know what they do, go rock climbing. 0:10:28.360 --> 0:10:33.640 God, No, all right, so you you'd all so you 0:10:33.920 --> 0:10:35.360 do you like doing shit? 0:10:37.080 --> 0:10:37.560 I do. 0:10:37.960 --> 0:10:39.040 I like to do shit. 0:10:39.200 --> 0:10:41.560 I like to do things that are a little bit 0:10:41.600 --> 0:10:46.600 more passive. I like to go look at like a 0:10:46.600 --> 0:10:52.760 a market. I like to just go somewhere and like 0:10:52.880 --> 0:10:55.800 get a coffee and like be outside and people watch, 0:10:56.120 --> 0:11:00.840 or go to any antique mal I don't like to 0:11:00.920 --> 0:11:03.120 go look at animals, Like I don't want to go 0:11:03.160 --> 0:11:04.640 to a zoo. I don't want to go to an 0:11:04.720 --> 0:11:09.240 aquarium and like look at things. But out in the 0:11:09.760 --> 0:11:11.599 in the world, I like to go look. I like 0:11:11.640 --> 0:11:14.320 to go to concerts, like a little day trip in 0:11:14.360 --> 0:11:21.959 the car somewhere, just not a big like thrill speaker 0:11:22.880 --> 0:11:25.360 dower of frenuous activity. 0:11:26.160 --> 0:11:32.040 Mm hmm, okay, okay, So you're looking for a kind 0:11:32.080 --> 0:11:35.480 of a boring guy that you can live a kind 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:39.079 of relatively boringer life with. 0:11:42.160 --> 0:11:45.320 I don't. I don't. I don't think it's boring. I 0:11:45.360 --> 0:11:52.719 think it's cozy, like a life where we have our 0:11:52.720 --> 0:11:55.000 own things that we like to do, but we're not 0:11:55.520 --> 0:12:02.480 like huge thrill sneakers, like that's that's of no interest 0:12:02.640 --> 0:12:06.400 to me, which it's okay. So the other part of 0:12:06.400 --> 0:12:10.199 what I was saying, attracting dudes that have the same 0:12:10.360 --> 0:12:15.600 kink kind of ties into this because I am not 0:12:16.120 --> 0:12:19.600 like a doer, you know, I don't like a lot 0:12:19.600 --> 0:12:25.360 of strenuous activity. But I did have a long term 0:12:25.400 --> 0:12:29.439 relationship like five years ago where we got into pegging, 0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:40.520 and after that, like almost I would just match with 0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:44.360 people on bumble or you like, meet a guy at 0:12:44.400 --> 0:12:48.400 a bar and they would want me to peg them. 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:52.960 It's like, I just keep finding these guys that want 0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:55.720 to be pegged, and it doesn't happen to anyone else 0:12:55.760 --> 0:13:07.160 that I know. So I'm like, what what's going on? 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:08.480 What does that say about me? 0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:11.360 Do you? 0:13:13.000 --> 0:13:18.000 Is pegging a thing that you like to do to people? 0:13:19.520 --> 0:13:27.280 I like it, Yeah, it's fun, but I also don't 0:13:27.280 --> 0:13:31.319 want that. I don't want it all the time. And 0:13:31.360 --> 0:13:35.960 that's the problem is I found myself in these situations 0:13:36.000 --> 0:13:38.760 where people will just pigeonhole me into like, oh, you're 0:13:38.800 --> 0:13:44.559 the You're the chick that's gonna peg me, and then. 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:47.360 Okay, you feel like you're getting type cast as like 0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:49.400 I know this is the kind of lady that will 0:13:49.400 --> 0:13:49.800 peg me. 0:13:51.400 --> 0:13:53.000 Yeah, what do you give me? 0:13:53.480 --> 0:13:54.320 And be honest with you? 0:13:54.360 --> 0:13:57.040 What's your name again, Alicia? 0:13:57.480 --> 0:14:00.400 Alicia? Now be honest with me, Alicia, because you know, 0:14:00.480 --> 0:14:04.800 I don't know you, you know yourself. What is it 0:14:04.840 --> 0:14:10.480 about you that you think is emitting these vibes that 0:14:10.880 --> 0:14:14.080 you might that what do you think it is about 0:14:14.280 --> 0:14:18.959 like the way you present to the universe that is 0:14:19.680 --> 0:14:22.800 causing you to be type casted this way? 0:14:25.720 --> 0:14:32.560 I don't know. I'm I am quiet and reserved and 0:14:32.640 --> 0:14:36.560 like I have a dry sense of humor, but it's 0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:45.520 kind of like a dark sense of humor. But I 0:14:45.560 --> 0:14:49.880 have dark hair at kale skin. I don't know. Maybe 0:14:50.000 --> 0:14:54.240 if people see me and they're just like, oh, she 0:14:54.400 --> 0:14:59.240 looks like a like a what's her face? The chick 0:14:59.280 --> 0:15:06.680 that dated Marrily Manson, you know, the burlesque lady. Okay, 0:15:07.600 --> 0:15:10.920 I'm definitely she's beautiful. I'm not I'm not like saying 0:15:10.920 --> 0:15:17.800 I'm a mini her, but similar features like Lynn, She's 0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:27.680 like her name starts with a day. Yeah not I 0:15:27.720 --> 0:15:30.280 mean I have dark hair, pale skin. I always have 0:15:30.400 --> 0:15:34.560 on like a dark red lipstick. I'm like, is that 0:15:34.800 --> 0:15:38.000 it is that like an association people are making. 0:15:40.040 --> 0:15:41.200 Is it. 0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:47.359 Because they know that like the quiet girls are freaky? 0:15:47.880 --> 0:15:48.440 I don't know. 0:15:50.320 --> 0:15:55.560 No, I also like am a good listener, so I 0:15:55.600 --> 0:15:58.160 also have guys just like kind of open up to 0:15:58.280 --> 0:16:00.800 me a lot. So I don't know. If I create 0:16:01.120 --> 0:16:03.800 you know, it could be a lot of stuff. 0:16:04.240 --> 0:16:09.160 Yeah, you're creating a lot of space for uh people 0:16:09.200 --> 0:16:13.840 to feel comfortable around you, which does translate to them 0:16:13.880 --> 0:16:16.920 feeling more comfortable being like, hey, would you want to 0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:22.080 fuck my ass? What is it that you are looking for? 0:16:25.280 --> 0:16:31.520 I am I would love a sweet guy who's freaky 0:16:32.720 --> 0:16:43.160 and is just kind of like, just this sounds bad. 0:16:43.920 --> 0:16:46.440 I just really kind of want someone to like adore 0:16:46.520 --> 0:16:54.960 me and just like be obsessed with me and just 0:16:55.040 --> 0:17:01.720 be happy, like to have a a fun time together. 0:17:02.520 --> 0:17:07.719 Like why do you say, well, why do you think 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:10.360 that that sounds crazy? That sounds I think a lot 0:17:10.359 --> 0:17:12.480 of people want that. I don't know why I think 0:17:12.840 --> 0:17:15.960 most people probably want some version of that. Why what 0:17:15.960 --> 0:17:20.440 what is it about that that you think sounds crazy? 0:17:20.480 --> 0:17:25.159 It's crazy because no one has a capacity to like 0:17:25.280 --> 0:17:27.520 admire anyone or anything anymore. 0:17:28.240 --> 0:17:30.400 That's not true. 0:17:30.720 --> 0:17:36.040 No, I feel like the temperature. I feel like the temperature. 0:17:37.480 --> 0:17:43.200 Everyone is just like dead inside. I don't know, maybe 0:17:43.240 --> 0:17:50.280 it's Ohio, maybe maybe it's something just. 0:17:49.760 --> 0:17:50.640 Just luck, But. 0:17:52.480 --> 0:17:55.400 I just feel like people don't There's no yearning, there's 0:17:55.480 --> 0:18:01.600 no like appreciation. I feel like there's no chalant. It's 0:18:01.640 --> 0:18:03.119 all very nonchalant. 0:18:03.960 --> 0:18:06.440 I feel I'm curious about this because I feel like. 0:18:10.200 --> 0:18:10.520 I have. 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:14.720 You're telling me you haven't been able to find a 0:18:14.800 --> 0:18:19.000 guy that you feel like is obsessed with you. You 0:18:19.119 --> 0:18:21.600 at least haven't been able to find a guy that 0:18:21.680 --> 0:18:25.879 you feel like is obsessed with you that you find 0:18:25.960 --> 0:18:31.720 yourself attracted to. Yeah, it's easy to find a guy's 0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:33.280 obsessed with you, but it's hard to find a guy's 0:18:33.280 --> 0:18:36.159 obsessed with you that you like. 0:18:38.720 --> 0:18:42.040 Yeah, and if a guy is obsessed with me, like 0:18:42.200 --> 0:18:44.359 I did have one guy that was obsessed with me, 0:18:44.480 --> 0:18:48.720 but again it was it was just sexual. It was 0:18:48.800 --> 0:18:52.000 just all about pegging. It was just like him dirty 0:18:52.080 --> 0:18:56.560 texting me all the time, like wanting me to stick 0:18:56.640 --> 0:19:01.399 dildo's in his mouth, wanting me to like play with 0:19:01.440 --> 0:19:05.919 his ass, just he'd want me to tell him what 0:19:06.119 --> 0:19:08.240 to do while he was at work, and he'd like 0:19:08.280 --> 0:19:10.800 go home on his lunch break and take pictures of 0:19:10.840 --> 0:19:15.119 like him putting in butt plugs, and it was taking 0:19:15.200 --> 0:19:17.639 up so much of my time. I'm like, I can't 0:19:17.640 --> 0:19:24.600 do this anymore, dude, Like it's not fun. It's not 0:19:24.800 --> 0:19:30.280 fun for me. I'm more than just like the things 0:19:30.280 --> 0:19:31.600 that I do to you. 0:19:32.119 --> 0:19:38.159 But no, you know, did you bring this up to 0:19:38.240 --> 0:19:41.320 him where you like, hey, listen, are you interested in 0:19:42.240 --> 0:19:44.640 anything more than just a sexual relationship? 0:19:45.840 --> 0:19:49.280 Yeah? I was like, you know, I'm also looking for 0:19:49.400 --> 0:19:54.320 people to go and do things with and like hang 0:19:54.359 --> 0:20:00.240 out and watch something and laugh about it. If you 0:20:00.320 --> 0:20:04.320 want to like watch movies sometime, or like you have 0:20:04.400 --> 0:20:06.359 to go to Target and you want to make it fun, 0:20:06.560 --> 0:20:09.639 like I'll come with you. And he's just not interested 0:20:09.680 --> 0:20:15.240 in that. So I'm like, Okay, I will contact you 0:20:15.320 --> 0:20:19.760 again when I feel like enough time has passed, and 0:20:19.800 --> 0:20:21.600 I'm like, okay, yeah, I feel like I could have 0:20:21.640 --> 0:20:28.080 fun pegging again. Oh, I'll call you and that's where 0:20:28.080 --> 0:20:30.280 that is. 0:20:32.200 --> 0:20:34.080 So what was your last boyfriend? 0:20:34.280 --> 0:20:42.760 Like my last boyfriend we dated off and on for 0:20:43.280 --> 0:20:47.320 like five years. Well no, oh my god, we had 0:20:47.359 --> 0:20:51.680 a ten year saga. We actually only spent like four 0:20:51.760 --> 0:20:57.080 years out of those ten dating I think, Yeah, we 0:20:57.280 --> 0:21:02.240 just broke up. It's like end of last February, so 0:21:02.320 --> 0:21:08.560 about a year ago for good. And he was very 0:21:08.600 --> 0:21:12.920 ego totickle. He's like very ego driven. He wanted approval 0:21:13.000 --> 0:21:22.600 from everyone, especially like acquaintances, any like anyone. He knew 0:21:23.800 --> 0:21:29.399 pleasing his bosses were was very important. So because he 0:21:29.480 --> 0:21:32.000 already had my approval, I was like very low on 0:21:32.040 --> 0:21:33.119 the priority list. 0:21:33.800 --> 0:21:36.520 Oh I see, I see, I see. 0:21:36.600 --> 0:21:39.399 So he was he was a great friend. He was 0:21:39.440 --> 0:21:42.720 always doing favors for people. He could fix cars, he 0:21:42.800 --> 0:21:47.399 could fix sewing machines, he could he could sew he 0:21:47.560 --> 0:21:53.520 could basically do anything everything. He's had a lot of 0:21:53.520 --> 0:22:04.560 different skill So yeah, he was really also avoidant, would 0:22:04.600 --> 0:22:09.560 never talk about issues. I always had to initiate the 0:22:09.600 --> 0:22:15.600 conversation and he would just like shut down, just close off, 0:22:16.760 --> 0:22:18.800 and then would have to come back to it like 0:22:18.840 --> 0:22:21.640 a couple days later. And it was just a lot 0:22:21.680 --> 0:22:25.680 of silent and like nodding like, I'm sorry you felt 0:22:25.720 --> 0:22:29.000 that way. I'll try to do better. Nothing ever changed, 0:22:31.920 --> 0:22:34.760 but the times that we were broken up, we never 0:22:34.920 --> 0:22:40.040 like really stopped talking, and he did cheat on a 0:22:40.080 --> 0:22:45.480 couple people that he was dating, like with me, which 0:22:45.560 --> 0:22:51.720 I didn't realize right away, and foolishly I thought that 0:22:51.800 --> 0:22:56.520 meant that it was like love, that he just loved 0:22:56.520 --> 0:22:58.640 me and missed me so much and couldn't stand being 0:22:58.680 --> 0:23:02.879 away from me. But you know, this last time we 0:23:02.960 --> 0:23:06.639 broke up, I was like, something's off, something's wrong, And 0:23:06.760 --> 0:23:09.000 for the first time in ten years, I had a 0:23:09.119 --> 0:23:13.119 chance to look through his phone and saw him. You know, 0:23:13.640 --> 0:23:19.399 he was texting another girl who he kept her whole 0:23:19.440 --> 0:23:23.600 existence hidden from me. He said he's known her for 0:23:23.760 --> 0:23:27.400 years and was like the only friend I've never heard 0:23:27.440 --> 0:23:32.680 him mention. So that's why we finally ended. 0:23:34.760 --> 0:23:40.359 What was it about this time over those ten years 0:23:40.440 --> 0:23:46.840 that was like a finale? 0:23:47.119 --> 0:23:56.440 Well I had been trying to figure out for ten 0:23:56.520 --> 0:24:00.000 years off and on, and I'm like, what's the last 0:24:01.640 --> 0:24:04.800 I'm like, why does this keep happening? Are we like 0:24:05.359 --> 0:24:08.640 in each other's orbits? Because we're meant to be together 0:24:09.560 --> 0:24:13.879 and he was so resistant to like moving in and 0:24:13.960 --> 0:24:16.400 I had set this timeline and like, if we're still 0:24:16.400 --> 0:24:20.320 together in a year, I'd like for us to not 0:24:20.400 --> 0:24:24.320 be living separately and you know, combine our lives. Like 0:24:24.480 --> 0:24:28.320 I feel like that's warranted at this stage because we 0:24:28.320 --> 0:24:32.919 also lived an hour apart from each other, and I'm like, 0:24:32.960 --> 0:24:37.080 I'm tired of just like seeing you before work, after work, 0:24:37.160 --> 0:24:41.359 chatting in the parking lot because I worked an hour away. 0:24:41.440 --> 0:24:45.159 I worked where he lived in the same city, and 0:24:45.200 --> 0:24:47.720 then like once a week he'd come and stay at 0:24:47.760 --> 0:24:51.720 my house and we would just you know, drink, eat, 0:24:51.960 --> 0:24:54.840 have sex, smoke, and then like, I want more than this. 0:24:56.040 --> 0:24:58.480 We've been doing this since we were twenty eight, the 0:24:58.600 --> 0:25:03.520 hanging out, drinking, gangs, like smoking, like I would like 0:25:03.640 --> 0:25:12.280 to do more. So this was the final straw because 0:25:12.320 --> 0:25:15.840 I finally learned a lesson. I was like, Okay, the 0:25:15.960 --> 0:25:21.399 lesson is for me to know myself worse and to 0:25:21.480 --> 0:25:26.280 know that you are just totally disrespectful of me. And 0:25:28.440 --> 0:25:31.320 it shouldn't be this hard to like, if someone loves you, 0:25:31.359 --> 0:25:33.399 it shouldn't be this hard for them to show it 0:25:33.440 --> 0:25:37.520 and for me to feel like that I'm loved, you know, 0:25:40.480 --> 0:25:42.840 because he was he was also like a very good gas. 0:25:42.920 --> 0:25:49.000 Later he would not do anything to show that he 0:25:49.080 --> 0:25:53.480 loved or cared, but assure me that he did. He's like, no, 0:25:53.600 --> 0:25:55.520 that's not true. That's not true. 0:25:55.680 --> 0:25:56.480 Like, I do love you. 0:25:57.280 --> 0:26:01.640 What were you hoping that he would do to show 0:26:01.640 --> 0:26:03.440 that he loved you or cared about you that he 0:26:03.480 --> 0:26:04.040 didn't do. 0:26:08.040 --> 0:26:15.000 I think so many things, like just offering to help 0:26:15.040 --> 0:26:19.880 me in any way when I needed it. I had 0:26:19.920 --> 0:26:25.399 pneumonia for like two weeks. I was so sick. He 0:26:25.520 --> 0:26:29.359 didn't ask if he could do anything. He didn't come 0:26:29.400 --> 0:26:32.240 to my house. He didn't order me door dash, he 0:26:32.280 --> 0:26:37.840 didn't have groceries delivered. He just like let me rot, 0:26:40.600 --> 0:26:43.240 you know, And that's We've known each other for eight 0:26:43.320 --> 0:26:44.280 years at that point. 0:26:46.840 --> 0:26:49.320 You gotta that's the thing. I think you gotta like 0:26:49.520 --> 0:26:57.040 fucking if you're a guy, you gotta fucking like keep trying. 0:26:57.160 --> 0:27:00.000 I feel like it's important to just like keep trying 0:27:00.000 --> 0:27:04.199 trying to like serve your uh, your partner, you know, 0:27:04.920 --> 0:27:07.800 even because you you want to get too complacent. You 0:27:07.840 --> 0:27:10.600 want to always make sure that you're like, like a 0:27:11.040 --> 0:27:14.520 relationship should kind of be a job in a way, 0:27:15.640 --> 0:27:17.280 do you know, like it should be something that you're 0:27:17.359 --> 0:27:22.320 always putting effort into you never want to get complacent. 0:27:22.440 --> 0:27:25.720 It always needs to be like it's like a plant 0:27:25.760 --> 0:27:32.119 that you got to be constantly watering and constantly making 0:27:32.200 --> 0:27:37.080 sure that like you're you're serving this person, not even 0:27:37.080 --> 0:27:39.680 when they're I mean, especially when they're in need, when 0:27:39.720 --> 0:27:44.000 they're like fucking sick or whatever, but uh, when they're not, 0:27:44.160 --> 0:27:46.000 you just got to always make sure that you're fucking 0:27:46.160 --> 0:27:49.280 like making like if you love this woman, if you're 0:27:49.320 --> 0:27:52.280 like obsessed with her, if you're like really into her, 0:27:52.280 --> 0:27:55.840 you's got to keep making sure that you're making her 0:27:55.960 --> 0:27:59.160 life easier instead of harder. I mean, you're not gonna 0:27:59.160 --> 0:28:01.840 be one hundred percent, right, You're not gonna be You're 0:28:01.840 --> 0:28:04.159 never gonna be one hundred percent. You're not gonna be 0:28:04.240 --> 0:28:07.280 like like, there's gonna be some mornings where like fuck 0:28:07.400 --> 0:28:09.720 like you can't make the coffee or you you know, 0:28:09.760 --> 0:28:14.199 whatever the fuck right, But you should be consistent. But 0:28:14.240 --> 0:28:18.679 you should be consistent enough that when your girlfriend thinks 0:28:18.720 --> 0:28:23.800 about you, she thinks of you as like across the 0:28:23.880 --> 0:28:32.280 board overall, a trustworthy, competent, caring individual. Like that's like 0:28:32.320 --> 0:28:35.440 you're not you're not gonna be perfect, but she should 0:28:35.840 --> 0:28:41.200 You should be good enough and like cognizant enough of 0:28:41.880 --> 0:28:44.600 whether or not you're serving this other person that she 0:28:45.760 --> 0:28:48.480 has a general view of you as a competent human 0:28:48.520 --> 0:28:50.640 being who cares about her. 0:28:52.000 --> 0:28:58.120 Yeah, agreed, And yeah he didn't really excel at doing 0:28:58.160 --> 0:29:03.520 that at all. He knew what he provided, which was fun, 0:29:05.840 --> 0:29:08.600 and just like he provided. 0:29:08.800 --> 0:29:11.240 He knew what he provided, and what he provided was 0:29:11.360 --> 0:29:12.480 fun and distraction. 0:29:12.760 --> 0:29:18.120