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Speaker 1: Hi, everyone, It's Sophia. Welcome to Work in Progress. Hey

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Speaker 1: Whipsmarti's one of our favorite early guests, is back on

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Speaker 1: the podcast today. We are joined by none other than

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Speaker 1: award winning comedian and Whitney Cummings. You know her for

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Speaker 1: her bold, observational humor, and currently she is on the

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Speaker 1: road with her Big Baby North America Tour, exploring some

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Speaker 1: pretty signature themes of relationships, gender dynamics, and modern dating

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Speaker 1: from a very new perspective that includes being a mom,

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Speaker 1: what it's like to age, and societal expectations of all

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Speaker 1: those things. She has so many great stories and laughs

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Speaker 1: and so much wisdom to share, and I'm just so

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Speaker 1: thrilled that she is here today. So let's dive in.

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Speaker 1: I'm so happy to have you back. I feel like

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Speaker 1: we had the best conversation. You were one of my

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Speaker 1: first guests on the pod in twenty nineteen. We made

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Speaker 1: all these plans to hang out and ride horses, and

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Speaker 1: then the world shut down, and I was like, Oh,

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Speaker 1: I guess I'm just never going to be social again.

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Speaker 1: But I feel like we're getting We're getting back to

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Speaker 1: it now.

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Speaker 2: I also think, I mean, this might be a hot take,

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Speaker 2: but like we do also get to socialize for public consumption,

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Speaker 2: which is slightly toxic but also radically feminist to just

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Speaker 2: monetize our friendships like everyone's too busy whatever. I mean,

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Speaker 2: it is funny because whenever I hang out with a

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Speaker 2: girlfriend of mine or run into a female comic friend

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Speaker 2: of mine at the comedy store, it's always like ten

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Speaker 2: minutes in to where they're like, shitd you want a pod?

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Speaker 2: Like like, why are we doing this for free?

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm obsessed. We were just saying we

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Speaker 1: were getting the camera set up for this and it

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Speaker 1: was a little wide, and they were like, oh, well

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Speaker 1: we can see your feet on the couch. I was like, no, no,

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Speaker 1: free feet.

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Speaker 2: That was so funny.

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Speaker 1: No one gets free feet, And you're right, no one.

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Speaker 1: No one should get free free hangs either. I guess yes.

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Speaker 2: It's like women make money from, you know, exploiting their bodies.

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Speaker 2: We exploit our personalities and vulnerabilities and personal lives.

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Speaker 1: I'll take it. I'll take it. We'll talk about I

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Speaker 1: mean changes in personal lives for both of us. Hello,

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Speaker 1: you have a baby.

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Speaker 2: I have a baby.

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Speaker 1: As being a mom, well, the.

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Speaker 2: Good news is currently my toddler gets along well with

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Speaker 2: my inner child.

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Speaker 1: Okay, great.

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Speaker 2: The concern was that they is my inner child and

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Speaker 2: my actual child gonna get along, and they do. It's

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Speaker 2: a trip. I mean, look, I don't have to tell you,

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Speaker 2: like I just always thought, in order to have a kid,

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Speaker 2: you have to have the guy. And so my brain, like,

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Speaker 2: you know, just this socially constructed timeline. Even though half

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Speaker 2: the people in my life at least got the guy,

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Speaker 2: then the kid then broke up with the guy, but

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Speaker 2: I was still going, I got to get the guy first,

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Speaker 2: even though there was very little proof that that was

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Speaker 2: a working formula, right or anyone. And I froze my

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Speaker 2: eggs when I was thirty three. Highly recommend whenever anyone

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Speaker 2: asks me for advice about literally anything, I just go.

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Speaker 2: Don't ask your parents for a trip to Italy when

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Speaker 2: you graduate, or those shoes or that purse. Just go

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Speaker 2: freeze your eggs. It's like an insurance policy. You get

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Speaker 2: car insurance. The goal is you never actually get in

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Speaker 2: a car accident. Just put your on ice. For many reasons,

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Speaker 2: because I did find myself doing this math, you know

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Speaker 2: of like, Okay, I'm thirty two, I'm dating this guy,

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Speaker 2: all right, so we have a year before we'd and

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Speaker 2: then a year would take a year to get pregnant.

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Speaker 2: And then I'm like dating guy with a chain wallet

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Speaker 2: because I'm lowering my bar over and over. Like I

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Speaker 2: guess I just have to date a guy who wears

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Speaker 2: a rope as a belt, all right, you know, because

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Speaker 2: you start doing the math of like the cutoff, they

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Speaker 2: start calling it a geriatric pregnanc Yet thirty five they

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Speaker 2: say you're sane.

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Speaker 1: It's like insane.

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Speaker 2: Seventy five year old Smithers told me I was having

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Speaker 2: a geriatric So I was kind of like, I guess

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Speaker 2: I'm never gonna have a kid. I guess I'm gonna adopt.

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Speaker 2: I did kind of for a while because you know,

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Speaker 2: this year, like this too, I rescue animals, and I

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Speaker 2: was like, maybe I should adopt, Like is having your

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Speaker 2: own kid kind of like getting a dog from a

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Speaker 2: breeder at this point, like I should be adopting. There's

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Speaker 2: so many kids who needs homes. And then I went

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Speaker 2: through pretty hardcore grief after the pandemic, which all of

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Speaker 2: us just scrambled our brains. I did experiment with edibles

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Speaker 2: during the pandemic. Oh wasn't a match for my brain. Okay,

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Speaker 2: so was making a lot of bad choices in the

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Speaker 2: romantic area.

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Speaker 1: I did that too, It's okay, yeah, I.

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Speaker 2: Mean it was just like two edibles and I'm dating

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Speaker 2: a rock climber, like should we'd be legal? Unclear? And

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Speaker 2: also a bigger thing is I was on birth control,

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Speaker 2: which I was on for migraines. I think, uh, you know,

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Speaker 2: I got these date piercings, the piercings on the inside

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Speaker 2: of here on both sides.

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Speaker 1: Does it help?

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Speaker 2: Placibo effect is an effect, So if that's why it works, fine,

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Speaker 2: sixty percent effective. I'm obsessed with opening a medical practice

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Speaker 2: that's just placebo effect because placebo effect is actually higher

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Speaker 2: than the effect of most yes drugs.

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Speaker 1: Wow, it's kind of a genius idea.

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Speaker 2: And so I was on birth control, which there's all

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Speaker 2: this sort of look I'm the first person to poke

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Speaker 2: holes and like research but showing that when you're on

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Speaker 2: birth control you're attracted to a different kind of partner

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Speaker 2: because you smell pheromones differently. Your body thinks it's you know,

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Speaker 2: so you're attracted to a different kind of person. They

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Speaker 2: say that if you're going to get married, get engaged,

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Speaker 2: go off birth control for a year before you get

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Speaker 2: the government involved. To me, make sure that you're still

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Speaker 2: attracted to that person.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: So I went off birth control, I went off prozac

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Speaker 2: in my like grief, I just forgot to take it all,

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Speaker 2: you know. And and I was hanging out with this awesome,

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Speaker 2: awesome guy who you know, it's interesting, Like this might

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Speaker 2: sound savage, but I think there's something so cool about

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Speaker 2: it where I was like, look, I know I'm not

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Speaker 2: your match. And look in exes, my new favorite thing

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Speaker 2: is to just go, we weren't a match. Yeah, I

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Speaker 2: don't have to give them a diagnosis. They're a narcissist,

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Speaker 2: they're this maybe, but also we just weren't a match,

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Speaker 2: and like that's fine. And instead of like carrying all

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Speaker 2: these negative terms about exes, you know, and so we're

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Speaker 2: just not a match. Like they are a pathological liar

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Speaker 2: and I'm not.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I know nothing I do about that.

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Speaker 2: I just well, that's they're actors. They lie for a living.

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Speaker 2: They went prizes for lying, so you know, but I

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Speaker 2: try to just like take all that negativity out of

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Speaker 2: it and whatever of superiority I need to, like, you know,

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Speaker 2: I was like, we're not a match. He's younger than me,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, look, I want you to be able

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Speaker 2: to like have all these like life experiences with somebody

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Speaker 2: who isn't so road hard and put away wet and

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Speaker 2: so like, oh I overrated.

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Speaker 1: Like you should be able to like go enjoy it.

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Speaker 1: Go to Cancun please.

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Speaker 2: And this there is this next generation of younger guys

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Speaker 2: that are like actually like not monsters. They grew up

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Speaker 2: with like Beyonce and Michelle Obama, like they kind of

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Speaker 2: only saw a black president, you know, for most of

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Speaker 2: their life. And you know, they grew up with like

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Speaker 2: Brene Brown, and a lot of video games, I gotta say,

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Speaker 2: are like about chivalry and a lot of them are

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Speaker 2: about killing hookers. But there's some that are you know,

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Speaker 2: there's these Dungeons of Dragons guys, and these they're very cringe,

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Speaker 2: but like ren Fair guys.

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Speaker 1: Oh one of my best friends, and I love a

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Speaker 1: ren Fair, very very pro Sophia.

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Speaker 2: Wait, we're going?

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Speaker 1: No, I have okay, So are we going?

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Speaker 2: No? Are we going? I've already DMed ren Fair. I'm

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Speaker 2: trying to be the queen for the for the year.

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Speaker 2: So the rent Fair Queen. It's a year, it's equipment.

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Speaker 2: I d M them and they and they actually, I'm

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Speaker 2: on I've been left on Red by the Fair.

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Speaker 1: So they've seen it.

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Speaker 2: Wow, and it's it's tougher than like getting rejected on Rayah.

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Speaker 2: You you don't know rejection the Rent Fair. Uh, is

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Speaker 2: like we're good. But Lindsay Sterling and I go together

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Speaker 2: and and here's this thing. I'm so curious and I

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Speaker 2: want to shut up asap. I'm going to get TMJ

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Speaker 2: on this podcast, but I just am so excited to

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Speaker 2: talk to you. Is there anything that you're doing in

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Speaker 2: life as an adult work, because I'm always looking for

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Speaker 2: like hobbies as entertainers. It's like, what are we doing

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Speaker 2: to be entertained? Where you're doing something kind of to

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Speaker 2: make fun of it or kind of as a joke,

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Speaker 2: and then you're like, no, I'm just doing it like

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Speaker 2: I've been to the Renfair now like six times, like

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Speaker 2: as a joke, and I'm like, yeah, oh, I just

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Speaker 2: go to the ren Fair.

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Speaker 1: Okay. So yes, I have discovered and I thought it

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Speaker 1: was ironic and that I was being very contrariant and

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Speaker 1: silly with my girlfriends. I'm just a Disney adult and

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Speaker 1: I didn't know I was a Disney Adult. But then

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Speaker 1: I went to Disneyland, went on rides with all my friends,

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Speaker 1: eight corn dogs all day. There are every delicious food

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Speaker 1: from around the world, including Little Begnet's are at Disneyland,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, I used to be like

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Speaker 1: why are grown ups going to Disneyland? And I want

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Speaker 1: to go all the time.

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Speaker 2: Okay, let's break this down because I think I'm someone

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Speaker 2: who historically maybe poked fun at Disney adults because I

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Speaker 2: didn't have Disney in my childhood.

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Speaker 1: I think we went one time in my childho like,

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Speaker 1: I don't, It's great.

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Speaker 2: I went one time. One of my best girlfriends is

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Speaker 2: Jennifer Goodwin. She played snow White Princess, Yes, a princess,

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Speaker 2: and Josh Dallas is whatever. So we went and they're like,

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Speaker 2: they're like gods there right, and we had a tour guide.

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Speaker 2: And I'm such a weirdo. I didn't grow up around Disney.

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Speaker 2: I didn't. We didn't. I didn't really have a childhood

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Speaker 2: like I, you know, so I'm asking all these questions

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Speaker 2: about like the park. I'm obsessed with the park. I

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Speaker 2: My algorithm is all princesses that used to work at

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Speaker 2: Disney telling all the secrets of like what they had

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Speaker 2: to wear makeup wise and what because the Disney Princess

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Speaker 2: is very strict rules. They're not allowed to say certain things,

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Speaker 2: you know, and like who are they? I'm just fascinated

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Speaker 2: the makeup they have to wear all of it, and

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Speaker 2: they don't. They can't pee, they can't go to the bathroom,

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Speaker 2: they can't eat, they can't drink water, like none of it.

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Speaker 2: And so I'm asking all these questions to this guys,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, so, what's the deal with the with

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Speaker 2: the pedophiles? What's to do? How do you guys keep

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Speaker 2: them out? And uh? Because there's this whole underground like.

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Speaker 1: Jail, and I've heard about this. I want to see it.

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Speaker 2: And I think it's like one in every like thirty

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Speaker 2: people at Disneyland is an undercover cop. And if you

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Speaker 2: really just sit that and then you'll watch someone just

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Speaker 2: go up to a guy and be like, hey, dude,

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Speaker 2: you're gonna come with me. We're going for a walk

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Speaker 2: like they have it obviously, you know, so hardcore, so

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Speaker 2: dial nock and then I'm like, that's the only place

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Speaker 2: I want to be at a time when you're like

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Speaker 2: the Epstein List and all these creeps are everywhere. I

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Speaker 2: live at Disneyland, where their policy is no crepes.

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Speaker 1: No creeps. I love that. If that could be a

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Speaker 1: policy everywhere outside of Disneyland also, I would be so grateful.

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Speaker 2: But unfortunately, I think girls should just be able to

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Speaker 2: go there for like girls' nights because there's no grapes,

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Speaker 2: or at least they handle the crepes.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and then the cats.

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Speaker 2: You know, they let out one hundred cats at night

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Speaker 2: to take care of the rat problem, just to make

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Speaker 2: sure there's no rats.

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Speaker 1: Love it every night.

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Speaker 2: I love the Disneyland like what I love that.

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Speaker 1: You of the lore.

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Speaker 2: It's a whole city. There's a city underneath I mean

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Speaker 2: Disney Like there's a city. So I'm sure that being

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Speaker 2: a you know, do you look back at anything that

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Speaker 2: used to make fun of or not like and then

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Speaker 2: realize it's because you were becoming it, Like we kind

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Speaker 2: of become what we hate. Like whatever we resist persist

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Speaker 2: or you know whatever. Adage kind of like works. But

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Speaker 2: I find whenever I'm like, oh, Disney adults, I'm kind

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Speaker 2: of like, I feel like that's on the rise of me.

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Speaker 2: That's probably why I'm like resisting so hard. It's like

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Speaker 2: when you're like mean to a guy, you're like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I actually just like you.

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Speaker 1: Well, so really the point of this podcast is we're

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Speaker 1: going to Disneyland.

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Speaker 2: Together, sold and ren Fair and Renfair.

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Speaker 1: Let's go okay wait, but when you were talking about

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Speaker 1: ren Fair, you were also talking about the sort of younger,

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Speaker 1: more gentle dudes that go to a ren Fair. So

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Speaker 1: where where's that train going?

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Speaker 2: And next generation of God not all of them. I

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Speaker 2: can't speak for all of them. We only see the

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Speaker 2: reddish stuff and the negative stuff. But I think the

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Speaker 2: next generation of guys is going the opposite way from

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Speaker 2: these like porn obsessed, like you know, checked out, over

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Speaker 2: stimulated with women.

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Speaker 1: I hope.

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Speaker 2: So there's a lot of younger guys that are not

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Speaker 2: using porn, and they're like their kink is like love

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Speaker 2: because that's the kinkiest thing you can do at this point,

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Speaker 2: is like one woman like missionary and like eye contact

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Speaker 2: and like kissing because like it was so extreme for them,

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Speaker 2: this like Pendulum is like swinging back and he's just

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Speaker 2: this like just the I don't know, I just became

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Speaker 2: obsessed with him and I was like, I know I'm

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Speaker 2: not your wife, like, but can I just go off

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Speaker 2: birth control and if it happens, it happens. Because you

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Speaker 2: might not be my husband, I might not be your wife,

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Speaker 2: but you are a father. Like just I see it

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Speaker 2: so clearly.

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Speaker 1: And that's what happened.

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Speaker 2: That's what happened.

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Speaker 1: Ah, and what's what's the non relationship relationship?

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Speaker 2: Now it's the best we're There was this part of

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Speaker 2: me that was like, make it work, make it work,

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Speaker 2: make it work, to have this new year family that

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Speaker 2: you always wanted. And it was like, that's not fair

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Speaker 2: to him. You know. I think that we forget sometimes

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Speaker 2: as women when you're in any relationship, or guys probably

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Speaker 2: do it too. I just can't speak to that where

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Speaker 2: you're like, you know, I need to make this work,

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Speaker 2: like you know what, Just can you imagine if you

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Speaker 2: found out the other person was thinking like that with you? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: we forget who we're like, I'm going to be a

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Speaker 2: martyr and make this work. Like ew, you're wasting another

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Speaker 2: person's time if you're already you know, if you're pretending

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Speaker 2: or faking or trying to make something work. I mean, look,

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Speaker 2: if you're in of course, relationships take work. I really

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Speaker 2: can't speak to all that because I get so confused

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Speaker 2: around it. But I was just like, I don't want

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Speaker 2: to have any internal monologues that are negative about this.

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Speaker 2: Let's just start this off like honest and forward thinking,

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Speaker 2: in radical acceptance, so that our son never knows any different,

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Speaker 2: you know, to see us as like good friends and

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Speaker 2: we don't complicate things. And I just never want to

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Speaker 2: show resentment or weirdness around him. So we just started

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Speaker 2: co parenting like from the beginning, and it's such a blast.

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Speaker 1: That's so cool.

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Speaker 2: It's like a dream. And then I started dating the

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Speaker 2: guy that I'm with like when my son was like

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Speaker 2: three months old.

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, that's so cool.

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Speaker 2: Just I like, look, it's so hard for me to

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Speaker 2: trust that anyone would be into me in any capacity.

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Speaker 2: That the guy that I'm with now we started dating

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Speaker 2: when I had a newborn, Like that's what it takes

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Speaker 2: for me to be convinced that you actually like me,

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Speaker 2: to throw you in the deep end so hard. You know,

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Speaker 2: I'm like still hemorrhaging from childbirth and just purple from

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Speaker 2: Arco's veins, and just you know, here's my base.

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Speaker 1: We are.

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Speaker 2: I'm breastfeeding that I can't really walk, and you know,

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Speaker 2: so the guy that I'm with now, So it's kind

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Speaker 2: of a wild uh dynamic, but like why not?

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Speaker 1: And now a word from our sponsors who make this

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Speaker 1: show possible. I think there's something you know, not that

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Speaker 1: we've had the same experience, but I do think there's

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Speaker 1: something about meeting a person when you are you're most

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Speaker 1: taken apart.

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Speaker 2: In a way.

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Speaker 1: And for me, like I had to really deconstruct so

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Speaker 1: many things about the pressure I put on myself, the

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Speaker 1: subconscious pressure I put on myself approaching forty and wanting

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Speaker 1: to be a parent and doing all these things. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: sure there's things that aren't for public consumption, and there's

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Speaker 1: diagnoses you could give and all the you're talking about,

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Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, it's like, no,

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Speaker 1: if we're just trying to build the image, but the

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Speaker 1: life inside isn't happy, or you feel hollow or a

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Speaker 1: it's like a movie backdrop, like it looks like the mountains,

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Speaker 1: but actually it's just a sheet that's been painted on.

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Speaker 1: Like what are we what are we doing? And why

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Speaker 1: do we feel like we have to do it that way?

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Speaker 2: And I grew up watching parents fight like dogs that

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Speaker 2: not have been together. I remember, yeah, sobbing begging my

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Speaker 2: parents to get a divorce, and you know, I just

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Speaker 2: I don't feel like it's fair. You know, I think

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Speaker 2: the children understand, oh, this didn't work out, Like now

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Speaker 2: I can show you things don't work out the way

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Speaker 2: that the Norman Rockwell painting is like it's it's okay.

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Speaker 2: And you know, I think that it was also liberating

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Speaker 2: because I was like, Okay, I'm forty years old. If

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Speaker 2: I start over right now, not having a child, which

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Speaker 2: I want, you know, so bad, I'm just gonna put

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Speaker 2: so much pressure on everyone I date, like are you

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Speaker 2: a father? And you a father? And da da da,

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Speaker 2: and let me see, I'm just gonna be like how

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Speaker 2: big are your hands and like just getting so primorial.

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Speaker 1: Do you have any history of heart disease in your family?

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Speaker 1: What about rare cancers?

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Speaker 2: Like I meant this while we're sending it to twenty

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Speaker 2: three and right now I just was like, I'm never

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Speaker 2: gonna or I'm gonna settle for the wrong I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: have a kid with the wrong person too fast and

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Speaker 2: make a big mess. And I don't think it's fair

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Speaker 2: to be you know, we talk about objectifying you know,

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Speaker 2: women a lot, but it's not fair to objectify a

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Speaker 2: man on the first date, like are you a father?

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Speaker 2: Are you a father? Like you know, are you calm, honor?

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Speaker 2: And you can let me it's your credit score, like

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Speaker 2: I just you know. So I was like, let me

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Speaker 2: just take this off the table. And then I had this,

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Speaker 2: you know, cause that worked, you know when I was

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Speaker 2: when I froze my eggs. It took a lot of

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Speaker 2: pressure off. And then this like yeah, you know, I'm

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Speaker 2: really also working on you know. And I'm sure it's

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Speaker 2: different from everyone not getting all my needs met from

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Speaker 2: the same person. I don't think historically that's ever been

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Speaker 2: the case. I think our biological basis is like, you know,

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Speaker 2: not conducive to that at all, the idea that your

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Speaker 2: person needs to be like your husband and your best

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Speaker 2: friend and the father of your kid and your you know,

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Speaker 2: and the handyman at the house and the like everything

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Speaker 2: or your girl, whatever it is. And so to me,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, Okay, now that I have my heart so full,

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Speaker 2: I can actually go out and find a teammate, a

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Speaker 2: co pilot, a partner instead of like my world, I

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00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,960
Speaker 2: have a world already, yeah, you know, And I think

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Speaker 2: that my relationships before were so codependent because I was like,

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Speaker 2: I need you to you're my dad that never loved

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Speaker 2: me and my mom that drank and you're you know,

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Speaker 2: And then I was getting my emotional needs met from

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Speaker 2: like Hollywood, Like I mean, it was, it was mentally ill.

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Speaker 2: So now it's like, I think it's just about how

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Speaker 2: do you get your emotional needs met in appropriate ways?

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Speaker 2: And the word appropriate is kind of a new one

390
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:39,040
Speaker 2: for me as a comedian. I know that's not something

391
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:42,040
Speaker 2: that comes naturally for me to understand, but like it's

392
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Speaker 2: just like not appropriate for me to expect my guy

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Speaker 2: to be sad about my girlfriend breakup. You know. He's like, no,

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Speaker 2: it's not she was toxic for you. And I'm like,

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Speaker 2: I need to cry for two weeks because I still

396
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Speaker 2: love girlfriend. Breakups are so much they're so hard than

397
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:03,160
Speaker 2: gud But you know what, wait, I have to Okay,

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Speaker 2: I know we're talking about this thing, but I do

399
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Speaker 2: have to ask you this because this was like a

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Speaker 2: for me.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know what the interview was, but when

402
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Speaker 1: Oprah and Gail were talking and Oprah said, you cannot

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Speaker 1: be friends with someone who has even an ounce of

404
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Speaker 1: jealousy about your life, even an ounce and it really

405
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:26,040
Speaker 1: it hit me in such a way because I went, oh, well,

406
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:29,600
Speaker 1: no wonder, they've been friends for their whole lives, and oh, no,

407
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:32,000
Speaker 1: wonder we go through these things. Our lives are weird.

408
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:35,720
Speaker 1: Hollywood's weird, our careers are weird. Being in relationship to

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Speaker 1: people in the public eye is weird, and it's hard.

410
00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:42,080
Speaker 1: And also you kind of can't have relationships with people

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Speaker 1: who find your life hard for them.

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Speaker 2: It's also tricky with that because I wouldn't even have

413
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Speaker 2: been able to apply that advice to my life into

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Speaker 2: very recently save in order to ascertain whether someone's jealous

415
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Speaker 2: of you, you have to have self esteem and thank

416
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Speaker 2: you your life is awesome and that you're awesome, ding

417
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Speaker 2: ding ding. I was in all these RELATIONSHSPEP. I think

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Speaker 2: that was happening. But I was like, I would be

419
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Speaker 2: jealous of my.

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Speaker 1: Life the same. I was like, nobody's meaner to me

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Speaker 1: that me. I'm not fill in the blank, this person,

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Speaker 1: I'm not doing, fill in the blank, this job I'm

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Speaker 1: not and I and I wasn't in any way capable

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Speaker 1: of owning what I am. I just constantly identified what

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00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:31,439
Speaker 1: I wasn't and that not only for the kinds of

426
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:35,200
Speaker 1: friendships that break up, but for relationships, for romantic relationships

427
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,920
Speaker 1: that makes you such a target for manipulation and people

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00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:42,600
Speaker 1: who will take advantage of you. And like it really

429
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Speaker 1: required everything, like the House of Cards really coming down

430
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Speaker 1: to go, hold on, what ways have I been complicit

431
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Speaker 1: in what I've accepted that isn't it? And how do

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Speaker 1: I change that? And you know, in the same way

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Speaker 1: that you're talking about meeting your guy in the most

434
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:07,359
Speaker 1: insane time, Like I never thought I was going to

435
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:14,560
Speaker 1: find the most keeling and sweet and joyful and kind

436
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:18,560
Speaker 1: love of my life in a fucking divorced girl group chat,

437
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:22,159
Speaker 1: but here we are, Like not on my Bingo card ever,

438
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,679
Speaker 1: and here we are. And it's like, I bet it

439
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:26,399
Speaker 1: wasn't on your Bingo card that you were going to

440
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:29,199
Speaker 1: have a three month old and fall in love with

441
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:30,680
Speaker 1: someone that wasn't that baby's dad.

442
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:34,760
Speaker 2: But I realized the only my heart was so full

443
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:38,320
Speaker 2: with this child that the only person who could have

444
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,359
Speaker 2: even got through to me was someone he's already a dad,

445
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,919
Speaker 2: he's you know, has a kid. That was like down

446
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:47,199
Speaker 2: that was like, oh, you still have stitches in and

447
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:50,760
Speaker 2: you can't have sex for three months and you've got

448
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:53,840
Speaker 2: this baby, and like pressure, yeah, he was like.

449
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:57,720
Speaker 1: You know was he was? He just like, let me

450
00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:00,240
Speaker 1: swaddle your baby, and you were like Yupah.

451
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:05,280
Speaker 2: He showed up a Harley Davidson onesie, Oh my god,

452
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,400
Speaker 2: and he's an Eagles fan so all this like Eagles gear.

453
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 2: And it was like, because I had this identity that

454
00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:15,240
Speaker 2: was like, Okay, now I'm a single mom, like I'm

455
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:17,280
Speaker 2: no one's gonna want to sign up for this. Oh

456
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,480
Speaker 2: it's gonna make me cry, Like who would want this?

457
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:23,600
Speaker 2: You know? Like, and I think that you're like this too,

458
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,199
Speaker 2: and maybe I won't diagnose you, but I think that

459
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:33,159
Speaker 2: we come off so independent and so self sufficient that

460
00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:36,480
Speaker 2: it doesn't occur to anyone that we ever need help. Ye,

461
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:43,280
Speaker 2: and yes, you know I that was the only time

462
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:48,439
Speaker 2: I was needing help because I like literally like couldn't

463
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:49,439
Speaker 2: walk up a flight of stairs.

464
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 1: You couldn't pretend you didn't need help anymore.

465
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:56,439
Speaker 2: Exactly. You just nailed it. And it softened me in

466
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,760
Speaker 2: that moment, and I'm like, is this what it comes

467
00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:01,400
Speaker 2: to for a man to see my vulnerable side? Literally?

468
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 2: Just being like he would drive all the way here,

469
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,520
Speaker 2: he lives two hours away and I'd be like, I

470
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,480
Speaker 2: have to take a nap. He'd be like, no problem,

471
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,840
Speaker 2: you know, like let me make you some food. Like

472
00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:12,640
Speaker 2: that's what it came to for me to allow someone

473
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:14,600
Speaker 2: to love me and take care of me. And I

474
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:16,320
Speaker 2: don't think I ever would have been able to do

475
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 2: that had I not actually been like still bleeding from child.

476
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:26,240
Speaker 1: Wow. I think that's really it's really profound, and that's

477
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:29,960
Speaker 1: really beautiful and how fucking cool that you did it.

478
00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:34,119
Speaker 2: Tricky thing, because I'm so like anti pretending to be

479
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 2: anything you're not or don't ever make yourself small for someone.

480
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:39,439
Speaker 2: But there's also a point where you have to go,

481
00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 2: like if I want to attract someone that has any

482
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:47,920
Speaker 2: caretaking capabilities or that will be helpful and useful and

483
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:50,960
Speaker 2: that helps them build their pride and their self esteem

484
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 2: and that's maybe how they give love if their language

485
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:57,160
Speaker 2: is acts of service or you know, and I'm not

486
00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,320
Speaker 2: giving them the opportunity to do that for me because

487
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:01,440
Speaker 2: my thing is like I mean anything, I'm so independent.

488
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:02,720
Speaker 2: I got it, I got it, I got it, And

489
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:04,719
Speaker 2: they're like, do you even need me for this? Like

490
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,440
Speaker 2: I want to be with someone that I can love

491
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,639
Speaker 2: and you know, I love through acts of service, and

492
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:12,760
Speaker 2: I love through fixing and helping, you know. And then

493
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:14,800
Speaker 2: I found myself in relationships with people that are just

494
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,320
Speaker 2: like so unavailable and so not there. And I'm like,

495
00:25:17,359 --> 00:25:19,720
Speaker 2: of course I'm attracting that kind of person because I

496
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 2: don't need anything. Somebody attracts someone who can't give anything,

497
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,320
Speaker 2: and so, you know, I don't know where you are.

498
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,679
Speaker 2: And love languages, I know, I'm sure. I'm sure a

499
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:30,359
Speaker 2: lot of it is. You know, it is what it is.

500
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:33,640
Speaker 2: But there is a book that is so deeply toxic

501
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:37,680
Speaker 2: and it is so helpful. I'm going to bring it up.

502
00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:41,639
Speaker 2: It is called getting Too I Do, and it is

503
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:47,560
Speaker 2: truly the worst title of any book. But boy, ignore

504
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:51,560
Speaker 2: all the toxic heteronormative like marriage stuff. It's not even

505
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:56,360
Speaker 2: about the marriage. It's like about how one person needs

506
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,240
Speaker 2: to be a giver and one person needs to be

507
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 2: a receiver, and like switching back and forth is confusing,

508
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:05,800
Speaker 2: and you got to pick a lane. And in my relationships,

509
00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:07,960
Speaker 2: I was always the giver, but in my work, I'm

510
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,359
Speaker 2: the giver and I just was always giving, given, giving,

511
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 2: and I wasn't allowing myself to receive anything anywhere. And

512
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,080
Speaker 2: I wanted a teammate, but I wasn't giving anyone the

513
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:19,480
Speaker 2: opportunity to give to me. So I was so frustrated.

514
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,879
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm doing everything myself. Why aren't they helping?

515
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:25,000
Speaker 2: It doesn't occur. When would they have time to help?

516
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:28,200
Speaker 2: You've already done it all, you know, double virgo till

517
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:31,240
Speaker 2: I die. Come from alcoholic home, Like, I'm gratified child.

518
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, you and me both, babe.

519
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:40,200
Speaker 2: It helped me to learn receiving isn't weak. It just

520
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:42,440
Speaker 2: mean you're stupid. It doesn't mean you need a man

521
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:46,400
Speaker 2: or need a relationship, or you're pathetic or weak. It's like, yeah,

522
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,760
Speaker 2: could you make the reservation? Could you make that choice?

523
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:51,199
Speaker 2: What do you want to make the choice? I'm just

524
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:53,640
Speaker 2: a capacity for making choices today. I just I don't

525
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:57,320
Speaker 2: I'm a decision fatigue. What decent this thing? Could you

526
00:26:57,320 --> 00:27:01,360
Speaker 2: just schedule it? Thank you? Want to love you? And

527
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:03,919
Speaker 2: that's what the essence of that book is.

528
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,239
Speaker 1: That kind of yeah, But that's what I was going

529
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:11,080
Speaker 1: to ask you, because the hyper independence that comes off

530
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:16,359
Speaker 1: is so professional, so successful. So whatever you know. You

531
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:20,320
Speaker 1: mentioned growing up in a household where you were at

532
00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:23,920
Speaker 1: times begging your parents to get divorced. I also went

533
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:28,160
Speaker 1: through that, and I realize I was a very early

534
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:30,880
Speaker 1: parentified child. I was like, I love you both, y'all

535
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:34,440
Speaker 1: are nuts. I see myself out here. Yeah, I'll take

536
00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 1: it from here. I will never need anything. And the

537
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:41,560
Speaker 1: wild thing that I've been through more recently, you know,

538
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:44,919
Speaker 1: we had this big kind of family meeting I don't know,

539
00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:50,119
Speaker 1: eight years ago and started processing through some things that

540
00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:51,760
Speaker 1: I thought were a really big deal. And I was

541
00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 1: in a period of five years of deep singletom just

542
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 1: like I reject a relationship, I'm not doing this, and

543
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:00,399
Speaker 1: I had to kind of get to the bottom of

544
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:04,720
Speaker 1: some things in my family. And the coolest thing that's

545
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,680
Speaker 1: happened to me since I, you know, knocked down the

546
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 1: whole house of cards two years ago, is it. It

547
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 1: gave my parents and I another opportunity to talk to

548
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:20,840
Speaker 1: each other. And I realized i'd been saying, you know,

549
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:23,199
Speaker 1: I'm so glad my parents still have each other, and

550
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:25,120
Speaker 1: I'm really glad for where they're at. But I don't

551
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:27,359
Speaker 1: know when they became this couple that holds hands walking

552
00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:29,280
Speaker 1: down the street and likes hanging out with each other.

553
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:34,480
Speaker 1: And I realized that because I rejected the hard times

554
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:36,679
Speaker 1: they went through because they're just two people doing the

555
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 1: best they can, you know, not in a generation where

556
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:43,600
Speaker 1: they had Instagram, therapists and mental health access, you know,

557
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 1: resources everywhere. That I missed the way they healed together.

558
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:52,240
Speaker 1: So I rejected what didn't work, but I never learned

559
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:56,600
Speaker 1: what really did WHOA And so I didn't even know

560
00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 1: that in my hyper independence, which was a trauma response

561
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:07,720
Speaker 1: to that toxicity at the time, I didn't even realize

562
00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:10,240
Speaker 1: that as an adult who looked super successful on the

563
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 1: outside and who'd been through a lot and had healed

564
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:16,200
Speaker 1: from it, supposedly that I just kept finding the same

565
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:20,120
Speaker 1: fucking clause to fit the same fucking wounds. And the

566
00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 1: aha moment that I had realizing I was in a

567
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:29,560
Speaker 1: situation at forty that so closely mirrored a situation I

568
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 1: was in twenty years.

569
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:33,760
Speaker 2: Before, like pattern recognition.

570
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:38,040
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, everything stops. Everything's got

571
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:42,520
Speaker 1: to stop, and it was so scary to do it.

572
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:46,160
Speaker 1: But the way it feels now, like I see the

573
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:48,320
Speaker 1: joy on your face when you talk about where you

574
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:50,360
Speaker 1: are now, and I feel that I just.

575
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 2: In talking about how different it is from if it

576
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:59,280
Speaker 2: feels uncomfortable and the opposite of my thing is, you know, look,

577
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 2: I'm you know, I'm in alan On and Aca, and

578
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 2: you know, it's really just about taking a contrary action.

579
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:08,320
Speaker 2: And if something feels too familiar before you've been in recovery,

580
00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:12,080
Speaker 2: that means you're recreating your childhood circumstances, whatever equilibrium of

581
00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:17,240
Speaker 2: the neurochemical. There's a great book again horrible title, Horvel Hendricks,

582
00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:20,120
Speaker 2: Getting the Love You Want, about how we're attracted to

583
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:24,200
Speaker 2: people with the negative qualities of our primary caretakers, because

584
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:28,160
Speaker 2: it recreates that from mine was chaos. And the more

585
00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 2: on drugs you are, the more you know, dramatic going

586
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:34,760
Speaker 2: through a horrible breakup, you need to you know, go

587
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 2: from the rehab to the assisted living and you have

588
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:41,320
Speaker 2: a stock like chaos was so familiar to me because

589
00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 2: that was my role as a kid, was to make

590
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:46,240
Speaker 2: everybody happy and calm and just help me get the

591
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:50,080
Speaker 2: helper right. And so you know, and I did. And

592
00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:52,600
Speaker 2: no shade on your parents, no shade even on my parents.

593
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:53,960
Speaker 2: I'm kind of at the point where it's like we

594
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,600
Speaker 2: forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, because we deserve peace.

595
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:58,640
Speaker 2: And now that I have a son, I'm like God,

596
00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 2: I hope he like forgives me when I mess up.

597
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:03,520
Speaker 2: I'm sure I will, so just trying to, you know,

598
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:07,080
Speaker 2: approach that way. But there was this guy on I

599
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:09,960
Speaker 2: think it was Rich Roll, who said, a sign of

600
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:13,840
Speaker 2: healthy parenting is that your children don't wish to be famous.

601
00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:17,720
Speaker 2: And it's just kind of like, Okay, I don't have

602
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:22,920
Speaker 2: to overthink this. I went to strangers. I go to

603
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:26,360
Speaker 2: try to make drunk strangers laugh at night.

604
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 1: Oh you know what I mean.

605
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:31,160
Speaker 2: I didn't. I didn't get I didn't get what I needed.

606
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:32,400
Speaker 2: But no one's going to give it to me. I

607
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:33,240
Speaker 2: have to give it to myself.

608
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:34,880
Speaker 1: You have to give it to your you're.

609
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 2: Famous, you're in a super big jam because then people

610
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:39,360
Speaker 2: want to be around you sometimes for the wrong reason,

611
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:41,280
Speaker 2: so it's not real love. And that I go, oh, well,

612
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:44,840
Speaker 2: I'll sell it for being used. Being used. I'll never love,

613
00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:47,080
Speaker 2: so I'll just be used, like I know what that is.

614
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:51,239
Speaker 2: And then to break that cycle is like is not

615
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:51,880
Speaker 2: a game.

616
00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:56,600
Speaker 1: It's like total It felt like total and complete annihilation

617
00:31:56,800 --> 00:32:02,160
Speaker 1: by choice. But I would not go back for a moment.

618
00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:07,200
Speaker 2: The concept called wabbi Sabby, I'm sure you know that. Yeah,

619
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 2: term of something is actually more valuable after it's been broken.

620
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,840
Speaker 2: And like when bolt breaks, they painted back with gold.

621
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 1: Yeah it's so beautiful, sobby, no big deal. Yeah you're like,

622
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 1: I'm an art piece, bitch, Like I'm a like, I fancy,

623
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:24,920
Speaker 1: I love it. Put me in a museum.

624
00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 2: That guy, Steve Win, the hotel guy. Yes, he put

625
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 2: his hand through a van Gogh because he has issues.

626
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 2: And then they restored it and now it's worth like

627
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 2: fifty million more like being broken and fixed is sicker,

628
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:40,520
Speaker 2: like scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue.

629
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:52,880
Speaker 1: Totally, and now a word from our sponsors. So I'm

630
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:55,120
Speaker 1: curious about this because you've talked about it a lot,

631
00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:57,040
Speaker 1: and if you feel like you've talked about it too much,

632
00:32:57,080 --> 00:33:01,360
Speaker 1: we can move on. But you you you've shared about

633
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:07,560
Speaker 1: your postpartum depression journey. And so not only when you

634
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:11,320
Speaker 1: give me context on finding this really healthy love and

635
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 1: learning to let people support you, you were also you

636
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:20,440
Speaker 1: weren't just dealing with the physical postpartum. You were dealing

637
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:27,400
Speaker 1: with this enormous mental shift. And were you able to

638
00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:32,720
Speaker 1: identify that really quickly, because like when I was going

639
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:34,640
Speaker 1: through what I was going through, granted not because of

640
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 1: a kid but like fertility hormones or gnarley. I was like, oh,

641
00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:42,360
Speaker 1: what is happening to me? Is the is a kind

642
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:45,640
Speaker 1: of depression that is scary and I need to figure

643
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:49,520
Speaker 1: it out. And I had to confront a lot of things,

644
00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 1: namely like I'm not getting any help with this, Like

645
00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:59,040
Speaker 1: how did you know that it wasn't just oh my

646
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:02,200
Speaker 1: body aches because I pushed a baby out, but like

647
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:03,440
Speaker 1: something else is wrong.

648
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 2: I'm already getting emotional, so you know, lot's coming, No

649
00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:10,480
Speaker 2: in a good way, you know, I don't. I no

650
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:15,600
Speaker 2: longer see crying as bad, like it's you know, it's decongestion,

651
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:18,200
Speaker 2: and it's like the body that keeps the score I

652
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:21,200
Speaker 2: have here somewhere. It's just like you know, releasing And

653
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:23,799
Speaker 2: I think when we have these conversations, like it's a

654
00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:29,279
Speaker 2: sign of uh, I think strength and success that this deep.

655
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:31,960
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, that you're not masking this part of yourself.

656
00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:35,120
Speaker 2: I can't pretend anymore. And I'm so grateful for that.

657
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:37,960
Speaker 2: And I don't I used to kind of just like

658
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:41,240
Speaker 2: go for the joke, and going for a joke podcasts

659
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:43,359
Speaker 2: when there's no audience just comes off cringe and pick

660
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:46,360
Speaker 2: me anyway, you know. For me, it was a couple

661
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:50,200
Speaker 2: of things. You know, I will start by saying, I'm

662
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:55,240
Speaker 2: not a big pharmap pusher person. If it's for you,

663
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:59,120
Speaker 2: that's awesome. I think there's definitely a place for I

664
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:02,680
Speaker 2: know people who have are no longer with us, who

665
00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:05,200
Speaker 2: have taken their lives because they went off a medication

666
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:07,520
Speaker 2: they really needed. I know people who I think have

667
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:10,319
Speaker 2: gone on medications they did not need at all, and

668
00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:13,480
Speaker 2: it has hurt their lives in a lot of ways

669
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:19,480
Speaker 2: and mental health. I went off everything and ultimately settled

670
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:22,400
Speaker 2: on just because I have repetitive intrusive thoughts, which is

671
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:25,920
Speaker 2: a normal, healthy reaction from a dangerous childhood. To go

672
00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:27,799
Speaker 2: like that is a soo on? Is this on? Is

673
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:30,560
Speaker 2: the door? Like that? Like it's a survival mechanism. It's

674
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:34,360
Speaker 2: something that also I think women we specifically have we're

675
00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:35,960
Speaker 2: you know, used to have to give birth in the

676
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:39,360
Speaker 2: woods at fifteen blood everywhere with predators around. Is that

677
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:40,719
Speaker 2: a line? Is that a line? Is that a line?

678
00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:44,480
Speaker 2: Is that a lot? Like? That's you know, survival narrative.

679
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:48,800
Speaker 2: But I did go on first ten milligrams of prozac

680
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:51,600
Speaker 2: and then up to twenty milligrams of prozac, which just

681
00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:54,640
Speaker 2: kind of cuts the perseveration and the loop in like

682
00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:57,480
Speaker 2: kind of in half for me of like get off

683
00:35:57,480 --> 00:35:59,480
Speaker 2: this podcast and go like, oh that was boring. You

684
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:01,560
Speaker 2: were boring, talk too much, that was annoying. You cried

685
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:03,000
Speaker 2: on the podcast. Why did you do that? That was

686
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 2: like a I'll do that for like five.

687
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:07,279
Speaker 1: Minutes and you know instead of an hour.

688
00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:10,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, like they like, I'm going to do it as

689
00:36:10,239 --> 00:36:13,640
Speaker 2: much as it will be constructive for me to next

690
00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:16,520
Speaker 2: time improve the way I communicate, but I'm not going

691
00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:19,879
Speaker 2: to like hurt myself. You know. So I had gone

692
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:22,640
Speaker 2: off prozac when I was pregnant, so I was definitely

693
00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:26,160
Speaker 2: off prozac as well. You know. So I'm not saying

694
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:29,960
Speaker 2: everyone that has postpartum should be on something. For me personally,

695
00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:34,040
Speaker 2: it's a little bit of those repetitive thoughts before the

696
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:37,040
Speaker 2: prozac kicked back in, and then I think there was

697
00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:39,719
Speaker 2: just you know how like when you almost get in

698
00:36:39,719 --> 00:36:43,799
Speaker 2: a car accident but you don't, you're fineing, you're fine,

699
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:45,920
Speaker 2: and then you like get home and then you're like, yeah,

700
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 2: like it it comes out like a delay. Yeah, all

701
00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:52,799
Speaker 2: the stuff that I'm talking about of like I did

702
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:54,680
Speaker 2: it with someone that I'm not married to and I

703
00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:57,080
Speaker 2: did it, you know, out of wedlock after my mom died.

704
00:36:57,120 --> 00:37:00,200
Speaker 2: And I'm coming off like I'm very like, I'm this

705
00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:03,799
Speaker 2: decision and I you know, that's so self actualized and

706
00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:06,360
Speaker 2: I have all this agency and I did this, you know,

707
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:12,759
Speaker 2: kind of what's the word unconventional thing. I think that

708
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:15,839
Speaker 2: there was like a delayed emotional hangover of having to

709
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:19,520
Speaker 2: be an acceptance of that I didn't really have any choice,

710
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:21,319
Speaker 2: like when I was pregnant, I was just kind of like,

711
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:23,839
Speaker 2: this is what I'm doing. I think we forget a

712
00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:27,839
Speaker 2: lot about like the freeze response and like shock, and

713
00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 2: it took me a lot. A lot of the time.

714
00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:32,279
Speaker 2: I'm in shock a lot, and sometimes it takes me

715
00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:35,960
Speaker 2: a second to like process something that happened. And after

716
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:38,839
Speaker 2: I had him and things got real, Oh it's gonna

717
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 2: makee me cry. There is like a sadness around it also,

718
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:47,560
Speaker 2: which is like, fine, this is a choice that I made,

719
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:50,799
Speaker 2: you know, but there's a sadness for all of us

720
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:56,239
Speaker 2: to go like, oh, like I'm not gonna have that thing.

721
00:37:56,920 --> 00:37:59,839
Speaker 2: You know, does anybody have it? I don't know, you know,

722
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:04,000
Speaker 2: does anybody have it? Unclear? But you know that's why

723
00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:06,680
Speaker 2: movies like Frozen are so important because you're like, oh,

724
00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:09,640
Speaker 2: the love story between sisters. You know, Yes, But I

725
00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:14,120
Speaker 2: do think that I also had a sadness for myself

726
00:38:14,239 --> 00:38:17,359
Speaker 2: of like, whoa, I could have done that this way

727
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:22,680
Speaker 2: this whole time and put myself through shape shifting and

728
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:25,880
Speaker 2: pretending and trying to be the girl that he'd want

729
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:27,640
Speaker 2: to marry so we can have the kid. You know.

730
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:31,880
Speaker 2: I was like it was a sadness for also like

731
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:36,320
Speaker 2: what I had done to myself and being around a baby,

732
00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:42,320
Speaker 2: it's just like it gives you a whole new level

733
00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:52,319
Speaker 2: of understanding how I guess mentally ill my parents were.

734
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:57,680
Speaker 2: It went from like I'm mad at them to like, oh, wow,

735
00:38:57,840 --> 00:39:00,359
Speaker 2: I was in actual danger. Like when you're with a

736
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:03,560
Speaker 2: baby and you see how defenseless they are and how innocent.

737
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:09,160
Speaker 2: There's like a news that comes up that's like it's

738
00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:11,239
Speaker 2: like they didn't want this, Like how could you not?

739
00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:16,719
Speaker 2: You know, But addiction is real, and addiction, you know,

740
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:19,400
Speaker 2: people that are addicted to drugs, they give their baby

741
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 2: away gambling. You know, I can see for you know,

742
00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:24,440
Speaker 2: So I think it's a lot of that. I think

743
00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:27,920
Speaker 2: when you're with a baby, that's so defenseless and so

744
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:31,080
Speaker 2: innocent and so sweet. You also go like what happened?

745
00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:34,160
Speaker 2: What does this world do? Like I have this little boy,

746
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:36,560
Speaker 2: he's the sweetest thing, and I'm like all men start

747
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:40,520
Speaker 2: out like this, Yeah, what are we doing to these people?

748
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:42,560
Speaker 2: You're like, what are we doing to them? So I

749
00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:44,799
Speaker 2: think there was this there's a sadness there, and then

750
00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:50,080
Speaker 2: as he gets older, I think that's when the postpartum

751
00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:51,799
Speaker 2: I don't know what to call it really hits me

752
00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:55,719
Speaker 2: because I didn't really have a childhood with toys and

753
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:57,400
Speaker 2: play and so I'm kind of having it for the

754
00:39:57,440 --> 00:40:01,600
Speaker 2: first time with him, and it's just like sadness, which

755
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:04,400
Speaker 2: is like I'd rather be the person cryinger on your podcast,

756
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:06,919
Speaker 2: as much as embarrassing as it is, then the person

757
00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:10,080
Speaker 2: who's like angry later, you know, because I think I

758
00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:13,040
Speaker 2: had a lot of anger for a long time that

759
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:15,360
Speaker 2: I just thought was like I'm funny and I'm sarcastic,

760
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:18,880
Speaker 2: but it was like angry underneath it, you know, And

761
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:20,920
Speaker 2: so that's kind of what it was for me. I

762
00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:25,759
Speaker 2: think it was a remix of chemical and uh, you know,

763
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:28,120
Speaker 2: your body is not your body that I actually, for

764
00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 2: the first time my life got obsessed with my body,

765
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:35,160
Speaker 2: like I had eating disorders and and dysmorphia and all

766
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:37,799
Speaker 2: kinds of it with my mind so long one side

767
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:39,880
Speaker 2: a kid, I was like, it's not about my body.

768
00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:43,200
Speaker 2: It's I'm not trying to get some executive at CBS

769
00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:45,640
Speaker 2: to be like in em hire me. Like what I

770
00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:47,800
Speaker 2: was like, this is just my kid's house at this point,

771
00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:50,799
Speaker 2: you know, That's what I thought about it. So I

772
00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:55,920
Speaker 2: think there's just also this chrysalis of going like I'm

773
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:59,279
Speaker 2: an adult now and the relief of like I don't

774
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:02,719
Speaker 2: have to think about myself anymore. And I was so

775
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:05,000
Speaker 2: sick of myself. What we do for a living. I

776
00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:07,359
Speaker 2: know everyone kind of wants to do what we do,

777
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:09,839
Speaker 2: and that's awesome, and there's so many amazing things about

778
00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:13,799
Speaker 2: what we do. But like I was like there, I

779
00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:18,359
Speaker 2: was at a like peak mental illness, like crisis, and

780
00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:21,799
Speaker 2: I think plot twist. I guess I'm not a malignant narcissist.

781
00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:25,360
Speaker 2: I was just so sick of myself. And I realized, like,

782
00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:27,840
Speaker 2: if I'm thinking about myself all day, I hate myself.

783
00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:31,120
Speaker 2: But if I'm thinking about myself like an hour a day,

784
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:34,080
Speaker 2: that's like that's like the sweet spot. So such a

785
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:37,279
Speaker 2: victory in all of this, But I think once you

786
00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:40,360
Speaker 2: have that child in front of you, and the decisions

787
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:43,640
Speaker 2: really made of like okay, like I'm a single mom,

788
00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:47,760
Speaker 2: Like okay, Like I tried. I did everything I could.

789
00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:51,120
Speaker 2: I pretended to like the you know, the Miami heat

790
00:41:51,239 --> 00:41:54,200
Speaker 2: for a guy. I pretended to like coffee. I pretended

791
00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:55,680
Speaker 2: to be this person I pretend to be in the

792
00:41:55,719 --> 00:42:00,520
Speaker 2: camping Like I tried, and it didn't work. And I could,

793
00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:05,640
Speaker 2: I couldn't make it perfect. And there's a little bit

794
00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:09,880
Speaker 2: of a like, you know, I think my son's going

795
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 2: to think it's cool, but there's a little bit of

796
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:13,400
Speaker 2: like I have to explain this one day, you know.

797
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:18,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, but I think it's kind of incredible.

798
00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:19,440
Speaker 2: You know.

799
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:27,840
Speaker 1: I I will never forget like and this was years

800
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:32,040
Speaker 1: before any of this, but I will never forget doing

801
00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:37,600
Speaker 1: during the pandemic when we were all home, I did

802
00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:42,399
Speaker 1: Glennon Doyle's book tour with her on Instagram live.

803
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:45,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, and when.

804
00:42:45,040 --> 00:42:48,799
Speaker 1: She talked about being in this marriage and looking at

805
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:51,840
Speaker 1: her daughter and saying like would I want this for

806
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:55,759
Speaker 1: my daughter? Like I'm staying for my daughter, but what

807
00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:57,440
Speaker 1: I want my daughter to stay in this?

808
00:42:58,080 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 2: Oh?

809
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:03,879
Speaker 1: I needed to hear that to eventually unpack the house

810
00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:06,920
Speaker 1: I grew up in with my parents, and I needed

811
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:11,240
Speaker 1: to hear it so that on the precipice of having

812
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:14,320
Speaker 1: a kid, I could say, I don't want this for

813
00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:21,239
Speaker 1: my kid. I don't want the thing i'm in that

814
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:27,919
Speaker 1: has just eviscerated me to be the thing my kid

815
00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:34,680
Speaker 1: grows up in. And I think there's something so cool

816
00:43:34,840 --> 00:43:38,440
Speaker 1: about the fact that we all, in our own unique versions,

817
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:41,440
Speaker 1: are having this experience because I think the kids we

818
00:43:41,560 --> 00:43:47,840
Speaker 1: raise are going to be more mentally healthy because we

819
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:53,360
Speaker 1: can talk to them about finding mental toughness, about finding

820
00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:57,759
Speaker 1: our own mental health, about not having to make it

821
00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:02,239
Speaker 1: look perfect, and not trying to go after you know,

822
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:10,719
Speaker 1: the fairy tale ending, but actually finding joy and personal fulfillment,

823
00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 1: even when it requires so much courage because you have

824
00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:16,680
Speaker 1: to do the brave, hard thing.

825
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:19,680
Speaker 2: But I think that what you're saying is making me

826
00:44:19,719 --> 00:44:21,360
Speaker 2: think for the first time. The idea is that I

827
00:44:21,360 --> 00:44:24,200
Speaker 2: think this generation we're kind of been chosen to be

828
00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:27,640
Speaker 2: the cycle breakers, and hopefully this next generation doesn't need

829
00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:31,960
Speaker 2: to have constant mental health CONTs all the time. Hopefully

830
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:35,439
Speaker 2: there's meditation in schools and there's you know, school isn't

831
00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 2: just sitting down and staring at us memorizing when that's

832
00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:41,440
Speaker 2: not how we're wired. You know. Like I think this

833
00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:43,880
Speaker 2: next generation, you know, is going to look at phones

834
00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:45,840
Speaker 2: the way we look at cigarettes. We're gonna be like

835
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:48,600
Speaker 2: you guys just did that all day inside, you know

836
00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:51,120
Speaker 2: all the I think that, like we're kind of the

837
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:53,360
Speaker 2: the you know, our parents, Uh, I mean the parents

838
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:55,440
Speaker 2: before that were just a wash there. They were like

839
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 2: kids working in factories. You know, They're doing pretty good

840
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:03,240
Speaker 2: given the circumstance. It says that generationally and our parents

841
00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:06,880
Speaker 2: were raised by you know, people that are completely emotionally

842
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:09,720
Speaker 2: shut down, that were like in wars, you know, and

843
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:12,399
Speaker 2: then us, like I think we're the ones that are

844
00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:15,160
Speaker 2: hopefully going to get a modicum of you know, sort

845
00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:17,799
Speaker 2: of mental health in place, so this next generation can

846
00:45:17,920 --> 00:45:22,440
Speaker 2: just exist and being in a way. You know. But

847
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:26,520
Speaker 2: it's it's it's a lot, man, And like I think

848
00:45:26,520 --> 00:45:28,239
Speaker 2: to me, you know, I really stick with a lot

849
00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:32,200
Speaker 2: of like basics, like gratitude list is it? Because the

850
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:34,680
Speaker 2: worst thing I think we can be at this point

851
00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:35,760
Speaker 2: is a sore winner?

852
00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:37,879
Speaker 1: Yeah? Do you do that every day?

853
00:45:38,560 --> 00:45:38,799
Speaker 2: Yeah?

854
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:41,120
Speaker 1: Make a gratitude list? Do you do it in the

855
00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:41,919
Speaker 1: morning or at night.

856
00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:44,400
Speaker 2: I do it usually at night before bed, because I

857
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:46,919
Speaker 2: do a ten step in a twelve step program, which

858
00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:49,760
Speaker 2: is where you go, do I owe any apologies today?

859
00:45:50,760 --> 00:45:52,640
Speaker 2: You know? Do I have any resentments from today? Do

860
00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:55,200
Speaker 2: I have any fears from today? And then like gratitude

861
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:59,360
Speaker 2: list before bed? Yeah, it's good. Yeah, that's like a

862
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:01,319
Speaker 2: ten step and a twelve step programs so that you

863
00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:03,520
Speaker 2: don't like carry shame and in the next day or

864
00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:05,680
Speaker 2: you're not like laying in bed and being like, was

865
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:07,799
Speaker 2: I like weird on Sophia's podcast? Would I reach out

866
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:10,200
Speaker 2: to her and like you should hang out? Did I

867
00:46:10,239 --> 00:46:11,959
Speaker 2: drop the ball on that? Like instead of just thinking

868
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:15,280
Speaker 2: about it, I can just go like, hey, you know, sorry,

869
00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:18,120
Speaker 2: if that I was late, great talking to you, like

870
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:20,960
Speaker 2: whatever it is. I can just make an apology where

871
00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:23,080
Speaker 2: I need to, so that I'm not beating myself up

872
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:28,480
Speaker 2: over it and accruing an embarrassment kind of thing. But yeah,

873
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:32,399
Speaker 2: I really am trying to write stuff down. I have

874
00:46:32,440 --> 00:46:37,439
Speaker 2: a typewriter now, typewriter that does not have Wi Fi

875
00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:37,799
Speaker 2: on it.

876
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:38,880
Speaker 1: We like that.

877
00:46:39,400 --> 00:46:42,080
Speaker 2: I do think another part of postpartum depression. I'm not

878
00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:44,120
Speaker 2: hearing a lot about me, not because just because i'm

879
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:47,880
Speaker 2: you know, I'm sure it's a discussion, but you're really

880
00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:51,280
Speaker 2: really faced with your addictions after you have a kid

881
00:46:51,880 --> 00:46:57,840
Speaker 2: and hardcore because you're like, oh, he's on the table sleeping,

882
00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:01,279
Speaker 2: or he's in the bouncer or whatever, sleeping. Okay, do

883
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:03,160
Speaker 2: I have a second to go get my phone? Like

884
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:06,759
Speaker 2: there was a couple of times where I made the

885
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:10,560
Speaker 2: wrong decision because I had to get my phone or

886
00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:14,080
Speaker 2: look at my phone. And nothing bad happened, but like

887
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:17,520
Speaker 2: it could have where I was kind of rolling the dice.

888
00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:22,200
Speaker 2: And addictions make you sort of less able to assess

889
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:24,640
Speaker 2: the true danger of something because we want that fix

890
00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:27,279
Speaker 2: so bad. Thank God for me, it's not you know, substances,

891
00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:29,520
Speaker 2: but like there's times he was like on the bed

892
00:47:29,560 --> 00:47:31,520
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh, just I'll just turn on

893
00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:33,160
Speaker 2: real quick and I'll get my phone and I'll send

894
00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:35,160
Speaker 2: that Instagram, you know, And I was like, oh, I'm

895
00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:38,279
Speaker 2: kind of addicted to my phone because I'm gambling. I'm

896
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:41,600
Speaker 2: kind of gambling with my son's safety, as you know.

897
00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:46,799
Speaker 2: And nothing bad happened, but it could have, right, So

898
00:47:46,880 --> 00:47:50,040
Speaker 2: you have to face a lot of your like embarrassing

899
00:47:50,239 --> 00:47:53,600
Speaker 2: inner monologue where you're there with your baby and you're

900
00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:55,680
Speaker 2: kind of like, I gotta make a TikTok.

901
00:47:57,000 --> 00:48:12,680
Speaker 1: You're like, oh, and now a word from our wonderful sponsors. Okay.

902
00:48:12,719 --> 00:48:17,080
Speaker 1: So I'm really curious about this because this has brought

903
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:20,920
Speaker 1: you so much mental clarity and it feels like a

904
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:25,239
Speaker 1: lot of emotional softening and has a required bravery and

905
00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:28,600
Speaker 1: all these things, and like you said, you're facing all

906
00:48:28,600 --> 00:48:31,040
Speaker 1: of this. The typewriter is genius.

907
00:48:31,719 --> 00:48:36,520
Speaker 2: Also go I'm falling behind, looking at my son and

908
00:48:36,560 --> 00:48:41,200
Speaker 2: going I'm falling behind. Put another stand up special out.

909
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:43,360
Speaker 1: So that was gonna be my question. How do you

910
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:46,280
Speaker 1: from this place say I want to write new comedy.

911
00:48:46,320 --> 00:48:48,560
Speaker 1: I want to go and do a tour Like what

912
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:50,239
Speaker 1: is is it?

913
00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:50,560
Speaker 2: Oh?

914
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:53,000
Speaker 1: I took a break and now I have to get

915
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:56,640
Speaker 1: to work. I'm going to go do the big baby tour.

916
00:48:56,880 --> 00:49:01,480
Speaker 1: Or were you like, Oh, I've made more space emotionally

917
00:49:01,640 --> 00:49:04,560
Speaker 1: and now I want this creative hit for myself as well.

918
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:09,200
Speaker 2: I had no ability to be creative for like six months,

919
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:11,880
Speaker 2: and I think that was another element of the postpartum

920
00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:14,560
Speaker 2: depression of like that I didn't want to talk about

921
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:16,919
Speaker 2: and I still don't want to talk about I only

922
00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:22,440
Speaker 2: do this for you because my brain didn't work, they said, mom,

923
00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:25,040
Speaker 2: brain whatever, you know my brain. I couldn't remember the

924
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:27,800
Speaker 2: most basic things. I couldn't make jokes, I couldn't write jokes.

925
00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:30,799
Speaker 2: Like I just was like, I was really scared at

926
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:33,520
Speaker 2: how for lack of a better work dumb I was.

927
00:49:33,760 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 2: And it did make me realize, like so much of

928
00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:41,719
Speaker 2: my self esteem is about how much I know? And

929
00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:45,040
Speaker 2: am I smart? And am I funny? And I wasn't

930
00:49:45,040 --> 00:49:47,799
Speaker 2: those things six months after I had my kid, and

931
00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:50,600
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm useless, Like I'm not funny, I'm

932
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:54,280
Speaker 2: not smart, I'm not interesting. I can't remember anything. And

933
00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:58,160
Speaker 2: it helped me really see that and how this is

934
00:49:58,160 --> 00:50:00,600
Speaker 2: where I get my value and what I think people

935
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:03,840
Speaker 2: like about me, which is probably the opposite. People like

936
00:50:03,880 --> 00:50:05,479
Speaker 2: she's such a know it all. We liked her better,

937
00:50:07,200 --> 00:50:09,560
Speaker 2: So I had to face that. And then you know,

938
00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:13,600
Speaker 2: to me, I'm really big on software updates for our brains.

939
00:50:13,840 --> 00:50:17,040
Speaker 2: You know, take the time and have the software update.

940
00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:18,759
Speaker 2: In order for art to imitate life, you have to

941
00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:21,359
Speaker 2: have a life. And I've always struggled with that. I'm

942
00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:23,160
Speaker 2: sort of like next special may learn to write more jokes.

943
00:50:23,160 --> 00:50:24,919
Speaker 2: Write more jokes, and you end up kind of writing

944
00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:27,200
Speaker 2: about the same things and sort of doing a bad

945
00:50:27,239 --> 00:50:30,719
Speaker 2: impression of yourself. I think it's really important that we

946
00:50:30,760 --> 00:50:35,040
Speaker 2: all consciously decide to grow and mature. And I have

947
00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:37,120
Speaker 2: no allegiance to the person I was yesterday, and I

948
00:50:37,200 --> 00:50:40,880
Speaker 2: really try to go like if I do this quickly

949
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:43,320
Speaker 2: and fast, it's not going to be thoughtful and mindful.

950
00:50:43,400 --> 00:50:44,960
Speaker 2: So much of stand up is just like spending a

951
00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:48,080
Speaker 2: lot of time ruminating and like trying to fair opinion

952
00:50:48,160 --> 00:50:49,759
Speaker 2: is on something. And I was like, Okay, let me

953
00:50:49,800 --> 00:50:51,680
Speaker 2: just take this time to like read all the books

954
00:50:51,680 --> 00:50:55,000
Speaker 2: that I pretend I've read, and let me finish all

955
00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:57,280
Speaker 2: the books that I say I've finished but I haven't,

956
00:50:57,560 --> 00:51:01,160
Speaker 2: you know, and just like live my life a little

957
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:03,440
Speaker 2: and like do chores. And I and I realized that,

958
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:06,959
Speaker 2: like so dorky, but chores are such a big part

959
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:10,480
Speaker 2: of my sanity. Double virgo till I die. But I

960
00:51:10,520 --> 00:51:12,920
Speaker 2: had gotten some help, like you know, when I had

961
00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:14,400
Speaker 2: the kid, when I was pregnant, and I was like,

962
00:51:14,440 --> 00:51:16,400
Speaker 2: I just want to go back to every morning doing

963
00:51:16,480 --> 00:51:20,280
Speaker 2: some like you know, things that need to be done,

964
00:51:20,440 --> 00:51:24,160
Speaker 2: you know, productivity and cooperation make dopamine. I want to

965
00:51:24,239 --> 00:51:26,640
Speaker 2: like take care of my own I just think we're

966
00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:30,319
Speaker 2: so wired just like do things for ourselves that need

967
00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:32,200
Speaker 2: to be done. I used to have someone that did

968
00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:34,839
Speaker 2: my like garden. I started doing it myself, and I'm

969
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:38,319
Speaker 2: like such a happier person. You know. It's such a

970
00:51:38,360 --> 00:51:41,920
Speaker 2: simple thing. I know, but before you go to the therapist,

971
00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:46,400
Speaker 2: like clean your house, clean out your car, and plant

972
00:51:46,480 --> 00:51:49,200
Speaker 2: some flowers and like see what happened. So I like

973
00:51:49,280 --> 00:51:51,880
Speaker 2: wake up in the sunlight gardening. I think we're just

974
00:51:51,920 --> 00:51:55,279
Speaker 2: really wired, like barefoot connect to the earth. I know

975
00:51:55,360 --> 00:51:58,400
Speaker 2: this sounds so tanga of me right now, but that

976
00:51:58,520 --> 00:52:00,480
Speaker 2: I really you know. And then I want my son.

977
00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:03,279
Speaker 2: He just wants to like rake and dig, and I'm like, God,

978
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:06,120
Speaker 2: this is kind of what we're wired to do. So

979
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:11,239
Speaker 2: little that started started helping me and not going like

980
00:52:11,280 --> 00:52:13,200
Speaker 2: I need to write five pages of jokes today. I

981
00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:16,239
Speaker 2: was like, let me just be a person. And then

982
00:52:16,280 --> 00:52:18,480
Speaker 2: the clarity started coming back, and I think a lot

983
00:52:18,480 --> 00:52:21,800
Speaker 2: of things that I don't remember I wasn't meant to remember.

984
00:52:21,880 --> 00:52:24,040
Speaker 2: Here's the good news, Like once you have a kid,

985
00:52:24,040 --> 00:52:27,359
Speaker 2: there's a little bit of like a hippocampus wipe I've

986
00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:29,759
Speaker 2: run into side pool, had a great conversation with a

987
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:31,920
Speaker 2: couple guys. Two weeks later, I was like, wait, oh

988
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:37,239
Speaker 2: we dated whoa, whoa when I had a kid. In

989
00:52:37,239 --> 00:52:39,279
Speaker 2: my brain was like, we don't need that. We don't

990
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:42,520
Speaker 2: need that, like little things you know that you carry,

991
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:45,680
Speaker 2: like that a was mean to me and that person

992
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:49,200
Speaker 2: was said something nasty on social about me. It's like, gone,

993
00:52:49,840 --> 00:52:51,759
Speaker 2: you know, that's a good thing about mom brain. Is

994
00:52:51,800 --> 00:52:54,240
Speaker 2: that a nice state of like the stuff that doesn't

995
00:52:54,239 --> 00:52:55,600
Speaker 2: matter is just kind of gone.

996
00:52:56,680 --> 00:53:01,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's great. I mean, look, I I'm sad for

997
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:03,960
Speaker 1: you that it felt so stressful, and it definitely makes

998
00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:06,040
Speaker 1: me want to double down on the fact that, you know,

999
00:53:06,120 --> 00:53:08,920
Speaker 1: we actually need paid leave in this country because in

1000
00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:11,239
Speaker 1: other countries you can be a CEO and then have

1001
00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:13,799
Speaker 1: a year off with your baby, and in America they're

1002
00:53:13,840 --> 00:53:15,799
Speaker 1: like two weeks isn't long enough and you're like, no,

1003
00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:17,759
Speaker 1: I'm literally still waiting. What are you talking about.

1004
00:53:17,920 --> 00:53:20,000
Speaker 2: I've not a couple of people that went to England

1005
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:22,680
Speaker 2: to have their child because it is cheaper to fly

1006
00:53:22,840 --> 00:53:27,200
Speaker 2: to London. What tell have your baby and fly.

1007
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:28,839
Speaker 1: Back then to just do it here?

1008
00:53:29,239 --> 00:53:33,400
Speaker 2: Yeah? Boy? And also everything that you said about making

1009
00:53:33,400 --> 00:53:35,640
Speaker 2: peace with your parents, because when you have a kid,

1010
00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:38,600
Speaker 2: come along. They're your childcare. I mean in this country,

1011
00:53:38,760 --> 00:53:42,919
Speaker 2: like your parents, your sister. You know. So I'm still alive.

1012
00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:43,879
Speaker 2: I would have been like, you know.

1013
00:53:43,840 --> 00:53:48,000
Speaker 1: What, it's fine, come over. I really, I mean ten

1014
00:53:48,080 --> 00:53:49,879
Speaker 1: minutes to make a TikTok. Thank you.

1015
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:51,799
Speaker 2: This is your way to get right with God and

1016
00:53:51,840 --> 00:53:52,040
Speaker 2: get you.

1017
00:53:53,120 --> 00:53:55,200
Speaker 1: But yeah, I'm cashing in on all my karmic points.

1018
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:56,360
Speaker 1: Thank you so much.

1019
00:53:57,160 --> 00:53:59,239
Speaker 2: But so yeah, you get another reason to forgive your

1020
00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:02,399
Speaker 2: parents because you will, yeah you know. But yeah, it's

1021
00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:04,120
Speaker 2: it's just a trip, you know.

1022
00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:07,000
Speaker 1: And now a word from our sponsors that I really

1023
00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:17,200
Speaker 1: enjoy and I think you will too. Okay, tell me

1024
00:54:18,080 --> 00:54:20,200
Speaker 1: because obviously I just want to talk to you about

1025
00:54:20,239 --> 00:54:22,600
Speaker 1: life all the time and eventually actually come over and

1026
00:54:22,680 --> 00:54:25,600
Speaker 1: ride your horses. But I do want to talk about

1027
00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:28,160
Speaker 1: your work because I'm very excited about it. How many

1028
00:54:28,200 --> 00:54:30,520
Speaker 1: cities are you going to on tour? Where do the

1029
00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:34,439
Speaker 1: people get the tickets? Like people want to come and

1030
00:54:34,560 --> 00:54:36,040
Speaker 1: watch you make them laugh.

1031
00:54:36,800 --> 00:54:39,839
Speaker 2: That's so nice. I think that, honestly, And that's not

1032
00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:42,239
Speaker 2: just because this is my job. I think coming to

1033
00:54:42,239 --> 00:54:44,279
Speaker 2: see a stand up show even if it's not me,

1034
00:54:44,400 --> 00:54:46,000
Speaker 2: even if you don't think women are funny or whatever,

1035
00:54:46,200 --> 00:54:50,719
Speaker 2: go see life because it really is like anathema and

1036
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:54,080
Speaker 2: alternative data to what we're seeing online every day, Like yes,

1037
00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:56,440
Speaker 2: online every day. You would just think people just want

1038
00:54:56,480 --> 00:54:59,960
Speaker 2: to fight. People hate each other. People if they voted differently,

1039
00:55:00,120 --> 00:55:02,200
Speaker 2: they won't speak to each other. Nobody wants to laugh.

1040
00:55:02,239 --> 00:55:04,640
Speaker 2: Everybody hates comedy. Everyone's going out of their way to

1041
00:55:04,920 --> 00:55:07,600
Speaker 2: intentionally misunderstand a joke in order to be offended. And

1042
00:55:08,360 --> 00:55:10,360
Speaker 2: then you're in like a room with three thousand people

1043
00:55:10,400 --> 00:55:13,960
Speaker 2: that all showed up to laugh, shoulder to shoulder. They

1044
00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:15,960
Speaker 2: don't know how the person next to them voted. Everyone

1045
00:55:16,040 --> 00:55:18,400
Speaker 2: laughing about the same thing, having the same experience like

1046
00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:21,440
Speaker 2: it is just like makes me feel so hopeful to

1047
00:55:21,480 --> 00:55:24,480
Speaker 2: see so many people like going. We want to like

1048
00:55:24,640 --> 00:55:28,480
Speaker 2: enjoy this life. It's not guaranteed, you know, I don't

1049
00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:30,480
Speaker 2: know how then, you know, if I'm going to survive tomorrow,

1050
00:55:30,640 --> 00:55:33,680
Speaker 2: Let's just laugh about all this. And we don't want

1051
00:55:33,719 --> 00:55:36,239
Speaker 2: to be miserable. You know, We're not the people that

1052
00:55:36,280 --> 00:55:38,920
Speaker 2: are just like signing up to be miserable and a

1053
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:41,920
Speaker 2: dreanalized you know, although I know that that hating online,

1054
00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:44,200
Speaker 2: that's an addiction. I think we'll look back, you know,

1055
00:55:44,920 --> 00:55:46,839
Speaker 2: like there'll be laws that are like you can only

1056
00:55:46,840 --> 00:55:48,400
Speaker 2: make five comments a day or whatever.

1057
00:55:50,160 --> 00:55:52,000
Speaker 1: That would be incredible.

1058
00:55:51,719 --> 00:55:52,960
Speaker 2: You know what I mean. Like, I think it's it's

1059
00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:56,160
Speaker 2: self righteous in ignation. It's an adrenaline addiction. And guess

1060
00:55:56,239 --> 00:56:01,080
Speaker 2: what if I was eighteen, I'd probably be that person.

1061
00:56:02,000 --> 00:56:03,399
Speaker 2: I'd probably be online.

1062
00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:09,320
Speaker 3: Like Jill adrim Brodie throwing your gunt, your girlfriend or whatever.

1063
00:56:09,880 --> 00:56:11,840
Speaker 3: It's like, I'd probably be that person if I didn't

1064
00:56:12,239 --> 00:56:13,960
Speaker 3: have the outlet of doing stand up and writing.

1065
00:56:14,080 --> 00:56:17,120
Speaker 2: You know, I get it if you we get hurt

1066
00:56:17,160 --> 00:56:20,400
Speaker 2: all the time. We get heard people here like you know,

1067
00:56:20,480 --> 00:56:21,960
Speaker 2: want to hear us, Like a lot of people don't

1068
00:56:21,960 --> 00:56:23,480
Speaker 2: get heard. You know. If I didn't get hurt, I'm

1069
00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:26,319
Speaker 2: sure i'd be doing that and so uh so, yeah,

1070
00:56:26,360 --> 00:56:29,800
Speaker 2: Whitney Comedies dot Com. I don't you know, it's I

1071
00:56:29,800 --> 00:56:31,520
Speaker 2: don't know, I'm so embarrassed. I'm just I have so

1072
00:56:31,600 --> 00:56:32,640
Speaker 2: much shame around.

1073
00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:36,040
Speaker 1: That, don't we And you're because you're right, laughter really

1074
00:56:36,120 --> 00:56:40,440
Speaker 1: is medicine. And it's like I think that I think

1075
00:56:40,560 --> 00:56:43,440
Speaker 1: vulnerability is medicine. I think laughter is medicine. I think

1076
00:56:43,560 --> 00:56:47,080
Speaker 1: they are both so essential in a world where we

1077
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:53,640
Speaker 1: are trying to resist the Andrew tatification of society, and

1078
00:56:53,760 --> 00:56:57,000
Speaker 1: like we we need to be reminded, as you said,

1079
00:56:57,080 --> 00:56:59,640
Speaker 1: that not everyone is like violent and terrible en out

1080
00:56:59,680 --> 00:57:00,439
Speaker 1: to get each other.

1081
00:57:01,239 --> 00:57:03,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I also think like we have to remember,

1082
00:57:03,640 --> 00:57:06,640
Speaker 2: like I don't know that much about that guy, but

1083
00:57:07,440 --> 00:57:09,600
Speaker 2: there's always been good and evil. They'll always be good

1084
00:57:09,600 --> 00:57:14,240
Speaker 2: and evil. I think, like, you know, evil is always louder,

1085
00:57:14,520 --> 00:57:17,240
Speaker 2: and mental illness is always louder. So I think we

1086
00:57:17,280 --> 00:57:19,200
Speaker 2: also have to choose. This might be a hot take,

1087
00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:22,400
Speaker 2: like people who talk about like mental illness, you know,

1088
00:57:22,440 --> 00:57:24,080
Speaker 2: mental health, we got to talk about it.

1089
00:57:24,320 --> 00:57:25,840
Speaker 1: You might say they're in a lot of pain.

1090
00:57:26,320 --> 00:57:29,600
Speaker 2: Sounds like they're in a lot of pain, you know.

1091
00:57:31,520 --> 00:57:35,280
Speaker 2: And look, I also think, like I'm not gonna you know,

1092
00:57:35,640 --> 00:57:38,400
Speaker 2: I'm still trying to figure out what my quote religion is.

1093
00:57:38,600 --> 00:57:41,040
Speaker 2: You know, even people that like I'm a theists, that's

1094
00:57:41,040 --> 00:57:43,960
Speaker 2: a religion. You know. For everyone I know that doesn't

1095
00:57:43,960 --> 00:57:46,720
Speaker 2: have religion, they're like I have five hundred crystals that

1096
00:57:46,760 --> 00:57:48,360
Speaker 2: have names and talk to each other, you know, I

1097
00:57:48,360 --> 00:57:51,240
Speaker 2: don't know, everyone's got their religion you know, I think

1098
00:57:51,240 --> 00:57:55,040
Speaker 2: it's finding one that is, you know, doesn't depend on

1099
00:57:55,360 --> 00:57:57,480
Speaker 2: like women are dumb whares.

1100
00:57:57,920 --> 00:58:01,240
Speaker 1: You know, maybe that doesn't depend unharming others that would

1101
00:58:01,240 --> 00:58:01,560
Speaker 1: be cool.

1102
00:58:01,840 --> 00:58:03,200
Speaker 2: Is that what it is? I don't know that much

1103
00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:07,440
Speaker 2: about him that if a man goes bald prematurely, everyone

1104
00:58:07,480 --> 00:58:07,880
Speaker 2: will pay.

1105
00:58:09,440 --> 00:58:11,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh god, that's a deep cut. I feel that.

1106
00:58:11,760 --> 00:58:14,240
Speaker 2: We need better care transplants for men.

1107
00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:17,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, because maybe we could have avoided the whole mess if.

1108
00:58:17,560 --> 00:58:19,600
Speaker 2: He'd there's a photo of it. I looked. I was

1109
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:21,000
Speaker 2: googling Andrew Takes. I was like, I'm gonna do a

1110
00:58:21,000 --> 00:58:22,600
Speaker 2: bit on him on my podcast, Like I don't really

1111
00:58:22,640 --> 00:58:24,920
Speaker 2: know who this guy is. And there's a photo of

1112
00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:27,320
Speaker 2: him with like, uh huh the balding.

1113
00:58:27,520 --> 00:58:29,800
Speaker 1: Yah, I know exactly what photo you're talking about.

1114
00:58:29,880 --> 00:58:32,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's it. That's it. We just need better transplants

1115
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:34,160
Speaker 2: for men so they don't have to be this angry.

1116
00:58:34,640 --> 00:58:36,320
Speaker 1: Great, we've solved it.

1117
00:58:36,400 --> 00:58:37,480
Speaker 2: Also, what happened to him?

1118
00:58:37,640 --> 00:58:39,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know what happened to that guy?

1119
00:58:39,960 --> 00:58:43,560
Speaker 2: Put me in the caids with his parents, Like, what

1120
00:58:43,800 --> 00:58:45,760
Speaker 2: happened to that guy? I'm not going to be the

1121
00:58:45,800 --> 00:58:47,840
Speaker 2: person that goes it drives me nuts when every serial

1122
00:58:47,920 --> 00:58:51,160
Speaker 2: killer they're like, well, his mom didn't let him wear pantyhose,

1123
00:58:51,360 --> 00:58:53,800
Speaker 2: so they always serial killers, they always blame the mom.

1124
00:58:53,920 --> 00:58:54,880
Speaker 1: They always blame the mom.

1125
00:58:54,960 --> 00:58:56,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, if my son is a serial killer, it

1126
00:58:56,960 --> 00:59:02,760
Speaker 2: is that's his dad. I don't know, let's play it.

1127
00:59:03,280 --> 00:59:07,360
Speaker 2: But I just it's like, I don't know, we're talking

1128
00:59:07,360 --> 00:59:09,560
Speaker 2: about like our parents kind of set up us on

1129
00:59:09,640 --> 00:59:13,000
Speaker 2: a weird track, like totally what what did he not

1130
00:59:13,040 --> 00:59:15,960
Speaker 2: get as a child? I don't know, or maybe psychopath

1131
00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:16,400
Speaker 2: I don't.

1132
00:59:16,280 --> 00:59:18,600
Speaker 1: Know, maybe all all of it. It seems like a

1133
00:59:18,600 --> 00:59:20,000
Speaker 1: lot of cats in a bag.

1134
00:59:20,280 --> 00:59:22,360
Speaker 2: Like do you think anyone would bring who's that life

1135
00:59:22,440 --> 00:59:24,000
Speaker 2: if they could have another one?

1136
00:59:24,760 --> 00:59:28,400
Speaker 1: I don't really know. I think to your point, I

1137
00:59:28,480 --> 00:59:31,560
Speaker 1: think some people want attention so badly that they're literally

1138
00:59:31,600 --> 00:59:33,480
Speaker 1: willing to do anything to get it. And I do

1139
00:59:33,640 --> 00:59:36,680
Speaker 1: find that to be sad. You know, we're having this

1140
00:59:36,760 --> 00:59:39,280
Speaker 1: conversation on podcasts other people are going to listen to,

1141
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:40,200
Speaker 1: so what do we know?

1142
00:59:40,440 --> 00:59:43,760
Speaker 2: I totally I just kind of like I just always

1143
00:59:43,840 --> 00:59:47,240
Speaker 2: go for criminal defense in a way because that just

1144
00:59:47,240 --> 00:59:49,720
Speaker 2: makes me go like how would any like how did

1145
00:59:49,720 --> 00:59:51,680
Speaker 2: you get there? How could I like if I had

1146
00:59:51,720 --> 00:59:52,919
Speaker 2: to defend you. What would I do?

1147
00:59:53,480 --> 00:59:56,919
Speaker 1: This is indicative to me of why we both do this,

1148
00:59:57,080 --> 01:00:00,120
Speaker 1: because we like to ask questions. I like to interview people. Well,

1149
01:00:01,360 --> 01:00:04,160
Speaker 1: you have a podcast, I assume you like it also,

1150
01:00:04,320 --> 01:00:09,080
Speaker 1: or you wouldn't do you prefer being interviewed or doing

1151
01:00:09,120 --> 01:00:09,880
Speaker 1: the interviewing.

1152
01:00:11,160 --> 01:00:16,000
Speaker 2: I kind of stopped having guests recently, really yeah, because

1153
01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:20,640
Speaker 2: I just I don't know, I tend to be a

1154
01:00:20,640 --> 01:00:24,360
Speaker 2: little wild and a lot of times like, oh my god,

1155
01:00:24,400 --> 01:00:27,000
Speaker 2: that was so interesting, and then the day before it

1156
01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:28,400
Speaker 2: comes out, they're like, can you cut this part in

1157
01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:30,480
Speaker 2: this part in this part? And I'm like, oh, you know,

1158
01:00:30,640 --> 01:00:33,959
Speaker 2: And I don't want anyone to ever feel like, you know, uncomfortable.

1159
01:00:34,120 --> 01:00:37,880
Speaker 2: And I also get so excited to talk to people

1160
01:00:37,960 --> 01:00:40,560
Speaker 2: that I feel like I'm interrupting and I'm annoying, and

1161
01:00:40,600 --> 01:00:42,320
Speaker 2: I don't know, I just need like a little break

1162
01:00:42,360 --> 01:00:46,520
Speaker 2: from from guests. But I also think really quick with

1163
01:00:46,600 --> 01:00:49,760
Speaker 2: the Andrew Tate thing, I do think we we talk

1164
01:00:49,800 --> 01:00:53,760
Speaker 2: about mental health a lot, but enough people talking about

1165
01:00:54,320 --> 01:00:58,720
Speaker 2: when boys are abused, like we think it's like funny,

1166
01:00:59,280 --> 01:01:03,360
Speaker 2: like it's like a punchline that like the Catholic priests

1167
01:01:03,400 --> 01:01:07,000
Speaker 2: like molested, hideous, like, what do you think those kids

1168
01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:09,080
Speaker 2: are going to grow up if we don't, if they

1169
01:01:09,080 --> 01:01:11,560
Speaker 2: get no mental health you know, it's like there's no

1170
01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:14,360
Speaker 2: mental health care for kids that have been molested in

1171
01:01:14,360 --> 01:01:18,880
Speaker 2: the Catholic church. Like there's like alcoholics anonymous, which takes

1172
01:01:18,880 --> 01:01:20,640
Speaker 2: place in a church that's not triggering.

1173
01:01:20,840 --> 01:01:22,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, that's not it, you.

1174
01:01:22,160 --> 01:01:24,320
Speaker 2: Know what I mean? So like, who knows, I don't

1175
01:01:24,320 --> 01:01:26,120
Speaker 2: know what. I'm not defending Andrew Taine, Oh my god,

1176
01:01:26,120 --> 01:01:27,520
Speaker 2: I can see this headline already.

1177
01:01:27,600 --> 01:01:32,600
Speaker 1: But here's what's really interesting. I saw this author speaking

1178
01:01:32,600 --> 01:01:36,040
Speaker 1: about this recently and it really made me kind of

1179
01:01:36,240 --> 01:01:39,680
Speaker 1: double take mentally. She said, you know, I think part

1180
01:01:39,680 --> 01:01:42,520
Speaker 1: of the reason that men don't actually want to fix

1181
01:01:42,680 --> 01:01:51,320
Speaker 1: the culture of violence perpetuated by men against women, against girls, boys, anyone,

1182
01:01:51,600 --> 01:01:55,120
Speaker 1: is because men like saying I'm one of the good guys,

1183
01:01:55,200 --> 01:01:59,120
Speaker 1: I'm a protector. I would protect you from a bad guy,

1184
01:01:59,640 --> 01:02:02,560
Speaker 1: and if there's no more bad guys, they lose out

1185
01:02:02,600 --> 01:02:04,280
Speaker 1: on getting to coseplay the hero.

1186
01:02:05,280 --> 01:02:07,720
Speaker 2: So remember there was like talk of is there arsen

1187
01:02:07,920 --> 01:02:10,880
Speaker 2: during the LA fires, and I started like doing a

1188
01:02:10,880 --> 01:02:17,400
Speaker 2: deep dive on arsenists, and arsenists usually do it to

1189
01:02:17,480 --> 01:02:21,520
Speaker 2: help put out the fire. So if you want to

1190
01:02:21,600 --> 01:02:26,840
Speaker 2: find someone that committed arsen go look at who's fighting

1191
01:02:26,880 --> 01:02:27,280
Speaker 2: the fire.

1192
01:02:28,840 --> 01:02:33,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, there was a famous case of that here in California,

1193
01:02:33,800 --> 01:02:36,800
Speaker 1: like a big deal fire chief was actually a California

1194
01:02:36,880 --> 01:02:42,880
Speaker 1: arsenist I think in the nineties, like really gnarly. So yeah,

1195
01:02:42,880 --> 01:02:45,200
Speaker 1: I don't know. There's just something about that where I

1196
01:02:45,240 --> 01:02:49,760
Speaker 1: almost wonder if so many men make victims the punchline

1197
01:02:51,480 --> 01:02:54,520
Speaker 1: because they want us lessen the severity of what's being

1198
01:02:54,560 --> 01:02:56,840
Speaker 1: done to people, because they like the idea that they're

1199
01:02:56,840 --> 01:03:00,920
Speaker 1: not the guy who'd do it, which statistically we know

1200
01:03:01,040 --> 01:03:03,080
Speaker 1: is not true. So I don't know, you know, it's weird.

1201
01:03:03,240 --> 01:03:06,000
Speaker 1: I just wish they'd go to therapy instead, But here we.

1202
01:03:05,920 --> 01:03:08,960
Speaker 2: Are anything to not go to therapy, although I do

1203
01:03:09,080 --> 01:03:12,160
Speaker 2: feel like some men use therapy is like a way

1204
01:03:12,200 --> 01:03:17,400
Speaker 2: to like have better excuses, like I'm just absolutely avoidant.

1205
01:03:17,520 --> 01:03:20,320
Speaker 2: You know, my love language is physical touch with other women.

1206
01:03:20,360 --> 01:03:22,600
Speaker 2: You're like, okay, no, no, no, no no no. Therapy is

1207
01:03:22,640 --> 01:03:28,320
Speaker 2: not to have scientific excuses to be for your behavior. Yeah,

1208
01:03:28,320 --> 01:03:30,240
Speaker 2: the wrong ones will just use it as a way

1209
01:03:30,280 --> 01:03:34,280
Speaker 2: to gaslight you into being like yeah, and my dad

1210
01:03:34,320 --> 01:03:36,360
Speaker 2: didn't play baseball with me, so I'm avoidant. I'm like,

1211
01:03:36,400 --> 01:03:37,560
Speaker 2: you're fifty, dude.

1212
01:03:37,840 --> 01:03:41,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, grow up, yeah, yeah, no, not just grow up.

1213
01:03:41,720 --> 01:03:43,240
Speaker 1: You're avoidant because you like it.

1214
01:03:44,400 --> 01:03:46,720
Speaker 2: But I hope you know, Look, I'm sure I was

1215
01:03:47,920 --> 01:03:52,160
Speaker 2: incredibly wrong on a lot of things I said, but

1216
01:03:52,200 --> 01:03:53,640
Speaker 2: I'm kind of just at a point where I'm like,

1217
01:03:53,680 --> 01:03:54,520
Speaker 2: not trying to be right.

1218
01:03:54,720 --> 01:03:57,640
Speaker 1: I think there's a real sort of acceptance of self

1219
01:03:57,640 --> 01:04:01,360
Speaker 1: and emotional maturity that comes with being able to be

1220
01:04:01,560 --> 01:04:03,800
Speaker 1: curious and to say I don't know the answer to that.

1221
01:04:04,520 --> 01:04:07,720
Speaker 1: I'm curious about this. I'd like more information, and I

1222
01:04:07,720 --> 01:04:10,360
Speaker 1: think that's a nice place to be. It's definitely something

1223
01:04:10,400 --> 01:04:11,400
Speaker 1: that I.

1224
01:04:11,400 --> 01:04:15,120
Speaker 2: Think we all want answers we want. He's a psychopaths an,

1225
01:04:16,040 --> 01:04:20,000
Speaker 2: he's this, he's a Republican. He's again, like it makes

1226
01:04:20,080 --> 01:04:22,720
Speaker 2: us feel too each I think it makes us feel safe,

1227
01:04:22,760 --> 01:04:25,200
Speaker 2: But actually it makes me feel way safer to be

1228
01:04:25,280 --> 01:04:28,800
Speaker 2: like two things could be true at once. Actually, you know.

1229
01:04:30,000 --> 01:04:34,440
Speaker 1: Yeah. The thing I'm working on is slowing down and

1230
01:04:34,480 --> 01:04:38,000
Speaker 1: asking more questions in some of the phase of life

1231
01:04:38,000 --> 01:04:38,520
Speaker 1: I'm in.

1232
01:04:39,120 --> 01:04:42,200
Speaker 2: Same someone that you hate, someone who voted differently than you,

1233
01:04:42,360 --> 01:04:45,760
Speaker 2: someone who tweets things that piss you off. My thing

1234
01:04:45,880 --> 01:04:50,280
Speaker 2: is like, ask them three questions with an open heart

1235
01:04:50,600 --> 01:04:53,640
Speaker 2: and see how quickly you have so much more common

1236
01:04:53,680 --> 01:04:54,880
Speaker 2: than you thought you did.

1237
01:04:55,160 --> 01:04:59,840
Speaker 1: You know, is that kind of curiosity? Is that pac

1238
01:05:00,320 --> 01:05:03,280
Speaker 1: like a work in progress for you right now? Or

1239
01:05:03,320 --> 01:05:06,960
Speaker 1: is there something that takes that mantle that's.

1240
01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:10,960
Speaker 2: Oh like a like a thing I'm doing? Yeah, one

1241
01:05:11,040 --> 01:05:13,880
Speaker 2: of Oh, I like this question a big one.

1242
01:05:13,880 --> 01:05:16,439
Speaker 1: I'm working whatever your work in progress is right now.

1243
01:05:16,600 --> 01:05:20,040
Speaker 2: Because any time you're judging someone else, it's just I'm

1244
01:05:20,440 --> 01:05:22,240
Speaker 2: my self esteem is so low. I need to feel

1245
01:05:22,240 --> 01:05:25,280
Speaker 2: good about myself right, So what's going on with me

1246
01:05:25,360 --> 01:05:28,320
Speaker 2: that I need to judge this person and be like, Oh,

1247
01:05:28,320 --> 01:05:31,280
Speaker 2: that person's voted this way, this person's dumb, this is

1248
01:05:31,520 --> 01:05:35,040
Speaker 2: you know, it's like, oh, oh, bitch, like with you

1249
01:05:35,120 --> 01:05:38,680
Speaker 2: that you needed that quick hit of self righteous indignation. Also,

1250
01:05:39,960 --> 01:05:45,280
Speaker 2: usually when I have a negative thought about someone or something,

1251
01:05:45,600 --> 01:05:50,200
Speaker 2: it's I've done that, and I don't like that. That

1252
01:05:50,240 --> 01:05:52,800
Speaker 2: person's holding up a mirror like I I've done that.

1253
01:05:52,920 --> 01:05:55,360
Speaker 2: It's like my default, I've done that. Have I done that?

1254
01:05:55,480 --> 01:05:58,640
Speaker 2: I have? You know she's being desperate, like she's being

1255
01:05:58,680 --> 01:06:02,320
Speaker 2: so desperate and picked me and done that. I've done it.

1256
01:06:02,360 --> 01:06:04,720
Speaker 2: And there's just like a grace that comes with admitting

1257
01:06:05,280 --> 01:06:07,919
Speaker 2: that you've done the thing. That's why would it bother

1258
01:06:08,000 --> 01:06:10,200
Speaker 2: me so much? Who cares some of my business? Why

1259
01:06:10,240 --> 01:06:12,880
Speaker 2: would it bother me so much? If I hadn't done it,

1260
01:06:13,000 --> 01:06:15,200
Speaker 2: or if I don't do it, it wouldn't bother me

1261
01:06:15,240 --> 01:06:19,600
Speaker 2: if it wasn't holding up a mirror. You know, I'm

1262
01:06:19,600 --> 01:06:22,080
Speaker 2: working on good segue looking in the mirror and making

1263
01:06:22,120 --> 01:06:27,360
Speaker 2: eye contact with myself, which is really really yeah, have

1264
01:06:27,480 --> 01:06:28,080
Speaker 2: you ever tried?

1265
01:06:30,800 --> 01:06:32,960
Speaker 1: I guess I don't think about it in that way,

1266
01:06:33,040 --> 01:06:36,600
Speaker 1: but I don't think I I don't really look in

1267
01:06:36,600 --> 01:06:38,920
Speaker 1: the mirror unless I'm brushing my teeth or getting ready

1268
01:06:38,960 --> 01:06:39,439
Speaker 1: for the day.

1269
01:06:39,600 --> 01:06:42,240
Speaker 2: But we're not even really looking at ourselves. We're kind

1270
01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:46,400
Speaker 2: of like, right, it's a one a twelve step exercise

1271
01:06:46,440 --> 01:06:49,800
Speaker 2: to look at yourself in the mirror and have some

1272
01:06:49,840 --> 01:06:52,640
Speaker 2: effort like make contact with yourself and like be in

1273
01:06:52,680 --> 01:06:55,720
Speaker 2: your skin. I realize I'm often very like in a

1274
01:06:55,800 --> 01:06:59,080
Speaker 2: disassociative state where I'm kind of just like not in

1275
01:06:59,120 --> 01:07:01,680
Speaker 2: my body. It's a little thing, but I realized when

1276
01:07:01,680 --> 01:07:02,920
Speaker 2: I look in the mirror, I'm not looking in the

1277
01:07:02,960 --> 01:07:06,760
Speaker 2: mirror at myself and just being like, hey, that's you

1278
01:07:06,840 --> 01:07:10,680
Speaker 2: like it's it's it's a creepy thing, but try and

1279
01:07:10,760 --> 01:07:11,560
Speaker 2: see what happens.

1280
01:07:12,040 --> 01:07:14,040
Speaker 1: Okay, that's a good one.

1281
01:07:14,800 --> 01:07:17,520
Speaker 2: And I'm don't just do something. Sit there, just like,

1282
01:07:17,680 --> 01:07:21,080
Speaker 2: don't respond yet. Yeah, if you think you need to

1283
01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:25,640
Speaker 2: respond or say something, just don't. It's like it's like close.

1284
01:07:25,680 --> 01:07:28,040
Speaker 2: It's like you know how when you go online and

1285
01:07:28,080 --> 01:07:29,640
Speaker 2: you want to get this pair of shoes and if

1286
01:07:29,640 --> 01:07:31,320
Speaker 2: you don't add it to your card or don't buy,

1287
01:07:31,360 --> 01:07:33,200
Speaker 2: it'll like follow you around for a couple of days.

1288
01:07:33,240 --> 01:07:35,720
Speaker 2: You know, the shoes will keep adding popping up and

1289
01:07:35,720 --> 01:07:40,040
Speaker 2: you're My thing is like if it needs to be said,

1290
01:07:40,520 --> 01:07:41,760
Speaker 2: I can wait two days.

1291
01:07:42,280 --> 01:07:43,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know.

1292
01:07:43,360 --> 01:07:45,640
Speaker 2: And I didn't need to respond to that. I didn't

1293
01:07:45,640 --> 01:07:47,360
Speaker 2: need to say anything to that. I don't need to

1294
01:07:47,360 --> 01:07:49,360
Speaker 2: make a point. I don't need to teach someone a lesson.

1295
01:07:49,480 --> 01:07:51,840
Speaker 2: Like I don't need to be at war anymore. I

1296
01:07:51,840 --> 01:07:54,360
Speaker 2: think it's really important to know. Like you know, they

1297
01:07:54,360 --> 01:07:56,680
Speaker 2: say in twelve Star programs, if good news and bad news,

1298
01:07:56,680 --> 01:07:59,680
Speaker 2: the good news is the war is over. Bad news

1299
01:07:59,720 --> 01:08:05,680
Speaker 2: is you lost. The war is over. And like I

1300
01:08:05,680 --> 01:08:08,040
Speaker 2: don't have to fight little wars with emails and stuff,

1301
01:08:08,080 --> 01:08:10,160
Speaker 2: to like make sure people respect me and make sure

1302
01:08:10,200 --> 01:08:13,040
Speaker 2: like true power comes with not like trying to get power.

1303
01:08:13,400 --> 01:08:15,600
Speaker 2: People respect you, you respect yourself, not when you're like,

1304
01:08:15,640 --> 01:08:17,639
Speaker 2: you need to respect me. It doesn't work that way,

1305
01:08:17,720 --> 01:08:21,479
Speaker 2: you know. So I think it's just doing doing less

1306
01:08:22,080 --> 01:08:24,680
Speaker 2: on all parts and sitting with the feeling and not

1307
01:08:24,760 --> 01:08:27,120
Speaker 2: needing to take an action because we take an action

1308
01:08:27,280 --> 01:08:30,680
Speaker 2: to feel better. Right, Why would you say something like this,

1309
01:08:31,040 --> 01:08:33,160
Speaker 2: d D DA defending ourselves Like I don't need to

1310
01:08:33,160 --> 01:08:35,719
Speaker 2: defend yourself. No one's attacking me. If someone is doing

1311
01:08:35,760 --> 01:08:38,280
Speaker 2: something rude, they're doing that to themselves and has nothing

1312
01:08:38,320 --> 01:08:38,680
Speaker 2: to do with me.

1313
01:08:39,600 --> 01:08:42,880
Speaker 1: I love that. The theme that keeps coming up for

1314
01:08:42,920 --> 01:08:46,800
Speaker 1: me a lot lately is is slowing down. Just how

1315
01:08:46,960 --> 01:08:49,679
Speaker 1: nice it is to slow down a little bit.

1316
01:08:49,920 --> 01:08:53,160
Speaker 2: Very for people, have to be with your own thoughts.

1317
01:08:55,640 --> 01:09:01,800
Speaker 2: It's tough, silence, eye contact, slowing down, all of that.

1318
01:09:02,479 --> 01:09:10,000
Speaker 2: I associate slowing down with not being productive, not being busy.

1319
01:09:10,520 --> 01:09:12,920
Speaker 2: Busyness was like the pinnacle of success.

1320
01:09:14,080 --> 01:09:17,120
Speaker 1: I'm so oh my god. Now I think free time

1321
01:09:17,240 --> 01:09:19,400
Speaker 1: is the is the greatest luxury in the world. I

1322
01:09:19,400 --> 01:09:20,880
Speaker 1: don't want to be I don't I want to be

1323
01:09:20,920 --> 01:09:22,120
Speaker 1: so much less busy.

1324
01:09:22,479 --> 01:09:27,439
Speaker 2: We glorified being busy and being tired. Yet when people

1325
01:09:27,439 --> 01:09:30,040
Speaker 2: get in the tired Olympics, when they're like, oh I

1326
01:09:30,080 --> 01:09:31,800
Speaker 2: only slept four hours last night, I was like, oh

1327
01:09:31,840 --> 01:09:34,280
Speaker 2: I only slept two hours. And being sick. I've been

1328
01:09:34,320 --> 01:09:37,000
Speaker 2: sick for two weeks. Like we like, no, thank you,

1329
01:09:37,160 --> 01:09:39,400
Speaker 2: we should be proud of it. It's like, yeah, what

1330
01:09:39,439 --> 01:09:44,240
Speaker 2: did you do today? Not much like I don't have

1331
01:09:44,320 --> 01:09:45,600
Speaker 2: to like make it well, I did this and this,

1332
01:09:45,640 --> 01:09:47,800
Speaker 2: And I said, like I find myself eating shit.

1333
01:09:48,840 --> 01:09:51,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you know, like I gardened, Yeah.

1334
01:09:51,600 --> 01:09:54,840
Speaker 2: I gardened. I kind of like doing nothing is a thing,

1335
01:09:56,280 --> 01:10:01,200
Speaker 2: you know, and being okay with like you know, the

1336
01:10:01,320 --> 01:10:04,280
Speaker 2: therapist I used to work with said, uh, she's like

1337
01:10:04,320 --> 01:10:07,320
Speaker 2: your problem, Whitney, I mean one of the many. But

1338
01:10:08,160 --> 01:10:12,880
Speaker 2: your problem is you conflate boredom and serenity when you

1339
01:10:12,920 --> 01:10:16,000
Speaker 2: come from like adrenaline and like you think you're bored,

1340
01:10:16,880 --> 01:10:19,320
Speaker 2: but you're actually just at peace. You're not bored. That's

1341
01:10:19,400 --> 01:10:22,599
Speaker 2: just peace and quiet. That's the that's the whole, that's

1342
01:10:22,600 --> 01:10:25,400
Speaker 2: the contentment. Because I think in the slowness, like what

1343
01:10:25,439 --> 01:10:27,599
Speaker 2: you're saying, that's when the growth comes. That's when the

1344
01:10:27,640 --> 01:10:31,559
Speaker 2: maturity comes. There's this documentary called cheer The last thing

1345
01:10:31,600 --> 01:10:35,280
Speaker 2: I'll say, Uh, it was on I just all feel

1346
01:10:35,320 --> 01:10:37,639
Speaker 2: the need to give people like credit for what they said.

1347
01:10:37,640 --> 01:10:38,280
Speaker 2: That's profound.

1348
01:10:38,400 --> 01:10:40,880
Speaker 1: The one that was on Netflix years ago. Yes, I

1349
01:10:40,920 --> 01:10:41,759
Speaker 1: loved that show.

1350
01:10:41,920 --> 01:10:45,559
Speaker 2: Morgan. Morgan was a young one who was like kind

1351
01:10:45,560 --> 01:10:48,960
Speaker 2: of close, but then she got coached to being great

1352
01:10:49,080 --> 01:10:51,240
Speaker 2: in the season. You know, she came from like a

1353
01:10:51,560 --> 01:10:55,559
Speaker 2: rough lived with her grandmother whatever, and she you know,

1354
01:10:55,600 --> 01:10:58,360
Speaker 2: that show got huge and all of a sudden, she's

1355
01:10:58,400 --> 01:11:02,360
Speaker 2: got like sponsorship since she's on TikTok and she's punk

1356
01:11:02,479 --> 01:11:05,599
Speaker 2: sponsorships with Scrunchy and you know, all this stuff stick

1357
01:11:05,680 --> 01:11:08,280
Speaker 2: and Starbucks. And I saw one of the live shows.

1358
01:11:08,280 --> 01:11:10,760
Speaker 2: I'm just like a fan of these girls because I

1359
01:11:10,800 --> 01:11:13,680
Speaker 2: also am obsessed with all my internalized misogyny that you

1360
01:11:13,800 --> 01:11:16,240
Speaker 2: never like creeps up on you. Because I remember I

1361
01:11:16,240 --> 01:11:19,400
Speaker 2: was always like cheerleaders, h you know, I played basketball.

1362
01:11:19,439 --> 01:11:23,400
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, like jealous obviously, but I was like, okay,

1363
01:11:23,640 --> 01:11:26,400
Speaker 2: cheerlady is a sport, okay. And then watching this, I

1364
01:11:26,439 --> 01:11:28,800
Speaker 2: was like, whoa, these are like incredible athletes and it

1365
01:11:28,880 --> 01:11:35,639
Speaker 2: was just my internalized sexism really right, And I asked her.

1366
01:11:35,720 --> 01:11:38,040
Speaker 2: I was like, she's nineteen years old, like this was happening.

1367
01:11:38,080 --> 01:11:39,200
Speaker 2: I was like, how are you doing? Like what are

1368
01:11:39,200 --> 01:11:40,840
Speaker 2: you going to do this summer? And she's like, I'm

1369
01:11:40,840 --> 01:11:42,519
Speaker 2: going to take a couple months off and I was

1370
01:11:42,560 --> 01:11:44,800
Speaker 2: like oh, and she's like yeah, I just need time

1371
01:11:44,840 --> 01:11:45,960
Speaker 2: to like process all this.

1372
01:11:47,040 --> 01:11:47,320
Speaker 1: Wow.

1373
01:11:47,520 --> 01:11:51,080
Speaker 2: Like what, like what? I didn't even know that was

1374
01:11:51,080 --> 01:11:54,080
Speaker 2: an option? What do you mean process?

1375
01:11:55,200 --> 01:11:55,479
Speaker 1: Wow?

1376
01:11:55,560 --> 01:11:58,320
Speaker 2: Eve minutes a day, I sit down and I process

1377
01:11:58,520 --> 01:12:03,280
Speaker 2: my life. I'm like process, Like I haven't even thought

1378
01:12:03,920 --> 01:12:07,800
Speaker 2: to go like that happened? That was crazy. Yeah, Like

1379
01:12:08,000 --> 01:12:10,920
Speaker 2: sometimes I just go through my photo album. I'm trying

1380
01:12:10,960 --> 01:12:13,280
Speaker 2: to go like day to time and go like I

1381
01:12:13,560 --> 01:12:18,600
Speaker 2: just associated through that entire thing. And I've designed my

1382
01:12:18,640 --> 01:12:20,680
Speaker 2: life to be so chaotic that I haven't had a

1383
01:12:20,720 --> 01:12:23,800
Speaker 2: second to even process any of this. Right, you know,

1384
01:12:24,840 --> 01:12:29,200
Speaker 2: we don't make time to process our feelings, our emotions,

1385
01:12:29,320 --> 01:12:31,879
Speaker 2: our life anything.

1386
01:12:32,479 --> 01:12:34,400
Speaker 1: Oh maybe it's not an accident that all of us

1387
01:12:34,439 --> 01:12:35,439
Speaker 1: are ready to slow down.

1388
01:12:36,080 --> 01:12:38,040
Speaker 2: It's kind of the new It's a flex.

1389
01:12:38,640 --> 01:12:40,479
Speaker 1: Yeah. I like it.

1390
01:12:40,080 --> 01:12:41,120
Speaker 2: It's a flex.

1391
01:12:41,160 --> 01:12:42,000
Speaker 1: I'm proud of us.

1392
01:12:42,360 --> 01:12:44,960
Speaker 3: I know good too.

1393
01:12:45,479 --> 01:12:48,280
Speaker 1: We're no hell Like yeah.

1394
01:12:48,200 --> 01:12:50,360
Speaker 2: People were like you look so good. I stop getting

1395
01:12:50,360 --> 01:12:52,080
Speaker 2: botox about people like you look at them like I've

1396
01:12:52,200 --> 01:12:54,640
Speaker 2: just like kind of sleep, and I like, I'm not

1397
01:12:54,760 --> 01:12:57,840
Speaker 2: in toxic relationships or friendships anymore. If I need to

1398
01:12:57,840 --> 01:12:59,800
Speaker 2: be somewhere at four and it takes a half hour,

1399
01:13:00,080 --> 01:13:03,559
Speaker 2: I leave it three point fifteen, like yeah, just in case,

1400
01:13:04,000 --> 01:13:07,439
Speaker 2: you know, just kind of like not doing the adrenaline thing.

1401
01:13:07,920 --> 01:13:09,880
Speaker 1: I love that for you, I love that for us.

1402
01:13:11,200 --> 01:13:11,920
Speaker 2: We're the best.

1403
01:13:12,400 --> 01:13:16,640
Speaker 1: We ended on such a high note.