WEBVTT - Ask NST: Coupon etiquette, plus ones, and bad dogs 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:04.440 I'm Manny, and this is no such thing. The show 0:00:04.480 --> 0:00:08.400 where we answer our dumb questions and yours by actually 0:00:08.440 --> 0:00:12.520 doing the research. Today's episode is an advice episode. Many 0:00:12.560 --> 0:00:16.280 of you sent in questions seeking our advice, and we're 0:00:16.320 --> 0:00:22.239 here to answer that. Let's get started. There's no such thing. 0:00:23.040 --> 0:00:36.960 Touch Thank you, thank you, thank you. All right, So 0:00:37.000 --> 0:00:39.599 many of you may be asking why the hell are 0:00:39.720 --> 0:00:42.640 many No and Devin giving advice, and uh, there's no 0:00:42.760 --> 0:00:46.120 real good answer. To be honest, I've I've personally noticed 0:00:46.880 --> 0:00:49.040 on a lot of podcasts that I like to listen 0:00:49.040 --> 0:00:51.479 to they just started doing advice segments. 0:00:51.960 --> 0:00:52.040 Uh. 0:00:52.120 --> 0:00:55.960 These segments are usually sponsored by someone some company, and 0:00:56.040 --> 0:00:58.040 but no, we just wanted in on the fund a 0:00:58.080 --> 0:01:00.639 little bit and thought this would be kin a good 0:01:00.640 --> 0:01:02.800 way to spend some time on the MIC's here. So 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:04.080 that's why we're doing this. 0:01:05.440 --> 0:01:09.000 Hey, no such thing. Long time listener, first time caller. 0:01:09.880 --> 0:01:13.480 I'm hoping to get your advice on something. We're entering 0:01:13.520 --> 0:01:16.880 party season, and i'd like your sauce on invitation etiquette, 0:01:16.959 --> 0:01:17.839 specifically as. 0:01:17.760 --> 0:01:18.960 It relates to plus one. 0:01:19.880 --> 0:01:22.600 What are our person's responsibilities when it comes to inviting 0:01:22.640 --> 0:01:26.000 significant others to parties? Is there a threshold when it 0:01:26.000 --> 0:01:29.119 becomes disrespectful to give a friend of plus one instead 0:01:29.160 --> 0:01:32.640 of inviting their partner as an individual person, as someone 0:01:32.720 --> 0:01:36.600 in a serious cohabitating relationship. I found myself slightly offended 0:01:36.600 --> 0:01:40.520 by being plus one by friends of my partner over time. However, 0:01:41.440 --> 0:01:45.000 I also recognize the inconsistency of my own inviting habits 0:01:45.040 --> 0:01:48.160 when I'm on the other side. Boys, please help ground 0:01:48.240 --> 0:01:49.240 me in reality here. 0:01:49.400 --> 0:01:49.840 Thank you. 0:01:53.120 --> 0:01:55.360 First, I want to shout out the use of the 0:01:55.360 --> 0:01:57.840 phrase cohabitating partnership. 0:01:57.920 --> 0:02:00.480 Was that serious cohabitating relationship? 0:02:00.600 --> 0:02:03.760 That's very inclusive, well done. It's a it's an interesting question. 0:02:04.280 --> 0:02:08.080 It's tough for me. I'm someone who has never minded. 0:02:07.880 --> 0:02:10.079 That's something aroundwork here a little bit, because I think 0:02:10.160 --> 0:02:14.040 she's talking about like a party, full invite, right, not 0:02:14.120 --> 0:02:16.079 like a just a casual text, like. 0:02:16.040 --> 0:02:17.200 A a group chat, right. 0:02:17.320 --> 0:02:19.280 Yeah, And officially this sounds like something a little bit 0:02:19.320 --> 0:02:22.480 more official, not a wedding, Like I'm having a gathering 0:02:22.520 --> 0:02:23.639 and there's enough people that I. 0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:25.880 Got to like I'm blasting the thing. Yeah. 0:02:27.040 --> 0:02:30.799 So within that context, if me as being invited to something, 0:02:31.639 --> 0:02:34.120 do you feel awkward if you are not also on 0:02:34.160 --> 0:02:37.400 that invite? At this point, you guys are living together 0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:39.040 for going on two years. 0:02:39.320 --> 0:02:40.080 A long time. 0:02:40.200 --> 0:02:41.839 Yeah. 0:02:42.240 --> 0:02:47.320 For some reason in my head, if it's primarily MIA's friend, 0:02:48.040 --> 0:02:50.480 if me as the reason I know this person, I 0:02:50.600 --> 0:02:51.400 haven't minded it. 0:02:51.760 --> 0:02:51.959 Yeah. 0:02:52.360 --> 0:02:54.600 At the same time, maybe that I just haven't really 0:02:54.639 --> 0:02:57.679 thought about it being offensive, Like maybe I should think 0:02:57.720 --> 0:03:00.680 more about like why am I not invited as an individual? 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:01.399 Yeah? 0:03:01.440 --> 0:03:03.800 I mean it depends because there's certainly people I know 0:03:04.320 --> 0:03:09.560 just through their partners that I might like them, they 0:03:09.720 --> 0:03:12.160 like me. I would never hang out with these people 0:03:12.720 --> 0:03:16.640 want or not with that other person, whether it's my partner, 0:03:16.760 --> 0:03:19.320 their partner. So in that sense, I kind of get 0:03:19.360 --> 0:03:24.560 just like, listen, you're invited, you can bring whoever. It's assumed, So. 0:03:24.520 --> 0:03:26.280 I'm gonna be the one that has to have an 0:03:26.320 --> 0:03:26.840 issue with it. 0:03:26.919 --> 0:03:27.119 Yeah. 0:03:27.160 --> 0:03:27.480 Please. 0:03:28.800 --> 0:03:30.640 I think the simple test for this is do you 0:03:30.680 --> 0:03:35.600 have this person's phone number. I don't have the person's 0:03:35.640 --> 0:03:39.280 phone number, and you are sending out an invite and 0:03:40.040 --> 0:03:42.280 this is not okay. We're doing like I don't know, 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:44.200 this is the first time we're hanging out with this 0:03:44.240 --> 0:03:46.440 person's boyfriend and we just happen to be on one 0:03:46.480 --> 0:03:49.880 group chat together. This is you know, this person's in 0:03:49.880 --> 0:03:53.040 a serious they're living together, right, So if the person 0:03:53.080 --> 0:03:55.080 you're inviting is living with this person and you have 0:03:55.200 --> 0:03:59.320 their phone number, you should also just send them an invite. 0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:02.520 It is very easy to just add another contact. Yeah, 0:04:02.560 --> 0:04:04.800 it would be I get not like if you don't 0:04:04.840 --> 0:04:06.440 have this person's phone number, being like okay, and now 0:04:06.440 --> 0:04:08.960 I'm going to reach out to know and be like, hey, yeah, 0:04:09.040 --> 0:04:10.640 can you send me Julia's number I'm having. 0:04:11.240 --> 0:04:12.240 It's like that's a bit much. 0:04:12.320 --> 0:04:14.480 If someone's been dating someone for a year, two year, 0:04:14.560 --> 0:04:17.200 three years, a certain point, it doesn't matter that we're 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:19.760 not hanging out one on one. It's just like, just 0:04:19.839 --> 0:04:22.279 also invite them. They shouldn't just be a plus one. 0:04:22.440 --> 0:04:22.760 I guess. 0:04:22.839 --> 0:04:24.599 I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter to me. 0:04:24.680 --> 0:04:27.679 It doesn't really matter if it's like if that partner 0:04:27.760 --> 0:04:29.840 is never going to come on their own, even if 0:04:29.839 --> 0:04:31.760 they got the invite, you know what I mean, Like, 0:04:32.279 --> 0:04:35.680 let's use Manny and Mia. All right, if I'm inviting 0:04:36.160 --> 0:04:39.000 you to something and there's no world in which me 0:04:39.160 --> 0:04:42.120 is going to come by yourself to this event, yeah, 0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:45.560 it's kind of like we mutually wouldn't care. 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:48.880 Yeah, it's like a formality, but you would. Yeah, well, 0:04:48.880 --> 0:04:50.599 I'm trying to get into the shoes of the person 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:54.160 who's asking this question, Like, how should. 0:04:53.880 --> 0:04:56.120 You feel if I'm that person? 0:04:56.320 --> 0:04:59.159 If you know, it sounds like this person is feeling 0:04:59.600 --> 0:05:03.039 quite slighted by the fact that they're not invited to 0:05:03.080 --> 0:05:05.440 a thing, And it sounds like the person who's not 0:05:05.520 --> 0:05:08.880 inviting them individually, like sounds like they know them pretty well. 0:05:10.400 --> 0:05:12.320 So I guess, like I'm trying to figure out how 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:13.800 I would feel in that instance. 0:05:15.120 --> 0:05:19.000 He's gonna be the worst advice episode. You're like, well, 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:22.080 I don't care, why are you asking me? 0:05:25.160 --> 0:05:27.960 I think it's justified to feel upset or slighted about this. 0:05:28.560 --> 0:05:32.320 We're all different. I personally don't mind that much, but 0:05:32.640 --> 0:05:35.160 I could see why someone would be would mind And. 0:05:35.240 --> 0:05:38.160 Look, I don't think it's if you are annoyed. I 0:05:38.160 --> 0:05:41.719 think it's up to your partner to address here. Yeah, 0:05:42.800 --> 0:05:45.839 I'm annoyed, and it's that's your friend. You go talk 0:05:45.839 --> 0:05:47.760 to your friend about why I'm not on the invite. 0:05:47.839 --> 0:05:48.920 I'm not having that conversation. 0:05:48.960 --> 0:05:52.920 Would you mind asking your friend. 0:05:52.360 --> 0:05:54.240 Just put demon on an invite like he wants to? 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:56.720 You know, if there's updates about the park. He doesn't 0:05:56.720 --> 0:05:57.920 want to have to text me about it. 0:05:58.080 --> 0:06:02.360 Then. I think, now it's like if my partner complained 0:06:02.360 --> 0:06:04.160 to me about this and then I have to go 0:06:04.200 --> 0:06:10.200 to you, Devin and be like, I'd be like, she's 0:06:10.240 --> 0:06:12.720 gonna be nagging me about this, Just just shoot at 0:06:12.720 --> 0:06:14.600 the text next time. I don't know if I would 0:06:14.640 --> 0:06:15.120 even do that. 0:06:16.680 --> 0:06:18.279 You would, because you wouldn't have want to have that 0:06:18.320 --> 0:06:20.080 conversation again for the next Evie. 0:06:20.120 --> 0:06:21.720 I'd be like, yeah, I told him, and then I'd 0:06:21.720 --> 0:06:24.599 just be like, I don't know why he's Yeah, that's 0:06:24.600 --> 0:06:25.080 what I would do. 0:06:25.160 --> 0:06:26.800 I've seen this. I've seen this. 0:06:27.040 --> 0:06:28.720 Then I think it is worth bringing it up to 0:06:28.800 --> 0:06:30.920 your partner if it bothers you and you don't need 0:06:30.960 --> 0:06:32.240 to make it a big deal. I think you can 0:06:32.320 --> 0:06:34.360 bring it up and it's pretty nonchalant sight away of 0:06:34.480 --> 0:06:36.240 just sort of like, hey, it's just like you know, 0:06:36.360 --> 0:06:37.960 she wants to add it to a calendar, all this stuff, 0:06:37.960 --> 0:06:40.440 and it's just easier if like, she just gets the invite, 0:06:40.520 --> 0:06:43.400 if you don't have her number, here's her number, and 0:06:43.520 --> 0:06:45.920 just make it pretty low key. I don't think anyone 0:06:46.120 --> 0:06:48.719 who received that from one of their friends will be like, 0:06:48.800 --> 0:06:53.560 how dare they request that they are invited? It sounds 0:06:53.560 --> 0:06:55.680 like what's happening here is that like people are just 0:06:55.680 --> 0:06:58.680 doing the easiest thing for them and not thinking about 0:06:58.680 --> 0:07:03.120 other people's feelings. I don't think it's that they're intentionally 0:07:03.279 --> 0:07:06.839 not inviting you, especially if you're living together. It's different 0:07:06.839 --> 0:07:08.440 if like I don't know if there's still a thing. 0:07:08.320 --> 0:07:11.440 Because it's essentially assumed this person is going to come. Yes, 0:07:11.640 --> 0:07:13.880 if it's unless it's like obviously a very small thing, 0:07:14.520 --> 0:07:15.640 that they're a different thing. 0:07:15.840 --> 0:07:19.040 Yeah, yeah, exactly, Yeah. 0:07:18.800 --> 0:07:21.560 And I think that's fair. And then just to kind 0:07:21.560 --> 0:07:24.200 of put a point on that, it's just be the 0:07:24.320 --> 0:07:26.920 change you want to see. So you better be inviting 0:07:26.920 --> 0:07:29.960 everyone in every problem if you're going to be thinking 0:07:30.000 --> 0:07:30.600 this way. 0:07:31.040 --> 0:07:31.800 I will say too. 0:07:32.200 --> 0:07:36.160 As a final note, it sounds like maybe this is 0:07:36.160 --> 0:07:38.160 not about the invite at all, and maybe this is 0:07:38.200 --> 0:07:43.000 about how you feel in the presence of your partner's friends, 0:07:43.720 --> 0:07:45.640 and maybe it sounds like you feel like you're being 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:49.560 left out to some degree. Yeah, so I would I 0:07:49.560 --> 0:07:51.560 would take a long, hard look at that. 0:07:52.720 --> 0:07:55.040 Well, because I mean, yeah, things get complicated. There's been 0:07:55.680 --> 0:07:58.840 friends of mine who have had long term partners, and 0:07:58.880 --> 0:08:00.760 you know, I try my best, and sometimes it's like 0:08:00.800 --> 0:08:03.080 this person is not give they don't care if I 0:08:03.080 --> 0:08:05.400 livered in front of them. And I've known them for 0:08:05.520 --> 0:08:09.040 maybe i'll say, like a decade. Yeah yeah, and you 0:08:09.080 --> 0:08:11.840 know those people aren't around anymore with good reasons. 0:08:12.080 --> 0:08:13.840 Yeah they didn't make the. 0:08:13.800 --> 0:08:16.520 Cut, but you know, or like and the flip side, 0:08:16.520 --> 0:08:19.680 it's like you can tell like some people would make 0:08:19.720 --> 0:08:23.520 no effort to even meet with the significant other, and 0:08:23.560 --> 0:08:25.800 it's like, okay, you can only pretend like you know. 0:08:25.760 --> 0:08:26.960 This person yeah or something. 0:08:27.080 --> 0:08:31.200 Yes, but yeah, anyway, that's obviously a larger. 0:08:30.880 --> 0:08:33.840 Issue but yeah, yeah, but still one that I feels 0:08:33.840 --> 0:08:34.480 pertinent to this. 0:08:34.520 --> 0:08:34.960 Yeah. Yeah. 0:08:35.000 --> 0:08:37.400 I think it's if I think if you felt included 0:08:37.400 --> 0:08:39.360 in other aspects, it wouldn't feel as big of a deal, 0:08:39.440 --> 0:08:41.080 which is I think kind of what we're talking about here, 0:08:41.120 --> 0:08:41.840 where it's like, ah. 0:08:41.720 --> 0:08:44.640 Somebody forgot like an email whatever, who cares. 0:08:44.920 --> 0:08:47.719 But I think it's like, oh, every time I hang 0:08:47.760 --> 0:08:49.480 out with these people, like they don't greet me, they 0:08:49.520 --> 0:08:51.760 don't say anything to me, and I'm not on an email, 0:08:52.520 --> 0:08:53.720 Like then it starts to add up. 0:08:53.760 --> 0:08:55.360 Ye. Yeah, it's like, well, maybe I won't even bother 0:08:55.400 --> 0:08:55.720 going to this. 0:08:55.800 --> 0:08:58.679 Yeah, exactly. Maybe you don't even want me there. Yeah 0:08:58.720 --> 0:08:59.319 sounds like they don't. 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:05.960 Yeah, hey Manny No Devin responding to your question mail 0:09:06.000 --> 0:09:08.680 bag request, I have a crush on a co worker. 0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:12.640 Oh this shit is brutal, But here we are. I'm 0:09:12.679 --> 0:09:16.400 five years older than him. I'm thirty seven with fresh eggs. 0:09:16.600 --> 0:09:17.760 Oh what the fuck? 0:09:18.880 --> 0:09:21.680 I's hold the commentary for app. I'm afraid of even 0:09:21.720 --> 0:09:24.200 saying anything for lots of reasons, but the biggest being, 0:09:24.280 --> 0:09:27.120 am I too old? Is this real? Is this perception? 0:09:28.040 --> 0:09:29.440 What is even real? 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:35.000 For context, I am by a homeowner outside of my 0:09:35.040 --> 0:09:37.400 current city and wants to have a baby in the 0:09:37.400 --> 0:09:40.720 next two years. 0:09:41.960 --> 0:09:44.720 The age is fine, The ages are fine. Yeah, and 0:09:44.920 --> 0:09:45.440 thirty two. 0:09:45.760 --> 0:09:47.560 It's not like she's talking about having a crush on 0:09:47.600 --> 0:09:49.240 like a twenty two year old. It's like, I'm not 0:09:49.360 --> 0:09:51.280 what kids in the next two years? Yeah, thirty two? 0:09:52.240 --> 0:09:54.920 Realm. We joke about it a lot, but you can't 0:09:54.960 --> 0:09:55.880 have kids at this age. 0:09:55.880 --> 0:10:01.280 Surprisingly, it's legal. So it is of the age where 0:10:01.520 --> 0:10:03.880 if you had something that was serious for a few years, 0:10:03.920 --> 0:10:05.959 you can see maybe you know too cutting in a 0:10:06.000 --> 0:10:10.080 little tight Yeah, being that like you're not with this 0:10:10.120 --> 0:10:10.720 person yet. 0:10:11.920 --> 0:10:13.240 Yeah, but you know. 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:15.080 I don't want to worry too much about the baby thing, 0:10:15.120 --> 0:10:17.400 even though that's an important conversation to have within a 0:10:17.440 --> 0:10:19.320 couple of months at this rate. 0:10:19.440 --> 0:10:22.760 But yeah, wait, wait, so wait, what's the actual question, Like, 0:10:22.760 --> 0:10:23.520 what's one of this. 0:10:23.600 --> 0:10:28.880 I mean, figure out, you know, is it with all 0:10:28.880 --> 0:10:32.959 these other parameters? Are they kind of crazy for even 0:10:33.000 --> 0:10:36.880 thinking about it's a coworker, Yeah, so co worker, the 0:10:37.040 --> 0:10:37.800 age thing. 0:10:38.960 --> 0:10:41.360 Okay, so as it pertains to the question of like, 0:10:42.320 --> 0:10:44.439 is it uh kosher? 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:47.800 Yeah, right, I won't put business. 0:10:49.559 --> 0:10:51.800 Likely thing for you to say. Yeah, I think I'm 0:10:51.800 --> 0:10:57.360 pretty biased here, but never in an instance where one 0:10:57.400 --> 0:10:59.920 of us had a power dynamic over the other, per 0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:03.080 since so it was always like either different teams, level 0:11:03.080 --> 0:11:05.120 playing field or different teams. 0:11:05.160 --> 0:11:10.880 Yes, yeah, yeah, I date all my interns, So I don't. 0:11:10.679 --> 0:11:14.120 Think there's any real issue with you working with the person. 0:11:14.840 --> 0:11:17.640 Yeah, it's it's more a matter of, obviously, if you 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:21.120 don't know this person's interest in you, I think it's 0:11:21.160 --> 0:11:25.880 totally fair to ask them out. But after that you 0:11:25.960 --> 0:11:29.160 need to, right, you need to let it go and 0:11:29.200 --> 0:11:30.480 box that up and bury it. 0:11:30.720 --> 0:11:31.480 Yeah, the rest of. 0:11:31.400 --> 0:11:33.640 Your career there, And I will say part of this 0:11:33.840 --> 0:11:35.959 is like we don't know you, right, and because. 0:11:36.360 --> 0:11:37.720 To know what kind of job this was? 0:11:37.840 --> 0:11:40.200 Yeah, what happened? That's a really good point. What type 0:11:40.200 --> 0:11:41.600 of you actually work with them? 0:11:41.880 --> 0:11:43.600 Yes? Are you working directly with them? Is this just 0:11:43.640 --> 0:11:44.800 someone in the office. 0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:47.440 You guys as or are you in a like an 0:11:47.480 --> 0:11:51.800 office job ye or Quiznos corporate for the Chrisnos office job. 0:11:53.120 --> 0:11:57.280 And I think it's important to like, what is the 0:11:57.760 --> 0:11:58.800 what are your personalities? 0:11:58.960 --> 0:11:59.120 Right? 0:11:59.240 --> 0:12:02.280 Like, are you to people who if you get like 0:12:02.960 --> 0:12:04.559 if this doesn't work out, or you're gonna be able 0:12:04.640 --> 0:12:06.319 to continue working. 0:12:06.320 --> 0:12:08.680 In this environment and everything's going to be fine. 0:12:09.000 --> 0:12:13.480 Because I've been in situations where not me in a 0:12:13.480 --> 0:12:16.120 relationship with co workers, but I've been the boss of 0:12:16.240 --> 0:12:20.280 people who have been in relationships working very closely together 0:12:20.400 --> 0:12:24.120 on teams yea who it's great when it's going great, 0:12:25.000 --> 0:12:27.480 and then you know they get into a fight and 0:12:27.520 --> 0:12:32.840 then somebody's calling out sick oh, or someone refuses to 0:12:32.840 --> 0:12:33.760 work with the other person. 0:12:34.480 --> 0:12:36.240 We should believe out names, but is this. 0:12:36.920 --> 0:12:42.720 And no, So I think knowing the personalities at play 0:12:42.800 --> 0:12:45.800 here too, like is this going to be something that 0:12:45.920 --> 0:12:48.360 like if it's awkward and that's all it is. 0:12:48.640 --> 0:12:49.920 Who cares? Yeah, shoot your. 0:12:49.840 --> 0:12:53.959 Shot if it's awkward, all right, whatever, You can move 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:56.880 past it if you think it's going to impact, Like 0:12:56.960 --> 0:12:59.080 if this doesn't go well, if you think you're gonna 0:12:59.080 --> 0:13:01.240 have to quit your job, Yeah. 0:13:00.880 --> 0:13:03.560 Is the worst situation that you'll be miserable at work, 0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:06.760 you'll be fired? Like what Like, yes, we gotta lay 0:13:06.760 --> 0:13:10.440 out the consequences. But just to respond to a part 0:13:10.440 --> 0:13:13.560 of this email that seemed to be very important, which 0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:16.920 is like the fertility. Yes, yeah, I would describe a 0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:20.600 crush as something that's pretty frivolous, like low stakes. This 0:13:20.679 --> 0:13:23.000 seems to be like seems to be tied to like 0:13:23.440 --> 0:13:25.760 a desire to have babies pretty soon. 0:13:26.360 --> 0:13:27.959 Well, they just don't have time to waste. 0:13:28.160 --> 0:13:30.480 Yeah yeah, okay, which is fair, But you also don't 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:33.040 want to You're putting a lot of expectations on a 0:13:33.080 --> 0:13:35.320 person that you don't even know if they like you. Yeah, 0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:38.080 she's trying to give herself an excuse to not approach 0:13:38.160 --> 0:13:40.680 him and not have a conversation. But I think it's 0:13:40.800 --> 0:13:44.320 like step one is just like it's interested in you 0:13:44.480 --> 0:13:46.920 like each other, yes, and you can sort of go 0:13:47.080 --> 0:13:49.920 through all these other things. Why are we talking about, Yeah, 0:13:49.960 --> 0:13:52.000 having a baby in two years? You don't even like 0:13:52.240 --> 0:13:53.760 you probably don't even know this guy's midle name. 0:13:53.800 --> 0:13:53.920 You know. 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:55.200 It's like there are a lot of steps we got 0:13:55.280 --> 0:13:55.560 to go through. 0:13:55.640 --> 0:13:57.160 Yeah, there are a few things I wish I knew, 0:13:57.400 --> 0:14:00.200 like more context, Like are these people flirting with each other? 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:02.319 Or do you just look at a person every day 0:14:02.320 --> 0:14:04.520 and yes you have a crush on them, you know what. 0:14:04.640 --> 0:14:06.560 That's fine too, But I just mean, like, you know, 0:14:06.640 --> 0:14:10.800 so many people are kind of can't read when someone 0:14:10.920 --> 0:14:12.880 likes them. It's like we might be answered, we might 0:14:12.920 --> 0:14:15.920 be telling you to go approach someone who is not 0:14:16.080 --> 0:14:16.760 interested in you. 0:14:17.200 --> 0:14:18.920 But that's fine. You can find that out very quickly. 0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:20.200 And you could be like, hey, you want to grab 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:21.000 a drunk after work? 0:14:21.040 --> 0:14:21.480 Exactly? 0:14:22.200 --> 0:14:24.400 You know, like the stakes aren't let's watch the Knicks? 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:26.760 Yeah thinks exactly. Stakes are not that high. 0:14:26.920 --> 0:14:32.560 I'll replay of the next there they're in cancn right now. 0:14:40.920 --> 0:14:46.240 Hey, y'all, I need some advice. I'm having a birthday 0:14:46.320 --> 0:14:50.560 picnic and I've told all of my friends that they 0:14:50.600 --> 0:14:53.960 can bring their dogs, because of course they can. I 0:14:54.000 --> 0:14:57.320 have no problem with dogs being at my picnic. But 0:14:57.480 --> 0:15:03.040 I do have this one friend who dog I hate. 0:15:03.280 --> 0:15:09.680 This dog is energetic, yeahy aggressive. This dog ruins the 0:15:09.800 --> 0:15:15.080 vibe every time. And my friend has no idea that 0:15:15.160 --> 0:15:18.479 this dog is a problem. She thinks her dog is perfect. 0:15:18.840 --> 0:15:21.280 I do not want to ruin my birthday picnic. How 0:15:21.320 --> 0:15:24.520 do I tell her? Knowing that this will likely make 0:15:24.600 --> 0:15:25.120 her upset? 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:33.440 And I am conflict avoidant? Please, hell, I've got a 0:15:33.520 --> 0:15:36.160 question before we get into it. Yep, for the dog 0:15:36.200 --> 0:15:40.640 owners of the show, how much of a dog's like 0:15:40.960 --> 0:15:45.200 bad behavior can be attributed to its personality versus just 0:15:45.240 --> 0:15:49.200 not training it. Well, it's a mix, yeah, like a 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:51.840 dog like at a picnic, kind of just running around, 0:15:52.560 --> 0:15:55.000 smelling all the food, licking it up, like just kind 0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:57.520 of being a nuisance. I mean to me, I'm like, yeah, 0:15:57.560 --> 0:15:59.920 it's it's a dog. I mean, that's what they do. 0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:00.400 I guess. 0:16:00.480 --> 0:16:00.840 Yeah. 0:16:00.880 --> 0:16:03.640 But then it seems like some dogs probably start out 0:16:03.640 --> 0:16:06.000 that way before they're trained to be more polite. 0:16:06.480 --> 0:16:08.800 Yeah, it sounds like and this is a tough thing, 0:16:09.400 --> 0:16:12.560 you know, as a as a fellow dog owner, I 0:16:12.600 --> 0:16:16.480 fucking love my dog and no one else can talk 0:16:16.520 --> 0:16:19.760 shit about my dog except me. Yeah, but I'm also 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:24.000 very aware of my dog's shortcomings, like what he can do, 0:16:24.120 --> 0:16:27.160 what he can't do, what situations I should put him in, 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:29.000 what situations I should not put him in when it's 0:16:29.040 --> 0:16:31.280 time to just like we just got to go. And 0:16:31.360 --> 0:16:33.000 I think, if you're going to be the type of 0:16:33.040 --> 0:16:34.800 dog owner who's gonna be like, I love my dog, 0:16:34.840 --> 0:16:36.960 blah blah blah blah blah, you got to be really 0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:41.239 aware of how other people feel around your dog, especially 0:16:41.640 --> 0:16:44.080 with a bigger dog. You know, you can't just assume 0:16:44.120 --> 0:16:47.240 everybody's going to be comfortable with your dog jumping on 0:16:47.320 --> 0:16:49.200 in for food and all that sort of stuff. 0:16:49.320 --> 0:16:52.800 So, but you seem to have kind of the wherewithal 0:16:52.880 --> 0:16:55.400 to know in certain situations that your dog might not 0:16:55.480 --> 0:17:00.840 be great for some yere. 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:00.920 I'm not bringing my dog everywhere for that. 0:17:01.320 --> 0:17:03.920 The issue here, So to help the caller here, how 0:17:03.920 --> 0:17:08.000 can she let her friend know that her friend doesn't 0:17:08.080 --> 0:17:10.680 know that the dog is bad in these situations. 0:17:12.040 --> 0:17:14.320 I don't think there's an easy way to do this 0:17:14.440 --> 0:17:15.359 without being direct. 0:17:16.240 --> 0:17:20.159 Yeah, if you allow other dogs, yes, that's the problem everybody. 0:17:20.160 --> 0:17:23.240 I think it's it's totally fair, even at a park 0:17:23.320 --> 0:17:26.199 picnic thing, to just be like, hey, no dogs, like 0:17:26.359 --> 0:17:28.679 there's too much food and other stuff, Like it'll just 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:30.320 be kind of easier if we don't need to have that, 0:17:30.400 --> 0:17:33.360 and you could blame it on someone's allergies, like there's 0:17:33.359 --> 0:17:35.440 a million things to do. 0:17:35.520 --> 0:17:36.560 But if you're gonna. 0:17:36.520 --> 0:17:41.679 Allow other dogs there, Yeah, it isn't obviously specific and 0:17:41.720 --> 0:17:43.840 you can't just put out a vague thing of like yeah, 0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:49.920 good dogs only, like yeah, unless this dog is like yeah, 0:17:49.920 --> 0:17:51.760 this dog is aggressive, but like it doesn't sound like 0:17:51.760 --> 0:17:54.320 the dog is like biting people where it's like okay someone, 0:17:54.440 --> 0:17:57.199 Like that's what I would assume if if I have 0:17:57.240 --> 0:17:59.240 a dog that doesn't hurt people, I'd be like, cool, 0:17:59.240 --> 0:18:00.240 my dog's fine. 0:18:00.680 --> 0:18:02.880 I think you need to think about I know they're 0:18:02.960 --> 0:18:06.639 conflict avoidant. Do you want to have an awkward conversation now? 0:18:07.480 --> 0:18:11.560 Or do you want your party to possibly be ruined 0:18:12.280 --> 0:18:15.560 by this dog doing this thing for an hour, two hours, 0:18:15.600 --> 0:18:17.399 three hours, however long the picnic is? 0:18:17.560 --> 0:18:19.560 Yeah, I think that's if it's more of like. 0:18:19.520 --> 0:18:22.480 The dog's a little bit annoying and like you know, 0:18:22.520 --> 0:18:24.520 he runs around a little bit, but like it's not 0:18:24.640 --> 0:18:28.760 gonna really mess up the party. Okay, maybe you just 0:18:28.800 --> 0:18:30.680 got to suck it up and then next time just 0:18:30.720 --> 0:18:32.960 get ahead of it and say like, hey, no dogs. Yeah, 0:18:33.440 --> 0:18:36.000 but if this dog, if you're thinking this dog is 0:18:36.040 --> 0:18:38.680 going to like you, she said she hates this dog. 0:18:38.960 --> 0:18:40.640 Yeah, I'm sorry. 0:18:40.680 --> 0:18:42.240 I'm like one of those people that like, if it's 0:18:42.240 --> 0:18:45.280 my thing, I'm not inviting somebody I don't like. Yeah, 0:18:45.320 --> 0:18:48.320 and that includes your dog. So like you have to 0:18:48.359 --> 0:18:50.320 have a friend conversation with them and be like, hey, 0:18:51.440 --> 0:18:53.480 I would love for you to come, but like, don't 0:18:53.480 --> 0:18:55.359 think it's going to be the best environment for your dog. 0:18:55.600 --> 0:18:58.920