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Speaker 1: I'm Manny, and this is no such thing. The show

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Speaker 1: where we answer our dumb questions and yours by actually

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Speaker 1: doing the research. Today's episode is an advice episode. Many

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Speaker 1: of you sent in questions seeking our advice, and we're

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Speaker 1: here to answer that. Let's get started. There's no such thing.

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Speaker 1: Touch Thank you, thank you, thank you. All right, So

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Speaker 1: many of you may be asking why the hell are

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Speaker 1: many No and Devin giving advice, and uh, there's no

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Speaker 1: real good answer. To be honest, I've I've personally noticed

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Speaker 1: on a lot of podcasts that I like to listen

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Speaker 1: to they just started doing advice segments.

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Speaker 2: Uh.

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Speaker 1: These segments are usually sponsored by someone some company, and

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Speaker 1: but no, we just wanted in on the fund a

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Speaker 1: little bit and thought this would be kin a good

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Speaker 1: way to spend some time on the MIC's here. So

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Speaker 1: that's why we're doing this.

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Speaker 2: Hey, no such thing. Long time listener, first time caller.

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Speaker 2: I'm hoping to get your advice on something. We're entering

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Speaker 2: party season, and i'd like your sauce on invitation etiquette,

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Speaker 2: specifically as.

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Speaker 1: It relates to plus one.

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Speaker 2: What are our person's responsibilities when it comes to inviting

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Speaker 2: significant others to parties? Is there a threshold when it

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Speaker 2: becomes disrespectful to give a friend of plus one instead

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Speaker 2: of inviting their partner as an individual person, as someone

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Speaker 2: in a serious cohabitating relationship. I found myself slightly offended

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Speaker 2: by being plus one by friends of my partner over time. However,

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Speaker 2: I also recognize the inconsistency of my own inviting habits

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Speaker 2: when I'm on the other side. Boys, please help ground

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Speaker 2: me in reality here.

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Speaker 3: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: First, I want to shout out the use of the

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Speaker 1: phrase cohabitating partnership.

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Speaker 4: Was that serious cohabitating relationship?

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Speaker 1: That's very inclusive, well done. It's a it's an interesting question.

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Speaker 1: It's tough for me. I'm someone who has never minded.

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Speaker 5: That's something aroundwork here a little bit, because I think

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Speaker 5: she's talking about like a party, full invite, right, not

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Speaker 5: like a just a casual text, like.

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Speaker 6: A a group chat, right.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, And officially this sounds like something a little bit

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Speaker 5: more official, not a wedding, Like I'm having a gathering

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Speaker 5: and there's enough people that I.

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Speaker 6: Got to like I'm blasting the thing. Yeah.

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Speaker 5: So within that context, if me as being invited to something,

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Speaker 5: do you feel awkward if you are not also on

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Speaker 5: that invite? At this point, you guys are living together

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Speaker 5: for going on two years.

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Speaker 1: A long time.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: For some reason in my head, if it's primarily MIA's friend,

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Speaker 1: if me as the reason I know this person, I

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Speaker 1: haven't minded it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: At the same time, maybe that I just haven't really

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Speaker 1: thought about it being offensive, Like maybe I should think

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Speaker 1: more about like why am I not invited as an individual?

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Speaker 6: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: I mean it depends because there's certainly people I know

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Speaker 4: just through their partners that I might like them, they

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Speaker 4: like me. I would never hang out with these people

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Speaker 4: want or not with that other person, whether it's my partner,

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Speaker 4: their partner. So in that sense, I kind of get

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Speaker 4: just like, listen, you're invited, you can bring whoever. It's assumed, So.

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Speaker 6: I'm gonna be the one that has to have an

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Speaker 6: issue with it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Please.

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Speaker 5: I think the simple test for this is do you

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Speaker 5: have this person's phone number. I don't have the person's

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Speaker 5: phone number, and you are sending out an invite and

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Speaker 5: this is not okay. We're doing like I don't know,

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Speaker 5: this is the first time we're hanging out with this

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Speaker 5: person's boyfriend and we just happen to be on one

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Speaker 5: group chat together. This is you know, this person's in

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Speaker 5: a serious they're living together, right, So if the person

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Speaker 5: you're inviting is living with this person and you have

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Speaker 5: their phone number, you should also just send them an invite.

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Speaker 5: It is very easy to just add another contact. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: it would be I get not like if you don't

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Speaker 5: have this person's phone number, being like okay, and now

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Speaker 5: I'm going to reach out to know and be like, hey, yeah,

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Speaker 5: can you send me Julia's number I'm having.

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Speaker 6: It's like that's a bit much.

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Speaker 5: If someone's been dating someone for a year, two year,

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Speaker 5: three years, a certain point, it doesn't matter that we're

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Speaker 5: not hanging out one on one. It's just like, just

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Speaker 5: also invite them. They shouldn't just be a plus one.

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Speaker 6: I guess.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter to me.

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Speaker 4: It doesn't really matter if it's like if that partner

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Speaker 4: is never going to come on their own, even if

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Speaker 4: they got the invite, you know what I mean, Like,

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Speaker 4: let's use Manny and Mia. All right, if I'm inviting

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Speaker 4: you to something and there's no world in which me

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Speaker 4: is going to come by yourself to this event, yeah,

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Speaker 4: it's kind of like we mutually wouldn't care.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like a formality, but you would. Yeah, well,

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to get into the shoes of the person

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Speaker 1: who's asking this question, Like, how should.

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Speaker 6: You feel if I'm that person?

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Speaker 1: If you know, it sounds like this person is feeling

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Speaker 1: quite slighted by the fact that they're not invited to

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Speaker 1: a thing, And it sounds like the person who's not

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Speaker 1: inviting them individually, like sounds like they know them pretty well.

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Speaker 1: So I guess, like I'm trying to figure out how

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Speaker 1: I would feel in that instance.

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Speaker 4: He's gonna be the worst advice episode. You're like, well,

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Speaker 4: I don't care, why are you asking me?

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Speaker 1: I think it's justified to feel upset or slighted about this.

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Speaker 1: We're all different. I personally don't mind that much, but

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Speaker 1: I could see why someone would be would mind And.

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Speaker 5: Look, I don't think it's if you are annoyed. I

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Speaker 5: think it's up to your partner to address here. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: I'm annoyed, and it's that's your friend. You go talk

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Speaker 5: to your friend about why I'm not on the invite.

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Speaker 5: I'm not having that conversation.

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Speaker 1: Would you mind asking your friend.

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Speaker 5: Just put demon on an invite like he wants to?

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Speaker 5: You know, if there's updates about the park. He doesn't

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Speaker 5: want to have to text me about it.

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Speaker 4: Then. I think, now it's like if my partner complained

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Speaker 4: to me about this and then I have to go

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Speaker 4: to you, Devin and be like, I'd be like, she's

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Speaker 4: gonna be nagging me about this, Just just shoot at

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Speaker 4: the text next time. I don't know if I would

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Speaker 4: even do that.

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Speaker 5: You would, because you wouldn't have want to have that

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Speaker 5: conversation again for the next Evie.

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Speaker 4: I'd be like, yeah, I told him, and then I'd

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Speaker 4: just be like, I don't know why he's Yeah, that's

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Speaker 4: what I would do.

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Speaker 1: I've seen this. I've seen this.

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Speaker 5: Then I think it is worth bringing it up to

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Speaker 5: your partner if it bothers you and you don't need

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Speaker 5: to make it a big deal. I think you can

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Speaker 5: bring it up and it's pretty nonchalant sight away of

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Speaker 5: just sort of like, hey, it's just like you know,

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Speaker 5: she wants to add it to a calendar, all this stuff,

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Speaker 5: and it's just easier if like, she just gets the invite,

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Speaker 5: if you don't have her number, here's her number, and

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Speaker 5: just make it pretty low key. I don't think anyone

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Speaker 5: who received that from one of their friends will be like,

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Speaker 5: how dare they request that they are invited? It sounds

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Speaker 5: like what's happening here is that like people are just

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Speaker 5: doing the easiest thing for them and not thinking about

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Speaker 5: other people's feelings. I don't think it's that they're intentionally

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Speaker 5: not inviting you, especially if you're living together. It's different

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Speaker 5: if like I don't know if there's still a thing.

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Speaker 4: Because it's essentially assumed this person is going to come. Yes,

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Speaker 4: if it's unless it's like obviously a very small thing,

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Speaker 4: that they're a different thing.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, exactly, Yeah.

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Speaker 4: And I think that's fair. And then just to kind

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Speaker 4: of put a point on that, it's just be the

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Speaker 4: change you want to see. So you better be inviting

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Speaker 4: everyone in every problem if you're going to be thinking

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Speaker 4: this way.

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Speaker 6: I will say too.

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Speaker 5: As a final note, it sounds like maybe this is

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Speaker 5: not about the invite at all, and maybe this is

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Speaker 5: about how you feel in the presence of your partner's friends,

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Speaker 5: and maybe it sounds like you feel like you're being

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Speaker 5: left out to some degree. Yeah, so I would I

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Speaker 5: would take a long, hard look at that.

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Speaker 4: Well, because I mean, yeah, things get complicated. There's been

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Speaker 4: friends of mine who have had long term partners, and

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Speaker 4: you know, I try my best, and sometimes it's like

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Speaker 4: this person is not give they don't care if I

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Speaker 4: livered in front of them. And I've known them for

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Speaker 4: maybe i'll say, like a decade. Yeah yeah, and you

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Speaker 4: know those people aren't around anymore with good reasons.

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Speaker 6: Yeah they didn't make the.

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Speaker 4: Cut, but you know, or like and the flip side,

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Speaker 4: it's like you can tell like some people would make

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Speaker 4: no effort to even meet with the significant other, and

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Speaker 4: it's like, okay, you can only pretend like you know.

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Speaker 1: This person yeah or something.

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Speaker 4: Yes, but yeah, anyway, that's obviously a larger.

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Speaker 1: Issue but yeah, yeah, but still one that I feels

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Speaker 1: pertinent to this.

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Speaker 6: Yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 5: I think it's if I think if you felt included

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Speaker 5: in other aspects, it wouldn't feel as big of a deal,

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Speaker 5: which is I think kind of what we're talking about here,

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Speaker 5: where it's like, ah.

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Speaker 6: Somebody forgot like an email whatever, who cares.

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Speaker 5: But I think it's like, oh, every time I hang

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Speaker 5: out with these people, like they don't greet me, they

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Speaker 5: don't say anything to me, and I'm not on an email,

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Speaker 5: Like then it starts to add up.

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Speaker 4: Ye. Yeah, it's like, well, maybe I won't even bother

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Speaker 4: going to this.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly. Maybe you don't even want me there. Yeah

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Speaker 5: sounds like they don't.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, hey Manny No Devin responding to your question mail

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Speaker 4: bag request, I have a crush on a co worker.

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Speaker 4: Oh this shit is brutal, But here we are. I'm

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Speaker 4: five years older than him. I'm thirty seven with fresh eggs.

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Speaker 1: Oh what the fuck?

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Speaker 4: I's hold the commentary for app. I'm afraid of even

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Speaker 4: saying anything for lots of reasons, but the biggest being,

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Speaker 4: am I too old? Is this real? Is this perception?

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Speaker 1: What is even real?

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Speaker 4: For context, I am by a homeowner outside of my

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Speaker 4: current city and wants to have a baby in the

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Speaker 4: next two years.

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Speaker 6: The age is fine, The ages are fine. Yeah, and

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Speaker 6: thirty two.

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Speaker 5: It's not like she's talking about having a crush on

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Speaker 5: like a twenty two year old. It's like, I'm not

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Speaker 5: what kids in the next two years? Yeah, thirty two?

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Speaker 6: Realm. We joke about it a lot, but you can't

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Speaker 6: have kids at this age.

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Speaker 5: Surprisingly, it's legal. So it is of the age where

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Speaker 5: if you had something that was serious for a few years,

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Speaker 5: you can see maybe you know too cutting in a

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Speaker 5: little tight Yeah, being that like you're not with this

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Speaker 5: person yet.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, but you know.

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Speaker 4: I don't want to worry too much about the baby thing,

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Speaker 4: even though that's an important conversation to have within a

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Speaker 4: couple of months at this rate.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, wait, wait, so wait, what's the actual question, Like,

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Speaker 1: what's one of this.

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Speaker 4: I mean, figure out, you know, is it with all

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Speaker 4: these other parameters? Are they kind of crazy for even

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Speaker 4: thinking about it's a coworker, Yeah, so co worker, the

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Speaker 4: age thing.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so as it pertains to the question of like,

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Speaker 1: is it uh kosher?

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Speaker 6: Yeah, right, I won't put business.

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Speaker 1: Likely thing for you to say. Yeah, I think I'm

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Speaker 1: pretty biased here, but never in an instance where one

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Speaker 1: of us had a power dynamic over the other, per

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Speaker 1: since so it was always like either different teams, level

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Speaker 1: playing field or different teams.

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Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, yeah, I date all my interns, So I don't.

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Speaker 1: Think there's any real issue with you working with the person.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's it's more a matter of, obviously, if you

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Speaker 4: don't know this person's interest in you, I think it's

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Speaker 4: totally fair to ask them out. But after that you

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Speaker 4: need to, right, you need to let it go and

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Speaker 4: box that up and bury it.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, the rest of.

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Speaker 5: Your career there, And I will say part of this

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Speaker 5: is like we don't know you, right, and because.

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Speaker 1: To know what kind of job this was?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, what happened? That's a really good point. What type

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Speaker 5: of you actually work with them?

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Speaker 6: Yes? Are you working directly with them? Is this just

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Speaker 6: someone in the office.

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Speaker 1: You guys as or are you in a like an

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Speaker 1: office job ye or Quiznos corporate for the Chrisnos office job.

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Speaker 5: And I think it's important to like, what is the

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Speaker 5: what are your personalities?

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Speaker 6: Right?

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Speaker 5: Like, are you to people who if you get like

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Speaker 5: if this doesn't work out, or you're gonna be able

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Speaker 5: to continue working.

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Speaker 6: In this environment and everything's going to be fine.

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Speaker 5: Because I've been in situations where not me in a

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Speaker 5: relationship with co workers, but I've been the boss of

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Speaker 5: people who have been in relationships working very closely together

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Speaker 5: on teams yea who it's great when it's going great,

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Speaker 5: and then you know they get into a fight and

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Speaker 5: then somebody's calling out sick oh, or someone refuses to

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Speaker 5: work with the other person.

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Speaker 1: We should believe out names, but is this.

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Speaker 5: And no, So I think knowing the personalities at play

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Speaker 5: here too, like is this going to be something that

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Speaker 5: like if it's awkward and that's all it is.

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Speaker 6: Who cares? Yeah, shoot your.

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Speaker 5: Shot if it's awkward, all right, whatever, You can move

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Speaker 5: past it if you think it's going to impact, Like

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Speaker 5: if this doesn't go well, if you think you're gonna

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Speaker 5: have to quit your job, Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Is the worst situation that you'll be miserable at work,

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Speaker 1: you'll be fired? Like what Like, yes, we gotta lay

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Speaker 1: out the consequences. But just to respond to a part

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Speaker 1: of this email that seemed to be very important, which

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Speaker 1: is like the fertility. Yes, yeah, I would describe a

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Speaker 1: crush as something that's pretty frivolous, like low stakes. This

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Speaker 1: seems to be like seems to be tied to like

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Speaker 1: a desire to have babies pretty soon.

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Speaker 4: Well, they just don't have time to waste.

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Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, okay, which is fair, But you also don't

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Speaker 5: want to You're putting a lot of expectations on a

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Speaker 5: person that you don't even know if they like you. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: she's trying to give herself an excuse to not approach

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Speaker 5: him and not have a conversation. But I think it's

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Speaker 5: like step one is just like it's interested in you

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Speaker 5: like each other, yes, and you can sort of go

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Speaker 5: through all these other things. Why are we talking about, Yeah,

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Speaker 5: having a baby in two years? You don't even like

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Speaker 5: you probably don't even know this guy's midle name.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 6: It's like there are a lot of steps we got

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Speaker 6: to go through.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there are a few things I wish I knew,

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Speaker 1: like more context, Like are these people flirting with each other?

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Speaker 1: Or do you just look at a person every day

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Speaker 1: and yes you have a crush on them, you know what.

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Speaker 1: That's fine too, But I just mean, like, you know,

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Speaker 1: so many people are kind of can't read when someone

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Speaker 1: likes them. It's like we might be answered, we might

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Speaker 1: be telling you to go approach someone who is not

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Speaker 1: interested in you.

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Speaker 5: But that's fine. You can find that out very quickly.

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Speaker 5: And you could be like, hey, you want to grab

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Speaker 5: a drunk after work?

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Speaker 6: Exactly?

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Speaker 1: You know, like the stakes aren't let's watch the Knicks?

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Speaker 6: Yeah thinks exactly. Stakes are not that high.

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Speaker 1: I'll replay of the next there they're in cancn right now.

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Speaker 3: Hey, y'all, I need some advice. I'm having a birthday

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Speaker 3: picnic and I've told all of my friends that they

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Speaker 3: can bring their dogs, because of course they can. I

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Speaker 3: have no problem with dogs being at my picnic. But

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Speaker 3: I do have this one friend who dog I hate.

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Speaker 3: This dog is energetic, yeahy aggressive. This dog ruins the

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Speaker 3: vibe every time. And my friend has no idea that

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Speaker 3: this dog is a problem. She thinks her dog is perfect.

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Speaker 3: I do not want to ruin my birthday picnic. How

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Speaker 3: do I tell her? Knowing that this will likely make

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Speaker 3: her upset?

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Speaker 1: And I am conflict avoidant? Please, hell, I've got a

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Speaker 1: question before we get into it. Yep, for the dog

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Speaker 1: owners of the show, how much of a dog's like

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Speaker 1: bad behavior can be attributed to its personality versus just

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Speaker 1: not training it. Well, it's a mix, yeah, like a

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Speaker 1: dog like at a picnic, kind of just running around,

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Speaker 1: smelling all the food, licking it up, like just kind

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Speaker 1: of being a nuisance. I mean to me, I'm like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's it's a dog. I mean, that's what they do.

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Speaker 1: I guess.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: But then it seems like some dogs probably start out

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Speaker 1: that way before they're trained to be more polite.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it sounds like and this is a tough thing,

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Speaker 5: you know, as a as a fellow dog owner, I

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Speaker 5: fucking love my dog and no one else can talk

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Speaker 5: shit about my dog except me. Yeah, but I'm also

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Speaker 5: very aware of my dog's shortcomings, like what he can do,

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Speaker 5: what he can't do, what situations I should put him in,

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Speaker 5: what situations I should not put him in when it's

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Speaker 5: time to just like we just got to go. And

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Speaker 5: I think, if you're going to be the type of

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Speaker 5: dog owner who's gonna be like, I love my dog,

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Speaker 5: blah blah blah blah blah, you got to be really

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Speaker 5: aware of how other people feel around your dog, especially

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Speaker 5: with a bigger dog. You know, you can't just assume

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Speaker 5: everybody's going to be comfortable with your dog jumping on

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Speaker 5: in for food and all that sort of stuff.

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Speaker 1: So, but you seem to have kind of the wherewithal

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Speaker 1: to know in certain situations that your dog might not

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Speaker 1: be great for some yere.

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Speaker 6: I'm not bringing my dog everywhere for that.

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Speaker 1: The issue here, So to help the caller here, how

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Speaker 1: can she let her friend know that her friend doesn't

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Speaker 1: know that the dog is bad in these situations.

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Speaker 5: I don't think there's an easy way to do this

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Speaker 5: without being direct.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, if you allow other dogs, yes, that's the problem everybody.

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Speaker 4: I think it's it's totally fair, even at a park

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Speaker 4: picnic thing, to just be like, hey, no dogs, like

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Speaker 4: there's too much food and other stuff, Like it'll just

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Speaker 4: be kind of easier if we don't need to have that,

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Speaker 4: and you could blame it on someone's allergies, like there's

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Speaker 4: a million things to do.

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Speaker 6: But if you're gonna.

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Speaker 4: Allow other dogs there, Yeah, it isn't obviously specific and

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Speaker 4: you can't just put out a vague thing of like yeah,

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Speaker 4: good dogs only, like yeah, unless this dog is like yeah,

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Speaker 4: this dog is aggressive, but like it doesn't sound like

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Speaker 4: the dog is like biting people where it's like okay someone,

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Speaker 4: Like that's what I would assume if if I have

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Speaker 4: a dog that doesn't hurt people, I'd be like, cool,

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Speaker 4: my dog's fine.

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Speaker 5: I think you need to think about I know they're

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Speaker 5: conflict avoidant. Do you want to have an awkward conversation now?

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Speaker 5: Or do you want your party to possibly be ruined

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Speaker 5: by this dog doing this thing for an hour, two hours,

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Speaker 5: three hours, however long the picnic is?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that's if it's more of like.

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Speaker 5: The dog's a little bit annoying and like you know,

388
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Speaker 5: he runs around a little bit, but like it's not

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Speaker 5: gonna really mess up the party. Okay, maybe you just

390
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Speaker 5: got to suck it up and then next time just

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Speaker 5: get ahead of it and say like, hey, no dogs. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: but if this dog, if you're thinking this dog is

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Speaker 5: going to like you, she said she hates this dog.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm sorry.

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Speaker 5: I'm like one of those people that like, if it's

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Speaker 5: my thing, I'm not inviting somebody I don't like. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: and that includes your dog. So like you have to

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Speaker 5: have a friend conversation with them and be like, hey,

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Speaker 5: I would love for you to come, but like, don't

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Speaker 5: think it's going to be the best environment for your dog.

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Speaker 6: And if your friend is actually your friend and.

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Speaker 5: A will receive that in for me and be okay

403
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Speaker 5: with it and leave your dog at home and show up.

404
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Speaker 5: If you're not really your friend, they're not going to

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Speaker 5: show up.

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Speaker 1: What exactly should she say to this person? I think

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Speaker 1: you can touched on it a little bit.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, let's have a mock let's have a mock conversation.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think something in the message should be like, maybe, hey,

411
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Speaker 1: i'd like your dog, but I feel a little uncomfortable

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Speaker 1: around your dog. Sometimes something that's like not like you

413
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Speaker 1: suck your dog sucks, You're going to ruin the party.

414
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Speaker 1: But like maybe if it's personal like that.

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Speaker 4: Are you calling him or doing this in person? Do

416
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Speaker 4: you think I'm probably texting?

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Speaker 6: Okay, texting Hey, don't call.

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Speaker 1: Hey? Three wise?

419
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Speaker 6: Hey, what's up?

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Speaker 2: Man?

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Speaker 5: He's so excited for the party. I've already I've already

422
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Speaker 5: gotten Alia a brand new bandana.

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Speaker 1: For Well, that's actually what I what I wanted to

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Speaker 1: talk about today.

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Speaker 4: Thanks for responding to this message.

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Speaker 1: As you know, my birthday party welcomes dogs, but on

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Speaker 1: more than a few occasions, I felt a little bit

428
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Speaker 1: uncomfortable around Ollie. Don't. I don't have anything against dogs

429
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Speaker 1: in general, but Ollie in particular makes me a little nervous.

430
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Speaker 1: And I don't want to be uncomfortable in any way

431
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Speaker 1: at my birthday celebration. But I was wondering if it's

432
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Speaker 1: okay that you come, but Ollie stays.

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Speaker 5: Home, So you're gonna be letting other dogs come but

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Speaker 5: not Ali?

435
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,320
Speaker 1: Yes, because I feel a little bit more comfortable around

436
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:38,960
Speaker 1: these dogs. They're not as energetic, they're not running around

437
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:42,920
Speaker 1: trying to eat the food, and I'm just gonna feel

438
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Speaker 1: a lot more comfortable. And normally I wouldn't ask this,

439
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,800
Speaker 1: but it's my birthday, so I just want to feel

440
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Speaker 1: as good as I possibly can please. He's laying it on.

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Speaker 6: You know.

442
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Speaker 5: I guess it's fine or whatever, but it's just kind

443
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:57,840
Speaker 5: of weird to me, and that this is the first

444
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:00,360
Speaker 5: time you're ever bringing up the fact that you been

445
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:03,959
Speaker 5: feeling uncomfortable around Ollie because you've been around Ollie so

446
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:07,159
Speaker 5: many times, and like you've never said anything, so it

447
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,040
Speaker 5: sounds like you're just kind of making this up.

448
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:11,840
Speaker 1: You're right, I should have brought this up earlier, but

449
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:15,160
Speaker 1: in previous instances, I didn't want to make you feel bad.

450
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,120
Speaker 1: In this instance, I'm fucking had enough.

451
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:21,520
Speaker 4: I need to stand up for myself.

452
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:25,080
Speaker 1: And on last year at my birthday, I was a

453
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:28,879
Speaker 1: little bit nervous and anxious around your dog, and I

454
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:30,920
Speaker 1: don't want to feel that this year on my birthday.

455
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:43,879
Speaker 4: That's very all right, this is a classic incoming, I think.

456
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:47,840
Speaker 4: All right, Hey, Mandy, No and Devin, we have a

457
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:51,000
Speaker 4: question for you. Our good friends invited us on a

458
00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:54,439
Speaker 4: dinner double date. When picking a location, we told them

459
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,800
Speaker 4: we don't have a preference, and so they selected a

460
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:58,600
Speaker 4: new restaurant that none of us had been due before.

461
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:02,000
Speaker 4: The food ended up being a nothing special. At the

462
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:03,919
Speaker 4: end of the meal, when the checks came, our friends

463
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:05,679
Speaker 4: told the waiter that they would be using a coupon

464
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,680
Speaker 4: that they had and ended up paying about half price

465
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:11,000
Speaker 4: for their meal while we paid full price. This left

466
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,960
Speaker 4: us with a bad taste in our mouths. A few

467
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,399
Speaker 4: weeks later, they invited us to another restaurant, again that

468
00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,760
Speaker 4: none of us have been to. This time, we asked

469
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:20,600
Speaker 4: them ahead of time if they had a coupon to

470
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:24,119
Speaker 4: go there, and they said yes. We declined their offer

471
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,480
Speaker 4: because of the previous experience and it was a random,

472
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:29,440
Speaker 4: out of the way location. Curious to hear all of

473
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:32,200
Speaker 4: your thoughts on the situation. Do you think what they

474
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:34,800
Speaker 4: did was rude? Or are we being upset for no reason?

475
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,320
Speaker 4: Should they have offered us to use the coupon on

476
00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:42,320
Speaker 4: the appetizer they split with us? Does it make a

477
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,320
Speaker 4: difference that they had to pay a subscription fee to

478
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:45,480
Speaker 4: receive these coupons?

479
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:46,399
Speaker 6: Oh?

480
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:49,560
Speaker 4: Should they have been more upfront about their coupon and

481
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:53,280
Speaker 4: reasoning for the restaurant selection? What are the social norms here?

482
00:22:53,480 --> 00:23:00,680
Speaker 1: Thanks? And remind me at the beginning who invited who

483
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:06,400
Speaker 1: to the dinner? They invited them, They invited the emailers. Okay, yeah,

484
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:09,600
Speaker 1: I think it is rude. Yeah, I think it's rude

485
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:14,280
Speaker 1: number one to only choose restaurants because you're getting a discount.

486
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:17,000
Speaker 1: And maybe this is different in New York than wherever

487
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:19,119
Speaker 1: they live, but like, I feel like, if you're going

488
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,520
Speaker 1: to go on a double date, there's gotta be some intention,

489
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,120
Speaker 1: like why are we choosing? Like, you know, there's gotta

490
00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:27,080
Speaker 1: be something personal about where you're going for dinner with

491
00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:29,520
Speaker 1: these people. If it was just like the three of us,

492
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:33,000
Speaker 1: we're getting dinner after bowling or something, and one of

493
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:34,679
Speaker 1: you had a coupon and that's why we're going, I

494
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:37,159
Speaker 1: think that's totally fine. But this goes somewhere because you

495
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:40,000
Speaker 1: have the coupon. Yeah, this feels way more intimate a

496
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:43,600
Speaker 1: double date. And then you know, if I had the coupon,

497
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:45,760
Speaker 1: I'd be upfront about it and be like, hey, if

498
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:49,920
Speaker 1: I'm inviting these people, hey yeah, and if I'm inviting you,

499
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:51,520
Speaker 1: you're getting some of the discount.

500
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:52,640
Speaker 4: Exactly.

501
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:55,680
Speaker 1: This is going for everyone.

502
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:59,360
Speaker 4: Yes, Yeah, That's what's crazy is the effort that goes

503
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:03,680
Speaker 4: into using coupon just on your half of the meal. Yes,

504
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:05,639
Speaker 4: that's where it's like, all right, this is not like

505
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:09,280
Speaker 4: an accidental thing. No, you're you're telling the waiter specifically,

506
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,520
Speaker 4: only take this twenty percent off on this, and it's like,

507
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:18,280
Speaker 4: you know, money's tight whatever the economy.

508
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:20,720
Speaker 1: Like you're doing this to save Like yeah, what like

509
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:22,080
Speaker 1: how much money could it be worth?

510
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:24,000
Speaker 4: Is that really worth doing this?

511
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,840
Speaker 1: Yeah? I'm trying to figure out the rude part of it,

512
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:27,720
Speaker 1: because like.

513
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,440
Speaker 5: It's rude because you're inviting somebody to dinner and you're

514
00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:33,560
Speaker 5: not being honest about why you're choosing the restaurants. Yeah,

515
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,919
Speaker 5: and that the fact that you have a coupon, so

516
00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:39,639
Speaker 5: it's like they may be picking a place that's expensive

517
00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:42,000
Speaker 5: and it's other couple's like, well, if they want to go.

518
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:42,440
Speaker 6: We go.

519
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,119
Speaker 5: So we get there and then we're ordering all the

520
00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:47,199
Speaker 5: normal you don't say anything till the very end and

521
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:50,600
Speaker 5: then to know it's point and then you're only like

522
00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:53,520
Speaker 5: using the twenty percent on your you and your spout,

523
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:55,200
Speaker 5: Like that's crazy.

524
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:56,800
Speaker 1: It's really rude. I mean, I'm trying to imagine my

525
00:24:56,840 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 1: scenario where like we get to dinner, it's time to

526
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:04,120
Speaker 1: pay out, and then the couple who invited me pulls out.

527
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:06,760
Speaker 6: Like a coupon and for themselves.

528
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:09,280
Speaker 1: And they don't use it on this selves I'd be like, oh, what.

529
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:11,040
Speaker 2: You know.

530
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:13,560
Speaker 4: Obviously I don't. I'm not entitled to it. Yeah, but

531
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:14,440
Speaker 4: it just odd.

532
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean it.

533
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:17,679
Speaker 5: I would feel embarrassed if I was the person inviting

534
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:19,880
Speaker 5: someone if I had a coupon and did not mention

535
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:20,680
Speaker 5: it ahead of time.

536
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,439
Speaker 1: To me, there's two violations happening here. One is that

537
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,280
Speaker 1: we're only going to this place because you have.

538
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 6: A coupon, there's no other reason.

539
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:31,320
Speaker 1: Completely strips away any kind of like intimacy about wanting

540
00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:33,280
Speaker 1: to take your friends out on this double date. To

541
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:35,720
Speaker 1: you get to the part where you use the coupon

542
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:38,080
Speaker 1: and you're not including the people you invited to this

543
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:41,720
Speaker 1: place for the sole reason of having the coupon. Now,

544
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:45,480
Speaker 1: the third violation is like, hey, let's do this again, Yes,

545
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:49,199
Speaker 1: because I have another coupon. I would feel like I

546
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 1: would feel so pissed.

547
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:53,159
Speaker 5: I will say, some people just don't have any like

548
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:54,960
Speaker 5: social awareness mm hmmm.

549
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:57,600
Speaker 6: And I would be up front.

550
00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:59,560
Speaker 5: I know they said that they told them like, no,

551
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 5: we don't want to go to that restaurant, But I

552
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 5: would be upfront with them and be like, hey, it

553
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:04,080
Speaker 5: seems like you guys are only picking restaurants that you

554
00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:06,879
Speaker 5: have coupons for we don't have coupons. If we're going

555
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:08,399
Speaker 5: to go out to eat, you guys, we want to

556
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:11,719
Speaker 5: go somewhere that we actually want to eat that, you know,

557
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:14,359
Speaker 5: And it's kind of awkward that you guys are inviting

558
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:17,440
Speaker 5: us just two places that you have coupons for, being

559
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:19,639
Speaker 5: that we don't have coupons. So there's no incentive for

560
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:21,440
Speaker 5: us to do that. If you guys just want to

561
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 5: use your coupons, just go out by yourself to these restaurants.

562
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:27,680
Speaker 5: Why are you inviting me and then leout if it's good,

563
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:29,359
Speaker 5: and then if it's great, yeah, then we can go back,

564
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:29,880
Speaker 5: come back.

565
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:31,760
Speaker 4: I don't care if they pay for a subscription fee

566
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:34,720
Speaker 4: for now. I mean that's weird. I mean, I don't

567
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,560
Speaker 4: know what it does not matter that they're no, I mean,

568
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:41,280
Speaker 4: I mean, how much could that be even whatever it is,

569
00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:41,919
Speaker 4: even if.

570
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 5: Someone gave me a gift card to the place. Right,

571
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:48,879
Speaker 5: so I'm getting say one hundred and fifty.

572
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:49,880
Speaker 6: Dollars off at the restaurant.

573
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,720
Speaker 5: If I'm inviting somebody else to that restaurant, they are

574
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:54,679
Speaker 5: getting that disc.

575
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:57,959
Speaker 4: Off the top. Yes, yeah, it's off the top. And

576
00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:58,520
Speaker 4: then you do.

577
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:05,080
Speaker 1: I mean, look, I pay for Regal Unlimited twenty three

578
00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:07,320
Speaker 1: dollars a month so that I can go see movies

579
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:10,919
Speaker 1: without paying for the movie. This person is paying a

580
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:13,280
Speaker 1: subscription to get this discount on things.

581
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:16,440
Speaker 5: It feels like kindergartener mentality, if like everything needs to

582
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:18,359
Speaker 5: be fair and even it's like sometimes you should just

583
00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:21,119
Speaker 5: do things because it's nice. Yeah, you're not always gonna

584
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:22,879
Speaker 5: like it's your coupon. I get it, you pay a

585
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:25,200
Speaker 5: subscription fee, but like, if you're inviting your friends out,

586
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:28,200
Speaker 5: maybe you're just gonna not get as much money back

587
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:29,040
Speaker 5: as you thought you were.

588
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:32,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, you should enjoy the experience. And like, if you're

589
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:33,040
Speaker 4: that hard.

590
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 6: Up for money that you should issue.

591
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:38,760
Speaker 4: You should be paying for a subscription service for coupons. Yeah,

592
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:40,640
Speaker 4: and you shouldn't be going out to restaurants, let alone

593
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:44,159
Speaker 4: inviting other couples exactly. Like that's it. It's just like

594
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:47,439
Speaker 4: when it's like when people complain about tipping normally at

595
00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:49,680
Speaker 4: a restaurant, it's like, well then you can you can't

596
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:52,439
Speaker 4: afford it, You shouldn't be ready. Yeah, just make some

597
00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:53,960
Speaker 4: mac and cheese.

598
00:27:55,440 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, so pretty unanimous by many, Noah and Devin. Your

599
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:02,160
Speaker 1: friends should feel ashamed.

600
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:04,520
Speaker 6: And you should you should confunct them about it?

601
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, no more?

602
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,760
Speaker 1: I mean yeah, were you were too nice in saying no?

603
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 1: Just because the restaurants far away, I'd been like, why,

604
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,600
Speaker 1: what is happening here? What is wrong with you?

605
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 4: That's some help? Maybe talk to you know, send it

606
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:23,800
Speaker 4: an advice question to some people. All right, hey, guys,

607
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:26,280
Speaker 4: I've got some advice to ask. How do I pursue

608
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:29,119
Speaker 4: new friendships without neglecting the friends I already have? I

609
00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:31,800
Speaker 4: absolutely love all my friends. They're incredible people, and they

610
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:34,600
Speaker 4: mean the world to me. I have a few particularly

611
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:36,560
Speaker 4: close friends, but I can't help but feel that many

612
00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:38,760
Speaker 4: of them have this untouchable connection with each other that

613
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 4: I just can't reach. I try my best to spend

614
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 4: more time with these people, but always worry about neglecting

615
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:48,280
Speaker 4: the close friends I already have. There are also people

616
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:50,520
Speaker 4: who are not quite friends, but acquaintances that I'd like

617
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:52,400
Speaker 4: to get to know better. But I don't know how

618
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:54,960
Speaker 4: to start that process without a looking weird or b

619
00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:57,120
Speaker 4: making my current friends think I'm trying to move away

620
00:28:57,120 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 4: from them, or that I enjoy their company any less.

621
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:04,400
Speaker 5: What do you think I feel like, out of the

622
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:06,360
Speaker 5: three of us, Manny, you should answer this because the

623
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:08,240
Speaker 5: amount of friends that you have is disgusting.

624
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:10,520
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's fair, So you do a good job.

625
00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:11,080
Speaker 4: So what do you think.

626
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:13,600
Speaker 1: I have a lot of friends there, But like, I mean,

627
00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:15,720
Speaker 1: it seems like this person doesn't have that much time,

628
00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:20,160
Speaker 1: because my initial response to this is that you can

629
00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:23,280
Speaker 1: do all of this at the same time. Yeah, it

630
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:26,080
Speaker 1: seems like you can like make new friends without having

631
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:27,480
Speaker 1: to neglect the other ones.

632
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:30,760
Speaker 5: Precidically, it sounds like they're saying they have to sacrifice

633
00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:34,040
Speaker 5: time with their friends. They already have to deepen relationships

634
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:36,120
Speaker 5: with newer friends, which yeah.

635
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:37,840
Speaker 4: And they're not trying to lose any It's not like,

636
00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:40,040
Speaker 4: oh I don't like this friend group. No, they're not

637
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:42,000
Speaker 4: like holdovers from college or something.

638
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:44,640
Speaker 1: There is some level of like politics to this in

639
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:46,760
Speaker 1: a weird way, Like I've run into this all the time,

640
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,600
Speaker 1: where I'm someone who wants to invite every single person

641
00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:52,800
Speaker 1: I know on a weekend to the same bar. But

642
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:56,520
Speaker 1: I've found that, like some groups don't mesh well with

643
00:29:56,600 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 1: other groups. Some groups want very specific people there. They'll

644
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,040
Speaker 1: be annoyed if other people show up, not because they

645
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:03,840
Speaker 1: don't like the person, but like it just changes the

646
00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:05,000
Speaker 1: dynamic expectations.

647
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:07,239
Speaker 4: Well, yeah, it's like, if I'm going to meet up

648
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:08,880
Speaker 4: with two people, it's way different than meeting up with

649
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:12,040
Speaker 4: five people, even if I like all those people.

650
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, and there's different goals for different hangs. Sure, so

651
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:18,280
Speaker 1: there's definitely a lot to think about in this scenario.

652
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 4: All right, So let's let's break it down. I guess

653
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:23,280
Speaker 4: there's someone who is a friend of a friend. Maybe

654
00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 4: you've seen each other a few times at bar parties

655
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:28,640
Speaker 4: or whatever. You're friendly but not friends. How should we

656
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:31,200
Speaker 4: approach going about taking that next step?

657
00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:34,840
Speaker 1: For me, it's always been like weirdly similar to trying

658
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:37,719
Speaker 1: to ask someone out on a date, where it's like, hey,

659
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:40,080
Speaker 1: hey man, I like really enjoy hanging out with you, Like,

660
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 1: let's get a beer sometime soon. Then it stops becoming

661
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 1: a thing you plan around, so like yeah, once you

662
00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:49,360
Speaker 1: fortunately like this stuff has to does have to be

663
00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:53,680
Speaker 1: pretty organic, otherwise it doesn't feel authentic. People will be

664
00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:56,640
Speaker 1: like what is this about? And I've noticed that too,

665
00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:58,840
Speaker 1: where like people will be really kind of weird about

666
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:01,320
Speaker 1: asking to hang out with me and it kind of

667
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:04,080
Speaker 1: turns me off. Similar to dating, you want to make

668
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 1: sure it's like mutual interest.

669
00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, I just like, well, well, now I need to

670
00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:09,760
Speaker 4: go like this person's bugging me, Like there must be

671
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:11,520
Speaker 4: some sort of reason you are connected.

672
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:11,840
Speaker 6: Yeah.

673
00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:14,520
Speaker 4: And then I think, as far as not worrying about

674
00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:17,120
Speaker 4: cutting out other people, I think it's just keeping up

675
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:20,120
Speaker 4: with Yeah, just like don't ignore the group chat or

676
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 4: whatever it is, and just like, yeah, you can't hang

677
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:24,720
Speaker 4: out with everyone all the time.

678
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:28,479
Speaker 1: Yeah, my advice would be not to worry about like

679
00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:32,000
Speaker 1: not paying attention as much to the previous friend group.

680
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:34,880
Speaker 1: If you're close enough, that's gonna be fine.

681
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:35,400
Speaker 6: Exactly.

682
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:37,400
Speaker 1: I'll have friends who hit me up who I haven't

683
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 1: talked to in like six months, and we'll just pick

684
00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:41,920
Speaker 1: but right back up like nothing, like there had been

685
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:45,320
Speaker 1: no gap in them communications. And I think like your

686
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:47,880
Speaker 1: best friends are like good friends will be like that.

687
00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 1: I really wouldn't worry about losing your previous friends and

688
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:53,480
Speaker 1: no one's gonna be at home being like damn, man,

689
00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:54,280
Speaker 1: he didn't text.

690
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:56,480
Speaker 4: Me, or like see that you went out with one

691
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:59,120
Speaker 4: other person one time and be like, oh, I guess

692
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:00,240
Speaker 4: I'm done now. Yeah.

693
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 1: Now, there was a part of the question that was

694
00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:07,120
Speaker 1: like they feel like they can't penetrate. Yeah, So like

695
00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 1: a dynamic that feels very close, which is also another

696
00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:14,080
Speaker 1: interesting thing. Some people like meet each other two weeks

697
00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:15,960
Speaker 1: ago and then you see them hang out and it

698
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 1: seems like they've been friends for definitely ever. Yeah, there's

699
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:21,240
Speaker 1: just certain personalities that click with each other like that,

700
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 1: and it's I don't think it's worth like trying to

701
00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:25,800
Speaker 1: penetrate that, if that makes sense.

702
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, because I'm read to reread that bit it says

703
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:31,160
Speaker 4: I love all my friends. They're incredible people and they

704
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:32,840
Speaker 4: mean the world to me. I have a few particularly

705
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:34,520
Speaker 4: close friends, but I can't help but feel that many

706
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:37,320
Speaker 4: of them have this untouchable connection with each other that

707
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:41,320
Speaker 4: I just can't reach. So this makes me think of

708
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:42,600
Speaker 4: our follow Ups episode in a way.

709
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:43,000
Speaker 6: Yeah.

710
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:46,160
Speaker 4: But yeah, it's like you feel like you don't have

711
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:50,240
Speaker 4: that real deep connection. You kind of just need maybe

712
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:53,000
Speaker 4: one on one time or something like if you're always

713
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:57,360
Speaker 4: hanging out in groups, try to get more individual attention.

714
00:32:57,400 --> 00:32:59,040
Speaker 4: I feel like that always makes me feel closer, even

715
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:01,760
Speaker 4: if it's not we're going to have a hard conversation

716
00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 4: with each other. It's just like, I don't know, it

717
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:06,800
Speaker 4: just means something different to carve out time with one

718
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:09,400
Speaker 4: person versus with a group of four people or something.

719
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 1: An easy way I've done that in the past is like,

720
00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:14,480
Speaker 1: if you're out at drinks of the group and then

721
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:17,000
Speaker 1: one of the friend you want to connect with more

722
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:19,520
Speaker 1: wants to get a drink, You're like, hey, I'll go

723
00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 1: with you to the bar. Depending on what bar you're at,

724
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:24,600
Speaker 1: you're actually going to be by yourselves for a while

725
00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:25,800
Speaker 1: and you can talk a little bit.

726
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:28,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, and even that that's something small like that, which

727
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:31,400
Speaker 4: could even be it could only be three minutes. It

728
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:34,960
Speaker 4: could just be enough, like okay, somewhat intentional, even though

729
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,360
Speaker 4: there's this added thing of yeah, we're waiting at the

730
00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:39,040
Speaker 4: you know, yeah, drinks or whatever.

731
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:41,080
Speaker 1: The other person will go home and they won't be like, oh,

732
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:42,880
Speaker 1: this person made an effort to talk to me. But

733
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:45,240
Speaker 1: it's something subconscious that happens, and the next time you

734
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:47,760
Speaker 1: see the person, I don't know it makes more sense.

735
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:49,880
Speaker 4: Some people are just unknowable.

736
00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:53,120
Speaker 6: Yeah, and every friend has their role right exactly.

737
00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:56,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm the leader of the group, and then everyone

738
00:33:56,320 --> 00:34:07,440
Speaker 4: else kind of falls in line. Hi, Manny Noadavik, I

739
00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 4: need advice about my friend's wedding. I'm the best man

740
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:12,960
Speaker 4: in the wedding. Between two of my closest friends. I'm

741
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:14,160
Speaker 4: psyched to be a part of it, but they have

742
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:16,080
Speaker 4: very different taste than me, and I was down for

743
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 4: whatever they had mined for me in their wedding planning process. Lately,

744
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:24,040
Speaker 4: their choice has gotten aggressively questionable. The first choice that

745
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:27,320
Speaker 4: really threw me is their strict requirement for black formal

746
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:30,880
Speaker 4: wear in an all outdoor pomp Springs venue that averages

747
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:33,480
Speaker 4: one hundred and ten degrees during the month of their wedding.

748
00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:36,399
Speaker 4: They invited my dad, but I can't send him out

749
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:37,960
Speaker 4: in a suit to bake in that kind of heat.

750
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:41,960
Speaker 4: What's pushing me over the edge is that they're suing

751
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:45,480
Speaker 4: their reception caterer lot. Even though it's them trying to

752
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:48,200
Speaker 4: break their contract. It's a small business we really love

753
00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:50,880
Speaker 4: to support, so it's wild to see my friends so

754
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:53,920
Speaker 4: ready to literally sue him just to get their way.

755
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:56,200
Speaker 4: I know it's not my place to step in where

756
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:58,719
Speaker 4: I just have differences in opinion, but is ever okay

757
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:05,080
Speaker 4: to voice disapproval if you think your friends are being assholes?

758
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:08,680
Speaker 1: I think this person is in the right, but I

759
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:11,680
Speaker 1: do wonder if they should just bite the bullet here.

760
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:12,759
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean they.

761
00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:15,279
Speaker 1: Shouldn't be trying to fucking sue the caterer, but like

762
00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:20,160
Speaker 1: they're clearly going through some kind of stress. You might

763
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:22,840
Speaker 1: not want to add to that just because it's gonna

764
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:23,919
Speaker 1: be hot that day.

765
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:28,680
Speaker 4: My view, as someone who's getting married soon is that, yeah,

766
00:35:28,719 --> 00:35:31,480
Speaker 4: it's kind of like this is not really your your problem,

767
00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:34,520
Speaker 4: so I wouldn't worry about it too much. I'll say, though, like,

768
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:37,520
Speaker 4: I think it's especially you obviously are really close with

769
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:40,040
Speaker 4: the dad situation that he I don't think they're gonna

770
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:42,680
Speaker 4: change it, but I think it's fair to say maybe like, yeah,

771
00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:46,120
Speaker 4: here's why my dad's not coming. Yep, Like it's gonna

772
00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 4: be way too hot, so I just can't do it

773
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:50,120
Speaker 4: with the formal Like with the dress code, it's just

774
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:54,440
Speaker 4: there's no way. Yeah, and then maybe that'll budge them

775
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:56,520
Speaker 4: in some way to make it more casual or whatever.

776
00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:59,440
Speaker 4: The caterer thing reading this now for the second time

777
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:04,759
Speaker 4: is again not really your problem. Seeing that you know

778
00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:08,279
Speaker 4: the business does make it a little bit more of

779
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 4: like if they are being totally out of line, I

780
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:13,920
Speaker 4: don't think it's crazy if you say something like are

781
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:16,800
Speaker 4: you sure about that? Like, yeah, I don't know about this.

782
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:19,160
Speaker 5: It's about like, hey, this is a business that we

783
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:22,279
Speaker 5: know and love, and you guys are not acting rational.

784
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:22,960
Speaker 1: Yeah.

785
00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:26,040
Speaker 6: I think that's worth bringing up, and more so just

786
00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:29,160
Speaker 6: sort of like, hey, is this really worth it?

787
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:32,880
Speaker 1: The aspect of this where you where I feel like

788
00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:35,759
Speaker 1: this person should suck it up, so to speak, is

789
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:38,759
Speaker 1: just going to the wedding knowing that it's going to

790
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:39,319
Speaker 1: be really hot.

791
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:39,640
Speaker 6: Yep.

792
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:42,759
Speaker 1: The parts where they should say something is like hey,

793
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:44,480
Speaker 1: don't think my dad's gonna come to this.

794
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:47,400
Speaker 4: It's just fucking you could gently push back on basically

795
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 4: all these things.

796
00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:51,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I wouldn't stress out too much about a person.

797
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:53,960
Speaker 1: It's like, you know, when is the wedding? Yeah, at

798
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:57,280
Speaker 1: this stage, probably too late even to make any changes.

799
00:36:57,719 --> 00:37:00,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe move the location of the wedding to somewhere, like,

800
00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:02,520
Speaker 4: you know, upstate New York where it could be Yeah,

801
00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 4: it'll be outside in the summer, mom, but it'll be yeah,

802
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:09,840
Speaker 4: so you know, it could be worse. That's for for

803
00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 4: one listener out there.

804
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:14,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, weddings though, are like, I mean, that's something you

805
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 1: can't see.

806
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:16,840
Speaker 4: In the main area where there's dinner and stuff.

807
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:20,239
Speaker 6: But yeah, anyway, is.

808
00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:23,839
Speaker 1: This about someone we know, it's interesting though. Weddings are

809
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:28,600
Speaker 1: so removed from these this same kind of issue, like

810
00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:30,640
Speaker 1: outside of a wedding, you know, like for sure, if

811
00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:32,560
Speaker 1: it weren't a wedding, it'd be like, yeah, to tell

812
00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:35,040
Speaker 1: your friend that they're being fucking idiots. Yeah, it was

813
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:37,680
Speaker 1: like their birthday party in Palm Springs and one hundred

814
00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:40,040
Speaker 1: ten degrees, I'd be like, yeah, what are you guys crazy?

815
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:40,439
Speaker 6: Yeah.

816
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:43,719
Speaker 1: Weddings though, are just like damn, that's everyone's one day

817
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:46,479
Speaker 1: for their lives, their whole lives. Where it's like, maybe

818
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:48,399
Speaker 1: it is fucking stupid as hell, but.

819
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,759
Speaker 4: You kind of just need to Yeah, you need to

820
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:53,000
Speaker 4: let them do what they're doing. You can't really complain.

821
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:56,680
Speaker 4: There's so many weird kind of wedding specific things that

822
00:37:57,120 --> 00:38:01,640
Speaker 4: do make people act is this is this not a character? Yeah,

823
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:02,399
Speaker 4: you're the best man.

824
00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:05,360
Speaker 5: You should know if this if they're acting out a character,

825
00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:07,120
Speaker 5: I think you could take it a little bit differently

826
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:08,720
Speaker 5: than like, h here they go again.

827
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:11,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, true, but definitely leave your dad at home.

828
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, that's it.

829
00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:14,040
Speaker 1: He guess what I would do?

830
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:14,680
Speaker 6: Watch the game.

831
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:26,600
Speaker 1: That's it. For our advice episode, I will say we

832
00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:29,520
Speaker 1: did get a voicemail from someone with a two to

833
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:34,640
Speaker 1: oh nine area code. Uh, your message did not come through. Actually,

834
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:36,880
Speaker 1: there seemed to be some kind of a glitch that happened,

835
00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 1: so please try again and we'll try to get to

836
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 1: your question in a future episode. Thanks for listening to

837
00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:48,040
Speaker 1: No such Thing. Produced by Manny, Noah and Devin. Theme

838
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:51,080
Speaker 1: song is by me Manny. Shout out to everyone who

839
00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:54,799
Speaker 1: sent us questions asking for advice. If you'd still like

840
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:57,680
Speaker 1: to do so, you can email us, or, better yet,

841
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:02,080
Speaker 1: call the number in the description and leave us a voicemail.

842
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:04,920
Speaker 1: Let us know if you want us to disguise your voice.

843
00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:06,160
Speaker 1: We'll talk to you guys soon