Speaker 1: Hell I Suck at Dating with the Nongler and Jared
Speaker 1: Haven I heart radio podcast. What is up everyone, and
Speaker 1: welcome to an all new episode of Help I Suck
Speaker 1: at Dating and Jared. I don't know if you know
Speaker 1: this or not, but we might be getting a third
Speaker 1: co host. We what we might be getting a third
Speaker 1: cost Who is this co host? This person sucks so
Speaker 1: bad at dating that allegedly his ex girlfriend filed a
Speaker 1: restraining order against him. And we don't we don't like
Speaker 1: being We don't like middling an other people's business because listen,
Speaker 1: we've got enough craft to talk about ourselves. But when
Speaker 1: a headline like this comes across our our iPhones whatever,
Speaker 1: we can't not talk about it, especially like taking sucky
Speaker 1: dating to the next level here. Um. So, the day
Speaker 1: was Friday, September eleven, and we saw TMZ people a
Speaker 1: bunch of other news outlets reported that Cassie allegedly filed
Speaker 1: for a restraining order against Colton. And we've talked about
Speaker 1: them in the past because obviously Colton was a bachelor.
Speaker 1: Cassie was his his final pick. That they did it
Speaker 1: for about a year and a half, that they broke up.
Speaker 1: I want to say like in January. Ah, start out
Speaker 1: on good terms, but then it kind of seemed to
Speaker 1: get a little rocky from there, and it's kind of
Speaker 1: continued to snowball into what we just talked about with
Speaker 1: this alleged reporting of of a of a restraining order.
Speaker 1: So I mean we got to talk about it, right, Um, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean we definitely talk about it. I mean, I
Speaker 1: don't have too many thoughts about it. It's just like
Speaker 1: the first thing I think of is it's just sad. Uh.
Speaker 1: You just never want to see a situation come to this.
Speaker 1: I've met Colton a handful of times. He's always been
Speaker 1: very nice to me. Um. I've met Cassie a handful
Speaker 1: of times. She's very much a sweetheart. Um. It's just yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I've had friends before that, you know, they
Speaker 1: just and I'm not saying this is the situation, because
Speaker 1: I don't know the situation, but I've had friends in
Speaker 1: the past that just take things too far, you know,
Speaker 1: and they do stupid stuff because they feel like their
Speaker 1: ex wants to get back with them or they're still
Speaker 1: in love with them, and and they just need to
Speaker 1: prove it, They need to prove their own worth, you know.
Speaker 1: So they'll take them back. Um, is that what happened
Speaker 1: between Colt and Cassie? I have zero idea. Um, But
Speaker 1: now apparently there is a restraining order against him that
Speaker 1: she filed. And it's not allegedly. I think it's pretty
Speaker 1: much confirmed because it says according to court documents obtained
Speaker 1: by TMZ. So, uh, let me ask you this. When
Speaker 1: you when you hear restraining order, where does your brain go? Like? Why? Like,
Speaker 1: do you think it was something physical that happened? Do
Speaker 1: you think it was just two and much? Uh? Like
Speaker 1: he was infringing on her personal space? Like what do
Speaker 1: you think your mind? Where did your mind go when
Speaker 1: you first hear the words restraining order? Well, I mean,
Speaker 1: of course I have no idea what the hell is
Speaker 1: going on between Cassie and Colton? And I'm not I'm
Speaker 1: not asking about this specifically. I'm just saying and just
Speaker 1: when you hear just say anywhere anywhere someone got a
Speaker 1: restraining order person X gout or straining order against person,
Speaker 1: why doesn't it's not goldon and Cassie, does your brain
Speaker 1: immediately go somewhere Because a lot of people, I think
Speaker 1: would immediately assume that person. Why I got the restraining
Speaker 1: order because person X, you know what, became violent or
Speaker 1: something like that. Obviously, there's a million different reasons why
Speaker 1: there's a million different reasons why someone gets a restraining order.
Speaker 1: I mean I've heard of, like I said, and people
Speaker 1: like even friends in my past, Like I know someone
Speaker 1: who had a trading order against something. It's because they
Speaker 1: were convinced that they their X was still in love
Speaker 1: with them and they just needed to you know, like
Speaker 1: prove like how much they were in love with them
Speaker 1: and then they'd want them back. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1: And so it came what did they do? Well, they
Speaker 1: just would like show up, you know, show up at
Speaker 1: their place or or give them gifts or put notes
Speaker 1: on their cars or um you know, uh you know,
Speaker 1: constantly call them. And it got to a point where,
Speaker 1: you know, uh it was it was a guy friend
Speaker 1: and and she was like, listen, I don't want to
Speaker 1: get back together with you. It wasn't like it was
Speaker 1: just overstepping his boundaries to a point where she was like, listen,
Speaker 1: you're going to force me to If you can't stop
Speaker 1: contacting me, I will get a restraining order. And then
Speaker 1: he was like, well, I want to keep calling you
Speaker 1: and I'm not sure if actually the restraining order, like
Speaker 1: if there ever was one, or if there was just
Speaker 1: a thread of one. But you know, I mean, is
Speaker 1: that what happened with cassing colin no idea, um, but
Speaker 1: you know from certain articles I've read about possibly uh,
Speaker 1: you know, text messages he sent like being accusatory towards
Speaker 1: Cassie that she was seeing her ex um and and
Speaker 1: and they broke up after January because you said, do
Speaker 1: you think they broke up in January? But they broke
Speaker 1: up well after that because they were still together when
Speaker 1: Colton had covid um because he was staying at her
Speaker 1: parents house. I believe, so they must have broke up
Speaker 1: like at some point either March or April, if I
Speaker 1: remember correctly. But I'm mean, this is more of a
Speaker 1: question for you, I guess when it pertains to this topic,
Speaker 1: because you know you're you're dating someone who is friends
Speaker 1: with Cassie and not to I don't want you know,
Speaker 1: any conversations divulged, if there have even been any. But
Speaker 1: I don't know what your thoughts are on this entire situation.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't I think that anyone that sees
Speaker 1: this situation immediately empathizes or sympathizes with Cassie first and foremost.
Speaker 1: I think the second I saw the headline, like even
Speaker 1: my friends who don't even watch The Bachelor sent me
Speaker 1: these headlines and I was like, yeah, that's crazy. Immediately
Speaker 1: sent it to Kalen. I was like, this is crazy,
Speaker 1: Like it's Cassie okay, and I haven't heard back from Mary.
Speaker 1: I sent that like thirty minutes ago. Um, so yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I hope, I hope that Cassie is okay.
Speaker 1: I think that's kind of immediately everyone goes to where
Speaker 1: it's like you because you mentioned earlier that you weren't
Speaker 1: sure if your friend threatened or actually followed through with
Speaker 1: the restraining order. I think there's a big difference between
Speaker 1: talking about filing restraining order and then actually going through
Speaker 1: with the process of filing it. Like that's that's like
Speaker 1: pretty extremes, So there is. I think they're a harder percentage.
Speaker 1: You're absolutely right. I think I think that all of
Speaker 1: us are just trying to sympathize with Cassie. You hope
Speaker 1: that everything's okay, Like, like you said, we don't know
Speaker 1: the terms, like what's going on, what happened exactly. But
Speaker 1: all we can really hope for is that Cassie, the
Speaker 1: person that filed the restraining order, is okay. And like
Speaker 1: there's so many different forms of I don't know, like
Speaker 1: infringing on someone's personal space where it's like through any
Speaker 1: different methods, like you said, too many phone calls, text
Speaker 1: messages showing up randomly, leaving notes, leaving gifts. Um, so
Speaker 1: we don't know exactly what it is. I doubt we
Speaker 1: ever really know exactly what it is. But I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think we all kind of agree that Cassie hopefully
Speaker 1: is okay. No, yeah, I I wholeheartedly agree, uh definitely, Uh,
Speaker 1: you know, just thinking about mostly Cassie. Yeah, of course,
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, you hope Cassie is okay and
Speaker 1: whatever the reason is that she filed for this restraining order,
Speaker 1: hopefully she feels safe. And um, it's just sad. It's
Speaker 1: it's really sad. Like I said to start the show,
Speaker 1: you never want to see a situation, have you know,
Speaker 1: just snowball into something awful like this. And now here
Speaker 1: we are where apparently, well not apparently, there is a
Speaker 1: restraining order against Colton from Cassie. And again, I just
Speaker 1: hope Cassie feels okay and feel safe, and um, I
Speaker 1: just it's so crazy to me. It's like, how how
Speaker 1: far does someone have to go for it did get
Speaker 1: to that level? And I looked at me around. I've
Speaker 1: been like the scorned ex boyfriend in the past where
Speaker 1: I thought that I could win my ex back by
Speaker 1: like sending her gifts and calling her. But eventually, like
Speaker 1: I got the hint right and then granted I was
Speaker 1: very young at the time, So how far does it
Speaker 1: have to go? How much further than that does it
Speaker 1: have to go for something like this to happen? Just
Speaker 1: it's crazy to think about. Maybe Cassie had a short
Speaker 1: fuse with stuff and she I don't know, jumped the gun,
Speaker 1: But like you said, there's there's no way of knowing
Speaker 1: at the time. Now, yeah, you know, we're all just
Speaker 1: kind of like thrown stuff against the wall and and
Speaker 1: who knows us I I I see. I think that
Speaker 1: we will find out more information as time goes on,
Speaker 1: and you know, like Colton will have his camp speak
Speaker 1: out and Cassie will have her camp speak out, you know,
Speaker 1: for the pr reasons of it. Um So it's again
Speaker 1: the word I keep going back to is sad. I
Speaker 1: hope everyone is okay. I hope, like I said, Cassie
Speaker 1: is doing well. Um, And that's all I have to
Speaker 1: really say about the situation. Yeah, Colton just continues to
Speaker 1: be very unimpressive in my opinion. Well, yeah, we don't
Speaker 1: know what the reasons are for the restraining order, but anytime,
Speaker 1: you know, it's disappointing. Yes, of course, that's a word
Speaker 1: that comes to mind as well. Uh, it just seems
Speaker 1: like it's one thing after dine with him, but go
Speaker 1: for the best. Like you said, we'll see sus hate
Speaker 1: in your heart for a Colton. Huh, there's no Hey,
Speaker 1: it's just it's like you said, it's disappointment. It's really
Speaker 1: what it is. I mean, this is obviously very disappointing
Speaker 1: because you just like you said, how did it get
Speaker 1: this far? You know, how did you get to the
Speaker 1: point where there was a restraining order against him? So? Uh, sad, disappointing.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of words that come to mind with
Speaker 1: thinking about this. But again, most of all, I hope
Speaker 1: Cassie's doing okay, uh, and I hope everybody's doing okay
Speaker 1: with with the situation, And that's really it. Yeah, But
Speaker 1: that sad news aside, our new potential co host aside,
Speaker 1: we do have a great episode for you guys today. Uh,
Speaker 1: Jared's got some big news on the goalie front. We've
Speaker 1: got Dr Viviana calling in and Dr Ian calling in
Speaker 1: to share some of their COVID tips and tricks to
Speaker 1: stay healthy with us as well. So stay tuned for that.
Speaker 1: All right, welcome back to help I suck at dating.
Speaker 1: We got Mark Easton. I think we have a full crew.
Speaker 1: Danielle Becky, good guy. Everybody's in here today, which means
Speaker 1: it's gonna be a great episode. We have a couple
Speaker 1: of great guests coming up. We have Dr Vivian Coles,
Speaker 1: we have Dr Ian Smith. Also, a new What a
Speaker 1: Girl Wants is coming out this Thursday. It is hosted
Speaker 1: by Kendall I almost said Kendall Jenner. Kendall Long are
Speaker 1: very own Kendall Long, Who's been on this podcast many times.
Speaker 1: She's very informative, sweet, knowledgeable. Uh, and I'm very curious
Speaker 1: to get an update about her current dating life right now.
Speaker 1: She's also co hosting with her sister Kylie. Her twin
Speaker 1: sister Kylie, so as Danielle said, they were the original
Speaker 1: Kylie and Kendall because I think they're older. So definitely
Speaker 1: check that out comes out Thursday. What a Girl Wants,
Speaker 1: because I know you're tired of hearing my voice, at
Speaker 1: least probably not Deans because he's got a very sweet,
Speaker 1: soothing voice. Actually, I would like to say that, you know,
Speaker 1: before we were recording this, you and Mark and Easton
Speaker 1: even we're talking a little bit about football and how
Speaker 1: happy you are to have football back, and I just
Speaker 1: gotta say, I like to uh announce to our suck
Speaker 1: army well actually before you that you're playing for the Broncos.
Speaker 1: Fun fun fact before we get into that, apparently the
Speaker 1: first time you co hosted this show, it was with
Speaker 1: Kendall as your co host, So it's like a returning
Speaker 1: to your roots, which is always a fun thing. Anyway,
Speaker 1: we're going back to as I was saying, football is back,
Speaker 1: which is great, and uh not that our listeners really
Speaker 1: care about that about us being happy for football is back,
Speaker 1: but I wanted to let them know that I'm honored
Speaker 1: because this season I finally get a play Fantasy football
Speaker 1: with my very own Jared ha Ben and you've upgraded,
Speaker 1: you finally made it into the league. Yeah. So I
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know what happened between last year
Speaker 1: and this year, but somehow I didn't get the invite
Speaker 1: last year, and somehow the invite was just miraculously extended
Speaker 1: to me. Listen, blame Tanner. Tanner is the one who
Speaker 1: sent out all the invites. He was the one who
Speaker 1: organized this. I'm just throwing him under the bus. Blame Tanner.
Speaker 1: You want to You wanna know what's so funny is
Speaker 1: the second guy has added me to the group chat.
Speaker 1: You can go back and see all the old messages.
Speaker 1: And I was just like bored or something, so I
Speaker 1: like went back and I read like the genesis of
Speaker 1: the group chat, and like the fourth message down was
Speaker 1: like should be invite Dean? Should Dean be part of
Speaker 1: the group? And like four people were like no, he's
Speaker 1: never gonna pay any attention to fantasy, And I was
Speaker 1: like what I would I promise? Like, well, just give
Speaker 1: me a chance. By week four, you're done, bro, You're
Speaker 1: not gonna be checking your lineup. You're gonna have like
Speaker 1: Dalvin Cook down in the bench. It's just gonna be
Speaker 1: a show. But it's gonna be a great show because
Speaker 1: you're are such a wonderful addition to the Fantasy League.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, thanks so much. Anyways, I just wanted I
Speaker 1: just wanted to announce that I'm very I'm very honored
Speaker 1: and graced to be part of the team, the league,
Speaker 1: whatever you want to call it, but it will be fun.
Speaker 1: We have a lot of Bachelor alone because we have
Speaker 1: so Matt James is in the league. Who's the current Bachelor?
Speaker 1: Jason Tartik, you Me, Tanner, Nick Wells? Who else is
Speaker 1: in this freaking thing? Tyle or Tyler? See? I'm playing
Speaker 1: Tyler see week one? Yeah, I'm playing Jason. And I
Speaker 1: already got a touchdown out of David Johnson, so it's
Speaker 1: looking pretty good over here. It's nice. Deshaun Watson sucked
Speaker 1: for me last night, so that's not a good start. Yeah,
Speaker 1: not the best. But anyways, what else is going on
Speaker 1: in your life? Man? Nothing much? So we got a
Speaker 1: text from one of our producers earlier today that we
Speaker 1: wanted to get our take on this Texas Tech story.
Speaker 1: Did you hear about this Texas tech girl post snapchat
Speaker 1: at crowded day party? Quote? Yes, I have COVID, So
Speaker 1: apparently this girl was at some sort of Texas Tech party,
Speaker 1: and I don't know if she was joking or not.
Speaker 1: I don't know if she was serious, but she said
Speaker 1: that she has COVID, uh, which is quite insane. I mean,
Speaker 1: I know we're a dating podcast, but especially in today's world,
Speaker 1: I can't believe somebody would have the balls to go
Speaker 1: to a party knowingly having COVID and possibly spreading it
Speaker 1: or joking about it. And uh, she got Did she
Speaker 1: get expelled? She If she hasn't yet, she definitely will.
Speaker 1: My take on this is this is just my take. Obviously,
Speaker 1: I based off of no information. I bet you she
Speaker 1: was joking, but she should be expelled for even just
Speaker 1: joking about it like that. And I made a comment
Speaker 1: in that group text too that I'm so grateful that
Speaker 1: I'm not in college during this time, because if I
Speaker 1: was eighteen years old and drunk out of college party
Speaker 1: with Snapchat, I feel like I could see myself doing
Speaker 1: something just so stupid like this, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And this girl, because what happened, it was like Northeastern
Speaker 1: or something, eleven kids got suspelled, expelled from that school
Speaker 1: because they were like all hanging out. Well, we don't
Speaker 1: know if they got expelled yet we know that they
Speaker 1: got dismissed for the rest of this semester. So if
Speaker 1: you guys haven't heard so, up in Northeastern UM, there
Speaker 1: was eleven kids that got together in a hotel room.
Speaker 1: Uh you know, none of which had COVID, but you
Speaker 1: know you can't group together in college right now. So anyway,
Speaker 1: they broke the rules and they just got together a
Speaker 1: leave room in a hotel room. They got caught and
Speaker 1: then the rule has since dismissed them for the rest
Speaker 1: of the semester and we don't know if they'll be
Speaker 1: invited back or not after this year. Plus their tuition
Speaker 1: of thirty six thousand dollars will not be refunded. Dude,
Speaker 1: that's so crazy to me. I would lose it. I mean, granted, yes,
Speaker 1: they broke their rules, but again, they're freaking their children there.
Speaker 1: Eighteen nineteen will not children, I guess. But there when
Speaker 1: I remember how I act that age, it's like, I think,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know different times. I know.
Speaker 1: I don't want this to be a political podcast either,
Speaker 1: but like it's definitely Uh, it's just so polarizing right
Speaker 1: now where it feels like you have to choose one
Speaker 1: side or the other, which I find ridiculous. Um. I
Speaker 1: think that a lot of things in life, just like
Speaker 1: we talked about on the podcast many times, within the
Speaker 1: dating world, it's it's in the gray area and so
Speaker 1: many different aspects of life. It's not black and white.
Speaker 1: And I think that's a good example, man, like you
Speaker 1: know this, like the the the example of the Texas
Speaker 1: tech girl going to a party and joking that she
Speaker 1: has COVID. This is not funny and she should be
Speaker 1: punished for it. How severe should the punishment B Well,
Speaker 1: that's something we can talk about. But the Northeastern ones, again,
Speaker 1: they broke the rules. They should be punished for it.
Speaker 1: But the idea of dismissing him for the rest of
Speaker 1: the semester and then not refunding their thirty seven thousand
Speaker 1: dollars is Uh, that's insanity. But so we just wanted
Speaker 1: to talk about that for a second. And um, like
Speaker 1: we said, we have two great guests coming up, and
Speaker 1: then I also have some new dating Uh we can
Speaker 1: call terms trends whatever you'd like. UM, so we can
Speaker 1: probably do that in the third segment, I would imagine, UM,
Speaker 1: But I've also I've also got some questions to ask
Speaker 1: about you and Ashley later on too. You want to
Speaker 1: ask those now, you want to ask them later on? Well,
Speaker 1: I guess it was basically just one question. I saw
Speaker 1: Ashley posted something on her Instagram that she's off the pill.
Speaker 1: She is off the pill, which is uh terrifying, and
Speaker 1: we haven't talked about that. So what does that mean exactly? Uh,
Speaker 1: it means that, uh we've quote unquote pulled the goalie.
Speaker 1: Uh that's what my brother in law. That's what my
Speaker 1: brother in law tell my dad at my wedding, which
Speaker 1: was quite funny. He was he had a couple of
Speaker 1: beers in him and then uh, you know, my my
Speaker 1: sister and her trying and him were trying to get pregnant.
Speaker 1: And he went up to my dad and was like,
Speaker 1: just let you know, we pulled the goalie. My dad
Speaker 1: was like, I don't know what that means, and uh
Speaker 1: so it was a good moment. Um. But yeah, actually
Speaker 1: is she's She's been very open about uh that aspect
Speaker 1: of her life. She's off the pill. Um and uh,
Speaker 1: you know, we always said that we were gonna start
Speaker 1: trying later in and that hasn't really changed. You know,
Speaker 1: both her and I want to be parents. And and
Speaker 1: she's going to be thirty two in March, and you
Speaker 1: know you're gonna be thirty three in March. Sorry, she
Speaker 1: just yelled from the other room. Holy yeah, we gotta
Speaker 1: get going, uh because we want to have multiple kids.
Speaker 1: Knock on wood, if everything works out, everybody's healthy, you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, you can never plan for things. But and
Speaker 1: uh so yeah, I think we're gonna start trying, which
Speaker 1: is crazy because I don't know if anybody, like for
Speaker 1: me personally, of course, I don't feel ready to be
Speaker 1: a parent. It's like, oh my god, I'm a I'm
Speaker 1: a child, I'm a mess. I can barely take care
Speaker 1: of myself. I can't take care of another human being.
Speaker 1: But I you know, everybody had talked to uh and
Speaker 1: and and Mark and you know, obviously Chime and if
Speaker 1: he wants, But like, you're never fully ready to be
Speaker 1: a parent. I mean maybe Mark felt differently when when
Speaker 1: they were about to have kids, and he was just like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm ready to be a dad. But like for me,
Speaker 1: it's just like so crazy the idea of like me
Speaker 1: having a child and my parents being grandparents. Um, it's exciting,
Speaker 1: but nerve wracking. It's funny everybody thinks of me, it's
Speaker 1: such a dad now, Like I'm so dad, just through
Speaker 1: and through dad. But no, you're terrified. And I always
Speaker 1: tell people, if you're gonna wait till you're ready, you'll
Speaker 1: never be ready. You just kind of jump into the
Speaker 1: deep end of the pool. Yeah yeah, I mean, so
Speaker 1: that's kind of what we're doing right now, where it's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: you're you're gonna stop taking your ill and then if
Speaker 1: we fool around, you could get pregnant. It's just like
Speaker 1: it's crazy to like have those conversations and it's fun though,
Speaker 1: it's great, it's super exciting. I've always wanted to be
Speaker 1: a father. I feel like a little bit of a
Speaker 1: dad to our dog, lowest Um, and that's been a
Speaker 1: pleasurable experience. Obviously, having a dog and having a kid
Speaker 1: are very different, but you gotta start somewhere, I guess, right,
Speaker 1: baby steps, Well, Jared, I want to talk to you
Speaker 1: more about this, maybe not today, but I want to
Speaker 1: be constantly updated on the baby talk and work that's
Speaker 1: been going on over there. But before we before we
Speaker 1: um bring our next guests, because we we do have
Speaker 1: her in the waiting room, and we're about to bring
Speaker 1: her in. We're gonna take one quick break and then
Speaker 1: we'll jump right back into it, so we'll be it back.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to help. I suck at dating. Maybe we
Speaker 1: should retell it to we suck a dating scene. It's
Speaker 1: too cohost fun. Anyway, that's a conversation for a different day.
Speaker 1: We have a great guest that we teased earlier. She's
Speaker 1: on the line right now. You know her from Married
Speaker 1: at First Sight, New Orleans, which airs Wednesday nights at
Speaker 1: eight pm on Lifetime. It is Dr Vivian Coles. Doctor,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us. Thanks. I'll just
Speaker 1: correct you this once, but it's Viviana. It's not just
Speaker 1: tell me be call me whatever, but just say I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry. No, it's spelled that way too. I am
Speaker 1: terrible with names. I'm so sorry, Dr Viviana. What did
Speaker 1: I say? Vivian Vivian. I get that a lot. I
Speaker 1: get Virginia. I get Viviana because I'm from Texas, so
Speaker 1: I get Viviana a lot, but Vivian is the most common. Yes. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Dr Coles. How are you we go? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Thanks for having me on. Guys, you know, I love
Speaker 1: talking about relationships. I love talking about sex even more
Speaker 1: and how to do it, how not to do it.
Speaker 1: That sounds like a really fun topic. Yeah, absolutely, especially
Speaker 1: in these times of COVID. You want to know it's
Speaker 1: funny too, is we were just talking about right before
Speaker 1: we brought you in from after the break, we were
Speaker 1: just talking about sex. Funny enough, And I don't know
Speaker 1: if Jared wants to continue to talk about it, but
Speaker 1: it just is a funny thing to mention that Jared
Speaker 1: and his wife have pulled the goalie is how they
Speaker 1: put it, which means there, which means they're you know,
Speaker 1: they're working towards having little Hayron's running around. Are you
Speaker 1: experiencing any performance anxiety question? Not yet, But again, everything
Speaker 1: is so early, you know, so uh you know, maybe
Speaker 1: like yeah, I don't know, because she just got off
Speaker 1: the pill, so it's not like like realistically, we're not
Speaker 1: gonna get pregnant immediately. Um and uh no, no, no
Speaker 1: anxiety performing issues from that at least from performance anxiety
Speaker 1: of a regular thing that you see guys experiencing when
Speaker 1: they when the wife is off the pill. Yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: especially if you if you really think about what it
Speaker 1: is that you're trying to do, and the changes that
Speaker 1: you're actively trying to make in your life. It can
Speaker 1: be a little overwhelming for sure, not just for you,
Speaker 1: but for your partner and for your wife. And I think, um,
Speaker 1: if you'll address that together instead of it just being
Speaker 1: something that exists within your minds, it will allow for
Speaker 1: a lot more like flow and pleasure when you're trying. Um,
Speaker 1: you know, it could happen quickly. I have to kiddos,
Speaker 1: and UM, I remember feeling very emotional when we made
Speaker 1: that active decision to pull the goalie, and I think
Speaker 1: it was really emotional for my husband as well, because
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, you're like, oh my gosh, I am.
Speaker 1: It's almost like when you apply for a loan for something,
Speaker 1: you're like, okay, yeah, but then when you actually get
Speaker 1: it and you have to like get that contract done
Speaker 1: or get what ever it is, you're like, this is
Speaker 1: real adulting. We're like actively trying to make something happen.
Speaker 1: Because it sounds like you aren't gonna wait to just
Speaker 1: see if it happens. You're actively trying. And I think
Speaker 1: it's good for you all to talk about it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's one of the biggest decisions you'll ever
Speaker 1: make in your life. You know, you talk about getting alone,
Speaker 1: buying a house, having kids. I mean, those are the
Speaker 1: things that you think about your entire life for what
Speaker 1: most people try to achieve, and then here it is,
Speaker 1: you know, and so it's it's quite nerve wracking. Um,
Speaker 1: but it's way worse for the female. I mean, uh,
Speaker 1: like as a guy, you know, we were talking about
Speaker 1: me with performance anxiety or emotional state that I'm in.
Speaker 1: I mean, I I think what helps me is I
Speaker 1: just think about Ashley in these in these times because
Speaker 1: she's the one who has to carry the child, She's
Speaker 1: the one has to go through nine ten minutes of pregnancy, um,
Speaker 1: you know. And and you know, I saw some of
Speaker 1: the Amy uh Amy Schumer documentary and it doesn't look pleasant.
Speaker 1: Uh And so I mean it's it's wonderful, it's lovely,
Speaker 1: but it's you know, you know, with with Ashley, I
Speaker 1: think I'm more focused on, like, you know, trying to
Speaker 1: just be there for her rather than my own UM
Speaker 1: state right now. Well, and I think for a lot
Speaker 1: of people it can feel, um, it definitely can feel
Speaker 1: like it's going to be something that is challenging and negative.
Speaker 1: But look, it doesn't have to be that way. And
Speaker 1: I'm a big proponent of positive thinking when it comes
Speaker 1: to the surround yourself with people who had pleasant pregnancies,
Speaker 1: Surround yourself with people who are willing to share positive
Speaker 1: birth stories, um positive fertility stories, because a lot of
Speaker 1: what's going on with other people can absolutely affect your situation.
Speaker 1: You know. It's kind of like when you're getting married
Speaker 1: and the people around you are all talking about divorcing.
Speaker 1: You know that's not going to play out really well.
Speaker 1: So there are lots of positive stories out there. If
Speaker 1: I were you, I would actively try to gravitate towards
Speaker 1: people who had pleasant pregnancies and didn't want to kill
Speaker 1: each other. Yeah, I think Jade one of those people.
Speaker 1: So Jade is a bachelor lum that we're very close with,
Speaker 1: and she's like the most motherly figure you'll ever see
Speaker 1: in your entire life. Like she was like between her
Speaker 1: you know, and not everything is obviously roses, but like
Speaker 1: between her pregnancy and the way she raises her kids,
Speaker 1: You're like, Wow, that is a loving, loving mother who
Speaker 1: just who like from the time that her baby was
Speaker 1: being formed in her belly, to giving birth. Like it's uh,
Speaker 1: it's pretty um inspirational to be her friend because if
Speaker 1: that makes me want to be a dad. But also
Speaker 1: she did give birth in a closet, so that's like terrifying.
Speaker 1: You know, I am aware, I'm aware of her story.
Speaker 1: I followed it closely. I I think that the other
Speaker 1: thing though, is just remember not to compare. You and
Speaker 1: Ashley are going to have your own experiences. Um, you're
Speaker 1: probably gonna feel differently than each other does, but then
Speaker 1: also from other people and that's okay too, Like it
Speaker 1: doesn't have to look like anybody else's. But certainly being
Speaker 1: positive versus being in the negative and like being pessimistic
Speaker 1: is probably going to do much better. Dr Vivian, I've
Speaker 1: got a question for you. So obviously, in order to
Speaker 1: have children, you have to have sex, and in the
Speaker 1: atmosphere that is COVID. There was this article that was
Speaker 1: published by Canada's top doctors that they suggest you wear
Speaker 1: a mask while having sex. And I just want to
Speaker 1: get your thoughts on this because to me, it sounds
Speaker 1: incredibly bizarre. Why would you wear a mask to cover
Speaker 1: your mouth when you have other mucous membranes that are
Speaker 1: making contact with each other in more intimate areas of
Speaker 1: your body. What is that? What purpose is that serving?
Speaker 1: But what's your take on it? So from what I
Speaker 1: read in the article, because I definitely read it as well,
Speaker 1: what they're trying to say is you are much more
Speaker 1: likely to you know, have that transfer of the virus
Speaker 1: if you're you know, sharing through your mouth, right. Um,
Speaker 1: it doesn't happen as much with vaginal or seminal fluids.
Speaker 1: Now that's great for people who are you know, trying
Speaker 1: to procreate, and that's kind of what the purpose us,
Speaker 1: not the sole purpose, but the purpose of that interaction
Speaker 1: is like, is just to make sure that you're trying
Speaker 1: to inseminate your your wife. Um, But for everyone else,
Speaker 1: that doesn't sound really exciting, That doesn't sound very fun.
Speaker 1: It actually sounds really like beyond clinical. It's not even pleasurable.
Speaker 1: So I'm just not sure that what they're trying to
Speaker 1: say is, hey, this will be a good alternative. What
Speaker 1: they're trying to say is if you want to be
Speaker 1: safe and if you want to try to avoid getting
Speaker 1: or contracting or transferring any sort of coronavirus, this is
Speaker 1: best practices. We all know that most people do not
Speaker 1: practice best practices when it comes to just about anything
Speaker 1: in life. So while we want to encourage them to
Speaker 1: always do that, I just don't see it if you're
Speaker 1: trying to create some sort of pleasurable experience. So you
Speaker 1: think it's like them kind of like setting the bar
Speaker 1: up all the way up high that way, that that way.
Speaker 1: Everyone knows kind of what the bar is, even though
Speaker 1: they kind of expect no one really to not not
Speaker 1: no one, but most people to not really take it
Speaker 1: too seriously. It's the same thing with social distancing. They
Speaker 1: rarely tell you don't sleep in the same bed as
Speaker 1: your partner. I mean I don't. I haven't heard that once.
Speaker 1: They maybe have said that. But best practices would be
Speaker 1: that every single person in the household stays six ft
Speaker 1: apart at all times, because that's what And you know what,
Speaker 1: We're so fortunate that we have people in healthcare who
Speaker 1: are willing to go there and say this is best practices.
Speaker 1: But then we have people who are more realistic who
Speaker 1: are going to say, okay, but chances are if I
Speaker 1: get COVID, my partner is going to get COVID, and
Speaker 1: we're going to live our daily life to try not
Speaker 1: to spread it to others, but amongst the two of us,
Speaker 1: it may not be possible to live a normal life ish,
Speaker 1: not even ish like that would be very odd if
Speaker 1: everybody just quarantined from each other throughout all of this,
Speaker 1: I think that that would probably be more detrimental to
Speaker 1: the emotional state of the US um and of the world.
Speaker 1: So yes, I think it's best practices. I just don't
Speaker 1: foresee that people are going to stop kissing during sex now.
Speaker 1: If you don't like kissing during sex, this is the
Speaker 1: perfect excuse for you who doesn't like kissing during sex.
Speaker 1: I want to meet that person, and I got to
Speaker 1: you have a lot of listeners who are like I
Speaker 1: can leave it. You'd be surprised if anybody is out
Speaker 1: there who doesn't like to kiss during sex. Please d
Speaker 1: M S or email us and let us know why
Speaker 1: you don't like kissing during sex. And if you've ever
Speaker 1: had to tell someone, please don't kiss me while we're
Speaker 1: having sex together, because that sounds like a great story. Um, doctor,
Speaker 1: I know you have to leave in the cole mints
Speaker 1: before you go, though, UM, I do want to talk
Speaker 1: about married at first sight for a quick second, because
Speaker 1: my wife has got me into the show now, So
Speaker 1: now I watch and we got one. It's very entertaining,
Speaker 1: it really is. So my question to you is about
Speaker 1: the concept of just being married at first sight. Do
Speaker 1: you agree with it? Do you think it's something that
Speaker 1: can work? Yes? And yes um. As far as agreeing
Speaker 1: with it, this is not like we're not reinventing the wheel.
Speaker 1: Arranged marriage has been around forever. Blind marriage is not
Speaker 1: nearly as common, but it is also historically present. So
Speaker 1: the idea that and y'all can totally I would assume
Speaker 1: at some point can relate to the idea that you
Speaker 1: are done with dating. You just want to find the
Speaker 1: one and move on with life and reach all those
Speaker 1: milestones that you find important to you. And you're sick
Speaker 1: of meeting somebody and spending months, tons of money, tons
Speaker 1: of energy, like all of that on something that is
Speaker 1: just going to flatline anyway, and you know it and
Speaker 1: you know what's coming, but you do it again and
Speaker 1: again because you don't want to give up on love. Well,
Speaker 1: what we have found is that participants who come and
Speaker 1: apply h and hear about us and all that is
Speaker 1: that they're done with it. They're like, look, I don't
Speaker 1: want to spend the next ten years of my life
Speaker 1: getting cheated on, getting live to you know, and and
Speaker 1: just ending up in the same place that I am today.
Speaker 1: So I think it absolutely makes sense that people would
Speaker 1: want to do this. If they trust that the experts
Speaker 1: want them to have love, then they do so much better.
Speaker 1: But it's the people who come in who are really
Speaker 1: weary of the process, who don't trust production, which you know, Jared, like,
Speaker 1: we're we're in such good company when it comes to
Speaker 1: looking for love with all of this, and those people
Speaker 1: tend to do well, and we have amazing success stories.
Speaker 1: Dianna and Greg from my first season in Charlotte just
Speaker 1: announced that they're pregnant with their first Like, you know,
Speaker 1: people are really doing things together and growing marriages that
Speaker 1: they can be proud of to our show. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: guys have a pretty good success rate, which is uh,
Speaker 1: pretty awesome. And uh and I've reading this book called
Speaker 1: the Happiness Hypothesis, which actually kind of talks a little
Speaker 1: bit about something along the lines of arranged marriages, which is,
Speaker 1: you have to make the conscious decision that you're ready
Speaker 1: to be married before you can before finding the person
Speaker 1: that you're going to marry. If that makes sense. Like
Speaker 1: a lot of people say they find the person and
Speaker 1: then want to get married, where in this book it's
Speaker 1: making their argument that you should be ready for marriage
Speaker 1: and then meet the person. And that's exactly what we're
Speaker 1: always hoping for, is to find people who are like, no,
Speaker 1: I know that I have the skill set, I know
Speaker 1: that I'm ready to be married. Now, nobody really knows
Speaker 1: exactly what that means until you're in it. But if
Speaker 1: you at least feel like all it takes is give
Speaker 1: me somebody that I can work with, that I can
Speaker 1: communicate with, that I can respect, that I can even
Speaker 1: learn to admire, then an amazing marriage can come from it,
Speaker 1: especially because you've got help, Like there's three of us
Speaker 1: experts were there for you. We've got all sorts of
Speaker 1: support for you, and if your families are into it,
Speaker 1: then you've got support way beyond this. We offer counseling,
Speaker 1: we offer counseling during before after all that, Like, there's
Speaker 1: definitely support for these couples. So I wish we had
Speaker 1: people who were a hundred percent committed to marriage, because
Speaker 1: then that would make our lives so much too fier.
Speaker 1: It would make all our lives easier really well, doctor,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us today. We we
Speaker 1: can't tell you how much we appreciate it. Everybody listening,
Speaker 1: please go check out Married at First Sight, New Orleans,
Speaker 1: which airs Wednesday nights at eight pm on Lifetime. As
Speaker 1: someone who watches the show, now, I can tell you
Speaker 1: it's good entertainment and at season eleven, so I mean
Speaker 1: if it's eleven seasons in, you know it's good. Dr
Speaker 1: Vivianna Vivianna Coles, thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 1: All right, welcome back to help I suck it dating.
Speaker 1: We have yet another great guest who's on the line
Speaker 1: with us right now. He is the host of the
Speaker 1: thirteenth season of the Emmy Award winning TV series The Doctors.
Speaker 1: He also has a new book that is coming out
Speaker 1: October one called The Unspoken. It is Dr Ian Smith. Doctor,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us. Hey, guys, thanks
Speaker 1: for having me. Glad to be with you. No, of course, so, Dr,
Speaker 1: you have this new book coming out, The Unspoken. You
Speaker 1: also have written the New York Times best selling book
Speaker 1: Shred The Revolutionary Diet and Super Shred The Big Results Diet. Um,
Speaker 1: so tell us what you're all about and what you
Speaker 1: are dr of. Yeah, so I am. My training is
Speaker 1: in rehab, physical rehab actually, um so for example someone's
Speaker 1: brains and knee or or twist and ankle. That's kind
Speaker 1: of my specialty. But mostly my career has been with diet,
Speaker 1: um and nutrition. So most of my nonfiction books are
Speaker 1: all about diet, shred, clean and lean, the clean, twenty
Speaker 1: fat smash, you name it. Uh. And I also have
Speaker 1: the other side of me, which is my creative side,
Speaker 1: which is fiction. So I write fiction. So, as you've mentioned,
Speaker 1: my new book is called The Unspoken Here. It is
Speaker 1: right here, The Unspoken right And um so I really
Speaker 1: love mysteries. I love fiction. I love creating great stories.
Speaker 1: And you know, people tend to pigeonhole others into like
Speaker 1: little boxes. You know, you're a doctor, so you should
Speaker 1: just care about science and you know, anatomy those things.
Speaker 1: And for me, you know, I care about all kinds
Speaker 1: of that. I care about art, I love music. I
Speaker 1: write fiction. So I'm just kind of I just I
Speaker 1: try to squeeze the most out of life. Man. I
Speaker 1: try to do whatever I'm passionate about. Sometimes I fail, sometimes,
Speaker 1: you know, more often I win. I succeed, But I'm
Speaker 1: okay with failing too. Yeah, you are a very talented man. So,
Speaker 1: like you said, you are a doctor. You graduated from
Speaker 1: Harvard College, UM, and you received a Masters in Science
Speaker 1: education from Teachers College of Columbia University. I'm just like
Speaker 1: pretty much your hype man at this point. And you're
Speaker 1: in nutrition. Uh. And like you said, you're also a
Speaker 1: fiction writer. And it seems like those things just don't
Speaker 1: go hand to hand, but it's so cool that you
Speaker 1: do all of them. What got you into writing fiction?
Speaker 1: You know? Um, Honestly, when I was a freshman, I
Speaker 1: was home for the summer and my aunt is a
Speaker 1: long time ago. I'm old, but there's a long time ago. Um.
Speaker 1: John Grisham wrote this book called The Firm, And um
Speaker 1: it was before it became famous, before Time Cruised the movie,
Speaker 1: no one was talking about this book. But my aunt,
Speaker 1: who was a voracious reader, said to me, Hey, you
Speaker 1: gotta read this book. It's called The Firm. So I
Speaker 1: come from a little small town in Connecticut. So I
Speaker 1: went to this little used bookstore bought this little paperback
Speaker 1: called The Firm. And man, I'm telling you, I was
Speaker 1: so engrossed with that book that I was like driving
Speaker 1: I could. I still can feel it. I was driving
Speaker 1: down my little streets, my small town, and I'd had
Speaker 1: the book next to me, and when I got to
Speaker 1: a red light, I tried to get half a page.
Speaker 1: And trying to get half a page. It was just
Speaker 1: I was just so andra engaged with it. And so
Speaker 1: I said to myself when I finished, and I'd like,
Speaker 1: I'd laughed, I'd almost cried. My heart was racing. I
Speaker 1: just said, one day, I hope I could write a
Speaker 1: book that has that many turns and twists that I
Speaker 1: keep someone staying up late at night. And so I
Speaker 1: started writing fiction for myself back then, and finally I
Speaker 1: started publishing it the Firm. I just added The Firm
Speaker 1: to my list of books to read. It sounds I
Speaker 1: even just googled it. I put it in my Amazon
Speaker 1: cart and everything. So I'm pumping. Have you ever heard
Speaker 1: of the movie? I've never heard of the movie. Now
Speaker 1: it's awesome. It's Cruise like. And when he was like,
Speaker 1: I mean he still is obviously Tom Cruise, but this
Speaker 1: was like first Mission impossible, after Top Gun, right before
Speaker 1: Jere McGuire, Tom Cruise, like dominating the world. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: I'll add that to my list of movies to watch
Speaker 1: as well. And let me tell you something, this is
Speaker 1: the one instance where I think Hollywood got it right. Actually,
Speaker 1: the book and the movie worked together like usually, like
Speaker 1: the book is something, the movie is some way off.
Speaker 1: This actually was pretty dun closed. I'd liked both the
Speaker 1: book and the movie. Dr Ian Smith, let me ask
Speaker 1: you a question. So this this book the Unspoken? Is
Speaker 1: this fiction or unfiction? Very fiction? It's about I'll give
Speaker 1: you real fast the synopsis. So basically, it's a private
Speaker 1: investigator in Chicago who used to be a detective for
Speaker 1: the Chicago Police Department who resigns because you wouldn't participate
Speaker 1: in a cover up. There was a bad shooting. His
Speaker 1: cops call it. It It was a bad shooting. The department
Speaker 1: tries to hide it. He said, no way. He quits,
Speaker 1: He gets a settlement, and then he becomes a p I.
Speaker 1: So he takes very select cases and around all of Chicago,
Speaker 1: the rich North side all the way down to the
Speaker 1: hood on the South Side. And he's a cool dude.
Speaker 1: His name is Ash kane Um. He's tough, he is handsome,
Speaker 1: he's a golf addict, he loves classic cars, and he
Speaker 1: doesn't take him self too serious. He's very sarcastic. All right, now,
Speaker 1: let me ask you this. Let's say they're making a
Speaker 1: major motion picture of the Unspoken who's playing Ash? Geez,
Speaker 1: well he just album would be great as as this
Speaker 1: is just the man. He's the man. He'd be great.
Speaker 1: But also there's a guy named Kendrick Sampson who's someone
Speaker 1: brought up to me who I looked at some of
Speaker 1: his stuff. He's an activist. He'd be really good. Kendrick Sampson. Um,
Speaker 1: those are my two guys who were off the top.
Speaker 1: I would think they could do the role real justice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love I just watched Um, what the hell is
Speaker 1: the movie about? The uh gambling? The back room poker games?
Speaker 1: Molly Molly's Game? Yes, yes, dude, Andrews is awesome? And
Speaker 1: that was that a good movie? Or what? Oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's so good. Well, I'm a big Aaron Sorkin fan,
Speaker 1: and Aaron Sorkin it was his directorial debut for that movie,
Speaker 1: and he also wrote it. And obviously, and yeah, I
Speaker 1: love it. And Andrew is just awesome. He needs to
Speaker 1: be the new James Bond because I think Daniel Craig
Speaker 1: is done after the new James Bond movie comes out
Speaker 1: in November, and it just just needs to be seven
Speaker 1: I think. So all right, well that would be cool too,
Speaker 1: obviously depending on the casting. Anyway, we don't have to
Speaker 1: talk about that because we are a dating podcast, but so, um,
Speaker 1: I do want to talk about because of the current
Speaker 1: world we're living in. You obviously have a background in nutrition,
Speaker 1: sports rehabbing. Um. I actually just went to the TV
Speaker 1: twelve clinic in Foxboro, humble brag, because Tom Brady is
Speaker 1: my favorite athlete of all time and his whole thing
Speaker 1: is sports rehabbing up there, and it was a cool facility.
Speaker 1: But I want you to talk about how important it is,
Speaker 1: specifically in the world we're living in right now, to
Speaker 1: live a healthy lifestyle and active lifestyle and eating the
Speaker 1: you know, the right things. You know, it's unbelievable. So
Speaker 1: my whole career has been advocating that people eat better,
Speaker 1: move better. Not perfectly, by the way, because I eat everything.
Speaker 1: Uh my family would tell you, Uh, I eat ribs
Speaker 1: and pizza and burgers and fried like everybody else. But
Speaker 1: but it's about what you do seven percent of the time.
Speaker 1: Like I will never eat three days in a row
Speaker 1: of burgers and fries. I mean, it just doesn't happen,
Speaker 1: you know. Um. So I incorporate what I call I
Speaker 1: don't call them cheat meals. I incorporate fun foods, cupcakes, cookies, everything.
Speaker 1: But I do it in a way where it's balanced.
Speaker 1: And I think that people need to understand that you
Speaker 1: actually it's not hard to eat more fish, to eat
Speaker 1: more vegetables, to steam them. Um. And then also if
Speaker 1: you want to have some ribs or some wings, it's okay,
Speaker 1: but you know you and you don't feel like, jeez,
Speaker 1: every day I'm stuffing myself with all this processed food,
Speaker 1: you know. So that's number one. Number two is you know,
Speaker 1: when you talk about COVID and what we're in right now,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's really about the immune system. And so
Speaker 1: many people have lowered immune systems because they simply have
Speaker 1: not been taking care of their bodies. Um. And so
Speaker 1: you can boost your immune systems to exercise, you can
Speaker 1: do it with immune boosting foods that you eat. So
Speaker 1: I just encouraged people like, listen, this is a perfect
Speaker 1: time to take your body seriously and you know, turn
Speaker 1: it up, man. I mean, because COVID is COVID hits
Speaker 1: all of us, by the way hit it hits us differently,
Speaker 1: But look at the rocks. Man. I did a story
Speaker 1: for MS and I and we were focusing on the rock.
Speaker 1: He in his video he was like, Man, COVID took
Speaker 1: me out, and here's a guy who's like one of
Speaker 1: the fittest guys in the world. So I just think
Speaker 1: people need to just you know, eat a little better,
Speaker 1: move a little better, and um and just be prepared.
Speaker 1: That's all We've We've talked about this on this podcast
Speaker 1: quite a bit over the past few months. But so
Speaker 1: I broke my leg in December and it was essentially
Speaker 1: betterridden for like two to three months, and then COVID
Speaker 1: hit and and March and mostly in April as well.
Speaker 1: So it's kind of like a double whammy where I
Speaker 1: was like not moving around, sitting on my butt a lot,
Speaker 1: and then COVID hit, and then I just started eating
Speaker 1: poorly and my body was just getting like softer and soft.
Speaker 1: And it's still like, honestly, it's pretty bad, but I've
Speaker 1: I've regained some of my I guess like athletic ability.
Speaker 1: But but yeah, there was a long time there for
Speaker 1: like a good three months where I was like looking
Speaker 1: at myself in the mirror and like I wouldn't let
Speaker 1: my girlfriend like see me like with my shirt off
Speaker 1: because I was like so ashamed of myself. And then
Speaker 1: I like went out and bought these uh these these
Speaker 1: these dumbbells, these freeweights, and I was like, I'm going
Speaker 1: to use this time to like transform myself and get
Speaker 1: back to how I used to be. Used the weights
Speaker 1: twice and I haven't really picked him up ever since.
Speaker 1: But I I agree with you, everyone's like looking at
Speaker 1: COVID and this this uh you know, quarantine time to
Speaker 1: really like focus and work on themselves. But it's it's
Speaker 1: a lot easier said than done. So I think that's
Speaker 1: kind of the biggest barriered entry is people just putting
Speaker 1: action to the words. Yeah, you know, I got lucky
Speaker 1: because I actually before COVID hit, I decided that I'm
Speaker 1: living in Chicago, um and which is a real tough sometimes, right,
Speaker 1: And so I said, you know what, I want to
Speaker 1: put some stuff in my house. So like when it's
Speaker 1: five agrees outside, I don't want to go to the gym.
Speaker 1: I could just go downstairs and get good little workout.
Speaker 1: So I really loaded up. I got a bench press,
Speaker 1: I out all kinds of other benches I got. I
Speaker 1: got dumbbells from fifteen pounds up to seventy five pounds.
Speaker 1: I got a creature, I got like a full thing.
Speaker 1: And then COVID hits, and so everyone's like, you know,
Speaker 1: like you just say like they're not working out, they're
Speaker 1: getting soft. Meanwhile I'm getting ripped. I'm lifting out away,
Speaker 1: you know. Anyway. So um, but now Jim's are opening
Speaker 1: back up a little bit. So, but there's still great
Speaker 1: workouts you can do at home. I tell people all
Speaker 1: the time, I'll give you a fifteen minute workout that
Speaker 1: you know, blow you away. Well, it's as a medical professional.
Speaker 1: With Jim's opening up again, do you encourage people to
Speaker 1: go to gyms or do you still think it's time
Speaker 1: to kind of like carry on and tread lightly with it,
Speaker 1: or what do you suggest people do moving for it?
Speaker 1: I think that if you go to a gym where
Speaker 1: it's a private gym, which means that it's not just
Speaker 1: anyone coming in and fifty people coming in and out
Speaker 1: and using machine listen, think about it. But these big
Speaker 1: box gyms, there's no way they can sanitize all the dumbbells,
Speaker 1: all the machines, and then you say to the customers,
Speaker 1: will you guys do it after you get off and
Speaker 1: someone else before they get on. But you know, you
Speaker 1: can't rely on people to do the right thing, and
Speaker 1: so I my personal opinion is that's probably too early
Speaker 1: for big box gyms. I think smaller gyms that have
Speaker 1: very limited number of people and the set schedule, I
Speaker 1: think that works. But you know, yeah, you know, the
Speaker 1: country has been very impatient, and um, you know, this
Speaker 1: is a virus, man, This is this is not this
Speaker 1: is not political. This is a medical, scientific thing. It's
Speaker 1: a virus, and a virus wants a host, and our
Speaker 1: bodies are hosts. It doesn't care if you are Republican, Democrat, rich, poor, black, white,
Speaker 1: It doesn't care. You're a host. And so I think
Speaker 1: that people's I listen, I like anyone else. I want
Speaker 1: to go back to some kind of normal. Don't get
Speaker 1: me wrong, but we gotta sit out a little longer
Speaker 1: and let this thing die down. And people are just
Speaker 1: being impatient, and let me just say one thing. I
Speaker 1: want to be appreciate. But but the more impatient people
Speaker 1: are and the faster and more premature. We open things.
Speaker 1: Oh the longest gonna be here because we can't. We
Speaker 1: can't suffocate this thing because there's a hot spot here,
Speaker 1: hot spot there. College is opening up three cases at
Speaker 1: one college in the first week. Well guess what the
Speaker 1: college that affects people five hundred thousand miles away because
Speaker 1: it's a big network, like a spider way with people.
Speaker 1: And this person saw that person. It's just anyway, don't
Speaker 1: keep me going. We like it, we want to. I
Speaker 1: think everybody could really vent and with all their different
Speaker 1: perspectives about what's happening in the world, you know, and
Speaker 1: and uh so no, please we we we love it. Um.
Speaker 1: Do you have any advice for people listening right now
Speaker 1: that are trying to get back into working out, because
Speaker 1: I find that's the most difficult aspect, uh is starting
Speaker 1: out because once you start getting into the routine of things,
Speaker 1: at least for me personally, um, you know, it just
Speaker 1: becomes a daily a part of your daily routine. But
Speaker 1: for for people listening out there that like are are
Speaker 1: out of shape and they have difficult time running and
Speaker 1: you know, their knees are hurting and they're always sore.
Speaker 1: What is something that they can do to start, like
Speaker 1: getting back into the routine of working on every day.
Speaker 1: You know. I think one of the biggest mistakes that
Speaker 1: people make when they're trying to get back is they
Speaker 1: try to do too much too fast. I tell people,
Speaker 1: do just a little bit day week one, three days
Speaker 1: a week. Just do something. So don't go try to
Speaker 1: run or don't go try to walk five miles, Walk
Speaker 1: a half a mile, that's it. Walk for seven minutes,
Speaker 1: that's it. Come on home. Even if you think you
Speaker 1: can do more and you probably can't, don't. Don't do it.
Speaker 1: Allow yourself to build up so that you're not taking
Speaker 1: on too much. And I think what people do is,
Speaker 1: you know, they're like, that's it, I'm gonna start today,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna walk five miles today. Okay,
Speaker 1: they do it, and the sucking wind, they're sore the
Speaker 1: next two days, and then they're like it's too much,
Speaker 1: so they throw their hands up like I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: do it because they try to do too much too fast.
Speaker 1: But my advice to people is think about where you
Speaker 1: want to be five months from now, and then work
Speaker 1: that down to where you are now and form a
Speaker 1: real plan and okay, week one, I want to be
Speaker 1: able to do this week two, week three before. And
Speaker 1: that's how you do it. You gotta you gotta be structured.
Speaker 1: I think people are too unstructured. Oh I'll do this today,
Speaker 1: I'll do that tomorrow, and it just doesn't work. You're
Speaker 1: like flailing. You know, you're going around, you have no
Speaker 1: real direction, and you can't build your momentum. That's one
Speaker 1: thousand percent me. I feel like you just described me
Speaker 1: to a t. I'm very unstructured. I'll even go to
Speaker 1: the gym, show up and be like, well what should
Speaker 1: I do today? Whereas I probably should plan before I
Speaker 1: go what I'm gonna be doing for the entire week, month,
Speaker 1: or even the year. But yeah, that's definitely my my
Speaker 1: big achilles heel. Yeah, but you're gone to looking good man.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's because the pillows pushed up against it,
Speaker 1: trying to I'm trying to press you. I'm trying you
Speaker 1: as you guys know this when you cross your arms
Speaker 1: like I put my fist behind my bicets, so it's like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: they look bigger than they actually are. Yeah, you go,
Speaker 1: like everybody's listening on a podcast, right now I can't
Speaker 1: see what we're doing, but just imagine, like you know,
Speaker 1: you flex and you put your hands behind your biseets,
Speaker 1: really pushing for the listeners. For the listeners listening right now,
Speaker 1: Jared's arms look very buff. They're not. I've been trying
Speaker 1: to workout, man, I've been I've been getting to I
Speaker 1: bought a kettle bell. I've been doing some stuff. Not
Speaker 1: a lot of running, more running. I've been trying to
Speaker 1: get a little bit faster. But that's neither here nor there. Austin.
Speaker 1: Uh No, so I'm in I live in Los Angeles now,
Speaker 1: but I'm originally from Warwick, Rhode Island, so just north
Speaker 1: of you. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I like I like that.
Speaker 1: I'm a New Englander. You know, I'm from New England,
Speaker 1: so yeah, Connecticut, Yeah yeah yeah. I just want to
Speaker 1: say real fast that people who are trying you mentioned
Speaker 1: what should people do? On my Instagram page, I have
Speaker 1: all kinds of little workouts that people can download for free.
Speaker 1: Um So my instagram is at dr Ian Smith's spell
Speaker 1: the Doctor Out. I A N. Smith and please go
Speaker 1: to the one with the checkmark. Because all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: now all these freaking impostors of like create these fake
Speaker 1: pages and it's not me. You know, you'll see me checkmark,
Speaker 1: don't follow the person with two followers. Okay, but but listen,
Speaker 1: let me tell you something. Guys. People will send me
Speaker 1: d M s all the time and they're like, I
Speaker 1: just gave you my phone number. Was that you? I
Speaker 1: was like, oh no, come on, and I look at
Speaker 1: I look at the page. It's got like five followers.
Speaker 1: Why would you think that was me? I'm the most
Speaker 1: popular gould when I'm better than that. People just don't
Speaker 1: understand social media. Oh no, don't give your phone number
Speaker 1: out ever. Hey and Doc, you're playing it three yards
Speaker 1: down the middle of the fairway too. Man, You're I
Speaker 1: gotta get some golf tips from you too. It looks like,
Speaker 1: let me tell you something. Can I tell you? That
Speaker 1: was so amazing? I don't know what happened. I don't
Speaker 1: know what happened to me. Sorry to get distracted golf
Speaker 1: but all day. But let me tell you something. I
Speaker 1: put a golf swing on my page. This is why
Speaker 1: I love I g and social media. And some guy
Speaker 1: from London, a professional golfer in London, sent me a
Speaker 1: d M and said dr Ian, I'm really excited that
Speaker 1: you love golf. Blah blah. He's like, but dude, you're
Speaker 1: not getting enough turn on your back swing. What so
Speaker 1: he's so we started like exchanging messages. Right, the guy
Speaker 1: sends me a video. I'm not kidding. He sent me
Speaker 1: a video. I go to the rain, I practice. Literally
Speaker 1: within two weeks my drive went twenty yards longer. I'm
Speaker 1: not and I realized it. I didn't realize it, but
Speaker 1: social media for you. You know what's so funny about
Speaker 1: this golf talk is that I'm not joking my dad.
Speaker 1: My dad sent me a text message thirty five minutes ago.
Speaker 1: It said, just watched the pro golfer video on where
Speaker 1: to aim. When the ball is above your feet, aim
Speaker 1: a little right and if the balls below your feet,
Speaker 1: aim a little left. Remember that conversation you and I
Speaker 1: had and I thought I was right. Like guys in golf,
Speaker 1: I love it. I love it, I can talk. I
Speaker 1: love best. But Doctor, we just want to say thank
Speaker 1: you so much for joining us and help my second dating. Uh.
Speaker 1: Thank you for bringing all your wisdom in information. We
Speaker 1: really appreciate it. Everybody listening out there. Obviously you can
Speaker 1: see doctor on dr Ian Smith on the Doctors, but
Speaker 1: please pick up a new copy of his book The Unspoken,
Speaker 1: which is a fiction novel about ash Kane, which is
Speaker 1: like the most badass name ever, also comes out October first,
Speaker 1: get it. I'm assuming everywhere Amazon, anywhere you can pick
Speaker 1: up books. Yeah, mostly go to Amazon dot com and
Speaker 1: check it out. And and ash Can has his own page.
Speaker 1: It's called I Am ash Cane, So check on his page.
Speaker 1: And then considered the start for the uh, the where,
Speaker 1: the proposal, whatever you wanna call it to get uh
Speaker 1: Indresalba to play Ashkane when this book gets turned into
Speaker 1: a movie. It started here on help I Suck at Dating.
Speaker 1: There you go, Hey guys, let's do it again some time.
Speaker 1: Joy talking to you guys. Yeah, alright, guys, take care
Speaker 1: if you say Jared. We had a couple of great
Speaker 1: guests on this week on the podcast, but no podcast
Speaker 1: is truly complete without your dating terms, so give us
Speaker 1: at least one, maybe a couple more uh and hopefully
Speaker 1: Mark and Eastern can pop in and help us figure
Speaker 1: out what they mean. Yeah, we had a good time
Speaker 1: last week trying to guess the dating terms acuting, including
Speaker 1: my favorite answer of all time, from Eastern which was monkeying.
Speaker 1: Uh some that was just a good one, all right,
Speaker 1: So let's start for the first one here. So this
Speaker 1: is on pop sugar dot com. It's called eight new
Speaker 1: dating terms you need to know about going into. So
Speaker 1: we'll see if we can just get a few of these.
Speaker 1: So the first one is called kanyeide. What do you
Speaker 1: think being Kanyade means? I forget, we'd start off with
Speaker 1: a good one. I got to go back a few months,
Speaker 1: right because going into so we can't say it's something,
Speaker 1: but I'm trying to think of what it could be.
Speaker 1: I think what being Kanyee means is when you start
Speaker 1: dating someone and then they become a completely different person
Speaker 1: after having started dating. Okay, okay, I think I think
Speaker 1: being Kanyade means your your partner is about to climax,
Speaker 1: but then you interrupted them to give them see I'm
Speaker 1: gonna let you finish, but I'm gonna got the best
Speaker 1: album of all time and literally in the the middle of intercourse.
Speaker 1: It happens to me all the time. Yeah, it's just
Speaker 1: an in ego trip. A guy who's just a complete
Speaker 1: ego trip and never wants to hear a word about
Speaker 1: you or your life. Wow, Mark, nicely done. Have you
Speaker 1: ever been on a date where the other person talked
Speaker 1: relentlessly about themselves the entire time? If so, you got kanyee.
Speaker 1: Apparently plenty of fish. Plenty of fish reports that singles
Speaker 1: have experienced one sided conversations like this on dates A
Speaker 1: k A kanyade alright, next dating term. Obviously this is
Speaker 1: very What does white clawing mean? White clawing? I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go last because I feel like you guys have to
Speaker 1: get the answers all the time, and I didn't think
Speaker 1: about something something good and clever. Uh, somebody who always
Speaker 1: wants to be super trendy all the time, whatever the
Speaker 1: hot thing is, that's what they are into until it's not,
Speaker 1: and then they're not again. My yea, mine was similar.
Speaker 1: Mine was something that is needlessly confusing and probably not
Speaker 1: all that satisfying. Dean, any guesses. Uh, my guess is
Speaker 1: gonna be when you're just like everybody else, but for
Speaker 1: some reason people think you're better but you're not. Uh,
Speaker 1: you guys are all pretty close. Marks definitely the closest
Speaker 1: on this one because it talks about all the hype
Speaker 1: surrounding white claws right now, So plenty of Fish said.
Speaker 1: Plenty of Fish says, white clawing is the act of
Speaker 1: staying with someone you find basic and boring just because
Speaker 1: you find them attractive interesting, And people surveyed said they've
Speaker 1: known someone who has been white clawing white clawing, so
Speaker 1: pretty much, it's lots of people that are hopping onto
Speaker 1: the trend because it's popular. So like, you stay with
Speaker 1: someone because you find them basicly boring, just because you
Speaker 1: find them tractive, similar to like people think that white
Speaker 1: claws are wildly overrated, but you keep drinking them because
Speaker 1: everybody else is drinking them. All right, this one's interesting. Uh.
Speaker 1: Dial toning? What do you guys think dial toning is? Well?
Speaker 1: What is a dial tone? First and foremost? That would
Speaker 1: be a good question. Wait are you seriously asking? Isn't
Speaker 1: that when you used to pick up the phone before
Speaker 1: cell phones and you like the there? And then how
Speaker 1: old does that make you, guys feel? Because it makes
Speaker 1: it when me feel really old? That's the dial tone? Right?
Speaker 1: You don't remember a dial tone? Bro? I remember. I'm
Speaker 1: just I'm asking for a little bit more of a
Speaker 1: clear context context. But yeah, you're right, I'll I'll say
Speaker 1: it's like ghosting. It's like, um, you know, hanging up
Speaker 1: on somebody. They end up hearing a dial tone on
Speaker 1: the other end of the phone after you hang up
Speaker 1: on them. And I'm gonna say it's like that. It's
Speaker 1: like a ghosting where everything's going fine and then suddenly
Speaker 1: they hang and they cut it off and you never
Speaker 1: hear from them again. To get a bit more specific,
Speaker 1: I think it's like leaving someone on red but you
Speaker 1: know for a fact they are they are gone, like
Speaker 1: they're not. It's not just on red, like like they've
Speaker 1: deleted the conversation. Like you send something to them and
Speaker 1: they go like no, thank you, and it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: if I send another text, it's not even going to
Speaker 1: reach them. Like they're they've hung got it. Well, and see,
Speaker 1: this is where my question comes into place, because a
Speaker 1: dial tone is at the beginning of a phone call,
Speaker 1: not at the end. You guys are thinking of the
Speaker 1: dropped calls tone, which we know more about. I will
Speaker 1: say and not give an answer on this one. Well, Dean,
Speaker 1: that that that answer. That was pretty good because dial toning, Okay,
Speaker 1: then let me finish. Let me finish. Then, in my opinion,
Speaker 1: that dial toning would be when you are when you
Speaker 1: have so many options you don't know where to go
Speaker 1: because when you pick up a phone, there's so many
Speaker 1: buttons you can press, and that's the dial tone. You
Speaker 1: should have quit while you are ahead of my friend.
Speaker 1: Uh dial toning, So it says over the last year
Speaker 1: or two, ghosting obviously is completely blew up on the
Speaker 1: dating scene. Dial Toning is similar to ghosting, but involves
Speaker 1: ignoring the other person before the relationship ever even begins,
Speaker 1: which is Dean what you were talking about. The dial
Speaker 1: tone comes at the beginning of a phone call. When
Speaker 1: you dial tone someone, you give them your phone number,
Speaker 1: but you never but you never reply, So that's dial toning.
Speaker 1: So pretty much like ghosting before the relationship ever begins,
Speaker 1: which I think a lot of people can resonate with,
Speaker 1: especially on dating apps, because how many stories have you
Speaker 1: guys heard, were like, somebody's talking on a dating app,
Speaker 1: you exchange phone numbers and then you never hear from
Speaker 1: the person. Again, that's dial toning. I've definitely dial toned before.
Speaker 1: I'm guilty of dialty. Well. On pop sugar dot com
Speaker 1: it says sixty percent of singles have said they've experienced this.
Speaker 1: That's crazy. Yeah, I guess I'm in the majority on
Speaker 1: that one. Well, Jared, as always, thanks for the dating terms.
Speaker 1: Thanks Eastern Market, you're just unbelievably uncanny witty responses and
Speaker 1: understanding of these trending dating terms. Um. Big thank you
Speaker 1: of course to Dr Viviana for sharing her knowledge with
Speaker 1: us and Dr Ian Smith. Be sure to check both
Speaker 1: of them out on Instagram and um. Dr Viviana is
Speaker 1: on Married at First Sight on Lifetime at a p
Speaker 1: m on Wednesdays, and Dr Ian Smith just dropped his
Speaker 1: new book October one, so I guess not yet, but
Speaker 1: coming up unspoken. The unspoken sounds pretty cool. Is there
Speaker 1: anything else you want to touch on before we say
Speaker 1: see you later? No, I'm good with touching today. You're
Speaker 1: good with touching? Yeah? No more touches for me. Thanks
Speaker 1: everybody for joining us on this wonderful episode of help
Speaker 1: I's like a dating Make sure you guys not only
Speaker 1: tune in next week, but also tune in Thursday for
Speaker 1: What a Girl Wants with the original the O G.
Speaker 1: Kendall and Kylie Long. But until then, we'll talk to
Speaker 1: you next week, where hopefully we all suck just a
Speaker 1: little less. Follow Help by Suck at dating, on I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcast h