1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,120 Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:06,800 Speaker 1: and the Black Effect. Dit asked back there, Nice Little 3 00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:19,360 Speaker 1: asked back there. Di stl asked back there, n Yo, 4 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,639 Speaker 1: what up? What up? Welcome back to another episode of 5 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:28,120 Speaker 1: Carefully Reckless with your Girl just hilarious story time. I 6 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:31,160 Speaker 1: remember we all took a trip to Puerto Rico. Now 7 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:34,120 Speaker 1: we all is me and a couple of other couples, 8 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:36,760 Speaker 1: because it was like a couple's trip. Don't ask me 9 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:39,839 Speaker 1: who I took, because honestly, I don't remember, and this 10 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:44,000 Speaker 1: was just last year. I do remember my aunt and 11 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,599 Speaker 1: my uncle being one of the couples. Now, I'm related 12 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:49,560 Speaker 1: to my aunt. She's my biological aunt, and my uncle 13 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:52,200 Speaker 1: is my uncle because he's married to her. My aunt 14 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:59,320 Speaker 1: is hmm, very snobby. She's the rich auntie that you 15 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:03,800 Speaker 1: know most families have. She's very straightforward, she's blunt. She's 16 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:07,399 Speaker 1: like me, but more disrespectful. And her husband, on the 17 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:10,080 Speaker 1: other hand, he's very quiet, laid back, chill to himself. 18 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:13,720 Speaker 1: I love my uncle. He's cool. Obviously they were having 19 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:15,640 Speaker 1: a problem in their marriage. I don't know why the 20 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:17,680 Speaker 1: hell they would even come on a trip and try 21 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:22,039 Speaker 1: to mask their problem. But game night. Right, the night 22 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:25,240 Speaker 1: before we left, we were playing the game Guestris. That's 23 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:27,360 Speaker 1: when you gotta do charades or whatever, and it's a 24 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:29,759 Speaker 1: team game. I don't know why we didn't do men 25 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:32,080 Speaker 1: versus women. I do not know why, just to keep 26 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:34,040 Speaker 1: the confusion down and it would have bit more fun. 27 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:37,200 Speaker 1: But we decided to do couples against couples. Now it 28 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:40,480 Speaker 1: was four couples. So it's eight people, two teams of 29 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:44,760 Speaker 1: two couples each. Right, Oh my gosh. They couldn't agree 30 00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:47,480 Speaker 1: on anything. My oun uncle, they couldn't agree. First of all, 31 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,800 Speaker 1: when he first got there, they were very distant. They 32 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:54,279 Speaker 1: were being caddi toward one another. The tension was high. 33 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,920 Speaker 1: It was awkward as fun to be around them because 34 00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,080 Speaker 1: you knew, you know, when two people are beating you 35 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:01,480 Speaker 1: walk into a room, toy quiet or they already quiet 36 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:03,360 Speaker 1: when you enter the room. That ship is crazy. Right, 37 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:05,880 Speaker 1: So we're playing a game. Round one, they couldn't agree 38 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:09,120 Speaker 1: on ship. Round two, couldn't agree on ship. They grew 39 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:11,480 Speaker 1: more heated and heated. By the end of the game 40 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:14,160 Speaker 1: they were at each other's next yea like real ship. 41 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:17,520 Speaker 1: So my uncle says something like, man, I'm out of 42 00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:20,239 Speaker 1: this motherfucker. I'm I'm out. This bitch went on the balcony, 43 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 1: went to go light up a blunt. On his way out. 44 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,359 Speaker 1: She said, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. 45 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:29,239 Speaker 1: He just mad because I make more money than his ass. 46 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:32,840 Speaker 1: All bets are off. Now he turns back around, he 47 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,840 Speaker 1: gets upset. He looks like, how the fund can you 48 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:37,520 Speaker 1: even say this ship? How can you even say this 49 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:39,680 Speaker 1: ship in front of people. I told you she had 50 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:42,720 Speaker 1: a few drinks, so did he. But women, one thing 51 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:45,520 Speaker 1: about us. When we hit we hit below the fucking belt. 52 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,760 Speaker 1: And that ship is not healthy, not in a fucking marriage, 53 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:52,360 Speaker 1: not in a friendship, not in any type of companionship 54 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,800 Speaker 1: you got going on. Never hit below the belt, especially 55 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:58,000 Speaker 1: against somebody you love, in front of a bunch of people. 56 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:02,280 Speaker 1: I remember no body checking on him either. I remember 57 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:04,560 Speaker 1: that nobody would to go check on him, even the 58 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:06,520 Speaker 1: other guys. I mean, I guess they just didn't want 59 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:08,600 Speaker 1: to insert themselves into the business of my aunt and 60 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,120 Speaker 1: my uncle and ship like that. But all of us 61 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:13,600 Speaker 1: was trying to calm her down. We all was checking 62 00:03:13,639 --> 00:03:16,480 Speaker 1: on her, and you know, even my date, I remember 63 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:18,000 Speaker 1: him check. Oh, I remember who it is now, but 64 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:20,200 Speaker 1: y'all still ain't getting that information. He would to go 65 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,760 Speaker 1: check on her. Everybody was checking on her. Nobody went 66 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:25,440 Speaker 1: on the balcony with my uncle to check on him. 67 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:28,560 Speaker 1: He's smoking a blunt heat chilling. He quiet anyway, so 68 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:32,839 Speaker 1: he's very unapproachable looking. So I guess that's why as well. 69 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:35,720 Speaker 1: I remember the next day when we all woke up 70 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 1: to leave, because that was our our last day on 71 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,400 Speaker 1: the trip. Our flights were in the afternoon. We woke up, 72 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,440 Speaker 1: he was gone. He got up and he flew the 73 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:46,040 Speaker 1: funk out. He didn't say goodbye to anybody, nothing like that. Now, 74 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:49,640 Speaker 1: with that story in mine, today's topic is a black 75 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:53,680 Speaker 1: man's vulnerability. It's important to talk about that type of 76 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:58,040 Speaker 1: ship these days because it's a very feminist time in 77 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:01,240 Speaker 1: life right now. Women we get the spotlight a lot 78 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:04,000 Speaker 1: more now, and that's great. You know, the black woman 79 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:06,240 Speaker 1: is strong. The black woman is this, The black woman 80 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:09,280 Speaker 1: is that. Yes, we are where everything alpha and omega 81 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,800 Speaker 1: and everything in between. You take us away, you ain't 82 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:14,160 Speaker 1: got ship. But at the same time, we still have 83 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:20,039 Speaker 1: another another piece of humanity that we tend to just forget. 84 00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:24,880 Speaker 1: That's the man. You can't spell humanity without man, and 85 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:28,240 Speaker 1: we we tend not to give a funk about a 86 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:32,520 Speaker 1: man's feelings. Now usually the next segment is just fix 87 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:36,320 Speaker 1: my mess. However, I knew, I just knew there would 88 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:40,640 Speaker 1: be no men who would willingly address their vulnerabilities and 89 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:43,880 Speaker 1: insecurities or whatever, and we have that. But that's the 90 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:46,200 Speaker 1: problem with our men these days. We have to get 91 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,680 Speaker 1: them to talk more. And I know the tradition is, 92 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:52,880 Speaker 1: you know, men don't cry. Men are not supposed to cry. 93 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:56,839 Speaker 1: Men don't be weak. You can't open up about ship. 94 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,800 Speaker 1: You have to keep it all inside because you're a man. 95 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,479 Speaker 1: You gotta be strong, you got to be barbarian like. 96 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:05,080 Speaker 1: But that's bullshit, because men still have hearts, they still 97 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:08,560 Speaker 1: have feelings. They're women without pussies. That's it, like a 98 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,640 Speaker 1: woman is a man without a dick. We are the same, 99 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:14,960 Speaker 1: We're all people. We just have different ships between our legs. 100 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:18,520 Speaker 1: That's the only difference between us. There are lots of 101 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,919 Speaker 1: insecurities that men struggle with, and it's a lot of 102 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,719 Speaker 1: ships that men deal with that women deal with as well, 103 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:26,640 Speaker 1: but it's overlooked when it's a man like men get 104 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,920 Speaker 1: cheated on, they get raped as children. You know, men 105 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:33,680 Speaker 1: go through all types of ship. They go through money problems, 106 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:37,560 Speaker 1: they go through losing friends, they have confidence issues. You 107 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:40,080 Speaker 1: got men getting surgery nowadays. If you don't like the 108 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:42,479 Speaker 1: way you look, change it. That's not only meant for 109 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:44,400 Speaker 1: a woman, you know what I mean. There are a 110 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,760 Speaker 1: lot of things that men deal with. But then you 111 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,960 Speaker 1: have the falsehood of ego. That's the mask that they 112 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,880 Speaker 1: put on so they won't have to face themselves or 113 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:55,520 Speaker 1: face their real problems, and also so no one around 114 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,760 Speaker 1: them will know what they're really going through. That's why 115 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:01,520 Speaker 1: it's very important to have barbershop talk. Like you know, 116 00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:03,719 Speaker 1: how we go and get our hair done and we 117 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,159 Speaker 1: talk to our styles about everything. Well, I don't know, 118 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,080 Speaker 1: these days, these stylars are so fucking messy. I don't know. 119 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:12,039 Speaker 1: I don't talk to my styler is about a motherfucking thing. 120 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:15,280 Speaker 1: But you know it's easy, you know, as women we 121 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:17,560 Speaker 1: go and we talk about ship, talk about these men 122 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:19,920 Speaker 1: we're sitting these shares and let these women do our hand. 123 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:23,320 Speaker 1: We start spalking up conversations about how niggason did us wrong, 124 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,760 Speaker 1: and and then how we're doing a nigga's wrong. You 125 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:27,400 Speaker 1: never know what's gonna come out of your mouth and 126 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:30,000 Speaker 1: a fucking hand saloon because you're comfortable. You're amongst other 127 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,680 Speaker 1: women who are having some of the same problems. Now 128 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:35,640 Speaker 1: put the same thing in the barbershop. The barbershop setting. 129 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 1: These men have these conversations, but I'm telling you a 130 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:41,400 Speaker 1: lot of times because I used to work at a barbershop. Yes, 131 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:44,840 Speaker 1: they have the same conversations we have, but men still front. 132 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:48,719 Speaker 1: Men front for other men. No man wants another man 133 00:06:48,839 --> 00:06:51,640 Speaker 1: to know his struggles. Whether he's the man's best friend 134 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:55,480 Speaker 1: or not. He does not want anyone to know his struggles. 135 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:58,640 Speaker 1: You're always supposed to be the perfect strong man and 136 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,520 Speaker 1: anything your friendship. If you've got a group of friends, 137 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,000 Speaker 1: you want to be you want to appear as the 138 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:05,560 Speaker 1: richest friend, the friend that got it all together, and 139 00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:07,919 Speaker 1: you don't. Now, men have a lot of issues that 140 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:11,559 Speaker 1: they struggle with. That's why they can't properly assess kids 141 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,800 Speaker 1: and women. You know what I'm saying. I'm not making 142 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:16,800 Speaker 1: up excuses because this is not every man's problem, but 143 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:20,000 Speaker 1: majority you'd be surprised. And I was having a discussion 144 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,000 Speaker 1: with one of my buddies and he calls it the 145 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:25,160 Speaker 1: trickle down theory. A lot of these men's issues are 146 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,640 Speaker 1: deep rooted, goes back to their childhood, goes back to 147 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:32,000 Speaker 1: generations and generations before them, great great grandfathers. They didn't 148 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:35,920 Speaker 1: know how to love properly because their father didn't do that. 149 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:39,800 Speaker 1: Their father didn't show them. Their father didn't put him 150 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:42,000 Speaker 1: on his back and you know, run around the house 151 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,400 Speaker 1: with him or wrestle them, or you know, or wrap 152 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,840 Speaker 1: them in his arms and telling me loves them. None 153 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:50,000 Speaker 1: of that. I remember a picture that was going around 154 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:53,360 Speaker 1: with whis Khalifa kissing his son Sebastian and his mouth. Now, 155 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:56,040 Speaker 1: a lot of men they had something to say about that, 156 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,160 Speaker 1: a lot of women had something to say about that. 157 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:00,880 Speaker 1: But that's why we feel like we that's I said, 158 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,440 Speaker 1: we like I'm a man and sometimes I swear I am, 159 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:06,360 Speaker 1: you know. But that's why men feel like they got 160 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:10,000 Speaker 1: to be so hard up, because they're scared to show affection, 161 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 1: even to women. Scared to show affection. That's why a 162 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,360 Speaker 1: lot of gay men are scared of coming out. It's 163 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:18,040 Speaker 1: just a man is a man. At the end of 164 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:21,040 Speaker 1: the day. They have hearts, they have feelings. With Khalifa 165 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:24,880 Speaker 1: teaching that little boy love, he's teaching him love. There's 166 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,520 Speaker 1: nothing wrong with him kissing his son in him off. 167 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:29,880 Speaker 1: That's his fucking son. Mind your fucking business. Then, on 168 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:32,440 Speaker 1: the other hand, you got a man who never kisses 169 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:35,880 Speaker 1: his son, whether it be on a forehead, cheek, whatever mouth. 170 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:39,600 Speaker 1: You got men that never kiss their fucking sons. Never Now, 171 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:42,640 Speaker 1: imagine those young men that's gonna grow up who don't 172 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:46,480 Speaker 1: know how to show affection to a woman. No no, no, 173 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:48,760 Speaker 1: no no. They they might think kissing his mushy. They 174 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:51,000 Speaker 1: don't want that ship. Oh no, no, no, hell no. 175 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,839 Speaker 1: My father never did. Dead no no, no no. Even 176 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:55,600 Speaker 1: if you did have a mother that's affectionate to you, 177 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:59,760 Speaker 1: telling your father plants the seed. Every household needs a dad, 178 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:02,960 Speaker 1: Every child needs a dad, and every child needs a 179 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:06,040 Speaker 1: mother's love, but also the love and affection from a father. 180 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,679 Speaker 1: That's why I praised Russell Wilson. He shows love to 181 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:13,320 Speaker 1: Baby Future, He shows him love. He's not hard up 182 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:15,560 Speaker 1: with the dude with the little boy. He's not that 183 00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:19,040 Speaker 1: one on one they get Sierra is not always around 184 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,360 Speaker 1: when Baby Future is in the care of Russell. You 185 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:22,839 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. He wants that one on one 186 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,520 Speaker 1: showing him love and affection, not saying his father doesn't. 187 00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:27,360 Speaker 1: But I only know what we see, and we see 188 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,880 Speaker 1: Russell giving him that affection. If you love me, you'll 189 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:34,360 Speaker 1: listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back again. 190 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:38,480 Speaker 1: General curses that has to be broken. Maybe someone's father 191 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:43,000 Speaker 1: beat their mother growing up in aboosive household. A lot 192 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:46,679 Speaker 1: of guys seeing there, their mothers get beaten by their father, 193 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,800 Speaker 1: seeing their fathers even you know, beat on them. That's 194 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:54,720 Speaker 1: also a generational curse. That's also how a man feels 195 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,920 Speaker 1: like he has to be so tough. When my father 196 00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:59,440 Speaker 1: beat my mother, my father, another hugged and kissed on 197 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:02,920 Speaker 1: my mother. Us saw that, So that's what I am. 198 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:06,760 Speaker 1: My own brother can't stand his father, but in hindsight, 199 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,640 Speaker 1: he acts just like his dad. You know what I'm saying. 200 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:12,120 Speaker 1: That ship sticks with your kids, and that's why generational 201 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:15,400 Speaker 1: curses have to be broken. That's exactly why. Or it'll 202 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,000 Speaker 1: be hard for you to be a parent, it'll be 203 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:18,600 Speaker 1: hard for you to be a husband, it'll be hard 204 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:21,120 Speaker 1: for you to be a brother. It'll be hard. You 205 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:23,880 Speaker 1: have to break it. Many therapy, just like us women 206 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:28,280 Speaker 1: many love. A lot of times, there is no framework, 207 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:32,440 Speaker 1: meaning nobody taught this man structure. Nobody taught him how 208 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:36,920 Speaker 1: to be honest with himself about his struggles. Nobody taught 209 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,480 Speaker 1: him how to open up about them, you know, whether 210 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:41,439 Speaker 1: it be to other friends. That's why men are so 211 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:43,800 Speaker 1: scared of therapy. I'm not about to go lay on 212 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:46,120 Speaker 1: the couch and and tell no woman how I fail. 213 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,079 Speaker 1: She can't help me. I'm I'm I'm a man, I'm 214 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,640 Speaker 1: tough and no, but I don't want nobody in my business. 215 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:55,920 Speaker 1: That's where manipulation comes into play. Most mass manipulating men 216 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:59,840 Speaker 1: have these issues deep deep, deep down inside. Manipulation can't 217 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:03,439 Speaker 1: just come from nowhere. My son's father is very manipulative, 218 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:06,880 Speaker 1: and now so is my son. My son hasn't even 219 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:12,480 Speaker 1: lived his life fully. He's eight, and he is a 220 00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:16,040 Speaker 1: little manipulator for real. He gets it from his dad. 221 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,360 Speaker 1: But you know, Jerome has a lot of issues. Jerome 222 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:20,480 Speaker 1: is my son's father's name, is a lot of issues 223 00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:22,840 Speaker 1: that he hasn't come to grips with. He hasn't put 224 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:25,720 Speaker 1: out those fires in those roots yet. And he even 225 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:28,760 Speaker 1: told me, I mean, sometimes I think about going to therapy, 226 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,360 Speaker 1: but then I mean, what is that ship gonna do 227 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:33,000 Speaker 1: for me? That's that ego I was talking about. That 228 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:36,160 Speaker 1: goes back to the falsehood of ego. What do you 229 00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:38,240 Speaker 1: mean you're trying to be so tough, You're trying to 230 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:42,080 Speaker 1: appear as something that you've trained yourself to be, so 231 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:43,600 Speaker 1: you don't have to deal with the issues, you don't 232 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,319 Speaker 1: have to face them. But in all reality, you will 233 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,200 Speaker 1: never be happy, you will never find love, You will 234 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,480 Speaker 1: never ever ever stop going from woman to woman looking 235 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:52,920 Speaker 1: for what you're missing if you don't get to the 236 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:55,560 Speaker 1: root of your problem, your own self. This is what 237 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:58,840 Speaker 1: I've told him tom after time, even examples and movies 238 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:01,000 Speaker 1: that they put in front of our faces on why 239 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,680 Speaker 1: did I get married? Angela and Marcus? She constantly put 240 00:12:04,679 --> 00:12:08,040 Speaker 1: the man down. That's what my aunt did, put the 241 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:11,120 Speaker 1: man down about making less than she did. But then 242 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:14,080 Speaker 1: why did I get married? Marcus was pro football player. 243 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,439 Speaker 1: They started with his money. He got hurt, he got injured, 244 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:21,719 Speaker 1: and then the burden fell on the wife. Nevertheless, she 245 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:23,679 Speaker 1: picked it up, but she threw it in his face. 246 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,960 Speaker 1: This is my money, Marcus. You ain't going nowhere. You 247 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,040 Speaker 1: ain't gonna leave me because this is my money. That 248 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,400 Speaker 1: forced that man to cheat. He did not want to 249 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:36,000 Speaker 1: leave his wife. But dealing with a woman seven, that's 250 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:39,080 Speaker 1: throwing something in your face, that fox with a man's dignity, 251 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:42,000 Speaker 1: that fox with a man's pride. So he cheated. He 252 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:45,320 Speaker 1: cheated with someone who ain't gonna do that ship that 253 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:48,440 Speaker 1: ain't constantly talking about he broke and reminding him of 254 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:51,480 Speaker 1: his past, and oh, yeah, you you did make money 255 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,640 Speaker 1: until you hurt yourself. Now you ain't got nothing coming, 256 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. She constantly reminded Marcus that 257 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:58,840 Speaker 1: he had to work for her in her salon the 258 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:02,440 Speaker 1: episode of Martin where Martin was so upset that Gina 259 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,439 Speaker 1: made more than him. He didn't even know that ship 260 00:13:04,679 --> 00:13:06,640 Speaker 1: and it came out that she made more than him. 261 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,680 Speaker 1: He was pissed the whole episode. Now, these are real 262 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:11,200 Speaker 1: situations that they put on TV. Yes, it was a 263 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 1: fictional sitcom, but it's real life. Ship Men deal with 264 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:17,959 Speaker 1: all types of ship. Men deal with financial struggles, men 265 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:21,120 Speaker 1: deal with aboost from their women. Men deal with a lot. 266 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:24,600 Speaker 1: These black men, man, they go through a lot. We're 267 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:27,440 Speaker 1: gonna take it back even further to color purple. Remember 268 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:30,520 Speaker 1: silly and Mr. He beat that woman and she still 269 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:33,360 Speaker 1: want to go get up and cook for the family 270 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:37,040 Speaker 1: through the baby's hair. All of that. That was regular 271 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:39,720 Speaker 1: back then. That was fucking regular. And then he had 272 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:41,600 Speaker 1: a fucking mistress who was sucked up in the head 273 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:45,280 Speaker 1: as well. She was being mentally abused, she was being prostituted. 274 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:48,880 Speaker 1: But Mr was dealing with struggles far beyond the abuse. 275 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,079 Speaker 1: Maybe he was abused when he was younger and Ship 276 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:54,960 Speaker 1: like that. He couldn't love Silly, he couldn't love Setter, 277 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:58,600 Speaker 1: He couldn't love anybody, probably because he didn't address his 278 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:01,439 Speaker 1: own issues. He would beat the shut out of Silly 279 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:03,360 Speaker 1: and she would get the funk up and go cook 280 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:06,200 Speaker 1: dinner for the family, like it was regular. That should happen. 281 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:09,960 Speaker 1: Even back in slavery, the black man has always had 282 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:14,000 Speaker 1: to bore the physical part of slavery. You gotta think 283 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:17,120 Speaker 1: about it. When the black man is born, they were 284 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:20,560 Speaker 1: trained by white men. They would take the biggest black man, 285 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:23,120 Speaker 1: this is the one I got to do all the work, 286 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:25,240 Speaker 1: then the workout in the fields and ship. They would 287 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,560 Speaker 1: get them real strong and buff like animals. They treated 288 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:31,440 Speaker 1: the black man like animals. That's what the black man 289 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 1: was used for. The black man was seen as a machine, 290 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:39,000 Speaker 1: a strong ass animal, beaten when they didn't move, beaten 291 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:42,200 Speaker 1: for not doing something right, beaten no matter what it 292 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:45,360 Speaker 1: was for. Nevertheless, they were fucking beaten, which takes me 293 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:49,160 Speaker 1: back to Mr. And Silly. When she didn't do something right, 294 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:51,600 Speaker 1: he beat her. Sometimes she wouldn't even do ship. He 295 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,960 Speaker 1: would just beat her. His ass was beat you know 296 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,240 Speaker 1: what I mean. It's the trickle down effect that my 297 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:59,480 Speaker 1: homeboy was talking about. It's also the devalue of a 298 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:03,880 Speaker 1: black man. And even fast forward to the Welfare Reformation, 299 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:09,960 Speaker 1: when blacks started finally getting government assistance, the rules were 300 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:12,680 Speaker 1: a black man couldn't even be in the fucking house. 301 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:15,720 Speaker 1: For a woman to receive any type of benefits, the 302 00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:18,600 Speaker 1: black man couldn't even be in the fucking house. So 303 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:20,720 Speaker 1: the black man had the hide. Of course it was 304 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:22,960 Speaker 1: for nest, but when he would come around for the 305 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:25,720 Speaker 1: visits and shipped to still keep up the benefits or 306 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,960 Speaker 1: whatever and all that type of ship the evaluations, the 307 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:29,840 Speaker 1: man had to get all of his clothes out of there. 308 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:31,920 Speaker 1: And and no man could even be in the house, 309 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:34,400 Speaker 1: No fucking black man could even be in his own 310 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:38,640 Speaker 1: house for the family to receive benefits, to receive help, 311 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:43,000 Speaker 1: and in my opinion, welfare reformation is what started the 312 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,280 Speaker 1: I don't need a man mindset for black women. Black 313 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:49,840 Speaker 1: women have had more training on how to defend themselves 314 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:53,080 Speaker 1: from a black man then to how to love a 315 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,520 Speaker 1: black man. I'm telling you it started right there. In 316 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:58,680 Speaker 1: my opinion, you're gonna always see a black woman even today. 317 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:00,600 Speaker 1: I don't need no man, I don't need no nigga. 318 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,760 Speaker 1: I do this ship by myself, like bitches love saying 319 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:08,200 Speaker 1: that ship. Listen, you do, you do just like the 320 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:12,240 Speaker 1: man needs us. Black women need black men, and black 321 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,440 Speaker 1: men need black women. I don't give a funk how 322 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,360 Speaker 1: you feel, what you say. If you turn this podcast 323 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:20,240 Speaker 1: it off right now, I don't give a fuck. Yes 324 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,600 Speaker 1: we do. We need our men and they need us. 325 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,800 Speaker 1: And that's also why black men are so aggressive. Not 326 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,520 Speaker 1: all of them, but a lot of the majority of 327 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:31,560 Speaker 1: these men are so aggressive because we've been taught to 328 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 1: defend ourselves against them. So of course, like even when 329 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,840 Speaker 1: when you first meet a man, we can see a 330 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:39,960 Speaker 1: nigga walking down the street if it's pasts a lord 331 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,680 Speaker 1: too tight or depending on you know, the sway in 332 00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:46,800 Speaker 1: his walking or whatever what he got on. Oh bitches game, 333 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,560 Speaker 1: oh bitch he's out drugs, like we're judging them at 334 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,280 Speaker 1: the fucking door. You haven't done that. We judge these 335 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:55,720 Speaker 1: men and then we get upset when they're with white women, 336 00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:59,440 Speaker 1: but we often have that. We don't need your mentality. 337 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,920 Speaker 1: So actually we throw these niggas away. That's what we do. 338 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:06,440 Speaker 1: We're throwing them away, and we can be very spiteful. 339 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:08,640 Speaker 1: Hold up, Hold up, I know the ship getting good. 340 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,960 Speaker 1: But listen to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. 341 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:14,520 Speaker 1: If you love me, you'll listen. As black women, Yes, 342 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:16,680 Speaker 1: we can be very spiteful because, like I said, we 343 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:21,399 Speaker 1: have been trained to defend ourselves. So when a man 344 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:23,639 Speaker 1: do finally open up. Let's say he opened up and 345 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,600 Speaker 1: tell you about his past or he has an insecurity, 346 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,520 Speaker 1: he tells you about one of his vulnerabilities. You take it, 347 00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:33,000 Speaker 1: you love him, he falls for you. Y'all get angry 348 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:36,000 Speaker 1: and you throw that ship in his face. You bring 349 00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:37,840 Speaker 1: that ship up and you throw that ship out there 350 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:42,359 Speaker 1: at him. Well, you was telling me, whatever the problem, 351 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:44,840 Speaker 1: whatever the issue is. Then they shut back down and 352 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:48,000 Speaker 1: don't tell you, ask nothing else. We have to protect 353 00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:51,239 Speaker 1: our black men just like we expect them to protect us. 354 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:54,399 Speaker 1: We have to get them to talk more. We have 355 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:56,199 Speaker 1: to get them to talk more. A lot of men 356 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,679 Speaker 1: grew up in foster homes and being passed around from 357 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,680 Speaker 1: group on the group home. I remember, I had a 358 00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,080 Speaker 1: man that worked for me that told me that man, 359 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:06,760 Speaker 1: there's some real shiit sys growing up being passed around 360 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,160 Speaker 1: from group. I'm the group almost like Jail. I feel 361 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,560 Speaker 1: like he was trying to tell me something. Maybe he 362 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:14,040 Speaker 1: was touched, maybe he was raped. That's why he's so 363 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:17,800 Speaker 1: fucking mean. That's why he beat Nigga's the way he do. 364 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,240 Speaker 1: That's why he's had encounters with women and fucking children. 365 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:23,240 Speaker 1: That's why he's not scared to take a life the 366 00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:25,879 Speaker 1: ship that he had to go through growing up. Now 367 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:27,879 Speaker 1: he has a lot of children, A lot of them 368 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,600 Speaker 1: got both nine ten children, and all of them are mixed. 369 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:33,760 Speaker 1: None of them are fully African American. He also explained 370 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:36,640 Speaker 1: to me why none of them are fully African American. 371 00:18:37,119 --> 00:18:41,280 Speaker 1: He loves mixed women. He loves Hispanic women. They're more submissive. 372 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:44,240 Speaker 1: He doesn't have to worry about them going through his phone. 373 00:18:44,359 --> 00:18:46,760 Speaker 1: He doesn't have to worry about them calling him out 374 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:50,040 Speaker 1: of his name, poisoning him when he's sleep, or anything. 375 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:51,560 Speaker 1: I'm like, nigga, what the hell have you been through 376 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,080 Speaker 1: with black women? What the fuck? That's why he said 377 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,359 Speaker 1: he's scared the day another one. He told me this, 378 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,879 Speaker 1: I ain't suing no black women scared the day to 379 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,760 Speaker 1: fucking black woman man. Black women think their men, is 380 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,720 Speaker 1: what he said. I can relate to that because sometimes 381 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:06,679 Speaker 1: I feel like I am you know what I mean. 382 00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:10,000 Speaker 1: Like we're tough, we're very very tough, we don't take 383 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:14,280 Speaker 1: no ship, but sometimes it's okay to be soft. Sometimes 384 00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:17,879 Speaker 1: it is. You also, notice how black men don't marry 385 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:21,160 Speaker 1: black women, even going way back to your grandmother. Now, listen, 386 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,520 Speaker 1: black people will stay together for years and years and 387 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:27,680 Speaker 1: years but never married because we've had no examples to 388 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,760 Speaker 1: look up to. Now, I don't want to hear nothing 389 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,200 Speaker 1: but no Beyonce and jay Z and grand Hero and 390 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:35,159 Speaker 1: to Mia and and Russell and Sierra. No, no, no, no, 391 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,880 Speaker 1: I'm talking about way back, not not celebrities. Don't throw 392 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,920 Speaker 1: no celebrities in my face. Let's go way back. Old 393 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:45,480 Speaker 1: people will stay together for fucking ether and still still 394 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:48,240 Speaker 1: don't marry each other. I don't know what it is 395 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:51,600 Speaker 1: about it, but it's hard to marry. We had no 396 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:56,560 Speaker 1: good examples. Even these days, it seems like people can 397 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,760 Speaker 1: be in love when they have babies, they break up. 398 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:02,040 Speaker 1: The divorce rate in black marriages is way fucking higher 399 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:05,040 Speaker 1: than any other race because people get married without getting 400 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:07,640 Speaker 1: to know each other. People get married with hidden factors, 401 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,040 Speaker 1: like men men don't like to talk about ship that 402 00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,960 Speaker 1: they've been through. You have to really, really really get 403 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:15,960 Speaker 1: to know yourself and really get to the bottom of 404 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,600 Speaker 1: who you are before you marry someone. And a lot 405 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:23,280 Speaker 1: of times, because these men do have these masked egos 406 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:27,240 Speaker 1: and this type of ship, they go in a relationship 407 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:30,040 Speaker 1: being someone that they've trained themselves to be, being someone 408 00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:32,639 Speaker 1: that they're really really not. And then when you're married, 409 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:37,440 Speaker 1: you're stuck with this person and you realize, damn, I 410 00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:40,480 Speaker 1: did this too soon. But no, you're gonna keep making 411 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:42,040 Speaker 1: the same mistake if you don't get to know yourself, 412 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:44,119 Speaker 1: if you don't get to talk more. We have to 413 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,840 Speaker 1: get black men to talk more. If you are a 414 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:50,040 Speaker 1: black man. Listening to this episode of Carefully Reckless today, 415 00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:53,360 Speaker 1: the topic was a black man's vulnerability. Hit the email. 416 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,880 Speaker 1: I'll give you advice. We'll get to the bottom of it. Ship, 417 00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:59,359 Speaker 1: open up, open up to me, that's what the hell 418 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:02,080 Speaker 1: I'm here for. I am a black man sometimes, so 419 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,560 Speaker 1: I got you brother, look at me as your brother, 420 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:09,000 Speaker 1: but not real ship man. A black man's vulnerability is 421 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:11,679 Speaker 1: so important, and we need to get our black men 422 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,440 Speaker 1: to talk more, get them to open up. So black 423 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,720 Speaker 1: women hugging, kiss your black man, black man hugging. Kiss 424 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:22,479 Speaker 1: your boys, your baby boys, your children, your son's black man. 425 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,560 Speaker 1: Call your father and tell him you miss him, you 426 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:26,359 Speaker 1: love him, even if you know him and you ain't 427 00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:28,640 Speaker 1: got a relationship with him. Before you leave this earth, 428 00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:31,600 Speaker 1: make it your business to at least look your father 429 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:33,479 Speaker 1: in the eye, tell him you love him, give him 430 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,720 Speaker 1: a hug, palm his head, all of that. Because love 431 00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,000 Speaker 1: is love, whether you're a woman or a man. Remember 432 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,480 Speaker 1: I said, the only difference between a man and a 433 00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,480 Speaker 1: woman is what's between the legs. And I'm gonna leave 434 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:47,040 Speaker 1: it right there. Thank you for listening to another episode 435 00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:49,680 Speaker 1: of Carefully Rightless. We'll be back next Wednesday. Hump Day 436 00:21:50,080 --> 00:22:00,399 Speaker 1: and my deepest pan voice Pace and me, just you 437 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:03,680 Speaker 1: got your ass, nigger, Shut the fuck up. I've been 438 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:06,879 Speaker 1: out hit on my cash, sod you bout my hustle, 439 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:11,040 Speaker 1: I've been stop I don't do no Black Thing. Getting 440 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:17,560 Speaker 1: Carefully Reckless is a production of I heart Radio and 441 00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:20,600 Speaker 1: The Black Effect. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, 442 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:24,240 Speaker 1: visit the i heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever 443 00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:25,680 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.