WEBVTT - Pour Some Whine: Ask Jana Anything 0:00:01.880 --> 0:00:05.279 Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast. 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:11.280 I get so nervous on these episodes because Catherine is 0:00:11.280 --> 0:00:13.680 just over there, like I'm so excited, I'm so excited. 0:00:14.120 --> 0:00:16.680 I just don't like, we were supposed to have a 0:00:16.760 --> 0:00:24.560 guest today. Well, actually we should tease it because I 0:00:24.600 --> 0:00:26.920 think it's we No, we honestly should. So there was 0:00:28.280 --> 0:00:30.960 we were I was at your daughter's birthday party with 0:00:31.120 --> 0:00:33.560 my daughter. I was actually waiting to pick up Alan, 0:00:34.320 --> 0:00:35.920 and you just decided to hang out. Well because I 0:00:35.920 --> 0:00:37.239 had a baby stare something guy, I don't know how 0:00:37.280 --> 0:00:41.600 to do. It's like flight gut. It's like gut, like 0:00:41.680 --> 0:00:44.520 he missed his one connecting flight or whatever. And then 0:00:45.080 --> 0:00:46.440 you know when you just don't know, like when you 0:00:46.440 --> 0:00:48.920 because you always have something to do right and then 0:00:49.000 --> 0:00:51.279 you don't. I'm like, I guess I could go back 0:00:51.280 --> 0:00:52.919 and relieve the sitter and then just like have him 0:00:52.920 --> 0:00:54.680 to take an uber, But I'm like this, like what 0:00:54.720 --> 0:00:58.120 do I do? Instead? You hung out with like eight kids, 0:00:58.600 --> 0:01:02.040 the one at your house, but I know, but I 0:01:02.120 --> 0:01:05.480 led them through meditation that lasted one minute. Pretty impressive, 0:01:05.520 --> 0:01:08.880 A few seconds maybe, Uh that was fun though, but 0:01:08.880 --> 0:01:10.800 it was really cute because I took a little video 0:01:11.319 --> 0:01:14.080 of you and Nick and then I put the was 0:01:14.080 --> 0:01:21.199 at Whitney Houston. Yeah, And it's it's interesting because I don't, 0:01:21.480 --> 0:01:23.759 you know, I don't think people come to my stories 0:01:24.200 --> 0:01:26.120 all the time, right, So it's like I might get 0:01:26.160 --> 0:01:27.800 people that watch them every day, and then some people 0:01:27.840 --> 0:01:31.160 that just casually come in and watch them, or then 0:01:31.160 --> 0:01:32.760 maybe some that just like watch them. I don't know 0:01:32.800 --> 0:01:35.280 once a month, because I swear it'll be like I 0:01:35.400 --> 0:01:37.560 post or in New York for wine Down New York, 0:01:37.560 --> 0:01:39.319 New York, New York, and then like the next day 0:01:39.360 --> 0:01:42.720 you were in New York. I'm like, right, But also 0:01:42.760 --> 0:01:45.320 I'm like, okay, like you're obviously people you know don't 0:01:45.800 --> 0:01:49.040 aren't on their point whatever. Fine, But with you, it's 0:01:49.080 --> 0:01:53.600 interesting too because you said last year when which was 0:01:53.640 --> 0:01:57.040 when last gosh it would have been was it last summer? 0:01:57.240 --> 0:02:01.240 It would have been May is when we sat down, okay, 0:02:01.320 --> 0:02:04.320 so that you were gonna get a divorce. And then 0:02:04.440 --> 0:02:08.000 now you're not getting divorced. And so you said that 0:02:08.240 --> 0:02:11.320 talked about it, you know, about all that stuff, and 0:02:11.360 --> 0:02:13.400 then now people like I thought she was divorced and 0:02:14.000 --> 0:02:19.519 divorce is that her boyfriend and like her boyfriend, that's amazing. 0:02:19.919 --> 0:02:21.840 So and then like one the other night was like, wow, 0:02:21.880 --> 0:02:23.800 she moved fast, and I was like, like, this is 0:02:23.840 --> 0:02:28.120 her husband, y'all. So also if it was a new 0:02:28.200 --> 0:02:31.480 guy that was May, that was almost a year ago. Listen, 0:02:31.639 --> 0:02:33.800 I'm just saying it could be three years and someone's 0:02:33.840 --> 0:02:38.360 gonna say he moved too fast. Um. Oh that's so fun. 0:02:38.360 --> 0:02:40.799 I know. Like they said, you've had so many boyfriends. 0:02:40.840 --> 0:02:45.519 I'm like, I've too. Oh my gosh, have you heard 0:02:45.520 --> 0:02:49.840 of dating? Right? So it's just and then the people 0:02:49.880 --> 0:02:52.920 that have been invested I got. I mean truly my 0:02:53.000 --> 0:02:55.359 dams were blowing up that night, just going like I'm 0:02:55.360 --> 0:02:57.000 so proud of them. And then there's a few like 0:02:57.040 --> 0:03:00.760 are they I thought they were divorced? Or who's the boyfriend? Um? 0:03:00.800 --> 0:03:02.600 But then the other ones were like I would love 0:03:02.639 --> 0:03:06.040 to hear both of them talk about their story, what 0:03:06.160 --> 0:03:08.840 they've been through and how like some of the things 0:03:08.919 --> 0:03:12.720 that they noticed maybe the start of the pull away 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:15.600 or or then even how you guys came back together. 0:03:15.720 --> 0:03:20.120 And so I first asked Nick, because I mean, you 0:03:20.120 --> 0:03:23.360 guys have been on the podcast together, have we Yeah, 0:03:23.400 --> 0:03:27.720 became the studio in Nashville. Oh yeah, me and Mike. Wow, yeah, 0:03:27.760 --> 0:03:29.480 I forgot about that. Yeah, so you guys have like 0:03:29.800 --> 0:03:32.560 you guys have been on before, but this is obviously 0:03:32.800 --> 0:03:36.560 a more personal topic. And so I had said, like, hey, 0:03:37.560 --> 0:03:40.000 and Nick is like very much like me where a 0:03:40.040 --> 0:03:42.480 world just kind of talk to anybody. But having said that, 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:46.520 like this is a very personal, you know, situation and 0:03:46.720 --> 0:03:48.200 what you guys have gone through, I said, but there's 0:03:48.200 --> 0:03:49.880 a lot of people that really truly want to know, 0:03:49.920 --> 0:03:51.560 and I think it'd be really helpful for people, So 0:03:51.640 --> 0:03:54.960 like would you feel comfortable, you know, And we kind 0:03:54.960 --> 0:03:56.440 of just like talked around it, and then I was like, 0:03:56.440 --> 0:04:03.560 all right, I'm gonna tell next okay, which is funny 0:04:03.600 --> 0:04:05.280 because he kind of texted me on the side when 0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:08.600 he said that text he was like how do you 0:04:09.120 --> 0:04:10.880 feel of thoughts or how do you feel about this 0:04:11.000 --> 0:04:12.680 or something? And I was like, yeah, let's go. I 0:04:12.720 --> 0:04:13.840 was like, I'll talk about all of it, and he 0:04:13.880 --> 0:04:16.280 was like wait what he didn't expect me to. Well, 0:04:16.320 --> 0:04:18.200 it's so cool too, because like you've been like through 0:04:18.200 --> 0:04:20.279 the process to like opening up and I think you 0:04:20.360 --> 0:04:22.440 see how it truly and going out on the Windown 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:25.880 shows like how people do relate to you and connect 0:04:25.880 --> 0:04:28.800 to you, and so yeah, and I've had a lot 0:04:28.839 --> 0:04:31.400 of people message me and ask me like and it's 0:04:31.880 --> 0:04:34.160 been overwhelming in the sense that I don't know how 0:04:34.200 --> 0:04:37.320 to just like type out a little snippet of this 0:04:37.400 --> 0:04:39.359 is what's happened, this is how you know, because it's like, 0:04:39.360 --> 0:04:41.320 how did you fix it? And it's like it's I 0:04:41.320 --> 0:04:43.760 don't really know how to answer that question, and so 0:04:43.800 --> 0:04:45.520 I think it'll be better for us to sit down 0:04:45.720 --> 0:04:47.560 kind of talk through it, and then you can say, 0:04:47.839 --> 0:04:51.719 copy episode, copy and paste episode. Yeah, I can literally 0:04:51.880 --> 0:04:54.480 go listen to you because it's just, yeah, it's overwhelming 0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:56.200 and I want to respond to people, but it's not 0:04:56.240 --> 0:04:58.880 an easy response really. So next week we're going to 0:04:58.920 --> 0:05:00.839 have Kat and Nick on and they're going to share 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:04.559 their redemption story and we'll share all about it and 0:05:05.120 --> 0:05:07.520 a piece of something that I had to kind of 0:05:07.760 --> 0:05:13.200 say sorry on too. So it's gonna be oh yeah, 0:05:13.279 --> 0:05:18.000 yea yeah, but it's gonna be good. And so let's 0:05:18.240 --> 0:05:22.640 take a break and then we're gonna it's a Q 0:05:22.800 --> 0:05:25.160 and A episode. I have not looked at the questions yet, 0:05:26.440 --> 0:05:43.159 hats pumped, So stay tuned. Do I get to ask 0:05:43.200 --> 0:05:45.720 all of them want to see I'm not gonna look 0:05:45.720 --> 0:05:50.280 at them just to here we go, let's see what 0:05:50.480 --> 0:05:53.200 do I get a pass? Like when Mark's not on here? 0:05:53.640 --> 0:05:55.960 I think Mark left our show. I think he did. 0:05:56.240 --> 0:06:02.200 He just said like I'm out and he's dating she's happy. Fine, 0:06:02.240 --> 0:06:05.280 I'm not needed to cause problems. I do need to 0:06:05.560 --> 0:06:08.000 have him come back on just to be like because 0:06:08.040 --> 0:06:12.480 he was right with soccer he said he we haven't 0:06:12.480 --> 0:06:16.000 talked to him sense Hay, No, not since I've had 0:06:16.040 --> 0:06:18.600 a boyfriend. Oh, that's sad. Can we plan one when 0:06:18.640 --> 0:06:23.160 Mark's very well? I know? So here's my question questions 0:06:23.320 --> 0:06:27.720 or questions. First question is where do we start? Do 0:06:27.880 --> 0:06:32.360 we just go for it or do we Okay, we're 0:06:32.400 --> 0:06:35.560 going to start with number one right at the top 0:06:35.600 --> 0:06:41.160 of the load at the top. Um, Okay, we'll start here. 0:06:41.320 --> 0:06:44.839 Do you think your boyfriend Allan we'll ever be able 0:06:44.839 --> 0:06:53.360 to move to Nashville? Oh? Um? I think mm? Do 0:06:53.400 --> 0:06:56.720 I think he'll ever move to Nashville. So it's interesting 0:06:56.720 --> 0:07:00.960 because people have a lot of people when I started 0:07:01.040 --> 0:07:02.880 dating him, they were like, how is this going to work? 0:07:03.960 --> 0:07:08.600 And I think in the beginning I didn't really have 0:07:08.720 --> 0:07:11.000 that because I just was going to go have fun, 0:07:11.200 --> 0:07:14.560 right and see what this was going to be. And 0:07:14.600 --> 0:07:17.760 then you know, obviously as the time went on, it 0:07:17.800 --> 0:07:21.840 was one of those things where I thought, Okay, what 0:07:22.440 --> 0:07:26.000 could this be right? Because I can't move right now 0:07:26.120 --> 0:07:30.400 to England with my two kids. I don't think that 0:07:30.440 --> 0:07:33.520 would be fair at the age that they are, for 0:07:33.720 --> 0:07:38.680 you know, my acts and and all that, so what 0:07:38.800 --> 0:07:41.560 can what can you do right? And with his work too, 0:07:41.600 --> 0:07:43.640 it's one of those things where you know, he's a 0:07:43.640 --> 0:07:49.800 soccer coach, so he works in England, could potentially work 0:07:49.840 --> 0:07:53.480 here in the States. So I think it's I think 0:07:53.520 --> 0:07:55.760 that like the goal sure would be to be in 0:07:55.800 --> 0:07:58.640 the same place, but because of both of our jobs, 0:07:58.640 --> 0:08:03.600 we're always going to be traveling so much. So I 0:08:03.680 --> 0:08:06.880 basically told him, I'm like, listen, wherever you end up, 0:08:06.920 --> 0:08:11.080 whether it's in England or Ireland or Scotland or like 0:08:12.000 --> 0:08:15.679 you you make work what you want to make work. 0:08:16.800 --> 0:08:21.040 That makes sense. Yeah, So I'm not like you have 0:08:21.120 --> 0:08:26.400 to live in Nashville because we're still exploring the relationship. 0:08:26.600 --> 0:08:31.920 So I mean, in one day, sure that would probably 0:08:31.960 --> 0:08:34.040 be the that'd be great, But I always say I 0:08:34.080 --> 0:08:36.000 don't know if I'm going to be stay in Nashville. Sure, 0:08:36.120 --> 0:08:38.640 I love Nashville. I would love for this to always 0:08:38.679 --> 0:08:41.640 be home base. But what if I eventually get that 0:08:41.840 --> 0:08:45.560 eventually get that role, or I have to live in Atlanta. 0:08:47.640 --> 0:08:49.720 It's up there in the sky. I can just see 0:08:49.720 --> 0:08:52.839 it right there. I might be sixty by the time 0:08:52.880 --> 0:08:55.600 I finally get it, But I don't know, Like you're 0:08:55.600 --> 0:08:58.040 always willing to go where you need to. Yeah, but 0:08:58.080 --> 0:09:00.680 I would never uproot the kids. I'll say that too 0:09:00.800 --> 0:09:05.000 to the UK. Sure, so to make our relationship work, 0:09:05.120 --> 0:09:08.000 and again with again with his job too. There's a 0:09:08.000 --> 0:09:11.120 lot of months off, so like he could come here 0:09:11.120 --> 0:09:12.840 on the months that are off, so that those are 0:09:12.840 --> 0:09:16.320 the kind of conversations we're having right now. Sure, So, okay, 0:09:16.760 --> 0:09:19.079 good answer? Is it kind of answered a little, But 0:09:19.120 --> 0:09:20.480 at the same time, like you don't know for sure, 0:09:20.559 --> 0:09:24.199 you have no idea what's gonna And I'm not like 0:09:25.320 --> 0:09:28.240 stressing about that or anxiously being like, oh my gosh, 0:09:28.280 --> 0:09:30.240 like how is this going to work? It's like it 0:09:30.280 --> 0:09:33.000 will work if it's meant to work, and we will pieces, 0:09:33.000 --> 0:09:36.480 we'll all fit together. Yeah, it's meant too. I like that. 0:09:37.320 --> 0:09:40.560 How do you move on from someone you love but 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:44.199 no they are not good for you. How do you 0:09:44.480 --> 0:09:46.000 move on from someone you love but no they're not 0:09:46.040 --> 0:09:48.800 good for you. I'll let you start that one. How 0:09:48.880 --> 0:09:50.680 do you move on from someone you love but no 0:09:50.760 --> 0:09:53.440 they aren't good for you? Man, that's hard. I could 0:09:53.440 --> 0:09:57.560 feel like that's a your heart. Your brain knows it, 0:09:57.960 --> 0:10:02.240 but your heart doesn't know how to follow it kind 0:10:02.240 --> 0:10:09.559 of thing, if that makes sense. Um, time boundaries, I mean, 0:10:09.600 --> 0:10:14.520 I think all you can do is give space and time. Really, 0:10:15.280 --> 0:10:19.320 I mean, how do you It's not overnight, it's not quick, 0:10:19.520 --> 0:10:24.080 it's not I hate the time answer so much, but 0:10:24.160 --> 0:10:26.880 that's just what it is. Yeah, I mean I do too. Yeah, 0:10:26.880 --> 0:10:29.800 but when I think back to relationships, I've had that situation, 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:34.240 whether it be friendships or relationship with a man or whatever. 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:39.960 Like it truly time. Relationship with a man, a friendship, 0:10:40.400 --> 0:10:43.480 a friendship woman or whatever, whether it be a relationship 0:10:43.600 --> 0:10:48.199 or a friendship. Um, it truly just took time because 0:10:48.200 --> 0:10:51.400 it hurts so much at first. Yeah, and your heart 0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:55.360 has a hard time. I think time reveals a lot 0:10:55.400 --> 0:11:01.360 too about who, about the situation and the person. And 0:11:02.480 --> 0:11:04.920 I think if there's if you're if you're still years 0:11:05.280 --> 0:11:11.080 past and you're still thinking about this person. Like that's tough. 0:11:11.800 --> 0:11:13.880 Like there was one person that I had thought about 0:11:13.960 --> 0:11:18.040 for years, I mean years. He's who I wrote Why 0:11:18.080 --> 0:11:20.400 You Wana About? I knowd it Wright way Wan who 0:11:20.400 --> 0:11:22.520 was saying why you wanna about? Right? I mean I 0:11:22.679 --> 0:11:26.800 thought about him in relationships for you, even when I 0:11:26.840 --> 0:11:29.480 was in relationships years and you knew he wasn't good 0:11:29.480 --> 0:11:34.160 for you, But I didn't really know until I knew 0:11:34.240 --> 0:11:38.600 more about myself. So like now I can go, oh, no, 0:11:38.679 --> 0:11:41.480 we would have never worked because now I've learned more 0:11:41.480 --> 0:11:43.640 about myself. So you just truly didn't know that at 0:11:43.679 --> 0:11:46.880 the time. So I think too, like once you grow, 0:11:47.240 --> 0:11:49.400 like once you learn more about yourself, and once you 0:11:49.480 --> 0:11:51.600 once you heal and grow into someone like that person 0:11:52.120 --> 0:11:55.760 ends up being someone that I wouldn't have liked certain things, 0:11:56.280 --> 0:11:59.559 and it wouldn't I just don't think it would have worked. Yeah, 0:11:59.559 --> 0:12:03.800 oh yeah, no, it would not have worked. Oh but 0:12:03.920 --> 0:12:06.520 did I Oh man, I mean I was. I was 0:12:06.520 --> 0:12:09.400 obsessed with them for a minute. Isn't it funny how 0:12:09.440 --> 0:12:12.600 people on the outside are just like, no, obviously, right 0:12:14.400 --> 0:12:17.000 for ten years, I've been like, I mean, I have 0:12:17.000 --> 0:12:19.920 a day to do that looked very similar to him. 0:12:20.000 --> 0:12:26.480 Uh I'm trying to think it looked like him. Oh yes, yes, 0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:30.959 uh huh, yep. Oh man, Okay, so I think, yes, 0:12:31.200 --> 0:12:34.679 unfortunately that is yucky. Is I mean I was yucky? Is? 0:12:35.400 --> 0:12:41.160 Time is the biggest indicator. I think to really see 0:12:41.720 --> 0:12:48.319 a you know, the situation in the person, and every 0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:52.840 day gets a little easier. I think, yeah, yeah, okay, 0:12:53.960 --> 0:12:56.480 this is a good question. Any advice on how to 0:12:56.520 --> 0:12:59.840 make adult friendships? I find I found it super hard 0:13:00.000 --> 0:13:03.480 since I moved to California. This is so hard. I 0:13:03.520 --> 0:13:06.559 was actually just talking to a girlfriend, or not even 0:13:06.600 --> 0:13:08.880 a girlfriend. I just met her, but it's a girlfriend. 0:13:09.360 --> 0:13:13.640 It was one of Alan's friends wives, and she goes 0:13:13.840 --> 0:13:17.440 really hard to meet women at this age. She's like, 0:13:17.440 --> 0:13:19.839 and it usually takes she said, it's usually takes two 0:13:20.000 --> 0:13:24.400 years to get into someone's circle. Oh wow, yeah, because 0:13:24.440 --> 0:13:27.040 we've already had her. We already have our kind of cliques. Actually, 0:13:27.040 --> 0:13:28.760 they were like our groups or our tribe or whatever 0:13:28.760 --> 0:13:30.680 you want to call them. And so to have someone 0:13:30.720 --> 0:13:33.000 else come in, it's like it's a little bit harder. 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:36.439 And also we don't have that much time to write. Yeah, 0:13:36.480 --> 0:13:40.080 it's hard enough getting queendom together, ye, and getting you know, 0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:42.880 our yuku group together, So it's just to add on 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:44.360 another thing. It's like I kind of just want to 0:13:44.360 --> 0:13:48.120 be yeah, quiet and alone too. Yeah. And that's hard 0:13:48.160 --> 0:13:50.960 because then if you think though from like that point 0:13:50.960 --> 0:13:54.959 of view where you've just moved and you don't have 0:13:55.000 --> 0:13:57.719 any friends where you're at, how hard that would be 0:13:57.720 --> 0:14:00.439 because so many people already have their stuff, they already 0:14:00.440 --> 0:14:02.000 have their friends, they already have said they don't have 0:14:02.040 --> 0:14:04.520 the time, and so to try and like get into 0:14:04.600 --> 0:14:07.760 that that's tough. That would be hard. I wouldn't I 0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:11.320 don't envy that position for sure. I would just say 0:14:11.559 --> 0:14:13.680 you'll end up, you'll find your people, but you don't 0:14:13.679 --> 0:14:15.800 want to be you don't want to force yourself into 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:18.040 the wrong people just because you want to have that connection. 0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:20.920 So sometimes it's like maybe you just need to face 0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:23.640 time with your friends from home, yeah for a minute, 0:14:24.080 --> 0:14:26.520 and then find someone you know and then just honestly, 0:14:27.680 --> 0:14:29.840 there's a friendship. And I don't want to call it out, 0:14:29.880 --> 0:14:33.320 but there's been someone who has really just stayed consistent, 0:14:33.800 --> 0:14:35.600 which then because I have a hard time letting some 0:14:35.760 --> 0:14:38.920 certain people in, but when the person that stayed consistent. 0:14:38.960 --> 0:14:41.680 I started to trust. So if like they if they 0:14:41.880 --> 0:14:46.680 show up and they're consistent with their friendship, then I'm like, okay, yeah, 0:14:46.720 --> 0:14:50.240 So if you yeah, if you stay consistent and tax 0:14:50.520 --> 0:14:53.480 ask and like you want to like that, I think 0:14:53.480 --> 0:14:56.200 that goes a long way if you're trying to get in. Yeah, 0:14:56.200 --> 0:14:58.800 that's a good point. What is the most impactful thing 0:14:58.840 --> 0:15:02.720 you've learned in therapy? Oh gosh, what is the most 0:15:05.200 --> 0:15:12.400 That Almost everything that happens as an adult goes back 0:15:12.440 --> 0:15:17.360 to childhood. Yeah, I mean my reactions to anything and 0:15:17.640 --> 0:15:21.240 everything I could now pinpoint to something from when I 0:15:21.320 --> 0:15:24.840 was a child. Why I react the way they do? Wait, 0:15:25.040 --> 0:15:29.200 why I feel the way I do? And it's empowering 0:15:29.280 --> 0:15:31.440 to really know that, But at the same time, it's 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:37.360 like super frustrating for me. I get very frustrated with that. Well, like, 0:15:37.720 --> 0:15:40.240 for instance, like I have like a little like tiff 0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:42.920 with some of my cheer mom friends right now, and 0:15:45.040 --> 0:15:47.400 it's really the girls, Wait, do they listen to this? 0:15:47.840 --> 0:15:50.560 Probably it's okay, it's not. I mean, it's not like 0:15:50.600 --> 0:15:54.160 we've been talking through it. But they know me well 0:15:54.280 --> 0:15:56.960 enough to know that, Like I'm going to say something 0:15:57.000 --> 0:15:59.560 I want to talk it out right, and we've handled 0:15:59.560 --> 0:16:01.840 it very well. But what I realized about myself it's 0:16:01.840 --> 0:16:04.640 like in that moment, I'm like, I am being triggered 0:16:05.640 --> 0:16:11.080 because of childhood stuff. Interesting, you're being triggered because of 0:16:11.160 --> 0:16:14.040 childhood stuff. And it's like so frustrating to me because 0:16:14.040 --> 0:16:16.800 it's like I want to tell myself just like you're 0:16:16.800 --> 0:16:19.160 being triggered because it like let it go or you 0:16:19.200 --> 0:16:21.160 know whatever, like you don't have to talk this out 0:16:21.240 --> 0:16:23.760 or you don't you know whatever. It's just just very frustrating. 0:16:23.800 --> 0:16:25.960 I feel stuck in that sometimes. Can I ask what 0:16:26.040 --> 0:16:28.720 the problem is or the issue? Yeah, we just have 0:16:29.360 --> 0:16:33.960 you know, girls have grown up together cheering together. Age 0:16:34.000 --> 0:16:39.440 differences are very different. You know, We've got two that 0:16:39.480 --> 0:16:41.760 are close in age. They're clearly very best friends, and 0:16:41.800 --> 0:16:44.040 now we have an older one who's always been very 0:16:44.040 --> 0:16:47.360 good friends with them, but is now kind of only 0:16:47.400 --> 0:16:49.400 wanting to hang out with one of them and kind 0:16:49.440 --> 0:16:52.560 of causing some riffs there. But the older one and 0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:55.120 my daughter are on the same cheer team, they're in 0:16:55.120 --> 0:16:57.080 the same stunt group, and it gets to be a 0:16:57.080 --> 0:16:59.760 problem and they start arguing and they start blaming, and 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:03.120 already a sport. That's easy to do that anyway, and 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:06.080 so it's just something you know. I finally was like, 0:17:06.200 --> 0:17:08.920 but we have all the parents are friends. So then 0:17:08.960 --> 0:17:11.720 they start talking within and I'm like, okay, so I'm 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:13.560 hearing this like what do I need to deal with? 0:17:13.600 --> 0:17:16.440 What do I not? And it's just like, but I 0:17:16.480 --> 0:17:20.800 just am very sensitive to being left out. I'll admit it. 0:17:20.800 --> 0:17:25.040 It has been from childhood. I just and so when 0:17:25.040 --> 0:17:27.040 it happens to my daughter or if I feel that way, 0:17:27.080 --> 0:17:30.119 like it just triggers me and I hate it. I 0:17:30.160 --> 0:17:31.919 wish I was one of those, like one of our friends. 0:17:32.119 --> 0:17:34.240 I'm like, how do you just like let it roll off? Beatus? 0:17:34.240 --> 0:17:35.399 I don't care. They want to hang out with me. 0:17:35.480 --> 0:17:36.960 They want to hang out with me, and I'm just like, god, 0:17:36.960 --> 0:17:39.120 I wish I was like that. I'm just not what 0:17:39.200 --> 0:17:41.240 piece of childhood, like, where did you feel left out? 0:17:41.640 --> 0:17:45.359 So I had, like my entire childhood there was three 0:17:45.359 --> 0:17:48.080 of us, which is never good. Three best friends growing 0:17:48.160 --> 0:17:50.840 up next door to each other. And for whatever reason, 0:17:51.080 --> 0:17:53.959 I think because my parents worked more, they were stricter, 0:17:54.080 --> 0:17:56.119 I wasn't able to hang out as much. It was 0:17:56.200 --> 0:17:59.480 definitely more too on one against me and it was 0:17:59.520 --> 0:18:01.159 just one of them is that we dealt with my 0:18:01.400 --> 0:18:04.000 entire childhood, and it was just like I came home 0:18:04.000 --> 0:18:06.760 in tears every day and like you know, and so 0:18:06.880 --> 0:18:09.399 and then from that it was kind of a family 0:18:09.440 --> 0:18:12.040 of just suck it up, you know. And so now 0:18:12.119 --> 0:18:14.760 I'm trying to weigh like telling Emmy to suck it up. 0:18:14.800 --> 0:18:16.520 It's part of life. You're going to get left out, 0:18:16.880 --> 0:18:19.919 but then also trying the other side be soft to 0:18:20.000 --> 0:18:21.400 it and not tell her to just suck it up, 0:18:21.440 --> 0:18:25.840 like your feelings matter and you know all the things. Yeah, 0:18:25.960 --> 0:18:28.520 three and a friendship is tough, and the feeling left out. 0:18:28.600 --> 0:18:33.800 That's it was a Mary and Lindsay where the two 0:18:33.800 --> 0:18:35.680 in my neighborhood, and I was the third so Mary, 0:18:36.000 --> 0:18:38.639 so me and Lindsay were really tight, but Lindsay was 0:18:38.680 --> 0:18:41.159 really tight with Mary. So it was always Mary and Lindsay. 0:18:41.240 --> 0:18:42.760 And then I kind of felt like the outside. So 0:18:42.800 --> 0:18:44.760 my MoMA said, never hang out with a group of three. 0:18:45.080 --> 0:18:47.160 And so it's happening in my neighborhood now with Jolie 0:18:47.760 --> 0:18:50.479 where I'm like, shoot, like three is tough. It is. 0:18:50.760 --> 0:18:53.440 So there's like there's two friends and then she's kind 0:18:53.440 --> 0:18:57.159 of like lately been like the third and it's like, 0:18:57.280 --> 0:18:59.919 oh man, like we got to either get a four 0:19:00.160 --> 0:19:03.920 thin or find her or someone else that's like a buddy. Yeah. 0:19:04.359 --> 0:19:07.000 It's strong, too hard, and when your your kids feel 0:19:07.040 --> 0:19:09.720 left out, you just it just kills your heart. Yeah, 0:19:10.000 --> 0:19:13.040 and because you remember how it feels like it was yesterday. 0:19:13.160 --> 0:19:16.359 Yeah yeah, and I still And the problem is is I, 0:19:16.440 --> 0:19:20.600 as an adult, still feel that way. Uh. Same. And 0:19:20.760 --> 0:19:23.040 I envy those that are just like, I mean there 0:19:23.080 --> 0:19:25.200 are some people they are truly like cool, but I 0:19:25.240 --> 0:19:26.480 don't want to hang out with me. I'm just like, 0:19:26.720 --> 0:19:28.800 why does that not hurt your feelings? I just like 0:19:28.880 --> 0:19:32.440 to be invited? Yeah, same, yeah, same, I mean yeah, 0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:36.879 that's the piece where yeah, just because it's like, well, 0:19:36.880 --> 0:19:39.200 why don't they did I do something wrong? They not 0:19:39.400 --> 0:19:41.399 like me? Or yeah, it takes us back to our 0:19:41.480 --> 0:19:44.080 childhood wounds in our childhood, like but why like why 0:19:44.080 --> 0:19:48.119 did they? Yeah? Absolutely, man, it's it's tough. We should 0:19:48.119 --> 0:19:51.280 get hypnotized to not have that problem. Please, I would 0:19:51.359 --> 0:19:54.440 love to take that away. She would, Grace would be 0:19:54.440 --> 0:19:56.880 great with up. Actually, I think that's something where it's yeah, 0:19:57.000 --> 0:20:00.400 just to be like okay, yeah, like I'm I'm sensitive 0:20:00.400 --> 0:20:03.760 and I'll admit it, but you know, we should do 0:20:03.840 --> 0:20:06.760 that cheer show we were talking about. I was literally thinking, 0:20:06.760 --> 0:20:08.639 I'm like, where are the cameras? Right? We need we 0:20:08.720 --> 0:20:12.080 need to do that treatment because that would be great. 0:20:13.400 --> 0:20:16.760 I could get I'm telling you, we love and we 0:20:16.840 --> 0:20:18.640 have a great group of people and a great group 0:20:18.680 --> 0:20:22.120 of moms. But it can get I can get interested. 0:20:22.200 --> 0:20:25.399 Oh I want to watch it's so bad. So we're like, 0:20:25.400 --> 0:20:27.200 we're gonna we need to write that treatment. That would 0:20:27.200 --> 0:20:28.960 be good. We'll write that for sure, that would be 0:20:29.040 --> 0:20:30.720 really good. All right, Well, but no, it's true that 0:20:30.720 --> 0:20:32.040 I mean to go back to that question. I mean, 0:20:32.040 --> 0:20:33.920 everything truly does go back to child too trauma. And 0:20:33.960 --> 0:20:37.520 I think that's why when you you know that's that's 0:20:37.560 --> 0:20:39.399 the first thing, and it's like you just go hugging 0:20:39.480 --> 0:20:42.240 that whatever age because there's an age, whatever age that 0:20:42.400 --> 0:20:45.440 is that that was your first impactful moment. Like I'm six, 0:20:45.480 --> 0:20:47.320 so it's like always hot when she scares me with 0:20:47.359 --> 0:20:49.199 Joe Las she's seven, I'm like, God, what did I 0:20:49.240 --> 0:20:52.399 do when she was at six or seven? Man? I 0:20:52.440 --> 0:20:54.359 love that. I don't know the age. Yeah, so you 0:20:54.400 --> 0:20:57.520 go back to the age and that's who That's who 0:20:57.560 --> 0:20:59.640 you become when you're with Nick, when you're with your 0:20:59.680 --> 0:21:01.840 girl friends, when you're that is the age. So like 0:21:02.160 --> 0:21:04.960 when we were in therapy with my ex, it was 0:21:05.000 --> 0:21:07.240 a six and a fourteen year old fighting against each other. 0:21:07.560 --> 0:21:09.119 My six year old is wanting to be loved. His 0:21:09.200 --> 0:21:11.320 fourteen year old is wanting to like you know, like 0:21:11.400 --> 0:21:15.800 not be controlled. And yeah, wow, can you be multiple 0:21:15.840 --> 0:21:19.600 ages with different like traumas and different I'm sure, but 0:21:19.640 --> 0:21:22.200 there's one that's going to be the most interesting. Okay, 0:21:22.200 --> 0:21:25.160 I'm gonna dig into that. Yeah, because it's like that's 0:21:25.200 --> 0:21:27.719 where you then start you turn it and go you 0:21:27.760 --> 0:21:29.520 have empathy and you basically this is what I learned 0:21:29.680 --> 0:21:32.200 on site. You talk to that six year old little 0:21:32.240 --> 0:21:33.800 girl like what did you want to hear in that 0:21:33.840 --> 0:21:36.360 moment when you got scared from dad? Like why did 0:21:36.359 --> 0:21:38.560 you not feel safe? And like what do you want 0:21:38.600 --> 0:21:40.880