1
00:00:01,880 --> 00:00:05,279
Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast.

2
00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:11,280
Speaker 1: I get so nervous on these episodes because Catherine is

3
00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:13,680
Speaker 1: just over there, like I'm so excited, I'm so excited.

4
00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:16,680
Speaker 1: I just don't like, we were supposed to have a

5
00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:24,560
Speaker 1: guest today. Well, actually we should tease it because I

6
00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:26,920
Speaker 1: think it's we No, we honestly should. So there was

7
00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:30,960
Speaker 1: we were I was at your daughter's birthday party with

8
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,560
Speaker 1: my daughter. I was actually waiting to pick up Alan,

9
00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:35,920
Speaker 1: and you just decided to hang out. Well because I

10
00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:37,239
Speaker 1: had a baby stare something guy, I don't know how

11
00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:41,600
Speaker 1: to do. It's like flight gut. It's like gut, like

12
00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:44,520
Speaker 1: he missed his one connecting flight or whatever. And then

13
00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:46,440
Speaker 1: you know when you just don't know, like when you

14
00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,920
Speaker 1: because you always have something to do right and then

15
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:51,279
Speaker 1: you don't. I'm like, I guess I could go back

16
00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:52,919
Speaker 1: and relieve the sitter and then just like have him

17
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,680
Speaker 1: to take an uber, But I'm like this, like what

18
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:58,120
Speaker 1: do I do? Instead? You hung out with like eight kids,

19
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:02,040
Speaker 1: the one at your house, but I know, but I

20
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:05,480
Speaker 1: led them through meditation that lasted one minute. Pretty impressive,

21
00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:08,880
Speaker 1: A few seconds maybe, Uh that was fun though, but

22
00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:10,800
Speaker 1: it was really cute because I took a little video

23
00:01:11,319 --> 00:01:14,080
Speaker 1: of you and Nick and then I put the was

24
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:21,199
Speaker 1: at Whitney Houston. Yeah, And it's it's interesting because I don't,

25
00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:23,759
Speaker 1: you know, I don't think people come to my stories

26
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:26,120
Speaker 1: all the time, right, So it's like I might get

27
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:27,800
Speaker 1: people that watch them every day, and then some people

28
00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:31,160
Speaker 1: that just casually come in and watch them, or then

29
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:32,760
Speaker 1: maybe some that just like watch them. I don't know

30
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:35,280
Speaker 1: once a month, because I swear it'll be like I

31
00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:37,560
Speaker 1: post or in New York for wine Down New York,

32
00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:39,319
Speaker 1: New York, New York, and then like the next day

33
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:42,720
Speaker 1: you were in New York. I'm like, right, But also

34
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:45,320
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, like you're obviously people you know don't

35
00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:49,040
Speaker 1: aren't on their point whatever. Fine, But with you, it's

36
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:53,600
Speaker 1: interesting too because you said last year when which was

37
00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:57,040
Speaker 1: when last gosh it would have been was it last summer?

38
00:01:57,240 --> 00:02:01,240
Speaker 1: It would have been May is when we sat down, okay,

39
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,320
Speaker 1: so that you were gonna get a divorce. And then

40
00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:08,000
Speaker 1: now you're not getting divorced. And so you said that

41
00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:11,320
Speaker 1: talked about it, you know, about all that stuff, and

42
00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:13,400
Speaker 1: then now people like I thought she was divorced and

43
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:19,519
Speaker 1: divorce is that her boyfriend and like her boyfriend, that's amazing.

44
00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:21,840
Speaker 1: So and then like one the other night was like, wow,

45
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:23,800
Speaker 1: she moved fast, and I was like, like, this is

46
00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:28,120
Speaker 1: her husband, y'all. So also if it was a new

47
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:31,480
Speaker 1: guy that was May, that was almost a year ago. Listen,

48
00:02:31,639 --> 00:02:33,800
Speaker 1: I'm just saying it could be three years and someone's

49
00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:38,360
Speaker 1: gonna say he moved too fast. Um. Oh that's so fun.

50
00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:40,799
Speaker 1: I know. Like they said, you've had so many boyfriends.

51
00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:45,519
Speaker 1: I'm like, I've too. Oh my gosh, have you heard

52
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:49,840
Speaker 1: of dating? Right? So it's just and then the people

53
00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:52,920
Speaker 1: that have been invested I got. I mean truly my

54
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,359
Speaker 1: dams were blowing up that night, just going like I'm

55
00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:57,000
Speaker 1: so proud of them. And then there's a few like

56
00:02:57,040 --> 00:03:00,760
Speaker 1: are they I thought they were divorced? Or who's the boyfriend? Um?

57
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,600
Speaker 1: But then the other ones were like I would love

58
00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:06,040
Speaker 1: to hear both of them talk about their story, what

59
00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,840
Speaker 1: they've been through and how like some of the things

60
00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:12,720
Speaker 1: that they noticed maybe the start of the pull away

61
00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:15,600
Speaker 1: or or then even how you guys came back together.

62
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:20,120
Speaker 1: And so I first asked Nick, because I mean, you

63
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:23,360
Speaker 1: guys have been on the podcast together, have we Yeah,

64
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:27,720
Speaker 1: became the studio in Nashville. Oh yeah, me and Mike. Wow, yeah,

65
00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:29,480
Speaker 1: I forgot about that. Yeah, so you guys have like

66
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,560
Speaker 1: you guys have been on before, but this is obviously

67
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:36,560
Speaker 1: a more personal topic. And so I had said, like, hey,

68
00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:40,000
Speaker 1: and Nick is like very much like me where a

69
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:42,480
Speaker 1: world just kind of talk to anybody. But having said that,

70
00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:46,520
Speaker 1: like this is a very personal, you know, situation and

71
00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:48,200
Speaker 1: what you guys have gone through, I said, but there's

72
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:49,880
Speaker 1: a lot of people that really truly want to know,

73
00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:51,560
Speaker 1: and I think it'd be really helpful for people, So

74
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:54,960
Speaker 1: like would you feel comfortable, you know, And we kind

75
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,440
Speaker 1: of just like talked around it, and then I was like,

76
00:03:56,440 --> 00:04:03,560
Speaker 1: all right, I'm gonna tell next okay, which is funny

77
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,280
Speaker 1: because he kind of texted me on the side when

78
00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:08,600
Speaker 1: he said that text he was like how do you

79
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:10,880
Speaker 1: feel of thoughts or how do you feel about this

80
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,680
Speaker 1: or something? And I was like, yeah, let's go. I

81
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:13,840
Speaker 1: was like, I'll talk about all of it, and he

82
00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:16,280
Speaker 1: was like wait what he didn't expect me to. Well,

83
00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:18,200
Speaker 1: it's so cool too, because like you've been like through

84
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,279
Speaker 1: the process to like opening up and I think you

85
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,440
Speaker 1: see how it truly and going out on the Windown

86
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,880
Speaker 1: shows like how people do relate to you and connect

87
00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,800
Speaker 1: to you, and so yeah, and I've had a lot

88
00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:31,400
Speaker 1: of people message me and ask me like and it's

89
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:34,160
Speaker 1: been overwhelming in the sense that I don't know how

90
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:37,320
Speaker 1: to just like type out a little snippet of this

91
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,359
Speaker 1: is what's happened, this is how you know, because it's like,

92
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,320
Speaker 1: how did you fix it? And it's like it's I

93
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,760
Speaker 1: don't really know how to answer that question, and so

94
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,520
Speaker 1: I think it'll be better for us to sit down

95
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,560
Speaker 1: kind of talk through it, and then you can say,

96
00:04:47,839 --> 00:04:51,719
Speaker 1: copy episode, copy and paste episode. Yeah, I can literally

97
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:54,480
Speaker 1: go listen to you because it's just, yeah, it's overwhelming

98
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,200
Speaker 1: and I want to respond to people, but it's not

99
00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:58,880
Speaker 1: an easy response really. So next week we're going to

100
00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:00,839
Speaker 1: have Kat and Nick on and they're going to share

101
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:04,559
Speaker 1: their redemption story and we'll share all about it and

102
00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,520
Speaker 1: a piece of something that I had to kind of

103
00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:13,200
Speaker 1: say sorry on too. So it's gonna be oh yeah,

104
00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:18,000
Speaker 1: yea yeah, but it's gonna be good. And so let's

105
00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:22,640
Speaker 1: take a break and then we're gonna it's a Q

106
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,160
Speaker 1: and A episode. I have not looked at the questions yet,

107
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:43,159
Speaker 1: hats pumped, So stay tuned. Do I get to ask

108
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,720
Speaker 1: all of them want to see I'm not gonna look

109
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:50,280
Speaker 1: at them just to here we go, let's see what

110
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,200
Speaker 1: do I get a pass? Like when Mark's not on here?

111
00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:55,960
Speaker 1: I think Mark left our show. I think he did.

112
00:05:56,240 --> 00:06:02,200
Speaker 1: He just said like I'm out and he's dating she's happy. Fine,

113
00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:05,280
Speaker 1: I'm not needed to cause problems. I do need to

114
00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:08,000
Speaker 1: have him come back on just to be like because

115
00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:12,480
Speaker 1: he was right with soccer he said he we haven't

116
00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:16,000
Speaker 1: talked to him sense Hay, No, not since I've had

117
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:18,600
Speaker 1: a boyfriend. Oh, that's sad. Can we plan one when

118
00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:23,160
Speaker 1: Mark's very well? I know? So here's my question questions

119
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:27,720
Speaker 1: or questions. First question is where do we start? Do

120
00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:32,360
Speaker 1: we just go for it or do we Okay, we're

121
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:35,560
Speaker 1: going to start with number one right at the top

122
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:41,160
Speaker 1: of the load at the top. Um, Okay, we'll start here.

123
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:44,839
Speaker 1: Do you think your boyfriend Allan we'll ever be able

124
00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:53,360
Speaker 1: to move to Nashville? Oh? Um? I think mm? Do

125
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,720
Speaker 1: I think he'll ever move to Nashville. So it's interesting

126
00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:00,960
Speaker 1: because people have a lot of people when I started

127
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:02,880
Speaker 1: dating him, they were like, how is this going to work?

128
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:08,600
Speaker 1: And I think in the beginning I didn't really have

129
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,000
Speaker 1: that because I just was going to go have fun,

130
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:14,560
Speaker 1: right and see what this was going to be. And

131
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,760
Speaker 1: then you know, obviously as the time went on, it

132
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:21,840
Speaker 1: was one of those things where I thought, Okay, what

133
00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:26,000
Speaker 1: could this be right? Because I can't move right now

134
00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:30,400
Speaker 1: to England with my two kids. I don't think that

135
00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:33,520
Speaker 1: would be fair at the age that they are, for

136
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:38,680
Speaker 1: you know, my acts and and all that, so what

137
00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:41,560
Speaker 1: can what can you do right? And with his work too,

138
00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,640
Speaker 1: it's one of those things where you know, he's a

139
00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:49,800
Speaker 1: soccer coach, so he works in England, could potentially work

140
00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:53,480
Speaker 1: here in the States. So I think it's I think

141
00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:55,760
Speaker 1: that like the goal sure would be to be in

142
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:58,640
Speaker 1: the same place, but because of both of our jobs,

143
00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:03,600
Speaker 1: we're always going to be traveling so much. So I

144
00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:06,880
Speaker 1: basically told him, I'm like, listen, wherever you end up,

145
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:11,080
Speaker 1: whether it's in England or Ireland or Scotland or like

146
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:15,679
Speaker 1: you you make work what you want to make work.

147
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:21,040
Speaker 1: That makes sense. Yeah, So I'm not like you have

148
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:26,400
Speaker 1: to live in Nashville because we're still exploring the relationship.

149
00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:31,920
Speaker 1: So I mean, in one day, sure that would probably

150
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:34,040
Speaker 1: be the that'd be great, But I always say I

151
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,000
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm going to be stay in Nashville. Sure,

152
00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:38,640
Speaker 1: I love Nashville. I would love for this to always

153
00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:41,640
Speaker 1: be home base. But what if I eventually get that

154
00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:45,560
Speaker 1: eventually get that role, or I have to live in Atlanta.

155
00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:49,720
Speaker 1: It's up there in the sky. I can just see

156
00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:52,839
Speaker 1: it right there. I might be sixty by the time

157
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,600
Speaker 1: I finally get it, But I don't know, Like you're

158
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:58,040
Speaker 1: always willing to go where you need to. Yeah, but

159
00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,680
Speaker 1: I would never uproot the kids. I'll say that too

160
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:05,000
Speaker 1: to the UK. Sure, so to make our relationship work,

161
00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:08,000
Speaker 1: and again with again with his job too. There's a

162
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:11,120
Speaker 1: lot of months off, so like he could come here

163
00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:12,840
Speaker 1: on the months that are off, so that those are

164
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:16,320
Speaker 1: the kind of conversations we're having right now. Sure, So, okay,

165
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,079
Speaker 1: good answer? Is it kind of answered a little, But

166
00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:20,480
Speaker 1: at the same time, like you don't know for sure,

167
00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:24,199
Speaker 1: you have no idea what's gonna And I'm not like

168
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:28,240
Speaker 1: stressing about that or anxiously being like, oh my gosh,

169
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,240
Speaker 1: like how is this going to work? It's like it

170
00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:33,000
Speaker 1: will work if it's meant to work, and we will pieces,

171
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:36,480
Speaker 1: we'll all fit together. Yeah, it's meant too. I like that.

172
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:40,560
Speaker 1: How do you move on from someone you love but

173
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:44,199
Speaker 1: no they are not good for you. How do you

174
00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,000
Speaker 1: move on from someone you love but no they're not

175
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:48,800
Speaker 1: good for you. I'll let you start that one. How

176
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,680
Speaker 1: do you move on from someone you love but no

177
00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:53,440
Speaker 1: they aren't good for you? Man, that's hard. I could

178
00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:57,560
Speaker 1: feel like that's a your heart. Your brain knows it,

179
00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:02,240
Speaker 1: but your heart doesn't know how to follow it kind

180
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:09,559
Speaker 1: of thing, if that makes sense. Um, time boundaries, I mean,

181
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:14,520
Speaker 1: I think all you can do is give space and time. Really,

182
00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:19,320
Speaker 1: I mean, how do you It's not overnight, it's not quick,

183
00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:24,080
Speaker 1: it's not I hate the time answer so much, but

184
00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:26,880
Speaker 1: that's just what it is. Yeah, I mean I do too. Yeah,

185
00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:29,800
Speaker 1: but when I think back to relationships, I've had that situation,

186
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:34,240
Speaker 1: whether it be friendships or relationship with a man or whatever.

187
00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:39,960
Speaker 1: Like it truly time. Relationship with a man, a friendship,

188
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,480
Speaker 1: a friendship woman or whatever, whether it be a relationship

189
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:48,199
Speaker 1: or a friendship. Um, it truly just took time because

190
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:51,400
Speaker 1: it hurts so much at first. Yeah, and your heart

191
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:55,360
Speaker 1: has a hard time. I think time reveals a lot

192
00:10:55,400 --> 00:11:01,360
Speaker 1: too about who, about the situation and the person. And

193
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,920
Speaker 1: I think if there's if you're if you're still years

194
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:11,080
Speaker 1: past and you're still thinking about this person. Like that's tough.

195
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:13,880
Speaker 1: Like there was one person that I had thought about

196
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:18,040
Speaker 1: for years, I mean years. He's who I wrote Why

197
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:20,400
Speaker 1: You Wana About? I knowd it Wright way Wan who

198
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,520
Speaker 1: was saying why you wanna about? Right? I mean I

199
00:11:22,679 --> 00:11:26,800
Speaker 1: thought about him in relationships for you, even when I

200
00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:29,480
Speaker 1: was in relationships years and you knew he wasn't good

201
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:34,160
Speaker 1: for you, But I didn't really know until I knew

202
00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:38,600
Speaker 1: more about myself. So like now I can go, oh, no,

203
00:11:38,679 --> 00:11:41,480
Speaker 1: we would have never worked because now I've learned more

204
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,640
Speaker 1: about myself. So you just truly didn't know that at

205
00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:46,880
Speaker 1: the time. So I think too, like once you grow,

206
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,400
Speaker 1: like once you learn more about yourself, and once you

207
00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:51,600
Speaker 1: once you heal and grow into someone like that person

208
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:55,760
Speaker 1: ends up being someone that I wouldn't have liked certain things,

209
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:59,559
Speaker 1: and it wouldn't I just don't think it would have worked. Yeah,

210
00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:03,800
Speaker 1: oh yeah, no, it would not have worked. Oh but

211
00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:06,520
Speaker 1: did I Oh man, I mean I was. I was

212
00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:09,400
Speaker 1: obsessed with them for a minute. Isn't it funny how

213
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:12,600
Speaker 1: people on the outside are just like, no, obviously, right

214
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,000
Speaker 1: for ten years, I've been like, I mean, I have

215
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,920
Speaker 1: a day to do that looked very similar to him.

216
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:26,480
Speaker 1: Uh I'm trying to think it looked like him. Oh yes, yes,

217
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:30,959
Speaker 1: uh huh, yep. Oh man, Okay, so I think, yes,

218
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:34,679
Speaker 1: unfortunately that is yucky. Is I mean I was yucky? Is?

219
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:41,160
Speaker 1: Time is the biggest indicator. I think to really see

220
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:48,319
Speaker 1: a you know, the situation in the person, and every

221
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:52,840
Speaker 1: day gets a little easier. I think, yeah, yeah, okay,

222
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,480
Speaker 1: this is a good question. Any advice on how to

223
00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:59,840
Speaker 1: make adult friendships? I find I found it super hard

224
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:03,480
Speaker 1: since I moved to California. This is so hard. I

225
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,559
Speaker 1: was actually just talking to a girlfriend, or not even

226
00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:08,880
Speaker 1: a girlfriend. I just met her, but it's a girlfriend.

227
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:13,640
Speaker 1: It was one of Alan's friends wives, and she goes

228
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:17,440
Speaker 1: really hard to meet women at this age. She's like,

229
00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:19,839
Speaker 1: and it usually takes she said, it's usually takes two

230
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:24,400
Speaker 1: years to get into someone's circle. Oh wow, yeah, because

231
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:27,040
Speaker 1: we've already had her. We already have our kind of cliques. Actually,

232
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,760
Speaker 1: they were like our groups or our tribe or whatever

233
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:30,680
Speaker 1: you want to call them. And so to have someone

234
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,000
Speaker 1: else come in, it's like it's a little bit harder.

235
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:36,439
Speaker 1: And also we don't have that much time to write. Yeah,

236
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:40,080
Speaker 1: it's hard enough getting queendom together, ye, and getting you know,

237
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,880
Speaker 1: our yuku group together, So it's just to add on

238
00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:44,360
Speaker 1: another thing. It's like I kind of just want to

239
00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:48,120
Speaker 1: be yeah, quiet and alone too. Yeah. And that's hard

240
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,960
Speaker 1: because then if you think though from like that point

241
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,959
Speaker 1: of view where you've just moved and you don't have

242
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,719
Speaker 1: any friends where you're at, how hard that would be

243
00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:00,439
Speaker 1: because so many people already have their stuff, they already

244
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,000
Speaker 1: have their friends, they already have said they don't have

245
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:04,520
Speaker 1: the time, and so to try and like get into

246
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:07,760
Speaker 1: that that's tough. That would be hard. I wouldn't I

247
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:11,320
Speaker 1: don't envy that position for sure. I would just say

248
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,680
Speaker 1: you'll end up, you'll find your people, but you don't

249
00:14:13,679 --> 00:14:15,800
Speaker 1: want to be you don't want to force yourself into

250
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:18,040
Speaker 1: the wrong people just because you want to have that connection.

251
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:20,920
Speaker 1: So sometimes it's like maybe you just need to face

252
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,640
Speaker 1: time with your friends from home, yeah for a minute,

253
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:26,520
Speaker 1: and then find someone you know and then just honestly,

254
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:29,840
Speaker 1: there's a friendship. And I don't want to call it out,

255
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:33,320
Speaker 1: but there's been someone who has really just stayed consistent,

256
00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:35,600
Speaker 1: which then because I have a hard time letting some

257
00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:38,920
Speaker 1: certain people in, but when the person that stayed consistent.

258
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,680
Speaker 1: I started to trust. So if like they if they

259
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:46,680
Speaker 1: show up and they're consistent with their friendship, then I'm like, okay, yeah,

260
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:50,240
Speaker 1: So if you yeah, if you stay consistent and tax

261
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:53,480
Speaker 1: ask and like you want to like that, I think

262
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,200
Speaker 1: that goes a long way if you're trying to get in. Yeah,

263
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,800
Speaker 1: that's a good point. What is the most impactful thing

264
00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:02,720
Speaker 1: you've learned in therapy? Oh gosh, what is the most

265
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:12,400
Speaker 1: That Almost everything that happens as an adult goes back

266
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:17,360
Speaker 1: to childhood. Yeah, I mean my reactions to anything and

267
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:21,240
Speaker 1: everything I could now pinpoint to something from when I

268
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:24,840
Speaker 1: was a child. Why I react the way they do? Wait,

269
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:29,200
Speaker 1: why I feel the way I do? And it's empowering

270
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:31,440
Speaker 1: to really know that, But at the same time, it's

271
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:37,360
Speaker 1: like super frustrating for me. I get very frustrated with that. Well, like,

272
00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:40,240
Speaker 1: for instance, like I have like a little like tiff

273
00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:42,920
Speaker 1: with some of my cheer mom friends right now, and

274
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,400
Speaker 1: it's really the girls, Wait, do they listen to this?

275
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:50,560
Speaker 1: Probably it's okay, it's not. I mean, it's not like

276
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:54,160
Speaker 1: we've been talking through it. But they know me well

277
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,960
Speaker 1: enough to know that, Like I'm going to say something

278
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,560
Speaker 1: I want to talk it out right, and we've handled

279
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,840
Speaker 1: it very well. But what I realized about myself it's

280
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:04,640
Speaker 1: like in that moment, I'm like, I am being triggered

281
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:11,080
Speaker 1: because of childhood stuff. Interesting, you're being triggered because of

282
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:14,040
Speaker 1: childhood stuff. And it's like so frustrating to me because

283
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,800
Speaker 1: it's like I want to tell myself just like you're

284
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:19,160
Speaker 1: being triggered because it like let it go or you

285
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:21,160
Speaker 1: know whatever, like you don't have to talk this out

286
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:23,760
Speaker 1: or you don't you know whatever. It's just just very frustrating.

287
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:25,960
Speaker 1: I feel stuck in that sometimes. Can I ask what

288
00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:28,720
Speaker 1: the problem is or the issue? Yeah, we just have

289
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:33,960
Speaker 1: you know, girls have grown up together cheering together. Age

290
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:39,440
Speaker 1: differences are very different. You know, We've got two that

291
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,760
Speaker 1: are close in age. They're clearly very best friends, and

292
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,040
Speaker 1: now we have an older one who's always been very

293
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:47,360
Speaker 1: good friends with them, but is now kind of only

294
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,400
Speaker 1: wanting to hang out with one of them and kind

295
00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:52,560
Speaker 1: of causing some riffs there. But the older one and

296
00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:55,120
Speaker 1: my daughter are on the same cheer team, they're in

297
00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:57,080
Speaker 1: the same stunt group, and it gets to be a

298
00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,760
Speaker 1: problem and they start arguing and they start blaming, and

299
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:03,120
Speaker 1: already a sport. That's easy to do that anyway, and

300
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:06,080
Speaker 1: so it's just something you know. I finally was like,

301
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,920
Speaker 1: but we have all the parents are friends. So then

302
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:11,720
Speaker 1: they start talking within and I'm like, okay, so I'm

303
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,560
Speaker 1: hearing this like what do I need to deal with?

304
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,440
Speaker 1: What do I not? And it's just like, but I

305
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:20,800
Speaker 1: just am very sensitive to being left out. I'll admit it.

306
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:25,040
Speaker 1: It has been from childhood. I just and so when

307
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,040
Speaker 1: it happens to my daughter or if I feel that way,

308
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:30,119
Speaker 1: like it just triggers me and I hate it. I

309
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:31,919
Speaker 1: wish I was one of those, like one of our friends.

310
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:34,240
Speaker 1: I'm like, how do you just like let it roll off? Beatus?

311
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:35,399
Speaker 1: I don't care. They want to hang out with me.

312
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:36,960
Speaker 1: They want to hang out with me, and I'm just like, god,

313
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:39,120
Speaker 1: I wish I was like that. I'm just not what

314
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,240
Speaker 1: piece of childhood, like, where did you feel left out?

315
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:45,359
Speaker 1: So I had, like my entire childhood there was three

316
00:17:45,359 --> 00:17:48,080
Speaker 1: of us, which is never good. Three best friends growing

317
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:50,840
Speaker 1: up next door to each other. And for whatever reason,

318
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,959
Speaker 1: I think because my parents worked more, they were stricter,

319
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:56,119
Speaker 1: I wasn't able to hang out as much. It was

320
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:59,480
Speaker 1: definitely more too on one against me and it was

321
00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:01,159
Speaker 1: just one of them is that we dealt with my

322
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:04,000
Speaker 1: entire childhood, and it was just like I came home

323
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,760
Speaker 1: in tears every day and like you know, and so

324
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,399
Speaker 1: and then from that it was kind of a family

325
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:12,040
Speaker 1: of just suck it up, you know. And so now

326
00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:14,760
Speaker 1: I'm trying to weigh like telling Emmy to suck it up.

327
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,520
Speaker 1: It's part of life. You're going to get left out,

328
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,919
Speaker 1: but then also trying the other side be soft to

329
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,400
Speaker 1: it and not tell her to just suck it up,

330
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:25,840
Speaker 1: like your feelings matter and you know all the things. Yeah,

331
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,520
Speaker 1: three and a friendship is tough, and the feeling left out.

332
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:33,800
Speaker 1: That's it was a Mary and Lindsay where the two

333
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,680
Speaker 1: in my neighborhood, and I was the third so Mary,

334
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,639
Speaker 1: so me and Lindsay were really tight, but Lindsay was

335
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:41,159
Speaker 1: really tight with Mary. So it was always Mary and Lindsay.

336
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:42,760
Speaker 1: And then I kind of felt like the outside. So

337
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:44,760
Speaker 1: my MoMA said, never hang out with a group of three.

338
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,160
Speaker 1: And so it's happening in my neighborhood now with Jolie

339
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,479
Speaker 1: where I'm like, shoot, like three is tough. It is.

340
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,440
Speaker 1: So there's like there's two friends and then she's kind

341
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:57,159
Speaker 1: of like lately been like the third and it's like,

342
00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,919
Speaker 1: oh man, like we got to either get a four

343
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:03,920
Speaker 1: thin or find her or someone else that's like a buddy. Yeah.

344
00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:07,000
Speaker 1: It's strong, too hard, and when your your kids feel

345
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:09,720
Speaker 1: left out, you just it just kills your heart. Yeah,

346
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:13,040
Speaker 1: and because you remember how it feels like it was yesterday.

347
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:16,359
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, and I still And the problem is is I,

348
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:20,600
Speaker 1: as an adult, still feel that way. Uh. Same. And

349
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,040
Speaker 1: I envy those that are just like, I mean there

350
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:25,200
Speaker 1: are some people they are truly like cool, but I

351
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:26,480
Speaker 1: don't want to hang out with me. I'm just like,

352
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:28,800
Speaker 1: why does that not hurt your feelings? I just like

353
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:32,440
Speaker 1: to be invited? Yeah, same, yeah, same, I mean yeah,

354
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:36,879
Speaker 1: that's the piece where yeah, just because it's like, well,

355
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,200
Speaker 1: why don't they did I do something wrong? They not

356
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,399
Speaker 1: like me? Or yeah, it takes us back to our

357
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:44,080
Speaker 1: childhood wounds in our childhood, like but why like why

358
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:48,119
Speaker 1: did they? Yeah? Absolutely, man, it's it's tough. We should

359
00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:51,280
Speaker 1: get hypnotized to not have that problem. Please, I would

360
00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:54,440
Speaker 1: love to take that away. She would, Grace would be

361
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:56,880
Speaker 1: great with up. Actually, I think that's something where it's yeah,

362
00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:00,400
Speaker 1: just to be like okay, yeah, like I'm I'm sensitive

363
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:03,760
Speaker 1: and I'll admit it, but you know, we should do

364
00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:06,760
Speaker 1: that cheer show we were talking about. I was literally thinking,

365
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,639
Speaker 1: I'm like, where are the cameras? Right? We need we

366
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:12,080
Speaker 1: need to do that treatment because that would be great.

367
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:16,760
Speaker 1: I could get I'm telling you, we love and we

368
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,640
Speaker 1: have a great group of people and a great group

369
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:22,120
Speaker 1: of moms. But it can get I can get interested.

370
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,399
Speaker 1: Oh I want to watch it's so bad. So we're like,

371
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,200
Speaker 1: we're gonna we need to write that treatment. That would

372
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:28,960
Speaker 1: be good. We'll write that for sure, that would be

373
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:30,720
Speaker 1: really good. All right, Well, but no, it's true that

374
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:32,040
Speaker 1: I mean to go back to that question. I mean,

375
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:33,920
Speaker 1: everything truly does go back to child too trauma. And

376
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:37,520
Speaker 1: I think that's why when you you know that's that's

377
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,399
Speaker 1: the first thing, and it's like you just go hugging

378
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:42,240
Speaker 1: that whatever age because there's an age, whatever age that

379
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:45,440
Speaker 1: is that that was your first impactful moment. Like I'm six,

380
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:47,320
Speaker 1: so it's like always hot when she scares me with

381
00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:49,199
Speaker 1: Joe Las she's seven, I'm like, God, what did I

382
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:52,399
Speaker 1: do when she was at six or seven? Man? I

383
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:54,359
Speaker 1: love that. I don't know the age. Yeah, so you

384
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,520
Speaker 1: go back to the age and that's who That's who

385
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,640
Speaker 1: you become when you're with Nick, when you're with your

386
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,840
Speaker 1: girl friends, when you're that is the age. So like

387
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:04,960
Speaker 1: when we were in therapy with my ex, it was

388
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,240
Speaker 1: a six and a fourteen year old fighting against each other.

389
00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:09,119
Speaker 1: My six year old is wanting to be loved. His

390
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,320
Speaker 1: fourteen year old is wanting to like you know, like

391
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:15,800
Speaker 1: not be controlled. And yeah, wow, can you be multiple

392
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:19,600
Speaker 1: ages with different like traumas and different I'm sure, but

393
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:22,200
Speaker 1: there's one that's going to be the most interesting. Okay,

394
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:25,160
Speaker 1: I'm gonna dig into that. Yeah, because it's like that's

395
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,719
Speaker 1: where you then start you turn it and go you

396
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:29,520
Speaker 1: have empathy and you basically this is what I learned

397
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:32,200
Speaker 1: on site. You talk to that six year old little

398
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:33,800
Speaker 1: girl like what did you want to hear in that

399
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,360
Speaker 1: moment when you got scared from dad? Like why did

400
00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:38,560
Speaker 1: you not feel safe? And like what do you want

401
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:40,880
Speaker 1: to tell her that you're safe? And like you like talk,

402
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:45,040
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm like, I know like this, you know,

403
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,879
Speaker 1: I'm like you're safe, but like then but then you

404
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:49,800
Speaker 1: feel it and you embrace it and then you like

405
00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:52,399
Speaker 1: so like you know, whether it's the being left out

406
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:55,240
Speaker 1: or it'd go it would probably go a core deeper

407
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:58,479
Speaker 1: something to to that, like what that feeling is, and

408
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:00,680
Speaker 1: then like you would talk to that and it would

409
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:05,440
Speaker 1: help your adult self like heal from that childhood wound.

410
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:08,920
Speaker 1: All right, well I'm going to work on that. I'm

411
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,000
Speaker 1: working out at friends, I promise. No, I mean, but

412
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,520
Speaker 1: I mean, shoot, we're always I mean the other day

413
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:17,440
Speaker 1: in therapy, I had like it was one of those

414
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:20,240
Speaker 1: moments where um, you know, when you go in and

415
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:21,560
Speaker 1: you're like, I'm good, I don't really have anything to

416
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:25,320
Speaker 1: talk about. Accidentally actually missed the session. She's like are

417
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,359
Speaker 1: you coming, and I'm like, oh, gawn, and I like

418
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:30,879
Speaker 1: put it in the wrong um coast or something. I

419
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,440
Speaker 1: think that's what happened. I'm not really sure. And so

420
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:36,400
Speaker 1: or it was because we got hacked. Oh god, who knows.

421
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:42,399
Speaker 1: Maybe they were changing around my therapy times on the

422
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:44,800
Speaker 1: same day it was the day that we found out

423
00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:47,760
Speaker 1: that we got that I got hacked. Oh my god. Yeah.

424
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:50,639
Speaker 1: So anyways, but it was one of those where I

425
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:52,359
Speaker 1: was just kind of like walking in and I had

426
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,199
Speaker 1: like this one thing. I go, Okay, I kind of

427
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,240
Speaker 1: wanted to talk about this, but it's nothing like super

428
00:22:56,320 --> 00:23:00,960
Speaker 1: pressing cut two was the biggest um revelation I've had.

429
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,640
Speaker 1: But also it was something that I'm like, I thought

430
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:07,119
Speaker 1: I got past this, So I was like, I was

431
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:08,680
Speaker 1: crying because I was like disappointed to I was like,

432
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,320
Speaker 1: I thought, I've already moved on from this, and she

433
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:13,480
Speaker 1: goes those those those wounds. It was like, those threads

434
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:15,679
Speaker 1: stay in you. Oh, and they just show up at

435
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:20,560
Speaker 1: different times. And I'm like, our children, That's what I

436
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:22,919
Speaker 1: think about when I hear that. I'm just like, and

437
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,159
Speaker 1: this is gonna be a thread for the rest of

438
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:28,840
Speaker 1: our lives. It's fine doing the best so we can.

439
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:46,679
Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask you this, okay, because you've never have okay,

440
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:53,119
Speaker 1: and you know I have. So do you believe in

441
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 1: the saying once Chetter I was a cheater? Who? No,

442
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:05,040
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't think it's that black and white. Explain.

443
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:10,200
Speaker 1: I think there are some people that are chronic cheaters

444
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 1: and may never change from that. But I don't think

445
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:17,800
Speaker 1: just because you've cheated one time or a couple of

446
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:21,760
Speaker 1: times or whatever, that you're always going to be a cheater.

447
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:23,280
Speaker 1: I just don't think it's that black and white. I

448
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,520
Speaker 1: think everybody's different. I think some people will heal from it,

449
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:27,119
Speaker 1: and I think some people will never change from it,

450
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:29,840
Speaker 1: but I don't. I think every case is different. Yeah,

451
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:32,800
Speaker 1: I can easily think of people I know that person's

452
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:34,199
Speaker 1: going to cheat for the rest of their life. I

453
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:36,480
Speaker 1: can guarantee it. And I can easily think of people

454
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:38,200
Speaker 1: I know that I'm like, they're never going to cheat again.

455
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:41,760
Speaker 1: So I just don't think it's that black and white. Yeah,

456
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:48,639
Speaker 1: what about you, I think it's situational. Having said that,

457
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,400
Speaker 1: I think, like, if I would have stayed married to Max,

458
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:55,760
Speaker 1: I think he would have cheaved forever because I think

459
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:57,760
Speaker 1: he was just yeah that like, but I don't think

460
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:02,560
Speaker 1: I think he capable of not cheating in his next

461
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:07,240
Speaker 1: serious relationship, So maybe you know what I mean. Like,

462
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:09,840
Speaker 1: I think cheople can change, and I've seen people change.

463
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:16,679
Speaker 1: I know that for me it's situational, but also like,

464
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 1: I don't want to ever go back to that feeling.

465
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 1: I'd rather just be like, this is not working out

466
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,919
Speaker 1: for me because I know what it does, I know

467
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,440
Speaker 1: what it likes, what it feels like too cheat on someone,

468
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 1: and I know what it feels like to be cheated on.

469
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,280
Speaker 1: So I'm like, I just don't like that anymore. You

470
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:34,240
Speaker 1: know the full repercussions of all of it. It's awful. Yeah. So,

471
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,920
Speaker 1: but so no, I would say I don't believe in

472
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:42,280
Speaker 1: that saying at all. Having said that, I if you

473
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:44,720
Speaker 1: are and you have been someone that's done that, like

474
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:47,359
Speaker 1: like I did in my twenties, like it just you

475
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:50,480
Speaker 1: have to just set like very strong boundaries and the

476
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:55,880
Speaker 1: why are you looking for that reassurance or that love

477
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:58,880
Speaker 1: or that need to be wanted or so it's it's

478
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,199
Speaker 1: you're not going to really truly get it from the

479
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:04,240
Speaker 1: other person, that you're going to cheat him. Yeah, that

480
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:07,440
Speaker 1: makes sense. It's something within you that you're looking for. Yeah, yeah,

481
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:10,240
Speaker 1: because it's it's the worst validation you'll ever get, right,

482
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:16,480
Speaker 1: because the damage is awful for hurting and you've receiving. Sure,

483
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:21,960
Speaker 1: all right, I'm scrolling up. Oh you're scrolling I am,

484
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:30,639
Speaker 1: I am. I like this question. Has Mike met Alan

485
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:35,679
Speaker 1: yet or will he? Oh? You you you you you

486
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:41,919
Speaker 1: dam Catherine. I love this question. It's a valid question.

487
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:46,240
Speaker 1: It is a valid question. You know why I struggle

488
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:54,520
Speaker 1: with this question why is because I'm like really trying

489
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:58,200
Speaker 1: to be more private with this relationship. Okay, fair, and

490
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:01,600
Speaker 1: so I know if I was this say the answer

491
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:06,159
Speaker 1: or an answer that I just I don't know. I

492
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:08,879
Speaker 1: don't know how to step with this one, right because

493
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:11,199
Speaker 1: I just I'm like, I want to be more private, Okay.

494
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:14,879
Speaker 1: But I will also say like they will for sure

495
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:20,880
Speaker 1: meet you know, with because I'm sure he'll be around

496
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:23,959
Speaker 1: the kids eventually. Sure, Okay, fair, And I respect that

497
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 1: you're you're wanting to keep it private. And I'll scroll

498
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:29,400
Speaker 1: down a little them because everyone wants to know all

499
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:37,120
Speaker 1: about Alan. One more question about Alan. Yeah, okay, I

500
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:40,359
Speaker 1: like this one though. This one's pretty easy. Um, will

501
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 1: he ever come on the podcast? Oh? Of, I think Okay,

502
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 1: So he's very private. I mean he's got you know,

503
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 1: he's he's a very private person and I love that

504
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:58,320
Speaker 1: about him. I I will say this, and this is

505
00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:03,640
Speaker 1: what we've kind of talked about because he is, um pause,

506
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:04,720
Speaker 1: he is a private. One of the things I said

507
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:06,320
Speaker 1: to him, I was like, yeah, you know, I'm not private?

508
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:10,119
Speaker 1: Have you? I know you found me on Instagram? But

509
00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:14,920
Speaker 1: did you like watch my Instagram at all? Like? I don't.

510
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:17,600
Speaker 1: I I say a lot of stuff and I don't

511
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:20,879
Speaker 1: hold back on a lot of things. Uh So for

512
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 1: someone who lives a private world, that can be I

513
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:25,920
Speaker 1: just might not be your girl for that reason. Now

514
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:29,240
Speaker 1: I can publicly not share us having said that, I'm

515
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,960
Speaker 1: gonna want to eventually and I'm gonna want to share

516
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 1: the good stuff. Now, what I will never do is

517
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 1: I will you will you will never And I can

518
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:41,480
Speaker 1: say this, you will never hear me talk anything bad

519
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 1: about I mean to say bad, but like I don't

520
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:46,880
Speaker 1: ever want to get on this podcast ever again and

521
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:54,000
Speaker 1: talk about like the relationship hardships from a wounded place,

522
00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:56,600
Speaker 1: like we can be like, oh, he left the like

523
00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:01,280
Speaker 1: the other day. It was cute, like he um, he'll

524
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 1: like wash the dishes or whatever, and then he'll leave

525
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:05,680
Speaker 1: them on the counter and I'm like, hy bap, like

526
00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 1: here's a doubl Like you know how obsessed I am

527
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 1: about my countertops. It's the one thing I was like,

528
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 1: it's the one thing I don't like seeing circle rings

529
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:14,480
Speaker 1: like and then just like water on my countertops, like

530
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:16,640
Speaker 1: just you know, And so he was cute. He left

531
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 1: me a little note. He goes, um, what do you say?

532
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:23,880
Speaker 1: It was a He's like, deal with it, love you

533
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:25,880
Speaker 1: like with a you know what I mean? Like it

534
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:27,920
Speaker 1: was really cute and he like left him up there again.

535
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 1: Oh I love that and it was so cute like

536
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:34,720
Speaker 1: made me smile. Um, but like so like things like that,

537
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:37,880
Speaker 1: like we would, but I would Mike and I just

538
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 1: talked about so much heavy and hard stuff and like

539
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 1: I hope we never will ever have to experience that

540
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:47,960
Speaker 1: in our relationship. Um. But even so, like I don't

541
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 1: want to talk about that. I don't want it to

542
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:53,840
Speaker 1: be like oh struggling, like it's just like I So

543
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:56,520
Speaker 1: that's the piece too where I'm like, I promise you

544
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:58,680
Speaker 1: that that's not I'm gonna be like, oh, like I

545
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:01,840
Speaker 1: will always hold you in the highest respect, and like

546
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:04,160
Speaker 1: that's what I love about our relationship is there's so

547
00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:06,360
Speaker 1: much respect. How I talked to him, how he talks

548
00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 1: to me, Like it's just it's a level of respect

549
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:13,200
Speaker 1: I've never in my life have received nor given. So

550
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 1: that's where I just like with with him coming on

551
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:20,200
Speaker 1: the podcast, like it would Yeah, sure, I'm sure one

552
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:23,000
Speaker 1: time he would, like for fun and because I know

553
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,000
Speaker 1: everyone just wants to like hear his acts, that would

554
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:28,120
Speaker 1: be fun. But even today he was working out with us,

555
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 1: and Aaron's like, what I know, every time he talks,

556
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 1: I'm like so uh so yeah, but you know what

557
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:37,320
Speaker 1: I mean though about like not having like the so

558
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:40,680
Speaker 1: that's where sometimes And I even told him, I was like,

559
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 1: if you don't ever want me to discuss us or

560
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 1: like I I will respect that too, And he's like, no,

561
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:49,040
Speaker 1: Baby's like, I get it. This is your this is

562
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:50,680
Speaker 1: what you do. He's like, I just don't want the

563
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:55,800
Speaker 1: like which we haven't had a fight ever. Um, so

564
00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:59,680
Speaker 1: that's great, but if we were too, Like I'm like, no,

565
00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 1: I never because I don't want to live that life again.

566
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:06,520
Speaker 1: Of like that being the story of us. It shouldn't

567
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:09,120
Speaker 1: it should be like the happy ending, you know what

568
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:11,280
Speaker 1: I mean. Yeah, well, I mean it's not any you know,

569
00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:13,440
Speaker 1: it's kind of not any different when they talk about

570
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:15,600
Speaker 1: like not telling your family, you're not telling your friends,

571
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:17,520
Speaker 1: like about all your fights and stuff like that, Like

572
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:19,240
Speaker 1: you don't really want to taint because in the moment

573
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:21,720
Speaker 1: you're frustrated and you're whatever. But in the scheme of

574
00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:23,640
Speaker 1: things like but you don't want to taint it to everybody,

575
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:25,320
Speaker 1: you know, like we got in this stupid little fight

576
00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:26,440
Speaker 1: and I'm going on this fight and I got in

577
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 1: this and it's like, all right, well I don't like them.

578
00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:31,840
Speaker 1: Then you know, it's like you don't really want to. Yeah,

579
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:34,200
Speaker 1: I mean I will. I will say the things like

580
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:37,440
Speaker 1: when I'm not used to having So he's over obviously

581
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,680
Speaker 1: over here right now visiting, I'm like, I'm not used

582
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:42,160
Speaker 1: to having a guy in the house. So he's like babe,

583
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:46,200
Speaker 1: but I'm like, god, he's scared, so you forget eas here,

584
00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 1: Like yeah, I'm like he's like, his is like babe,

585
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:50,440
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh my gosh. So it's like I'm

586
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:53,120
Speaker 1: you know, I get scared easily too, But I'm also

587
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 1: not used to hearing like a man voice in that right.

588
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:57,240
Speaker 1: So it's like if I'm taking like I was taking

589
00:31:57,240 --> 00:31:59,400
Speaker 1: a shower before the podcast, and he was like, I'm like,

590
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:01,760
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'd share to get scared so easily,

591
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:03,640
Speaker 1: Like I just walk into our house and have to

592
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:10,880
Speaker 1: be like Jana texting FYI I'm here. If not, she

593
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:14,040
Speaker 1: jumps Amile in the air I know. So that's why

594
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:15,480
Speaker 1: he's like BP. He's like, let me tell you the

595
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:18,480
Speaker 1: differences scaring, and then he's like this is scary. He

596
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:21,560
Speaker 1: comes around the corner from the shower. I'm like, okay, okay, okay, okay,

597
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 1: I get it. Um that's like, yeah, I'm not used

598
00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:26,960
Speaker 1: to it, so yeah, I think a little things like that.

599
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:29,880
Speaker 1: But besides that, I'm like, I think it'll be fun

600
00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:32,600
Speaker 1: to have them one day and like yeah, fun as

601
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 1: a fun but maybe like in the future, who knows,

602
00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:38,720
Speaker 1: but I get it. He's private, which I love. Yeah.

603
00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:42,080
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I think we all love it. Someone that

604
00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:44,560
Speaker 1: doesn't want to date me just for followers, Yeah, let's

605
00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 1: stay brebit. Yeah, um, okay, let's see maybe like one

606
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:55,840
Speaker 1: or two more, Okay, one or two more. I'm trying

607
00:32:55,840 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 1: to think, oh, well, are you happy? Yeah, okay, that

608
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:08,120
Speaker 1: a question. I just want everybody hear the answer. Yes.

609
00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:10,400
Speaker 1: You know. You know what I will say to this

610
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:15,240
Speaker 1: is it doesn't have to be that hard. Yeah, it's

611
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:20,040
Speaker 1: been the thing that has just like I see and

612
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 1: I know we're only what fives he five months? Fine,

613
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:28,600
Speaker 1: but usually by this point, like Bill had been like something,

614
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:31,360
Speaker 1: especially in like my last one, but like the three

615
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:33,840
Speaker 1: month mark, I'm like, oh, it's like it doesn't have

616
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:37,160
Speaker 1: to be that hard. It can just be like really

617
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:40,000
Speaker 1: awesome and respectful and communicate well and like yeah, I'm

618
00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:42,440
Speaker 1: sure we'll have our moments, but like, it doesn't have

619
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,440
Speaker 1: to be that hard. It's like the struggle that like

620
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:47,720
Speaker 1: I had with Max's and like, it just doesn't have

621
00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:50,160
Speaker 1: to be that. They're like, oh my god, it could

622
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:52,680
Speaker 1: have just been I'm like, this is like this is

623
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:57,240
Speaker 1: oh my goodness. Yeah. Well and it's like your you

624
00:33:57,320 --> 00:33:59,320
Speaker 1: pick your battles, you know, yeah, things are going to

625
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:01,400
Speaker 1: come up, but for sure things are going to come up.

626
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:03,560
Speaker 1: Like I know we're still on but by this point

627
00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:05,840
Speaker 1: things would have already come up, right for me at least,

628
00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:08,839
Speaker 1: And this is just like I'm like, wow, this is

629
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:11,720
Speaker 1: And someone had told me that once and it was actually,

630
00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:14,600
Speaker 1: you know, it's interesting. It's the person that said that

631
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:19,040
Speaker 1: was the person that I had liked, like weighed my

632
00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:21,560
Speaker 1: past that I hung on too for a minute, and

633
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:23,919
Speaker 1: but I was married and he's like, how's things going?

634
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:25,360
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh man, because we were on

635
00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:30,319
Speaker 1: tour and he was saying, um, I'm like, it's just

636
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:31,719
Speaker 1: a struggle, and he goes, you know, it doesn't have

637
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:35,760
Speaker 1: to be that hard. Wow, And that's always always stuck

638
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:37,319
Speaker 1: with me. I'm like, but it is. I'm like I

639
00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:39,400
Speaker 1: looked at him, like, you have no idea what marriage?

640
00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:41,800
Speaker 1: Just like, don't even like it is hard, buddy, And

641
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:44,040
Speaker 1: a married marriage is hard, but like, it doesn't have

642
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:48,640
Speaker 1: to be that hard. Yeah, it's the that piece. Yeah,

643
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:52,719
Speaker 1: that's funny. That came from him. Hey, stuck with you.

644
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:55,280
Speaker 1: It did for ten years and now I'm like, thanks,

645
00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:58,200
Speaker 1: you're right it doesn't. Yeah, that's great. I love it. Okay,

646
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:00,319
Speaker 1: that was a little Q and A for y'all. We're

647
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,360
Speaker 1: going to come back next week with Nick and Catherine

648
00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:05,719
Speaker 1: and it's gonna be it's gonna be a good one. Okay,

649
00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:12,840
Speaker 1: so excited. See you guys next week. Bye bye,