WEBVTT - I Can't Have His Baby 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.440 Welcome to Can'tflee Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and The 0:00:03.480 --> 0:00:17.279 Black Effect. And just like that, we're back with yet 0:00:17.320 --> 0:00:20.040 another Canfully Reckless episode with your girl Jess. Hilarious. We 0:00:20.079 --> 0:00:23.759 don't jump straight in two. It's so this is more 0:00:23.840 --> 0:00:26.920 written passages from people. Again. I encourage you guys to 0:00:27.000 --> 0:00:31.600 send voice notes in unless you have a distinctive voice 0:00:31.600 --> 0:00:33.319 and people can guess who you are because a lot 0:00:33.320 --> 0:00:35.959 of people do listen. So I'm just letting you know. 0:00:36.080 --> 0:00:38.760 But you know, y'all know, I'm basically still saying I'd 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:42.480 rather listen to y'all than to read y'all shit because 0:00:42.520 --> 0:00:46.280 y'all punctuation still be off. God damn. All right, but 0:00:46.320 --> 0:00:46.880 it's all right. 0:00:47.640 --> 0:00:50.880 Hello, Okay. So I have been married with my husband 0:00:50.880 --> 0:00:54.000 for about fifteen years now. We were high school sweethearts 0:00:54.160 --> 0:00:55.960 and even after that, we were the golden couple. 0:00:56.280 --> 0:00:57.600 Ever since we got married. 0:00:57.920 --> 0:01:00.760 We would take trips at least six times year, always 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:03.320 date each other, and just live the life a married 0:01:03.320 --> 0:01:06.840 couple should really have. This man has loved me unconditionally 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:10.480 through everything. About ten years ago, in thirty now, I 0:01:10.600 --> 0:01:12.759 figured out that I would not be able to have kids, 0:01:12.800 --> 0:01:14.760 and it crushed me, but all he did was build 0:01:14.800 --> 0:01:17.840 me up and reassure me that it's okay and never 0:01:17.959 --> 0:01:21.880 left my side. Up until recently, everything was perfect. I 0:01:21.959 --> 0:01:25.240 noticed a change in his attitude. It wasn't nonchalant, but 0:01:25.280 --> 0:01:27.520 it just feels like that he's just putting up with me. 0:01:27.880 --> 0:01:30.039 I don't know, maybe he is getting bored. It took 0:01:30.120 --> 0:01:33.200 me by surprise because we literally switched things up and 0:01:33.240 --> 0:01:36.560 tried to keep the relationship spontaneous. So I'm just confused 0:01:36.560 --> 0:01:39.120 on the whole switch in character. I also tell you 0:01:39.160 --> 0:01:41.279 the story about me not being able to have kids 0:01:41.600 --> 0:01:44.120 because we did recently have a conversation about it and 0:01:44.160 --> 0:01:45.959 I did pour my heart out to him about not 0:01:46.120 --> 0:01:48.840 having kids are being able to give him one, and 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:51.480 he did reassure me. But maybe this is the reason 0:01:51.480 --> 0:01:54.160 why he's been acting a different way. Maybe I did 0:01:54.200 --> 0:01:56.120 put the thought in his head that he will never 0:01:56.160 --> 0:01:58.400 have kids as long as he's married to me. I 0:01:58.440 --> 0:02:01.320 could be overthinking, but that's literally my only theory when 0:02:01.360 --> 0:02:03.520 it comes to it. I don't believe he's a cheater 0:02:03.720 --> 0:02:05.800 or would do anything to hurt me, and we have 0:02:05.880 --> 0:02:09.560 great communication, so that's why I'm leaning towards this. Maybe 0:02:09.600 --> 0:02:11.360 he doesn't want to bring him back up, so I 0:02:11.360 --> 0:02:13.480 won't feel the way. Or maybe it could just be 0:02:13.560 --> 0:02:14.919 something else, girl, I don't. 0:02:14.720 --> 0:02:15.919 Know what do you think? 0:02:16.840 --> 0:02:21.360 Damn? All right? Well, first of all, you've been married 0:02:21.360 --> 0:02:24.880 to this guy for a decade now, Like you say, 0:02:25.480 --> 0:02:29.200 it started off really really really really great. You know, 0:02:29.400 --> 0:02:33.720 Lover's lane so amazing. Y'all were in love. There was 0:02:33.720 --> 0:02:36.160 nothing going on, he kept reassuring you. Now, you told 0:02:36.240 --> 0:02:38.320 him in the beginning that you were unable to have children, 0:02:38.720 --> 0:02:40.360 and he still fell in love with you, you know, 0:02:40.919 --> 0:02:43.400 in spite of all that you know, and you fell 0:02:43.400 --> 0:02:46.840 in love with him. Has he ever told you that 0:02:46.960 --> 0:02:51.239 he really wants kids? I mean, obviously you can't, but 0:02:51.919 --> 0:02:54.560 it still matters if he wants to. Has that ever 0:02:54.600 --> 0:02:58.239 been a conversation? Has he ever said, well, this is 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:00.600 something that I want. I really really do want children, 0:03:00.639 --> 0:03:02.600 you know, because there are other ways that you guys 0:03:02.680 --> 0:03:06.240 can have kids, you know, other than vaginally. You know, 0:03:06.320 --> 0:03:09.760 there's adoption, there's so many other ways. You get what 0:03:09.800 --> 0:03:12.280 I'm saying, Like, is this a situation where you can't 0:03:12.280 --> 0:03:15.600 do in vitro? Do you not believe in that? Like 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:19.760 not to get I guess too personal? Because if you 0:03:19.760 --> 0:03:21.240 would have wanted me to know, you would have told me. 0:03:21.320 --> 0:03:23.680 So let's just scrap that. But have you guys ever 0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:27.160 considered adoption, you know? Or is that something that you 0:03:27.280 --> 0:03:31.080 just never entertained? Because if the child doesn't come biologically 0:03:31.520 --> 0:03:35.160 from you or him, then I could understand if that 0:03:35.280 --> 0:03:36.960 was an issue, you know what I mean? Like I 0:03:37.240 --> 0:03:40.560 do understand, But then there is things like surrocacy, like 0:03:40.760 --> 0:03:43.640 have you ever considered a surrogate somebody to carry a 0:03:43.720 --> 0:03:47.600 baby for you? I know, these things get pricey. However, 0:03:47.800 --> 0:03:51.560 they are alternate routes that you can take if you 0:03:51.800 --> 0:03:55.320 really do want children. Now, as far as his behavior, 0:03:55.440 --> 0:04:00.200 him just switching, totally switching. Usually with situations like this 0:04:00.280 --> 0:04:05.119 you see red flags. You see not a sudden change 0:04:05.200 --> 0:04:09.480 of pattern, but you'll see a build up, you know 0:04:09.480 --> 0:04:12.960 what I'm saying. Because the fact that he just switched, 0:04:13.600 --> 0:04:16.200 that could be something else. I mean, it could have 0:04:16.440 --> 0:04:19.480 something to do with you not being able to have children, 0:04:19.560 --> 0:04:22.159 but it also could be something else because that's a 0:04:22.200 --> 0:04:25.400 deeper situation, you not being able to have children. I 0:04:25.400 --> 0:04:27.200 know he has to think about that every day, especially 0:04:27.200 --> 0:04:29.200 if he wants to be a dad, If he desires 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:31.600 to be a father, then yes, that's something that he 0:04:31.640 --> 0:04:33.520 would have to think about every day, and that's just 0:04:33.560 --> 0:04:36.080 not a switch that you flip. You get what I'm saying, 0:04:36.120 --> 0:04:39.760 So please understand, I'm not accusing him of cheating. I'm 0:04:39.800 --> 0:04:42.039 not accusing him of just falling out of love with you. 0:04:42.080 --> 0:04:45.240 I'm not accusing him of any of those things. Only 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:49.680 you know what I'm saying. However, we can't just throw 0:04:49.720 --> 0:04:51.960 away with the fact that it may be something like 0:04:52.040 --> 0:04:55.359 that because of the sudden mood change, because of the 0:04:55.400 --> 0:04:58.200 sudden pattern change and all of that. Do you guys 0:04:58.200 --> 0:05:00.800 not spend as much time together? Does he turned off? 0:05:00.839 --> 0:05:03.599 Does he seem uninterested in you at times? Have you 0:05:03.640 --> 0:05:05.240 ever set him down and talked to him about it? 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:08.000 Or are you just trying to make sure you're not 0:05:08.120 --> 0:05:11.000 crazy and tell another person in your situation before you 0:05:11.040 --> 0:05:15.440 do actually approach it or approach him. Let me know, 0:05:15.760 --> 0:05:17.240 and you let me know a lot, but it's still 0:05:17.240 --> 0:05:19.600 a lot more I would like to know. Also, you've 0:05:19.640 --> 0:05:22.200 got to understand when you don't communicate. You know, when 0:05:22.240 --> 0:05:25.640 we as women don't communicate, we kind of let things linger. 0:05:26.000 --> 0:05:28.760 Could you have been ignoring signs before he just flipped 0:05:28.760 --> 0:05:31.000 the switch? Could you not have been paying attention this 0:05:31.040 --> 0:05:34.400 whole time? So whereas like you notice the end of 0:05:34.440 --> 0:05:37.520 his build up and now it's just a flip switch 0:05:37.600 --> 0:05:40.479 to you, like it seemed like it happened in the 0:05:40.480 --> 0:05:43.279 blink of an eye, Like could you take some type 0:05:43.279 --> 0:05:46.840 of accountability to say now only if it's yours to take. 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:49.119 Don't take accountability for some shit that is not true. 0:05:49.279 --> 0:05:52.960 But I'm just saying, could you have overlooked how he 0:05:53.040 --> 0:05:55.839 felt because he kept reassuring you? You know what I'm saying, 0:05:55.839 --> 0:05:58.120 because listen, I just got finished talking about this on 0:05:58.120 --> 0:06:00.720 the last yest with the mess actually not on the 0:06:00.800 --> 0:06:02.880 last just fix my mesk, the one that I do 0:06:02.920 --> 0:06:07.360 on breakfast Club. A lot of people cannot tell the 0:06:07.520 --> 0:06:11.800 truth because they don't want to hurt somebody's feelings. You know, 0:06:11.839 --> 0:06:18.440 they're sparing someone's feelings, so you oftentimes tiptoe around what 0:06:18.600 --> 0:06:21.719 you have to say or how you're really feeling because 0:06:21.800 --> 0:06:24.120 you don't want to hurt somebody's feelings. That's what he 0:06:24.120 --> 0:06:25.600 could have been doing to you, and that's what you 0:06:25.640 --> 0:06:28.720 could have been doing to him, you know, because what 0:06:28.760 --> 0:06:31.000 if he was never okay with you not having children? 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:33.040 Oh what if he was okay in the earlier years 0:06:33.040 --> 0:06:36.040 of y'all's marriage, but then he developed such a desire 0:06:36.120 --> 0:06:39.960 to become a father and want more family, you know 0:06:40.279 --> 0:06:43.240 than just you want a family, you know, like, what 0:06:43.320 --> 0:06:46.200 if that was the thing for him? What if that's 0:06:46.240 --> 0:06:48.960 what he really wanted? You know, So you have to 0:06:48.960 --> 0:06:50.960 sit down and talk to him. That's your husband, that's 0:06:50.960 --> 0:06:53.240 not your boyfriend. It's not just a little jump off. 0:06:53.240 --> 0:06:54.960 This ain't one of the niggas on your roster. You 0:06:55.040 --> 0:06:57.000 understand what I'm saying. You don't got to hide how 0:06:57.000 --> 0:07:00.359 you feel at all. I've been together ten years, you know. 0:07:00.440 --> 0:07:04.080 I'm pretty sure y'all have experienced rough patches in marriages. 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:07.520 I mean, no marriage is perfect at all, you know, 0:07:07.720 --> 0:07:10.840 So I'm pretty sure this wouldn't be the first uncomfortable 0:07:10.880 --> 0:07:14.600 conversation that you guys have had to have, especially the 0:07:14.720 --> 0:07:17.200 elephant in the room. You're unable to have children. I 0:07:17.200 --> 0:07:19.320 imagine how hard it was for you to tell him that, 0:07:20.000 --> 0:07:22.120 and how hard it is if he wants to be 0:07:22.160 --> 0:07:25.080 a dad to reassure you that it's okay. You get 0:07:25.120 --> 0:07:28.960 what I'm saying. So I think you should sit down 0:07:29.040 --> 0:07:31.360 with your husband and talk to him and fully get 0:07:31.360 --> 0:07:33.640 through with him. And I always encourage people don't get 0:07:33.720 --> 0:07:35.800 up from their damn table until you have answers that 0:07:35.880 --> 0:07:38.600 you need. If that other person got to get up, 0:07:38.600 --> 0:07:41.360 so be it. But that's what we do. We try 0:07:41.880 --> 0:07:45.920 so hard to tiptoe and to coddle other adults, whether 0:07:45.920 --> 0:07:48.600 we're in love with them or not, you know, just 0:07:48.640 --> 0:07:51.760 to save and spare their feelings. No, this is the 0:07:51.880 --> 0:07:54.600 uncomfortable part of this marriage. It has to go here 0:07:54.640 --> 0:07:56.360 so I can get what you're feeling. If I got 0:07:56.400 --> 0:07:58.560 to make you feel uncomfortable to tell me the truth, 0:07:58.640 --> 0:08:00.400 I'm gonna do that. So let me you know what 0:08:00.520 --> 0:08:02.120 is it? Is there? Is it another woman? Is it 0:08:02.160 --> 0:08:04.840 the fact that I really can't have kids but you 0:08:04.840 --> 0:08:06.320 don't want to leave me for it because you're in 0:08:06.360 --> 0:08:09.440 love with me but you still want children? Is it? 0:08:09.720 --> 0:08:12.400 You know? Is it that I'm boring you? Is it 0:08:12.440 --> 0:08:17.040 that our sex life has now lost spice? Like? Is it? 0:08:17.080 --> 0:08:19.400 Because it could be something else? I'm not just gonna 0:08:19.440 --> 0:08:23.520 jump straight to cheating, you know? Is my communication off? 0:08:23.560 --> 0:08:26.160 Do you feel like I don't pay you enough attention? Like? 0:08:26.560 --> 0:08:31.160 What is it? I've noticed a pattern, like a change 0:08:31.160 --> 0:08:33.320 in your pattern? You don't hold me the same. You 0:08:33.320 --> 0:08:35.199 don't look at me the same. We don't talk anymore, 0:08:35.240 --> 0:08:37.600 we don't go on trips anymore. And this it seems 0:08:37.640 --> 0:08:39.760 sudden to me. But if this is something that you've 0:08:39.800 --> 0:08:44.720 been feeling, why haven't you come to me? And right now, 0:08:44.840 --> 0:08:47.440 more importantly, is the right time to come to me? 0:08:47.520 --> 0:08:49.920 Because I notice it and it's making me feel like 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:52.880 it's my fault. Let me know what's going on. You 0:08:52.920 --> 0:08:55.440 know I'm in the dark about this, and then you 0:08:55.440 --> 0:08:58.400 should get an answer, honey, But let me know. Check 0:08:58.480 --> 0:09:01.040 back in answer my question and see y'all be trying 0:09:01.040 --> 0:09:02.520 to help y'all, But y'all be trying to leave little 0:09:02.559 --> 0:09:05.800 juicy off the fruit. I don't know why I just 0:09:05.800 --> 0:09:08.080 said that, y'all be trying to leave meat off the bone. 0:09:08.120 --> 0:09:10.040 I'm just say that. I say, y'all be trying to 0:09:10.120 --> 0:09:14.600 leave juicy off the fruit. What giry say anything when 0:09:14.640 --> 0:09:16.800 you're pregnant. I'mna blame everything on this baby. I don't care. 0:09:16.840 --> 0:09:18.920 I'm gonna blame everything on the baby. I'm tired of 0:09:19.000 --> 0:09:20.719 the hell nose bleeding. I'm like, what the fuck is 0:09:20.760 --> 0:09:24.400 going on here? Jesus So to all the other pregnant 0:09:24.400 --> 0:09:28.079 mothers out there. Please let me know if y'all experience 0:09:28.440 --> 0:09:32.560 dry nose and bloody nose, Like, what the hell? I 0:09:32.600 --> 0:09:34.079 wake up in the middle of the night, blow my nose. 0:09:34.120 --> 0:09:36.240 It's all blood like. I wake up in the morning 0:09:36.280 --> 0:09:39.160 to clear out my you know, just to clear my 0:09:39.320 --> 0:09:42.400 system out, and it's it's it ain't even muchis and 0:09:42.440 --> 0:09:45.080 s not, it's blood Like, what the hell is going on? 0:09:46.160 --> 0:09:48.880 I've never had this issue. I mean, I have here 0:09:48.920 --> 0:09:51.640 and there, but it's so frequent now it's not every day, 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:55.040 but it's very much more frequent than it's ever been. 0:09:55.080 --> 0:09:57.920 And it's very weird. If you love me, you'll listen 0:09:57.960 --> 0:10:03.040 to this commercial and then we'll be right back, all right, John, Okay, 0:10:03.120 --> 0:10:03.800 so move it on. 0:10:04.640 --> 0:10:07.320 Jess, I was an addict for fifteen years and I 0:10:07.360 --> 0:10:10.559 am now five years clean. During the process of getting clean, 0:10:10.920 --> 0:10:13.400 I met my best friend at an AA meeting and 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:15.880 she wasn't an addict, but she was the caterer there. 0:10:16.000 --> 0:10:18.319 They would hire her to cater the meetings once a week. 0:10:18.679 --> 0:10:21.400 Fast forward, I became the godmother of her first child, 0:10:21.600 --> 0:10:25.240 and she also became mine. Btw. I am engaged right 0:10:25.280 --> 0:10:28.280 now to my child's father. So about three months ago, 0:10:28.600 --> 0:10:30.960 my best friend lost her mother and she hasn't been 0:10:31.000 --> 0:10:31.839 taking it too well. 0:10:32.120 --> 0:10:33.720 I definitely wouldn't expect her to. 0:10:34.280 --> 0:10:36.880 I mean, she just lost her mom, but I'm noticing 0:10:36.880 --> 0:10:38.880 a lot of change in her, and I honestly know 0:10:38.960 --> 0:10:41.800 she's doing drugs and not telling me. I'm not sure 0:10:41.800 --> 0:10:45.440 what kind. I'm definitely leaning towards pills. It started with 0:10:45.520 --> 0:10:48.760 her dropping my godson off to me and not coming 0:10:48.800 --> 0:10:50.800 back until the middle of the night, and she looked 0:10:50.840 --> 0:10:52.839 so out of it. She said she had a lot 0:10:52.840 --> 0:10:55.760 of errands to run and that's why she looked so tired. 0:10:56.080 --> 0:10:57.680 And I went for it, but I still had that 0:10:57.760 --> 0:11:00.560 thought in the back of my head. Now recently, I 0:11:00.600 --> 0:11:02.600 went over her house to spend the day with her, 0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:05.880 and we sat down and was just having a conversation. 0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:08.760 She dozed off in the middle and snapped back and 0:11:08.840 --> 0:11:10.280 forgot everything we talked about. 0:11:10.520 --> 0:11:12.400 I mean, her eyes was rolling in the back of 0:11:12.400 --> 0:11:14.160 her head. She was so out of it. 0:11:14.520 --> 0:11:17.000 Luckily, her son wasn't there that day because I would 0:11:17.000 --> 0:11:19.240 have took him with me, but I did leave because 0:11:19.240 --> 0:11:21.560 I felt triggered. I called her the next day to 0:11:21.600 --> 0:11:24.240 tell her about herself, and she had no idea what 0:11:24.320 --> 0:11:27.360 I was talking about. I immediately knew she was getting high. 0:11:27.640 --> 0:11:30.080 I used to be an addict, so I definitely would know. 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:33.480 We got into an immediate argument because she kept denying it, 0:11:33.520 --> 0:11:35.839 and I told her I can't be around someone who uses. 0:11:36.240 --> 0:11:38.240 She tells me she don't give a fuck, and I 0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:40.720 don't have to be around her, and she's not using. 0:11:41.080 --> 0:11:43.040 I know how hostile you can be when you're under 0:11:43.040 --> 0:11:45.760 the influence, so I'm not going to hold that against her, 0:11:46.040 --> 0:11:47.880 but I know I just can't be around that. And 0:11:47.960 --> 0:11:50.720 also I know that she's still grieving. I tried reaching 0:11:50.760 --> 0:11:52.520 out to her for a week straight and she did 0:11:52.600 --> 0:11:55.640 nothing but ignore me, and I'm very worried. I even 0:11:55.760 --> 0:11:58.400 just texted her to see my godson and no reply, 0:11:58.480 --> 0:12:01.079 which makes me even more worried. I love my best 0:12:01.080 --> 0:12:03.120 friend to death, but I don't want her to go 0:12:03.200 --> 0:12:05.600 down this hole. And I refuse to go down that 0:12:05.640 --> 0:12:08.319 hole with her because being around her could possibly make 0:12:08.360 --> 0:12:11.959 me relapse. But she's my best friend, so I'm kind 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:14.360 of in a hard situation. How can I be there 0:12:14.400 --> 0:12:17.000 for her and not relapse at the same time, because 0:12:17.000 --> 0:12:19.120 it's very triggering to be around her in that state 0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:22.280 and Jess. I know you may not have a straightforward 0:12:22.320 --> 0:12:24.600 answer because this is a lot, and I'm sorry for 0:12:24.679 --> 0:12:27.480 even putting all this out there because the story is crazy, 0:12:27.520 --> 0:12:28.800 but I would love some advice. 0:12:30.880 --> 0:12:33.520 Well, sweetie, let me tell you, I got to break 0:12:33.559 --> 0:12:35.640 this down. This says a lot. I have never been 0:12:37.120 --> 0:12:40.960 an addicts before, however, I mean, if we're talking about 0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:44.680 weed and shrooms and you know, things like that, then yes, 0:12:44.840 --> 0:12:47.840 But I did have many of them in my family. 0:12:47.880 --> 0:12:50.199 I know many of them, and I do understand. I 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:54.439 understand what your what your friend is going through, and 0:12:54.559 --> 0:12:56.760 understand what you're going through. You know. I watched aunts 0:12:56.800 --> 0:12:59.679 and uncles and cousins go through that, and some be 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:02.640 pulled back into it after getting off the horse, and 0:13:02.679 --> 0:13:07.040 then some you know, not wanting to be around the others, 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:09.880 you know, who've been pulled back in after both of 0:13:09.880 --> 0:13:12.600 them got clean, and shit, I do understand, and I 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:15.800 just want to say congratulations on your engagement. You know. 0:13:16.080 --> 0:13:18.560 I love that. Love love love that you had a 0:13:18.720 --> 0:13:23.880 complete three sixty. And also I love the fact that 0:13:24.000 --> 0:13:26.400 you were able to form a bond with somebody who 0:13:26.440 --> 0:13:29.120 was going through something so similar, you know, because then 0:13:29.120 --> 0:13:32.680 you guys can relate on that journey. You know, however, 0:13:33.000 --> 0:13:39.240 everybody is not going to be as strong as everybody else. 0:13:39.280 --> 0:13:41.600 You get what I'm saying, like everybody handles things differently. 0:13:41.800 --> 0:13:43.599 She lost her mom, You know, she was on the 0:13:43.679 --> 0:13:46.600 right path until she had another lost. I imagined that 0:13:46.640 --> 0:13:48.720 her and her mom were closed or her mom was 0:13:48.760 --> 0:13:51.960 somebody that helped her, probably out with her son. Now 0:13:52.440 --> 0:13:56.720 you're off to a you know, a whole nother turning 0:13:56.760 --> 0:13:59.560 point in your life. You know you've pivoted in such 0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:02.000 a way or you don't want to go back. However 0:14:02.080 --> 0:14:04.720 it is triggering for you. Then what you need to 0:14:04.760 --> 0:14:08.720 do is have your husband or your fiance be that 0:14:08.880 --> 0:14:12.160 shield for you. That's your best friend and that's the 0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:14.560 mother of your god baby. I wouldn't say give up 0:14:14.559 --> 0:14:16.680 on her, and I know you don't want to put 0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:19.800 yourself at risk into falling back into that hole. I 0:14:19.840 --> 0:14:24.160 do understand that, However, you don't want your best friend 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:28.320 to go back so deep into that hole. Right And 0:14:28.400 --> 0:14:31.440 while it's still early, it's so early, I still feel 0:14:31.480 --> 0:14:33.640 that there's a way that you can catch her. You know, 0:14:33.720 --> 0:14:36.200 you can pull it back about that shit. You understand 0:14:36.240 --> 0:14:38.880 what I'm saying. There was a reason that you too connected. 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:43.720 There was a reason that you two actually became best friends, 0:14:44.480 --> 0:14:47.080 or whether it was trauma bonding, you know, from the 0:14:47.160 --> 0:14:49.920 drugs behind the drugs, or whatever it was, there was 0:14:49.960 --> 0:14:52.560 a reason that you two met. You get what I'm saying. 0:14:52.600 --> 0:14:54.400 And right now you're about to walk down the aisle. 0:14:54.440 --> 0:14:56.680 I do understand. I'm not asking you to take on 0:14:56.760 --> 0:14:58.720 burdens of other people. That's not what I'm asking you 0:14:58.760 --> 0:15:01.280 to do. I'm asking you to also bringing a professional, 0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:05.520 but you're the more familiar face. And yeah, of course 0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:08.000 she lashed out on you because in a way, she 0:15:08.040 --> 0:15:10.120 feels like you're looking down on her. But this is 0:15:10.160 --> 0:15:12.640 all why she's high. You understand what I'm saying. And 0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:15.120 then you know, even when she's sober, it's that guilt 0:15:15.160 --> 0:15:18.640 eating her up. But she's fucking grieving as well. And 0:15:18.720 --> 0:15:21.240 she's not grieving the loss of another friend. She's not 0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:24.320 grieving the loss of a you know, a parrot or 0:15:24.480 --> 0:15:27.120 you know her a parrot as a bird everybody like 0:15:27.120 --> 0:15:29.680 a bear or what. You know, She's not grieving just 0:15:29.720 --> 0:15:34.200 the loss of some person. What this is? How mom? 0:15:34.480 --> 0:15:37.400 You know? And I don't know if you know that pain. 0:15:37.520 --> 0:15:39.120 I don't even know that pain. But I know a 0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:42.440 lot of people that has that pain, and I understand. 0:15:43.200 --> 0:15:47.000 I understand. I cannot put myself in their shoes because 0:15:47.000 --> 0:15:49.320 I don't feel what they feel, but I can understand 0:15:49.360 --> 0:15:52.800 what it's like losing a person that birthed you, especially 0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:55.320 if y'all relationship wasn't on the ouse and it ain't 0:15:55.320 --> 0:15:56.760 have to be the best. But you only get one 0:15:56.760 --> 0:16:01.000 of them. You only get one freaking mom. The whole 0:16:01.120 --> 0:16:04.720 reason that I exist, other than God himself, is gone 0:16:05.280 --> 0:16:08.480 my mother. You understand what I'm saying. Hold up, Hold up, 0:16:08.520 --> 0:16:10.480 I know this shit getting good, But listen to just 0:16:10.520 --> 0:16:12.560 a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, 0:16:12.600 --> 0:16:17.680 you'll listen. You don't want to fall back into that shit. 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:20.280 I get it. You talk to your husband, I mean, 0:16:20.320 --> 0:16:22.520 you talk to your son to be husband. You talk 0:16:22.640 --> 0:16:24.640 to other people. Did you have any other people in 0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:27.960 your foundation, like any other people that inspired you, that 0:16:28.000 --> 0:16:30.560 helped you along the way to stay clean, like something else, 0:16:30.960 --> 0:16:33.400 somebody else. It's going to take a couple of people. 0:16:33.400 --> 0:16:34.880 But y'all got to get her out of that. Well. 0:16:35.720 --> 0:16:37.800 I don't want to say y'all got to get her 0:16:37.800 --> 0:16:39.600 out of that, because then I'm actually putting a lot 0:16:39.600 --> 0:16:42.160 of pressure on you. But that's your friend, you know 0:16:42.160 --> 0:16:44.440 what I'm saying, that's the mother of you, god child. 0:16:44.600 --> 0:16:47.160 I don't care if it is. You take your god baby, 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:50.000 you get what I'm saying, and send a professional in 0:16:50.160 --> 0:16:53.000 to help her. And then I also can already feel 0:16:53.040 --> 0:16:56.120 that you feel a sense of obligation as well, because y'all, 0:16:56.240 --> 0:16:58.640 y'all went through y'all journey together kind disorder, you know. 0:16:58.760 --> 0:17:00.560 I mean, you met her in there, you met her 0:17:00.560 --> 0:17:03.440 and rehab, you know, so I just want you to 0:17:03.480 --> 0:17:05.199 have just a little bit more, you know, give her 0:17:05.240 --> 0:17:07.600 a lot, give her a little bit more grace, you know, 0:17:08.480 --> 0:17:10.560 try to help her. You know, if you can't do it, 0:17:10.560 --> 0:17:12.439 because you can't do it alone, if you can't do 0:17:12.520 --> 0:17:15.760 it even with support, then I understand. You know, at 0:17:15.800 --> 0:17:19.600 least you tried. But if that were you, you get 0:17:19.600 --> 0:17:23.200 what I'm saying, and the table's returned, you will want 0:17:23.200 --> 0:17:25.760 her to pull you up out of that shit. You know. 0:17:26.240 --> 0:17:28.000 You know that behavior all too well. You know, she 0:17:28.040 --> 0:17:30.119 don't mean nothing that she say that's out of pocket 0:17:30.440 --> 0:17:33.120 or that's mean she just grieving, And then on top 0:17:33.160 --> 0:17:35.199 of that, she used and is she guilty? You know? 0:17:35.240 --> 0:17:40.840 What I'm saying, So just try, just just try, just try. 0:17:41.160 --> 0:17:43.880 But in order for you not to slip, you got 0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:47.280 to have your support system too when you go help her. 0:17:47.760 --> 0:17:50.040 If your husband, I mean, you know, I keep saying husband, 0:17:50.359 --> 0:17:53.440 I'm just so happy that you get married. If your 0:17:53.480 --> 0:17:56.560 fiance has to be with you when you go and 0:17:56.640 --> 0:17:59.679 a couple other people go, go back to your rehab, 0:18:00.400 --> 0:18:02.760 snitch on her. Look, look she's backing. You know, her 0:18:02.800 --> 0:18:06.320 mom just died, she's grieving. Who can go with me 0:18:06.400 --> 0:18:08.640 to her house? Yo? Come on, man, we gotta get 0:18:08.640 --> 0:18:10.879 her right. I can help take the baby, or we 0:18:10.880 --> 0:18:13.320 can give the baby to like you know, another close 0:18:13.359 --> 0:18:16.520 family member that she got somebody something. But I need 0:18:16.560 --> 0:18:19.439 to get my best friend together. That's your best friend, 0:18:20.200 --> 0:18:23.159 you know what I'm saying. For a reason, thank you 0:18:23.200 --> 0:18:26.480 for writing me. I'm happy that you did reach out. 0:18:26.800 --> 0:18:29.520 This is something that I do know all too well, because, 0:18:29.560 --> 0:18:33.480 like I said, close friends and family on both sides 0:18:33.520 --> 0:18:35.199 of my family. You know, I have gone through this. 0:18:35.240 --> 0:18:37.159 And then I grew up in West Baltimore City, you know, 0:18:37.200 --> 0:18:39.920 so I've seen this from a child, you know what 0:18:39.960 --> 0:18:42.440 I'm saying, As a child, from a growing child, I've 0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:44.679 seen shit like this. You know, a lot of my 0:18:44.720 --> 0:18:46.800 friends did make it. A lot of them did, A 0:18:46.840 --> 0:18:48.399 lot of them went back to that shit, a lot 0:18:48.480 --> 0:18:51.280 of them did not, a lot of them stayed friends 0:18:51.440 --> 0:18:54.479 with each other, A lot of them didn't. Because people 0:18:54.640 --> 0:18:59.040 do change, people do evolve, and some people don't, you 0:18:59.119 --> 0:19:01.280 get what I'm saying. So like, if you can make 0:19:01.320 --> 0:19:03.879 a difference, definitely make one. You will not regret it, 0:19:04.160 --> 0:19:06.840 you know, But don't, like you said, don't put yourself 0:19:06.840 --> 0:19:08.520 in a line of fire. And you're strong enough to 0:19:08.560 --> 0:19:10.399 know that, and that's why I'm really proud of you 0:19:10.440 --> 0:19:13.080 for that. A lot of you know, ex addicts, they're 0:19:13.119 --> 0:19:16.560 not even strong enough to realize when they can be triggered. 0:19:16.760 --> 0:19:18.080 You get what I'm saying, because a lot of them 0:19:18.080 --> 0:19:20.320 haven't reached that point yet. But check back in with me, 0:19:20.359 --> 0:19:22.520 baby girl. I want to say I do love you. 0:19:22.880 --> 0:19:24.840 I even love your friend. You know what I'm saying. 0:19:24.960 --> 0:19:26.800