Speaker 1: So when I was bad, I used to beg all
Speaker 1: the because because the girls in the room would be fine.
Speaker 2: But I come and to start making it.
Speaker 1: But hey, they was they was okay with my three
Speaker 1: next Yeah, they said, this bitch kind of funny.
Speaker 2: Let's keep having her round.
Speaker 3: Everybody thought I was breaking up with him because we
Speaker 3: didn't did not care.
Speaker 2: You broke up with him because you didn't get to
Speaker 2: see him.
Speaker 3: I felt that he had issues in his own body.
Speaker 2: I'm crazy. Yeah, I ain't gonna hold you.
Speaker 3: Turn it away from me, not being able to me.
Speaker 3: Nudity is just so expressive and normal.
Speaker 2: The decisions, decisions.
Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of The Cion The Cions.
Speaker 1: It'sy girl, Mandy b a k A Peg the Sallion
Speaker 1: aka Peggy Bundy AKA That's Beach.
Speaker 3: Hang everybody, I'm weezy. We're back with another three someome.
Speaker 2: That is right.
Speaker 1: I don't know if she would actually join us, though
Speaker 1: she would actually probably be like, uh, I don't do that, y'all.
Speaker 2: Y'all gotta give me a ring first, Can I tell
Speaker 2: you talk?
Speaker 3: So? Amandy sent your page? I'm like, is this the
Speaker 3: one that wouldn't save her kids?
Speaker 2: Yeah? That would choose my husband. I would not say no, no,
Speaker 2: you said you could only save one. I'm shooting my son,
Speaker 2: my husband. Y'all, we are joined. Bye.
Speaker 1: The host of the It's Giving podcast, Sarah Fontano's dad
Speaker 1: shorter period period, Go ahead and do bling bling bling,
Speaker 1: but this man, So, as we're filming this, how many
Speaker 1: days in a marriage are you?
Speaker 2: Okay? So this is the thing.
Speaker 4: I don't know if y'all saw it, but we actually
Speaker 4: just hit our six month Okay, your yourage anniversary.
Speaker 1: You kept it, you kept it, you kept it a secret,
Speaker 1: and then you celebrated and posted it all.
Speaker 4: But after the wedding, it's been one week with days
Speaker 4: of today and three days.
Speaker 2: After the wedding, okay, ten days okay?
Speaker 1: Yeah, what made you guys get married and then choose
Speaker 1: the wedding six months later?
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh. Okay, this is interesting. Okay, so what
Speaker 4: made us get married immediately?
Speaker 2: Hold on, no, no, no, you know what. We gotta wait.
Speaker 1: We gotta save this, We gotta say this because we
Speaker 1: gotta get to it. We gotta get to it.
Speaker 2: So, y'all, we're.
Speaker 1: Gonna do kind of a journey through Sarah's dating history
Speaker 1: because not only do I find it. It's interesting. Let
Speaker 1: me tell y'all how much I hate her content. And
Speaker 1: then I met her and I said, girl, I'm mad.
Speaker 2: I like you yo, I did.
Speaker 1: I came up to her tonight's conversation was like, you
Speaker 1: really believe the shit you be saying? And she kind
Speaker 1: of looked at me and was like, you believe the
Speaker 1: shit you'd be saying too, because we're stark differences. And
Speaker 1: what I love too is that like as women with
Speaker 1: sometimes similar goals, surprisingly enough sometimes we can all get
Speaker 1: to exactly what we want, which is happiness with the
Speaker 1: partner that we inevitably decide that we want it.
Speaker 3: But it is important to top the episode in letting
Speaker 3: people know that you did just get married, did just
Speaker 3: get me married? And that context of what I was
Speaker 3: saying is apparently, and I want you guys to know
Speaker 3: a little bit about our guests.
Speaker 2: You didn't have sex until marriage. Yeah, and here.
Speaker 3: We are horrible decision decisions. There's just no holes barred
Speaker 3: behind her head there. It's like, because I'm not gonna
Speaker 3: hold you.
Speaker 1: That's like probably the craziest thing, Like I'm not marrying
Speaker 1: somebody without knowing what that did do.
Speaker 2: And I have questions further because I need to know,
Speaker 2: like if.
Speaker 3: If we'll get to I think that the only thing
Speaker 3: that would have scared me.
Speaker 2: I don't know, maybe I.
Speaker 4: Would it was like a thumb, but no, I'm sure
Speaker 4: to see me. It was not a thumb.
Speaker 1: But but okay, so you did get to see it first.
Speaker 1: This is I feel like you could kind of see.
Speaker 2: No, girl, I mean you didn't see it. You did.
Speaker 2: Let me know why I asked that.
Speaker 3: I'm actually not meaning it in a sexual way at all,
Speaker 3: just like being around each other nudity like you're own. No.
Speaker 4: Also, he's a huge man like that don't mean nothing
Speaker 4: in three quarters huge, like his whole hand could he
Speaker 4: could literally palm from one side of my waist.
Speaker 2: To the other. I've had like seven footer with I
Speaker 2: little need to see it. Yeah, I don't need to
Speaker 2: taste it. I just need to see it first.
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm not gonna hold you or at least like
Speaker 1: y'all watching TV and you say Romeo KOCHI weezy, but
Speaker 1: you gotta get the field test.
Speaker 3: So I actually had an issue with a man that
Speaker 3: dated that was celibate, and I totally respected it. He
Speaker 3: was kind of no, Well, he was celibate for a
Speaker 3: movie that he was writing. He didn't hadn't completed it yet,
Speaker 3: and he was like, when I'm finished writing the script,
Speaker 3: like I'm ready to have sex again. The one thing
Speaker 3: I actually didn't appreciate was that he.
Speaker 2: Wouldn't be naked around me.
Speaker 3: And so to me, I was totally fine with nothing penetrative,
Speaker 3: like nor or nothing. But I thought that because he
Speaker 3: couldn't be comfortable around me, that's what I thought. I
Speaker 3: thought it was a comfort thing. I was like, oh, yeah, no,
Speaker 3: I can't do it. I've got to see every part
Speaker 3: of you. That was something that in my head felt
Speaker 3: like it made sense. So that's why I'm curious. That's
Speaker 3: so much questions.
Speaker 2: What I feel like.
Speaker 4: But because men are so much usually the ones that
Speaker 4: are like initiating the physical the naked, but for most
Speaker 4: men and write more than women, and for me, I
Speaker 4: would be thinking, if I'm celibate, I wouldn't want to
Speaker 4: be around you naked, if as a man, because it
Speaker 4: immediately those thoughts are to come up and it's like
Speaker 4: that's what I want.
Speaker 3: I guess I thought it was an uncomfortability he had.
Speaker 3: And the day that I realized it was intentional. Was Oh,
Speaker 3: we went to one of those like spot suites where
Speaker 3: they got the cold plunge and the sun.
Speaker 2: Oh no, right, so I'm thinking you was going to
Speaker 2: get a change.
Speaker 3: He went and changed privately, and I was like, all right,
Speaker 3: that's too far from me.
Speaker 2: That's so far like you're he could just turned his body.
Speaker 3: I never saw him naked, and so basically when it
Speaker 3: ended up breaking off, I was like, the sex is
Speaker 3: not this. Everybody thought I was breaking up with him
Speaker 3: because we didn't fuck.
Speaker 2: Did not care. You broke up with him because you
Speaker 2: didn't get to see his dick.
Speaker 3: I felt that he had issues in his own body.
Speaker 2: I'm crazy. Yeah, I ain't gonna turn it away from me.
Speaker 3: Not being able to me nudity is just so expressive
Speaker 3: and normal.
Speaker 4: Oh I'm the opposite, you know, I'm the opposite. I
Speaker 4: mean I feel like I feel like with women. With women,
Speaker 4: I don't care, we are the same. But when it
Speaker 4: comes to like like significant other, I'm not the friend
Speaker 4: that's like, oh my god, let me change in front
Speaker 4: of you. When I have men friends, I will never
Speaker 4: change in front of you. I'm not gonna go of course.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, no, I'm not going to me. I'm not
Speaker 2: changing in front of my male friend. Ye, it's not.
Speaker 2: It's not you don't get women different. I mean my
Speaker 2: gay male friends. Yes, I don't know. I'm not even
Speaker 2: the game al friend. I don't know. Maybe yeah, probably,
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know, Okay, Okay.
Speaker 4: Also, we're in show business, so there's also like if
Speaker 4: we're getting miked or like whatever like that.
Speaker 3: I think that there are parameters. I guess you could say,
Speaker 3: but I don't know.
Speaker 4: And Nude Beaches, I feel like Nude Beaches is mostly
Speaker 4: like old people here for it.
Speaker 3: Like culturally speaking too, did you grow up in a
Speaker 3: naked house?
Speaker 2: Could I do? No?
Speaker 3: My mom, Yeah that's a naked house. Oh yeah yeah.
Speaker 2: Now you're Canadian?
Speaker 1: Yes, so do you have different Is it different being
Speaker 1: a Canadian?
Speaker 2: I know it's still like North America?
Speaker 3: But what bruh is it? You almost didn't say Canadian?
Speaker 3: You said, is it different being a Canada?
Speaker 2: Canadian? Like you Canadian?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 2: And Drake is kind of like us? We don't know.
Speaker 2: Apparently he's not like us, he's kind of like us.
Speaker 1: But growing up in Canada, were there different like ways
Speaker 1: in which you go about traditionally dating, like what was
Speaker 1: what was your house like?
Speaker 2: Growing up?
Speaker 4: Well, there aren't a lot of black people where I'm
Speaker 4: from because not only my Canadian I'm from Saskatchewan, Regina,
Speaker 4: Saskatchewan actually a no no. But I did cariyan as
Speaker 4: my whole life. Like, okay, we we definitely have a
Speaker 4: community there. But I'm Native American and black. Okay that's
Speaker 4: the question.
Speaker 2: Okay, So it was completely different.
Speaker 4: And what I realized when I go back and I
Speaker 4: have conversations with young black women or nieces or whoever,
Speaker 4: They're like, we don't date black men because the black
Speaker 4: men that they have the choices of there aren't. There
Speaker 4: aren't like American black people in Canada, there are usually
Speaker 4: Africans or they are the same mixed up as us.
Speaker 4: So I feel like growing up or being in America
Speaker 4: is probably very similar to how like a mixed kid
Speaker 4: would feel. How do I identify? Do I identify with
Speaker 4: the black side or the white side. I'm not saying
Speaker 4: that I'm mixed. I'm saying that I hear all the
Speaker 4: time when people say things like, oh my god, you're
Speaker 4: so different, You're so different, and I don't know what
Speaker 4: that means. Because I have no reference point. I didn't
Speaker 4: grow up here. But even moving to Atlanta, I've seen
Speaker 4: weird caddy things that I haven't experienced since I was
Speaker 4: in high school. Like what you know, oh, girls trying
Speaker 4: to talk bad about your gossip about your drag, your name.
Speaker 2: And they don't gossip in Canada. I don't know. I honestly,
Speaker 2: I don't know. Wait, there's no fucking way. I don't know,
Speaker 2: not in my not I don't even.
Speaker 3: Know gossiping was. Until I became an adult, I was
Speaker 3: like white.
Speaker 1: People, Yeah, you thought gossip it was a black people
Speaker 1: think kind.
Speaker 2: I grew up black.
Speaker 3: Actually in Atlanta, Grandma were sitting outside and they were
Speaker 3: walked by.
Speaker 2: Of course we're talking about her.
Speaker 3: You thought it was Literally if I hear someone mumble
Speaker 3: I think we're gossiping, I can't hear him.
Speaker 2: What I don't think, Like that's what we do. That's crazy,
Speaker 2: That is crazy, That is crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: a little crazy. I think.
Speaker 3: I think that's an observation though, like like it.
Speaker 2: Was your mom and dad together in the household.
Speaker 4: Yes, even now, like like so, my my parents kind
Speaker 4: of ruined me a little bit, to be honest.
Speaker 2: Oh, let's get into it.
Speaker 4: TRUMPA so it yes, but no and no, but yes.
Speaker 4: What I mean by that is I've never seen my
Speaker 4: parents fight my whole life.
Speaker 2: Oh never not.
Speaker 4: And because I never saw my parents fight, I thought
Speaker 4: that when I fought getting into relationships, I was broken.
Speaker 4: Something was wrong with me because I never saw them fight.
Speaker 4: I never experienced repair. I didn't know what it meant
Speaker 4: to fix a problem or an issue in a relationship
Speaker 4: because from my perspective at that young age and that vantage.
Speaker 2: Point, they didn't. You don't. You don't fight.
Speaker 3: If you fight, you're broken. There's something wrong with you
Speaker 3: about broken. But I actually agree, I would never fight
Speaker 3: in front of my kids. My parents barely fight. From me,
Speaker 3: I barely saw it. Yeah, I think it's appropriate, Like
Speaker 3: kids don't need to be in Have you seen those
Speaker 3: memes where it's like we all experience this and it's
Speaker 3: like parents walking in like come on, we're leaving your
Speaker 3: dad and da da, and they like tussle back and
Speaker 3: forth and Dad's like go back to sleep.
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, I didn't experience that. No, I didn't.
Speaker 2: Oh girl, my daddy went to jail for being my mama.
Speaker 1: Then one of the boyfriends had to be gone, and
Speaker 1: she called my cousins over.
Speaker 2: They came over with pots and pants.
Speaker 1: As it was like, Nikki, you got forgot, like we
Speaker 1: didn't chase my mama boyfriends out the house before crazy
Speaker 1: crazy times over here.
Speaker 3: See, I feel like that's almost shape that relationships are bad.
Speaker 1: I mean to me, I've and I think that that's
Speaker 1: why we've talked about like I've never grown up seeing
Speaker 1: a healthy relationship. I will say also, though from the
Speaker 1: vantage point of view, you both not seeing confrontation and
Speaker 1: resolve also gave you a false perception of a healthy
Speaker 1: relationship that may not have been healthy, and so you
Speaker 1: didn't have also the tools to see. Okay, Well, I
Speaker 1: got to see my parents work through something. Literally, it
Speaker 1: wasn't visible for you.
Speaker 4: It wasn't until I was an adult where I was like, Mom,
Speaker 4: did you and Dad ever fight?
Speaker 2: And my mom was like, we fought all the time.
Speaker 4: We just waited for y'all to go to sleep. Like
Speaker 4: they never fought in front of us. They always fought
Speaker 4: behind closed doors. So I feel like now, if or
Speaker 4: when God sees fit to give us a child, I
Speaker 4: want to.
Speaker 2: Be in the middle. Now.
Speaker 4: I'm never gonna cuss I don't even believe in speaking
Speaker 4: in my man a certain way. There's certain things it's
Speaker 4: just not on the table for me. I'm not a yeller.
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna cuss him out. I'm not gonna call
Speaker 4: him out his name. That's not who I am. But
Speaker 4: if I'm really frustrated, my energy is really heavy, Like
Speaker 4: you could feel me down the block.
Speaker 3: That's how jacked up my energy could be. And that's
Speaker 3: good or bad?
Speaker 4: Right, I'm in a positive or negative You don't feel
Speaker 4: it right, So I feel like what I get to
Speaker 4: learn is how to Yes, it's okay for us to disagree. Yes,
Speaker 4: it's okay for us to passionately feel opposite. And I
Speaker 4: still love you and I don't agree with you, but
Speaker 4: I can understand what you're saying.
Speaker 2: I can validate what you're saying.
Speaker 4: So now our children get to see mom and dad
Speaker 4: as Oh they're not perfect, right, they have issues, they
Speaker 4: have problems, but they work them out.
Speaker 3: Did you do premarital counsel Yeah? We did, did you well?
Speaker 4: Actually no, we were already married doing counseling because we
Speaker 4: literally went friend to marriage and we went we went
Speaker 4: friend married, engaged, engagement party bridal shower wedding.
Speaker 2: That's crazy. Yeah, we did everything backwards?
Speaker 1: Can we now you did everything backwards with this one?
Speaker 1: But this ain't your first ring? No, so can.
Speaker 2: We get to this is your third ring? Third time?
Speaker 2: That's what they said.
Speaker 3: You know, I've been engaged twice and this time actually
Speaker 3: wasn't engaged.
Speaker 2: I was just married. She said, fucking engagement. That thing
Speaker 2: is bad. Look, I don't feel I feel like I'm
Speaker 2: when I tell you.
Speaker 4: I feel like people put so much on fiance, but
Speaker 4: a fiance is a glorified girlfriend who there's no safety
Speaker 4: inside of fiance.
Speaker 2: There's no there's no that issue because there was no
Speaker 2: real comment.
Speaker 3: I think that we just, oh, we're so pessimistic about relationships.
Speaker 3: Sometimes I agree, like me too, Like literally, I've said
Speaker 3: the same thing. I'm like, he's still cheating, like I'm
Speaker 3: saying that. But I think it does It shows people that, like, hey,
Speaker 3: I'm ready to go that next mile. I think a
Speaker 3: marriage is expensive, it.
Speaker 2: Doesn't have to be. I got married at the courthouse.
Speaker 2: I would get married.
Speaker 4: My man said, you deserve a wedding, And at first
Speaker 4: we're gonna get married in the backyard, and then he
Speaker 4: was like nah, you deserve a wedding. So then then
Speaker 4: it turned into creating what we created, and we still
Speaker 4: didn't spend that much money.
Speaker 2: People be talking about, oh my my wedding was now.
Speaker 4: Look like it was a lot of money. But your girl,
Speaker 4: I don't. I don't operate that way. But I do
Speaker 4: think that why I say it's a glorified girlfriend is
Speaker 4: because there are so many people that get rings that
Speaker 4: never make it to the altar, or they just really
Speaker 4: some people are just giving their girls ring so they'll
Speaker 4: stop talking about it.
Speaker 2: Or because they got they got a baby on the way.
Speaker 3: Period said what, I always got friends that are going
Speaker 3: through some trouble.
Speaker 2: No, a lot of our friends. I ain't gonna hold
Speaker 2: you in twenty twenty six.
Speaker 1: If you're about to have a baby and your man
Speaker 1: proposed to you, just know he's not gonna be there
Speaker 1: when the baby six months.
Speaker 2: I'm telling you it is it's literally, it is a curse.
Speaker 2: It is a curse.
Speaker 1: Do not let your man or future baby daddy propose
Speaker 1: to you at the baby shower because it is a
Speaker 1: curse and you will never get married and you're gonna
Speaker 1: be a single mama.
Speaker 4: I think that if you're engaged for longer than two years,
Speaker 4: you probably ain't gonna get married. Uh oh, I agree
Speaker 4: with that point because it's a dang. But engagement is
Speaker 4: the time in which you go from girlfriend and boyfriend
Speaker 4: to husband and wife.
Speaker 2: Why would you have a long engagement period. What is
Speaker 2: the point?
Speaker 3: I guess because they want this elaborate wedding. But then
Speaker 3: the more like it talks to people that have engaged
Speaker 3: for years, I was.
Speaker 2: Like, Okay, well, what's the hold up?
Speaker 4: We don't really know what we want to do, and
Speaker 4: she don't like you. Y'all don't like each other. They
Speaker 4: don't really want to get married.
Speaker 2: You just want to This is the thing too. And
Speaker 2: look I might get eating alive. You know me, I
Speaker 2: have my But I don't think. I think there are
Speaker 2: so many women that don't even like their men. They
Speaker 2: just don't. They just want to have one. They want
Speaker 2: to be able to tell her they gonna be like.
Speaker 4: They just want their women friends to know somebody chose me.
Speaker 4: I'm worth being chosen. I'm in a relationship. Now, Look
Speaker 4: how good I am?
Speaker 2: Look? Oh, I'm gonna it's all. It's all, you know.
Speaker 3: I don't blame the women that feel that I have
Speaker 3: a friend of mine that moved super fast into a relationship.
Speaker 3: Actually is making me think about what you were saying,
Speaker 3: because just found out a person as ed. That's what
Speaker 3: erectile dysfunction? Like?
Speaker 2: What if what if your husband had ed? You ain't? No?
Speaker 2: Would would you call off the wedding? Would you get
Speaker 2: it annulled? If ed? Bak, she ain't find out she married?
Speaker 1: Okay, Oh, hypothetical, let's go since you're talking about husband
Speaker 1: and kids falling into the ocean. So hypothetical question. You
Speaker 1: wait to have sex until marriage. Okay, you get married
Speaker 1: and you find out your now husband has a rectile dysfunction?
Speaker 3: How dysfunctional is that you see by having a shot
Speaker 3: on sex in the city?
Speaker 2: Yet, bro, So do you.
Speaker 1: Work through the marriage and either open it up or
Speaker 1: get him an extender? Or what what do you do
Speaker 1: to stay in the marriage or do you annul the
Speaker 1: marriage because you cannot move forward because you need to.
Speaker 2: Work and get a surgery you can get that you can't.
Speaker 2: There's no search for d No, there's a surgery that can.
Speaker 2: You could pump. Oh, so you'll pump your dick every time,
Speaker 2: so you're you're.
Speaker 4: Pumping, you pump pump that pump it up of the power,
Speaker 4: stop stumping.
Speaker 2: And that jam is pumping. I ain't gonna hold you.
Speaker 3: God, I'd be like, are you ready to get right?
Speaker 1: I would to me and my husband getting a boyfriend.
Speaker 1: You are not making me pump, y'all dick every time
Speaker 1: I want to get fucked, y'all already learned. I'd like
Speaker 1: to get fucked for two hours. What if we got
Speaker 1: to pump in between every two hours?
Speaker 2: Girl? What are you doing for girl? Everything? There is
Speaker 2: a lot to do.
Speaker 3: This bit walked in here today with that two hours
Speaker 3: ship every two hours. When I said this podcast, whatever
Speaker 3: you said, you gotta fuck me in all the yays.
Speaker 3: So I don't want to fuck again, she said, because
Speaker 3: I don't want to have to call another dick.
Speaker 2: Like I want to.
Speaker 1: I want to fuck, like I literally want to fuck
Speaker 1: so hard than when we're done, I feel like, bitch,
Speaker 1: I don't need dick for another month.
Speaker 2: Okay, so two hours and then you have a break.
Speaker 1: Well, no, because if he's in town for a couple
Speaker 1: of days, we're fucking two hours every time we fucked.
Speaker 1: But then when he's gone, I'd be like the wait
Speaker 1: for like, I don't because I don't. I love it
Speaker 1: because then I could be around niggas and not even
Speaker 1: see them. I show my man and he was like,
Speaker 1: how funny is that? And cut this clip and he
Speaker 1: was watching it. I was like, isn't she crazy? And
Speaker 1: he was like, no, I think I could do this too.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, what.
Speaker 2: Y'all don't fuck for two hours? No running from the
Speaker 2: big anywhere? Oh I don't.
Speaker 3: Oh wait wait wait the girl with Edie, Oh yeah
Speaker 3: wait wait so close close friend of mine and she
Speaker 3: literally was like fuck, I cannot believe close close.
Speaker 2: And ship take them back, don't that bitch?
Speaker 3: So basically what happened was she's like, now I'm stuck
Speaker 3: in this thing where.
Speaker 2: I moved too fast. I kind of.
Speaker 3: Thought the beginning stages was maybe we were, you know,
Speaker 3: going to dinner, having drinks. Maybe that's why. And I
Speaker 3: was like, this has to do with apps. You wanting
Speaker 3: a man that fucking bad, because otherwise you wouldn't have
Speaker 3: ended up in this. You would have been able to
Speaker 3: pace yourself, have fun. The larger issue around this is
Speaker 3: you met a man that wants to induce you to
Speaker 3: his family, met a man that wants to take you
Speaker 3: on vacation, you met a man that saying all the
Speaker 3: right things. All of this stuff feels so exciting to
Speaker 3: you because the feeling of being chosen is so intoxicated.
Speaker 3: That's it, And I really believe it's because it's not.
Speaker 3: And I said to her, it's not even your fault.
Speaker 3: A society makes you feel by being chosen. I can
Speaker 3: even tell you right now, the way that my friends
Speaker 3: that are in couples I've been dating my boyfriend three years,
Speaker 3: the way my friends are in couples have just my
Speaker 3: homegirls that ended up getting a boyfriend while I was single.
Speaker 2: They've come back into my.
Speaker 3: Life in ways that I'm just like, damn, how did
Speaker 3: I start hanging with her again? And I'm like, oh,
Speaker 3: because now I'm comfortable for you to be around crazy easy.
Speaker 3: Wasn't enough when I was like bouncing around and doing
Speaker 3: this or just living my life and enjoying my solo time.
Speaker 3: Now I'm acceptable for your nigga to let you hang
Speaker 3: around me.
Speaker 1: Like I know what this is. I'm still doing the
Speaker 1: same shit with my man. I don't like it because
Speaker 1: even when I had a boyfriend, my friends was still you.
Speaker 2: To me?
Speaker 1: Is the is the excuse when they were doing some bullshit.
Speaker 1: I was like, I got a man, Why am I
Speaker 1: still the whole friend? I just never got it.
Speaker 2: Wait, what do you mean?
Speaker 3: So when you say, you're saying now it's more acceptable for.
Speaker 1: You for her friends to now like her friends are
Speaker 1: now back in the circle because when she was single,
Speaker 1: she was too much around her friends.
Speaker 2: I think that they didn't trust you around their men.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no no, I did any more, so
Speaker 3: their men.
Speaker 2: Didn't trust her around the girls.
Speaker 3: And so when I say things changed about my life, Sarah,
Speaker 3: every single part of well, when I say euro every summer,
Speaker 3: like going to South Africa, bopping around partying, like I do,
Speaker 3: I do the exact same thing I did as when
Speaker 3: I was single. I just do it with my man now.
Speaker 3: But somehow there's a validation that women feel when it's
Speaker 3: someone else is in a relationship.
Speaker 2: Oh, I get invited to more like things in the house.
Speaker 3: So you couldn't invite me to you and your husband's
Speaker 3: house when I was single, No, because it's just their relationship.
Speaker 2: Is this stamp of approval for everybody?
Speaker 3: I see it in business, even like since I've started
Speaker 3: new businesses. Just even the man in your life makes
Speaker 3: other people feel like you're a more serious person. How
Speaker 3: dare you be single? How dare you be enjoying having
Speaker 3: fun being solo? Oh look at her again by herself
Speaker 3: at the bar.
Speaker 2: McK whatever.
Speaker 1: Ah, bitch, I'll be having three boyfriends, and y'all don't
Speaker 1: think i'd be serious.
Speaker 2: Y'all don't like that.
Speaker 3: I think no matter what relationships, it's just like here
Speaker 3: she go again, y'all.
Speaker 1: I've been single in five years, so I don't know.
Speaker 1: I've been single since pre pandemic. But you have three boyfriends.
Speaker 1: That's like having none.
Speaker 2: No bitch around. I don't like, no one's gonna take
Speaker 2: it serious. I'm just telling y'all with the serious news.
Speaker 2: I have not been single since twenty nineteen. Thank you.
Speaker 3: That is not a hot take. I really believe this.
Speaker 3: If you're single or in an ethically non monogamous relationship,
Speaker 3: people treat you the same, like, oh, shoot, it's a phase,
Speaker 3: should get over it.
Speaker 2: So you should still be getting treated the same.
Speaker 1: I do want to ask get back getting back to
Speaker 1: your story, Sarah, you've had three.
Speaker 2: Rings, yeah, the first ring, yeah.
Speaker 1: I want to go through that because maybe now that's
Speaker 1: why you went straight from friend to marriage because of
Speaker 1: the PTSD.
Speaker 2: Of your lives.
Speaker 1: Two engagements, but your first relationship, how old were you?
Speaker 1: Can you walk us through navigating that first engagement at
Speaker 1: a young age and also how you escaped the relationship.
Speaker 3: Yes, so I was eighteen. We were together for two years.
Speaker 4: We were engaged in that two years, and he was
Speaker 4: a professional football player.
Speaker 3: I was a professional cheerleader. We were the dream team.
Speaker 4: We were so a doable and also low key because
Speaker 4: the cheerleaders weren't allowed to date the players. But the
Speaker 4: caveat is shout out to my mother. My mom used
Speaker 4: to invite a lot of the black players to our
Speaker 4: house and cook for them because I had brothers and
Speaker 4: so she was like, this is like an American.
Speaker 2: My mom is like anti Pam.
Speaker 4: Everybody in the Yeah, everybody in the community knew my mom,
Speaker 4: and he knew everybody. It was a very small almost
Speaker 4: all the black people knew each other. We were at
Speaker 4: the Caribbean Club every weekend doing a performance. I was
Speaker 4: playing steel drums, I was in dance class and did
Speaker 4: all of these So it wasn't weird for us to
Speaker 4: have all these people over. And I actually used to
Speaker 4: have a thing because my sister was. She's actually married
Speaker 4: to the MVP of the CFL, and he played in
Speaker 4: the league as well.
Speaker 2: So the committee of the college foot just.
Speaker 4: Like Canada's NFL got it. And then he also played
Speaker 4: in the NFL. So his friends would come over with
Speaker 4: him to the house. And I used to be like,
Speaker 4: all these little wax football players think they somebody.
Speaker 2: Because this was the thing. When you're back home.
Speaker 4: The Saskatchewan rough Riders, they are there's an air that
Speaker 4: they have and women throw themselves like they they running
Speaker 4: through women like water down a stream.
Speaker 2: Okay, it is they are, it is.
Speaker 4: It's non stop, right, And so I was always like never,
Speaker 4: like no, never, never, never, never never anyway.
Speaker 1: Not She was saying never at sixteen seventeen, because you
Speaker 1: got them at eighteen and.
Speaker 4: They're all pleassure did And then it was crazy because
Speaker 4: what I think, what you're referring to is he almost
Speaker 4: paralyzed me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would yeah up.
Speaker 4: And it only happened one time. Really, it only happened
Speaker 4: one time.
Speaker 1: And to be honest, how did it only because men suck?
Speaker 1: Women suck, especially in the comments, and so men would
Speaker 1: be like, well, what did you do to make them
Speaker 1: do that?
Speaker 2: And women want to know.
Speaker 1: Like how did it get to that point, especially because
Speaker 1: there were no sign right and luckily for you you
Speaker 1: didn't stay after that one time, But what how did
Speaker 1: you get there?
Speaker 4: How did that happen? To this day, I still don't know.
Speaker 4: I think he snapped, that's what my mother says. But
Speaker 4: long story short, like an eighteen year old immature woman,
Speaker 4: we were fighting and we had broke up. Put him out,
Speaker 4: you go do whatever you gonna do, whatever, whatever, But
Speaker 4: we were still sleeping together.
Speaker 2: We were still dealing with each other.
Speaker 4: And so I used to work for this company that
Speaker 4: we got cars for, so I would teach kids traffic
Speaker 4: safety and show parents how to correctly and sell car seats.
Speaker 4: And so I'd travel all over the province in the
Speaker 4: work car with like stickers on it and show do that.
Speaker 2: So while I was.
Speaker 4: Gone, he would drive my car, okay, And so it's
Speaker 4: crazy because it was Saturday and he knew that on
Speaker 4: this Saturday, I'm coming to pick up my car. And
Speaker 4: so I called and I said, hey, I'm on the way,
Speaker 4: and he's like, no, don't come over right now.
Speaker 2: And I'm me being me.
Speaker 4: First of all, yes over there, and I'm like why
Speaker 4: do you company?
Speaker 2: And he was like, no, I don't have company.
Speaker 4: So for me, I'm like, that don't make no sense,
Speaker 4: Like what are you talking about if I'm on the way,
Speaker 4: Like I'm currently on the way to you. So long
Speaker 4: story short, I get to the apartment, I go up
Speaker 4: on the stairs because you had to use the fob
Speaker 4: to get into the elevator, but at that time you
Speaker 4: could still work the stairway, yea. So I go up
Speaker 4: the stairs and when I get there, he's talking to
Speaker 4: me on the phone in the hallway and I'm like,
Speaker 4: why are you in the hallway. Let's go inside. So
Speaker 4: I go to open the door. The door's locked, and
Speaker 4: I'm like, what's going on? And when I tell you
Speaker 4: this man, this is the first part of it happened,
Speaker 4: he like he snapped, He got in my face, like
Speaker 4: I was some trick on the street that owed him money,
Speaker 4: Like it was crazy. And I used to do this
Speaker 4: thing with people where I would like touch their face
Speaker 4: and be like, oh my god, like they're so beautiful,
Speaker 4: just looking like I always used to have a thing.
Speaker 4: And I said his name and I was like hey,
Speaker 4: and he hit me in my face. When he hit
Speaker 4: me in my face, I saw black. All I saw
Speaker 4: was red. When I tell you and I to be
Speaker 4: suited and beuted, heels on all the time, makeup done,
Speaker 4: hair done, everything, I took off my heels and I
Speaker 4: just started screaming. Now we're in the hallway, right right,
Speaker 4: the hallway, So people could hear it. Oh, I'm sure
Speaker 4: they had to them. There's no way they couldn't because
Speaker 4: all I was screaming was you're kind of that's I
Speaker 4: couldn't believe what was happening, right, So when I kind
Speaker 4: of came back to real life, I said, open this
Speaker 4: door and taking my stuff. I cussed at the time,
Speaker 4: cussed a lot, playing a lot of that at that time.
Speaker 4: I'm taking my stuff and I'm going. And so he says,
Speaker 4: Alicia opened the door. Now, now he called out another
Speaker 4: woman on the other side of the dog, who was
Speaker 4: my friend. By the way, Oh, we gotta kill down.
Speaker 1: Yeah wait a second, yeah, he was, Yeah, he had
Speaker 1: your friend in his house.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so this is the thing, he said. She was
Speaker 4: just twisting my hair because.
Speaker 2: He had dreads.
Speaker 4: So I'm like, oh, okay, bet, no problem, it's all good,
Speaker 4: it's all cool.
Speaker 2: Whatever.
Speaker 4: So I go inside and it was a normal apartment,
Speaker 4: one bedroom apartment. You walk in, you know, the TV's
Speaker 4: on that side, the kitchens right here, bedroom is right there.
Speaker 4: I'd be lined straight to the bedroom because I know
Speaker 4: that the night sand is probably where my keys are at.
Speaker 4: When I go to get my keys off of the
Speaker 4: night stand, there's bengals.
Speaker 2: Not her. Oh now she's the jewelry two. She's sitting
Speaker 2: on the couch and she knows. Wait, but the Bengals
Speaker 2: are in the bedroom.
Speaker 4: But the Bengals are in the you know you can't
Speaker 4: know already know, So I'm I'm talking smack from the bedroom.
Speaker 4: Oh what are these bengals doing right here? She was
Speaker 4: only doing your hair if she just got here this morning.
Speaker 4: So this man comes into the room, and then he
Speaker 4: snapped again. Now he's a defensive defensive lineman.
Speaker 2: I'm not great with this is not a sports podcast. Yes, okay, great.
Speaker 3: He's two hundred and fifty pounds of solid muscle.
Speaker 2: He is strong.
Speaker 4: He's six foot I don't know, probably two and strong
Speaker 4: as hell. Straight, just ripped everything, tackles me onto the
Speaker 4: bed and starts like kind of with his arm on
Speaker 4: my neck, trying to rip the keys out of my hand.
Speaker 4: I still have scars on my hands from this day
Speaker 4: from where he was trying to get the keys out. Anyway,
Speaker 4: I end up doing all of this, getting out, kicking him,
Speaker 4: falling off the.
Speaker 3: Back of the bed. This is where he grabs my legs.
Speaker 4: He mocked me, like with my feet, like was throwing
Speaker 4: me up against everything in this moment. I finally when
Speaker 4: he like slipped a leg, I kicked him in his face.
Speaker 2: Pretty sure, I'm on the ground, he's on top of me.
Speaker 2: I kick him. Maybe I didn't get his face. I
Speaker 2: don't know what I can. I just kicked right now.
Speaker 4: This is the stupid part for me, And this is
Speaker 4: also where I got the most jacked up. That was
Speaker 4: the worst part of why my body is where my
Speaker 4: body is today. But instead of running with the keys,
Speaker 4: what I did was and Alicia is she's not even helping.
Speaker 2: She's not.
Speaker 4: Oh, while I'm getting dragged and mocked on the floor,
Speaker 4: she comes and peeks in the room and goes back
Speaker 4: into the living room. So then instead of me leaving,
Speaker 4: which is where I went wrong, I own it accountability,
Speaker 4: I own it. I shouldn't ever went there. I knew
Speaker 4: he had company he had but you were young, Yes,
Speaker 4: I was young. But also, I mean, I'm grateful because
Speaker 4: in my in my experience, I also felt like that
Speaker 4: was God telling me, not him, this ain't for you,
Speaker 4: This isn't for you.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 4: So long a story short, I exit, I go into
Speaker 4: the living room. So now I'm in the living room
Speaker 4: and he had a big thing with electronics. He had
Speaker 4: a big TV right here. And now I'm on the
Speaker 4: opposite side, you know what I mean. So I'm there's
Speaker 4: like a window behind me, couches right here, little couch
Speaker 4: right there, TV right here, and he had a big
Speaker 4: thing with electronics. And I said, if you take what,
Speaker 4: I pick up his computer and I'm like, there's blood
Speaker 4: dripping down my face. I'm jacked up, and I say,
Speaker 4: if you take one step towards me, I swear to
Speaker 4: God I'll smash it. And he bum rushes me. So
Speaker 4: I threw his computer on the ground. He picks me up,
Speaker 4: he throws me on the couch and he starts shaking me.
Speaker 4: While I'm on the couch, He's on top of me
Speaker 4: and he's screaming what the fuck like over and over
Speaker 4: and over again. And finally, Alisha, who is sitting right
Speaker 4: there while I'm right here on this couch. She says
Speaker 4: his name, and then and then he like snapped out
Speaker 4: of it, and he he like kind of sat a
Speaker 4: little bit on my legs, but not all the way,
Speaker 4: and he started crying in his hands, and I slunk
Speaker 4: off of the couch and I left, and I remember
Speaker 4: calling my mom and.
Speaker 2: I was so hysterical.
Speaker 4: I was like, like, I don't I don't even feel
Speaker 4: like this is a wound for me, but I feel
Speaker 4: like like I'm I'm emotional about it because I remember
Speaker 4: my mom's hysteria.
Speaker 2: Like my mom was like, what is wrong? Like what
Speaker 2: is like?
Speaker 4: I don't under to this day, I don't even think
Speaker 4: my dad knows, because my dad would be in prison.
Speaker 4: He does not play about me, any of his kids.
Speaker 4: He does not play about me. And I made her
Speaker 4: swear to see because you can't. I just kept saying,
Speaker 4: you can't kill that. I think she must have thought
Speaker 4: I was gonna be I killed someone, I you know whatever.
Speaker 4: But yeah, that was a lot. And then I didn't
Speaker 4: tell anybody. And shortly after that's when I moved to La.
Speaker 4: I had gotten accepted into a conservatory for acting, and
Speaker 4: that was one of the reasons why I was like,
Speaker 4: I can't do it.
Speaker 2: And when I tell you for months, did you talk
Speaker 2: to him after that?
Speaker 4: No, okay, I ain't spoken to him since. When I
Speaker 4: tell you it hurt to sleep, it hurt to lay
Speaker 4: down flat on my back. I went to the doctor.
Speaker 4: I told him I slipped and I fell down the stairs.
Speaker 4: Because at that time I didn't want to say, oh
Speaker 4: my God, like me, you getting emotional about your mom
Speaker 4: is taking me back. The only time that man ever
Speaker 4: hit me was same Adrian eighteen twenty. And the memory
Speaker 4: I had that really made me lave him was my
Speaker 4: mom begging him to not hit me anymore. It's just
Speaker 4: something about her desperation, yes that, I was like. She
Speaker 4: also didn't know, so I never told her he was
Speaker 4: throwing a party at his house. And whenever she saw
Speaker 4: in me how fearful I looked. She pulled him in
Speaker 4: the laundry room and she pulled me in there too,
Speaker 4: and she was like she got on her knees and
Speaker 4: I was like, please, please, anything, please come. My mom
Speaker 4: knew I didn't want to come back home. My family
Speaker 4: was going through financial hardship at the time. He was
Speaker 4: taking care of me. She was like, she'll never leave you.
Speaker 4: She's never gonna leave you. Just please don't hear my daughter. Please,
Speaker 4: She didn't grow up like this. Her father is a
Speaker 4: good man. She's never even seen anything like this. I
Speaker 4: grew up like this. And she was like, I can't
Speaker 4: I can't watch it happen again. And my mom's crying
Speaker 4: and he's like, get up, blah blah blah blah. And
Speaker 4: he's like talking to my mom crazy, and I'm getting
Speaker 4: scared because I'm scared what if I say something, if
Speaker 4: he gonna hite me in front of my mom? And
Speaker 4: shortly after that, I don't think I stayed with him
Speaker 4: a month after. But seeing and feeling.
Speaker 3: Your mom's love through a moment where you're going through it,
Speaker 3: think about now we're adults where we could have kids, right,
Speaker 3: and if we had oh, y'all could have kids.
Speaker 2: We could at this age to.
Speaker 3: Know you could call you and say, Mommy, someone hit me. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's just like it's unforgettable.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: It's actually the reason I think now when I get
Speaker 3: an argument with men, oh, it's like complete shutdown. It's
Speaker 3: almost something I had to work through in therapy. I
Speaker 3: get nasty, what the fuck are you going to do
Speaker 3: to me. I do think I'm saying shit like that.
Speaker 1: I do think it's interesting that when you went to
Speaker 1: the hospital as a as a woman, it was like
Speaker 1: a lot of people assume, like you don't want the
Speaker 1: man to get in trouble and all that, but you
Speaker 1: were embarrassed that you had that, that you had that experience.
Speaker 4: I couldn't believe that that had happened to me. I
Speaker 4: literally like, I don't come from that. I don't know
Speaker 4: anything about that. And like I got good grades, I
Speaker 4: got accepted into a conservatory, you know, coming up in
Speaker 4: the in like six months away, I had the opportunity
Speaker 4: to move to La Like in my mind, I was
Speaker 4: like I was so sharp, Like I was the kid
Speaker 4: in school that would go to my teacher before something
Speaker 4: was due and be like is this an a? And
Speaker 4: if they told me know, I would fix it. Like
Speaker 4: I was the person where I wasn't done dancing until
Speaker 4: my feet would bleed, Like I had to get it
Speaker 4: right so to in my mind.
Speaker 2: Your man right to get lived.
Speaker 4: And also if you fight, you're broken. I also had
Speaker 4: that story because of my parents. So now I'm doing
Speaker 4: everything wrong. There's no way that I was about to
Speaker 4: claim how wrong I was.
Speaker 2: It was the most humiliating thing for me in the.
Speaker 4: History of ever, you know, And so I am grateful
Speaker 4: because I do also strongly feel like God has a
Speaker 4: way of keeping you where he wants you to be.
Speaker 3: And I know, like I know, like I know, I
Speaker 3: know we all have a calling on our life, but
Speaker 3: I know mine.
Speaker 4: Is big because He's told me, like, I'm so one
Speaker 4: thousand percent crystal clear on that. And had I gone
Speaker 4: down this realm, I have literally helped thousands of people
Speaker 4: make six and seven figures. I have literally helped thousands
Speaker 4: of women get out of their own way and create
Speaker 4: their own transformation of actual self love.
Speaker 2: I have.
Speaker 4: There's so many things that I have done as an accolade.
Speaker 4: Who cares about an accolade? Who are you in real life?
Speaker 2: How are you?
Speaker 4: How do you treat people in real life? What's your
Speaker 4: heart like in real life? Like when these cameras are off?
Speaker 4: How are you as a person in real life? And
Speaker 4: those are the things about me that I take pride.
Speaker 4: And I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world.
Speaker 4: And when we were talking about Brock, you know what,
Speaker 4: he cheatd this, that and the other. I don't think
Speaker 4: Brock with Chee because I don't think Brock is a cheater.
Speaker 4: I think it Brock wanted to have another woman, he'd
Speaker 4: be like, baby, we gotta talk, And that's not cheating.
Speaker 3: That's a decision that we both could make together.
Speaker 2: Potentially.
Speaker 4: I don't even think that that's gonna happen because I think,
Speaker 4: a man, I'm too sayful, such a nice lady.
Speaker 2: What is that for? These fucking hot takes? Is this
Speaker 2: the what you mean? So this is a hot yeah?
Speaker 4: I know how many times like fucking crazy like and
Speaker 4: it's just funny because they really.
Speaker 3: Does show you the internet of the Internet, and I'm like,
Speaker 3: this is the same.
Speaker 2: This is I don't get what is the hot take
Speaker 2: that you disagree with? I'll give me one to me.
Speaker 1: It's interesting, with you being so traditional, with you being
Speaker 1: so so open, you genuinely think that your partner he
Speaker 1: sees something, if he wants another woman, that he's gonna
Speaker 1: come to you first about it.
Speaker 2: I don't and say, hey, I want I want to
Speaker 2: do this.
Speaker 3: It's like you're you saying that's just your your partner
Speaker 3: you believe.
Speaker 2: Oh, I would believe. I know my partner would come
Speaker 2: to me.
Speaker 4: I don't because this is and I don't think that
Speaker 4: it would be like damn that that girl's bad. Like
Speaker 4: Brock doesn't operate like that. He's strategic, he's logistical. Everything
Speaker 4: has to make sense for him. So he's not gonna
Speaker 4: see some batty on the street that lady could have HIV.
Speaker 4: That's he's that's not happening.
Speaker 2: But that thought that you have though, okay, my bad.
Speaker 2: I disagree.
Speaker 3: I think that at your highest peak of happiness, that's true.
Speaker 2: I think people change.
Speaker 3: I agree, and I think that sometimes men confuse love
Speaker 3: and line knowing that it could hurt you.
Speaker 4: Yes, now this is the caveat to that. For me,
Speaker 4: my deepest core value openness and honesty. So for you
Speaker 4: to say that too, girl, No, no, you got me.
Speaker 2: No. No.
Speaker 4: If you lie to meat, you know what you're doing.
Speaker 4: I will never be the same.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 4: I don't believe in divorce. He gonna have to divorce
Speaker 4: me if we ever got a divorce. Really, it's not
Speaker 4: on the table for me.
Speaker 2: He's just not. I'm thirty seven, thirty.
Speaker 3: Knowing that we've all dated pieces of shit.
Speaker 2: Piece is a shit girl. We knew how deceitful men.
Speaker 1: Can be, and we know that the hot take on
Speaker 1: the internet is that a man will will lie or
Speaker 1: deceive you because they love you so much they don't
Speaker 1: want to hurt you, even if they know the actions
Speaker 1: that they're doing that are going to hurt.
Speaker 4: No, that's a man with no integrity. I didn't choose
Speaker 4: a man with no integrity. And this is the thing too,
Speaker 4: my man knows what he got. I have a unicorn.
Speaker 4: I'm very aware of that. And I'm not saying most
Speaker 4: men don't cheat, because I think most men with options
Speaker 4: will absolutely cheat. I think there are girls right now
Speaker 4: so mad that we're married because he situation shipped everybody, everybody.
Speaker 2: And I don't want.
Speaker 3: To debate this because I'm never gonna say someone's like, yeah,
Speaker 3: that's what's hard to debate. It's very it to me
Speaker 3: nasty to be like you if there's someone watching right
Speaker 3: now that's like, she don't know. Yeah, And I actually disagree,
Speaker 3: Like I think people do it to my boyfriend all
Speaker 3: the time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, right.
Speaker 3: But what I will say, though, is the way that
Speaker 3: you feel about him. I feel like I've seen it
Speaker 3: in another woman, and I don't know if integrity to
Speaker 3: me equates to sexuality. Like I tell you what I
Speaker 3: think integrity is. To me, it's like the idea that
Speaker 3: he'd leave you when you're.
Speaker 2: Sick, down and out.
Speaker 3: Let's say you've got in a horrible accident and you change,
Speaker 3: your beauty changes and.
Speaker 2: He would leave you.
Speaker 3: Or if you had children and he decided to not
Speaker 3: be the man that you thought he was, that's he
Speaker 3: is integrity. Sexuality is a moment. Yeah, and it's a moment.
Speaker 2: I believe that.
Speaker 3: Okay, I believe that the most loyal man, I believe
Speaker 3: we can have a moment. I do, and I and
Speaker 3: that's why I can be I'm.
Speaker 1: Not saying you right now are giving that You're saying
Speaker 1: sexuality is a moment, and so a man can't just.
Speaker 2: Fall into Sexuality is such a moment.
Speaker 3: To me, that is why I don't care about sex
Speaker 3: with other people because me neither.
Speaker 2: But I.
Speaker 4: So I think I think with you, I understand if
Speaker 4: you are single and you know who you chose, and
Speaker 4: that's an integrity for you, then what you're saying makes sense.
Speaker 4: But for me and in an our our relationship, it
Speaker 4: is not an integrity to be deceptive to me. No,
Speaker 4: it is not an integrity for you to betray me.
Speaker 4: It is not an integrity for you to sneak around
Speaker 4: and do whatever you were none of zero percent of
Speaker 4: that is in integrity.
Speaker 3: But he believe that people can actually like when they're cheating.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you've ever cheated on someone, You
Speaker 3: never cheated on nobody.
Speaker 2: I'm not interested. I'm not a cheater. I'm not a cheater.
Speaker 2: I'm have you cheated I cheat on oay? Remember? Oh
Speaker 2: you did? I did you cheated her? Lack of that like,
Speaker 2: well to you, you did it? Like like it was
Speaker 2: like get back he cheated on her?
Speaker 3: Okay, but very toxic. And also I felt powerful in
Speaker 3: my cheat But really, which was the worst part about
Speaker 3: my cheating, And it's because that's how much he hurt me.
Speaker 3: I don't even know if my cheating was a true desire.
Speaker 3: I think seventy five percent of it was me just
Speaker 3: being like fuck him. I just I have like another
Speaker 3: man that's obsessed with me, that wants me. It was
Speaker 3: just this weird that's easy.
Speaker 2: Now. I can't even tell you how that.
Speaker 3: Feels, because in the moment when he hurt me, he
Speaker 3: cheated on me during COVID and we moved to Mexico
Speaker 3: and I held that and I was sitting there and
Speaker 3: I was like, fuck.
Speaker 2: No, stuff, what am I gonna do? So when I
Speaker 2: would go to New.
Speaker 3: York to record Horrible, I would cheat and I would
Speaker 3: come home and be like, there was so much fun,
Speaker 3: but I felt so powerful, and I think in the
Speaker 3: end I did oh no. But I don't know if
Speaker 3: he believed me.
Speaker 2: It was in a fight.
Speaker 1: I don't think he believed it. You felt powerful cheating.
Speaker 1: You know what's crazy about you saying that? I wonder
Speaker 1: if men do it as well. There's a lot of
Speaker 1: ways in which, especially when men are with a powerful woman,
Speaker 1: that they feel emasculated. And so I wonder if, even
Speaker 1: knowing how you excelled during that relationship financially and with
Speaker 1: with through business, if cheating for him was a power
Speaker 1: as well, because there was. I told you my nigga
Speaker 1: felt powerful cheating on me with a homeless bitch because he.
Speaker 2: Felt like I wasn't I didn't need him. He literally, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: this chu was a pouch surfing. He had that he
Speaker 2: was homeland.
Speaker 3: It gives a cup out outside shaking it.
Speaker 2: She was CouchSurfing. She didn't have a home, she was unhoused.
Speaker 1: And we talked about it today because like not today,
Speaker 1: but we've talked about it since our breakup, because we've
Speaker 1: mended the things. And when I asked him, like, why
Speaker 1: would you do that? He let me know, like you
Speaker 1: made me feel like I like you didn't need me,
Speaker 1: and so part felt he liked that the bitch needed
Speaker 1: fifty dollars to eat. I don't know, like he liked
Speaker 1: that shit. Yeah, And I was just like, that's crazy.
Speaker 1: So again, and maybe the way that he showed up
Speaker 1: if cheating mede you feel powerful. I wonder how much
Speaker 1: power it gives a man to cheat, especially in a
Speaker 1: relationship where there's he feels either emasculated or unneeded or
Speaker 1: And that's the thing too men. People say that men
Speaker 1: cheat for options, no, the same way they say women
Speaker 1: cheat emotionally. There's also some sort of emotional tie. I
Speaker 1: believe in a lot of sentence as to why men cheat.
Speaker 2: Not to put the blame on I'm a woman.
Speaker 1: Let me go ahead and make that a woman with
Speaker 1: a man cheats, you put the blame on a woman.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 4: No, First of all, if a man cheats, a man's
Speaker 4: gonna cheat. But I am saying if a woman opts
Speaker 4: in to being the person that a man cheats with
Speaker 4: and you know he's in a relationship.
Speaker 2: Oh wait, I thought we were blaming like the Maine.
Speaker 1: I thought we were blaming the main No, girl, we
Speaker 1: know side checks.
Speaker 2: They married man. I mean they they married man with.
Speaker 4: Girlfriends, you know, And I'm sure there's I'm not even
Speaker 4: sure I know that there is trauma linked right, Like
Speaker 4: there's a part of like an avoidant that wants to
Speaker 4: it's easier to just have this person that you can
Speaker 4: have a physical connection with the other.
Speaker 2: Don't read me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I actually only give grace in this scenarios that
Speaker 3: it's an exchange of money or gifts.
Speaker 2: And to me, I'm serious. I'm gonna tell you what.
Speaker 3: You hear.
Speaker 2: What you're saying, it's okay for him to have a prostitute.
Speaker 2: What you said? That's all?
Speaker 3: Yes, let me here, it is a bag found out
Speaker 3: that this was nail what you got this person?
Speaker 2: The hot take.
Speaker 3: Isn't me blaming the woman when she's getting money out.
Speaker 2: Of a bigger So as long as a man, you're
Speaker 2: a man, then I deserve it.
Speaker 3: And they not excuse me, I'm the I'm the fucking fool, Like,
Speaker 3: what the fuck I mean?
Speaker 2: Not you cheat on me. Baby, The bitch deserve you too.
Speaker 1: But you're okaying a man cheating with a prostitute over
Speaker 1: cheating with a woman.
Speaker 2: That's just saying I'm not okaying it.
Speaker 3: I'm just saying, the woman that's engaging in this situation,
Speaker 3: get money out my nigger, and she could get gifts.
Speaker 3: Bit you deserve them. If he could do that, I
Speaker 3: take them, take them from me.
Speaker 2: I'm a prostitute. Don't want your man. She could want
Speaker 2: the money, So I take the whole thing because I
Speaker 2: don't want them to know.
Speaker 3: But what I'm telling you is if you can get
Speaker 3: to the like, if you're at the point where there's
Speaker 3: a married man and I'm sorry, Sarah, and I want
Speaker 3: to be married too, and I literally believe it is
Speaker 3: the highest honor that I could give my love and
Speaker 3: my family. Yea. But if there is a woman who is.
Speaker 4: Getting money out of my man, you're not mad at her,
Speaker 4: take them?
Speaker 2: She says, she's not mad at And I'll tell you why.
Speaker 4: To me, if my man gives money to another female, Wait, no.
Speaker 3: No, you can have them.
Speaker 2: You can have them.
Speaker 4: You gave, you gave, you gave our resources to another female.
Speaker 2: What for what? Like? For for a moment, of for
Speaker 2: a moment, take take him them.
Speaker 3: Hold on, I feel that way, I tell you, and
Speaker 3: let me tell you. He loved to eat in the morning.
Speaker 3: He like sausages, pancakes.
Speaker 2: And then they expramed and look at me. I'm the opposite. No,
Speaker 2: I would much rather.
Speaker 1: It's just something like that, like you throw a couple
Speaker 1: of hundred dollars whatever. Hold on, did you catch emotions
Speaker 1: for a woman? I don't know what you have to
Speaker 1: you have to choose. I would munch rather.
Speaker 2: You bet the bitch. One night's Vegas and that's it,
Speaker 2: And that was my thing.
Speaker 1: I was fine even with my partner having sex with
Speaker 1: a woman one time.
Speaker 2: Take her out to dinner.
Speaker 1: Don't get to know how many siblings she has, don't
Speaker 1: know her middle name, just have sex.
Speaker 3: He's like, don't you get emotional, But Sarah fan we
Speaker 3: had a little disagreement about this. He's like, I know
Speaker 3: you say ship, like no dates, no dinner and shit,
Speaker 3: but like what type of woman do you think probably
Speaker 3: wouldn't meet? He's like, you do this whole scenario of
Speaker 3: like how you want it to look right?
Speaker 2: What scraggly bitch do you think is going to meet
Speaker 2: me out and say yes right now in the car.
Speaker 2: He's like, this isn't even like a car take me home.
Speaker 3: But that's the thing like decent women like if if
Speaker 3: you're decent, let's tell you that work we didn't have
Speaker 3: or we don't have one nice stands before.
Speaker 1: And we're not scraggling anyway. Niggas have picked us up
Speaker 1: from the club before. Stop sitting here getting on your
Speaker 1: hot horse. We have had one nice sans when ygga
Speaker 1: I set at the end of the bed in Miami.
Speaker 2: Scraggly.
Speaker 3: You think I'm going at the balla this weekend and
Speaker 3: be like, oh, yes, no, I want to eat a
Speaker 3: hot take I have.
Speaker 2: Yes.
Speaker 3: No woman is to blame if she is getting something
Speaker 3: out of a man. I believe there's nowhere where a
Speaker 3: woman should be blamed. Y'all know he's on his high
Speaker 3: horse with sex workers right now.
Speaker 2: Let's let him no.
Speaker 3: But I just think that, like, it's not even like
Speaker 3: you're trying to take him from me. You're literally doing
Speaker 3: this because the man is funding something for you.
Speaker 2: Well, what am I supposed to say?
Speaker 3: How can we blame this woman's it's her using men,
Speaker 3: which they should be used men use women off.
Speaker 2: This man should be used. Shit, Okay, a married man.
Speaker 2: You're telling me you're doing it because he's funny, because
Speaker 2: you like him. He's cute. Bitch.
Speaker 3: If you're not getting paid, you're a joke bitch. That's
Speaker 3: a literal you could quote.
Speaker 2: But also, men should be used. You said that too.
Speaker 2: Let's stay there.
Speaker 3: They married one, sorry, listen, and this is someone I
Speaker 3: said that once a successful marriage. I'm just saying I
Speaker 3: cannot blame a woman. If a married man comes to
Speaker 3: you and says, I can give you X, y Z,
Speaker 3: I can help you pay your rent, I can give
Speaker 3: you all these things.
Speaker 2: How can we blame these women? I mean, there's so
Speaker 2: many ways, so we can blame me for one.
Speaker 4: Why Why are you so desperate for a means of
Speaker 4: survival that you rely on a man to duck out
Speaker 4: on his wife. Why are you even open to putting
Speaker 4: yourself into a space where you're going to allow yourself
Speaker 4: to be the demise of something, or the demise or
Speaker 4: the creation of his meath, or the betrayal She is.
Speaker 2: That he is if he no, they both are. There's
Speaker 2: no woman in the world.
Speaker 3: She has no loyalty to you that doesn't matter that
Speaker 3: bond that you do.
Speaker 2: You not have loyalty period? Do you not have you
Speaker 2: have to have to someone else's relationship people?
Speaker 4: No, Hey, wait, paus, because that's like saying that's like saying,
Speaker 4: what type of standard do I have to have to you? Look,
Speaker 4: I don't eat meat because I don't eat meat. I don't,
Speaker 4: I don't. I don't drink often because I don't drink often.
Speaker 4: There's never gonna be a space. I don't rob banks,
Speaker 4: I don't do heroin. There's certain things that are just
Speaker 4: not on the table for me. And this being from
Speaker 4: a woman, I had a man who is very ultra successful,
Speaker 4: wanted to have kids with me fifty thousand dollars a month.
Speaker 1: He said, I hold on you and you left that.
Speaker 2: Yes, no, I want partnership. This was the second engagement. No,
Speaker 2: this is a different but no.
Speaker 4: So what I'm saying is if you are the way
Speaker 4: that you are, then be that, but don't try to
Speaker 4: make it like, oh no, I have so much integrity,
Speaker 4: but I just don't owe her anything.
Speaker 2: No, you never had integrity to begin with. So I
Speaker 2: think that.
Speaker 1: I know y'all probably watching this like why the bitch
Speaker 1: that like being a side chick. Ain't talking because I
Speaker 1: used to be a pride I know y'all have be
Speaker 1: just like maybe her quiet and she was being the
Speaker 1: not integroup bags.
Speaker 2: Okay, wait pause? Were you really a sidechick? For real?
Speaker 2: Was I? Bitch?
Speaker 1: I have a chapter in the book that says, do
Speaker 1: married men really treat you better?
Speaker 2: Oh? And they did?
Speaker 1: They put a part of a part of me was delusional,
Speaker 1: and I do think that I wasn't open with the
Speaker 1: fact that I was insecure.
Speaker 2: I was in survival mode.
Speaker 1: I didn't feel like I could be someone's number one
Speaker 1: so much so that two three, four, five.
Speaker 2: That were your relationship? Like like, was it for fun?
Speaker 2: What do you mean? Or was it? Oh? Girl? Some
Speaker 2: of them may give me.
Speaker 1: Some of them I just thought was fine and I
Speaker 1: didn't care to they was married, like not all of
Speaker 1: my side niggas became sugar daddy, See like there's something
Speaker 1: different that's that's here and here you got married?
Speaker 3: Want to get married? I wanted to get married.
Speaker 2: Excuse me? So do I? Mandy does not?
Speaker 3: So how can we expect the value that you have
Speaker 3: about the sanctity of marriage and loyalty? Contributing to the
Speaker 3: demise why you would have got there, Figurenaiuta, I genuinely
Speaker 3: feel like the way that I value things I can't
Speaker 3: expect for someone else. It's like if I let you
Speaker 3: borrow a dress of mine, I can't expect.
Speaker 2: You to treat it how I do. You don't fucking
Speaker 2: treat her like whatever? You know what I mean?
Speaker 4: Like, that's why if you know that somebody don't take
Speaker 4: care of their stuff, they don't take care of their stuff.
Speaker 3: But I just don't believe that the person. We can't
Speaker 3: place blame on another person. We can get angry, we
Speaker 3: can look at their Instagram and be like, fuck her,
Speaker 3: she's this, she's that, but there is nothing. I don't
Speaker 3: even think she deserves bad karma.
Speaker 2: No, I'm not gonna lie it.
Speaker 1: Gone back to your other relationship though. You should have
Speaker 1: whooped Alicia, ass Like as soon as you went into
Speaker 1: that apartment, fuck your keys, you actually because.
Speaker 2: That was your friend. Yeah, I know what you're trying
Speaker 2: to say, and you know it's bold. People funk. You
Speaker 2: should have whooped Alicia. I didn't care. I didn't at
Speaker 2: that point. I feel like, no, because you saw them
Speaker 2: bangles and you care. Oh, you should have whooped Alicia.
Speaker 3: Wait wait, I'm not talking about someone that loves I'm
Speaker 3: talking about a random woman. You need it a ball,
Speaker 3: I mean period.
Speaker 4: I feel this is what I think. Cheating is weak, good, bad,
Speaker 4: right or wrong. It is what it is is weak.
Speaker 4: You're gonna allow the moment where you are not your
Speaker 4: strongest and that's the thing too. I also agree with you,
Speaker 4: Mandy where I feel like every person has the ability
Speaker 4: to be a cheaper cheater right time, right access, right opportunity.
Speaker 2: You put me on.
Speaker 4: A on a on a on a on a what
Speaker 4: you might call it for well, maybe not, maybe not
Speaker 4: because I'm like, damn, if I was on an island
Speaker 4: for thirty years with one man that's not my husband,
Speaker 4: would something go down?
Speaker 2: Girl? Why do you do there? So thirty years? Bitch?
Speaker 2: Thirty years? Now? This is the thing. Thirty days, I
Speaker 2: don't see no planes coming down. Wait a second, you.
Speaker 1: Say it would say you being straighted on the island
Speaker 1: for thirty years to see if you would consider cheating
Speaker 1: on your husband.
Speaker 4: No, I think it just takes a conversation that That's
Speaker 4: what I think, like real talk, like you know, take
Speaker 4: take the extremes out the way. I personally feel like
Speaker 4: I'm not a cheater. Because I'm not a cheater. I
Speaker 4: don't I don't want to give any man that type
Speaker 4: of power over my man. I would never do that.
Speaker 4: I would never have him in a room looking dumb,
Speaker 4: looking stupid, having other men be like, oh yeah, and
Speaker 4: I tagged your girl.
Speaker 2: No you didn't.
Speaker 4: That can't And there's very few people that can even
Speaker 4: claim me. And I love that for him.
Speaker 1: And like, as long as it's not All Star weekend
Speaker 1: like we are, we are, like, I'll be in these rules.
Speaker 2: They k nobody's saying, you know what I mean, But
Speaker 2: that's the only weekend. I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: He was like, I feel like I love that we
Speaker 3: could go in spots and like niggas ain't hit, but
Speaker 3: it definitely went on a date with your hand. It
Speaker 3: was all rio you swipe a Riety's like, we can't
Speaker 3: walk down New York City before.
Speaker 2: You've been like the date with him? I mean I did.
Speaker 3: Yeah, after that first day, I was like, oh no, yeah,
Speaker 3: I was a serial dater.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Now I'm curious because I do want to make sure
Speaker 1: we get to it. You had a second engagement, Yeah,
Speaker 1: what happened there?
Speaker 2: Oh? Child? So that guy? So that guy changed.
Speaker 4: So think this is where I was really caught up
Speaker 4: in perception, and perception was way more important to me
Speaker 4: than reality. The perception was black love, our couple, relationship goals.
Speaker 4: We were dream team, you know on Instagram, But in
Speaker 4: real life it was actually very toxic. And at the time,
Speaker 4: this is when I was in the top I think,
Speaker 4: three percent of a nine point eight billion dollar company
Speaker 4: and that man looked me dead in my face and said, Sarah,
Speaker 4: you'll never make it. The only way you would make
Speaker 4: it is if you married someone who made it cool.
Speaker 4: And at that time I'm like, but I'm successful. But
Speaker 4: also it did feel like a competition all the time.
Speaker 4: It did feel like, you like, I almost had to
Speaker 4: fight for how dope of a partner I was, you.
Speaker 2: Know what I mean?
Speaker 4: Like, I feel like, was that the toxicity you're talking about,
Speaker 4: the competitiveness. The competitiveness was super toxic. The hit and
Speaker 4: his ego was so big. I'll never free. This lives
Speaker 4: like the most mortifying moment of my life.
Speaker 2: Right. We were in best Buy.
Speaker 4: Okay, you know, and we're old now older, but do
Speaker 4: you guys remember like the Best Buy rooms where there
Speaker 4: were those big old TVs. Yeah, and like they were
Speaker 4: hella expensive, like ten thousand dollars, fourteen thousand.
Speaker 2: Ridiculous whatever. Now you can get them for two forty
Speaker 2: five exactly. Period.
Speaker 4: Yes, So we are freaking going into one of these
Speaker 4: rooms in Best Buy and one of the helpers, like
Speaker 4: one of the workers, comes in the room and she's like, hey,
Speaker 4: you guys, you guys need any help with anything, and
Speaker 4: he was like he was like, no, we're just looking
Speaker 4: around because he knew we knew we weren't about to
Speaker 4: buy the TVs, like we're literally just looking at it.
Speaker 4: And the girl said something along the lines of yeah,
Speaker 4: because no one really buys these TVs. What he heard
Speaker 4: in his mind was you can't afford these TVs. So
Speaker 4: what he did at the time was he brought out
Speaker 4: his car key and he's like, what kind of car
Speaker 4: do you drive? And she said something like a Toyota
Speaker 4: Corolla or like a Cameri or something. And he's like, oh, okay, yeah,
Speaker 4: some people have Camri type lifestyles and other people have
Speaker 4: and he showed his key this type of lifestyle and
Speaker 4: when I tell you, I wish I could have disappeared.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 4: The meme of a Maserati girl, okay, not okay, No, never.
Speaker 2: Like ratulation.
Speaker 4: It's it's literally like why, like why why why if
Speaker 4: you have to put yourself above others to feel good?
Speaker 2: Like why the girl it best buy? And you know what,
Speaker 2: I hope.
Speaker 4: That that girl isn't haunted by that moment of just
Speaker 4: osing of you're not good enough, Like imagine someone doing
Speaker 4: you like that publicly for what.
Speaker 2: Oh I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1: If your man goes out of his way to make
Speaker 1: like to talk down on you or make you feel
Speaker 1: like you're not good enough, that's that's you gotta leave them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's you got us to go. Girl. It was
Speaker 2: it was a rap.
Speaker 4: It was literally that him's telling me that that statement
Speaker 4: you'll never make it. The only way you'd make it
Speaker 4: is if you married someone who made it.
Speaker 2: Was That was it.
Speaker 4: It wasn't the him being this super egotistical whatever.
Speaker 2: And in a weird way. He did have some good
Speaker 2: things about him. Honestly, he did hit his moment.
Speaker 1: I mean I didn't he didn't have ed, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know about what was really
Speaker 1: good about?
Speaker 3: What was the car ride home quiet? I don't have
Speaker 3: nothing to say to you? Was it because you were
Speaker 3: angry at him, or did you start to think any we'd.
Speaker 2: Like, how the fuck did I get here?
Speaker 4: I think I just felt embarrassed that I was a
Speaker 4: part of humiliating another human and it made me feel
Speaker 4: so small.
Speaker 3: It made me feel like dirty almost, you know, like.
Speaker 4: I I'm the type of person where I tell strangers
Speaker 4: they're beautiful.
Speaker 2: But you'd be lying hair, No, I don't.
Speaker 4: I'll be like highlashes, girl, I love your hair. I
Speaker 4: love that your hair is more blonde.
Speaker 2: Now that's the truth. I don't say nothing true.
Speaker 1: Oh so when you don't give compliments though, if you
Speaker 1: don't mean them.
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, I'm but I'm intentional about trying to find
Speaker 4: something I like, like like to strangers. I do it
Speaker 4: all the time, like and brock my my husband tell me, girl,
Speaker 4: like them shoelaces, thank you.
Speaker 3: I had a guy at Data that told me once
Speaker 3: I used to think you were a phony about like
Speaker 3: how you have small talk people. And he's like, but
Speaker 3: I realized we're toward the end of our relationship. He said,
Speaker 3: you really are someone that wants to know the Starbucks lady,
Speaker 3: like how her kids are. He's like, at first, I
Speaker 3: was just like when she shut the fuck up and
Speaker 3: he's like, but you love connecting with people in that way,
Speaker 3: And it has been my biggest turn off when people
Speaker 3: are nasty.
Speaker 2: I hate Yeah, no, that's not a good character with
Speaker 2: the character jump.
Speaker 3: Up leave had a great time ba but like and
Speaker 3: I noticed it, especially when today, just like a small way,
Speaker 3: I could see it.
Speaker 2: Nobody in my life really acts like this.
Speaker 3: When we go to a club and the other bitches
Speaker 3: in the section, how do they all treat each other?
Speaker 2: How are the girls treating the other girls there that
Speaker 2: don't know each other?
Speaker 3: Yes, because it is the easiest place to get territorial,
Speaker 3: to get jealous, and you just get mean and need
Speaker 3: to feel like you're more important. I'll show up sometimes,
Speaker 3: whether it be like an industry event or my homeboys
Speaker 3: pull up on this thing, whatever it is, and how
Speaker 3: the women look at me when they sit down on
Speaker 3: the enter of the room, like, especially beautiful women. I'm
Speaker 3: always shocked at beautiful women being treachery.
Speaker 2: Excuse me.
Speaker 4: I know you don't curse, but I really do.
Speaker 3: But I've been through it when I.
Speaker 2: Someone beautiful in their a bit yes are you? Let
Speaker 2: me tell you.
Speaker 4: There's one girl and I'm never gonna say her name,
Speaker 4: and she better pray it. She needs to thank God
Speaker 4: for the fact that I will never tell the truth
Speaker 4: about her, even though this girl lies about me, like
Speaker 4: and I don't care, but no, no, no, but I'm
Speaker 4: gonna say this. She is one of the most beautiful
Speaker 4: women I have ever seen in my life. Like, she
Speaker 4: is stunning, and at the same time, she is the
Speaker 4: ugliest human I have ever experienced in my entire I
Speaker 4: didn't even know they made them like this. This is
Speaker 4: like Jim Rone says it. Jim Ron says, in your lifetime,
Speaker 4: you'll probably really only meet ten truly terrible people.
Speaker 2: Oh I like that.
Speaker 4: So once you get through your ten, you know, if
Speaker 4: you're thirty five, you've made it to four, you got
Speaker 4: six more. If you twenty and you you're already at eight,
Speaker 4: you only got two more. Like, there's really only ten
Speaker 4: truly terrible people that you run into in your life.
Speaker 3: She's one of my ten. Oh wow, she is one
Speaker 3: of my ten.
Speaker 2: How many have you? How many do you think you've
Speaker 2: run into?
Speaker 4: I think I've only had one, to be honest. No, girl,
Speaker 4: the ex I'm sorry you gotta throw.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't even probably they saying maybe a good or
Speaker 3: or five that are confusing me with how nasty they are,
Speaker 3: Like just not even like you know, when you get
Speaker 3: in an argument with someone like that doesn't count to
Speaker 3: me because that then there's an excuse for your or
Speaker 3: maybe some anger is bringing a bad side of you.
Speaker 3: Just someone truly nasty. The one thing I will say though,
Speaker 3: one of them was a very beautiful one and she
Speaker 3: was a model. I remember complaining about her to another
Speaker 3: friend of mine and he said, imagine your beauty is
Speaker 3: the only thing. Oh imagine how it must feel when
Speaker 3: she sits down. Because we were associates, He's like, you know,
Speaker 3: when you come in the room, I'm one of those
Speaker 3: friends that everyone wants me to tell a story when
Speaker 3: I said.
Speaker 2: Down, ohasy Fells bought blah blah blah blah blah, or.
Speaker 3: When I come into a room, or I'm the party
Speaker 3: friend sometimes right, people love me at a party.
Speaker 2: It's just the truth.
Speaker 3: He's like, how much it must bother her that the
Speaker 3: beauty stops and now the attention shifts a lot of beautiful.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, when I was fat, I used to bag
Speaker 1: all the niggas because because the girls in the room
Speaker 1: will be fine, but I come and to start making
Speaker 1: a nigga ut. Hey, they was okay with my three necks.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they say, this bitch kind of funny. Let's keep
Speaker 3: having her around. You know you're someone that people want
Speaker 3: to be around.
Speaker 2: Oh, let me tell you what I really can't stand.
Speaker 2: I mean, there's a joke having me a bad bitch.
Speaker 2: Here's she funny and cool like and yeah, you'd be surprised.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's the best feeling because it really goes to
Speaker 3: show that like, nah, we can pivot past this. I
Speaker 3: feel like my whole life I was meant to think
Speaker 3: that hot people were rude, always was.
Speaker 2: I'm curious in terms of pivoting you and your husband.
Speaker 1: Now, to wrap this up, you and your husband were
Speaker 1: friends for how long before you said you got to
Speaker 1: marry me to get this koochie.
Speaker 2: That's why you can't trust friends. You can't trust friends.
Speaker 2: I say that all the time. I you know, you
Speaker 2: was my friend.
Speaker 4: I choose from my friends. Everybody I've ever dated it
Speaker 4: has been a friend.
Speaker 2: And so your your husband now can't.
Speaker 1: But your husband now can't have girls ariends for what.
Speaker 2: What about the women that were in life?
Speaker 1: He don't have none, he'd wait, all the women that
Speaker 1: were in his life before y'all got married.
Speaker 4: Are y'all talking about Wait? He had everybody you were
Speaker 4: I was a friend. I don't know any of his
Speaker 4: other friends. Wait, so the ones now you doesn't have
Speaker 4: any female friends. He has women that he's cool with,
Speaker 4: and I know who they are.
Speaker 2: That count. No, it's doesn't. I feel like people be
Speaker 2: putting too much on friend.
Speaker 4: Even for friend to me means you show up to
Speaker 4: this person, you talk to them often, you'll.
Speaker 2: Hang out with them one on one. Those are friend.
Speaker 2: Can any of the women that he's cool with show
Speaker 2: up at the wedding? Yeah, so that's a friend.
Speaker 4: I wouldn't give that they came to the people came
Speaker 4: to your weddings, Sarah one hundred.
Speaker 2: Nah, No, he got friends. Look at you. You're kind
Speaker 2: of living on a that's a little delusional.
Speaker 1: If he was able to invite women, yeah to your wedding.
Speaker 2: Yes, those aren't his friends. A hundred people.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's small. That's a small wedding.
Speaker 2: You better small wedding.
Speaker 3: That's a very small wedding. Yeah, it was what I'm saying,
Speaker 3: like in the grand scheme of when people like do
Speaker 3: this big blot thing of hundreds.
Speaker 1: Of unless he know eighty, I might invite twenty five,
Speaker 1: but I don't know.
Speaker 2: I ain't gonna have a wedding.
Speaker 4: But look, if you're talking, this is what I'll say
Speaker 4: for Brock. I would never I don't have to tell
Speaker 4: Brock anything because I can't tell him anything. He is
Speaker 4: truly a man's man. And I think because he is
Speaker 4: quiet in nature, like he's an observer. He's a little mysterious.
Speaker 4: He don't have a lot to say to y'all. If
Speaker 4: you don't know y'all, he ain't gonna and kick it
Speaker 4: and chat with It's not how He's not a big talker.
Speaker 2: That's not who he is. So for.
Speaker 3: Our whole wait, I lost my trade of thought. We're
Speaker 3: talking about friends.
Speaker 2: Friends. Yeah, he'll be a friend.
Speaker 3: He was a friend, but you don't believe in friends.
Speaker 2: No, the opposite sex.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 4: Now I feel like even my closest guy friends that
Speaker 4: I have, we're we all are friends now. The girls
Speaker 4: that he has in his life, we all are friends.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 4: When we had a whole get together at the house
Speaker 4: where the female friends that he has, they came to
Speaker 4: the house and we all already know each other, my
Speaker 4: friends that have a strong relationship with God.
Speaker 2: I don't know what this is.
Speaker 3: All of my homegirls that are like this with Jesus
Speaker 3: believe men and women can't be friends.
Speaker 2: Don't know why. Oh don't know why.
Speaker 3: I don't think that's literally Brionda said to me when
Speaker 3: she knew my man and I were talking about marriage, like,
Speaker 3: You're gonna have to get rid of your friends.
Speaker 2: I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? No? Like what?
Speaker 2: But what is their purpose? Because friends, what do you do? Whatever?
Speaker 2: What do you? What do you are right now? No,
Speaker 2: I'm you don't want to be married? Oh no, that okay,
Speaker 2: I'll take a ring. Okay, come on, I'll be mad.
Speaker 2: I'll take a ring to me.
Speaker 1: Even even so, here's the thing, what y'all do in
Speaker 1: this marriage that's very but I still to think that.
Speaker 3: I still believe liked.
Speaker 1: What I also don't like is that both the audists
Speaker 1: saying you don't want to be married, because that's what
Speaker 1: I still want to have a sanctified relationship that is serious,
Speaker 1: that where we have boundaries, where he is my partner.
Speaker 1: I absolutely still want that. So I hate that because
Speaker 1: I don't want to get married. That the way I
Speaker 1: want to show up in relationships.
Speaker 4: Still had from that conversation.
Speaker 2: I made you feel that way. Oh yeah, I don't
Speaker 2: want to make you feel what's he already saying. I
Speaker 2: don't date seriously because I just mean yeah, and I
Speaker 2: don't mean if you went of society.
Speaker 4: I think if society could suck my dick from back
Speaker 4: the recent niggas, you wasn't that serious.
Speaker 2: I was serious with everyone.
Speaker 1: I don't, okay, so and so for me, this idea
Speaker 1: is so crazy because I absolutely if a man came
Speaker 1: in and was like, hey, baby, like da da d
Speaker 1: we're getting serious now. I don't want you on the
Speaker 1: phone with ish. I don't want you on the phone
Speaker 1: with a king. I don't want you on the phone
Speaker 1: with this. I don't care how good the dick is,
Speaker 1: how much money he got deuces there. I have genuine
Speaker 1: friendships with people that I love. That my my group
Speaker 1: chat with the homies, where clearly I don't know my
Speaker 1: dick a little big, but I have a group chat
Speaker 1: literally with just met that is completely different than my
Speaker 1: group chatlection on.
Speaker 2: The person I'm dating.
Speaker 3: That they could assume that that that that opposite sex
Speaker 3: is nothing besides trouble to.
Speaker 2: Me, like, that's ever one as I'm ever own ass woman.
Speaker 3: I own too many damned businesses not to have interactions
Speaker 3: with them. That's just the facts, right, that's extra Now,
Speaker 3: granted that's a work relationship. Yeah, however, she dropped out
Speaker 3: of college. This is how I make friends. Yeah, right now,
Speaker 3: if I suddenly have to remove myself from those people
Speaker 3: because you feel like it's not appropriate for our relationship,
Speaker 3: I think we're in the wrong relationship. I think that
Speaker 3: there's a point of control and contention that you'll reach
Speaker 3: in a relationship where maybe.
Speaker 2: Certain friends gotta go.
Speaker 3: For example, I've got close friends that are definitely patronic,
Speaker 3: and then it was definitely some niggas.
Speaker 2: That maybe would have fucked if I got if they could.
Speaker 2: There's a lot of niggas that would fuck if you let.
Speaker 3: Them exactly still be your I don't think that it's
Speaker 3: fair to only build sisterhood.
Speaker 4: So so I hear what you're saying, and that is
Speaker 4: a vantage point. But this is my this is my
Speaker 4: opposing view.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 4: I have a friend right now, his name is Ady,
Speaker 4: one of my closest friends. We talk on the phone
Speaker 4: all the time, knows them. We've had conversation. So it's
Speaker 4: not that you can't have friends of the opposite sex.
Speaker 4: One of his girlfriends shout out to Asia. Asia came
Speaker 4: over to the house. Asia was at the wedding. Asia's like,
Speaker 4: I love what you guys have this. The three of
Speaker 4: us are now building our relationship. So what I'm saying
Speaker 4: is I don't think it's appropriate for people to have
Speaker 4: you don't know, yes, oh wait, I also don't think
Speaker 4: it's appropriate. I also don't think it's appropriate for there
Speaker 4: to be one on one interactions with that person because
Speaker 4: why Now here's the caveat to that. Let's say that
Speaker 4: you want to.
Speaker 3: Go on a trip, go on vacation, go on why
Speaker 3: would you go with a friend instead of your husband
Speaker 3: or wife?
Speaker 2: Okay, wait wait now you cook. Now I get it.
Speaker 3: But in terms of friendship and we so my partner
Speaker 3: had dated someone for nine years before me m hm,
Speaker 3: and he was like, you got too many fucking homeboys, boots,
Speaker 3: what the fuck? But I'm like, well, how what is
Speaker 3: this gonna make you comfortable? Because I'm not gonna stop
Speaker 3: being friends with them.
Speaker 2: He's like, well, you can't go on.
Speaker 3: Trips with Andre anymore, just you and him my friends
Speaker 3: in DJ, so I would jump on a trip. I'll
Speaker 3: come out there. He's like, that's weird to me that
Speaker 3: just you and him go on this trip. That I understand.
Speaker 3: He's like, but I do understand that you and Andre
Speaker 3: might step out. I live between New York and LA.
Speaker 3: Y'all partying in LA for a night, you go out,
Speaker 3: you have dinner, whatever. He's like, like, why would you
Speaker 3: and Andre go on a trip alone? Now that I
Speaker 3: am in a serious relationship. I completely get that. To me,
Speaker 3: it is a bit inappropriate now and I have Andre
Speaker 3: and I've ever shared a bed.
Speaker 2: Or a room.
Speaker 3: No, but I understand the intimacy that vacations are, and
Speaker 3: I don't necessarily think like it makes sense to go like,
Speaker 3: why would my.
Speaker 2: Man go on a trip at one of his whole
Speaker 2: that's fucking insane. I get it. But granted we're all friends.
Speaker 4: Now, would you say said, maybe they're going to Black
Speaker 4: Ski Week? I don't know, not, but it's just inappropriate
Speaker 4: for me. And also, this is the thing, none of
Speaker 4: us are just perfect people. I'm not a perfect person.
Speaker 4: The thing that causes cheating, cheating happens way before the
Speaker 4: act of sex. It's access. Access again and again and
Speaker 4: again over time. It's like the Chinese proverb that says
Speaker 4: a drop of water dropping on a rock same spot
Speaker 4: over time will split the rock.
Speaker 2: It is the continuous access. Yeah. Absolutely, I don't think
Speaker 2: one drop of water. Reason. I don't know if I
Speaker 2: really believe it.
Speaker 3: With friendship, I think someone at work could start more
Speaker 3: of a budding relationship.
Speaker 2: Like I think that at the end. Why you think
Speaker 2: they say workwives and work husband, of.
Speaker 1: Course, but I think, like, so you better work with
Speaker 1: the same sex if we get together.
Speaker 2: What do you mean, so now you gotta go work
Speaker 2: at more house. He can't be around women, Like, That's
Speaker 2: the thing. I don't think. I'm not saying he can't
Speaker 2: be around women. I'm not saying that.
Speaker 3: Wait, wait, you really think it's cool that, like someone
Speaker 3: could be married and go on a vacation with a woman.
Speaker 1: I don't think that that would happen. I just don't
Speaker 1: see where why that would happen. Like when you get married,
Speaker 1: like you often now either here with other friend groups
Speaker 1: like you, that wouldn't be a thing where if we're
Speaker 1: married and we're living together, that you're planning a vacation
Speaker 1: with another person, that wouldn't happen. No, I agree, it
Speaker 1: shouldn't happen. No, but it wouldn't happen like that doesn't
Speaker 1: even make sense by.
Speaker 2: Saying that's like bro the last three. But that's why,
Speaker 2: that's why y'all like y'all are taking it to the extreme.
Speaker 1: Do I think that my husband or my partner can
Speaker 1: go and have lunch or dinner with just a woman
Speaker 1: one on one?
Speaker 2: Yes, oh, I agree to Yes, she doesn't.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying in him cannot go and have
Speaker 1: dinner by themselves, like we're taking it to the extreme
Speaker 1: with this vacation to it's not it's not cannot, but
Speaker 1: he also would not.
Speaker 2: That's the man I chose.
Speaker 4: I chose a man that sees the same inappropriate actions,
Speaker 4: the same that I see.
Speaker 2: That's not an inappropriate action to eat, But come to
Speaker 2: the house. I'll cook for you. I gave what you
Speaker 2: to me.
Speaker 3: But wait, wait, wait, girl, something that makes sense. Yeah,
Speaker 3: he's out with the boys. Asia is at a bar.
Speaker 3: Come through, let's have a drink. That's not that's crazy. Look, no,
Speaker 3: that's not crazy. He's already out with the boys and
Speaker 3: she's at the same place. Maybe he's gonna meet with
Speaker 3: the boys. I'm saying, maybe he has plans that night,
Speaker 3: but right before he meets Asia to catch up.
Speaker 2: No, that's weird.
Speaker 3: See, so something I really need. For example, I'll bring
Speaker 3: this person up again. Now him and Andre hang out
Speaker 3: alone without me, which is lovely. We've been on vacations together. Pooh.
Speaker 3: I need my time with my friend privately. And it's
Speaker 3: not because I have some crazy It's weird. See, it's
Speaker 3: weird to me. I got to catch up with my dog.
Speaker 2: I want to talk, but why can't you do that
Speaker 2: in front of your your man?
Speaker 3: But I also can't share every single lived experience, sir,
Speaker 3: And that's she thinks that.
Speaker 2: That's like we talked.
Speaker 3: I think that independence then becomes a thing, right, So yeah,
Speaker 3: you got a agree of your partner.
Speaker 2: Now I agree with that.
Speaker 4: Look, I'm here right now before it is. I was
Speaker 4: at a laser hair removal appointment before that. Like, I'm
Speaker 4: not saying you have to be up.
Speaker 2: Under your man all the time.
Speaker 4: I'm saying that there are certain things that I can
Speaker 4: create intimacy, which is not always sexual, by the way,
Speaker 4: but intimacy, and I don't think that we as women
Speaker 4: should be spreading our intimate things with men.
Speaker 2: I just don't think that now, I don't.
Speaker 3: I think the intimacy looks different from me, right, it's
Speaker 3: the bond that I share when I'm having a tough
Speaker 3: day and I'm talking about the fragility of my parents
Speaker 3: being older. It could be maybe finance or work stress
Speaker 3: or whatever. But sometimes shooting the shit with a friend
Speaker 3: does look different with your partner. Hey, they need an
Speaker 3: event for a second.
Speaker 2: Where are your girlfriends?
Speaker 4: They're there too, Okay, So if you're already having those
Speaker 4: conversations with your girlfriends, why then do you also need
Speaker 4: to have those conversations with him. Why is because there's
Speaker 4: a part of your intimate capacity that he is taking
Speaker 4: so much, so that if your partner were to say,
Speaker 4: I don't really you know, I love.
Speaker 2: That intimate capacity. We havecity, we are humans.
Speaker 3: I guess that that person is that important to me.
Speaker 3: Then so is that person more important?
Speaker 4: If your a person were to come to you right
Speaker 4: now that you've been with for three years and say,
Speaker 4: you know what, I love the dynamic, but I don't
Speaker 4: want you guys to have a one on one cover roman.
Speaker 1: I think my romantic shouldn't be placed in a hierarchy
Speaker 1: with the other men, because again, I would be so
Speaker 1: icked out that he and you're serious, this is what
Speaker 1: I be mean, I know and you know what's very
Speaker 1: difficult about it.
Speaker 2: That is so.
Speaker 3: We've been friends longer than my relationship, right, it probably
Speaker 3: would uh huh sacrifice.
Speaker 2: Him because yeah, because I'm that in love with my man. Okay,
Speaker 2: point right, which sucks.
Speaker 3: Well, what ended up happening is I'd be so resentful
Speaker 3: that my man controlled my life that much. Would But
Speaker 3: is it control and that is just the true it's
Speaker 3: absolute control?
Speaker 2: Or is it respect? I don't think that's control.
Speaker 1: But you respect me, if you love me, if you
Speaker 1: care about me again, the same way that cheating would
Speaker 1: hurt me. Why would Why does it go differently than
Speaker 1: you removing someone that I care about that would hurt
Speaker 1: me for me to have to this this like this.
Speaker 2: Don't care for respects for you and I are both different. No, no, no,
Speaker 2: we're not. I'm not keeping it on respect. I'm talking
Speaker 2: about hurt.
Speaker 1: If cheating is something that would hurt you, why is
Speaker 1: it then okay for him to set this boundary that
Speaker 1: essentially would remove someone from your life that would hurt you.
Speaker 1: Why why is there a hierarchy of hurt here for
Speaker 1: what's allowed and what's not allowed.
Speaker 2: So this is what I think.
Speaker 4: I think that this is why it's so important, number one,
Speaker 4: for us to know ourselves right, Because for me, there's
Speaker 4: not a man on this planet that I would choose
Speaker 4: over my husband.
Speaker 2: I don't care no my husband, and this too right there,
Speaker 2: that man I'm that man over here, But.
Speaker 4: I am because this is your once in a lifetime
Speaker 4: platinum needle in a haystack, swing for the fence's best friend, confidante,
Speaker 4: lover husband Like that's not true.
Speaker 2: But no, And that's the thing. You see it different.
Speaker 3: So what I'm saying is you got to choose a
Speaker 3: person that's he's the same way as you see it.
Speaker 2: I would never choose a man.
Speaker 4: I wouldn't never choose a man that felt like he
Speaker 4: needed to go out with his girlfriends all the time
Speaker 4: and then would try to play me like I'm insecure,
Speaker 4: non negro.
Speaker 2: I don't feel respected.
Speaker 4: When you're out with a bunch of different women. Fact,
Speaker 4: we have to choose the people that make the most
Speaker 4: sense for us. And on top of that, I feel
Speaker 4: like like, because when y'all are saying the words that
Speaker 4: are coming out of your mouth, like this makes sense
Speaker 4: to me in my mind, and and not not to
Speaker 4: make a debate, but in my mind, I'm like, y'all
Speaker 4: don't want to be married. That's that's what my my,
Speaker 4: my underlying voice says, because ultimately, what you're saying is
Speaker 4: there is another man that is more important than your man.
Speaker 2: And why would your man choose horrents of going to
Speaker 2: a bar?
Speaker 3: Yes, frankly saying that, And I can only speak from
Speaker 3: wanting to be married, Yes, the commitment you love. Yes,
Speaker 3: I want, Yet I don't want to wedlock. I want
Speaker 3: to honor each other family, to each other's families. I
Speaker 3: love how blended we are now.
Speaker 2: I love how we take of each other. Yes, there's no.
Speaker 3: World where that friendship. Sorry, Andre, love you to death
Speaker 3: means more than that. But but this is the thing
Speaker 3: I have, the issue where he feels like I can't
Speaker 3: walk outside and go to a bar with Weezy here.
Speaker 3: There's not a place in his brain where he's going
Speaker 3: like and now she's gonna suck his dick at GGR Friday.
Speaker 2: It's not about that. It's not about.
Speaker 4: So let me say this so because I'm glad that
Speaker 4: you said that when you bring up your man and
Speaker 4: you're like, there's not a peace that would act that
Speaker 4: that would that would make me choose I'm choosing my
Speaker 4: man over Andre, right. But you also said over time
Speaker 4: you would resent him so much that you would end
Speaker 4: up breaking up, meaning wait.
Speaker 2: Wait, wait, let me finish this.
Speaker 4: Is something wait wait wait wait no, no he didn't,
Speaker 4: because that's the thing a marriage.
Speaker 2: Let me tell you. Let me tell you. Look, y'all,
Speaker 2: and I'm not trying to be a preacher. I am
Speaker 2: not a perfect person. I do now.
Speaker 4: I have not figured out marriage. I am not a
Speaker 4: couple's goals. I am not black excellence. I am just
Speaker 4: one person that is committed to my person and figuring
Speaker 4: the shit out. But what I can tell you is
Speaker 4: most men are terrified of marriage. Why because they fear divorced.
Speaker 2: If you are marrying a woman that ultimately, on.
Speaker 4: A subconscious level, is telling you that she does not
Speaker 4: choose you all the way, that there are caveats or
Speaker 4: conditions on the way that she chooses you, or because
Speaker 4: you made her sacrifice something that meant something to her,
Speaker 4: you think that's going to be the only thing you
Speaker 4: sacrifice America.
Speaker 2: I will tell you this flat out. I am not
Speaker 2: scared to lose a man. I am not scared that's
Speaker 2: the problem. And no it's not. That's the way's the problem.
Speaker 3: But not a man always first, and then my kids
Speaker 3: and then God, well all the way God comes through day.
Speaker 2: But here's here's where it is. Yay, right, I'm listening.
Speaker 2: I would probably if you told me right now my
Speaker 2: man needs y'all.
Speaker 1: I don't relate to nothing. I'm just over here listening
Speaker 1: to the nuts to me everything, both of y'all.
Speaker 2: Is this the very people? We don't wait overall time? Bitch,
Speaker 2: we gotta do another episode and I'm just listening to
Speaker 2: the y'all like I.
Speaker 3: Didn't even get to wait until married. Literally literally, I
Speaker 3: really want a part two about me.
Speaker 2: Okay, you don't wait, hold on, let's go ahead and
Speaker 2: do a part two. Okay, No, so we'll do a
Speaker 2: part two. Okay, all right? Is that good for you? Start?
Speaker 1: Okay, so guys, we will get to how she held
Speaker 1: out on Kouchie to get married.
Speaker 2: Y'all. Make sure y'all tune into next week's episode.
Speaker 1: And luckily I do have some stuff for us to
Speaker 1: have a little bit of fun with because god damn
Speaker 1: this is I would love to be able to talk
Speaker 1: about how I like to.
Speaker 2: Fuck for two hours or something. Can we can?
Speaker 1: We We'll make it fun. So guys, make sure y'all
Speaker 1: check out next week. But we also have Sarah Fotonos
Speaker 1: Slash Shorter Part two and our no friends haven't had.
Speaker 1: Thank you guys for tuning in again. Come join us
Speaker 1: next week. We got Sarah for a part two Getting
Speaker 1: No Holds Bart go on Patreon this Patreon dot comback
Speaker 1: slash Hordle Decisions.
Speaker 2: We will see you bitches next week
Speaker 4: And se