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Speaker 1: My neighbor is a dirty tattle tale and make sure

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Speaker 1: the entire neighborhood gets thousands of dollars of fine. I'm

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Speaker 1: not inviting her to the neighborhood barbecue, am I the

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Speaker 1: a hole. Snitches get stitches, buttholes don't get barbecues. There's

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Speaker 1: around ten houses in my neighborhood of one hundred and

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Speaker 1: twenty that are not in the HOA mine included. As

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Speaker 1: a result, I am able to make extensions and I

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Speaker 1: have a pool which I host neighborhood parties occasionally. My

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Speaker 1: HOA is one of the worst. HOA is constantly finding

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Speaker 1: people hundreds of dollars for parking violations, painting their fences,

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Speaker 1: the wrong shades of brown, wrong color curtains, having two flags,

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Speaker 1: et cetera. They're not the worst HOA, but they're bad.

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Speaker 2: What's the wrong shade of brown? What does that mean?

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Speaker 1: That's that sounds racist. They're not the worst HA, but

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Speaker 1: they're bad. We also got a neighbor, Jessica Fuckings, I'm

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Speaker 1: already over it, just with their name, who likes to

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Speaker 1: go around and snap photos of people's violations and then

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Speaker 1: post it on the next door app to shame them.

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Speaker 1: She prides herself in this, thinking it makes the neighborhood better.

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Speaker 1: When she shames the Smiths for having a fence that's

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Speaker 1: two inches too high, you know what? You know what

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Speaker 1: else is is two inches husband's dick. Yeah. Yeah, See

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Speaker 1: that's why she's that's why she's so busy, you know,

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Speaker 1: freaking taking pictures of fences.

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Speaker 2: Exactly because business at home.

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Speaker 1: Jessica.

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Speaker 2: It's not very nice.

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Speaker 1: You know how, But you get a penis pump for

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Speaker 1: your husband's nice? The husband's just like, what did I

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Speaker 1: do to?

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Speaker 2: The husband was mining his own business and Jessica was

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Speaker 2: getting busy on the ithue.

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Speaker 1: She also just got out of the Johnson's for having

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Speaker 1: a light brown door instead of a dark brown door.

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Speaker 2: What's the problem with the brown doors? I don't understand.

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Speaker 2: Is this a legal thing?

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Speaker 1: It's I think it's just like an hoa thing. Why

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Speaker 1: because they want all the houses to be the same.

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Speaker 1: This is communism. I thought they show away Jessica all right,

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Speaker 1: and this is uh. I think this is an old

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Speaker 1: English term. But Jessica is a skin cut. No excuse,

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Speaker 1: my friend. She's probably cost neighbors thousands of dollars in

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Speaker 1: fees or forcing them to renovate. I absolutely lost my

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Speaker 1: when Jessica posted the next door app about how missus Jensen,

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Speaker 1: eighty five year old woman currently having serious medical issues,

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Speaker 1: has a lawn that's a couple inches too high. She

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Speaker 1: obviously can't mow the lawn and was too busy to notice.

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Speaker 1: The HOA then find her five hundred dollars.

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Speaker 2: They find an eighty five year old Jessica.

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Speaker 1: That's going through problems, unlivable.

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Speaker 2: Jessica should mow the grass herself.

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Speaker 1: Jessica should touch grass. Yeah, Jessica should be buried under

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Speaker 1: the grass six feet under.

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Speaker 2: Well, that was gonna be my joke. I thought it

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Speaker 2: was too mean when you really tall loose, Well, she

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Speaker 2: should be six feet under, but that that's something mean

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Speaker 2: to me.

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Speaker 1: I want to get welcome as as one commenter said

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Speaker 1: in the last video, welcome to the chaos, Sophia. I

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Speaker 1: made a post in the next app about the next

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Speaker 1: door app saying that the suburban fascist on the hoa

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Speaker 1: nor Jessica, we're invited to buy barbecue at my house.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you're not invited to my birthday, Jessica.

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Speaker 1: I love how it's like an announcement, like here ye,

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Speaker 1: here ye Jessica.

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Speaker 2: To my barbecue.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a mean girl. She yet there. Jessica went

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Speaker 1: on a ran saying how much of an angel she

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Speaker 1: is and how she protects the neighborhood, doing her duty,

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Speaker 1: her civic duty. And I told her she's a low

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Speaker 1: life scum back busy body. It is a pathetic loser

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Speaker 1: with nothing better to do. O my god, opie, ohpe,

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Speaker 1: I feel like you can, you know, like you know,

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Speaker 1: like you know, you don't need to be so nice

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Speaker 1: to lean into it a little of that. A couple

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Speaker 1: of people said I was bullying and excluding her, and

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Speaker 1: like four of her friends are now boycotting my party

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Speaker 1: and hosting their own party. Well guess what, so fea

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Speaker 1: guess yeah, but they have a barbecue off and guess

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Speaker 1: what one. The party happened and nobody showed up to

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Speaker 1: there in hours.

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Speaker 2: Was a blast blame party.

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Speaker 1: Apparently cried over it.

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Speaker 2: She cried over the barbecue.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, her blame ass barbecue.

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Speaker 2: Her tears were sizzling on the grill.

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Speaker 1: That they were, that they were, And let me tell you,

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Speaker 1: no one wanted to drink her sad tears on the barbecue.

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Speaker 1: Well at least, yeah, maybe if she'd cried on the steak.

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Speaker 1: At least there would be some season.

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Speaker 2: It'd be some seasoning, because I bet Jessica doesn't season

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Speaker 2: in her steak.

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Speaker 1: Yeah Jessica, I bet, I bet she likes her steak

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Speaker 1: well done? Yeah gross ros youw So is OP the

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Speaker 1: a hole for not inviting Jessica to his barbecue? I

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Speaker 1: want to know what y'all think. Put your answers in

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Speaker 1: the comments. And also has anyone used like citizen or

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Speaker 1: next door or any of those kind of like neighborhood apps.

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Speaker 1: My mom uses it and she she actually we'll call

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Speaker 1: her in a little bit and ask her about her

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Speaker 1: citizen experiences. But so, Fia, what do you think is

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Speaker 1: OP the a hole?

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Speaker 2: No, Jessica seems like us nitch and as we know,

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Speaker 2: as we know, buttholes.

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Speaker 1: Don't get buttholes don't get barbecues.

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Speaker 2: You hear you heard it here first.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we're just trying to spread the good word, the

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Speaker 1: bad word.

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Speaker 2: The sad word, the butt.

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Speaker 1: The butt word, the word, the word lord, the word,

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Speaker 1: the butt wole word. But let's hear from my mom

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Speaker 1: about I guess our mom our collective.

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Speaker 2: My mom.

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Speaker 1: My mom's not your mom, she's my mom. About her

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Speaker 1: experience with citizen Hello Mom, you're on okop with Sophia

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Speaker 1: and Sam.

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Speaker 2: Hello.

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Speaker 1: What what is your experience with the citizen app? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: The neighborhood app thing. Oh that's terrible. Just makes you

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Speaker 1: freaked out about your neighborhood. Like, what are you freaked

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Speaker 1: out about? Now? No, nothing, because I don't look at this.

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Speaker 1: Well what were you freaked out about? What was I

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Speaker 1: freaked out about? Well, it just sort of makes you

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Speaker 1: aware of all the petty crime.

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Speaker 2: I prefer not to know about it.

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Speaker 1: What's the petty crime? Is there? Like? Is there like

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Speaker 1: people stealing ship? Yeah, everyone's doing. What do you think

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Speaker 1: we should do with all the criminals? Well, we can't

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Speaker 1: send them to Australia, that already being done. Send them

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Speaker 1: to Idaho? What? No, where do we send them? I

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Speaker 1: don't know, you know, I mean, I don't know. I'm

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Speaker 1: an architect. I can design a prison for.

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Speaker 2: You, So design prisons.

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Speaker 1: We don't want, we don't need prisons, Mom, prison is slavery,

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Speaker 1: it is actually looking to it. Okay, So in conclusion,

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Speaker 1: would you or would you not recommend the neighborhood apps?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 1: No, wait, no, you're talking about the next door next

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Speaker 1: door or citizen either one. Yeah, no, I don't like

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Speaker 1: either of them. They're just a bunch of you know,

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Speaker 1: I don't like them. Okay, well thanks mama, Okay, all right,

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Speaker 1: all right, So don't use those apps. Don't use them

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Speaker 1: unless they in the future sponsor us and get abolished

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Speaker 1: prisons in abolished prisons.

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Speaker 3: Okays, we learn today, but holds, don't get barbecues, don't

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Speaker 3: use the next door app and abolished prisons.

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Speaker 1: Wow, you really learned a lot. Gosh course soon. I

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Speaker 1: used sign language to impress my deaf girlfriend's parents. But

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Speaker 1: little did I know I said the unspeakable, you know,

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Speaker 1: for for people that don't speak. Saying the unspeakable. Oh

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Speaker 1: that's not good. That's not good. You never want to

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Speaker 1: speak the unspeakable, just want to sign the unspeakable. That's right.

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Speaker 1: A few days ago, my girlfriend and I got caught

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Speaker 1: being intimate. Oh god, were they hugging? Were they kissing?

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Speaker 1: Or were they rod dogging? Dog style vaginal penetration. Her

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Speaker 1: mom heard us in the bedroom and banged on the door,

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Speaker 1: and in response, I banged my girlfriend harder. Wait, okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm kidding, I'm kidding. No, my mom heard us in

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Speaker 1: the bedroom and banged on the door. My girlfriend heard

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Speaker 1: nothing because she's deaf. I did my best to communicate

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Speaker 1: what was happening, but I was in a compromising position

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Speaker 1: at the time. By the time I, my girlfriend and

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Speaker 1: I were on the same page, that damage was done.

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Speaker 1: Her mom heard it all. Nice guest. Today, my girlfriend

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Speaker 1: sent me a message to inform me that her parents

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Speaker 1: wanted to have a discussion with the two of us

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Speaker 1: regarding recent events. Oh how old God. I agreed to

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Speaker 1: meet them at their house towards the end of the day.

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Speaker 1: This is what I expected to happen. One uncomfortable conversation

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Speaker 1: with parents about my shenanigans with their daughter. Two awkward

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Speaker 1: apology from me. Three parents accepting my apology and encouraging

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Speaker 1: my girlfriend and I to practice safe sex, even though

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Speaker 1: no sex at all would probably be their preference. Four

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Speaker 1: I use what I've learned in sign language to tell

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Speaker 1: the parents how much I love their daughter and hopefully

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Speaker 1: make them like me more. Five wholesome ish ending. Wow,

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Speaker 1: that's that sounds like a dream scenario. So one through

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Speaker 1: three happened as expected, but I managed to fuck up

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Speaker 1: four and five. Oh, this is what happened. I've been

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Speaker 1: learning sign language on an on and off basis for

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Speaker 1: months now, I'm nowhere near good enough. But my girlfriend

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Speaker 1: and I thought it might disarm her parents if I

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Speaker 1: made a small gesture in sign language to show how

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Speaker 1: much I cared about her. It sounded like an excellent

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Speaker 1: suggestion on paper, but I was worried that I would

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Speaker 1: fuck it up because my sign language skills kind of suck. Right,

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Speaker 1: My girlfriend encouraged me to learn something simple like I'm

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Speaker 1: in love with your daughter or I love your daughter

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Speaker 1: to the parents. However, due to the stress of the

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Speaker 1: parents confronting us and the pressure to avoid saying the

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Speaker 1: wrong things, including the sign language part, I became overwhelmed

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Speaker 1: and miscommunicated the sign for daughter and accidentally signed I

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Speaker 1: loved you whorror.

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Speaker 4: See this is so great because is he talking about

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Speaker 4: the daughter?

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Speaker 1: Is he so sorry? I bespoke I love your horror

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Speaker 1: Ah all this communication there. No, I knew the sign

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Speaker 1: had something to do with touching the side of the

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Speaker 1: cheek or chin, so I did what I thought made

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Speaker 1: sense instead of aborting the mission. When I forgot that

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Speaker 1: fucking sign instant regret, my girlfriend buried her face in

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Speaker 1: her hands. I could tell she was laughing. Her parents

203
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Speaker 1: didn't have the same reaction. The two of them looked

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Speaker 1: at me like I was a poop demon in dogma.

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Speaker 1: I have no idea what that is. I had no idea.

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Speaker 1: It was an appropriate sign when happened, but it was

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Speaker 1: obvious I did something wrong. It was the complete opposite

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Speaker 1: of a wholesome ending. My girlfriend video called me afterwards

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Speaker 1: to show me the difference between daughter and horror and

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Speaker 1: sign language to tell me I should probably avoid her

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Speaker 1: parents for the time being because I'm not their favorite

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Speaker 1: person at the moment. Guess I'm never going to make

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Speaker 1: a good impression now.

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Speaker 4: Wow, I mean you might have to throw in the

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Speaker 4: towel on that one, buddy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's over. It's over for you, sons,

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Speaker 1: that's fat. I actually have a very similar story. Really. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So I had this girlfriend like four years ago. She

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Speaker 1: was two years older than me, and she was graduating.

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Speaker 1: Yeah cool, grimmy, And she was graduating and all of

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Speaker 1: her like friends and family were there, and she came

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Speaker 1: like her parents didn't seem religious, but they were like

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Speaker 1: they were kind of like in your face Christian but

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Speaker 1: not really practicing, you know. Where it's like like like

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Speaker 1: the virtue signaling kind of Christian. I don't go to

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Speaker 1: church or anything, but like they like, you know, we'll

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Speaker 1: we'll we'll call you out, you know, for for being

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Speaker 1: gay and ship right, you know, the Westborough Baptist Church

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Speaker 1: kind Christians there we go. Maybe that was too harsh,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Right, anyway, they're having this

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Speaker 1: uh dinner or whatever for for the graduation at this

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Speaker 1: like airbnb little party. And I was completely broke at

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Speaker 1: the time. I had no money. I was I was

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Speaker 1: a junior sophomore in college, right, so I had zero funds,

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Speaker 1: but I was tutoring a little bit, so I like

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Speaker 1: I had a little bit, like basically nothing. And so

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Speaker 1: she had always wanted to like go to Vegas, and

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Speaker 1: so I was like, oh, like for her, you know,

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Speaker 1: for her graduation, Like for a graduation, I'm gonna take her,

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Speaker 1: someone who's never been. I'm going to get you know,

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Speaker 1: us a place to stay in Vegas and two plane

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Speaker 1: tickets over there, right, Yeah. And I thought it was

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Speaker 1: like a super cute present and all that, right, and

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Speaker 1: and so I kind of like like like I make

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Speaker 1: an announcement, I'm going to do a speech. I have

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Speaker 1: this whole speech written of like, like, you know how

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Speaker 1: much she means to me and I love like, you know,

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Speaker 1: having all these new experiences with her, and where we

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Speaker 1: were about to travel to Europe, but as a little

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Speaker 1: trip beforehand. I just wanted, you know, I was like

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Speaker 1: to show how much you mean to me. I got

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Speaker 1: us two tickets to Las Vegas and a place to stay. Right.

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Speaker 1: I thought that was fine. But to a extremely conservative parance,

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Speaker 1: it's like, you're fucking our daughter in the hotel room.

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Speaker 1: You're taking her to the city of Sin, to sin. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so they hated me, and they basically what they saw.

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Speaker 1: My parents didn't see like this at all, but to this,

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Speaker 1: to this family, what it sounded like was uh, basically

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Speaker 1: be saying I'm fucking this this this girl to her

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Speaker 1: whole family. Yeah. Oh dude, that's rough. Oh And also

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Speaker 1: small side story, I went camping with her, posted a

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Speaker 1: picture of us camping, and then they commented like, why

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Speaker 1: are you advertising your sex life with our daughter on Instagram? Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Oh, I remember you telling me that I would literally

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Speaker 4: I would not know what to do with myself.

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Speaker 1: I would. I cried. I cried, dude, I was, I was.

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Speaker 1: I felt so bad because it's like also, like I'd

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Speaker 1: like saved all this money to take her on this

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Speaker 1: trip and then to like instantly be like you did bad.

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Speaker 1: I was like, I was heartbreak.

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Speaker 4: Did you did you end up taking it?

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Speaker 1: Or no? I cancel the trip?

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Speaker 4: Did you get your money back?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Okay, but yeah I was I was bummed. Sure

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Speaker 1: that's rough. Yeah that's rough, But but you know what

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Speaker 1: else is rough?

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Speaker 4: On?

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Speaker 1: What is?

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Speaker 3: Sam?

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Speaker 1: Hopefully your stories that you're gonna submit to our slash

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Speaker 1: Oko p show submitted on reddit dot com right now

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Speaker 1: so we could hear your your blissfully sad stories give

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Speaker 1: it to us. Also, who is still listening?

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Speaker 4: Like, that's a great question. We have high on on

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Speaker 4: the podcast. People, people, people like people listen.

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Speaker 1: We appreciate it. We appreciate it. Love you, thank you,