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Speaker 1: The frend show is on. Is Stay or Go? All right?

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Speaker 1: David is here? Hi David, good morning, Good morning. Oh

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Speaker 1: David sounds serious? All right, David, I am. Let's get

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Speaker 1: to a pretty upbeat guys. Yeah, well, I guess not today,

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Speaker 1: Stay or Go? So we get a bunch of emails

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Speaker 1: at fretchiradio dot com. DMS is that people want us

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Speaker 1: to talk about different things, all kinds of different things.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes it's believe it or not, it's it's a personal advice,

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Speaker 1: which I don't understand why you'd ask any of us

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Speaker 1: for advice. I happen to be one of those people

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Speaker 1: who's very very good at telling other people what to do,

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Speaker 1: and then myself, I follow very little direction that makes

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Speaker 1: any sense whatsoever. But David, what's going on with you?

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Speaker 1: And then we're gonna we're gonna discuss it together and

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Speaker 1: behind your back and then determine what you should do

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Speaker 1: with the rest of your life. Please? Oh great? Great?

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Speaker 2: First off, this is my first time ever doing one

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Speaker 2: of these things. But I like you guys, so I

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Speaker 2: thought you could help me.

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Speaker 1: So you're saying you don't call Morning Radio for advice

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Speaker 1: on everything, and you do no.

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Speaker 2: Ever, I had never done that. I've tried to win

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Speaker 2: a contest. I think last year is the first seven

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Speaker 2: years I've called in.

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Speaker 1: I listened every day. Well, thank you, yes, thanks, guys.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry I got nervous because this this took a

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Speaker 2: turn on me over the weekend.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not really sure how to handle it. I've

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Speaker 1: got a great girlfriend.

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Speaker 2: We've got a great relationship at start, wet we met

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Speaker 2: and dated before quarantine, and then we're able to stay

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Speaker 2: dating during quarantine, and then we came kind of serious.

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Speaker 1: She'd stay over on the weekends and all this kind

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Speaker 1: of stuff.

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Speaker 2: And about two months ago we were out in about

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Speaker 2: and we started talking about moving in together.

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Speaker 1: Which is great. I just want to say, if you

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Speaker 1: got through the pandemic, then this congratulations, you're going to

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Speaker 1: be together forever, and thank you for calling, and have

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Speaker 1: a nice day. Yeah yeah, okay, all right, Sorry I

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Speaker 1: got you off track. So you you guys dated through

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Speaker 1: the pandemic, everything went well, and you recently were having

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Speaker 1: a conversation about what I'm.

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Speaker 2: Sorry about moving in moving in together? Okay, because she

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Speaker 2: comes on like you know again, during the pandemic, she

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Speaker 2: was over on the weekends in stead the whole time.

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Speaker 1: When she gets off work, she would just come over.

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Speaker 1: She doesn't live with me.

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Speaker 2: We both have had our own apartments for years, and

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Speaker 2: we're too like.

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Speaker 1: You know, independent. I guess to have thought about.

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Speaker 2: It sooner, but so she brings it up, and I'm

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Speaker 2: thinking about it. I'm like, this is gonna be great.

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Speaker 2: And then last Friday, Friday, we were on a date night,

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Speaker 2: just going out for dinner, and if we were talking

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Speaker 2: about them moving in and just got brought it up.

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Speaker 1: I brought it up to see, like, you know, what

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Speaker 1: are you think? You're thinking this is a soon thing.

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Speaker 2: And the more we talked, the more I found out

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Speaker 2: she's excited to move in because she thinks I'm going

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Speaker 2: to pay for everything because I already have my apartment.

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Speaker 2: She's thinking she gets to save money by not having hers,

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Speaker 2: she gets to not pay the bills because I already

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Speaker 2: pay you the utilities and everything, the Wi Fi. And

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Speaker 2: that's that kind of rabbit hole. That conversation went deeper,

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Speaker 2: and I thought we had a good mutual thing going on,

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Speaker 2: not that I took care of everything.

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Speaker 1: I don't make that kind of money. And I also,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I can I guess.

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Speaker 2: If that's the other relationship is supposed to go.

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Speaker 1: But I don't want that kind of rule.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, so this is not part of the thought, David.

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Speaker 1: Her thinking is that you already pay for your apartment.

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Speaker 1: You already pay for the electricity and water and the

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Speaker 1: internet and whatever else. So like you've already paid for

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Speaker 1: all this, it's already you already can handle it. So

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Speaker 1: she's going to move in. So then her thing is, well,

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Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just here now, So it's not that

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Speaker 1: big of a deal, right because you already it's not

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Speaker 1: like you're upgrading the apartment to a more expensive apartment.

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Speaker 1: She's just like, hey, I'm just I'm just now here,

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Speaker 1: and so you're good already, so you'll be good now. Yes, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'll take care of everything, apparently, as opposed to she

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Speaker 1: moves in. Now you split everything, and then you both

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Speaker 1: have extra money and then you both can do you know,

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Speaker 1: fun stuff because you have extra money now because there

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Speaker 1: are two people here as where before you were sort

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Speaker 1: of you know, living on your own, you know, existing

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Speaker 1: in separate places. So she honestly doesn't think she's going

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Speaker 1: to have to do anything. So what she thinks she's

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Speaker 1: gonna do just have a much more money now.

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Speaker 2: She even talked about not keep saying at her job

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Speaker 2: like was part time.

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Speaker 1: That's where the conversation got really weird. Huh so you

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Speaker 1: and so you didn't say anything at that time.

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Speaker 2: I was too scared too, because it came out of

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Speaker 2: it was a shock, and I was afraid to say

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Speaker 2: something that would always in turn the conversation, which is

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Speaker 2: what my brain was trying to say. It is like, stop,

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Speaker 2: you need to tell her this is not what you

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Speaker 2: want immediately. But if I can we make this work,

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Speaker 2: would this be okay?

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Speaker 1: I mean, I love her, you know, but I just don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to be the sole.

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Speaker 2: Provider because that's a lot of weight on one person.

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Speaker 1: Let me ask you this, David, just bringing up another

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Speaker 1: angle here. If you were you guys have been dating

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Speaker 1: for a while, if you were engaged or married, would

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Speaker 1: it be different. Would you still expect her to contribute?

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Speaker 1: Probably not that.

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Speaker 2: Because to be that far into our relationship, we would

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Speaker 2: have already established who we.

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Speaker 1: Were and how we were as.

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Speaker 2: A couple, Like the power struggle. I hate to say,

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Speaker 2: you know, you don't mean like she likes this a

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Speaker 2: letter of then and I get through this, like all

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Speaker 2: that stuff would have really kind of weeded itself into

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Speaker 2: our relationship.

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Speaker 1: Because that's what I wonder, is it started to interrupt you.

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Speaker 1: But in her mind, is it just like we're about

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Speaker 1: to this is the next step, and so I'm just

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Speaker 1: going to be happy housewife and and you know that's

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Speaker 1: what she is, because this could be a bigger thing,

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Speaker 1: you know, this, this could be a little more about

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Speaker 1: what she aspires for her life to be. She doesn't

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Speaker 1: want to be a happy housewife. I'm so sorry.

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Speaker 2: I understand what you're saying. She does not want to

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Speaker 2: be a happy housewife. She just wants to live with

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Speaker 2: me and have her way.

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Speaker 1: Well, then she should have no problem then paying for

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Speaker 1: half of remember or maybe not even half, you know,

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Speaker 1: maybe she pays half the rent, or maybe she pays

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Speaker 1: the utilities and you pay the rent. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: There's got to be some way to work this out

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Speaker 1: where you're both contributing to the household because you're obviously

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Speaker 1: not obviously not comfortable, nor are you willing to provide

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Speaker 1: to the point where she doesn't have a job anymore,

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Speaker 1: or to the point where she does work, but then

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Speaker 1: she's off. I don't know, shopping all day with the

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Speaker 1: extra money or whatever. You know, you got to speak up, right,

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Speaker 1: You got to say sound of the kiky, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I hate something.

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Speaker 3: But then if they're married, he doesn't mind paying all

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Speaker 3: the bills.

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Speaker 1: And it sounds like that would be the next step

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Speaker 1: for them. So that is an interesting sort of gray

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Speaker 1: area practice right now.

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Speaker 3: Right is practice. So let's practice what you're saying and

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Speaker 3: me living up home life.

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Speaker 1: I mean, if you miss me, I mean you did

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Speaker 1: say that, Yeah, you did say that if you were

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Speaker 1: married that this wouldn't bother you. And you've been together

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Speaker 1: for years and you're moving in together. So I I

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Speaker 1: don't know if she's if you've ever said that to her,

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Speaker 1: And maybe this is where she's getting that impression that

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Speaker 1: somehow now. But even if that were the case, I'm

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Speaker 1: not sure if I if I met a sugar Mama

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Speaker 1: and I were moving in with her and marrying her

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Speaker 1: or whatever, I'm not sure that I would brag to

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Speaker 1: her about all the things I'm not going to do

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Speaker 1: when I move in, you know what I mean, Like

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Speaker 1: I can't wait for her to pay for all my

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Speaker 1: bills so I don't have to do a damn thing. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: she messed up here. I think you gotta say something

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Speaker 1: to her, right, you got to say to her, I'm

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Speaker 1: not comfortable with this arrangement. We're not there yet. I

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Speaker 1: need you to contribute.

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Speaker 2: I know, I know, but it was it wasn't how

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Speaker 2: our conversations ever gone before. So it was definitely a

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Speaker 2: if I, if I switched on this path, it's not

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Speaker 2: going to go well. And she thought town this week,

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Speaker 2: which is how I feel comfortable calling you guys already.

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Speaker 1: Now she's already taking vacations. It's related, well, you pay

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Speaker 1: the internet bills, so maybe she can't stream this. I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know if you gave her the

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Speaker 1: password or not. I mean, yeah, I don't know. I

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Speaker 1: don't think I would feel comfortable unless it were established

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Speaker 1: that this is what is happening, you know, like if

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Speaker 1: if somebody moved it with me and we we'd have

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Speaker 1: to have a conversation. And if that, if I were

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Speaker 1: say to say to that person, let me just I'm

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Speaker 1: going to pick everything up, like pay off your debt

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Speaker 1: or I don't know, go volunteer, you can, you can

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Speaker 1: do something else now because we're in a position where

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Speaker 1: I don't need to. I don't need you to contribute

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Speaker 1: in that way. I can take care of you in

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Speaker 1: that way. Then that's one thing. But like if you

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Speaker 1: haven't established that, then I guess my assumption would be

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Speaker 1: that we're still you know, responsible for each other, because really,

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Speaker 1: this is an opportunity for her to save money. Even then,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, because like if you're moving

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Speaker 1: into you, if she's already living by herself and you

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Speaker 1: living by yourself, and she's already paying for all this

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Speaker 1: stuff anyway, she's still going to have extra money if

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Speaker 1: she moves in with you, because you know, you're at

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Speaker 1: least paying for half for sure. Let me take some

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Speaker 1: phone calls on this day, but I want to see

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Speaker 1: if people have to say. But it sounds I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I even unpopular opinion.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, go ahead, I feel and I see this a

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Speaker 4: lot on TikTok with these stay at home girlfriends and

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Speaker 4: even wives or girlfriends right because they're you know, boyfriends

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Speaker 4: can afford this lifestyle, which is so cool. Great, But

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Speaker 4: I have like this unpopular opinion that I think you

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Speaker 4: got to pull your weight in the household no matter

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Speaker 4: how much money your spouse makes. Like you got to

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Speaker 4: pay a bill, fill the fridge, like, do something. Maybe

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Speaker 4: are not paying the mortgage per se, but do something

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Speaker 4: unless you are with child and you can't work, right

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Speaker 4: because you're a stay at home mom.

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Speaker 1: Understand that's your full time job.

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Speaker 4: You're the mom, right, or maybe you get injured or

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Speaker 4: something right and you can't work that, I understand, then

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Speaker 4: I'm covering. You know, I expect hobby or whatever to

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Speaker 4: cover the bills at that point. But if I'm able

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Speaker 4: to work, like that's an unpopular opinion, and know a

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Speaker 4: lot of women like fight me on that, but that's

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Speaker 4: how I get well.

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Speaker 1: And Paulina, this might sound bad, but if you're at

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Speaker 1: home doing absolutely nothing, you know, and you're the stay

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Speaker 1: at home girlfriend, no kids, no job, you are paying

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Speaker 1: for it in other ways, Like well, I mean, come on,

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Speaker 1: you can't just be expected. Nothing's free in life, nothing's

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Speaker 1: fit to trade off, you know. I think if you're

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Speaker 1: doing absolutely nothing, then that person's probably taking advantage of

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Speaker 1: you in another way. I mean, I don't think anyone's

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Speaker 1: out here just I mean, I guess there are some

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Speaker 1: people out here paying for companionship for for nothing, but

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Speaker 1: I mean I don't I don't think anyone is just

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Speaker 1: out here doing nothing for no reason, if that makes sense. David,

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Speaker 1: thank you, man. I have the radio one. Let's see

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Speaker 1: what people have to say. Okay, I mean I think

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Speaker 1: everything's a trade off, right. Why would I just pay

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Speaker 1: for someone's life if I'm getting nothing out of it,

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Speaker 1: you know, And then why would you think Why would

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Speaker 1: you think that it's okay for me to pay for

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Speaker 1: your life for you to do nothing. You know, that's

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Speaker 1: a character trade.

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Speaker 4: In my opinion, I don't know why these women feel

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Speaker 4: even comfortable to let a man do that, and to

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Speaker 4: even have that, like financial security. I feel like you

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Speaker 4: would have none if I let have you paid for

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Speaker 4: everything and I didn't work and I was a stay

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Speaker 4: at home girlfriend, totally my thumbs all day.

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Speaker 5: I would not feel just secure in who I am.

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Speaker 5: You have to go to him for everything. I want

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Speaker 5: to buy this, I want to do that, I want

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Speaker 5: to do this, and like you wouldn't you know, and

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Speaker 5: it would be up to him. Yeah, Hey, Mike, how

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Speaker 5: you doing?

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Speaker 1: Hey, what's up?

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Speaker 6: Hey, what's up?

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Speaker 1: Good morning? Mike. David, listen to me. You have one

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Speaker 1: more conversation.

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Speaker 7: With her, lay the line in this sand and you

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Speaker 7: say you're going to contribute, it would be one thing.

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Speaker 1: Like my wife and I are first year of marriage.

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Speaker 7: You know, I paid for everything and join took her

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Speaker 7: salary and put it in the bank.

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Speaker 6: Use it as a down pame of the house.

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Speaker 1: That would be one thing. But doesn't sound like she's

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Speaker 1: going to do that.

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Speaker 7: I would have one more conversation with her, and if

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Speaker 7: she's not willing to comply or oblige, leave because I'm

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Speaker 7: telling you, my wife and I have been married for

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Speaker 7: the better part of ten years and I was laid

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Speaker 7: off and she stepped up and brought the bacon home.

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Speaker 1: So what are you going to do? Mm? Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: thank you, Mike, appreciate it. Man, have a good day, man, yeah, Man,

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Speaker 1: make her comply, have a good dame. But I mean,

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, both parties need to work for a successful relationship.

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Speaker 1: In my opinion, I agree, and for a lot of

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Speaker 1: people it's a luxury. But for some people, that quote

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Speaker 1: unquote work is raising the family with the kids, you know,

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Speaker 1: taking care of the house, that kind of whether that's

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Speaker 1: male or female whatever. But then that makes sense to me,

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Speaker 1: right because childcare can be expensive. I think ideally people

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Speaker 1: want to be with their kids, especially when they're young.

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Speaker 1: I mean, so I get that, Like if I'm if

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Speaker 1: I'm working quote unquote financially for job, being paid whatever,

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Speaker 1: and then you're at home, that's to me, that's equal

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Speaker 1: or probably not even equal. You're probably whoever's at home

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Speaker 1: is probably working harder fact frankly, But then there's a

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Speaker 1: trade off there, right, But like I would have a

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Speaker 1: hard time doing supporting somebody who did absolutely nothing. If

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Speaker 1: I were so well off that I could support another

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Speaker 1: human being that didn't have to do a damn thing,

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Speaker 1: then I would hope that person would at least pursue

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Speaker 1: a passion like go volunteer at an animal shelter, go

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Speaker 1: start a business that you never you know, take a risk,

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Speaker 1: do something. Because if it were the other way around,

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Speaker 1: and somebody were paying for my life, I didn't have

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Speaker 1: to work, then I would hope that I could then

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Speaker 1: pursue a bunch of stuff that I want to do

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Speaker 1: that I can't do because I have to work for money, right,

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Speaker 1: you know, something to I mean, that's a that's a

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Speaker 1: gift in a lot of ways, and I think it

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Speaker 1: says something about somebody who just wants to sit at

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Speaker 1: home and do nothing. Well you work, Mary Anne? Hi, Hey,

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Speaker 1: Hi guys, good moy. What do you want to say?

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Speaker 1: Love you to do it? Thank you?

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Speaker 8: I want to say you got to kind of look

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Speaker 8: at a relationship like you're living with a roommate and

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Speaker 8: you would never expect your roommate to take for everything.

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Speaker 8: And if you treat each other as friends first.

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Speaker 9: Before spouses or boyfriend and girlfriends and just be respectful

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Speaker 9: of that. And like you said, Brett, I would never

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Speaker 9: want somebody to stay home and do nothing. And maybe

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Speaker 9: that when they have children to get married, then obviously

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Speaker 9: the division of labor and finances is going to change.

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Speaker 6: But they have to have that conversation.

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Speaker 9: And really all problems lead to lack of communication, so

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Speaker 9: that's what needs to happen.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, he'd better say something. Thank you, Marianne. Have a

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Speaker 1: good day.

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Speaker 7: May.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. If he doesn't say anything, he's going to resent it.

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Speaker 1: He's going to resent it down the line every day

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Speaker 1: he gets up going to work. She's laying on the

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Speaker 1: couch right Yeah.

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Speaker 10: Yeah, what like for me and Jess, like we haven't

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Speaker 10: worked out. Like I pay out majority of the bills,

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Speaker 10: She pays the groceries and you know, stuff for Ashland

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Speaker 10: and the stuff that he needs, and then like if

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Speaker 10: we have house projects like stuff like that, she pays

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Speaker 10: for it as well, because obviously my money's going towards

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Speaker 10: like the mortgage and everything else.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, the conversation, Yeah, I've heard of people who

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Speaker 1: like one, the woman in this case, in this couple,

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Speaker 1: they don't have any kids, made a lot more money.

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Speaker 1: So she paid the day to day, she paid the mortgage,

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Speaker 1: she paid food insurance, whatever, and then his money went

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Speaker 1: into an account that was essentially like their fun money,

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Speaker 1: so vacations, they had a boat, you know, all of

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Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. So it was like it didn't

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Speaker 1: make any sense for them to split hairs on day

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Speaker 1: to day because she was an attorney and made a

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Speaker 1: lot more. But you know, he loved his job and

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Speaker 1: did fine, and it provided them, you know, all kinds

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Speaker 1: of fun stuff, you know, vacation whatever it was, and

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Speaker 1: that's that was how they did it. And then everybody

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Speaker 1: felt like they were contributing, you know, as opposed to

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Speaker 1: one person just not doing a damn thing. Hey James,

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Speaker 1: good morning. Hey James. I got to tell you, first

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Speaker 1: of all, you you a real one, if you say,

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Speaker 1: brother Fred you've been around for a minute. And second

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Speaker 1: of all, I can't think of the last time that

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Speaker 1: I know you have I love you for that. I

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Speaker 1: can't think of the last time that I had all

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Speaker 1: eight lines filled with just men who want to say

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Speaker 1: something on this. So it literally is all men right

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Speaker 1: now that have something to say about this. So what

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Speaker 1: did you want to say? Please?

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Speaker 6: Well, yeah, I think he should stay, But he's got

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Speaker 6: to have a very deep conversation with this woman because

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Speaker 6: what he we both need to understand the relationships is

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Speaker 6: it's a partnership. It's not a dictatorship. Okay, I can

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Speaker 6: understand if the woman is a housemaker, if she's sitting

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Speaker 6: at home and now working a full time job, she's

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Speaker 6: taking care of the family, then yeah, she doesn't have

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Speaker 6: to contribute to the bills, but she's got to take

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Speaker 6: care of the home. I should be coming home to

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Speaker 6: a clean house. I should be coming home to a

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Speaker 6: meal and well taking care of kids if I got

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Speaker 6: kids or whatnot. If both of us are working full time,

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Speaker 6: then it's a partnership.

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Speaker 1: Like me and my wife, we've been.

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Speaker 6: Together for seven years, married for a little over a

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Speaker 6: year now, we've been living together for a couple of years.

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Speaker 6: I make more than her, so I pay the mortgage,

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Speaker 6: I pay the big car payment, she pays the utilities.

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Speaker 6: We split the groceries, and then we both contribute to

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Speaker 6: savings or whatever we can contribute.

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Speaker 1: And you have to take care of the kids too.

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Speaker 1: It's a partnership.

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Speaker 3: You help with the kids and everything to the house,

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Speaker 3: chores and all of that as well.

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Speaker 6: We don't we don't have kids at this time. But yeah, absolutely,

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Speaker 6: we both clean the house. We both take care of

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Speaker 6: the house. We have dogs. We both shared responsibilities and

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Speaker 6: taking care of the dogs. There you go with the

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Speaker 6: financial responsibility. And of course because I make more, I

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Speaker 6: take care of the larger part of it and she

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Speaker 6: takes care of the utility.

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Speaker 1: There you go.

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Speaker 6: It's a partnership.

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Speaker 1: That's right. Thank you, James. I appreciate you.

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Speaker 9: Man.

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Speaker 1: Have a good day. Yeah you too. Plancy us the.

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Speaker 11: Thing like, yeah, he's got a partnership. He's a silent partnership.

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Speaker 11: He's sleeping. She can't talk. That's why she's silent. She

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Speaker 11: in bed right now, watching Inflix. You know, any I

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Speaker 11: don't care. I don't care. I hear what he's saying.

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Speaker 11: I mean, if I'm the state.

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Speaker 1: This isn't a male female thing, right, Like if I'm

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Speaker 1: if I'm stay at home and my wife is at

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Speaker 1: work all the time, then I would expect that my

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Speaker 1: job is at least to keep the house. I mean,

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Speaker 1: if I'm gonna lay around the house all day, that

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Speaker 1: I would I would expect her to expect from me

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Speaker 1: that it at least things are in order. You know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. That's I think I don't think that's

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Speaker 1: unfair at all. Like that's not to say that a

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Speaker 1: woman should be at home cooking and cleaning and whatever else.

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Speaker 1: It could be either way, any any role you want.

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Speaker 1: But like I would be annoyed if I were the

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Speaker 1: breadwinner and my partner did nothing and I came home

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Speaker 1: in a place where a mess. I would piss me

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Speaker 1: off because I'm like, what are you? What are you doing?

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Speaker 1: What I'm paying for? Get up and do something? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: even take a shower. It's time to get to work.

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Speaker 1: I mean, if you're not doing anything in their relationship,

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Speaker 1: If you right now are going, I don't do anything

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Speaker 1: in my relationship, you might want to be looking at

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Speaker 1: about that pet funders or dot com whatever it is.

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Speaker 1: You might be there