1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,360 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are 2 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:05,680 Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcast and we have 3 00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:08,640 Speaker 1: some foundational stories coming up for you. But the thing 4 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:12,240 Speaker 1: is this foundation needs a little support from these sponsors. 5 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:15,440 Speaker 2: So stick around two minutes and we'll get into the episode. 6 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:20,160 Speaker 3: My boyfriend's stepmother confiscated our baby shower gifts in case 7 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:21,599 Speaker 3: we break up, Just. 8 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:23,440 Speaker 4: In case of emergency. 9 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,960 Speaker 3: Me and my boyfriend had only been dating about two 10 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 3: months when we got the positive test. Oh wow, this 11 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,320 Speaker 3: is a quick one, a quick one. We have now 12 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:32,720 Speaker 3: been dating for about nine months. He has made it 13 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:35,199 Speaker 3: clear that he never wanted kids and has been struggling 14 00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:37,720 Speaker 3: with parental anxiety, but has made it clear that he 15 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:39,720 Speaker 3: would like to be involved in her life. By the way, 16 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,519 Speaker 3: this comes from sufficient Ball two six four five, And 17 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,040 Speaker 3: if you want to submit your own stories, good to 18 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:47,120 Speaker 3: the our slash Okay Storytime Separate it so as two 19 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:49,880 Speaker 3: twenty some year olds as first time parents, these baby 20 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:52,480 Speaker 3: showers will help us both financially to make things work 21 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:55,279 Speaker 3: the best we can. It's been a really hard pregnancy 22 00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,360 Speaker 3: and it's just getting more difficult to work full time 23 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,800 Speaker 3: as they get further along. We had previously considered living 24 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:03,720 Speaker 3: together upon knowing the circumstances, but for financial and personal reasons, 25 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,880 Speaker 3: our daughter will be staying full time with me at 26 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:08,400 Speaker 3: my parents' house, which ended up being our only option 27 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:11,039 Speaker 3: for the time being. My due date is August first, 28 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:14,400 Speaker 3: and his lease for his apartment with his current roommates 29 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:17,200 Speaker 3: ends on December first. It's important to know he has 30 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:20,319 Speaker 3: two sets of parents, a step mom and biological father 31 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:23,600 Speaker 3: that lived together, and a biological mother and stepdad. They 32 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:26,319 Speaker 3: hosted a baby shower for me on June first. My 33 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:29,560 Speaker 3: boyfriend's step mom, let's call her Jay, is married to 34 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:30,640 Speaker 3: his biological father. 35 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,840 Speaker 5: This baby shower was mostly for this side of the. 36 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:37,640 Speaker 3: Family, his aunt's, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and great grandparents. We 37 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:41,560 Speaker 3: received so many wonderful gifts and the baby shower was lovely. 38 00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:44,360 Speaker 5: Something strange happened at the end of the shower. 39 00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:47,880 Speaker 3: Though, Jay and his biological mother started hurriedly putting the 40 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:49,440 Speaker 3: gifts away in her closet. 41 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:51,320 Speaker 5: I was confused. 42 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:53,680 Speaker 3: When me and my boyfriend had discussed what we were 43 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:55,440 Speaker 3: going to do with the gifts after the party, we 44 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,440 Speaker 3: both agreed that we would put as many gifts as 45 00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 3: possible in his car to not make it weird with 46 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:03,200 Speaker 3: his relatives when any bigger items would go in my parents' suv. 47 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:05,720 Speaker 3: The whole thing seemed weird to me, and the people 48 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:08,440 Speaker 3: that were still there sat in silence as they hurriedly 49 00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 3: shuffled gifts away. I felt so small and like I 50 00:02:11,639 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 3: couldn't do anything. I was in his parents' house, surrounded 51 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:17,160 Speaker 3: by his relatives. My boyfriend said that he thought that 52 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:19,560 Speaker 3: she was just moving them out of the way. When 53 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:22,440 Speaker 3: I asked him about it, this also seemed weird. Why 54 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:25,880 Speaker 3: were the gifts just not brought to the cars? Jay 55 00:02:25,919 --> 00:02:28,280 Speaker 3: came up to me when she was about halfway done 56 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:30,560 Speaker 3: putting gifts away and told me, don't worry, I'm just 57 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:32,520 Speaker 3: putting the gifts away so I can make returns if 58 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,440 Speaker 3: there are duplicates. Exchanges and thank yous on your behalf, 59 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:38,480 Speaker 3: and they went back to quickly stashing away the gifts. 60 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,640 Speaker 3: I received no duplicates out of the shower except for 61 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 3: two swings. But even then, why do I not get 62 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:46,200 Speaker 3: to pick which swing I want out of the two? 63 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:49,280 Speaker 3: This is where we both made a mistake, with us 64 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:52,560 Speaker 3: both being equally confused and tired of from the festivities. 65 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:55,680 Speaker 3: We left with no gifts his family was just as 66 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,640 Speaker 3: you would imagine a twenty two year old's baby shower 67 00:02:58,720 --> 00:02:59,000 Speaker 3: to go. 68 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:00,560 Speaker 5: I think we'd get the picture. 69 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:03,240 Speaker 3: It was littered with comments such as get ready for 70 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:04,400 Speaker 3: your life to end. 71 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,720 Speaker 4: It's like say goodbye to the rest of your life. 72 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:07,880 Speaker 5: See he'll be. 73 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:11,920 Speaker 4: Sentenced to eighteen years on fatherhood. 74 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:14,960 Speaker 3: Like that was so not what I was expecting. But 75 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:18,000 Speaker 3: also say goodbye to your free time. Pretty much just 76 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:21,520 Speaker 3: usual hassling that people receive from relatives, regardless of age, 77 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:24,240 Speaker 3: which just made things so much worse with his anxiety 78 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:26,760 Speaker 3: already about being a first time dad. I found out 79 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,720 Speaker 3: later that she had decided that she would keep the 80 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:31,520 Speaker 3: gifts at her house without talking to me or my boyfriend. 81 00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:33,760 Speaker 3: She chose to put them in her closet without even 82 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:36,040 Speaker 3: letting one of us know that's what she planned to do. 83 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:38,120 Speaker 3: I got a text from Jay about a week later 84 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:41,440 Speaker 3: telling me that she had gotten everything split up between us. 85 00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:44,680 Speaker 3: I just got more confused. Do they not know that 86 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:47,320 Speaker 3: she will be living with me full time? Turns out 87 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:49,920 Speaker 3: Jay didn't agree with our living situation and told my 88 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,760 Speaker 3: boyfriend that she was scared that I would just rush 89 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,640 Speaker 3: off with the gifts and keep his daughter away from him. 90 00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:58,520 Speaker 4: What which is tradition, the baby shower tradition? 91 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:02,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, It's just strange to think that, Like, you know, 92 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:05,240 Speaker 3: even if they didn't stay together, I feel like the 93 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:07,040 Speaker 3: baby might still need some of these things. 94 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:10,280 Speaker 4: Right, It's just like, what's the real motive here, because 95 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,480 Speaker 4: that doesn't make any sense. So are they selling it? 96 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:15,800 Speaker 4: Are they dating cash? Are they giving it to another family? 97 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:21,080 Speaker 4: Is there a black market underground baby shower gift like 98 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:24,559 Speaker 4: network and they pass these around? They selling this stuff 99 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,080 Speaker 4: for money? That's my guess. 100 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:29,280 Speaker 3: Uhh, yeah, that's a Greek guys. The stuff gets add 101 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:32,160 Speaker 3: up get expensive. His stepmom and dad wanted to make 102 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:36,040 Speaker 3: sure that he had something after trying time and time 103 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:38,280 Speaker 3: again to explain our situation to them and that if 104 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:40,320 Speaker 3: we were to move out together, it would be in 105 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:41,440 Speaker 3: December or later. 106 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:42,880 Speaker 5: He works full time. 107 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,760 Speaker 3: He hasn't worked at his current job long enough to 108 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,080 Speaker 3: qualify for a paternity leave, meaning that I will be 109 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,039 Speaker 3: with her full time on my maternity leave, night and day. 110 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,039 Speaker 3: He wants to see her every time that he can, 111 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:54,960 Speaker 3: after work, on weekends, et cetera. Right now, with our 112 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:58,000 Speaker 3: combined incomes, we just can't afford to move in together. 113 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,120 Speaker 3: When Jay had sent her son to drop off the 114 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,599 Speaker 3: baby shower gifts, I immediately noticed that there were two 115 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:06,120 Speaker 3: big ticket items missing. A swing I received two and 116 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:08,919 Speaker 3: a pack and play. I planned on returning one of 117 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:11,200 Speaker 3: the swings and buying a car seat or crib. Both 118 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:15,040 Speaker 3: gifts were about four hundred dollars. Dang, yeah, they're definitely 119 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,080 Speaker 3: going to sell these keep it for themselves. 120 00:05:17,279 --> 00:05:20,360 Speaker 4: I don't like, what are they selling it for? For money? 121 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:22,400 Speaker 4: But like what are they using the money for? You 122 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:24,400 Speaker 4: know what I mean? Like, maybe this is like actually 123 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:25,520 Speaker 4: a tative. 124 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,680 Speaker 5: Oh yeah, well given to the poor? Why you look 125 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 5: like Fred Flintstone broke it look like an actual fit. 126 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,640 Speaker 3: Jay had her daughter make a detailed thank you list 127 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:39,240 Speaker 3: with every gift given, which I use as a checklist 128 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:41,880 Speaker 3: for every item given to me. A very smart opie. 129 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,720 Speaker 3: The stepmom had taken and withheld about two. 130 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,320 Speaker 5: Thirds of the gifts. 131 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,400 Speaker 3: Every time that he tries to speak to his family 132 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,480 Speaker 3: about this, trust me, I would never say a word 133 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,200 Speaker 3: to them. She's saying, this is his family. They give 134 00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:56,200 Speaker 3: him another excuse. We were scared her family was going 135 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:59,800 Speaker 3: to run off with the gifts to wear my family's house, 136 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:03,479 Speaker 3: where she will be staying full time for the time eating, She's. 137 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:07,000 Speaker 4: Just gonna run off and use these gifts for child 138 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,080 Speaker 4: that she's having with you. Oh dare she? 139 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:14,240 Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, we wanted to make sure you had something. 140 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,440 Speaker 3: It just seems like she's running off with a bunch 141 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:19,920 Speaker 3: of free stuff and abandoning you. Or my personal favorite, 142 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:22,400 Speaker 3: why is your girlfriend being so materialistic? 143 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:25,440 Speaker 5: It's obvious she plans to leave be Who are. 144 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:29,360 Speaker 4: You materialistic about the stuff for the baby she's having? 145 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:33,200 Speaker 5: For real? This is like such useful stuff. 146 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:36,520 Speaker 3: Baby shower stuff is like please, I need a help 147 00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 3: kind of stuff. 148 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,440 Speaker 4: Like what are they gonna buy with this money? I 149 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,240 Speaker 4: don't want any because clearly whatever it is is completely 150 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:44,760 Speaker 4: taking hold of their lives. Yeah, but I would like 151 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:47,040 Speaker 4: to know what it is that has caused them to 152 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:47,400 Speaker 4: do this. 153 00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:52,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, Like because didn't they also buy some gifts for them? 154 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,920 Speaker 3: Like if they were so worried about all this stuff, 155 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,440 Speaker 3: like I would they even bring gifts to the baby shower? 156 00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,960 Speaker 3: I guess I'm just assuming that they didn't actually specifically say, 157 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:01,479 Speaker 3: but that's what I would guess. 158 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:04,120 Speaker 4: I don't know. It's like someone had a puppy shower. 159 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:07,080 Speaker 4: You know, we're getting a puppy. Yeah, we're gonna take 160 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:09,360 Speaker 4: care of it over at my place. And they're like, yeah, 161 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:11,240 Speaker 4: all these bags of dog food we're just gonna keep 162 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:12,880 Speaker 4: in the closet here in case you get any funny 163 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:13,640 Speaker 4: business ideas. 164 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,480 Speaker 5: Yeah, but he's you've run away anyway. 165 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 3: I've gone out of my way to build good relationships 166 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 3: with his entire family, and it hurts to know that's 167 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:23,720 Speaker 3: what they really think of me. I think the funniest 168 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:25,400 Speaker 3: part about all of this is the fact that he 169 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,680 Speaker 3: specifically said that he didn't want anything from the Showers 170 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:31,520 Speaker 3: baby wise, except for a car seat. It's like his 171 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,720 Speaker 3: family expects me to withhold the gifts from him, or 172 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:37,000 Speaker 3: like we aren't two adults that can make decisions for 173 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,840 Speaker 3: our own child. They're not just keeping the gifts from me, 174 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:43,600 Speaker 3: the girl their son knocked up, but they are actively 175 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:47,160 Speaker 3: breaking my trust as the mother of their unborn grandchild. 176 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:52,640 Speaker 3: Just a handful of confiscated gifts include lactation pads, what 177 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:56,960 Speaker 3: the heck, front airbag, milk storage bags, newborn diapers. All 178 00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:00,160 Speaker 3: of the ones I received were taken actually splitting and 179 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:04,480 Speaker 3: opening packs of Onesies between US. Cards and return receipts 180 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:08,480 Speaker 3: are included with the gifts, gift cards, bottles, newborn onesies. 181 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:12,280 Speaker 3: I'm so serious. She took a front airbag pump from 182 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:15,640 Speaker 3: me because she was splitting things up. I feel sick 183 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:18,680 Speaker 3: knowing that she kept literal diapers from us and items 184 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:21,680 Speaker 3: only I would ever use, regardless of our living situation. 185 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,400 Speaker 3: Jay made me feel like every gift given to us 186 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:27,480 Speaker 3: was conditional, like it had to be earned or begged 187 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,720 Speaker 3: for until she got her way. It felt like a 188 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:32,800 Speaker 3: toddler throwing a fit that things weren't exactly the way 189 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:35,680 Speaker 3: that she wanted them. I've thought through every possible reason 190 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:37,720 Speaker 3: about why someone would do what she did. 191 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:41,080 Speaker 5: Is it because Jay's daughter just found out that she's pregnant. 192 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,520 Speaker 5: Is she keeping the gifts for her daughter? 193 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:44,439 Speaker 4: Probably? 194 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:47,640 Speaker 3: Is it about the money when she is already so 195 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:50,640 Speaker 3: well off? Is it an attempt to control us both? 196 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:54,080 Speaker 3: Or does she really think that she's doing the right 197 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:57,040 Speaker 3: thing on some level or another. I understand some random 198 00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,000 Speaker 3: girl he knocked up won't have the same level of 199 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,520 Speaker 3: trust that her steps has, but why does she get 200 00:09:01,559 --> 00:09:03,760 Speaker 3: to choose what is the right thing for him to do? 201 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:05,840 Speaker 3: I understand it looks weird that he is living with 202 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:08,560 Speaker 3: me full time for the time being, but we literally 203 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,959 Speaker 3: have no other choice. It's not like his parents are 204 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:13,040 Speaker 3: offering him a spare bedroom. They don't want to make 205 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:15,800 Speaker 3: solutions to the living space, They just want to control it. 206 00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:18,760 Speaker 3: I can't afford anything better. It makes me feel like 207 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,320 Speaker 3: a horrible person already that I can't give my daughter 208 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:23,640 Speaker 3: a better life, and all of their judgment just made 209 00:09:23,679 --> 00:09:26,240 Speaker 3: me feel so much worse. I'm trying my best to 210 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 3: make the circumstances work. I love my daughter and want 211 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,040 Speaker 3: her to have everything she needs the best of my ability. 212 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:32,960 Speaker 3: At the end of the day, I just don't understand, 213 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:35,760 Speaker 3: even if she was splitting things up between us, why 214 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:40,400 Speaker 3: were the milk storage bags and lactation pads taken from me? 215 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,240 Speaker 3: Why did I not get to keep the nice onesies 216 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:45,839 Speaker 3: with the zippers or get to pick out which swing 217 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:48,440 Speaker 3: I wanted? Why does Jay get to pick and choose 218 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,720 Speaker 3: what we each need for a child. Why don't I 219 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,559 Speaker 3: get to own the front air bag pump? They are 220 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:59,840 Speaker 3: literally my front airbags. You are so right about tho. 221 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,120 Speaker 5: I don't know. I don't know why you don't get. 222 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:05,040 Speaker 4: To keep those favorite sensors front airbags. 223 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,000 Speaker 5: Front airbags. 224 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:09,400 Speaker 4: Yeah, but like it's again, like hopefully. You know, we 225 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:13,480 Speaker 4: can't always learn every lesson the hard way, so we 226 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:16,360 Speaker 4: hear stories like these and we learn lessons the easy way, 227 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:19,240 Speaker 4: which is if people are shoving your baby shower gifts 228 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:21,640 Speaker 4: into their closet saying don't worry about these, don't worry 229 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:25,160 Speaker 4: about these, Maybe just take them. Maybe say hey, actually, no, 230 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:27,400 Speaker 4: you don't worry about these because they are ours. 231 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,920 Speaker 3: I got them. I know I'm pregnant, but front airbag 232 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,240 Speaker 3: pub is not that heavy. I got you. This entire 233 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:34,959 Speaker 3: situation has just made me feel so small. It feels 234 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,880 Speaker 3: like I can't do anything at all. I feel so 235 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,840 Speaker 3: frustrated and like this is the worst way to manipulate 236 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:44,800 Speaker 3: someone by withholding nonconditional gifts from a literal unborn child. 237 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,080 Speaker 3: I have another baby shower coming up with his other 238 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,760 Speaker 3: side of the family. His biological mother and stepdad are 239 00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:53,000 Speaker 3: hosting this one. Knowing his biological mother helps his stepmom 240 00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:56,199 Speaker 3: bring the gifts into her closet and helped to withhold. 241 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:58,359 Speaker 5: Them from us. I am just so anxious. 242 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,680 Speaker 3: If they're trying to control both of our now and 243 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 3: the lives of an unborn child, what about when she's 244 00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:07,040 Speaker 3: here my entire pregnancy? They have told me horrible things 245 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,520 Speaker 3: such as, you need to stop taking your parents' money 246 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:12,280 Speaker 3: and sign up for government daycare, I work full time 247 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:15,120 Speaker 3: and pay rent to my parents, or you're making it 248 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,760 Speaker 3: so much more difficult for each other by not moving 249 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,240 Speaker 3: in together, and of course all of the usual unwanted 250 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:24,240 Speaker 3: pregnancy advice and comments about different things. Usually the first 251 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:26,280 Speaker 3: thing people ask me is whether or not I'm planning 252 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:30,839 Speaker 3: to front airbag feed even strangers, and the random belly 253 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:33,960 Speaker 3: rubs from absolute strangers are even worse. The last thing 254 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,800 Speaker 3: I need is comments from people I actually know. My 255 00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:39,800 Speaker 3: boyfriend feels indifferent to the situation. On one hand, he 256 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:42,280 Speaker 3: understands why they did it and isn't angry. On the 257 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:45,040 Speaker 3: other hand, he realizes this is them being controlling towards 258 00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:47,520 Speaker 3: us and is literally telling us exactly how they will 259 00:11:47,559 --> 00:11:50,480 Speaker 3: be when she is here. Regardless of it, it's been 260 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:53,240 Speaker 3: in his best interest. He shouldn't have decisions made on 261 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:55,760 Speaker 3: his behalf by his parents as a moved out adult 262 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:59,120 Speaker 3: without even heads up. I do have three more baby showers, 263 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,880 Speaker 3: one with the other side of his extended family, one 264 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:03,920 Speaker 3: with my side of the family, and one with my 265 00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,040 Speaker 3: friends and coworkers. 266 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:06,600 Speaker 5: That's a whole lot of baby showers. 267 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:09,559 Speaker 4: Good for you, man, that's great, squeaky clean. 268 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:11,440 Speaker 5: Yeah. 269 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,800 Speaker 3: He tells me not to worry because I have three 270 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,720 Speaker 3: more showers. But what I keep trying to tell him 271 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:19,640 Speaker 3: is that I can't just rely on those people to 272 00:12:19,679 --> 00:12:22,079 Speaker 3: buy everything we need. What if we needed the extra 273 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,600 Speaker 3: money from returns to buy something super essential? 274 00:12:24,679 --> 00:12:28,240 Speaker 4: This is principle. Yeah, this is not like, ah, whatever, 275 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:32,600 Speaker 4: We'll just let him imply that you're like a kremlin 276 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:38,840 Speaker 4: who wants to steal pregnancy and baby supplies to leave me. Yeah, like, 277 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:42,439 Speaker 4: first of all, think better of my partners. Second of all, 278 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:46,439 Speaker 4: give us our stuff yesterday. Like what are you doing? 279 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,680 Speaker 5: Yeah, oh, we have three more showers. 280 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:52,600 Speaker 3: Stand on madness, especially since these people are gonna be 281 00:12:52,679 --> 00:12:55,520 Speaker 3: at at least one more of those showers. So like, 282 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,559 Speaker 3: what's the point of even having the showers if you can't. 283 00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,160 Speaker 5: Keep the gifts? 284 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:03,199 Speaker 3: That's what they're pretty much not to be materialistic, but 285 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:04,160 Speaker 3: babies are expected. 286 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:04,360 Speaker 4: Yeah. 287 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:07,480 Speaker 3: I don't even have a crib, a car seat, a dresser, 288 00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:11,160 Speaker 3: a changing table topper. Now, I don't even have diapers. 289 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:14,480 Speaker 3: I cannot possibly depend on three or more people to 290 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:17,880 Speaker 3: spend upwards of one hundred dollars reasonably, these might be 291 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,560 Speaker 3: the only big gifts we received that we could return 292 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,840 Speaker 3: for something else we need more. He's told me that 293 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:25,400 Speaker 3: growing up they made him feel like he was just there, 294 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:27,800 Speaker 3: and he didn't have a good relationship with his stepmom 295 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:30,439 Speaker 3: for a long time over how controlling she was growing up. 296 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:32,800 Speaker 3: It makes me sad that she made a little kid 297 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:35,920 Speaker 3: feel like he wasn't as valued as her biological children 298 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,439 Speaker 3: even when he became older. She did this like paying 299 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:40,559 Speaker 3: the full amount for her biological children to go on 300 00:13:40,679 --> 00:13:43,079 Speaker 3: vacations Disney, et cetera, but if he wanted to go, 301 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,679 Speaker 3: it became conditional. He had to pay for the plane 302 00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:47,840 Speaker 3: ticket if you wanted to go to California beaches with 303 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:50,480 Speaker 3: her biological children while they got a full ride. I'm 304 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:52,160 Speaker 3: scared Jay is just going to do this again to 305 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,520 Speaker 3: my daughter, and now that her biological family member is 306 00:13:54,559 --> 00:13:56,040 Speaker 3: carrying a grandchild too. 307 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,280 Speaker 5: What do we think? Do we have any final thoughts 308 00:13:58,320 --> 00:13:59,240 Speaker 5: before we wrap things up? 309 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:04,160 Speaker 4: Used everyone? I think these people are not gonna be 310 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:07,000 Speaker 4: a positive force in your life. They other your partner. 311 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:10,440 Speaker 4: He's not the biological child. Like They're gonna do the 312 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:12,440 Speaker 4: exact same thing your kids, leave them in the past, 313 00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:15,400 Speaker 4: leave them in the in the mud. 314 00:14:15,679 --> 00:14:15,920 Speaker 5: Yeah. 315 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,840 Speaker 3: I think you get people on your side of the family, 316 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:22,240 Speaker 3: gather them up, and then you text these people that 317 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:26,000 Speaker 3: are the thieves and you say like, Hey, I forgot 318 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,400 Speaker 3: something at your house, or Hey you want to meet up, 319 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:31,720 Speaker 3: or Hey, better yet, I have a gift for you. 320 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,160 Speaker 3: Can I come over to give it to you? And say, Hi, 321 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,800 Speaker 3: just drop by really quick. Yeah, yeah, and just me, 322 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:37,720 Speaker 3: don't worry about it. 323 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:38,480 Speaker 5: It's just gonna be me. 324 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:41,360 Speaker 3: Then you walk in with three people and at least 325 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,560 Speaker 3: and then you just go straight for their closet and 326 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:44,840 Speaker 3: just start picking things up and go. 327 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,440 Speaker 4: Yeah, and you say, there's my gift to you on 328 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:47,440 Speaker 4: making more space. 329 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,920 Speaker 5: Yeah, there's a little bit more to the story. Let's 330 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:50,760 Speaker 5: get on into it. 331 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,600 Speaker 3: It's such a complicated situation and I am lost on 332 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:56,600 Speaker 3: what to do. Every answer makes me feel materialistic or 333 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 3: selfish for wanting these gifts, but I wouldn't be able 334 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:02,080 Speaker 3: to afford them out the wise. Obviously, if he wanted 335 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,520 Speaker 3: to the gifts from his family, he is more than 336 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:07,040 Speaker 3: welcome to keep, but they were supposed to be for. 337 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,440 Speaker 5: Both of us, for our unborn child. 338 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,960 Speaker 3: It feels like I'm going through a divorce, trying to 339 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:15,000 Speaker 3: split our assets. Why did his family have to make 340 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,560 Speaker 3: it so weird for me? And there are some comments 341 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:20,240 Speaker 3: coming to her. Number one says, Okay, boyfriend needs to 342 00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:21,400 Speaker 3: cowboy the f up. 343 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:22,760 Speaker 5: He needs to go talk to his dad. 344 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,280 Speaker 3: I'm assuming the stuff is at his house and tell 345 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:27,800 Speaker 3: him that he's there to pick up the stuff. Maybe 346 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,960 Speaker 3: best he do this while the stepmom is out. Then 347 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,120 Speaker 3: he walks to the closet starts collecting the stuff. 348 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:33,960 Speaker 5: What did I say? 349 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:36,640 Speaker 3: If dad stops him, boyfriend needs to remind him. Then 350 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:40,520 Speaker 3: these gifts that were given to his granddaughter that's about 351 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,400 Speaker 3: to be born. As that baby's father, your boyfriend gets 352 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:46,360 Speaker 3: to decide what happens to them. He also gets to 353 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:49,560 Speaker 3: decide about who can see his baby and be. 354 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:50,960 Speaker 5: Involved in her life. 355 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:54,040 Speaker 3: You shouldn't be involved in this at all, though, doubtless 356 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,000 Speaker 3: you'll be blamed. Someone responds, OPI I agree with above 357 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,560 Speaker 3: post about contacting the police. Oh WHOA, I guess someone 358 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:02,960 Speaker 3: said attack the police, but I do that. First, take 359 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:06,760 Speaker 3: your information to the police, all the charges, then give 360 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:10,800 Speaker 3: them the opportunity to return the items. These miscreants don't 361 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:15,040 Speaker 3: warrant advanced notice. They'll immediately remove everything to another location. 362 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:17,640 Speaker 3: They do not warrant the benefit of the doubt. Go 363 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:21,360 Speaker 3: attack mode they stole from you. Good luck, o Pee, 364 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,040 Speaker 3: please keep us apprized. 365 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:24,960 Speaker 4: Attack mode. 366 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:28,440 Speaker 3: Command it too says I think you need to take 367 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:31,000 Speaker 3: this public, tell his entire family how she is behaving. 368 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:34,720 Speaker 3: Someone responds this, send out a group message thank you 369 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,120 Speaker 3: for all the generous gifts. It's unfortunate that we won't 370 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,080 Speaker 3: be able to use two thirds of them because they 371 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:40,800 Speaker 3: were taken away. If you would like to have your 372 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:44,320 Speaker 3: money refunded, please contact Jay. Honestly, yeah, good because so 373 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:46,640 Speaker 3: many of these people, I mean all of them, all 374 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,080 Speaker 3: of these people bought these gifts for the intention to 375 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:52,400 Speaker 3: help out Ope and her boyfriend. So it's like, it's 376 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:55,200 Speaker 3: so unfair to them to just be like, oh, actually 377 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:56,760 Speaker 3: it's not gonna be used for that adult. It's just 378 00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:59,560 Speaker 3: gonna be wasted. His front airbag pump is gonna be 379 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:03,680 Speaker 3: wasted in this non pregnant woman's home. Comment number three says, 380 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:06,240 Speaker 3: I'd be very concerned that they plan to help out 381 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,600 Speaker 3: with the baby, and a heck of a lot more 382 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:11,520 Speaker 3: than you want them to, because, as you said, you're 383 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:15,359 Speaker 3: young and he's not that invested, get a formal custody 384 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,359 Speaker 3: agreement set up, and be careful babies might people go 385 00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:23,080 Speaker 3: effing nuts. Comentre number four says name probably Jay Jay. 386 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,440 Speaker 3: We need you to return all the baby shower gifts 387 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:27,720 Speaker 3: you have taken. They were not intended for you, and 388 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:30,000 Speaker 3: while we prefer not to file a police report, we 389 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,080 Speaker 3: will do so if we do not have everything returned 390 00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:34,880 Speaker 3: to our home by Saturday, June fifteenth, twenty twenty four. 391 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:37,320 Speaker 3: Are If you force us to file a police report, 392 00:17:37,359 --> 00:17:39,359 Speaker 3: we will not be shy about sharing it and what 393 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,760 Speaker 3: you have done with everyone at the baby shower, as 394 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:45,720 Speaker 3: well as family and friends. Please contact us with any questions. 395 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,840 Speaker 3: I might include a list because you know what was 396 00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:51,320 Speaker 3: taken and that is the end of that story. 397 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:56,080 Speaker 6: I dated my ex girlfriend's sister. Years later, she confessed 398 00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:57,040 Speaker 6: I ruined her life. 399 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,280 Speaker 4: Ain't that always the way it goes? 400 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,439 Speaker 6: Editors note original names are g and V. I changed 401 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:05,440 Speaker 6: it to Gigi and Veronica. This might not seem like 402 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:07,560 Speaker 6: a big deal to most people reading, but it's become 403 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,879 Speaker 6: a big deal for me and my fiance. When I 404 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:13,120 Speaker 6: was fourteen, I became best friends with a girl let's 405 00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:15,720 Speaker 6: call her Gigi. When we were sixteen, we started dating 406 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:19,119 Speaker 6: spent all our time together basic teenage love stuff. By 407 00:18:19,119 --> 00:18:21,560 Speaker 6: the way, this comes from Marino Scopie and if you 408 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,080 Speaker 6: want to spit your own stories, go to the rs 409 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:25,960 Speaker 6: slash Okay storytime subbout it. During this time, I became 410 00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:29,680 Speaker 6: close with her little sister, Veronica, who was thirteen. Veronica 411 00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:32,480 Speaker 6: and I were always friendly with one another, some teasing, 412 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,879 Speaker 6: some fighting, but just general kids being kids. So Gigi 413 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:38,399 Speaker 6: and I dated for four years and ended up breaking 414 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:40,760 Speaker 6: up when we were in college because we wanted different 415 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:43,480 Speaker 6: things in our life. I was fine with having only 416 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,760 Speaker 6: Gigi as my partner for life, and Gigi felt like 417 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,919 Speaker 6: she'd be missing out on her girls just want to 418 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,480 Speaker 6: have fun day. This was obviously a pretty rough time 419 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,640 Speaker 6: for me, for Gig and for our whole friend group. 420 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:57,679 Speaker 6: The relationship was basically a corpse for several months, dragged 421 00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:00,159 Speaker 6: along by our unwillingness to let each other go. She 422 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:03,959 Speaker 6: proposed an open relationship several times, and I just couldn't 423 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,679 Speaker 6: bring myself to agree to it. During this time, Veronica 424 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:10,280 Speaker 6: got pretty angry with her sister Gigi, because Veronica, by 425 00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:12,080 Speaker 6: that point, saw me as part of the family. I 426 00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:14,960 Speaker 6: found out later that Veronica and Gig got into regular 427 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:18,200 Speaker 6: fights about Gigi's inability to commit to me. At this time, 428 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,919 Speaker 6: Veronica was seventeen years old and Gigi was twenty, so 429 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,680 Speaker 6: it's not like Veronica could really. 430 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:23,840 Speaker 5: Force Gigi to do anything. 431 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:26,480 Speaker 6: Eventually, Gigi and I broke up and our four year 432 00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:29,399 Speaker 6: relationship and six year friendship came to an end. I 433 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:32,080 Speaker 6: felt the right thing to do was probably distance myself 434 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,920 Speaker 6: from Veronica as well, because being as close to Veronica 435 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,800 Speaker 6: as I usually was would mean that I'd never quite 436 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:41,200 Speaker 6: leave Gigi's life. This ended up backfiring because it made 437 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:44,320 Speaker 6: Veronica very upset, and she basically interpreted this to mean 438 00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:46,959 Speaker 6: that Veronica and I were never really friends and I 439 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:48,919 Speaker 6: was only tolerating. 440 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:49,359 Speaker 5: Her for Gigi's sake. 441 00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:52,199 Speaker 6: Out of guilt or out of some selfish desire to 442 00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:55,240 Speaker 6: not lose yet another piece of my life. I acquiesced 443 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:58,520 Speaker 6: to Veronica and we stayed friends. This was in twenty fourteen. 444 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:01,040 Speaker 6: By twenty fifteen, Veronica I was eighteen and I was 445 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,080 Speaker 6: twenty one. You came to the same college I was in, 446 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,920 Speaker 6: and we were good friends. I always kept some distance 447 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,760 Speaker 6: with Veronica out of respect to Gigi. This means that 448 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,720 Speaker 6: no matter how friendly I was with Veronica, never really 449 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:14,879 Speaker 6: talk to her about really personal stuff for my romantic life. 450 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,200 Speaker 6: It was a good friend, but not a close friend. Then, 451 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:20,840 Speaker 6: in late twenty fifteen, there was incident where Veronica behaved 452 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:24,480 Speaker 6: extremely jealous towards a girl I was casually seeing that. 453 00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:27,560 Speaker 6: There was another incident in early twenty sixteen where Veronica 454 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,840 Speaker 6: was found to be crap talk and a different girl 455 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:32,280 Speaker 6: I was seeing, and when I confronted Veronica about it, 456 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,800 Speaker 6: Veronica basically confessed that she had developed feelings for me. 457 00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:38,679 Speaker 6: I shut that down immediately because every part of it 458 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:42,440 Speaker 6: felt totally and viscerally wrong. But at the time, Veronica 459 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,639 Speaker 6: assured me that Gigi was okay with it and her 460 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:46,639 Speaker 6: mom was okay with the two. She put all her 461 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,080 Speaker 6: cards on the table and says that while she understands 462 00:20:49,119 --> 00:20:51,840 Speaker 6: I view her as a kid, she'd like the chance 463 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,919 Speaker 6: to at least date me and change my mind. Obviously, 464 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:58,560 Speaker 6: she succeeded, because as of February this year, she and 465 00:20:58,600 --> 00:20:59,600 Speaker 6: I are engaged. 466 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:01,360 Speaker 4: Oh oh, okay. 467 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,840 Speaker 6: We've been together for five years now, and it's by 468 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,920 Speaker 6: far the best relationship I've ever been the Only problem 469 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,879 Speaker 6: is that it turns out Veronica lied about one thing 470 00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:13,040 Speaker 6: at the start of the relationship. While it's true that 471 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,720 Speaker 6: her mother loves me and was totally fine with Veronica 472 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:18,800 Speaker 6: dating me, Gigi was never okay with it. In fact, 473 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,120 Speaker 6: Gigi was very much not okay with it and has 474 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,920 Speaker 6: been vocal about this to Veronica. Gigi never said any 475 00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,960 Speaker 6: of this to me because she and I were no contact. 476 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,919 Speaker 6: All of this is coming up now in twenty twenty 477 00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:31,840 Speaker 6: because Gigi is over our apartment for the week and 478 00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:34,880 Speaker 6: on day two, yesterday, she gets wasted and blurts out 479 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:38,919 Speaker 6: how I upgraded to a younger, prettier model by dating 480 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:42,359 Speaker 6: her little sister. Veronica was already passed out by this point, 481 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,840 Speaker 6: so she had no idea that Gigi said these things 482 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,960 Speaker 6: to me. But at the time I got defensive and 483 00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:48,680 Speaker 6: said that Gigi was okay with it at the time, 484 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:50,720 Speaker 6: so why did it bother her so much. Half a 485 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:53,600 Speaker 6: decade later then Gig told me the truth about how 486 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:56,320 Speaker 6: she was never okay with it. But then she found 487 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:58,760 Speaker 6: out that I had agreed to give Veronica a chance, 488 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,080 Speaker 6: and it broke her heart and she tried to let 489 00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,840 Speaker 6: go of the jealousy she was feeling. Five years later, 490 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:07,360 Speaker 6: she still feels intense pangs of jealousy, all made worse 491 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:10,160 Speaker 6: by the wedding planning for our twenty twenty one marriage. 492 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:13,200 Speaker 6: Gigi says that she regrets asking me for a breakup 493 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:15,879 Speaker 6: and the single life wasn't worth losing love for. She 494 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,920 Speaker 6: assured me that she wasn't trying to break Veronica and 495 00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:20,160 Speaker 6: myself up or trying to get me back. She said 496 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:23,080 Speaker 6: that she just needed me to know how she really feels. 497 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:26,120 Speaker 6: She also attributes these feelings of rejection and loss as 498 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:29,199 Speaker 6: the cause of her depression, which incidentally has derailed her 499 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:31,800 Speaker 6: life for the last four years. So the times match up. 500 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:34,000 Speaker 6: I guess what's the right move here. Do I tell 501 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,879 Speaker 6: Veronica about Gigi's confession? Do I pretend like I didn't 502 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:39,960 Speaker 6: hear any of this? Absolutely tell her she's your fyance 503 00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:43,360 Speaker 6: and this is her sister confessing that she's in love 504 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:43,639 Speaker 6: with you. 505 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:45,400 Speaker 5: Yes, you should tell your partner. 506 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,600 Speaker 6: Gigi doesn't seem to remember what she said or is 507 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,840 Speaker 6: playing it off like she didn't confess anything. I'm going 508 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:53,320 Speaker 6: to talk to my fiance and let her know what happened. 509 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,520 Speaker 6: I'm not going to turn this into any more drama 510 00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:57,800 Speaker 6: or big fight. Before I post to the last thread. 511 00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:00,280 Speaker 6: I was going to just let this whole thing pass 512 00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:03,000 Speaker 6: us away and never speak to Veronica about it, but 513 00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:05,320 Speaker 6: the majority of you felt it was best to at 514 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:06,480 Speaker 6: least be honest. 515 00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:08,560 Speaker 5: To Veronica, and at some point you all convinced me. 516 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:11,520 Speaker 6: So yesterday morning, I sat Veronica down and told her 517 00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:13,600 Speaker 6: what had happened. Gigi was away at this point, so 518 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:16,280 Speaker 6: I had the privacy for a real conversation. A lot 519 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,760 Speaker 6: of people in the last post really mistook what kind 520 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,880 Speaker 6: of person Veronica is. In my opinion, Veronica isn't some 521 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,720 Speaker 6: kind of evil mastermind that was playing me, her mother, 522 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:27,960 Speaker 6: her sister, and everyone else like puppets dancing on her strings. 523 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,199 Speaker 6: When I met her, she was an earnest kid, and 524 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,919 Speaker 6: she grew to be an honest but determined teenager at 525 00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:34,919 Speaker 6: the time that we started dating. I mentioned this so 526 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:38,840 Speaker 6: the people understand that this conversation wasn't an interrogation. I 527 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:41,240 Speaker 6: just wanted to know what she thought about what Gigi said. 528 00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:44,840 Speaker 6: As it turns out, the truth is always somewhere in between, 529 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,200 Speaker 6: and I've learned a lot of new information. I just 530 00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:49,879 Speaker 6: let her speak and get everything off her chest. I 531 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:53,480 Speaker 6: didn't interrupt to ask for clarification or interject to argue 532 00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:55,520 Speaker 6: at any point. The way I'm going to write this 533 00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:57,560 Speaker 6: down is probably annoying to read, but it's the way 534 00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:01,920 Speaker 6: I processed them. New equals totally new, confirmed equals info. 535 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:05,800 Speaker 6: Gigi told me that Veronica confirmed MESSI equals Infoggi told 536 00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:09,639 Speaker 6: me that wasn't fully honest new information. Veronica's been in 537 00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 6: love with me for longer than I thought. Gigi and 538 00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:14,280 Speaker 6: I were planning on taking her to the carnival in 539 00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,040 Speaker 6: town on her fourteenth birthday along with her group of friends, 540 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,760 Speaker 6: but Gigi got sick and Veronica was starting to get sick, 541 00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:22,000 Speaker 6: so they figured the whole plan was canceled. I don't 542 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,200 Speaker 6: remember much of this event, but she remembers that I 543 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:26,520 Speaker 6: cheered her up and convinced her to go to the carnival. 544 00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:29,639 Speaker 6: So it was me plus Veronica plus Veronica's friends, and 545 00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:31,880 Speaker 6: when Veronica would get tired or need to sit down 546 00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:34,400 Speaker 6: and rehydrate, I'd sit with her. She remembers that one 547 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,159 Speaker 6: of her friends was flirting with me and at one 548 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:38,920 Speaker 6: point gave me a compliment, and I redirected the compliment 549 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:42,359 Speaker 6: to Veronica, and it made Veronica feel like a million bucks, 550 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:45,240 Speaker 6: says this was the night she fell in love. Confirmed 551 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:49,280 Speaker 6: Gig suspected Veronica number one. I used to shower at 552 00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:52,119 Speaker 6: Gigi's house once in a while, especially during summer vacation. 553 00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,879 Speaker 6: This only used to happen after pickup games. If Gigi 554 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,920 Speaker 6: wanted to hang out afterwards, I'd leave dirty laundry here 555 00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:00,640 Speaker 6: for Gigi to throw into the watch. Turns out Veronica 556 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:04,240 Speaker 6: started helping her later on, and Gig noticed that Veronica 557 00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:07,119 Speaker 6: only helped her when my dirty clothes were in the hamper, 558 00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:11,240 Speaker 6: never on a normal day. Confirmed Gigi suspected Veronica number two. 559 00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:13,879 Speaker 6: Senior year of high school, I took art history. I 560 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,399 Speaker 6: didn't give a crap about the class, but Veronica was 561 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,000 Speaker 6: super interested in hearing from me about it. Turns out 562 00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:22,399 Speaker 6: GG caught Veronica researching my class topics several times so 563 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:26,480 Speaker 6: that Veronica could hold conversations with me. Confirmed Gigi suspected 564 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:29,280 Speaker 6: Veronica number three. Gigi knew that Veronica would put on 565 00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:31,720 Speaker 6: makeup and tidy herself up every time I came to 566 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:33,960 Speaker 6: visit Gigi. Even if I'm just picking Gigi up to 567 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:37,280 Speaker 6: take Gigi out, Veronica would come downstairs with makeup on 568 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,320 Speaker 6: to chat with me for a bit. Before I left, 569 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:42,160 Speaker 6: I didn't mention to Veronica that I didn't notice at all. 570 00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:46,800 Speaker 6: Messy Gigi opposed Veronica's feelings then came around, so Veronica 571 00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,639 Speaker 6: told Gigi earnestly about her feelings for me before she 572 00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:53,080 Speaker 6: even told her mom. This was six months after Gigi's 573 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:56,359 Speaker 6: and my relationship ended. Oh gg got pretty heated at this, 574 00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,480 Speaker 6: and a week after Veronica told Gigi, there was an 575 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:02,480 Speaker 6: incident between the sisters. Gigi basically chewed Veronica out. Gigi 576 00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:06,080 Speaker 6: then told Veronica that I'd never fall for Veronica. This 577 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:08,760 Speaker 6: was when Veronica basically called out Gigi and said that 578 00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,359 Speaker 6: Gigi would never be happy for me. In this conversation, 579 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:15,600 Speaker 6: Gigi explicitly said that if by some miracle, I said 580 00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:18,000 Speaker 6: yes to Veronica, then Gigi would put her tail between 581 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,760 Speaker 6: her legs and admit she was wrong. Gigi later one 582 00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:24,720 Speaker 6: monthish apologized about how she spoke to Veronica and said 583 00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:27,439 Speaker 6: that if Veronica truly loved me, she was happy for 584 00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:31,560 Speaker 6: Veronica Massi. Gigi encouraged Veronica to confess to me. The 585 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:34,800 Speaker 6: next big episode regarding me came the month that Veronica 586 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:36,560 Speaker 6: confessed to me. Veronica and I were in a bit 587 00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,400 Speaker 6: of a fight because I didn't like how she had 588 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:40,800 Speaker 6: behaved to a girl I was friends with benefits with. 589 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:44,400 Speaker 6: Veronica was crying at home, and Gigi basically encouraged Veronica 590 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:46,560 Speaker 6: to rip the band aid off and tell me how 591 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:50,399 Speaker 6: she feels this way. If I rejected Veronica, Veronica can 592 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:52,800 Speaker 6: at least move on, which I think is what Gigi 593 00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:54,520 Speaker 6: was betting was gonna happen. 594 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:55,120 Speaker 4: Correct. 595 00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:58,320 Speaker 6: Veronica asked Gigi if that was really okay, and Gigi 596 00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:01,600 Speaker 6: said yes, Massi. Gigu was happy and scared. When Veronica 597 00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:04,080 Speaker 6: was about to confess in a conversation the evening that 598 00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:06,760 Speaker 6: Veronica was going to tell me her feelings, Veronica and 599 00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:10,320 Speaker 6: Gigi spoke again over the phone. Veronica remembers that Gigi 600 00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:13,040 Speaker 6: made a very ify joke that's just that that Gigi 601 00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,880 Speaker 6: was hurting. Veronica paused the convo and asked gig if 602 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:19,320 Speaker 6: she was really okay with this. Gigi backpedaled and insisted 603 00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:21,560 Speaker 6: it was just a joke and so she was excited 604 00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:24,520 Speaker 6: for her little sis. Veronica remembers the joke comment being 605 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,960 Speaker 6: something like, good luck getting the love of my life. 606 00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:29,560 Speaker 6: The truth is more complicated, I guess. Turns out that 607 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:32,040 Speaker 6: Veronica had feelings for me a long time ago. Things 608 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:33,600 Speaker 6: like falling in love with me and for taking her 609 00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,280 Speaker 6: to a carnival on her birthday seemed dramatic and immature 610 00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:38,439 Speaker 6: in retrospect, but it's important bits that make up a 611 00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:41,240 Speaker 6: bigger truth. Also turns out that Gigi had small, nagging 612 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,199 Speaker 6: suspicions over the years. But most important is that it 613 00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:46,720 Speaker 6: turns out when I was single and Veronica was working 614 00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:50,080 Speaker 6: up courage to make a move, Gigi wasn't actually in opposition. 615 00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:53,200 Speaker 6: Gigi ended up being a good sister and encouraging Veronica 616 00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:56,000 Speaker 6: to chase what she wanted. What further complicates things is 617 00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:59,040 Speaker 6: that Gigi used to express some insecurity about her body 618 00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:02,800 Speaker 6: and how much more beiful read write curves Veronica was 619 00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,560 Speaker 6: back during the last two years of dating. I dismissed 620 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:08,440 Speaker 6: these insecurities and I used to laugh them off because, oh, 621 00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:11,080 Speaker 6: at the time, Gigi was eighteen and Veronica was fifteen, 622 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:13,600 Speaker 6: How does an eighteen year old even compare herself to 623 00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:15,919 Speaker 6: a fifteen year old. I didn't know that there was 624 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:19,920 Speaker 6: this underlying sentiment of competition over the years. To spend 625 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,000 Speaker 6: years feeling jealous of your little sister and must have 626 00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:24,520 Speaker 6: been torture. This was the least dramatic way I could 627 00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:27,920 Speaker 6: think to resolve this. Since Gig either deceitfully or genuinely 628 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,520 Speaker 6: doesn't remember any of her confessions to me, I'm going 629 00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:33,880 Speaker 6: to let Sleeping Dogs lie. I think Ronica is perfect, 630 00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:35,560 Speaker 6: and I wish I could go back in time and 631 00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:37,879 Speaker 6: take away the heartache she must have felt over the 632 00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,520 Speaker 6: years as some insecure kid, not knowing if I'd ever 633 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,200 Speaker 6: love or not. I'm posting this update partly to organize 634 00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:45,760 Speaker 6: my thoughts, but also in case anyone feels strongly that 635 00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:46,360 Speaker 6: I should. 636 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:46,760 Speaker 5: Talk to Gigi. 637 00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:49,320 Speaker 6: I believe letting this rest and not poking it anymore 638 00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:52,440 Speaker 6: is the best option. Agree or disagree, Agree, leave it alone. 639 00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,320 Speaker 6: You've already told your fiance that's all you needed to do. 640 00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:55,960 Speaker 6: Don't bring this. 641 00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:56,400 Speaker 4: Up with Gig. 642 00:28:57,800 --> 00:28:59,040 Speaker 2: Hey, it's Sam, your og host. 643 00:28:59,040 --> 00:28:59,120 Speaker 3: Here. 644 00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:01,040 Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to this, but here's three minutes 645 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:02,120 Speaker 2: of ads from our sponsors. 646 00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:05,480 Speaker 5: My girlfriend is afraid I'll cheat on her. It's really 647 00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:06,600 Speaker 5: our relationship. 648 00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:08,400 Speaker 4: Well you might as well just do it then. 649 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:12,080 Speaker 6: I Mail twenty five met my ex Mike Mail twenty 650 00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:15,000 Speaker 6: nine last year through Instagram. I started talking to him 651 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,600 Speaker 6: in an effort to forget my previous ex who cheated 652 00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:20,280 Speaker 6: on me multiple times with men and a sweet girl 653 00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:22,680 Speaker 6: who wanted a family with him. Just for clarification, I'm 654 00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:24,520 Speaker 6: not the type of man that likes to hook up 655 00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:27,040 Speaker 6: just for the sake of it. I love the intimacy 656 00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,280 Speaker 6: of being in a relationship. By the way, this comes 657 00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:31,720 Speaker 6: from only Alive because and if you want to submit 658 00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:34,120 Speaker 6: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime 659 00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:36,600 Speaker 6: suburn it. Having said that, I just wanted to try 660 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:39,120 Speaker 6: my luck with a fairly handsome guy since I wasn't 661 00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:41,400 Speaker 6: having any luck with the ladies on by. We hit 662 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:43,960 Speaker 6: it off from the first message, but I did notice 663 00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:46,200 Speaker 6: that every time we talked about the type of guys 664 00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,880 Speaker 6: we like, he's just gay. Mike talked about liking guys 665 00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:52,200 Speaker 6: older than me, taller than me, the works. So because 666 00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:54,520 Speaker 6: of that, I decided to keep him as a friend, 667 00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:57,440 Speaker 6: since I don't have any male friends from the LGBT community, 668 00:29:57,520 --> 00:29:59,600 Speaker 6: even though I'm part of it myself, and even though 669 00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:01,840 Speaker 6: I was already falling in love with him. This happened 670 00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:04,800 Speaker 6: in the span of four months more or less. Fast forward. 671 00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:07,360 Speaker 6: We went out clubbing one night with some friends of his, 672 00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:10,000 Speaker 6: three women Mike and me. Two of them are savvoc 673 00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:13,520 Speaker 6: and I wanted to get with the only straight one. However, 674 00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:15,840 Speaker 6: we drank a lot more than we could handle, and 675 00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:18,400 Speaker 6: after getting rejected by his friend, I went back to 676 00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:20,560 Speaker 6: Mike just to dance and for him to cheer me up. 677 00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:24,280 Speaker 6: We started dancing and getting closer and closer, and then. 678 00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:24,800 Speaker 5: He kissed me. 679 00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,720 Speaker 6: I was taken aback by this, and he chuckled and 680 00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:31,400 Speaker 6: then said I knew you wanted this, sup Ben, and 681 00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:34,080 Speaker 6: I started laughing with him. We kissed a lot more 682 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:36,840 Speaker 6: that night and kept dancing and having fun. The next 683 00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:39,080 Speaker 6: day I realized what had happened, and the feelings I 684 00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:41,760 Speaker 6: tried so hard to ignore were bursting out of my 685 00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:44,480 Speaker 6: heart again. We kept going out periodically, at least one 686 00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:47,479 Speaker 6: night a month, sometimes two. The concerts, the movies, you 687 00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:49,760 Speaker 6: get it. Somewhere down the line, my birthday happened. I 688 00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:51,760 Speaker 6: don't like to celebrate it, but I get sad when 689 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:54,760 Speaker 6: people don't remember it, and Mike forgot. The following week, 690 00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:57,080 Speaker 6: he realized he had forgotten my birthday and said he 691 00:30:57,080 --> 00:30:58,880 Speaker 6: would make up for it. We planned to meet up 692 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:00,640 Speaker 6: at them All to watch a movie and for him 693 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:03,320 Speaker 6: to give me my birthday present his idea. When I 694 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:05,720 Speaker 6: got there, he gave me a big hug. I freaking 695 00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:08,600 Speaker 6: love hugs. I'm a very physical guy, and he apologized 696 00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:10,560 Speaker 6: and said that he left my gift in his car. 697 00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:12,560 Speaker 6: I told him not to worry and said we could 698 00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:14,600 Speaker 6: get it later. So we went to the movies, then 699 00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:16,800 Speaker 6: for coffee. I did notice that he was hugging me 700 00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:19,400 Speaker 6: a lot more than usual, but I didn't mind, as 701 00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:21,600 Speaker 6: I said, I love hugs. Finally, Mike told me to 702 00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:24,360 Speaker 6: accompany him to his car to get my present. 703 00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:26,880 Speaker 5: I went with him. Then in his car, he told me. 704 00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:29,080 Speaker 6: To get in, as in he wanted to hug me 705 00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:31,360 Speaker 6: and didn't want people to give us looks. I live 706 00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:36,760 Speaker 6: in a very closet officery country in Latin America. That 707 00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:39,080 Speaker 6: set an alarm in my head since he was hugging 708 00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:41,719 Speaker 6: me not even thirty minutes ago, but I complied. I 709 00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:44,320 Speaker 6: got in, he gave me my gift. I thanked him 710 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:46,520 Speaker 6: and he gave me a hug. After that, he whispered 711 00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:48,360 Speaker 6: in my ear if he could kiss me. It caught 712 00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:50,320 Speaker 6: me off card and I couldn't answer, but he went 713 00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:52,560 Speaker 6: for it and kissed me. I was floored the same 714 00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:54,640 Speaker 6: guy that I wanted to forget I had feelings for, 715 00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:56,480 Speaker 6: and that I came to the conclusion I had no 716 00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:59,040 Speaker 6: feelings for me was kissing me. Not only that, but 717 00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:01,400 Speaker 6: while being sober, Mike told me that he liked me 718 00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:03,440 Speaker 6: and asked if I liked him bat and I couldn't 719 00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:05,440 Speaker 6: think of words to say it back, so I kissed 720 00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:07,160 Speaker 6: him and we started laughing and kissing. 721 00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:08,960 Speaker 5: After that we became a formal couple. 722 00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,200 Speaker 6: We went out every two weeks, since he lives a 723 00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:12,840 Speaker 6: bit far from me and he didn't want me to 724 00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:14,640 Speaker 6: make the commute just for him. We both live with 725 00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:17,600 Speaker 6: our parents and are still in the closet. Relevant information. 726 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:21,040 Speaker 6: Mike is a swiftie. I swear this will be important later, 727 00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:25,120 Speaker 6: and I am not. I don't really like Taylor that much, 728 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:27,320 Speaker 6: just some songs here and there. Mike has a group 729 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:30,320 Speaker 6: of friends that know each other just because of being swifties. 730 00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:32,560 Speaker 6: They make parties of their own, made a party when 731 00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:35,160 Speaker 6: the aerostore was announced, things like that. Since I'm not 732 00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:37,600 Speaker 6: a fan, I didn't mingle with their group, and when 733 00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:39,720 Speaker 6: they had parties, I had no issue with him going 734 00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:40,840 Speaker 6: alone with them. 735 00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:42,479 Speaker 5: Since you know, he was among his friends. 736 00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:46,520 Speaker 6: Then it came Christmas, or more specifically, December twenty third, 737 00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:49,120 Speaker 6: Mike's Mom's birthday. His family made a dinner party at 738 00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,200 Speaker 6: his house, and he invited me, of course as a 739 00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:52,080 Speaker 6: friend for his family. 740 00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:52,360 Speaker 5: Say. 741 00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:55,640 Speaker 6: I was so excited, as this was my first time 742 00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:57,840 Speaker 6: meeting all of his family and I wanted to make 743 00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:00,400 Speaker 6: a great impression. So I really made an apple and 744 00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:02,720 Speaker 6: bought his mom a great gift and also a gift 745 00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:05,040 Speaker 6: for Mike since we wouldn't see each other on Christmas Day. 746 00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:07,160 Speaker 6: I gave her the gift and she was very happy 747 00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:09,160 Speaker 6: with it. And then I gave Mike his gift and 748 00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:11,120 Speaker 6: told him how much I loved him, how much he 749 00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:13,480 Speaker 6: meant to me, and that he deserved all of the 750 00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:16,160 Speaker 6: goodness in the universe. He kept repeating that he didn't 751 00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:18,080 Speaker 6: deserve it and that I was being too generous. Do 752 00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:19,320 Speaker 6: we think that he's guilty? 753 00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:21,920 Speaker 4: Sounds like he's got some internalized guilt. 754 00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:24,800 Speaker 6: It struck me as weird. But I too don't know 755 00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:27,360 Speaker 6: how to take compliments or receive gifts. Sad I know, 756 00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:29,960 Speaker 6: so I brushed that off. Then on Christmas Day, we 757 00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:33,280 Speaker 6: kept chatting updates on what our families were doing. Unfortunately, 758 00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:35,400 Speaker 6: I had to work that day, but we made the 759 00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:37,640 Speaker 6: best of it. At nine pm, when the last members 760 00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:39,960 Speaker 6: of my family were going home, I got a message 761 00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:44,120 Speaker 6: from Mike. It read, we need to talk. I fed up, ominous, 762 00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:46,960 Speaker 6: and we all know what that message means. He called 763 00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:49,520 Speaker 6: me crying and confessed that he kissed a friend of 764 00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:51,920 Speaker 6: his during the Christmas Swifty party they had at the 765 00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:54,200 Speaker 6: beginning of December. He told me that he was so 766 00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:56,320 Speaker 6: sorry and he didn't want to hurt me, but that 767 00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:59,320 Speaker 6: he was accustomed to being alone. I didn't take it well. 768 00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:01,720 Speaker 6: He knew my exited to me, and I asked him 769 00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:03,800 Speaker 6: not to do the same thing to me, and he 770 00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:05,720 Speaker 6: went and did the same thing to me. I was 771 00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:08,400 Speaker 6: laying into him with my heart bleeding each bird. At 772 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:10,239 Speaker 6: one point, I guess he got fed up and said, 773 00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:11,920 Speaker 6: I know I cheated on you, but it doesn't look 774 00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:15,200 Speaker 6: I did something illegal. I was flabbergasted at that, then 775 00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:17,239 Speaker 6: told him that I hoped he was happy. I hope 776 00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:19,399 Speaker 6: you're happy now, and not to do the same thing 777 00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:21,480 Speaker 6: to the next dude that came into his life that 778 00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:24,240 Speaker 6: we were over. Mike only answered, you really think there'll 779 00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:26,480 Speaker 6: be another one? I couldn't take it anymore and I 780 00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:29,120 Speaker 6: disconnected the call. I cried myself to sleep that night, 781 00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:32,000 Speaker 6: and the following day and the day after that. I 782 00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:34,560 Speaker 6: was destroyed. He played me the same way my previous 783 00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:36,959 Speaker 6: acts played me and made me believe that in him, 784 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:40,239 Speaker 6: being older, you would be a centered, mature individual who 785 00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:42,879 Speaker 6: wouldn't cheat on someone who loves them with all their heart. 786 00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:46,160 Speaker 6: I slowly started making progress and getting over him. Since 787 00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:48,719 Speaker 6: January twenty twenty four, I started going to the gym 788 00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:51,759 Speaker 6: more I returned to college. Even then, I still missed 789 00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:53,719 Speaker 6: him and wanted to get back with him, but hope 790 00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:56,560 Speaker 6: for his next relationship to be successful. An old teacher 791 00:34:56,600 --> 00:34:58,600 Speaker 6: of mine who I told what happened and was in 792 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:00,840 Speaker 6: shock that he could do something like that that and whose 793 00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:02,880 Speaker 6: boyfriend is part of the Swifties group, told me that 794 00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,239 Speaker 6: he was cheated on by the guy he cheated on 795 00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:08,680 Speaker 6: me with, whoa those guys serial cheater, and that if 796 00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:10,799 Speaker 6: it were in my hands, that relationship would work for him. 797 00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:12,600 Speaker 6: Last week, I went to a concert at a bar. 798 00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:14,719 Speaker 6: The same band we went to see together for the 799 00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:17,080 Speaker 6: first time was performing there, and even though I knew 800 00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:19,760 Speaker 6: them only because of him, I wasn't willing to stop 801 00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:22,680 Speaker 6: going to their concerts just because Mike could be there. 802 00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:25,719 Speaker 6: I went with a friend of mine and lo and behold, 803 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:28,960 Speaker 6: Mike went to the concert with no other than the 804 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:30,640 Speaker 6: guy he cheated on me with. 805 00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:31,879 Speaker 5: But I didn't know that yet. 806 00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,120 Speaker 6: At the time, I didn't mind all that much because 807 00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:35,880 Speaker 6: I was with my friend. But when I went for 808 00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:37,760 Speaker 6: more drinks for my pal and me to the counter, 809 00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:40,000 Speaker 6: which was where they were unknown to me before going, 810 00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:42,040 Speaker 6: I noticed that they were avoiding me. He went as 811 00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:43,560 Speaker 6: far as getting up and going to the end of 812 00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:45,080 Speaker 6: the bar with the other guy. I talked to my 813 00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:47,160 Speaker 6: ex teacher and he was like, I'm gonna be honest 814 00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:49,839 Speaker 6: with you. That's why I and diego his boyfriend friend 815 00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:52,200 Speaker 6: of Mike, Remember the swifty friend group didn't come with you. 816 00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:53,319 Speaker 5: We knew he'd be there. 817 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:56,200 Speaker 6: And the guy Mike's with he cheated on you with him, 818 00:35:56,239 --> 00:35:58,720 Speaker 6: they're still together. I don't know why, but that text 819 00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:01,000 Speaker 6: broke me. I felt, and still feel, like the most 820 00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:03,560 Speaker 6: replaceable piece of crap in the whole world. It feels 821 00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:05,839 Speaker 6: like all the progress I was making of getting over 822 00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:08,520 Speaker 6: him was destroyed, that it never happened. I feel as 823 00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:10,920 Speaker 6: hopeless as that Christmas night. I thought I was ready 824 00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:13,359 Speaker 6: to see Mike again, but I wasn't ready to see 825 00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:15,680 Speaker 6: him with the guy he replaced me with. Now on 826 00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:19,319 Speaker 6: to the issue. As I stated before, I still love Mike. 827 00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:21,480 Speaker 6: I'm not downplaying the cheating or any of the other 828 00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:23,759 Speaker 6: things he did to me in the past. One of 829 00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:26,239 Speaker 6: them was arriving at my house almost three hours late 830 00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:28,360 Speaker 6: for a road trip I planned a month in a dance, 831 00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:30,600 Speaker 6: and then getting angry with me for being mad at him. 832 00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:33,520 Speaker 6: There was no emergency, he overslept and unfortunately it was 833 00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:35,600 Speaker 6: a bad day for traffic. But I still miss him, 834 00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:38,320 Speaker 6: and after seeing him with another guy, I'm second guessing 835 00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:40,880 Speaker 6: myself on whether or not I made the correct decision 836 00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:43,239 Speaker 6: in breaking things off when he called me. Now, he 837 00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:46,319 Speaker 6: hasn't contacted me or anything since the call, nor even 838 00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:48,480 Speaker 6: tried to text me. Would it be a good idea 839 00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:50,160 Speaker 6: to contact him and try to then things? 840 00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:50,560 Speaker 3: No? 841 00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:53,440 Speaker 4: Like, what do you mean? Oh, what do you mean 842 00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:53,799 Speaker 4: by that? 843 00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:54,160 Speaker 3: No? 844 00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:55,680 Speaker 5: I don't care what you mean by it. I don't 845 00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:56,760 Speaker 5: care if you just want to be friends. 846 00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:58,040 Speaker 4: Nope? Do you mean like you have like a shirt 847 00:36:58,080 --> 00:36:59,640 Speaker 4: you have a hole in? And yeah? Yeah, and you 848 00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:00,680 Speaker 4: maybe for me? 849 00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:01,560 Speaker 5: Please be kind. 850 00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:03,719 Speaker 6: I truly am on the brink of pulling my hair 851 00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:06,160 Speaker 6: out because of the situation. Sorry if I lost the 852 00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:08,279 Speaker 6: trail of the story at multiple points, I tried to 853 00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:10,960 Speaker 6: provide all of the context possible for you to understand 854 00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,960 Speaker 6: how we went from friends to a situationship to a couple. 855 00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:16,879 Speaker 6: And there is an update shout out to another user 856 00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:20,200 Speaker 6: for your interest. Yea, one day what he told me 857 00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:23,200 Speaker 6: then came back to me three day to night Christmas party, 858 00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:24,760 Speaker 6: Christmas trip and they only kissed. 859 00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:25,399 Speaker 2: Yeah. Nah. 860 00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:27,600 Speaker 6: Chances are that they were doing the nasty up until 861 00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:30,000 Speaker 6: the morning of the first day, then some of the 862 00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:32,080 Speaker 6: second day, and on the third day he might have 863 00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:34,359 Speaker 6: felt a little bit guilty and only told me about 864 00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:36,279 Speaker 6: the affair for me to break up with him, make 865 00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:38,279 Speaker 6: me the bad guy in his mind, and for him 866 00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:40,120 Speaker 6: to be able to go with the other guy without 867 00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:42,920 Speaker 6: feeling guilty. Not much of a follow up to my story, 868 00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:45,560 Speaker 6: but an update of how things are going as for today. 869 00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:48,279 Speaker 6: Therapy has been great is helping me address my lack 870 00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:51,120 Speaker 6: of self worth and to be able to set firm boundaries. 871 00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:53,520 Speaker 6: From what my ex teacher last told me, it seems 872 00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:55,640 Speaker 6: that Mike's new relationship with the guy he cheated on 873 00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:58,480 Speaker 6: me with didn't last, or it wasn't as smooth as 874 00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:00,560 Speaker 6: I thought it to be. I don't have any more 875 00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:03,880 Speaker 6: information about Mike's life other than his motorcycle was stolen 876 00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:05,920 Speaker 6: at the beginning of twenty twenty four and that he 877 00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:08,200 Speaker 6: still went to the Aerostore, a trip that we were 878 00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:10,520 Speaker 6: planning to do together. But I guess you can't stop 879 00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:13,759 Speaker 6: people from accomplishing their dreams, even if you wanted to 880 00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:16,080 Speaker 6: be part of them. My ex teacher broke things off 881 00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:19,480 Speaker 6: with his then boyfriend because of the same swifty friend group, 882 00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:21,879 Speaker 6: so that goes to show how toxic those people are, 883 00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:24,040 Speaker 6: and then same friend group had a falling out because 884 00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:26,640 Speaker 6: of my ex teacher's X. So in a way, I 885 00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:29,160 Speaker 6: feel a tiny bit bad for Mike. He lost the 886 00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:31,480 Speaker 6: friends he was most close with and the relationship he 887 00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:34,000 Speaker 6: chose over mine. Not quite sure about this last one, though. 888 00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:35,799 Speaker 6: I would like to tell you that I'm fully over 889 00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:38,799 Speaker 6: him and that things have been amazing ever since. But unfortunately, 890 00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:41,200 Speaker 6: since our breakup, my life has been in a steady 891 00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:44,360 Speaker 6: all time low. Not because of the breakup, but because 892 00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:45,040 Speaker 6: that's life. 893 00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:46,880 Speaker 5: I guess that's life. 894 00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:50,040 Speaker 6: I lost my first long lasting job in April twenty 895 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:52,040 Speaker 6: twenty four, I changed to a new one where they 896 00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:54,480 Speaker 6: stole my bonuses. Changed to another one when I was 897 00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:57,239 Speaker 6: fired with forty plus people, got another job that let 898 00:38:57,280 --> 00:39:00,440 Speaker 6: me continue in college, lost that one for underperformance. Now 899 00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:02,440 Speaker 6: I'm looking for a new job that pays enough to 900 00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:05,240 Speaker 6: continue into college and to pay my credit card debt. 901 00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:08,360 Speaker 6: Regarding love life, I've had swings here and there, usually 902 00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:10,719 Speaker 6: with men who can say they want a series relationship, 903 00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:13,160 Speaker 6: but I can now see through their lies and don't 904 00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:15,520 Speaker 6: fail to disappoint time and time again. They want to 905 00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:17,600 Speaker 6: have someone only for them while being able to hook 906 00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:20,840 Speaker 6: up with whoever they want. Yeah, no thanks. I haven't 907 00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:23,279 Speaker 6: been lucky with the ladies. Unfortunately. I went out with 908 00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:26,000 Speaker 6: one sweet, kind and gorgeous girl, but she only wanted 909 00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:28,000 Speaker 6: to hook up. Props to her for being upfront and 910 00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:30,080 Speaker 6: not lying just to get what she wanted, though I 911 00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:33,040 Speaker 6: appreciated that, but unfortunately that's not what I'm looking for. 912 00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:35,720 Speaker 6: So yeah, that's my life I'm putting till now. Please 913 00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:38,320 Speaker 6: send positive thoughts to be able to break this bad streak. 914 00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:40,080 Speaker 6: Some of my friends told me that there might be 915 00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:43,200 Speaker 6: something regarding witchcraft behind my bad luck, but I digress. 916 00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:45,719 Speaker 5: He ope it'll come take your time. 917 00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:48,399 Speaker 4: Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to the stories. 918 00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:50,400 Speaker 1: Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors 919 00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:51,319 Speaker 1: that keep the show going. 920 00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:55,280 Speaker 4: My fiance thinks I tricked her to live with my friend. 921 00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:56,719 Speaker 4: She wants to leave. 922 00:39:57,440 --> 00:40:01,120 Speaker 5: Get out of there. No tricks allowed, traps. 923 00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:03,840 Speaker 4: We've been together for six months and I know that 924 00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:06,520 Speaker 4: even though it seems fast, I know she's the one. 925 00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:09,080 Speaker 4: She loves me just as much. But lately we've been 926 00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:11,040 Speaker 4: having a problem. By the way, this comes from user 927 00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:15,040 Speaker 4: Throwaway Unsure GF eighty three and if you want to 928 00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:17,120 Speaker 4: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay 929 00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:18,000 Speaker 4: Storytime suburday. 930 00:40:18,120 --> 00:40:18,200 Speaker 3: So. 931 00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:20,839 Speaker 4: We were living in my car for the last four 932 00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:23,799 Speaker 4: months because she was taking care of her grandfather with 933 00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:27,239 Speaker 4: dementia and couldn't do it anymore. He was becoming increasingly 934 00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:30,360 Speaker 4: combative and has been placed in a memory care facility. 935 00:40:30,480 --> 00:40:32,799 Speaker 4: I offered to let her stay with me. My lease 936 00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:35,640 Speaker 4: ended four months ago. We've been living in my car 937 00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:37,960 Speaker 4: while finding a new place. I'm from a city in 938 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:40,400 Speaker 4: the southern area of the state, and we were making 939 00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:42,880 Speaker 4: regular trips down to visit my friends. I had a 940 00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:45,920 Speaker 4: job but was unhappy and about to quit because I 941 00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:48,800 Speaker 4: knew I could easily get back into my old job. 942 00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:51,720 Speaker 4: A couple of weeks ago, she suggested that we moved 943 00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:54,239 Speaker 4: in my city because she had nothing holding her there, 944 00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:56,640 Speaker 4: and she said she noticed I was unhappy in her 945 00:40:56,680 --> 00:41:00,920 Speaker 4: city and seemed happier in mind. She is on disability 946 00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:04,759 Speaker 4: and I work. So we got to my city and 947 00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:06,879 Speaker 4: I told her that there's a female friend of mine 948 00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:09,360 Speaker 4: who will let us stay with her for a few days. 949 00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:11,759 Speaker 4: My fiance and her don't know each other except for 950 00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:14,480 Speaker 4: a couple of brief meetings. It's been two weeks that 951 00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:16,840 Speaker 4: we've been staying with my friend now, and my fiance 952 00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:19,480 Speaker 4: and I got into a very heated argument this morning 953 00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:21,440 Speaker 4: because she blew up at me and said that she 954 00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:24,000 Speaker 4: didn't sign up for this. She said that she feels 955 00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:26,160 Speaker 4: like she's watching me have a life with another woman 956 00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:28,759 Speaker 4: and wants to end the relationship and go back to 957 00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:31,520 Speaker 4: her city. I've asked her to just hold on. I'm 958 00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:33,800 Speaker 4: trying to get a few paychecks because I just started 959 00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:35,759 Speaker 4: back at my new job as soon as we got here. 960 00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:38,560 Speaker 4: She said no, that she's tired of watching me build 961 00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:41,160 Speaker 4: a life with another woman. To be fair, I guess 962 00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:43,760 Speaker 4: I can see why she feels like this. My friend 963 00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:45,880 Speaker 4: is a single mom, and she has asked for my 964 00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:48,440 Speaker 4: help a lot so far. I moved a chair for her, 965 00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:51,520 Speaker 4: taking out the trash, cut her grass, opened jars, and 966 00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:54,560 Speaker 4: watched her son. My fiance and I were both raised 967 00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:57,239 Speaker 4: in a traditional value family, and she feels like my 968 00:41:57,280 --> 00:41:59,680 Speaker 4: friend is asking too much of me. I feel like 969 00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:02,440 Speaker 4: I'm I'm just helping her out in exchange for a 970 00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,200 Speaker 4: place to stay for a while. I've been paying her 971 00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:08,319 Speaker 4: though I think my fiance is being ridiculous. But she 972 00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:11,200 Speaker 4: said she's suspicious of my friend's intentions because of her 973 00:42:11,239 --> 00:42:13,239 Speaker 4: asking me for help all the time. She said she's 974 00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:16,000 Speaker 4: heard that if another woman is constantly needing a man's help, 975 00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:19,359 Speaker 4: she's doing it with the intent to steal him. I've 976 00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:22,080 Speaker 4: tried telling her that I'm not going anywhere, but she's 977 00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:25,000 Speaker 4: mad because she said she feels like I'm putting myself 978 00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:27,240 Speaker 4: in a situation where my feelings for my friend could 979 00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:30,319 Speaker 4: become romantic. Brother just run. She said she feels like 980 00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:32,799 Speaker 4: I don't care about her point of view. She's made 981 00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:35,120 Speaker 4: it clear she doesn't exactly like my friend because she 982 00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:37,920 Speaker 4: knows what she's up to and doesn't appreciate me just 983 00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:40,520 Speaker 4: brushing it off. Okay, go sleep, uyside, I did this 984 00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:43,440 Speaker 4: so we'd have a roof over our heads, and honestly 985 00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:46,680 Speaker 4: because I feel like, because I work, I deserve to 986 00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:49,160 Speaker 4: have a place to rest. My fiance said that it's 987 00:42:49,200 --> 00:42:50,840 Speaker 4: been a couple of weeks and that it seems like 988 00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:54,319 Speaker 4: I'm becoming complacent and don't want to leave or will 989 00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:56,719 Speaker 4: decide that I don't. She said, if I decide to 990 00:42:56,719 --> 00:42:59,759 Speaker 4: become roommates with my friend, she's definitely leaving. She acknowledged 991 00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:01,680 Speaker 4: that it it's her issue to deal with, but that 992 00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:04,680 Speaker 4: she's been feeling jealous because she's been watching me do 993 00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:08,040 Speaker 4: things for another woman and eating another woman's cooking. 994 00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:11,000 Speaker 7: Where I'm from, that is pretty big if it's just 995 00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:13,440 Speaker 7: you eating another woman's cooking and not like a you know, 996 00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:14,360 Speaker 7: family get together. 997 00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:15,719 Speaker 4: Really counterpoint? 998 00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:18,359 Speaker 7: Come on, Okay, Let's say let's say your friend, your friend, 999 00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:20,120 Speaker 7: the one that we're both thinking of right now, he 1000 00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:21,160 Speaker 7: just cooks me a meal. 1001 00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:24,600 Speaker 4: Okay, not you, just me, me and her. That's pretty intimate. 1002 00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:29,200 Speaker 4: I guess here's my point. There's nothing preventing Opie's fiance from, 1003 00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:32,440 Speaker 4: I don't know, cooking for everyone in the apartment, seeing 1004 00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:34,879 Speaker 4: as they're being put up there. If she's like, you're 1005 00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:37,279 Speaker 4: eating another woman's cooking, I don't see you cooking. Yeah. 1006 00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:39,759 Speaker 3: I just feel like the context is very important here 1007 00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:42,760 Speaker 3: because I feel like if it's like I'm gonna invite 1008 00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:45,160 Speaker 3: you specifically to my house, I'm going to cook a 1009 00:43:45,239 --> 00:43:48,080 Speaker 3: meal for you, like I just want to be so 1010 00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:50,200 Speaker 3: nice to you right now, right but. 1011 00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:50,960 Speaker 4: Not a dinner date. 1012 00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:53,560 Speaker 3: But yeah, like like I don't know, I am a 1013 00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:54,399 Speaker 3: Microwhi girl. 1014 00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:56,279 Speaker 5: I don't cook for a lot of people. If I'm 1015 00:43:56,280 --> 00:43:58,360 Speaker 5: cooking for someone, it's probably special. I don't know. 1016 00:43:58,440 --> 00:43:59,960 Speaker 4: It's just f that's just how it functions. 1017 00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:03,000 Speaker 3: It feels like it's not the deal break I feel 1018 00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:03,520 Speaker 3: like it any more. 1019 00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:05,920 Speaker 4: Info she hasn't had the chance to do any of 1020 00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:08,399 Speaker 4: that for me because of our situation, and she said 1021 00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:10,960 Speaker 4: that she's afraid that I'll choose my friend over her 1022 00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:13,000 Speaker 4: because of this. She said she feels like my friend 1023 00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:15,200 Speaker 4: is too close and she doesn't like it, and that 1024 00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:17,960 Speaker 4: she knows because she's a woman, what other women get 1025 00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:20,920 Speaker 4: up to, and that I'm just ignoring her concerns. I 1026 00:44:21,040 --> 00:44:23,719 Speaker 4: just don't know what to do anymore because I want 1027 00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:26,239 Speaker 4: her here with me, but she seems very unhappy. I 1028 00:44:26,239 --> 00:44:28,480 Speaker 4: don't want her to going back to her city because 1029 00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:30,160 Speaker 4: there's no one there for her. She has a lot 1030 00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:32,399 Speaker 4: of friends who've after her over and I just want 1031 00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:34,480 Speaker 4: her here with me, and I want us to have 1032 00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:37,200 Speaker 4: a life, but she seems very unhappy. I'm not really 1033 00:44:37,239 --> 00:44:41,120 Speaker 4: sure what to do to resolve this. There's an edit 1034 00:44:41,160 --> 00:44:43,719 Speaker 4: to add. My fiance said that she feels like I 1035 00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:46,319 Speaker 4: tricked her into this because I didn't discuss this with her. 1036 00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:48,400 Speaker 4: She said that she knew that we would be staying 1037 00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:50,640 Speaker 4: for a few days, but not this long. She said 1038 00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:52,799 Speaker 4: that she now thinks that I discussed this with my 1039 00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:55,640 Speaker 4: female friend before moving down here and did not tell 1040 00:44:55,680 --> 00:44:58,319 Speaker 4: her how long we would be staying, and therefore took 1041 00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:00,680 Speaker 4: away her choices. She said that if she had ever 1042 00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:02,919 Speaker 4: known it was going to be this long, she would 1043 00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:05,640 Speaker 4: never have agreed to come back with me. I didn't 1044 00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:08,360 Speaker 4: plan this behind her back. It just sort of happened. 1045 00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:11,359 Speaker 4: But that's what she thinks, and I can't change her mind. 1046 00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:13,840 Speaker 4: Another edit to add I should have clarified that my 1047 00:45:13,880 --> 00:45:16,640 Speaker 4: friend has made no attempt to get to know my 1048 00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:19,360 Speaker 4: girlfriend at all. We usually go into her room to 1049 00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:22,600 Speaker 4: talk about our day. My girlfriend is never invited. 1050 00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:25,280 Speaker 7: I have a theory room big is it the biggest 1051 00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:27,080 Speaker 7: room in the whole apartment? 1052 00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:29,719 Speaker 4: Why are we in your room? What's in your room? 1053 00:45:29,719 --> 00:45:32,319 Speaker 4: Why are we having private time in her room? 1054 00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:32,600 Speaker 2: Though? 1055 00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:34,959 Speaker 7: Sometimes I'm going to Sam's rooman talk to him because 1056 00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:37,439 Speaker 7: it's very big and spacious, But I don't invite people 1057 00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:40,280 Speaker 7: to my room to have conversations because it's very small. Yeah, yep, 1058 00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:42,960 Speaker 7: unless it's a group more than three. Well, could maybe 1059 00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:45,760 Speaker 7: something have happened? What OP doesn't know about. 1060 00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:48,719 Speaker 4: That's my theory is that at some point early in 1061 00:45:48,760 --> 00:45:53,040 Speaker 4: the meeting, like his fiance did some crazy cringe stuff, 1062 00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:55,480 Speaker 4: being like, I know what you're doing. Don't try to 1063 00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:57,359 Speaker 4: be my friend. I know you're just trying to take 1064 00:45:57,400 --> 00:46:00,400 Speaker 4: my man and yeah, And if someone said that to me, I'd. 1065 00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:01,880 Speaker 5: Be like, Okay, well, we're not going to. 1066 00:46:01,880 --> 00:46:04,840 Speaker 4: Talk about our days anymore. Yeah, I guess I'll just 1067 00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:09,640 Speaker 4: leave you alone and I'll talk to your fiance, who 1068 00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:12,520 Speaker 4: I have known much, much, much much longer than you. 1069 00:46:12,560 --> 00:46:14,120 Speaker 4: And by the way, I don't know if you guys 1070 00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:16,080 Speaker 4: remember this. I am the one preventing you from being 1071 00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:20,240 Speaker 4: homeless right now, right I'm doing you a gigantic favor. 1072 00:46:20,480 --> 00:46:21,040 Speaker 6: Yeah. 1073 00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:24,680 Speaker 4: I haven't said anything to her about this because I 1074 00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:27,960 Speaker 4: don't want us getting punted out. Also, I'm aware that 1075 00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:30,359 Speaker 4: they don't know each other, and I just don't want 1076 00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:32,480 Speaker 4: to ruffle any feathers right now, so to speak. Also, 1077 00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:34,600 Speaker 4: I should have clarified that I have met a few 1078 00:46:34,600 --> 00:46:36,880 Speaker 4: of her friends and they don't seem to be good people. 1079 00:46:37,040 --> 00:46:39,960 Speaker 4: Some of them cannot help her because they are subsidized housing. 1080 00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:43,799 Speaker 4: She is saying that she has a few friends that 1081 00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:45,919 Speaker 4: are willing to help her, and her sister and brother 1082 00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:48,080 Speaker 4: in law who live in another city are willing to 1083 00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:50,680 Speaker 4: help her. I don't want her to leave because I'm 1084 00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:52,640 Speaker 4: worried that I won't be able to help her if 1085 00:46:52,680 --> 00:46:55,279 Speaker 4: she needs me. I can admit that I have been 1086 00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:57,960 Speaker 4: neglecting her. I usually go right into my friend's room 1087 00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:00,000 Speaker 4: when I get back from work. Then I spend about 1088 00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:02,160 Speaker 4: an hour doing work stuff on the computer and go 1089 00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:04,759 Speaker 4: to sleep. My girlfriend said she understands that I'm working 1090 00:47:04,800 --> 00:47:07,680 Speaker 4: a lot, but that it's no excuse to neglect our relationship. 1091 00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:10,719 Speaker 4: She has said that maybe she's not ready for a relationship, 1092 00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:13,920 Speaker 4: but I'm reluctant to let her go. She has also 1093 00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:16,120 Speaker 4: said that she's thought, maybe I'm not at a point 1094 00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:18,759 Speaker 4: where I should be having a relationship right now. She 1095 00:47:18,840 --> 00:47:19,359 Speaker 4: wants out. 1096 00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:19,800 Speaker 1: Dude. 1097 00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:22,520 Speaker 4: Yeah, she said that she doesn't feel like I have 1098 00:47:22,600 --> 00:47:24,759 Speaker 4: time for one. She said that it would be better 1099 00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:27,560 Speaker 4: for us to just split now since it's only been 1100 00:47:27,920 --> 00:47:31,279 Speaker 4: six months, rather than months or years down the road. 1101 00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:33,960 Speaker 4: She has tried explaining to me that sometimes things just 1102 00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:36,480 Speaker 4: don't work out, but as I said, I'm reluctant to 1103 00:47:36,560 --> 00:47:39,440 Speaker 4: let her go. Comment one, You should let her go 1104 00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:42,520 Speaker 4: if she wants to go. She's unhappy. She's sitting in 1105 00:47:42,560 --> 00:47:45,120 Speaker 4: an apartment with your friend who ignores her. You work 1106 00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:47,440 Speaker 4: the whole day and the little free time goes to 1107 00:47:47,600 --> 00:47:49,959 Speaker 4: your friend. You say yourself that you want to stay 1108 00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:52,480 Speaker 4: there for several paychecks, so it's a few months. You 1109 00:47:52,560 --> 00:47:55,239 Speaker 4: rushed into this relationship as if you are a teenager. 1110 00:47:55,719 --> 00:47:57,920 Speaker 4: You didn't even know this woman and live with her. 1111 00:47:58,200 --> 00:48:00,839 Speaker 4: Was this a savior thing? But you just hurt her 1112 00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:03,840 Speaker 4: right now, even if it is her issue. The situation 1113 00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:07,080 Speaker 4: makes her crazy and you can't change the situation. You 1114 00:48:07,120 --> 00:48:09,319 Speaker 4: don't want to let her go for selfish reasons, but 1115 00:48:09,560 --> 00:48:13,080 Speaker 4: actually you also don't spend time with her just let 1116 00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:15,279 Speaker 4: her go. You can still stay in contact if you 1117 00:48:15,600 --> 00:48:18,560 Speaker 4: have a steady life again, you can ask her and 1118 00:48:18,719 --> 00:48:19,240 Speaker 4: try again. 1119 00:48:19,520 --> 00:48:20,040 Speaker 2: But this no. 1120 00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:22,160 Speaker 4: And if you also don't see how it feels that 1121 00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:25,120 Speaker 4: your friend totally ignores her, never ask her for the 1122 00:48:25,160 --> 00:48:29,200 Speaker 4: favor just you even such small things. And as soon 1123 00:48:29,280 --> 00:48:31,719 Speaker 4: as you come home, you go to your friend and 1124 00:48:31,760 --> 00:48:34,359 Speaker 4: you say that you pay for staying there, So why 1125 00:48:34,480 --> 00:48:37,040 Speaker 4: pay with favors for you to stay and lose the 1126 00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:40,200 Speaker 4: little time you have? You also wrote your daily plan 1127 00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:43,520 Speaker 4: and there was no time for your girlfriend, Opie says. 1128 00:48:43,560 --> 00:48:45,399 Speaker 4: I'm planning on getting a place for the both of us, 1129 00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:47,239 Speaker 4: but as I said, I want to save up a 1130 00:48:47,239 --> 00:48:49,480 Speaker 4: few paychecks. I was planning on staying in the car 1131 00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:51,360 Speaker 4: with her after these couple of weeks. But I'm honestly 1132 00:48:51,360 --> 00:48:53,520 Speaker 4: thinking about asking my friend to stay a little longer. 1133 00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:58,040 Speaker 5: Yeah, just not compute like dah nah. 1134 00:48:58,120 --> 00:49:01,640 Speaker 4: I understand how it may they seem messed up that 1135 00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:04,400 Speaker 4: my friend ignores her, but I want us to have 1136 00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:07,480 Speaker 4: a place to stay right now. She doesn't want to 1137 00:49:07,560 --> 00:49:10,200 Speaker 4: stay in that place right now though. It's just the 1138 00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:12,120 Speaker 4: fact that this guy's like, yeah, my girlfriends saying she's 1139 00:49:12,120 --> 00:49:14,360 Speaker 4: completely miserable here and we can't stay any longer, so 1140 00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:17,920 Speaker 4: I'm considering asking to stay longer. I know she'll be miserable, 1141 00:49:17,960 --> 00:49:21,360 Speaker 4: but we're not anywhere else to go. Ah, brother, you 1142 00:49:21,440 --> 00:49:24,280 Speaker 4: lived in the car for four months, what's another two weeks? 1143 00:49:24,880 --> 00:49:28,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, dude, I don't get Oh, Pete, I don't get 1144 00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:30,080 Speaker 3: all of the people in this story. 1145 00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:33,200 Speaker 5: I think I don't get it. I don't get it. 1146 00:49:33,280 --> 00:49:33,960 Speaker 4: I don't get it. 1147 00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:35,680 Speaker 5: I don't understand. 1148 00:49:36,480 --> 00:49:39,440 Speaker 4: Stare at the sun for twenty five seconds. I just 1149 00:49:39,760 --> 00:49:42,440 Speaker 4: don't want to not be able to help her if 1150 00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:46,000 Speaker 4: something goes wrong because she is disabled. She has suggested 1151 00:49:46,040 --> 00:49:48,000 Speaker 4: it maybe living apart for a while and then seeing 1152 00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:49,560 Speaker 4: if things are more stable in a few months, But 1153 00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:52,520 Speaker 4: I need her here without her. This whole thing collapses 1154 00:49:52,520 --> 00:49:54,440 Speaker 4: because I will not be able to afford an apartment 1155 00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:57,240 Speaker 4: without her. She suggested maybe living apart for a while 1156 00:49:57,280 --> 00:49:59,000 Speaker 4: and then seeing if things are more stable in a 1157 00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:02,000 Speaker 4: few months. But I need her here without her. This 1158 00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:05,000 Speaker 4: whole thing collapses because I will not be able to 1159 00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:07,239 Speaker 4: afford an apartment without her. 1160 00:50:07,480 --> 00:50:09,520 Speaker 3: Is this the friend or the field? Just the fiance 1161 00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:12,200 Speaker 3: and the fiance is not staying with the friend? 1162 00:50:12,200 --> 00:50:17,200 Speaker 5: And ope right DG. Yes, I'm sire all staying together. Oh, oh, 1163 00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:18,000 Speaker 5: my point. 1164 00:50:17,800 --> 00:50:20,719 Speaker 4: Is he's just saying that she's a dude. She's half 1165 00:50:20,719 --> 00:50:25,040 Speaker 4: the rent. You just married her because she's half the rent, Wow, 1166 00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:30,200 Speaker 4: says exposed. Oh my god. She has said that maybe 1167 00:50:30,239 --> 00:50:32,719 Speaker 4: I should just stay here with my friend and be 1168 00:50:32,840 --> 00:50:36,040 Speaker 4: roommates with her, But according to my friend, that can't happen. 1169 00:50:36,239 --> 00:50:39,040 Speaker 4: My girlfriend said she doesn't even understand what I brought 1170 00:50:39,120 --> 00:50:41,320 Speaker 4: her here for, and that she feels like she sticks 1171 00:50:41,320 --> 00:50:43,319 Speaker 4: out like a sore thumb. She has even said that 1172 00:50:43,360 --> 00:50:45,800 Speaker 4: she wonders if her being gone would change my friend 1173 00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:48,440 Speaker 4: being okay with me being roommates with her. I just 1174 00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:50,520 Speaker 4: worry about what would happen to her if I let 1175 00:50:50,520 --> 00:50:53,359 Speaker 4: her go. Reply, you are just digging a deeper hole 1176 00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:55,560 Speaker 4: for yourself with your edits. In what world is it 1177 00:50:55,600 --> 00:50:57,880 Speaker 4: okay for you to go into your friend's bedroom to 1178 00:50:57,920 --> 00:51:01,120 Speaker 4: talk about your day and ignore your fiance. If you're talking, 1179 00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:04,040 Speaker 4: you should be in the living area. Totally understand where 1180 00:51:04,080 --> 00:51:06,239 Speaker 4: your fiance is coming from. Ope, he said, my friend 1181 00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:08,080 Speaker 4: just always hangs out in her room. I didn't think 1182 00:51:08,120 --> 00:51:10,319 Speaker 4: anything of it because we leave the door open. Come 1183 00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:13,799 Speaker 4: it to your ex. Girlfriend just responded, It's funny how 1184 00:51:13,840 --> 00:51:15,799 Speaker 4: she has a different point of view. I'm glad she 1185 00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:18,920 Speaker 4: left you. You and your girlfriend suck. Have fun with 1186 00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:19,960 Speaker 4: your other girlfriend. 1187 00:51:20,120 --> 00:51:21,200 Speaker 5: Oh my gosh. 1188 00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:23,680 Speaker 7: Oh when we have the update from the girlfriend, Oh 1189 00:51:23,719 --> 00:51:25,239 Speaker 7: my gosh. 1190 00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:28,560 Speaker 5: I love it when this happens. We both sides and 1191 00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:31,280 Speaker 5: we had one story update. 1192 00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:33,879 Speaker 4: From user throwaway one to three four five seventy nine. 1193 00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:38,080 Speaker 4: Woo the ex girlfriend. Hi, I'm providing this update because 1194 00:51:38,080 --> 00:51:40,320 Speaker 4: I'm almost sure this is about me and my ex. 1195 00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:44,239 Speaker 4: The details are too fitting. Anyway, Yeah, I suggested we 1196 00:51:44,280 --> 00:51:46,239 Speaker 4: move down to his city. I said we could start 1197 00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:49,120 Speaker 4: looking for a place immediately. It's true that I agreed 1198 00:51:49,239 --> 00:51:50,920 Speaker 4: that we would live in the car and get a 1199 00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:53,560 Speaker 4: gym membership. He waited until we got down there to 1200 00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:55,719 Speaker 4: tell me we would be staying with a female friend 1201 00:51:55,760 --> 00:51:57,719 Speaker 4: of his for a few days. I was fine with that. 1202 00:51:57,760 --> 00:52:01,360 Speaker 4: A few days turned into three weeks. He completely neglected me, 1203 00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:04,440 Speaker 4: and our relationships suffer. I get that he's adjusting to 1204 00:52:04,480 --> 00:52:07,120 Speaker 4: a new job, but that's no excuse. Every time his 1205 00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:09,880 Speaker 4: friend needed something, he would jump right up. He was 1206 00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:12,600 Speaker 4: so busy kissing her butt that he didn't have time 1207 00:52:12,640 --> 00:52:15,880 Speaker 4: for me. M He expected me to clean her house. 1208 00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:17,960 Speaker 4: I refuse to be a made especially when I wasn't 1209 00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:20,120 Speaker 4: even given a choice in being there. I presented the 1210 00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:22,200 Speaker 4: idea of us living apart for a while until he 1211 00:52:22,280 --> 00:52:25,080 Speaker 4: got more established, and he would not hear it. He 1212 00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:28,120 Speaker 4: would follow me outside and prevent me from calling anyone, 1213 00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:31,359 Speaker 4: and even snatched my phone out my hands every time 1214 00:52:31,400 --> 00:52:36,040 Speaker 4: I tried throwman jail boy, Roman jail. This guy is 1215 00:52:36,680 --> 00:52:37,720 Speaker 4: going a stinky jail. 1216 00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:40,240 Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, that's terrible. 1217 00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:43,440 Speaker 4: So, like any of that behavior at any point should 1218 00:52:43,480 --> 00:52:44,960 Speaker 4: be an immediate. 1219 00:52:45,120 --> 00:52:49,000 Speaker 5: The it's done, Like, yeah, I'm done. Yeah. 1220 00:52:49,160 --> 00:52:51,959 Speaker 4: He wouldn't even sleep unless I was with him because 1221 00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:54,600 Speaker 4: he was afraid of me sneaking off. As he put it, 1222 00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:57,000 Speaker 4: he kept saying he needed me there because he loves 1223 00:52:57,000 --> 00:52:59,279 Speaker 4: me and needed me to get a new place. It 1224 00:52:59,360 --> 00:53:01,480 Speaker 4: was obviously after a while that he just wanted me 1225 00:53:01,520 --> 00:53:03,480 Speaker 4: there because he wouldn't be able to get a place 1226 00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:03,960 Speaker 4: without me. 1227 00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:04,520 Speaker 3: Yeah. 1228 00:53:04,920 --> 00:53:07,160 Speaker 4: Sure, he's probably just going to stay with her, But 1229 00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:09,759 Speaker 4: I don't care anymore, it's not my concern. It became 1230 00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:11,680 Speaker 4: clear to me that he didn't care what I wanted. 1231 00:53:11,760 --> 00:53:15,040 Speaker 4: He wanted to do whatever he wanted and just expected 1232 00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:16,719 Speaker 4: me to deal with it. He would accuse me of 1233 00:53:16,760 --> 00:53:19,080 Speaker 4: being rude to him and his friend. Then, despite the 1234 00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:21,719 Speaker 4: fact that she completely ignored me, even when I was 1235 00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:23,759 Speaker 4: standing right next to him, she would act like I 1236 00:53:23,880 --> 00:53:26,920 Speaker 4: wasn't there and only talk to him. He made no 1237 00:53:26,960 --> 00:53:29,480 Speaker 4: attempt to fix this. It also became clear to me 1238 00:53:29,520 --> 00:53:31,759 Speaker 4: that she expected him to act like a dad to 1239 00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:33,840 Speaker 4: her son and act like a partner to her. He 1240 00:53:33,840 --> 00:53:37,359 Speaker 4: couldn't understand why I seemed jealous, even though the minute 1241 00:53:37,400 --> 00:53:40,640 Speaker 4: we arrived he stopped touching me and started ignoring me. 1242 00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:46,480 Speaker 4: This is just silver lining. You didn't marry this absolute dufius. Yeah, 1243 00:53:46,800 --> 00:53:49,719 Speaker 4: good job. I think he didn't give that far. Universe 1244 00:53:49,880 --> 00:53:53,400 Speaker 4: really helped you out here. He started doing her favors 1245 00:53:53,440 --> 00:53:55,560 Speaker 4: and spending all his free time with her. Then, when 1246 00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:59,040 Speaker 4: I brought it up, he said I was making baseless accusations. 1247 00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:02,399 Speaker 4: He tried to to excuse them closing her bedroom door 1248 00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:05,319 Speaker 4: by saying her son closed it. Be that as it may, 1249 00:54:05,640 --> 00:54:09,239 Speaker 4: he should have immediately opened it. Maybe just don't have 1250 00:54:09,680 --> 00:54:12,920 Speaker 4: conversations with another woman in her bedroom. Why you're with 1251 00:54:13,040 --> 00:54:13,680 Speaker 4: your fiance. 1252 00:54:14,080 --> 00:54:16,920 Speaker 5: Yeah, there's a communal space for a reason. Does a 1253 00:54:16,960 --> 00:54:18,560 Speaker 5: living room? Does a kitchen? 1254 00:54:18,840 --> 00:54:21,000 Speaker 7: Like I said, it is the biggest place in the 1255 00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:23,680 Speaker 7: whole apartment, because that only justifies it because it's the 1256 00:54:23,719 --> 00:54:25,080 Speaker 7: living room smaller than the bedroom. 1257 00:54:25,200 --> 00:54:26,480 Speaker 4: I want to be hanging out in the living room. 1258 00:54:26,560 --> 00:54:28,520 Speaker 5: Yeah, what else it was he doing in her room? 1259 00:54:28,680 --> 00:54:31,960 Speaker 4: What this happened twice? Yet he couldn't understand why I 1260 00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:34,760 Speaker 4: did not trust him. I waited until he calmed down 1261 00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:37,520 Speaker 4: by pretending everything was cool. Then when everyone went to sleep, 1262 00:54:37,560 --> 00:54:39,520 Speaker 4: I took his fob, got my stuff out of the car, 1263 00:54:39,560 --> 00:54:41,880 Speaker 4: and ordered an uber Yes, queen. I went to a 1264 00:54:41,920 --> 00:54:44,880 Speaker 4: hotel and then got a bus ticket the next day. Yes, queen. Period, 1265 00:54:44,960 --> 00:54:46,920 Speaker 4: I'm staying with a friend in my hometown until I 1266 00:54:46,920 --> 00:54:49,920 Speaker 4: find a new place. Of course, he blew up my phone, 1267 00:54:49,960 --> 00:54:52,319 Speaker 4: so I just blocked him, but not before telling him 1268 00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:54,879 Speaker 4: it was over. He seems like a player anyway. Most 1269 00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:58,080 Speaker 4: of his friends are women, and he was also friends 1270 00:54:58,120 --> 00:55:01,680 Speaker 4: with his ex, who he talked about constantly. Red flag, 1271 00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:05,560 Speaker 4: red flag, red flag. Ay. Yeah, he never shut up 1272 00:55:05,640 --> 00:55:08,160 Speaker 4: about his female friends, a fear that he told me 1273 00:55:08,320 --> 00:55:11,040 Speaker 4: that he considered dating in the past. I just wasn't 1274 00:55:11,120 --> 00:55:13,680 Speaker 4: happy and he refused to let me break up with him. 1275 00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:15,520 Speaker 4: He was showing a lot of red flags, and I 1276 00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:17,880 Speaker 4: was done. I'm refusing to let you break up with 1277 00:55:17,960 --> 00:55:20,920 Speaker 4: him is like the sun in terms of how intense 1278 00:55:20,960 --> 00:55:23,560 Speaker 4: the red flag is. I've learned my lesson about moving 1279 00:55:23,560 --> 00:55:26,279 Speaker 4: in with someone I hardly know. I'm just glad to 1280 00:55:26,320 --> 00:55:28,200 Speaker 4: be away from him in his drama that he is 1281 00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:31,960 Speaker 4: always accusing me of creating. Thank you for reading comments 1282 00:55:31,960 --> 00:55:34,239 Speaker 4: here comment number one. It's always nice to hear the 1283 00:55:34,280 --> 00:55:36,759 Speaker 4: opposite side to the stories that are posted here. Oh, 1284 00:55:36,880 --> 00:55:39,160 Speaker 4: he says, I know I already replied to you, but 1285 00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:41,120 Speaker 4: I wanted to add that I'm glad I saw it 1286 00:55:41,440 --> 00:55:43,560 Speaker 4: because I see how he spun it in his favor 1287 00:55:43,600 --> 00:55:46,400 Speaker 4: to make me look entitled. I honestly think he only 1288 00:55:46,400 --> 00:55:49,279 Speaker 4: brought me there to be a live in housekeeper and babysitter. 1289 00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:51,960 Speaker 4: He deceived me. He told me that we were going 1290 00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:53,920 Speaker 4: to have a house ready, and then the minute we 1291 00:55:53,960 --> 00:55:55,720 Speaker 4: got into town, he was like, we're gonna be staying 1292 00:55:55,719 --> 00:55:57,279 Speaker 4: with my friend for a few days, and it became 1293 00:55:57,360 --> 00:56:00,000 Speaker 4: three weeks. He stopped being as affectionate and we stopped 1294 00:56:00,200 --> 00:56:03,040 Speaker 4: having spicy sleep. It happened once in three weeks, when 1295 00:56:03,080 --> 00:56:05,360 Speaker 4: normally it was a few days a week, and even 1296 00:56:06,960 --> 00:56:09,279 Speaker 4: in a car. Living in the car can we not 1297 00:56:09,400 --> 00:56:13,920 Speaker 4: also forget this couple has been without home for four months, 1298 00:56:13,960 --> 00:56:15,680 Speaker 4: living in first Op's car. 1299 00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:17,920 Speaker 3: I thought he was just talking about an X of his, 1300 00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:20,520 Speaker 3: like someone that he like kind of knew before. And 1301 00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:23,000 Speaker 3: he's like, yeah, like I'm gonna go see my friend. Yeah, 1302 00:56:23,040 --> 00:56:24,640 Speaker 3: we like stopped sleeping together. 1303 00:56:25,080 --> 00:56:26,359 Speaker 5: Is that right? Did I hear that right? 1304 00:56:26,480 --> 00:56:30,040 Speaker 4: No? This is from the original, op Yeah, so this 1305 00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:35,000 Speaker 4: is from her perspective. The original was the man what 1306 00:56:35,080 --> 00:56:40,160 Speaker 4: he was talking about, Okay, in a car crazy? Living 1307 00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:42,000 Speaker 4: in a car for four months is nuts. We're doing 1308 00:56:42,160 --> 00:56:43,200 Speaker 4: in a car is wild? 1309 00:56:43,239 --> 00:56:43,359 Speaker 2: Well? 1310 00:56:43,440 --> 00:56:48,000 Speaker 4: Yeah, and then that consistently for four months is untenable. Yeah, 1311 00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:49,919 Speaker 4: did you think that there was gonna be a place 1312 00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:52,200 Speaker 4: ready when you moved to this new city after living 1313 00:56:52,239 --> 00:56:54,120 Speaker 4: in a car for four months? Of course? 1314 00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:58,080 Speaker 3: Why? Like did want more info about that, about why 1315 00:56:58,120 --> 00:56:59,160 Speaker 3: they were moving in a car? 1316 00:56:59,280 --> 00:57:00,759 Speaker 4: He like, what he did have a job, and she 1317 00:57:00,880 --> 00:57:03,000 Speaker 4: says she's on disability and it's like, how are you 1318 00:57:03,040 --> 00:57:04,800 Speaker 4: guys going to move into a place in the new city. 1319 00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:05,600 Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm just. 1320 00:57:05,560 --> 00:57:07,840 Speaker 4: Glad you had this learning experience, Opie. Yeah, but I 1321 00:57:07,840 --> 00:57:08,919 Speaker 4: feel like you did learn a lot. 1322 00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:10,839 Speaker 5: Yeah, honestly, it's a good lesson to learn. 1323 00:57:10,960 --> 00:57:11,200 Speaker 7: Yeah. 1324 00:57:11,280 --> 00:57:14,200 Speaker 4: Also twice they were in her room with the door shut. 1325 00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:16,600 Speaker 4: I see he lied about that. He claims your son 1326 00:57:16,600 --> 00:57:18,120 Speaker 4: shut it, but even if he did, he should have 1327 00:57:18,160 --> 00:57:20,640 Speaker 4: immediately opened it. He blamed me, saying I should have 1328 00:57:20,720 --> 00:57:22,280 Speaker 4: opened it if I had a problem with it. I 1329 00:57:22,280 --> 00:57:24,200 Speaker 4: don't know her, so I wasn't going to do that. 1330 00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:26,360 Speaker 4: He took advantage of that and spun it in his favor. 1331 00:57:26,720 --> 00:57:29,320 Speaker 4: He knew exactly what he was doing. It doesn't matter, though, 1332 00:57:29,320 --> 00:57:31,800 Speaker 4: because I'm done. Reply says, no need to worry about that. 1333 00:57:32,040 --> 00:57:33,960 Speaker 4: Even in his own version of the story, he came 1334 00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:36,160 Speaker 4: off terribly in Lots of people called him out for it. 1335 00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:39,160 Speaker 4: The truth makes him sound even worse. Glad you got 1336 00:57:39,160 --> 00:57:41,840 Speaker 4: out of there, Opie says, oh, oh, thank you. I 1337 00:57:41,880 --> 00:57:44,440 Speaker 4: am too. He was throwing up so many red flags, girl, 1338 00:57:44,480 --> 00:57:46,280 Speaker 4: he was made out of red flags. I don't know 1339 00:57:46,320 --> 00:57:48,960 Speaker 4: how he thought any of that was okay. I think 1340 00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:51,080 Speaker 4: he just wanted to do what he wanted and expected 1341 00:57:51,080 --> 00:57:52,680 Speaker 4: me to go along with it. He must have thought 1342 00:57:52,720 --> 00:57:55,080 Speaker 4: I had zero self respect to put up with that. 1343 00:57:55,240 --> 00:57:57,439 Speaker 4: I'm sorry, but I don't care what they were doing. 1344 00:57:57,760 --> 00:58:00,000 Speaker 4: How was it okay for them to have the door closed. 1345 00:58:00,560 --> 00:58:03,200 Speaker 4: I don't care that her son supposedly closed it. He 1346 00:58:03,240 --> 00:58:05,800 Speaker 4: should have opened it immediately. He can try to justify 1347 00:58:05,800 --> 00:58:07,320 Speaker 4: it all he wants. He shouldn't have been in there. 1348 00:58:07,440 --> 00:58:09,960 Speaker 4: Why are we so focused on him being in this room, bro, 1349 00:58:10,240 --> 00:58:11,800 Speaker 4: We're focused on the wrong things. 1350 00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:14,240 Speaker 5: Sorry, I agree. Just leave. 1351 00:58:14,640 --> 00:58:17,040 Speaker 4: He can try to justify all he wants. He shouldn't 1352 00:58:17,040 --> 00:58:19,240 Speaker 4: have been in her room to begin with. I love 1353 00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:21,920 Speaker 4: how he lied and said that they left the door open. 1354 00:58:22,200 --> 00:58:23,320 Speaker 2: That's the end of that story.