1 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:11,840 Speaker 1: Hi, and welcome back to the Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio. 2 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:15,920 Speaker 1: Back in twenty nineteen, there was a really interesting study 3 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:18,480 Speaker 1: from the Institute for Family Studies. 4 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:21,759 Speaker 2: You'll recall I had Brad Wilcox from the Institute on 5 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:24,560 Speaker 2: the show a few weeks back. They do really interesting 6 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:28,159 Speaker 2: work and they joined up with the Wheatley Institution for 7 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 2: a study called The Ties that Bind is Faith a 8 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:35,120 Speaker 2: global force for good or ill in the Family. And 9 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:40,559 Speaker 2: this study found that conservative religious couples are by far 10 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:43,560 Speaker 2: the happiest. And you might say, oh, well, of course, 11 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:46,840 Speaker 2: you know a study an Institute for Family Studies, they're 12 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 2: going to support, you know, conservative religious couples, and they're 13 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:52,479 Speaker 2: going to bend the facts to say that they are 14 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:57,360 Speaker 2: the happiest. But actually the second place happiest were secular 15 00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:01,840 Speaker 2: progressive couples. I didn't find that new particularly surprising, but 16 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:05,160 Speaker 2: certain quarters, like the New York Times, were pretty shocked 17 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:09,319 Speaker 2: that those terrible religious people could also have happy marriages. 18 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:11,319 Speaker 2: And I think a lot of people on the right 19 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:15,280 Speaker 2: were surprised to find that the progressives were in second 20 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:20,800 Speaker 2: place to the happy marriage grouping tons of online comments 21 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:24,240 Speaker 2: alleged at the time that religious women have no agency 22 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:26,880 Speaker 2: and so must have been forced to amplify their happiness 23 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,280 Speaker 2: for the researchers. And then other people said, oh, the 24 00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:33,280 Speaker 2: progressives are just lying about their happiness, et cetera. But 25 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:38,720 Speaker 2: taking those numbers at face value, I thought it made 26 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:41,040 Speaker 2: a lot of sense. And then there was the issue 27 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:45,960 Speaker 2: of sex. The report found that those same religious conservatives 28 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:49,880 Speaker 2: have far higher satisfaction in their sex lives and either 29 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:53,880 Speaker 2: secular or less religious couples. Commonly held wisdom is that 30 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:57,560 Speaker 2: the freewheeling secular people are having the best sex, but actually, 31 00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:02,160 Speaker 2: religious conservative women reported the huh highest level of sexual satisfaction, 32 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 2: and it wasn't even close. The researchers highlighted data that 33 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:11,440 Speaker 2: quote two thirds of married mothers would prefer not to 34 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:14,760 Speaker 2: work full time, a fact often overlooked in our public 35 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:18,400 Speaker 2: conversation about work and family, which is heavily influenced by 36 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:19,559 Speaker 2: progressive assumptions. 37 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:20,200 Speaker 3: End quote. 38 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:23,239 Speaker 2: What women are supposed to want and what they actually 39 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:25,920 Speaker 2: want seem to be at odds with each other. In 40 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:29,000 Speaker 2: the religious world, there is much less of this feminist 41 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:32,680 Speaker 2: supposed to want. The traditional setup of the relationship with 42 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,560 Speaker 2: the man as the breadwinner allows for women to be 43 00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:38,200 Speaker 2: honest when they would prefer to stay home with the children. 44 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:40,840 Speaker 2: No one is there to tell them that they are 45 00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:44,320 Speaker 2: betraying feminism or not behaving the way women are supposed 46 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:48,760 Speaker 2: to behave. But secular guilt over making these traditional choices 47 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:51,880 Speaker 2: just isn't at play for them, And it makes sense 48 00:02:51,919 --> 00:02:54,520 Speaker 2: that being allowed to make these choices for yourself and 49 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:58,240 Speaker 2: not having pushback on those choices would lead to happier marriages, 50 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:02,040 Speaker 2: their sex lives better because they're getting what they want 51 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:05,480 Speaker 2: from relationships. The rest of the time. There was a 52 00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:08,160 Speaker 2: you know, the several of these kinds of studies that 53 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:11,200 Speaker 2: showed that couples had more sex when the men and 54 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:14,320 Speaker 2: the relationship helped out with the dishes, And I think 55 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:18,400 Speaker 2: it's less about the specific task of washing dirty dishes 56 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:23,200 Speaker 2: and more about general relationship satisfaction, whether that means the 57 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:25,760 Speaker 2: husband helps clean up or the wife is free to 58 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:29,320 Speaker 2: not have a full time job. So for the same reasons, 59 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:32,600 Speaker 2: it made sense to me that the second happiest group 60 00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:36,160 Speaker 2: in the study were the secular progressive women. A progressive 61 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:39,680 Speaker 2: woman gets into her marriage with a certain expectation for 62 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,960 Speaker 2: her role and also for that of her husband. The 63 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:48,120 Speaker 2: conservative couple might divide their household chores along traditional gender lines. 64 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:51,360 Speaker 2: The man takes out the garbage, the woman clears the table. 65 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:55,360 Speaker 2: But the progressive couple will also preemptively have decided who 66 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:58,480 Speaker 2: does what in their household. I think that this leads 67 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:03,280 Speaker 2: to higher satisfactions despite the many outward differences between the 68 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:06,680 Speaker 2: two groups. So there's a new Gallup study out just 69 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:10,000 Speaker 2: very recently, I think you know a week or so ago, 70 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:14,280 Speaker 2: that has very similar results. But when it comes to parenting, 71 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:19,000 Speaker 2: very conservative parents have the best relationships with their children 72 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:22,719 Speaker 2: according to this study, and very liberal parents are in 73 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:28,080 Speaker 2: second place. The worst relationship quality is among self identified liberals, 74 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:33,200 Speaker 2: just liberals, not very liberal, then moderates, then conservatives. I 75 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:37,320 Speaker 2: think this follows the same reasons as the marriage studies. 76 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:42,880 Speaker 2: Very conservative or very liberal parents lay out their expectations 77 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:46,400 Speaker 2: for their children. We live in this there are no mistakes. 78 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:49,479 Speaker 2: Everything is as good as everything else world, and I 79 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:52,880 Speaker 2: don't think that's true. I think telling your kids what 80 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:56,760 Speaker 2: your values are is really important, and setting expectations for 81 00:04:56,839 --> 00:05:00,760 Speaker 2: your children about their role, about your role, about how 82 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,880 Speaker 2: they move through the world goes a long way toward 83 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:07,320 Speaker 2: helping them, but also a long way toward having a 84 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:11,120 Speaker 2: great relationship with them yourself. So tell your kids what 85 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:14,839 Speaker 2: you really think. Don't muddle through it and give them 86 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:18,640 Speaker 2: the middle ground. Tell them what you really believe, and 87 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:22,080 Speaker 2: that will lead to a better relationship between you. Coming 88 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:25,200 Speaker 2: up next an interview with Goad Sad. Join us after 89 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 2: the break. 90 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:32,560 Speaker 3: Hi, and welcome back to the Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio. 91 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:35,320 Speaker 4: My guest today is doctor God. 92 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:40,600 Speaker 3: Sad God is a professor, evolutionary behavioral scientist, best selling author, 93 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:43,719 Speaker 3: and host of the popular podcast The Sad Truth with 94 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:48,080 Speaker 3: Doctor Sad. His latest book is The Sad Truth about Happiness, 95 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:49,320 Speaker 3: Eight Secrets. 96 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:51,400 Speaker 4: For Leading the Good Life. I have it right here. 97 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,200 Speaker 4: So nice to have you on, Gad. 98 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,760 Speaker 5: Oh, I'm so glad to be with you, and congratulations 99 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:57,080 Speaker 5: on the launch of your new show. 100 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:57,520 Speaker 4: Thank you. 101 00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:00,919 Speaker 3: So the show is largely about how to have a 102 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,880 Speaker 3: happy life, and you have a new book that's about 103 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:05,400 Speaker 3: the eight Secrets to Happiness. 104 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 4: What made you write this book? Did you just want 105 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:07,960 Speaker 4: to get on my show? 106 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:13,240 Speaker 5: That's exactly right. But in addition to that, so I 107 00:06:13,279 --> 00:06:16,159 Speaker 5: would receive two types of feedback from people in my 108 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:20,880 Speaker 5: public engagement. So one was, hey, what's your secret to 109 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,560 Speaker 5: being always so playful and fun, and you always use 110 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:28,520 Speaker 5: humor even when you're dealing with difficult topics. What's your 111 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:31,400 Speaker 5: secret to happiness? And so I would receive thousands of 112 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:35,919 Speaker 5: such emails from people. And secondly, I noticed that whenever 113 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:40,520 Speaker 5: I would post something, let's say, on Twitter, that was prescriptive, 114 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:44,760 Speaker 5: meaning that I'm offering some advice, which oftentimes to me 115 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:48,960 Speaker 5: seemed like rather obvious, banal stuff. You know, you know, 116 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:54,159 Speaker 5: assume personal agency, assume personal responsibility, get off the proverbial couch. 117 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:56,560 Speaker 5: People would write to me saying, my God, that was 118 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:58,960 Speaker 5: so helpful to me. It really moved me, and so on. 119 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:01,719 Speaker 5: And so that kind of made me think, well, if 120 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:06,160 Speaker 5: people seem to trust my words, they want to know 121 00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:09,479 Speaker 5: about what leads me to be happy, maybe I could 122 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:11,480 Speaker 5: have the audacity to write such a book, which of 123 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:15,360 Speaker 5: course was a bit daunting at first because probably of 124 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:19,560 Speaker 5: all topics that philosophers have covered through the millennia, none 125 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,320 Speaker 5: has been as frequent as to study, you know, what 126 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:24,160 Speaker 5: is the good life? How do you live a happy life? 127 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:25,880 Speaker 5: And so what I try to do in the book 128 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:30,160 Speaker 5: is take my personal experiences backed up by ancient wisdoms 129 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:31,520 Speaker 5: and contemporary science. 130 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:33,120 Speaker 6: Hopefully you've got a good book. 131 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:35,720 Speaker 4: So I'm a happy person. You're a happy person. 132 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:40,120 Speaker 3: But times are clearly tough right now, especially for US Jews. 133 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:43,480 Speaker 3: How do you maintain cheerfulness when everything is pretty terrible? 134 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:47,680 Speaker 5: Yeah, that's a good one. You know, it's not easy because, 135 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:51,360 Speaker 5: as you may have noticed when some people who follow 136 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,720 Speaker 5: me on social media, I've put up a few tweets 137 00:07:54,320 --> 00:08:00,520 Speaker 5: that were atypical of my usual optimistic self. In one 138 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,840 Speaker 5: of the tweets a couple of weeks ago, you know, 139 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:06,200 Speaker 5: really went viral because I was saying, look, I'm always 140 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:10,240 Speaker 5: looking to see some optimistic angle, you know, some hopeful angle, 141 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:13,840 Speaker 5: and yet I feel as though I'm drowning in the 142 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:17,960 Speaker 5: darkness because I mean, the main reason is because I 143 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:21,360 Speaker 5: feel that the West is really not open to implementing 144 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,280 Speaker 5: some of the strategies that need to be implemented in 145 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:26,200 Speaker 5: order for us to come out of this darkness. But 146 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:30,600 Speaker 5: I still believe that truth and freedom will prevail, and so, 147 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:33,480 Speaker 5: in an existential sense, even when it looks very dark, 148 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:36,480 Speaker 5: and we know we have a long history of persecution, 149 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:40,240 Speaker 5: we've always ultimately prevailed. So I still can find ways 150 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:42,600 Speaker 5: to be happy even in such a difficult period. 151 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,400 Speaker 4: What are some things that you're doing to kind of 152 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,560 Speaker 4: spark that happiness. I'm sure you have some tips. 153 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:47,840 Speaker 6: Well. 154 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:51,720 Speaker 5: One is that I keep engaged in the issue, even 155 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:54,839 Speaker 5: though it takes a great personal toll on me. So 156 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:58,679 Speaker 5: the amount of you know, jew hatred that I've received 157 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:03,320 Speaker 5: from all angles, the progressive left, from the ultra right, 158 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:06,479 Speaker 5: from Islamic sources had been an utter tsunami. 159 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,559 Speaker 6: And yet you. 160 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:12,680 Speaker 5: Know, being engaged provides you purpose and meaning. Right, I 161 00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:17,080 Speaker 5: could easily say I'm turning off Twitter. I'm not getting engaged. 162 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:20,960 Speaker 5: I receive way too much hate. I've already done more 163 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:24,200 Speaker 5: than what one person could hope to ever do. Let 164 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:26,600 Speaker 5: me just go and hug my children. But then that 165 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:30,480 Speaker 5: would make me feel, in a sense inauthentic, because we're 166 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:34,960 Speaker 5: all called to contribute to this battle in whichever way 167 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,679 Speaker 5: that we can. And so one of the ways that 168 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:40,439 Speaker 5: paradoxically I am happy because I feel authentic, is to 169 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,880 Speaker 5: continue to lend my voice to this great and important 170 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:47,959 Speaker 5: civilizational battle. But of course I always contextualize whatever we're 171 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,760 Speaker 5: going through in a greater hole. You know, I did 172 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:52,800 Speaker 5: escape the Middle East. I know that some people on 173 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:56,400 Speaker 5: October seventh were not as fortunate as I was, but 174 00:09:57,080 --> 00:10:00,240 Speaker 5: it was an absolute miracle that I was able to 175 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,199 Speaker 5: escape and live a fruitful life. And so I can 176 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:07,400 Speaker 5: always take whatever dark period I'm going through and say 177 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:10,560 Speaker 5: it could be worse. So the ability to always feel 178 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:14,240 Speaker 5: grateful even when you're facing difficult moments is certainly a 179 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,120 Speaker 5: secret to happiness. 180 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,240 Speaker 3: I think about leaving Twitter a lot, I mean, just 181 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:20,720 Speaker 3: because it is such a cesspool and it's such a 182 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:24,480 Speaker 3: negative place. But I get the living authentically by staying 183 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:27,959 Speaker 3: in the conversation, continuing to fight the battles that need 184 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,720 Speaker 3: to be fought. It's just, you know, it's hard to do, 185 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,920 Speaker 3: and I appreciate that you're doing it, you know, despite everything. 186 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,679 Speaker 3: A question that I ask all of my guests is 187 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,280 Speaker 3: what do you think is our largest cultural or societal 188 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:41,400 Speaker 3: problem in America? 189 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:42,640 Speaker 4: And is it solvable? 190 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:45,760 Speaker 3: But since you're Canadian, let's do the Western world. What 191 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:48,200 Speaker 3: do you consider our biggest societal issue. 192 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:52,840 Speaker 5: It's really a combination of factors that almost I don't 193 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:56,400 Speaker 5: want to be pessimistic, render it intractable. So of course 194 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:59,400 Speaker 5: there's all of the parasitic ideas, which you know I 195 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:02,760 Speaker 5: discussed not my Happiness book, but the book before that. 196 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:06,960 Speaker 5: On the parasitic mind that have really affected our ability 197 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,600 Speaker 5: to think critically and would reason. And the reason why 198 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:13,000 Speaker 5: I use the parasitic metaphor is precisely because it is 199 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:18,520 Speaker 5: parasitic thinking, right. I give the example recently of another 200 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:22,360 Speaker 5: one of those parasitized animals. So, the wood cricket usually 201 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:25,840 Speaker 5: doesn't want to jump into water. It hates water. But 202 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:30,000 Speaker 5: when it is parasitized by a hairworm, the hairworm needs 203 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,160 Speaker 5: the wood cricket to jump in water in order to 204 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,120 Speaker 5: complete its reproductive cycles. 205 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:34,800 Speaker 6: So the wood. 206 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:39,360 Speaker 5: Cricket happily and merrily commits suicide to serve the interest 207 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:43,720 Speaker 5: of the hairworm. Well, that's called Anna Epstein, the woman 208 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:47,520 Speaker 5: who at Boston University, a Jewish woman was pulling down 209 00:11:47,559 --> 00:11:51,319 Speaker 5: the photos of Jewish babies. And so number one, parasitic 210 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:56,440 Speaker 5: thinking has infested the West. So that's one problem. Coupled 211 00:11:56,480 --> 00:12:00,400 Speaker 5: with that is the fact that the open immigration policy 212 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,480 Speaker 5: that the West was more than happy to implement, which 213 00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:06,640 Speaker 5: comes from parasitic thinking, makes it so that you have 214 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,760 Speaker 5: millions of people that have come into the West that 215 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:12,520 Speaker 5: don't share any of the fundamental values that define the West. 216 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:17,439 Speaker 5: That's not good. And then you don't have the willpower 217 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:23,280 Speaker 5: or testicular fortitude in the West to implement the corrective 218 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:26,400 Speaker 5: strategies to try to resolve these problems. So I often 219 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:29,160 Speaker 5: use the analogy of you know, you go see your 220 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:33,560 Speaker 5: physician and God forbid, the physician says you've got, you know, 221 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:36,360 Speaker 5: stage four cancer, and then you say, well, there is 222 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,480 Speaker 5: no cancer. There is no such thing as cancer. But 223 00:12:38,559 --> 00:12:40,959 Speaker 5: if there is cancer, it's probably the Jews who did it, 224 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:44,800 Speaker 5: and they're holding back the cure for cancer because they 225 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:46,480 Speaker 5: want to be greedy and make money. And as a 226 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:48,320 Speaker 5: matter of fact, I so believe that there is no 227 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:51,319 Speaker 5: cancer that I'm going to smoke four packs of cigarette 228 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:54,640 Speaker 5: and I'm going to inhale from a bag of asbestos. 229 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:57,440 Speaker 5: So that's what the West is doing. So all of 230 00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:02,360 Speaker 5: these things, parasitic thinking, open immigration, and unwillingness to recognize 231 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:04,680 Speaker 5: that there's a problem makes it that we are in 232 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:07,439 Speaker 5: a death spiral. Now that doesn't mean that it's over. 233 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:11,800 Speaker 5: We can still auto correct, but the more we wait, 234 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,000 Speaker 5: the bloodier the autocorrection will be. 235 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,120 Speaker 4: What are some first steps that we need to take 236 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:17,080 Speaker 4: to correct that. 237 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:22,360 Speaker 5: Well, number one, you can't presume that all cultures are equal. 238 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:26,040 Speaker 5: You can't so that comes from an idea pathogen a 239 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:29,360 Speaker 5: parasitic idea called cultural or relativism. Who are you to 240 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:33,959 Speaker 5: judge the cultural and religious beliefs of others? Right, be tolerant, 241 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:37,320 Speaker 5: don't be a cultural imperialist. So if they want to 242 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:40,680 Speaker 5: come into our country, well then they can then practice 243 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:44,280 Speaker 5: whatever they want. If you know, genocidal jew hatred is 244 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:47,400 Speaker 5: part of their noble culture and noble faith, well then 245 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:48,280 Speaker 5: you tolerate that. 246 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:49,839 Speaker 6: Right. But of course Carl. 247 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:53,000 Speaker 5: Popper, the famous philosopher of science, talked about the paradox 248 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:56,520 Speaker 5: of tolerance, which is you can't tolerate the intolerable, that 249 00:13:56,559 --> 00:14:00,800 Speaker 5: which would eradicate you when they become powerful enough to 250 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,160 Speaker 5: do so. So the first thing that we have to 251 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:05,440 Speaker 5: do is recognize. So this is a term I call 252 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:09,960 Speaker 5: it cultural homophully, meaning that homophully is to be attracted 253 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,720 Speaker 5: to something that's similar to you. Right, So, for example, 254 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:17,120 Speaker 5: in human mating, you tend to assort with people who 255 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:20,000 Speaker 5: are the man is taller than the woman. That's a 256 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:20,880 Speaker 5: source of mating. 257 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:21,320 Speaker 6: Cue. 258 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:24,360 Speaker 5: Well, when it comes to immigration policy, you have to 259 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:27,320 Speaker 5: look for people from It doesn't matter what color they are, 260 00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:29,880 Speaker 5: it doesn't matter what their orientation is. It doesn't matter, 261 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:35,280 Speaker 5: but they have to fundamentally have similar foundational values. If 262 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:38,080 Speaker 5: their values are not similar to yours, well you are 263 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:41,120 Speaker 5: betting on the future of your grandchildren and their children. 264 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:44,560 Speaker 6: So Step one have a much. 265 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:48,160 Speaker 5: More vetted and judicious immigration policy that would hopefully solve 266 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:49,720 Speaker 5: a lot of the problems that we have currently. 267 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,600 Speaker 3: So on a micro level, the finding you know people 268 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:59,040 Speaker 3: who have similar values. Your first rule to a happy 269 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:02,680 Speaker 3: life in the book is finding the right spouse. I 270 00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:05,040 Speaker 3: hear from people all the time who don't know how 271 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,520 Speaker 3: to do that. So what's a good tip for meeting 272 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:10,080 Speaker 3: somebody like minded with whom you can take that hour 273 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 3: long walk in the morning, hand in hand like you 274 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:13,320 Speaker 3: do with your wife. 275 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:18,560 Speaker 6: I read the read it. That's lovely, Thank you so much. Well. 276 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:22,920 Speaker 5: There are two maxims in evolutionary psychology as relating to 277 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:27,560 Speaker 5: mating behavior. One is the opposites attract maxim. The other 278 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:30,640 Speaker 5: one is the birds of a feather flock together maxim, 279 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:33,080 Speaker 5: which I kind of spoke about when I talked about 280 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:37,000 Speaker 5: cultural horm Awfully and overwhelmingly. The research shows that for 281 00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:41,520 Speaker 5: long term unions, you increase your chances of a successful 282 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:47,440 Speaker 5: union dramatically if you assort with someone who has similar values, 283 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:50,520 Speaker 5: belief systems, and so on. So if I am if 284 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:54,400 Speaker 5: I meet a beautiful woman with whom I you know, 285 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:57,680 Speaker 5: I'm very attracted to physically in terms of her personality, 286 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:01,760 Speaker 5: but I happen to be very religious minded and she 287 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:06,280 Speaker 5: happens to be a caustic atheist. Well, statistically speaking, it's 288 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:09,560 Speaker 5: unlikely that it's going to work. Yes, love can conquer 289 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:12,960 Speaker 5: some of these obstacles, but life is a game of, 290 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:18,400 Speaker 5: you know, managing statistical possibilities, and I'm certainly reducing my 291 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:23,160 Speaker 5: chances if on this foundational criterion, we are not assorting. 292 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:26,320 Speaker 5: And so always be mindful of the fact that what 293 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:29,560 Speaker 5: matters most is that you share in these foundational values. 294 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:33,360 Speaker 5: If I'm someone who you know very much cares about 295 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:38,440 Speaker 5: truth and freedom for whatever reason, my partner to be doesn't, well, 296 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:41,360 Speaker 5: that's going to cause tension. And so so I talk 297 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:43,840 Speaker 5: in the book about many of these cues that we 298 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,760 Speaker 5: can assort. So, for example, one of the things that 299 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:49,880 Speaker 5: my wife and I do well together is we're both playful. 300 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:53,760 Speaker 5: Right now, I may be more of a joxer than 301 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,000 Speaker 5: she is, But if she had been someone who's very 302 00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:59,560 Speaker 5: sullen and always serious, Probably it couldn't have worked well 303 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,760 Speaker 5: because she I wouldn't have been able to bounce my 304 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:05,320 Speaker 5: humor off her, and vice versa. So birds of a 305 00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:06,720 Speaker 5: feather truly do flock together. 306 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:11,600 Speaker 4: So physical hotness is not enough. You're saying it's a 307 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:12,200 Speaker 4: first step. 308 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:16,000 Speaker 5: Probably it is the first step. So I actually have 309 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:19,240 Speaker 5: a quote in the book from one of my former 310 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:24,160 Speaker 5: guests on the show, Charles Murray, a quote controversial political 311 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:27,240 Speaker 5: scientist who co authored the book The Bell Curve and 312 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:30,359 Speaker 5: so on, and he basically said, I don't have the 313 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:33,040 Speaker 5: exact quote in front of me, but it completely resonated 314 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:37,840 Speaker 5: with me. You know, find a spouse, and that person 315 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:40,480 Speaker 5: should be someone that you're sexually attracted to and who's 316 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,719 Speaker 5: your best friend. That basically is it. 317 00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:43,040 Speaker 6: Right. 318 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:46,320 Speaker 5: Sexual attraction will take you so far. But if there 319 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:49,879 Speaker 5: isn't a deeper thing, that wanes because you know, we 320 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:54,200 Speaker 5: even know the neuroanatomical stages that you go through. The 321 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:57,440 Speaker 5: butterfly and the pit in your stomach is not going 322 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:00,080 Speaker 5: to last twenty five years into your marriage. Now, I 323 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,639 Speaker 5: mean that you won't still be sexually attracted to your partner, 324 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,959 Speaker 5: but it goes through different stages. If the person that 325 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,359 Speaker 5: I want to have sex with, is also someone that 326 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:11,440 Speaker 5: I really appreciate their company. Well, then I've hit the lottery. 327 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:13,920 Speaker 3: When I was on your show, I said that sex 328 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,960 Speaker 3: is the most important part of a relationship. And I 329 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,920 Speaker 3: said to you that it's a controversial thing to say. 330 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:20,960 Speaker 3: I mean, And after I was on your show and 331 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,920 Speaker 3: after the clip was posted, several people were like, you're 332 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:27,640 Speaker 3: not serious. I'm one following you, like, people really don't 333 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:28,280 Speaker 3: want to hear that. 334 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,679 Speaker 4: But you know, I stand by it. I think that 335 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:31,280 Speaker 4: you're right. 336 00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:33,359 Speaker 3: It's your best friend who you also want to have 337 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:35,800 Speaker 3: sex with, so otherwise it really doesn't work. 338 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:37,160 Speaker 4: So you talk about. 339 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:41,439 Speaker 3: Minimizing future regret by living an authentic life, How do 340 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:42,879 Speaker 3: people live more authentically? 341 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:46,479 Speaker 5: Let me just give a background to the calculus of regret. 342 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:50,360 Speaker 5: This is actually from one of my former doctoral professors 343 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:54,000 Speaker 5: at my PhD at Cornell. His name is Thomas Gilovich, 344 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:58,360 Speaker 5: and he pioneered the distinction between two types of regret. 345 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,440 Speaker 5: Others have talked about this, so there are even prayers 346 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:06,719 Speaker 5: that recognize those two forms of regret, regret due to 347 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,960 Speaker 5: action versus regret due to inaction. Regret due to action 348 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:13,480 Speaker 5: is because I did something I now regret having done 349 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,920 Speaker 5: that thing. So I cheated on my wife and that 350 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:19,439 Speaker 5: led to my divorce. I really regret that regret due 351 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:22,120 Speaker 5: to inaction, is you know, I regret that I never 352 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:26,119 Speaker 5: pursued my interest in art. I became a pediatrician because 353 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:29,240 Speaker 5: my dad and his dad were pediatricians. But I hate medicine. 354 00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:31,439 Speaker 5: I can't stand it now. I wake up at seventy 355 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,800 Speaker 5: three and I say, what a wasted life. And so 356 00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:37,680 Speaker 5: in that sense, that's what I mean by an authentic life. 357 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,800 Speaker 5: I mean authenticity could mean in a personal setting. You know, 358 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:44,639 Speaker 5: people might find you appealing, Carol, because you seem like 359 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,440 Speaker 5: a real person, an authentic person, So that certainly is relevant. 360 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:52,120 Speaker 5: But I'm talking more about an existential authenticity, living your 361 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:56,560 Speaker 5: life in a manner that is congruent with your internal interests, 362 00:19:56,600 --> 00:20:00,520 Speaker 5: your internal values. If there's an incongruity there, then you're 363 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,080 Speaker 5: probably going to regret it later in life. And so 364 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:06,280 Speaker 5: to the best of your abilities if you can. And 365 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:09,240 Speaker 5: that's why, by the way, the maxim, the delphic maxim 366 00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:13,040 Speaker 5: from the ancient Greeks Know Thyself, is so powerful because 367 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:15,399 Speaker 5: that's exactly what it's saying. Right, those two words are 368 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,960 Speaker 5: saying You're not going to live a happy life if 369 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,320 Speaker 5: you don't know yourself, because then there's always going to 370 00:20:20,359 --> 00:20:23,639 Speaker 5: be these incongruities that causes you great angst. And so 371 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,840 Speaker 5: you know, I often tell my students when they come 372 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:28,800 Speaker 5: and see me, well what should I study? Should what 373 00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,240 Speaker 5: career I should go into? And I always give them 374 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:34,199 Speaker 5: answers that at first seem as though they're cliche ish, 375 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:36,480 Speaker 5: but they really are not. They stand the test of time, 376 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:38,560 Speaker 5: which is you have to be able to choose a 377 00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:40,720 Speaker 5: profession that makes you wake up in the morning, rub 378 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:44,680 Speaker 5: your hands in anticipatory glee, saying I'm so excited about 379 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:48,840 Speaker 5: the day. Don't pursue a career because there are good 380 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:52,280 Speaker 5: job opportunities. That's a perfect recipe to wake up at 381 00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:55,560 Speaker 5: fifty five and say I hate being an accountant even 382 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:56,879 Speaker 5: though I make a lot of money. 383 00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,800 Speaker 4: So you live authentically. You have you know, a wife 384 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:01,760 Speaker 4: that you love, you're. 385 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:04,320 Speaker 3: In a good relationship, you get the death threats from 386 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:05,119 Speaker 3: all the right people. 387 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:07,760 Speaker 4: Do you feel like you've made it? 388 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:12,600 Speaker 5: What an amazing question. So here it depends on what 389 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:16,640 Speaker 5: you use as the metric of comparison and judging whether 390 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:17,520 Speaker 5: you've made it right. 391 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:22,520 Speaker 6: So example, If I say, if my cue is have 392 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:23,600 Speaker 6: I made. 393 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:27,960 Speaker 5: A greater impact as an academic than most academics ever will? 394 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:31,720 Speaker 5: Then boy, have I made it? Okay, If my metric 395 00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:36,480 Speaker 5: of comparison is have I ended up in the Promised Land? 396 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:39,719 Speaker 5: In my case it's not necessarily Israel, but it's in 397 00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,280 Speaker 5: Newport Beach, California, Well. 398 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:43,960 Speaker 6: Then I haven't made it because. 399 00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:47,760 Speaker 5: I'm still languishing in the frozen tundra of socialist Quebec. 400 00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:51,000 Speaker 3: But I think I'm not sure California is an any 401 00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:53,320 Speaker 3: better than the you know that maybe it's not frozen, 402 00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:56,120 Speaker 3: but it's still a socialist enough. 403 00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:59,560 Speaker 6: So that's why maybe Sarasota or somewhere in Florida. 404 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:02,040 Speaker 4: Yeah, that's exactly. 405 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,600 Speaker 5: And there are some opportunities that I'm currently working on 406 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:09,720 Speaker 5: and a professional and personal grand sense short of you know, 407 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:11,840 Speaker 5: not being in the place that i'd like to be, 408 00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:15,080 Speaker 5: if only because of the weather and so on, then 409 00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:17,760 Speaker 5: I think I have made it. The only thing that 410 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:22,720 Speaker 5: I would perhaps change today is, you know, I never 411 00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:26,120 Speaker 5: thought that I could ever envision not being a professor. 412 00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:29,320 Speaker 5: It really is in my DNA. But the further I 413 00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:31,720 Speaker 5: go in my academic career, there are elements of being 414 00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:34,560 Speaker 5: a professor that I don't find as enjoyable at this point, 415 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:38,840 Speaker 5: the administrative stuff, you know, telling Timmy why he received 416 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:42,320 Speaker 5: the B minus in his participation grade, even though right 417 00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:44,879 Speaker 5: that's probably not the best use of my time. So 418 00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:49,000 Speaker 5: right now, if I had, my ideal situation would be 419 00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:52,600 Speaker 5: for me to wake up from morning tonight only be 420 00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:56,160 Speaker 5: involved in the process of creating, whether I'm creating online 421 00:22:56,200 --> 00:23:01,040 Speaker 5: content or lecturing or writing a book or what interests 422 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:05,840 Speaker 5: me the most in life is knowledge, and so to 423 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,879 Speaker 5: the extent that I don't have yet complete freedom to 424 00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:11,800 Speaker 5: only create, that might be the only thing where I 425 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:14,160 Speaker 5: say I haven't yet fully made it. I haven't achieved 426 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,720 Speaker 5: complete freedom. But overall, yes, I think I've made it. 427 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:19,439 Speaker 4: Doctor Sad, I love talking to you. 428 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:22,240 Speaker 3: I could keep this going forever, but let's end with 429 00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,400 Speaker 3: your best tip for my listeners on how they can 430 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:26,520 Speaker 3: improve their lives. 431 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:31,120 Speaker 5: Don't get mired in my opic things. Whether you love 432 00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,280 Speaker 5: or hate Donald Trump or Joe Biden. Those are important issues, 433 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,400 Speaker 5: but there are way more important things. Your kids grow 434 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:40,680 Speaker 5: up very fast. Make sure to enjoy every moment. Go 435 00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:44,520 Speaker 5: for a walk with your spouse, hug your dog, be playful. 436 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:49,520 Speaker 5: So we often fall into the trap of triggering our 437 00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:52,919 Speaker 5: iron In all sorts of ways. Life is very short, 438 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:56,520 Speaker 5: Every moment is precious. Enjoy life. It's truly magical. 439 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:57,680 Speaker 6: He is Get said. 440 00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:01,400 Speaker 3: His book is The Sad Truth about Happiness Aid Secrets 441 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,879 Speaker 3: for leading the Good Life. Check it out, buy it 442 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:07,199 Speaker 3: wherever you buy your books, and listen to his amazing podcast. 443 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:08,720 Speaker 4: I love having you on. 444 00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:11,680 Speaker 3: Thank you so much for coming on, and we'll talk 445 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:12,160 Speaker 3: to you soon. 446 00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:15,480 Speaker 1: Thank you so much, cheers, thanks so much for joining 447 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:16,920 Speaker 1: us on the Carol Marcoit Show. 448 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,120 Speaker 2: Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.