WEBVTT - Love Don't Cost A Thing...Except It Does 0:00:14.520 --> 0:00:16.520 I do part two as a one of a kind 0:00:16.600 --> 0:00:18.799 experience in podcasting and love. 0:00:18.960 --> 0:00:21.320 If you don't get right the first time, we're here 0:00:21.360 --> 0:00:23.560 to help you get it right the next time. 0:00:23.960 --> 0:00:26.360 I'm one of your celebrity mentors, Kelly ben Simone from 0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:29.560 the Real Housewives of New York and I know firsthand 0:00:29.560 --> 0:00:32.599 that love stories don't always have fairy tale endings, but 0:00:32.680 --> 0:00:33.360 that doesn't mean. 0:00:33.280 --> 0:00:34.920 You should give up on love. 0:00:35.440 --> 0:00:37.440 Today, I'm going to be joined with another one of 0:00:37.440 --> 0:00:40.839 our celebrity mentors. You know her as former pro dancer 0:00:41.280 --> 0:00:43.919 for twenty six seasons on Dancing with the Stars, and 0:00:43.920 --> 0:00:49.080 she's the host of the podcast Sex, Lies and Spray Tans. 0:00:49.240 --> 0:00:52.440 Please welcome Cheryl Burke to the podcast. 0:00:52.720 --> 0:00:55.160 Hi Cheryl, Hi, how are you Kelly? 0:00:55.400 --> 0:00:56.200 How are you? 0:00:56.640 --> 0:00:58.279 I'm great? Thank you? How are you? 0:00:58.520 --> 0:00:58.960 Oh my god? 0:00:58.960 --> 0:01:01.960 First of all, you're so beautiful. Your life drop dead? Thanks, 0:01:02.000 --> 0:01:04.520 drop you dead. We have so much to talk about. 0:01:04.560 --> 0:01:06.000 We have so much in common. 0:01:06.440 --> 0:01:06.840 I know. 0:01:07.040 --> 0:01:09.240 I read a little bit about you. I saw a 0:01:09.280 --> 0:01:11.920 couple of your past interviews, so yes, we do have 0:01:12.000 --> 0:01:12.840 a lot in common. 0:01:12.880 --> 0:01:16.600 Actually, I mean you were a dancer, I was a model. 0:01:17.520 --> 0:01:19.920 You have pretty long hair. I have pretty long hair. 0:01:20.640 --> 0:01:22.160 I mean, if I really were to take if I 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:24.640 were to be real this, most of the hair is fake, 0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:26.399 you know, but it is what it is. 0:01:26.600 --> 0:01:30.399 It's fine, You're beautiful. We do have a lot in common. 0:01:30.400 --> 0:01:33.480 We've been we both have been through a lot of 0:01:34.200 --> 0:01:38.760 difficult times in our past with relationships, with finding love. 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:42.520 So tell us a little bit about your. 0:01:42.400 --> 0:01:47.720 Relationship and why you think that it didn't work out 0:01:48.680 --> 0:01:49.960 or why you know it didn't work out. 0:01:50.320 --> 0:01:52.240 Yeah, I mean, I think I'll just go backwards here. 0:01:52.280 --> 0:01:54.800 So now right as of today, I am single and 0:01:54.840 --> 0:01:58.640 celibate for the last three years, and I have definitely 0:01:58.680 --> 0:02:02.400 found power in that. I used to be a serial dater, 0:02:02.560 --> 0:02:05.640 so I always went from man to man to man, 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:09.200 never had maybe a couple days off, like I'm not 0:02:09.400 --> 0:02:14.799 exaggerating whatsoever. And with my marriage to my ex husband, 0:02:16.160 --> 0:02:18.600 you know, we actually met when I first started Dancing 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:21.760 with the Stars through his older brother who did Dancing 0:02:21.800 --> 0:02:23.600 with the Stars back in season three. So that was 0:02:23.639 --> 0:02:26.320 like in two thousand and seven, and I was very 0:02:26.360 --> 0:02:31.680 new to this entertainment industry and it was just bad timing, 0:02:31.720 --> 0:02:35.880 I guess too, because he was obviously still is, i'm assuming, 0:02:36.160 --> 0:02:40.160 an actor and he started as a child, and I 0:02:40.560 --> 0:02:42.720 was just at the height of the success of Dancing 0:02:42.760 --> 0:02:44.880 with the Stars. So we were on tour. We did 0:02:44.880 --> 0:02:47.160 two seasons a year, two tours a year, so I 0:02:47.240 --> 0:02:51.320 was just like working all around the clock, barely had 0:02:51.320 --> 0:02:53.560 a day off. And so we dated for a year 0:02:53.600 --> 0:02:58.760 and then we reconnected about a decade later and started 0:02:58.960 --> 0:03:03.720 dating and soon after got married. So and now not married. 0:03:04.880 --> 0:03:08.840 Right, So serial dater to getting married to not getting married. 0:03:08.960 --> 0:03:11.400 So dating someone marrying. 0:03:11.200 --> 0:03:17.239 Someone who was not in your financial bracket, right, I 0:03:17.240 --> 0:03:18.640 don't know how how better to say it. 0:03:18.880 --> 0:03:22.399 We we just weren't I guess he wasn't necessarily working 0:03:23.240 --> 0:03:26.080 right the time. Yeah, as much he was working, but 0:03:26.160 --> 0:03:26.880 not as much. 0:03:27.200 --> 0:03:29.040 Right, So that must have been really stressful because you 0:03:29.080 --> 0:03:31.520 were traveling and your hours are crazy, and you're worth 0:03:31.560 --> 0:03:32.520 a lot of new people. 0:03:32.880 --> 0:03:34.120 And I kind of. 0:03:34.160 --> 0:03:37.480 Knew what I was getting into, you know, like I 0:03:37.520 --> 0:03:40.360 am that's just my personality, Like I am never going 0:03:40.440 --> 0:03:44.240 to not make money. I think that comes from my mother, 0:03:44.320 --> 0:03:48.240 who's rags to riches story, you know, and I've seen 0:03:48.280 --> 0:03:50.880 her hustle, was raised with her hustle. So that's who 0:03:50.920 --> 0:03:54.160 I am ultimately, and I am actually proud of that. 0:03:54.920 --> 0:03:57.640 There's no shame with that for sure, And I knew 0:03:57.680 --> 0:03:59.640 what I was marrying, so like I knew what I 0:03:59.640 --> 0:04:03.720 was getting into financially. However, it did take a toll, 0:04:04.360 --> 0:04:07.280 I would say more. Maybe I'm not going to speak 0:04:07.320 --> 0:04:09.440 for him. I'm not here to bad mouth and whatsoever. 0:04:09.560 --> 0:04:12.920 But I believe that there is this gender role right 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:18.840 where a man may feel a little emasculated when he 0:04:18.880 --> 0:04:22.159 doesn't make the majority of the money, and I think 0:04:22.200 --> 0:04:23.440 that may have taken a toll. 0:04:25.120 --> 0:04:28.200 So this episode is a lot about prenups. Did you 0:04:28.200 --> 0:04:29.200 guys have a prenup? 0:04:29.600 --> 0:04:30.280 Absolutely? 0:04:30.640 --> 0:04:35.000 Yeah, And why did you get the prenup? Well, you know, 0:04:35.080 --> 0:04:37.000 for obvious reasons. I mean I got a prenup. My 0:04:37.120 --> 0:04:41.279 family actually they were very involved with that. They my 0:04:41.400 --> 0:04:45.560 mother wanted you know, me to be protected. I also, 0:04:46.600 --> 0:04:50.719 my family has some money and we had to protect 0:04:50.880 --> 0:04:54.880 the family estate, but also for me as well. It clearly, 0:04:55.520 --> 0:04:58.159 you know, I was the one making more money, so 0:04:58.800 --> 0:05:01.520 my mom, you know, I owned a home and. 0:05:01.720 --> 0:05:04.480 There's just a lot of little details. 0:05:04.520 --> 0:05:06.080 I don't think a lot of people know when it 0:05:06.080 --> 0:05:10.159 comes to especially in California, you know, So I'm not 0:05:10.200 --> 0:05:12.760 sure if this is true. What we could ask the professional, 0:05:12.800 --> 0:05:16.279 who's about to be here soon? I hear that if 0:05:16.320 --> 0:05:20.240 somebody plants a succulent actually on your property, they could 0:05:20.240 --> 0:05:24.559 fight for your property if you guys divorce and without 0:05:24.560 --> 0:05:30.279 a prenup, that is. But that was no easy conversation. 0:05:30.240 --> 0:05:31.720 Right, I was just going to ask that, how did 0:05:31.760 --> 0:05:34.560 you approach that? You're like, let's go pumpkin picking and 0:05:34.560 --> 0:05:35.320 talk prenups? 0:05:35.360 --> 0:05:38.640 Like an ultimatum. Yeah, it was a full on ultimatum 0:05:38.760 --> 0:05:42.960 and my prenup attorney. First of all, it's not cheap. 0:05:44.120 --> 0:05:44.480 It was. 0:05:44.680 --> 0:05:48.839 It consisted of like seventy to eighty five pages long, 0:05:49.000 --> 0:05:53.240 of lots of words and lots of fine detail and 0:05:53.279 --> 0:05:58.960 fine print. But this was something that my attorney suggested 0:05:59.160 --> 0:06:02.240 was to make sure I hire him an attorney as well. 0:06:02.360 --> 0:06:07.040 So that was definitely part of the deal. And I understood, 0:06:07.320 --> 0:06:09.960 like it's all good, but I have to say that 0:06:10.600 --> 0:06:14.080 it definitely it raised a lot of concerns, especially on 0:06:14.160 --> 0:06:17.960 his behalf, but there was really not much to do. 0:06:18.000 --> 0:06:19.960 Either we do this and we get married or we don't. 0:06:20.000 --> 0:06:21.480 And it's pretty black and white. 0:06:22.000 --> 0:06:25.200 You know, you and I are so similar because I 0:06:25.240 --> 0:06:33.520 also prepare to prenup for my ex fiance, and you know, 0:06:33.520 --> 0:06:37.320 I had this amazing lawyer that just really wanted to 0:06:37.360 --> 0:06:40.200 make sure that I was protected and my girls were protected. 0:06:40.720 --> 0:06:42.680 Yes, you have kids, so that's yes, I do. 0:06:42.839 --> 0:06:47.039 Yeah, and just my you know, the opportunity for me 0:06:47.120 --> 0:06:48.960 to make a lot of money in the future with 0:06:49.240 --> 0:06:51.839 just real estate and working in a lot of different states. 0:06:52.600 --> 0:06:54.120 I just wanted to make sure that I was going 0:06:54.160 --> 0:06:56.200 to be safe. He was married twice before, he's got 0:06:56.240 --> 0:06:58.159 a lot of kids, and so I just didn't want 0:06:59.240 --> 0:07:02.360 you know, I was trying to be optimistic, but I 0:07:02.400 --> 0:07:06.480 also needed to be protective of my own self. And 0:07:08.400 --> 0:07:11.480 you know, it was interesting how he had the prenup 0:07:11.520 --> 0:07:14.560 for a while and I was just always like, like 0:07:14.600 --> 0:07:15.200 a couple of weeks. 0:07:15.280 --> 0:07:16.680 I was like, you can read it and sign it 0:07:16.720 --> 0:07:17.680 whenever you want. 0:07:17.640 --> 0:07:21.000 Did you guys, what was the conversation Like prior to that, there. 0:07:20.880 --> 0:07:23.600 Wasn't a conversation. I just wasn't. I was like, here, 0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:25.440 here's the prenup. It's coming to your way. 0:07:25.640 --> 0:07:27.240 Did he know there was a prenup coming? 0:07:27.800 --> 0:07:29.200 I mean I didn't. 0:07:29.720 --> 0:07:32.520 Again, like it wasn't like pumpkins and prenups like you know, 0:07:32.560 --> 0:07:35.680 It's like I literally went to I went to the 0:07:35.720 --> 0:07:38.600 lawyer and then afterwards, I said, you know, oh, there's 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:41.280 going to be you know, a letter coming your way 0:07:41.320 --> 0:07:43.520 and you just want to check it out, and you know, 0:07:43.560 --> 0:07:48.240 see what the situation was. And it just really put 0:07:48.280 --> 0:07:52.720 me off. It really put me off that someone wouldn't 0:07:52.720 --> 0:07:55.320 want me, someone that wanted to marry me so badly 0:07:55.880 --> 0:07:58.960 I wouldn't want to make sure that I was protected 0:07:59.280 --> 0:08:02.800 and provide for that really really bothered me. I think 0:08:02.840 --> 0:08:04.640 it really, I was just like what I was like, 0:08:04.840 --> 0:08:06.760 I'm I'm like an on and off switch. 0:08:07.680 --> 0:08:09.440 Like I just am like the mint. 0:08:09.480 --> 0:08:13.160 If I find if I feel like any fear, I'm 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:14.320 like fight or flight, I'm like. 0:08:14.320 --> 0:08:17.960 Nope, yeah, no, I hear you're closed. I'm so used 0:08:17.960 --> 0:08:21.240 to that fight or flight or freeze feeling. It's insane. 0:08:21.760 --> 0:08:23.200 Yeah. 0:08:23.000 --> 0:08:25.080 Yeah, you know, I just wonder though, Like I remember 0:08:25.160 --> 0:08:28.640 my you know, the conversation. Obviously it was like there 0:08:28.720 --> 0:08:31.720 was you know, questions of do I not trust you 0:08:31.760 --> 0:08:35.720 know him, and all of that, and obviously you know, 0:08:35.800 --> 0:08:38.240 this is separate from love. Money does not equal love, 0:08:38.440 --> 0:08:41.800 and that is something that I think it's hard to 0:08:42.360 --> 0:08:44.320 and still is for me to this day. You know, 0:08:44.400 --> 0:08:46.360 back in the day, I thought I can control people 0:08:46.440 --> 0:08:49.640 with my money, and you know, obviously that is not 0:08:49.800 --> 0:08:52.400 the case it and that has a lot to do 0:08:52.480 --> 0:08:54.800 also with the way I was raised. Maybe I don't know. 0:08:54.920 --> 0:08:56.520 I mean, I do know. I've been in therapy my 0:08:56.559 --> 0:08:59.200 whole life. But at the end of the day, like 0:08:59.320 --> 0:09:01.800 I and I guess how the lines can be blurred 0:09:01.840 --> 0:09:04.800 and I understand and I don't understand, but I can 0:09:05.640 --> 0:09:07.960 have a little bit of a compassion, you know, for 0:09:08.080 --> 0:09:10.600 that other person. But for someone to just call off 0:09:10.640 --> 0:09:13.880 an engagement because you're wanting to protect your assets and 0:09:13.920 --> 0:09:17.400 you're it's something that we don't get our money handed 0:09:17.400 --> 0:09:20.800 to us, like we work our asses off money, and 0:09:20.920 --> 0:09:23.520 I know it ain't easy, and I'm so sorry. 0:09:23.760 --> 0:09:26.040 Thank you for saying that. Yeah, thank you for saying that. 0:09:26.040 --> 0:09:29.319 There's no brand of money Tree, no house wives everywhere. 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:31.640 Regardless if I come from. But my parents are very 0:09:31.679 --> 0:09:33.240 protective over I am. 0:09:33.280 --> 0:09:35.920 Well over eighteen, I'm forty years old, and I also 0:09:36.040 --> 0:09:38.120 have my own ego and pride, like I'm not going 0:09:38.160 --> 0:09:41.120 to ask mommy and Daddy for anything I never have, right. 0:09:41.840 --> 0:09:44.520 So it's interesting because a lot of people are, you know, like, Okay, 0:09:44.600 --> 0:09:46.800 we're talking you're talking about prenups like Kelly, and they're like, 0:09:47.000 --> 0:09:49.040 is it just for you know, women in their like 0:09:49.120 --> 0:09:51.600 forties and fifties, and it's there was a study that 0:09:51.800 --> 0:09:55.160 millennials forty seven percent of millennials are getting prenups. 0:09:55.440 --> 0:09:56.600 Absolutely, and so they should. 0:09:56.640 --> 0:09:59.360 Everyone should get a prenup if if, if it's worth it, 0:09:59.400 --> 0:10:01.200 because it's not worth it if you guys are both 0:10:01.280 --> 0:10:03.240 not you know, you're just But if. 0:10:03.080 --> 0:10:04.240 You've made a little money. 0:10:04.679 --> 0:10:08.680 There was twenty thousand dollars That money at twenty years old, 0:10:08.760 --> 0:10:10.680 if you put it away for yourself could be a 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:13.640 lot of money. It's you know, so you know, I 0:10:14.000 --> 0:10:17.840 think that it's just really I think it's really important. 0:10:18.400 --> 0:10:20.120 You know, Listen, I made the mistake. I should have 0:10:20.280 --> 0:10:22.240 talked to my ex earlier. 0:10:22.320 --> 0:10:24.439 I did. I made a mistake. I did. I made 0:10:24.440 --> 0:10:24.880 a mistake. 0:10:24.920 --> 0:10:28.679 I should have had like a more open conversation with him. 0:10:29.080 --> 0:10:33.360 I just have never had an open conversation with anyone 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:37.199 about finances outside of my father. And so he's deceased, 0:10:37.320 --> 0:10:42.000 so he's not available. Hi Dad, love you say mom? Hi. 0:10:44.400 --> 0:10:50.240 So you know, I I should have probably had more 0:10:50.360 --> 0:10:53.440 of a you know, different narrative, but I am actually 0:10:53.720 --> 0:10:59.520 glad that I didn't have one at the beginning, because 0:11:00.400 --> 0:11:02.640 I may have. I may have been like, well, think 0:11:02.640 --> 0:11:04.920 about it, or he might have like maybe taught said, oh, 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:07.120 you don't worry about it. We're gonna have a traditional marriage, 0:11:07.160 --> 0:11:08.959 and I'm gonna be like, Okay, so if we get 0:11:08.960 --> 0:11:10.800 divorced or what if I die, I'm taking care of 0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:11.360 your kids. 0:11:11.520 --> 0:11:13.960 It's not comfortable to have these conversations. 0:11:14.120 --> 0:11:16.160 And then, by the way, it's the easiest thing to 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:19.480 do is not to have it, right, Like I mean really, 0:11:19.559 --> 0:11:21.079 but then at the end of the day you start 0:11:21.120 --> 0:11:24.800 to understand that, okay, well, without the communication, things are 0:11:24.800 --> 0:11:27.920 going to either blow up or have cause resentment. And 0:11:28.600 --> 0:11:33.600 I think this prenup definitely caused resentment within our marriage absolutely. 0:11:43.040 --> 0:11:43.959 So what about the press. 0:11:44.040 --> 0:11:46.320 You've been through the press and it hasn't been easy 0:11:46.360 --> 0:11:48.400 for you. So what did you think about the press, 0:11:49.200 --> 0:11:50.600 you know, talking about your prenup. 0:11:50.920 --> 0:11:52.760 Well, let me first say that because of the prenup, 0:11:52.800 --> 0:11:55.480 my divorce was pretty easy, right, So there was like 0:11:55.600 --> 0:11:58.720 that is the positive of it all, Like it was 0:11:59.360 --> 0:12:02.880 very lean and clear as far as what was happening 0:12:03.440 --> 0:12:07.480 and the next steps moving forward. So that in itself 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:10.280 saved a lot of headache and stress. Now, as far 0:12:10.280 --> 0:12:15.200 as press goes, I mean, I mean, I've been on 0:12:15.360 --> 0:12:17.160 Dancing with the Stars. I was on it since two 0:12:17.200 --> 0:12:19.680 thousand and seven, never and I did twenty six seasons 0:12:19.679 --> 0:12:21.600 of it, and I went, I mean, I've been on. 0:12:21.520 --> 0:12:22.400 The press for my weight. 0:12:22.520 --> 0:12:24.640 I've been on the press for my all of my 0:12:24.720 --> 0:12:26.720 twenty six partners I've hooked up with, which is all 0:12:26.800 --> 0:12:31.160 a lie, right, like no, not even I mean Wayne 0:12:31.200 --> 0:12:37.400 Newton maybe, but kidding, but like I love it. It's 0:12:37.400 --> 0:12:40.240 this was this too shall pass like it's so, I mean, 0:12:40.280 --> 0:12:42.520 there's gonna be bigger and better news soon. 0:12:42.760 --> 0:12:43.920 So like that was what I was. 0:12:44.040 --> 0:12:47.560 It's not so much that it was more like for me, 0:12:47.600 --> 0:12:49.800 I get affected still and I can't wait till the 0:12:49.880 --> 0:12:52.480 day I don't, but I do get I care about 0:12:52.480 --> 0:12:54.160 what other people think of me, and I'm not even 0:12:54.160 --> 0:12:55.080 gonna lie. 0:12:54.800 --> 0:12:58.439 Like this is yeah, this is what I do. 0:12:59.040 --> 0:13:03.760 My my my publicist, you know, when he broke the 0:13:03.800 --> 0:13:07.240 news to the press and talked about the prenup, you know, 0:13:07.360 --> 0:13:09.640 I was like, you know, I've had such bad press, 0:13:09.760 --> 0:13:11.400 Like I mean, I get great press from my work, 0:13:11.440 --> 0:13:15.440 but for my housewives life. It's like you're crazy, you're nuts, 0:13:15.480 --> 0:13:17.920 you're stupid, you're an idiot, You're this, you're that, you're awful. 0:13:18.960 --> 0:13:21.840 And I literally was like, he was like, shut your 0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:23.920 phone off and just go to bed. And I was 0:13:23.920 --> 0:13:26.720 actually getting a chronic while we were organizing this, and 0:13:26.720 --> 0:13:28.960 I'm like, I'm serendipitous. I'm like I'm getting a colonic 0:13:29.080 --> 0:13:33.520 time to time to sever the ties. And uh so 0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:36.680 he was just like, shut your phone off, and so 0:13:36.840 --> 0:13:40.360 I did. And in the morning, people were like clapping 0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:42.880 and I would I was getting like all these clapping emojis, 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:44.600 and I'm just like, oh my, oh my. 0:13:44.520 --> 0:13:46.920 Gosh, like did you not say what was going to happen. 0:13:47.840 --> 0:13:49.600 I'm just so used to people saying that I'm nuts 0:13:49.640 --> 0:13:52.920 and crazy and stupid and idiot and awful and ugly 0:13:53.040 --> 0:13:57.080 and fat and whatever it is, and that I you know, 0:13:57.120 --> 0:13:58.280 I was just shell shocked. 0:13:58.320 --> 0:13:59.080 I'm not gonna lie. 0:13:59.200 --> 0:14:01.680 And then I thought to myself, oh my god, like 0:14:01.800 --> 0:14:07.600 I could actually help people like navigate these waters because 0:14:07.960 --> 0:14:12.040 to your point, you know, it's just the transparency is 0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:12.960 just it. 0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:13.679 It makes everything. 0:14:13.880 --> 0:14:16.800 It's like everyone talks about like you know, your partner's 0:14:16.840 --> 0:14:20.040 your best friend open up to them. Well okay, so 0:14:20.120 --> 0:14:22.240 you're opening up to them on all these different levels 0:14:22.240 --> 0:14:24.640 and telling them all these things, but then when it 0:14:24.680 --> 0:14:28.000 comes to your finances, it's like, oh, just whatever happens, devil, 0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:33.200 make care. And you know I I I'm so grateful 0:14:33.240 --> 0:14:35.920 for him, and I'm just so grateful for the press 0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:40.800 to be so proactive and supportive of me. 0:14:40.880 --> 0:14:41.720 It really meant a lot. 0:14:42.040 --> 0:14:44.320 Yeah, I mean, I'm not shocked by that, just because, like, 0:14:44.400 --> 0:14:47.240 especially in today's age, I think maybe back in maybe 0:14:47.240 --> 0:14:50.400 the renaissance ages, people would have been like, who are you, 0:14:50.560 --> 0:14:53.080 especially as a woman, you know, But I totally am 0:14:53.160 --> 0:14:55.400 with you. I think this is why I'm People are 0:14:55.440 --> 0:14:57.720 like you overshare and I'm like okay, but I know 0:14:57.760 --> 0:15:01.240 I'm helping somebody feel like they're not alone regardless, And 0:15:01.280 --> 0:15:04.240 I think that's why, you know, I have chosen to 0:15:04.360 --> 0:15:07.440 talk about it with respect still to my ex obviously 0:15:07.720 --> 0:15:10.200 about my everything. I've talked about my mental health. I've 0:15:10.200 --> 0:15:13.600 talked about my sexual assault situation, being molested as little girl, 0:15:13.640 --> 0:15:16.320 like I have. I've been an open book and I 0:15:16.400 --> 0:15:18.280 know that I when I was a little girl going 0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:21.160 through that, I wish I could actually hear someone else 0:15:21.520 --> 0:15:23.920 who had a platform talk about it as well. 0:15:24.920 --> 0:15:25.760 I love that. 0:15:26.320 --> 0:15:29.200 I love that I'm learning, I'm trying. I have a 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:32.080 therapist now, which i've I've had a little on and 0:15:32.080 --> 0:15:33.920 off therapist. But I'm like, okay, how do I be 0:15:33.960 --> 0:15:35.840 a queen? And she's like, no more, try to be 0:15:35.880 --> 0:15:38.240 a queen, Kelly. She's like this, you need to get 0:15:38.320 --> 0:15:40.960 raw and real, and like, what is it that's making 0:15:41.000 --> 0:15:44.640 you attracted to these kind of men? And why would 0:15:44.680 --> 0:15:46.480 you even put yourself in a position like that? You 0:15:46.560 --> 0:15:49.880 have You've raised two girls on your own, You've survived, 0:15:50.560 --> 0:15:53.680 you know, the wrath of you know, wildness for so 0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:56.680 many years and still made it through the other side. 0:15:57.240 --> 0:15:59.200 Like why would you put your thoughtslf through this? And 0:15:59.280 --> 0:16:01.240 like what are your thoughts on that? 0:16:01.520 --> 0:16:04.640 Well? Why what was your answer? Why do you attract 0:16:04.680 --> 0:16:05.160 men like that? 0:16:05.520 --> 0:16:05.720 Well? 0:16:05.800 --> 0:16:07.280 You said it in one of your in one of 0:16:07.320 --> 0:16:09.000 your articles, I think it was. I think it was 0:16:09.120 --> 0:16:11.400 like online you just said, like you picked, You're the 0:16:11.440 --> 0:16:12.040 wrong picker. 0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:14.320 Yeah, no, I'm a bad picker because of the abuse 0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:16.760 I dealt with as a little girl, that my definition 0:16:16.840 --> 0:16:20.680 of a man wasn't necessarily stable, right, So my mother 0:16:20.760 --> 0:16:24.120 and father divorced when I was two. My very first 0:16:24.160 --> 0:16:26.560 memory as a kid was seeing my father with another woman, 0:16:27.120 --> 0:16:29.120 and then it just then I got molested when I 0:16:29.160 --> 0:16:32.480 was about six years old, when to testify againstim at nine, 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:35.280 and then from then on my whole high school career, 0:16:35.320 --> 0:16:38.280 I dated abusive men because that was my normal, right 0:16:38.880 --> 0:16:42.320 was my normal was that there was no normalcy as 0:16:42.360 --> 0:16:46.000 far as what a healthy relationship is. And when there 0:16:46.120 --> 0:16:48.440 was a good man that came or across my path, 0:16:48.480 --> 0:16:50.840 I was turned off by him because that was not 0:16:50.960 --> 0:16:53.280 something I was used to. But this is why I'm 0:16:53.320 --> 0:16:56.240 choosing to be single and celibate, because I need to 0:16:57.200 --> 0:16:59.520 retrain my brain and that takes time. 0:17:00.760 --> 0:17:03.400 Yeah, I mean I think that that's you. And you're 0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:04.240 sober as well. 0:17:04.520 --> 0:17:05.800 Yes, for six years. 0:17:06.119 --> 0:17:06.879 That's incredible. 0:17:06.960 --> 0:17:08.840 I mean that's so good because you're we're talking about 0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:11.480 the transparency. We're talking about that clarity, and now you're 0:17:11.480 --> 0:17:14.880 able to like see what is good for you and 0:17:14.960 --> 0:17:16.160 for your life, and. 0:17:16.160 --> 0:17:18.359 Which is also really hard because I also left the 0:17:18.359 --> 0:17:21.800 show for similar reasons. Like when I'm when I chose 0:17:21.840 --> 0:17:24.479 to be sober, my I became so clear that I 0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:27.160 was no wonder I was drinking and numbing you. 0:17:27.119 --> 0:17:31.600 Know, and were you numbing because of the pain from 0:17:31.640 --> 0:17:32.359 the from the. 0:17:32.680 --> 0:17:33.399 Pain in general? 0:17:33.400 --> 0:17:35.800 If I never felt my feelings like it was and 0:17:35.880 --> 0:17:38.840 when you don't feel your feelings though, it's easily said 0:17:38.880 --> 0:17:41.240 than done, for sure, And I'm still currently I'm a 0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:44.320 work in progress. I'm not perfect intellectually, I get it, 0:17:44.359 --> 0:17:46.760 But when it comes down to it, I am a 0:17:46.760 --> 0:17:50.199 professional number, even if it's not through alcohol or whatever. Like, 0:17:50.280 --> 0:17:52.320 I can numb through work and I can be so 0:17:52.440 --> 0:17:54.040 busy if I want to that I don't have to 0:17:54.040 --> 0:17:56.040 ever face my feelings. And I think that is an 0:17:56.080 --> 0:17:59.159 actual in society today, what we're all doing, to be 0:17:59.240 --> 0:18:00.160 quite honest. 0:18:00.000 --> 0:18:02.200 Oh my god, I hope not doing that. I work 0:18:02.280 --> 0:18:02.680 so much. 0:18:02.840 --> 0:18:04.200 How busy are you, Cherry? 0:18:04.640 --> 0:18:06.200 Maybe I'm doing that, Oh my god. 0:18:06.520 --> 0:18:10.280 One thing at a time, a forever thing. 0:18:10.280 --> 0:18:12.960 Like moment with you. I'm gonna pay you a hard 0:18:13.160 --> 0:18:13.840 dollars when we're done. 0:18:13.920 --> 0:18:15.040 No, I don't need your money, girl. 0:18:17.040 --> 0:18:18.639 What do you What do you think of the double 0:18:18.680 --> 0:18:20.359 standard for women and for prenups. 0:18:20.520 --> 0:18:23.560 I don't like I haven't really thought too much about it. 0:18:23.640 --> 0:18:26.200 I really don't think it's our problem. I think it's 0:18:26.200 --> 0:18:29.119 the person who's receiving the prenup, which if it's the woman, 0:18:29.200 --> 0:18:31.760 then it's the person she's marrying, and it depends on 0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:34.399 that person's ego. Like, I don't know, I think people 0:18:34.400 --> 0:18:37.120 are very I think especially now, like I said earlier, 0:18:37.200 --> 0:18:41.320 people congratulate you for it. I think it's important to 0:18:41.720 --> 0:18:45.359 uh protect yourself regardless of who it is, a woman, 0:18:45.440 --> 0:18:47.879 a man, whatever. If you don't go by any gender, 0:18:48.000 --> 0:18:50.760 so be it. Like this is just life and we 0:18:50.800 --> 0:18:53.560 work too hard for us to give that away. 0:18:55.720 --> 0:18:58.119 Yeah, I mean, it's just it's insane. 0:18:58.280 --> 0:19:00.199 I mean, it's just like the whole thing is just 0:19:01.040 --> 0:19:03.480 you know, I actually took I mean, I'm not celibate, 0:19:03.520 --> 0:19:05.399 but I did take the summer off. And I have 0:19:05.960 --> 0:19:09.479 so many of my friends asking, you know, oh, when 0:19:09.480 --> 0:19:12.119 are you gonna start dating again? And I actually started 0:19:12.160 --> 0:19:12.879 going on a couple of. 0:19:12.960 --> 0:19:15.520 Dates, which was like I hate that question. 0:19:15.840 --> 0:19:17.399 It was just really it was really awful. 0:19:17.440 --> 0:19:19.440 I'm like it doesn't you know, they're like, oh, she's 0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:23.000 just like would someone say like kick the dust off 0:19:23.040 --> 0:19:23.280 or something. 0:19:23.280 --> 0:19:25.000 I'm like, all right, I'm sorry, what dust? 0:19:25.240 --> 0:19:28.080