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Speaker 1: I do part two as a one of a kind

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Speaker 1: experience in podcasting and love.

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Speaker 2: If you don't get right the first time, we're here

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Speaker 2: to help you get it right the next time.

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Speaker 1: I'm one of your celebrity mentors, Kelly ben Simone from

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Speaker 1: the Real Housewives of New York and I know firsthand

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Speaker 1: that love stories don't always have fairy tale endings, but

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Speaker 1: that doesn't mean.

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Speaker 2: You should give up on love.

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Speaker 1: Today, I'm going to be joined with another one of

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Speaker 1: our celebrity mentors. You know her as former pro dancer

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Speaker 1: for twenty six seasons on Dancing with the Stars, and

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Speaker 1: she's the host of the podcast Sex, Lies and Spray Tans.

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Speaker 1: Please welcome Cheryl Burke to the podcast.

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Speaker 3: Hi Cheryl, Hi, how are you Kelly?

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Speaker 2: How are you?

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Speaker 3: I'm great? Thank you? How are you?

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Speaker 2: Oh my god?

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Speaker 1: First of all, you're so beautiful. Your life drop dead? Thanks,

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Speaker 1: drop you dead. We have so much to talk about.

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Speaker 1: We have so much in common.

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Speaker 3: I know.

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Speaker 4: I read a little bit about you. I saw a

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Speaker 4: couple of your past interviews, so yes, we do have

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Speaker 4: a lot in common.

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Speaker 1: Actually, I mean you were a dancer, I was a model.

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Speaker 2: You have pretty long hair. I have pretty long hair.

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Speaker 4: I mean, if I really were to take if I

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Speaker 4: were to be real this, most of the hair is fake,

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Speaker 4: you know, but it is what it is.

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Speaker 2: It's fine, You're beautiful. We do have a lot in common.

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Speaker 1: We've been we both have been through a lot of

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Speaker 1: difficult times in our past with relationships, with finding love.

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Speaker 2: So tell us a little bit about your.

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Speaker 1: Relationship and why you think that it didn't work out

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Speaker 1: or why you know it didn't work out.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, I think I'll just go backwards here.

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Speaker 4: So now right as of today, I am single and

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Speaker 4: celibate for the last three years, and I have definitely

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Speaker 4: found power in that. I used to be a serial dater,

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Speaker 4: so I always went from man to man to man,

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Speaker 4: never had maybe a couple days off, like I'm not

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Speaker 4: exaggerating whatsoever. And with my marriage to my ex husband,

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Speaker 4: you know, we actually met when I first started Dancing

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Speaker 4: with the Stars through his older brother who did Dancing

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Speaker 4: with the Stars back in season three. So that was

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Speaker 4: like in two thousand and seven, and I was very

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Speaker 4: new to this entertainment industry and it was just bad timing,

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Speaker 4: I guess too, because he was obviously still is, i'm assuming,

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Speaker 4: an actor and he started as a child, and I

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Speaker 4: was just at the height of the success of Dancing

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Speaker 4: with the Stars. So we were on tour. We did

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Speaker 4: two seasons a year, two tours a year, so I

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Speaker 4: was just like working all around the clock, barely had

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Speaker 4: a day off. And so we dated for a year

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Speaker 4: and then we reconnected about a decade later and started

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Speaker 4: dating and soon after got married. So and now not married.

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Speaker 1: Right, So serial dater to getting married to not getting married.

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Speaker 2: So dating someone marrying.

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Speaker 1: Someone who was not in your financial bracket, right, I

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Speaker 1: don't know how how better to say it.

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Speaker 4: We we just weren't I guess he wasn't necessarily working

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Speaker 4: right the time. Yeah, as much he was working, but

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Speaker 4: not as much.

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Speaker 1: Right, So that must have been really stressful because you

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Speaker 1: were traveling and your hours are crazy, and you're worth

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Speaker 1: a lot of new people.

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Speaker 2: And I kind of.

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Speaker 4: Knew what I was getting into, you know, like I

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Speaker 4: am that's just my personality, Like I am never going

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Speaker 4: to not make money. I think that comes from my mother,

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Speaker 4: who's rags to riches story, you know, and I've seen

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Speaker 4: her hustle, was raised with her hustle. So that's who

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Speaker 4: I am ultimately, and I am actually proud of that.

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Speaker 4: There's no shame with that for sure, And I knew

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Speaker 4: what I was marrying, so like I knew what I

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Speaker 4: was getting into financially. However, it did take a toll,

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Speaker 4: I would say more. Maybe I'm not going to speak

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Speaker 4: for him. I'm not here to bad mouth and whatsoever.

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Speaker 4: But I believe that there is this gender role right

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Speaker 4: where a man may feel a little emasculated when he

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Speaker 4: doesn't make the majority of the money, and I think

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Speaker 4: that may have taken a toll.

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Speaker 1: So this episode is a lot about prenups. Did you

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Speaker 1: guys have a prenup?

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Speaker 3: Absolutely?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And why did you get the prenup? Well, you know,

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Speaker 4: for obvious reasons. I mean I got a prenup. My

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Speaker 4: family actually they were very involved with that. They my

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Speaker 4: mother wanted you know, me to be protected. I also,

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Speaker 4: my family has some money and we had to protect

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Speaker 4: the family estate, but also for me as well. It clearly,

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Speaker 4: you know, I was the one making more money, so

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Speaker 4: my mom, you know, I owned a home and.

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Speaker 3: There's just a lot of little details.

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Speaker 4: I don't think a lot of people know when it

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Speaker 4: comes to especially in California, you know, So I'm not

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Speaker 4: sure if this is true. What we could ask the professional,

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Speaker 4: who's about to be here soon? I hear that if

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Speaker 4: somebody plants a succulent actually on your property, they could

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Speaker 4: fight for your property if you guys divorce and without

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Speaker 4: a prenup, that is. But that was no easy conversation.

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Speaker 1: Right, I was just going to ask that, how did

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Speaker 1: you approach that? You're like, let's go pumpkin picking and

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Speaker 1: talk prenups?

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Speaker 4: Like an ultimatum. Yeah, it was a full on ultimatum

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Speaker 4: and my prenup attorney. First of all, it's not cheap.

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Speaker 3: It was.

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Speaker 4: It consisted of like seventy to eighty five pages long,

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Speaker 4: of lots of words and lots of fine detail and

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Speaker 4: fine print. But this was something that my attorney suggested

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Speaker 4: was to make sure I hire him an attorney as well.

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Speaker 4: So that was definitely part of the deal. And I understood,

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Speaker 4: like it's all good, but I have to say that

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Speaker 4: it definitely it raised a lot of concerns, especially on

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Speaker 4: his behalf, but there was really not much to do.

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Speaker 4: Either we do this and we get married or we don't.

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Speaker 4: And it's pretty black and white.

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Speaker 1: You know, you and I are so similar because I

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Speaker 1: also prepare to prenup for my ex fiance, and you know,

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Speaker 1: I had this amazing lawyer that just really wanted to

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Speaker 1: make sure that I was protected and my girls were protected.

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Speaker 3: Yes, you have kids, so that's yes, I do.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and just my you know, the opportunity for me

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Speaker 1: to make a lot of money in the future with

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Speaker 1: just real estate and working in a lot of different states.

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to make sure that I was going

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Speaker 1: to be safe. He was married twice before, he's got

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Speaker 1: a lot of kids, and so I just didn't want

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Speaker 1: you know, I was trying to be optimistic, but I

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Speaker 1: also needed to be protective of my own self. And

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Speaker 1: you know, it was interesting how he had the prenup

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Speaker 1: for a while and I was just always like, like

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Speaker 1: a couple of weeks.

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Speaker 2: I was like, you can read it and sign it

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Speaker 2: whenever you want.

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Speaker 3: Did you guys, what was the conversation Like prior to that, there.

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Speaker 2: Wasn't a conversation. I just wasn't. I was like, here,

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Speaker 2: here's the prenup. It's coming to your way.

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Speaker 3: Did he know there was a prenup coming?

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Speaker 2: I mean I didn't.

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Speaker 1: Again, like it wasn't like pumpkins and prenups like you know,

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Speaker 1: It's like I literally went to I went to the

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Speaker 1: lawyer and then afterwards, I said, you know, oh, there's

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Speaker 1: going to be you know, a letter coming your way

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Speaker 1: and you just want to check it out, and you know,

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Speaker 1: see what the situation was. And it just really put

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Speaker 1: me off. It really put me off that someone wouldn't

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Speaker 1: want me, someone that wanted to marry me so badly

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to make sure that I was protected

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Speaker 1: and provide for that really really bothered me. I think

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Speaker 1: it really, I was just like what I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm like an on and off switch.

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Speaker 2: Like I just am like the mint.

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Speaker 1: If I find if I feel like any fear, I'm

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Speaker 1: like fight or flight, I'm like.

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Speaker 4: Nope, yeah, no, I hear you're closed. I'm so used

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Speaker 4: to that fight or flight or freeze feeling. It's insane.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, I just wonder though, Like I remember

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Speaker 4: my you know, the conversation. Obviously it was like there

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Speaker 4: was you know, questions of do I not trust you

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Speaker 4: know him, and all of that, and obviously you know,

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Speaker 4: this is separate from love. Money does not equal love,

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Speaker 4: and that is something that I think it's hard to

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Speaker 4: and still is for me to this day. You know,

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Speaker 4: back in the day, I thought I can control people

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Speaker 4: with my money, and you know, obviously that is not

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Speaker 4: the case it and that has a lot to do

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Speaker 4: also with the way I was raised. Maybe I don't know.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I do know. I've been in therapy my

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Speaker 4: whole life. But at the end of the day, like

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Speaker 4: I and I guess how the lines can be blurred

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Speaker 4: and I understand and I don't understand, but I can

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Speaker 4: have a little bit of a compassion, you know, for

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Speaker 4: that other person. But for someone to just call off

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Speaker 4: an engagement because you're wanting to protect your assets and

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Speaker 4: you're it's something that we don't get our money handed

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Speaker 4: to us, like we work our asses off money, and

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Speaker 4: I know it ain't easy, and I'm so sorry.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for saying that. Yeah, thank you for saying that.

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Speaker 1: There's no brand of money Tree, no house wives everywhere.

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Speaker 3: Regardless if I come from. But my parents are very

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Speaker 3: protective over I am.

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Speaker 4: Well over eighteen, I'm forty years old, and I also

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Speaker 4: have my own ego and pride, like I'm not going

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Speaker 4: to ask mommy and Daddy for anything I never have, right.

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Speaker 1: So it's interesting because a lot of people are, you know, like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: we're talking you're talking about prenups like Kelly, and they're like,

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Speaker 1: is it just for you know, women in their like

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Speaker 1: forties and fifties, and it's there was a study that

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Speaker 1: millennials forty seven percent of millennials are getting prenups.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely, and so they should.

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Speaker 4: Everyone should get a prenup if if, if it's worth it,

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Speaker 4: because it's not worth it if you guys are both

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Speaker 4: not you know, you're just But if.

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Speaker 2: You've made a little money.

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Speaker 1: There was twenty thousand dollars That money at twenty years old,

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Speaker 1: if you put it away for yourself could be a

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Speaker 1: lot of money. It's you know, so you know, I

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Speaker 1: think that it's just really I think it's really important.

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Speaker 1: You know, Listen, I made the mistake. I should have

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Speaker 1: talked to my ex earlier.

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Speaker 2: I did. I made a mistake. I did. I made

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Speaker 2: a mistake.

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Speaker 1: I should have had like a more open conversation with him.

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Speaker 1: I just have never had an open conversation with anyone

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Speaker 1: about finances outside of my father. And so he's deceased,

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Speaker 1: so he's not available. Hi Dad, love you say mom? Hi.

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Speaker 1: So you know, I I should have probably had more

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Speaker 1: of a you know, different narrative, but I am actually

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Speaker 1: glad that I didn't have one at the beginning, because

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Speaker 1: I may have. I may have been like, well, think

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Speaker 1: about it, or he might have like maybe taught said, oh,

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Speaker 1: you don't worry about it. We're gonna have a traditional marriage,

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Speaker 1: and I'm gonna be like, Okay, so if we get

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Speaker 1: divorced or what if I die, I'm taking care of

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Speaker 1: your kids.

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Speaker 3: It's not comfortable to have these conversations.

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Speaker 4: And then, by the way, it's the easiest thing to

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Speaker 4: do is not to have it, right, Like I mean really,

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Speaker 4: but then at the end of the day you start

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Speaker 4: to understand that, okay, well, without the communication, things are

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Speaker 4: going to either blow up or have cause resentment. And

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Speaker 4: I think this prenup definitely caused resentment within our marriage absolutely.

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Speaker 2: So what about the press.

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Speaker 1: You've been through the press and it hasn't been easy

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Speaker 1: for you. So what did you think about the press,

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Speaker 1: you know, talking about your prenup.

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Speaker 4: Well, let me first say that because of the prenup,

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Speaker 4: my divorce was pretty easy, right, So there was like

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Speaker 4: that is the positive of it all, Like it was

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Speaker 4: very lean and clear as far as what was happening

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Speaker 4: and the next steps moving forward. So that in itself

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Speaker 4: saved a lot of headache and stress. Now, as far

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Speaker 4: as press goes, I mean, I mean, I've been on

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Speaker 4: Dancing with the Stars. I was on it since two

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Speaker 4: thousand and seven, never and I did twenty six seasons

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Speaker 4: of it, and I went, I mean, I've been on.

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Speaker 3: The press for my weight.

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Speaker 4: I've been on the press for my all of my

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Speaker 4: twenty six partners I've hooked up with, which is all

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Speaker 4: a lie, right, like no, not even I mean Wayne

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Speaker 4: Newton maybe, but kidding, but like I love it. It's

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Speaker 4: this was this too shall pass like it's so, I mean,

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Speaker 4: there's gonna be bigger and better news soon.

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Speaker 3: So like that was what I was.

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Speaker 4: It's not so much that it was more like for me,

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Speaker 4: I get affected still and I can't wait till the

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Speaker 4: day I don't, but I do get I care about

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Speaker 4: what other people think of me, and I'm not even

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Speaker 4: gonna lie.

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Speaker 3: Like this is yeah, this is what I do.

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Speaker 1: My my my publicist, you know, when he broke the

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Speaker 1: news to the press and talked about the prenup, you know,

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Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I've had such bad press,

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Speaker 1: Like I mean, I get great press from my work,

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Speaker 1: but for my housewives life. It's like you're crazy, you're nuts,

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Speaker 1: you're stupid, you're an idiot, You're this, you're that, you're awful.

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Speaker 1: And I literally was like, he was like, shut your

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Speaker 1: phone off and just go to bed. And I was

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Speaker 1: actually getting a chronic while we were organizing this, and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm serendipitous. I'm like I'm getting a colonic

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Speaker 1: time to time to sever the ties. And uh so

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Speaker 1: he was just like, shut your phone off, and so

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Speaker 1: I did. And in the morning, people were like clapping

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Speaker 1: and I would I was getting like all these clapping emojis,

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Speaker 1: and I'm just like, oh my, oh my.

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Speaker 3: Gosh, like did you not say what was going to happen.

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Speaker 1: I'm just so used to people saying that I'm nuts

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Speaker 1: and crazy and stupid and idiot and awful and ugly

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Speaker 1: and fat and whatever it is, and that I you know,

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Speaker 1: I was just shell shocked.

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Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie.

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Speaker 1: And then I thought to myself, oh my god, like

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Speaker 1: I could actually help people like navigate these waters because

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Speaker 1: to your point, you know, it's just the transparency is

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Speaker 1: just it.

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Speaker 2: It makes everything.

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Speaker 1: It's like everyone talks about like you know, your partner's

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Speaker 1: your best friend open up to them. Well okay, so

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Speaker 1: you're opening up to them on all these different levels

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Speaker 1: and telling them all these things, but then when it

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Speaker 1: comes to your finances, it's like, oh, just whatever happens, devil,

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Speaker 1: make care. And you know I I I'm so grateful

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Speaker 1: for him, and I'm just so grateful for the press

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Speaker 1: to be so proactive and supportive of me.

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Speaker 2: It really meant a lot.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, I'm not shocked by that, just because, like,

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Speaker 4: especially in today's age, I think maybe back in maybe

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Speaker 4: the renaissance ages, people would have been like, who are you,

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Speaker 4: especially as a woman, you know, But I totally am

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Speaker 4: with you. I think this is why I'm People are

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Speaker 4: like you overshare and I'm like okay, but I know

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Speaker 4: I'm helping somebody feel like they're not alone regardless, And

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Speaker 4: I think that's why, you know, I have chosen to

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Speaker 4: talk about it with respect still to my ex obviously

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Speaker 4: about my everything. I've talked about my mental health. I've

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Speaker 4: talked about my sexual assault situation, being molested as little girl,

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Speaker 4: like I have. I've been an open book and I

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Speaker 4: know that I when I was a little girl going

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Speaker 4: through that, I wish I could actually hear someone else

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Speaker 4: who had a platform talk about it as well.

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Speaker 2: I love that.

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Speaker 1: I love that I'm learning, I'm trying. I have a

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Speaker 1: therapist now, which i've I've had a little on and

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Speaker 1: off therapist. But I'm like, okay, how do I be

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Speaker 1: a queen? And she's like, no more, try to be

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Speaker 1: a queen, Kelly. She's like this, you need to get

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Speaker 1: raw and real, and like, what is it that's making

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Speaker 1: you attracted to these kind of men? And why would

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Speaker 1: you even put yourself in a position like that? You

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Speaker 1: have You've raised two girls on your own, You've survived,

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Speaker 1: you know, the wrath of you know, wildness for so

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Speaker 1: many years and still made it through the other side.

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Speaker 1: Like why would you put your thoughtslf through this? And

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Speaker 1: like what are your thoughts on that?

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Speaker 3: Well? Why what was your answer? Why do you attract

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Speaker 3: men like that?

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Speaker 2: Well?

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Speaker 1: You said it in one of your in one of

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Speaker 1: your articles, I think it was. I think it was

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Speaker 1: like online you just said, like you picked, You're the

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Speaker 1: wrong picker.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, no, I'm a bad picker because of the abuse

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Speaker 4: I dealt with as a little girl, that my definition

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Speaker 4: of a man wasn't necessarily stable, right, So my mother

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Speaker 4: and father divorced when I was two. My very first

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Speaker 4: memory as a kid was seeing my father with another woman,

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Speaker 4: and then it just then I got molested when I

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Speaker 4: was about six years old, when to testify againstim at nine,

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Speaker 4: and then from then on my whole high school career,

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Speaker 4: I dated abusive men because that was my normal, right

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Speaker 4: was my normal was that there was no normalcy as

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Speaker 4: far as what a healthy relationship is. And when there

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Speaker 4: was a good man that came or across my path,

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Speaker 4: I was turned off by him because that was not

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Speaker 4: something I was used to. But this is why I'm

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Speaker 4: choosing to be single and celibate, because I need to

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Speaker 4: retrain my brain and that takes time.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I think that that's you. And you're

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Speaker 2: sober as well.

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Speaker 3: Yes, for six years.

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Speaker 2: That's incredible.

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Speaker 1: I mean that's so good because you're we're talking about

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Speaker 1: the transparency. We're talking about that clarity, and now you're

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Speaker 1: able to like see what is good for you and

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Speaker 1: for your life, and.

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Speaker 4: Which is also really hard because I also left the

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Speaker 4: show for similar reasons. Like when I'm when I chose

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Speaker 4: to be sober, my I became so clear that I

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Speaker 4: was no wonder I was drinking and numbing you.

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Speaker 1: Know, and were you numbing because of the pain from

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Speaker 1: the from the.

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Speaker 3: Pain in general?

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Speaker 4: If I never felt my feelings like it was and

357
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Speaker 4: when you don't feel your feelings though, it's easily said

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Speaker 4: than done, for sure, And I'm still currently I'm a

359
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Speaker 4: work in progress. I'm not perfect intellectually, I get it,

360
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Speaker 4: But when it comes down to it, I am a

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Speaker 4: professional number, even if it's not through alcohol or whatever. Like,

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Speaker 4: I can numb through work and I can be so

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Speaker 4: busy if I want to that I don't have to

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Speaker 4: ever face my feelings. And I think that is an

365
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Speaker 4: actual in society today, what we're all doing, to be

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Speaker 4: quite honest.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, I hope not doing that. I work

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Speaker 2: so much.

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Speaker 3: How busy are you, Cherry?

370
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Speaker 2: Maybe I'm doing that, Oh my god.

371
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Speaker 3: One thing at a time, a forever thing.

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Speaker 2: Like moment with you. I'm gonna pay you a hard

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Speaker 2: dollars when we're done.

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Speaker 3: No, I don't need your money, girl.

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Speaker 1: What do you What do you think of the double

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Speaker 1: standard for women and for prenups.

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Speaker 4: I don't like I haven't really thought too much about it.

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Speaker 4: I really don't think it's our problem. I think it's

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Speaker 4: the person who's receiving the prenup, which if it's the woman,

380
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Speaker 4: then it's the person she's marrying, and it depends on

381
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Speaker 4: that person's ego. Like, I don't know, I think people

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Speaker 4: are very I think especially now, like I said earlier,

383
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Speaker 4: people congratulate you for it. I think it's important to

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Speaker 4: uh protect yourself regardless of who it is, a woman,

385
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Speaker 4: a man, whatever. If you don't go by any gender,

386
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Speaker 4: so be it. Like this is just life and we

387
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Speaker 4: work too hard for us to give that away.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, it's just it's insane.

389
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Speaker 1: I mean, it's just like the whole thing is just

390
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Speaker 1: you know, I actually took I mean, I'm not celibate,

391
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Speaker 1: but I did take the summer off. And I have

392
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Speaker 1: so many of my friends asking, you know, oh, when

393
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Speaker 1: are you gonna start dating again? And I actually started

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Speaker 1: going on a couple of.

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Speaker 3: Dates, which was like I hate that question.

396
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Speaker 2: It was just really it was really awful.

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Speaker 1: I'm like it doesn't you know, they're like, oh, she's

398
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Speaker 1: just like would someone say like kick the dust off

399
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Speaker 1: or something.

400
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Speaker 2: I'm like, all right, I'm sorry, what dust?

401
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:28,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, plane break, so there's no dust anywhere near me

402
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,520
Speaker 1: or around me or perfectionism.

403
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Speaker 4: Perfectionism is attact just like mine. That's a whole other conversation.

404
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Speaker 2: Do you think do you think the prenupts are unromantic?

405
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,399
Speaker 4: No, it's real. And I wish if I could have

406
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:43,280
Speaker 4: done it all over again. I wish I was because

407
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:45,840
Speaker 4: like anybody, I'm sure and I think, like you, I

408
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:47,480
Speaker 4: don't don't want to speak for you, but it was

409
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:51,840
Speaker 4: uncomfortable for me to have this conversation and we went

410
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Speaker 4: to couple's therapy the moment we got back together the

411
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Speaker 4: second time around, like the moment, like that was a requirement,

412
00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,720
Speaker 4: it was non negotiable, no matter, you don't go to it.

413
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Speaker 4: For me, I don't believe in just going to therapy

414
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:05,200
Speaker 4: when there's problems. You go before there's problems, because then

415
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:09,320
Speaker 4: you can really, you know, have those conversations because you're

416
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,680
Speaker 4: still at the honeymoon phase and god knows how long

417
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:14,880
Speaker 4: that lasts before you know, you talk about marriage. And look,

418
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:16,720
Speaker 4: there was a lot of red flags for me, and

419
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Speaker 4: I think selfishly, I wanted to see if I could

420
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Speaker 4: get married. I don't know if I was ready either,

421
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,160
Speaker 4: you know. And it was like a production. I made

422
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Speaker 4: it literally, I made it like a Dancing with the

423
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Speaker 4: Star's scene, like I worked with Mindy Weiss. We tried

424
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,560
Speaker 4: to micromanage her. It was a whole thing like this

425
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Speaker 4: was there's just so many red flags.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god. I also had red flags.

427
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Speaker 1: And it's interesting you say that because now, like looking back,

428
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:48,520
Speaker 1: I am saying like, Okay, you know, I probably my

429
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:52,080
Speaker 1: own self was probably telling my myself like, if he

430
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Speaker 1: doesn't sign the pre nup, you're gonna be fine because

431
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:57,560
Speaker 1: he doesn't really want to be with you. My you know,

432
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Speaker 1: my red flags were just you know, to be hundred

433
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:04,600
Speaker 1: percent transparent. And this is not to be a huge dig,

434
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:08,040
Speaker 1: but his his life with his ex wives was so

435
00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:11,480
Speaker 1: messy and it was such a distraction and I just

436
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,760
Speaker 1: didn't have anything to do with it, and I just could.

437
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:14,800
Speaker 2: It was just messy.

438
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:16,880
Speaker 3: What did your kids think about him?

439
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:22,560
Speaker 1: My kids, my kids, you know, you know, I'm so lucky, Cheryl,

440
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:25,960
Speaker 1: so lucky. I just have a really great kids. And

441
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:27,960
Speaker 1: they you know, they've been through a lot. I mean

442
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,280
Speaker 1: they've been through they've been through the you know, Housewives,

443
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:33,159
Speaker 1: which is really really not the show was hard, but

444
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:35,879
Speaker 1: just like you know how some of the housewives can

445
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,760
Speaker 1: just be like just denamous. They're twenty four and twenty

446
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,480
Speaker 1: six and they've just like grown to be like such

447
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:45,639
Speaker 1: amazing humans and I'm so proud of that that you,

448
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,000
Speaker 1: oh my god, thank you appreciate that. So some of

449
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:51,240
Speaker 1: the red flags were just like you know, messiness with

450
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,720
Speaker 1: you know, with his his exes.

451
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:57,120
Speaker 4: Did he ever sign a prenup with them?

452
00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:01,359
Speaker 1: He tried to post up with one of them. But

453
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:03,679
Speaker 1: you know, I just was that was just messy and

454
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:05,439
Speaker 1: it was just too much. I didn't want anything to

455
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,600
Speaker 1: do with it. And that was something because I love children,

456
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,119
Speaker 1: and I'm like, if you can't get along with me,

457
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:13,000
Speaker 1: you can't get along with anybody. I mean, I am

458
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:16,640
Speaker 1: the most easy going person, but if I don't like something,

459
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:17,640
Speaker 1: I'm like.

460
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:19,400
Speaker 3: Er good for you.

461
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,040
Speaker 4: Like we all have that, right, We all have an intuition.

462
00:22:22,119 --> 00:22:24,320
Speaker 4: The question is if you follow it or not? You know,

463
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:26,800
Speaker 4: and you try and release control, because we can't control

464
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:27,960
Speaker 4: anybody but ourselves.

465
00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:32,040
Speaker 1: Actually, I think that because I travel so much, and

466
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:33,560
Speaker 1: you know, I work in all these different cities and

467
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,960
Speaker 1: I travel a lot, and I have a very unusual

468
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:38,879
Speaker 1: work schedule, I think that, you know, he kind of

469
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,080
Speaker 1: thought that I wasn't paying attention and that what you know,

470
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,399
Speaker 1: that it was just kind of like, Okay, I actually

471
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:44,159
Speaker 1: was paying attention.

472
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:46,280
Speaker 2: I just was like not interested. I was like, yeah,

473
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,120
Speaker 2: I don't like that kid.

474
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,840
Speaker 1: If I can handle two, if I can raise two

475
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:55,080
Speaker 1: kids and provide for two kids and not have all

476
00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:58,239
Speaker 1: I've said this million times, like I don't mind if

477
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:02,919
Speaker 1: you have baggage, like you know, shebaiton a little gooch,

478
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:04,760
Speaker 1: you know, like the Farrel edition.

479
00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:08,040
Speaker 3: It's not like emotional baggage.

480
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:10,080
Speaker 1: First of all, I don't have the keys for a

481
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:12,919
Speaker 1: storage locker. I'm not going to the storage locker. I'm like,

482
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,280
Speaker 1: this is just not my vibe. I I can't do that.

483
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:16,360
Speaker 1: It's not happening.

484
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:18,560
Speaker 2: And he worked.

485
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:19,680
Speaker 3: Did he make money?

486
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:20,280
Speaker 2: He worked?

487
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:20,399
Speaker 1: No?

488
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:25,680
Speaker 2: No, he worked, he weren't so you know he worked,

489
00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:26,359
Speaker 2: but you know I was.

490
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:30,000
Speaker 1: I mean, I I just have the more of more

491
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,639
Speaker 1: of an earning potential. Let's talk Let's talk about that

492
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:37,879
Speaker 1: again too, about like just being with men who you

493
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:41,560
Speaker 1: know married to men, being with men who who you

494
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:43,600
Speaker 1: know make less, like because I have done, I've.

495
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:45,360
Speaker 4: Only been with men that make less. And I think

496
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:47,640
Speaker 4: that's my issue with control. So I don't know if

497
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:50,199
Speaker 4: I could ever. I mean, I'm trying to change that

498
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:53,000
Speaker 4: because I don't. I think that there is a psychological

499
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:56,240
Speaker 4: issue there that I've been again working on with my therapist.

500
00:23:56,359 --> 00:24:00,879
Speaker 4: But I am a controlling woman obviously, and I am

501
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,880
Speaker 4: and this is a pattern for me, right, So I've

502
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:08,200
Speaker 4: never not even I've never dated anybody who was more

503
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 4: successful than me.

504
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:24,760
Speaker 1: So I've only dated a couple younger guys. The majority

505
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:27,640
Speaker 1: of the handful of guys that I've dated have been

506
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:32,840
Speaker 1: extremely successful. So except the namic one of them was

507
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,520
Speaker 1: younger and he was like starting off in finance and

508
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:40,879
Speaker 1: he had an amazing job. But most of them my

509
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:43,440
Speaker 1: serious guys. I mean it's different, like guys you hang

510
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 1: out with. That's different, but like you know, real boyfriends.

511
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:49,639
Speaker 1: They were all really really successful, but they you know,

512
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:53,920
Speaker 1: someone when amen younger, And you know, it's funny because

513
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:57,560
Speaker 1: when I was with them, I would be like, you know,

514
00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:01,560
Speaker 1: I would be so I was like so like attracted

515
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,840
Speaker 1: to the love and having the best time, but like

516
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:07,320
Speaker 1: in the back of my head, I was always thinking, like,

517
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:10,919
Speaker 1: you know, I'm provided for my kids, I've done this

518
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:11,760
Speaker 1: all this on my own.

519
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:13,639
Speaker 2: Who is going to take care of me?

520
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:17,240
Speaker 1: And sometimes it gets exhausting, Cheryl to be like constantly

521
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:19,639
Speaker 1: like sometimes I feel like the little hamster on the wheel,

522
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:20,120
Speaker 1: just like.

523
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can do it.

524
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:22,240
Speaker 3: I can do it.

525
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:24,399
Speaker 2: You know, I can do these places. I can get

526
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,280
Speaker 2: this next deal, I can bring this. I can do that.

527
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,479
Speaker 3: On my head, I know, I get it.

528
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:31,160
Speaker 4: I mean, this transition from this being on the show

529
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:33,879
Speaker 4: and having consistent work too then choosing not to be

530
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 4: on it has been It is still hard. It's hard,

531
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 4: you know, right, But going back to the reason why

532
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 4: I think for me, I thought I could. I thought

533
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:44,520
Speaker 4: that if I made more, I was more successful, that

534
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,080
Speaker 4: they wouldn't cheat on me. And that's the big fear

535
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:48,960
Speaker 4: of mine, is infidelity.

536
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,479
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that's really funny, because you know it's

537
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 1: so funny is because I would say, like, whatever if

538
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:55,960
Speaker 1: like we get into a fight or whatever, and they'd

539
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:58,920
Speaker 1: be like, oh, I just met this twenty three year old.

540
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:00,960
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, son them a book and I'll

541
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:06,320
Speaker 2: sign it. Awful. I'm awful. I could be awful.

542
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:11,160
Speaker 1: I know I'm not, but awful no.

543
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:11,880
Speaker 3: I I hear.

544
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,119
Speaker 4: I mean, I look at hear what I've been saying,

545
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,359
Speaker 4: Like I'm a full on control freak. Like I would

546
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:18,840
Speaker 4: like to say I'm recovering, but I'm not recovering yet

547
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 4: I'm still there.

548
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:20,919
Speaker 3: That's why I'm not the way the way.

549
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:22,400
Speaker 1: The book that I was going to send to them

550
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:25,520
Speaker 1: was called it Can Make You Hot, So wow.

551
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 2: It's worse.

552
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:28,760
Speaker 3: I'm sure they would find that I can't.

553
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:32,439
Speaker 1: I can't make I'm sorry. I'm just being honest. I'm like,

554
00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:34,240
Speaker 1: I just I just need to be transparent.

555
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,119
Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure.

556
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 2: Do you think this.

557
00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:41,480
Speaker 1: Stereotype of men needing to make money will ever go away?

558
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:43,520
Speaker 3: It's just not true.

559
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:46,840
Speaker 4: So people could still live in the renaissance ages, that's fine,

560
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,439
Speaker 4: but I mean everyone evolves and so does this world,

561
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:55,720
Speaker 4: and that honestly just isn't true anymore. So my I think,

562
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:57,680
Speaker 4: and I also know that, like my mother was the

563
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:00,359
Speaker 4: breadwinner in both of her marriages, so I don't know

564
00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:01,040
Speaker 4: anything else.

565
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:04,160
Speaker 1: It's interesting because like my daughters, you know, they're twenty

566
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 1: four and twenty six, and they're you know, some of

567
00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:07,560
Speaker 1: their friends are single parents.

568
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:09,200
Speaker 2: And my youngest daughter.

569
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:11,760
Speaker 1: She's like, Mommy, you're single, but you're not like you

570
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:14,359
Speaker 1: were divorced but separated, but you're not really like a

571
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:17,840
Speaker 1: divorce mom. Like, no, I'm not marry that means I said.

572
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:19,720
Speaker 1: She goes, well, we're not raised like that, because you're

573
00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:21,280
Speaker 1: like the mom and the dad. We weren't really raised

574
00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:23,640
Speaker 1: like that. But she's like, other moms are not like you,

575
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:26,919
Speaker 1: and they are looking for these men and desperate for

576
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:28,760
Speaker 1: these men. And when I go on these dates, these

577
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 1: guys are like they want to know what vacation were

578
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:35,040
Speaker 1: going on. I'm like, vacation, like I don't have timeification Like,

579
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:39,639
Speaker 1: I'm like, wait a minute, you just asked me. You

580
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 1: were just complaining about a woman going on vacation with you,

581
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,040
Speaker 1: and then now you're mad at me because I'm working

582
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 1: so I can't see you until Thursday.

583
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:50,880
Speaker 4: How long was your break from your breakup with your

584
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:53,199
Speaker 4: ex that you were going to marry to dating?

585
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:57,320
Speaker 2: So we broke up at the end end of June.

586
00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:59,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then when did you start dating again?

587
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:02,880
Speaker 2: I'm just recently in the past, like a couple of minutes,

588
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:03,639
Speaker 2: got it?

589
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:04,080
Speaker 3: Yeah?

590
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:06,840
Speaker 4: No, I like, I'm not looking for anybody. I am

591
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:09,520
Speaker 4: first of all, the fact that I'm alone, like I

592
00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:12,360
Speaker 4: live alone with my friend Siet. I'm like, and I

593
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:14,479
Speaker 4: love this life too much. My therapist is like, I'm

594
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 4: a little worried about you. It's been three years, and

595
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:19,320
Speaker 4: I'm like, listen, you know, for every narcissist you date,

596
00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:21,360
Speaker 4: supposedly you need to give back to yourself.

597
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:22,080
Speaker 3: Like two years.

598
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:25,919
Speaker 4: This is from doctor Romney, and I'm like, well, I

599
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:27,280
Speaker 4: still got a couple more years.

600
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,919
Speaker 1: Like I'm so if you can't drink and you can't

601
00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:33,120
Speaker 1: and you're not doing to have sex, what about like dance.

602
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:36,920
Speaker 3: Lessons I've retired, remember, I know, but it's a little

603
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:37,639
Speaker 3: dirty dancing.

604
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,120
Speaker 4: I mean I could teach you it's a door but

605
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 4: er no, I'm talking about you and your boyfriend or

606
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:46,080
Speaker 4: whoever your day.

607
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:48,320
Speaker 2: Have like poor let it's like hideous.

608
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:51,200
Speaker 1: Please I would love that, but no, but you don't

609
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:52,920
Speaker 1: want what about like just like.

610
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:56,040
Speaker 4: I have zero interest in dating. I'm not looking for anyone.

611
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 4: I am definitely I know I'm looking for me at

612
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:01,360
Speaker 4: the moment. Like I'm currently trying to figure out my

613
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:05,280
Speaker 4: identity was so outside of me. The show was my identity.

614
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:09,240
Speaker 4: Everything that was so not uh, something that you could

615
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:10,720
Speaker 4: definitely just take.

616
00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 3: Out of my life.

617
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:13,800
Speaker 4: I don't want that feeling ever again in my life.

618
00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 4: Like I want to be able to find happiness within myself.

619
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,720
Speaker 4: And let me tell you, with a lot of the

620
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:21,720
Speaker 4: stuff that I've I guess not dealt with. It's all

621
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:24,200
Speaker 4: coming up right now at the moment, and so I

622
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:27,480
Speaker 4: still have a lot to work on within myself before

623
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:30,360
Speaker 4: I even am interested in dating. I've never been on

624
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:32,320
Speaker 4: a dating app. I have zero interest, none of it.

625
00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 2: Yeah.

626
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:35,640
Speaker 1: I actually went on dating app the summer and I

627
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 1: talked about in my last podcast, and my housewives's nemesis

628
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:41,120
Speaker 1: end up dating him.

629
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:42,000
Speaker 2: So that was hideous.

630
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:43,600
Speaker 3: Is your housewife's nemesis.

631
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:44,719
Speaker 2: I'm not going to mention her.

632
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:45,680
Speaker 3: Okay, no need.

633
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:46,840
Speaker 2: To have a certain age.

634
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:52,960
Speaker 1: Anyway, back to the show, pubs, let's talk about setting

635
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:53,280
Speaker 1: me up.

636
00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 2: Let's get serious, you know, like now that I'm dating. Oh,

637
00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:56,760
Speaker 2: I'm done.

638
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:59,120
Speaker 1: I had my time, took a summer off, I'm studying

639
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,240
Speaker 1: Texas life. I mean, I'm dating, but like I want

640
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:03,600
Speaker 1: to date with intention.

641
00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:06,520
Speaker 4: Oh okay, so then you should get rid of the

642
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:09,680
Speaker 4: person you're talking to first, then we can talk.

643
00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 3: Are you into dancers?

644
00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:14,000
Speaker 1: I mean I don't know how to dance, but I

645
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 1: would learn how to dance.

646
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:19,560
Speaker 3: Opposites a tract? Okay, tell me what what are like?

647
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:20,360
Speaker 3: What what are.

648
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:24,440
Speaker 4: The physical features that you want versus what type of

649
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 4: personality traits are you looking for?

650
00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:29,640
Speaker 2: I would like a head, shoulder, sneeze, and toes.

651
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:32,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, nowadays you never know, No what am.

652
00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:35,080
Speaker 2: I looking for? I'm looking for? You know?

653
00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:37,280
Speaker 1: Actually it's funny because I don't really have like a

654
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:39,480
Speaker 1: specific body type, like my kids are, like, you don't

655
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:43,400
Speaker 1: really have a type. I've dated blondes, I've dated brunettes.

656
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:45,240
Speaker 1: I've dated shorter.

657
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:47,440
Speaker 3: Do they have to be fit?

658
00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:51,800
Speaker 1: No, I've dated like some some chubbies. I've dated some

659
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:55,760
Speaker 1: like lean guys. I've dated like yeah, I'm like, I'm.

660
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,520
Speaker 4: How about personality traits? Is it okay if he was

661
00:30:58,520 --> 00:30:59,200
Speaker 4: married before?

662
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:01,480
Speaker 1: Yes, just as long as doesn't not messy, Just as

663
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:03,320
Speaker 1: long as there's no like I hate my ex wife.

664
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 2: She's calling me every day.

665
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:05,760
Speaker 1: It's like, you don't hate your ex wife, you want

666
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:07,400
Speaker 1: to talk to her if she's calling you every day?

667
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:11,640
Speaker 4: Are you avoidant or anxious attachment or secure attachment?

668
00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:13,040
Speaker 2: Oh my god?

669
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:15,160
Speaker 1: These are really intense questions. Can I write these down?

670
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:17,760
Speaker 1: This's like an SAT question for like romance. Oh my god,

671
00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:23,760
Speaker 1: I am I think that I When I love, I like,

672
00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:25,600
Speaker 1: really I have a lot of energy. I mean, you're

673
00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:27,600
Speaker 1: you're talking to me, I'm like literally gonna leap out

674
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:29,360
Speaker 1: of the out of the screen.

675
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:31,880
Speaker 3: But like when it comes do you run away from committed?

676
00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:32,120
Speaker 1: Really?

677
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:34,480
Speaker 4: Are you scared? Or do you attached? Like do you

678
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 4: like I'm anxious attachment.

679
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 2: I'm like a wallaby.

680
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 4: Joeyan like woo, yeah, okay, so you're so it supposedly

681
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:44,440
Speaker 4: statistics say I could be wrong here, but my therapist

682
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 4: said this that anxious and avoidant always most of the

683
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:49,280
Speaker 4: time end up together.

684
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:52,040
Speaker 3: And my ex was avoidant and I'm very anxious.

685
00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:55,000
Speaker 1: So so I mean all of those I have to

686
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 1: actually look up all those different terms. I do not

687
00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:00,640
Speaker 1: know your your Your emotional intelligence is a twelve and

688
00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:03,080
Speaker 1: mine is a preschoolers.

689
00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:05,480
Speaker 3: So I've been in therapy since I was five for

690
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:08,080
Speaker 3: obvious reasons. So that's why we just started.

691
00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:10,080
Speaker 2: I'm going to talk to my therapist, like, there's some

692
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 2: words I learned.

693
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:11,720
Speaker 3: Do you like?

694
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:15,320
Speaker 2: I'm not sure. She's very nice. She's actually so nice.

695
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:16,840
Speaker 2: She's like very warm with me.

696
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:21,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, So what have you learned from yourself from being single?

697
00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 3: Wow?

698
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:25,800
Speaker 4: Well, the whole identity thing, you know. I said this

699
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:28,600
Speaker 4: on my during my goodbye speech with Tyra Banks when

700
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:30,600
Speaker 4: she was hosting the show a couple of years ago,

701
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 4: and I was like this show has been my identity,

702
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:36,160
Speaker 4: and I'd like to say that it has now changed,

703
00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:40,960
Speaker 4: because that for me was worse than my divorce was

704
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,520
Speaker 4: when I retired from the show, because it was a

705
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:47,120
Speaker 4: part of my life since I moved to La Like

706
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:50,480
Speaker 4: I went from Harlem, you know, being a starving competitive

707
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:54,280
Speaker 4: ballroom dancer with my partner slash boyfriend, and it was

708
00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:58,000
Speaker 4: not a great healthy relationship whatsoever, to not even having

709
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:00,280
Speaker 4: a voice, to then having my own voice. And I

710
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:03,400
Speaker 4: still credit the show to this day for helping me

711
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:06,440
Speaker 4: with just finding my own voice, but then also that

712
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,080
Speaker 4: it's not my identity, you know, and having to separate

713
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:13,360
Speaker 4: that knowing that really the only that when people say

714
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:16,840
Speaker 4: you make me feel complete, that's a cracish like only

715
00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:20,560
Speaker 4: you can make yourself feel complete, and that starts with

716
00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:26,280
Speaker 4: self love, self care and prioritizing yourself and being selfish

717
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:27,920
Speaker 4: but in a good way, and all of that is

718
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:29,080
Speaker 4: what I'm currently learning.

719
00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:32,520
Speaker 2: Oh my god, you're such a thoughtful person.

720
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:34,840
Speaker 1: I love that, and it's entirely just a beautiful I

721
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:38,280
Speaker 1: love her, just a beautiful human. Well, so are you,

722
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:42,880
Speaker 1: And I really appreciate that and I appreciate your honesty.

723
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:44,360
Speaker 2: Let's see what have I learned.

724
00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:51,640
Speaker 1: I I've learned that sleeping in my bed alone is okay.

725
00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:57,480
Speaker 1: I've learned that I actually really kind of like myself.

726
00:33:57,560 --> 00:33:59,200
Speaker 2: I used to like not like myself.

727
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:02,080
Speaker 1: I used to be like, like everything that everyone's saying

728
00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:05,400
Speaker 1: is is going through my head and I am.

729
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:05,960
Speaker 2: All those things.

730
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:07,640
Speaker 1: And I walk down the street, I would be like

731
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,160
Speaker 1: one of those people that's like, you know, I would

732
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:11,200
Speaker 1: see people and they.

733
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:13,040
Speaker 2: Would like pop up, be like you're crazy.

734
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:15,319
Speaker 1: I hate you because it's just like social media came

735
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:17,839
Speaker 1: out when I first started, so like that's just all

736
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 1: I thought, and so I was just constantly in a

737
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:25,400
Speaker 1: sea of insecurity. And recently in the past, like I

738
00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:29,360
Speaker 1: don't know, I've had this crazy, wild awakening just you know,

739
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:33,440
Speaker 1: with all this new responsibility for myself and I had

740
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:35,000
Speaker 1: to move out in an apartment and try to find

741
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:38,400
Speaker 1: an apartment within a day and just really like taking

742
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 1: control of my life overnight. I like felt just feel

743
00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:47,399
Speaker 1: very very very proud of myself, which I never have ever.

744
00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:51,120
Speaker 1: And it just feels really really good to feel proud,

745
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:52,400
Speaker 1: really good awesome.

746
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:56,600
Speaker 4: I mean, like talk about resilience right, like I mean

747
00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:59,960
Speaker 4: fight flight or freeze to its finest what name three

748
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:01,600
Speaker 4: things about yourself that you love.

749
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 1: My energy, my kindness and thoughtfulness towards others, and my

750
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:16,520
Speaker 1: ability to see the best in things.

751
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:19,359
Speaker 4: Now, name three physical traits you love about yourself that

752
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:19,759
Speaker 4: you love.

753
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:28,440
Speaker 1: I really like my hair, I really, I really. I

754
00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:29,400
Speaker 1: hate my sorrisis.

755
00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:33,160
Speaker 4: No, that's not part of it. That wasn't the question.

756
00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:34,879
Speaker 4: Two more things, come on, two more.

757
00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:37,879
Speaker 1: Okay, I really like my hair. My eyes look fired today.

758
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 1: They're green, they do so I like those. And I

759
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:42,320
Speaker 1: love my teeth.

760
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:44,960
Speaker 4: Look at your cheekbones. You look snatched girl like. I

761
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 4: would love to have your face structure.

762
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:49,080
Speaker 2: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. That was really

763
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:51,520
Speaker 2: nice and that was a nice exercise. I really appreciate that.

764
00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:52,319
Speaker 2: What do you think?

765
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:55,239
Speaker 1: Sorry to jump jump to another topic. I feel like

766
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:57,959
Speaker 1: we're like on like prenup ad D here, but what

767
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:00,719
Speaker 1: is what?

768
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:03,920
Speaker 2: Why are they so expensive? Why are these preanups so expensive?

769
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,000
Speaker 4: Well, I mean think about it. You're actually it's not

770
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:09,480
Speaker 4: that expensive. If you put everything into perspective, it's worth

771
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:11,840
Speaker 4: every single penny, especially if you're trying to save your

772
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:16,440
Speaker 4: life savings and you know whomever is attached to you,

773
00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:18,840
Speaker 4: it's actually worth every penny to be quite honest. I

774
00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:21,800
Speaker 4: don't regret it whatsoever. You know, why is its expensive

775
00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:24,480
Speaker 4: because they can they can't charge that much because there's

776
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:26,880
Speaker 4: not a lot of people that work in this business.

777
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 2: Right exactly.

778
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 1: All right, guess what we are going to bring are

779
00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:36,080
Speaker 1: guest the CEO and founder of Hello Prenup to talk

780
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:37,960
Speaker 1: more about all of this.

781
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:51,000
Speaker 2: Hello, Hi, Julia.

782
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:53,719
Speaker 5: So nice to see you both. Kelly. I also love

783
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:55,160
Speaker 5: your hair prenu.

784
00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:57,960
Speaker 2: Hello, how are you?

785
00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:59,160
Speaker 1: That's what we're just going to call you from now.

786
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:01,719
Speaker 1: I'm prenup fort the Julia call me.

787
00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:03,760
Speaker 5: Call me whatever you want, Kelly.

788
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:06,960
Speaker 4: Said, Hello prenup, question mark or exclamation point or nothing.

789
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:10,760
Speaker 5: It's nothing, but I think point is great.

790
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 3: I think so too.

791
00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:14,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, Hello, peenup call me anytime.

792
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:18,759
Speaker 5: Yeah, no, exactly exactly, visit helloprenup dot com anytime.

793
00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:19,560
Speaker 2: I love that.

794
00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:24,280
Speaker 1: I love that, Julia. So we're talking all things prenup obviously.

795
00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:28,640
Speaker 1: You know, Cheryl and I have both had some incredible

796
00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:34,040
Speaker 1: journeys with our own prenups, which have been you know,

797
00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:39,839
Speaker 1: I'm so happy that I, you know, created prenup and Cheryl.

798
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:45,080
Speaker 2: Is for her past divorce. Why are these prenups so expensive?

799
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:49,279
Speaker 5: Well, they don't have to be you know, I think

800
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 5: that number one. If you're going the traditional route and

801
00:37:51,719 --> 00:37:57,520
Speaker 5: you're each hiring independent attorneys, that's fantastic. Obviously, that's not

802
00:37:57,560 --> 00:37:59,840
Speaker 5: the least expensive way to go about it, right, attorneys

803
00:37:59,880 --> 00:38:03,560
Speaker 5: have of high hourly rates and a lot of times

804
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:07,880
Speaker 5: if you don't walk into that engagement with an understanding

805
00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 5: of what you're looking for, there's going to be a

806
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:13,440
Speaker 5: lot of negotiation. Through a service like Hello, prenup. You know,

807
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:15,960
Speaker 5: we have flat rate pricing. We have flat rate pricing

808
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:18,080
Speaker 5: for the prenup alone, and then when you add on

809
00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:21,560
Speaker 5: attorneys in forty five states, right, So there are ways

810
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:25,839
Speaker 5: to get a prenup that are affordable inaccessible to all.

811
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:27,759
Speaker 5: And that's you know, kind of the goal of my

812
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:28,880
Speaker 5: company and mission.

813
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:32,440
Speaker 4: What does that look like? What's successible mean like money

814
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 4: whise range?

815
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:36,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, so it's five hundred and ninety nine dollars to

816
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 5: use the platform, and then for representation with an attorney

817
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:42,840
Speaker 5: it's six hundred and ninety nine dollars. So ostensibly a

818
00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:45,400
Speaker 5: couple can get a full prenup with two lawyers for

819
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:46,920
Speaker 5: under two thousand dollars.

820
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 1: Awesome, Wow, what is the difference between a prenup and

821
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:54,080
Speaker 1: a post up and our post nups?

822
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:54,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, what are post now?

823
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:56,200
Speaker 2: Are they? Do they really work?

824
00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:58,040
Speaker 5: Yeah? Absolutely?

825
00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:00,000
Speaker 3: Prenups should have worked alone.

826
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:00,359
Speaker 2: Right.

827
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:02,200
Speaker 1: Well, sometimes people get don't get a prenup and then

828
00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:02,960
Speaker 1: they get a post up.

829
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:08,560
Speaker 5: Oh, got it exactly, So you know, post ups are fantastic.

830
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,440
Speaker 5: The main difference is a prenup has to be signed

831
00:39:12,719 --> 00:39:15,360
Speaker 5: before you get married. If you do not get a

832
00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:18,200
Speaker 5: prenup or you don't you start the prenup process, but

833
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:20,719
Speaker 5: you don't sign it before you get married. You can

834
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:23,840
Speaker 5: still get a post up if you have the option.

835
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:28,600
Speaker 5: A prenup is definitely more desirable. They're upheld more, they're

836
00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:32,120
Speaker 5: more likely to be enforced. Some states are you know,

837
00:39:32,239 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 5: questionable on whether or not they'll enforced post ups, whereas

838
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:38,960
Speaker 5: I think the vast majority of states full enforced prenups.

839
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:42,600
Speaker 5: And one of the things that's so great though about

840
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:45,160
Speaker 5: post ups is let's say you've been married for a

841
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:49,400
Speaker 5: period of time and you don't have a pre you

842
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:52,239
Speaker 5: didn't get a prenup. You can get a postup. You

843
00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:54,600
Speaker 5: can realign and make sure that you're both you know,

844
00:39:54,719 --> 00:39:59,279
Speaker 5: you have the same expectations. Sometimes things change in marriages too.

845
00:39:59,560 --> 00:39:59,719
Speaker 2: Right.

846
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:03,440
Speaker 5: Let's say this is a second marriage and you didn't

847
00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:05,920
Speaker 5: get a prenup, but when off you starts a business, Well,

848
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:10,160
Speaker 5: let's sit down and talk about how that business should

849
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:12,600
Speaker 5: be held. Is that ours if we get a divorce

850
00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:14,960
Speaker 5: in the future, or is that mine? Post up allows

851
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:16,920
Speaker 5: you to reassess and realign or.

852
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:19,239
Speaker 4: If, like all of a sudden, your partner makes more

853
00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:22,600
Speaker 4: money than you. Yeah, are they allowed to do that?

854
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:24,720
Speaker 3: Like? Can they?

855
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:25,200
Speaker 2: Well?

856
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:29,680
Speaker 5: Absolutely? And I think that it's if life changes or

857
00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:32,560
Speaker 5: you know, if you know, you have kids and one

858
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:37,200
Speaker 5: party decides to stay home, that's an opportunity to say,

859
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:40,680
Speaker 5: all right, now I'm staying home, I'm not earning income,

860
00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:44,360
Speaker 5: so I want to make sure that we reassess what

861
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:46,920
Speaker 5: we originally agreed to in our prenup where everything was

862
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:50,359
Speaker 5: going to be yours. I need to do that I'm protected, right,

863
00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:53,000
Speaker 5: And so that's where you know, a post up, which

864
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:55,359
Speaker 5: is in some states it depends on which state you're in,

865
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:58,799
Speaker 5: is a modification to a prenup can be really beneficial.

866
00:40:59,040 --> 00:40:59,960
Speaker 2: What should be in a pre nup?

867
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:04,640
Speaker 5: Well, you can contract almost anything you want. You can't

868
00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:08,799
Speaker 5: contract to children, so you can't contracts. Yes, you can

869
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:13,440
Speaker 5: have succulents. I've never seen anyone contract.

870
00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:14,160
Speaker 3: Is that true?

871
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:16,600
Speaker 4: Is that true what I said earlier about if they

872
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:18,400
Speaker 4: plant a succulent in California?

873
00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:19,680
Speaker 3: Are you in California?

874
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:23,960
Speaker 5: I'm not in California, but hello, prenup operates in California

875
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:24,840
Speaker 5: forty five states.

876
00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:27,160
Speaker 4: Is it true that if they plan a succulent, like,

877
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:30,160
Speaker 4: let's say I own the property and we did not

878
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:32,399
Speaker 4: get a prenup. Is it true that they can after

879
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:34,560
Speaker 4: a certain amount of years, that the person who planted

880
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 4: the succulent, your partner, can actually fight and say that

881
00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:38,640
Speaker 4: this is his property.

882
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:42,880
Speaker 5: I think the point that examples trying to make is

883
00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:45,880
Speaker 5: that they now have earned some interest in that property.

884
00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:49,120
Speaker 5: I think without a prenup, what you're doing is you're

885
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:50,400
Speaker 5: leaving it up to chance.

886
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:55,839
Speaker 4: Correct SHAREFF calls bush, and they favor the person who

887
00:41:55,880 --> 00:41:58,000
Speaker 4: doesn't make as much money.

888
00:41:58,120 --> 00:41:59,680
Speaker 3: I really believe that.

889
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:03,280
Speaker 1: What about what about dogs for babies? Are the range?

890
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:05,360
Speaker 1: Everybody is accident.

891
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:07,920
Speaker 4: She's gotten a huge fight about it, like it was crazy.

892
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:09,399
Speaker 4: I wish it was in the prenup, But he got

893
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:11,600
Speaker 4: me the dog when we were already married.

894
00:42:11,880 --> 00:42:14,080
Speaker 5: Head clauses are really really popular.

895
00:42:13,719 --> 00:42:15,920
Speaker 2: Ain't pet clause Okay, Yeah, you can.

896
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:19,880
Speaker 5: Decide on your pet custody. You can decide who's paying

897
00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:22,480
Speaker 5: for what for the pet, and I think just aligning

898
00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:24,920
Speaker 5: on those expectations is really important. What I always like

899
00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 5: to remind people is, like I always hear all like,

900
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:29,839
Speaker 5: prenups aren't romantic, Like it means you're planning for either

901
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:33,000
Speaker 5: childbirth exactly.

902
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:37,880
Speaker 4: I like, if I know, I was waiting for you

903
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:39,680
Speaker 4: to be like true story, I've never had a child.

904
00:42:39,719 --> 00:42:41,919
Speaker 3: I can only assume I've had two.

905
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:45,279
Speaker 5: I've had a child, and I totally agree childbirth is

906
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 5: not romantic. But you know, neither is the fact that

907
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:52,319
Speaker 5: if you don't have a prenup, you still have a

908
00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:56,319
Speaker 5: prenup because it's just state legislature that is deciding how

909
00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:59,080
Speaker 5: your assets get divided in divorce or death. So why

910
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:00,960
Speaker 5: are you leaving that up to chance? Why are you

911
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,319
Speaker 5: leaving that up to in your case, Cheryl, the state

912
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:04,120
Speaker 5: of California?

913
00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:04,719
Speaker 2: Right?

914
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:08,000
Speaker 5: Why are we not deciding what is best for us

915
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:09,760
Speaker 5: as a couple before we get married?

916
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:11,320
Speaker 3: Is it protocol?

917
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:13,319
Speaker 4: Like I have my attorney advice that I get at

918
00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:17,120
Speaker 4: an attorney for my ax. Is that something that's like

919
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:19,280
Speaker 4: protocol or not protocol?

920
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:20,320
Speaker 3: But is that normal?

921
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:22,759
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it's completely normal, and I think it's

922
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:26,120
Speaker 5: very important to get legal advice. In certain states you

923
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,880
Speaker 5: are required to have an attorney for certain things, like

924
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:31,280
Speaker 5: in California, if you want to waive or modify spousal support,

925
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:33,680
Speaker 5: you must have an attorney. The other states you must

926
00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 5: have an attorney for, you know, again, certain conditions, And

927
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:40,399
Speaker 5: I think it's always advisable. Like if you're entering into

928
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:44,560
Speaker 5: a prenup and you are not sure what the default

929
00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:46,920
Speaker 5: law would be if you didn't enter into the prenup,

930
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:50,800
Speaker 5: you don't know what those state requirements are, you should

931
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:51,760
Speaker 5: get legal advice.

932
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:54,520
Speaker 2: What about infidelity? How does that play out?

933
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:55,560
Speaker 3: And no one cares.

934
00:43:57,400 --> 00:43:59,160
Speaker 2: I don't care about Carey anymore.

935
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:02,520
Speaker 4: So I'm the person involved cares the person who was

936
00:44:02,560 --> 00:44:06,960
Speaker 4: being cheated on. Definitely, it's it's like, unfortunately, it's not.

937
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:08,880
Speaker 2: Like, oh he cheated on me. It's like no, no, no,

938
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:10,560
Speaker 2: that's not okay.

939
00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:12,200
Speaker 3: No, it's not okay.

940
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:15,480
Speaker 1: Can you do an infidelity clause? Yes, I guess not

941
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:16,560
Speaker 1: New York, but you couldn't.

942
00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:18,279
Speaker 3: You can not in California either.

943
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:22,600
Speaker 5: It depends on what state you're in, And infidelity clauses

944
00:44:22,680 --> 00:44:26,400
Speaker 5: can be included in certain states. What I like to

945
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:28,920
Speaker 5: remind people is often like a prenup is just as

946
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:32,319
Speaker 5: much an emotional document as it is a legal one. Right,

947
00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:36,120
Speaker 5: So just the mere act of including an infidelity clause

948
00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:38,719
Speaker 5: in there, it means you had that conversation and you said, look,

949
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:42,120
Speaker 5: I'm okay with this or I'm not okay with this,

950
00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:42,920
Speaker 5: but I'm not.

951
00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:46,319
Speaker 4: Just morals, values and beliefs when you're marrying, and like,

952
00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:49,600
Speaker 4: that's just like an obvious like, I mean, what would

953
00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:51,000
Speaker 4: an infidelity clause look like?

954
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:54,839
Speaker 5: Exactly, Well, let's back up to your morals and beliefs. Right,

955
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:55,879
Speaker 5: that's the point of a.

956
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:58,279
Speaker 2: Pre cheated on me. He's a joke, he gets nothing.

957
00:44:59,080 --> 00:44:59,760
Speaker 5: It's important.

958
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:01,759
Speaker 4: Can add where a lot of cut their penis off

959
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 4: or that is that okay?

960
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:10,719
Speaker 5: In the that is illegal and you can be like Lorena, Yeah,

961
00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:14,400
Speaker 5: I mean you can define infidelity and you can define

962
00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:21,800
Speaker 5: a financial penalty for infidelity. It's not enforceable in all states,

963
00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:25,759
Speaker 5: but yeah, they're very popular clauses, I think.

964
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:28,320
Speaker 1: So if you cheat on me, you get ten thousand dollars,

965
00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:30,839
Speaker 1: So hello, that's going to be way more than that girl,

966
00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:33,520
Speaker 1: I would hope, meaning like.

967
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,040
Speaker 3: Or you have to give me a million dollars. This

968
00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:41,440
Speaker 3: is like you choose, I think I think a lot

969
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:42,840
Speaker 3: of here's a succulent.

970
00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:49,440
Speaker 5: People are often afraid, you know, they're afraid to talk

971
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:51,680
Speaker 5: about a preno because they feel like it's scary.

972
00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:52,440
Speaker 3: It's scary.

973
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:57,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, and I and I understand why. I mean, Cheryl,

974
00:45:57,480 --> 00:46:00,440
Speaker 5: you've had one when you were going into this process, Like,

975
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:04,280
Speaker 5: how did you approach it with your fiance at the time.

976
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:07,600
Speaker 4: I mean, it was there was no right way to

977
00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:09,919
Speaker 4: do it, And to be honest, I wish I would

978
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:12,359
Speaker 4: have had I wish we would have discussed this more

979
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:16,239
Speaker 4: therapy when we were in therapy. But yeah, this was

980
00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:19,880
Speaker 4: a discussion that also my parents had for them as well,

981
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:24,440
Speaker 4: like this was important and again this shouldn't have gotten

982
00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:27,560
Speaker 4: it shouldn't. I mean, of course it's emotional, absolutely, and

983
00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:30,800
Speaker 4: I have to say when it was time to sign everything,

984
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:34,680
Speaker 4: it wasn't necessarily the easiest, like with we had someone

985
00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 4: there obviously to what are they called again when when

986
00:46:38,719 --> 00:46:43,160
Speaker 4: they're observing they have to be there too? Sure yea yeah,

987
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:48,720
Speaker 4: and it was quite like intense, you know, but uh, yeah,

988
00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:51,520
Speaker 4: there's just the sooner the better, and try to talk

989
00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:53,400
Speaker 4: about it before you hand them the prenup.

990
00:46:54,040 --> 00:46:57,640
Speaker 1: Ideally, I think too, Like, you know, my father, he

991
00:46:57,719 --> 00:47:01,360
Speaker 1: passed away a year and a half ago, and I

992
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:04,839
Speaker 1: think that if my father had met my ex, which

993
00:47:04,880 --> 00:47:07,560
Speaker 1: they did, he would have said, if you you know,

994
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:10,600
Speaker 1: a what are your intentions with my daughter? Not to

995
00:47:10,680 --> 00:47:13,200
Speaker 1: sound like all Jane Austen, but you know, what are

996
00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:16,279
Speaker 1: your intentions? And if you do have any intentions, you're

997
00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:18,080
Speaker 1: going to sign a prenum because I am the daughter

998
00:47:18,120 --> 00:47:20,040
Speaker 1: of a lawyer, and I think that would have voutedly

999
00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:25,040
Speaker 1: been a better time. Yeah, so that would have probably been.

1000
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:28,319
Speaker 1: But you know, like when Julie, how do you like,

1001
00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:31,439
Speaker 1: how do you go? I mean I did not talk

1002
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:35,319
Speaker 1: about it in a with my therapist. I literally just

1003
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:40,240
Speaker 1: went to this amazing matrimonial lawyer in New York who

1004
00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:43,880
Speaker 1: is unbelievable, and she was such a maternal figure and

1005
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:46,600
Speaker 1: was like, I'm very she was very very worried about me,

1006
00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:49,600
Speaker 1: very worried, and she was like, here's here, we have

1007
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:52,520
Speaker 1: to lay this out. And she's like, if anything happened

1008
00:47:52,560 --> 00:47:57,920
Speaker 1: to you, he could get all this money and your kids,

1009
00:47:58,000 --> 00:47:59,759
Speaker 1: you know, it would be it wouldn't be good. And

1010
00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:04,560
Speaker 1: I got really, really freaked out, and I was I like,

1011
00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:06,919
Speaker 1: I literally turned me off the minute that I found

1012
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:10,520
Speaker 1: out that I wasn't being provided and protected that I

1013
00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:12,440
Speaker 1: would have potentially been exploited.

1014
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:14,839
Speaker 2: And so what are your thought?

1015
00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:16,440
Speaker 1: What are your How could I have? How could I

1016
00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:19,279
Speaker 1: have changed that? How could I have not saying that

1017
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:21,759
Speaker 1: I want to go back or do anything, but like, like,

1018
00:48:21,880 --> 00:48:24,040
Speaker 1: I made a mistake, I'd handled it the wrong way.

1019
00:48:24,120 --> 00:48:27,040
Speaker 1: So how could I have Like, you know, for the

1020
00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:29,719
Speaker 1: for everyone out there, for like the young you know,

1021
00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:33,359
Speaker 1: millennials at forty seven percent, they're getting prenups, Like, how

1022
00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:36,200
Speaker 1: do you have that conversation in a way that's like palatable?

1023
00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:41,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, well I would say third date, second glass

1024
00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:43,319
Speaker 5: of wine.

1025
00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:43,400
Speaker 3: Three date.

1026
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:46,720
Speaker 5: Wow, third date, second glass of wines.

1027
00:48:46,239 --> 00:48:48,520
Speaker 4: On your age, right, Like depends on what you're looking for,

1028
00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:51,279
Speaker 4: because like listen, when I eventually date, I'm in my

1029
00:48:51,440 --> 00:48:53,359
Speaker 4: I'm forty, Like yes, absolutely, third date.

1030
00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:54,879
Speaker 3: But people in their twenties same.

1031
00:48:55,080 --> 00:48:58,319
Speaker 5: Yeah. No, I mean I think it's the sentiment, right,

1032
00:48:58,360 --> 00:49:01,480
Speaker 5: you're having a conversation about what you want out of life.

1033
00:49:01,560 --> 00:49:04,120
Speaker 5: I mean, if you're in your twenties and you're just

1034
00:49:04,239 --> 00:49:07,840
Speaker 5: kind of dating for sport and you are not intending

1035
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:11,560
Speaker 5: to get married. You're not serious, right, It's obviously a

1036
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:15,360
Speaker 5: very different conversation, and you should wait until you're ready

1037
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:18,040
Speaker 5: you're in that space in life. But I do think

1038
00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:22,319
Speaker 5: that you know, if you are dating because you want

1039
00:49:22,320 --> 00:49:24,640
Speaker 5: to find your person and you want to get married,

1040
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:28,840
Speaker 5: especially as women, I mean, why should we be embarrassed

1041
00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:30,640
Speaker 5: to bring up the conversation, right?

1042
00:49:30,960 --> 00:49:33,160
Speaker 4: I think it's like it's kind of like I was

1043
00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:36,759
Speaker 4: scared for me about his reaction, like he was, you know,

1044
00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:40,160
Speaker 4: and that wasn't so much about like scared. I also

1045
00:49:40,239 --> 00:49:42,200
Speaker 4: wonder I wish I would have done this. I wish

1046
00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:44,600
Speaker 4: I would have educated myself about the state I was

1047
00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:48,840
Speaker 4: living in and what that required even before, Like what like,

1048
00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:51,960
Speaker 4: let me just read through this textbook of information or

1049
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:53,680
Speaker 4: have someone explain it to me first of all, what

1050
00:49:53,719 --> 00:49:57,320
Speaker 4: a prenup is, why I would want to get a prenup,

1051
00:49:57,480 --> 00:50:01,520
Speaker 4: what that exactly means, and what does it mean for

1052
00:50:01,719 --> 00:50:04,239
Speaker 4: the state of California. Like, I think that is so

1053
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:07,640
Speaker 4: important to educate yourself first. Because I had I'm still

1054
00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:09,719
Speaker 4: finding out things that I never knew.

1055
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:12,400
Speaker 1: And that's exactly what this podcast is all about, is

1056
00:50:12,440 --> 00:50:15,279
Speaker 1: people looking for love and that's what we're trying to do.

1057
00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:19,240
Speaker 1: We're trying to educate and you know, show that there's

1058
00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:22,640
Speaker 1: there are solutions and that you know, you don't have

1059
00:50:22,719 --> 00:50:27,319
Speaker 1: to be worried about protecting yourself and you know you

1060
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:28,000
Speaker 1: can provide them.

1061
00:50:28,040 --> 00:50:28,200
Speaker 4: You know.

1062
00:50:28,239 --> 00:50:30,120
Speaker 1: It's like they always say, like men are supposed to

1063
00:50:30,160 --> 00:50:33,680
Speaker 1: provide and protect, Well, they haven't for me, so I'm

1064
00:50:33,680 --> 00:50:34,560
Speaker 1: going to do it for myself.

1065
00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:38,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, the regardless of the gender, you have to protect yourself.

1066
00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:43,520
Speaker 5: Yeah. And I think information is power, right, Yes, you know,

1067
00:50:43,719 --> 00:50:47,160
Speaker 5: the fear of the unknown is oftentimes the issue when

1068
00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:51,240
Speaker 5: it comes to the prenups, especially when you're talking Cheryl

1069
00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:54,440
Speaker 5: about state law and educating yourself and really understanding what

1070
00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:56,839
Speaker 5: goes into a prenup and what the process is. I mean,

1071
00:50:56,880 --> 00:51:00,319
Speaker 5: one of the reasons we started Hello Prenup was because

1072
00:51:00,320 --> 00:51:04,919
Speaker 5: we wanted to offer free information so that anybody could

1073
00:51:05,040 --> 00:51:07,520
Speaker 5: go to the website, choose their state and read all

1074
00:51:07,560 --> 00:51:11,239
Speaker 5: about it. Right, there's no barrier to entry, and I

1075
00:51:11,239 --> 00:51:14,440
Speaker 5: think it's really important to educate yourself but also to

1076
00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:17,880
Speaker 5: feel empowered by the process. The process should be one

1077
00:51:18,520 --> 00:51:22,959
Speaker 5: that is, you know, you're both participating. It's not one

1078
00:51:23,040 --> 00:51:27,360
Speaker 5: person serving a prenup. On the other you're each protecting

1079
00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:32,200
Speaker 5: your interests. I think in the case where there's family money,

1080
00:51:32,280 --> 00:51:34,279
Speaker 5: you know, there's a lot of pressure from parents. But

1081
00:51:34,360 --> 00:51:37,720
Speaker 5: I think that's an opportunity in the conversation of bringing

1082
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:40,319
Speaker 5: up a prenup to say this is really important for

1083
00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:44,240
Speaker 5: my family, right, and you're relieving the pressure from yourself.

1084
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:45,480
Speaker 5: I think in.

1085
00:51:45,480 --> 00:51:48,520
Speaker 4: Case also though, the family should have their own trusts, right, like,

1086
00:51:48,560 --> 00:51:50,799
Speaker 4: so that they're protected in general, right.

1087
00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:55,040
Speaker 1: Well, sometimes no trust don't take a second, so it

1088
00:51:55,080 --> 00:51:57,480
Speaker 1: takes a while to put put a trust together. And

1089
00:51:57,560 --> 00:51:59,480
Speaker 1: that's actually what happened to me too. That's another reason

1090
00:51:59,480 --> 00:52:03,720
Speaker 1: I had to get a prenupp. But so the prenups

1091
00:52:03,719 --> 00:52:06,279
Speaker 1: are not just for the person, they're also for the relationship.

1092
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:09,400
Speaker 2: Can you just talk a little bit more about that, Julia.

1093
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:14,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, absolutely, So a prenup is an opportunity. It's an

1094
00:52:14,120 --> 00:52:19,320
Speaker 5: opportunity to have those life conversations and set yourself up

1095
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:24,080
Speaker 5: by building that foundation. A prenup is an opportunity to

1096
00:52:24,360 --> 00:52:27,680
Speaker 5: have those life conversations. So depending on where you are

1097
00:52:27,719 --> 00:52:30,440
Speaker 5: in life, it's like do we want to have kids,

1098
00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:32,840
Speaker 5: like do we want to retire at forty? And like

1099
00:52:32,920 --> 00:52:35,400
Speaker 5: travel the world? Do we want a white pick it fence,

1100
00:52:36,920 --> 00:52:40,440
Speaker 5: or you know, if you have children from a prior marriage,

1101
00:52:41,160 --> 00:52:44,279
Speaker 5: are you going to financially support them? And what does

1102
00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:47,719
Speaker 5: that look like for our marriage? So it's an opportunity

1103
00:52:47,760 --> 00:52:52,439
Speaker 5: to have these really important life conversations. And I think

1104
00:52:52,560 --> 00:52:57,040
Speaker 5: it's also important to remember that, you know, all marriages

1105
00:52:57,200 --> 00:52:59,040
Speaker 5: end the either end in death or divorce.

1106
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:00,120
Speaker 3: I think that sen's forever.

1107
00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:04,840
Speaker 5: Nothing's forever. So let's be really sober about that fact,

1108
00:53:04,960 --> 00:53:05,399
Speaker 5: and like.

1109
00:53:05,480 --> 00:53:08,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're taking time bomb. We're all gonna die folks.

1110
00:53:08,239 --> 00:53:12,200
Speaker 1: Sorry, So do you do you have any like statistics

1111
00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:17,640
Speaker 1: about like prenups, like helping people not get divorced, or

1112
00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:19,960
Speaker 1: do you have any any any kind of statistics that

1113
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:21,120
Speaker 1: can Yeah?

1114
00:53:21,320 --> 00:53:21,799
Speaker 2: I like that.

1115
00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:25,920
Speaker 5: With that, I think one that's really important is forty

1116
00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:32,200
Speaker 5: seven percent of millennials are who are married or engaged

1117
00:53:32,320 --> 00:53:33,080
Speaker 5: have a prenup.

1118
00:53:33,360 --> 00:53:35,040
Speaker 2: I know, I said that that's crazy.

1119
00:53:35,560 --> 00:53:38,840
Speaker 5: And what that tells me, like, millennials are getting married

1120
00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:40,799
Speaker 5: a little bit later in life, right, They're getting married

1121
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:43,680
Speaker 5: in their early thirties. By the time they get married me, Yeah,

1122
00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:47,879
Speaker 5: we have assets to pretend millennial. Yeah, amazing me too.

1123
00:53:48,160 --> 00:53:48,680
Speaker 1: In it.

1124
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:54,120
Speaker 5: It looks like a millennial. Okay, definitely, I.

1125
00:53:54,120 --> 00:53:57,359
Speaker 2: Act like one, Oh, really, what is that supposed to mean?

1126
00:54:00,239 --> 00:54:02,280
Speaker 2: You know, spirited, young, spirited.

1127
00:54:02,760 --> 00:54:05,359
Speaker 5: You have assets to protect, maybe you have debt, right,

1128
00:54:05,400 --> 00:54:06,240
Speaker 5: maybe you start.

1129
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:07,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's.

1130
00:54:09,120 --> 00:54:10,160
Speaker 2: Right, yeah right.

1131
00:54:10,280 --> 00:54:14,640
Speaker 5: Domestically, it's really important to you know, to pay attention

1132
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:18,080
Speaker 5: to those facts and protect yourself. And I think that

1133
00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:22,000
Speaker 5: millennials get that, and they're also looking to like not

1134
00:54:22,120 --> 00:54:25,279
Speaker 5: do what their parents did. Twenty four percent of millennials

1135
00:54:25,760 --> 00:54:30,400
Speaker 5: have divorced parents. Right, we've seen what divorce does to

1136
00:54:30,480 --> 00:54:34,080
Speaker 5: our families, Like, let's not repeat that in our own marriages.

1137
00:54:34,520 --> 00:54:35,319
Speaker 3: Can you name just.

1138
00:54:35,320 --> 00:54:39,200
Speaker 4: Three qualities as to what happens, like three things that

1139
00:54:39,239 --> 00:54:41,800
Speaker 4: are just not that could happen if you don't have

1140
00:54:41,840 --> 00:54:46,440
Speaker 4: a prenap just scare people, please, Well, you could lose.

1141
00:54:46,239 --> 00:54:50,520
Speaker 5: Half your assets, you could be responsible for half your

1142
00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:55,360
Speaker 5: partner's debt. You could have to split your inheritance.

1143
00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:58,840
Speaker 2: Tail no yeah, yeah, well no.

1144
00:55:00,120 --> 00:55:02,839
Speaker 5: People don't think about the inheritance piece. They're like, oh,

1145
00:55:02,880 --> 00:55:06,120
Speaker 5: it's inheritance, it must be mine. Well not, no, no, no,

1146
00:55:07,239 --> 00:55:09,960
Speaker 5: it could be considered part of the marital estate for sure.

1147
00:55:10,719 --> 00:55:11,640
Speaker 3: Get a pre ed up.

1148
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:16,359
Speaker 2: That's right, I too, I like what Julia said too.

1149
00:55:16,400 --> 00:55:18,319
Speaker 1: And I think you know, the number, the forty seven

1150
00:55:18,320 --> 00:55:20,400
Speaker 1: percent is such a it's such a big number.

1151
00:55:20,440 --> 00:55:22,160
Speaker 2: But I really believe that.

1152
00:55:22,760 --> 00:55:26,120
Speaker 1: Not only are you know, are women and men getting

1153
00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:29,120
Speaker 1: married a little bit older, but that they are they

1154
00:55:29,160 --> 00:55:32,400
Speaker 1: are coming from a lot of you know, single single

1155
00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:35,440
Speaker 1: parents and being raised by single parents, and I think

1156
00:55:35,440 --> 00:55:39,919
Speaker 1: they just don't want to have that happen again. And

1157
00:55:40,200 --> 00:55:44,560
Speaker 1: do you think the prenups are helping us stay married

1158
00:55:44,640 --> 00:55:47,600
Speaker 1: longer or do you think it's just kind of like No,

1159
00:55:47,640 --> 00:55:50,120
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just I was just curious. I mean,

1160
00:55:50,160 --> 00:55:52,080
Speaker 1: I didn't he didn't sign it, so I am not.

1161
00:55:52,160 --> 00:55:53,400
Speaker 1: I'm in this conversation.

1162
00:55:53,480 --> 00:55:55,719
Speaker 4: My marriage was two days long, so I don't know.

1163
00:55:56,440 --> 00:56:00,680
Speaker 4: No years two who's counting?

1164
00:56:01,280 --> 00:56:04,279
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean I do. I do, because when you

1165
00:56:04,360 --> 00:56:09,080
Speaker 5: think about it foundationally, you are setting yourself up to

1166
00:56:09,200 --> 00:56:12,040
Speaker 5: talk about the tough stuff before you get married. When

1167
00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:15,520
Speaker 5: people get engaged, they're all about the wedding, right, They're

1168
00:56:15,520 --> 00:56:18,279
Speaker 5: focused on the flowers, then the bridesmaid's dresses and the

1169
00:56:18,320 --> 00:56:21,279
Speaker 5: guest list and all of those things that, like over

1170
00:56:21,320 --> 00:56:24,560
Speaker 5: the course of a marriage are just irrelevant. And so

1171
00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:28,960
Speaker 5: if you have a prenup, you're sitting down and you

1172
00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:34,200
Speaker 5: are intentionally consciously having these conversations about what do we want,

1173
00:56:34,239 --> 00:56:36,520
Speaker 5: what are our life pals, like, how do we want

1174
00:56:36,520 --> 00:56:39,000
Speaker 5: to split finances? Do we want to have a joint

1175
00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:41,240
Speaker 5: bank account? If I start a business, is that my business?

1176
00:56:41,239 --> 00:56:44,440
Speaker 5: How are we going to fund that business? And I

1177
00:56:44,480 --> 00:56:47,319
Speaker 5: think that is really important, and especially if you're on

1178
00:56:47,360 --> 00:56:49,840
Speaker 5: your first marriage, like are we going to have kids?

1179
00:56:49,840 --> 00:56:51,720
Speaker 5: And like is one of us going to stay home

1180
00:56:51,800 --> 00:56:56,040
Speaker 5: and care for those children? These are all really important topics.

1181
00:56:57,000 --> 00:57:01,920
Speaker 5: I think Kelly, in your situation too, where I know

1182
00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:04,760
Speaker 5: you talked about how your fans wouldn't sign the prenup,

1183
00:57:05,239 --> 00:57:08,200
Speaker 5: I think that's such a red flat. The fact that

1184
00:57:08,880 --> 00:57:11,480
Speaker 5: he didn't want to sign the prenup tells you you're

1185
00:57:11,520 --> 00:57:14,279
Speaker 5: not aligned, You're not on the same page. What is

1186
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:17,520
Speaker 5: he really in it for? Right? And so I think

1187
00:57:17,760 --> 00:57:20,440
Speaker 5: we need to view prenups as being this opportunity to

1188
00:57:20,800 --> 00:57:22,640
Speaker 5: of alignment.

1189
00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:27,680
Speaker 1: That's another time for bigger conversation. We were definitely not aligned.

1190
00:57:27,880 --> 00:57:32,680
Speaker 1: Julia Rogers from Hello prenapp call her any time. Thank

1191
00:57:32,720 --> 00:57:35,200
Speaker 1: you so much for joining us today.

1192
00:57:35,520 --> 00:57:38,800
Speaker 2: Thank you ready to find yourself. I'm kidding exactly what yourself.

1193
00:57:40,120 --> 00:57:43,000
Speaker 4: On your on Hello, prenup, do you have like a questionnaire?

1194
00:57:43,040 --> 00:57:45,440
Speaker 4: I think would also help for people to literally the

1195
00:57:45,440 --> 00:57:47,960
Speaker 4: person who's giving the prenup or wanting the person to

1196
00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:50,240
Speaker 4: sign the prenup should have like what you just went through,

1197
00:57:50,320 --> 00:57:54,080
Speaker 4: like top twenty questions to ask even before you hire

1198
00:57:54,160 --> 00:57:57,240
Speaker 4: a prenup attorney. I think we need to make this game, Kelly.

1199
00:57:57,280 --> 00:57:59,800
Speaker 4: You know how they have those like love card games

1200
00:57:59,840 --> 00:58:03,600
Speaker 4: or like emotional games, Like we need to do questions

1201
00:58:03,600 --> 00:58:05,880
Speaker 4: to ask before even putting a ring on it, like

1202
00:58:05,960 --> 00:58:06,640
Speaker 4: for real.

1203
00:58:06,640 --> 00:58:11,240
Speaker 5: This is we have eeers. Oh yes, I love it.

1204
00:58:11,600 --> 00:58:12,240
Speaker 3: That's helpful.

1205
00:58:13,000 --> 00:58:14,800
Speaker 5: All the articles, all the information.

1206
00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:15,520
Speaker 3: That's great.

1207
00:58:15,520 --> 00:58:18,480
Speaker 2: Thank you, Julia, thank you so much for having me.

1208
00:58:18,560 --> 00:58:20,480
Speaker 5: This was so much fun. It was great to chat.

1209
00:58:20,320 --> 00:58:22,680
Speaker 3: With you both. Bye bye.

1210
00:58:24,480 --> 00:58:24,920
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

1211
00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:28,800
Speaker 1: Cheryl is and she's so great. She's great, so great.

1212
00:58:28,840 --> 00:58:31,240
Speaker 1: She has such good energy and it does. I just

1213
00:58:31,320 --> 00:58:32,760
Speaker 1: love that she's.

1214
00:58:32,440 --> 00:58:35,880
Speaker 4: I honestly I bow down to any attorneys whatsoever they

1215
00:58:35,920 --> 00:58:37,479
Speaker 4: have to deal with this, because this ain't fun.

1216
00:58:38,120 --> 00:58:40,800
Speaker 1: But also just like the way that she's communicating, and

1217
00:58:40,840 --> 00:58:43,600
Speaker 1: I mean at the price point that you know, you

1218
00:58:43,640 --> 00:58:47,240
Speaker 1: can be transparent and be safe and protect and provide

1219
00:58:47,280 --> 00:58:49,080
Speaker 1: for yourself and also be in love.

1220
00:58:49,200 --> 00:58:51,280
Speaker 2: There's there's nothing wrong with having both.

1221
00:58:51,400 --> 00:58:53,200
Speaker 4: And like I said, you have to separate the two

1222
00:58:53,320 --> 00:58:55,840
Speaker 4: like money is not love whatsoever.

1223
00:58:56,520 --> 00:58:56,680
Speaker 2: Right.

1224
00:58:57,320 --> 00:58:59,960
Speaker 1: Thank you Julia for coming on the podcast and answering

1225
00:59:00,080 --> 00:59:03,040
Speaker 1: all of our questions about prenups. It was a lot

1226
00:59:03,080 --> 00:59:05,480
Speaker 1: of great information for the listeners to hear, and I

1227
00:59:05,560 --> 00:59:07,880
Speaker 1: hope if you knew nothing think about prenups that you're

1228
00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:11,040
Speaker 1: leaving the conversation with a little more knowledge. Cheryl, this

1229
00:59:11,160 --> 00:59:13,000
Speaker 1: was so great getting to chat with you. I know

1230
00:59:13,080 --> 00:59:15,480
Speaker 1: the listeners are going to get so much advice from

1231
00:59:15,520 --> 00:59:17,640
Speaker 1: both of us as they're looking for love.

1232
00:59:18,360 --> 00:59:20,840
Speaker 4: So if you guys are wanting some relationship or dating advice,

1233
00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:23,000
Speaker 4: or if you're single and ready to find love again,

1234
00:59:23,200 --> 00:59:27,120
Speaker 4: call us at one eight four four four I Do Pod.

1235
00:59:27,440 --> 00:59:31,240
Speaker 4: That's eight four four four four three six seven sixty three,

1236
00:59:31,720 --> 00:59:36,840
Speaker 4: or email us at ID pod at iHeartRadio dot com.

1237
00:59:37,120 --> 00:59:40,800
Speaker 4: Follow us on Instagram at I Do Part two Pod,

1238
00:59:41,560 --> 00:59:45,480
Speaker 4: I Do Part two. That's the number two pod, I

1239
00:59:45,600 --> 00:59:48,880
Speaker 4: Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcasts where falling in love

1240
00:59:49,120 --> 00:59:50,560
Speaker 4: is the main objective.