WEBVTT - Prioritizing Self-Care When You Take Care of Others (Abridged Version)

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<v Speaker 1>Hi everyone. I'm Holly Robinson, pete, actor, author, advocate, do

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<v Speaker 1>it All mom, and I'm also a caregiver. And this

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<v Speaker 1>is care Walks, a podcast from iHeartRadio and Voltaian Arthritis

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<v Speaker 1>Pain Gel. It's a show for family caregivers who give

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<v Speaker 1>everything to everyone and need to make time for themselves

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<v Speaker 1>through movement. Every episode is designed for you to walk

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<v Speaker 1>as you listen, so just think of me and my

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<v Speaker 1>guests as your weekly walking buddies. We'll hear stories from

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<v Speaker 1>caregivers and gain tips and insights from health experts and

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<v Speaker 1>advocates who know how important it is to take care

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<v Speaker 1>of yourself and manage joint pain due to arthritis that

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<v Speaker 1>often a companies being a caregiver. Welcome to our very

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<v Speaker 1>first episode of care Walks. Everyone. I'm so glad you're

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<v Speaker 1>here and I'm so excited to be here with you. You

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<v Speaker 1>may not know this about me, but my own journey

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<v Speaker 1>as a family caregiver started when I was just nineteen

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<v Speaker 1>years old. My father, Matt Robinson, who some of you

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<v Speaker 1>may remember originated the role of Gordon on Sesame Street,

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<v Speaker 1>was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. I loved my dad so

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<v Speaker 1>much so when I was a freshman in college and

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<v Speaker 1>his health started to deteriorate. The choice was very clear

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<v Speaker 1>to me. While I was in school. I chose to

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<v Speaker 1>also be my dad's primary caregiver. It was not an

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<v Speaker 1>easy road, and I took care of him for twenty

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<v Speaker 1>pretty challenging years, but I will never regret being able

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<v Speaker 1>to spend that time with my dad. It gave us

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<v Speaker 1>the chance to repair some of the issues we had

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<v Speaker 1>in our relationship, and I was able to see him

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<v Speaker 1>in a totally different light. And it was just such

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<v Speaker 1>an important and influential time in my life. I only

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<v Speaker 1>wish a show like care Walks was around then. There

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<v Speaker 1>was so much I didn't know when I was starting

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<v Speaker 1>my caregiving journey with my dad. I felt so lost

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<v Speaker 1>at the start. So my goal is to make sure

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<v Speaker 1>this podcast makes you feel a little little less alone in

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<v Speaker 1>your caregiving journey and gives you some valuable resources to

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<v Speaker 1>help you also take care of yourself. As a reminder,

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<v Speaker 1>right now, you're listening to the abridged version of this episode,

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<v Speaker 1>but if you're looking to get a little extra inspiration,

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<v Speaker 1>don't miss a minute. Check out the full length version

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<v Speaker 1>of this episode in your podcast feed. All right now,

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<v Speaker 1>that that's settled, let's dig into this episode today. We're

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<v Speaker 1>talking about taking care of ourselves when we're taking care

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<v Speaker 1>of others. How do you make yourself a priority in

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<v Speaker 1>it all? You know, I think this is honestly the

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<v Speaker 1>hardest thing about being a caregiver. You give, and you

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<v Speaker 1>give so much, and everyone relies on you to take

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<v Speaker 1>care of things, and then when it comes to taking

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<v Speaker 1>time for you, it can almost feel selfish. But the

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<v Speaker 1>reality is self care is so important when you're a

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<v Speaker 1>family caregiver. You cannot fill from an empty cup. Remember

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<v Speaker 1>that you cannot run yourself into the ground and be

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<v Speaker 1>the best vers of yourself for the people you love.

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<v Speaker 1>Taking time to care for yourself and do things that

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<v Speaker 1>are good for your health, like taking a walk, will

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<v Speaker 1>make you that much better at everything you do for others.

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<v Speaker 1>To help us better understand the importance of self care

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<v Speaker 1>for caregivers, I'm gonna chat with Nadine Robert's Cornish later.

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<v Speaker 1>Nadine is the founder of The Caregiver's Guardian, and she's

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<v Speaker 1>gonna help us get over the idea that we need

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<v Speaker 1>to always put others first and give us advice on

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<v Speaker 1>easy ways to start taking care of our needs. But

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<v Speaker 1>before we get into today's conversation, let's begin our walk.

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<v Speaker 1>Every week, I'm going to help you start your walk

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<v Speaker 1>with a mindfulness exercise, So let's get started. First off,

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<v Speaker 1>celebrate yourself and your body for showing up today and

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<v Speaker 1>finding time to get active when you're a caregiver. I

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<v Speaker 1>know it can be really tough, but it is so important,

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<v Speaker 1>and I want you to keep telling yourself this every

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<v Speaker 1>time a thought pops up, reminding you of other things

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<v Speaker 1>that you have to get done today. So when you

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<v Speaker 1>have a moment, take a breath, a deep breath in

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<v Speaker 1>through your nose and let that air fill your lungs.

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<v Speaker 1>Feel the sensation of your stomach and your chest rising

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<v Speaker 1>with your breath, and now breathe out through your mouth

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<v Speaker 1>and let everything in your body relax as you release

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<v Speaker 1>that air. Self care is what lets us refuel to

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<v Speaker 1>be the best version of ourselves. Now, I want you

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<v Speaker 1>to find a good pace to settle into for the

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<v Speaker 1>rest of the show, and as you do that, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>going to share my conversation with our guest, Nadine Robert's Cornish,

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<v Speaker 1>and together we're going to keep you company and learn

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<v Speaker 1>more about how we can take better care of ourselves

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<v Speaker 1>as we care for others. Today, I'm joined by Nadine

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<v Speaker 1>Roberts Cornish, the founder of the Caregivers Guardian LLC. She

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<v Speaker 1>founded the organization after her own experience of being a

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<v Speaker 1>caregiver to her mother for fifteen years. Nadine discusses her

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<v Speaker 1>story in her book Tears in My Gumbo, The Caregiver's

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<v Speaker 1>Recipe for Resilience. Nadine, Welcome to care Walks.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you so much, Tally, It's great to see you,

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<v Speaker 2>great to be here.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, I love the title of your book, Tears in

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<v Speaker 1>My Gumbo. Can you tell us a little bit about

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<v Speaker 1>what your experience as a caregiver has been like?

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<v Speaker 2>Absolutely so. My personal experience of fifteen years caring for

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<v Speaker 2>my mom was the experience of a lifetime one. It

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<v Speaker 2>was an opportunity for me to give back to the

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<v Speaker 2>person who gave me life right. But it was probably

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<v Speaker 2>the most challenging and difficult experience I have ever encountered.

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<v Speaker 2>So it's been a heck of a journey. It's been

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<v Speaker 2>now almost twenty five years of supporting caregivers across the

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<v Speaker 2>country and helping caregivers recognize that they must in fact

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<v Speaker 2>make themselves the number one priority in their lives. What

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<v Speaker 2>I tell all of my caregivers is that none of

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<v Speaker 2>us choose this path. We all want a different scenario,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, we have a different dream and vision of

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<v Speaker 2>what our best lives is supposed to look like, and

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<v Speaker 2>when we embark upon the caregiving journey, oftentimes that's not

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<v Speaker 2>congruent with what we thought. And so it really is

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<v Speaker 2>a resignation to the reality that life isn't quite going

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<v Speaker 2>the way we wanted to go, and we're having to

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<v Speaker 2>wear hats or step into a role that we didn't

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<v Speaker 2>see coming. But it really requires us to change who

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<v Speaker 2>we are.

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<v Speaker 1>It does, and you're never really prepared for how that

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<v Speaker 1>manifests itself. Now just kind of have to go with

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<v Speaker 1>the flow. And that is one of the hardest parts,

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<v Speaker 1>at least for me. How did you find your own

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<v Speaker 1>voice during a time that's just it's very hard to

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<v Speaker 1>speak up for yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>This is good because it's so necessary. I had an

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<v Speaker 2>advantage with a background in public health. I knew how

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<v Speaker 2>to advocate for my mother. What I didn't know was

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<v Speaker 2>how to step back, to take care of myself, to

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<v Speaker 2>let other people take charge so that I could recharge

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<v Speaker 2>so that I could really do the necessary work on myself. Yes,

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<v Speaker 2>oftentimes we get really, we get it really twisted. We

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<v Speaker 2>think that we are supposed to give and give and

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<v Speaker 2>give and do and do until there is nothing left.

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<v Speaker 1>Yep.

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<v Speaker 2>And we also have this complex around stopping to take

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<v Speaker 2>care of ourselves. Yes, it's guilt associated for so many people.

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<v Speaker 2>And it's this warped idea that self care, taking care

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<v Speaker 2>of yourself is a selfish act, when in fact it

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<v Speaker 2>is mandatory. Yes, and my book I talk about it

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<v Speaker 2>not it being non negotiable. Yes, you cannot take care

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<v Speaker 2>of someone else if you are not making yourself a

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<v Speaker 2>priority in the program and if you are not finding

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<v Speaker 2>a way. And I don't really subscribe so much to balance,

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<v Speaker 2>because balance, to me is a fallacy. Yes, harmony, however impossible,

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<v Speaker 2>You can find harmony, and creating harmony when you are

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<v Speaker 2>caring for a loved one is absolutely essential, and sometimes

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<v Speaker 2>that means giving up on the idea of who's supposed

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<v Speaker 2>to support you along this journey. A lot of us

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<v Speaker 2>get really caught up in the idea that our siblings

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<v Speaker 2>are supposed to help carry the weight. And many times,

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<v Speaker 2>in many families that simply isn't the case. But because

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<v Speaker 2>the sibling isn't willing to do it, we say no

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<v Speaker 2>to everyone else in community that would be willing to

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<v Speaker 2>support us. And so really releasing the idea of who

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<v Speaker 2>it must be and accepting whoever it is that shows

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<v Speaker 2>up to support you in the journey is essential.

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<v Speaker 1>That is a word right there.

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<v Speaker 2>It takes a community, takes a village.

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<v Speaker 1>It definitely, definitely does. And how do you recharge, Nadine?

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<v Speaker 1>What are your most vital self care practices?

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<v Speaker 2>Prayer and meditation?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, good, good, good, talk about that a little bit.

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<v Speaker 2>If you don't have a spiritual practice, if you don't

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<v Speaker 2>even know what that is, caregiving will demand that you

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<v Speaker 2>seek it out. You have to tap into something larger

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<v Speaker 2>than yourself in order to adequately complete this assignment. That's

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<v Speaker 2>not something that's done on an occasional basis. It is

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<v Speaker 2>a discipline, a discipline around and making sure that I'm

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<v Speaker 2>recharging and I'm filling my cup because caregiving will empty

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<v Speaker 2>it every single day. There will not be a drop.

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<v Speaker 1>Left, Yes, it will. And how important is movement and

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<v Speaker 1>what are your favorite ways to stay physically active?

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<v Speaker 2>And movement is essential? I am now knocking on the

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<v Speaker 2>door of sixty two, and I'm on that being active,

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<v Speaker 2>being physically fit is really important to me. Dancing is

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<v Speaker 2>a regular part of my regiment. I love music, I

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<v Speaker 2>love moving my body. I can't necessarily do all of

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<v Speaker 2>the latest moves, but I can give it a whirl.

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<v Speaker 1>Right, I'll bet you can do most of them.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey, I give it a good try, that's for sure.

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<v Speaker 2>Getting to the gym, and when I can't get to

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<v Speaker 2>the gym, walking, I'm a power walker. And cycling was

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<v Speaker 2>something that I never saw. I didn't never saw myself

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<v Speaker 2>as a cyclist, but during the summer months, I live

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<v Speaker 2>in beautiful Colorado and we have some of the best

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<v Speaker 2>mountain paths and trails in the country, and I take

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<v Speaker 2>full advantage of it. I'm a cyclist, so I move

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<v Speaker 2>my body. It is absolutely essential.

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<v Speaker 1>I started caregiving at nineteen when my dad was diagnosed

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<v Speaker 1>with Parkinson's, but I never thought that I should stop

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<v Speaker 1>to take care of myself. I never thought of my

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<v Speaker 1>job was to take care of my daddy, and that's

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<v Speaker 1>what I was going to do.

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<v Speaker 2>Well. When you feel better about yourself, you feel better

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<v Speaker 2>about what you have to do. You feel better about

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<v Speaker 2>the task of caregiving. You show up as a better

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<v Speaker 2>version of yourself. You're not quite as miserable, not quite

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<v Speaker 2>as grumpy or unhappy as you become when you don't

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<v Speaker 2>make self care priority.

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<v Speaker 1>Absolutely, Nadine Roberts Cornish, thank you so much for being

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<v Speaker 1>a part of care Walks today. Your book tiers in

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<v Speaker 1>my gumbo The Caregiver's recipe for resilience is out. Everybody

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<v Speaker 1>should get that. I really appreciate having this conversation with

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<v Speaker 1>you today. Thank you for being an amazing caregiver.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you, Holly. It's been great and I really appreciate

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<v Speaker 2>all that you are doing for caregivers across this country.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you so much. I want to thank Nadine again

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<v Speaker 1>for being my guest today. I really appreciate our conversation

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<v Speaker 1>touching on the stigmas of caregiving, learning to prioritize your

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<v Speaker 1>self care and be mindful of burnout, to avoid losing

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<v Speaker 1>your identity and caregiving, I for one, fully relate to

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<v Speaker 1>the struggles around making yourself a priority. That's it for

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<v Speaker 1>today's episode. Thank you once again to Nadine Roberts Cornish,

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<v Speaker 1>and don't forget to come back next week for another

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<v Speaker 1>walk where our guest doctor Amanda Nelson will share how

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<v Speaker 1>movement and physical activity can help us take better care

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<v Speaker 1>of ourselves and combat joint pain. And remember keep walking

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<v Speaker 1>and don't forget to take care of yourself too. Care

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<v Speaker 1>Walks is produced by iHeartRadio in partnership with voltairean Arthritis

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<v Speaker 1>Pain Gel, and hosted by me Holly Robinson Pete. Our

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<v Speaker 1>executive producer is Molly Sosha. Our head engineer is Matt Stillough.

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<v Speaker 1>This episode was written and produced by Sierra Kaiser, with

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<v Speaker 1>special thanks to our partners at GSK Platform, GSK, Weber,

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<v Speaker 1>Shandwick and Edelman