1 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:19,440 Speaker 1: Hello and welcome my favorite murder. 2 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,200 Speaker 2: This is the minisode, Yes it is. This is the 3 00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:24,360 Speaker 2: minisode doing this for years. 4 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:25,160 Speaker 1: It's fine. 5 00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:27,640 Speaker 2: We know what we're doing, and we always. 6 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:30,600 Speaker 1: Have trust us. Trust us with your life. 7 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,760 Speaker 2: We're and your emails which you sent to us. 8 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:34,440 Speaker 1: As she did, and we're going to read them. Good job, 9 00:00:34,479 --> 00:00:35,400 Speaker 1: good intro, Thanks so much. 10 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:36,080 Speaker 2: You want to go first? 11 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:37,640 Speaker 1: This is for Mother's Day? 12 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:42,559 Speaker 2: Oh yes, So we're doing kind of an unconventional salute 13 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:47,120 Speaker 2: to motherlike figures or mother's or mother's situation. 14 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:48,960 Speaker 1: The way they've shown up for you in different ways. 15 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,440 Speaker 2: In any way a mother or a mother like figure 16 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:54,600 Speaker 2: can't No, one's going to check this. We can do 17 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:55,760 Speaker 2: it anyway we want to. 18 00:00:56,280 --> 00:01:01,160 Speaker 1: Okay. This one is Tram, a fan call member named Aaron, 19 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:07,320 Speaker 1: and it starts Sadako made my childhood better, my adolescence tolerable, 20 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:11,960 Speaker 1: and my adulthood enjoyable. My uncle's mother in law. Sadako 21 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:17,240 Speaker 1: a tiny, feisty, funny Japanese woman who who brooked no 22 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:19,000 Speaker 1: shit from anyone something. 23 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:25,040 Speaker 2: Yeah brooke, Well it's brooken. Something that's like an old 24 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:26,160 Speaker 2: fashioned saying brook. 25 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:30,520 Speaker 1: No, Uh, what's it called? Quarter? Yes? Really? 26 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:31,440 Speaker 2: I think so. 27 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 1: Definitely that's purely from yeah, who brooked no shit from anyone? 28 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:39,080 Speaker 1: Made my life so much better. She says, this is 29 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:41,280 Speaker 1: the mother in law of her uncle, which is like 30 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,399 Speaker 1: so random and you don't even have to be nice 31 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:43,880 Speaker 1: to that first. 32 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:46,240 Speaker 2: But she's yes, exactly, But those are the people that 33 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,480 Speaker 2: at like the family functions where you're like, I need 34 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,559 Speaker 2: to go sit by Sadako because she's totally okay. 35 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,880 Speaker 1: She would slip me candy, clean the glass door so 36 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 1: well I walked into them more than once. Made me 37 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:59,520 Speaker 1: feel seen and encouraged me to live my life before 38 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:03,840 Speaker 1: doing any anything my other relatives expected of me, i e. Marriage, children, 39 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:06,400 Speaker 1: and all that bs that was pressed upon me starting 40 00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:08,040 Speaker 1: at fourteen. Gross. 41 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:11,320 Speaker 2: I love that she slipped and cleaned the glass windows 42 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:12,320 Speaker 2: so we walked into them. 43 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, like that's how dedicated she was. 44 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:16,200 Speaker 2: Whatever she was doing, it sounded to me like two 45 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,560 Speaker 2: plus's and a minus. They're hidden in there. 46 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,840 Speaker 1: As an adult, my home intentionally was located near hers. 47 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:26,680 Speaker 1: We would do store runs, lunches out picture all ninety 48 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:29,320 Speaker 1: pounds of her eating a massive Wagoo birger the size 49 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:32,800 Speaker 1: of her face, shared treats from her family in Japan, 50 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,720 Speaker 1: some great and some I learned were absolutely foul as 51 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,960 Speaker 1: I ate it, much to her joy, and generally demanded 52 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:41,040 Speaker 1: that any event I was required to attend, that I 53 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:42,880 Speaker 1: would be the one to show for her, so we 54 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:45,400 Speaker 1: could bail early and just have a nice drive home 55 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:48,680 Speaker 1: where we would take detours to just drive through all 56 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:52,680 Speaker 1: the green and sunshine in spring and summer. She passed 57 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,480 Speaker 1: April sixteenth, twenty twenty two, and I cherish the memories 58 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,520 Speaker 1: I have with her. While the rest of my extended 59 00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:00,360 Speaker 1: family doesn't understand or even really know how much she 60 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:03,080 Speaker 1: meant to me, she is still a light in my life. 61 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:06,519 Speaker 1: Pictures I have of her holding my firstborn, a daughter, 62 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:09,040 Speaker 1: and her telling me that I did everything right and 63 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:11,280 Speaker 1: that she was so proud of me and whatever I 64 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:15,080 Speaker 1: did carries me through when times are hard. She is 65 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:18,840 Speaker 1: loved and missed every day. Everyone have someone like her 66 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:21,880 Speaker 1: in their life. Aaron, And before we started, you were like, 67 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,200 Speaker 1: you're gonna create your no. No, but you said I'm 68 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,040 Speaker 1: gonna cry, I'm gonna break, and I'm like, I don't 69 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:29,440 Speaker 1: break for mothers, but this is what I want to be. 70 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,840 Speaker 2: I don't break for mother but this is. 71 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:35,760 Speaker 1: What I want to be in someone's life. When I'm older, 72 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,520 Speaker 1: because I don't have kids. 73 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:41,200 Speaker 2: You are with Micah, like with your nephews, I don't care, 74 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:43,600 Speaker 2: but they don't. A girl, you don't act like they 75 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:45,280 Speaker 2: don't care. I mean they act like I don't care, 76 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:47,600 Speaker 2: but they do. Because that's the other thing, is I 77 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:52,040 Speaker 2: think that anti position. It's not about you giving them 78 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:55,840 Speaker 2: anything they give to you and you just kind of follow. Yeah, 79 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:58,320 Speaker 2: and that's the piece of it. Okay, you know. 80 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,480 Speaker 1: This is what I aspire to be, is sabaka sadako? 81 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:05,760 Speaker 2: Maybe all okay, break, I don't break for mine, I 82 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:10,400 Speaker 2: don't break for mothers. And people are driving behind you, like, 83 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:13,000 Speaker 2: what is what is the fot her problem? 84 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:13,920 Speaker 1: Okay? 85 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,840 Speaker 2: The subject line of this is that one time my 86 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:19,920 Speaker 2: adoptive parents stole me lighthearted and it says, I'll just 87 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,120 Speaker 2: jump right in. I was removed from my home when 88 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:23,920 Speaker 2: I was eight years old and raised by my aunt 89 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:27,800 Speaker 2: and uncle, who would eventually become my parents. Before this happened, 90 00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:30,200 Speaker 2: though I had seen some seriously bad parenting for a 91 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:33,919 Speaker 2: few years. My biological mother tried to get sober many times, 92 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:37,360 Speaker 2: and during one impromptu's rehabs day, she left me at 93 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:41,400 Speaker 2: her sleezy friend Lany's apartment. This woman liked pills a 94 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:45,360 Speaker 2: lot and frequently fell asleep while driving me around. One time, 95 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,640 Speaker 2: she thought she was parked and took her foot off 96 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:50,120 Speaker 2: the break and we slowly crept down a small hill 97 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:53,520 Speaker 2: into oncoming traffic. I got to save the day that day, 98 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 2: eight years old. I mean, I don't ever remember telling 99 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:02,400 Speaker 2: anyone all the crazy shenanigans this lady got us into. 100 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:06,560 Speaker 2: But somehow my badass aunt an RN knew I wasn't safe. 101 00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:09,200 Speaker 2: She came up with a sneaky plan that I never 102 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 2: knew about until years later, when she nostalgically asked me, 103 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:15,640 Speaker 2: remember that time I stole you from Lany's. I did 104 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:19,480 Speaker 2: remember being there for an entire summer, but couldn't remember details. 105 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:21,920 Speaker 2: Her plan was to tell Lanie that they were having 106 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:23,960 Speaker 2: a birthday party for my cousin and she would pick 107 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:26,200 Speaker 2: me up and they could make arrangements to return me 108 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:29,240 Speaker 2: after the party. Later that day, Laney called to ask 109 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 2: if I was ready to be picked up, and my 110 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 2: aunt answered with a simple no, thanks, We've got it 111 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:36,680 Speaker 2: from here and never brought me back. 112 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:40,880 Speaker 1: Oh my god, okay, it's going to get me. 113 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:43,320 Speaker 2: I had no idea any of this went on, since 114 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:45,680 Speaker 2: I was used to being shuffled around and these people 115 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:49,279 Speaker 2: seemed nice. My aunt, who eventually became my adoptive mother 116 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:51,800 Speaker 2: ssdgmed and got me the. 117 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:52,560 Speaker 1: F out of there. 118 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:57,440 Speaker 2: Stay sexy and when in doubt, steal your niece. Side note, 119 00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:03,120 Speaker 2: I realized I was one of the lucky ones. Hold on, God, 120 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:05,240 Speaker 2: damn it, this is what this whole thing is about. 121 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:08,719 Speaker 2: I know the people who understand how at risk children 122 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,880 Speaker 2: can be, even when it's not the worst. 123 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:12,560 Speaker 1: Totally situation totally. 124 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,200 Speaker 2: I realized I was one of the lucky ones. I 125 00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:17,120 Speaker 2: was not one of the many children who have to 126 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:20,480 Speaker 2: gather their belongings in trash bags and be thrown into 127 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 2: a scary situation. I'm forever grateful and pay it forward 128 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:25,839 Speaker 2: whenever I can. Love you all. 129 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:29,440 Speaker 1: Sarah, Oh my god, Sarah. 130 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:33,479 Speaker 2: Sarah and her badass aunt. That's just like nanwa. Yeah, 131 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,919 Speaker 2: it's gorgeous, so good. 132 00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:43,160 Speaker 1: Okay, this is wedding dress treasure, dear fellow la peoples 133 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:45,600 Speaker 1: and creatures. In two thousand and eight, my mom was 134 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:50,839 Speaker 1: diagnosed with mesothelioma, that bitch of a cancer caused by asbestos. Horrible. 135 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,719 Speaker 1: She underwent chemotherapy and refused to lose a single hair 136 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:56,080 Speaker 1: on her head because she was too stubborn and vain 137 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:56,440 Speaker 1: for that. 138 00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:56,760 Speaker 3: Shit. 139 00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:58,280 Speaker 2: How did she do that? 140 00:06:58,279 --> 00:07:01,720 Speaker 1: I don't know. Wow, that's amazing, Like. 141 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:02,680 Speaker 2: I'm not doing it well. 142 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,400 Speaker 1: Her long term prognosis wasn't great. She was doing pretty 143 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:08,599 Speaker 1: well and underwent cancer related surgery in February two thousand 144 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:10,840 Speaker 1: and nine. The exhortation was for her to come through 145 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,800 Speaker 1: the surgery, and my siblings and I were planning on 146 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:15,680 Speaker 1: taking turns caring for her after the surgery back in 147 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:19,200 Speaker 1: our hometown in Pennsylvania. The things didn't go as planned, 148 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,880 Speaker 1: and she died from complications from the surgery on her 149 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:25,280 Speaker 1: sixty ninth birthday, so we ended up unexpectedly planning a 150 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,880 Speaker 1: funeral and packing up her house. In the weeks following 151 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:30,280 Speaker 1: her death, I was going through a cardboard box of 152 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:32,920 Speaker 1: photos from the sixties, and at the bottom of the box, 153 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,640 Speaker 1: under all these photos there was a crumpled up plastic 154 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:39,200 Speaker 1: bag with what looked like a lace tablecloth. My mother 155 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:41,560 Speaker 1: was exceedingly organized, so it was odd to have something 156 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,720 Speaker 1: stuffed randomly in there, but I pulled it out to 157 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:46,080 Speaker 1: see what it was. I shook it out, took it 158 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:48,240 Speaker 1: out of the plastic bag and was surprised to see 159 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:50,560 Speaker 1: that it was her wedding dress from when she married 160 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:54,640 Speaker 1: my father in nineteen sixty five. White dress, knee length 161 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 1: Empire waste with long lace sleeves, one that Georgia would love. 162 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:00,600 Speaker 1: And I have a photo of it and it looks 163 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:03,360 Speaker 1: identical to fucking going My actual wedding fits for real, 164 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:06,400 Speaker 1: pretty much, not a stain on it, not a tear, 165 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,600 Speaker 1: not a riff, basically in perfect condition, despite being stored 166 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:12,600 Speaker 1: in the worst way for over forty years. I tried 167 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:15,000 Speaker 1: it on because, of course, and it fit me perfectly 168 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:19,040 Speaker 1: sweet right. But it was especially meaningful because right before 169 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:21,400 Speaker 1: her surgery I had told my mom on the phone 170 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:23,520 Speaker 1: that my boyfriend and I were looking for a house 171 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:26,640 Speaker 1: and were planning on getting married. My first marriage had 172 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,960 Speaker 1: gone down in flames, and the fact that I was 173 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,600 Speaker 1: getting remarried to a man who loved me and my 174 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:35,800 Speaker 1: two young daughters made her incredibly happy. According to my sister, 175 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,400 Speaker 1: she was singing going to the chapel when she came 176 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:42,120 Speaker 1: out of the surgery. In twenty ten, ten months after 177 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:45,079 Speaker 1: my mom died, I wore her perfect dress and walked 178 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:47,280 Speaker 1: with my two little girls in the backyard of our 179 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:50,559 Speaker 1: new home to marry my amazing husband. I feel like 180 00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:52,320 Speaker 1: it was my mom's way of being at the wedding, 181 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:55,280 Speaker 1: even when she couldn't be there. Below our photos of 182 00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:58,680 Speaker 1: my mom Kathy and dad Dan good job, thank you 183 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:01,360 Speaker 1: on their wedding day, and one of me in the 184 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:05,319 Speaker 1: dress on mine. Oh and please make those fuck you 185 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:10,559 Speaker 1: I'm remarried sweats, Oh because I need them. Why have 186 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:14,000 Speaker 1: we never thought brilliant? Thanks for all you've done in 187 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:17,559 Speaker 1: so many ways SSDGM, and remember to not pack cool 188 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:22,440 Speaker 1: family heirlooms and zip locked bags in cardboard boxes ever. Julie, 189 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:25,160 Speaker 1: And so I think we can show the photos. Look 190 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:28,719 Speaker 1: at that dress I have the Iridge, she's amazing. And 191 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:30,960 Speaker 1: then let's see that is your dress, Julie, it is. 192 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:32,640 Speaker 1: It's crazy like the scallop top. 193 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:35,960 Speaker 2: Yes, oh so beautiful. I'm not trying to cut in 194 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,320 Speaker 2: on your thing. But that also looks like my wedding 195 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 2: dress because I wore my really sweating dress. 196 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,880 Speaker 1: Yeah you were your mom wedding. 197 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:45,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, and similar vibe. It was just longer, yeah, pretty, 198 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:49,000 Speaker 2: so pretty. You know what, Maybe it's the thing of 199 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,760 Speaker 2: their like it's not the classic mother's day because her 200 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,679 Speaker 2: mother died, right, right, But I love the idea of 201 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:58,960 Speaker 2: a mother that has fucking mesothelioma. It was like trying 202 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:01,200 Speaker 2: to like get through every day and is like, I 203 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:03,920 Speaker 2: have to make sure she finds this dress so she 204 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:08,880 Speaker 2: sticks it in a box. Yeah, okay, So this one, 205 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,880 Speaker 2: the subject line is Sarahgate mother. It says, hey, folks, 206 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,840 Speaker 2: growing up, my mother was a raging narcissist with the 207 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:17,640 Speaker 2: dead eyes and emotions of a four hundred year old shark. 208 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:21,800 Speaker 1: That wow, that's the best description I've ever heard of anyone, Like, 209 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:22,920 Speaker 1: I know what you're talking about. 210 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,440 Speaker 2: I mean, that's right, just get it right out there. 211 00:10:25,679 --> 00:10:28,640 Speaker 2: My dad was a vodka soak guitar player, still chasing 212 00:10:28,679 --> 00:10:32,000 Speaker 2: his dreams of stardom while mentally being stuck in the eighties. 213 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,520 Speaker 2: They did their best to raise me while still being 214 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:37,400 Speaker 2: kids themselves, but there was always a very deep lack 215 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:40,920 Speaker 2: of emotion in our relationship, and I felt alone a lot. 216 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:44,960 Speaker 2: My childhood best friend's mother became my Sarah Gate mother. 217 00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:48,760 Speaker 2: Her name was Barbara. A teenager growing up in the eighties, 218 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,719 Speaker 2: she had the best stories. She partied with some of 219 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:54,760 Speaker 2: the musicians I was obsessed with. She encouraged me to 220 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,320 Speaker 2: be myself, but she also called me on my bullshit. 221 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,719 Speaker 2: Since the second grade, she bought me clothes and let 222 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,960 Speaker 2: me sleep over at her house whenever I needed a 223 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:03,880 Speaker 2: break from my own. 224 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:07,920 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I knew it. I was reading these was like, 225 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,240 Speaker 1: Karen is going to fucking lose. 226 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:11,360 Speaker 2: I mean it's like, A, did I not eat breakfast? 227 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:14,520 Speaker 2: But B this That's how my mom grew up because 228 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:17,120 Speaker 2: both of her parents were alcoholics, and my aunt, kay 229 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:21,960 Speaker 2: Kirkpatrick Antoni Giovanni was her best friend and she was 230 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:24,040 Speaker 2: raised by them. So when we were growing up, we 231 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,280 Speaker 2: had my grandma, who he loved and was great, but 232 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:29,840 Speaker 2: then we had the Kirkpatrick's that I was always like, 233 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,480 Speaker 2: who are these people who are also our grandparents? Yeah? 234 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:34,680 Speaker 1: I mean I was thinking about like your friends and 235 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:37,000 Speaker 1: neighbors and this person, and you call people cousins like 236 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:40,000 Speaker 1: you have a huge, huge yes. So I was like, 237 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,319 Speaker 1: she's going to cry it every single way. 238 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:43,880 Speaker 2: There's I'm going to relate to every single person. 239 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:45,920 Speaker 1: If we do a cat episode, I'll cry it every 240 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,000 Speaker 1: single one. 241 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:48,080 Speaker 3: Uh. 242 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,600 Speaker 2: She even drove me all over town for an entire 243 00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:52,880 Speaker 2: day looking for an apartment to move into. When I 244 00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:55,800 Speaker 2: was seventeen, and my own mother told me she couldn't 245 00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:58,840 Speaker 2: afford to have me live in her house anymore. She 246 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:02,840 Speaker 2: was righteously funny, sarcastic, and I loved her. She adopted 247 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:05,320 Speaker 2: me as her own child, and her house became my 248 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,199 Speaker 2: safe space until I was almost twenty. She taught me 249 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,880 Speaker 2: a lot. Barbara passed away in her sleep from a 250 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:13,800 Speaker 2: heart attack in her late forties in twenty eighteen. 251 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:15,280 Speaker 1: That's tough. Wow. 252 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:18,280 Speaker 2: Mostly I miss hearing her voice because it had a charming, 253 00:12:18,679 --> 00:12:21,920 Speaker 2: calming quality to it. I found that same feeling, and 254 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:26,720 Speaker 2: the voices of your podcast, Oh, God damn it wow, 255 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:33,880 Speaker 2: also was on the second page. Didn't surprise hold for emotion. 256 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:41,440 Speaker 2: You both have similar voices to Barbara, and very similar 257 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:45,479 Speaker 2: senses of humor. I know she would have loved your podcast, 258 00:12:45,679 --> 00:12:47,640 Speaker 2: and I would have shown it to her if I'd 259 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:51,120 Speaker 2: discovered it back then. Sometimes when I listened to the podcast, 260 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:53,720 Speaker 2: God damn it. Sometimes when I listen to the podcast, 261 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:58,079 Speaker 2: I can imagine what it would be like discussing current 262 00:12:58,120 --> 00:12:59,920 Speaker 2: events with her if she were here. 263 00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:04,360 Speaker 1: This is Oh my god, I do that all the 264 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:06,080 Speaker 1: time with my mom. You do well? 265 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:09,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, she would fucking love this, so much. She would 266 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:12,640 Speaker 2: think it was amazing, like, oh my god, sorry. 267 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:16,640 Speaker 1: God, you hen me. No, it's good that one of us. 268 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,200 Speaker 2: That was like, I think this is the point of this, 269 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:22,440 Speaker 2: which is, this is what Mother's Day is like for 270 00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:25,360 Speaker 2: people whose mothers are gone or who never had them 271 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:28,240 Speaker 2: in the first place. It's just what it's like. This 272 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,800 Speaker 2: is just one of the many reasons why I love 273 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:33,480 Speaker 2: what you do. It helps combat the loneliness of losing 274 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:36,839 Speaker 2: someone you care about deeply to remember them fondly, and 275 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:39,560 Speaker 2: you both help me to do that. It's truly a gift. 276 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,400 Speaker 2: And then it just says Jazz. 277 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,480 Speaker 1: God, I never thought of us in that way. 278 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:44,000 Speaker 2: I know. 279 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:46,560 Speaker 1: I mean, we call each other aunties all the time. 280 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:51,479 Speaker 3: But like, actually what that means? Yeah, jazz, you said Jazz. Jazz, 281 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:55,439 Speaker 3: Thanks Jazz. Thanks for making me cry on TV. Jazz 282 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:56,600 Speaker 3: very unprofessional. 283 00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:03,319 Speaker 1: We contain moreitudes all the tears. You also look pretty 284 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,040 Speaker 1: when you cry, which is fucking hard to do. I 285 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,160 Speaker 1: don't look pretty when I cry. 286 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:09,160 Speaker 2: That's hilarious because to me, I look like an Like 287 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,880 Speaker 2: the second I have emotion, my eyes turn bright red. 288 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:12,640 Speaker 1: No they don't. 289 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:14,680 Speaker 2: It always looks crazy to me. 290 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:15,640 Speaker 1: Same for me. 291 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:19,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, why are we we're criticizing our appearance while we're 292 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:20,320 Speaker 2: having an emotion. 293 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:21,360 Speaker 1: That's the fun. 294 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:24,800 Speaker 2: That's old, that's nineties. Shit, it's weird. Get rid of it. 295 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:30,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, not all spirits like the dark is my 296 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,440 Speaker 1: last one? Oh, get ready to cry. Okay, if you 297 00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:36,880 Speaker 1: don't cry this one, something's wrong. Hey my favorite Murderino 298 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:40,600 Speaker 1: Babes and four legged Friends. So my best friend Sierra's 299 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,880 Speaker 1: mom passed away unexpectedly in twenty fifteen, and it shattered 300 00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:47,360 Speaker 1: everyone who knew her. She was the neighborhood mom who 301 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,640 Speaker 1: took care of every child as if they were her own, 302 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:51,960 Speaker 1: and since I grew up with my best friend, her 303 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,400 Speaker 1: mother was like a second mom to me. Because of 304 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:57,280 Speaker 1: her unexpected passing, her landlord was very kind and gave 305 00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:59,840 Speaker 1: us extra time to arrange her belongings and get every 306 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:03,480 Speaker 1: removed from her condo. Sierra and I were finishing everything 307 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,920 Speaker 1: up and left only a single lamp in the house, 308 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,840 Speaker 1: a cheap dollar store six foot lamp shot all the 309 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,600 Speaker 1: lights off and locked up. When we were pulling out, 310 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:14,240 Speaker 1: we looked back at the house one last time, trying 311 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,760 Speaker 1: to remember all the great times we shared there, and 312 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:18,800 Speaker 1: noticed that the lamp that was left in her mother's 313 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:21,360 Speaker 1: room was on. Thinking one of us must have not 314 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:24,000 Speaker 1: flipped the switch all the way or some bullshit, I 315 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:26,600 Speaker 1: parked my truck and went back in to turn off 316 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:29,640 Speaker 1: the light. This time I knew one hundred percent that 317 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,320 Speaker 1: the light was off and continued to lock up the house. 318 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:36,120 Speaker 1: When we went to leave, the light was on. At 319 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,600 Speaker 1: this point, we thought someone's playing a dumb prank on us, 320 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:41,360 Speaker 1: so we both went in and took one last look around. 321 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:44,120 Speaker 1: Of course, the house was empty, so this time, for 322 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:47,440 Speaker 1: good measure, we unplugged the lamp, and Sierra even moved 323 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:50,080 Speaker 1: the lamp away from the outlet, which was by the window, 324 00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,800 Speaker 1: to the opposite side of the room, and we closed 325 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:54,960 Speaker 1: the door, thinking that it must have been some freak 326 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:57,760 Speaker 1: occurrence or that we were both just mentally exhausted from 327 00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:01,280 Speaker 1: the recent events. When we walked outside, we both looked 328 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,880 Speaker 1: up at her mother's bedroom window and saw the light 329 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:06,760 Speaker 1: was off, and we laughed for a second, climbed back 330 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:09,720 Speaker 1: into my truck and went to leave. When we reversed out, 331 00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:12,800 Speaker 1: Sierra took one last look and I saw her jaw drop. 332 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:17,600 Speaker 1: The fucking light was on again and the lamp was 333 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:18,880 Speaker 1: back by the window. 334 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:21,160 Speaker 2: Whoa. 335 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:23,240 Speaker 1: At that point we said fuck it and agreed that 336 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:26,240 Speaker 1: her mom prefers the lights on. Looking back, now, we 337 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,360 Speaker 1: laugh about it and take solace in the fact that 338 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,720 Speaker 1: she's still with us and still finds ways to make 339 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:34,240 Speaker 1: us smile. Thank you for bearing with me through this email, 340 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:36,720 Speaker 1: as I am not the best writer. That's not true. 341 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:37,280 Speaker 1: Yes you are. 342 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:38,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, that was a great story. 343 00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:40,440 Speaker 1: I also want to say thank you for helping people 344 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:43,040 Speaker 1: be more aware of mental illness and helping erase the 345 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:46,320 Speaker 1: stigma that comes with having a mental illness. I used 346 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:49,040 Speaker 1: to be so ashamed and scared of my mental illnesses, 347 00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,200 Speaker 1: but over the years I have learned that my mental 348 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:54,920 Speaker 1: illnesses don't define me or control what I am capable of. 349 00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:59,680 Speaker 1: Much love from Columbus, Ohio. Alie, Kay, Alie. 350 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,720 Speaker 2: My mom would be so excited you say. 351 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:06,520 Speaker 1: That that's so BEAUTI yeah, totally. 352 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,680 Speaker 2: But also, I mean if I was in that draw 353 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:11,800 Speaker 2: in that parking lot and I looked back up, I 354 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:14,640 Speaker 2: would have just been like, yeah, someone call the police 355 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,480 Speaker 2: or something like holy shit. 356 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:18,960 Speaker 1: No, it's so I love those little unexplained things that 357 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,680 Speaker 1: you're just like, of course it's what it is. 358 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, of course it's that they just need you to 359 00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:23,520 Speaker 2: know that. 360 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:25,520 Speaker 1: They love you. Yeah. It's like a little wink. 361 00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:31,679 Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, here's my last one. It says, uh, my 362 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:34,600 Speaker 2: honorary mom is a subject line. This is high KNG. 363 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,159 Speaker 2: Been listening since twenty eighteen. Love you gals, et cetera. 364 00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:42,679 Speaker 2: My honorary mom was Missus Hamstra, my seventh grade math teacher. 365 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,040 Speaker 2: She helped me overcome the intense feeling of failure after 366 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:49,120 Speaker 2: a very terrible year of sixth grade math. Not only 367 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,520 Speaker 2: did she help in still confidence, but she taught in 368 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:54,480 Speaker 2: such a way where math no longer felt hard to me. 369 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,480 Speaker 2: I mean, that's a great teacher. Missus Hamstra opened up 370 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:00,520 Speaker 2: her classroom to me in the early morn when I 371 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,800 Speaker 2: had to be dropped off at seven point thirty and 372 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:06,880 Speaker 2: school didn't start until nine to twenty. I'm a teacher now, 373 00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:09,280 Speaker 2: and there's not a snowballs chance in hell i'd be 374 00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:10,680 Speaker 2: at work that early. 375 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:14,560 Speaker 1: Or real. I had a teacher that let me in 376 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:17,000 Speaker 1: at lunch when I didn't have any friends and like 377 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,360 Speaker 1: eat lunch in her And then I didn't have lunch too, 378 00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:22,320 Speaker 1: and so she gave me lunch like half a sandwich 379 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:22,800 Speaker 1: or whatever. 380 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:27,119 Speaker 2: Yeah, she listened to me laughed with me and allowed 381 00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:30,240 Speaker 2: me to be my weird middle school self, all while 382 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:33,919 Speaker 2: encouraging and reminding me that though math was hard, I 383 00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:39,080 Speaker 2: was capable. Middle school is should be illegal. It's the 384 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:39,919 Speaker 2: fucking worst. 385 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:45,480 Speaker 1: You are at your worst hormonally, physically, mentally, Like none 386 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:46,240 Speaker 1: of it makes sense. 387 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,159 Speaker 2: There's a family picture of me, and I'm in seventh 388 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:52,440 Speaker 2: grade and I'm still wearing like those little mini ponytails, 389 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:57,000 Speaker 2: like my hair's down, but then mini ponytails and like overalls, 390 00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:59,679 Speaker 2: and I was just like, I'm dressed like I'm in 391 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:00,400 Speaker 2: four It's great. 392 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:03,440 Speaker 1: You haven't figured out if you're this or that yet 393 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:05,639 Speaker 1: a grown up or a kid? Right, and then you 394 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:09,040 Speaker 1: call break recess and everyone expended to you. I mean, 395 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:12,560 Speaker 1: I was just recess fucking a year ago. The rules 396 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:18,240 Speaker 1: keep changing. Yeah, it's bullshit. Okay, fast forward a few years. 397 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,280 Speaker 2: Missus Hamster and I kept in touch, and I learned 398 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:23,840 Speaker 2: the devastating news that she had als. She sold all 399 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:26,119 Speaker 2: of her belongings and moved to Columbia to become an 400 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:29,160 Speaker 2: English and math teacher. She said she wanted to experience 401 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,119 Speaker 2: life before she could no longer. Missus Hamster had the 402 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,359 Speaker 2: adventure of a lifetime, and though I never got to 403 00:19:34,359 --> 00:19:37,640 Speaker 2: hear all these stories, not long after she returned back home, 404 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:41,800 Speaker 2: her ALS got worse. Despite battling such a terrible disease, 405 00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:44,560 Speaker 2: she always made sure to make her friends, family, and 406 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:48,959 Speaker 2: former students feel heard and seen and loved. Missus Hamster 407 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:52,040 Speaker 2: passed away in twenty twenty two after a long and 408 00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:55,040 Speaker 2: valiant battle with als. She's the reason I am a 409 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:59,800 Speaker 2: teacher today. Come on, and I hope that I can 410 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:03,439 Speaker 2: make my students feel confident, seen and heard because middle 411 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:07,520 Speaker 2: school sucks, but one teacher can truly make a difference. 412 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:13,280 Speaker 2: Thank you, Tyler, she her, Oh my god, Tyler. Also 413 00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:18,240 Speaker 2: all the themes here women total, the power of women, 414 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:22,120 Speaker 2: women knowing their responsibility. 415 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:26,679 Speaker 1: Their empathy, their like connection to other humans. 416 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:29,600 Speaker 2: In a way that that really they can make up 417 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:34,840 Speaker 2: for so much horror. And just like that, Karen kindness 418 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:39,880 Speaker 2: and awareness, the Karen kindness, Karen kindness Murderinas. 419 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,320 Speaker 1: You can be this to someone else at some point 420 00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:43,800 Speaker 1: in your life. So I'll always look for opportunities where 421 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,240 Speaker 1: you can do that for someone someone else, And it's 422 00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:47,280 Speaker 1: just so meaningful. 423 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:51,240 Speaker 2: Pick a middle school girl, they need you, dude, yes 424 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,920 Speaker 2: please uh and stay sex and don't get murdered. 425 00:20:55,720 --> 00:21:00,480 Speaker 1: Goodbye, Elvis. Do you want a cookie? Ah? 426 00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:09,000 Speaker 2: This has been an exactly right production. 427 00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:11,760 Speaker 1: Our senior producer is Molly Smith and our associate producer 428 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:12,600 Speaker 1: is Tessa Hughes. 429 00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,639 Speaker 2: Our editor is Aristotle Ascevedo. 430 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:16,880 Speaker 1: This episode was mixed by Leona Squalacci. 431 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,800 Speaker 2: Email your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail dot com. 432 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,000 Speaker 1: Follow the show on Instagram at my Favorite Murder. 433 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:24,639 Speaker 2: Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple 434 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,919 Speaker 2: Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. 435 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,120 Speaker 1: And now you can watch My Favorite Murder on Netflix. 436 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,359 Speaker 2: And when you're there, hit the double thumbs up and 437 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:33,560 Speaker 2: the remind Me buttons. That's the best way you can 438 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:34,400 Speaker 2: support our show. 439 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:36,480 Speaker 1: Goodbye.