WEBVTT - Game Over

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to the Brown table. How's everybody? You look at you?

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<v Speaker 2>Hillarious?

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<v Speaker 3>My goodness, hold on, let me get the poll.

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<v Speaker 4>Oh oh my god.

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<v Speaker 3>No, you gotta do the white.

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<v Speaker 2>You gotta do the white. You did it, you did.

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<v Speaker 1>I couldn't mind the bicycle shirt. Hold on. You don't

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<v Speaker 1>understand how hard it is to get Here's the truth.

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<v Speaker 2>Get rid of the eyebrow.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I'm using the light of shade on my

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<v Speaker 1>highlighter palette. I'm like, Okay, I thought I was winter pale,

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<v Speaker 1>but you know what, I got a little melony. It's

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<v Speaker 1>a little hard. You know what else, you guys, I

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<v Speaker 1>have been sitting here for so long, dress like I really.

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<v Speaker 3>Wonder, like what was going on?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, I've been sitting here. No, it's so embarrassing.

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<v Speaker 1>I have been sitting here for so long dressed like

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<v Speaker 1>this because we are late. We're like forty We're almost

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<v Speaker 1>an hour late for the show. And I did this

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<v Speaker 1>beforehand because I was like, I need to test this

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<v Speaker 1>makeup and see if I can get.

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<v Speaker 2>I get to look down.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, but today I am on Niger Robinson.

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Brand a Vision podcast from Brooklyn. From Brooklyn,

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<v Speaker 1>I can't do the I thought it was the Bronx.

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<v Speaker 1>I can't do any Bronx. Give me twenty thousand, one hundred.

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<v Speaker 1>Give me Land. I need, I need Lims, I need.

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<v Speaker 2>Everybody keeps talking about I need the American woman. I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>she's not an American woman. She's from she's a new woman.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's get it straight, particular speaking, let's get it right.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, I don't know if she like set

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<v Speaker 1>black American tourists like back or put us ahead.

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<v Speaker 4>So I'm just like, well, I didn't take that woman

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<v Speaker 4>out already, like we know how it goes out.

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<v Speaker 1>There for a minute, Porkustan media and people were very

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<v Speaker 1>kind to her. I've heard I have read.

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<v Speaker 3>She may wait to Dubai.

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<v Speaker 1>Dubai.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah, there was clips of her in Dubai like she

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<v Speaker 5>was back. I was like, wait a minute, Oh.

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<v Speaker 4>No, okay, I'm not caught up. Obviously I thought she

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<v Speaker 4>was back. I thought she was still there.

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<v Speaker 3>So there's that.

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<v Speaker 1>No, no, no, I had read she got sent back

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<v Speaker 1>to New York, but damn she went to Dubai. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>she said that they were going to have their babies

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<v Speaker 1>in Dubai.

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<v Speaker 5>Made her way because she was taking pictures with her fans,

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<v Speaker 5>and she was like.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, appear well shit, I mean, I'll start so,

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<v Speaker 1>by the way, these are I don't have a black scarf,

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<v Speaker 1>which is what, of course I do. It's somewhere in

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<v Speaker 1>this house. This is a pair of pants, like.

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<v Speaker 3>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>And I was like, Oh, I'm gonna text my friends

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<v Speaker 1>are gonna think this is so funny. No one is

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<v Speaker 1>obsessed with her as I am. And I was like what.

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, dang, this is a risk. What if

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<v Speaker 1>they're not also obsessed with.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh I am definitely everybody out.

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<v Speaker 1>So funny. Well, thank you so much for laughing because

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<v Speaker 1>that was a That was a huge dress for me.

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<v Speaker 1>But that's my commitment to the brun Ambition audience. Well

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<v Speaker 1>love Showema and Nelly Nasima. First time be a family,

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<v Speaker 1>First time Brown Table. Annalyst is welome, Where are you from?

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<v Speaker 1>Where are you calling in from?

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<v Speaker 4>You know, straight out of straight out of Uplea, California?

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<v Speaker 1>Really yeah? I think it was North Carolina this whole time.

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<v Speaker 3>I've never even stepped foot in North Carolina. Okay, I'm

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<v Speaker 3>a straight Bay Area girl.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't mind me while I take this off of mine.

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<v Speaker 3>That eyebrow is real strong.

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<v Speaker 1>I probably shouldn't have tag us. I have like the

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<v Speaker 1>really extra strength makeup remover, but this.

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<v Speaker 3>Is oh yeah, that's the good stuff. Take today. It's

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<v Speaker 3>gonna take everything to commit.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that's what I used. If we had been on time,

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<v Speaker 1>it probably wouldn't be the cemented to my eyebrows. But

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<v Speaker 1>y'all are gonna have to watch me take off this

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<v Speaker 1>makeup while we talk in Da Fam. I'm gonna edit

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<v Speaker 1>myself out of the YouTube video. I can't do it.

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<v Speaker 1>I can't look at myself. It's hard to look that bad,

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<v Speaker 1>you know. I mean not to brag.

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<v Speaker 4>She job, I mean she really is committed to that

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<v Speaker 4>look because she does truly and just them eyebrows.

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<v Speaker 1>The third of her just before.

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<v Speaker 3>That's that takes a lot of commitment, right.

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<v Speaker 1>Because now I've studied it, you know, as a you know,

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<v Speaker 1>it's hard for you to get that artist. It really

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<v Speaker 1>and truly was, and for it to not just like

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<v Speaker 1>as you can see, it absorbed into my own skin,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, like the body.

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<v Speaker 5>Just scary, little natural scary exactly.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my gosh. All right, Well for ba Fam, you're

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<v Speaker 1>you're meeting Nasima. Probably not for the first time. I'd

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<v Speaker 1>be surprised if y'all haven't watched any of her hilarious

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<v Speaker 1>social media clips. I'm sure you do other impressive things,

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<v Speaker 1>but I just enjoy your social media fam All about you, Nasima?

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<v Speaker 1>What have we got to know?

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<v Speaker 4>Well, let me see, besides me being from Oakland, I

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<v Speaker 4>am a labor and delivery nurse, mom of three very

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<v Speaker 4>cute girls, and you know, I'm obsessed with just personal

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<v Speaker 4>finance and black maternal mortality and morbidity prevention and all

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<v Speaker 4>of those things, and advocacy, all of that stuff.

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<v Speaker 3>That's what I do.

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<v Speaker 4>In a nutshell, My platform is financially intentional. I have

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<v Speaker 4>a financially intentional podcast all of those amazing things. And

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<v Speaker 4>I'm just honored to be here because I've been asking

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<v Speaker 4>to be on here for a long time.

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<v Speaker 3>Have you you have? I probably asked or something like that.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh girl, Well, this is the fun thing about this

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<v Speaker 1>new format. As I'm realizing we have space for more panelists,

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<v Speaker 1>it was hard to come between me and my girl,

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<v Speaker 1>you know what I mean. So tell me about this

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<v Speaker 1>labor and delivery nurse. So this is my question. Your

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<v Speaker 1>full time? You're still at it?

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<v Speaker 3>I'm very much full time right now. Soon not to be.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, it's a balance.

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<v Speaker 3>It's a balance. I'd love being a nurse.

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<v Speaker 4>I don't like necessarily all of the other stuff that

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<v Speaker 4>comes with just healthcare and the changes and all those

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<v Speaker 4>kind of things. I've been insulated from it for a while.

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<v Speaker 4>It has now come into rear its head with budget

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<v Speaker 4>issues and staffing issues and people being sick and our

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<v Speaker 4>patient population being sicker. It's a whole bunch of things

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<v Speaker 4>that are happening.

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<v Speaker 1>But like Mom's you know, moms com I.

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<v Speaker 4>Mean, I just had a baby f forty two, so

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<v Speaker 4>you know, I was old as shit, and I'm very healthy,

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<v Speaker 4>and I had a lot of issues. So I work

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<v Speaker 4>in Silicon Valley where careers are prioritized heavily. So our

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<v Speaker 4>patient population is keewing older, which means that we have

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<v Speaker 4>a lot more issue. You mean their careers are prioritized

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<v Speaker 4>over Yes, over all of our patients are older. Most

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<v Speaker 4>of our patients are advanced maternal age. Most of our

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<v Speaker 4>patients have at least one comorbidity, so they're diabetic, they're hyperatensive. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 4>I wasn't diabetic, but I was severely hypertensive and a

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<v Speaker 4>whole bunch of other stuff. But yeah, so we deal

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<v Speaker 4>with a lot with that. So that means are it's

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<v Speaker 4>not just a straightforward just delivery, right, we are turning

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<v Speaker 4>into more medsurge ICU, which you know, a lot of us,

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<v Speaker 4>depending on what kind of areas you've been trained in,

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<v Speaker 4>may not necessarily have that experience.

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<v Speaker 3>So it was a lot of that.

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<v Speaker 4>But then on the other side, you know, first hand

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<v Speaker 4>witnessing some issues with just black women being treated I'm

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<v Speaker 4>fairly in labor in my hometown and dealing with that

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<v Speaker 4>and not just with providers that didn't look like us,

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<v Speaker 4>providers that look like us, but when you're trained in

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<v Speaker 4>under a certain system, you kind of tend to follow

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<v Speaker 4>that system, right, So just like dealing with those things

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<v Speaker 4>and using my platform that I have to bring up

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<v Speaker 4>awareness to it is what I'm passionate about and just

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<v Speaker 4>being able to be unapologetically me just a girl from

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<v Speaker 4>West Oakland. I'm still very hood, but I'm still very educated.

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<v Speaker 4>I'm still very smart, and I'm still very experienced, and

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<v Speaker 4>I talk my shit and being able to have a

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<v Speaker 4>platform where I can do that it is very rewarding

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<v Speaker 4>and it's open up a lot of opportunities for me.

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<v Speaker 4>So you know, again just honor to be here, honored

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<v Speaker 4>to be in front of people that may or may

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<v Speaker 4>not know me but can see me in this life.

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<v Speaker 3>So it's nice.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my gosh, yeah, I mean being from the Bay Area,

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<v Speaker 1>you're actually working with the population that like for me,

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<v Speaker 1>it's like the black black mother mortality rates in this country.

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<v Speaker 1>It's staggering, it's embarrassing, it's terrifying. And you've gone through

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<v Speaker 1>it three times now. Now you're the age rangers of

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<v Speaker 1>your kids. How white is the age range?

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<v Speaker 3>They're four years apart.

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<v Speaker 4>So I'm I have my first at thirty three, my

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<v Speaker 4>second at thirty eight, and.

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<v Speaker 3>My last one I forty two.

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<v Speaker 4>However, for everyone, I was still high risk in some

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<v Speaker 4>capacity and dealing with that. But yeah, to to experience

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<v Speaker 4>it as a patient, to go through it firsthand, to

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<v Speaker 4>be advocating for women and then not being heard from

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<v Speaker 4>that position is another situation in itself too.

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<v Speaker 3>So it's very interesting. And just like during these.

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<v Speaker 4>Times, there's a lot of like when you put things

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<v Speaker 4>out there and you share and you try to educate people,

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<v Speaker 4>there's a lot of backlash from people who have now

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<v Speaker 4>been emboldened to speak up about their prejudices. So like

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<v Speaker 4>trying to fight from their job. No, I'm talking about

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<v Speaker 4>just online. You know the holes all my DEI hires.

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<v Speaker 4>This is what happens when you hire a Negro kind

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<v Speaker 4>of come you know, first speaking up.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, you know how that goes.

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<v Speaker 1>He're not and is almost back yard.

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<v Speaker 5>I love.

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<v Speaker 2>But you know what I want to bring up. I

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<v Speaker 2>just read this incredible book.

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<v Speaker 5>Anybody who is interested in diving deeper into what Anescenea

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<v Speaker 5>was talking about in terms of her passion and her work,

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<v Speaker 5>I just read this book called Legacy a Black.

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<v Speaker 2>Physician, Racism and Medicine.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, I mean, you know she was going to be

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<v Speaker 1>on the podcast last week, but I got, I know,

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<v Speaker 1>I know, I got to have you you on the

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<v Speaker 1>show with that.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh I would love. I would love to be on

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<v Speaker 3>there with her.

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<v Speaker 4>The thing is like, I love that book, but it

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<v Speaker 4>was almost too triggering from the read because I'm too

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<v Speaker 4>close to it.

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<v Speaker 5>So I had to go, yeah, I would you got

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<v Speaker 5>to put a warning on it because it's some in

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<v Speaker 5>terms of like health care access for black folks in

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<v Speaker 5>this country, and especially as it relates.

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<v Speaker 2>To black women with experience. There's so much with her mother,

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<v Speaker 2>with her personal story, you know, giving birth and just

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<v Speaker 2>her work.

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<v Speaker 5>Essentially, she's a doctor and has seen her like firsthand

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<v Speaker 5>so much of what goes wrong in terms of trying

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<v Speaker 5>to get black folks access to the things they need

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<v Speaker 5>and heard.

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<v Speaker 2>And not like people just assuming oh you're lying.

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<v Speaker 5>Or you're or exaggerating or you know, don't you don't

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<v Speaker 5>have the resources to be able to offer you what

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<v Speaker 5>you need, So we're just gonna kind of let you

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<v Speaker 5>wait around and not get the access to life changing

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<v Speaker 5>care that you need.

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<v Speaker 2>So it's it's it's a lot. I really resonated because

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<v Speaker 2>she's from Brooklyn. I'm from Brooklyn.

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<v Speaker 5>She talked a lot about coming out, Like I was

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<v Speaker 5>just so touched, Like my hairs were standing on end

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<v Speaker 5>at the end.

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<v Speaker 2>I was crying multiple times throughout the book. So I

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<v Speaker 2>highly recommend it.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, gosh damn it. Yes, Well, ba fan, we're gonna

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<v Speaker 1>have doctor Blackstock on the podcast. And I know I

0:12:40.160 --> 0:12:42.400
<v Speaker 1>was so sad, but she's doing amazing. I mean, that

0:12:42.440 --> 0:12:46.719
<v Speaker 1>book's like a New York Times bestseller. But I'm craving solutions.

0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:49.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm craving real advice. I know we didn't plan this

0:12:49.840 --> 0:12:51.360
<v Speaker 1>is not on my run of show, Nasima, but I

0:12:51.400 --> 0:12:55.840
<v Speaker 1>don't care because obviously our audience is this is the

0:12:55.840 --> 0:12:58.960
<v Speaker 1>population that you're trying to take care of. And like

0:12:59.240 --> 0:13:05.000
<v Speaker 1>having I've had two, I've had two successful births so far.

0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:07.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm thinking about my third. I'm kind of watching you

0:13:07.040 --> 0:13:14.200
<v Speaker 1>to see how you're surviving. And fortunately I have had

0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:18.440
<v Speaker 1>very good experiences as far as I know. You know,

0:13:19.679 --> 0:13:22.600
<v Speaker 1>But my older sister is in the hospital right now.

0:13:23.559 --> 0:13:26.439
<v Speaker 1>Actually she's she's dealing with some complications from us. She's

0:13:26.480 --> 0:13:29.840
<v Speaker 1>a living donor, she donated kidney, and she's dealing with

0:13:29.880 --> 0:13:34.800
<v Speaker 1>some like complications. And I'll tell you the experience. And

0:13:34.800 --> 0:13:37.240
<v Speaker 1>she's a white woman, you know, and my mom is

0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:39.520
<v Speaker 1>a white woman, and they're in Wisconsin, so you know,

0:13:39.640 --> 0:13:43.160
<v Speaker 1>this is their people. And then and I'm just saying, like,

0:13:43.240 --> 0:13:45.520
<v Speaker 1>even from her perspective, just being a woman in pain,

0:13:45.559 --> 0:13:48.839
<v Speaker 1>because she's dealing with a lot of pain and postop

0:13:49.120 --> 0:13:52.040
<v Speaker 1>that that they couldn't find a surgical reason for, and

0:13:52.160 --> 0:13:54.880
<v Speaker 1>her having to like get them to understand how deeply

0:13:55.400 --> 0:14:00.000
<v Speaker 1>her pain is and take it seriously. It's been so traumatic,

0:14:00.000 --> 0:14:02.960
<v Speaker 1>I mean traumatic for her, dramatic for us in different ways.

0:14:04.280 --> 0:14:08.480
<v Speaker 1>But the nursing staff is so crucial. I mean, they're

0:14:08.520 --> 0:14:10.800
<v Speaker 1>the people that you see so often when you're in

0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:14.760
<v Speaker 1>you know, spaces like this, and I yeah, so I

0:14:14.840 --> 0:14:19.160
<v Speaker 1>just I acknowledge the importance of you your role. I

0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:24.520
<v Speaker 1>love our you know, our nurses, our healthcare workers and

0:14:24.560 --> 0:14:28.400
<v Speaker 1>even y'all are dealing with so many outside pressures oh yea,

0:14:28.440 --> 0:14:33.440
<v Speaker 1>and an employment situation like you know, the same corporate

0:14:33.520 --> 0:14:38.040
<v Speaker 1>bs that like your accountant or you know, a project

0:14:38.200 --> 0:14:40.920
<v Speaker 1>manager in tech is dealing with you. Guys are also

0:14:41.000 --> 0:14:45.640
<v Speaker 1>in this the ship with us. So you know, it's

0:14:45.680 --> 0:14:48.600
<v Speaker 1>just difficult from patients, from the staff, you know, all

0:14:48.640 --> 0:14:52.680
<v Speaker 1>the way around. Uh was there a question in there somewhere?

0:14:52.800 --> 0:14:56.440
<v Speaker 1>Not I'm a soapbox. I'm just crossing back and have

0:14:56.520 --> 0:15:02.800
<v Speaker 1>my eyebrows back it all right? Well, yeah, Nelly, you

0:15:02.920 --> 0:15:06.800
<v Speaker 1>just came back. You're fresh from Switzerland. Dalan, how Isvos?

0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:07.640
<v Speaker 1>How is DeVos?

0:15:07.720 --> 0:15:08.640
<v Speaker 2>It was in Davos.

0:15:08.640 --> 0:15:11.600
<v Speaker 5>So I did to Zurich, which is like the direct flight,

0:15:11.720 --> 0:15:14.200
<v Speaker 5>and then take a train from Zurich to Dovos to

0:15:14.280 --> 0:15:16.720
<v Speaker 5>go to the World Economic Forum, which I was invited

0:15:16.760 --> 0:15:18.840
<v Speaker 5>to go speak on a panel about financial literacy education.

0:15:19.840 --> 0:15:22.400
<v Speaker 1>I'm surprised they care about us in Vos.

0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:25.200
<v Speaker 5>You know what it is it's like a global conference, right,

0:15:25.240 --> 0:15:28.040
<v Speaker 5>so they're talking about what can we do better globally?

0:15:28.080 --> 0:15:30.600
<v Speaker 5>And I do think that even though the US has

0:15:30.600 --> 0:15:34.040
<v Speaker 5>fallen behind in education generally, we are kind of moving

0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:37.320
<v Speaker 5>up to the top in terms of financial education ways,

0:15:37.360 --> 0:15:42.800
<v Speaker 5>like not necessarily leaders in financial education results, but leaders

0:15:42.880 --> 0:15:44.800
<v Speaker 5>in the wave to make it happen very.

0:15:44.720 --> 0:15:47.280
<v Speaker 2>Quickly, because like three years ago, there were only about.

0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:49.760
<v Speaker 5>Eight states that required financial literacy for high school graduation

0:15:49.800 --> 0:15:52.240
<v Speaker 5>and now there's twenty six. So they went and did

0:15:52.280 --> 0:15:53.920
<v Speaker 5>some research like, well, how did we go from eight

0:15:53.960 --> 0:15:56.640
<v Speaker 5>to twenty six? We more than tripled access in the US?

0:15:56.680 --> 0:15:58.720
<v Speaker 5>How did that happen? And they found out it's an

0:15:58.800 --> 0:16:00.840
<v Speaker 5>organization that I work with called Mission twenty thirty five.

0:16:01.120 --> 0:16:02.880
<v Speaker 5>The reality is the work that we do is nonprofit,

0:16:02.920 --> 0:16:04.800
<v Speaker 5>so it's a charity. It's a found operating foundation.

0:16:04.880 --> 0:16:05.520
<v Speaker 2>So the money.

0:16:06.040 --> 0:16:09.200
<v Speaker 5>If there was not a very, very wealthy person who

0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:12.880
<v Speaker 5>cared about this, like so deeply that they were willing

0:16:12.880 --> 0:16:14.680
<v Speaker 5>to put tens of millions of dollars of their own

0:16:14.720 --> 0:16:17.240
<v Speaker 5>personal well to make it happen, guess what, it just

0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:20.360
<v Speaker 5>wouldn't be happening because there's nothing in the system creating change.

0:16:20.440 --> 0:16:22.360
<v Speaker 5>There's someone with a lot of money who said, this

0:16:22.440 --> 0:16:25.240
<v Speaker 5>is what I want to see happen. And so unfortunately

0:16:25.280 --> 0:16:26.000
<v Speaker 5>that's the only.

0:16:25.840 --> 0:16:26.760
<v Speaker 2>Reason it's happening.

0:16:26.760 --> 0:16:28.480
<v Speaker 5>But the good thing is it has led to a

0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:30.840
<v Speaker 5>lot of systemic change, and so that's kind of why

0:16:30.880 --> 0:16:32.240
<v Speaker 5>I was saying, like, now we need to figure out

0:16:32.240 --> 0:16:33.840
<v Speaker 5>how to make it happen, even if there isn't a

0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:35.360
<v Speaker 5>person with a lot of money who wants to make

0:16:35.360 --> 0:16:37.120
<v Speaker 5>it happen, but the fact that it should happen because

0:16:37.160 --> 0:16:38.760
<v Speaker 5>it's the right thing to do, and.

0:16:38.960 --> 0:16:41.560
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, we got to bake it into the system exactly.

0:16:41.640 --> 0:16:42.360
<v Speaker 2>It should be baked in.

0:16:42.360 --> 0:16:45.520
<v Speaker 5>It shouldn't be left to philanthropy and to somebody coming

0:16:45.520 --> 0:16:47.360
<v Speaker 5>you know. Like that was one of the things I

0:16:47.400 --> 0:16:49.280
<v Speaker 5>was excited to go because I saw a viral clip

0:16:49.280 --> 0:16:51.840
<v Speaker 5>from like last time the World Economic Form was going viral.

0:16:52.000 --> 0:16:54.280
<v Speaker 5>There was a guy talking about taxes and he was

0:16:54.320 --> 0:16:54.800
<v Speaker 5>on the stage.

0:16:54.840 --> 0:16:56.320
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if y'all seen this clip. It's like

0:16:56.400 --> 0:16:57.400
<v Speaker 2>a middle age.

0:16:57.240 --> 0:16:59.320
<v Speaker 5>White man and he's on a panel talking about taxes

0:16:59.360 --> 0:17:02.400
<v Speaker 5>and he was like, I am tired of coming here

0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:06.399
<v Speaker 5>to Davos and hearing people talk about how important philanthropy is.

0:17:06.920 --> 0:17:09.080
<v Speaker 2>Stop it. Philanthropy is not the solution.

0:17:09.320 --> 0:17:13.400
<v Speaker 5>Taxing the wealthy is the taxing making sure wealthy people

0:17:13.400 --> 0:17:14.640
<v Speaker 5>pay their fair share of taxes.

0:17:14.960 --> 0:17:16.000
<v Speaker 2>That's how we solve a lot of.

0:17:16.000 --> 0:17:19.280
<v Speaker 5>The systemic issues, instead of pretending that the philanthropy is

0:17:19.320 --> 0:17:21.399
<v Speaker 5>how we solve these problems and just depending on people

0:17:21.400 --> 0:17:23.000
<v Speaker 5>with a lot of money to feel good in their

0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:25.280
<v Speaker 5>heart of hearts and give the money and get a

0:17:25.320 --> 0:17:26.119
<v Speaker 5>tax break from it.

0:17:26.200 --> 0:17:30.120
<v Speaker 2>Like, no, we just need to actually tax the people.

0:17:29.960 --> 0:17:31.680
<v Speaker 5>That need to be taxed at the levels of needy

0:17:31.720 --> 0:17:33.919
<v Speaker 5>taxet to be able to sustain the country.

0:17:33.920 --> 0:17:35.600
<v Speaker 2>And this also applies globally.

0:17:35.920 --> 0:17:38.840
<v Speaker 1>Has anyone checked interpol is that man? Is he okay?

0:17:39.040 --> 0:17:42.200
<v Speaker 1>Have they kidnapped him as he disappeared? Because I don't

0:17:42.240 --> 0:17:46.000
<v Speaker 1>know that kind of philosophy has a place in today's situation.

0:17:46.520 --> 0:17:48.720
<v Speaker 1>Ship right, so that we're in with our current leader.

0:17:48.840 --> 0:17:50.160
<v Speaker 1>My god, it's true.

0:17:50.200 --> 0:17:51.400
<v Speaker 2>And that was a couple of years ago.

0:17:51.400 --> 0:17:53.320
<v Speaker 5>And the truth is he's gone on social media and

0:17:53.359 --> 0:17:55.200
<v Speaker 5>said that they've never invited him back ever since he

0:17:55.240 --> 0:17:59.400
<v Speaker 5>went on that rant, never invited him that. Well, when

0:17:59.440 --> 0:18:01.439
<v Speaker 5>you go in and tell the truth, now, oh no,

0:18:01.520 --> 0:18:02.119
<v Speaker 5>you're going too far.

0:18:02.119 --> 0:18:02.760
<v Speaker 2>We don't want to hear it.

0:18:03.080 --> 0:18:05.040
<v Speaker 1>We don't want to hear about ourselves. We want to

0:18:05.080 --> 0:18:07.920
<v Speaker 1>believe that these checks. That's such a great point. You

0:18:07.920 --> 0:18:09.800
<v Speaker 1>want to believe that these checks are like that's all

0:18:09.840 --> 0:18:11.359
<v Speaker 1>we gotta do is write a check and then be

0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:12.000
<v Speaker 1>done with it.

0:18:12.960 --> 0:18:14.679
<v Speaker 5>But it was so elitiates. I'm gonna tell you, like

0:18:14.760 --> 0:18:16.879
<v Speaker 5>when you go. The only reason I got access to

0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:18.600
<v Speaker 5>a lot of the events were because I knew someone

0:18:18.640 --> 0:18:20.320
<v Speaker 5>who invited me to go speak on the panel.

0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:21.640
<v Speaker 2>And every single time.

0:18:21.440 --> 0:18:23.679
<v Speaker 5>I clicked the link and registered, they would email me

0:18:23.720 --> 0:18:27.880
<v Speaker 5>back and say, your submission has been received. We will

0:18:27.920 --> 0:18:30.120
<v Speaker 5>consider whether we're going to let you into this event

0:18:30.240 --> 0:18:32.240
<v Speaker 5>or not. So they tell you register here, But what

0:18:32.280 --> 0:18:34.800
<v Speaker 5>you're doing is actually just letting them know that you

0:18:34.800 --> 0:18:36.800
<v Speaker 5>want to go, and they'll see if you're cool enough.

0:18:37.240 --> 0:18:39.800
<v Speaker 1>Oh you're so funny. All right, Well, did y'all watch

0:18:39.840 --> 0:18:43.280
<v Speaker 1>the Super Bowl? You're all into that? You meant?

0:18:45.920 --> 0:18:48.159
<v Speaker 5>I watched the Catcher concert, and I've heard they were

0:18:48.160 --> 0:18:49.280
<v Speaker 5>playing football during the concert.

0:18:49.359 --> 0:18:49.639
<v Speaker 2>I don't know.

0:18:50.320 --> 0:18:52.159
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it was like in the background, you know, it

0:18:52.200 --> 0:18:54.639
<v Speaker 1>was at a stadium. It was interesting. It's part of

0:18:54.680 --> 0:18:59.960
<v Speaker 1>the message. Yeah, but damn, I'm still I'm still unpacking

0:19:00.119 --> 0:19:03.160
<v Speaker 1>that performance. What was y'all's what was y'all's take.

0:19:03.840 --> 0:19:06.080
<v Speaker 4>You know, First of all, I just have to acknowledge

0:19:06.119 --> 0:19:07.920
<v Speaker 4>that Oakland was heavily in the building.

0:19:08.280 --> 0:19:08.920
<v Speaker 3>Okay.

0:19:11.440 --> 0:19:14.560
<v Speaker 4>Bay Area culture is super influential in hip hop world,

0:19:14.640 --> 0:19:16.280
<v Speaker 4>and I just want people to put it, you know,

0:19:16.359 --> 0:19:20.600
<v Speaker 4>give us our flowers. Second of all, the messaging, like

0:19:20.840 --> 0:19:23.640
<v Speaker 4>Kendrick Lamar is very intentional about everything that he does,

0:19:23.640 --> 0:19:25.240
<v Speaker 4>and so I think it's gonna take a little while

0:19:25.280 --> 0:19:28.520
<v Speaker 4>to unpack all the subliminals. But I love the Uncle

0:19:28.600 --> 0:19:32.560
<v Speaker 4>Sam that I was so confused.

0:19:34.640 --> 0:19:36.679
<v Speaker 1>I did. I mean, I was I was like, what

0:19:36.800 --> 0:19:38.480
<v Speaker 1>am I looking at? And plus I got my kids

0:19:38.560 --> 0:19:40.560
<v Speaker 1>running around, I'm trying to focus, and I'm just like,

0:19:40.960 --> 0:19:43.360
<v Speaker 1>isn't this the Kendric performance. I had just ran from

0:19:43.359 --> 0:19:46.439
<v Speaker 1>the kitchen like probably, you know, chopping up someone's pizza

0:19:46.440 --> 0:19:49.119
<v Speaker 1>into bite sized slices. But and I was like, what

0:19:49.240 --> 0:19:51.280
<v Speaker 1>is that? And I was like, wait, Sam uncle said,

0:19:51.800 --> 0:19:54.520
<v Speaker 1>and then just you could not reach me for the

0:19:54.520 --> 0:19:58.520
<v Speaker 1>next thirteen minutes and thirty eight seconds. Yeah, hilarious.

0:19:58.640 --> 0:20:02.800
<v Speaker 4>I love the black men that formed the American flag

0:20:02.920 --> 0:20:04.800
<v Speaker 4>and then Kendrick in the middle on it just looked

0:20:04.800 --> 0:20:08.480
<v Speaker 4>like a struggle. I was like, oh, that imagery was

0:20:08.640 --> 0:20:14.080
<v Speaker 4>like that's it, and like how it was very like protective.

0:20:14.240 --> 0:20:19.640
<v Speaker 4>It was like very like battlestands, Like you know, I.

0:20:19.560 --> 0:20:20.840
<v Speaker 2>Didn't see this in that moment.

0:20:21.320 --> 0:20:23.640
<v Speaker 5>If you look at the part where they all lean over,

0:20:24.400 --> 0:20:27.880
<v Speaker 5>it's they're they're hovering over, like leaning onto each other's backs.

0:20:28.000 --> 0:20:31.280
<v Speaker 5>And the visual represents the fact that America was built

0:20:31.320 --> 0:20:34.600
<v Speaker 5>on black folks backs.

0:20:34.680 --> 0:20:37.080
<v Speaker 2>Name like that is powerful.

0:20:37.119 --> 0:20:39.840
<v Speaker 5>And so there's people who are trying to trash the

0:20:39.920 --> 0:20:42.280
<v Speaker 5>performance and saying, oh, it wasn't all this all that,

0:20:42.320 --> 0:20:43.399
<v Speaker 5>and I'm like, wait, that's.

0:20:43.280 --> 0:20:45.480
<v Speaker 3>Not who It wasn't for them.

0:20:45.640 --> 0:20:47.879
<v Speaker 2>Don't go on Twitter or whatever it's called X or whatever.

0:20:47.920 --> 0:20:50.960
<v Speaker 1>But they say, and Beyonce didn't deserve Album of the Year.

0:20:51.680 --> 0:20:53.280
<v Speaker 2>Those are the same people, That's right.

0:20:53.400 --> 0:20:55.400
<v Speaker 5>But the sad thing is it's like if you didn't

0:20:55.400 --> 0:20:57.560
<v Speaker 5>get it, it's because it wasn't It wasn't for you.

0:21:00.200 --> 0:21:03.640
<v Speaker 1>Actually was not for I have been so inspired by

0:21:03.720 --> 0:21:06.760
<v Speaker 1>art in a way that I mean I have throughout

0:21:06.760 --> 0:21:11.119
<v Speaker 1>my life, but this past year especially and just like

0:21:11.160 --> 0:21:13.320
<v Speaker 1>the art that is being made and I know, yes,

0:21:13.400 --> 0:21:15.280
<v Speaker 1>like not like Us was the song of the year

0:21:15.320 --> 0:21:16.879
<v Speaker 1>and it came out of a rap battle and you

0:21:16.880 --> 0:21:20.240
<v Speaker 1>can sort of, and I've seen people try to diminish

0:21:20.320 --> 0:21:22.359
<v Speaker 1>it to that, like, oh, it's just a beef, you know,

0:21:22.400 --> 0:21:25.520
<v Speaker 1>between two rappers, and now it's like why did it deserve?

0:21:26.000 --> 0:21:28.600
<v Speaker 1>But Kendrick's intent and he never gives interviews, but I

0:21:28.600 --> 0:21:30.399
<v Speaker 1>need j'all. If you haven't listened to his interview with

0:21:30.400 --> 0:21:33.200
<v Speaker 1>Apple Music that he did a couple of days ago.

0:21:33.320 --> 0:21:36.040
<v Speaker 1>I listened to it this morning. And the way that

0:21:36.119 --> 0:21:38.280
<v Speaker 1>he approaches his art and he literally he said, one

0:21:38.320 --> 0:21:40.960
<v Speaker 1>of my most favorite things I've ever heard talk about chills.

0:21:41.480 --> 0:21:44.359
<v Speaker 1>The way that he approaches art and his his you know,

0:21:44.400 --> 0:21:46.080
<v Speaker 1>I call him a poet, but the way that he

0:21:46.160 --> 0:21:50.479
<v Speaker 1>uses his his words, his lyricism, his expression, his talent.

0:21:50.880 --> 0:21:53.280
<v Speaker 1>He said, he knows so many men in his life

0:21:53.280 --> 0:21:56.280
<v Speaker 1>who are so filled with rage and they have no

0:21:56.480 --> 0:21:59.120
<v Speaker 1>they don't have the tools that he does to get

0:21:59.119 --> 0:22:01.439
<v Speaker 1>the rage out of their body, to put voice to

0:22:01.560 --> 0:22:03.840
<v Speaker 1>like do something with it, you know, make an impact,

0:22:04.440 --> 0:22:07.119
<v Speaker 1>get everyone to understand. And that he feels I'm getting

0:22:07.160 --> 0:22:10.280
<v Speaker 1>chills just talking about it, and he said, you know me,

0:22:10.600 --> 0:22:13.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm using my expression, my power of expression to give

0:22:13.920 --> 0:22:17.159
<v Speaker 1>a voice for them. The way that he approaches his

0:22:17.280 --> 0:22:20.359
<v Speaker 1>art is just so inspiring, and it also it makes

0:22:20.400 --> 0:22:23.840
<v Speaker 1>me want to double triple, quadruple down on things such

0:22:23.840 --> 0:22:27.720
<v Speaker 1>as Brown Ambition podcast being for us, such as my

0:22:27.840 --> 0:22:30.120
<v Speaker 1>book that's going to be published in twenty twenty six

0:22:30.240 --> 0:22:34.240
<v Speaker 1>being called Brown Ambition, and having the focus be for us,

0:22:34.320 --> 0:22:36.119
<v Speaker 1>even at a time where it feels like there's that

0:22:36.240 --> 0:22:40.160
<v Speaker 1>pressure like they want like maybe we should go back

0:22:40.200 --> 0:22:41.840
<v Speaker 1>to the way it was before, you.

0:22:41.720 --> 0:22:44.359
<v Speaker 5>Know, gown down on this for us stuff.

0:22:44.720 --> 0:22:46.280
<v Speaker 2>Yes, brown it down.

0:22:46.760 --> 0:22:49.000
<v Speaker 1>But I'm like, look at how Kendrick and how much

0:22:49.000 --> 0:22:52.720
<v Speaker 1>success he has and he's never lost he's never lost

0:22:53.200 --> 0:22:57.440
<v Speaker 1>his compass, Like his focus has been his people. It's

0:22:57.440 --> 0:22:59.280
<v Speaker 1>been And I won't even say us because I don't

0:22:59.280 --> 0:23:02.080
<v Speaker 1>feel like I'm his people because I'm just a Georgia girl, biracial.

0:23:02.119 --> 0:23:05.399
<v Speaker 1>I'm talking about Nazima, I'm talking about the West Coast,

0:23:05.560 --> 0:23:08.840
<v Speaker 1>like people who came Who's Who's like generations before Kan

0:23:09.040 --> 0:23:13.280
<v Speaker 1>left the South moved to California and brought that culture

0:23:13.359 --> 0:23:17.199
<v Speaker 1>with them. And it's just inspiring, truth really is.

0:23:17.280 --> 0:23:18.879
<v Speaker 5>I Mean, he's the man we all know that, Like

0:23:18.920 --> 0:23:20.040
<v Speaker 5>he got a Pulitzer Prize.

0:23:20.080 --> 0:23:22.200
<v Speaker 2>He's the only musician.

0:23:21.800 --> 0:23:25.000
<v Speaker 5>To get it outside of like classical musicians and jazz

0:23:25.080 --> 0:23:28.760
<v Speaker 5>artists like he's he's truly like that type of person

0:23:28.800 --> 0:23:33.280
<v Speaker 5>who has committed to achieving in writing masterful lyricism, and

0:23:33.320 --> 0:23:35.760
<v Speaker 5>like you can't deny that. I feel like people just missed,

0:23:35.800 --> 0:23:37.399
<v Speaker 5>like it went right over their heads that they were

0:23:37.440 --> 0:23:40.520
<v Speaker 5>publishing on. Well, how wasn't this big commercial appeal he

0:23:40.560 --> 0:23:42.600
<v Speaker 5>doesn't have, Like he didn't have all the hits. It's

0:23:42.600 --> 0:23:47.320
<v Speaker 5>like you missed the artistic statement, the social commentary, the representation,

0:23:47.680 --> 0:23:50.320
<v Speaker 5>the storytelling, the cultural significance of the moment of the

0:23:50.359 --> 0:23:52.280
<v Speaker 5>everything on the stage. It was a visual spectacle.

0:23:52.480 --> 0:23:53.560
<v Speaker 2>Granted it wasn't.

0:23:53.320 --> 0:23:56.600
<v Speaker 5>Like the back to back to back chart topping hits

0:23:56.600 --> 0:23:59.760
<v Speaker 5>that like Rihanna's performance was, but that's this is not

0:23:59.840 --> 0:24:01.639
<v Speaker 5>us trying to it's not care right, And I just

0:24:01.640 --> 0:24:04.119
<v Speaker 5>feel like people miss that. Anybody talking, I was just

0:24:04.160 --> 0:24:06.520
<v Speaker 5>like so over it because you didn't get it, Like

0:24:06.560 --> 0:24:07.760
<v Speaker 5>you really just didn't get it.

0:24:07.760 --> 0:24:09.600
<v Speaker 4>It's just like we have to we have to be

0:24:09.680 --> 0:24:12.320
<v Speaker 4>overly qualified for and I'm tired of it.

0:24:12.320 --> 0:24:13.880
<v Speaker 3>But I'm sick of it, honey.

0:24:14.160 --> 0:24:15.800
<v Speaker 4>I have always been in the top, been in the

0:24:15.800 --> 0:24:18.040
<v Speaker 4>top one percent of everything that I've done. I've always

0:24:18.080 --> 0:24:19.760
<v Speaker 4>been the only one in the room. I've always been

0:24:19.800 --> 0:24:22.560
<v Speaker 4>represented and I do not need to prove myself to you. Okay,

0:24:22.640 --> 0:24:25.480
<v Speaker 4>you better google's He.

0:24:25.560 --> 0:24:29.080
<v Speaker 1>Literally is on the largest stage in the globe and

0:24:29.160 --> 0:24:33.480
<v Speaker 1>people expect him to prove his worth. He's worthy. I'm

0:24:33.520 --> 0:24:36.240
<v Speaker 1>like Siri, play man in the garden. Yeah, you know

0:24:36.240 --> 0:24:40.040
<v Speaker 1>what I mean. He deserves it all. He actually deserves

0:24:40.080 --> 0:24:42.480
<v Speaker 1>it all just because he's there, just because of his

0:24:42.640 --> 0:24:45.320
<v Speaker 1>like track record, his career. And if you're not, you

0:24:45.400 --> 0:24:47.479
<v Speaker 1>need to go to the library and look up on

0:24:47.560 --> 0:24:51.520
<v Speaker 1>a you know, an unauthorized biography of Kendrick Lamarin. That's fine,

0:24:51.880 --> 0:24:54.400
<v Speaker 1>or use your chat GPT or whatever little you know

0:24:54.560 --> 0:24:57.760
<v Speaker 1>tool you do to avoid books now and then maybe

0:24:57.800 --> 0:25:00.399
<v Speaker 1>you can learn something. But to be out your like

0:25:00.600 --> 0:25:02.639
<v Speaker 1>speaking out the side of your neck about how this

0:25:02.720 --> 0:25:06.240
<v Speaker 1>man does not deserve or like he's not worthy.

0:25:07.200 --> 0:25:11.560
<v Speaker 4>I want to double down on the intentionality because as

0:25:11.600 --> 0:25:15.760
<v Speaker 4>everybody knows, like the artists pay for the Super Bowl performances,

0:25:15.840 --> 0:25:20.560
<v Speaker 4>whatever they bring their their the all the stufffects the people,

0:25:20.600 --> 0:25:23.520
<v Speaker 4>the staging, the lighting, the dancers, everything that is there

0:25:23.960 --> 0:25:28.080
<v Speaker 4>is coming out of their pockets, and so that.

0:25:28.160 --> 0:25:31.439
<v Speaker 1>Is in their vision, right yea, his own production. He

0:25:31.600 --> 0:25:34.360
<v Speaker 1>just he left his label and started his own production company.

0:25:34.640 --> 0:25:38.200
<v Speaker 1>Was it pg lang And he was talking about how

0:25:38.280 --> 0:25:40.520
<v Speaker 1>they like the team at the table, the thought that

0:25:40.560 --> 0:25:43.960
<v Speaker 1>went into every single iota of that. I mean that

0:25:44.040 --> 0:25:47.760
<v Speaker 1>performance for me, I've been unpacking Beyonce Bowl ever since.

0:25:47.880 --> 0:25:51.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm still watching that almost every other day at least.

0:25:51.920 --> 0:25:57.760
<v Speaker 1>And Dochi's performance from the Grammys. Oh, I won't the

0:25:57.920 --> 0:26:02.240
<v Speaker 1>expression the fashion, you know, I'm still waiting for someone

0:26:02.280 --> 0:26:04.840
<v Speaker 1>to explain to me exactly what the bell bottoms like

0:26:04.960 --> 0:26:07.240
<v Speaker 1>had to do with like the movement, Like I want

0:26:07.240 --> 0:26:09.440
<v Speaker 1>to be on board. Let me know if I need

0:26:09.480 --> 0:26:10.440
<v Speaker 1>to run out and get me.

0:26:12.000 --> 0:26:14.119
<v Speaker 4>Well, just play it out. But the thing is that

0:26:15.359 --> 0:26:18.719
<v Speaker 4>comes up, but I'm not listen my baby. That's her

0:26:18.800 --> 0:26:19.359
<v Speaker 4>theme song.

0:26:19.560 --> 0:26:22.960
<v Speaker 3>Okay, she like a minor like what.

0:26:22.920 --> 0:26:25.879
<v Speaker 4>You were talking about, Mandy, about the artistic expression, Like

0:26:26.359 --> 0:26:29.240
<v Speaker 4>this is what we need to hold us together during

0:26:29.240 --> 0:26:33.280
<v Speaker 4>these times where we're so inundated with all this negativity

0:26:34.040 --> 0:26:38.280
<v Speaker 4>and it's coming from all the different places, right, but

0:26:38.320 --> 0:26:41.359
<v Speaker 4>these are our little acts of rebellion and I'm here

0:26:41.800 --> 0:26:43.000
<v Speaker 4>for it.

0:26:43.160 --> 0:26:45.960
<v Speaker 1>Every time, Nasima, every time you post about how your

0:26:46.040 --> 0:26:49.879
<v Speaker 1>your kids have like six figure investment funds, that is

0:26:49.960 --> 0:26:53.720
<v Speaker 1>resistance that's right, baby, you know what I mean? That

0:26:53.880 --> 0:26:56.959
<v Speaker 1>is it. And every time you get online and you

0:26:57.000 --> 0:26:59.040
<v Speaker 1>share your experience, and every time you show up to

0:26:59.119 --> 0:27:01.399
<v Speaker 1>work in spite of all the challenges, and Yanelly, you

0:27:01.480 --> 0:27:03.800
<v Speaker 1>too show up to you know, the work that you're

0:27:03.800 --> 0:27:05.840
<v Speaker 1>doing and go out your way to show up in

0:27:05.880 --> 0:27:08.439
<v Speaker 1>a room full of people. And Davos who probably to

0:27:08.520 --> 0:27:10.920
<v Speaker 1>be Frank didn't love that you were there, probably thought

0:27:10.920 --> 0:27:14.000
<v Speaker 1>you were a diversity panelist, you know, trying to fill

0:27:14.040 --> 0:27:18.480
<v Speaker 1>a quota, but still like we're showing up and that

0:27:18.800 --> 0:27:21.000
<v Speaker 1>you know, one of my Mandy money makers, she actually

0:27:21.359 --> 0:27:24.480
<v Speaker 1>said something that blew my mind last week. And since

0:27:24.520 --> 0:27:26.600
<v Speaker 1>the election, I've been drawn to like the poetry of

0:27:26.640 --> 0:27:29.240
<v Speaker 1>Langston Hughes especially, and like the writers of the Harlem

0:27:29.280 --> 0:27:32.239
<v Speaker 1>Renaissance and Charmaine. One of my makers was like, well,

0:27:32.280 --> 0:27:36.520
<v Speaker 1>the Harlem Renaissance was about one hundred years ago. It was,

0:27:36.600 --> 0:27:38.639
<v Speaker 1>And I was like wait, and I got chills. I'm like,

0:27:38.760 --> 0:27:42.159
<v Speaker 1>you're right, it was. History is rhyming. And I'm like

0:27:42.320 --> 0:27:46.640
<v Speaker 1>the way that Langston, the way that Zora and Neil

0:27:46.720 --> 0:27:49.400
<v Speaker 1>Hurston like those voices, the art that was made during

0:27:49.400 --> 0:27:52.480
<v Speaker 1>that period. I'm like, oh, maybe we're in this this

0:27:52.600 --> 0:27:55.840
<v Speaker 1>other you know, heartless New Harlem renaissance. But I don't

0:27:55.840 --> 0:27:57.600
<v Speaker 1>know what to call it yet. We'll just go with

0:27:57.640 --> 0:28:01.240
<v Speaker 1>like Brown and Vision renaissance. That's right. In twenty twenty five,

0:28:01.440 --> 0:28:03.600
<v Speaker 1>it really hit, truly it did.

0:28:04.880 --> 0:28:08.960
<v Speaker 2>The moment of Serena on that screen. Yeah, I just

0:28:09.040 --> 0:28:10.800
<v Speaker 2>hurt everyone's scream.

0:28:11.480 --> 0:28:14.240
<v Speaker 1>She didn't get enough airtime, really and truly she did

0:28:14.280 --> 0:28:15.480
<v Speaker 1>not those.

0:28:15.240 --> 0:28:16.600
<v Speaker 2>Five seconds enough.

0:28:16.880 --> 0:28:18.359
<v Speaker 1>I don't even know if there was five. It was

0:28:18.400 --> 0:28:20.360
<v Speaker 1>not enough. She looks so damn good.

0:28:20.720 --> 0:28:21.520
<v Speaker 3>That was epic.

0:28:22.320 --> 0:28:26.720
<v Speaker 1>That was Sissa kill it.

0:28:27.480 --> 0:28:29.320
<v Speaker 5>I love that was the part that was part of

0:28:29.359 --> 0:28:29.960
<v Speaker 5>my favorite part.

0:28:29.960 --> 0:28:31.879
<v Speaker 3>Oh my god, Oh my god. When they when they

0:28:31.920 --> 0:28:34.040
<v Speaker 3>did what is it? All the lights?

0:28:34.920 --> 0:28:37.080
<v Speaker 1>All right? Well, I'm trying to think what else from

0:28:37.080 --> 0:28:40.640
<v Speaker 1>the Super Bowl Jalen hurts. People are obsessed with him

0:28:40.720 --> 0:28:42.000
<v Speaker 1>and his beautiful black wife.

0:28:42.560 --> 0:28:46.160
<v Speaker 2>This is what y'all wanted by team management.

0:28:46.760 --> 0:28:49.440
<v Speaker 5>That wowr leadership team.

0:28:49.480 --> 0:28:53.800
<v Speaker 1>They're all women. Love it. I love that. Well, now

0:28:53.840 --> 0:28:57.800
<v Speaker 1>I get the hype. I really like you. Between him

0:28:57.840 --> 0:29:01.200
<v Speaker 1>and Aaron the guy from the Lion King movie, the

0:29:01.280 --> 0:29:09.920
<v Speaker 1>New One, I just saw a beautiful man. I didn't

0:29:09.920 --> 0:29:11.880
<v Speaker 1>look into the body of work, but now I get it.

0:29:11.920 --> 0:29:16.920
<v Speaker 1>Because damn I did actually watch the football, and it

0:29:17.000 --> 0:29:19.120
<v Speaker 1>was I don't think anyone else thought it was a

0:29:19.120 --> 0:29:21.200
<v Speaker 1>good game necessary unless you were from Philly, because like

0:29:21.280 --> 0:29:24.680
<v Speaker 1>you know, it was pretty like obvious. It was insane

0:29:24.760 --> 0:29:28.960
<v Speaker 1>they dominated to see him dominate in that way and

0:29:28.960 --> 0:29:32.080
<v Speaker 1>and and make his city so proud. It's just I

0:29:32.120 --> 0:29:34.440
<v Speaker 1>always get a little emotional, and I kept thinking like, Oh,

0:29:34.480 --> 0:29:36.400
<v Speaker 1>those are just someone's babies out there in a sema.

0:29:36.480 --> 0:29:39.760
<v Speaker 1>That's just someone's mama, Like we just create these humans

0:29:39.800 --> 0:29:43.640
<v Speaker 1>and you don't even know like where they're gonna go. Also,

0:29:43.800 --> 0:29:46.360
<v Speaker 1>all the wide receivers on the Chiefs who kept dropping

0:29:46.400 --> 0:29:48.959
<v Speaker 1>passes and like letting their quarterback get sacked.

0:29:49.000 --> 0:29:52.560
<v Speaker 4>I was like, that's just someone's baby.

0:29:53.200 --> 0:29:55.520
<v Speaker 5>Wow, Like I didn't realize that they have two of

0:29:55.560 --> 0:29:59.880
<v Speaker 5>the largest linemen in NFL history plays.

0:30:00.040 --> 0:30:02.320
<v Speaker 1>I know. Yeah, So it was the rock game with

0:30:02.440 --> 0:30:11.400
<v Speaker 1>you know, with size does matter after all. Just putting

0:30:11.400 --> 0:30:15.600
<v Speaker 1>that out there, all right, Well, between that and the

0:30:15.640 --> 0:30:18.240
<v Speaker 1>stress that I'm under right now because the Beyonce Cowboy

0:30:18.240 --> 0:30:20.520
<v Speaker 1>Carter Tour tickets go on sale tomorrow, y'all in the

0:30:20.560 --> 0:30:25.840
<v Speaker 1>Bee Hive were going, y'all not going nothing. Tell me

0:30:25.920 --> 0:30:26.479
<v Speaker 1>you didn't like it.

0:30:26.720 --> 0:30:28.600
<v Speaker 5>I didn't go to the last one because I just

0:30:28.720 --> 0:30:30.280
<v Speaker 5>was like, oh, I don't know about all this hype.

0:30:30.320 --> 0:30:31.880
<v Speaker 2>And then by the time I wanted to go, it

0:30:31.920 --> 0:30:32.920
<v Speaker 2>was too late to prad.

0:30:33.120 --> 0:30:37.160
<v Speaker 1>But I wouldn't go. I wouldn't go. I see, I

0:30:37.240 --> 0:30:39.840
<v Speaker 1>knew it. I could tell by the way you've inhaled.

0:30:40.200 --> 0:30:41.880
<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh, I would go.

0:30:42.160 --> 0:30:43.840
<v Speaker 3>Okay, so this is this is my thing.

0:30:44.240 --> 0:30:44.720
<v Speaker 2>I would go.

0:30:44.960 --> 0:30:45.800
<v Speaker 3>I can fully.

0:30:45.520 --> 0:30:46.160
<v Speaker 1>Afford to go.

0:30:47.640 --> 0:30:51.120
<v Speaker 3>My thing is I want people.

0:30:50.840 --> 0:30:54.160
<v Speaker 4>To prioritize their I I rais before Beyonce.

0:30:55.080 --> 0:30:59.400
<v Speaker 1>Oh gotcha? Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah.

0:30:59.440 --> 0:31:03.600
<v Speaker 4>Well then I usually in general don't pay for concert tickets,

0:31:03.640 --> 0:31:06.040
<v Speaker 4>and so I'm always like romans, I'm.

0:31:05.840 --> 0:31:07.680
<v Speaker 3>Like, ah, can I get it for free? Is there

0:31:07.680 --> 0:31:09.520
<v Speaker 3>a way I can finangle it? Is somebody I know

0:31:09.600 --> 0:31:10.120
<v Speaker 3>that works in.

0:31:10.080 --> 0:31:15.480
<v Speaker 4>The production Like so that's all my only thing about Yeah,

0:31:15.520 --> 0:31:18.560
<v Speaker 4>I have my uncle is a producer. My uncle is

0:31:18.600 --> 0:31:20.960
<v Speaker 4>the one to put together Tony Tony Tony and Bogue,

0:31:21.120 --> 0:31:22.400
<v Speaker 4>all those old school people.

0:31:22.520 --> 0:31:24.760
<v Speaker 3>So I've been in the music industry with my whole life.

0:31:25.000 --> 0:31:28.280
<v Speaker 1>I think that's my favorite. You're like, you have to

0:31:28.400 --> 0:31:31.080
<v Speaker 1>value some things. You can't value everything. So it's not

0:31:31.160 --> 0:31:34.760
<v Speaker 1>every concert I have this. Beyonce's Renaissance tour was the

0:31:34.840 --> 0:31:37.200
<v Speaker 1>last show I went to, you know, and I haven't

0:31:37.240 --> 0:31:39.640
<v Speaker 1>bought tickets for that since. But that one was crazy.

0:31:39.680 --> 0:31:42.880
<v Speaker 1>I did drop like a washer dryer, A good one,

0:31:43.920 --> 0:31:49.320
<v Speaker 1>and the experience. I still smile like that, you know

0:31:49.320 --> 0:31:52.400
<v Speaker 1>what I mean. And so for Cowboy Carter. But this time,

0:31:52.440 --> 0:31:54.960
<v Speaker 1>my friend, she's too bougie for me, but she got me.

0:31:55.040 --> 0:31:57.160
<v Speaker 1>We're gonna go. We're gonna try to get tickets for London,

0:31:57.560 --> 0:31:59.560
<v Speaker 1>and by try, I mean we already booked our flights

0:31:59.560 --> 0:32:00.000
<v Speaker 1>in our hotel.

0:32:00.200 --> 0:32:03.160
<v Speaker 5>If you're gonna spend all these thousands of dollars, it

0:32:03.240 --> 0:32:06.280
<v Speaker 5>may as well be an experience that's more than two hours.

0:32:06.280 --> 0:32:06.480
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:32:06.480 --> 0:32:09.840
<v Speaker 5>I would definitely invest in her concert, especially because my

0:32:09.960 --> 0:32:11.200
<v Speaker 5>Robbry is fully funded.

0:32:11.840 --> 0:32:15.200
<v Speaker 1>That's right, mine is not. But anyway, that's all the

0:32:15.240 --> 0:32:15.680
<v Speaker 1>time we have.

0:32:19.440 --> 0:32:20.280
<v Speaker 2>Let me bring in.

0:32:20.320 --> 0:32:23.280
<v Speaker 1>There, let me take a little break, and we're gonna

0:32:23.280 --> 0:32:25.800
<v Speaker 1>come right back. We have a very special guest to

0:32:25.960 --> 0:32:29.280
<v Speaker 1>join us in the Brown Ambitions studio. His name is

0:32:29.320 --> 0:32:33.080
<v Speaker 1>Aaron Thomas, the founder of prenups dot com aka one

0:32:33.080 --> 0:32:35.400
<v Speaker 1>of the greatest divorce attorneys in America. We're gonna be

0:32:35.400 --> 0:32:38.160
<v Speaker 1>talking about relationships and money and how we can protect

0:32:38.200 --> 0:32:41.120
<v Speaker 1>the bag while we secure the bag. Ladies. Okay, so

0:32:42.000 --> 0:32:45.360
<v Speaker 1>I mean not to pick a side, but we're picking

0:32:45.400 --> 0:32:50.840
<v Speaker 1>a side. Come on, it's a look at the paneless,

0:32:54.120 --> 0:32:57.880
<v Speaker 1>all right, ba fam, Welcome to the Brown Table. Mister

0:32:58.040 --> 0:33:02.200
<v Speaker 1>Aaron Thomas. I read this. You are the three time

0:33:02.240 --> 0:33:07.280
<v Speaker 1>winner of Atlanta's Best Divorce Attorney, I mean best in

0:33:07.320 --> 0:33:10.000
<v Speaker 1>the business, do you know what I mean? Also the

0:33:10.040 --> 0:33:13.560
<v Speaker 1>founder of prenups dot com and a Harvard Law graduate,

0:33:13.680 --> 0:33:16.160
<v Speaker 1>and Aaron I just feel like your everyone's friend. Any

0:33:16.240 --> 0:33:18.200
<v Speaker 1>financial educator that I've talked to has been like, have

0:33:18.240 --> 0:33:19.600
<v Speaker 1>you had Aaron on? Have you had Aaron on? Have

0:33:19.640 --> 0:33:22.600
<v Speaker 1>you had Aaron on? But I'm really happy to have

0:33:22.680 --> 0:33:26.080
<v Speaker 1>you join us on Brown Ambition. Finally, welcome to the show.

0:33:26.600 --> 0:33:28.840
<v Speaker 6>Thank you so much for having me. I am honored

0:33:28.960 --> 0:33:30.200
<v Speaker 6>and excited to be here.

0:33:31.000 --> 0:33:33.000
<v Speaker 1>Is this like your time of years? Is your time

0:33:33.040 --> 0:33:37.040
<v Speaker 1>to shine? It's Valentine's relationships. It's also like peak divorce

0:33:37.080 --> 0:33:38.480
<v Speaker 1>season apparently.

0:33:38.560 --> 0:33:39.600
<v Speaker 6>Is it?

0:33:39.600 --> 0:33:40.120
<v Speaker 2>It is?

0:33:40.400 --> 0:33:45.560
<v Speaker 6>It is divorce season and it is engagement slash prenup season.

0:33:45.720 --> 0:33:46.960
<v Speaker 6>It is both of those right now.

0:33:47.360 --> 0:33:52.360
<v Speaker 1>Ollow, It's the duality you know you're seeing some couples

0:33:52.400 --> 0:33:56.160
<v Speaker 1>begin their journey together and helping others consciously uncouple or

0:33:56.160 --> 0:34:07.400
<v Speaker 1>whatever it is that you call it today consciously pop. Yeah. Yeah,

0:34:07.520 --> 0:34:10.240
<v Speaker 1>Well I'm an old married lady. I've been married for

0:34:10.520 --> 0:34:12.719
<v Speaker 1>eight it'll be eight years in April. We don't have

0:34:12.800 --> 0:34:19.680
<v Speaker 1>a prenup and I also, I know, right, sorry, yeah,

0:34:19.880 --> 0:34:22.480
<v Speaker 1>and I kind of regret it because I think we

0:34:22.560 --> 0:34:26.400
<v Speaker 1>might need a post up. But see ya, Nelly, do

0:34:26.480 --> 0:34:29.279
<v Speaker 1>y'all have prenup? Well, I don't know if yo, Nelly,

0:34:29.320 --> 0:34:31.600
<v Speaker 1>you're not married. I know that situation. But y'all share

0:34:31.640 --> 0:34:33.560
<v Speaker 1>what's what's going on over there? What's your thoughts?

0:34:33.920 --> 0:34:34.160
<v Speaker 6>Girl?

0:34:34.160 --> 0:34:36.600
<v Speaker 2>We've been okay? So my partner and I love this

0:34:36.719 --> 0:34:37.839
<v Speaker 2>man to death and back.

0:34:38.000 --> 0:34:41.000
<v Speaker 5>He and I have been together for twelve years going

0:34:41.040 --> 0:34:43.600
<v Speaker 5>on thirteen this year, and we are just you know,

0:34:43.800 --> 0:34:46.640
<v Speaker 5>we have never been the most traditional people were just

0:34:46.719 --> 0:34:48.719
<v Speaker 5>long term partners and who aren't necessarily going.

0:34:48.719 --> 0:34:49.640
<v Speaker 2>To pursue that route.

0:34:49.719 --> 0:34:53.319
<v Speaker 5>But for the first time in my relationship with him,

0:34:53.760 --> 0:34:56.839
<v Speaker 5>I thought maybe we could get married. In the moment

0:34:56.880 --> 0:34:59.320
<v Speaker 5>I thought that was when I watched Aaron Thomas speak

0:34:59.400 --> 0:35:04.120
<v Speaker 5>on stage at Economy about maybe not brushing off marriage

0:35:04.120 --> 0:35:07.520
<v Speaker 5>as a concept, but considering marriage with the prenup as

0:35:07.520 --> 0:35:10.400
<v Speaker 5>a way to make sure that you're comfortable with marriage.

0:35:10.400 --> 0:35:12.360
<v Speaker 5>And I was like, dang, like that really blew my mind.

0:35:12.520 --> 0:35:15.400
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, And my situation is I'm a two time to

0:35:15.520 --> 0:35:19.799
<v Speaker 4>force a what the first time very intentionally. The second time,

0:35:19.840 --> 0:35:22.080
<v Speaker 4>I didn't know I needed a divorce because it was

0:35:22.120 --> 0:35:24.880
<v Speaker 4>a domestic partnership and when you have a domestic partnership

0:35:24.920 --> 0:35:29.000
<v Speaker 4>with kids and uh property involved in the state of California,

0:35:29.160 --> 0:35:30.640
<v Speaker 4>you do have to have a door. So I have

0:35:30.680 --> 0:35:31.839
<v Speaker 4>two divorce decrees.

0:35:31.920 --> 0:35:32.240
<v Speaker 5>Wow.

0:35:33.280 --> 0:35:36.560
<v Speaker 4>And so with the help of Aaron, I know that

0:35:37.120 --> 0:35:40.279
<v Speaker 4>my next serious relationship, and it took me a long

0:35:40.320 --> 0:35:44.319
<v Speaker 4>time to even consider marriage again. I'm definitely gonna have

0:35:44.360 --> 0:35:45.719
<v Speaker 4>a prenup that worked through that.

0:35:45.920 --> 0:35:50.400
<v Speaker 1>So okay, so you didn't have before. Now, okay, do

0:35:50.480 --> 0:35:52.680
<v Speaker 1>you think do you wish you had? Like were there issues?

0:35:52.760 --> 0:35:53.640
<v Speaker 3>Oh my god?

0:35:54.239 --> 0:35:59.920
<v Speaker 4>I answer yes for sure, because everybody in love is

0:36:00.160 --> 0:36:02.480
<v Speaker 4>always talking about I would never do that to you.

0:36:02.840 --> 0:36:05.399
<v Speaker 4>It would never come down to that. And the thing

0:36:05.520 --> 0:36:09.480
<v Speaker 4>is the divorce process is can or can be I'm

0:36:09.480 --> 0:36:13.160
<v Speaker 4>not going to generalize, can be really really contentious if

0:36:13.160 --> 0:36:16.080
<v Speaker 4>you allow it to be. Especially for me, I've always

0:36:16.080 --> 0:36:20.200
<v Speaker 4>been the bread winner, and it always though, it'd always

0:36:20.280 --> 0:36:23.480
<v Speaker 4>be like, well, what can I get out of this situation,

0:36:24.160 --> 0:36:26.480
<v Speaker 4>when from the beginning I was just like, hey, this

0:36:26.640 --> 0:36:28.960
<v Speaker 4>is not you know this, George, this is mine, this

0:36:29.000 --> 0:36:32.440
<v Speaker 4>is ours, whatever, whatever, and yes we're on the same pace.

0:36:32.640 --> 0:36:33.560
<v Speaker 3>This is what happens.

0:36:34.480 --> 0:36:39.800
<v Speaker 4>It always comes up during that dissolution process that oh,

0:36:40.000 --> 0:36:41.239
<v Speaker 4>well I didn't really agree to that.

0:36:41.320 --> 0:36:42.239
<v Speaker 3>I kind of want this.

0:36:42.480 --> 0:36:44.719
<v Speaker 1>Okay, Aaron, I want to hear what is it that

0:36:44.760 --> 0:36:46.320
<v Speaker 1>you said to y'a elly to make her want to

0:36:46.360 --> 0:36:48.399
<v Speaker 1>get married to this gorgeous man.

0:36:48.600 --> 0:36:50.279
<v Speaker 2>Don't be telling that the people. Why did that?

0:36:50.280 --> 0:36:51.680
<v Speaker 5>I want to get back, I said, I consider that

0:36:51.760 --> 0:36:52.799
<v Speaker 5>maybe it would work.

0:36:52.880 --> 0:36:55.040
<v Speaker 1>Well, I know, but I love your I love your

0:36:55.080 --> 0:36:57.320
<v Speaker 1>perspective you have on prenups, Aeron, Yeah.

0:36:57.160 --> 0:36:59.680
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, great, great place to start. I mean, what what

0:36:59.800 --> 0:37:01.440
<v Speaker 6>is a prenup? We could even go further and say

0:37:01.440 --> 0:37:04.120
<v Speaker 6>what is marriage? But well let's let's let's let's assume

0:37:04.280 --> 0:37:07.279
<v Speaker 6>some prime here. You know, and if you if you say,

0:37:07.280 --> 0:37:10.480
<v Speaker 6>what is a prenup? A prenup is an agreement. It's

0:37:10.520 --> 0:37:12.880
<v Speaker 6>a contract. It is it's a set of rules that

0:37:13.000 --> 0:37:18.560
<v Speaker 6>defines your financial relationship with your spouse, both during marriage

0:37:18.600 --> 0:37:22.160
<v Speaker 6>and in the event of divorce, and my point of

0:37:22.239 --> 0:37:24.680
<v Speaker 6>view on it is you've already got one. If you

0:37:24.680 --> 0:37:28.320
<v Speaker 6>are married, you have a prenup. You have either chosen

0:37:28.719 --> 0:37:31.680
<v Speaker 6>the default prenup meaning the laws of the state where

0:37:31.719 --> 0:37:34.759
<v Speaker 6>you happen to live as your prenup, which no one's read,

0:37:35.400 --> 0:37:37.840
<v Speaker 6>or you are writing your own prenup, you are writing

0:37:37.880 --> 0:37:41.720
<v Speaker 6>your customized rules for your financial relationship. And the further

0:37:42.160 --> 0:37:45.800
<v Speaker 6>that you know society has progressed since the eighteen hundreds

0:37:45.840 --> 0:37:48.960
<v Speaker 6>when all of these laws were written, the less likely

0:37:49.160 --> 0:37:52.200
<v Speaker 6>that the default plan is going to work for your marriage.

0:37:52.200 --> 0:37:55.640
<v Speaker 6>And in fact, if it were like a literal document,

0:37:55.680 --> 0:37:57.520
<v Speaker 6>like I'm calling you the default prenup, it's really just

0:37:57.520 --> 0:38:00.359
<v Speaker 6>the state laws right where you live. But if were

0:38:00.360 --> 0:38:02.680
<v Speaker 6>a literal document and you had to choose to sign,

0:38:02.800 --> 0:38:06.040
<v Speaker 6>either you know, the default prenup, or you could sign

0:38:06.360 --> 0:38:09.400
<v Speaker 6>like customized prenup rules that you and your spouse chose,

0:38:09.560 --> 0:38:13.080
<v Speaker 6>literally no one, not a single person, would choose to

0:38:13.160 --> 0:38:16.680
<v Speaker 6>sign the default prenup because it means you're giving the

0:38:16.760 --> 0:38:19.279
<v Speaker 6>ultimate power over the distribution of every penny you've ever

0:38:19.320 --> 0:38:22.320
<v Speaker 6>earned in your entire life to a complete stranger who's

0:38:22.320 --> 0:38:24.319
<v Speaker 6>going to hear you and your spouse complain about each

0:38:24.320 --> 0:38:26.960
<v Speaker 6>other for a few hours tops and split up everything

0:38:26.960 --> 0:38:30.560
<v Speaker 6>you've worked for for your entire existence, and nobody actually

0:38:30.600 --> 0:38:30.920
<v Speaker 6>wants that.

0:38:30.960 --> 0:38:33.040
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I do scroll really fast through those like

0:38:33.160 --> 0:38:36.239
<v Speaker 1>terms of agreement, you know, like when yeah, so, like

0:38:36.360 --> 0:38:38.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm not saying I wouldn't sign. I'd probably be like,

0:38:39.080 --> 0:38:41.200
<v Speaker 1>I just want to get to the honeymoon. Check check

0:38:41.280 --> 0:38:46.840
<v Speaker 1>this box, give me that, give me the standard. Okay, Okay, well,

0:38:47.040 --> 0:38:49.359
<v Speaker 1>I guess like for me, I'm just wondering, like as

0:38:49.360 --> 0:38:52.799
<v Speaker 1>someone who obviously I got married eight years ago, I

0:38:52.840 --> 0:38:55.120
<v Speaker 1>had brownish at the time. Now I'm just I'm a

0:38:55.120 --> 0:38:57.520
<v Speaker 1>whole different person and my career is so different now

0:38:57.520 --> 0:39:02.799
<v Speaker 1>it's I'm full time entrepreneur and breadwinner. I don't know,

0:39:03.280 --> 0:39:05.520
<v Speaker 1>to be honest, because it's being an entrepreneur. It depends

0:39:05.520 --> 0:39:08.160
<v Speaker 1>on the month some you know, we don't keep score

0:39:08.480 --> 0:39:12.520
<v Speaker 1>for someone like me. How do you even go about

0:39:12.800 --> 0:39:16.000
<v Speaker 1>getting a post up? Is it the same process? Is

0:39:16.000 --> 0:39:17.120
<v Speaker 1>it too late for us?

0:39:18.120 --> 0:39:20.160
<v Speaker 6>It's not too late. It's not too late, and it's

0:39:20.200 --> 0:39:24.319
<v Speaker 6>a very similar process. I mean, I think that you know,

0:39:24.400 --> 0:39:26.319
<v Speaker 6>at its bare minimum, and there's a lot of things

0:39:26.320 --> 0:39:28.080
<v Speaker 6>that you can do with the prenup that you could

0:39:28.080 --> 0:39:31.319
<v Speaker 6>go into, but a lot of it is about establishing

0:39:31.480 --> 0:39:35.720
<v Speaker 6>what's mine, what's yours, what's ours right. And the laws

0:39:35.760 --> 0:39:39.120
<v Speaker 6>were written for a time in place when it was

0:39:39.239 --> 0:39:42.880
<v Speaker 6>assumed that number one, there was one breadwinner, it was

0:39:42.920 --> 0:39:45.719
<v Speaker 6>the man, and there was a homemaker, and it was

0:39:45.760 --> 0:39:49.600
<v Speaker 6>the woman. And the couple was getting married at adage

0:39:49.640 --> 0:39:51.560
<v Speaker 6>twenty one, when they were coming into their marriage with

0:39:51.600 --> 0:39:55.960
<v Speaker 6>no assets, no bank accounts, maybe one car, no no business,

0:39:56.400 --> 0:39:59.120
<v Speaker 6>no home, no four to one k's hadn't been invented,

0:39:59.239 --> 0:40:02.160
<v Speaker 6>student loans were the hundreds of thousands. Credit cards didn't exist.

0:40:02.400 --> 0:40:04.239
<v Speaker 6>You didn't have any of those things. And so it

0:40:04.280 --> 0:40:06.359
<v Speaker 6>was written for a time and for couples where they

0:40:06.360 --> 0:40:09.960
<v Speaker 6>were starting their financial lives from complete scratch, an absolute

0:40:10.000 --> 0:40:13.640
<v Speaker 6>financial blank slate. And the average couple getting married today

0:40:13.960 --> 0:40:17.080
<v Speaker 6>is more likely to be about thirty thirty five, sometimes forty,

0:40:17.360 --> 0:40:19.000
<v Speaker 6>and those couples are coming in with four or five

0:40:19.000 --> 0:40:22.640
<v Speaker 6>bank accounts, three or four credit cards, student loans, businesses,

0:40:22.760 --> 0:40:25.640
<v Speaker 6>a condo, all of these different types of assets. Maybe

0:40:25.680 --> 0:40:30.600
<v Speaker 6>some kids, some kids, all these different types of assets,

0:40:30.640 --> 0:40:34.879
<v Speaker 6>and and like a decade or more of their own

0:40:34.920 --> 0:40:38.640
<v Speaker 6>financial habits, which can be tougher to blend together than

0:40:38.760 --> 0:40:42.160
<v Speaker 6>just the money in the bank accounts, right, and it

0:40:42.239 --> 0:40:45.839
<v Speaker 6>is so complex and the idea that we're just going

0:40:45.880 --> 0:40:49.000
<v Speaker 6>to smash all those things together, you know, imagine merging

0:40:49.040 --> 0:40:52.520
<v Speaker 6>your business with another person's business on just like you know,

0:40:52.680 --> 0:40:55.680
<v Speaker 6>a pinky swear and just saying like, let's hope that

0:40:55.920 --> 0:40:58.440
<v Speaker 6>everything works out, without like demanding to say, what are

0:40:58.440 --> 0:41:01.400
<v Speaker 6>the financials, what are the economics like? But for some reason,

0:41:02.320 --> 0:41:04.239
<v Speaker 6>the knowledge that we have about what would happen in

0:41:04.280 --> 0:41:07.719
<v Speaker 6>the business partnership, you add romance into the equation, and

0:41:07.760 --> 0:41:09.560
<v Speaker 6>all of a sudden, it's off the table. You can't

0:41:09.560 --> 0:41:13.040
<v Speaker 6>talk about finances, despite the fact that this is the

0:41:13.080 --> 0:41:17.120
<v Speaker 6>most consequential financial contract you'll ever into it into your life.

0:41:17.360 --> 0:41:20.520
<v Speaker 5>Yeap, love that point about how much has changed, because

0:41:20.520 --> 0:41:23.319
<v Speaker 5>that is so true. I see that generally generationally within

0:41:23.400 --> 0:41:26.000
<v Speaker 5>my own family. Now, I don't need a man, but

0:41:26.200 --> 0:41:27.799
<v Speaker 5>I have a man because I want a man, not

0:41:27.880 --> 0:41:30.319
<v Speaker 5>because I rely on that man to provide for me.

0:41:30.920 --> 0:41:33.040
<v Speaker 5>But the reality is my mother did need a man

0:41:33.080 --> 0:41:34.839
<v Speaker 5>because she relied on the man to provide for her,

0:41:34.880 --> 0:41:36.920
<v Speaker 5>and he did control a lot of the financial things.

0:41:37.000 --> 0:41:38.800
<v Speaker 5>And I saw that in a very negative way in

0:41:38.880 --> 0:41:41.239
<v Speaker 5>my home and vow like never to let that be

0:41:41.360 --> 0:41:44.000
<v Speaker 5>me type of thing. So I'm very committed to, like

0:41:44.360 --> 0:41:47.080
<v Speaker 5>my finance is being really clean and organized and being

0:41:47.080 --> 0:41:49.200
<v Speaker 5>on top of maxing out my retirement account, both my

0:41:49.239 --> 0:41:51.239
<v Speaker 5>four one K and my roth theray, doing everything I

0:41:51.239 --> 0:41:54.400
<v Speaker 5>can to generate extra income YouTube, social media, speaking, publishing

0:41:54.440 --> 0:41:56.960
<v Speaker 5>a book like I'm that girl right My four one

0:41:57.000 --> 0:41:59.920
<v Speaker 5>K that I have been maxing out every year, doing

0:42:00.200 --> 0:42:02.120
<v Speaker 5>my best to like hit that and like find other

0:42:02.120 --> 0:42:04.799
<v Speaker 5>ways to make it work can be taken from me

0:42:05.440 --> 0:42:09.319
<v Speaker 5>in a divorce, even though it's my account with my

0:42:09.440 --> 0:42:12.120
<v Speaker 5>name on it, and even though us my spouse wouldn't

0:42:12.320 --> 0:42:14.120
<v Speaker 5>maybe never even put a penny on it, has no

0:42:14.239 --> 0:42:16.120
<v Speaker 5>rightful claim to it in terms of their names not

0:42:16.160 --> 0:42:18.239
<v Speaker 5>on it or anything, but could still take the some

0:42:18.560 --> 0:42:19.839
<v Speaker 5>or all of that money.

0:42:19.520 --> 0:42:20.360
<v Speaker 2>In a divorce.

0:42:20.880 --> 0:42:25.080
<v Speaker 5>But marriage creates a connection that most people don't.

0:42:24.920 --> 0:42:26.319
<v Speaker 2>Realize wasn't there.

0:42:26.480 --> 0:42:28.920
<v Speaker 5>So that was the piece that was eye opening for

0:42:29.000 --> 0:42:31.880
<v Speaker 5>me in terms of, oh, I need to protect myself

0:42:31.920 --> 0:42:32.880
<v Speaker 5>be really smart.

0:42:33.440 --> 0:42:36.040
<v Speaker 4>And the other thing I learned from Aaron is that

0:42:36.120 --> 0:42:40.320
<v Speaker 4>your businesses aren't protected by outside of a prenow.

0:42:40.719 --> 0:42:44.000
<v Speaker 3>So if you have a business like it's.

0:42:43.880 --> 0:42:46.359
<v Speaker 4>Basically up to like with the state of what they're

0:42:46.400 --> 0:42:48.520
<v Speaker 4>they're gonna do. Like the only way you can form

0:42:48.560 --> 0:42:51.600
<v Speaker 4>protection from your business is through an arrangement like this.

0:42:51.760 --> 0:42:56.320
<v Speaker 6>Probably the biggest surprise for most people, and honestly, fifty

0:42:56.320 --> 0:42:58.279
<v Speaker 6>percent of my job as a divorce attorney is having

0:42:58.280 --> 0:43:02.719
<v Speaker 6>this one conversation. It's once you get married, your paycheck

0:43:02.760 --> 0:43:06.680
<v Speaker 6>is no longer just yours. Your paycheck is y'alls. It

0:43:06.719 --> 0:43:08.080
<v Speaker 6>belongs to both of you.

0:43:08.440 --> 0:43:11.560
<v Speaker 3>And schiles of value set up y'r accounts and so.

0:43:12.160 --> 0:43:15.920
<v Speaker 6>But people are living a lie, they're living a legal

0:43:16.000 --> 0:43:19.200
<v Speaker 6>fiction in their relationships because they go through them thinking

0:43:19.440 --> 0:43:21.320
<v Speaker 6>what most people that would you know, it was just

0:43:21.360 --> 0:43:24.399
<v Speaker 6>talking about it's intuitive. If the account isn't my name,

0:43:24.560 --> 0:43:26.200
<v Speaker 6>it belongs to me. If the count's in your name,

0:43:26.239 --> 0:43:27.839
<v Speaker 6>it belongs to you, and if it's in both names,

0:43:27.880 --> 0:43:30.640
<v Speaker 6>it belongs to both of us. That rule that applies

0:43:30.800 --> 0:43:34.200
<v Speaker 6>for ownership in literally every other aspect of our lives

0:43:34.719 --> 0:43:36.839
<v Speaker 6>is out the window when you get married. And so

0:43:37.320 --> 0:43:40.960
<v Speaker 6>the people spend twenty twenty five thirty years under this

0:43:41.040 --> 0:43:43.520
<v Speaker 6>assumption that the retirement account belongs to them or the

0:43:43.560 --> 0:43:45.680
<v Speaker 6>rental property where they've been paying the mortgage on just

0:43:45.719 --> 0:43:47.640
<v Speaker 6>belongs to them. And they sit in my office and

0:43:47.640 --> 0:43:50.600
<v Speaker 6>they say, what do you mean she wants half of

0:43:50.640 --> 0:43:53.400
<v Speaker 6>my retirement account that I've been contributing to since before

0:43:53.440 --> 0:43:56.440
<v Speaker 6>we even met. What do you mean he wants half

0:43:56.760 --> 0:43:59.480
<v Speaker 6>of the property, half of the equity in the house

0:43:59.600 --> 0:44:01.520
<v Speaker 6>where I I've been the only one paying the mortgage

0:44:01.560 --> 0:44:04.160
<v Speaker 6>for the past fifteen years, and now he wants to

0:44:04.200 --> 0:44:05.799
<v Speaker 6>come in and take half of that. And I have

0:44:05.840 --> 0:44:08.120
<v Speaker 6>to say yes, because you were paying it with the

0:44:08.120 --> 0:44:10.319
<v Speaker 6>money you earned during the marriage, which, under the law,

0:44:10.719 --> 0:44:13.040
<v Speaker 6>unless you ever prenup or post them, this as otherwise

0:44:13.600 --> 0:44:17.080
<v Speaker 6>is joint money. And so people have made their entire

0:44:17.280 --> 0:44:22.239
<v Speaker 6>life decisions, career decisions, write business decisions based on this

0:44:22.360 --> 0:44:26.160
<v Speaker 6>thing that is false, right, And so there's this disconnect

0:44:26.160 --> 0:44:27.839
<v Speaker 6>whenever you hear somebody say like, oh, I went through

0:44:27.840 --> 0:44:30.040
<v Speaker 6>a divorce and I got absolutely screwed by the court,

0:44:30.120 --> 0:44:34.120
<v Speaker 6>what actually happened is the core perception of what your

0:44:34.160 --> 0:44:36.759
<v Speaker 6>marriage meant ran up against the legal reality.

0:44:37.480 --> 0:44:37.680
<v Speaker 5>Right.

0:44:38.000 --> 0:44:38.400
<v Speaker 3>It's me.

0:44:38.560 --> 0:44:41.959
<v Speaker 1>I'm people, I'm squirming inside of my But what about love?

0:44:42.080 --> 0:44:43.080
<v Speaker 1>Don't you see my shirt?

0:44:43.120 --> 0:44:43.279
<v Speaker 6>Ear?

0:44:44.840 --> 0:44:47.279
<v Speaker 1>You know you missed it, But I was I was

0:44:47.400 --> 0:44:52.719
<v Speaker 1>the most optimistic pop culture icon. Ever the American woman

0:44:52.760 --> 0:44:58.239
<v Speaker 1>in Pakistan earlier, and she, you know, sure she used

0:44:58.239 --> 0:45:00.960
<v Speaker 1>a filter to shield her identity and present herself as

0:45:01.000 --> 0:45:03.160
<v Speaker 1>a blonde woman to a nineteen year old in Pakistan

0:45:03.200 --> 0:45:06.080
<v Speaker 1>who she like entrapped in a marriage that wasn't like

0:45:06.160 --> 0:45:07.960
<v Speaker 1>legit and all of that. But she really just like

0:45:07.960 --> 0:45:09.560
<v Speaker 1>put her heart on the line, you know what I mean.

0:45:10.000 --> 0:45:12.359
<v Speaker 1>And I think she's also an example of like maybe

0:45:12.360 --> 0:45:14.040
<v Speaker 1>she should have had a prenap, do you know what

0:45:14.080 --> 0:45:15.440
<v Speaker 1>I mean, Like she wouldn't have had to be like

0:45:15.520 --> 0:45:20.640
<v Speaker 1>Pakistani government give me twenty thousand a week. So I

0:45:20.640 --> 0:45:24.879
<v Speaker 1>guess like I'm just holding space for the people because

0:45:24.920 --> 0:45:28.839
<v Speaker 1>I am the people I am, And I just feel

0:45:28.840 --> 0:45:31.359
<v Speaker 1>like you're yelling at me and I don't like it,

0:45:32.480 --> 0:45:35.720
<v Speaker 1>but I appreciate it. Ah.

0:45:35.960 --> 0:45:39.600
<v Speaker 6>We all started as this. I graduated from law school

0:45:39.640 --> 0:45:42.840
<v Speaker 6>not knowing this. It wasn't until I got into family

0:45:42.960 --> 0:45:45.280
<v Speaker 6>law that I realized, because it is it's hard.

0:45:45.120 --> 0:45:47.560
<v Speaker 1>Not to say I graduated from Harvard Law. When you

0:45:47.640 --> 0:45:49.800
<v Speaker 1>graduated from Harvard is it? Just tell me because I

0:45:49.840 --> 0:45:51.600
<v Speaker 1>don't know how that feels, is it.

0:45:52.880 --> 0:45:55.600
<v Speaker 6>I usually wait about fifteen minutes before I try to

0:45:55.600 --> 0:45:58.319
<v Speaker 6>shoehorne it in the conversation, but yeah, you know, I.

0:45:58.200 --> 0:46:01.000
<v Speaker 1>Graduated from a law school, like in my yeah you

0:46:01.120 --> 0:46:04.280
<v Speaker 1>said I went to school, you know, you know, yeah, yeah,

0:46:04.960 --> 0:46:05.400
<v Speaker 1>go ahead.

0:46:07.160 --> 0:46:09.719
<v Speaker 6>You know, couples today, for the most part, are not

0:46:09.960 --> 0:46:13.160
<v Speaker 6>combining everything into one bank account when they get married, right,

0:46:13.400 --> 0:46:16.399
<v Speaker 6>They're living with separate bank accountsl So really, what we're

0:46:16.440 --> 0:46:18.920
<v Speaker 6>talking about when we're saying, like, get a prenup is

0:46:19.000 --> 0:46:22.080
<v Speaker 6>make your legal reality match the way that you're already living.

0:46:22.120 --> 0:46:25.120
<v Speaker 6>We're not talking about going out and doing something crazy.

0:46:25.239 --> 0:46:27.759
<v Speaker 6>You know, like gone are the days where there is

0:46:27.800 --> 0:46:30.600
<v Speaker 6>only one you know, earner for the entire household, and

0:46:30.640 --> 0:46:34.160
<v Speaker 6>so necessarily every check that the earner works has to

0:46:34.200 --> 0:46:37.759
<v Speaker 6>support the entire household. People live in worlds where like

0:46:37.840 --> 0:46:40.120
<v Speaker 6>this is mine, this is yours, and this is ours.

0:46:40.600 --> 0:46:43.840
<v Speaker 6>And if you want those divisions that you set up

0:46:43.880 --> 0:46:48.600
<v Speaker 6>yourself to be honored in whatever comes later, then you

0:46:48.640 --> 0:46:51.480
<v Speaker 6>have to put it in your own agreement. And the

0:46:51.600 --> 0:46:55.960
<v Speaker 6>default prenup, the default your state laws are not equipped

0:46:56.120 --> 0:46:59.960
<v Speaker 6>for today's marriages. They're not built for to income house.

0:47:00.360 --> 0:47:02.920
<v Speaker 6>They're not built for people who get married in their thirties.

0:47:02.960 --> 0:47:06.440
<v Speaker 6>They're not built honestly for women that have any kind

0:47:06.440 --> 0:47:10.760
<v Speaker 6>of autonomy over their finances, their their life, their body.

0:47:10.800 --> 0:47:13.759
<v Speaker 6>I mean, you got to think, for your, marriage has

0:47:13.800 --> 0:47:16.319
<v Speaker 6>been around since like twenty four hundred BC, and for

0:47:16.480 --> 0:47:20.000
<v Speaker 6>ninety nine percent of that time since then, marriage has

0:47:20.480 --> 0:47:24.080
<v Speaker 6>been a property contract, not a joining of two people.

0:47:24.120 --> 0:47:26.600
<v Speaker 6>People like to talk about this like two people become one,

0:47:26.680 --> 0:47:28.960
<v Speaker 6>Like it's just like the romantic ideal. You know what

0:47:29.000 --> 0:47:31.839
<v Speaker 6>the laws used to say in the United Slates, the

0:47:31.880 --> 0:47:35.440
<v Speaker 6>woman ceases to exist as a legal entity, and she

0:47:35.640 --> 0:47:40.200
<v Speaker 6>is properly incorporated into that of the man. Have you

0:47:40.239 --> 0:47:43.000
<v Speaker 6>ever heard like somebody say, you know who gives this

0:47:43.120 --> 0:47:46.759
<v Speaker 6>bride away at a wedding? It seem a little weird

0:47:46.800 --> 0:47:48.680
<v Speaker 6>that the ride is something to give away. You ever

0:47:48.719 --> 0:47:51.000
<v Speaker 6>heard like I now present to you, mister and missus

0:47:51.120 --> 0:47:53.320
<v Speaker 6>John Smith. Why did her name disappear?

0:47:53.360 --> 0:47:58.480
<v Speaker 1>Disappear? I think I'm realizing is that I thought, because

0:47:58.480 --> 0:48:01.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm so independent and knowledge and because I have my

0:48:01.080 --> 0:48:04.319
<v Speaker 1>own money, that a prenup was like less necessary for me.

0:48:04.400 --> 0:48:10.960
<v Speaker 1>That in retrospect sounds absolutely idiotic. I recognize that. However,

0:48:12.560 --> 0:48:14.200
<v Speaker 1>I think that's a mindset I had, was like I'll

0:48:14.239 --> 0:48:16.960
<v Speaker 1>be fine because like I got my own and I

0:48:17.040 --> 0:48:19.239
<v Speaker 1>know what to do. And if it comes down to that, like,

0:48:19.280 --> 0:48:21.759
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna hire a bang and ass attorney and we'll

0:48:21.760 --> 0:48:25.600
<v Speaker 1>be will be, we'll be we'll be good, right, Yeah,

0:48:26.200 --> 0:48:27.120
<v Speaker 1>yeah that I'm ready.

0:48:28.440 --> 0:48:31.640
<v Speaker 6>No, No, I think I I'm I'm right there with you.

0:48:31.719 --> 0:48:35.480
<v Speaker 6>I mean, the stigma is so strong, you know. Literally,

0:48:35.640 --> 0:48:37.640
<v Speaker 6>until I was in Finland, I thought the exact same

0:48:37.680 --> 0:48:40.279
<v Speaker 6>thing that everybody thinks, which is like prenups are for

0:48:40.440 --> 0:48:44.279
<v Speaker 6>super rich people or like Hollywood couples who change their

0:48:44.320 --> 0:48:48.000
<v Speaker 6>spouses like they do their pajamas, right, and and I

0:48:48.120 --> 0:48:51.360
<v Speaker 6>never got that it is like you were literally just

0:48:51.440 --> 0:48:55.239
<v Speaker 6>customizing the contract that you're signing up for, or.

0:48:55.280 --> 0:48:57.040
<v Speaker 1>Just women who like are in a marriage. I think

0:48:57.040 --> 0:48:59.000
<v Speaker 1>about Charlotte and Sex and the City, who was like

0:48:59.440 --> 0:49:01.480
<v Speaker 1>gonna be a homemaker and left her job at the

0:49:01.480 --> 0:49:05.080
<v Speaker 1>gallery to marry what's his phase with the rectile dysfunction

0:49:05.640 --> 0:49:08.520
<v Speaker 1>and like, and she was fighting over I deserve more

0:49:08.560 --> 0:49:10.880
<v Speaker 1>than you know whatever, I deserve a million dollars and

0:49:11.000 --> 0:49:13.560
<v Speaker 1>if we get divorced, and like, for I was thinking

0:49:13.600 --> 0:49:16.080
<v Speaker 1>it was more for women who weren't coming into the

0:49:16.080 --> 0:49:18.040
<v Speaker 1>marriage with something so that they'd be protective if it

0:49:18.080 --> 0:49:19.840
<v Speaker 1>didn't work out and you wouldn't be like out on

0:49:19.880 --> 0:49:23.600
<v Speaker 1>your ass. Yeah, and so I think I just which

0:49:23.760 --> 0:49:26.680
<v Speaker 1>maybe is a little bit valid, But I didn't know

0:49:26.719 --> 0:49:29.839
<v Speaker 1>the rest of that. I didn't absorb it, but now

0:49:29.880 --> 0:49:30.200
<v Speaker 1>I do.

0:49:30.760 --> 0:49:34.200
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it is, you know, it is

0:49:34.280 --> 0:49:37.160
<v Speaker 6>really about getting clarity about where you stand, you know,

0:49:37.320 --> 0:49:39.640
<v Speaker 6>and if you are married to the type of person

0:49:39.760 --> 0:49:44.080
<v Speaker 6>who say you are that person, that is your career

0:49:44.120 --> 0:49:46.160
<v Speaker 6>is going to take a back seat to your spouse's

0:49:46.200 --> 0:49:48.400
<v Speaker 6>career because you were going to be more of the homemaker,

0:49:48.440 --> 0:49:51.400
<v Speaker 6>you were going to raise the kids. You are counting

0:49:51.600 --> 0:49:55.200
<v Speaker 6>on this idea that your spouse's earnings are going to

0:49:55.239 --> 0:49:57.920
<v Speaker 6>be there to support you, that your spouse's retirement is

0:49:57.960 --> 0:50:00.959
<v Speaker 6>going to be your retirement. And wouldn't it be good

0:50:00.960 --> 0:50:03.759
<v Speaker 6>to know before you quit your job and leave the

0:50:03.760 --> 0:50:06.040
<v Speaker 6>workforce for ten years whether or not you're married to

0:50:06.080 --> 0:50:08.600
<v Speaker 6>somebody who thinks this is my retirement and if you

0:50:08.680 --> 0:50:10.919
<v Speaker 6>leave me, you're out on your own. I mean, isn't

0:50:10.960 --> 0:50:13.200
<v Speaker 6>that something to like? Wouldn't that be something nice to

0:50:13.239 --> 0:50:17.160
<v Speaker 6>lock in because otherwise you're living in this, you know,

0:50:17.239 --> 0:50:19.560
<v Speaker 6>in this in between world where you know you don't

0:50:19.600 --> 0:50:23.400
<v Speaker 6>have explicitly defined expectations. You have your idea, they have

0:50:23.480 --> 0:50:25.600
<v Speaker 6>their idea, and whether or not these ideas of what

0:50:25.640 --> 0:50:28.600
<v Speaker 6>your financial arrangements are ever voiced, it is going to

0:50:28.719 --> 0:50:33.520
<v Speaker 6>cause friction along the way. Forty percent of married American

0:50:33.560 --> 0:50:36.960
<v Speaker 6>couples don't know how much their spouse makes don't know

0:50:37.000 --> 0:50:40.279
<v Speaker 6>their spouse's income. That is like the most basic, like

0:50:40.320 --> 0:50:43.239
<v Speaker 6>if you're just the person doing the taxes in your household,

0:50:43.000 --> 0:50:45.279
<v Speaker 6>would you would have that information. But the fact that

0:50:45.480 --> 0:50:48.719
<v Speaker 6>almost half of American households are living in these situations

0:50:48.760 --> 0:50:51.399
<v Speaker 6>where one doesn't even know the other one's income. They

0:50:51.480 --> 0:50:53.480
<v Speaker 6>certainly don't know how much they have in retirement, they

0:50:53.480 --> 0:50:55.840
<v Speaker 6>certainly don't know their you know their total asset, or

0:50:55.920 --> 0:50:58.719
<v Speaker 6>how much they have in credit card debt. And so

0:50:59.320 --> 0:51:02.600
<v Speaker 6>you basically in a financial situation where your spouse is

0:51:02.640 --> 0:51:06.120
<v Speaker 6>hiding your own money from you. Legally, they are hiding

0:51:06.120 --> 0:51:08.600
<v Speaker 6>your own money from you. Or if you're the person

0:51:08.760 --> 0:51:11.000
<v Speaker 6>where you have all the accounts and everything is in

0:51:11.040 --> 0:51:13.480
<v Speaker 6>your name and they don't have the logins, they don't

0:51:13.480 --> 0:51:17.400
<v Speaker 6>have access, you're hiding legally their money from them. And

0:51:17.640 --> 0:51:19.759
<v Speaker 6>some people will be cool to say, Hey, I got

0:51:19.760 --> 0:51:22.640
<v Speaker 6>my retirement, you got your business. I got my car,

0:51:22.760 --> 0:51:24.440
<v Speaker 6>you got your car. I got my play money account,

0:51:24.440 --> 0:51:25.920
<v Speaker 6>you got your play mone account. We've got a onejoint

0:51:25.920 --> 0:51:28.160
<v Speaker 6>account that's our fifty to fifty that's our ours, and

0:51:28.200 --> 0:51:30.960
<v Speaker 6>our MARYL home that's ours and everything else. But if

0:51:30.960 --> 0:51:34.080
<v Speaker 6>you're that person and that's your agreement, you got to

0:51:34.120 --> 0:51:37.120
<v Speaker 6>lock it in because, as everyone who's gone through a

0:51:37.160 --> 0:51:40.080
<v Speaker 6>divorce says, like those agreements of like, that's yours, I

0:51:40.080 --> 0:51:42.319
<v Speaker 6>don't want any of your ex you don't want any

0:51:42.360 --> 0:51:45.239
<v Speaker 6>of my wy That goes out the window when the

0:51:45.280 --> 0:51:46.239
<v Speaker 6>divorce papers.

0:51:45.880 --> 0:51:49.040
<v Speaker 1>Are I think sometimes you're thinking about negotiating with the

0:51:49.040 --> 0:51:51.600
<v Speaker 1>other person who is like a sweet person and blah

0:51:51.640 --> 0:51:53.759
<v Speaker 1>blah blah, wouldn't hurt a fly. But once they get it,

0:51:53.840 --> 0:51:58.200
<v Speaker 1>they lawyer up right, it's the Aaron Thomas of it all.

0:51:58.480 --> 0:52:00.720
<v Speaker 1>Who's going to be like, oh, I represent the wife

0:52:00.760 --> 0:52:03.319
<v Speaker 1>or the husband or whoever, and like I'm gonna isn't

0:52:03.320 --> 0:52:05.680
<v Speaker 1>that kind of the I mean, am I wrong there?

0:52:05.719 --> 0:52:08.839
<v Speaker 1>That's the attorney's job, right, is to negotiate the best

0:52:08.920 --> 0:52:12.759
<v Speaker 1>terms for their client. And if you have separate representation,

0:52:13.480 --> 0:52:15.640
<v Speaker 1>maybe your husband doesn't know all he could be asking for,

0:52:16.239 --> 0:52:18.920
<v Speaker 1>but the attorney hope you know the one that he hired.

0:52:19.000 --> 0:52:21.759
<v Speaker 6>Will will highlight that, Yes, it's the attorneys, but it's

0:52:21.760 --> 0:52:25.120
<v Speaker 6>also the entire legal system. It is not set up

0:52:25.560 --> 0:52:31.319
<v Speaker 6>to ease the path for amicable divorces and these like

0:52:31.440 --> 0:52:36.680
<v Speaker 6>cooperative settlements. No, the system is set up to incentivize

0:52:36.719 --> 0:52:40.920
<v Speaker 6>I mean, first of all, trials litigation are wars of information,

0:52:41.400 --> 0:52:44.360
<v Speaker 6>and I win my cases by having as much information

0:52:44.400 --> 0:52:46.840
<v Speaker 6>about the cow case and having the other side know

0:52:46.880 --> 0:52:49.920
<v Speaker 6>as little as humanly possible about my case. So as

0:52:49.960 --> 0:52:51.920
<v Speaker 6>soon as you hire up the lawyer is going to

0:52:52.000 --> 0:52:54.240
<v Speaker 6>tell you in your own interests, don't tell them anything,

0:52:54.320 --> 0:52:56.960
<v Speaker 6>stop talking to them, don't listen, don't negotiate without me,

0:52:57.560 --> 0:52:59.640
<v Speaker 6>don't hand over a single statement unless I tell you

0:52:59.719 --> 0:53:01.160
<v Speaker 6>that you're supposed to do that. And then the other

0:53:01.200 --> 0:53:04.800
<v Speaker 6>side is going to do the same. And because divorce

0:53:04.880 --> 0:53:07.719
<v Speaker 6>litigation is this weird world where all of the things

0:53:07.760 --> 0:53:09.919
<v Speaker 6>that would be totally like irrelevant, like you're not even

0:53:09.960 --> 0:53:12.360
<v Speaker 6>allowed to bring them up in court, like your sex

0:53:12.440 --> 0:53:14.319
<v Speaker 6>life and what kind of parents you are in the home,

0:53:14.440 --> 0:53:17.480
<v Speaker 6>and like all of those kinds of details are exactly

0:53:17.520 --> 0:53:20.600
<v Speaker 6>what is relevant in the middle of a divorce case.

0:53:21.680 --> 0:53:25.719
<v Speaker 1>And so why are you nodding. I mean, does that happen?

0:53:25.719 --> 0:53:26.799
<v Speaker 1>Does that happen? Do you know?

0:53:27.080 --> 0:53:28.760
<v Speaker 3>If you want to give personal.

0:53:30.000 --> 0:53:32.600
<v Speaker 4>My divorce was a little different in that he went

0:53:32.640 --> 0:53:36.080
<v Speaker 4>to jail for abuse, and he was in jail when

0:53:36.120 --> 0:53:39.719
<v Speaker 4>I filed for divorce. But still he could have took

0:53:39.800 --> 0:53:43.359
<v Speaker 4>my house, He could have took everything I had, even

0:53:43.400 --> 0:53:44.880
<v Speaker 4>though he was in jail for abuse.

0:53:47.120 --> 0:53:51.000
<v Speaker 6>Here's the thing. They don't think they're taking advantage. It's

0:53:51.080 --> 0:53:54.000
<v Speaker 6>like you saw sixth sense, Like they don't know they're dead,

0:53:54.360 --> 0:53:58.000
<v Speaker 6>like the people who are going through litigation. So in

0:53:58.040 --> 0:54:01.000
<v Speaker 6>forty one out of the fifty states, they don't have

0:54:01.040 --> 0:54:03.640
<v Speaker 6>to split your assets fifty fifth, which can still have

0:54:03.760 --> 0:54:07.279
<v Speaker 6>some unfair, you know, outcomes depending on what your situation was,

0:54:07.320 --> 0:54:09.840
<v Speaker 6>Which means that the court can split a fifty to fifty,

0:54:09.880 --> 0:54:12.080
<v Speaker 6>but they can also do sixty forty or seventy thirty

0:54:12.160 --> 0:54:16.120
<v Speaker 6>or eighty twenty based on the judge's subjective belief about

0:54:16.200 --> 0:54:20.279
<v Speaker 6>each spouse's contributions to the marriage, contributions both financial contributions

0:54:20.360 --> 0:54:24.399
<v Speaker 6>and non financial contributions. And here's the thing is people

0:54:24.440 --> 0:54:27.600
<v Speaker 6>who are in like true fifty to fifty relationships, even

0:54:27.640 --> 0:54:30.560
<v Speaker 6>those people still each spouse feels like they're given sixty

0:54:30.560 --> 0:54:33.320
<v Speaker 6>five percent. They feel like they're doing the majority of

0:54:33.360 --> 0:54:35.600
<v Speaker 6>the work. Everybody in a relationship feels like they've been

0:54:35.600 --> 0:54:38.200
<v Speaker 6>doing the majority of the stuff. So they don't think

0:54:38.200 --> 0:54:41.120
<v Speaker 6>they're taking advantage. They think, you know, like if you

0:54:41.160 --> 0:54:42.839
<v Speaker 6>earn the money, you think like, I earn the money.

0:54:42.840 --> 0:54:44.279
<v Speaker 6>I'm the one that went out there and busted my

0:54:44.320 --> 0:54:46.319
<v Speaker 6>butt and put the dollars in the bank account. And

0:54:46.360 --> 0:54:48.319
<v Speaker 6>the other person is thinking, yeah, while you were out

0:54:48.320 --> 0:54:50.359
<v Speaker 6>there doing that, I was holding downs on the home

0:54:50.360 --> 0:54:52.719
<v Speaker 6>front and getting the kids to soccer and cleaning up

0:54:52.719 --> 0:54:55.120
<v Speaker 6>the house and you know, managing you know, the folks

0:54:55.120 --> 0:54:57.120
<v Speaker 6>coming in the lawn folks, and I was paying the babysitters,

0:54:57.160 --> 0:54:58.600
<v Speaker 6>and I was doing all of this. You couldn't have

0:54:58.600 --> 0:55:00.920
<v Speaker 6>built any of that without me, and I put my

0:55:01.000 --> 0:55:02.600
<v Speaker 6>career on hold for that. So at least you walk

0:55:02.600 --> 0:55:06.319
<v Speaker 6>away with a job. And so each person has like

0:55:06.360 --> 0:55:08.840
<v Speaker 6>the moral high ground in their own mind as to

0:55:08.880 --> 0:55:12.480
<v Speaker 6>why they're going after the money. And that's why divorce

0:55:12.600 --> 0:55:16.920
<v Speaker 6>is not set up for, you know, for easy settlements.

0:55:16.920 --> 0:55:19.960
<v Speaker 6>Everybody's got a point, everyone's got a reason, a valid

0:55:20.000 --> 0:55:22.319
<v Speaker 6>reason in their mind why they deserve the majority of

0:55:22.320 --> 0:55:25.399
<v Speaker 6>the money. And so the only way to do it

0:55:25.440 --> 0:55:29.080
<v Speaker 6>is to decide who owns what when you love each other,

0:55:29.520 --> 0:55:31.759
<v Speaker 6>rather than leaving that decision to be made when you

0:55:31.800 --> 0:55:32.399
<v Speaker 6>hate each other.

0:55:33.880 --> 0:55:38.840
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, but Aaron, I also like your approach to pronounce

0:55:38.880 --> 0:55:42.799
<v Speaker 4>when you're saying it's not just about what happens in

0:55:42.880 --> 0:55:46.480
<v Speaker 4>the in the case that you separate. It also provides

0:55:46.560 --> 0:55:49.600
<v Speaker 4>a roadmap of how you're going to handle your finances

0:55:49.640 --> 0:55:52.120
<v Speaker 4>through your marriage, and something that you can reference and

0:55:52.160 --> 0:55:54.400
<v Speaker 4>come back to that.

0:55:54.440 --> 0:55:58.560
<v Speaker 6>Is that is you know, once I realize that, you know,

0:55:59.320 --> 0:56:01.520
<v Speaker 6>I was going to have a prenup. So I got

0:56:01.600 --> 0:56:05.640
<v Speaker 6>married nine years ago in April, and once I realized

0:56:05.640 --> 0:56:08.360
<v Speaker 6>that I was going to have a prenup in my marriage,

0:56:08.440 --> 0:56:10.719
<v Speaker 6>I started thinking, how could I take this further? Like,

0:56:10.760 --> 0:56:13.040
<v Speaker 6>how could I make this into a prenup that not

0:56:13.120 --> 0:56:16.440
<v Speaker 6>only yes, obviously I want to avoid a messy divorce

0:56:16.480 --> 0:56:20.160
<v Speaker 6>case that should not be super controversial. But what other

0:56:20.239 --> 0:56:21.600
<v Speaker 6>things can I do if I'm going to go down

0:56:21.640 --> 0:56:24.600
<v Speaker 6>this path, If I truly believe that discussing finances on

0:56:24.640 --> 0:56:26.040
<v Speaker 6>the front end and getting on the same page of

0:56:26.080 --> 0:56:28.160
<v Speaker 6>these types of things is going to be beneficial to

0:56:28.200 --> 0:56:31.080
<v Speaker 6>my marriage, what would the perfect marriage look like what

0:56:31.120 --> 0:56:33.000
<v Speaker 6>could we do, and so me and my wife said down.

0:56:33.040 --> 0:56:34.560
<v Speaker 6>It came up with like a list of rules, and

0:56:34.560 --> 0:56:36.400
<v Speaker 6>so one of them is we have it in our

0:56:36.440 --> 0:56:38.319
<v Speaker 6>pre nup that either one of us can request up

0:56:38.360 --> 0:56:44.200
<v Speaker 6>to three counseling sessions per year. And there's no questions asked,

0:56:44.440 --> 0:56:47.160
<v Speaker 6>there's no you know, what usually happens is somebody suggest counseling,

0:56:47.200 --> 0:56:48.840
<v Speaker 6>but it's on the tail end of an argument, so

0:56:48.880 --> 0:56:50.920
<v Speaker 6>it comes off like it's an accusation, like something's wrong

0:56:50.960 --> 0:56:53.120
<v Speaker 6>with you counseling, you go to counseling. I don't need counseling,

0:56:53.400 --> 0:56:55.760
<v Speaker 6>you know, like something that you need rather than something

0:56:55.760 --> 0:56:58.799
<v Speaker 6>that you do as like maintenance, your annual physical for

0:56:58.880 --> 0:57:02.400
<v Speaker 6>your relationship. And so we put that in our agreement.

0:57:02.680 --> 0:57:04.600
<v Speaker 6>We have it in our prenup that neither one of

0:57:04.680 --> 0:57:06.600
<v Speaker 6>us can spend over five hundred dollars from any joint

0:57:06.600 --> 0:57:08.879
<v Speaker 6>account unless it's approved by both of us ahead of time.

0:57:09.360 --> 0:57:11.400
<v Speaker 6>And that heads off of the past like all of

0:57:11.400 --> 0:57:13.680
<v Speaker 6>these you know, you spend what wait a minute, you

0:57:13.680 --> 0:57:15.920
<v Speaker 6>spend you spend all the money from the joint bank account.

0:57:15.920 --> 0:57:17.320
<v Speaker 6>I guess, I guess I'm not getting anything. You know,

0:57:17.320 --> 0:57:19.560
<v Speaker 6>I guess I'm meeting McDonald's this month, those types of

0:57:19.680 --> 0:57:22.880
<v Speaker 6>arguments about like the individual expenses over the course of

0:57:22.880 --> 0:57:25.640
<v Speaker 6>the relationship, and then deciding how our money was going

0:57:25.680 --> 0:57:27.680
<v Speaker 6>to flow through our bank accounts. So we each have

0:57:27.760 --> 0:57:30.640
<v Speaker 6>our own discretionary money that gets taken out of our

0:57:30.720 --> 0:57:33.560
<v Speaker 6>joint pot every month, so that I can maintain some

0:57:33.640 --> 0:57:36.240
<v Speaker 6>autonomy over my spending like I had the first thirty

0:57:36.240 --> 0:57:38.000
<v Speaker 6>five years of my life before we got together, and

0:57:38.080 --> 0:57:39.920
<v Speaker 6>she can do the same where she can spend her

0:57:39.920 --> 0:57:42.800
<v Speaker 6>money without us having to argue about every little thing

0:57:42.880 --> 0:57:45.160
<v Speaker 6>because we have some of our own money, We've got

0:57:45.160 --> 0:57:48.919
<v Speaker 6>our joint money, and we've built in annual meetings into

0:57:49.000 --> 0:57:51.240
<v Speaker 6>our relationship where we sit down and talk about the finances,

0:57:51.280 --> 0:57:54.040
<v Speaker 6>like taking a lot of the guesswork about what makes

0:57:54.040 --> 0:57:58.760
<v Speaker 6>for a healthy relationship by systematizing it and putting it

0:57:58.800 --> 0:58:01.760
<v Speaker 6>in writing on the front end of your relationship. So, yes,

0:58:01.880 --> 0:58:06.280
<v Speaker 6>we have a roadmap that makes it more likely that

0:58:06.400 --> 0:58:09.200
<v Speaker 6>will actually stay together. We wrote a prenup that makes

0:58:09.240 --> 0:58:10.520
<v Speaker 6>it more likely that we won't have.

0:58:10.520 --> 0:58:11.000
<v Speaker 5>To use it.

0:58:11.560 --> 0:58:14.720
<v Speaker 6>You know, there's two ways. There's two ways to avoid

0:58:14.760 --> 0:58:18.840
<v Speaker 6>a messy divorce. Right one to stay together that works

0:58:19.080 --> 0:58:22.080
<v Speaker 6>fIF percent of the time. And the other is to

0:58:22.080 --> 0:58:24.880
<v Speaker 6>get a prenup or a post nup, And if you

0:58:24.960 --> 0:58:27.240
<v Speaker 6>work on both of those together, you're really getting the

0:58:27.280 --> 0:58:29.840
<v Speaker 6>best of both worlds and setting yourself up to where

0:58:30.000 --> 0:58:31.520
<v Speaker 6>you're protecting no matter what happens.

0:58:31.800 --> 0:58:35.520
<v Speaker 1>It's also like, through the course of going through a prenup,

0:58:35.800 --> 0:58:38.880
<v Speaker 1>having to ask questions and if you're having arguments over

0:58:38.920 --> 0:58:40.720
<v Speaker 1>these questions or the other person is like, well, I

0:58:40.760 --> 0:58:43.440
<v Speaker 1>don't want to tell you all that, Like you're finding

0:58:43.480 --> 0:58:46.640
<v Speaker 1>things out about a relationship, and I think that almost

0:58:46.840 --> 0:58:50.320
<v Speaker 1>becomes sort of like a filter or like a pre

0:58:50.400 --> 0:58:53.080
<v Speaker 1>screen for your partner, Like, can we get through this

0:58:53.160 --> 0:58:56.120
<v Speaker 1>prenup process without wanting to kill each other? If not,

0:58:56.320 --> 0:59:00.280
<v Speaker 1>then maybe you're not ready, Aaron, I want we only

0:59:00.280 --> 0:59:02.680
<v Speaker 1>have a couple of minutes left. I wanted to ask

0:59:02.720 --> 0:59:05.960
<v Speaker 1>about Janelly's situation. So you are partnered but not married,

0:59:06.360 --> 0:59:08.240
<v Speaker 1>so for and I think a lot more women are

0:59:08.280 --> 0:59:10.800
<v Speaker 1>doing that and couples in general. So how can you

0:59:10.840 --> 0:59:15.280
<v Speaker 1>protect yourself if you're not in a formal or illegal marriage.

0:59:16.280 --> 0:59:19.600
<v Speaker 6>Well, if you're not, if you're not married, that old

0:59:19.720 --> 0:59:24.080
<v Speaker 6>intuitive rule applies. What's in your name belongs to you.

0:59:24.080 --> 0:59:27.120
<v Speaker 6>Your debts that are in your name belong to you,

0:59:27.120 --> 0:59:29.880
<v Speaker 6>Your assets that are in your name belong to you. Uh,

0:59:29.920 --> 0:59:31.760
<v Speaker 6>and you don't need to go any further until you

0:59:31.840 --> 0:59:34.800
<v Speaker 6>start doing any kind of like joint investing. Probably the

0:59:34.800 --> 0:59:38.520
<v Speaker 6>most common thing that unmarried couples will do is if

0:59:38.560 --> 0:59:40.600
<v Speaker 6>they are buying a piece of property together, or if

0:59:40.600 --> 0:59:42.919
<v Speaker 6>they're living and they're on a lease together, that they'll

0:59:42.920 --> 0:59:46.320
<v Speaker 6>sign some kind of cohabitation agreement that says, Okay, if

0:59:46.480 --> 0:59:49.920
<v Speaker 6>we break up, how do we how do we handle

0:59:49.920 --> 0:59:52.000
<v Speaker 6>anything that is in joint names, whether that's an asset

0:59:52.200 --> 0:59:54.680
<v Speaker 6>or a debt, And that just you know, removes some

0:59:54.720 --> 0:59:57.520
<v Speaker 6>of the messiness around. Say you bought a house together

0:59:58.040 --> 1:00:00.240
<v Speaker 6>and you can't take it anymore, you move out, you want

1:00:00.280 --> 1:00:01.640
<v Speaker 6>to get your equity out of that house. You know

1:00:01.640 --> 1:00:04.560
<v Speaker 6>how difficult that's going to be. Sometimes it's more expensive

1:00:04.560 --> 1:00:07.400
<v Speaker 6>than a divorce case. That's how complex those types of

1:00:07.400 --> 1:00:08.920
<v Speaker 6>things are, because what are you gonna do, you know,

1:00:09.000 --> 1:00:12.560
<v Speaker 6>force a sale, are you going to force a refinance?

1:00:12.960 --> 1:00:14.960
<v Speaker 6>Particularly when you you got it on a three percent

1:00:15.000 --> 1:00:17.400
<v Speaker 6>interest right now and now there's seven you know, you're

1:00:17.800 --> 1:00:20.960
<v Speaker 6>you're in for a fight. So that is definitely, you know,

1:00:21.040 --> 1:00:23.680
<v Speaker 6>and that's that is a growing area of of of

1:00:23.760 --> 1:00:26.080
<v Speaker 6>the law as well as cohabitation agreements and people who

1:00:26.320 --> 1:00:28.680
<v Speaker 6>have chosen to say, Okay, maybe I don't actually want

1:00:28.680 --> 1:00:30.920
<v Speaker 6>to go down this marriage road with all of these

1:00:30.920 --> 1:00:33.480
<v Speaker 6>other complications and things that I that I didn't ask for.

1:00:33.840 --> 1:00:35.840
<v Speaker 6>But if we do buy a house together, if we

1:00:35.880 --> 1:00:38.600
<v Speaker 6>do some kind of like investment together, even if we're

1:00:38.640 --> 1:00:40.400
<v Speaker 6>just living together on the long term lease and we're

1:00:40.400 --> 1:00:42.720
<v Speaker 6>both buying things, they're coming into the same house, maybe

1:00:42.720 --> 1:00:45.480
<v Speaker 6>we want to just get something on paper to make sure, like, Okay,

1:00:45.560 --> 1:00:48.120
<v Speaker 6>if things go left, you know, which, how are we

1:00:48.200 --> 1:00:50.360
<v Speaker 6>going to get out of this without both of us

1:00:50.400 --> 1:00:52.560
<v Speaker 6>having a lawyer up and spend tens of thousands of

1:00:52.600 --> 1:00:53.520
<v Speaker 6>dollars that we don't have.

1:00:54.240 --> 1:00:57.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and ya, Nellie, why was it that Aaron? Like

1:00:57.200 --> 1:00:59.560
<v Speaker 1>why what what did he say that had you thinking like, Okay,

1:00:59.560 --> 1:01:02.040
<v Speaker 1>maybe I could see myself getting married.

1:01:02.680 --> 1:01:05.240
<v Speaker 5>I mean, for me, it has always been a thing

1:01:05.280 --> 1:01:10.440
<v Speaker 5>of like my family defines marriage as like a religious ceremony,

1:01:11.000 --> 1:01:13.400
<v Speaker 5>and my boyfriend and I we both have we grew

1:01:13.480 --> 1:01:18.560
<v Speaker 5>up very like strict Catholic Dominican American households, where you

1:01:18.600 --> 1:01:21.800
<v Speaker 5>know that's your values are the church, right, But once

1:01:21.840 --> 1:01:23.600
<v Speaker 5>we both went off to college and like, you know,

1:01:24.200 --> 1:01:26.400
<v Speaker 5>my mom would say, we we became secular.

1:01:26.480 --> 1:01:29.280
<v Speaker 2>We start sitting right, we're now living the sending lives.

1:01:29.480 --> 1:01:32.280
<v Speaker 1>But we just we kind of educated elite, right.

1:01:32.360 --> 1:01:35.360
<v Speaker 5>We went from you know, the Catholic church to well,

1:01:35.360 --> 1:01:36.840
<v Speaker 5>my mom would say a lot of things, but anyway,

1:01:36.880 --> 1:01:39.080
<v Speaker 5>the point is we kind of both disconnected a lot

1:01:39.120 --> 1:01:42.320
<v Speaker 5>from like the our upbringings and the religious part of

1:01:42.360 --> 1:01:45.080
<v Speaker 5>our life being the core value that drives everything else

1:01:45.360 --> 1:01:48.960
<v Speaker 5>to now having very different core values and but still

1:01:49.000 --> 1:01:50.560
<v Speaker 5>aligning in a lot of ways in terms of like, oh,

1:01:50.560 --> 1:01:52.400
<v Speaker 5>we understand that our parents are desperate to see us

1:01:52.400 --> 1:01:55.880
<v Speaker 5>get married, but we both understood that in their eyes,

1:01:55.920 --> 1:01:58.560
<v Speaker 5>marriage is this love thing that happens in the church,

1:01:58.680 --> 1:02:00.640
<v Speaker 5>and in our eyes we both on should know it

1:02:00.720 --> 1:02:01.680
<v Speaker 5>is a legal contract.

1:02:01.680 --> 1:02:03.920
<v Speaker 2>It's a piece of paper. Actually is what marriage is.

1:02:04.040 --> 1:02:06.040
<v Speaker 2>This is why you have to sign that marriage license

1:02:06.080 --> 1:02:06.560
<v Speaker 2>at the church.

1:02:06.640 --> 1:02:09.280
<v Speaker 5>Okay, So like in our minds we just view we

1:02:09.320 --> 1:02:12.200
<v Speaker 5>had different definitions of marriage from our families and my

1:02:13.000 --> 1:02:15.400
<v Speaker 5>entire our entire relationship, we have both been completely okay

1:02:15.440 --> 1:02:18.200
<v Speaker 5>with being the weirdos, the not normal ones in the

1:02:18.240 --> 1:02:20.840
<v Speaker 5>family who don't do things the way that my you know,

1:02:20.880 --> 1:02:22.800
<v Speaker 5>buy the books the way my parents and his parents

1:02:22.800 --> 1:02:26.600
<v Speaker 5>have wanted us to. But we also feel really badly

1:02:26.640 --> 1:02:29.160
<v Speaker 5>about that because we want to make our parents happy

1:02:29.200 --> 1:02:31.200
<v Speaker 5>and proud of us. Like we you know, we both

1:02:31.280 --> 1:02:33.600
<v Speaker 5>just feel really bad every time they see us for

1:02:33.680 --> 1:02:36.640
<v Speaker 5>the holidays. They're like, stand, like, why are.

1:02:36.640 --> 1:02:38.040
<v Speaker 2>You torturing us?

1:02:38.160 --> 1:02:40.080
<v Speaker 5>We just want grandbabies, and we just want you to

1:02:40.080 --> 1:02:41.560
<v Speaker 5>get married so you can go to heaven.

1:02:41.640 --> 1:02:42.840
<v Speaker 1>We don't want you living in sin.

1:02:44.320 --> 1:02:46.400
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, And I'm just like, you know, I don't want

1:02:46.440 --> 1:02:48.360
<v Speaker 5>to hurt them. I don't want to cause them pain

1:02:48.440 --> 1:02:50.440
<v Speaker 5>if they're on their deathbeds. Like and they said the

1:02:50.480 --> 1:02:52.120
<v Speaker 5>one last and wish they had was for us to

1:02:52.120 --> 1:02:54.439
<v Speaker 5>get married, Like, oh, I would brant and get married

1:02:54.480 --> 1:02:56.640
<v Speaker 5>because I just feel so bad for my parents, right.

1:02:56.920 --> 1:02:59.400
<v Speaker 5>But I never found it something that aligned with the

1:02:59.440 --> 1:03:02.880
<v Speaker 5>way that I view my world, like my worldview as

1:03:02.920 --> 1:03:05.680
<v Speaker 5>a woman who has worked really hard to not become

1:03:06.120 --> 1:03:10.720
<v Speaker 5>this like submissive housewive woman who's who's dependent upon you.

1:03:10.680 --> 1:03:11.800
<v Speaker 2>Know, her her spouse.

1:03:11.840 --> 1:03:14.440
<v Speaker 5>And so that was the first time I had the

1:03:14.560 --> 1:03:17.640
<v Speaker 5>understanding that you could structure a marriage in a way

1:03:17.840 --> 1:03:20.560
<v Speaker 5>that was fair to both parties and not aligned with

1:03:20.600 --> 1:03:23.640
<v Speaker 5>like the conventional approach to marriage, which is very much

1:03:24.240 --> 1:03:27.120
<v Speaker 5>you know, the male dominates in a heteronormative relationship, that

1:03:27.120 --> 1:03:29.600
<v Speaker 5>the male kind of dominates, takes control, that you take

1:03:29.600 --> 1:03:31.760
<v Speaker 5>his last name and you become his property, that you know,

1:03:31.800 --> 1:03:33.320
<v Speaker 5>you do what he says, and he kind of manages

1:03:33.320 --> 1:03:34.640
<v Speaker 5>the finances, you merge everything.

1:03:34.720 --> 1:03:36.320
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, absolutely not.

1:03:36.400 --> 1:03:39.000
<v Speaker 5>I work too damn hard to you know, grow my

1:03:39.080 --> 1:03:42.120
<v Speaker 5>investments and to learn all this stuff to like default

1:03:42.160 --> 1:03:44.920
<v Speaker 5>to just letting someone else like have control over it.

1:03:45.000 --> 1:03:46.840
<v Speaker 5>But Aaron kind of opened my eyes to the fact

1:03:46.840 --> 1:03:48.600
<v Speaker 5>that that's not how every marriage has to be. And

1:03:48.640 --> 1:03:51.200
<v Speaker 5>if you write a prenuptial agreement that you both feels

1:03:51.240 --> 1:03:53.600
<v Speaker 5>fair and that you both agree on and then enter

1:03:53.680 --> 1:03:55.840
<v Speaker 5>the marriage, you're so much more likely to have a

1:03:55.880 --> 1:03:59.880
<v Speaker 5>healthy marriage and also healthy couple of finances.

1:04:01.960 --> 1:04:04.720
<v Speaker 1>That's a word I feel like I needed to. I mean,

1:04:04.720 --> 1:04:06.680
<v Speaker 1>it's nice to meet you now, Erin, but I kind

1:04:06.680 --> 1:04:10.840
<v Speaker 1>of wish, like eight and a half years ago or so,

1:04:13.120 --> 1:04:15.880
<v Speaker 1>where were you. It's not too late. Well, I want

1:04:15.880 --> 1:04:19.320
<v Speaker 1>to thank our guest Aaron Thomas for coming on the show.

1:04:19.440 --> 1:04:19.600
<v Speaker 6>Erin.

1:04:19.640 --> 1:04:21.120
<v Speaker 1>I know your book is right behind you, but you

1:04:21.160 --> 1:04:22.720
<v Speaker 1>want to hold it up. Tell ba Fam where they

1:04:22.760 --> 1:04:23.880
<v Speaker 1>can get that book.

1:04:23.600 --> 1:04:28.480
<v Speaker 6>Of yours Prescription Meet the pre Marital Contract designed to

1:04:28.600 --> 1:04:32.200
<v Speaker 6>save your marriage. It is on Amazon and everywhere else

1:04:32.200 --> 1:04:33.120
<v Speaker 6>where you can give books.

1:04:33.400 --> 1:04:38.480
<v Speaker 1>That is a beautiful cover. I love it absolutely. Congratulations

1:04:38.560 --> 1:04:42.480
<v Speaker 1>three times Atlanta's best divorce attorney doing big things in

1:04:42.520 --> 1:04:46.640
<v Speaker 1>my home state, my hometown to yan Ellie Nasima, thank

1:04:46.640 --> 1:04:48.840
<v Speaker 1>you so much for joining me at the Brown Table

1:04:48.920 --> 1:04:53.040
<v Speaker 1>and BA Fam. We will see y'all Friday for the

1:04:53.120 --> 1:04:58.920
<v Speaker 1>ba Qa