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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Brown table. How's everybody? You look at you?

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Speaker 2: Hillarious?

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Speaker 3: My goodness, hold on, let me get the poll.

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Speaker 4: Oh oh my god.

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Speaker 3: No, you gotta do the white.

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Speaker 2: You gotta do the white. You did it, you did.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't mind the bicycle shirt. Hold on. You don't

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Speaker 1: understand how hard it is to get Here's the truth.

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Speaker 2: Get rid of the eyebrow.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm using the light of shade on my

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Speaker 1: highlighter palette. I'm like, Okay, I thought I was winter pale,

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Speaker 1: but you know what, I got a little melony. It's

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Speaker 1: a little hard. You know what else, you guys, I

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Speaker 1: have been sitting here for so long, dress like I really.

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Speaker 3: Wonder, like what was going on?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I've been sitting here. No, it's so embarrassing.

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Speaker 1: I have been sitting here for so long dressed like

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Speaker 1: this because we are late. We're like forty We're almost

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Speaker 1: an hour late for the show. And I did this

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Speaker 1: beforehand because I was like, I need to test this

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Speaker 1: makeup and see if I can get.

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Speaker 2: I get to look down.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, but today I am on Niger Robinson.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Brand a Vision podcast from Brooklyn. From Brooklyn,

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Speaker 1: I can't do the I thought it was the Bronx.

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Speaker 1: I can't do any Bronx. Give me twenty thousand, one hundred.

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Speaker 1: Give me Land. I need, I need Lims, I need.

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Speaker 2: Everybody keeps talking about I need the American woman. I'm like,

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Speaker 2: she's not an American woman. She's from she's a new woman.

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Speaker 2: Let's get it straight, particular speaking, let's get it right.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I don't know if she like set

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Speaker 1: black American tourists like back or put us ahead.

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Speaker 4: So I'm just like, well, I didn't take that woman

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Speaker 4: out already, like we know how it goes out.

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Speaker 1: There for a minute, Porkustan media and people were very

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Speaker 1: kind to her. I've heard I have read.

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Speaker 3: She may wait to Dubai.

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Speaker 1: Dubai.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, there was clips of her in Dubai like she

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Speaker 5: was back. I was like, wait a minute, Oh.

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Speaker 4: No, okay, I'm not caught up. Obviously I thought she

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Speaker 4: was back. I thought she was still there.

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Speaker 3: So there's that.

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Speaker 1: No, no, no, I had read she got sent back

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Speaker 1: to New York, but damn she went to Dubai. Well,

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Speaker 1: she said that they were going to have their babies

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Speaker 1: in Dubai.

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Speaker 5: Made her way because she was taking pictures with her fans,

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Speaker 5: and she was like.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, appear well shit, I mean, I'll start so,

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Speaker 1: by the way, these are I don't have a black scarf,

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Speaker 1: which is what, of course I do. It's somewhere in

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Speaker 1: this house. This is a pair of pants, like.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, Oh, I'm gonna text my friends

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Speaker 1: are gonna think this is so funny. No one is

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Speaker 1: obsessed with her as I am. And I was like what.

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Speaker 1: I was like, dang, this is a risk. What if

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Speaker 1: they're not also obsessed with.

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Speaker 3: Oh I am definitely everybody out.

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Speaker 1: So funny. Well, thank you so much for laughing because

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Speaker 1: that was a That was a huge dress for me.

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Speaker 1: But that's my commitment to the brun Ambition audience. Well

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Speaker 1: love Showema and Nelly Nasima. First time be a family,

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Speaker 1: First time Brown Table. Annalyst is welome, Where are you from?

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Speaker 1: Where are you calling in from?

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Speaker 4: You know, straight out of straight out of Uplea, California?

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Speaker 1: Really yeah? I think it was North Carolina this whole time.

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Speaker 3: I've never even stepped foot in North Carolina. Okay, I'm

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Speaker 3: a straight Bay Area girl.

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Speaker 1: Don't mind me while I take this off of mine.

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Speaker 3: That eyebrow is real strong.

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Speaker 1: I probably shouldn't have tag us. I have like the

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Speaker 1: really extra strength makeup remover, but this.

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Speaker 3: Is oh yeah, that's the good stuff. Take today. It's

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Speaker 3: gonna take everything to commit.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I used. If we had been on time,

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Speaker 1: it probably wouldn't be the cemented to my eyebrows. But

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Speaker 1: y'all are gonna have to watch me take off this

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Speaker 1: makeup while we talk in Da Fam. I'm gonna edit

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Speaker 1: myself out of the YouTube video. I can't do it.

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Speaker 1: I can't look at myself. It's hard to look that bad,

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Speaker 1: you know. I mean not to brag.

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Speaker 4: She job, I mean she really is committed to that

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Speaker 4: look because she does truly and just them eyebrows.

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Speaker 1: The third of her just before.

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Speaker 3: That's that takes a lot of commitment, right.

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Speaker 1: Because now I've studied it, you know, as a you know,

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Speaker 1: it's hard for you to get that artist. It really

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Speaker 1: and truly was, and for it to not just like

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Speaker 1: as you can see, it absorbed into my own skin,

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Speaker 1: you know, like the body.

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Speaker 5: Just scary, little natural scary exactly.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. All right, Well for ba Fam, you're

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Speaker 1: you're meeting Nasima. Probably not for the first time. I'd

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Speaker 1: be surprised if y'all haven't watched any of her hilarious

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Speaker 1: social media clips. I'm sure you do other impressive things,

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Speaker 1: but I just enjoy your social media fam All about you, Nasima?

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Speaker 1: What have we got to know?

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Speaker 4: Well, let me see, besides me being from Oakland, I

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Speaker 4: am a labor and delivery nurse, mom of three very

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Speaker 4: cute girls, and you know, I'm obsessed with just personal

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Speaker 4: finance and black maternal mortality and morbidity prevention and all

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Speaker 4: of those things, and advocacy, all of that stuff.

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Speaker 3: That's what I do.

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Speaker 4: In a nutshell, My platform is financially intentional. I have

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Speaker 4: a financially intentional podcast all of those amazing things. And

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Speaker 4: I'm just honored to be here because I've been asking

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Speaker 4: to be on here for a long time.

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Speaker 3: Have you you have? I probably asked or something like that.

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Speaker 1: Oh girl, Well, this is the fun thing about this

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Speaker 1: new format. As I'm realizing we have space for more panelists,

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Speaker 1: it was hard to come between me and my girl,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So tell me about this

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Speaker 1: labor and delivery nurse. So this is my question. Your

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Speaker 1: full time? You're still at it?

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Speaker 3: I'm very much full time right now. Soon not to be.

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Speaker 1: Okay, it's a balance.

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Speaker 3: It's a balance. I'd love being a nurse.

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Speaker 4: I don't like necessarily all of the other stuff that

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Speaker 4: comes with just healthcare and the changes and all those

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Speaker 4: kind of things. I've been insulated from it for a while.

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Speaker 4: It has now come into rear its head with budget

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Speaker 4: issues and staffing issues and people being sick and our

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Speaker 4: patient population being sicker. It's a whole bunch of things

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Speaker 4: that are happening.

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Speaker 1: But like Mom's you know, moms com I.

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Speaker 4: Mean, I just had a baby f forty two, so

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Speaker 4: you know, I was old as shit, and I'm very healthy,

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Speaker 4: and I had a lot of issues. So I work

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Speaker 4: in Silicon Valley where careers are prioritized heavily. So our

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Speaker 4: patient population is keewing older, which means that we have

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Speaker 4: a lot more issue. You mean their careers are prioritized

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Speaker 4: over Yes, over all of our patients are older. Most

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Speaker 4: of our patients are advanced maternal age. Most of our

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Speaker 4: patients have at least one comorbidity, so they're diabetic, they're hyperatensive. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: I wasn't diabetic, but I was severely hypertensive and a

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Speaker 4: whole bunch of other stuff. But yeah, so we deal

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Speaker 4: with a lot with that. So that means are it's

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Speaker 4: not just a straightforward just delivery, right, we are turning

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Speaker 4: into more medsurge ICU, which you know, a lot of us,

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Speaker 4: depending on what kind of areas you've been trained in,

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Speaker 4: may not necessarily have that experience.

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Speaker 3: So it was a lot of that.

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Speaker 4: But then on the other side, you know, first hand

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Speaker 4: witnessing some issues with just black women being treated I'm

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Speaker 4: fairly in labor in my hometown and dealing with that

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Speaker 4: and not just with providers that didn't look like us,

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Speaker 4: providers that look like us, but when you're trained in

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Speaker 4: under a certain system, you kind of tend to follow

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Speaker 4: that system, right, So just like dealing with those things

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Speaker 4: and using my platform that I have to bring up

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Speaker 4: awareness to it is what I'm passionate about and just

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Speaker 4: being able to be unapologetically me just a girl from

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Speaker 4: West Oakland. I'm still very hood, but I'm still very educated.

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Speaker 4: I'm still very smart, and I'm still very experienced, and

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Speaker 4: I talk my shit and being able to have a

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Speaker 4: platform where I can do that it is very rewarding

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Speaker 4: and it's open up a lot of opportunities for me.

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Speaker 4: So you know, again just honor to be here, honored

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Speaker 4: to be in front of people that may or may

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Speaker 4: not know me but can see me in this life.

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Speaker 3: So it's nice.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, yeah, I mean being from the Bay Area,

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Speaker 1: you're actually working with the population that like for me,

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Speaker 1: it's like the black black mother mortality rates in this country.

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Speaker 1: It's staggering, it's embarrassing, it's terrifying. And you've gone through

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Speaker 1: it three times now. Now you're the age rangers of

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Speaker 1: your kids. How white is the age range?

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Speaker 3: They're four years apart.

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Speaker 4: So I'm I have my first at thirty three, my

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Speaker 4: second at thirty eight, and.

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Speaker 3: My last one I forty two.

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Speaker 4: However, for everyone, I was still high risk in some

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Speaker 4: capacity and dealing with that. But yeah, to to experience

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Speaker 4: it as a patient, to go through it firsthand, to

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Speaker 4: be advocating for women and then not being heard from

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Speaker 4: that position is another situation in itself too.

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Speaker 3: So it's very interesting. And just like during these.

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Speaker 4: Times, there's a lot of like when you put things

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Speaker 4: out there and you share and you try to educate people,

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Speaker 4: there's a lot of backlash from people who have now

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Speaker 4: been emboldened to speak up about their prejudices. So like

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Speaker 4: trying to fight from their job. No, I'm talking about

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Speaker 4: just online. You know the holes all my DEI hires.

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Speaker 4: This is what happens when you hire a Negro kind

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Speaker 4: of come you know, first speaking up.

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Speaker 3: You know, you know how that goes.

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Speaker 1: He're not and is almost back yard.

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Speaker 5: I love.

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Speaker 2: But you know what I want to bring up. I

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Speaker 2: just read this incredible book.

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Speaker 5: Anybody who is interested in diving deeper into what Anescenea

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Speaker 5: was talking about in terms of her passion and her work,

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Speaker 5: I just read this book called Legacy a Black.

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Speaker 2: Physician, Racism and Medicine.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I mean, you know she was going to be

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Speaker 1: on the podcast last week, but I got, I know,

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Speaker 1: I know, I got to have you you on the

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Speaker 1: show with that.

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Speaker 3: Oh I would love. I would love to be on

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Speaker 3: there with her.

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Speaker 4: The thing is like, I love that book, but it

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Speaker 4: was almost too triggering from the read because I'm too

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Speaker 4: close to it.

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Speaker 5: So I had to go, yeah, I would you got

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Speaker 5: to put a warning on it because it's some in

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Speaker 5: terms of like health care access for black folks in

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Speaker 5: this country, and especially as it relates.

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Speaker 2: To black women with experience. There's so much with her mother,

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Speaker 2: with her personal story, you know, giving birth and just

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Speaker 2: her work.

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Speaker 5: Essentially, she's a doctor and has seen her like firsthand

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Speaker 5: so much of what goes wrong in terms of trying

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Speaker 5: to get black folks access to the things they need

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Speaker 5: and heard.

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Speaker 2: And not like people just assuming oh you're lying.

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Speaker 5: Or you're or exaggerating or you know, don't you don't

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Speaker 5: have the resources to be able to offer you what

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Speaker 5: you need, So we're just gonna kind of let you

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Speaker 5: wait around and not get the access to life changing

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Speaker 5: care that you need.

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Speaker 2: So it's it's it's a lot. I really resonated because

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Speaker 2: she's from Brooklyn. I'm from Brooklyn.

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Speaker 5: She talked a lot about coming out, Like I was

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Speaker 5: just so touched, Like my hairs were standing on end

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Speaker 5: at the end.

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Speaker 2: I was crying multiple times throughout the book. So I

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Speaker 2: highly recommend it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, gosh damn it. Yes, Well, ba fan, we're gonna

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Speaker 1: have doctor Blackstock on the podcast. And I know I

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Speaker 1: was so sad, but she's doing amazing. I mean, that

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Speaker 1: book's like a New York Times bestseller. But I'm craving solutions.

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Speaker 1: I'm craving real advice. I know we didn't plan this

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Speaker 1: is not on my run of show, Nasima, but I

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Speaker 1: don't care because obviously our audience is this is the

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Speaker 1: population that you're trying to take care of. And like

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Speaker 1: having I've had two, I've had two successful births so far.

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Speaker 1: I'm thinking about my third. I'm kind of watching you

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Speaker 1: to see how you're surviving. And fortunately I have had

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Speaker 1: very good experiences as far as I know. You know,

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Speaker 1: But my older sister is in the hospital right now.

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Speaker 1: Actually she's she's dealing with some complications from us. She's

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Speaker 1: a living donor, she donated kidney, and she's dealing with

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Speaker 1: some like complications. And I'll tell you the experience. And

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Speaker 1: she's a white woman, you know, and my mom is

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Speaker 1: a white woman, and they're in Wisconsin, so you know,

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Speaker 1: this is their people. And then and I'm just saying, like,

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Speaker 1: even from her perspective, just being a woman in pain,

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Speaker 1: because she's dealing with a lot of pain and postop

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Speaker 1: that that they couldn't find a surgical reason for, and

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Speaker 1: her having to like get them to understand how deeply

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Speaker 1: her pain is and take it seriously. It's been so traumatic,

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Speaker 1: I mean traumatic for her, dramatic for us in different ways.

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Speaker 1: But the nursing staff is so crucial. I mean, they're

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Speaker 1: the people that you see so often when you're in

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Speaker 1: you know, spaces like this, and I yeah, so I

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Speaker 1: just I acknowledge the importance of you your role. I

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Speaker 1: love our you know, our nurses, our healthcare workers and

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Speaker 1: even y'all are dealing with so many outside pressures oh yea,

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Speaker 1: and an employment situation like you know, the same corporate

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Speaker 1: bs that like your accountant or you know, a project

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Speaker 1: manager in tech is dealing with you. Guys are also

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Speaker 1: in this the ship with us. So you know, it's

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Speaker 1: just difficult from patients, from the staff, you know, all

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Speaker 1: the way around. Uh was there a question in there somewhere?

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Speaker 1: Not I'm a soapbox. I'm just crossing back and have

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Speaker 1: my eyebrows back it all right? Well, yeah, Nelly, you

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Speaker 1: just came back. You're fresh from Switzerland. Dalan, how Isvos?

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Speaker 1: How is DeVos?

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Speaker 2: It was in Davos.

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Speaker 5: So I did to Zurich, which is like the direct flight,

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Speaker 5: and then take a train from Zurich to Dovos to

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Speaker 5: go to the World Economic Forum, which I was invited

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Speaker 5: to go speak on a panel about financial literacy education.

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Speaker 1: I'm surprised they care about us in Vos.

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Speaker 5: You know what it is it's like a global conference, right,

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Speaker 5: so they're talking about what can we do better globally?

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Speaker 5: And I do think that even though the US has

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Speaker 5: fallen behind in education generally, we are kind of moving

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Speaker 5: up to the top in terms of financial education ways,

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Speaker 5: like not necessarily leaders in financial education results, but leaders

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Speaker 5: in the wave to make it happen very.

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Speaker 2: Quickly, because like three years ago, there were only about.

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Speaker 5: Eight states that required financial literacy for high school graduation

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Speaker 5: and now there's twenty six. So they went and did

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Speaker 5: some research like, well, how did we go from eight

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Speaker 5: to twenty six? We more than tripled access in the US?

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Speaker 5: How did that happen? And they found out it's an

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Speaker 5: organization that I work with called Mission twenty thirty five.

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Speaker 5: The reality is the work that we do is nonprofit,

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Speaker 5: so it's a charity. It's a found operating foundation.

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Speaker 2: So the money.

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Speaker 5: If there was not a very, very wealthy person who

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Speaker 5: cared about this, like so deeply that they were willing

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Speaker 5: to put tens of millions of dollars of their own

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Speaker 5: personal well to make it happen, guess what, it just

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Speaker 5: wouldn't be happening because there's nothing in the system creating change.

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Speaker 5: There's someone with a lot of money who said, this

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Speaker 5: is what I want to see happen. And so unfortunately

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Speaker 5: that's the only.

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Speaker 2: Reason it's happening.

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Speaker 5: But the good thing is it has led to a

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Speaker 5: lot of systemic change, and so that's kind of why

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Speaker 5: I was saying, like, now we need to figure out

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Speaker 5: how to make it happen, even if there isn't a

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Speaker 5: person with a lot of money who wants to make

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Speaker 5: it happen, but the fact that it should happen because

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Speaker 5: it's the right thing to do, and.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we got to bake it into the system exactly.

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Speaker 2: It should be baked in.

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Speaker 5: It shouldn't be left to philanthropy and to somebody coming

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Speaker 5: you know. Like that was one of the things I

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Speaker 5: was excited to go because I saw a viral clip

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Speaker 5: from like last time the World Economic Form was going viral.

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Speaker 5: There was a guy talking about taxes and he was

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Speaker 5: on the stage.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if y'all seen this clip. It's like

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Speaker 2: a middle age.

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Speaker 5: White man and he's on a panel talking about taxes

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Speaker 5: and he was like, I am tired of coming here

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Speaker 5: to Davos and hearing people talk about how important philanthropy is.

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Speaker 2: Stop it. Philanthropy is not the solution.

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Speaker 5: Taxing the wealthy is the taxing making sure wealthy people

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Speaker 5: pay their fair share of taxes.

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Speaker 2: That's how we solve a lot of.

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Speaker 5: The systemic issues, instead of pretending that the philanthropy is

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Speaker 5: how we solve these problems and just depending on people

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Speaker 5: with a lot of money to feel good in their

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Speaker 5: heart of hearts and give the money and get a

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Speaker 5: tax break from it.

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Speaker 2: Like, no, we just need to actually tax the people.

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Speaker 5: That need to be taxed at the levels of needy

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Speaker 5: taxet to be able to sustain the country.

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Speaker 2: And this also applies globally.

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Speaker 1: Has anyone checked interpol is that man? Is he okay?

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Speaker 1: Have they kidnapped him as he disappeared? Because I don't

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Speaker 1: know that kind of philosophy has a place in today's situation.

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Speaker 1: Ship right, so that we're in with our current leader.

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Speaker 1: My god, it's true.

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Speaker 2: And that was a couple of years ago.

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Speaker 5: And the truth is he's gone on social media and

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Speaker 5: said that they've never invited him back ever since he

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Speaker 5: went on that rant, never invited him that. Well, when

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Speaker 5: you go in and tell the truth, now, oh no,

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Speaker 5: you're going too far.

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Speaker 2: We don't want to hear it.

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Speaker 1: We don't want to hear about ourselves. We want to

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Speaker 1: believe that these checks. That's such a great point. You

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Speaker 1: want to believe that these checks are like that's all

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Speaker 1: we gotta do is write a check and then be

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Speaker 1: done with it.

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Speaker 5: But it was so elitiates. I'm gonna tell you, like

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Speaker 5: when you go. The only reason I got access to

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Speaker 5: a lot of the events were because I knew someone

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Speaker 5: who invited me to go speak on the panel.

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Speaker 2: And every single time.

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Speaker 5: I clicked the link and registered, they would email me

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Speaker 5: back and say, your submission has been received. We will

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Speaker 5: consider whether we're going to let you into this event

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Speaker 5: or not. So they tell you register here, But what

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Speaker 5: you're doing is actually just letting them know that you

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Speaker 5: want to go, and they'll see if you're cool enough.

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Speaker 1: Oh you're so funny. All right, Well, did y'all watch

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Speaker 1: the Super Bowl? You're all into that? You meant?

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Speaker 5: I watched the Catcher concert, and I've heard they were

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Speaker 5: playing football during the concert.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it was like in the background, you know, it

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Speaker 1: was at a stadium. It was interesting. It's part of

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Speaker 1: the message. Yeah, but damn, I'm still I'm still unpacking

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Speaker 1: that performance. What was y'all's what was y'all's take.

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Speaker 4: You know, First of all, I just have to acknowledge

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Speaker 4: that Oakland was heavily in the building.

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Speaker 3: Okay.

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Speaker 4: Bay Area culture is super influential in hip hop world,

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Speaker 4: and I just want people to put it, you know,

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Speaker 4: give us our flowers. Second of all, the messaging, like

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Speaker 4: Kendrick Lamar is very intentional about everything that he does,

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Speaker 4: and so I think it's gonna take a little while

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Speaker 4: to unpack all the subliminals. But I love the Uncle

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Speaker 4: Sam that I was so confused.

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Speaker 1: I did. I mean, I was I was like, what

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Speaker 1: am I looking at? And plus I got my kids

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Speaker 1: running around, I'm trying to focus, and I'm just like,

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Speaker 1: isn't this the Kendric performance. I had just ran from

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Speaker 1: the kitchen like probably, you know, chopping up someone's pizza

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Speaker 1: into bite sized slices. But and I was like, what

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Speaker 1: is that? And I was like, wait, Sam uncle said,

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Speaker 1: and then just you could not reach me for the

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Speaker 1: next thirteen minutes and thirty eight seconds. Yeah, hilarious.

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Speaker 4: I love the black men that formed the American flag

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Speaker 4: and then Kendrick in the middle on it just looked

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Speaker 4: like a struggle. I was like, oh, that imagery was

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Speaker 4: like that's it, and like how it was very like protective.

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Speaker 4: It was like very like battlestands, Like you know, I.

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Speaker 2: Didn't see this in that moment.

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Speaker 5: If you look at the part where they all lean over,

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Speaker 5: it's they're they're hovering over, like leaning onto each other's backs.

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Speaker 5: And the visual represents the fact that America was built

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Speaker 5: on black folks backs.

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Speaker 2: Name like that is powerful.

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Speaker 5: And so there's people who are trying to trash the

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Speaker 5: performance and saying, oh, it wasn't all this all that,

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Speaker 5: and I'm like, wait, that's.

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Speaker 3: Not who It wasn't for them.

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Speaker 2: Don't go on Twitter or whatever it's called X or whatever.

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Speaker 1: But they say, and Beyonce didn't deserve Album of the Year.

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Speaker 2: Those are the same people, That's right.

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Speaker 5: But the sad thing is it's like if you didn't

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Speaker 5: get it, it's because it wasn't It wasn't for you.

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Speaker 1: Actually was not for I have been so inspired by

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Speaker 1: art in a way that I mean I have throughout

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Speaker 1: my life, but this past year especially and just like

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Speaker 1: the art that is being made and I know, yes,

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Speaker 1: like not like Us was the song of the year

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Speaker 1: and it came out of a rap battle and you

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Speaker 1: can sort of, and I've seen people try to diminish

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Speaker 1: it to that, like, oh, it's just a beef, you know,

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Speaker 1: between two rappers, and now it's like why did it deserve?

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Speaker 1: But Kendrick's intent and he never gives interviews, but I

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Speaker 1: need j'all. If you haven't listened to his interview with

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Speaker 1: Apple Music that he did a couple of days ago.

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Speaker 1: I listened to it this morning. And the way that

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Speaker 1: he approaches his art and he literally he said, one

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Speaker 1: of my most favorite things I've ever heard talk about chills.

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Speaker 1: The way that he approaches art and his his you know,

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Speaker 1: I call him a poet, but the way that he

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Speaker 1: uses his his words, his lyricism, his expression, his talent.

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Speaker 1: He said, he knows so many men in his life

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Speaker 1: who are so filled with rage and they have no

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Speaker 1: they don't have the tools that he does to get

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Speaker 1: the rage out of their body, to put voice to

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Speaker 1: like do something with it, you know, make an impact,

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Speaker 1: get everyone to understand. And that he feels I'm getting

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Speaker 1: chills just talking about it, and he said, you know me,

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Speaker 1: I'm using my expression, my power of expression to give

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Speaker 1: a voice for them. The way that he approaches his

439
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:20,359
Speaker 1: art is just so inspiring, and it also it makes

440
00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:23,840
Speaker 1: me want to double triple, quadruple down on things such

441
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:27,720
Speaker 1: as Brown Ambition podcast being for us, such as my

442
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,120
Speaker 1: book that's going to be published in twenty twenty six

443
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:34,240
Speaker 1: being called Brown Ambition, and having the focus be for us,

444
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:36,119
Speaker 1: even at a time where it feels like there's that

445
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:40,160
Speaker 1: pressure like they want like maybe we should go back

446
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:41,840
Speaker 1: to the way it was before, you.

447
00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:44,359
Speaker 5: Know, gown down on this for us stuff.

448
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:46,280
Speaker 2: Yes, brown it down.

449
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:49,000
Speaker 1: But I'm like, look at how Kendrick and how much

450
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:52,720
Speaker 1: success he has and he's never lost he's never lost

451
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:57,440
Speaker 1: his compass, Like his focus has been his people. It's

452
00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:59,280
Speaker 1: been And I won't even say us because I don't

453
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,080
Speaker 1: feel like I'm his people because I'm just a Georgia girl, biracial.

454
00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:05,399
Speaker 1: I'm talking about Nazima, I'm talking about the West Coast,

455
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:08,840
Speaker 1: like people who came Who's Who's like generations before Kan

456
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:13,280
Speaker 1: left the South moved to California and brought that culture

457
00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:17,199
Speaker 1: with them. And it's just inspiring, truth really is.

458
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:18,879
Speaker 5: I Mean, he's the man we all know that, Like

459
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:20,040
Speaker 5: he got a Pulitzer Prize.

460
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:22,200
Speaker 2: He's the only musician.

461
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:25,000
Speaker 5: To get it outside of like classical musicians and jazz

462
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 5: artists like he's he's truly like that type of person

463
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:33,280
Speaker 5: who has committed to achieving in writing masterful lyricism, and

464
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:35,760
Speaker 5: like you can't deny that. I feel like people just missed,

465
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:37,399
Speaker 5: like it went right over their heads that they were

466
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:40,520
Speaker 5: publishing on. Well, how wasn't this big commercial appeal he

467
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:42,600
Speaker 5: doesn't have, Like he didn't have all the hits. It's

468
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:47,320
Speaker 5: like you missed the artistic statement, the social commentary, the representation,

469
00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:50,320
Speaker 5: the storytelling, the cultural significance of the moment of the

470
00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:52,280
Speaker 5: everything on the stage. It was a visual spectacle.

471
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:53,560
Speaker 2: Granted it wasn't.

472
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:56,600
Speaker 5: Like the back to back to back chart topping hits

473
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,760
Speaker 5: that like Rihanna's performance was, but that's this is not

474
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:01,639
Speaker 5: us trying to it's not care right, And I just

475
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:04,119
Speaker 5: feel like people miss that. Anybody talking, I was just

476
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:06,520
Speaker 5: like so over it because you didn't get it, Like

477
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:07,760
Speaker 5: you really just didn't get it.

478
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:09,600
Speaker 4: It's just like we have to we have to be

479
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,320
Speaker 4: overly qualified for and I'm tired of it.

480
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:13,880
Speaker 3: But I'm sick of it, honey.

481
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:15,800
Speaker 4: I have always been in the top, been in the

482
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,040
Speaker 4: top one percent of everything that I've done. I've always

483
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:19,760
Speaker 4: been the only one in the room. I've always been

484
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,560
Speaker 4: represented and I do not need to prove myself to you. Okay,

485
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:25,480
Speaker 4: you better google's He.

486
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:29,080
Speaker 1: Literally is on the largest stage in the globe and

487
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:33,480
Speaker 1: people expect him to prove his worth. He's worthy. I'm

488
00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:36,240
Speaker 1: like Siri, play man in the garden. Yeah, you know

489
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:40,040
Speaker 1: what I mean. He deserves it all. He actually deserves

490
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,480
Speaker 1: it all just because he's there, just because of his

491
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,320
Speaker 1: like track record, his career. And if you're not, you

492
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,479
Speaker 1: need to go to the library and look up on

493
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:51,520
Speaker 1: a you know, an unauthorized biography of Kendrick Lamarin. That's fine,

494
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,400
Speaker 1: or use your chat GPT or whatever little you know

495
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:57,760
Speaker 1: tool you do to avoid books now and then maybe

496
00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:00,399
Speaker 1: you can learn something. But to be out your like

497
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:02,639
Speaker 1: speaking out the side of your neck about how this

498
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 1: man does not deserve or like he's not worthy.

499
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:11,560
Speaker 4: I want to double down on the intentionality because as

500
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:15,760
Speaker 4: everybody knows, like the artists pay for the Super Bowl performances,

501
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 4: whatever they bring their their the all the stufffects the people,

502
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:23,520
Speaker 4: the staging, the lighting, the dancers, everything that is there

503
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:28,080
Speaker 4: is coming out of their pockets, and so that.

504
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:31,439
Speaker 1: Is in their vision, right yea, his own production. He

505
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:34,360
Speaker 1: just he left his label and started his own production company.

506
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:38,200
Speaker 1: Was it pg lang And he was talking about how

507
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,520
Speaker 1: they like the team at the table, the thought that

508
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 1: went into every single iota of that. I mean that

509
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:47,760
Speaker 1: performance for me, I've been unpacking Beyonce Bowl ever since.

510
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:51,320
Speaker 1: I'm still watching that almost every other day at least.

511
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 1: And Dochi's performance from the Grammys. Oh, I won't the

512
00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:02,240
Speaker 1: expression the fashion, you know, I'm still waiting for someone

513
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:04,840
Speaker 1: to explain to me exactly what the bell bottoms like

514
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,240
Speaker 1: had to do with like the movement, Like I want

515
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,440
Speaker 1: to be on board. Let me know if I need

516
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:10,440
Speaker 1: to run out and get me.

517
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,119
Speaker 4: Well, just play it out. But the thing is that

518
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:18,719
Speaker 4: comes up, but I'm not listen my baby. That's her

519
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:19,359
Speaker 4: theme song.

520
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:22,960
Speaker 3: Okay, she like a minor like what.

521
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:25,879
Speaker 4: You were talking about, Mandy, about the artistic expression, Like

522
00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:29,240
Speaker 4: this is what we need to hold us together during

523
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:33,280
Speaker 4: these times where we're so inundated with all this negativity

524
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 4: and it's coming from all the different places, right, but

525
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:41,359
Speaker 4: these are our little acts of rebellion and I'm here

526
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 4: for it.

527
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,960
Speaker 1: Every time, Nasima, every time you post about how your

528
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:49,879
Speaker 1: your kids have like six figure investment funds, that is

529
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:53,720
Speaker 1: resistance that's right, baby, you know what I mean? That

530
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,959
Speaker 1: is it. And every time you get online and you

531
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 1: share your experience, and every time you show up to

532
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:01,399
Speaker 1: work in spite of all the challenges, and Yanelly, you

533
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:03,800
Speaker 1: too show up to you know, the work that you're

534
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:05,840
Speaker 1: doing and go out your way to show up in

535
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,439
Speaker 1: a room full of people. And Davos who probably to

536
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:10,920
Speaker 1: be Frank didn't love that you were there, probably thought

537
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:14,000
Speaker 1: you were a diversity panelist, you know, trying to fill

538
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:18,480
Speaker 1: a quota, but still like we're showing up and that

539
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,000
Speaker 1: you know, one of my Mandy money makers, she actually

540
00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:24,480
Speaker 1: said something that blew my mind last week. And since

541
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,600
Speaker 1: the election, I've been drawn to like the poetry of

542
00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 1: Langston Hughes especially, and like the writers of the Harlem

543
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:32,239
Speaker 1: Renaissance and Charmaine. One of my makers was like, well,

544
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:36,520
Speaker 1: the Harlem Renaissance was about one hundred years ago. It was,

545
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:38,639
Speaker 1: And I was like wait, and I got chills. I'm like,

546
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 1: you're right, it was. History is rhyming. And I'm like

547
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:46,640
Speaker 1: the way that Langston, the way that Zora and Neil

548
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:49,400
Speaker 1: Hurston like those voices, the art that was made during

549
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:52,480
Speaker 1: that period. I'm like, oh, maybe we're in this this

550
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 1: other you know, heartless New Harlem renaissance. But I don't

551
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 1: know what to call it yet. We'll just go with

552
00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 1: like Brown and Vision renaissance. That's right. In twenty twenty five,

553
00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 1: it really hit, truly it did.

554
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:08,960
Speaker 2: The moment of Serena on that screen. Yeah, I just

555
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 2: hurt everyone's scream.

556
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:14,240
Speaker 1: She didn't get enough airtime, really and truly she did

557
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:15,480
Speaker 1: not those.

558
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 2: Five seconds enough.

559
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:18,359
Speaker 1: I don't even know if there was five. It was

560
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:20,360
Speaker 1: not enough. She looks so damn good.

561
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:21,520
Speaker 3: That was epic.

562
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:26,720
Speaker 1: That was Sissa kill it.

563
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:29,320
Speaker 5: I love that was the part that was part of

564
00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:29,960
Speaker 5: my favorite part.

565
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:31,879
Speaker 3: Oh my god, Oh my god. When they when they

566
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,040
Speaker 3: did what is it? All the lights?

567
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,080
Speaker 1: All right? Well, I'm trying to think what else from

568
00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:40,640
Speaker 1: the Super Bowl Jalen hurts. People are obsessed with him

569
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:42,000
Speaker 1: and his beautiful black wife.

570
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:46,160
Speaker 2: This is what y'all wanted by team management.

571
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 5: That wowr leadership team.

572
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 1: They're all women. Love it. I love that. Well, now

573
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:57,800
Speaker 1: I get the hype. I really like you. Between him

574
00:28:57,840 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 1: and Aaron the guy from the Lion King movie, the

575
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:09,920
Speaker 1: New One, I just saw a beautiful man. I didn't

576
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:11,880
Speaker 1: look into the body of work, but now I get it.

577
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:16,920
Speaker 1: Because damn I did actually watch the football, and it

578
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,120
Speaker 1: was I don't think anyone else thought it was a

579
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:21,200
Speaker 1: good game necessary unless you were from Philly, because like

580
00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:24,680
Speaker 1: you know, it was pretty like obvious. It was insane

581
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:28,960
Speaker 1: they dominated to see him dominate in that way and

582
00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 1: and and make his city so proud. It's just I

583
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,440
Speaker 1: always get a little emotional, and I kept thinking like, Oh,

584
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,400
Speaker 1: those are just someone's babies out there in a sema.

585
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:39,760
Speaker 1: That's just someone's mama, Like we just create these humans

586
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:43,640
Speaker 1: and you don't even know like where they're gonna go. Also,

587
00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:46,360
Speaker 1: all the wide receivers on the Chiefs who kept dropping

588
00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:48,959
Speaker 1: passes and like letting their quarterback get sacked.

589
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:52,560
Speaker 4: I was like, that's just someone's baby.

590
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 5: Wow, Like I didn't realize that they have two of

591
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:59,880
Speaker 5: the largest linemen in NFL history plays.

592
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:02,320
Speaker 1: I know. Yeah, So it was the rock game with

593
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:11,400
Speaker 1: you know, with size does matter after all. Just putting

594
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 1: that out there, all right, Well, between that and the

595
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:18,240
Speaker 1: stress that I'm under right now because the Beyonce Cowboy

596
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,520
Speaker 1: Carter Tour tickets go on sale tomorrow, y'all in the

597
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:25,840
Speaker 1: Bee Hive were going, y'all not going nothing. Tell me

598
00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:26,479
Speaker 1: you didn't like it.

599
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:28,600
Speaker 5: I didn't go to the last one because I just

600
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 5: was like, oh, I don't know about all this hype.

601
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:31,880
Speaker 2: And then by the time I wanted to go, it

602
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:32,920
Speaker 2: was too late to prad.

603
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:37,160
Speaker 1: But I wouldn't go. I wouldn't go. I see, I

604
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 1: knew it. I could tell by the way you've inhaled.

605
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I would go.

606
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 3: Okay, so this is this is my thing.

607
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:44,720
Speaker 2: I would go.

608
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 3: I can fully.

609
00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:46,160
Speaker 1: Afford to go.

610
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:51,120
Speaker 3: My thing is I want people.

611
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:54,160
Speaker 4: To prioritize their I I rais before Beyonce.

612
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:59,400
Speaker 1: Oh gotcha? Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah.

613
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:03,600
Speaker 4: Well then I usually in general don't pay for concert tickets,

614
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 4: and so I'm always like romans, I'm.

615
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:07,680
Speaker 3: Like, ah, can I get it for free? Is there

616
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:09,520
Speaker 3: a way I can finangle it? Is somebody I know

617
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 3: that works in.

618
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:15,480
Speaker 4: The production Like so that's all my only thing about Yeah,

619
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:18,560
Speaker 4: I have my uncle is a producer. My uncle is

620
00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:20,960
Speaker 4: the one to put together Tony Tony Tony and Bogue,

621
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 4: all those old school people.

622
00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:24,760
Speaker 3: So I've been in the music industry with my whole life.

623
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:28,280
Speaker 1: I think that's my favorite. You're like, you have to

624
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:31,080
Speaker 1: value some things. You can't value everything. So it's not

625
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:34,760
Speaker 1: every concert I have this. Beyonce's Renaissance tour was the

626
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 1: last show I went to, you know, and I haven't

627
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:39,640
Speaker 1: bought tickets for that since. But that one was crazy.

628
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:42,880
Speaker 1: I did drop like a washer dryer, A good one,

629
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 1: and the experience. I still smile like that, you know

630
00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:52,400
Speaker 1: what I mean. And so for Cowboy Carter. But this time,

631
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:54,960
Speaker 1: my friend, she's too bougie for me, but she got me.

632
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:57,160
Speaker 1: We're gonna go. We're gonna try to get tickets for London,

633
00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:59,560
Speaker 1: and by try, I mean we already booked our flights

634
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 1: in our hotel.

635
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:03,160
Speaker 5: If you're gonna spend all these thousands of dollars, it

636
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:06,280
Speaker 5: may as well be an experience that's more than two hours.

637
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:06,480
Speaker 1: You know.

638
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:09,840
Speaker 5: I would definitely invest in her concert, especially because my

639
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:11,200
Speaker 5: Robbry is fully funded.

640
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 1: That's right, mine is not. But anyway, that's all the

641
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:15,680
Speaker 1: time we have.

642
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:20,280
Speaker 2: Let me bring in.

643
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 1: There, let me take a little break, and we're gonna

644
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:25,800
Speaker 1: come right back. We have a very special guest to

645
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:29,280
Speaker 1: join us in the Brown Ambitions studio. His name is

646
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:33,080
Speaker 1: Aaron Thomas, the founder of prenups dot com aka one

647
00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:35,400
Speaker 1: of the greatest divorce attorneys in America. We're gonna be

648
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 1: talking about relationships and money and how we can protect

649
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:41,120
Speaker 1: the bag while we secure the bag. Ladies. Okay, so

650
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:45,360
Speaker 1: I mean not to pick a side, but we're picking

651
00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:50,840
Speaker 1: a side. Come on, it's a look at the paneless,

652
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:57,880
Speaker 1: all right, ba fam, Welcome to the Brown Table. Mister

653
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:02,200
Speaker 1: Aaron Thomas. I read this. You are the three time

654
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:07,280
Speaker 1: winner of Atlanta's Best Divorce Attorney, I mean best in

655
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:10,000
Speaker 1: the business, do you know what I mean? Also the

656
00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:13,560
Speaker 1: founder of prenups dot com and a Harvard Law graduate,

657
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:16,160
Speaker 1: and Aaron I just feel like your everyone's friend. Any

658
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:18,200
Speaker 1: financial educator that I've talked to has been like, have

659
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:19,600
Speaker 1: you had Aaron on? Have you had Aaron on? Have

660
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:22,600
Speaker 1: you had Aaron on? But I'm really happy to have

661
00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:26,080
Speaker 1: you join us on Brown Ambition. Finally, welcome to the show.

662
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:28,840
Speaker 6: Thank you so much for having me. I am honored

663
00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 6: and excited to be here.

664
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,000
Speaker 1: Is this like your time of years? Is your time

665
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:37,040
Speaker 1: to shine? It's Valentine's relationships. It's also like peak divorce

666
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:38,480
Speaker 1: season apparently.

667
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:39,600
Speaker 6: Is it?

668
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:40,120
Speaker 2: It is?

669
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 6: It is divorce season and it is engagement slash prenup season.

670
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:46,960
Speaker 6: It is both of those right now.

671
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:52,360
Speaker 1: Ollow, It's the duality you know you're seeing some couples

672
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 1: begin their journey together and helping others consciously uncouple or

673
00:33:56,160 --> 00:34:07,400
Speaker 1: whatever it is that you call it today consciously pop. Yeah. Yeah,

674
00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:10,240
Speaker 1: Well I'm an old married lady. I've been married for

675
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:12,719
Speaker 1: eight it'll be eight years in April. We don't have

676
00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:19,680
Speaker 1: a prenup and I also, I know, right, sorry, yeah,

677
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,480
Speaker 1: and I kind of regret it because I think we

678
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:26,400
Speaker 1: might need a post up. But see ya, Nelly, do

679
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:29,279
Speaker 1: y'all have prenup? Well, I don't know if yo, Nelly,

680
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:31,600
Speaker 1: you're not married. I know that situation. But y'all share

681
00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:33,560
Speaker 1: what's what's going on over there? What's your thoughts?

682
00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:34,160
Speaker 6: Girl?

683
00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 2: We've been okay? So my partner and I love this

684
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:37,839
Speaker 2: man to death and back.

685
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:41,000
Speaker 5: He and I have been together for twelve years going

686
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:43,600
Speaker 5: on thirteen this year, and we are just you know,

687
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:46,640
Speaker 5: we have never been the most traditional people were just

688
00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:48,719
Speaker 5: long term partners and who aren't necessarily going.

689
00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:49,640
Speaker 2: To pursue that route.

690
00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:53,319
Speaker 5: But for the first time in my relationship with him,

691
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:56,839
Speaker 5: I thought maybe we could get married. In the moment

692
00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:59,320
Speaker 5: I thought that was when I watched Aaron Thomas speak

693
00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:04,120
Speaker 5: on stage at Economy about maybe not brushing off marriage

694
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:07,520
Speaker 5: as a concept, but considering marriage with the prenup as

695
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:10,400
Speaker 5: a way to make sure that you're comfortable with marriage.

696
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:12,360
Speaker 5: And I was like, dang, like that really blew my mind.

697
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:15,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, And my situation is I'm a two time to

698
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:19,799
Speaker 4: force a what the first time very intentionally. The second time,

699
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:22,080
Speaker 4: I didn't know I needed a divorce because it was

700
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,880
Speaker 4: a domestic partnership and when you have a domestic partnership

701
00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:29,000
Speaker 4: with kids and uh property involved in the state of California,

702
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:30,640
Speaker 4: you do have to have a door. So I have

703
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:31,839
Speaker 4: two divorce decrees.

704
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:32,240
Speaker 5: Wow.

705
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:36,560
Speaker 4: And so with the help of Aaron, I know that

706
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:40,279
Speaker 4: my next serious relationship, and it took me a long

707
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:44,319
Speaker 4: time to even consider marriage again. I'm definitely gonna have

708
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:45,719
Speaker 4: a prenup that worked through that.

709
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:50,400
Speaker 1: So okay, so you didn't have before. Now, okay, do

710
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:52,680
Speaker 1: you think do you wish you had? Like were there issues?

711
00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:53,640
Speaker 3: Oh my god?

712
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 4: I answer yes for sure, because everybody in love is

713
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:02,480
Speaker 4: always talking about I would never do that to you.

714
00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:05,399
Speaker 4: It would never come down to that. And the thing

715
00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:09,480
Speaker 4: is the divorce process is can or can be I'm

716
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:13,160
Speaker 4: not going to generalize, can be really really contentious if

717
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:16,080
Speaker 4: you allow it to be. Especially for me, I've always

718
00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:20,200
Speaker 4: been the bread winner, and it always though, it'd always

719
00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:23,480
Speaker 4: be like, well, what can I get out of this situation,

720
00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:26,480
Speaker 4: when from the beginning I was just like, hey, this

721
00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:28,960
Speaker 4: is not you know this, George, this is mine, this

722
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:32,440
Speaker 4: is ours, whatever, whatever, and yes we're on the same pace.

723
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:33,560
Speaker 3: This is what happens.

724
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:39,800
Speaker 4: It always comes up during that dissolution process that oh,

725
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:41,239
Speaker 4: well I didn't really agree to that.

726
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:42,239
Speaker 3: I kind of want this.

727
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:44,719
Speaker 1: Okay, Aaron, I want to hear what is it that

728
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:46,320
Speaker 1: you said to y'a elly to make her want to

729
00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:48,399
Speaker 1: get married to this gorgeous man.

730
00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:50,279
Speaker 2: Don't be telling that the people. Why did that?

731
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:51,680
Speaker 5: I want to get back, I said, I consider that

732
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:52,799
Speaker 5: maybe it would work.

733
00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 1: Well, I know, but I love your I love your

734
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:57,320
Speaker 1: perspective you have on prenups, Aeron, Yeah.

735
00:36:57,160 --> 00:36:59,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, great, great place to start. I mean, what what

736
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:01,440
Speaker 6: is a prenup? We could even go further and say

737
00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:04,120
Speaker 6: what is marriage? But well let's let's let's let's assume

738
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:07,279
Speaker 6: some prime here. You know, and if you if you say,

739
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:10,480
Speaker 6: what is a prenup? A prenup is an agreement. It's

740
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:12,880
Speaker 6: a contract. It is it's a set of rules that

741
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:18,560
Speaker 6: defines your financial relationship with your spouse, both during marriage

742
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:22,160
Speaker 6: and in the event of divorce, and my point of

743
00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 6: view on it is you've already got one. If you

744
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:28,320
Speaker 6: are married, you have a prenup. You have either chosen

745
00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 6: the default prenup meaning the laws of the state where

746
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:34,759
Speaker 6: you happen to live as your prenup, which no one's read,

747
00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:37,840
Speaker 6: or you are writing your own prenup, you are writing

748
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:41,720
Speaker 6: your customized rules for your financial relationship. And the further

749
00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:45,800
Speaker 6: that you know society has progressed since the eighteen hundreds

750
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,960
Speaker 6: when all of these laws were written, the less likely

751
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:52,200
Speaker 6: that the default plan is going to work for your marriage.

752
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:55,640
Speaker 6: And in fact, if it were like a literal document,

753
00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:57,520
Speaker 6: like I'm calling you the default prenup, it's really just

754
00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:00,359
Speaker 6: the state laws right where you live. But if were

755
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:02,680
Speaker 6: a literal document and you had to choose to sign,

756
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:06,040
Speaker 6: either you know, the default prenup, or you could sign

757
00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:09,400
Speaker 6: like customized prenup rules that you and your spouse chose,

758
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:13,080
Speaker 6: literally no one, not a single person, would choose to

759
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:16,680
Speaker 6: sign the default prenup because it means you're giving the

760
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:19,279
Speaker 6: ultimate power over the distribution of every penny you've ever

761
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:22,320
Speaker 6: earned in your entire life to a complete stranger who's

762
00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:24,319
Speaker 6: going to hear you and your spouse complain about each

763
00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:26,960
Speaker 6: other for a few hours tops and split up everything

764
00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:30,560
Speaker 6: you've worked for for your entire existence, and nobody actually

765
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:30,920
Speaker 6: wants that.

766
00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:33,040
Speaker 1: I mean, I do scroll really fast through those like

767
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:36,239
Speaker 1: terms of agreement, you know, like when yeah, so, like

768
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:38,960
Speaker 1: I'm not saying I wouldn't sign. I'd probably be like,

769
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:41,200
Speaker 1: I just want to get to the honeymoon. Check check

770
00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:46,840
Speaker 1: this box, give me that, give me the standard. Okay, Okay, well,

771
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:49,359
Speaker 1: I guess like for me, I'm just wondering, like as

772
00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:52,799
Speaker 1: someone who obviously I got married eight years ago, I

773
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:55,120
Speaker 1: had brownish at the time. Now I'm just I'm a

774
00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:57,520
Speaker 1: whole different person and my career is so different now

775
00:38:57,520 --> 00:39:02,799
Speaker 1: it's I'm full time entrepreneur and breadwinner. I don't know,

776
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:05,520
Speaker 1: to be honest, because it's being an entrepreneur. It depends

777
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:08,160
Speaker 1: on the month some you know, we don't keep score

778
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:12,520
Speaker 1: for someone like me. How do you even go about

779
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:16,000
Speaker 1: getting a post up? Is it the same process? Is

780
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:17,120
Speaker 1: it too late for us?

781
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:20,160
Speaker 6: It's not too late. It's not too late, and it's

782
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:24,319
Speaker 6: a very similar process. I mean, I think that you know,

783
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:26,319
Speaker 6: at its bare minimum, and there's a lot of things

784
00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:28,080
Speaker 6: that you can do with the prenup that you could

785
00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:31,319
Speaker 6: go into, but a lot of it is about establishing

786
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:35,720
Speaker 6: what's mine, what's yours, what's ours right. And the laws

787
00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:39,120
Speaker 6: were written for a time in place when it was

788
00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:42,880
Speaker 6: assumed that number one, there was one breadwinner, it was

789
00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:45,719
Speaker 6: the man, and there was a homemaker, and it was

790
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:49,600
Speaker 6: the woman. And the couple was getting married at adage

791
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:51,560
Speaker 6: twenty one, when they were coming into their marriage with

792
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:55,960
Speaker 6: no assets, no bank accounts, maybe one car, no no business,

793
00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 6: no home, no four to one k's hadn't been invented,

794
00:39:59,239 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 6: student loans were the hundreds of thousands. Credit cards didn't exist.

795
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:04,239
Speaker 6: You didn't have any of those things. And so it

796
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:06,359
Speaker 6: was written for a time and for couples where they

797
00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:09,960
Speaker 6: were starting their financial lives from complete scratch, an absolute

798
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:13,640
Speaker 6: financial blank slate. And the average couple getting married today

799
00:40:13,960 --> 00:40:17,080
Speaker 6: is more likely to be about thirty thirty five, sometimes forty,

800
00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:19,000
Speaker 6: and those couples are coming in with four or five

801
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:22,640
Speaker 6: bank accounts, three or four credit cards, student loans, businesses,

802
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:25,640
Speaker 6: a condo, all of these different types of assets. Maybe

803
00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:30,600
Speaker 6: some kids, some kids, all these different types of assets,

804
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:34,879
Speaker 6: and and like a decade or more of their own

805
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:38,640
Speaker 6: financial habits, which can be tougher to blend together than

806
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:42,160
Speaker 6: just the money in the bank accounts, right, and it

807
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:45,839
Speaker 6: is so complex and the idea that we're just going

808
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:49,000
Speaker 6: to smash all those things together, you know, imagine merging

809
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 6: your business with another person's business on just like you know,

810
00:40:52,680 --> 00:40:55,680
Speaker 6: a pinky swear and just saying like, let's hope that

811
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:58,440
Speaker 6: everything works out, without like demanding to say, what are

812
00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:01,400
Speaker 6: the financials, what are the economics like? But for some reason,

813
00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:04,239
Speaker 6: the knowledge that we have about what would happen in

814
00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:07,719
Speaker 6: the business partnership, you add romance into the equation, and

815
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:09,560
Speaker 6: all of a sudden, it's off the table. You can't

816
00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:13,040
Speaker 6: talk about finances, despite the fact that this is the

817
00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 6: most consequential financial contract you'll ever into it into your life.

818
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:20,520
Speaker 5: Yeap, love that point about how much has changed, because

819
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:23,319
Speaker 5: that is so true. I see that generally generationally within

820
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:26,000
Speaker 5: my own family. Now, I don't need a man, but

821
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:27,799
Speaker 5: I have a man because I want a man, not

822
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:30,319
Speaker 5: because I rely on that man to provide for me.

823
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,040
Speaker 5: But the reality is my mother did need a man

824
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:34,839
Speaker 5: because she relied on the man to provide for her,

825
00:41:34,880 --> 00:41:36,920
Speaker 5: and he did control a lot of the financial things.

826
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:38,800
Speaker 5: And I saw that in a very negative way in

827
00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:41,239
Speaker 5: my home and vow like never to let that be

828
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:44,000
Speaker 5: me type of thing. So I'm very committed to, like

829
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:47,080
Speaker 5: my finance is being really clean and organized and being

830
00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:49,200
Speaker 5: on top of maxing out my retirement account, both my

831
00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:51,239
Speaker 5: four one K and my roth theray, doing everything I

832
00:41:51,239 --> 00:41:54,400
Speaker 5: can to generate extra income YouTube, social media, speaking, publishing

833
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 5: a book like I'm that girl right My four one

834
00:41:57,000 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 5: K that I have been maxing out every year, doing

835
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:02,120
Speaker 5: my best to like hit that and like find other

836
00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:04,799
Speaker 5: ways to make it work can be taken from me

837
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:09,319
Speaker 5: in a divorce, even though it's my account with my

838
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:12,120
Speaker 5: name on it, and even though us my spouse wouldn't

839
00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:14,120
Speaker 5: maybe never even put a penny on it, has no

840
00:42:14,239 --> 00:42:16,120
Speaker 5: rightful claim to it in terms of their names not

841
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:18,239
Speaker 5: on it or anything, but could still take the some

842
00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:19,839
Speaker 5: or all of that money.

843
00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:20,360
Speaker 2: In a divorce.

844
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:25,080
Speaker 5: But marriage creates a connection that most people don't.

845
00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:26,319
Speaker 2: Realize wasn't there.

846
00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:28,920
Speaker 5: So that was the piece that was eye opening for

847
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:31,880
Speaker 5: me in terms of, oh, I need to protect myself

848
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:32,880
Speaker 5: be really smart.

849
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:36,040
Speaker 4: And the other thing I learned from Aaron is that

850
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:40,320
Speaker 4: your businesses aren't protected by outside of a prenow.

851
00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:44,000
Speaker 3: So if you have a business like it's.

852
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:46,359
Speaker 4: Basically up to like with the state of what they're

853
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:48,520
Speaker 4: they're gonna do. Like the only way you can form

854
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:51,600
Speaker 4: protection from your business is through an arrangement like this.

855
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:56,320
Speaker 6: Probably the biggest surprise for most people, and honestly, fifty

856
00:42:56,320 --> 00:42:58,279
Speaker 6: percent of my job as a divorce attorney is having

857
00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:02,719
Speaker 6: this one conversation. It's once you get married, your paycheck

858
00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:06,680
Speaker 6: is no longer just yours. Your paycheck is y'alls. It

859
00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:08,080
Speaker 6: belongs to both of you.

860
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:11,560
Speaker 3: And schiles of value set up y'r accounts and so.

861
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:15,920
Speaker 6: But people are living a lie, they're living a legal

862
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:19,200
Speaker 6: fiction in their relationships because they go through them thinking

863
00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:21,320
Speaker 6: what most people that would you know, it was just

864
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:24,399
Speaker 6: talking about it's intuitive. If the account isn't my name,

865
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:26,200
Speaker 6: it belongs to me. If the count's in your name,

866
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:27,839
Speaker 6: it belongs to you, and if it's in both names,

867
00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 6: it belongs to both of us. That rule that applies

868
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:34,200
Speaker 6: for ownership in literally every other aspect of our lives

869
00:43:34,719 --> 00:43:36,839
Speaker 6: is out the window when you get married. And so

870
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:40,960
Speaker 6: the people spend twenty twenty five thirty years under this

871
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:43,520
Speaker 6: assumption that the retirement account belongs to them or the

872
00:43:43,560 --> 00:43:45,680
Speaker 6: rental property where they've been paying the mortgage on just

873
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:47,640
Speaker 6: belongs to them. And they sit in my office and

874
00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:50,600
Speaker 6: they say, what do you mean she wants half of

875
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:53,400
Speaker 6: my retirement account that I've been contributing to since before

876
00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:56,440
Speaker 6: we even met. What do you mean he wants half

877
00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:59,480
Speaker 6: of the property, half of the equity in the house

878
00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:01,520
Speaker 6: where I I've been the only one paying the mortgage

879
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:04,160
Speaker 6: for the past fifteen years, and now he wants to

880
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:05,799
Speaker 6: come in and take half of that. And I have

881
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 6: to say yes, because you were paying it with the

882
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:10,319
Speaker 6: money you earned during the marriage, which, under the law,

883
00:44:10,719 --> 00:44:13,040
Speaker 6: unless you ever prenup or post them, this as otherwise

884
00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:17,080
Speaker 6: is joint money. And so people have made their entire

885
00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:22,239
Speaker 6: life decisions, career decisions, write business decisions based on this

886
00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:26,160
Speaker 6: thing that is false, right, And so there's this disconnect

887
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:27,839
Speaker 6: whenever you hear somebody say like, oh, I went through

888
00:44:27,840 --> 00:44:30,040
Speaker 6: a divorce and I got absolutely screwed by the court,

889
00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:34,120
Speaker 6: what actually happened is the core perception of what your

890
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:36,759
Speaker 6: marriage meant ran up against the legal reality.

891
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:37,680
Speaker 5: Right.

892
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:38,400
Speaker 3: It's me.

893
00:44:38,560 --> 00:44:41,959
Speaker 1: I'm people, I'm squirming inside of my But what about love?

894
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:43,080
Speaker 1: Don't you see my shirt?

895
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:43,279
Speaker 6: Ear?

896
00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:47,279
Speaker 1: You know you missed it, But I was I was

897
00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:52,719
Speaker 1: the most optimistic pop culture icon. Ever the American woman

898
00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:58,239
Speaker 1: in Pakistan earlier, and she, you know, sure she used

899
00:44:58,239 --> 00:45:00,960
Speaker 1: a filter to shield her identity and present herself as

900
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:03,160
Speaker 1: a blonde woman to a nineteen year old in Pakistan

901
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:06,080
Speaker 1: who she like entrapped in a marriage that wasn't like

902
00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:07,960
Speaker 1: legit and all of that. But she really just like

903
00:45:07,960 --> 00:45:09,560
Speaker 1: put her heart on the line, you know what I mean.

904
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:12,359
Speaker 1: And I think she's also an example of like maybe

905
00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 1: she should have had a prenap, do you know what

906
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:15,440
Speaker 1: I mean, Like she wouldn't have had to be like

907
00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 1: Pakistani government give me twenty thousand a week. So I

908
00:45:20,640 --> 00:45:24,879
Speaker 1: guess like I'm just holding space for the people because

909
00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:28,839
Speaker 1: I am the people I am, And I just feel

910
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:31,359
Speaker 1: like you're yelling at me and I don't like it,

911
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:35,720
Speaker 1: but I appreciate it. Ah.

912
00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 6: We all started as this. I graduated from law school

913
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:42,840
Speaker 6: not knowing this. It wasn't until I got into family

914
00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:45,280
Speaker 6: law that I realized, because it is it's hard.

915
00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:47,560
Speaker 1: Not to say I graduated from Harvard Law. When you

916
00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:49,800
Speaker 1: graduated from Harvard is it? Just tell me because I

917
00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:51,600
Speaker 1: don't know how that feels, is it.

918
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:55,600
Speaker 6: I usually wait about fifteen minutes before I try to

919
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:58,319
Speaker 6: shoehorne it in the conversation, but yeah, you know, I.

920
00:45:58,200 --> 00:46:01,000
Speaker 1: Graduated from a law school, like in my yeah you

921
00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:04,280
Speaker 1: said I went to school, you know, you know, yeah, yeah,

922
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:05,400
Speaker 1: go ahead.

923
00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:09,719
Speaker 6: You know, couples today, for the most part, are not

924
00:46:09,960 --> 00:46:13,160
Speaker 6: combining everything into one bank account when they get married, right,

925
00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:16,399
Speaker 6: They're living with separate bank accountsl So really, what we're

926
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:18,920
Speaker 6: talking about when we're saying, like, get a prenup is

927
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:22,080
Speaker 6: make your legal reality match the way that you're already living.

928
00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:25,120
Speaker 6: We're not talking about going out and doing something crazy.

929
00:46:25,239 --> 00:46:27,759
Speaker 6: You know, like gone are the days where there is

930
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:30,600
Speaker 6: only one you know, earner for the entire household, and

931
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 6: so necessarily every check that the earner works has to

932
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:37,759
Speaker 6: support the entire household. People live in worlds where like

933
00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:40,120
Speaker 6: this is mine, this is yours, and this is ours.

934
00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:43,840
Speaker 6: And if you want those divisions that you set up

935
00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 6: yourself to be honored in whatever comes later, then you

936
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:51,480
Speaker 6: have to put it in your own agreement. And the

937
00:46:51,600 --> 00:46:55,960
Speaker 6: default prenup, the default your state laws are not equipped

938
00:46:56,120 --> 00:46:59,960
Speaker 6: for today's marriages. They're not built for to income house.

939
00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:02,920
Speaker 6: They're not built for people who get married in their thirties.

940
00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:06,440
Speaker 6: They're not built honestly for women that have any kind

941
00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:10,760
Speaker 6: of autonomy over their finances, their their life, their body.

942
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:13,759
Speaker 6: I mean, you got to think, for your, marriage has

943
00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:16,319
Speaker 6: been around since like twenty four hundred BC, and for

944
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:20,000
Speaker 6: ninety nine percent of that time since then, marriage has

945
00:47:20,480 --> 00:47:24,080
Speaker 6: been a property contract, not a joining of two people.

946
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 6: People like to talk about this like two people become one,

947
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:28,960
Speaker 6: Like it's just like the romantic ideal. You know what

948
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:31,839
Speaker 6: the laws used to say in the United Slates, the

949
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:35,440
Speaker 6: woman ceases to exist as a legal entity, and she

950
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:40,200
Speaker 6: is properly incorporated into that of the man. Have you

951
00:47:40,239 --> 00:47:43,000
Speaker 6: ever heard like somebody say, you know who gives this

952
00:47:43,120 --> 00:47:46,759
Speaker 6: bride away at a wedding? It seem a little weird

953
00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:48,680
Speaker 6: that the ride is something to give away. You ever

954
00:47:48,719 --> 00:47:51,000
Speaker 6: heard like I now present to you, mister and missus

955
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:53,320
Speaker 6: John Smith. Why did her name disappear?

956
00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:58,480
Speaker 1: Disappear? I think I'm realizing is that I thought, because

957
00:47:58,480 --> 00:48:01,040
Speaker 1: I'm so independent and knowledge and because I have my

958
00:48:01,080 --> 00:48:04,319
Speaker 1: own money, that a prenup was like less necessary for me.

959
00:48:04,400 --> 00:48:10,960
Speaker 1: That in retrospect sounds absolutely idiotic. I recognize that. However,

960
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:14,200
Speaker 1: I think that's a mindset I had, was like I'll

961
00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:16,960
Speaker 1: be fine because like I got my own and I

962
00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:19,239
Speaker 1: know what to do. And if it comes down to that, like,

963
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:21,759
Speaker 1: I'm gonna hire a bang and ass attorney and we'll

964
00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:25,600
Speaker 1: be will be, we'll be we'll be good, right, Yeah,

965
00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:27,120
Speaker 1: yeah that I'm ready.

966
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:31,640
Speaker 6: No, No, I think I I'm I'm right there with you.

967
00:48:31,719 --> 00:48:35,480
Speaker 6: I mean, the stigma is so strong, you know. Literally,

968
00:48:35,640 --> 00:48:37,640
Speaker 6: until I was in Finland, I thought the exact same

969
00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:40,279
Speaker 6: thing that everybody thinks, which is like prenups are for

970
00:48:40,440 --> 00:48:44,279
Speaker 6: super rich people or like Hollywood couples who change their

971
00:48:44,320 --> 00:48:48,000
Speaker 6: spouses like they do their pajamas, right, and and I

972
00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:51,360
Speaker 6: never got that it is like you were literally just

973
00:48:51,440 --> 00:48:55,239
Speaker 6: customizing the contract that you're signing up for, or.

974
00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:57,040
Speaker 1: Just women who like are in a marriage. I think

975
00:48:57,040 --> 00:48:59,000
Speaker 1: about Charlotte and Sex and the City, who was like

976
00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:01,480
Speaker 1: gonna be a homemaker and left her job at the

977
00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:05,080
Speaker 1: gallery to marry what's his phase with the rectile dysfunction

978
00:49:05,640 --> 00:49:08,520
Speaker 1: and like, and she was fighting over I deserve more

979
00:49:08,560 --> 00:49:10,880
Speaker 1: than you know whatever, I deserve a million dollars and

980
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:13,560
Speaker 1: if we get divorced, and like, for I was thinking

981
00:49:13,600 --> 00:49:16,080
Speaker 1: it was more for women who weren't coming into the

982
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:18,040
Speaker 1: marriage with something so that they'd be protective if it

983
00:49:18,080 --> 00:49:19,840
Speaker 1: didn't work out and you wouldn't be like out on

984
00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:23,600
Speaker 1: your ass. Yeah, and so I think I just which

985
00:49:23,760 --> 00:49:26,680
Speaker 1: maybe is a little bit valid, But I didn't know

986
00:49:26,719 --> 00:49:29,839
Speaker 1: the rest of that. I didn't absorb it, but now

987
00:49:29,880 --> 00:49:30,200
Speaker 1: I do.

988
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:34,200
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it is, you know, it is

989
00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:37,160
Speaker 6: really about getting clarity about where you stand, you know,

990
00:49:37,320 --> 00:49:39,640
Speaker 6: and if you are married to the type of person

991
00:49:39,760 --> 00:49:44,080
Speaker 6: who say you are that person, that is your career

992
00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:46,160
Speaker 6: is going to take a back seat to your spouse's

993
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:48,400
Speaker 6: career because you were going to be more of the homemaker,

994
00:49:48,440 --> 00:49:51,400
Speaker 6: you were going to raise the kids. You are counting

995
00:49:51,600 --> 00:49:55,200
Speaker 6: on this idea that your spouse's earnings are going to

996
00:49:55,239 --> 00:49:57,920
Speaker 6: be there to support you, that your spouse's retirement is

997
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:00,959
Speaker 6: going to be your retirement. And wouldn't it be good

998
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:03,759
Speaker 6: to know before you quit your job and leave the

999
00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:06,040
Speaker 6: workforce for ten years whether or not you're married to

1000
00:50:06,080 --> 00:50:08,600
Speaker 6: somebody who thinks this is my retirement and if you

1001
00:50:08,680 --> 00:50:10,919
Speaker 6: leave me, you're out on your own. I mean, isn't

1002
00:50:10,960 --> 00:50:13,200
Speaker 6: that something to like? Wouldn't that be something nice to

1003
00:50:13,239 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 6: lock in because otherwise you're living in this, you know,

1004
00:50:17,239 --> 00:50:19,560
Speaker 6: in this in between world where you know you don't

1005
00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:23,400
Speaker 6: have explicitly defined expectations. You have your idea, they have

1006
00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 6: their idea, and whether or not these ideas of what

1007
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:28,600
Speaker 6: your financial arrangements are ever voiced, it is going to

1008
00:50:28,719 --> 00:50:33,520
Speaker 6: cause friction along the way. Forty percent of married American

1009
00:50:33,560 --> 00:50:36,960
Speaker 6: couples don't know how much their spouse makes don't know

1010
00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:40,279
Speaker 6: their spouse's income. That is like the most basic, like

1011
00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:43,239
Speaker 6: if you're just the person doing the taxes in your household,

1012
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:45,279
Speaker 6: would you would have that information. But the fact that

1013
00:50:45,480 --> 00:50:48,719
Speaker 6: almost half of American households are living in these situations

1014
00:50:48,760 --> 00:50:51,399
Speaker 6: where one doesn't even know the other one's income. They

1015
00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:53,480
Speaker 6: certainly don't know how much they have in retirement, they

1016
00:50:53,480 --> 00:50:55,840
Speaker 6: certainly don't know their you know their total asset, or

1017
00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:58,719
Speaker 6: how much they have in credit card debt. And so

1018
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:02,600
Speaker 6: you basically in a financial situation where your spouse is

1019
00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:06,120
Speaker 6: hiding your own money from you. Legally, they are hiding

1020
00:51:06,120 --> 00:51:08,600
Speaker 6: your own money from you. Or if you're the person

1021
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:11,000
Speaker 6: where you have all the accounts and everything is in

1022
00:51:11,040 --> 00:51:13,480
Speaker 6: your name and they don't have the logins, they don't

1023
00:51:13,480 --> 00:51:17,400
Speaker 6: have access, you're hiding legally their money from them. And

1024
00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:19,759
Speaker 6: some people will be cool to say, Hey, I got

1025
00:51:19,760 --> 00:51:22,640
Speaker 6: my retirement, you got your business. I got my car,

1026
00:51:22,760 --> 00:51:24,440
Speaker 6: you got your car. I got my play money account,

1027
00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:25,920
Speaker 6: you got your play mone account. We've got a onejoint

1028
00:51:25,920 --> 00:51:28,160
Speaker 6: account that's our fifty to fifty that's our ours, and

1029
00:51:28,200 --> 00:51:30,960
Speaker 6: our MARYL home that's ours and everything else. But if

1030
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:34,080
Speaker 6: you're that person and that's your agreement, you got to

1031
00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:37,120
Speaker 6: lock it in because, as everyone who's gone through a

1032
00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:40,080
Speaker 6: divorce says, like those agreements of like, that's yours, I

1033
00:51:40,080 --> 00:51:42,319
Speaker 6: don't want any of your ex you don't want any

1034
00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:45,239
Speaker 6: of my wy That goes out the window when the

1035
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:46,239
Speaker 6: divorce papers.

1036
00:51:45,880 --> 00:51:49,040
Speaker 1: Are I think sometimes you're thinking about negotiating with the

1037
00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:51,600
Speaker 1: other person who is like a sweet person and blah

1038
00:51:51,640 --> 00:51:53,759
Speaker 1: blah blah, wouldn't hurt a fly. But once they get it,

1039
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:58,200
Speaker 1: they lawyer up right, it's the Aaron Thomas of it all.

1040
00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:00,720
Speaker 1: Who's going to be like, oh, I represent the wife

1041
00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:03,319
Speaker 1: or the husband or whoever, and like I'm gonna isn't

1042
00:52:03,320 --> 00:52:05,680
Speaker 1: that kind of the I mean, am I wrong there?

1043
00:52:05,719 --> 00:52:08,839
Speaker 1: That's the attorney's job, right, is to negotiate the best

1044
00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:12,759
Speaker 1: terms for their client. And if you have separate representation,

1045
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:15,640
Speaker 1: maybe your husband doesn't know all he could be asking for,

1046
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:18,920
Speaker 1: but the attorney hope you know the one that he hired.

1047
00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:21,759
Speaker 6: Will will highlight that, Yes, it's the attorneys, but it's

1048
00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:25,120
Speaker 6: also the entire legal system. It is not set up

1049
00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:31,319
Speaker 6: to ease the path for amicable divorces and these like

1050
00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:36,680
Speaker 6: cooperative settlements. No, the system is set up to incentivize

1051
00:52:36,719 --> 00:52:40,920
Speaker 6: I mean, first of all, trials litigation are wars of information,

1052
00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:44,360
Speaker 6: and I win my cases by having as much information

1053
00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:46,840
Speaker 6: about the cow case and having the other side know

1054
00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:49,920
Speaker 6: as little as humanly possible about my case. So as

1055
00:52:49,960 --> 00:52:51,920
Speaker 6: soon as you hire up the lawyer is going to

1056
00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:54,240
Speaker 6: tell you in your own interests, don't tell them anything,

1057
00:52:54,320 --> 00:52:56,960
Speaker 6: stop talking to them, don't listen, don't negotiate without me,

1058
00:52:57,560 --> 00:52:59,640
Speaker 6: don't hand over a single statement unless I tell you

1059
00:52:59,719 --> 00:53:01,160
Speaker 6: that you're supposed to do that. And then the other

1060
00:53:01,200 --> 00:53:04,800
Speaker 6: side is going to do the same. And because divorce

1061
00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:07,719
Speaker 6: litigation is this weird world where all of the things

1062
00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:09,919
Speaker 6: that would be totally like irrelevant, like you're not even

1063
00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:12,360
Speaker 6: allowed to bring them up in court, like your sex

1064
00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:14,319
Speaker 6: life and what kind of parents you are in the home,

1065
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:17,480
Speaker 6: and like all of those kinds of details are exactly

1066
00:53:17,520 --> 00:53:20,600
Speaker 6: what is relevant in the middle of a divorce case.

1067
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:25,719
Speaker 1: And so why are you nodding. I mean, does that happen?

1068
00:53:25,719 --> 00:53:26,799
Speaker 1: Does that happen? Do you know?

1069
00:53:27,080 --> 00:53:28,760
Speaker 3: If you want to give personal.

1070
00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:32,600
Speaker 4: My divorce was a little different in that he went

1071
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:36,080
Speaker 4: to jail for abuse, and he was in jail when

1072
00:53:36,120 --> 00:53:39,719
Speaker 4: I filed for divorce. But still he could have took

1073
00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:43,359
Speaker 4: my house, He could have took everything I had, even

1074
00:53:43,400 --> 00:53:44,880
Speaker 4: though he was in jail for abuse.

1075
00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:51,000
Speaker 6: Here's the thing. They don't think they're taking advantage. It's

1076
00:53:51,080 --> 00:53:54,000
Speaker 6: like you saw sixth sense, Like they don't know they're dead,

1077
00:53:54,360 --> 00:53:58,000
Speaker 6: like the people who are going through litigation. So in

1078
00:53:58,040 --> 00:54:01,000
Speaker 6: forty one out of the fifty states, they don't have

1079
00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:03,640
Speaker 6: to split your assets fifty fifth, which can still have

1080
00:54:03,760 --> 00:54:07,279
Speaker 6: some unfair, you know, outcomes depending on what your situation was,

1081
00:54:07,320 --> 00:54:09,840
Speaker 6: Which means that the court can split a fifty to fifty,

1082
00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:12,080
Speaker 6: but they can also do sixty forty or seventy thirty

1083
00:54:12,160 --> 00:54:16,120
Speaker 6: or eighty twenty based on the judge's subjective belief about

1084
00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:20,279
Speaker 6: each spouse's contributions to the marriage, contributions both financial contributions

1085
00:54:20,360 --> 00:54:24,399
Speaker 6: and non financial contributions. And here's the thing is people

1086
00:54:24,440 --> 00:54:27,600
Speaker 6: who are in like true fifty to fifty relationships, even

1087
00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:30,560
Speaker 6: those people still each spouse feels like they're given sixty

1088
00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:33,320
Speaker 6: five percent. They feel like they're doing the majority of

1089
00:54:33,360 --> 00:54:35,600
Speaker 6: the work. Everybody in a relationship feels like they've been

1090
00:54:35,600 --> 00:54:38,200
Speaker 6: doing the majority of the stuff. So they don't think

1091
00:54:38,200 --> 00:54:41,120
Speaker 6: they're taking advantage. They think, you know, like if you

1092
00:54:41,160 --> 00:54:42,839
Speaker 6: earn the money, you think like, I earn the money.

1093
00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:44,279
Speaker 6: I'm the one that went out there and busted my

1094
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:46,319
Speaker 6: butt and put the dollars in the bank account. And

1095
00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:48,319
Speaker 6: the other person is thinking, yeah, while you were out

1096
00:54:48,320 --> 00:54:50,359
Speaker 6: there doing that, I was holding downs on the home

1097
00:54:50,360 --> 00:54:52,719
Speaker 6: front and getting the kids to soccer and cleaning up

1098
00:54:52,719 --> 00:54:55,120
Speaker 6: the house and you know, managing you know, the folks

1099
00:54:55,120 --> 00:54:57,120
Speaker 6: coming in the lawn folks, and I was paying the babysitters,

1100
00:54:57,160 --> 00:54:58,600
Speaker 6: and I was doing all of this. You couldn't have

1101
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:00,920
Speaker 6: built any of that without me, and I put my

1102
00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:02,600
Speaker 6: career on hold for that. So at least you walk

1103
00:55:02,600 --> 00:55:06,319
Speaker 6: away with a job. And so each person has like

1104
00:55:06,360 --> 00:55:08,840
Speaker 6: the moral high ground in their own mind as to

1105
00:55:08,880 --> 00:55:12,480
Speaker 6: why they're going after the money. And that's why divorce

1106
00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:16,920
Speaker 6: is not set up for, you know, for easy settlements.

1107
00:55:16,920 --> 00:55:19,960
Speaker 6: Everybody's got a point, everyone's got a reason, a valid

1108
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:22,319
Speaker 6: reason in their mind why they deserve the majority of

1109
00:55:22,320 --> 00:55:25,399
Speaker 6: the money. And so the only way to do it

1110
00:55:25,440 --> 00:55:29,080
Speaker 6: is to decide who owns what when you love each other,

1111
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:31,759
Speaker 6: rather than leaving that decision to be made when you

1112
00:55:31,800 --> 00:55:32,399
Speaker 6: hate each other.

1113
00:55:33,880 --> 00:55:38,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, but Aaron, I also like your approach to pronounce

1114
00:55:38,880 --> 00:55:42,799
Speaker 4: when you're saying it's not just about what happens in

1115
00:55:42,880 --> 00:55:46,480
Speaker 4: the in the case that you separate. It also provides

1116
00:55:46,560 --> 00:55:49,600
Speaker 4: a roadmap of how you're going to handle your finances

1117
00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:52,120
Speaker 4: through your marriage, and something that you can reference and

1118
00:55:52,160 --> 00:55:54,400
Speaker 4: come back to that.

1119
00:55:54,440 --> 00:55:58,560
Speaker 6: Is that is you know, once I realize that, you know,

1120
00:55:59,320 --> 00:56:01,520
Speaker 6: I was going to have a prenup. So I got

1121
00:56:01,600 --> 00:56:05,640
Speaker 6: married nine years ago in April, and once I realized

1122
00:56:05,640 --> 00:56:08,360
Speaker 6: that I was going to have a prenup in my marriage,

1123
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:10,719
Speaker 6: I started thinking, how could I take this further? Like,

1124
00:56:10,760 --> 00:56:13,040
Speaker 6: how could I make this into a prenup that not

1125
00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:16,440
Speaker 6: only yes, obviously I want to avoid a messy divorce

1126
00:56:16,480 --> 00:56:20,160
Speaker 6: case that should not be super controversial. But what other

1127
00:56:20,239 --> 00:56:21,600
Speaker 6: things can I do if I'm going to go down

1128
00:56:21,640 --> 00:56:24,600
Speaker 6: this path, If I truly believe that discussing finances on

1129
00:56:24,640 --> 00:56:26,040
Speaker 6: the front end and getting on the same page of

1130
00:56:26,080 --> 00:56:28,160
Speaker 6: these types of things is going to be beneficial to

1131
00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:31,080
Speaker 6: my marriage, what would the perfect marriage look like what

1132
00:56:31,120 --> 00:56:33,000
Speaker 6: could we do, and so me and my wife said down.

1133
00:56:33,040 --> 00:56:34,560
Speaker 6: It came up with like a list of rules, and

1134
00:56:34,560 --> 00:56:36,400
Speaker 6: so one of them is we have it in our

1135
00:56:36,440 --> 00:56:38,319
Speaker 6: pre nup that either one of us can request up

1136
00:56:38,360 --> 00:56:44,200
Speaker 6: to three counseling sessions per year. And there's no questions asked,

1137
00:56:44,440 --> 00:56:47,160
Speaker 6: there's no you know, what usually happens is somebody suggest counseling,

1138
00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:48,840
Speaker 6: but it's on the tail end of an argument, so

1139
00:56:48,880 --> 00:56:50,920
Speaker 6: it comes off like it's an accusation, like something's wrong

1140
00:56:50,960 --> 00:56:53,120
Speaker 6: with you counseling, you go to counseling. I don't need counseling,

1141
00:56:53,400 --> 00:56:55,760
Speaker 6: you know, like something that you need rather than something

1142
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:58,799
Speaker 6: that you do as like maintenance, your annual physical for

1143
00:56:58,880 --> 00:57:02,400
Speaker 6: your relationship. And so we put that in our agreement.

1144
00:57:02,680 --> 00:57:04,600
Speaker 6: We have it in our prenup that neither one of

1145
00:57:04,680 --> 00:57:06,600
Speaker 6: us can spend over five hundred dollars from any joint

1146
00:57:06,600 --> 00:57:08,879
Speaker 6: account unless it's approved by both of us ahead of time.

1147
00:57:09,360 --> 00:57:11,400
Speaker 6: And that heads off of the past like all of

1148
00:57:11,400 --> 00:57:13,680
Speaker 6: these you know, you spend what wait a minute, you

1149
00:57:13,680 --> 00:57:15,920
Speaker 6: spend you spend all the money from the joint bank account.

1150
00:57:15,920 --> 00:57:17,320
Speaker 6: I guess, I guess I'm not getting anything. You know,

1151
00:57:17,320 --> 00:57:19,560
Speaker 6: I guess I'm meeting McDonald's this month, those types of

1152
00:57:19,680 --> 00:57:22,880
Speaker 6: arguments about like the individual expenses over the course of

1153
00:57:22,880 --> 00:57:25,640
Speaker 6: the relationship, and then deciding how our money was going

1154
00:57:25,680 --> 00:57:27,680
Speaker 6: to flow through our bank accounts. So we each have

1155
00:57:27,760 --> 00:57:30,640
Speaker 6: our own discretionary money that gets taken out of our

1156
00:57:30,720 --> 00:57:33,560
Speaker 6: joint pot every month, so that I can maintain some

1157
00:57:33,640 --> 00:57:36,240
Speaker 6: autonomy over my spending like I had the first thirty

1158
00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:38,000
Speaker 6: five years of my life before we got together, and

1159
00:57:38,080 --> 00:57:39,920
Speaker 6: she can do the same where she can spend her

1160
00:57:39,920 --> 00:57:42,800
Speaker 6: money without us having to argue about every little thing

1161
00:57:42,880 --> 00:57:45,160
Speaker 6: because we have some of our own money, We've got

1162
00:57:45,160 --> 00:57:48,919
Speaker 6: our joint money, and we've built in annual meetings into

1163
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:51,240
Speaker 6: our relationship where we sit down and talk about the finances,

1164
00:57:51,280 --> 00:57:54,040
Speaker 6: like taking a lot of the guesswork about what makes

1165
00:57:54,040 --> 00:57:58,760
Speaker 6: for a healthy relationship by systematizing it and putting it

1166
00:57:58,800 --> 00:58:01,760
Speaker 6: in writing on the front end of your relationship. So, yes,

1167
00:58:01,880 --> 00:58:06,280
Speaker 6: we have a roadmap that makes it more likely that

1168
00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:09,200
Speaker 6: will actually stay together. We wrote a prenup that makes

1169
00:58:09,240 --> 00:58:10,520
Speaker 6: it more likely that we won't have.

1170
00:58:10,520 --> 00:58:11,000
Speaker 5: To use it.

1171
00:58:11,560 --> 00:58:14,720
Speaker 6: You know, there's two ways. There's two ways to avoid

1172
00:58:14,760 --> 00:58:18,840
Speaker 6: a messy divorce. Right one to stay together that works

1173
00:58:19,080 --> 00:58:22,080
Speaker 6: fIF percent of the time. And the other is to

1174
00:58:22,080 --> 00:58:24,880
Speaker 6: get a prenup or a post nup, And if you

1175
00:58:24,960 --> 00:58:27,240
Speaker 6: work on both of those together, you're really getting the

1176
00:58:27,280 --> 00:58:29,840
Speaker 6: best of both worlds and setting yourself up to where

1177
00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:31,520
Speaker 6: you're protecting no matter what happens.

1178
00:58:31,800 --> 00:58:35,520
Speaker 1: It's also like, through the course of going through a prenup,

1179
00:58:35,800 --> 00:58:38,880
Speaker 1: having to ask questions and if you're having arguments over

1180
00:58:38,920 --> 00:58:40,720
Speaker 1: these questions or the other person is like, well, I

1181
00:58:40,760 --> 00:58:43,440
Speaker 1: don't want to tell you all that, Like you're finding

1182
00:58:43,480 --> 00:58:46,640
Speaker 1: things out about a relationship, and I think that almost

1183
00:58:46,840 --> 00:58:50,320
Speaker 1: becomes sort of like a filter or like a pre

1184
00:58:50,400 --> 00:58:53,080
Speaker 1: screen for your partner, Like, can we get through this

1185
00:58:53,160 --> 00:58:56,120
Speaker 1: prenup process without wanting to kill each other? If not,

1186
00:58:56,320 --> 00:59:00,280
Speaker 1: then maybe you're not ready, Aaron, I want we only

1187
00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:02,680
Speaker 1: have a couple of minutes left. I wanted to ask

1188
00:59:02,720 --> 00:59:05,960
Speaker 1: about Janelly's situation. So you are partnered but not married,

1189
00:59:06,360 --> 00:59:08,240
Speaker 1: so for and I think a lot more women are

1190
00:59:08,280 --> 00:59:10,800
Speaker 1: doing that and couples in general. So how can you

1191
00:59:10,840 --> 00:59:15,280
Speaker 1: protect yourself if you're not in a formal or illegal marriage.

1192
00:59:16,280 --> 00:59:19,600
Speaker 6: Well, if you're not, if you're not married, that old

1193
00:59:19,720 --> 00:59:24,080
Speaker 6: intuitive rule applies. What's in your name belongs to you.

1194
00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:27,120
Speaker 6: Your debts that are in your name belong to you,

1195
00:59:27,120 --> 00:59:29,880
Speaker 6: Your assets that are in your name belong to you. Uh,

1196
00:59:29,920 --> 00:59:31,760
Speaker 6: and you don't need to go any further until you

1197
00:59:31,840 --> 00:59:34,800
Speaker 6: start doing any kind of like joint investing. Probably the

1198
00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:38,520
Speaker 6: most common thing that unmarried couples will do is if

1199
00:59:38,560 --> 00:59:40,600
Speaker 6: they are buying a piece of property together, or if

1200
00:59:40,600 --> 00:59:42,919
Speaker 6: they're living and they're on a lease together, that they'll

1201
00:59:42,920 --> 00:59:46,320
Speaker 6: sign some kind of cohabitation agreement that says, Okay, if

1202
00:59:46,480 --> 00:59:49,920
Speaker 6: we break up, how do we how do we handle

1203
00:59:49,920 --> 00:59:52,000
Speaker 6: anything that is in joint names, whether that's an asset

1204
00:59:52,200 --> 00:59:54,680
Speaker 6: or a debt, And that just you know, removes some

1205
00:59:54,720 --> 00:59:57,520
Speaker 6: of the messiness around. Say you bought a house together

1206
00:59:58,040 --> 01:00:00,240
Speaker 6: and you can't take it anymore, you move out, you want

1207
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:01,640
Speaker 6: to get your equity out of that house. You know

1208
01:00:01,640 --> 01:00:04,560
Speaker 6: how difficult that's going to be. Sometimes it's more expensive

1209
01:00:04,560 --> 01:00:07,400
Speaker 6: than a divorce case. That's how complex those types of

1210
01:00:07,400 --> 01:00:08,920
Speaker 6: things are, because what are you gonna do, you know,

1211
01:00:09,000 --> 01:00:12,560
Speaker 6: force a sale, are you going to force a refinance?

1212
01:00:12,960 --> 01:00:14,960
Speaker 6: Particularly when you you got it on a three percent

1213
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:17,400
Speaker 6: interest right now and now there's seven you know, you're

1214
01:00:17,800 --> 01:00:20,960
Speaker 6: you're in for a fight. So that is definitely, you know,

1215
01:00:21,040 --> 01:00:23,680
Speaker 6: and that's that is a growing area of of of

1216
01:00:23,760 --> 01:00:26,080
Speaker 6: the law as well as cohabitation agreements and people who

1217
01:00:26,320 --> 01:00:28,680
Speaker 6: have chosen to say, Okay, maybe I don't actually want

1218
01:00:28,680 --> 01:00:30,920
Speaker 6: to go down this marriage road with all of these

1219
01:00:30,920 --> 01:00:33,480
Speaker 6: other complications and things that I that I didn't ask for.

1220
01:00:33,840 --> 01:00:35,840
Speaker 6: But if we do buy a house together, if we

1221
01:00:35,880 --> 01:00:38,600
Speaker 6: do some kind of like investment together, even if we're

1222
01:00:38,640 --> 01:00:40,400
Speaker 6: just living together on the long term lease and we're

1223
01:00:40,400 --> 01:00:42,720
Speaker 6: both buying things, they're coming into the same house, maybe

1224
01:00:42,720 --> 01:00:45,480
Speaker 6: we want to just get something on paper to make sure, like, Okay,

1225
01:00:45,560 --> 01:00:48,120
Speaker 6: if things go left, you know, which, how are we

1226
01:00:48,200 --> 01:00:50,360
Speaker 6: going to get out of this without both of us

1227
01:00:50,400 --> 01:00:52,560
Speaker 6: having a lawyer up and spend tens of thousands of

1228
01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:53,520
Speaker 6: dollars that we don't have.

1229
01:00:54,240 --> 01:00:57,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, and ya, Nellie, why was it that Aaron? Like

1230
01:00:57,200 --> 01:00:59,560
Speaker 1: why what what did he say that had you thinking like, Okay,

1231
01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:02,040
Speaker 1: maybe I could see myself getting married.

1232
01:01:02,680 --> 01:01:05,240
Speaker 5: I mean, for me, it has always been a thing

1233
01:01:05,280 --> 01:01:10,440
Speaker 5: of like my family defines marriage as like a religious ceremony,

1234
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:13,400
Speaker 5: and my boyfriend and I we both have we grew

1235
01:01:13,480 --> 01:01:18,560
Speaker 5: up very like strict Catholic Dominican American households, where you

1236
01:01:18,600 --> 01:01:21,800
Speaker 5: know that's your values are the church, right, But once

1237
01:01:21,840 --> 01:01:23,600
Speaker 5: we both went off to college and like, you know,

1238
01:01:24,200 --> 01:01:26,400
Speaker 5: my mom would say, we we became secular.

1239
01:01:26,480 --> 01:01:29,280
Speaker 2: We start sitting right, we're now living the sending lives.

1240
01:01:29,480 --> 01:01:32,280
Speaker 1: But we just we kind of educated elite, right.

1241
01:01:32,360 --> 01:01:35,360
Speaker 5: We went from you know, the Catholic church to well,

1242
01:01:35,360 --> 01:01:36,840
Speaker 5: my mom would say a lot of things, but anyway,

1243
01:01:36,880 --> 01:01:39,080
Speaker 5: the point is we kind of both disconnected a lot

1244
01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:42,320
Speaker 5: from like the our upbringings and the religious part of

1245
01:01:42,360 --> 01:01:45,080
Speaker 5: our life being the core value that drives everything else

1246
01:01:45,360 --> 01:01:48,960
Speaker 5: to now having very different core values and but still

1247
01:01:49,000 --> 01:01:50,560
Speaker 5: aligning in a lot of ways in terms of like, oh,

1248
01:01:50,560 --> 01:01:52,400
Speaker 5: we understand that our parents are desperate to see us

1249
01:01:52,400 --> 01:01:55,880
Speaker 5: get married, but we both understood that in their eyes,

1250
01:01:55,920 --> 01:01:58,560
Speaker 5: marriage is this love thing that happens in the church,

1251
01:01:58,680 --> 01:02:00,640
Speaker 5: and in our eyes we both on should know it

1252
01:02:00,720 --> 01:02:01,680
Speaker 5: is a legal contract.

1253
01:02:01,680 --> 01:02:03,920
Speaker 2: It's a piece of paper. Actually is what marriage is.

1254
01:02:04,040 --> 01:02:06,040
Speaker 2: This is why you have to sign that marriage license

1255
01:02:06,080 --> 01:02:06,560
Speaker 2: at the church.

1256
01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:09,280
Speaker 5: Okay, So like in our minds we just view we

1257
01:02:09,320 --> 01:02:12,200
Speaker 5: had different definitions of marriage from our families and my

1258
01:02:13,000 --> 01:02:15,400
Speaker 5: entire our entire relationship, we have both been completely okay

1259
01:02:15,440 --> 01:02:18,200
Speaker 5: with being the weirdos, the not normal ones in the

1260
01:02:18,240 --> 01:02:20,840
Speaker 5: family who don't do things the way that my you know,

1261
01:02:20,880 --> 01:02:22,800
Speaker 5: buy the books the way my parents and his parents

1262
01:02:22,800 --> 01:02:26,600
Speaker 5: have wanted us to. But we also feel really badly

1263
01:02:26,640 --> 01:02:29,160
Speaker 5: about that because we want to make our parents happy

1264
01:02:29,200 --> 01:02:31,200
Speaker 5: and proud of us. Like we you know, we both

1265
01:02:31,280 --> 01:02:33,600
Speaker 5: just feel really bad every time they see us for

1266
01:02:33,680 --> 01:02:36,640
Speaker 5: the holidays. They're like, stand, like, why are.

1267
01:02:36,640 --> 01:02:38,040
Speaker 2: You torturing us?

1268
01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:40,080
Speaker 5: We just want grandbabies, and we just want you to

1269
01:02:40,080 --> 01:02:41,560
Speaker 5: get married so you can go to heaven.

1270
01:02:41,640 --> 01:02:42,840
Speaker 1: We don't want you living in sin.

1271
01:02:44,320 --> 01:02:46,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I'm just like, you know, I don't want

1272
01:02:46,440 --> 01:02:48,360
Speaker 5: to hurt them. I don't want to cause them pain

1273
01:02:48,440 --> 01:02:50,440
Speaker 5: if they're on their deathbeds. Like and they said the

1274
01:02:50,480 --> 01:02:52,120
Speaker 5: one last and wish they had was for us to

1275
01:02:52,120 --> 01:02:54,439
Speaker 5: get married, Like, oh, I would brant and get married

1276
01:02:54,480 --> 01:02:56,640
Speaker 5: because I just feel so bad for my parents, right.

1277
01:02:56,920 --> 01:02:59,400
Speaker 5: But I never found it something that aligned with the

1278
01:02:59,440 --> 01:03:02,880
Speaker 5: way that I view my world, like my worldview as

1279
01:03:02,920 --> 01:03:05,680
Speaker 5: a woman who has worked really hard to not become

1280
01:03:06,120 --> 01:03:10,720
Speaker 5: this like submissive housewive woman who's who's dependent upon you.

1281
01:03:10,680 --> 01:03:11,800
Speaker 2: Know, her her spouse.

1282
01:03:11,840 --> 01:03:14,440
Speaker 5: And so that was the first time I had the

1283
01:03:14,560 --> 01:03:17,640
Speaker 5: understanding that you could structure a marriage in a way

1284
01:03:17,840 --> 01:03:20,560
Speaker 5: that was fair to both parties and not aligned with

1285
01:03:20,600 --> 01:03:23,640
Speaker 5: like the conventional approach to marriage, which is very much

1286
01:03:24,240 --> 01:03:27,120
Speaker 5: you know, the male dominates in a heteronormative relationship, that

1287
01:03:27,120 --> 01:03:29,600
Speaker 5: the male kind of dominates, takes control, that you take

1288
01:03:29,600 --> 01:03:31,760
Speaker 5: his last name and you become his property, that you know,

1289
01:03:31,800 --> 01:03:33,320
Speaker 5: you do what he says, and he kind of manages

1290
01:03:33,320 --> 01:03:34,640
Speaker 5: the finances, you merge everything.

1291
01:03:34,720 --> 01:03:36,320
Speaker 2: And I was like, absolutely not.

1292
01:03:36,400 --> 01:03:39,000
Speaker 5: I work too damn hard to you know, grow my

1293
01:03:39,080 --> 01:03:42,120
Speaker 5: investments and to learn all this stuff to like default

1294
01:03:42,160 --> 01:03:44,920
Speaker 5: to just letting someone else like have control over it.

1295
01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:46,840
Speaker 5: But Aaron kind of opened my eyes to the fact

1296
01:03:46,840 --> 01:03:48,600
Speaker 5: that that's not how every marriage has to be. And

1297
01:03:48,640 --> 01:03:51,200
Speaker 5: if you write a prenuptial agreement that you both feels

1298
01:03:51,240 --> 01:03:53,600
Speaker 5: fair and that you both agree on and then enter

1299
01:03:53,680 --> 01:03:55,840
Speaker 5: the marriage, you're so much more likely to have a

1300
01:03:55,880 --> 01:03:59,880
Speaker 5: healthy marriage and also healthy couple of finances.

1301
01:04:01,960 --> 01:04:04,720
Speaker 1: That's a word I feel like I needed to. I mean,

1302
01:04:04,720 --> 01:04:06,680
Speaker 1: it's nice to meet you now, Erin, but I kind

1303
01:04:06,680 --> 01:04:10,840
Speaker 1: of wish, like eight and a half years ago or so,

1304
01:04:13,120 --> 01:04:15,880
Speaker 1: where were you. It's not too late. Well, I want

1305
01:04:15,880 --> 01:04:19,320
Speaker 1: to thank our guest Aaron Thomas for coming on the show.

1306
01:04:19,440 --> 01:04:19,600
Speaker 6: Erin.

1307
01:04:19,640 --> 01:04:21,120
Speaker 1: I know your book is right behind you, but you

1308
01:04:21,160 --> 01:04:22,720
Speaker 1: want to hold it up. Tell ba Fam where they

1309
01:04:22,760 --> 01:04:23,880
Speaker 1: can get that book.

1310
01:04:23,600 --> 01:04:28,480
Speaker 6: Of yours Prescription Meet the pre Marital Contract designed to

1311
01:04:28,600 --> 01:04:32,200
Speaker 6: save your marriage. It is on Amazon and everywhere else

1312
01:04:32,200 --> 01:04:33,120
Speaker 6: where you can give books.

1313
01:04:33,400 --> 01:04:38,480
Speaker 1: That is a beautiful cover. I love it absolutely. Congratulations

1314
01:04:38,560 --> 01:04:42,480
Speaker 1: three times Atlanta's best divorce attorney doing big things in

1315
01:04:42,520 --> 01:04:46,640
Speaker 1: my home state, my hometown to yan Ellie Nasima, thank

1316
01:04:46,640 --> 01:04:48,840
Speaker 1: you so much for joining me at the Brown Table

1317
01:04:48,920 --> 01:04:53,040
Speaker 1: and BA Fam. We will see y'all Friday for the

1318
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Speaker 1: ba Qa