Speaker 1: With Morgan Feldsman for attacking family relationships, marriages in motherhood.
Speaker 1: This week I have on first a fellow Morgan, doctor
Speaker 1: Morgan Cutlep. She's the author of the book A Better Share,
Speaker 1: and in it she helps couples navigate the mental load
Speaker 1: in their relationships and the toll that it takes. And
Speaker 1: then my friend, Olympian and old softball teammate Kelsey Hunter
Speaker 1: joins to share how she competes at a professional softball
Speaker 1: level while juggling a job and motherhood and everything else,
Speaker 1: plus the ways we can do better in the area
Speaker 1: of women's sports. I'm joined right now by a fellow Morgan,
Speaker 1: but a doctor Morgan cutlet She is known for balancing motherhood,
Speaker 1: being an author, and helping others understand relationships better.
Speaker 2: Thank you for joining me, Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited to talk with you because just looking
Speaker 1: at all of your content, you are really helping a
Speaker 1: lot of people. And it's funny that relationships.
Speaker 3: Are a part of everybody's life, but man, do we
Speaker 3: not understand what.
Speaker 4: We do not?
Speaker 1: So I love getting relationship experts on here because we
Speaker 1: can all use a little bit more help. And I'm
Speaker 1: going to come at this from so many different angles.
Speaker 1: We got a lot to discuss here. But to start this,
Speaker 1: I want you to share your story and how you
Speaker 1: got into this where you are now and releasing the
Speaker 1: book that you have a better share like what inspired this?
Speaker 4: Give me this Backmtory.
Speaker 2: Okay, so my story goes very far back.
Speaker 5: I love it.
Speaker 2: Give it to So.
Speaker 6: My dad went back to school for his doctorate in
Speaker 6: psychology when I was in grade school, and he used
Speaker 6: to take me to class with him, so I attended
Speaker 6: some of his doctoral I don't think they'll let you
Speaker 6: do this now, but for some reason, I was probably
Speaker 6: like six or seven. I would pack a fake briefcase
Speaker 6: in candy and paper and I would just hang with him,
Speaker 6: and it was quite a long drive, and we'd play
Speaker 6: this game where he would give.
Speaker 2: Me almost like a fake case of a.
Speaker 6: Family or a kid or a couple, and he would say,
Speaker 6: how would you help them?
Speaker 3: What would you do?
Speaker 2: What do you think is going on? What interventions would
Speaker 2: you do?
Speaker 6: And it was just I don't know, I feel like
Speaker 6: he needed someone to work with in the future.
Speaker 2: So he's like, I'll just prepare you for this now.
Speaker 6: But it just became one of my most favorite and
Speaker 6: treasured memories with my dad, and so I think.
Speaker 2: That started my trajectory.
Speaker 6: He went on to have a practice and then start
Speaker 6: creating relationship education courses before everyone was doing that, and
Speaker 6: I started traveling with him to conferences and speaking engagements,
Speaker 6: and eventually, as I grew up, I decided to just
Speaker 6: pursue my own education and follow in his foot steps.
Speaker 2: And so, I don't know.
Speaker 6: I think it was maybe when I was a senior
Speaker 6: in high school or freshman in college, I said, Dad, someday,
Speaker 6: I'm going to do something to help women. And I
Speaker 6: don't know what that looks like because I don't know
Speaker 6: what's going on in my life yet, but I know
Speaker 6: that's what I want to do. And so we worked
Speaker 6: together for around fifteen years. And then man, when I
Speaker 6: ended up having our daughters, were like fast forwarding in time.
Speaker 6: Had our daughter Fie, and I just could not believe
Speaker 6: how motherhood shook my world. I thought I got a
Speaker 6: degree in human development and family science, like I should
Speaker 6: know what I'm doing, and I had no clue, and
Speaker 6: I was overwhelmed and I was lost. And I knew
Speaker 6: at that moment, if I was experiencing this mothers everywhere
Speaker 6: had to experience something similar, and so I knew that
Speaker 6: at some point I come out of this sort of fog,
Speaker 6: and at that point I wanted to figure out how
Speaker 6: to help moms navigate that better.
Speaker 2: And so that was my first book. But like this second.
Speaker 6: Piece of that experience is that you could not believe
Speaker 6: how quickly resentment grew in our relationship after kids, and
Speaker 6: primarily from me toward my husband. And we have a
Speaker 6: great marriage, and we did then, but just I was like,
Speaker 6: how can my life change so dramatically and yours has
Speaker 6: pretty much stayed the same, And that took us years
Speaker 6: to navigate two kids later, really to figure out a
Speaker 6: better way to manage this time and the massive amount
Speaker 6: of responsibilities. And so that really became the fuel or
Speaker 6: the motivation for my second book, which is a better
Speaker 6: share to help couples through. Just like modern family life
Speaker 6: is relentless, we need more tools to navigate it better.
Speaker 1: I think having all of the tools to navigate crazy
Speaker 1: life is so helpful in so many different ways. Let's
Speaker 1: start on that first path with motherhood and how it
Speaker 1: shook you and changed you, and that inspired that first book.
Speaker 2: What happened?
Speaker 5: What was this moment.
Speaker 1: Where you realized, like, holy crap, I am ill prepared
Speaker 1: to be a mom, even though everybody always says you're
Speaker 1: a woman.
Speaker 3: So you have the natural instinct to be a mom.
Speaker 3: You should figure it out. It'll be fine.
Speaker 6: I think that's what sets us up to be really shook,
Speaker 6: is that we think it will be intuitive, and for
Speaker 6: some people it is. For me, it was not, or
Speaker 6: at least not in the ways I thought it would be.
Speaker 6: So I think the moment I was shook was almost immediately.
Speaker 6: I remember, actually, our daughter's eleven now, and I told
Speaker 6: her this maybe the day before I left to come here,
Speaker 6: and we were driving in the car and I was like,
Speaker 6: I'll never forget bringing you home and sitting in the
Speaker 6: rocker and I was nursing her and being like.
Speaker 7: Oh my gosh, this is forever.
Speaker 6: This is forever, and what a massive responsibility and undertaking.
Speaker 6: And I'm not a real anxious person, but and I
Speaker 6: know this is hormones and all the things, but the
Speaker 6: amount of anxiety I felt after becoming a mom was crippling.
Speaker 6: And it just remember and if I had to describe
Speaker 6: the feeling after, like the scary feeling, and it's all
Speaker 6: these beautiful pieces too, but just almost like a homesickness.
Speaker 6: And I think it is because what you used to
Speaker 6: feel comfortable in, what used to feel like home, has shifted,
Speaker 6: because you have this massive new identity that's taking shape
Speaker 6: and it happens literally overnight, and so yeah, I felt
Speaker 6: it right away.
Speaker 1: I love that you're recognizing and sharing that moment because
Speaker 1: most of the time motherhood is shared in not just
Speaker 1: social media but in our society as this beautiful thing
Speaker 1: and you should want this and this is so important
Speaker 1: for you to have, but to share a very real experience.
Speaker 5: For yeah, this is great.
Speaker 3: I brought life into the world.
Speaker 1: But also I'm freaking out and this is not what
Speaker 1: anybody prepared me for.
Speaker 6: Yes, and there's research that talks about the changes and
Speaker 6: like for men and for women have kids, like what
Speaker 6: affects the relationship, But for women what they find are like,
Speaker 6: the two biggest sort of shifts that happen that are
Speaker 6: really impactful are the feeling of an increase in responsibilities,
Speaker 6: which is for sure, but then the other is loss
Speaker 6: of freedom. And I think that's the piece that hit
Speaker 6: me the hardest.
Speaker 4: Was just I just was like, oh my.
Speaker 6: Gosh, I cannot go to the bathroom without bringing in
Speaker 6: contraptions or it just the simplest things felt really difficult.
Speaker 6: And I think that was just it just took an adjustment.
Speaker 2: And that's what we don't talk about.
Speaker 6: All the adjustments that we need to make in our life,
Speaker 6: in our marriage, in our schedules after kids, and are
Speaker 6: the picture that are normal and everyone has to do it.
Speaker 6: But I'm like, why is this existing in the dark.
Speaker 6: We need to talk about this stuff because it's it
Speaker 6: can be jarring.
Speaker 1: So thank you for bringing the life on that and
Speaker 1: writing a whole book about it.
Speaker 4: That's awesome.
Speaker 3: What was the name of that first one.
Speaker 6: It's called Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself.
Speaker 1: I really like that And I did some research on
Speaker 1: that one, not a parent myself, but it from what
Speaker 1: I can tell on the reviews on that book, I
Speaker 1: feel like it's a very great.
Speaker 3: One, especially for a first time moms.
Speaker 1: Yea, and just understanding that what you're experiencing is really normal.
Speaker 5: It's not all butterflies and rapmos.
Speaker 1: If there's anything I've learned in this life, everything is
Speaker 1: not butterflies and ramos much for any of the time.
Speaker 2: Yes, And walking down.
Speaker 1: To your next book, how was that experience for you
Speaker 1: when Okay, you have this moment of Okay, I'm losing
Speaker 1: my freedom, I'm now a mom.
Speaker 2: This is forever.
Speaker 1: But then also these struggles are happening with your husband
Speaker 1: and you're trying to navigate all of it at the
Speaker 1: same time.
Speaker 5: Walk me through that.
Speaker 2: A little bit. So our situation was unique.
Speaker 6: So I'm from Ohio, but we were living in Virginia
Speaker 6: when I got pregnant, right outside of DC.
Speaker 2: And then my parents.
Speaker 6: If you're from the Midwest, you know when you get
Speaker 6: close to retirement, you moved to Florida.
Speaker 2: So that's the thing we retire.
Speaker 5: So my parents.
Speaker 6: Moved to Florida and we were pregnant, and my husband's like,
Speaker 6: why don't we just go move to be close to
Speaker 6: your family and want the support and all the things.
Speaker 6: And I worked with my dad at the time, so
Speaker 6: we ended up buying home completely, ripping it down, and
Speaker 6: rebuilding it from a distance. So I finished internship and
Speaker 6: then we moved to Florida when I was nine months pregnant.
Speaker 6: So two months after our daughter was born, my husband
Speaker 6: was relocated to southern California. My goodness, Okay, it's like
Speaker 6: very intense and so I ended up staying behind because
Speaker 6: I just knew, like when you adjust to a new job,
Speaker 6: it's just an ordeal. And I was like, I'm going
Speaker 6: to stay here, I have my family, you go do
Speaker 6: your thing, and when we find a house, I'll meet you.
Speaker 2: And so from around two months to.
Speaker 6: Like eight or nine months or so, we did long distance.
Speaker 6: So I navigated these early years or not early years,
Speaker 6: early months of motherhood. But a lot happens in these
Speaker 6: early months on my own. And I think so when
Speaker 6: you talk about like the struggles in our marriage, like
Speaker 6: I'm not sure how clute in my husband was, because
Speaker 6: we got along and things were fine, but I was
Speaker 6: struggling and I was building resentment quickly, and it really
Speaker 6: had a lot to do with just I was the
Speaker 6: only one in the know of what was going on
Speaker 6: with our daughter.
Speaker 2: I made all the adjustments because he wasn't around to.
Speaker 6: How I took care of her, and adjustments in my
Speaker 6: own life and schedule, and we finally reconnected.
Speaker 2: I think that's when things got.
Speaker 6: Tense because I was just regularly frustrated. I was like, oh, like,
Speaker 6: you don't know what you're doing now with our daughter,
Speaker 6: Like just move, I'll take care of it, which makes
Speaker 6: things worse because then.
Speaker 2: He didn't jump in as much.
Speaker 6: And so it took us a while until we got
Speaker 6: to a place where we could really address some of
Speaker 6: the stuff.
Speaker 2: Really, it took me getting pregnant.
Speaker 6: With our son where I was like, I don't think
Speaker 6: he's ever going to be born because I will hold
Speaker 6: on to him until I have this sort of reassurance
Speaker 6: that things are going to be different this time around.
Speaker 6: So we had to unpack some of that stuff.
Speaker 1: And when you start to approach that conversation with your husband,
Speaker 1: because this also adds in another layer of what we've
Speaker 1: been taught in our society for men to not talk
Speaker 1: about their feelings, to not experience things in the same way.
Speaker 2: That we are.
Speaker 1: Right, we're taught completely different things to the men's credit
Speaker 1: in these scenarios. Yes, so what happens when you approach
Speaker 1: your husband and you're like, Okay, we got to break
Speaker 1: what's happening. We got to break this cycle. We need
Speaker 1: to talk about some things.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it didn't go well for a while. If I'm
Speaker 6: being transparent, and I think a lot of times, if
Speaker 6: I share a piece of content, or if people hear
Speaker 6: an interview or something or even in my books, I
Speaker 6: tell a lot of personal stories. Something I get time
Speaker 6: and time again is it's that I'm relatable and it's
Speaker 6: because I've lived through this stuff.
Speaker 2: So it it took us.
Speaker 6: A long time, and it really took me making some
Speaker 6: changes too, and how I asserted myself, like men are
Speaker 6: taught really did not talk about their emotions unless it's anger.
Speaker 6: A lot of men it has part to do with
Speaker 6: how they're wired, but also a lot of men feel
Speaker 6: like emotions are like unnecessary, kind of it's like, why
Speaker 6: are wasting.
Speaker 2: Our time here, let's cut to the chase.
Speaker 6: So we've got that, but then women are really conditioned.
Speaker 6: And then in motherhood it's necessity for a while to
Speaker 6: take care of a kid, but to stuff what we
Speaker 6: need down and to back burner it.
Speaker 2: And then growing up.
Speaker 6: We usually receive all these messages around what it means
Speaker 6: to have needs, like we're needy, we're too sensitive, we're dramatic,
Speaker 6: like too much. And so I had a battle some
Speaker 6: of my own messaging and in our dialogue around what
Speaker 6: it meant to have needs, what it meant to assert
Speaker 6: myself in my relationship, And so that was like my work,
Speaker 6: that's part of what I talk about my first book,
Speaker 6: this individual piece, and then as I learned to assert them,
Speaker 6: we had to work on the relationships because my husband
Speaker 6: would say things like you're so different now, and it
Speaker 6: wasn't like a compliment, like you're so different, And I
Speaker 6: remember saying to him, I'm not different, I'm the same.
Speaker 6: You're just getting all of me, whereas before I was
Speaker 6: keeping it from you because I was worried you couldn't
Speaker 6: handle it. So I can't go back to that or
Speaker 6: else we're not going to be in a good place.
Speaker 6: This is a conversation that moves the needle. If I
Speaker 6: go back to that, we're not.
Speaker 2: Going to be okay.
Speaker 6: But if you're finding my delivery like something you can't receive,
Speaker 6: then let's work on how you can receive.
Speaker 2: It and how I can deliver it differently.
Speaker 6: But also we got to move through this and that
Speaker 6: took some time, but he made adjustments pretty quickly after that,
Speaker 6: and it was a game changer in our relationship and
Speaker 6: in how I experience a motherhood.
Speaker 1: Really, I cannot believe how hard those conversations can sometimes be,
Speaker 1: because right you're sitting there think in your head.
Speaker 2: We have to do this.
Speaker 5: We have to make this better for ourselves.
Speaker 1: So this is an easy thing. We have to have
Speaker 1: this conversation. But when you talked about the resentment, there's
Speaker 1: just so much for both of you that was holding there,
Speaker 1: and resentment makes it really hard for people to truly
Speaker 1: navigate because you're holding on to so many things. Yes,
Speaker 1: and so I can imagine having those conversations like you mentioned,
Speaker 1: and it took time to really pull back like an
Speaker 1: onion and reveal the different layers and work through each one. Yes,
Speaker 1: you had mentioned something in some of your content that
Speaker 1: was like, and I'm maybe buttraying.
Speaker 5: This, so tell me about saying it wrong.
Speaker 3: But you said the ending.
Speaker 1: Of your marriage is closer than you think, and it
Speaker 1: all has to do with the cycle that you end.
Speaker 3: Up being in.
Speaker 1: Yes, tell me a little bit about that, because I
Speaker 1: feel like this pertains to what you're talking about.
Speaker 7: Yes.
Speaker 6: So, but it says the ending of your marriage starts
Speaker 6: sooner than you think. And it's it's not my favorite
Speaker 6: type of content to create, honestly, because it's like hitting
Speaker 6: that pain point and sometimes it's hard to consume for people.
Speaker 6: But also people need to see the cycle, so it's
Speaker 6: a tricky thing. Online but it's basically when you know,
Speaker 6: these sort of small things start to develop in your relationship,
Speaker 6: like missed opportunities when a partner approaches you to talk
Speaker 6: about something and then maybe it's shut down or met
Speaker 6: with defensiveness or dismissiveness. And a lot of times I'm
Speaker 6: going broad strokes here, but a lot of times it's
Speaker 6: the woman bringing up the issue and the guy will
Speaker 6: respond in one of these ways, and she has two choices,
Speaker 6: which is to either get louder, and that usually means
Speaker 6: that he gets pushed away even more he distances to
Speaker 6: protect himself, or she stuffs it down. And then when
Speaker 6: she stuffs it down, he feels good because he's like,
Speaker 6: oh great, I have more peace in my life and
Speaker 6: I don't have to deal with her emotion or whatever.
Speaker 6: She's not upset with me, I think if things are good.
Speaker 6: But what happens over time is she starts to disconnect,
Speaker 6: she develops that resiment. Meant she starts to pull away,
Speaker 6: and so things start to shift in big ways in
Speaker 6: the relationship. Maybe their sex life goes out the window.
Speaker 6: Perhaps the dynamic becomes more transactional, less relational.
Speaker 2: There's more tension in the relationship and.
Speaker 6: So it's a slow erosion of connection that's happening, and
Speaker 6: it's almost like couples are missing it. A lot of
Speaker 6: times it's but then you get to a place where
Speaker 6: maybe the kids are grown and you're pretty deep into it,
Speaker 6: and you look at each other and you're like, we
Speaker 6: grew apart or I don't even know you anymore, And
Speaker 6: it's because there's these slow erosions.
Speaker 2: That we get stuck in the cycle can also.
Speaker 6: Look pretty hostile, but a lot of times it's just
Speaker 6: this slow sort of disconnecting that takes place for couples.
Speaker 1: And when somebody recognizes that this is happening to this cycle.
Speaker 1: Is there ever a point where it's too late you
Speaker 1: can't fix it? Or is most of the time, as
Speaker 1: long as you start to have open connect like communication
Speaker 1: and start to discuss what's really happening.
Speaker 3: Can you fix it.
Speaker 6: I'm a big believer in marriages that can really come
Speaker 6: back from pretty dark places, and I've worked with couples
Speaker 6: through even things like infidelity and major betrayals, So I
Speaker 6: do think that you can be pretty far gone and
Speaker 6: still find your way back. But it really requires a
Speaker 6: commitment to the relationship. Because commitment is that is this
Speaker 6: sort of like piece that keeps you in it when
Speaker 6: it's terrible. And so if that's not there and both
Speaker 6: partners aren't like, okay, last ditch effort here, let's give.
Speaker 4: It a go.
Speaker 2: If you can't get both people that place, it can
Speaker 2: be hard to come back from this.
Speaker 6: But yeah, I think you can be pretty far gone
Speaker 6: and still come back. And I think part of it
Speaker 6: is you've got to identify and disrupt this cycle and
Speaker 6: it's just like this unfortunate thing. But also I believe
Speaker 6: it's the beautiful part of relationships, which is that they
Speaker 6: will stretch us and challenge us to grow. But like,
Speaker 6: the unfortunate part is that a lot of times, to
Speaker 6: break this cycle, somebody has to be humble. Somebody has
Speaker 6: to be like, Okay, I surrender like we are not
Speaker 6: going anywhere good being like this, like we have to
Speaker 6: figure something out and get to that place.
Speaker 1: Do you feel like too? It's both partners. You mentioned
Speaker 1: the commitment of them wanting.
Speaker 5: To do it, so it really feels like both.
Speaker 2: Partners have to be willing to do that. If there is.
Speaker 1: One partner that's not even willing or open to that conversation,
Speaker 1: is that where the hard part really lies and deciding
Speaker 1: is this not going to work because of that?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think a lot of times one partner is
Speaker 6: more willing to work on it and the other person
Speaker 6: is digging their heels in, and it just becomes at
Speaker 6: that point.
Speaker 2: Very tricky to navigate. So you can get a professional.
Speaker 6: Involved and see, but then there are partners who won't
Speaker 6: even do that. And so I think where a lot
Speaker 6: of marriages end up when they're in this cycle they
Speaker 6: reach this point is usually when the one person is
Speaker 6: just I'm out of resources here and you're not budging
Speaker 6: and I was willing to work on it, but if
Speaker 6: you're not gonna work with.
Speaker 2: Me, there's nothing I can do.
Speaker 6: So it becomes this I'm out of options type of decision,
Speaker 6: which is really heartbreaking.
Speaker 2: And I think in my second book, and.
Speaker 6: Not all people will be able to work through these
Speaker 6: things because there will be partners that just dig their
Speaker 6: heels in. But in my second book, I give a
Speaker 6: ton of tools and scripts for how to confront difficult
Speaker 6: conversations and difficult moments and conversations because it's a hard
Speaker 6: thing to navigate when you're in that dark place and
Speaker 6: when you're stuck and you're locked up together, and so
Speaker 6: I wanted to spell it out as clearly as possible
Speaker 6: to try to equip people to move through it.
Speaker 1: I love that you have that because having the resources,
Speaker 1: even when, like you mentioned, if somebody is not budging
Speaker 1: on involving a therapist or somebody to mediate that will
Speaker 1: give you some more resources. Hopefully at least then you
Speaker 1: can know that you've tried absolutely everything at the end
Speaker 1: of the day. There's also a part of this that
Speaker 1: I think is involved to which your book really addresses, is.
Speaker 3: The mental load.
Speaker 1: The mental load exists for everyone in and outside of relationships.
Speaker 2: That is just life.
Speaker 3: That's the experience we have with life.
Speaker 5: It's busy, it's chaotic.
Speaker 1: But even more so for partners and people who have kids.
Speaker 1: You want to talk about adding another layer of that load.
Speaker 3: You have so much happening. How does this mental.
Speaker 1: Load then also affect these partnerships as there's already this
Speaker 1: underlying cycle happening, and then you also have the mental
Speaker 1: load on top of that.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think it just accelerates things. I think this
Speaker 6: is it just becomes one major area where there's an
Speaker 6: opportunity for a deep resentment and misunderstanding, and so the
Speaker 6: mental load, like you said, exists. Everyone has one, men
Speaker 6: and women, kids have them. Everybody's got one. But when
Speaker 6: it comes to home and family life, research shows time
Speaker 6: and time again it's predominantly carried by women, even if
Speaker 6: they work inside or outside the home. And so it
Speaker 6: exists before kids, but after kids it increases overnight, literally
Speaker 6: literally overnight, it becomes wayfuler after you have kids, And
Speaker 6: so I think a lot of couples aren't prepared for this.
Speaker 6: And my sort of like theory of understanding it is
Speaker 6: right after a baby's born, the woman is in that
Speaker 6: space of just caretaking for the baby.
Speaker 2: All the right hormones are going.
Speaker 6: There's actual changes that happen to us, make us more
Speaker 6: tuned to things, make us able to better regulate when
Speaker 6: we hear the crying, Like even we can hear different decibels,
Speaker 6: so we can actually hear I was listening to somebody
Speaker 6: talk like about their husband never woke up to even
Speaker 6: hear the baby.
Speaker 2: We actually hear a little bit better.
Speaker 6: So it's all these wild things that sort of set
Speaker 6: us up.
Speaker 2: To take more on right out of the gate.
Speaker 6: I always say, with a mental load with home and
Speaker 6: family life, the game is just rigged.
Speaker 2: We're just not playing this.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm like it's rigged.
Speaker 2: It's rigged.
Speaker 6: And it's like, so we're entering in a motherhood and
Speaker 6: all this stuff's going on, and so we just start
Speaker 6: doing all of the things, and our partners are like nervous.
Speaker 6: Maybe they're not jumping in and if we're not get
Speaker 6: in there, change the diper, or they're not a partner
Speaker 6: who does take that init ship really easily.
Speaker 2: We're set on a path to.
Speaker 6: Where the woman in the relationship will just keep doing
Speaker 6: the things in the dark without any awareness. It becomes invisible.
Speaker 6: I describe women as the bounty quicker picker uppers because
Speaker 6: we are just so absorbent. We go around soaking up
Speaker 6: all of these tasks, and before you know it, we're
Speaker 6: like three four years into having kids, five years into
Speaker 6: having kids, and we're the ones who were handling everything.
Speaker 6: And it's not to blame us, it's not to necessarily
Speaker 6: blame our partners.
Speaker 2: I don't always feel like that's productive.
Speaker 6: Even though I understand and how you could, but we
Speaker 6: just get to a place where we're so saturated we
Speaker 6: don't know how we got here.
Speaker 2: So much of it's invisible.
Speaker 6: Our partners don't get it. Then we try to explain it,
Speaker 6: and then they get defensive or they might say something
Speaker 6: like you just make things harder than you need to,
Speaker 6: or I don't know why you worry so.
Speaker 2: Much about this stuff, and so that.
Speaker 6: Those tuggered me, and I'm not Yes, it's so common.
Speaker 6: I was on a podcast earlier and the husband said that,
Speaker 6: and I was like, oh, my goodness, it's so good glad.
Speaker 2: I'm so glad we're talking about.
Speaker 6: This because it's such a common response.
Speaker 2: So then you get this layered.
Speaker 6: I'm struggling and I'm overwhelmed, and now I am coming
Speaker 6: to my partner who's supposed to be my source of
Speaker 6: security and safety and they don't get it and they're
Speaker 6: minimizing it, and so I feel less safe. And so
Speaker 6: now we're entering into that cycle. Okay, do I get
Speaker 6: louder I really am struggling, or do I stuff it
Speaker 6: down and try to manage it? And even sometimes women
Speaker 6: will judge themselves when they get that feedback from their partners.
Speaker 2: Oh, I guess I am.
Speaker 6: Making a big deal out of nothing, or maybe I
Speaker 6: am needy, or maybe there is something wrong with me.
Speaker 2: And women are.
Speaker 6: Already so good at judging ourselves. We just don't need
Speaker 6: more of that. So I'm trying to remember where the
Speaker 6: question started. But just like, it's so easy to just
Speaker 6: slide into that pattern and before you know it, we're
Speaker 6: like in this sort of trench of disconnection that can
Speaker 6: start to develop.
Speaker 1: No, you answered all of that, and I love the
Speaker 1: different pathways that it went on. And I'll admit, as
Speaker 1: someone who hasn't had kids yet, and as I've gotten.
Speaker 5: Older, my view of having kids.
Speaker 1: Once upon a time, if you would have met young Morgan,
Speaker 1: she'd have been like, I'm having a white.
Speaker 3: Picket fence, I will have a porch, I will have
Speaker 3: four children in life will be amazing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And Morgan now is a completely different person who's
Speaker 1: very questionable on if I want to have kids, what
Speaker 1: does that look like?
Speaker 3: What's going to change for me?
Speaker 1: I'm having very hard questions that I'm asking myself. But
Speaker 1: the one that instantly keeps revolving is I will have
Speaker 1: kids if I have a partner that's willing and able
Speaker 1: to actually be a partner of having kids.
Speaker 2: I think that's yeah. I'll see on social.
Speaker 6: Media a lot of people wrestling with this thing, a
Speaker 6: lot of women wrestling with the same question, and or
Speaker 6: it will.
Speaker 2: Be nasty, or I'll just be like this one, I'm
Speaker 2: never having.
Speaker 6: Kids, and that's oh, that's not a message I want
Speaker 6: to put out in the world.
Speaker 2: I believe that becoming a mother is part.
Speaker 6: Of why it's hard is because it shines a light
Speaker 6: on all of these areas you just have not developed.
Speaker 2: And grown in. And so it's supposed to expand us.
Speaker 6: A marital relationship supposed.
Speaker 2: To do the same thing.
Speaker 6: It's tricky when the other person won't do that too
Speaker 6: or but that's the sort of hard part but also
Speaker 6: the beautiful part.
Speaker 2: So I am like pro all of these things. I'm
Speaker 2: a fan. I also understand it.
Speaker 6: But I do think the differentiator that younger generations are
Speaker 6: paying more attention to, which is.
Speaker 2: A good thing, is what kind of partner do.
Speaker 6: You choose and how involved are they going to be
Speaker 6: and how open are they having these conversations that don't
Speaker 6: spiral into defensiveness and all the stuff that derails them.
Speaker 6: But that becomes the piece that can change your experience
Speaker 6: in motherhood.
Speaker 3: Very much so.
Speaker 1: And that was very much where or I was to
Speaker 1: your point. It started as I'm having all the kids.
Speaker 5: I'm never having kids.
Speaker 1: So now it's I want kids, but I also want
Speaker 1: a really good partner, and the partner has to come first.
Speaker 1: And if I don't find that, then I will be
Speaker 1: okay with whatever else looks like. But that's more important
Speaker 1: to me if I'm going to bring kids into the
Speaker 1: world to have that partnership that really matters. That is
Speaker 1: talking about the things that you're discussing with the cycles
Speaker 1: and stuff. It also leads me into another question. And
Speaker 1: I know this is a little bit different because you
Speaker 1: primarily work with couples and marriages and stuff, but I
Speaker 1: would love your perspective for someone like me who is single.
Speaker 1: Isn't Mary doesn't have kids, but I want to and
Speaker 1: I want to find a partner.
Speaker 2: How do I.
Speaker 1: As I'm getting into these relationships making sure that I'm
Speaker 1: avoiding that cycle and avoiding and meaning it not happening,
Speaker 1: not avoiding it, seeing it or running away. Is there
Speaker 1: things that I can do and set up for myself
Speaker 1: that I can potentially hope that whatever moment in time
Speaker 1: I do get married, I don't fall into this same pattern.
Speaker 2: Yes, so I'll say a couple of things.
Speaker 6: So my dad actually his sort of his main point
Speaker 6: of interest in his main body of work is around
Speaker 6: dating and singles. So he has a book called How
Speaker 6: to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk, And.
Speaker 8: That's all I needed.
Speaker 6: Yes, it is such a good and it's for men
Speaker 6: or for women, and it's such a good book.
Speaker 2: And it really gives practical things.
Speaker 6: You should get to know about a potential partner to
Speaker 6: predict what they'll be like in a long term relationship.
Speaker 6: It's based on tons and tons of research that he
Speaker 6: went through and then he basically organized all that research
Speaker 6: into five things you got I get to know about
Speaker 6: somebody that's predictive in the long term, because sometimes what
Speaker 6: you get in the beginning is like not what you're
Speaker 6: going to get later, So how do you figure that out?
Speaker 6: So I would say that is a really good place
Speaker 6: to start. Is like things that you get to know
Speaker 6: in the early dating time is it's really important you
Speaker 6: do that with intention and you do it with know how.
Speaker 6: The second pieces, it's funny. I was having a conversation
Speaker 6: with someone yesterday who's dating and she's actually the editor
Speaker 6: of my book, and she's I can't believe how much
Speaker 6: it's impacted how I'm showing up in my relationship. And
Speaker 6: so she's my boyfriend or whatever, was over and we
Speaker 6: were making dinner and he went to take the garbage out.
Speaker 6: Just normally I would jump up and I'd be like,
Speaker 6: oh no, I'll get that, like it's fine, but I'm
Speaker 6: sitting back and letting him do things. And so I
Speaker 6: talk about in my second book something called piling on precedence,
Speaker 6: which is one of the ways I think the mental
Speaker 6: load gets really full really fast, which is that early
Speaker 6: in our relationship, as women especially, we're the good caretakers,
Speaker 6: and so we like to do stuff for our partners
Speaker 6: because it feels good, which I think is beautiful. But
Speaker 6: also when we do the things at first they appreciate it,
Speaker 6: and then after that it's out of their minds.
Speaker 2: They don't think about it anymore.
Speaker 6: And so how you set up the precedents early on
Speaker 6: in a relationship is like shaping what you're going to
Speaker 6: own and be expected to do.
Speaker 2: And we do it and we're not even aware that.
Speaker 3: We'd do it.
Speaker 1: Oh if, yeah, you're talking about this now, and now
Speaker 1: I'm sorting to think about all the things.
Speaker 2: Yes, all the things my husband and I got together.
Speaker 6: I remember even early in our marriage he would work
Speaker 6: and I'd be working.
Speaker 2: I was in school and working.
Speaker 6: And I would go to the grocery store. I'd think
Speaker 6: of the meals, i'd cook the dinner, and he'd get
Speaker 6: up to do the dishes.
Speaker 2: I'd be like, no, baby, I got this.
Speaker 6: I'm like the perfect housewife or something. And then I
Speaker 6: remember a few years in a marriage, I was doing
Speaker 6: the dishes and he wouldn't.
Speaker 2: Even fight me anymore. And so is he a jerk?
Speaker 6: Or did we get into this past where I pushed
Speaker 6: him out? I fired him from the job, and so
Speaker 6: he was like, sure, I'll sit on the couch.
Speaker 4: While you did.
Speaker 6: So we had to walk. We have to walk these
Speaker 6: things back then if we've set this precedent. So I
Speaker 6: think think about that when you're dating, as setting the standards,
Speaker 6: setting the expectations, and anything that you take on you're
Speaker 6: probably gonna own. And if you're not gonna want to
Speaker 6: own that forever, that means you're gonna have to walk
Speaker 6: it back later. So just heighten your awareness to some
Speaker 6: of that stuff.
Speaker 3: I needed to hear that.
Speaker 1: I really did ask someone who is not only a
Speaker 1: caretaker but often also very strongly independent, Yes, I really
Speaker 1: like to take care of stuff on my own and
Speaker 1: take care of other people. So allowing things to happen
Speaker 1: is really hard for me. So thank you for speaking
Speaker 1: words into my mind.
Speaker 5: I'm sure.
Speaker 1: Also, I'm not the only one that needed to hear
Speaker 1: the whole, So I think it's becoming more common, especially
Speaker 1: as the marriage age changes, yes, and people spend more
Speaker 1: time alone before they get married. They're stuck in who
Speaker 1: they are in their ways, and you have to adjust
Speaker 1: to having a person in your life. So I think
Speaker 1: a lot of people needed to hear that. There's another
Speaker 1: part of this book. We're going background now. I had
Speaker 1: to go off that little tangent because yeah, it was great,
Speaker 1: but we were talking about the mental load, the cycle.
Speaker 1: There's also a part of this that people, gosh do
Speaker 1: not like to talk about, but it's so important because
Speaker 1: part of our relationship is not just having an emotional connection,
Speaker 1: it's intimacy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and when intimacy.
Speaker 5: Is lost, that's a huge part that's missing.
Speaker 1: And you discuss how this cycle mental load can then
Speaker 1: affect the intimacy in the relationship. Will you explain that
Speaker 1: a little bit, because it's just not something people are
Speaker 1: great at talking about or ever want to bring up,
Speaker 1: so maybe hearing it from you will give them some
Speaker 1: reassurance that it's okay.
Speaker 6: Yes, so it's layered, but I'll hit a couple points.
Speaker 6: So the mental load takes up space in our brains.
Speaker 6: I call it cognitive real estate. Takes up cognitive real estate.
Speaker 6: And so what that means is that at space and
Speaker 6: energy for other things like peace, presence, patients, regulating our emotions,
Speaker 6: and getting in the mood for sex, especially for women,
Speaker 6: because for a woman to be turned on, her brain
Speaker 6: really needs to be turned off. And so if we
Speaker 6: are swirling around with all of these things, it's going
Speaker 6: to be hard to even think about sex. It's going
Speaker 6: to be hard to get in the mood for sex.
Speaker 2: And so that's one piece.
Speaker 6: The other piece is that if the mental loade isn't
Speaker 6: handled in a relationship in a way that feels good
Speaker 6: in the partnership. So you know, she's overwhelmed, she's trying
Speaker 6: to talk about it, he's like, you make things harder
Speaker 6: than you need to, or gets defensive.
Speaker 2: She's going to feel invisible.
Speaker 6: Disconnected, unappreciated. All these things in the relationship, which is
Speaker 6: not conducive to a healthy sex life.
Speaker 2: Being intimate is vulnerable.
Speaker 6: You have to feel safe in your relationship to get
Speaker 6: to that place, especially for women men it looks a
Speaker 6: little bit different. But and so if the relationship doesn't
Speaker 6: feel safe, it's going to affect this part of the relationship.
Speaker 6: And I often say sex really starts outside of the bedroom,
Speaker 6: and so we need to expand how we think of it.
Speaker 6: For the longest time, I would beg my husband to
Speaker 6: take me out on dates, especially after kids, and I'd.
Speaker 2: Be like, he was into it, but he just didn't.
Speaker 6: Prioritize it because he feels connected when we just exist
Speaker 6: side by side. I was like, this doesn't I barely
Speaker 6: see you.
Speaker 2: He's like, we're together all day And I was.
Speaker 5: Like, I'm not talk to you.
Speaker 1: It's like the foreplay, right, You're like, this is there's
Speaker 1: nothing here?
Speaker 5: So how am I supposed to be excited? Yes, exactly,
Speaker 5: but like dates were my foreplay.
Speaker 6: Yeah, And finally when I explained that he's like done,
Speaker 6: was like, no convincing.
Speaker 2: It that point.
Speaker 6: But we have to we have to understand and expand
Speaker 6: how we think about getting in the mood for sex,
Speaker 6: because it's not just what's going on in the bedroom.
Speaker 6: I think another piece and I talk about this in
Speaker 6: the book is that everybody has two core desires and
Speaker 6: relationships to feel loved and to feel safe and secure,
Speaker 6: and the way we want this expressed looks different. So
Speaker 6: for women, a lot of times it's like being pursued,
Speaker 6: being appreciated, having a partner who's like predictably reliant in
Speaker 6: all the best ways. For men, one of the pathways
Speaker 6: to feeling loved and secure is through sex. And so again,
Speaker 6: like the game's kind of rigged. We're like, okay, we
Speaker 6: want you to be emotionally tuned and present, and they're like, well,
Speaker 6: I feel vulnerable until we've our intimate life's going well.
Speaker 6: And so I think it's just helpful to understand these
Speaker 6: things and these differences so we can maximize relationship outcomes.
Speaker 6: If I understand my partner's going to feel like my husband,
Speaker 6: he travels all the time. When he comes home from
Speaker 6: a trip, he needs sex to feel like not awkward, right,
Speaker 6: it's like how he feels safe.
Speaker 2: He'll be like, I'm so vulnerable, and.
Speaker 6: I'm like and then we'll be it's like this is
Speaker 6: probably too much information, but he's not gonna listen. But
Speaker 6: we'll be in bed and he'll be like ready to
Speaker 6: like whatever, have sex, and I'll I'll be like, oh,
Speaker 6: can we talk about something, And so I'll start a
Speaker 6: real deep conversation and he's like, why do you do
Speaker 6: that at the worst times.
Speaker 2: And I've actually talked about this before, and I've heard
Speaker 2: women be like I do that all the time.
Speaker 6: And part of it's because we're wanting we're entering into
Speaker 6: something vulnerable and we need to feel that safety of connection,
Speaker 6: that security of connection, whereas our partners are like, well,
Speaker 6: the sex is how I get there, So can we
Speaker 6: stop the talking?
Speaker 2: And so I think it's just important for us to.
Speaker 6: Understand these differences in order to work through some of
Speaker 6: the stuff, not to personalize it, but to have a
Speaker 6: better relationship.
Speaker 1: Well, to your point, if the game is rigged, then
Speaker 1: we have to rig it back. Yes, we have to
Speaker 1: start using different tools. Got to know, yes, to fix it. Yes,
Speaker 1: thank you for talking about that, because I know it's
Speaker 1: I'm sure.
Speaker 5: I just know there's people listening, like I have.
Speaker 2: Definitely done that before for sure.
Speaker 9: And Doctrine Morgan, I always in these podcasts or the
Speaker 9: interviews with a piece of advice or motivation or anything
Speaker 9: on a topic that maybe we didn't get to, or
Speaker 9: something you just really want to make sure people know,
Speaker 9: or there's something that comes to mind for you that
Speaker 9: you want to share.
Speaker 6: I'm really bad at this question, but I'll just say
Speaker 6: the first thing that came to mind was around needs,
Speaker 6: because I feel we talk a lot about how women
Speaker 6: have a hard time expressing their needs, but I think
Speaker 6: men do actually too, because they're supposed.
Speaker 2: To be needless.
Speaker 6: So a lot of times in our relationships, we have
Speaker 6: a lot of needs that never get spoken or we
Speaker 6: have a hard time defining, and so I have a
Speaker 6: shortcut for identifying what we need, and so I'll offer that.
Speaker 6: And that's that you think about what you complain about
Speaker 6: the most. I feel like our complaints our windows to
Speaker 6: our unmet needs.
Speaker 7: You probably don't experience this, but a lot of married
Speaker 7: women do, which is that they will mutter under their
Speaker 7: breath around the house sometimes when they're at their limit.
Speaker 7: And so I encourage you to.
Speaker 6: Examine the mutterings and what is the common thread, because
Speaker 6: it will reveal something that you need.
Speaker 2: And men too, I think.
Speaker 6: A lot of times they'll get maybe gruff or tense,
Speaker 6: but not know why. So can you take a minute
Speaker 6: and think about what is it that you're not getting
Speaker 6: in that moment that's bugging you. And then the second
Speaker 6: piece is when we express needs in our relationships, a
Speaker 6: lot of times we do them as complaints instead of
Speaker 6: owning the need, and we often leave out a clear deliverable,
Speaker 6: so we'll say, like this vague can't you just help
Speaker 6: me more? Or can't you be more romantic? Or these
Speaker 6: are sort of vague requests. So encourage people as you
Speaker 6: define what you need, to think about how you can
Speaker 6: express it in a way that has like a clear
Speaker 6: desired outcome so that you can maximize your chances of
Speaker 6: getting the need met.
Speaker 1: And a lot of what you're saying I totally relate
Speaker 1: to in some of my relationships that I've had because
Speaker 1: it is it's it's an easy back to the cycle thing.
Speaker 1: It's easy to get in this rotation of constantly you
Speaker 1: feel like you communicating your needs. I have this conversation
Speaker 1: with my girlfriends a lot. I'm like, did you actually
Speaker 1: communicate that or.
Speaker 5: Do you think you communicated that?
Speaker 1: Because those are two different things, and if you think
Speaker 1: you left subtle hints, I was like, the best thing
Speaker 1: you will ever do in your life is understand that
Speaker 1: you have to spell it out. You have to you
Speaker 1: you cannot think it doesn't just mean meant it means
Speaker 1: in anything. You have to believe that someone does not
Speaker 1: understand you unless you say it point blank.
Speaker 5: This is what I want, in need.
Speaker 2: One hundred percent.
Speaker 6: Yes, and that's what you're That's what I'm saying. It's
Speaker 6: so it's if you're not clearly, you're really confusing. I
Speaker 6: asked for romance, like more romance for four years, and
Speaker 6: then I would get flowers the next week, and actually
Speaker 6: that's not how I view romance. So I'd be like, oh,
Speaker 6: thanks for the flowers, and.
Speaker 2: Then you'd be offended, and then that would be the
Speaker 2: end of.
Speaker 6: It because he didn't really understand what that meant, and
Speaker 6: he could have asked more directly. There's shared responsibility, but
Speaker 6: absolutely I did not communicate it. So yeah, getting clear, Yeah,
Speaker 6: I love that so much.
Speaker 1: We thank you for being here, Thank you for sharing
Speaker 1: all your expertise and wisdom on all the topics. You're wonderful,
Speaker 1: and be sure to check out her book you want
Speaker 1: to give it a little plug.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I better share how couples can tackle themntal load
Speaker 6: for more fun, less resentment and great sex wherever you
Speaker 6: buy books, yeah, Audible, all the things.
Speaker 4: I love it.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1: One of my softball friends from way back in the day.
Speaker 1: She is known as Kelsey Hunter today, but as I
Speaker 1: knew her, it was Kelsey Stewart. She's a badass on
Speaker 1: the softball field and plays for the Athletes Unlimited Softball
Speaker 1: League now, but she's an Olympian, has played on Team
Speaker 1: USA and the University of Florida. So just an insane
Speaker 1: athlete all around, but also a great person.
Speaker 5: Kelsey, thanks for joining.
Speaker 4: Me, of course, thanks for having me. I love following
Speaker 4: your life all on social media.
Speaker 1: It's been It feels very weird for me now to
Speaker 1: see both of us in this stage of our lives.
Speaker 1: And I joked, it's funny we're connecting back on zoom,
Speaker 1: But once upon a time we were sitting on a
Speaker 1: bus together and making all kinds of racket headed to
Speaker 1: softball tournaments every weekend.
Speaker 4: Crazy, No, like actually crazy when you sit back and
Speaker 4: think about it.
Speaker 3: It really is.
Speaker 1: And now not only are you just an athlete, but
Speaker 1: you're also a mom and doing just all.
Speaker 5: Kinds of amazing things.
Speaker 1: So I do want them to hear your story and
Speaker 1: your words. So give us your kind of life as
Speaker 1: not only just a mom, but a softball player, the
Speaker 1: whole thing.
Speaker 4: Yeah. So I started playing softball probably when I was
Speaker 4: about eight years old. And really what happened was there
Speaker 4: was like a tenant under team and they needed an
Speaker 4: extra player. My parents were like, she has nothing else
Speaker 4: to do this, so sure, let's go do it. So
Speaker 4: grew up in Arc City, Kansas or Arkansas City, Kansas.
Speaker 4: My senior year, moved to Mace. Played travel ball forever.
Speaker 4: Like when I was thirteen, I started playing eighteen gold,
Speaker 4: which is insane.
Speaker 1: And that was actually where Kelsey and I became really
Speaker 1: good friends. We both played on the same travel ball
Speaker 1: team together and we both went up to play on
Speaker 1: this eighteen gold team together.
Speaker 8: We're both young, very young, crazy.
Speaker 4: And then I committed to Florida the summer of my
Speaker 4: freshman year, going into high school freaking again crazy. I
Speaker 4: got recruited. Actually I was in a tournament in New York.
Speaker 4: Then I had trip and fell. I bunted trip and
Speaker 4: fell and I was still safe at first, so they
Speaker 4: coach Roll was like, yeah, she's good. So how that happened?
Speaker 4: And then went to Florida, won two national championships, had
Speaker 4: the time of my freaking life. I started playing ten
Speaker 4: USA the summer after my freshman year of college and
Speaker 4: then had been on too USA all the way to
Speaker 4: the Olympics. Obviously COVID happened, so it got postponed a year.
Speaker 4: Then I've also been playing pro and now there's this
Speaker 4: new pro league called Athletes Unlimited. Super excited to be
Speaker 4: a pioneer if that is. We have two kids. Husband. Honestly, like,
Speaker 4: I have no complaints in life, and like, all glory.
Speaker 1: To God for all that you have always been on
Speaker 1: the track of athletes since I've known you. That was
Speaker 1: always your path and you really never wavered in that.
Speaker 1: Why do you think that was such a path And
Speaker 1: how did you know it so early?
Speaker 4: Honestly, Like, I don't really know. Like I was just
Speaker 4: good at sports, Like it was just something that like
Speaker 4: it came easy to me. It's something that I enjoyed.
Speaker 4: It wasn't like a headache to get me to go
Speaker 4: do extra things.
Speaker 8: So it was just, hey, like, you're good at this.
Speaker 8: So I just stayed on that path.
Speaker 4: And then obviously with the help of my parents, like
Speaker 4: not allowing me to be distracted from outside things, and
Speaker 4: really then it was just like, wow, I really love
Speaker 4: doing this, and so I just kept going.
Speaker 1: And after you had done Team USA at one point
Speaker 1: where you're like nothing can top this.
Speaker 4: What am I gonna do next? Yeah, especially whenever at
Speaker 4: first happened, like whenever I was on the first couple teams,
Speaker 4: we weren't in the Olympics. So I'm like, no, like
Speaker 4: I have reached like the top. I've won a national championship,
Speaker 4: I've played on Team USA, Like what is next? I
Speaker 4: didn't even know there was a pro league it. Like again,
Speaker 4: it's like, what is next? What do I do after?
Speaker 7: This?
Speaker 4: Definitely happens, still happens, but it's fun.
Speaker 5: So far for you?
Speaker 1: What is your Mount rushmore? Of your biggest moments in
Speaker 1: your life so far?
Speaker 4: Obviously having kids, getting married, hitting the walk off for Japan,
Speaker 4: and then I would say going to the Olympics and
Speaker 4: then winning.
Speaker 1: National championship, so many good things, like truly you have
Speaker 1: the Mount rushmore?
Speaker 4: No, like actually, like when I seriously when I think back,
Speaker 4: I'm like, I have been so blessed, Like God did
Speaker 4: not skip out whatsoever whenever I was going through my journey,
Speaker 4: like I feel like I've hit every pinnacle you can hit,
Speaker 4: been super blessed to be able to have kids, to
Speaker 4: be able to raise my kids, able to all of
Speaker 4: these things. I'm like, no, like I am living a
Speaker 4: great life.
Speaker 5: What was it like for you?
Speaker 1: We see on social media kind of the juxtaposition between
Speaker 1: men's athletics women's athletics.
Speaker 5: What was it like for you in this entire journey.
Speaker 1: Was there moments where you're like, yeah, this is true
Speaker 1: in moments where it wasn't, or give me the breakdown
Speaker 1: of that from your experience.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, it's all freaking true. Like it is a
Speaker 4: struggle being a woman in sports. I feel like there's
Speaker 4: just like this weird thing whereas women were supposed to
Speaker 4: be so grateful. Oh my god, they gave us the opportunity. Wow,
Speaker 4: we should be grateful, but like, why can we not
Speaker 4: demand more at the same time, Like there was times
Speaker 4: like on TMUSA, especially like I was not being paid
Speaker 4: to play softball, Like it was just like a oh, yeah,
Speaker 4: I want to do it. I want to play for
Speaker 4: my country, let's do it. There's times that I was
Speaker 4: like grinding to pay rent because I was trying to
Speaker 4: be a softball player trying to be professional and like
Speaker 4: in that sport, like you don't make a lot of money,
Speaker 4: Like I think minimum is like eight thousand dollars, and
Speaker 4: it's like, yeah, like how are you supposed to live?
Speaker 4: And even with this, athletes unlimited, Like it's a great thing,
Speaker 4: and I think it's going to be a great thing.
Speaker 4: But the gap between who are getting paid the most
Speaker 4: and who's getting paid the least, that's what we're like,
Speaker 4: what I'm trying to push forward is just want to
Speaker 4: merge that gap between women's sports. But then like we
Speaker 4: would hope one day, like I hope when if I
Speaker 4: have a little girl that she's not struggling to pay
Speaker 4: rent to play pro sport, like she can play a
Speaker 4: pro sport, do what she loves, but also enjoy life.
Speaker 4: And I feel like there's few it's like women's soccer,
Speaker 4: women's basketball, and then after that it's like falls off,
Speaker 4: and so we have to like I feel like we,
Speaker 4: especially in softable, we kind of have to find a
Speaker 4: way to merge that gap. But merge a gap between
Speaker 4: men and women would be unbelievable.
Speaker 1: That is a crazy experience to think this is the
Speaker 1: coolest moment of my life. I'm on Team USA, I'm
Speaker 1: playing in the Olympics. But also I can't pay my rent.
Speaker 4: No, it's like actually crazy, Like I don't think that
Speaker 4: people like really have the concept of what happens. I've
Speaker 4: played on Teamiorsay for nine years and so in that time,
Speaker 4: I would say from USA, I was paid twenty thousand
Speaker 4: dollars snacks too.
Speaker 1: But now you were working other jobs while you were
Speaker 1: full time trying to be an athlete.
Speaker 4: Yeah, still am.
Speaker 5: So you have a full time job now and you're
Speaker 5: playing in this professional league.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't have a choice, like we like, literally,
Speaker 4: you don't have a choice in life. It'd be so
Speaker 4: nice to just be able to focus, like train and
Speaker 4: do all those things, be a mom, and then go
Speaker 4: play softball. But I cannot afford that whatsoever, even like
Speaker 4: with my husband.
Speaker 5: So yeah, so how do you do it?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 1: You have to be in this shape all the time
Speaker 1: to play. You are a mom, you have to have
Speaker 1: a job, you're a wife, Like, how are you balancing
Speaker 1: all of these things and still keeping your sanity at
Speaker 1: the same time.
Speaker 4: No, I tell people all of the time, like it
Speaker 4: takes a village. So my mom, my, dad, my brother,
Speaker 4: my grandma, my husband, every single person you can think of.
Speaker 4: It's all hands on. Like everyone. It's like we have schedules.
Speaker 4: It's oh, my mom works today, Okay, she's out the picture.
Speaker 4: My sister doesn't work today, Okay, she has the kids.
Speaker 4: My husband doesn't work today, Okay he has the kids.
Speaker 4: And something that I've learned, like super early on. I
Speaker 4: have two kids. They are eleven months and two years old.
Speaker 4: So something that I learned very early on is I
Speaker 4: will not allow my myself to be put in spaces
Speaker 4: that my family's not allowed. That kind of like nix
Speaker 4: a lot of things. It's oh, my kids can't come,
Speaker 4: Oh I can't come, Like you have to provide this space.
Speaker 4: Like I'm a working mom, but I will also be
Speaker 4: a present mom. You want me to do a thing, Okay,
Speaker 4: can you find my kids out with me? Because like
Speaker 4: that's the only way this works. And it's been definitely hard,
Speaker 4: and I think just talking to my friends, they're like,
Speaker 4: you make it look really easy. I probably should be
Speaker 4: more transparent about how freaking hard it is and just
Speaker 4: having a kid, losing your body like I had two
Speaker 4: c sections, so they cut through layers of my body
Speaker 4: and then I played four months later, like I was
Speaker 4: tripping a little bit. When I look back, I'm like crazy.
Speaker 4: But it takes the village for sure. Even when I'm
Speaker 4: on the road with the with the girls, they're helping
Speaker 4: me like, oh yeah, we'll take trades, and then he
Speaker 4: comes to back with.
Speaker 8: Ten stuffed animals, I'm like what is going on?
Speaker 4: So it literally takes everyone.
Speaker 5: I love that.
Speaker 1: I love that you say that they created this space
Speaker 1: for you and that's why you've been able to continue
Speaker 1: doing it. Detail that experience for me a little bit
Speaker 1: because I haven't been pregnant before and know so many
Speaker 1: women have though, but to gosh, to have two children
Speaker 1: and then ask to be this professional athlete that can
Speaker 1: do these things. How was that experience for you? Were
Speaker 1: you in the safe space to be able to do that?
Speaker 1: Were there moments for here like there's no way that
Speaker 1: I continue this path?
Speaker 4: Yeah? There? So athletes unlimited like their whole goal as
Speaker 4: so they have basketball, volleyball, and softball. So the whole
Speaker 4: thing was like you should be able to have a family,
Speaker 4: start that family, and then be able to continue to
Speaker 4: play softball. So I took that to heart. I got pregnant,
Speaker 4: but then I was the first person to ever get
Speaker 4: pregnant in this system.
Speaker 8: So they're like, okay, cool, we'll see you next year.
Speaker 8: And I'm like, no, I was expecting this money from you. Respectfully,
Speaker 8: I was expecting to have this income.
Speaker 4: I was having a baby, like right in the middle
Speaker 4: of season, so I couldn't like fly out there, I
Speaker 4: couldn't do all these things. So it's been really cool
Speaker 4: that I've been someone who's helped them through this process
Speaker 4: of how we can make it better and do all
Speaker 4: these things. Definitely lots of moments where I'm like is
Speaker 4: this worth it, especially in those like newborn stages. My
Speaker 4: child's screaming, I'm up like all night, and then I'm
Speaker 4: like okay, Like I gotta go work out. There's nothing
Speaker 4: in me that wants to work out, like I'd rather
Speaker 4: just sleep. But again, athletes in Learmon has been truly great.
Speaker 4: They provided nanny for me. They pay child support or
Speaker 4: child support, child nanny whatever that's called childcare. There you
Speaker 4: go childcare for them. They like, get an extra room,
Speaker 4: whatever I need. They're like super great about it. This
Speaker 4: year will be the first year that we're gonna be
Speaker 4: like traveling everywhere, so I'm interested to see how this
Speaker 4: is gonna go. It's probably gonna be working through it again,
Speaker 4: but like, I think it's good because it's not just
Speaker 4: me anymore. There's another girl just had a baby, So
Speaker 4: I'm like really excited but training and getting this is
Speaker 4: the first year that I've actually had a year to
Speaker 4: train and get back into shape, so I'm super excited
Speaker 4: to see where I am this year. I'm like pumped.
Speaker 4: I'm like, Wow, this is the first time I've hit
Speaker 4: and worked out in February. Let's freaking go.
Speaker 5: Do you feel like maybe having babies was your superpower
Speaker 5: and now you're gonna even be a better athlete?
Speaker 4: I claim it in the name of Jesus.
Speaker 5: Right there, I'm gonna believe it for you. I'm also
Speaker 5: gonna for you.
Speaker 1: I love your perspective of just sharing the realness of
Speaker 1: this experience because it is. And I never want to
Speaker 1: make somebody, especially a woman's athlete, talk just about being
Speaker 1: the fact that she's a woman and an athlete. But
Speaker 1: there's just such a drastic comparison of what happens for
Speaker 1: you versus what's happening for a man, and the toll
Speaker 1: this is taking on your body but you love.
Speaker 5: The sport so much that you still choose to keep
Speaker 5: doing it.
Speaker 1: Talk to me about that passion for softball, because it
Speaker 1: has to be a drive behind so much of this.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you talk about like women and you don't want
Speaker 4: that to be it, but like it does take a toll.
Speaker 4: Even now we got tiered this year of there's Tier
Speaker 4: five to Tier one whatever that is. And I've been
Speaker 4: I've had a baby or been pregnant the past two years.
Speaker 4: So like, as much as you don't want that to
Speaker 4: affect where you're like placed and what happens, like, it
Speaker 4: does affect and I can't be mad about that, but
Speaker 4: like at the same time, I'm like, how unfair is that?
Speaker 4: But everyone always tells me, like, you'll know when it's
Speaker 4: time to retire, like you like everything will just you'll know.
Speaker 4: And I haven't had that feeling yet. It's been one
Speaker 4: of those things where I'm like, oh, softball's on. I
Speaker 4: have five games going still and it's oh, that's something new,
Speaker 4: let me go that. And I'm out trying something new
Speaker 4: to my swing or like playing catch with my husband,
Speaker 4: taking grand balls, like those are things that like still
Speaker 4: bring me so much joy, and it's almost like too,
Speaker 4: like a little it's cool for my kids to see,
Speaker 4: Like I think that there's a stereotype that kids always
Speaker 4: watch the dad be a professional and they watch them
Speaker 4: work and do all of these things.
Speaker 8: So it's really cool that my husband.
Speaker 4: Is one so supportive, and two that my two boys
Speaker 4: get to watch me in this professional environment and how
Speaker 4: I work and how I go about business. But then
Speaker 4: on the flip side of that, get to make them
Speaker 4: ally and women's sports, so maybe one day if they're
Speaker 4: making millions of dollars, it's like, yeah, like I'll support
Speaker 4: women's sports. That's what my mom did. I watch they
Speaker 4: work harder than we do kind of thing. So it's
Speaker 4: been really cool, Like I love that side of it.
Speaker 1: I was just gonna say, I I have to imagine
Speaker 1: your kids are watching you and they're already knowing the
Speaker 1: superhero that you are because you're their mom, but then
Speaker 1: on top of it, to watch you go out and
Speaker 1: crush it's on a field.
Speaker 5: They're like, I don't know a life any different than this.
Speaker 4: This is what it is. It's like crazy because like
Speaker 4: I would go in and I could thirty minutes hitting
Speaker 4: and be easy. Now Trace wants to go with me
Speaker 4: and it takes maybe an hour because he has to
Speaker 4: hit off the tea two. I love it. I wouldn't
Speaker 4: change it for anything, but like that's awesome.
Speaker 1: So how do you balance this lifestyle and working and
Speaker 1: being successful in your career and et cetera, et cetera,
Speaker 1: et cetera. You have so many things? How are you
Speaker 1: balancing it? I know you say it takes a village,
Speaker 1: but like, when you look at your life and day
Speaker 1: to day, how do you make decisions? How are you
Speaker 1: trying to decide what's best for you and your family
Speaker 1: and your career.
Speaker 4: I think like knowing what's a priority and to me,
Speaker 4: like my boys and my husband are always going to
Speaker 4: reign supreme. That's my number one focus every single day,
Speaker 4: and then I'd go from there. So it's like, oh okay,
Speaker 4: like maybe today I can cram in all of my work.
Speaker 4: Like I have really great I work for a really
Speaker 4: great company, Target Sports, and they're like super great about
Speaker 4: me playing professional, me being a mom, me working and
Speaker 4: doing all these things. So like I work from home,
Speaker 4: which is like the best thing ever, and they're so
Speaker 4: supportive and I have some great people in my corner
Speaker 4: with Jeremie Cappo and Kenny Lanyard and all these people
Speaker 4: that really make it where it's like can you do that?
Speaker 4: Is it okay? Do you have time for this kind
Speaker 4: of thing? And it's listen, you are trusting me to
Speaker 4: do my job, so like I'm going to make sure
Speaker 4: I do that job. Starts with my kids, and then
Speaker 4: it's like, hey, I got to feed my family, and
Speaker 4: then it's what time.
Speaker 8: I have left is like for softball, which.
Speaker 4: My husband is like a workout freak, and so it's
Speaker 4: like easy for me to want to go work out
Speaker 4: because I'm like, he cannot look better than me. That's
Speaker 4: not how this works. And then you fit it in
Speaker 4: from there and I feel like those pieces of it,
Speaker 4: my family can join in with me and do all
Speaker 4: those things.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you're creating not just this environment for what
Speaker 1: you mentioned as their mom playing, but you're also creating
Speaker 1: a very healthy lifestyle for them of this work life
Speaker 1: balance one and two to always be working out. You
Speaker 1: just bring them along for the right and heck, they're
Speaker 1: gonna be squatting before more before you know it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like they every time I go to GEMI Soun's
Speaker 4: always I go work out and I'll like I have
Speaker 4: his bag and I'm like, this is fantastic, but he
Speaker 4: just goes to the swimming pool. But whatever, we'll talk
Speaker 4: about that later date. He's only too.
Speaker 1: What do you hope to see as you continue and
Speaker 1: play in this professional field? What do you hope to
Speaker 1: see for women's sports change in the coming years, coming decades?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I like, obviously the number one thing would be,
Speaker 4: like women are playing for millions of dollars. That would
Speaker 4: be the goal. It's just, oh, like I can stay
Speaker 4: on this track of sports, and sure there's commentating there's
Speaker 4: women in sports that aren't playing sports, but I would
Speaker 4: love for that to be a thing that's, Oh, if
Speaker 4: I work hard enough, like I can play, I can
Speaker 4: support my family while doing something I love. I can
Speaker 4: travel the world while doing something I love. So that
Speaker 4: would be the number one goal. But then I think
Speaker 4: to even expand on that, would there be like there's
Speaker 4: programs in place for women that get pregnant, of here's
Speaker 4: a trainer that works, like they specialize in women that
Speaker 4: are pregnant, so you like don't get out of shape,
Speaker 4: and doctors that help you through these things because there
Speaker 4: are like things that happen in pregnancy that are out
Speaker 4: of your control and labor that happens, all these things
Speaker 4: out of your control. But I it would be deeper,
Speaker 4: the support system would be deeper in that, and it
Speaker 4: would go across the board of all women's sports. But
Speaker 4: that that's like.
Speaker 8: A whole different topic because then it's like.
Speaker 4: Now we like are fighting for parental leave or whenever
Speaker 4: we have kids in like normal life. So this is
Speaker 4: just like a small part of it. But I do
Speaker 4: think that if we can expand that in the sports world,
Speaker 4: it trickles down like women, like these women that are
Speaker 4: always on TV and people are always looking up to
Speaker 4: they're demanding this, and then it's like the next one
Speaker 4: they're demanding it, and then frick, I'm I am too,
Speaker 4: Like I'm worthy of that, And so I think there's
Speaker 4: like the support gets deeper, and it's more it's not
Speaker 4: just women supporting women. We have males, and we have dad,
Speaker 4: and we have professional athletes. We have all of those things.
Speaker 8: So I would obviously say the million dollars and then.
Speaker 4: After that the support how deep it goes.
Speaker 1: When you go out and you do these things like
Speaker 1: Team USA and you're in the Olympics, what was the
Speaker 1: most like drastic differences you were seeing competing as a
Speaker 1: woman versus competing as a man.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like things like just flying commercial and they like,
Speaker 4: this is the story I tell everyone because this was
Speaker 4: the first time that it like hit me because as
Speaker 4: a woman in sports, it's like just something that you
Speaker 4: go with the flow. You do what you're told. You
Speaker 4: get on the commercial flight, it's at six am, you
Speaker 4: play at seven whatever. That looks like like we just
Speaker 4: did it. But my husband was my childcare person when
Speaker 4: I had my first son, and we get on a flight.
Speaker 4: His flight gets delayed for we were on two summer flights.
Speaker 4: It like they messed up. But anyways, were on two
Speaker 4: supper flights. So I get on the first one. We're
Speaker 4: in North Carolina. We drive from the airport, it's two
Speaker 4: and a half hours. My husband fights, gets delayed, like
Speaker 4: three or four hours. He lands, and then they get
Speaker 4: in traffic, so the instead of a two hour turns
Speaker 4: until five or six hour bus ride. And he's really confused,
Speaker 4: and I'm like about what he's like, First off, I'm delayed.
Speaker 4: What Second, where's the police escort? Said? I'm sorry what
Speaker 4: he's like. I would never get on a bus without
Speaker 4: a police escort, like, I'm confused, and you guys don't
Speaker 4: have a chartered flight. I'm what this is. I'm like, no,
Speaker 4: this is women's sports, Like, this is what we deal
Speaker 4: with all the time.
Speaker 8: Yeah, and so I just put everything into perspective.
Speaker 4: And then he's like over here like telling his friends
Speaker 4: like this is bull crap, that what they.
Speaker 8: Have to deal with, and so I think, like they
Speaker 8: don't understand.
Speaker 4: Because they don't go through it.
Speaker 8: And so that's probably one of my favorite stories.
Speaker 4: But that is probably like Night and Day, like, I
Speaker 4: only got a try to fight when we made it
Speaker 4: to the biggest thing in college. Meanwhile, he they could
Speaker 4: drive two hours to Gamesville and they're chartering for thirty
Speaker 4: minutes and what do you mean he got all this money. Nope,
Speaker 4: didn't happen.
Speaker 8: It's just all like the differences are seriously, Night and Day.
Speaker 5: Was your husband a college athlete too?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah? Sorry? He played football Florida State?
Speaker 5: Okay, and then he stopped after college.
Speaker 4: Yeah he broke his neck. Yeah, so he actually played
Speaker 4: like in the Canadian Football League CFL and all those things.
Speaker 4: But I broke his neck.
Speaker 5: Wow, I'm very glad he's still here in you got
Speaker 5: a meat and that whole thing happened life. But so
Speaker 5: he knows he's seeing these differences and he experienced them
Speaker 5: in real time.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and he was like he was I would say too,
Speaker 4: Like he won a national championship at Florida State, so
Speaker 4: like he was like the top one percent in college football,
Speaker 4: So like he knows what it's like to be spoiled
Speaker 4: and not want Like all he has to worry about
Speaker 4: is playing football, and so to come out and then
Speaker 4: he's like, wait, how much do you get paid? And
Speaker 4: he's like asking me like is it worth it? And
Speaker 4: I'm like, I have to stay in this to help
Speaker 4: grow this game. I want the next generation to benefit
Speaker 4: from what we're doing. And he's, I guess it's like
Speaker 4: one of those things. He's you could literally go work
Speaker 4: a couple of camps and make what you're making playing.
Speaker 4: Is that worth it kind of thing?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 1: It's helpful too to have him have that experience too,
Speaker 1: because then it makes him an advocate for you too
Speaker 1: as well and to his friends who are I imagine
Speaker 1: we're also either at once college athletes could be professional
Speaker 1: now yes, and at least it's slowly growing as there
Speaker 1: are advocates for it, and I do think it's truly
Speaker 1: unfortunate that we're still here in twenty twenty five and
Speaker 1: this is still the case.
Speaker 4: No, it's so unfortunate. And the crazy parties we have
Speaker 4: made leaps and balans, but like we're still here, and
Speaker 4: I tell everyone, like something will happen. I'm like, same shit,
Speaker 4: different yere, and like it's sad that I feel that way,
Speaker 4: Like I want to be like, no, this is so good,
Speaker 4: this is better, but like I have an expectation as
Speaker 4: a professional athlete, as a mom, and like I won't
Speaker 4: stop till that's met.
Speaker 1: When somebody like Caitlyn Clark comes into the picture, say
Speaker 1: that again, When someone like Caitlin Clark comes into the
Speaker 1: picture and she's all over social media, everybody's knowing her name,
Speaker 1: but she's becoming this household name.
Speaker 5: Does that feel helpful in that respect? Does it?
Speaker 1: What does it do for you guys as a whole
Speaker 1: with women's sports when something like that comes into.
Speaker 4: Play, Yeah, I definitely think all it does is help.
Speaker 4: All it does is help is you get eyes on
Speaker 4: women's sports that can only help well, and it only
Speaker 4: trickles down to everything. I do think that you see
Speaker 4: more of that gap and pay And again, I don't
Speaker 4: know Kaitlyn Clark. She could be taking a cut to
Speaker 4: make sure everyone else is getting money. I don't know
Speaker 4: what that looks like for her, but that would be
Speaker 4: the only negative side is that gap. But she deserves
Speaker 4: every single penny that she's getting making all the I
Speaker 4: think she's a great advocate for women's sports. I think
Speaker 4: she does it the right way. I think she plays
Speaker 4: so gritty and so like in your face, and that's
Speaker 4: been such like a thing that's been so like.
Speaker 8: You can't play like that, and it's like why, Like
Speaker 8: this is fun to freaking watch and she's gonna shoot
Speaker 8: it from half court and let you know, turn around
Speaker 8: like I love it, and someone like her who's doing
Speaker 8: it the right way and drawing all of those eyes
Speaker 8: like amazing. We need to do better on softball, like
Speaker 8: getting her to a game so more people will watch.
Speaker 8: But I think that only does great things for women's sports.
Speaker 1: I know you mentioned that that grittiness of her, and
Speaker 1: of course she gets ruined online for saying mean things,
Speaker 1: for acting up, for lack of a better term, not
Speaker 1: acting like a woman.
Speaker 5: But I think there is such a misconception about even
Speaker 5: so when we were playing, we were mean.
Speaker 1: We got competitive because we were competitive, we wanted to win.
Speaker 5: What experiences have you had.
Speaker 1: Over the course of time where somebody, you're a woman,
Speaker 1: don't do it that way or do it this way
Speaker 1: because this looks better.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that happens a lot. When I was
Speaker 4: in college, we actually were not allowed to have social
Speaker 4: media for awful years, and it probably saved us a lot,
Speaker 4: at least me personally, because I'm like that fiery person
Speaker 4: all fireback, I do not care. So I think like
Speaker 4: you get those people I would love myself in that
Speaker 4: I don't really care what you have to say. You're
Speaker 4: gonna keep turning on the TV to watch me, I
Speaker 4: bet money, because you're gonna see if I want to
Speaker 4: do it again next week. And so I think, like,
Speaker 4: you have those athletes that are so like this is
Speaker 4: how I play, like you either accept it or move on.
Speaker 4: And so now, but now it's getting to the point
Speaker 4: where women's sports is all over. It's on ESPN and
Speaker 4: it's on ABC. It's like where it's constantly being televised
Speaker 4: and so like you don't have a choice but to watch.
Speaker 4: And so I think to mold yourself into something that
Speaker 4: you can't be comfortable and you can't play your best
Speaker 4: because you're trying to mold into something that society tells
Speaker 4: you to be will never work. And so I think
Speaker 4: to have that confidence and be who you are at
Speaker 4: all times and then just know there's people behind you regardless.
Speaker 4: Is that If that's one, because my one, then guess
Speaker 4: what I have you now? So now that there's two,
Speaker 4: it's me Morgan. Now you got two people behind you.
Speaker 4: So I think that is something that it's hard for
Speaker 4: younger athletes because I we like, social media was big
Speaker 4: when we were growing up, but it wasn't like it
Speaker 4: is today. And so I don't care to tap into
Speaker 4: social media see what people are saying on me because
Speaker 4: guess what, I don't know you dude, Your Twitter fingers
Speaker 4: are going crazy and yet you've never said hi to me,
Speaker 4: so like your.
Speaker 5: And also probably never picked up a softball in his life.
Speaker 4: And so I'm like, even I'll get on social media,
Speaker 4: like after a big softball game, like a Florida game,
Speaker 4: and people are talking crap, and I'm like, I dare
Speaker 4: you to go just run sprint run a six am
Speaker 4: with them I'm not even play you play softball, just
Speaker 4: run a six am with them and see what happens.
Speaker 4: I think, like it is harder because there's so much
Speaker 4: validation in social media for so many people. But I
Speaker 4: have a kid and husband. So the other one day
Speaker 4: I think I was like, oh, for three with two strikeouts,
Speaker 4: and my kid was like, good job, mommy, and I'm like, no,
Speaker 4: feel but it's fine. So it's like perspective for me,
Speaker 4: like I do not care what other people think.
Speaker 5: It definitely is.
Speaker 1: It definitely gives you this perspective because they know you
Speaker 1: did the best job you could do in that moment,
Speaker 1: and you're like, really that, but they did and they
Speaker 1: give you that perspective.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's insane. It's insane.
Speaker 1: Speaking of young athletes, I always like to end on
Speaker 1: a motivational thing, but I think something that would be
Speaker 1: really good to hear is any athletes that are coming
Speaker 1: up that are currently in it, whatever it may be,
Speaker 1: and maybe you choose to go in the direction of women,
Speaker 1: just all athletes however you want to do this, but
Speaker 1: what is something you would want young athletes to know
Speaker 1: today if you were to give them a piece of advice,
Speaker 1: if they're on a similar journey to yours.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would. The main thing I would probably say
Speaker 4: is you are enough. You have all the tools. People
Speaker 4: are constantly going to have opinions, people are constantly going
Speaker 4: to talk about you. And I tell everyone, if someone's
Speaker 4: not talking about you, then like you're doing something wrong.
Speaker 4: The more people talking about you, like, like you said,
Speaker 4: look at Kaitlin Clark, like she is one of the
Speaker 4: best athletes in college basketball and someone is constantly talking
Speaker 4: about her. So to me, she's doing something right. And
Speaker 4: so I think you are enough. Stay on your path,
Speaker 4: stay with what you know, keep your circle with people
Speaker 4: that are on the same route as you, and not
Speaker 4: people that are gonna be jealous or drag you down
Speaker 4: because they're not worth it whatsoever. You're enough, Keep your
Speaker 4: circle small, and keep the main thing the main thing
Speaker 4: at the end of the day. And if you need
Speaker 4: someone to talk to you, you need someone to have
Speaker 4: your back, I'm here. I'm available on Instagram, on Twitter,
Speaker 4: whatever you need, I'm here and I'll support you one
Speaker 4: hundred percent.
Speaker 1: I also want to do a kind of tailored piece
Speaker 1: of advice here to what is something that people just
Speaker 1: the normal person that isn't even in the sports world,
Speaker 1: someone like me. I think I know some of the
Speaker 1: answer because I follow you on social media and I
Speaker 1: support you. But what are some things we can do
Speaker 1: to support women's sports more to hopefully one day be
Speaker 1: where you're wanting.
Speaker 6: It to be.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think like the main thing is to show up.
Speaker 4: I think it's easy to sit back and watch it
Speaker 4: on the TV and do all these things, but like,
Speaker 4: the more people that show up, the bigger it becomes.
Speaker 4: So I think you show up for those different women's sports,
Speaker 4: and you on social media, you can repost, and like,
Speaker 4: the more people that you're the more times you're reposting
Speaker 4: and sharing, the more people it's getting to. But my
Speaker 4: main thing really is to show up and support people
Speaker 4: and shut those people down that have the nerve to
Speaker 4: say women aren't worthy or they can't do something. Shut
Speaker 4: it down and just post a video of some women
Speaker 4: doing something so badass that you can't help it. But
Speaker 4: showing up is probably number one.
Speaker 1: That was one of my favorite trends over the past
Speaker 1: year where it was all these women who are like
Speaker 1: this man asked me what I did or try to
Speaker 1: demand explain something to me, and then they just come
Speaker 1: back with the whole gamut of things that they've done.
Speaker 4: Like man's plaining is like the worst, Like stop doing that?
Speaker 5: Yes exactly, Kelsey, Thank you for being here.
Speaker 1: I'm so proud of you and your success and your
Speaker 1: drive and your passion for what you've always done.
Speaker 5: You've always been this way.
Speaker 1: You are the same person that I sat on the
Speaker 1: back of a very many bus with where we cause
Speaker 1: a whole lot of trouble, and that's really cool. Given
Speaker 1: everything that you've done and experience in your life. To
Speaker 1: be the same person is admirable. And congratulations on being
Speaker 1: just a badass, not only athlete, but also mother too.
Speaker 4: Thanks. You're a pretty badass too, my love following your journey.
Speaker 4: I'm super proud of you too, So thank you.
Speaker 1: Oh thanks a fellow Morgan and my old softball teammate.
Speaker 1: This was such a fun episode and I hope you
Speaker 1: all took some things away from it that may help
Speaker 1: in your lives. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast
Speaker 1: and leave a five star review if you're enjoying it.
Speaker 1: You can also follow the podcast Instagram at take this personally.
Speaker 1: As always, I'm I'm so happy that you're here, Love you,
Speaker 1: talk to you next week.
Speaker 4: Bye,