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Speaker 1: With Morgan Feldsman for attacking family relationships, marriages in motherhood.

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Speaker 1: This week I have on first a fellow Morgan, doctor

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Speaker 1: Morgan Cutlep. She's the author of the book A Better Share,

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Speaker 1: and in it she helps couples navigate the mental load

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Speaker 1: in their relationships and the toll that it takes. And

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Speaker 1: then my friend, Olympian and old softball teammate Kelsey Hunter

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Speaker 1: joins to share how she competes at a professional softball

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Speaker 1: level while juggling a job and motherhood and everything else,

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Speaker 1: plus the ways we can do better in the area

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Speaker 1: of women's sports. I'm joined right now by a fellow Morgan,

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Speaker 1: but a doctor Morgan cutlet She is known for balancing motherhood,

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Speaker 1: being an author, and helping others understand relationships better.

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Speaker 2: Thank you for joining me, Thank you for having me.

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited to talk with you because just looking

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Speaker 1: at all of your content, you are really helping a

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Speaker 1: lot of people. And it's funny that relationships.

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Speaker 3: Are a part of everybody's life, but man, do we

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Speaker 3: not understand what.

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Speaker 4: We do not?

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Speaker 1: So I love getting relationship experts on here because we

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Speaker 1: can all use a little bit more help. And I'm

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Speaker 1: going to come at this from so many different angles.

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Speaker 1: We got a lot to discuss here. But to start this,

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Speaker 1: I want you to share your story and how you

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Speaker 1: got into this where you are now and releasing the

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Speaker 1: book that you have a better share like what inspired this?

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Speaker 4: Give me this Backmtory.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so my story goes very far back.

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Speaker 5: I love it.

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Speaker 2: Give it to So.

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Speaker 6: My dad went back to school for his doctorate in

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Speaker 6: psychology when I was in grade school, and he used

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Speaker 6: to take me to class with him, so I attended

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Speaker 6: some of his doctoral I don't think they'll let you

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Speaker 6: do this now, but for some reason, I was probably

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Speaker 6: like six or seven. I would pack a fake briefcase

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Speaker 6: in candy and paper and I would just hang with him,

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Speaker 6: and it was quite a long drive, and we'd play

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Speaker 6: this game where he would give.

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Speaker 2: Me almost like a fake case of a.

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Speaker 6: Family or a kid or a couple, and he would say,

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Speaker 6: how would you help them?

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Speaker 3: What would you do?

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Speaker 2: What do you think is going on? What interventions would

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Speaker 2: you do?

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Speaker 6: And it was just I don't know, I feel like

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Speaker 6: he needed someone to work with in the future.

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Speaker 2: So he's like, I'll just prepare you for this now.

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Speaker 6: But it just became one of my most favorite and

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Speaker 6: treasured memories with my dad, and so I think.

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Speaker 2: That started my trajectory.

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Speaker 6: He went on to have a practice and then start

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Speaker 6: creating relationship education courses before everyone was doing that, and

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Speaker 6: I started traveling with him to conferences and speaking engagements,

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Speaker 6: and eventually, as I grew up, I decided to just

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Speaker 6: pursue my own education and follow in his foot steps.

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Speaker 2: And so, I don't know.

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Speaker 6: I think it was maybe when I was a senior

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Speaker 6: in high school or freshman in college, I said, Dad, someday,

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Speaker 6: I'm going to do something to help women. And I

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Speaker 6: don't know what that looks like because I don't know

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Speaker 6: what's going on in my life yet, but I know

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Speaker 6: that's what I want to do. And so we worked

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Speaker 6: together for around fifteen years. And then man, when I

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Speaker 6: ended up having our daughters, were like fast forwarding in time.

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Speaker 6: Had our daughter Fie, and I just could not believe

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Speaker 6: how motherhood shook my world. I thought I got a

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Speaker 6: degree in human development and family science, like I should

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Speaker 6: know what I'm doing, and I had no clue, and

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Speaker 6: I was overwhelmed and I was lost. And I knew

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Speaker 6: at that moment, if I was experiencing this mothers everywhere

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Speaker 6: had to experience something similar, and so I knew that

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Speaker 6: at some point I come out of this sort of fog,

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Speaker 6: and at that point I wanted to figure out how

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Speaker 6: to help moms navigate that better.

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Speaker 2: And so that was my first book. But like this second.

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Speaker 6: Piece of that experience is that you could not believe

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Speaker 6: how quickly resentment grew in our relationship after kids, and

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Speaker 6: primarily from me toward my husband. And we have a

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Speaker 6: great marriage, and we did then, but just I was like,

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Speaker 6: how can my life change so dramatically and yours has

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Speaker 6: pretty much stayed the same, And that took us years

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Speaker 6: to navigate two kids later, really to figure out a

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Speaker 6: better way to manage this time and the massive amount

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Speaker 6: of responsibilities. And so that really became the fuel or

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Speaker 6: the motivation for my second book, which is a better

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Speaker 6: share to help couples through. Just like modern family life

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Speaker 6: is relentless, we need more tools to navigate it better.

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Speaker 1: I think having all of the tools to navigate crazy

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Speaker 1: life is so helpful in so many different ways. Let's

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Speaker 1: start on that first path with motherhood and how it

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Speaker 1: shook you and changed you, and that inspired that first book.

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Speaker 2: What happened?

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Speaker 5: What was this moment.

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Speaker 1: Where you realized, like, holy crap, I am ill prepared

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Speaker 1: to be a mom, even though everybody always says you're

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Speaker 1: a woman.

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Speaker 3: So you have the natural instinct to be a mom.

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Speaker 3: You should figure it out. It'll be fine.

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Speaker 6: I think that's what sets us up to be really shook,

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Speaker 6: is that we think it will be intuitive, and for

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Speaker 6: some people it is. For me, it was not, or

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Speaker 6: at least not in the ways I thought it would be.

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Speaker 6: So I think the moment I was shook was almost immediately.

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Speaker 6: I remember, actually, our daughter's eleven now, and I told

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Speaker 6: her this maybe the day before I left to come here,

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Speaker 6: and we were driving in the car and I was like,

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Speaker 6: I'll never forget bringing you home and sitting in the

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Speaker 6: rocker and I was nursing her and being like.

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Speaker 7: Oh my gosh, this is forever.

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Speaker 6: This is forever, and what a massive responsibility and undertaking.

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Speaker 6: And I'm not a real anxious person, but and I

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Speaker 6: know this is hormones and all the things, but the

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Speaker 6: amount of anxiety I felt after becoming a mom was crippling.

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Speaker 6: And it just remember and if I had to describe

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Speaker 6: the feeling after, like the scary feeling, and it's all

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Speaker 6: these beautiful pieces too, but just almost like a homesickness.

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Speaker 6: And I think it is because what you used to

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Speaker 6: feel comfortable in, what used to feel like home, has shifted,

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Speaker 6: because you have this massive new identity that's taking shape

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Speaker 6: and it happens literally overnight, and so yeah, I felt

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Speaker 6: it right away.

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Speaker 1: I love that you're recognizing and sharing that moment because

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Speaker 1: most of the time motherhood is shared in not just

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Speaker 1: social media but in our society as this beautiful thing

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Speaker 1: and you should want this and this is so important

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Speaker 1: for you to have, but to share a very real experience.

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Speaker 5: For yeah, this is great.

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Speaker 3: I brought life into the world.

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Speaker 1: But also I'm freaking out and this is not what

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Speaker 1: anybody prepared me for.

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Speaker 6: Yes, and there's research that talks about the changes and

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Speaker 6: like for men and for women have kids, like what

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Speaker 6: affects the relationship, But for women what they find are like,

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Speaker 6: the two biggest sort of shifts that happen that are

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Speaker 6: really impactful are the feeling of an increase in responsibilities,

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Speaker 6: which is for sure, but then the other is loss

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Speaker 6: of freedom. And I think that's the piece that hit

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Speaker 6: me the hardest.

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Speaker 4: Was just I just was like, oh my.

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Speaker 6: Gosh, I cannot go to the bathroom without bringing in

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Speaker 6: contraptions or it just the simplest things felt really difficult.

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Speaker 6: And I think that was just it just took an adjustment.

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Speaker 2: And that's what we don't talk about.

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Speaker 6: All the adjustments that we need to make in our life,

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Speaker 6: in our marriage, in our schedules after kids, and are

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Speaker 6: the picture that are normal and everyone has to do it.

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Speaker 6: But I'm like, why is this existing in the dark.

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Speaker 6: We need to talk about this stuff because it's it

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Speaker 6: can be jarring.

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Speaker 1: So thank you for bringing the life on that and

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Speaker 1: writing a whole book about it.

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Speaker 4: That's awesome.

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Speaker 3: What was the name of that first one.

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Speaker 6: It's called Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself.

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Speaker 1: I really like that And I did some research on

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Speaker 1: that one, not a parent myself, but it from what

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Speaker 1: I can tell on the reviews on that book, I

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Speaker 1: feel like it's a very great.

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Speaker 3: One, especially for a first time moms.

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Speaker 1: Yea, and just understanding that what you're experiencing is really normal.

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Speaker 5: It's not all butterflies and rapmos.

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Speaker 1: If there's anything I've learned in this life, everything is

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Speaker 1: not butterflies and ramos much for any of the time.

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Speaker 2: Yes, And walking down.

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Speaker 1: To your next book, how was that experience for you

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Speaker 1: when Okay, you have this moment of Okay, I'm losing

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Speaker 1: my freedom, I'm now a mom.

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Speaker 2: This is forever.

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Speaker 1: But then also these struggles are happening with your husband

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Speaker 1: and you're trying to navigate all of it at the

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Speaker 1: same time.

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Speaker 5: Walk me through that.

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Speaker 2: A little bit. So our situation was unique.

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Speaker 6: So I'm from Ohio, but we were living in Virginia

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Speaker 6: when I got pregnant, right outside of DC.

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Speaker 2: And then my parents.

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Speaker 6: If you're from the Midwest, you know when you get

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Speaker 6: close to retirement, you moved to Florida.

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Speaker 2: So that's the thing we retire.

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Speaker 5: So my parents.

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Speaker 6: Moved to Florida and we were pregnant, and my husband's like,

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Speaker 6: why don't we just go move to be close to

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Speaker 6: your family and want the support and all the things.

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Speaker 6: And I worked with my dad at the time, so

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Speaker 6: we ended up buying home completely, ripping it down, and

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Speaker 6: rebuilding it from a distance. So I finished internship and

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Speaker 6: then we moved to Florida when I was nine months pregnant.

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Speaker 6: So two months after our daughter was born, my husband

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Speaker 6: was relocated to southern California. My goodness, Okay, it's like

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Speaker 6: very intense and so I ended up staying behind because

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Speaker 6: I just knew, like when you adjust to a new job,

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Speaker 6: it's just an ordeal. And I was like, I'm going

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Speaker 6: to stay here, I have my family, you go do

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Speaker 6: your thing, and when we find a house, I'll meet you.

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Speaker 2: And so from around two months to.

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Speaker 6: Like eight or nine months or so, we did long distance.

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Speaker 6: So I navigated these early years or not early years,

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Speaker 6: early months of motherhood. But a lot happens in these

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Speaker 6: early months on my own. And I think so when

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Speaker 6: you talk about like the struggles in our marriage, like

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Speaker 6: I'm not sure how clute in my husband was, because

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Speaker 6: we got along and things were fine, but I was

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Speaker 6: struggling and I was building resentment quickly, and it really

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Speaker 6: had a lot to do with just I was the

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Speaker 6: only one in the know of what was going on

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Speaker 6: with our daughter.

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Speaker 2: I made all the adjustments because he wasn't around to.

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Speaker 6: How I took care of her, and adjustments in my

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Speaker 6: own life and schedule, and we finally reconnected.

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Speaker 2: I think that's when things got.

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Speaker 6: Tense because I was just regularly frustrated. I was like, oh, like,

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Speaker 6: you don't know what you're doing now with our daughter,

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Speaker 6: Like just move, I'll take care of it, which makes

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Speaker 6: things worse because then.

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Speaker 2: He didn't jump in as much.

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Speaker 6: And so it took us a while until we got

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Speaker 6: to a place where we could really address some of

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Speaker 6: the stuff.

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Speaker 2: Really, it took me getting pregnant.

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Speaker 6: With our son where I was like, I don't think

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Speaker 6: he's ever going to be born because I will hold

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Speaker 6: on to him until I have this sort of reassurance

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Speaker 6: that things are going to be different this time around.

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Speaker 6: So we had to unpack some of that stuff.

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Speaker 1: And when you start to approach that conversation with your husband,

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Speaker 1: because this also adds in another layer of what we've

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Speaker 1: been taught in our society for men to not talk

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Speaker 1: about their feelings, to not experience things in the same way.

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Speaker 2: That we are.

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Speaker 1: Right, we're taught completely different things to the men's credit

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Speaker 1: in these scenarios. Yes, so what happens when you approach

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Speaker 1: your husband and you're like, Okay, we got to break

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Speaker 1: what's happening. We got to break this cycle. We need

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Speaker 1: to talk about some things.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, it didn't go well for a while. If I'm

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Speaker 6: being transparent, and I think a lot of times, if

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Speaker 6: I share a piece of content, or if people hear

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Speaker 6: an interview or something or even in my books, I

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Speaker 6: tell a lot of personal stories. Something I get time

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Speaker 6: and time again is it's that I'm relatable and it's

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Speaker 6: because I've lived through this stuff.

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Speaker 2: So it it took us.

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Speaker 6: A long time, and it really took me making some

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Speaker 6: changes too, and how I asserted myself, like men are

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Speaker 6: taught really did not talk about their emotions unless it's anger.

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Speaker 6: A lot of men it has part to do with

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Speaker 6: how they're wired, but also a lot of men feel

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Speaker 6: like emotions are like unnecessary, kind of it's like, why

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Speaker 6: are wasting.

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Speaker 2: Our time here, let's cut to the chase.

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Speaker 6: So we've got that, but then women are really conditioned.

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Speaker 6: And then in motherhood it's necessity for a while to

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Speaker 6: take care of a kid, but to stuff what we

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Speaker 6: need down and to back burner it.

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Speaker 2: And then growing up.

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Speaker 6: We usually receive all these messages around what it means

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Speaker 6: to have needs, like we're needy, we're too sensitive, we're dramatic,

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Speaker 6: like too much. And so I had a battle some

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Speaker 6: of my own messaging and in our dialogue around what

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Speaker 6: it meant to have needs, what it meant to assert

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Speaker 6: myself in my relationship, And so that was like my work,

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Speaker 6: that's part of what I talk about my first book,

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Speaker 6: this individual piece, and then as I learned to assert them,

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Speaker 6: we had to work on the relationships because my husband

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Speaker 6: would say things like you're so different now, and it

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Speaker 6: wasn't like a compliment, like you're so different, And I

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Speaker 6: remember saying to him, I'm not different, I'm the same.

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Speaker 6: You're just getting all of me, whereas before I was

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Speaker 6: keeping it from you because I was worried you couldn't

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Speaker 6: handle it. So I can't go back to that or

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Speaker 6: else we're not going to be in a good place.

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Speaker 6: This is a conversation that moves the needle. If I

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Speaker 6: go back to that, we're not.

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Speaker 2: Going to be okay.

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Speaker 6: But if you're finding my delivery like something you can't receive,

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Speaker 6: then let's work on how you can receive.

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Speaker 2: It and how I can deliver it differently.

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Speaker 6: But also we got to move through this and that

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Speaker 6: took some time, but he made adjustments pretty quickly after that,

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Speaker 6: and it was a game changer in our relationship and

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Speaker 6: in how I experience a motherhood.

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Speaker 1: Really, I cannot believe how hard those conversations can sometimes be,

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Speaker 1: because right you're sitting there think in your head.

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Speaker 2: We have to do this.

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Speaker 5: We have to make this better for ourselves.

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Speaker 1: So this is an easy thing. We have to have

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Speaker 1: this conversation. But when you talked about the resentment, there's

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Speaker 1: just so much for both of you that was holding there,

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Speaker 1: and resentment makes it really hard for people to truly

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Speaker 1: navigate because you're holding on to so many things. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and so I can imagine having those conversations like you mentioned,

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Speaker 1: and it took time to really pull back like an

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Speaker 1: onion and reveal the different layers and work through each one. Yes,

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Speaker 1: you had mentioned something in some of your content that

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Speaker 1: was like, and I'm maybe buttraying.

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Speaker 5: This, so tell me about saying it wrong.

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Speaker 3: But you said the ending.

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Speaker 1: Of your marriage is closer than you think, and it

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Speaker 1: all has to do with the cycle that you end.

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Speaker 3: Up being in.

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Speaker 1: Yes, tell me a little bit about that, because I

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Speaker 1: feel like this pertains to what you're talking about.

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Speaker 7: Yes.

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Speaker 6: So, but it says the ending of your marriage starts

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Speaker 6: sooner than you think. And it's it's not my favorite

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Speaker 6: type of content to create, honestly, because it's like hitting

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Speaker 6: that pain point and sometimes it's hard to consume for people.

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Speaker 6: But also people need to see the cycle, so it's

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Speaker 6: a tricky thing. Online but it's basically when you know,

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Speaker 6: these sort of small things start to develop in your relationship,

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Speaker 6: like missed opportunities when a partner approaches you to talk

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Speaker 6: about something and then maybe it's shut down or met

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Speaker 6: with defensiveness or dismissiveness. And a lot of times I'm

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Speaker 6: going broad strokes here, but a lot of times it's

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Speaker 6: the woman bringing up the issue and the guy will

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Speaker 6: respond in one of these ways, and she has two choices,

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Speaker 6: which is to either get louder, and that usually means

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Speaker 6: that he gets pushed away even more he distances to

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Speaker 6: protect himself, or she stuffs it down. And then when

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Speaker 6: she stuffs it down, he feels good because he's like,

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Speaker 6: oh great, I have more peace in my life and

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Speaker 6: I don't have to deal with her emotion or whatever.

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Speaker 6: She's not upset with me, I think if things are good.

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Speaker 6: But what happens over time is she starts to disconnect,

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Speaker 6: she develops that resiment. Meant she starts to pull away,

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Speaker 6: and so things start to shift in big ways in

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Speaker 6: the relationship. Maybe their sex life goes out the window.

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Speaker 6: Perhaps the dynamic becomes more transactional, less relational.

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Speaker 2: There's more tension in the relationship and.

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Speaker 6: So it's a slow erosion of connection that's happening, and

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Speaker 6: it's almost like couples are missing it. A lot of

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Speaker 6: times it's but then you get to a place where

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Speaker 6: maybe the kids are grown and you're pretty deep into it,

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Speaker 6: and you look at each other and you're like, we

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Speaker 6: grew apart or I don't even know you anymore, And

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Speaker 6: it's because there's these slow erosions.

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Speaker 2: That we get stuck in the cycle can also.

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Speaker 6: Look pretty hostile, but a lot of times it's just

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Speaker 6: this slow sort of disconnecting that takes place for couples.

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Speaker 1: And when somebody recognizes that this is happening to this cycle.

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Speaker 1: Is there ever a point where it's too late you

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Speaker 1: can't fix it? Or is most of the time, as

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Speaker 1: long as you start to have open connect like communication

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Speaker 1: and start to discuss what's really happening.

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Speaker 3: Can you fix it.

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Speaker 6: I'm a big believer in marriages that can really come

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Speaker 6: back from pretty dark places, and I've worked with couples

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Speaker 6: through even things like infidelity and major betrayals, So I

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Speaker 6: do think that you can be pretty far gone and

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Speaker 6: still find your way back. But it really requires a

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Speaker 6: commitment to the relationship. Because commitment is that is this

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Speaker 6: sort of like piece that keeps you in it when

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Speaker 6: it's terrible. And so if that's not there and both

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Speaker 6: partners aren't like, okay, last ditch effort here, let's give.

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Speaker 4: It a go.

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Speaker 2: If you can't get both people that place, it can

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Speaker 2: be hard to come back from this.

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Speaker 6: But yeah, I think you can be pretty far gone

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Speaker 6: and still come back. And I think part of it

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Speaker 6: is you've got to identify and disrupt this cycle and

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Speaker 6: it's just like this unfortunate thing. But also I believe

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Speaker 6: it's the beautiful part of relationships, which is that they

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Speaker 6: will stretch us and challenge us to grow. But like,

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Speaker 6: the unfortunate part is that a lot of times, to

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Speaker 6: break this cycle, somebody has to be humble. Somebody has

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Speaker 6: to be like, Okay, I surrender like we are not

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Speaker 6: going anywhere good being like this, like we have to

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Speaker 6: figure something out and get to that place.

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Speaker 1: Do you feel like too? It's both partners. You mentioned

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Speaker 1: the commitment of them wanting.

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Speaker 5: To do it, so it really feels like both.

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Speaker 2: Partners have to be willing to do that. If there is.

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Speaker 1: One partner that's not even willing or open to that conversation,

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Speaker 1: is that where the hard part really lies and deciding

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Speaker 1: is this not going to work because of that?

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I think a lot of times one partner is

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Speaker 6: more willing to work on it and the other person

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Speaker 6: is digging their heels in, and it just becomes at

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Speaker 6: that point.

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Speaker 2: Very tricky to navigate. So you can get a professional.

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Speaker 6: Involved and see, but then there are partners who won't

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Speaker 6: even do that. And so I think where a lot

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Speaker 6: of marriages end up when they're in this cycle they

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Speaker 6: reach this point is usually when the one person is

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Speaker 6: just I'm out of resources here and you're not budging

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Speaker 6: and I was willing to work on it, but if

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Speaker 6: you're not gonna work with.

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Speaker 2: Me, there's nothing I can do.

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Speaker 6: So it becomes this I'm out of options type of decision,

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Speaker 6: which is really heartbreaking.

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Speaker 2: And I think in my second book, and.

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Speaker 6: Not all people will be able to work through these

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Speaker 6: things because there will be partners that just dig their

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Speaker 6: heels in. But in my second book, I give a

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Speaker 6: ton of tools and scripts for how to confront difficult

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Speaker 6: conversations and difficult moments and conversations because it's a hard

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Speaker 6: thing to navigate when you're in that dark place and

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Speaker 6: when you're stuck and you're locked up together, and so

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Speaker 6: I wanted to spell it out as clearly as possible

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Speaker 6: to try to equip people to move through it.

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Speaker 1: I love that you have that because having the resources,

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Speaker 1: even when, like you mentioned, if somebody is not budging

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Speaker 1: on involving a therapist or somebody to mediate that will

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Speaker 1: give you some more resources. Hopefully at least then you

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Speaker 1: can know that you've tried absolutely everything at the end

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Speaker 1: of the day. There's also a part of this that

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Speaker 1: I think is involved to which your book really addresses, is.

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Speaker 3: The mental load.

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Speaker 1: The mental load exists for everyone in and outside of relationships.

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Speaker 2: That is just life.

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Speaker 3: That's the experience we have with life.

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Speaker 5: It's busy, it's chaotic.

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Speaker 1: But even more so for partners and people who have kids.

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Speaker 1: You want to talk about adding another layer of that load.

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Speaker 3: You have so much happening. How does this mental.

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Speaker 1: Load then also affect these partnerships as there's already this

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Speaker 1: underlying cycle happening, and then you also have the mental

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Speaker 1: load on top of that.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I think it just accelerates things. I think this

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Speaker 6: is it just becomes one major area where there's an

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Speaker 6: opportunity for a deep resentment and misunderstanding, and so the

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Speaker 6: mental load, like you said, exists. Everyone has one, men

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Speaker 6: and women, kids have them. Everybody's got one. But when

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Speaker 6: it comes to home and family life, research shows time

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Speaker 6: and time again it's predominantly carried by women, even if

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Speaker 6: they work inside or outside the home. And so it

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Speaker 6: exists before kids, but after kids it increases overnight, literally

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Speaker 6: literally overnight, it becomes wayfuler after you have kids, And

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Speaker 6: so I think a lot of couples aren't prepared for this.

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Speaker 6: And my sort of like theory of understanding it is

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Speaker 6: right after a baby's born, the woman is in that

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Speaker 6: space of just caretaking for the baby.

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Speaker 2: All the right hormones are going.

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Speaker 6: There's actual changes that happen to us, make us more

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Speaker 6: tuned to things, make us able to better regulate when

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Speaker 6: we hear the crying, Like even we can hear different decibels,

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Speaker 6: so we can actually hear I was listening to somebody

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Speaker 6: talk like about their husband never woke up to even

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Speaker 6: hear the baby.

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Speaker 2: We actually hear a little bit better.

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Speaker 6: So it's all these wild things that sort of set

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Speaker 6: us up.

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Speaker 2: To take more on right out of the gate.

445
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:03,919
Speaker 6: I always say, with a mental load with home and

446
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:05,479
Speaker 6: family life, the game is just rigged.

447
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,600
Speaker 2: We're just not playing this.

448
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,479
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm like it's rigged.

449
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:11,119
Speaker 2: It's rigged.

450
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:14,879
Speaker 6: And it's like, so we're entering in a motherhood and

451
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,000
Speaker 6: all this stuff's going on, and so we just start

452
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,960
Speaker 6: doing all of the things, and our partners are like nervous.

453
00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:22,160
Speaker 6: Maybe they're not jumping in and if we're not get

454
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,680
Speaker 6: in there, change the diper, or they're not a partner

455
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 6: who does take that init ship really easily.

456
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,440
Speaker 2: We're set on a path to.

457
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:33,240
Speaker 6: Where the woman in the relationship will just keep doing

458
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:36,840
Speaker 6: the things in the dark without any awareness. It becomes invisible.

459
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:40,400
Speaker 6: I describe women as the bounty quicker picker uppers because

460
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:44,320
Speaker 6: we are just so absorbent. We go around soaking up

461
00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:46,280
Speaker 6: all of these tasks, and before you know it, we're

462
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,520
Speaker 6: like three four years into having kids, five years into

463
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:52,760
Speaker 6: having kids, and we're the ones who were handling everything.

464
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:56,080
Speaker 6: And it's not to blame us, it's not to necessarily

465
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:56,760
Speaker 6: blame our partners.

466
00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:59,720
Speaker 2: I don't always feel like that's productive.

467
00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:02,119
Speaker 6: Even though I understand and how you could, but we

468
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 6: just get to a place where we're so saturated we

469
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:07,440
Speaker 6: don't know how we got here.

470
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:08,680
Speaker 2: So much of it's invisible.

471
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:11,280
Speaker 6: Our partners don't get it. Then we try to explain it,

472
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:13,720
Speaker 6: and then they get defensive or they might say something

473
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,080
Speaker 6: like you just make things harder than you need to,

474
00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:17,800
Speaker 6: or I don't know why you worry so.

475
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,240
Speaker 2: Much about this stuff, and so that.

476
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,640
Speaker 6: Those tuggered me, and I'm not Yes, it's so common.

477
00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:27,360
Speaker 6: I was on a podcast earlier and the husband said that,

478
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:29,640
Speaker 6: and I was like, oh, my goodness, it's so good glad.

479
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,080
Speaker 2: I'm so glad we're talking about.

480
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,119
Speaker 6: This because it's such a common response.

481
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:34,400
Speaker 2: So then you get this layered.

482
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:38,120
Speaker 6: I'm struggling and I'm overwhelmed, and now I am coming

483
00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 6: to my partner who's supposed to be my source of

484
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:43,520
Speaker 6: security and safety and they don't get it and they're

485
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:46,240
Speaker 6: minimizing it, and so I feel less safe. And so

486
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:48,760
Speaker 6: now we're entering into that cycle. Okay, do I get

487
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:52,159
Speaker 6: louder I really am struggling, or do I stuff it

488
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:55,080
Speaker 6: down and try to manage it? And even sometimes women

489
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:58,560
Speaker 6: will judge themselves when they get that feedback from their partners.

490
00:23:58,600 --> 00:23:59,879
Speaker 2: Oh, I guess I am.

491
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:02,239
Speaker 6: Making a big deal out of nothing, or maybe I

492
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,760
Speaker 6: am needy, or maybe there is something wrong with me.

493
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:06,359
Speaker 2: And women are.

494
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:09,240
Speaker 6: Already so good at judging ourselves. We just don't need

495
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,680
Speaker 6: more of that. So I'm trying to remember where the

496
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:15,239
Speaker 6: question started. But just like, it's so easy to just

497
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:17,480
Speaker 6: slide into that pattern and before you know it, we're

498
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:20,959
Speaker 6: like in this sort of trench of disconnection that can

499
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:21,760
Speaker 6: start to develop.

500
00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:26,159
Speaker 1: No, you answered all of that, and I love the

501
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:30,119
Speaker 1: different pathways that it went on. And I'll admit, as

502
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:33,160
Speaker 1: someone who hasn't had kids yet, and as I've gotten.

503
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:36,440
Speaker 5: Older, my view of having kids.

504
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 1: Once upon a time, if you would have met young Morgan,

505
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:40,920
Speaker 1: she'd have been like, I'm having a white.

506
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:42,720
Speaker 3: Picket fence, I will have a porch, I will have

507
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:44,480
Speaker 3: four children in life will be amazing.

508
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:50,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, And Morgan now is a completely different person who's

509
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:53,639
Speaker 1: very questionable on if I want to have kids, what

510
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:54,439
Speaker 1: does that look like?

511
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:55,720
Speaker 3: What's going to change for me?

512
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:59,199
Speaker 1: I'm having very hard questions that I'm asking myself. But

513
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:03,199
Speaker 1: the one that instantly keeps revolving is I will have

514
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:06,440
Speaker 1: kids if I have a partner that's willing and able

515
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 1: to actually be a partner of having kids.

516
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 2: I think that's yeah. I'll see on social.

517
00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:13,119
Speaker 6: Media a lot of people wrestling with this thing, a

518
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:16,000
Speaker 6: lot of women wrestling with the same question, and or

519
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 6: it will.

520
00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:18,160
Speaker 2: Be nasty, or I'll just be like this one, I'm

521
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:18,679
Speaker 2: never having.

522
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,960
Speaker 6: Kids, and that's oh, that's not a message I want

523
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:21,840
Speaker 6: to put out in the world.

524
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:25,800
Speaker 2: I believe that becoming a mother is part.

525
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:29,280
Speaker 6: Of why it's hard is because it shines a light

526
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:32,360
Speaker 6: on all of these areas you just have not developed.

527
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:34,520
Speaker 2: And grown in. And so it's supposed to expand us.

528
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,440
Speaker 6: A marital relationship supposed.

529
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:37,760
Speaker 2: To do the same thing.

530
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,360
Speaker 6: It's tricky when the other person won't do that too

531
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:44,320
Speaker 6: or but that's the sort of hard part but also

532
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:45,800
Speaker 6: the beautiful part.

533
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:49,200
Speaker 2: So I am like pro all of these things. I'm

534
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:50,959
Speaker 2: a fan. I also understand it.

535
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 6: But I do think the differentiator that younger generations are

536
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 6: paying more attention to, which is.

537
00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:59,720
Speaker 2: A good thing, is what kind of partner do.

538
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 6: You choose and how involved are they going to be

539
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:05,960
Speaker 6: and how open are they having these conversations that don't

540
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:09,840
Speaker 6: spiral into defensiveness and all the stuff that derails them.

541
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:13,440
Speaker 6: But that becomes the piece that can change your experience

542
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 6: in motherhood.

543
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:15,159
Speaker 3: Very much so.

544
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 1: And that was very much where or I was to

545
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:20,639
Speaker 1: your point. It started as I'm having all the kids.

546
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:22,280
Speaker 5: I'm never having kids.

547
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,880
Speaker 1: So now it's I want kids, but I also want

548
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,320
Speaker 1: a really good partner, and the partner has to come first.

549
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:29,639
Speaker 1: And if I don't find that, then I will be

550
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:33,440
Speaker 1: okay with whatever else looks like. But that's more important

551
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:35,679
Speaker 1: to me if I'm going to bring kids into the

552
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:39,439
Speaker 1: world to have that partnership that really matters. That is

553
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:43,320
Speaker 1: talking about the things that you're discussing with the cycles

554
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:46,439
Speaker 1: and stuff. It also leads me into another question. And

555
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:48,639
Speaker 1: I know this is a little bit different because you

556
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,639
Speaker 1: primarily work with couples and marriages and stuff, but I

557
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:56,199
Speaker 1: would love your perspective for someone like me who is single.

558
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:59,680
Speaker 1: Isn't Mary doesn't have kids, but I want to and

559
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:00,919
Speaker 1: I want to find a partner.

560
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:03,720
Speaker 2: How do I.

561
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:07,679
Speaker 1: As I'm getting into these relationships making sure that I'm

562
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:11,200
Speaker 1: avoiding that cycle and avoiding and meaning it not happening,

563
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:13,880
Speaker 1: not avoiding it, seeing it or running away. Is there

564
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,480
Speaker 1: things that I can do and set up for myself

565
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:21,160
Speaker 1: that I can potentially hope that whatever moment in time

566
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 1: I do get married, I don't fall into this same pattern.

567
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:27,440
Speaker 2: Yes, so I'll say a couple of things.

568
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 6: So my dad actually his sort of his main point

569
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:34,120
Speaker 6: of interest in his main body of work is around

570
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,119
Speaker 6: dating and singles. So he has a book called How

571
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:39,720
Speaker 6: to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk, And.

572
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:41,480
Speaker 8: That's all I needed.

573
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,120
Speaker 6: Yes, it is such a good and it's for men

574
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:46,640
Speaker 6: or for women, and it's such a good book.

575
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:49,440
Speaker 2: And it really gives practical things.

576
00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:51,720
Speaker 6: You should get to know about a potential partner to

577
00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:53,879
Speaker 6: predict what they'll be like in a long term relationship.

578
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:55,760
Speaker 6: It's based on tons and tons of research that he

579
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:59,080
Speaker 6: went through and then he basically organized all that research

580
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:00,760
Speaker 6: into five things you got I get to know about

581
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,840
Speaker 6: somebody that's predictive in the long term, because sometimes what

582
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,000
Speaker 6: you get in the beginning is like not what you're

583
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:07,840
Speaker 6: going to get later, So how do you figure that out?

584
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:10,200
Speaker 6: So I would say that is a really good place

585
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,280
Speaker 6: to start. Is like things that you get to know

586
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:16,280
Speaker 6: in the early dating time is it's really important you

587
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:18,960
Speaker 6: do that with intention and you do it with know how.

588
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:22,639
Speaker 6: The second pieces, it's funny. I was having a conversation

589
00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:26,720
Speaker 6: with someone yesterday who's dating and she's actually the editor

590
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:29,320
Speaker 6: of my book, and she's I can't believe how much

591
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:33,239
Speaker 6: it's impacted how I'm showing up in my relationship. And

592
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:37,800
Speaker 6: so she's my boyfriend or whatever, was over and we

593
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:42,200
Speaker 6: were making dinner and he went to take the garbage out.

594
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:45,080
Speaker 6: Just normally I would jump up and I'd be like,

595
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,720
Speaker 6: oh no, I'll get that, like it's fine, but I'm

596
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:50,000
Speaker 6: sitting back and letting him do things. And so I

597
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 6: talk about in my second book something called piling on precedence,

598
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:55,320
Speaker 6: which is one of the ways I think the mental

599
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:57,600
Speaker 6: load gets really full really fast, which is that early

600
00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:01,000
Speaker 6: in our relationship, as women especially, we're the good caretakers,

601
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:04,160
Speaker 6: and so we like to do stuff for our partners

602
00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 6: because it feels good, which I think is beautiful. But

603
00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 6: also when we do the things at first they appreciate it,

604
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:13,240
Speaker 6: and then after that it's out of their minds.

605
00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:14,760
Speaker 2: They don't think about it anymore.

606
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:18,680
Speaker 6: And so how you set up the precedents early on

607
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:21,960
Speaker 6: in a relationship is like shaping what you're going to

608
00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 6: own and be expected to do.

609
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:26,400
Speaker 2: And we do it and we're not even aware that.

610
00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:26,760
Speaker 3: We'd do it.

611
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 1: Oh if, yeah, you're talking about this now, and now

612
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:30,720
Speaker 1: I'm sorting to think about all the things.

613
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:34,080
Speaker 2: Yes, all the things my husband and I got together.

614
00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 6: I remember even early in our marriage he would work

615
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:37,880
Speaker 6: and I'd be working.

616
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:39,640
Speaker 2: I was in school and working.

617
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:42,320
Speaker 6: And I would go to the grocery store. I'd think

618
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 6: of the meals, i'd cook the dinner, and he'd get

619
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:45,120
Speaker 6: up to do the dishes.

620
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:46,959
Speaker 2: I'd be like, no, baby, I got this.

621
00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:51,120
Speaker 6: I'm like the perfect housewife or something. And then I

622
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:53,240
Speaker 6: remember a few years in a marriage, I was doing

623
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 6: the dishes and he wouldn't.

624
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:57,600
Speaker 2: Even fight me anymore. And so is he a jerk?

625
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 6: Or did we get into this past where I pushed

626
00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:04,240
Speaker 6: him out? I fired him from the job, and so

627
00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:07,200
Speaker 6: he was like, sure, I'll sit on the couch.

628
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:07,480
Speaker 4: While you did.

629
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:09,680
Speaker 6: So we had to walk. We have to walk these

630
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:13,160
Speaker 6: things back then if we've set this precedent. So I

631
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:17,480
Speaker 6: think think about that when you're dating, as setting the standards,

632
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:21,760
Speaker 6: setting the expectations, and anything that you take on you're

633
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:23,560
Speaker 6: probably gonna own. And if you're not gonna want to

634
00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 6: own that forever, that means you're gonna have to walk

635
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:28,480
Speaker 6: it back later. So just heighten your awareness to some

636
00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 6: of that stuff.

637
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:30,400
Speaker 3: I needed to hear that.

638
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 1: I really did ask someone who is not only a

639
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:38,520
Speaker 1: caretaker but often also very strongly independent, Yes, I really

640
00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:40,080
Speaker 1: like to take care of stuff on my own and

641
00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:43,200
Speaker 1: take care of other people. So allowing things to happen

642
00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 1: is really hard for me. So thank you for speaking

643
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:45,920
Speaker 1: words into my mind.

644
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:46,680
Speaker 5: I'm sure.

645
00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:48,640
Speaker 1: Also, I'm not the only one that needed to hear

646
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:51,560
Speaker 1: the whole, So I think it's becoming more common, especially

647
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:56,080
Speaker 1: as the marriage age changes, yes, and people spend more

648
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,600
Speaker 1: time alone before they get married. They're stuck in who

649
00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:01,280
Speaker 1: they are in their ways, and you have to adjust

650
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:04,000
Speaker 1: to having a person in your life. So I think

651
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:06,280
Speaker 1: a lot of people needed to hear that. There's another

652
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:08,719
Speaker 1: part of this book. We're going background now. I had

653
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:10,680
Speaker 1: to go off that little tangent because yeah, it was great,

654
00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:14,400
Speaker 1: but we were talking about the mental load, the cycle.

655
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:17,320
Speaker 1: There's also a part of this that people, gosh do

656
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 1: not like to talk about, but it's so important because

657
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:23,920
Speaker 1: part of our relationship is not just having an emotional connection,

658
00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:24,680
Speaker 1: it's intimacy.

659
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:26,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, and when intimacy.

660
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:29,240
Speaker 5: Is lost, that's a huge part that's missing.

661
00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:33,400
Speaker 1: And you discuss how this cycle mental load can then

662
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:36,160
Speaker 1: affect the intimacy in the relationship. Will you explain that

663
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:39,280
Speaker 1: a little bit, because it's just not something people are

664
00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:41,600
Speaker 1: great at talking about or ever want to bring up,

665
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:43,680
Speaker 1: so maybe hearing it from you will give them some

666
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:45,040
Speaker 1: reassurance that it's okay.

667
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:49,920
Speaker 6: Yes, so it's layered, but I'll hit a couple points.

668
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:53,760
Speaker 6: So the mental load takes up space in our brains.

669
00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:56,760
Speaker 6: I call it cognitive real estate. Takes up cognitive real estate.

670
00:31:57,280 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 6: And so what that means is that at space and

671
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 6: energy for other things like peace, presence, patients, regulating our emotions,

672
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:10,480
Speaker 6: and getting in the mood for sex, especially for women,

673
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:13,280
Speaker 6: because for a woman to be turned on, her brain

674
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:16,600
Speaker 6: really needs to be turned off. And so if we

675
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:19,840
Speaker 6: are swirling around with all of these things, it's going

676
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,080
Speaker 6: to be hard to even think about sex. It's going

677
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:23,680
Speaker 6: to be hard to get in the mood for sex.

678
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:25,200
Speaker 2: And so that's one piece.

679
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:29,240
Speaker 6: The other piece is that if the mental loade isn't

680
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:31,680
Speaker 6: handled in a relationship in a way that feels good

681
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 6: in the partnership. So you know, she's overwhelmed, she's trying

682
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:37,640
Speaker 6: to talk about it, he's like, you make things harder

683
00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:40,080
Speaker 6: than you need to, or gets defensive.

684
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 2: She's going to feel invisible.

685
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:49,000
Speaker 6: Disconnected, unappreciated. All these things in the relationship, which is

686
00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:51,800
Speaker 6: not conducive to a healthy sex life.

687
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:54,200
Speaker 2: Being intimate is vulnerable.

688
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:58,560
Speaker 6: You have to feel safe in your relationship to get

689
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,360
Speaker 6: to that place, especially for women men it looks a

690
00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:04,640
Speaker 6: little bit different. But and so if the relationship doesn't

691
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:08,520
Speaker 6: feel safe, it's going to affect this part of the relationship.

692
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:11,920
Speaker 6: And I often say sex really starts outside of the bedroom,

693
00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 6: and so we need to expand how we think of it.

694
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 6: For the longest time, I would beg my husband to

695
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:23,000
Speaker 6: take me out on dates, especially after kids, and I'd.

696
00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:25,880
Speaker 2: Be like, he was into it, but he just didn't.

697
00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 6: Prioritize it because he feels connected when we just exist

698
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:31,760
Speaker 6: side by side. I was like, this doesn't I barely

699
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:32,040
Speaker 6: see you.

700
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:33,600
Speaker 2: He's like, we're together all day And I was.

701
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:35,600
Speaker 5: Like, I'm not talk to you.

702
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:39,200
Speaker 1: It's like the foreplay, right, You're like, this is there's

703
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:39,840
Speaker 1: nothing here?

704
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 5: So how am I supposed to be excited? Yes, exactly,

705
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:45,120
Speaker 5: but like dates were my foreplay.

706
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:47,760
Speaker 6: Yeah, And finally when I explained that he's like done,

707
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:50,080
Speaker 6: was like, no convincing.

708
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:50,400
Speaker 2: It that point.

709
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 6: But we have to we have to understand and expand

710
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:57,560
Speaker 6: how we think about getting in the mood for sex,

711
00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:00,920
Speaker 6: because it's not just what's going on in the bedroom.

712
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:03,480
Speaker 6: I think another piece and I talk about this in

713
00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:07,560
Speaker 6: the book is that everybody has two core desires and

714
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 6: relationships to feel loved and to feel safe and secure,

715
00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:15,840
Speaker 6: and the way we want this expressed looks different. So

716
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 6: for women, a lot of times it's like being pursued,

717
00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:23,120
Speaker 6: being appreciated, having a partner who's like predictably reliant in

718
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:27,120
Speaker 6: all the best ways. For men, one of the pathways

719
00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:31,440
Speaker 6: to feeling loved and secure is through sex. And so again,

720
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:34,239
Speaker 6: like the game's kind of rigged. We're like, okay, we

721
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:37,760
Speaker 6: want you to be emotionally tuned and present, and they're like, well,

722
00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:40,760
Speaker 6: I feel vulnerable until we've our intimate life's going well.

723
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:43,759
Speaker 6: And so I think it's just helpful to understand these

724
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:49,320
Speaker 6: things and these differences so we can maximize relationship outcomes.

725
00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:52,400
Speaker 6: If I understand my partner's going to feel like my husband,

726
00:34:52,719 --> 00:34:56,080
Speaker 6: he travels all the time. When he comes home from

727
00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:59,920
Speaker 6: a trip, he needs sex to feel like not awkward, right,

728
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:02,520
Speaker 6: it's like how he feels safe.

729
00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:05,520
Speaker 2: He'll be like, I'm so vulnerable, and.

730
00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:07,600
Speaker 6: I'm like and then we'll be it's like this is

731
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:10,200
Speaker 6: probably too much information, but he's not gonna listen. But

732
00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:12,880
Speaker 6: we'll be in bed and he'll be like ready to

733
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 6: like whatever, have sex, and I'll I'll be like, oh,

734
00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:18,600
Speaker 6: can we talk about something, And so I'll start a

735
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:21,000
Speaker 6: real deep conversation and he's like, why do you do

736
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:22,080
Speaker 6: that at the worst times.

737
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:23,960
Speaker 2: And I've actually talked about this before, and I've heard

738
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:25,520
Speaker 2: women be like I do that all the time.

739
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:28,960
Speaker 6: And part of it's because we're wanting we're entering into

740
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 6: something vulnerable and we need to feel that safety of connection,

741
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:35,680
Speaker 6: that security of connection, whereas our partners are like, well,

742
00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:37,880
Speaker 6: the sex is how I get there, So can we

743
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:38,680
Speaker 6: stop the talking?

744
00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:40,600
Speaker 2: And so I think it's just important for us to.

745
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:43,440
Speaker 6: Understand these differences in order to work through some of

746
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,640
Speaker 6: the stuff, not to personalize it, but to have a

747
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:46,600
Speaker 6: better relationship.

748
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:48,759
Speaker 1: Well, to your point, if the game is rigged, then

749
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:50,400
Speaker 1: we have to rig it back. Yes, we have to

750
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:54,840
Speaker 1: start using different tools. Got to know, yes, to fix it. Yes,

751
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:57,160
Speaker 1: thank you for talking about that, because I know it's

752
00:35:57,239 --> 00:35:57,960
Speaker 1: I'm sure.

753
00:35:58,040 --> 00:35:59,680
Speaker 5: I just know there's people listening, like I have.

754
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:01,160
Speaker 2: Definitely done that before for sure.

755
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:05,360
Speaker 9: And Doctrine Morgan, I always in these podcasts or the

756
00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:09,800
Speaker 9: interviews with a piece of advice or motivation or anything

757
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:11,759
Speaker 9: on a topic that maybe we didn't get to, or

758
00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:14,160
Speaker 9: something you just really want to make sure people know,

759
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:16,960
Speaker 9: or there's something that comes to mind for you that

760
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:17,760
Speaker 9: you want to share.

761
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:19,960
Speaker 6: I'm really bad at this question, but I'll just say

762
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:22,120
Speaker 6: the first thing that came to mind was around needs,

763
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:25,440
Speaker 6: because I feel we talk a lot about how women

764
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:27,319
Speaker 6: have a hard time expressing their needs, but I think

765
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:30,160
Speaker 6: men do actually too, because they're supposed.

766
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:30,440
Speaker 2: To be needless.

767
00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:33,759
Speaker 6: So a lot of times in our relationships, we have

768
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:36,319
Speaker 6: a lot of needs that never get spoken or we

769
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:39,560
Speaker 6: have a hard time defining, and so I have a

770
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:43,439
Speaker 6: shortcut for identifying what we need, and so I'll offer that.

771
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:45,640
Speaker 6: And that's that you think about what you complain about

772
00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:48,719
Speaker 6: the most. I feel like our complaints our windows to

773
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:49,640
Speaker 6: our unmet needs.

774
00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:54,360
Speaker 7: You probably don't experience this, but a lot of married

775
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:58,560
Speaker 7: women do, which is that they will mutter under their

776
00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 7: breath around the house sometimes when they're at their limit.

777
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:04,960
Speaker 7: And so I encourage you to.

778
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:07,719
Speaker 6: Examine the mutterings and what is the common thread, because

779
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:09,359
Speaker 6: it will reveal something that you need.

780
00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:11,400
Speaker 2: And men too, I think.

781
00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:14,200
Speaker 6: A lot of times they'll get maybe gruff or tense,

782
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 6: but not know why. So can you take a minute

783
00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:19,280
Speaker 6: and think about what is it that you're not getting

784
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:22,880
Speaker 6: in that moment that's bugging you. And then the second

785
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:27,239
Speaker 6: piece is when we express needs in our relationships, a

786
00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:30,960
Speaker 6: lot of times we do them as complaints instead of

787
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:36,000
Speaker 6: owning the need, and we often leave out a clear deliverable,

788
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 6: so we'll say, like this vague can't you just help

789
00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 6: me more? Or can't you be more romantic? Or these

790
00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:44,799
Speaker 6: are sort of vague requests. So encourage people as you

791
00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:47,600
Speaker 6: define what you need, to think about how you can

792
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:49,960
Speaker 6: express it in a way that has like a clear

793
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:53,239
Speaker 6: desired outcome so that you can maximize your chances of

794
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:54,080
Speaker 6: getting the need met.

795
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:56,719
Speaker 1: And a lot of what you're saying I totally relate

796
00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:59,000
Speaker 1: to in some of my relationships that I've had because

797
00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 1: it is it's it's an easy back to the cycle thing.

798
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:05,920
Speaker 1: It's easy to get in this rotation of constantly you

799
00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:08,360
Speaker 1: feel like you communicating your needs. I have this conversation

800
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 1: with my girlfriends a lot. I'm like, did you actually

801
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:12,560
Speaker 1: communicate that or.

802
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:14,040
Speaker 5: Do you think you communicated that?

803
00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:16,160
Speaker 1: Because those are two different things, and if you think

804
00:38:16,239 --> 00:38:19,440
Speaker 1: you left subtle hints, I was like, the best thing

805
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:21,600
Speaker 1: you will ever do in your life is understand that

806
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:24,279
Speaker 1: you have to spell it out. You have to you

807
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:27,319
Speaker 1: you cannot think it doesn't just mean meant it means

808
00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:30,640
Speaker 1: in anything. You have to believe that someone does not

809
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:32,680
Speaker 1: understand you unless you say it point blank.

810
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:34,080
Speaker 5: This is what I want, in need.

811
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:34,640
Speaker 2: One hundred percent.

812
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:37,719
Speaker 6: Yes, and that's what you're That's what I'm saying. It's

813
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:40,200
Speaker 6: so it's if you're not clearly, you're really confusing. I

814
00:38:40,239 --> 00:38:44,600
Speaker 6: asked for romance, like more romance for four years, and

815
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,760
Speaker 6: then I would get flowers the next week, and actually

816
00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:50,160
Speaker 6: that's not how I view romance. So I'd be like, oh,

817
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:51,319
Speaker 6: thanks for the flowers, and.

818
00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:53,680
Speaker 2: Then you'd be offended, and then that would be the

819
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:54,040
Speaker 2: end of.

820
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:57,560
Speaker 6: It because he didn't really understand what that meant, and

821
00:38:57,680 --> 00:39:01,480
Speaker 6: he could have asked more directly. There's shared responsibility, but

822
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:06,560
Speaker 6: absolutely I did not communicate it. So yeah, getting clear, Yeah,

823
00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 6: I love that so much.

824
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:09,520
Speaker 1: We thank you for being here, Thank you for sharing

825
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:14,000
Speaker 1: all your expertise and wisdom on all the topics. You're wonderful,

826
00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:16,719
Speaker 1: and be sure to check out her book you want

827
00:39:16,719 --> 00:39:17,520
Speaker 1: to give it a little plug.

828
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:20,239
Speaker 6: Yeah, I better share how couples can tackle themntal load

829
00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:23,160
Speaker 6: for more fun, less resentment and great sex wherever you

830
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,480
Speaker 6: buy books, yeah, Audible, all the things.

831
00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:26,359
Speaker 4: I love it.

832
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:27,960
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, thanks for having me.

833
00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:35,359
Speaker 1: One of my softball friends from way back in the day.

834
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:38,520
Speaker 1: She is known as Kelsey Hunter today, but as I

835
00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:41,600
Speaker 1: knew her, it was Kelsey Stewart. She's a badass on

836
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:44,800
Speaker 1: the softball field and plays for the Athletes Unlimited Softball

837
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:47,399
Speaker 1: League now, but she's an Olympian, has played on Team

838
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:51,680
Speaker 1: USA and the University of Florida. So just an insane

839
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:53,560
Speaker 1: athlete all around, but also a great person.

840
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:55,120
Speaker 5: Kelsey, thanks for joining.

841
00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:58,000
Speaker 4: Me, of course, thanks for having me. I love following

842
00:39:58,040 --> 00:39:59,319
Speaker 4: your life all on social media.

843
00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:02,960
Speaker 1: It's been It feels very weird for me now to

844
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:05,320
Speaker 1: see both of us in this stage of our lives.

845
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:07,800
Speaker 1: And I joked, it's funny we're connecting back on zoom,

846
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:10,839
Speaker 1: But once upon a time we were sitting on a

847
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:13,759
Speaker 1: bus together and making all kinds of racket headed to

848
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:15,280
Speaker 1: softball tournaments every weekend.

849
00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:19,000
Speaker 4: Crazy, No, like actually crazy when you sit back and

850
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 4: think about it.

851
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:20,680
Speaker 3: It really is.

852
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:23,160
Speaker 1: And now not only are you just an athlete, but

853
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:25,920
Speaker 1: you're also a mom and doing just all.

854
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:27,080
Speaker 5: Kinds of amazing things.

855
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:30,359
Speaker 1: So I do want them to hear your story and

856
00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:33,879
Speaker 1: your words. So give us your kind of life as

857
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:36,400
Speaker 1: not only just a mom, but a softball player, the

858
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:36,879
Speaker 1: whole thing.

859
00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:40,040
Speaker 4: Yeah. So I started playing softball probably when I was

860
00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:43,600
Speaker 4: about eight years old. And really what happened was there

861
00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:46,319
Speaker 4: was like a tenant under team and they needed an

862
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:48,359
Speaker 4: extra player. My parents were like, she has nothing else

863
00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:50,160
Speaker 4: to do this, so sure, let's go do it. So

864
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:54,360
Speaker 4: grew up in Arc City, Kansas or Arkansas City, Kansas.

865
00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:59,240
Speaker 4: My senior year, moved to Mace. Played travel ball forever.

866
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:01,919
Speaker 4: Like when I was thirteen, I started playing eighteen gold,

867
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:03,720
Speaker 4: which is insane.

868
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:05,919
Speaker 1: And that was actually where Kelsey and I became really

869
00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:07,839
Speaker 1: good friends. We both played on the same travel ball

870
00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:09,920
Speaker 1: team together and we both went up to play on

871
00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:11,160
Speaker 1: this eighteen gold team together.

872
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:13,640
Speaker 8: We're both young, very young, crazy.

873
00:41:14,120 --> 00:41:19,840
Speaker 4: And then I committed to Florida the summer of my

874
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:23,640
Speaker 4: freshman year, going into high school freaking again crazy. I

875
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:26,160
Speaker 4: got recruited. Actually I was in a tournament in New York.

876
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:28,360
Speaker 4: Then I had trip and fell. I bunted trip and

877
00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 4: fell and I was still safe at first, so they

878
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:34,160
Speaker 4: coach Roll was like, yeah, she's good. So how that happened?

879
00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:38,359
Speaker 4: And then went to Florida, won two national championships, had

880
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:41,480
Speaker 4: the time of my freaking life. I started playing ten

881
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 4: USA the summer after my freshman year of college and

882
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:48,319
Speaker 4: then had been on too USA all the way to

883
00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:52,600
Speaker 4: the Olympics. Obviously COVID happened, so it got postponed a year.

884
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:55,600
Speaker 4: Then I've also been playing pro and now there's this

885
00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:58,880
Speaker 4: new pro league called Athletes Unlimited. Super excited to be

886
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:04,040
Speaker 4: a pioneer if that is. We have two kids. Husband. Honestly, like,

887
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:07,920
Speaker 4: I have no complaints in life, and like, all glory.

888
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:11,359
Speaker 1: To God for all that you have always been on

889
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:14,080
Speaker 1: the track of athletes since I've known you. That was

890
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:17,080
Speaker 1: always your path and you really never wavered in that.

891
00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:21,000
Speaker 1: Why do you think that was such a path And

892
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:22,520
Speaker 1: how did you know it so early?

893
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:27,640
Speaker 4: Honestly, Like, I don't really know. Like I was just

894
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 4: good at sports, Like it was just something that like

895
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 4: it came easy to me. It's something that I enjoyed.

896
00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:34,560
Speaker 4: It wasn't like a headache to get me to go

897
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:35,680
Speaker 4: do extra things.

898
00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:37,920
Speaker 8: So it was just, hey, like, you're good at this.

899
00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:39,400
Speaker 8: So I just stayed on that path.

900
00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:41,600
Speaker 4: And then obviously with the help of my parents, like

901
00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:45,120
Speaker 4: not allowing me to be distracted from outside things, and

902
00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:47,959
Speaker 4: really then it was just like, wow, I really love

903
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:49,920
Speaker 4: doing this, and so I just kept going.

904
00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:54,480
Speaker 1: And after you had done Team USA at one point

905
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:56,360
Speaker 1: where you're like nothing can top this.

906
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:59,479
Speaker 4: What am I gonna do next? Yeah, especially whenever at

907
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 4: first happened, like whenever I was on the first couple teams,

908
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:06,239
Speaker 4: we weren't in the Olympics. So I'm like, no, like

909
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:09,160
Speaker 4: I have reached like the top. I've won a national championship,

910
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:11,560
Speaker 4: I've played on Team USA, Like what is next? I

911
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:14,440
Speaker 4: didn't even know there was a pro league it. Like again,

912
00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:16,439
Speaker 4: it's like, what is next? What do I do after?

913
00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:16,600
Speaker 7: This?

914
00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:19,560
Speaker 4: Definitely happens, still happens, but it's fun.

915
00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:21,279
Speaker 5: So far for you?

916
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:26,600
Speaker 1: What is your Mount rushmore? Of your biggest moments in

917
00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:27,440
Speaker 1: your life so far?

918
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:34,280
Speaker 4: Obviously having kids, getting married, hitting the walk off for Japan,

919
00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:37,120
Speaker 4: and then I would say going to the Olympics and

920
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:37,680
Speaker 4: then winning.

921
00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:41,120
Speaker 1: National championship, so many good things, like truly you have

922
00:43:41,280 --> 00:43:42,200
Speaker 1: the Mount rushmore?

923
00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:46,839
Speaker 4: No, like actually, like when I seriously when I think back,

924
00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:50,359
Speaker 4: I'm like, I have been so blessed, Like God did

925
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:54,200
Speaker 4: not skip out whatsoever whenever I was going through my journey,

926
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:56,480
Speaker 4: like I feel like I've hit every pinnacle you can hit,

927
00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:58,759
Speaker 4: been super blessed to be able to have kids, to

928
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:00,960
Speaker 4: be able to raise my kids, able to all of

929
00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:03,080
Speaker 4: these things. I'm like, no, like I am living a

930
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:04,680
Speaker 4: great life.

931
00:44:04,880 --> 00:44:06,040
Speaker 5: What was it like for you?

932
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:09,960
Speaker 1: We see on social media kind of the juxtaposition between

933
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:12,719
Speaker 1: men's athletics women's athletics.

934
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:16,520
Speaker 5: What was it like for you in this entire journey.

935
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:18,680
Speaker 1: Was there moments where you're like, yeah, this is true

936
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 1: in moments where it wasn't, or give me the breakdown

937
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:22,440
Speaker 1: of that from your experience.

938
00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:25,239
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, it's all freaking true. Like it is a

939
00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:29,799
Speaker 4: struggle being a woman in sports. I feel like there's

940
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:32,680
Speaker 4: just like this weird thing whereas women were supposed to

941
00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:35,719
Speaker 4: be so grateful. Oh my god, they gave us the opportunity. Wow,

942
00:44:35,719 --> 00:44:37,840
Speaker 4: we should be grateful, but like, why can we not

943
00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:40,400
Speaker 4: demand more at the same time, Like there was times

944
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:43,320
Speaker 4: like on TMUSA, especially like I was not being paid

945
00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:45,879
Speaker 4: to play softball, Like it was just like a oh, yeah,

946
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:47,000
Speaker 4: I want to do it. I want to play for

947
00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:49,520
Speaker 4: my country, let's do it. There's times that I was

948
00:44:49,560 --> 00:44:52,239
Speaker 4: like grinding to pay rent because I was trying to

949
00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:54,480
Speaker 4: be a softball player trying to be professional and like

950
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:57,560
Speaker 4: in that sport, like you don't make a lot of money,

951
00:44:57,560 --> 00:45:01,080
Speaker 4: Like I think minimum is like eight thousand dollars, and

952
00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:03,879
Speaker 4: it's like, yeah, like how are you supposed to live?

953
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:06,440
Speaker 4: And even with this, athletes unlimited, Like it's a great thing,

954
00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:07,960
Speaker 4: and I think it's going to be a great thing.

955
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:10,040
Speaker 4: But the gap between who are getting paid the most

956
00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:11,799
Speaker 4: and who's getting paid the least, that's what we're like,

957
00:45:11,840 --> 00:45:13,640
Speaker 4: what I'm trying to push forward is just want to

958
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:17,799
Speaker 4: merge that gap between women's sports. But then like we

959
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:20,000
Speaker 4: would hope one day, like I hope when if I

960
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:22,879
Speaker 4: have a little girl that she's not struggling to pay

961
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:25,080
Speaker 4: rent to play pro sport, like she can play a

962
00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:27,560
Speaker 4: pro sport, do what she loves, but also enjoy life.

963
00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:30,760
Speaker 4: And I feel like there's few it's like women's soccer,

964
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:36,120
Speaker 4: women's basketball, and then after that it's like falls off,

965
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:37,759
Speaker 4: and so we have to like I feel like we,

966
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:39,640
Speaker 4: especially in softable, we kind of have to find a

967
00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:42,080
Speaker 4: way to merge that gap. But merge a gap between

968
00:45:42,120 --> 00:45:44,319
Speaker 4: men and women would be unbelievable.

969
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:48,640
Speaker 1: That is a crazy experience to think this is the

970
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:51,279
Speaker 1: coolest moment of my life. I'm on Team USA, I'm

971
00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:54,640
Speaker 1: playing in the Olympics. But also I can't pay my rent.

972
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 4: No, it's like actually crazy, Like I don't think that

973
00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:01,319
Speaker 4: people like really have the concept of what happens. I've

974
00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:04,520
Speaker 4: played on Teamiorsay for nine years and so in that time,

975
00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:08,960
Speaker 4: I would say from USA, I was paid twenty thousand

976
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:10,799
Speaker 4: dollars snacks too.

977
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:13,279
Speaker 1: But now you were working other jobs while you were

978
00:46:13,320 --> 00:46:15,080
Speaker 1: full time trying to be an athlete.

979
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:16,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, still am.

980
00:46:17,880 --> 00:46:19,839
Speaker 5: So you have a full time job now and you're

981
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:21,320
Speaker 5: playing in this professional league.

982
00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:23,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't have a choice, like we like, literally,

983
00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:25,160
Speaker 4: you don't have a choice in life. It'd be so

984
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:27,839
Speaker 4: nice to just be able to focus, like train and

985
00:46:27,880 --> 00:46:30,200
Speaker 4: do all those things, be a mom, and then go

986
00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:33,440
Speaker 4: play softball. But I cannot afford that whatsoever, even like

987
00:46:33,480 --> 00:46:34,080
Speaker 4: with my husband.

988
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:35,680
Speaker 5: So yeah, so how do you do it?

989
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:35,960
Speaker 4: Right?

990
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:37,839
Speaker 1: You have to be in this shape all the time

991
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:41,160
Speaker 1: to play. You are a mom, you have to have

992
00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:45,160
Speaker 1: a job, you're a wife, Like, how are you balancing

993
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:49,160
Speaker 1: all of these things and still keeping your sanity at

994
00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:49,800
Speaker 1: the same time.

995
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:52,760
Speaker 4: No, I tell people all of the time, like it

996
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:55,720
Speaker 4: takes a village. So my mom, my, dad, my brother,

997
00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:58,880
Speaker 4: my grandma, my husband, every single person you can think of.

998
00:46:58,920 --> 00:47:02,000
Speaker 4: It's all hands on. Like everyone. It's like we have schedules.

999
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:03,920
Speaker 4: It's oh, my mom works today, Okay, she's out the picture.

1000
00:47:03,960 --> 00:47:05,799
Speaker 4: My sister doesn't work today, Okay, she has the kids.

1001
00:47:05,960 --> 00:47:08,000
Speaker 4: My husband doesn't work today, Okay he has the kids.

1002
00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:11,920
Speaker 4: And something that I've learned, like super early on. I

1003
00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:16,560
Speaker 4: have two kids. They are eleven months and two years old.

1004
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:19,040
Speaker 4: So something that I learned very early on is I

1005
00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:21,920
Speaker 4: will not allow my myself to be put in spaces

1006
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:25,399
Speaker 4: that my family's not allowed. That kind of like nix

1007
00:47:25,440 --> 00:47:27,319
Speaker 4: a lot of things. It's oh, my kids can't come,

1008
00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:30,200
Speaker 4: Oh I can't come, Like you have to provide this space.

1009
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:32,440
Speaker 4: Like I'm a working mom, but I will also be

1010
00:47:32,480 --> 00:47:35,080
Speaker 4: a present mom. You want me to do a thing, Okay,

1011
00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:37,160
Speaker 4: can you find my kids out with me? Because like

1012
00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:40,280
Speaker 4: that's the only way this works. And it's been definitely hard,

1013
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:42,400
Speaker 4: and I think just talking to my friends, they're like,

1014
00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:44,640
Speaker 4: you make it look really easy. I probably should be

1015
00:47:44,680 --> 00:47:47,879
Speaker 4: more transparent about how freaking hard it is and just

1016
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:50,399
Speaker 4: having a kid, losing your body like I had two

1017
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:53,920
Speaker 4: c sections, so they cut through layers of my body

1018
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:57,600
Speaker 4: and then I played four months later, like I was

1019
00:47:57,640 --> 00:48:01,200
Speaker 4: tripping a little bit. When I look back, I'm like crazy.

1020
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:04,719
Speaker 4: But it takes the village for sure. Even when I'm

1021
00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:07,600
Speaker 4: on the road with the with the girls, they're helping

1022
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:09,759
Speaker 4: me like, oh yeah, we'll take trades, and then he

1023
00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:10,520
Speaker 4: comes to back with.

1024
00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:12,759
Speaker 8: Ten stuffed animals, I'm like what is going on?

1025
00:48:13,520 --> 00:48:15,000
Speaker 4: So it literally takes everyone.

1026
00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:16,319
Speaker 5: I love that.

1027
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:19,840
Speaker 1: I love that you say that they created this space

1028
00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:22,320
Speaker 1: for you and that's why you've been able to continue

1029
00:48:22,360 --> 00:48:25,920
Speaker 1: doing it. Detail that experience for me a little bit

1030
00:48:25,960 --> 00:48:29,239
Speaker 1: because I haven't been pregnant before and know so many

1031
00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:33,880
Speaker 1: women have though, but to gosh, to have two children

1032
00:48:34,480 --> 00:48:37,640
Speaker 1: and then ask to be this professional athlete that can

1033
00:48:37,760 --> 00:48:42,399
Speaker 1: do these things. How was that experience for you? Were

1034
00:48:42,440 --> 00:48:45,000
Speaker 1: you in the safe space to be able to do that?

1035
00:48:45,160 --> 00:48:47,160
Speaker 1: Were there moments for here like there's no way that

1036
00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:48,360
Speaker 1: I continue this path?

1037
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:52,960
Speaker 4: Yeah? There? So athletes unlimited like their whole goal as

1038
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:57,120
Speaker 4: so they have basketball, volleyball, and softball. So the whole

1039
00:48:57,160 --> 00:48:59,520
Speaker 4: thing was like you should be able to have a family,

1040
00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:01,640
Speaker 4: start that family, and then be able to continue to

1041
00:49:01,640 --> 00:49:05,600
Speaker 4: play softball. So I took that to heart. I got pregnant,

1042
00:49:05,640 --> 00:49:07,600
Speaker 4: but then I was the first person to ever get

1043
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:08,560
Speaker 4: pregnant in this system.

1044
00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:10,759
Speaker 8: So they're like, okay, cool, we'll see you next year.

1045
00:49:10,800 --> 00:49:15,120
Speaker 8: And I'm like, no, I was expecting this money from you. Respectfully,

1046
00:49:15,239 --> 00:49:17,240
Speaker 8: I was expecting to have this income.

1047
00:49:17,719 --> 00:49:19,320
Speaker 4: I was having a baby, like right in the middle

1048
00:49:19,320 --> 00:49:21,200
Speaker 4: of season, so I couldn't like fly out there, I

1049
00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:24,240
Speaker 4: couldn't do all these things. So it's been really cool

1050
00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:26,960
Speaker 4: that I've been someone who's helped them through this process

1051
00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:29,279
Speaker 4: of how we can make it better and do all

1052
00:49:29,320 --> 00:49:32,640
Speaker 4: these things. Definitely lots of moments where I'm like is

1053
00:49:32,680 --> 00:49:35,920
Speaker 4: this worth it, especially in those like newborn stages. My

1054
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:39,439
Speaker 4: child's screaming, I'm up like all night, and then I'm

1055
00:49:39,520 --> 00:49:41,880
Speaker 4: like okay, Like I gotta go work out. There's nothing

1056
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:43,440
Speaker 4: in me that wants to work out, like I'd rather

1057
00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:46,880
Speaker 4: just sleep. But again, athletes in Learmon has been truly great.

1058
00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:51,680
Speaker 4: They provided nanny for me. They pay child support or

1059
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:56,080
Speaker 4: child support, child nanny whatever that's called childcare. There you

1060
00:49:56,120 --> 00:49:59,839
Speaker 4: go childcare for them. They like, get an extra room,

1061
00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:02,840
Speaker 4: whatever I need. They're like super great about it. This

1062
00:50:02,960 --> 00:50:05,239
Speaker 4: year will be the first year that we're gonna be

1063
00:50:05,320 --> 00:50:08,160
Speaker 4: like traveling everywhere, so I'm interested to see how this

1064
00:50:08,200 --> 00:50:11,320
Speaker 4: is gonna go. It's probably gonna be working through it again,

1065
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:14,040
Speaker 4: but like, I think it's good because it's not just

1066
00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:16,520
Speaker 4: me anymore. There's another girl just had a baby, So

1067
00:50:16,600 --> 00:50:19,920
Speaker 4: I'm like really excited but training and getting this is

1068
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:22,880
Speaker 4: the first year that I've actually had a year to

1069
00:50:23,040 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 4: train and get back into shape, so I'm super excited

1070
00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:27,680
Speaker 4: to see where I am this year. I'm like pumped.

1071
00:50:27,719 --> 00:50:29,759
Speaker 4: I'm like, Wow, this is the first time I've hit

1072
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:31,920
Speaker 4: and worked out in February. Let's freaking go.

1073
00:50:32,840 --> 00:50:36,360
Speaker 5: Do you feel like maybe having babies was your superpower

1074
00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:38,720
Speaker 5: and now you're gonna even be a better athlete?

1075
00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:40,480
Speaker 4: I claim it in the name of Jesus.

1076
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:43,479
Speaker 5: Right there, I'm gonna believe it for you. I'm also

1077
00:50:43,480 --> 00:50:44,440
Speaker 5: gonna for you.

1078
00:50:45,360 --> 00:50:48,200
Speaker 1: I love your perspective of just sharing the realness of

1079
00:50:48,239 --> 00:50:51,799
Speaker 1: this experience because it is. And I never want to

1080
00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:56,160
Speaker 1: make somebody, especially a woman's athlete, talk just about being

1081
00:50:56,200 --> 00:50:58,319
Speaker 1: the fact that she's a woman and an athlete. But

1082
00:50:58,480 --> 00:51:01,319
Speaker 1: there's just such a drastic comparison of what happens for

1083
00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:05,279
Speaker 1: you versus what's happening for a man, and the toll

1084
00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:07,320
Speaker 1: this is taking on your body but you love.

1085
00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:09,479
Speaker 5: The sport so much that you still choose to keep

1086
00:51:09,520 --> 00:51:10,760
Speaker 5: doing it.

1087
00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:13,040
Speaker 1: Talk to me about that passion for softball, because it

1088
00:51:13,080 --> 00:51:15,080
Speaker 1: has to be a drive behind so much of this.

1089
00:51:15,800 --> 00:51:18,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, you talk about like women and you don't want

1090
00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:21,000
Speaker 4: that to be it, but like it does take a toll.

1091
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:23,520
Speaker 4: Even now we got tiered this year of there's Tier

1092
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:27,120
Speaker 4: five to Tier one whatever that is. And I've been

1093
00:51:27,880 --> 00:51:30,240
Speaker 4: I've had a baby or been pregnant the past two years.

1094
00:51:30,239 --> 00:51:32,640
Speaker 4: So like, as much as you don't want that to

1095
00:51:32,719 --> 00:51:35,719
Speaker 4: affect where you're like placed and what happens, like, it

1096
00:51:35,800 --> 00:51:38,680
Speaker 4: does affect and I can't be mad about that, but

1097
00:51:38,719 --> 00:51:41,319
Speaker 4: like at the same time, I'm like, how unfair is that?

1098
00:51:41,920 --> 00:51:46,480
Speaker 4: But everyone always tells me, like, you'll know when it's

1099
00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:50,040
Speaker 4: time to retire, like you like everything will just you'll know.

1100
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:53,200
Speaker 4: And I haven't had that feeling yet. It's been one

1101
00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:55,960
Speaker 4: of those things where I'm like, oh, softball's on. I

1102
00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:59,480
Speaker 4: have five games going still and it's oh, that's something new,

1103
00:51:59,560 --> 00:52:02,000
Speaker 4: let me go that. And I'm out trying something new

1104
00:52:02,040 --> 00:52:04,400
Speaker 4: to my swing or like playing catch with my husband,

1105
00:52:04,560 --> 00:52:07,160
Speaker 4: taking grand balls, like those are things that like still

1106
00:52:07,200 --> 00:52:10,560
Speaker 4: bring me so much joy, and it's almost like too,

1107
00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:12,640
Speaker 4: like a little it's cool for my kids to see,

1108
00:52:12,680 --> 00:52:15,440
Speaker 4: Like I think that there's a stereotype that kids always

1109
00:52:15,480 --> 00:52:17,839
Speaker 4: watch the dad be a professional and they watch them

1110
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:19,120
Speaker 4: work and do all of these things.

1111
00:52:19,360 --> 00:52:21,560
Speaker 8: So it's really cool that my husband.

1112
00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:25,000
Speaker 4: Is one so supportive, and two that my two boys

1113
00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:28,399
Speaker 4: get to watch me in this professional environment and how

1114
00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:31,000
Speaker 4: I work and how I go about business. But then

1115
00:52:31,080 --> 00:52:32,759
Speaker 4: on the flip side of that, get to make them

1116
00:52:33,080 --> 00:52:36,120
Speaker 4: ally and women's sports, so maybe one day if they're

1117
00:52:36,160 --> 00:52:38,360
Speaker 4: making millions of dollars, it's like, yeah, like I'll support

1118
00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:40,600
Speaker 4: women's sports. That's what my mom did. I watch they

1119
00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:43,120
Speaker 4: work harder than we do kind of thing. So it's

1120
00:52:43,120 --> 00:52:45,319
Speaker 4: been really cool, Like I love that side of it.

1121
00:52:45,840 --> 00:52:48,360
Speaker 1: I was just gonna say, I I have to imagine

1122
00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:50,960
Speaker 1: your kids are watching you and they're already knowing the

1123
00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:53,560
Speaker 1: superhero that you are because you're their mom, but then

1124
00:52:53,600 --> 00:52:55,359
Speaker 1: on top of it, to watch you go out and

1125
00:52:55,400 --> 00:52:56,640
Speaker 1: crush it's on a field.

1126
00:52:56,680 --> 00:52:59,680
Speaker 5: They're like, I don't know a life any different than this.

1127
00:52:59,680 --> 00:53:02,239
Speaker 4: This is what it is. It's like crazy because like

1128
00:53:02,280 --> 00:53:04,160
Speaker 4: I would go in and I could thirty minutes hitting

1129
00:53:04,239 --> 00:53:06,520
Speaker 4: and be easy. Now Trace wants to go with me

1130
00:53:07,080 --> 00:53:09,719
Speaker 4: and it takes maybe an hour because he has to

1131
00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:11,800
Speaker 4: hit off the tea two. I love it. I wouldn't

1132
00:53:11,880 --> 00:53:13,640
Speaker 4: change it for anything, but like that's awesome.

1133
00:53:14,239 --> 00:53:19,040
Speaker 1: So how do you balance this lifestyle and working and

1134
00:53:19,080 --> 00:53:22,040
Speaker 1: being successful in your career and et cetera, et cetera,

1135
00:53:22,160 --> 00:53:24,520
Speaker 1: et cetera. You have so many things? How are you

1136
00:53:24,600 --> 00:53:26,440
Speaker 1: balancing it? I know you say it takes a village,

1137
00:53:26,480 --> 00:53:28,759
Speaker 1: but like, when you look at your life and day

1138
00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:30,719
Speaker 1: to day, how do you make decisions? How are you

1139
00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:33,280
Speaker 1: trying to decide what's best for you and your family

1140
00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:34,320
Speaker 1: and your career.

1141
00:53:34,960 --> 00:53:38,640
Speaker 4: I think like knowing what's a priority and to me,

1142
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:41,680
Speaker 4: like my boys and my husband are always going to

1143
00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:44,879
Speaker 4: reign supreme. That's my number one focus every single day,

1144
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:49,000
Speaker 4: and then I'd go from there. So it's like, oh okay,

1145
00:53:49,040 --> 00:53:51,880
Speaker 4: like maybe today I can cram in all of my work.

1146
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:55,000
Speaker 4: Like I have really great I work for a really

1147
00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:57,880
Speaker 4: great company, Target Sports, and they're like super great about

1148
00:53:57,880 --> 00:54:01,200
Speaker 4: me playing professional, me being a mom, me working and

1149
00:54:01,239 --> 00:54:03,439
Speaker 4: doing all these things. So like I work from home,

1150
00:54:03,480 --> 00:54:06,120
Speaker 4: which is like the best thing ever, and they're so

1151
00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:08,800
Speaker 4: supportive and I have some great people in my corner

1152
00:54:08,880 --> 00:54:12,720
Speaker 4: with Jeremie Cappo and Kenny Lanyard and all these people

1153
00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:16,520
Speaker 4: that really make it where it's like can you do that?

1154
00:54:16,640 --> 00:54:18,480
Speaker 4: Is it okay? Do you have time for this kind

1155
00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:20,400
Speaker 4: of thing? And it's listen, you are trusting me to

1156
00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:23,040
Speaker 4: do my job, so like I'm going to make sure

1157
00:54:23,080 --> 00:54:25,120
Speaker 4: I do that job. Starts with my kids, and then

1158
00:54:25,120 --> 00:54:27,120
Speaker 4: it's like, hey, I got to feed my family, and

1159
00:54:27,160 --> 00:54:28,280
Speaker 4: then it's what time.

1160
00:54:28,080 --> 00:54:30,880
Speaker 8: I have left is like for softball, which.

1161
00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:36,080
Speaker 4: My husband is like a workout freak, and so it's

1162
00:54:36,120 --> 00:54:37,560
Speaker 4: like easy for me to want to go work out

1163
00:54:37,560 --> 00:54:39,439
Speaker 4: because I'm like, he cannot look better than me. That's

1164
00:54:39,560 --> 00:54:41,840
Speaker 4: not how this works. And then you fit it in

1165
00:54:41,880 --> 00:54:44,000
Speaker 4: from there and I feel like those pieces of it,

1166
00:54:44,400 --> 00:54:46,759
Speaker 4: my family can join in with me and do all

1167
00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:47,200
Speaker 4: those things.

1168
00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:51,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you're creating not just this environment for what

1169
00:54:51,080 --> 00:54:53,640
Speaker 1: you mentioned as their mom playing, but you're also creating

1170
00:54:53,640 --> 00:54:55,919
Speaker 1: a very healthy lifestyle for them of this work life

1171
00:54:55,920 --> 00:54:58,759
Speaker 1: balance one and two to always be working out. You

1172
00:54:58,840 --> 00:55:00,759
Speaker 1: just bring them along for the right and heck, they're

1173
00:55:00,760 --> 00:55:03,560
Speaker 1: gonna be squatting before more before you know it.

1174
00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:06,439
Speaker 4: Yeah, like they every time I go to GEMI Soun's

1175
00:55:06,440 --> 00:55:07,759
Speaker 4: always I go work out and I'll like I have

1176
00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:10,680
Speaker 4: his bag and I'm like, this is fantastic, but he

1177
00:55:10,800 --> 00:55:12,719
Speaker 4: just goes to the swimming pool. But whatever, we'll talk

1178
00:55:12,760 --> 00:55:14,360
Speaker 4: about that later date. He's only too.

1179
00:55:15,719 --> 00:55:18,480
Speaker 1: What do you hope to see as you continue and

1180
00:55:18,520 --> 00:55:20,560
Speaker 1: play in this professional field? What do you hope to

1181
00:55:20,560 --> 00:55:24,960
Speaker 1: see for women's sports change in the coming years, coming decades?

1182
00:55:25,160 --> 00:55:27,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, I like, obviously the number one thing would be,

1183
00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:30,960
Speaker 4: like women are playing for millions of dollars. That would

1184
00:55:31,000 --> 00:55:33,680
Speaker 4: be the goal. It's just, oh, like I can stay

1185
00:55:33,680 --> 00:55:37,839
Speaker 4: on this track of sports, and sure there's commentating there's

1186
00:55:37,880 --> 00:55:41,000
Speaker 4: women in sports that aren't playing sports, but I would

1187
00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:43,080
Speaker 4: love for that to be a thing that's, Oh, if

1188
00:55:43,080 --> 00:55:45,160
Speaker 4: I work hard enough, like I can play, I can

1189
00:55:45,200 --> 00:55:47,880
Speaker 4: support my family while doing something I love. I can

1190
00:55:47,920 --> 00:55:51,319
Speaker 4: travel the world while doing something I love. So that

1191
00:55:51,360 --> 00:55:53,520
Speaker 4: would be the number one goal. But then I think

1192
00:55:54,280 --> 00:55:57,160
Speaker 4: to even expand on that, would there be like there's

1193
00:55:57,200 --> 00:56:00,479
Speaker 4: programs in place for women that get pregnant, of here's

1194
00:56:00,520 --> 00:56:04,120
Speaker 4: a trainer that works, like they specialize in women that

1195
00:56:04,160 --> 00:56:05,840
Speaker 4: are pregnant, so you like don't get out of shape,

1196
00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:08,719
Speaker 4: and doctors that help you through these things because there

1197
00:56:08,760 --> 00:56:11,200
Speaker 4: are like things that happen in pregnancy that are out

1198
00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:14,040
Speaker 4: of your control and labor that happens, all these things

1199
00:56:14,040 --> 00:56:16,720
Speaker 4: out of your control. But I it would be deeper,

1200
00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:19,600
Speaker 4: the support system would be deeper in that, and it

1201
00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:21,960
Speaker 4: would go across the board of all women's sports. But

1202
00:56:22,160 --> 00:56:22,839
Speaker 4: that that's like.

1203
00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:24,959
Speaker 8: A whole different topic because then it's like.

1204
00:56:25,160 --> 00:56:29,560
Speaker 4: Now we like are fighting for parental leave or whenever

1205
00:56:29,600 --> 00:56:31,799
Speaker 4: we have kids in like normal life. So this is

1206
00:56:31,880 --> 00:56:33,759
Speaker 4: just like a small part of it. But I do

1207
00:56:33,840 --> 00:56:38,040
Speaker 4: think that if we can expand that in the sports world,

1208
00:56:38,160 --> 00:56:41,680
Speaker 4: it trickles down like women, like these women that are

1209
00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:43,759
Speaker 4: always on TV and people are always looking up to

1210
00:56:44,400 --> 00:56:46,839
Speaker 4: they're demanding this, and then it's like the next one

1211
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:49,200
Speaker 4: they're demanding it, and then frick, I'm I am too,

1212
00:56:49,239 --> 00:56:51,839
Speaker 4: Like I'm worthy of that, And so I think there's

1213
00:56:51,960 --> 00:56:55,640
Speaker 4: like the support gets deeper, and it's more it's not

1214
00:56:55,719 --> 00:57:00,080
Speaker 4: just women supporting women. We have males, and we have dad,

1215
00:57:00,200 --> 00:57:03,000
Speaker 4: and we have professional athletes. We have all of those things.

1216
00:57:03,080 --> 00:57:05,479
Speaker 8: So I would obviously say the million dollars and then.

1217
00:57:05,400 --> 00:57:07,680
Speaker 4: After that the support how deep it goes.

1218
00:57:09,080 --> 00:57:11,120
Speaker 1: When you go out and you do these things like

1219
00:57:11,760 --> 00:57:15,400
Speaker 1: Team USA and you're in the Olympics, what was the

1220
00:57:15,440 --> 00:57:19,000
Speaker 1: most like drastic differences you were seeing competing as a

1221
00:57:19,040 --> 00:57:20,600
Speaker 1: woman versus competing as a man.

1222
00:57:21,360 --> 00:57:26,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, like things like just flying commercial and they like,

1223
00:57:27,120 --> 00:57:30,120
Speaker 4: this is the story I tell everyone because this was

1224
00:57:30,160 --> 00:57:32,840
Speaker 4: the first time that it like hit me because as

1225
00:57:32,880 --> 00:57:36,280
Speaker 4: a woman in sports, it's like just something that you

1226
00:57:36,320 --> 00:57:38,280
Speaker 4: go with the flow. You do what you're told. You

1227
00:57:38,280 --> 00:57:40,480
Speaker 4: get on the commercial flight, it's at six am, you

1228
00:57:40,480 --> 00:57:42,440
Speaker 4: play at seven whatever. That looks like like we just

1229
00:57:42,480 --> 00:57:47,440
Speaker 4: did it. But my husband was my childcare person when

1230
00:57:47,440 --> 00:57:51,160
Speaker 4: I had my first son, and we get on a flight.

1231
00:57:51,680 --> 00:57:54,040
Speaker 4: His flight gets delayed for we were on two summer flights.

1232
00:57:54,040 --> 00:57:55,720
Speaker 4: It like they messed up. But anyways, were on two

1233
00:57:55,760 --> 00:57:57,520
Speaker 4: supper flights. So I get on the first one. We're

1234
00:57:57,560 --> 00:58:00,280
Speaker 4: in North Carolina. We drive from the airport, it's two

1235
00:58:00,320 --> 00:58:03,560
Speaker 4: and a half hours. My husband fights, gets delayed, like

1236
00:58:03,600 --> 00:58:07,880
Speaker 4: three or four hours. He lands, and then they get

1237
00:58:07,920 --> 00:58:10,280
Speaker 4: in traffic, so the instead of a two hour turns

1238
00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:13,600
Speaker 4: until five or six hour bus ride. And he's really confused,

1239
00:58:13,720 --> 00:58:17,200
Speaker 4: and I'm like about what he's like, First off, I'm delayed.

1240
00:58:17,240 --> 00:58:22,440
Speaker 4: What Second, where's the police escort? Said? I'm sorry what

1241
00:58:22,680 --> 00:58:24,680
Speaker 4: he's like. I would never get on a bus without

1242
00:58:24,680 --> 00:58:26,919
Speaker 4: a police escort, like, I'm confused, and you guys don't

1243
00:58:26,920 --> 00:58:30,200
Speaker 4: have a chartered flight. I'm what this is. I'm like, no,

1244
00:58:30,360 --> 00:58:33,440
Speaker 4: this is women's sports, Like, this is what we deal

1245
00:58:33,480 --> 00:58:34,600
Speaker 4: with all the time.

1246
00:58:35,320 --> 00:58:38,000
Speaker 8: Yeah, and so I just put everything into perspective.

1247
00:58:38,040 --> 00:58:40,280
Speaker 4: And then he's like over here like telling his friends

1248
00:58:40,280 --> 00:58:41,880
Speaker 4: like this is bull crap, that what they.

1249
00:58:41,720 --> 00:58:43,760
Speaker 8: Have to deal with, and so I think, like they

1250
00:58:43,880 --> 00:58:45,640
Speaker 8: don't understand.

1251
00:58:45,040 --> 00:58:46,320
Speaker 4: Because they don't go through it.

1252
00:58:46,720 --> 00:58:49,560
Speaker 8: And so that's probably one of my favorite stories.

1253
00:58:49,560 --> 00:58:53,080
Speaker 4: But that is probably like Night and Day, like, I

1254
00:58:53,520 --> 00:58:55,160
Speaker 4: only got a try to fight when we made it

1255
00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:58,680
Speaker 4: to the biggest thing in college. Meanwhile, he they could

1256
00:58:58,760 --> 00:59:02,240
Speaker 4: drive two hours to Gamesville and they're chartering for thirty

1257
00:59:02,280 --> 00:59:07,800
Speaker 4: minutes and what do you mean he got all this money. Nope,

1258
00:59:07,840 --> 00:59:08,440
Speaker 4: didn't happen.

1259
00:59:08,680 --> 00:59:12,200
Speaker 8: It's just all like the differences are seriously, Night and Day.

1260
00:59:12,880 --> 00:59:14,880
Speaker 5: Was your husband a college athlete too?

1261
00:59:14,920 --> 00:59:17,280
Speaker 4: Oh yeah? Sorry? He played football Florida State?

1262
00:59:17,600 --> 00:59:20,120
Speaker 5: Okay, and then he stopped after college.

1263
00:59:20,400 --> 00:59:24,080
Speaker 4: Yeah he broke his neck. Yeah, so he actually played

1264
00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:27,680
Speaker 4: like in the Canadian Football League CFL and all those things.

1265
00:59:27,680 --> 00:59:28,680
Speaker 4: But I broke his neck.

1266
00:59:28,880 --> 00:59:31,440
Speaker 5: Wow, I'm very glad he's still here in you got

1267
00:59:31,440 --> 00:59:35,320
Speaker 5: a meat and that whole thing happened life. But so

1268
00:59:35,400 --> 00:59:38,400
Speaker 5: he knows he's seeing these differences and he experienced them

1269
00:59:38,440 --> 00:59:39,040
Speaker 5: in real time.

1270
00:59:39,480 --> 00:59:41,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, and he was like he was I would say too,

1271
00:59:41,480 --> 00:59:43,880
Speaker 4: Like he won a national championship at Florida State, so

1272
00:59:43,960 --> 00:59:47,280
Speaker 4: like he was like the top one percent in college football,

1273
00:59:47,480 --> 00:59:49,800
Speaker 4: So like he knows what it's like to be spoiled

1274
00:59:49,840 --> 00:59:52,040
Speaker 4: and not want Like all he has to worry about

1275
00:59:52,080 --> 00:59:54,400
Speaker 4: is playing football, and so to come out and then

1276
00:59:54,400 --> 00:59:56,760
Speaker 4: he's like, wait, how much do you get paid? And

1277
00:59:56,800 --> 00:59:58,920
Speaker 4: he's like asking me like is it worth it? And

1278
00:59:59,040 --> 01:00:01,080
Speaker 4: I'm like, I have to stay in this to help

1279
01:00:01,120 --> 01:00:04,000
Speaker 4: grow this game. I want the next generation to benefit

1280
01:00:04,040 --> 01:00:06,480
Speaker 4: from what we're doing. And he's, I guess it's like

1281
01:00:06,480 --> 01:00:09,040
Speaker 4: one of those things. He's you could literally go work

1282
01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:11,040
Speaker 4: a couple of camps and make what you're making playing.

1283
01:00:11,200 --> 01:00:12,360
Speaker 4: Is that worth it kind of thing?

1284
01:00:12,480 --> 01:00:12,720
Speaker 7: Yeah?

1285
01:00:13,280 --> 01:00:13,760
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1286
01:00:13,800 --> 01:00:14,160
Speaker 4: Wow.

1287
01:00:14,400 --> 01:00:17,840
Speaker 1: It's helpful too to have him have that experience too,

1288
01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:20,040
Speaker 1: because then it makes him an advocate for you too

1289
01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:23,040
Speaker 1: as well and to his friends who are I imagine

1290
01:00:23,040 --> 01:00:25,960
Speaker 1: we're also either at once college athletes could be professional

1291
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:30,720
Speaker 1: now yes, and at least it's slowly growing as there

1292
01:00:30,720 --> 01:00:34,960
Speaker 1: are advocates for it, and I do think it's truly

1293
01:00:35,080 --> 01:00:37,840
Speaker 1: unfortunate that we're still here in twenty twenty five and

1294
01:00:37,880 --> 01:00:38,840
Speaker 1: this is still the case.

1295
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:43,640
Speaker 4: No, it's so unfortunate. And the crazy parties we have

1296
01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:47,920
Speaker 4: made leaps and balans, but like we're still here, and

1297
01:00:47,960 --> 01:00:51,240
Speaker 4: I tell everyone, like something will happen. I'm like, same shit,

1298
01:00:51,320 --> 01:00:54,080
Speaker 4: different yere, and like it's sad that I feel that way,

1299
01:00:54,160 --> 01:00:56,439
Speaker 4: Like I want to be like, no, this is so good,

1300
01:00:56,520 --> 01:00:59,280
Speaker 4: this is better, but like I have an expectation as

1301
01:00:59,280 --> 01:01:01,760
Speaker 4: a professional athlete, as a mom, and like I won't

1302
01:01:01,760 --> 01:01:03,400
Speaker 4: stop till that's met.

1303
01:01:03,800 --> 01:01:08,320
Speaker 1: When somebody like Caitlyn Clark comes into the picture, say

1304
01:01:08,320 --> 01:01:12,040
Speaker 1: that again, When someone like Caitlin Clark comes into the

1305
01:01:12,080 --> 01:01:17,000
Speaker 1: picture and she's all over social media, everybody's knowing her name,

1306
01:01:17,040 --> 01:01:18,720
Speaker 1: but she's becoming this household name.

1307
01:01:19,800 --> 01:01:22,480
Speaker 5: Does that feel helpful in that respect? Does it?

1308
01:01:23,560 --> 01:01:26,080
Speaker 1: What does it do for you guys as a whole

1309
01:01:26,360 --> 01:01:28,840
Speaker 1: with women's sports when something like that comes into.

1310
01:01:28,600 --> 01:01:31,600
Speaker 4: Play, Yeah, I definitely think all it does is help.

1311
01:01:32,240 --> 01:01:34,640
Speaker 4: All it does is help is you get eyes on

1312
01:01:34,960 --> 01:01:38,160
Speaker 4: women's sports that can only help well, and it only

1313
01:01:38,240 --> 01:01:41,560
Speaker 4: trickles down to everything. I do think that you see

1314
01:01:42,040 --> 01:01:46,040
Speaker 4: more of that gap and pay And again, I don't

1315
01:01:46,040 --> 01:01:48,520
Speaker 4: know Kaitlyn Clark. She could be taking a cut to

1316
01:01:48,520 --> 01:01:50,680
Speaker 4: make sure everyone else is getting money. I don't know

1317
01:01:50,680 --> 01:01:52,680
Speaker 4: what that looks like for her, but that would be

1318
01:01:52,720 --> 01:01:56,600
Speaker 4: the only negative side is that gap. But she deserves

1319
01:01:56,720 --> 01:02:00,640
Speaker 4: every single penny that she's getting making all the I

1320
01:02:00,680 --> 01:02:03,080
Speaker 4: think she's a great advocate for women's sports. I think

1321
01:02:03,120 --> 01:02:05,520
Speaker 4: she does it the right way. I think she plays

1322
01:02:05,600 --> 01:02:08,360
Speaker 4: so gritty and so like in your face, and that's

1323
01:02:08,400 --> 01:02:10,400
Speaker 4: been such like a thing that's been so like.

1324
01:02:12,040 --> 01:02:14,640
Speaker 8: You can't play like that, and it's like why, Like

1325
01:02:14,680 --> 01:02:17,840
Speaker 8: this is fun to freaking watch and she's gonna shoot

1326
01:02:17,840 --> 01:02:19,600
Speaker 8: it from half court and let you know, turn around

1327
01:02:19,720 --> 01:02:22,520
Speaker 8: like I love it, and someone like her who's doing

1328
01:02:22,600 --> 01:02:25,000
Speaker 8: it the right way and drawing all of those eyes

1329
01:02:25,600 --> 01:02:28,120
Speaker 8: like amazing. We need to do better on softball, like

1330
01:02:28,160 --> 01:02:30,800
Speaker 8: getting her to a game so more people will watch.

1331
01:02:30,960 --> 01:02:33,800
Speaker 8: But I think that only does great things for women's sports.

1332
01:02:35,120 --> 01:02:37,360
Speaker 1: I know you mentioned that that grittiness of her, and

1333
01:02:37,600 --> 01:02:42,600
Speaker 1: of course she gets ruined online for saying mean things,

1334
01:02:42,640 --> 01:02:45,280
Speaker 1: for acting up, for lack of a better term, not

1335
01:02:45,320 --> 01:02:46,240
Speaker 1: acting like a woman.

1336
01:02:47,240 --> 01:02:49,640
Speaker 5: But I think there is such a misconception about even

1337
01:02:49,680 --> 01:02:51,680
Speaker 5: so when we were playing, we were mean.

1338
01:02:51,880 --> 01:02:56,240
Speaker 1: We got competitive because we were competitive, we wanted to win.

1339
01:02:57,560 --> 01:02:59,560
Speaker 5: What experiences have you had.

1340
01:02:59,520 --> 01:03:02,920
Speaker 1: Over the course of time where somebody, you're a woman,

1341
01:03:03,000 --> 01:03:05,439
Speaker 1: don't do it that way or do it this way

1342
01:03:05,520 --> 01:03:06,800
Speaker 1: because this looks better.

1343
01:03:07,360 --> 01:03:09,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that happens a lot. When I was

1344
01:03:09,720 --> 01:03:11,600
Speaker 4: in college, we actually were not allowed to have social

1345
01:03:11,640 --> 01:03:15,480
Speaker 4: media for awful years, and it probably saved us a lot,

1346
01:03:15,600 --> 01:03:18,400
Speaker 4: at least me personally, because I'm like that fiery person

1347
01:03:18,480 --> 01:03:22,840
Speaker 4: all fireback, I do not care. So I think like

1348
01:03:23,040 --> 01:03:25,880
Speaker 4: you get those people I would love myself in that

1349
01:03:26,080 --> 01:03:28,440
Speaker 4: I don't really care what you have to say. You're

1350
01:03:28,480 --> 01:03:30,200
Speaker 4: gonna keep turning on the TV to watch me, I

1351
01:03:30,240 --> 01:03:31,880
Speaker 4: bet money, because you're gonna see if I want to

1352
01:03:31,880 --> 01:03:34,200
Speaker 4: do it again next week. And so I think, like,

1353
01:03:34,320 --> 01:03:37,680
Speaker 4: you have those athletes that are so like this is

1354
01:03:37,720 --> 01:03:40,000
Speaker 4: how I play, like you either accept it or move on.

1355
01:03:40,640 --> 01:03:42,440
Speaker 4: And so now, but now it's getting to the point

1356
01:03:42,480 --> 01:03:45,280
Speaker 4: where women's sports is all over. It's on ESPN and

1357
01:03:45,280 --> 01:03:49,000
Speaker 4: it's on ABC. It's like where it's constantly being televised

1358
01:03:49,320 --> 01:03:51,320
Speaker 4: and so like you don't have a choice but to watch.

1359
01:03:51,720 --> 01:03:55,560
Speaker 4: And so I think to mold yourself into something that

1360
01:03:56,200 --> 01:03:59,920
Speaker 4: you can't be comfortable and you can't play your best

1361
01:04:00,040 --> 01:04:02,479
Speaker 4: because you're trying to mold into something that society tells

1362
01:04:02,520 --> 01:04:05,360
Speaker 4: you to be will never work. And so I think

1363
01:04:05,400 --> 01:04:08,040
Speaker 4: to have that confidence and be who you are at

1364
01:04:08,080 --> 01:04:11,680
Speaker 4: all times and then just know there's people behind you regardless.

1365
01:04:11,760 --> 01:04:14,360
Speaker 4: Is that If that's one, because my one, then guess

1366
01:04:14,360 --> 01:04:16,080
Speaker 4: what I have you now? So now that there's two,

1367
01:04:16,120 --> 01:04:18,320
Speaker 4: it's me Morgan. Now you got two people behind you.

1368
01:04:18,720 --> 01:04:22,200
Speaker 4: So I think that is something that it's hard for

1369
01:04:22,280 --> 01:04:24,880
Speaker 4: younger athletes because I we like, social media was big

1370
01:04:24,920 --> 01:04:26,600
Speaker 4: when we were growing up, but it wasn't like it

1371
01:04:26,640 --> 01:04:29,360
Speaker 4: is today. And so I don't care to tap into

1372
01:04:29,360 --> 01:04:31,120
Speaker 4: social media see what people are saying on me because

1373
01:04:31,120 --> 01:04:33,960
Speaker 4: guess what, I don't know you dude, Your Twitter fingers

1374
01:04:33,960 --> 01:04:36,400
Speaker 4: are going crazy and yet you've never said hi to me,

1375
01:04:36,760 --> 01:04:37,720
Speaker 4: so like your.

1376
01:04:37,760 --> 01:04:40,080
Speaker 5: And also probably never picked up a softball in his life.

1377
01:04:40,360 --> 01:04:42,320
Speaker 4: And so I'm like, even I'll get on social media,

1378
01:04:42,360 --> 01:04:44,680
Speaker 4: like after a big softball game, like a Florida game,

1379
01:04:44,840 --> 01:04:47,640
Speaker 4: and people are talking crap, and I'm like, I dare

1380
01:04:47,680 --> 01:04:49,959
Speaker 4: you to go just run sprint run a six am

1381
01:04:50,000 --> 01:04:51,680
Speaker 4: with them I'm not even play you play softball, just

1382
01:04:51,840 --> 01:04:54,640
Speaker 4: run a six am with them and see what happens.

1383
01:04:55,160 --> 01:04:57,760
Speaker 4: I think, like it is harder because there's so much

1384
01:04:57,840 --> 01:05:01,120
Speaker 4: validation in social media for so many people. But I

1385
01:05:01,240 --> 01:05:03,920
Speaker 4: have a kid and husband. So the other one day

1386
01:05:04,000 --> 01:05:06,160
Speaker 4: I think I was like, oh, for three with two strikeouts,

1387
01:05:06,200 --> 01:05:08,840
Speaker 4: and my kid was like, good job, mommy, and I'm like, no,

1388
01:05:08,920 --> 01:05:11,600
Speaker 4: feel but it's fine. So it's like perspective for me,

1389
01:05:11,720 --> 01:05:13,760
Speaker 4: like I do not care what other people think.

1390
01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:15,160
Speaker 5: It definitely is.

1391
01:05:15,200 --> 01:05:17,760
Speaker 1: It definitely gives you this perspective because they know you

1392
01:05:17,800 --> 01:05:20,240
Speaker 1: did the best job you could do in that moment,

1393
01:05:20,720 --> 01:05:23,520
Speaker 1: and you're like, really that, but they did and they

1394
01:05:23,600 --> 01:05:24,800
Speaker 1: give you that perspective.

1395
01:05:25,080 --> 01:05:27,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's insane. It's insane.

1396
01:05:27,520 --> 01:05:29,640
Speaker 1: Speaking of young athletes, I always like to end on

1397
01:05:29,680 --> 01:05:32,360
Speaker 1: a motivational thing, but I think something that would be

1398
01:05:32,400 --> 01:05:35,600
Speaker 1: really good to hear is any athletes that are coming

1399
01:05:35,680 --> 01:05:38,040
Speaker 1: up that are currently in it, whatever it may be,

1400
01:05:38,320 --> 01:05:41,240
Speaker 1: and maybe you choose to go in the direction of women,

1401
01:05:41,560 --> 01:05:43,400
Speaker 1: just all athletes however you want to do this, but

1402
01:05:43,880 --> 01:05:47,280
Speaker 1: what is something you would want young athletes to know

1403
01:05:47,400 --> 01:05:49,680
Speaker 1: today if you were to give them a piece of advice,

1404
01:05:49,840 --> 01:05:52,080
Speaker 1: if they're on a similar journey to yours.

1405
01:05:52,440 --> 01:05:55,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would. The main thing I would probably say

1406
01:05:55,080 --> 01:05:58,919
Speaker 4: is you are enough. You have all the tools. People

1407
01:05:58,960 --> 01:06:01,720
Speaker 4: are constantly going to have opinions, people are constantly going

1408
01:06:01,800 --> 01:06:03,560
Speaker 4: to talk about you. And I tell everyone, if someone's

1409
01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:06,080
Speaker 4: not talking about you, then like you're doing something wrong.

1410
01:06:06,320 --> 01:06:08,480
Speaker 4: The more people talking about you, like, like you said,

1411
01:06:08,520 --> 01:06:11,360
Speaker 4: look at Kaitlin Clark, like she is one of the

1412
01:06:11,360 --> 01:06:16,440
Speaker 4: best athletes in college basketball and someone is constantly talking

1413
01:06:16,440 --> 01:06:19,040
Speaker 4: about her. So to me, she's doing something right. And

1414
01:06:19,080 --> 01:06:21,560
Speaker 4: so I think you are enough. Stay on your path,

1415
01:06:22,120 --> 01:06:26,880
Speaker 4: stay with what you know, keep your circle with people

1416
01:06:26,920 --> 01:06:29,320
Speaker 4: that are on the same route as you, and not

1417
01:06:29,360 --> 01:06:31,240
Speaker 4: people that are gonna be jealous or drag you down

1418
01:06:31,280 --> 01:06:35,240
Speaker 4: because they're not worth it whatsoever. You're enough, Keep your

1419
01:06:35,280 --> 01:06:38,160
Speaker 4: circle small, and keep the main thing the main thing

1420
01:06:38,400 --> 01:06:40,040
Speaker 4: at the end of the day. And if you need

1421
01:06:40,080 --> 01:06:41,680
Speaker 4: someone to talk to you, you need someone to have

1422
01:06:41,720 --> 01:06:44,360
Speaker 4: your back, I'm here. I'm available on Instagram, on Twitter,

1423
01:06:44,480 --> 01:06:46,480
Speaker 4: whatever you need, I'm here and I'll support you one

1424
01:06:46,520 --> 01:06:47,080
Speaker 4: hundred percent.

1425
01:06:48,080 --> 01:06:50,600
Speaker 1: I also want to do a kind of tailored piece

1426
01:06:50,640 --> 01:06:54,720
Speaker 1: of advice here to what is something that people just

1427
01:06:54,800 --> 01:06:57,240
Speaker 1: the normal person that isn't even in the sports world,

1428
01:06:57,280 --> 01:06:59,600
Speaker 1: someone like me. I think I know some of the

1429
01:06:59,600 --> 01:07:01,800
Speaker 1: answer because I follow you on social media and I

1430
01:07:01,840 --> 01:07:04,520
Speaker 1: support you. But what are some things we can do

1431
01:07:04,640 --> 01:07:08,360
Speaker 1: to support women's sports more to hopefully one day be

1432
01:07:08,520 --> 01:07:09,960
Speaker 1: where you're wanting.

1433
01:07:09,680 --> 01:07:10,000
Speaker 6: It to be.

1434
01:07:10,520 --> 01:07:12,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think like the main thing is to show up.

1435
01:07:13,040 --> 01:07:16,040
Speaker 4: I think it's easy to sit back and watch it

1436
01:07:16,120 --> 01:07:17,960
Speaker 4: on the TV and do all these things, but like,

1437
01:07:18,480 --> 01:07:21,320
Speaker 4: the more people that show up, the bigger it becomes.

1438
01:07:21,360 --> 01:07:24,560
Speaker 4: So I think you show up for those different women's sports,

1439
01:07:24,680 --> 01:07:29,720
Speaker 4: and you on social media, you can repost, and like,

1440
01:07:29,960 --> 01:07:32,840
Speaker 4: the more people that you're the more times you're reposting

1441
01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:35,360
Speaker 4: and sharing, the more people it's getting to. But my

1442
01:07:35,480 --> 01:07:38,960
Speaker 4: main thing really is to show up and support people

1443
01:07:39,040 --> 01:07:41,120
Speaker 4: and shut those people down that have the nerve to

1444
01:07:41,600 --> 01:07:44,400
Speaker 4: say women aren't worthy or they can't do something. Shut

1445
01:07:44,440 --> 01:07:48,000
Speaker 4: it down and just post a video of some women

1446
01:07:48,120 --> 01:07:51,040
Speaker 4: doing something so badass that you can't help it. But

1447
01:07:51,280 --> 01:07:53,080
Speaker 4: showing up is probably number one.

1448
01:07:53,280 --> 01:07:55,760
Speaker 1: That was one of my favorite trends over the past

1449
01:07:55,840 --> 01:07:58,080
Speaker 1: year where it was all these women who are like

1450
01:07:58,240 --> 01:08:00,000
Speaker 1: this man asked me what I did or try to

1451
01:08:00,080 --> 01:08:02,320
Speaker 1: demand explain something to me, and then they just come

1452
01:08:02,360 --> 01:08:05,640
Speaker 1: back with the whole gamut of things that they've done.

1453
01:08:05,440 --> 01:08:08,040
Speaker 4: Like man's plaining is like the worst, Like stop doing that?

1454
01:08:08,640 --> 01:08:11,240
Speaker 5: Yes exactly, Kelsey, Thank you for being here.

1455
01:08:11,400 --> 01:08:14,720
Speaker 1: I'm so proud of you and your success and your

1456
01:08:14,920 --> 01:08:17,120
Speaker 1: drive and your passion for what you've always done.

1457
01:08:17,160 --> 01:08:18,160
Speaker 5: You've always been this way.

1458
01:08:18,360 --> 01:08:21,080
Speaker 1: You are the same person that I sat on the

1459
01:08:21,120 --> 01:08:23,280
Speaker 1: back of a very many bus with where we cause

1460
01:08:23,360 --> 01:08:27,080
Speaker 1: a whole lot of trouble, and that's really cool. Given

1461
01:08:27,120 --> 01:08:29,120
Speaker 1: everything that you've done and experience in your life. To

1462
01:08:29,120 --> 01:08:33,519
Speaker 1: be the same person is admirable. And congratulations on being

1463
01:08:33,640 --> 01:08:36,840
Speaker 1: just a badass, not only athlete, but also mother too.

1464
01:08:37,560 --> 01:08:40,360
Speaker 4: Thanks. You're a pretty badass too, my love following your journey.

1465
01:08:40,439 --> 01:08:42,320
Speaker 4: I'm super proud of you too, So thank you.

1466
01:08:42,840 --> 01:08:46,280
Speaker 1: Oh thanks a fellow Morgan and my old softball teammate.

1467
01:08:46,360 --> 01:08:48,000
Speaker 1: This was such a fun episode and I hope you

1468
01:08:48,040 --> 01:08:50,040
Speaker 1: all took some things away from it that may help

1469
01:08:50,080 --> 01:08:53,160
Speaker 1: in your lives. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast

1470
01:08:53,240 --> 01:08:55,360
Speaker 1: and leave a five star review if you're enjoying it.

1471
01:08:55,439 --> 01:08:58,799
Speaker 1: You can also follow the podcast Instagram at take this personally.

1472
01:08:59,200 --> 01:09:01,880
Speaker 1: As always, I'm I'm so happy that you're here, Love you,

1473
01:09:02,320 --> 01:09:03,200
Speaker 1: talk to you next week.

1474
01:09:03,280 --> 01:09:03,639
Speaker 4: Bye,