Speaker 1: Welcome everybody to another episode of horrible Decisions. I'm only
Speaker 1: moaning because someone just mentioned that they missed the moaning,
Speaker 1: but maybe they're not on Patreon. I'm not gonna own
Speaker 1: decisions decisions. I'm your girl, Medibe.
Speaker 2: I honestly thought you did moan.
Speaker 3: No, na easy, I'm actually here on video. I'm I
Speaker 3: ordered so many like in stripe clothes for the tour,
Speaker 3: but I was like, I'm not as well bust them
Speaker 3: out today. So whatever episodes I'll listen to in a
Speaker 3: near future, it's gonna look like I'm going to a
Speaker 3: whole job.
Speaker 4: It is given like business casual.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna maybe I'll wear this to my
Speaker 2: meeting tomorrow. I don't know. I went to like A.
Speaker 3: It's weird because the way that we grew up, and
Speaker 3: if you're in your thirties, you understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: Thirties and plus I'm not evenna say it's the entertainment industry.
Speaker 3: People dress different to work now, so let no, it's everywhere.
Speaker 3: Sometimes when i'm they dressed unprofessional, I hate it. Fuck,
Speaker 3: it's almost like they're going to the club the mall
Speaker 3: or just rolled out bed but like I say, like.
Speaker 2: A mall outfit.
Speaker 3: I'm definitely mall sexy for work. But I went to
Speaker 3: even fuse. I would say it's like chill, but they're
Speaker 3: like TV, they're streaming, they're digital, they're all this other shits.
Speaker 3: Like when I pop in there, I don't dress up
Speaker 3: too much for meetings, I will say, but any other place,
Speaker 3: if they have maybe fifty to one hundred employees, they
Speaker 3: look like shit. Now, the only time I think you
Speaker 3: can look like shit is if you work in tech.
Speaker 3: Here's why, because I really do think some of these
Speaker 3: tech offices they're forcing these people to come in that
Speaker 3: we're like semi remote. They're working at the desk eight
Speaker 3: to ten hours a day. They're not really front facing.
Speaker 3: They're just there whatever, Like you're slamming the shit back.
Speaker 3: But somebody's motherfuckers. How you making too fifty and you
Speaker 3: wear a sweatpants. I mean that's how like super rich people dress.
Speaker 3: I just think that there's a loss in professionalism across
Speaker 3: the board. Like it's funny because me and Crysal Lord
Speaker 3: just talking about this because in real estate, like you're
Speaker 3: selling houses, you're meeting people, but you still have to
Speaker 3: go into the office and do old calls and stuff,
Speaker 3: and she was like, she was like, bro, I don't
Speaker 3: get it, Like there's a clear distinction between people who
Speaker 3: clearly take this series and people who just think this
Speaker 3: is like a hobby. And she's like one of like
Speaker 3: the mentors had had a group meeting and I guess
Speaker 3: made one of the girls cry because she's like, what
Speaker 3: the fuck do you think you're gonna sell dressing like
Speaker 3: this and looked at one girl was like, she looks
Speaker 3: like she's gonna be able to sell a house. You
Speaker 3: you probably won't be in this very long. You need
Speaker 3: to fix your hair, you need to do this. And
Speaker 3: apparently just how honest she was about how the two
Speaker 3: like girls look. One of them cried.
Speaker 1: I don't know, but Crystal talked about what the people
Speaker 1: have on because again, like Crystal's gonna be forty next year.
Speaker 1: Well not only that, there's just a wait to dress
Speaker 1: when you go to work, but that's when we're outside
Speaker 1: I'm talking about I'm talking about I'm talking about going
Speaker 1: to work. She does dress, but you have to well
Speaker 1: she never on cameras. That's where she's like, she does
Speaker 1: like the voiceover stuff. We were just talking like girl,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 3: But see that's what That's what I'm saying with the text.
Speaker 3: Shit that is front facing. She needs to meet with clients.
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna hold you. Some people, even I remember
Speaker 3: back in the day, remember in the real estate agent car.
Speaker 3: When I can hear the car, I'll be like, now,
Speaker 3: I just looked at houses with my mom to speak
Speaker 3: to the real estate experience.
Speaker 2: Because my mother brought it up. I didn't.
Speaker 3: We saw four open houses, so I finally decided, like
Speaker 3: renting two apartments, isdem I am here for seven days
Speaker 3: a week a month. However, I'm just like, what if
Speaker 3: I just got a bigger spot, not an apartment, because
Speaker 3: I feel like once we start running into each other
Speaker 3: in the bathroom, maybe it won't work. So a house
Speaker 3: or town, I'm like, let's have some separation. So we look,
Speaker 3: we go to a house that is I'm not saying
Speaker 3: I can afford this. I just want every don't come
Speaker 3: rob meet. I like to go to any open house,
Speaker 3: as y'all know, that's my manifestation thing. I'm like, I
Speaker 3: want you to see how much houses cost me. This
Speaker 3: is one point eight and it's in Silver Lake. Then
Speaker 3: we're gonna go look at something that's nine hundred thousand.
Speaker 3: I just want you to know what you can get,
Speaker 3: so if you don't like the stuff that's cheaper, you
Speaker 3: can understand why. One point eight million. We meet the girl,
Speaker 3: white girl that's hosting it. Cutesie button down top, the jeans,
Speaker 3: but the jeans are pressed out, nice shoe, the way
Speaker 3: that she's talking everything perfect. Next house nine hundred thousand dollars.
Speaker 3: My mom joked that it went down here. There another
Speaker 3: white girl. These are all white women, kind of chill outfit,
Speaker 3: like little flowery dress but sweet cute, but not as professional.
Speaker 3: She wasn't saying things like well, hey, this is going
Speaker 3: to pay for itself back.
Speaker 2: You need to understand that.
Speaker 3: You know, there's no flooding insurance that's high here because
Speaker 3: you're a little bit lower blah blah, you don't have
Speaker 3: to worry about the fires because next girl is like,
Speaker 3: oh yeah, better than running an apartment, right, bitch, we
Speaker 3: saw our house, those six could be This nigga had
Speaker 3: coffee dripping down the shirt and he goes, oh, I'm
Speaker 3: so Glorio.
Speaker 2: Oh that's my wife.
Speaker 4: She looked a mess. I was thinking did she know
Speaker 4: she was coming?
Speaker 2: And I was like yo. It kind of also speaks
Speaker 2: to who you're selling to.
Speaker 3: It does, because for one point eight they need to
Speaker 3: be making some money, Like right, you're putting down two
Speaker 3: hundred thousand and three hundred thousand dollars for a home
Speaker 3: like that, Like you've got to have that capital, like
Speaker 3: you're making bread.
Speaker 1: If you got that, didn't, oh bitch, once you got
Speaker 1: done six fifty, I said, this is still expensive.
Speaker 2: By the way, this is still expensive. It's Los Angeles.
Speaker 2: But yeah, And my mom got in.
Speaker 3: The car with me and she says, there's no experience anymore.
Speaker 3: I used to talk about you wearing sweatpants in first class.
Speaker 3: I'll never say it again. She's like, I understand, this
Speaker 3: is a new world. I thought we were meeting someone
Speaker 3: a suit. I did my makeup, I did my hair,
Speaker 3: just to know that we're buying a home.
Speaker 2: I was excited about the process. She said that they
Speaker 2: took me out of it.
Speaker 3: She said, if I'm about to do this big, have
Speaker 3: this big moment in my life and my daughter and
Speaker 3: you look like that, what is this?
Speaker 1: I mean, it's tricky because I know the markets are expensive.
Speaker 1: But also as a real estate agent, if you're someone
Speaker 1: selling over a million dollar homes and someone's selling lessons,
Speaker 1: you know, seven hundred thousand dollars homes. Even your commission
Speaker 1: is different, so the money you make is different. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think we see it. You're going to dress differently
Speaker 1: if you work, if you make two fifty at an
Speaker 1: executive company, or you're in them all selling clothes.
Speaker 4: I mean, I just think it is. I don't know,
Speaker 4: they don't.
Speaker 3: Need a lot of money too. And that also, and
Speaker 3: we all know this to be true.
Speaker 2: You go on she and get you a nice.
Speaker 4: Fabb Yeah she could, they could step.
Speaker 3: It up, but I think it's really how much care
Speaker 3: you put into these things. And it's maybe also with
Speaker 3: these agents, the seriousness of the client.
Speaker 1: I just think over all those that's why I said overall, yeah,
Speaker 1: there's no professionalism that exists anymore, and I do. I
Speaker 1: mean we could blame the pandemic quite a bit. I mean,
Speaker 1: with everyone having to be at home, with people not
Speaker 1: having to go into the office, I think Z has
Speaker 1: made things a lot more like the days ago, Like
Speaker 1: professionalism just ain't ain't what it used to be like,
Speaker 1: even from how you show up on interviews, like showing
Speaker 1: your shoulders and things that were just never acceptable. Are
Speaker 1: now like Okay, I know, I mean it's crazy. It's
Speaker 1: crazy when when I went.
Speaker 3: To work the first day in Audible, I wore a
Speaker 3: blazer dress.
Speaker 2: And the first thing one.
Speaker 3: Of the colleagues I had at the time said, is girl,
Speaker 3: what nigga you think is in here? And I'm like,
Speaker 3: because I kind of have a blazer dress, Like really
Speaker 3: this is But at the end of the day, we
Speaker 3: all fought for casual fridays.
Speaker 2: I'll look, we talking about.
Speaker 4: Oh, where's the suit? Like nobody ever wanted to do
Speaker 4: that anyway.
Speaker 1: So I feel like and even that when I had
Speaker 1: casual fridays in corporate, it was just that you could
Speaker 1: wear jeans, that's it. And you couldn't have rips in
Speaker 1: the jeans. You couldn't have tears in the jeans. They
Speaker 1: still they had to be gene. And then you still
Speaker 1: have to wear like a blouse or a button up
Speaker 1: or you know, a polo can be, but denim, but
Speaker 1: well it's Denham can be, especially if they don't have
Speaker 1: ribson terrors. Like that was even like, bro, you can't
Speaker 1: come in here with no rips in your jeans. Man,
Speaker 1: you just got a little taste of the Horrible Decisions Patreon,
Speaker 1: but why it's up there. Tap in for the full,
Speaker 1: uncut and way naster episodes over on Patreon. Go to
Speaker 1: patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions and unlock all the messy,
Speaker 1: t wild stories and bonus content you won't hear anywhere else.
Speaker 1: And now here's You've Got Decisions.
Speaker 2: If you would like to have us answer your questions.
Speaker 3: If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or
Speaker 3: a terrible throatfle.
Speaker 5: Guess what You've got decisions, You've got decisions. Hey, hey, hey, Horhive,
Speaker 5: it's your girl, Mandy b One half of the Decisions
Speaker 5: Decisions podcast here.
Speaker 4: To answer yo, no question now.
Speaker 1: If you want to submit anything regarding your relationship, your situationship,
Speaker 1: your friendship, your workship, your partnership, go ahead and send
Speaker 1: it on over to Decisions pod at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: Before we get to this week's which is an update
Speaker 1: which makes me so excited again, make sure, if you
Speaker 1: haven't yet, go and purchase No Holds Barred Doing Manifesto
Speaker 1: of Sexual Exploration and Power, available now wherever you get books.
Speaker 1: Also make sure you get that audible version as well,
Speaker 1: and leave a review that continues to help us push
Speaker 1: the messaging of this book. Now, y'all, I was supposed
Speaker 1: to record this only yesterday.
Speaker 2: Huh.
Speaker 1: But y'all the government shut down. Had you grow in
Speaker 1: a disarray at the airport? You follow me on social media.
Speaker 1: I ended up being drunk as hell, was put through
Speaker 1: a mattress and was like, I'm just gonna throw on
Speaker 1: this Turkey costume and go through the airport.
Speaker 4: No one's gonna notice me, no one's gonna see.
Speaker 2: Me, bitch.
Speaker 1: Also, I dealt with three flight cancelations and it took
Speaker 1: thirteen hours for me to get from New York City
Speaker 1: LaGuardia Airport to goddamn Atlanta, Georgia. Okay, finally I am
Speaker 1: done from being stressed out over all that shit and
Speaker 1: really excited because this week we have an update from
Speaker 1: the letter. Is my boyfriend get boy?
Speaker 4: Do? I love an update?
Speaker 1: So let's just get into all of these things. And girl,
Speaker 1: I am not gonna read your name. By the way,
Speaker 1: when you submit a letter, just know that it will
Speaker 1: be anonymous. We will not give any details that'll let
Speaker 1: the folks know you are going through it.
Speaker 4: Again.
Speaker 1: If you want to say and your letter in make
Speaker 1: sure you send it on over to decisions pod at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com.
Speaker 4: Let's get into it hunt.
Speaker 1: By the way, I'm doing this by myself because Weezi
Speaker 1: is still in Brasil.
Speaker 4: Okay, she is still in Brazil. Okay.
Speaker 1: Anyways, don't know what accep that is, but suck my
Speaker 1: day from the back. All right, this is an update.
Speaker 1: It is my boyfriend Gay. Hey, thanks for answering my email.
Speaker 1: I just listened to the episode and I'm writing back
Speaker 1: to provide more details.
Speaker 4: Transparently.
Speaker 1: I ended it before writing that email, but I was
Speaker 1: still ruminating on it, so I decided to write in
Speaker 1: we broke up back in July. I'm definitely okay with
Speaker 1: a man being bisexual, and honestly find it attractive. My
Speaker 1: issue was that I felt he had zero attraction to
Speaker 1: me as a woman and seemed to be attracted to men.
Speaker 1: He claimed that he was a boob guy. I'm a
Speaker 1: size forty G, so you would think he would love that.
Speaker 1: When it came to intimacy, he seemed mortified at the
Speaker 1: sight of my breast.
Speaker 4: My boobs are nice.
Speaker 1: After the breakup, I hooked up with an old friend
Speaker 1: from college and he thoroughly enjoyed my boobs, So I
Speaker 1: feel comfortable saying that my breasts weren't the issue here.
Speaker 1: When I tried to have conversations with him about sex
Speaker 1: and sexuality, it was an uncomfortable topic for him and
Speaker 1: he would get defensive. He said in his last relationship,
Speaker 1: sex was an issue as well. At one point I
Speaker 1: thought he might just have ed. But as I continue
Speaker 1: to ask questions, the combination of his answers and his
Speaker 1: behavior around gay men and his lack of sexual interest
Speaker 1: in me made me feel like he is gay.
Speaker 4: His family is on a cult, girl, his words, all.
Speaker 1: Right, now, I don't think you added the cult port
Speaker 1: last time, so I imagine they would disown him if
Speaker 1: they found out he was gay. So I believe that
Speaker 1: is why he sought out a relationship with a woman.
Speaker 4: Now, Girl, I don't think coats.
Speaker 1: Have any connection to homophobia, like real for real outside
Speaker 1: of the church. But U Okay, back to the topic
Speaker 1: of conversations around sex and d I asked him if
Speaker 1: he watches porn and if he is able to ejaculate
Speaker 1: when watching porn, and he said yes. I asked what
Speaker 1: type of porn does he like and he refused to answer. Oh, bitch,
Speaker 1: he said, that previous exes gets him in his past
Speaker 1: and said things like I bet if I was this,
Speaker 1: you'd want to have sex. He didn't explain what this was,
Speaker 1: but I'm going to like but might automatically filled the
Speaker 1: word with man. I still tried to stay open minded
Speaker 1: and think of the possibilities and also consider that he
Speaker 1: may be a sexual, but the way he lustfully looked
Speaker 1: at men, it was hard to believe that he might
Speaker 1: be a sexual. The other part that made me feel
Speaker 1: like his roommate was his boyfriend is because for the
Speaker 1: nine years he was living with him, they also had
Speaker 1: only a one bedroom apartment. He lived in Oklahoma, which
Speaker 1: is extremely affordable. The man works in aerospace, so only
Speaker 1: is financially able to get a apartment. The city that
Speaker 1: I'm in is LA, so it is definitely moreive, but
Speaker 1: he can still financially afford a two bedroom there as well.
Speaker 1: What led me to break up with him is that
Speaker 1: I couldn't get over that feeling, and anytime I tried
Speaker 1: to discuss sexuality, he blew up and got defensive.
Speaker 4: Ever since his roommate moved out here.
Speaker 1: He's made excuses as to why I couldn't come over
Speaker 1: the combination of that and the fact that he went
Speaker 1: one week without seeing me even though he only lives
Speaker 1: ten minutes away from that led to the breakup. While texting,
Speaker 1: I did tell him that I don't think he's straight,
Speaker 1: oh God, and he vaguely confessed that he isn't straight.
Speaker 1: Going to attach a snapshot of that text as I'm
Speaker 1: curious on your thoughts about it, ooh girl.
Speaker 4: Not the tape.
Speaker 1: The situation where I felt like he was farting with
Speaker 1: a guy, only engaging in conversation with him and not
Speaker 1: his friend, I guess when they were out and anytime
Speaker 1: the guy would try to speak to me, he would interrupt.
Speaker 1: I felt that he was competing with me for that
Speaker 1: guy's attention.
Speaker 4: Also, the fact they.
Speaker 1: Thinked about him and wondering about him right after we
Speaker 1: had sex was also odd.
Speaker 4: I know I could be wrong, but there were too
Speaker 4: many red flags.
Speaker 1: The roommate situation really took it over the top for
Speaker 1: me because that's when everything changed and he became less available. Also,
Speaker 1: the fact that he's living or been living with this
Speaker 1: man for nine years in a one bedroom apartment explains
Speaker 1: why he didn't want to talk on the phone. Lunch
Speaker 1: and preferred texts and voice notes. Also, they're black and
Speaker 1: in their late thirties. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks
Speaker 1: for taking the time to read all of this. I
Speaker 1: was more so seeking confirmation if you all believe that
Speaker 1: he is likely gay and.
Speaker 4: That I was tripping.
Speaker 1: He made me feel like I was the one tripping
Speaker 1: anytime I brought up the discussion. All right, few things,
Speaker 1: so he admitted that he's not fully straight. But you
Speaker 1: said he likes titties but also flirts with men. It's
Speaker 1: giving that or in that he likes might actually be
Speaker 1: trans women. This is just my guess because that too
Speaker 1: is the point that I like to watch as well,
Speaker 1: and it may also be the reason why he identifies
Speaker 1: as straight personally. I have dealt with quite a few
Speaker 1: men or heavy Asian conversation with men who identify as
Speaker 1: heterosexual straight men. However, they have engaged with or are
Speaker 1: turned by, or at least fantasized about trans women. It
Speaker 1: is trans women with the dicks with the tits, so
Speaker 1: that could be also an explanation as to why he
Speaker 1: still identifies as straight, or even when he decided to
Speaker 1: open up to you that he will straight. His confusion
Speaker 1: came from still identifying those women as women, So in
Speaker 1: his mind, even though there is a dick there, he
Speaker 1: still believes that he is attracted to women specifically, did
Speaker 1: it on women. Let's get into the text message. She
Speaker 1: sent a text message saying, no, not at all. I'm
Speaker 1: an open person, but I asked you about your sexuality
Speaker 1: and you lied. This seemed to be a text message
Speaker 1: that he didn't respond to, so she re quoted it
Speaker 1: and said, so you're not going to respond to this, lol,
Speaker 1: Okay his response, sexuality is a spectrum.
Speaker 4: You know this. You're not even one hundred percent straight yourself.
Speaker 4: I'm not gay. I don't prefer men. I prefer women.
Speaker 1: But I'm just saying I don't think anybody today is
Speaker 1: one hundred percent straight. All of my relationships have been
Speaker 1: with women, and that's where I want to stay. I
Speaker 1: have no interest in men. I was not flirting with
Speaker 1: that dude at that play.
Speaker 4: Lol. I believe I have to say that I.
Speaker 1: Just thought you was cool, and since I'm new to
Speaker 1: the area, I'm gathering context of cool peeps as potential friends.
Speaker 4: Is that a problem?
Speaker 1: You say things as absolutes, as if you've come to
Speaker 1: these conclusions without even confirming them Ooh girl, he ran
Speaker 1: you just a little bit. I agree that sexuality is
Speaker 1: on a spectrum. We talk about it all the time.
Speaker 1: If you're new here, check out the Kinsey scale. This
Speaker 1: response leads me to believe and even the way you
Speaker 1: kind of attacked him, I asked you about your sexuality
Speaker 1: and you lied, I find it interesting coming from someone
Speaker 1: who says that bisexuality would be something that you would
Speaker 1: be open to being with. You also seem to not
Speaker 1: care about the sexuality as much as you cared about
Speaker 1: the lie, which in the text message you also brought
Speaker 1: up the lie. However, you can't get honesty out of
Speaker 1: a person when you come at them on the attack,
Speaker 1: because all they're going to know how to do is
Speaker 1: defend themselves.
Speaker 4: And so.
Speaker 1: I guess I'm glad to see that you guys broke
Speaker 1: up because this clearly wasn't working.
Speaker 4: For either of you.
Speaker 1: But in the same sense, I do think that you
Speaker 1: should wholeheartedly sit with what it is that you want.
Speaker 4: You did this long distance relationship.
Speaker 1: You're now even admitting that you didn't speak to him
Speaker 1: very often, You didn't spend him very often. If I
Speaker 1: recall from the last letter you had been together for
Speaker 1: like a year. He made it official, but it was
Speaker 1: long distance and you didn't see him often. So to
Speaker 1: read even in this email that you also were only
Speaker 1: able to really text him because you weren't much of
Speaker 1: a phone conversation because he was living with a roommate
Speaker 1: which you now believe to be his boyfriend for the
Speaker 1: last nine years.
Speaker 4: It's all very tricky.
Speaker 1: And what I want to express to the listeners to
Speaker 1: the whore Hive, baby, if he wanted to.
Speaker 4: He would. And this is one of those things that
Speaker 4: are like, oh my god, what does that mean? Or
Speaker 4: I hear it all the time and da da da da.
Speaker 1: It's one of those where I promise you you do
Speaker 1: not have to force a man to show up for you.
Speaker 4: You don't.
Speaker 1: If he likes you, he will let it be known.
Speaker 1: If he wants to show up, he will. They know
Speaker 1: how to ladies. They Here's the other problem. We be thinking,
Speaker 1: we gotta we gotta like not raise these men, but
Speaker 1: then we gotta show them how to treat us. Bro.
Speaker 4: These niggas know how to treat a bitch. They like
Speaker 4: they do.
Speaker 1: I promise you, And if he's not showing up in
Speaker 1: a way that makes you feel special or seen. He's
Speaker 1: just not that into you. If you're going days without texting,
Speaker 1: he's just not that into you. If he's not showing
Speaker 1: up for certain holidays and your birthdays, he's just not
Speaker 1: that into you.
Speaker 4: If he makes excuse to us why he.
Speaker 1: Don't show, girl, he's just not that into you. And
Speaker 1: that's okay, it's okay. Thank you for the letter. By
Speaker 1: the way, she signed a beard for the boy.
Speaker 4: I do agree. I do believe that you were none
Speaker 4: other than a beard for this this gentleman.
Speaker 1: But yeah, anywhos, I'm gonna get into this letter fall
Speaker 1: this week, and I love that we could start with
Speaker 1: a quick a quick update. If you have sent a letter,
Speaker 1: you heard our advice, and you want to follow back up,
Speaker 1: please again, send that on over within the same thread,
Speaker 1: send it on over to decisions pot at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: All right, there's a good one this week, y'all. Dating
Speaker 1: while broke is the subject. Hey, ladies, I have been
Speaker 1: in a relationship for about five years now. I'm a
Speaker 1: black woman, he's a white man, and he is also
Speaker 1: about seventeen years older than me. Ooh girl, I've had
Speaker 1: that age difference before as well. I have a teenage
Speaker 1: child from a previous relationship that I am the primary
Speaker 1: parent of, and it's the exact same situation with him,
Speaker 1: just to paint the picture for you. Recently, I've been
Speaker 1: questioning if I want to continue with the relationship.
Speaker 4: One of my main reasons being is finances.
Speaker 1: It seems like he's always complaining about being broke or
Speaker 1: not having enough money to do certain things. At first,
Speaker 1: he would only say it once in a while, but
Speaker 1: now it feels like he says it all the time.
Speaker 1: He still makes a way to plan simple dates or
Speaker 1: treat me to certain things, but days later he will
Speaker 1: complain about his money not being right or how he's
Speaker 1: tired of being broke. I try not to pocket watch,
Speaker 1: but he makes more than me, not a significant amount,
Speaker 1: but it's considerable, and splits the rent and builds with
Speaker 1: his mother. His child had been living with her for
Speaker 1: about seven or eight years now. I know things are
Speaker 1: expensive and he has personal bills outside of the bills
Speaker 1: that he shares with his mother as well, but he
Speaker 1: also has a gambling habit.
Speaker 4: Girl, that's bitch. He ain't broke, he just irresponsible.
Speaker 1: I just feel like he should get a better control
Speaker 1: of his budget to afford his wants and needs. Also,
Speaker 1: what's crazy is just talked about this on selective ignorance.
Speaker 1: This is purely him being selectively ignorant, not budgeting correctly.
Speaker 4: Bro, you live with your.
Speaker 1: Mom, you raising a whole kid under yomama roof, and
Speaker 1: you gambling it outside of me being a single parent
Speaker 1: and working full time. I also recently completed my master's
Speaker 1: degree program, which I hope will bring me a more
Speaker 1: lucrative employment. I'm not struggling, but there's nothing wrong with
Speaker 1: striving for better.
Speaker 4: I know that's right.
Speaker 1: With it only being me and my daughter, I pay
Speaker 1: all the bills and maintain the household, her completely out
Speaker 1: of the picture. Star I received no support from him
Speaker 1: or his family. Now, don't get me wrong, I am
Speaker 1: far from perfect and fall short from time to time
Speaker 1: as well. It just seems like he is always in
Speaker 1: a financial buying despite the fact that he makes more
Speaker 1: and splits bills with someone, and because of his openness
Speaker 1: about money issues, the very few times I needed help,
Speaker 1: I avoided asking him. Hell once when I questioned if
Speaker 1: I should be entertaining anyone if I'm not where I
Speaker 1: want to be financially, I just have a feeling he
Speaker 1: doesn't have the same moments of reflection bitch, and don't.
Speaker 1: That's why he's been living with his mama for seven
Speaker 1: eight years. The most recent incident was a trip that
Speaker 1: I wanted to take. Ooh girl, not you wanted a
Speaker 1: trip in this economy with a broke nigga libing away
Speaker 1: his mama with gambling issue. And yet I am that
Speaker 1: girl that only flies on certain airlines and likes to
Speaker 1: say at certain hotels.
Speaker 4: Ill because his.
Speaker 1: Money was short and he couldn't convince me to take
Speaker 1: a cheaper flight or say at a cheaper hotel, I
Speaker 1: went with my best friend instead. Period to celebrate me
Speaker 1: getting my masters, I want to take a trip out
Speaker 1: of the I already have a feeling that he's not
Speaker 1: going to be able to and I'll just go by myself. No,
Speaker 1: it's not when a woman says something is fine, it's not.
Speaker 1: About two years into the relationship, he brought up moving
Speaker 1: in together. My response was an immediate no. Not only
Speaker 1: am I uncomfortable compromising me in my daughter's face, but
Speaker 1: I don't want to live with them man with money
Speaker 1: problems and bad credit.
Speaker 4: I didn't want to hurt.
Speaker 1: His feelings, so I simply just gave the reasoning of
Speaker 1: I'm not ready. I'm sure you didn't like the response,
Speaker 1: and I can see me not wanting to live with
Speaker 1: him being the reason he breaks up with me in
Speaker 1: the future.
Speaker 4: How would you approach this situation?
Speaker 1: Have y'all ever experienced dating a man that was financially irresponsible?
Speaker 1: Also as a woman, have you ever felt you shouldn't
Speaker 1: be dating because of your finances? Love y'all and looking
Speaker 1: forward to your responses?
Speaker 4: Oh shit, my bad, y'all. Don't drop my sign because
Speaker 4: I didn't headick on this one. All right? How would
Speaker 4: I approach this situation?
Speaker 1: I would love to know if you're in therapt because
Speaker 1: knowing that this is knowing that this relationship is five
Speaker 1: years old, knowing that he's been living with his mom
Speaker 1: for seven or eight years, now, knowing that two years
Speaker 1: ago he asked you to move in. I'm confused to
Speaker 1: how y'all even got here. You said you have a
Speaker 1: teenage daughter, so even at the bare minimum, you had
Speaker 1: her early. You're in your early thirties. I don't know
Speaker 1: what you're waiting for as to why you're not moving
Speaker 1: forward from this relationship. It doesn't seem like I guess
Speaker 1: my question is, and only because you didn't put it
Speaker 1: in here, what are you getting from this? What is
Speaker 1: he providing you that you feel so stuck in this
Speaker 1: relationship that you don't deserve more. He can't even go
Speaker 1: on trips with you, He can't celebrate a moment that
Speaker 1: means a lot to you. You don't feel like you
Speaker 1: can count on him when you're in a bind. What
Speaker 1: is keeping you in this relationship? What's keeping you here?
Speaker 4: And why? And why? Have I ever experienced dating.
Speaker 1: A man that was financially irresponsible? No, not one that
Speaker 1: I considered having a long romantic partnership with. I think
Speaker 1: if I think of someone who was financially irresponsible, and
Speaker 1: maybe it wasn't financial irresponsibility as much as it was
Speaker 1: the irresponsibility of the decisions he made that led him
Speaker 1: to not be able to get a job. If you
Speaker 1: listened to a couple of years ago, a shit, maybe
Speaker 1: actually six seven years ago. Now, I met this guy
Speaker 1: on tender. He went by felon May at the time
Speaker 1: thought he.
Speaker 4: Was just oh my god. I was just giddy about him.
Speaker 1: But he couldn't find certain employment because of his felony record,
Speaker 1: And so for me, That was a huge part of
Speaker 1: why I didn't consider taking him serious. Although like, we
Speaker 1: had a blast and he was fun and he lived
Speaker 1: right around the corner and it was a great thing
Speaker 1: to me long term, I didn't see how it makes
Speaker 1: if he was still figuring out how to get on
Speaker 1: his feet. And for me, you made this decision five
Speaker 1: years ago, as a woman with a child, as a
Speaker 1: single parent with a child, to get into a romantic
Speaker 1: partnership with a man living with his mom.
Speaker 4: Who is seventeen years older than you.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna do the math. Say you thirty, That
Speaker 1: mean when you met him? No, no, no, let's say
Speaker 1: you thirty five. Let's go my age, because now we
Speaker 1: go get it. Let's say you met him at thirty, Mitch,
Speaker 1: when you met him, you met a forty.
Speaker 4: Seven year old man with a child living with his mother.
Speaker 4: I want to know how yo plus he got on.
Speaker 4: That's what I want.
Speaker 1: I wants to know how he'd have made it five years.
Speaker 1: I wants to know how he made it past the
Speaker 1: first date. I think at some point we have to
Speaker 1: stop dating people and considering their potential. And I don't
Speaker 1: know what potential you saw in a man who got
Speaker 1: you seventeen years your senior and couldn't move out his
Speaker 1: mama crib. I don't know what potential you saw Temna
Speaker 1: the other and the last question you asked is as
Speaker 1: a woman, have you ever felt like you shouldn't be
Speaker 1: dating because of your finances?
Speaker 4: Boy, read the goddamn book.
Speaker 1: For me, there was a sense of self worth in
Speaker 1: how I would show up as a partner, as a
Speaker 1: woman who wasn't financially secure. So in my twenties, I
Speaker 1: actually felt like I wasn't ready to be anyone's girlfriend
Speaker 1: because I was such a dire name and to show
Speaker 1: up financially for me, So the idea that I only
Speaker 1: wanted a man who could come in and pay my
Speaker 1: bills or take me on trips.
Speaker 4: I knew that those wouldn't be realhips.
Speaker 1: They wouldn't be based on the premise that I liked
Speaker 1: this man, that I'm in love with this man, that
Speaker 1: he's everything I wanted. More, I knew that it was
Speaker 1: based on survival instincts of this man can provide, and
Speaker 1: so for a lot of my relationships they were transactional.
Speaker 1: Because of that, I absolutely wanted a sense of and
Speaker 1: wanted to feel like I liked a man because I
Speaker 1: liked him, not because of what he could do for me.
Speaker 1: And so again for me, I think two years into
Speaker 1: this relationship him even asking him and not wanting that
Speaker 1: to happen. Two years into the relationship, I think two
Speaker 1: years is also enough time to see if a man
Speaker 1: is together.
Speaker 4: And maybe you're five years in deep and it don't
Speaker 4: seem like changed.
Speaker 1: In a gambling A gambling problem is not something fixed
Speaker 1: with a pill. It's not something fixed just over. That
Speaker 1: is a hard addiction that should be treated as crack cocaine,
Speaker 1: you know, like maybe it's hard to wean yourself out
Speaker 1: of the addiction of gambling, but also whatever debt has
Speaker 1: incurred from it, and there's a lot of embarrassment that
Speaker 1: stems from that. He clearly maybe is not even too
Speaker 1: prideful for the simple fact that he did as to
Speaker 1: move in, for the simple fact that he'd been living
Speaker 1: with his mama for seven or eight years. And so
Speaker 1: my advice to you would be to sit with yourself,
Speaker 1: and I want you to ask yourself, if you believe
Speaker 1: you deserve better?
Speaker 4: Do you deserve better?
Speaker 1: Do you believe that there is any person out there
Speaker 1: that the ability to show up in the ways that
Speaker 1: you would like a partner to show up. And if
Speaker 1: the answer is yes to those, my advice to you
Speaker 1: is to break up and end this relationship.
Speaker 4: It's not serving you. And again, even if he's making.
Speaker 1: You feel butterflies, bitch, think about how you feel about
Speaker 1: not being able to celebrate your master's degree completion with
Speaker 1: your partner because he too poored a fucking Get on
Speaker 1: a flight and book the hotel and enjoy the pleasantries
Speaker 1: of life that you want to travel. Don't let this
Speaker 1: relationship rob you from your happiness. Don't let it happen.
Speaker 1: Don't do it, girl, don't do it.
Speaker 4: Don't do it.
Speaker 1: Also, love that you misled me with the title here
Speaker 1: dating while broke, you are in a relationship with.
Speaker 4: A broke nigga. You're not dating while broke.
Speaker 1: You are in a relationship. What a skilly, irresponsible fuck boy.
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna call him a fuck boy because bruh,
Speaker 1: he at least in his forties, at least living with
Speaker 1: his mama and been living with her for seven eight years.
Speaker 1: He might not even be paying as much or splitting
Speaker 1: the bills as much as you think he is with
Speaker 1: his mama because he might be a mama's boy.
Speaker 4: So I'd say go ahead and go ahead and break
Speaker 4: up with him. In the good words of crystalin Fury
Speaker 4: from the read break up with Him.
Speaker 1: Hopefully I spoke to some of you listening to this
Speaker 1: as well, because baby, we are rounding up the year
Speaker 1: twenty twenty six is around the corner, and baby, January
Speaker 1: first is not the time to her and start feeling
Speaker 1: good about yourself and wanting more for your life.
Speaker 4: But the turkey the Christmas gifts.
Speaker 1: Don't sit here and wait and squander through these these
Speaker 1: holidays knowing that you're with somebody that just ain't put
Speaker 1: in the bill, that just ain't cutting it.
Speaker 4: I'm telling y'all, this is where you start.
Speaker 1: Making your New Year's resolution, stepping into what you're welcoming
Speaker 1: into the new year.
Speaker 4: You start doing that right now, right now.
Speaker 1: So for this listener, I would absolutely advise you to
Speaker 1: break up with him and really sit with yourself and
Speaker 1: put out into the universe the type of partner that
Speaker 1: you feel like you deserve. And I'm telling you, I
Speaker 1: know we'll be talking about dating is the ghetto. Girl,
Speaker 1: be found some good ones. I got good ones right now.
Speaker 1: I got two and a half great ones that are
Speaker 1: making like just showing me like you know, so.
Speaker 4: Yeah do that.
Speaker 1: And for anyone wanting to submit their listener letter, go
Speaker 1: ahead end us your letter.
Speaker 4: To decisions pod at gmail dot com because bitch, you
Speaker 4: got decisions. See y'all next Wednesday,